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sofiasmusings · 5 years ago

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2021 Goals

Phew what a year! I can’t believe how quickly time flew by or the fact that this is the 6th year I’ve tracked my goals. My favorite part of making these goals is that I always surprise myself on how many I accomplish. And, that despite being a total Type A in every aspect of my life, I am absolutely chill when I do not accomplish a goal. Because that’s life. And, sometimes I actually end up discovering something about myself from reflecting on whether or not I accomplished a goal. So without further ado, I release my 2021 goals to the abyss of the internet.

Also, crazy to think we’ll refer to this decade as the 2020′s, kind of like how we refer to the 2000′s and whatnot. I still can’t believe kids born in 2000 are 20 now because I still think I’m 18 then realize that was, in fact, 7 years ago. But ANYWHO. I digress.

Read 25+ books This was on my list last year and will continue to be on my list because I love books and although sometimes I forget about the magic of books with all the other shiny and eye-catching things the world has to offer, I always feel like home when I open a new book (or swipe to a new page on my tablet). This year, I read whatever I wanted. And I love choosing books based on their covers. Lame, I know, but I appreciate a well-designed book cover. However, I will make an effort to read at least 10 non-fiction books.

Brush up on my mother languages...starting at 5 minutes a day. Ok, back to square one here. I’m honestly scared to see how much I’ve forgotten from lack of practice. I will focus on Chinese and Spanish...5 minutes each for a day. 5 minutes that I usually spend scrolling on Instagram or watching YouTube. Then, I’ll bump it up from there and destroy everyone on the achievements boards (says the totally non-competitive person). Also, I think I put wayyy too much pressure on myself this this last year. I actually reached a 100 day streak at one point and when I lost it, that’s when I stopped. Never again.

Do things that make me feel good. Love myself. This is a new goal in the sense that I don’t think I’ve ever written one like it in the past six years. However, it is not a new goal in my head. It is a goal that I’ve had every year since I could remember, but I don’t think I’ve always gone about it the right way. Like many people, there’s a lot of things I criticize about myself. I don’t always have the best body image days. I don’t always put food in my body that make me feel the best. I don’t always follow the routines that I know will make me feel better. I don’t always stop to give myself time to breathe. I don’t always feel confident answering questions or public speaking. I don’t always feel like a good friend. Most important of all, I don’t give myself enough grace. And I feel it seeping into the way I do things or the way I speak about myself. And so, while this goal may seem a bit more abstract without numbers or figures, I think that’s ok. It’s taking small steps. What’s different this year is that I’m putting it out there. And while no one may read this, I will feel a sense of accountability. I hear writing down your goals makes it more likely for you to accomplish them. And so that’s what I will work towards this year with this goal.

Budget...but do it better I’ve taken a laissez faire approach to budgeting, so while I am aware of how much I’m sort of spending and I’ve got a pretty good plan for saving, I want to do better at finding ways to do it better. What are some habits that will help me save some money? What things can I cut back on? What are my true wants and needs?

Do a hand stand and crow’s pose This is a very specific goal compared to my usual “keep my fitness routine fresh!” but I think I’ve got that down. I love working out because of how strong I feel, and I’m always down to try new things. But I tend to slink away if I can’t do it well on the first try. So...hand stand and crow’s pose...here I come. Please don’t let me fall flat on my face.

Do more community service I’ve done some here and there but not enough. I want to look into local opportunities as well as more offered through my company. I am guilty of focusing too much on myself and the things that immediately surround me, so this will definitely be a good opportunity to give back.

Find a community and/or new friends This one’s kind of hard to write because I have to admit that post-college life has been a bit lonely. Most of my friends moved across the country and our lives became so drastically different that we lost that connection. While I do have a few friends and value having a smaller number of friends rather than a lot of friends, I do want to find a community or other people that share the same interests as me. I don’t really have friends that love working out or cooking/baking as much as I do, so it would be nice to find new people. I’m not sure how I will accomplish this during a pandemic, but we’ll see!

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sofiasmusings · 5 years ago

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Did I do it?

Welcome to this year’s edition of “did I do it?” where I look back at my goals from the beginning of 2020 and reflect on whether I accomplished them. It’s definitely been a year. To say it was a rollercoaster is a gross understatement. Sometimes I felt like the world was catapulted into a different dimension all together. So, it’ll be interesting to see what bright-eyed, optimistic, January 2020 version of Sofia had to say:

1. Invest in self care

What I said last year:

This past year, I started investing in things for myself. I got a yoga mat and a foam roller to stay active, Banish Acne and other Sephora products for my skin, and other things. I’m even looking into function of beauty shampoo right now. I used to try to buy the cheapest version of everything (hello, 98 cent shampoo in college), but now I’ve learned that you have to pay more for quality. The tricky part here is that we do live in a world that constantly wants us to spend, which means we should we wise about where we’re investing our money, rather than falling into these traps. I’m also thankful that I even have the means to spend a little more on these types of things.

The verdict:

I definitely did accomplish this goal and invested in myself and my health. I have now been subscribed to Function of Beauty for a year and i have seen a noticeable difference in my hair health. The ~$50 quarterly price tag was a bit uncomfortable at first, because like I said, I was used to spending 98 cents on shampoo. But, it made a different. I no longer have terrible split ends and my hair no longer looks dull. Hair stylists no longer roast me for my super dry hair. I love keeping my hair long, so this was a worthy investment for me. Since the pandemic hit, I also started investing in a home gym--now I have two yoga mats, a kettlebell, ab roller and weights. I was one of those people that thought that if I couldn’t lift heavy weights at the gym, then it wasn’t worth doing anything. This year, I’ve opened my mind to different ways of staying active, and I’ve never felt more strong or flexible. I’ll get more into it in my fitness goal. Of course, with the pandemic and the wreck of the economy, I acknowledge my privilege of being able to spend money on things to enrich my life, and I’m thankful for that.

2. Continue budgeting

What I said last year:

Yesterday, I downloaded the Clarity Money and Acorns applications on my phone. Clarity Money seriously opened my eyes because it linked all my accounts and showed me how much I was spending per month (and if it was over budget) and I can even see how much I spend at specific places. There’s even a way to track all your reoccurring expenses and I didn’t realize that so much of my monthly take home pay were going to those things. I think my biggest weakness is grocery shopping, simply because I like to eat really complicated meals that require a lot of ingredients. I also like to try everything so I end up with a full grocery cart that looks like it could feed a family of four. I’ve been trying to simplify my recipes recently so that I can save some money (but still get all my nutrients). I hate to mention this, but I also have a weakness with clothes shopping...that definitely does not contribute to self-care, most of the time anyway. I don’t need more clothes. This year, I want to increase the amount of money that gets deposited in my savings account, and start investing a bit with Acorns.

So, I definitely became more aware of my spending this year, thanks to Clarity Money and watching some more finance-related YouTubers. I also did open an Acorns account (still debating if I like it or not...or if it’s even useful for me) and have a decent amount of money in there. It’s not a fortune, but I absolutely love the idea of saving without even realizing. However, my budgeting style is a bit more...laissez faire with moments of sudden awareness. Clarity Money has allowed me to always have an overview of my spending habits so I always kind of have a sense on how much I spend each month on groceries vs. car-related expenses vs. online shopping. But I never really put my foot down to actually stick by a budget by limiting how much I spend in any of these categories. I think somehow it works for me because I do prioritize saving. I did increase the amount of money that gets deposited into my original savings account and did a lot of research on high yield savings accounts. In a moment of clarity, I spend a weekend looking at how I spend my money and finding ways to save without realizing that I’m saving. I opened 3 high yield savings accounts (one for a future home deposit, one for my masters degree, and one for fun/travelling) and allocated different direct deposit amounts per account. I researched how much I should have in my regular rainy day savings account. So, while my spending fluctuates from month to month, I am always putting the same amount of money into each of those accounts. The only thing I don’t do is investing, but I’m not sure if I want to get into that although it seems like a pretty smart choice given that I’m young. Sigh. I do need to spend less on clothes shopping because 1) sustainability 2) where am I going to wear these if I’ve been on lockdown for almost a year??

3. Embrace flexibility

What I said:

I mentioned in my “Did I do it?” post that while one of my greatest strengths is organization and being disciplined with a schedule, I also panic when things don’t go the way I originally planned. Or when I’m not productive. I’m definitely someone that feels terrible if I lay around doing nothing or if I had things planned but they didn’t happen. For example, if I don’t leave on time to go to the gym in the morning, I panic a bit. If I don’t do groceries on the day I planned to, I panic. If I have to make plans last minute, I panic. There is literally no reason I should panic, but I do. So, my goal is to be more mindful of this and try to keep myself level headed when these things happen.

Ok so this is an interesting one because I’m not sure if I would’ve accomplished if not for the circumstances of this year. This year threw a wrench in everyone’s plans and routines and ways of working and living. My biggest thing this year was to be flexible that nothing was going the way I envisioned it. My workout routine got thrown for a loop. All travelling got cancelled. The way I worked changed dramatically. And...it was fine. While working from home definitely blurred the boundaries between work and personal life, I found that it made me more open to flexibility (mostly because I was given that flexibility as well). I experimented with different routines, whether it was a morning workout one day and an evening workout the other day. Working early with a break in the middle of the day and then working later into the night. Having to jump on later in the evening because of a mini fire drill. Accepting that the circumstances of this year weighed heavily on my mind and that I needed to do nothing. That, for most of this year, our only choice was to do nothing. I learned to accept that it’s not always the end of the world if something doesn’t get done. It’s ok if I want to start my workout at 9 pm instead of 6 am. It’s ok to have those nights where I stay up a bit later playing a game. Overall, I came to understand the value of flexibility--being flexible allowed me to understand myself more and learn what actually works best for me versus deciding what I think will work best for me.

4. Keep my fitness routine fresh

What I said last year:

While I will still stick to my regular routine (strength training, cardio and yoga), I definitely want to continue trying new things. I want to be able to hold a handstand for at least 10 seconds by the end of the year. I want to be more flexible and have my elbows touch the floor when I do hamstring stretches. I want to be able to run 2 miles straight again. I want to be able to do 10 unassisted pull ups. I want to try barre workouts and more pilates workouts. I can’t wait for it to get warm again so I can start hitting my 10k steps consistently!

This one’s 99% a yes and 1% no. Have I tried new things? Yes. Heck yes. This year, I was able to hold a shaky headstand (not headstand!) for 10 seconds, have my elbows touch the floor when I do hamstring stretches and run 2 miles straight. I’ve tried barre and pilates workouts, I’ve enjoyed the weather on long walks. I am especially proud of this accomplishment: doing yoga for three months straight. Thank you, thank you Yoga with Adrienne. I used to look down on yoga because I thought picking up and dropping heavy weights was enough. But as a very anxious and stressed person that gets too into her head, yoga seemed like the logical thing to start this year. That first session had my legs burning and I was sweating. All from holding warrior 1! Like...this was the girl who boasted about doing 115lb deadlifts (which isn’t even that much lol). While yoga started out as a fitness thing, it’s become a meditative sort of thing now. I suck at meditation but I feel way more in tune with my breath now. I realize that I used to stop breathing when I got stressed, and now I simply let out a long breath and immediately feel better. My mobility and flexibility got MUCH better and I realized that I had been battering my body without giving it time to recover. And, I did a lot, A LOT, of of HIIT workouts. They started out as a way to get a good cardiovascular workout in, but became a way to challenge myself. Shoutout to Caroline Girvan. Actually, shoutout to all the fitness professionals on YouTube that have been posting awesome workout routines throughout this whole pandemic (and for all the previous years before the world turned to YouTube for workouts). I love hearing that the workout’s going to be extreme or intense and being able to finish it. I love hitting new milestones. The reason I say 1% no is because sometimes I think I get too into it and don’t have enough balance so I burn myself out. While walking 10k steps, doing yoga and then a strength training/HIIT routine in one day is my dream, it’s often not realistic for the type of life I lead (9+ hour a day desk job in the Midwest where we have polar vortexes). I’m not trying to make excuses, but I’m still seeking that balance where I dont burn myself out while still challenging myself.

5. Tame my sweet tooth...but in a healthy way

What I said last year:

Last weekend I experimented with baking and finally tried out healthy substitutions in baking. I love myself a good fatty, buttery, chocolate-y piece of cake or cookie, but I also like not crashing from sugar (or getting a stomachache). Instead of butter, I used greek yogurt and instead of sugar, I used unsweetened apple sauce. I baked this double chocolate banana bread and I added dried jujubes and it was AMAZING. There was no added sugar and it was so moist and tasty. The best part is that it fit right into my diet and tamed my sweet tooth. My goal is to continue experimenting with this and incorporate these healthy treats into my diet.

Yes, I definitely did continue to experiment this year! In fact, I made like 100 batches of banana bread during that phase of quarantine. And, each batch aimed to have minimal butter/oil and refined sugar. I went on to make a variety of loaf concoctions (some better than others) and realized that I can indeed satisfy my sweet tooth in a more healthy way. But at the end of the day, I do still love myself a hearty piece of cake or ooey gooey chocolate chip cookie. I don’t think I can ever live a life without dessert or a life with only healthy desserts. And I think that’s ok. I know this because after my healthy baking stint, all I wanted was some real fatty, real chocolate-y dessert items....and I ate them. And perhaps too much of it. So I know that I need balance.

6. Be productive, not busy

What I said last year:

I like to be productive, but most of the time I just end up being busy. As I wrote earlier, I hate days where I don’t do much. Sure, in the moment it feels nice to relax in bed, but there’s always that looming cloud of anxiety like why aren’t you doing anything with all this precious free time? I have to realize that sometimes resting is being productive because you’re letting yourself relax and you’re setting yourself up for success the next week. Also, while I love laying on my bed after work scrolling through social media, it usually doesn’t leave me feeling that great. I want to dedicate more time to reading or doing yoga at night for a wind down routine.

I still have that fear of not being productive, and I think that’s normal for many people. In fact, I spent most of this morning doing NOTHING and while I feel better rested, that feeling of guilt is still there. However, I have taken steps to doing the things I love instead of mindlessly scrolling (though still very guilty of that since Instagram released Reels). I read more, I did more yoga, I experimented in the kitchen more. But I still struggle with this goal a bit, and it’ll definitely be on my list for next year.

7. Create content without the pressure

What I said last year:

I’ve been lamenting basically all year about how I never update my art instagram account and then...I don’t do anything about it. I think it’s because I feel so pressured that I have to create something amazing. I freeze up and end up doing nothing at all. I used to draw all the time--I have stacks of old drawings and paintings. I realize I used to just sit down and start creating with no expectations, worries or self-inflicted pressure. I want to get back into that mindset, not only with art but also with writing. I think reviving this blog has helped. Although I know someone might stumble upon this one day, I’m not worried about creating something perfect. I actually look forward to writing on this blog because it’s just me and my thoughts.

So....I think I overcame this with writing as I started updating this blog more this year. I remember how much I love writing and storytelling. I’ve written in my journal a bit more this year as well. But man...art. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve lost passion for it. I definitely have some talent and some skill, but I think I still get stuck because I compare myself to others. And I know that a lot of it is practicing and making mistakes and creating not so great works of art and that most of the time, we’re our own biggest critic. But I still feel like I’m held back. I have created some art that I’m proud of this year and recently updated my Redbubble, but I feel stuck. No idea feels good enough, original enough, executed well enough. If this is my goal, then I need to dedicate time to cultivating my skill. And most importantly, I just need to let go of my worries. There’s no way around it.

8. Read at least 25 books

What I said last year:

I love books. What more can I say?

I read 16.5 books this year, and I’m not mad. I actually slacked for the first part of the year (I blame the library closing and the acquisition of a Nintendo Switch) but I dusted off my tablet and found the beauty of Overdrive and since then haven’t stopped reading. But alas, I didn’t read fast enough to reach my goal. My favorite books of this year were: The Nix by Nathan Hill and Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh. I definitely plan on reaching that 25 book goal in 2021.

9. Brush up on my mother tongues

What I said last year:

Duolingo here I come!! I’ve been subscribing to more Chinese speaking Youtube channels since I watch so many videos nowadays. I’m surprised as to how much I can understand. Now I just need to do this for Spanish. I’m also considering learning a bit of Korean? Heheh.

Sigh. Oh, bright-eyed, hopeful Sofia. I do have to say that I did do this...for the first four months of the year. I dutifully logged onto Duolingo every day and stayed at the top of the charts almost every week. I started being able to read simple Chinese and understand more conversationally. And then...I don’t know. I fell off the routine. I’m not sure if it was the world blowing up or if I was putting too much pressure on myself to accomplish something, but I didn’t complete this goal to the degree I wanted to. And every time the Duolingo owl stares into my soul from my home screen, a little part of my dies. The intention and desire is still there. And so, we try again. That’s the beauty of life. There’s always a chance to try again (most of the time)!

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sofiasmusings · 5 years ago

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Memories | 2

The Taiwanese blood in me made me a huge bubble tea fan ever since I was little. However, living in a suburban neighborhood with a sparse Asian population meant that the only places I could get some good bubble tea was Chinatown (which was an hour away) or this small tea shop in the corner of the local mall. Then I went to college with a very, very high Asian population. There were probably 5 or 6 bubble tea establishments in one square mile, so competition was fierce.

One day, I was at a new bubble tea shop and I thought I’d take it one step further--I applied for a job there. I had never had a service industry job so I had absolutely no retail or service experience. But they hired me anyway. That first day I walked into my new job was the beginning of the best year of my life.

The hours were long. I’d start classes at 8 AM and do extracurricular activities/study until about 5 PM and then sometimes do a closing shift from 8 PM to 2 AM. Any pair of pants or shoes I wore on shift were covered in sugar, matcha powder and mysterious substances by the end of the day. My hair always had some sort of dried sugar syrup in it. I became a boba dealer by giving away my free drinks to my friends. I was running on about 4 or 5 hours of sleep every day but boy, was I happy. My coworkers and I bonded over the highs and lows of college life, created new concoctions behind the scenes and partied together.

I remembered the regulars--one couple would come in at 10 AM almost every day (which was kind of concerning for their health) and another couple would come in every couple days with the same exact order each time. In fact, they were so predictable that we would start making their drinks when we saw them walk towards the store. I remembered the first time a customer dropped their drink on the floor and the boba went flying in every direction. I remember when my boss would quiz me on the steps to making the perfect boba and I wouldn’t know if I was sweating from nerves or from being too close to the pot off cooking boba. I remember the party our boss threw for all of us after hours in the boba shop. We spent 10 minutes covering the storefront with newspaper so no one would see us.

After graduating, I moved to another suburb with a very low Asian population. I really miss those days. And my boba.

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sofiasmusings · 5 years ago

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Memories | 1

One time I almost met ABBA. Yes, the Swedish pop group. I used to jam out to Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) as a young girl with absolutely no inkling of what the song meant. I just couldn’t get enough of that synthesizer.

My dad had been on the Board of Trustees for a Lutheran Swedish college in the Midwest for quite a while. I didn’t think much of it except that I could potentially go to college there one day and it seemed nice. But then the college decided to host a meet and greet with ABBA. Except I learned this fact like two days before it happened. And then right before it happened, my dad had to meet a colleague for an important work meeting and he couldn’t go. And by then, there was absolutely no chance of meeting ABBA.

I cheerfully called my dad’s work colleague my nemesis for the next couple years because he was the reason I couldn’t meet ABBA. Of course, I didn’t really mean it. But oh man. I really missed out.

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sofiasmusings · 5 years ago

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I’ve reached the limit of my introvertedness

Today I had three very meaningful conversations; one with someone I had never met before, one with an old friend who I haven’t spoken to in one and a half years and one with a friend I chat with on a daily basis.

I went to sleep yesterday feeling anxious. As an introvert, I dread days filled talking to people, especially new people. And I knew today would require a lot of talking. I saw this meme recently about the anxiety surrounding making phone calls where the person is sobbing quietly as they dial the number and praying that no one picks up. Of course, someone picks up and immediately their demeanor changes and they greet the person in a totally professional voice. I laughed because I felt like I was watching myself literally before every phone call or conference call.

Being an introvert during a pandemic that requires long periods of quarantining is not so bad. In fact, for the first couple weeks, I was in pure bliss. Plans were cancelled. All social interactions were limited. I didn’t have to make small talk in the elevator for the forseeable future. I didn’t have to come up with a different abbreviated answer for how my weekend went every Monday. I could still stay connected with my friends, but didn’t always have to be available if I wasn’t in a social mood. But of course, no one is immune to the fact that quarantine means being alone with your own thoughts.

A month ago, I was messaging a friend from college--a fellow introvert. He mentioned something about how he reached the limit of his introvertedness. How usually he’d be fine but the quarantine and lack of normalcy in life made him actually miss social interactions. I remember understanding what he meant but not being able to relate. I never thought that I’d reach my limit.

But today, I realized that I had indeed reached that limit without even realizing. I realized that the feeling of anxiety I get is not in response to the simple act of talking to people. It’s the anxiety of leaving my quiet bubble and having to be vulnerable. I’ve always valued close relationships but hated small talk. In some rare instances, I’d met people that didn’t need small talk and instead jumped right into some deep topics. I liked these people instantly and found myself opening up to them. But these people are rare. Small talk, along with eye contact or even a smile, is the basic foundation of acknowledging someone’s presence. Yet, as I’ve realized, it’s also the necessary evil before you can really get to know someone. It takes work to move past that small talk. It takes a bit of risk and observation on your side. It takes effort on their part as well. And although I woke up incredibly anxious today, I learned where simply having a conversation could take me.

I chatted with a person I never met to record an episode for my podcast. I always feel nervous before recording an episode because the entire basis of the show I host is me not knowing what the guest is going to talk about. Seems counter-intuitive in the face of the polished podcasts that exist nowadays, I know, but it’s really honed my active listening skills. The beginning was the usual small talk. Surface level questions. But halfway through our conversation, something clicked. I asked the person to share something unique to themselves that someone would want to listen to. And as they shared their story, I was amazed. The person, who had been a virtual stranger minutes before, was now revealing an incredibly personal aspect of themselves. I found myself wanting to know more and we ended up chatting past the original end time.

My friend that I chat with quite often randomly video called me after work. I tend to be terrible at reaching out and initiating things like video calls, so I was thrown off guard. I was tired after a full day of work and recording a podcast episode (although a very positive experience) and I didn’t know if I had it in me. But we ended up chatting for two hours about everything from the shows we were watching to future plans. In fact, we chatted so much that I ended up immediately jumping onto a pre-planned call with my old friend.

Two hours flew by from the moment I picked up the call with that friend. We hadn’t talked in over one and a half years, and we had recently connected. There was the usual small talk as we got reacquainted with each other until she asked if we should video chat. And so we did. We did catch up on each others’ lives but within minutes of calling each other, we started talking about politics, old memories, the dynamics of relationships and our personalities. It was one of the most meaningful conversations I had in a while. I hung up after talking for four hours straight...but I felt happy. And I looked forward to the next time we could chat.

And after that, I started going down a list of friends in my mind, thinking to myself, who should I schedule a call with next? And that’s when it hit me--I had reached a limit to my introvertedness. It finally happened. I’ve always touted myself as someone that functions just fine alone and whose perfect day involved no social interaction at all. While yes, that is still me, I had to come to terms with the fact that I’m still a social being at the end of the day. So many of my fondest memories involves other people and I simply wouldn’t be who I am without them. So...while this streaks last, my friends should be expecting quite a few calls from me.

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sofiasmusings · 5 years ago

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2020 is a strange time

“...during these unprecedented times...”

“...during these uncertain times...”

“...during these strange times...”

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard these phrases these past three months. For a while, it seemed redundant and I would almost wonder if there was any other way to say it. Every podcast, video, news article or even advertisement started with or included these phrases. But I realized that what has happened this year has been so bizarre and unexpected that we really can’t describe it any other way. We are truly living in an unprecedented time as our chapter of a future history book is being written.

And, like everyone else, I’ve felt a lot of emotions. Admittedly, at one point when the whole world was focused on China, a lot of us probably felt fearful, uncertain, and sympathetic but at the same time there was also a sense of detachment. The crises we face today are not unique in the grand scheme of things, but the mindset most of us had was that it was happening “over there” or “far away”. But as the months crept along and the virus crept closer, those feelings changed.

Friends started losing jobs, I heard more stories of people knowing that someone that was sick, and I started reading a lot of news. More unsettling was the injustice and violence that raged on during a time where it’s more important than ever to be united. I often feel anxious, angry and in disbelief. I’ve had to come face to face with my privilege. The fact that I have a stable corporate job that allows me to work from home. The fact that I can order groceries online with the click of a button. The fact that I live alone and don’t have to worry about quarantining myself from loved ones. The fact that I am not already immuno-compromised. The fact that I live in a relatively safe neighborhood. The fact that I can be racially ambiguous. The fact that I don’t have to worry about paying my rent next month or the month after.

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect and realize that:

Human nature is more apparent than ever: The hoarding, the conspiracy theories, the racism, the selfishness, the claims that safety measures are infringing on freedom--it’s the challenging and difficult times that truly bring out peoples’ true colors. Humans aren’t perfect. And we’re not supposed to be either. We’re driven by fear of things we don’t understand and even our experts don’t understand what’s happening. But we can and should be better. We can be educated. We can be compassionate. And there have been sparks of hope out there that prove this point.

...and so is the brokenness of our system: This is a system that perpetuates and normalizes racism--whether in the form of attacks on the Asian population, the high mortality rates of people of color and the continued police brutality toward black men. This is a system where petty politics, economics, and the thirst for power trumps (hah) the importance of peoples’ lives.

Sometimes there is no answer: And we have to accept it. We are literally pushing the limits of science. Earlier, we thought there was a possibility it could be contained and die out, like the other coronaviruses we’ve encountered. Then, when it got really bad, we kept trying to pinpoint when this might be over. By Easter. By the summer. And although we fully know vaccines can take years to develop, test, and manufacture all before having to be distributed to everyone, we placed our bets on having a vaccine ready by next year. But now, we’re looking at potential spikes in the fall/winter and a much, much longer lead time for vaccines. We’re so used getting bad news but at least having some good news. And right now, it feels there is no good news, no answer and no light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a hard truth for us to understand--that life isn’t a movie where good wins over evil at the last minute or by some miracle.

...but there’s room to grow: We have to grow and evolve from this. We can fear and reject the changes that this new world will bring, but that won’t help us. 5, 10, 15 years from now, will we have grown from this experience?

This is what it means to be human: Most of us have been privileged enough to not worry about death knocking on our door anytime soon. But death is everywhere now--by the hands of a virus and other humans. And, as is core to our human experience, we’ve had to come face to face with mortality. We can do everything in our power to control our fate and have our lives go exactly to plan, but we know deep down that’s not how the world works. Many people will experience suffering and loss in their lives. In reflection, I keep thinking of how I would feel if my life were to end tomorrow or if I were to lose someone close to me. Would I leave behind regrets? Would I be happy with who I was? Did I treat everyone with compassion? Did I make a positive impact on everyone I interacted with? Did I let people know they were loved? Did I live out my life to the fullest? This is not being morbid--it’s understanding that life is a gift, no matter how long or short.

I have always considered myself to be a listener and an observer. I listen to a lot of things, I read a lot of things. I would rather observe people than be the loudest voice in the room. But it’s time to speak up.

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sofiasmusings · 6 years ago

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Currently Reading

The cover caught my eye, but the title really got me. As an introvert, I have to admit that I’ve felt this sentiment more times than I like to admit. In her book, Jessica Pan, a self-proclaimed introvert, recounts the outrageous, cringe-worthy and pleasantly surprising moments she encountered as she embarked on a one year journey of being an extrovert. As I’ve grown older, I realize I’ve been on this journey myself, though certainly less intense and for a longer stretch of time. I agree that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert but at the end of the day humans are social beings and we find meaning from connections. As I read about Jessica’s experiences, I see a bit of myself in her: the fear of public speaking, the discomfort of small talk and the horrified feeling we get when we see others pick up conversations with strangers in public.

However, sometimes I also find myself in a giddy mood when I have a really great conversation with someone new or when I feel like I’ve made a good friend. I sometimes appreciate the random small talk in the grocery store when the cashier and I bond over a food item. And, I’ve also learned that sometimes what seem like initially overwhelming experiences (like hosting a podcast at my company, but I’ll get into that later) often turn out to be some of the most incredible memories.

My goal of reading more books this year has been refreshing and I look forward to seeing what else I discover.

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sofiasmusings · 6 years ago

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I’m a huge fan of podcasts and one of my top podcasts is NPR’s Hidden Brain. I’ve always been incredibly interested in the inner workings of a human mind (I even almost majored in Psychology) and this podcast is all about explaining why we do what we do. Also, Shankar Vedantam’s voice is oddly soothing? He definitely has the NPR radio voice.

A couple days ago, I listened to the episode above. It’s no mistake that this episode aired just recently--now that we’ve rung the new year in, peoples’ resolutions are full of building better habits and breaking old ones. Perhaps you’re determined to be more active, to meditate more and to decrease your time spent on social media. The thing about habits, as Shankar explains in the podcast, is that our understanding that habits are maintained/broken purely based on willpower is wrong. Willpower may get you started, but it won’t help you make a lifestyle change which is what habits are all about. So if willpower doesn’t work, what does? Wendy Wood, professor of psychology and business at the University of Southern California, explains this about habits: “ This is not a case of people who have, you know, cake in the refrigerator and are very good at resisting opening the refrigerator to eat the cake. These are just people who don't have cake in the refrigerator.”

Wood’s description of how people maintain habits links to the bigger idea explored by this podcast: friction. What determines if you build or break a habit is how much friction exists. For example, let’s say you’re determined to lead a more active lifestyle and you want to start running or strength training. The possible points of friction here would be: 1) Your schedule and 2) the distance to the gym. Shankar and Rachel actually discuss a study done on peoples’ behaviors based on how far they live from the gym. It’s no surprise that the distance to the gym is inversely related to how often an individual visits the gym. So, if you want to be successful in being more active, you can’t just will yourself to get up at 5 am and drive 5 miles to the gym. You may reduce this friction by adjusting your work schedule to start work later and leave later so that you can dedicate one or two hours in the morning to working out. You might sleep in your gym clothes so that you have no excuse when you wake up. Or, you might invest in a home gym.

Breaking bad habits follows a similar path. If building a good habit involves decreasing friction, breaking a bad habit involves the opposite. Let’s say you have a major sweet tooth (I know I do). If you want to cut back on the sweets, you may decide to not keep desserts in the house. By doing so, you are increasing the friction between you and the dessert. If you do get a craving, the dessert is no longer easily accessible in your cupboard or fridge. Rather, you’d have to leave your house to get it. The concept of having to go further for something you want is something that most of us don’t want to commit to.

Rachel and Shankar chat about many other tips and tricks to building habits, including the concept of rewards, which can actually be incredibly useful in helping us build habits. However, most of us are doing it wrong. It’s no secret that humans enjoy instant gratification. But when we’re trying to build habits, we often chase after delayed gratification. For example, thinking about what you’re going to get yourself when you reach a goal or at the end of one week of following healthy habits. While these types of rewards are great, we need to supplement them with short term rewards. For example, Rachel talks about how she’s a huge fan of cooking shows and the only time she allows herself to watch them is when she’s working out. Not only does it make it easier to build the habit of working out, but she’s enjoying the process and connecting the positive feeling with an activity that she used to think was...not so positive. This concept of short term rewards leads me to believe that mirrors in gyms are also ways to reward ourselves for working out. I don’t know about you, but it’s pretty motivating seeing yourself get stronger (and seeing muscle definition) as you work out!

I always thought building habits were common sense, and unfortunately I used to think it was solely based on willpower. Every time I failed to build a habit I blamed it on myself and my lack of adherence. Listening to this podcast opened my eyes because it takes human nature into account. This is important because at the end of the day, we’re all humans. None of us is perfect. This podcast actually answered a question I’ve always had: Why is it so easy to pick up some habits and so hard to pick up others? For example, one day I decided I’d take vitamins and I just did it. It immediately became natural for me the next day and the day after that. However, when I wanted to break my habit of eating too many sweets, it was so hard! After I finished the podcast, I went home and took a look. Many of the habits I had easily built were because of there was barely any friction. I had left my vitamin bottle on the kitchen counter where I kept water, so of course it was natural. I often leave books on my desk near my bed, so of course it was easy to get a couple pages in each night. I bought some home gym equipment and kept them near my desk, so of course I had no excuse to not exercise. However, I found that I like to stock up on dessert and there was absolutely no friction in getting them.

Obviously there’s more to building/breaking habits than what was mentioned in this podcast alone, but I think it’s a great eye opener.

#podcast #npr #hidden brain #habits #new years #new years resolution #blogging #personal

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sofiasmusings · 6 years ago

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Under Pressure (cue bass)

One of my goals for this year is to be more flexible, and I think part of that includes taking things easy. I consider myself to be extremely accountable and organized, but I also think that makes me incredibly high strung. There have been very few moments in my life where I haven’t felt stressed. One of those times was my recent trip to the west coast to stay with my parents for the holidays. After I got off the plane, I immediately felt all my stress wash away. I decided to forget about work and other little worries and just completely let myself go. During the trip, I got the best sleep of my life and frankly felt the best I’ve felt in months.

However, the end of my vacation crept closer and I felt my stress building up again. I could literally feel my stress levels shoot up the moment the plane’s wheels touched the tarmac in Chicago. And to top it off, I got the worst sleep of my life the night I returned.

I always regarded stress as a necessary evil in my life. It’s so ingrained in my life at this point that I just kind of accept what it does to me. I recently realized, however, that it’s pretty much self-inflicted. Sure, I could blame it on the upcoming exams, a big project at work or a dreadful social situation, but at the root of the stress was me. If I do not live up to my own standards, I feel stressed and anxious, and it becomes a truly vicious cycle. I can’t sleep, I break out, my eating habits are out of whack and generally I just feel tired...from stressing out.

So I’ve decided to get comfortable with cutting myself some slack. Taking it easy. It’s hard because that little voice in my head is always nagging like, “well, you told yourself you’d do this today...” I realized that I need to reframe what’s making me stressed. Over the years, I’ve gotten better with stress from external situations. I know I’ve survived 100% of my bad days (so cliche, I know) and that I can probably recover from most worst case scenarios. However, internal stress is something I’m still working on. I need to think about why these stressors exist and if I’m putting energy into the right things. Today I got stressed because I didn’t wake up when my alarm went off at 5:10 am. Negative thoughts started creeping in, like “you should’ve slept earlier last night like you said you would!” or “you’re obviously doing something wrong if you didn’t get good sleep” or “great, now you’re off schedule and everything’s ruined”. But then I stopped myself and thought...you know what, I’m tired and staying in bed for another hour is probably best for me. And it was. Sure, I started my day a bit later and had to push some things back, but as I went through my day, I realized how inconsequential that was. Why did I feel the need to push myself so hard to wake up so early? I always have this fear that if I don’t do something right or live up to my own standards, I’m going to fail at everything else.

I’m not. My goal is to find a happy balance--not living in the extremes of being stressed all the time or being completely indifference. It’s going to take some time, but I know it’ll be good. Treat me well, 2020.

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sofiasmusings · 6 years ago

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2020 Goals

Here we go again!!! I think I’ve been doing this since 2014 or 2015, which is around the time I discovered Tumblr. I’m kind of proud of my goals because I’ve already started acting on some of them. Who says you have to wait for the first day of the new year to start changing your habits?

1. Invest in self care

2. Continue budgeting

3. Embrace flexibility

4. Keep my fitness routine fresh

5. Tame my sweet tooth...but in a healthy way

6. Be productive, not busy

7. Create content without the pressure

8. Read at least 25 books

I love books. What more can I say?

9. Brush up on my mother tongues

#2020 #goals #personal #blogging #new year #fitness #self care

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sofiasmusings · 6 years ago

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Jumping into the deep end

Have you ever agreed to do something but then the moment you agree to do it, a wave of nervousness washes over you? But it’s a good kind of nervousness, like a strange marriage between anxiety and excitement. It’s the perimeter of the box that surrounds you--the last barrier between you and “outside” of the box. The final step before you leave the comfort zone.

I took a film class my senior year of college as part of my Art & Design degree, and we watched a wide array of bizarre videos--some humorous, some haunting and some heartwarming. There’s a video out there that takes place at a swimming pool in a European country. The video starts with a couple shots of the Olympic sized pool and eventually settles on a shot of the tallest diving platform. A person climbs up the ladder and the camera focuses on the person and the platform--nothing else. You see the person peek over the edge and gasp a bit. Cut to the next clip. A new person climbs onto the platform. Cut to the next clip, and the next, and the next. One person visibly recoils when they look over the edge, and climb back down the stairs, shaking their head. Sometimes it’s two people. They promise to jump together, but when they count down, only one jumps. Others pace back and forth on the platform, chuckling in disbelief, like am I really going to do that? Some eventually jump...and jump again. The whole time, the camera focuses on the platform. On the projector screen in my classroom, it looked like the people were looking at the bottom of the video player and making horrified expressions. As viewers, we couldn’t see the pool--only them.

As I sat in class watching that video, I could imagine exactly what they were feeling. It was that dizzying feeling of anxiety with a tinge of excitement. They probably felt their stomach drop, but their heart beat faster in anticipation of what could be. How would it feel to jump and come back up for air, victorious? On that platform, overlooking the blue ripples of the water, these people faced a dilemma. They could go back down the stairs, enjoy being on solid ground and leave...and then what? Would they feel a sense of regret? Or, they could take a deep breath, run to the edge of the platform, and launch themselves in the air. But would it be scary? Would they regret that decision?

I’m not sure I would jump off that platform, and the only reason I say this is because I do not know how to swim, so I would be in big trouble. However, I’ve experienced this feeling of “jumping into the deep end” multiple times in my life.

Take, for example, the time I had to speak in front of hundreds of people at a conference,

or the time I decided to take the advanced computer science course in college even though I had no prior experience in coding

or the time I project managed a collaboration between my school’s career center and local coffee shop

or the time I went to the weight lifting section of the gym by myself for the first time

or the time I got my very first part time job at a cafe when I had absolutely no previous working experience

or the time I bought my first car by myself

or today, when my manager at work told me that I would be doing a mini job rotation with my colleague and taking on responsibilities that are completely new to me.

Thinking back to these times, I feel that familiar tugging at my heart. I’m a person that tends to get stressed easily (although I’ve been told I hide it well) and I can definitely say that the moment I am faced with these situations, I really do feel like I’m standing at the edge of a diving platform with a great awareness of the fact that I can’t swim.

The platform is the first step--that initial fear or anxiety of the unknown, the new, the endless possibilities. You tell yourself no one can really know what comes after this. It could be good, it could be bad, it could be the best memory of your life. You could score a perfect dive, or you could bellyflop. As humans, we don’t like the unknown. If we turn and go back down the ladder, that sense of the unknown will create at least a little bit of regret in the back of our minds.

The fall or jump (or push!) is the second step--you may come to peace with what you’re about to do and simply let yourself fall, embracing the process. Or you might jump because you know if you hesitate, you’ll turn back. Or someone will (kindly) push you forward, because you need a little help getting started. Your heart will drop during the first few seconds when you realize there is nothing between you and the water. A lot will feel out of your control, and it might even pass by in a blur. This is where you learn. It was the moment my heart was pounding in my ears as I spoke to the room full of people about my experience at my church, or when I was asked questions I didn’t know the answers to as I planned events between the Career Center and the coffee shop. It was the moment I opened my very first machine problem on my laptop with a sense of dread as I tried to remember all the coding I had learned. It was the moment I picked up a dumbbell, feeling self conscious and trying to remember all the video tutorials I watched. It was the moment my supervisor at my part time job tested me on all the steps to make each of the items on our menu as I stuttered through my answers. It was the moment I had to learn how to bargain with a car salesman.

Hitting the water is the third step--when you come to the realization one day that you’ve succeeded. The clapping as I walked offstage. The last keystroke as I submitted my code.The people as they showed up at our first collaboration event at the coffee shop. The very first repetition of a barbell bench press (with weights!). My very first shift as a supervisor. The sound of my new car’s engine starting up.

And finally, you come up for air. Your previous dilemmas don’t matter anymore. Any fear, anxiety or potential for regret disappears. You’re a wiser person. Was your form perfect as you fell? Did you make the smallest splash when you entered the water? Maybe not. Your fall isn’t supposed to be perfect the first, second or third time. It just takes practice. The question is, would you do it again?

One and a half years into my career, when I started feeling comfortable, a newer, taller platform appeared in my life. Right now, I’m looking over my toes at the water. I know I will jump. I know I will make mistakes. But I know I will be a better person.

#blogging #personal #career

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sofiasmusings · 6 years ago

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Purple, like Barney

About two years ago, I came to the realization that I needed to dye my hair and that I needed to dye it purple. Why dye my hair? I had just come out of a long-ish relationship with a guy that (I’m ashamed to admit) I thought I was going to marry after college. So, yeah. It was the whole “If I don’t do something with my hair, did I really go through a breakup?” deal. Why purple? I’m actually not sure. I think I saw a picture on Pinterest of this girl with butt-length hair that was this really beautiful, deep shade of purple and I thought it would look nice on me.

I thought.

The thing is, I had been playing with the idea of doing something with my hair for years, but the breakup really fueled my desire. I kept nagging my parents and although I’m sure they thought it was a bad idea, they finally decided to let me do it to learn what dying my hair really entails. When my mom made the hair appointment, I remember feeling something like a tinge of anxiety because it was becoming real. We showed up at the salon that day, and suddenly I felt unsure about going through with it. However, I wanted to prove to my parents that I really wanted this (did I?) and so I put a brave face on, even after the stylist told me that they would need to bleach my hair three times for the color to stick. There was no turning back now. I looked over at my parents, my mom looked slightly amused and my dad had absolutely no facial expression (probably because he knew this was going to cost him $$$).

As I sat in the chair, I realized I didn’t know a lot about dying hair. I didn’t know my hair required extensive bleaching to get any sort of nice color in it. I also didn’t know that I would be sitting in that chair for hours. After one or two hours, my hair was platinum blonde. My heart sank to my stomach when I saw my hair because frankly, I did not look good blonde. My mom was enjoying the process and would snap photos once in a while. It was like she knew I would feel some sort of regret. I told myself it would be over soon, and that I was getting my hair dyed purple, not blonde, so it would be okay.

The stylist finally put the purple dye in my hair, washed it and dried it and...I had purple hair. I sighed with relief when I saw that it did look like that deep, purple color I saw on Pinterest. My sense of hope returned. This wouldn’t be so bad! Sure, I may need to be more aware of what colors I wear but I could work with this. I was a new me, I was different, I was confident, I was...

Barney.

We stepped outside and I saw some strands of hair in the sunlight. It was purple. Like purple, purple. Like almost as purple as Barney, but shiny. I was horrified. I told myself I’d never go outside into the sun again. Sure, you can get rid of a bad outfit or outgrow a bad haircut but my hair was semi-permanently altered and there was nothing I could do about it. I was screaming internally but did not let my parents know I regretted my decision.

But you know what? It forced me to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. This was something that I could not change about myself (well, immediately) and I realized there was nothing I could do but embrace it. I was still a bit self-conscious but tried to have fun with it. I returned to college the week after, and all my friends ogled over my hair. They asked, of course, why purple, and obviously I didn’t have a good answer for them. The guy I started seeing later on even said I looked like an elf. I curled it, I put it into braids, I wore bright colors and soon I forgot I even had purple hair. Eventually, my hair started fading and I got three more colors out of my hair: light purple, rose gold and blonde (not platinum). It was awesome. But my hair was also damaged beyond repair.

In a way, I achieved what I wanted--to make a big change in my life. Sure, I may have made the decision in a slightly unstable emotional state, but hey, what’s life without these experiences? When I tell people I used to have purple hair, they’re usually amused because not many people would dye their hair a bold color. Despite the damaged hair I had to deal with for the next two years, I don’t regret it at all. I’m glad I stuck through it, because I learned a couple of lessons: 1) If you want something, think critically about if you really want it and why you want it, 2) If something is out of your control, embrace it and 3) Some discomfort can lead to great memories.

I recently cut off the last bits of damaged/blonde hair. I was definitely relieved to have a full head of healthy hair again, but I was also a bit sentimental. It’s now a part of my life that I look back on with amusement. It’s like I’m watching myself through my mom’s eyes, knowing what will unfold in the future. Would I ever dye my hair again? I’m not sure about the future...but right now it’s a hard no.

#blogging #story #personal #text

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sofiasmusings · 6 years ago

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My Spotify Wrapped appeared in my inbox today and I’ve never opened an email so fast. The concept of this is just so crazy, like on one hand it’s Spotify blatantly saying “hey, we track every minute of your listening” but on the other hand it’s also like “hey, remember that time you were obsessed with this one song? yeah, you listened to 2,304 minutes of it, thank GOD you stopped”.

Regardless of the fact that it’s all data that has been collected about you, I still think it’s one of the most genius things that Spotify does. There’s a close tie between music and emotion, so being able to look back on what you listened to the past year (or even the past decade now that we’re heading into 2020) can evoke memories and feelings. Like, Muse is basically what got me through high school, so when I saw that they were my top artist of the decade, I felt a bit warm and fuzzy inside knowing that I liked them back then and I still like them. I was amused by my 2019 wrapped because Sia was basically everywhere. Out of my top 10 songs of the year, there were 6 songs from her album LSD. And my top artists are the artists on the LSD album. So...I may have skewed my 2019 wrapped a bit. But it also brings pleasant memories because I didn’t listen to too much music earlier this year. Well, it was more that I wasn’t deliberate about what I was listening to. It became a background noise for me. But when I heard LSD for the first time, my love for listening to music came rushing back. I would play the same songs over and over for days straight.

Spotify also made me realize how much we value customization nowadays. I’m a huge fan of my Discover Weekly and Release Radar playlists on Spotify that I barely try to look for music myself now. I’ve been looking into subscriptions like Function of Beauty or even Curology. Not only that but other services like Stitch Fix and Ipsy were huge a couple years ago, and still are. In a world with so much noise where so much is happening, it’s kind of nice to feel unique once in a while. Well, as long as you’ve made peace with that fact that you’re a point of data in corporate America’s database.

#spotify #spotify wrapped #blog #personal #blogging #musings

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sofiasmusings · 6 years ago

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Did I do it?

Welcome to this year’s edition of “did I do it?” where I look back at last year’s goals and ask myself...did I do it? I’m still trying to think of my goals for 2020 so this will suffice for now.

1. Work out consistently

What I said last year:

I feel like getting into working out is no problem for me. I’ve got the motivation, I’ve got the gear, but… I don’t always have the time. Last semester my workout schedule became pretty sporadic due to late nights and long shifts at my job. I told myself that lifting heavy pots at work and being on my feet for five hours was enough of a work out but boy was I wrong. At first it felt nice not having to dedicate two hours of my day to the gym, but eventually it caught up to me and I started missing the calming sensation that a routine activity provided me. Not only that, but I remember climbing a flight of stairs while talking to my friend, and once I got to the top I was trying my hardest not to lose my dignity as I huffed and puffed between sentences. I realized that working out actually helped me feel better emotionally and physically, and that I liked how working out forced me to organize my day. I live and breathe organization, so even putting the time slot into my calendar made me feel better. This year I also hope to maintain a work out journal because who doesn’t like to look back and feel great about the progress they made??? (Also, sometimes I go to the gym and forget what weights I was using for each exercise so that would probably help as well)

The verdict: kind of! I worked out pretty consistently this year after March. The first three months were rough and working out was definitely not a priority. It was also in those months that I realized how crappy not working out makes me feel. As for a journal, it got too tedious to keep up because I’m not exactly trying to build crazy amounts of muscle. In fact, I don’t want to continue growing because I can finally fit my thighs in my jeans lol. I’m using the Popflex 12 week fit journal now to track my daily habits and it’s helped a lot.

2. Start a savings account and save money every month

What I said last year:

I’d say keeping track of spending is one step to becoming a more successful adult, but I would also say that making sure to save is equally as crucial. I’ve already made a habit of tracking what I spend and what I earn, but I haven’t been doing so great with putting money aside to save…so that’s definitely a goal this year.

The verdict: Yes! I did start a savings account and during each pay cycle, a certain amount is deposited directly into that account before my consumerist tendencies get the best of me. If I have extra money I also like to throw it in there (get yourself a cash rewards credit card!).

3. Update this blog

What I said last year:

I started this blog because I wanted a place to put my experiences and lessons I learn about the world. I think that I am someone that tends to think through problems and situations internally and through writing. I often find that this helps me reason through problems and most of the time it helps me come to a conclusion.

The verdict: Kind of? I did really bad for the first 11 months but does my dedication to this blog in the last couple days count? They always say it’s never too late...Anyway, something awoke my interest in blogging so 2020 is going to be wild.

4. Continue updating my art instagram

What I said last year:

I started my art instagram because I got into making digital art in the later part of my high school. I soon came to realize, however, that artist block is a very real thing. Sometimes I would post every day, and other times I would post every other month. I started the account under the premise that I would post a sketch every day, but I don’t think it was realistic for the schedule that I had at that point. I do hope I can start doing something like that again, at least to challenge myself. Also, sometimes I draw celebrities and tag them in hopes that I will be noticed…but the time hasn’t come yet.

The verdict: Nope. I think I uploaded maybe one or two pictures. I think I’ve done a good job of picking up reading and blogging again but this one’s going to take some time. I really miss drawing.

5. Find a job

What I said last year:

It’s crazy because my goals used to be “Find an internship” but now it’s all about finding a job. At the end of the day I just really want a job that allows me to grow and provides me with training and leadership opportunities. I believe that I have had experience in a lot of different types of work environments and fields, and if there’s anything I’ve noticed, it’s that I adapt pretty quickly to my surroundings. No matter where I end up, I just want to do my best.

The verdict: Yes! I’ve been working for 1.5 years now. In fact, I had to choose between two job offers at one point. The job I found (or rather, the job that found me) has allowed me to grow and has provided training and leadership opportunities.

6. Update and keep up with my skin care routine

What I said last year:

Ya girl needs some serious edits to her skin care routine. It’s been a fight since middle school to keep my skin clear, but I think something in my routine is finally working. Obviously I need to monitor my stress levels, sleep schedule, and diet, but I’ve also been spending quite some time researching different products. Here’s to clear skin in 2018!!! Also I need to drink more water because sometimes it’s 11 PM and I realize I’ve only drank one cup of water.

The verdict: Yes! Hydration, sleep and diet really help. I rarely have new breakouts and I notice they usually appear around my period or when I eat really greasy food. Investing in good products also helps...I’ve dropped some $$$ at Sephora and discovered Banish Acne Scars and these products have helped me control my acne. Now I’m focusing on finding the right balance for my skin and fading my scars.

7. Establish Daily Routine

What I said last year:

I’m a routine type of person and whenever I complete a routine, I feel pretty darn good about myself. I’ve gotten into a small routine here at home over winter break:

Wake up, wash up, eat breakfast, read for a couple hours, write in my journal, draw something, apply for jobs/do work, dinner, watch some TV, and go to sleep.

Routines don’t even have to be that rigid for me. For example, I might aim to remember to take my vitamins every morning after I wake up.

The verdict: YES. My routine’s so crazy that I can predict things now, like how many stoplights I’ll get on the way home. During the week, I wake up around 5:10 - 5:30 am and either do a home work out or go to the company gym. I’m usually at my desk by 7:30 - 8 am and have lunch at basically noon sharp. I leave between 4:30 - 5:00 every day. I strength train Mondays and Wednesdays and do HIIT on Tuesdays and Fridays. Saturdays are my yoga days. Sundays are meal prep days. I think there’s a downside to having routines (especially if you’re like me) because when something changes slightly it throws me off. So...next year’s goal is flexibility?

8. Take more photos

What I said last year:

In 2017, I started a 365 instagram account in which I posted one picture every day for the whole year. I hope to continue doing that, especially since I recently got a new camera. I felt really satisfied seeing my whole year put together in one photo diary, and I look forward to seeing how 2018 will be. The verdict: Yes. It does not matter how slow you go as long as you don’t stop. I might’ve missed a couple days (ok sometimes weeks) on my 365 instagram account, but it’s still going strong after 3 years! While I do think it’s unique being able to look back on your life in pictures, I’m not sure I want to continue it next year. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll commit to another daily/routine thing such as creating a certain piece of content.

Did I do it?

5 yes’s

2 kind of’s

1 nope

Not bad at all. I mean, if I completed all eight goals it would’ve been over for all of you lmao

#goals #blogging #personal

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sofiasmusings · 6 years ago

Text

Ages and Stages

When I was in elementary school, I always daydreamed about how I would turn out as a teenager. My parents and I used to take summer evening walks around our quiet suburban neighborhood, and we favored the trail that hugged the nearby retention pond. During one of our walks, my mom told me to stop so she could take a picture of me with the full moon. As I stood next to the tall grass, she told me to pose. Not knowing what to do, I pulled out my flip phone and pretended to take a call. Maybe it was the lighting or the angle of the picture, but my mom made a comment later that evening that I looked older in the photo. I remember her saying, “That’s how you’ll look when you’re an adult!” Of course, I got all starry eyed as I imagined my future. Was I going to look that sophisticated while taking phone calls? Would I look as put together and sleek as those young adults I saw at church or the grocery store?

When I did become a teenager, I was definitely not sophisticated. And, by that time, flip phones were no longer cool. I think I had one of my first touch screen phones, and my flip phone was long forgotten. Although I felt like an adult and thought I knew everything (the beginning of many conflicts with my parents), I’m pretty sure I still acted like a child. At that age, I longed to be 18 so I could feel like a real adult. When 18 came, I longed for 21. And when I turned 21, I told myself that I would feel like a real adult when I was 23. I even had a conversation with someone recently about how our 30′s are the best times of our lives. I realized I spent a lot of my teenage years constantly looking forward, waiting to find that Sofia that stood under the moon that day. The funny part is, I recently found that photo of me when I visited my parents. “Remember when you told me that this was how I’d look like when I was an adult?” I asked my mom. She was surprised that the memory stuck for so long.

I don’t know if this comes with getting older, but rather than always chasing something in the future, I’ve become a lot more reflective. So, while I still look very similar to my teenage self, sometimes I’m blown away by how much I’ve changed and how much I will continue to change. I had to go through those growing pains, whether caused by arguments with my parents, embarrassing situations or bad decisions, to reach where I am right now. During those moments, I felt like the world was ending. I was sure I would never be angrier, more frustrated or more resentful than at those points in my life. Even afterward, I’d still feel a tinge of resentment and shame. But now, as I look back, I feel more compassionate towards my younger self. Time has passed, and I look back with a better understanding of why I did what I did. I was learning how to tackle new situations, and I didn’t always approach them in the best way. I fought with friends because I took their words, which were meant to help me, as an attack. I lied to my parents because I was scared to show them how I really felt. I got into arguments because I had to much pride to admit I was wrong. I stayed in relationships because I didn’t value myself. I clashed with people because I saw myself in them, and I hated it. Sometimes, these parts of myself still resurface. Sometimes, I see these in people I’m closest to as they encounter these situations for the first time.

That’s life, though. I could sit here feeling wise about how much I’ve learned in my short 23 years on this earth, but life is just going to throw more and more new situations at me. And guess what? Life gets pretty weird. But I’m ok with that.

#blogging #personal #musings

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