sorcery-and-stupidity

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He? She? Terrible pronouns, awful spread. Less than 50% accuracy. The bloom is unreal. They? Fucking aim bot. Hits every damn time. There needs to be a real balancing patch for pronouns, They OP pls nerf.

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Bathrooms are one of those things that seem like they should be somewhat regulated, if only by muscle memory. Like, one gender should always be on one side. But they aren’t and that’s strange to me. Because, like. Surely that would mitigate accidentally walking into the wrong one, right? Every time I’ve walked into the wrong bathroom it was because I was in a hurry, and it totally could’ve been avoided if I could just develop muscle memory to always go to the left for the men’s room or smth. This has been random shit I didn’t think I had an opinion about.

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My perfect thick idiot son, Calvin, who has never done anything wrong in his entire life except today when I let him climb my young redbud tree and he went to the highest branch and wedged himself in the crook of it and wouldn't budge and he's so big I was afraid that he might break the branch so I had to get a stepladder and get him down while the neighborhood jays that come by for peanuts whenever they see me in the yard freaked out and sat screaming on the fence to warn me that there's a snake very near me because I'm obviously too stupid to see it and clearly in mortal peril.

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I’d like to very quickly introduce a character I made in high school who I think was peak comedy. I don’t even remember his name but I do remember his whole gag. He was a protester, and a Batman villain. He would organize protests in front of “worthy causes” that happened to hamper Batman, usually like, Poison Ivy or something. He had nothing against Batman specifically but he had two powers that made him a pain in the ass, neither of which is an actual power.

1) He saw through comic book bs. The Clark Kent effect. The fact that the Batmobile happens to come from the same direction as Wayne Manor. I called it super common sense.

2) He was arbitrarily good at fighting with a picket sign. He always loses but he’s very good at dragging out fights. He fought Darkseid and didn’t win but held out for enough time for the Calvary to arrive and him to retreat with his life. (This was partly because Darkseid was holding back.)

He eventually moved to Metropolis permanently after he and Batman had a heart-to-heart in which he revealed he knows Batman’s secret identity as Bruce Wayne. After this Wayne Industries switched to more environmentally and socially sustainable practices, and he moved to Metropolis full time to protest Lexcorp instead.

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How Far From London Can You Get By Train In 12 Hours

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New favorite means of hyperbole: {objects of idiom} would be jealous of how I {verb of idiom}

I.e. Logs would be jealous of how well I slept, cats and dogs are jealous of how hard it’s raining, broken clocks are jealous of how often he’s right

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Awful names for twins #94: Kenny and Lenny, full names Keonard and Lenneth

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Weird game where the entire story is narrated by the main character’s stalker. As the story goes on and the main character gets closer with party members the narration becomes more and more divorced from reality, describing how the party members badmouth him, or otherwise are deeply selfish and don’t deserve him at all. The Game Over screen is a shot from the perspective of the main character in bed, in what looks like the house the main character grew up in, but it’s later implied that the stalker faked your death in order to kidnap you to that house. Final boss is all in first person from the Stalker’s POV, after she got tired of the hero being “unfaithful” and decided that a world where they couldn’t have the hero didn’t deserve to exist. The stalker is also available for recruitment and romance if you don’t recruit any extra party members and minimize affinity gain with the required members. If you do you get a secret ending where “the hero sacrifices his own freedom for the sake of the world” and the background is a modified game over screen where the stalker is in bed clinging to the hero.

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I want a shirt that just says “Bottom Text.” In Impact,of course.

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The amount of times that one could resolve an issue by biting someone’s jugular is truly staggering. They would then have new problems, but they will very often be the same problems, so you would get very practiced with resolving them.

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Been playing Horizon: Zero Dawn recently and it hits a bit close to home. I’m not gonna spoil because it has a beautiful story of quiet tragedy but it very much appeals to me as an American given the current political climate.

10/10 game I fucking love it

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As we saw in “Nobody Can Be Trusted With The Magic Death Notebook,” nobody can be trusted with the Magic death notebook. However, I do want the magic death notebook for about half an hour so I can do things my lawyer advises me not to.

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You can’t have banger posts back to back like this

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This made me groan from the deepest part of my lungs. It was very satisfying.

Once upon a time, in the heart of a dark and rainy night, a creature appeared at an abbey, climbing through a window to into the room where the abbess was writing notes. It was a wretched beast, not quite human but neither did it resemble any animal that the abbess could name. It was dripping wet, with scarred skin and odd patches of thin, sparse fur, long cracked claws that scraped the stone floor, and sharp teeth so haphazardly scattered that it was hard to say whether there were two rows of teeth or one.

"What do you want, creature?" the abbess asked it calmly.

"I want to become a nun", the creature said. And there was no rule in the books that the abbess could remember that would prohibit a strange beast from becoming a nun, if it so desired. So, the beast was accepted into the abbey, and it took to life in the order as naturally as a shepherd dog to herding. She was a meticulous beast, first to wake and rise at dawn, neat and tidy with all tools and tasks she was given, dutiful and devout in all things.

No nun nor novice dared to question the creature's right to be there after the first time the she demonstrated that her teeth are not merely for decoration, and then apologised to the novice who had tried. The beast even graciously offered to mend the habit she had torn. After the incident, she was never bothered again. A handful of other postulants, novices and even a few of the nuns flocked to her, knowing that the creature would not allow anybody to be mistreated in her presence.

Watching the creature wolfishly lope across the abbey courtyard, with her ill-fitting, haphazardly placed cowl flopping as she went, the abbess contemplated the strange being. Despite of her sloppy, haphazard appearance, the beast really did have great potential to become a nun. A being so gentle and friendly could have done well just about anywhere, as would anyone so devout, but what made the creature such a good fit for monastic life was her love of routine. Waking up each morning at the same time, performing the same tasks and duties at the same time, the beast was not only tireless in her work, but actively delighted in regular routines. Which was why the abbey was such a good place for her, and she would one day make an excellent nun.

She was, without a doubt, a creature of habit.

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I don’t like election season because everyone’s talking about elections and I get so many commercials about elections, when like…I already voted. One of you got my vote, the other didn’t, now both of you shut up. Please.

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I’ve come to the startling realization that apparently I like Theatre. I came to this realization after noticing that I’ve enjoyed every live performance I’ve ever been to, and that I enjoyed the two years of theatre tech I took.

This is worrying.

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So, people who dream, y’all fucking live like this? I’ve woken up confused and trying to piece together what the he’ll my brain was thinking and y’all just…love like this?