solifugids

[solifugids]

Laughing Jack x Reader: NSFW Alphabet

18+. minors, please do not interact.

(i modified the standard NSFW Alphabet template when writing this - if any of the prompts look different, that's why.)

word count: 4.9k

warnings: graphic depictions of sex and genitalia, blood, CNC, and bodily fluids.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Laughing Jack’s aftercare process is overwhelming, to say the very least. He needs to feel close to you, especially after being vulnerable and intimate with you, so it’s unrealistic to expect any alone time after sex. He always has a water bottle and a towel within reach, somehow. He’ll absolutely refuse to let you do anything by yourself. He’ll clean you off rather sensually, whispering into your ear and joking around the whole time. If you’re in desperate need of a bath or shower, he’ll carry you there himself, attending to you every second of the way. He will go so far as to hold the cups you drink out of, if you let him.

Once he deems you sufficiently clean and hydrated, he loves to snuggle you back into the sheets. He’ll lock his arms around you, holding you to his body as close as he can and hoping he will lull you into sleep (or another round…) If you absolutely have to get up, he’ll pout for a while, before sticking himself to your side for the day. He’s a stage five clinger, that is for sure, but you’ll never feel unappreciated.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Laughing Jack pays very little attention to his own appearance and body. He’s naturally quite sculpted - he doesn’t have to worry about any human ‘flaws’ like skin blemishes, unwanted wrinkles, or a bad hair day. Despite this, his opinions about his own body parts are underwhelming. The attractiveness of his features meant literally nothing to him before, so why would he worry now that you like him? If he absolutely had to name a body part of his that he’s at all proud of, he’d likely mention his hands. While he has the ability to shapeshift into a variety of different sizes and proportions, his hands naturally retain a very impressive size. He loves being able to easily wrap his hands around even the thickest parts of you, with plenty of his grip to spare.

Similarly, he does not care about literally any human body standards. Your size, shape, limbs, proportions, aging features, disabilities, skin, scars, weight, voice, and hair are all yours, and he likes you, so he thinks all of those parts about you are insanely attractive. Settling on a favorite body part of yours is a lot easier for him, though. He’s fascinated with your genitals to the point of fixation, and he considers himself extremely blessed when you give him permission to fuck you. Doesn’t matter at all what genitals you have, their size, or how they’re shaped. He loves it all! Please let him touch you and tell you how great you are.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Jack’s cum is an opaque void black, and it has a sort of creamy tar-like texture. If he cums inside of you, the viscosity of it means you’ll be dripping with him for hours after you’re done. It smells and tastes like burnt molasses, musk, and a little bit of licorice. If you ever want to rile him up, make a show of eating it or licking it off of his body - if he wasn’t already feeling up to another round, you’d certainly get one after that. He’s not opposed to eating it out of you, either. His cum stains everything it touches grey, including your skin if you don’t wash it off quickly enough. (Jack will generally help you wash up afterwards, but piss him off enough and he might intentionally stain your clothes, hands, and/or face.)

If you want to fuck Jack, you have to become very comfortable with his cum very quickly. Jack cums exceedingly easily. And, because Jack isn’t limited by biological functions or refractory periods, he cums very frequently and plentifully during sex. He absolutely loves cumming all over you - by the end of a session with him, it’ll be in your holes, on your face, smothered on your chest and ass, and probably in your hair. Sex with Jack is very messy, but seeing the pleasure he gets out of marking you and covering you with his seed makes the mess very worth the trouble.

D = Dominance (are they more dominant or submissive in the bedroom?)

While Jack is willing to bend to your every whim and preference, he naturally ends up being a very sexually dominant partner. It’s not hard to imagine why - he’s large, fixative, and is obsessed with you and the pleasure you bring him. It doesn’t matter if you’re topping him or bottoming, he tends to take charge of the pace, and will pull out all of the stops to fluster you into getting under him and letting him take control. He just insists on providing your pleasure - why are you doing any of the hard work? Let Jack show you just how much he can provide you.

Unless you’re a hardcore dom who would do just about anything to keep him in his place, he’s going to try and take over every sexual encounter with his raw desire for you. It’s not impossible to put him into a submissive headspace, but it is very difficult, and it would take a certain type of person.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Laughing Jack is absolutely inexperienced. Sex was not interesting in any capacity to him before you. Without any sexual desires, that area of his life remained largely barren and unexplored.

Sure, he knows what sex is. He’s lived for over two hundred years, and he’s picked up a lot of technical knowledge and information during that time. But that doesn’t mean he was stoked about the whole concept. Most of the time, he found the topic uninteresting and, at times, terrifying.  Jack wasn’t inherently born with the anatomy needed to pursue someone sexually. Like many of his other magical bodily transformations, he would have to consciously will any genitalia into existence, so it wasn’t like he was ‘pent up’ or repressed. He just had absolutely no desire to fuck anyone until he met you.

Your first time would absolutely come with a litany of questions from Jack about what he’s picked up about human anatomy and eroticism from his many years of people-watching. However, after this in-depth discussion of his knowledge and your boundaries, he would take to most things very quickly, so don’t worry about not being satisfied.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Jack’s ability to shift, shape and flex his body in completely inhuman ways gives you the ability to try basically anything you want with him. He will get you into sex pretzels you couldn’t imagine if you tried. Any position that allows him to make eye contact with you drives him crazy - not to say that he doesn’t enjoy other sexual positions, but his favorites all involve the opportunity to top you while framing your face in his intense gaze.

Missionary: While this position might be considered relatively ‘vanilla’ for most other couples, it’s quite different with Jack. Your height difference means that he has to do some impressive contortion in order to impale you onto his dick, but it’s absolutely worthwhile when you get to watch him towering over you while his eyes glaze over with pleasure.

‘The Lotus’: Jack, being completely inexperienced with sex before you, is usually not very intuitive when it comes to finding new sexual positions to try. However, among the many times he’s pulled you into his lap to kiss you until you’re lightheaded, he discovered that he really liked having you in his lap, at his complete mercy. It takes very little time from that point for him to cross his legs under your ass, tug your legs around his hips, and rut into you while you’re making out. Don’t worry about tiring yourself out while bouncing on his cock - he’s strong enough to do all of the hard work for you. 

‘Right Angle’: There is little else Jack likes more than to loom over you. He loves making you feel small, and he can’t help but get hard when you’re vulnerable underneath him. Lying in your bed while he’s still standing is a dangerous game. Entice him enough, and he might have to grab you by the ankles, drag you to the edge of your bed, throw your legs onto his shoulders and pound you until you can’t walk.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Jack’s ability to switch from a giggling, mischievous mess to a stoic, dead-serious partner on a dime is unnerving, even outside of your bedroom. Giving you pleasure, however, is a sworn duty to him, so he pays close attention to your mood before settling on an approach.

If you’ve had a really good day, he’s much more likely to surprise you with a lighthearted, teasing night. Sex when he’s like this usually starts with a bout of tickles, before he exploits your open mouth by practically eating your face, or shoving you face-first into the tent in his pants. He’s absolutely not past motorboating your chest and thighs, regardless of the size of your features - he just loves to listen to your giggles and embarrassed pleas. Don’t even get me started on the weird, clownish new sex acts he’ll whip out to try and make your day even better. He never wants your joy to end - he’ll lock you onto his dick all day if that’s what it takes to keep you happy.

If it’s obvious you’ve had a bad day, especially if he can tell that you’re feeling insecure about yourself, he commits to sweeping you off of your feet and carrying you to a private room as soon as he can. He loves to undress you gently during these times, pressing unending, genuine praise for you into your skin with his lips. He’ll take his time suckling and nibbling his favorite parts of you, marking them with red teeth marks and purple bruises, before he buries his head into its rightful place between your thighs for as long as you’ll let him. Jack’s not focused on his own pleasure at all when you’re feeling down about yourself - he wants to make you cum as often as it takes for those thoughts to be sucked right out of your pretty little head.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Laughing Jack’s only naturally-occurring hair is on the top of his head. No eyebrow hair, no arm or leg hair, and certainly no pubic hair. He is not insecure about the hairlessness and smoothness of his body at all, and would not change this aspect of himself unprompted. If you asked him to grow some body hair for you to enjoy, he would do it in a heartbeat, but he would be befuddled as to why someone would ever want him to have more. If you wanted a hairy guy, why didn’t you just seduce Toby?...

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Jack would only ever consider doing any sexual activity with someone he considers himself ‘bonded’ to. Whether that’s slow bonding through years and years of close friendship, or very quick bonding through his intense and unyielding obsession, he needs to feel very connected to you.

Once you’re in bed with him, Jack is extremely desperate to be close to you, both physically and emotionally. Unless you were in a position facing away from him, he would naturally gravitate towards very intense eye contact. He’s always pressing you into his body as tightly as he can without hurting you…too much. His hands are always on you, usually in a supportive position - around your hips while you’re riding him, rested securely around your chest and waist while he pounds into you from behind, thumbs dancing around your beautiful face and his fingers bracing the back of your head while he’s fucking your throat. He’s not shy about praising you in very personal and graphic ways during the act, either. He truly can’t get enough of you, so sex with him is about as intimate as you could imagine.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Laughing Jack had absolutely no reason to masturbate before you entered his life, so he’s not very familiar with pleasuring himself. He’d only really feel the need to masturbate if he’d discovered his feelings for you before you warmed up to him.

In these rare moods, he’s in the most pathetic state until he gets to be close to you. He’ll start craving the most carnal things from you, from your voice to your scent. He’ll jack off for hours into your dirty underwear, marking them with his cum and spit until he’s satisfied. Unless you’re already together, he would feel a massive amount of shame and disgust at himself for doing this, and would do everything he could to remove his trace from your clothing. You’ve noticed he volunteers to do your laundry quite often, when he literally never volunteers to do the same for any others…strange.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Jack is a man of many, many kinks. There’s absolutely nothing he wouldn’t try at least once, especially if it’s something you showed interest in. There are some common themes that show up after fucking him a few times, though.

Sadism/Biting: Jack can be a very rough lover, and if you don’t rein him in, he’ll leave you with a lot of superficial damage. He’s always looking for an opportunity to sink his teeth into your flesh - his bite marks can range from really bad hickeys to shallow gashes, depending on what you allow him to do to you. His claws are no joke either - he’ll rake them all over you during sex, leaving your back, thighs and ass covered in painful red scratches.

Blood: Tying into this, if you let him, he’ll take any opportunity he can get to draw blood from you. He’s obsessed with creating small wounds all over your body, then lapping up the drips of blood caused by his own damage. This also means that, if you’re capable of menstruation, he’s very into the idea of period sex. He’ll eat you out while you’re bleeding any day of the week.

Struggling: Jack absolutely loves feeling like he’s won a game every time he fucks you. If you want to get him really excited, you’ve got to fight back. Push him away, make him feel like he has to work to get you. He absolutely loves it when you act like you don’t want it - CNC is right up his alley, and he’d be head-over-heels with you if you were willing to try it.

L = Lips (how are they at kissing?)

Jack, being completely inexperienced before partnering with you, has no idea what he’s doing when it comes to kissing. That doesn’t mean he won’t try his absolute hardest to express his desire.

Your first kiss is messy, but titillating. He pulls you into him, open-mouthed and hungry, and begins absolutely devouring your lips and tongue. He doesn’t bother shrinking his nose to make it easier to kiss you - he’s too eager to wait any longer, so the cocked angle of his head leaves a lot of room for moans and drool to escape as he does his best to swallow you whole.

After that, he gets much better at kissing, but it’s just as hungry and messy as your first time. He can’t get enough of trying to shove his tongue down your throat - if you attempt to suck it like his dick, he’ll let out a very rare moan and melt underneath you. Sometimes, he’ll forget that you need to breathe, and will lock your face to his until you’re lightheaded. Jack will teach you the true meaning of the term ‘face eating’. Making out with him is a very intense activity.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Once you’ve opened the floodgates of his sexuality, Laughing Jack takes very little prompting to get into the mood. Your smile and laugh are, unfortunately for your human stamina, some of his biggest turn-ons. He’s also quite prone to jealousy. He wants to be the person providing your pleasure, and sometimes, that leaks into your interactions with others. 

This can make outings in public a little difficult - one moment, you’re casually laughing at a stranger’s joke, the next, Jack’s got you pinned down face-first against a secluded wall, grinding desperately against your clothed ass as he whines pathetic pleas for attention into your ear. You could help him work through this jealousy…but why do that when you can encourage his raunchy, possessive outbursts?

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Jack has very few ‘turn-offs’. None of them are directly sexual, but a few are relevant to the type of person he’d consider letting close to him at all.

For starters, he’d never consider a super touch-averse person as a potential partner. He wants someone who will be as excited about physical affection as he is. He’s a fantastic hugger, after all, so why let his talent waste away unused? 

More seriously, Jack would also need someone with endless patience. His streak of cruelty runs deep, and like streams of water carve a riverbed, he will only sink deeper into his obsession and sadomasochism the longer that cruelty flows through him. When presented with an opportunity to leave his mark on you, he will never be able to turn it down. When he’s feeling lonely or insecure (which is often), he will cling to you and your presence dangerously, to the point of directing his pent-up murderous energy at people he perceives as threats to your sexual relationship. And, when he’s enraged, he will shout and thrash and scream, smashing, cutting, mutilating everything within reach. 

You’d have to be comfortable with the fact that you cannot change this part of him, ever. Or, preferably, you’d be the type of sick freak who enjoys that sort of thing. Pervert.

Once you have him wrapped around your finger, absolutely nothing is completely off of the table for Jack. If you are established sexual partners, he will do almost anything you want in the bedroom, no matter how disgusting, difficult, or depraved.

The only thing he has any hesitancy about doing is involving another person in your intimacy. He feels rather possessive with you in many ways, especially sexually. So, if you want a crowded bedroom, you will have to put in some work to convince him that he’s still your favorite.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

If you asked Laughing Jack whether he preferred giving or receiving oral sex, he would laugh in your face before grabbing you by the neck, throwing you onto the nearest flat surface, and sixty-nining you until you couldn’t breathe or think. “Both at the same time, please!” is his answer.

Regarding his skill, he’s pretty messy when he goes down on you, but he gets the job done. He’ll leave you with spit dripping from your hole and bite marks on your thighs and groin, but you will have cum at least twice before he’ll let you peel yourself away from him. (Don’t worry, he can shrink his cone nose to avoid poking you when things get hot and heavy.)

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You will find out very quickly that Jack is flexible in many ways. His pace is entirely variable on how you and him are feeling that day.

Some days, he’ll spend all day trying to seduce you into a private room, purposefully riling you up with just the right words and touches. Once he succeeds, he’ll undress you slowly, kissing every part of you he can reach, before swooping you into his lap and filling you with his cock for hours. He’s not opposed to cockwarming for a while, especially if there’s something you need to get done before he can really focus on bouncing you on his dick.

Other days, his sexual frustration boils over, and it’ll take seconds for him to throw you onto the nearest bed or couch, rip your bottoms off, and slip into you with a single, hard thrust. He’ll do his best to not seriously hurt you on these pent-up days, but that doesn’t mean much when you’re a towering demonic clown, covered in sharp edges and points, and filled to the brim with the need to show you that you’re his.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

As much as Jack loves sex with you, he is not a fan of quickies at all. Even the suggestion of him hurrying up while he fucks you is enough for him to deliberately slow down, taking his time to rut in the message that he does not answer to you, and that he will take as much time as he pleases. 

Over time, he might start to lure you into sex with the promise of a quick session. You’re about to go do something else for a while? Please, let him go down on you for just a few minutes - that’s all it’ll take for him to get you off, he swears. And while he’s right on that front, he’ll start to take it farther, pushing your limits, not letting you go, until you’ve been his cumdump for a couple of hours while your friends are getting impatient. There are no quickies with Jack; if he says otherwise, he’s lying.

R = Roughing Up (how testy do they get in the bedroom?)

Much of this relies on what you’re into, as well as what you can handle, but you knew getting into a relationship with Laughing Jack would involve at least some run-ins with his violent side. With how big Jack is, and how he’s spent most of his life taking great enjoyment in cutting and grinding people up, he can drag your sex life into some really scary territory. He just can’t stand the way you make him feel when you cry out in pain, or when he can see the bruises and cuts his sharp teeth and clawed fingers leave on you. Your blood tastes so good, can he bite your lip just a little harder? What about your gorgeous neck? Or the soft, plushy skin around that delicious hole of yours?

Jack is willing to try and hold back if he gets a little too rough with you. He’d absolutely hate to turn you off of him, so he’ll do his best to restrain himself if you show any hesitancy towards his roughness. However, if you are on the more masochistic side, or if you’ve been imbued with supernatural healing or resistance? Jack’s vast, lecherous enjoyment of all you have to offer will only grow stronger and more depraved with time. Watch out when expressing any kinks of yours to him - he will take them all to the most extreme ends and find a way to torture you with them.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

You’re fucked.

Jack never gets tired. He doesn’t need to sleep, rarely needs to consume anything, and is only bored when he’s utterly unstimulated. And to him, you are the most beautiful, interesting, and lovely thing on the planet, so if you get him going sexually, he will go as far as he can with you. You would need to be at least a little withholding, responsible, or dominant with him if you want to avoid him fucking you all day. Unless that’s what you want. Pervert.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

When you ask him if he owns toys, he’ll look at you like you’re stupid, before whipping out his vast child’s toy collection and talking your ear off. But, if you care to correct him and specify what you meant, he’ll admit that he doesn’t even know where he would get any sex toys. 

If you were at all interested in the idea, he would do very diligent research, before approaching you the next day with a vast collection. 

While he wouldn’t introduce them into the bedroom of his own accord, you could pick out the toys that you wanted to try, and he would do his very best to surprise you regularly during sex with whatever arrangement you’d like. If you’d allow him, he’d love to gift you some of his own recommendations. Oh, you liked him tying you up? He’s so grabbing you a spreader bar the next opportunity he gets. Do you like overstimulation? He has just picked out some new vibrators for you. He loves keeping sex interesting and exciting for you - he can’t really help the fact that he’s spoiling you in the process.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Laughing Jack is not past teasing you in the bedroom, especially if you’ve responded positively to teasing or edging in past encounters. The cute sounds you make when he holds you on the edge of an orgasm for hours are addicting to him, especially if you start to beg.

He does have his limits, though. Once your desperate pleading turns to tears, or when he can’t stand his own slow pace anymore, he’ll flip the situation and fuck you into overstimulation for as long as you can stand it, and then some. Be very careful with teasing around this man.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Unless he’s pushed to his absolute limits, Jack is not a moaner in the bedroom at all. That isn’t to say he’s quiet, though. He can’t stop himself from babbling on about you and your body the entire time you’re fucking, and dammit, he’s really good at dirty talk.

Regarding volume, though, he takes an awful lot of pride in getting noises out of you. He absolutely loves hitting that amazing spot inside of you over and over, drawing out gasps and moans for him to eat up. If you’re not that noisy during sex, that’s okay. He’ll find a way to draw sounds out of you somehow.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Jack’s candy cane-striped tongue is one of his best assets in bed, and he’ll never let you forget it. He has complete control over its length and girth, and he’ll use it to abuse you in ways you never thought possible. He has no concept of absurdity - he’ll stretch it down the length of your body to tonguefuck you while he stares you in the eye, or will surprise you with a tongue deepthroating session while you’re making out with absolutely no shame. He considers any sex that doesn’t leave you absolutely slathered in his slobber a failure.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

By default, his cock is around eight and a half inches. It’s fairly human in shape, with a girthy, veiny shaft and a fat, tapered head. The base is the same ivory white color as his skin, and his shaft gradates into a deep grey at the tip.

If you’re into strange, prehensile and inhuman cock shapes, though, Laughing Jack is absolutely your man. Jack’s shapeshifting abilities allow him to form a number of different shapes and sizes for you to enjoy. Want it bigger? Want a tentacle or a knot? Want it to curl inside you like a spring, or inflate like a balloon? Hell, do you want a pussy to play with? He’s got it covered. Even better if you show him any pictures or sex toys as a reference - he’ll take it as a challenge and add his own details on the fly to rile you up. Sex will never be boring again.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Jack is a machine of perpetual motion. If you break the dam of his sexuality, the depths of Jack’s lust for you are unbelievable. Once you introduce him to sex (or once he introduces it to you) it immediately becomes one of his favorite hobbies. He’ll give you the most mind-blowing, intense sex you’ve ever had just as easily as he’d surprise you with a little jig on his accordion. It comes very naturally to him - he loves being close to you, and sex involves a lot of close contact, so he’s very eager to seduce you whenever he can. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Jack has no need for sleep. His biology actually prevents him from becoming unconscious. Jack thought this was a curse during the many years he spent locked in his box, but now, he sees it as one of his biggest boons. If you’re at all tired after his very intense sessions, he will gladly curl his arms around you and watch you drift into sleep. Now, whether he decides to continue to toy with your body while you’re limp and helpless in his inescapable grip is as unpredictable as he is.

[solifugids]

igor, adult, any pronouns

this blog is primarily a Creepypasta writing sideblog, though i may branch out to other fandoms as i see fit.

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