sophiajordan19-blog

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I scream but I can’t

Everyday I walk in the minefield

the place is monitored and watched

it’s stalkers see things with lips sealed

no one is safe, heads always on a swivel.

Something is said, someone ignored

others watch as if they are not watching

fear consumes and stalks the halls

if you don't fit in the pair of jeans

either accept it or hem it until you do.

Poison and smoke reek the place

we all breathe it in and lie about it there

every occasion it’s there looking for a victim

it’s forced in and every consequence is there

hell on earth and all “like it”.

The worst is the motive, the intention

the great unknown that’s fake and ruins

was it all worth the minefield to get it 

the labels and names that come after you “win”

when you leave the place do you regret?

When I leave I won’t because I knew the truth. So now I want to scream. But I can’t. I won’t.

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Basement

Ever since I was 13 years old, I suggested and made “architectural plans” for the one piece of dump room of my wonderful home and after many many years of procrastination of my parents, I am extremely pleased to announce that my basement is officially finished!

So not kidding, I have been wanting to renovate this basement for a long, long, LONG time. For the past 16 years of my life, this basement has always been our storage unit that from time to time has giant beetles and large spiders. The basement didn’t really have walls or a ceiling (unless you count the wooden boards that hold my house together). This kind of basement was one that you would be scared to go down into and when you did you left by sprinting up the stairs. I have had some very interesting times down there. For instance: cleaning my sister’s fish’s tank because she recalled that she would “kill the fish” if she did cleaned the tank herself, having to turn on the light by twisting the hot broken light bulb, fixing the broken dryer by kicking it several times, and seeing a rat in the supposed-but-never-used bathroom of ours down there. Despite all these wonderful and interesting times, I desperately wanted to get that space redone and finished.

And thus, the plans began. When I was about 13, I made a  drawing of what the walls would look like in the basement on an index card. I showed that index card to my mother and that was when she started to think I should be an architect and will never stop telling me that I should be one. I mean I found that index card a couple of days ago and I’m 100% sure that Ms. Elkins would most certainly have multiple criticisms. Overtime, I have had more and more drawings and dreams about renovating this basement. About 2 years ago my family decided that we were either going to move to a larger home that had a basement and if that didn’t work out just renovate our own basement. And as you can see, moving didn’t exactly work out. Last year we almost found another home that was perfect but another offer beat us. So after many months of searching for houses and going on a plethora of house tours, we gave up. And with giving up comes finding an architect for our own basement. Three months ago, we found an architect, she was perfect and even had plans to enlarge the space! I even had a conversation about with her about it and she had some brilliant ideas for a walkout, larger living space, etc. HOWEVER, she sort of exceeded my parents budget which was apparently important. So the hunt for architects continued. My mother who is EXTREMELY picky with her choices in contractors took foreverrrrrr to find a good one. And during that there was like a long period of doubt if it is worth it to renovate the basement which in my opinion it is. FINALLY, in April of 2017 my mom found her architect. He was like perfect for my mom because technically it was really her who was the architect and this guy would just build whatever she told him to build. She really has a knack for interior design it’s like her really expensive hobby. I know, weird. Anyway I also thought this guy was great because he said that this renovation would be able to be done in about two months! (He was kinda right.) They started working on the basement in April and it was a very loud process. The builders came from 9am to 5pm and they would use loud drills and saws, etc. One day we couldn’t go downstairs to my normal kitchen because the smell of paint was so pungent.  There were also so much wood shavings and dust in the basement that my house had officially become another Dust Bowl. Because of that my mom got literally sick of it because she sleeps by the vent and dust was always blowing in her face. The coughing began and then the not-being-able-to-breathe episodes/attacks started, and then all the cough suppressants, and now she thinks she has an ulcer from the stress of all of that. SO I love you renovation of the basement but you suck for doing this to my mom (personification at it’s finest right there ;) ). Also the playlist of the builders was very interesting. First they would play like spanish cumbia music and then they would play that song that goes “and I have the time of my life… and I never felt this way before” from Dirty Dancing. What a range these guys have right?! Anyway they were supposed to be finished last friday but they finished today! And compared to the dump it was before, this basement is magnificent. You should probably know that the basement is also technically the size of my house before we renovated it which was 7 years ago so it is kind of a small space. Anyway, it now has floors! And walls! And an actual dryer! And a finished bathroom! Without rats! We also added a mini fridge because what the hell why not! We also added the comfiest couch in the world and will potentially be getting a dog! Cool, so you may be asking yourself, what in the world does this have to do with my English class? Well, I wanted to tell you this and the fact that I went to Best Buy today to buy a playstation for the basement specifically for 1: to learn how to crush my really cocky cousin in the Fifa video game and 2: to play the wonderful game that I loved called “Journey”. Mr. Yee: I loved that unit never stop doing it, I learned so much. Also I never got to be the controller person when my class played and I want to get my turn.

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I took this picture with my camera from inside my grandparents house looking out the window of this bird. The top is my edited version, bottom is the original. I thought it was cool.

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FOOD PUNS!   ...jalapeño business...lol

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Friends: Chandler version.

*What if a show with multiple main characters and points of view only had one point of view? What if it was only Chandler that told the story of the episode and we saw what happened in that episode through him? How might that go?

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So I’m sitting at the coffeehouse right, and I’m sitting with my newspaper, sipping my coffee, because, you know, adults like me do that kind of thing. So Rachel is waiting tables (while asking customers for extra tips... weird) while Pheebs and Ross are sitting here with me and we are all kind of doing our own thing. “Only 98.50 to go” I hear Rachel behind me. Then Monica comes in.

“Hey” she greets us, “Did you know that mom and dad are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving?”

She’s talking to Ross here, he goes “No, they’re not”.

But she’s like “Yes they are the Blymans invited them”.

Though he’s convinced that they are not so he calls his parents and it turns out that they are.

But while Ross is calling them, Joey walks in and oh my god his face… hah!get this, he’s wearing makeup! He sits down and he’s like, “as of today, I am Joey Tribbiani: actor slash model”.

And I’m just joking like “that’s so funny because ‘cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani: man slash woman”. But it really turns out that he’s modeling to be on a poster for the city free clinic. He doesn’t know which health issue he’ll be advertising for so we’ll just have to see.

So Ross comes back and he’s mad because I’m guessing they go to Thanksgiving with their parents and this year obviously will not.

Then Monica comes up with this idea: “How about if I make [thanksgiving] dinner at my place?” then she goes “Joey you’re going home right?” which he is, “and I assume, Chandler, you’re still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays?”

“Yes. Every single one of them” I reply. I hate Thanksgiving.

She continues “and Phoebe, you’ll be with your grandma?”

Phoebe responds “Yeah, and her boyfriend, but we are celebrating Thanksgiving in December because he’s lunar” God, Pheebs is weird, but we love her. So she’s now going to spend Thanksgiving with Ross and Monica.

Then there’s Rachel, who now tells us that she’s trying to make a hundred bucks to get a flight to Vail to go skiing with her family for Thanksgiving. Oh… that’s what the 98.50 was for.

“Only $102 to go” she says.

Hold on, “I thought it was 98.50?”

“It was, but I broke a cup”.

Then Ross got up to go to his ex wife, Carol’s house who is now a lesbian and is carrying Ross’s child. Very, VERY messed up relationship there.

After that, everyone just kind of left their separate things. I went back to Monica’s and sat on the couch for about 3 hours.

So Ross comes back from Carol’s and sits at the table and he’s sitting in front of this giant about-to-be-cooked turkey. Apparently his ex-wife’s girlfriend is speaking to their unborn child by talking to Carol’s stomach. Crazy lunatics parents are you know. That is the reason I am NEVER having kids ulghh! Once people have kids they become TOTALLY different people, they get all responsible and stuff. Just the thought of it freaks me out!

Then Rachel walks in and the rest of us thought it would be nice if each of us chipped in 20 bucks so she could get the money to go to Vail, because there was (haha) NO way that Rachel was ever going to get that much with her waitressing job. So she’s sitting on the couch having no idea that we have done this and she’s all like disappointed that she doesn’t have the money to go. And then Monica hands her the envelope. She opens it and she’s so grateful we all hug her and that’s that.

Then thank GOD Monica brings out my traditional holiday feast:

Tomato soup, grilled cheese fix-ins, and my very large family size bag of Funions. Could it GET any better than this?

I am handed this lovely bag of the healthiest foods and Rachel goes, “Wait, wait Chandler, this is what you're having for Thanksgiving? What is it with you and this holiday?” And ahhh my favorite story. She’s new and I think EVERYONE should know this, I mean they do so might as well tell it again:

“Alright I’m nine years old. We have just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner, I have -and I remember this part vividly- a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they’re getting divorced…. Yes, yes very difficult to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner when you’ve seen it in reverse”. So yes, that is the story of my life THANK YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

Anyway moving on, GUESS WHAT POSTER JOEY GOT PUT ON?! It was for, get this, SYPHILIS. And it’s all over New York, I mean literally everywhere. Everyone and their brother most likely seen it one hundred million times. Could this BE anymore embarrassing, I mean I almost feel bad about it. So the rest of us are sitting in the coffee shop the next morning just laughing our heads off about this when Joey walks in.

“So I guess you all saw it?” he says smiles, I can tell he’s just full of regret.

Now we are just all trying so hard not to laugh because he is our friend and it’s not cool but then Phoebe goes, “No we are just laughing, you know how laughter can be infectious” and after that the rest of us just lost it.

Then Ross went back to Carol’s to also talk to Carol’s stomach/his unborn child whichever sounds the most ridiculous. Rachel went to the airport to get her ticket for Vail. Monica and Pheebs cooked Thanksgiving dinner and I just kind of hung out in the apartment while they were doing that. There was no way I was going to help them. Too much Thanksgiving...ness.

Joey walks in, “Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD” he says to Monica.

Ahh Thanksgiving, “Tonight on a very special blossom” I say. Gotta LOVE this holiday. And that was pretty much that day.

Now, today, is Thanksgiving.

Rachel comes in all cheerful. Ulghh why today? Anyway she’s like “Five minutes from now” now making skiing gestures with her hands, “Shoop, shoop, shoop”.

My GOD, “Oh, you must stop shooping” I say to her. Though it is nice that at least one of us actually had plans that worked for today (other than me). And my plan for today is to stay away from all the Thanksgiving... ness and merriment and sit in my self loathing of my parents divorce. Great.

Now Pheebs is just flying pies at me just to tease me with my hate of this holiday. Man, it’s just not funny anymore. So then I just kind of left to go watch the news because, you know, the news is depressing, like me now. So I’m flipping through the channels and I see the most INCREDIBLE THING EVER! I have to go back across the hall to tell them.

I burst through the door, “The most unbelievable thing has happened! Underdog, has gotten away”

“The balloon?” Joey says.

“No, no the actual cartoon character” pfft, I wish, “Of course the balloon! It’s all over the news, right before he reached Macy’s he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square park. I’m going to the roof, who’s with me?”

Everyone moving out the door but Rachel, “I can’t, I gotta go!”

“Come on an eighty-foot inflatable dog loose over the city how often does that happen?” I say back.

“Almost never” replies Phoebe and we all leave the apartment and run to the roof. And OH MY GOD it was HUGE! It was so funny to watch the multitude of police trying to catch the inflatable dog. They eventually had to shoot it down because it was “causing too much of a scene”. It was kind of sad really.

So we all are in front of the door of their apartment and Monica goes “Ok! Right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside” I mean, not that I care. But now I’m just hungry. Then she says, “Why are we standing here?”

Rachel answers, “We’re waiting for you to open the door, you’ve got the keys”

“No I don’t”

“Yes you do, when we left you said ‘Got the keys’”

“No I didn’t, I asked, ‘Got the ke-eys?’”

“No you didn’t you said ‘Got the keys.’”

Ok now this is becoming ridiculous, “Either of you have the ke-eys?”

So apparently neither of them do and also apparently the stove is on with our fantastic Thanksgiving dinner and Rachel’s plane ticket is in there. Then Joey has the brilliant thought that we have an extra copy of their key in our apartment across the hall. In there, we apparently have a drawer with like a million extra keys we never use.

We bring the drawer out and Joey starts trying keys to find the one. I am holding the drawer and he’s doing the fitting. Long story short, we have been here trying keys for what feels like an ETERNITY.

Monica is getting impatient, “Can you go any faster with that?”

“Hey, I got one keyhole, and about a zillion keys. You do the math!” Oh my god, I think that’s the first time I have ever seen Joey ‘do math’ in my life.

Then I think I made some joke to Rachel and all of a sudden she just took me by my shirt and started whining about how she could have been on a plane at that moment as if she was blaming me for this incident. Pfft.

Then Rachel and Monica went on arguing about the damn keys. Man they were so loud, I don’t think that there was a man on Mars that didn’t quite hear them. Joey and I are just watching them argue like ‘whoa thank god we are much better roommates than them’. Then Monica goes on this whole spiel about how she’s making this dinner and how now it’s all ruined and whatever but the whole thing kind of just turned into this sobfest. So, I said something like “Hey Monica, only dogs can hear you now so look the door is open”.

We all walk in and it’s just smoke everywhere and it smells like burned potatoes.

This is the time that Ross just decides to walk in singing (perfect timing really).

Rachel is now angry because she missed her flight. She’s like “now I’m stuck here with you guys”. Then all of them get in this big argument about how this dinner wasn’t anyone’s first choice and now it’s all ruined and it sucks.

So while all this is going on I’m just sitting by the door like “now this feels like Thanksgiving”. Now everybody feels my pain of today. And I love it.

Now we are all just pissed. All of us sitting around the apartment thinking about how sucky this holiday is. As I always do and like how I am now.

I see Phoebe is sitting by the window, she says something “Ew! Ugly-naked-guy is taking his turkey out of the oven!” Eh, not important. She gasps, “Oh my god! He’s not alone. Ugly-naked-guy is having Thanksgiving dinner with ugly-naked-gal. We all rush to the window. It’s really nice, both of them look so happy and honestly grateful to just be with each other. We are all gushing at them and then Pheebs goes “It’s nice that he has someone”. So despite this sucky day, we all reconcile and have ‘Thanksgiving meal’ according to my big bag of goodies. So that means a fantastic grilled cheese meal, courtesy of the chef, myself.

“Shall I carve?” I say standing at the head of the table with the plate of stacked grilled cheeses.

And then Monica and Joey do the cheesy thing (pun intended) where they split a sandwich wishbone style. Then I figure I say something to the group like in most Thanksgiving tradition where the head of the table says something like that.

“I would like to propose a toast, I know this isn’t the kind of Thanksgiving you all planned, but for me this has been really great, you know. I think because it didn’t involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway I was just thinking if you had gone to Vail, or you guys had been with your families, or if you didn’t have syphilis and stuff, that we wouldn’t be all together, you know. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings’ sucked”. So, again, THANK YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN GOOD NIGHT!

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Poem of the class about a person that knows you the best

Lexie,

You know all my jokes

I have molded you, but you are you in your own way

You are there for me through thick and thin

I know you like the back of my hand

We have been through alot together

Fight after fight we grow

The phases I have seen you go through

I have watched you since the day you were born

I was your first friend even though you weren’t mine

We are best friends like sisters and sisters we technically are

You are young but I see you older than you are

I am your role model

I am the one you come to about clothes and life

And I come to you for your bright spirit as light as it is

You know when to jump on my bed to talk and when not to

Our shake is like none other and will last a thousand years

Mom couldn’t make it work but we will

I’ll always be there for you

And cutie when I leave you to start my life, don’t forget me cause peanut butter cup,

I’ll never forget you.

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That’s one hell of a rooster coop

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The Music to My Escape

Life can be so heavy at times

It coils and hangs across my shoulders

Like a rope on which my frustration climbs

Over words and deeds and other boulders.

And yet the music lifts me from the ground

From earth to air my body rises

To the beat and rhythm all around

I fling my hands, and leave my crises

Every shimmy, every shake

Every pose my body takes

Is based on joy for dance’s sake

And frees me from my life’s mistakes

When life turns the beat around

It helps me find my level ground.

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MLK Day

Today is Martin Luther King Jr Day. Though I associate today with something else. Five years ago today, my mother died. She was 60 years old and she died of a heart attack. I was 24 years old. I had just gotten my degree and I was planning my trips around the world that we were going to take. We wanted to go to South Africa, Europe, Indonesia, and Japan. I was a professional photographer so the company I had an internship with would pay for it. We had everything planned out. I was happy, I had a boyfriend, a job I loved, and my mother was my best friend. Then on January 15, I got a call from my step dad that my mom was in the hospital and had just suffered a severe heart attack. I flew to my home in North Carolina from New York only see my twin brother at the airport to find out that she passed away an hour ago. Everything after that was a blur. I had lost not only my mother but my best friend.

Today has and forever will be my dark day. She was such a good mother. She had such a good heart.

The only time that I remember this day ever being good was when we had no school and I was 8 years old. My brother and I were fighting in our rooms about something and my mom called us downstairs for a snack. She had two glasses of milk on the counter with a bottle of Hershey’s chocolate syrup and two straws. This was unusual because she was always a health nut and we never had chocolate syrup in our fridge when I was a kid. My brother and I ran to the kitchen table.

“What’s this ma?” asked my brother.

“Do you know what today is Harry?” said my mother.

“The day we have no school?” he replied.

“Well yes, but today is the day Martin Luther King Jr was born” she told us.

“Who’s Martin Luther King Jr?” I asked

“He was one of the bravest men this country will ever know” she started, “Long ago, white people were the dominance of this country, they were the first to be here, and then the black people came and these two groups divided our country. It seemed impossible that they would ever be able to coexist, until this one man, Martin Luther King Jr, brought both groups together and healed them so they were able to coexist” after she spoke she just looked at our blank faces. In our defense though, we were 8 years old and had the attention span of about 30 seconds. She continued, “I thought you might respond like this you little pip squeaks” we giggled. “Alright, you see this glass?” we nodded. “Let’s just pretend that this is America”

“Is it really?” my stupid brother asked.

“No, but let’s pretend, I will pour this milk in the glasses first, let’s pretend that the milk is the white people and me pouring it into the glass first is when they came to America, ok?”

“Ok” we said.

Mom continued, “And this chocolate milk, let’s pretend that it is the black people. Now, I am going to pour the chocolate milk into this glass... you see how it sinks to the bottom? That is like how the white and black people were separated in this country. But when I take this straw and stir the chocolate with the milk, the milk becomes a little sweeter. So let’s pretend that Martin Luther King Jr is the straw that stirred the drink and made the world a little sweeter”. 

My mother had a good heart. I still wonder why God had to take her away from us to be with him so soon. She was full of wisdom and strength. I cried for her everyday for a year. Today will forever be the day I look back on two great and wonderful people and reminisce who I lost and who this sweet country had.

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Mix of Genres

My spotify playlist is a clean mess. Do you follow? Clean mess. Makes perfect sense! God, you must think I’m crazy right now but hold on I have a point so wait for it. Let’s take a look at my list so I can prove to you how much of a mess it really is.

Gimme Some Lovin’ by the Spencer Davis Group

Side to Side by Ariana Grande

We Are One (Ole Ola) by Pitbull and JLo

It’s Not Unusual by Tom Jones

This Is My World by Esterly and Austin Jenckes

Partition by Beyoncé

Mama’s Broken Heart by Miranda Lambert

Bamboleo by Gypsy Kings

Rapper’s Delight by (who knows? But my mom can rap this ha ha ha...)

All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey

Moses by Danny Kaye and Gene Kelly

See? Maybe not. I mean some of these songs are very “out there” if you know what I mean, but in my defense, I have a very unique taste that I get from my dad. So here the long awaited point of what I am try to say: all of these songs are of different genres. And they are all on my list why? Because like all of of us homosapiens: I. Go. Through. Phases. BOOM! Did fireworks just go off in your mind? No? Ok fine may be my so called “point” isn’t that simple.

The thing I’ve always wondered is why one day I’m listening to Bamboleo (spanish genre) and think it’s so cool! When the the next day I’m like ew no I’m going to listen to Rapper’s Delight (I think you can figure out what genre) like nah this is the shit! I mean I’ll keep Bamboleo on the list for a while cause let’s be honest it’s still cool, but I’ll like listening to Rapper’s Delight waaayyy more now. Ya feel? So anyway I’m trying to figure this out now like was my timing, situation, or mood different now that made me like listening to something else the day before? What gears in my brain switch and what made them do that?

So I have a theory. I think that the reason why people go through phases is because people go through situations or feelings and those phases are represented in the songs. With that, as you listen to the same songs they becomes old and repetitive, humans are always looking for new things, things they haven’t seen or listened to before.

That’s why my song choices are so different because I look for new things all the time. I expose myself to things that are out of my comfort zone. The songs also create moods and vibes that represent what I feel.