sootwilb

[sootwilb]

sister images. to me

[sootwilb]

Can’t We All Agree to Disagree?

~ or ~

Let’s Not Twitter our Tumblr

For past and present Lovejoy and Wilbur Soot fans, it’s been a wild week. Let’s review:

Will did an album Q&A on r/lvjy.

Will made a statement, stating clearly that the (abuser) labels are not true and he does not accept them.

A Wilbur Soot YouTube video dropped.

Lovejoy dropped “With Rob as my Witness.” (It’s a banger.)

The music video came out.

With optimism and excitement comes, of course, its counterbalance. Outrage, criticism, what-about-ism, pessimism. There’s this reflex to to smother joy, to remind people how wrong they are, how right you are, how there is only one way to interpret things.

This past week, I’ve found myself commenting on posts I find offensive. I’ve been mixing it up with people with whom I will forever fervently disagree. Even on Tumblr. Their venom sparks my outrage. They think I’m disgusting for ‘supporting an abuser;’ I think they’re disgusting for refusing to consider the voice of the accused. I just can’t resist taking the bait, and in the end feel shitty and sad.

Everyone wanted Wilbur to get in the dirt and say every little thing he’s been holding inside on this topic. We all want to hear it (even though we know it’s not smart, even if we claim we’re above it).

Supporters want to hear him explain himself, defend himself, offer details that will exonerate.

Those who’ve denounced him want to hear him say, “I did it, I admit I’m an abuser, and I apologize.”

But he won’t.

He knows more than we do.

Here’s what he knows:

Exonerate: He knows that there is no such thing as exoneration when the charge is subjective interpretation of a messy interpersonal relationship. He knows that he and his ex-girlfriend understood these events differently, and there is no proving or disproving those understandings.

Admit: He will not admit to abuse, because he does not believe that he abused her. He stated the label is not true.

Apologize: Of course that means he can’t apologize for abusing her, because (again) he does not accept that this was abuse. (If your lawyer tells you to apologize for a crime you didn’t commit, fire your lawyer.)

He apologized for other conduct that he did acknowledge. Shelby did not accept the apology. Neither did many of you. Another apology—some mythical, better, different apology— does not make sense. It’s not forthcoming.

So let it go.

Stop.

We’re all fighting and no minds will change.

Even if you’re criticizing Wilbur’s silence and refusal to get into the mud on this— you’ve got to be impressed by his self control. Do you honestly think he doesn’t want to scream and yell, pour it all out there, tell every little thing he’s been holding inside for months?

He realizes it won’t help.

Wilbur’s biting his tongue. Controlling himself. Letting horrible statements sit unanswered.

So let’s try.

Agree that we viscerally disagree.

Agree that we cannot reconcile these differences. There is a chasm between our viewpoints.

Let’s keep Tumblr nice. Let’s stay out of posts that enrage us.

If you think Wilbur Soot is a horrible person, trust me, he’s not trying to win you back. That’s not what the video was about. He doesn’t care that his audience is smaller and different. If you’re in need of a victory lap then celebrate that he’s lost lots of fans.

Move forward and choose for yourself. And let’s try not to dwell on it. Live and let live.

[sootwilb]

a reply from wilbur on reddit!

[sootwilb]

I honestly don’t know what Shelby supports want form him. He addressed the situation twice, in his newest video he explained he couldn’t talk about it without doxxing himself and Shelby. I honestly was reminded of Dream’s “The Truth” (or wtvr the fuck it was called) when he was called a groomer and how he explained that if he were to immediately prove his innocence he’d have to doxx himself and his friends. So that just doesn’t apply to Wilbur? Dream can do it but Wilbur can’t? Make it make sense.

REAL oh my god i don't get what more people want?? they're saying what he's doing is inadequate like bro how can you expect him to be able to figure out what to say after having to take time off from tour because of life + career threatening allegations, having to spend time in a psych ward and having to deal with heaps of threats and hate?? you seriously think he'd be able to articulate some words that aren't gonna piss people off further? man oh man

[sootwilb]

Wilbur has said that if he were to fully explain the situation, it would involve doxxing both himself and Shelby. So why is it okay when Dream makes his statements, but not when Wilbur does?

The constant hate directed at Wilbur needs to stop. This situation was never something the public should have been involved in to begin with, and everyone needs to recognize that.

People are demanding answers as if they’re entitled to them. Wilbur did his best to explain, but when the answer didn’t satisfy some, they just jumped back on the hate train. That’s not just immature; it’s a refusal to move on.

Let’s talk about Shelby for a second. It’s been over a year, and she still hasn’t provided any concrete proof, only statements that are essentially a “trust me, bro” defense, backed up by people she wasn’t even close with. Yet somehow it’s okay for her to make those claims without evidence just because she’s considered a “victim” and a woman?

People need to take a step back and see the bigger picture. Wilbur did everything he could to keep both himself and Shelby safe, and just because you don’t like the way it turned out doesn’t give anyone the right to keep attacking him.

This situation should never have been public in the first place, and deep down, everyone knows that. You can lie to yourself all you want, but it’s the truth.

It's time to move on.

Wilbur's statement that fully explaining the situation would require doxxing both himself and Shelby is not just a cop-out or an excuse — it's a real boundary rooted in privacy and safety. Doxxing isn’t just the release of addresses or phone numbers; it includes exposing deeply personal details or past histories that could place people at risk mentally, emotionally, socially, or even physically.

If Wilbur is withholding information to avoid exposing sensitive details about another person — especially someone he had a personal relationship with — then that is not only valid, but commendable. It's respecting someone’s boundaries, even if that person has chosen a public-facing narrative.

Meanwhile, when Dream speaks, the public seems far more willing to entertain nuance, to say, "Well, we don’t know everything," or "He’s doing his best." Why does that courtesy not extend to Wilbur? It raises questions about selective empathy and inconsistent standards of accountability.

From the outset, this situation was steeped in parasocial dynamics. Fans want transparency from creators, which is understandable to a point — but there’s a difference between being a supporter and being entitled to someone’s private trauma, explanations, or personal life.

The truth is: no one is owed an answer — not beyond what Wilbur has already said. He did make a statement, despite the potential personal cost. And because that statement didn’t align with what some people wanted to hear, they dismissed it entirely. That’s not a search for truth; that’s confirmation bias in action.

Shelby’s narrative has often been accepted at face value, largely because of the public’s instinct to "believe victims" — especially women — in any dispute involving a man. While that instinct is important and rooted in a history of survivors being ignored, it cannot override basic principles of fairness, especially when evidence is lacking.

Let’s be clear: Shelby has not provided concrete evidence. Most of what exists are vague, indirect statements and anecdotes from people who weren’t directly involved. And yet she’s treated as if the burden of proof lies entirely on Wilbur, who cannot respond in detail without crossing serious ethical and legal boundaries.

That imbalance is stark. It suggests a public climate where one party is presumed guilty until proven innocent, and the other is granted the benefit of the doubt without having to prove anything.

What more do people want? Wilbur has said his piece. He’s been silent, likely on the advice of legal counsel or out of concern for emotional wellbeing — his and hers. Still, critics keep demanding answers. But what would satisfy them? A tell-all that invades someone’s privacy? A thread full of screenshots that drag a private relationship into the public eye?

The refusal to move on says more about the audience than the people involved. It's easier for some to continue cycling outrage than to accept an unsatisfying resolution. That’s not just immature — it's dangerous. It contributes to a culture where real-life mental health is collateral damage in a public drama people consume like a Netflix series.

This never should have become public. The audience has conflated their investment in a content creator's work with entitlement to their personal life. That’s not fandom — that’s voyeurism.

Both Wilbur and Shelby are real people. Real people don’t owe strangers their trauma breakdown. The expectation that they must publicly litigate a complex personal history is absurd and harmful.

Wilbur tried to navigate this situation with as much care and privacy as possible. He didn’t retaliate. He didn’t release compromising details. He chose silence where it would’ve been easy to clap back. That’s not guilt — that’s maturity.

And Shelby, regardless of what anyone believes, deserves privacy too. That’s why people need to stop using her identity as a rhetorical shield while using Wilbur’s as a punching bag.

It’s time to step back. Respect both parties. Stop pretending we’re owed anything here.

Anyone still dragging his name through the mud is in the headspace of entitlement because they can’t accept the fact people need to move, and he gave a mature response that they didn’t want.

[sootwilb]

i’m very proud of wilbur for setting boundaries like not wanting to share personal private information online he doesn’t owe us anything

[sootwilb]

he says he doesn’t accept any of the labels the internet has put on him in the past year or so so can people stop saying he admitted it????

[sootwilb]

i’m not shocked just surprised he mentioned it so casually and am brokenhearted for him that he even had to go through that in the first place

There seems to be a bit of surprise and new expressions of ‘ouch’ about Will’s mention of spending time in a psychiatric ward.

Didn’t you all expect it?

I admit when I first read it I thought he meant artistically, like maybe the ARG house was an old psych ward…but it makes perfect sense that he meant it, the comment slipping out in a fleeting moment of openness.

It should fall quietly. There shouldn’t be a drop of shock.

Total rejection by a public that used to love you, to say nothing of your friends and colleagues, would have devastating effects.

Those effects would certainly have been acute and immediate last March and April. They will be long lasting. The damage will be permanent.

He will learn to live with the scars, and how it feels to live with them will be personal, secret, none of our business.

My heart is broken but not by this new information.

It broke last Spring when we understood what was happening. It broke while we watched young people wholeheartedly believe that they were standing up for women by destroying a human being.

We didn’t used to be a culture that believed it human sacrifices. We didn’t used to applaud revenge. We used to believe in fair trials. We didn’t used to consider people who tease, shun, and vilify others the ones on the moral high-ground.

Ex-fans, no one is begging you to come back. If you’ve moved on, great, good for you. You’re not needed. (If you’re still making fun and harassing, be embarrassed—but hopefully that’s not you.).

Maybe someday you’ll step back and look at the whole picture. Maybe someday you’ll realize that you could have seen both sides of this. Maybe someday you’ll see that it was never black and white, and that you can’t clearly understand a situation that you were not a part of. Maybe someday you will see that a public execution for failures in a personal relationship is so, so unfair.

Maybe someday you will recognize that people have the power to cause irreparable harm, especially acting as a group.

Maybe you’ll feel some regret. (Although I don’t dare even hope for that.) If you do— be brave. People will follow your lead; whether you’re right or wrong, they always do.

[sootwilb]

Happy pride to our favorite nonbinary alien!

[sootwilb]

I'm going to get hate for this but oh my god. This pisses me off.

I am not on either side of the situation. Not the accused abuser, not the accuser. They have both done bad things.

BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE IT WASNT AN APOLOGY. WILBUR WAS STATING HIS SIDE OF THE STORY. HE WAS GIVING HIS POINT OF VIEW ON THINGS.

I AM SO TIRED OF PEOPLE FABRICATING SHIT TO MAKE THEM SEEM IN THE RIGHT

I've interacted with both Shelby's supporters and Will's supporters, and I can say with full confidence that the latter is much more pleasant to talk about the situation with. Wilbur supporters have heard me out on my point of view, and respect me for my decision and let me have my opinion. Shubble supporters have told me to kill myself multiple times because I do not side with Shelby. And they will act like Wilbur is undeserving of love and getting better. Hello. Guys stay with me here, but both sides of the situation are deserving of love and making progress in getting better as human beings. And isn't he going to therapy anyways. Like he's trying.

In short: idk this whole thing makes me sad and mad at people on the internet. Idgaf about shubble, but her supporters suck.

[sootwilb]

I’m a pretty newish fan of Wilbur and I’m not very familiar with how he is when interacting with the fandom, and so I couldn’t tell whether he was making a throwaway comment or being serious about the psych ward. It’s heartbreaking if his mental health really got that bad last year :(

yeah i think it was a serious comment since everything else in the post was serious. it truly is as you say heartbreaking and all my love goes to him and his family and friends

[sootwilb]

my heart goes out to him knowing it got so bad he had to go to a psychiatric ward no one deserves that

(this is about the new album and he said in another post the album was mostly written last year so presumably he would have gone there last year)

[sootwilb]

[sootwilb]

the thing really is that im so fond of dan and phil you guys. is anyone else perhaps fond of dan and phil or is this a brand-new sentiment

[sootwilb]

I think mostly what young fandom types (and I guess younger people in general) who are very very invested in the idea that “20 is still basically a minor” need to understand is that the feeling of “I’m just a child pretending to be an adult, and everyone else around me is a REAL adult” is DEEPLY universal (and won’t stop, ever, by the way, sorry!) and also is not, like, praxis.

Believe me, I get it, but the self-infantilization needs to stop, especially when you’re trying to engage in conversations about actual children and the harms they can face. Yes, it is scary to wake up and realize you’re 22 and you still feel like you’re 15, but it happens to all of us. You’re an adult. You have to deal with it.

[sootwilb]

patience is such a compelling dynamic in relationships sorryyy it’s the peak of romance to me