sparrowduskstrider

[sparrowduskstrider]

Years toiling. One thing after another. Don't let the darkness overcome you. Do what your told and be a good soldier but you aren't a soldier. A woman on the street, she picks clean everything. She kills the ones that look at those who are weak the wrong way. She keeps herself out of trouble. She keeps herself unseen.

Eyes watched as he came through. He looked the same. No. That's a lie. He stood taller. His energy was stronger. The fel came off of him. She could taste it and it tasted good. Licking her lips she watched him but she remained unseen. She was the shadows. She was the watcher. Her heart went out to him but she stayed there. She stayed and watched and did until she disappeared again, only to watch him again.

How long has it been? Months? Years? Who the fel knows. Who the fel cares? Time really doesn’t matter. Not to me anyway. Not with what I’ve learned. Dreanor. Beautiful place. Powerful place. So many ancient powers there, so many things to learn. And so many people willing to let you take care of...

[sparrowduskstrider]

Not Safe

Seems I've been moved to the 27th division of the Farstriders. Don't know the people I work with except Riavis and he's some... Ranger-Lord now. I could have been that if I hadn't fucked up... I could be the one who'd be making our father proud. But I'm not safe at home. I was usually safe here. Ghostlands remain safe. But maybe they aren't anymore. He's ready it seems. I'm... not. Too much time spending my time in enjoying my life than fearing for it.

[sparrowduskstrider]

Getting Down and Dirty

Been awhile since I've been able to get my hands dirty. She's getting too close. That bitch is getting too close to hurting him. And even could be close to hurting her. He gets hurt enough. He doesn't need to be. He's got to be there so he can be there for her. And then if that bitch gets close to her... I'll make sure she never comes back. He'll be the bait. We'll just finish her off and I'd like to see anyone try and bring her back. She won't be coming back.

[sparrowduskstrider]

I'm Falling

I curled up in his arms, clutching at his chest. And all I could mutter as he held me without question was "I'm falling in love with you." And as I said these words out loud I can only feel fear. He laced his fingers with mine and would hold them there. "Run all you want, I won't let you." And I fell harder. I didn't sleep much that night. Not sure he noticed. But I noticed he doesn't sleep when I'm not there. I've made him use to it. Use to being with someone to curl up next to. When I went home I had to tell her everything. I always tell her everything. About how he makes me feel, about the fear and the happiness all at once. It is so familiar but so different. Maybe, each time you fall in love it is a different kind of feeling? I'm beginning to think it is. I told her I'm falling for him. That he promises not to let me run away. And even the fact that we had a date for today. He was going to take me to the Story Circle. I don't think I've ever been. And the first thing of course is she asked me if I was going to wear a dress! Like hell.... But Story Circle was nice. The stories were entrancing and the whole time he held me to him. Not a single fear in showing his affection even if we weren't something public. An occasional kiss to my temple. It was just nice. It was perfect for my first date, ever. When we got back to the city we found Rhonae. The girl has been heart broken. She is alone when she is engaged. I worry about that, I've feared it before. But here she is... being neglected and she is an amazing young woman. He spoke with her. Told her his opinion on it, tried to give her advice. Those things are good for her. Perhaps she'll see the truths or maybe, she'll realize she is better than this. And then the evening ended as pleasant as any. I think... this was the best day ever.

[sparrowduskstrider]

Good Things Only Come Once A Decade

"What's he like?" It was the first thing she asked once we got a little time alone and I had been awake long enough to have a functional conversation. I'm not liking sleeping so much. I had wished it was different. Maybe I always will. I prefer her in my arms and just remembering how much I love her. How she'll always be there. But the first thing she asked was 'What is he like?' I wasn't sure where to begin. I really never know how to explain it. I always reach for the negative first. He's an asshole. He's condescending. He's a pervert. He's stubborn. But he's kind. He's considerate. He's ready to please. He's simple. And he makes me happy. I guess that is what is strange. I'm actually happy. Lelani had to joke about how that only happens once a decade and well, not to screw it up. I will screw it up. I tend to screw up the things that are good in my life. Just like how I almost screwed up with her. But what really caught me off guard was her last question. 'Why are you here? Why aren't you there?' Why was I? Because... I wanted to be with her. I had been away from her for four nights and three days. I just... wanted her. But she wanted to be alone. I really don't understand. Maybe I never will. Maybe... she's just preparing me for when I won't be with her. I know it is soon. I just... have a feeling. But I did go to him. Giving her that break she wants so she can sort out her things. She's been through a lot. I'm... overbearing. I'm... suffocating. I'm a terrible person. I guess, it is going to happen eventually. But I went to him and I tried something she told me to. I could never get out of him if he missed me. So I told him. I told him I had missed him and returned the sentiment. I guess, he really does. He was pretty grumpy over the comms earlier. I slept well and that is that. Took apart the bike. Completely in pieces now. Now to look to how each piece is formed before I start rebuilding two in its place.

[sparrowduskstrider]

Bruises and Kisses

I am still bruised. All along my ribs and my arms. My hips and my jaw. It hurts on occasion to open it, popping on occasion. I bet it didn't heal right.My left wrist still hurts but it was broken. I'm not entirely how severe it was. But I'm tender to the touch and yet, he is still very careful with me. He let me walk around today since I don't wince as much and my Venomhide was able to find me after looking for so long. It was nice to see my baby. I feel like I'm in some other world when I'm here. As if nothing in the world can touch me but him. He makes me feel wanted, almost as if he makes sure I feel wanted. And I return the same to him. He is almost a hero but he so humble and yet, he won't admit it. He lives with what he needs. He cares not for gold unless it is enough for him to get by. He works all day and is often alone and I wonder, what will happen when I'm gone again? When I spend my days where I actually live with the woman who will eventually ask me to leave? I almost dread going back home. Because how long will it be my home? She's suppose to get married and have kids. I don't fit in that picture. I never will. It... breaks my heart. It tears each time I think about it. Why did I let myself get this deep into this? Why did I let myself fall so hard for her? But here I am, falling. I am trying not to. I am really trying not to. But he gives me everything I could dream of. He doesn't hold me back. He gives me no expectations, no obligations. He lets me be me even in the ways I can't be out there. I am not a person meant to be in charge and he takes it so easily. He protects me. He... said he's falling in love with me. I want to run. Maybe I should? But I promised I wouldn't. How many promises have I kept? A few. But he's been hurt by this same promise. I don't want to break him. He understands why I'm afraid and doesn't hold me down. Said I can leave when ever I please. I did... promise I'd let him know. I wouldn't just leave. I... am not going to leave. I can do this.

[sparrowduskstrider]

Sugar Dose

I'm not allowed to get up. I'm not allowed to do anything strenuous. I hurt. I hate him. I feel like I snorted sugar. Fuck this shit.

[sparrowduskstrider]

Lost

I didn't remember it at first. I had a gun pointed at the bitch and then it all went blank. I panicked in my head. No, not now. Things could get ugly. I only came too to find my feet aching and everything just... hurt. I must have walked or ran a long distance. I have the endurance to do so but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt after awhile. And there he was, looking as smug as ever. Waiting for me as he always did. Spoke sweet nothings to make me feel better about myself but make sure I felt helpless all the while. I heard Nightengale speak over the comm. The bastard made sure I heard it all as he just sat there and smiled at me. I fucking hate that smile so damn much. But he wasn't coming for me. No, he was doing it for some sort of revenge for his mother. Not because I was in trouble. Not because I was possibly going to [i]die[/i]. No all so he could kill his brother because of his mother's shame or something stupid like that. His mother is dead, it doesn't matter anymore. [i]I[/i] was the one in trouble. And he had the nerve to insult Lelani. And this is the man I loved? The one who gave me such comfort when I was distraught? He never cared. Selfish prick. I bet he didn't even bat an eyelash because I [i]know[/i] he made sure that Nightengale heard it. "Go fetch me my knife." Usually I had someone to heal me after he said those words. He had something planned and I knew it.

I was disarmed first. Each weapon laid out in a row. My knives, my pistols, my bow, and my flintlock. Each of the little things I carried just to be useful. My garrote wire is in there too... maybe I should just leave that. Maybe I shouldn't hold onto the things that kept him close. Even now I play with the jade sparrow. Maybe I should throw it in the forge but yet, I feel compelled to keep it. But he had me line them up and then had me stand there as I took his abuse. A hit to the jaw, his rings cutting into my cheek. It is bruised now and sore as can be. Guess I'm lucky he didn't chip teeth. My arm cracked with strength I did not know he possessed. My left wrist broken without a second thought. I could not even make a cry of pain. I could only stand there. He had me frozen. Then a few punches to the ribs as they broke. Beat me down and then it was time for what was meant to be the end. How many times had I calculated this particular punishment? How long before I died? He would cut through the leather and between each rib. Deep enough to bleed but shallow enough I didn't bleed out too quickly. Made me walk out to the little coop where we were and that was when he let me gain control. All the pain rushed at once and as I laid in a whimpering mess he kicked the straw over me with a little smile. "Don't speak. Don't make a sound. The Alliance will be by soon and you will surely be killed." And then he was gone. I was meant to be found. Right? He expected Nightengale to find me I'm sure but it wasn't him who came. It was three. One I knew by name, one I barely knew, and then the one who had given me solace and the need and desire I've been so craving. But he wasn't among them. He really didn't care. By my calculations if they hadn't found me I would have been found in an Alliance patrol before morning and my wounds would have killed me by mid morning.

Once I was in the clear, because of my injuries he carried me all the way from the Hinterlands near that Alliance encampment, through Hillsbrad Foothills, through Silverpine Forest, through Tirisfal Glade where we took the translocation orb, through Silvermoon City and then through Eversong Woods to the Clinic in the Skulking Row. There he waited quietly while Laellina worked on my injuries and Sedore watched. He seemed worried and Laellina just confident. It is nice to see a confident healer. And once they left I suppose I was suppose to be staying in the Clinic but no, he scooped me right back up and carried me to his home in the Ghostlands and has taken care of me since. I've never felt so... cared for. Why does he make me feel so wanted? I love it and yet I hate it all at once. He'll turn as well. He'll get broken too. They all do. But right now I want to steal it all away. He tosses out vague hints of something more and it scares me more. He listens to my fears and everything and above all, he does not wish to take me from my Dove. My Lelani. But I only wonder how long that will last. How long until she chooses to have that sweet married life and I'll need to move on like the vagabond I am. For now though, I will happy being right here. Even while I feel my heart break and everything simply fall apart, some things are coming together. Because for once... I'm not walking alone.

[sparrowduskstrider]

Strange

I found a treasure. A treasure I am meant to keep. He is someone I can be me around. Not what I am to the eye. I don't have to be the heartless bitch. I don't have to be the girl who takes control. I don't have to be... the Sparrow that everyone knows. I can be me. I can be... Eviaa. He offers me what he can. He lets me be his but only when I want to be just as he is mine. As long as I am in the Ghostlands, I am his. That is what he tells me. He is someone who is simple but fascinates me because of it. He works all day. He is alone. He has only one want that I even desired. Something I gave him... without even thinking. I gave him the feeling of being wanted. To think, we just worked together at first. Making little jibs before finally we broke down. I could fall in love with him but I don't want to. It would ruin it. That always ruins it. He asked me what would happen if he fell in love with me. If he ever said those words. I told him to never say them, not unless he actually meant it. He was able to live with that. He jokes with me about the little things. We have fun together and I can't help but smile. He's a charmer and he hates it but I don't understand it. I don't want him to be alone so I won't let him but he tells me he enjoys my company. He makes me feel safe. I hate that. I always cling to those who make me feel safe. He says he doesn't do relationships either, for two reasons. Obligations and Vindication. I provide both of those things. Maybe, I should run before I break him too. I don't want to break another wonderful person....

[sparrowduskstrider]

She's Home

I knew she had been home but it was time to confirm it. She was resting in the infirmary where the other Mages that were rescued were. All the way up in the Sunfury Spire but I couldn't go alone. Though I wanted to go alone it wasn't my place to do so. So I got a hold of him, of her true love, as I know I am not it. I am just someone she loves but... as one loves a friend. I am her best friend and she cares about me and lets me be as I am with her. She doesn't hold me back from the affection I was to give to my one true constant in this life. I am her girflriend but it is because I'm the only woman that she'll truly feel that way for. She holds no attraction in women but when she needed me I was able to satiate the lust that fills her, and she in me. But even now as I look at it, she is my best friend but I truly do love her. It is because of this love that as I watched him go to her, that as I watched her pull him into a kiss after nearly fainting, that I felt my heart tear at the seams of its mending and I knew that once more I'd be a shadow. She brought me out of that shadow and so did he but my fear is the worst of it now. I don't want to be a shadow anymore. But I walked away because without him she has never been truly happy. She has the man in her life that brought her more smiles than I could ever muster. And now, this spiral begins.

But as she came home, after I knew she tried to convince him to stay with her. She curled up in my arms and I did what I could to kiss her pain away. She had lost so much and there is no need to let her know what has happened just yet. Though I'm sure she'd guess by looking to the rune at my back. It was irritated, it hurt, and it itched but I didn't care because I had her in my arms and I was safe now because of it and she was safe because of it. Dreams are ripped away and here she is as strong as she always was, just a little more broken. But she was going to heal fast, she already has many opportunities offered to her after the Kirin Tor incidents. And now, things will be better now that Ashalon is here to cheer her up. He'll be able to keep her hope alive. And I... I will do my best to keep myself out of the middle and deal with my own problems the way that I normally do. Quietly. Though I wonder how quiet he will be? He'll feel threatened now that she is back but I don't care. She's back. She's safe and she will stay safe. But even as I laid there I wondered if my Nightengale was taking care of himself. She hates him and I don't blame her. But I wish... they would be friend again. Call it selfish but there are so few I trust anymore. And just the day after she returned home I had met with Bones, a friend of the Nightengale who he calls a brother. But also the adoptive father of the pretty priestess. I don't like calling her by name. Air. Makes me think she's an airhead and just from pass observances and recent thoughts, she is still childish. Still a child in a woman's body and it makes me wonder how he can find that attractive. I'm a woman, I have my childish moments but I know how to make a man feel like a man and not a father. Or maybe he's into that... but either way, I saw him and he had been watching. He always did find interest in what was around my life or more so, around my brothers. And so he had watched Lelani and her Ashalon. And he heard it all. And he heard what makes my heart stop. My name. There are so few who know me as Eviaa. But as we spoke he called me Evi. A name I hadn't gone by since before my drug addictions. A name I hadn't gone by since I took up the mantle of Sparrow, and that was before the company even formed. I was his influence in that. At first I thought it was Nightengale. I almost got angry. I almost did something stupid. But I was reassured where he heard it. Lelani never liked calling me Sparrow and avoided it as much as she can. Even Ashalon knows me as Eviaa from knowing me that time ago. I knew that these things would haunt me. But we exchanged our information and it was done. He got more than I did. He's slacking.

Once more he was upset. My Nightengale shouldn't be so upset but half the time it is my fault. I get so angry and I don't hide lashing out at him. He makes it difficult for me to hide behind my mask. I am unable to because he is so... infuriating. But I care about him. I love him for it. He allows me to be me and is more recently trying his best to push out the parts of me that I do enjoy and helping me cope with what I don't. I don't even think he realizes it. But I wanted him to be happy and I suggested everything I could but what I couldn't give. I could give but I can't, not now. He asked me how easy it was for me to say for him to go see his pretty priestess and I told him that it was the hardest thing that I could do but I wanted him to be happy. He is going to see Lelani. He more than likely will die and I tried to laugh it off but it actually made my heart break. It was bad enough when I heard he had died before. But I understand her anger, I shared it, but I don't have the energy to be angry at him when I'm only angry at the one after me. But I went to his spot late last night and was expecting him to be asleep sitting up but he was awake and he was staring. Nearby I left a blanket and a canteen of hot chocolate with a note that only had a heart on it, scribbled in. He can't say I don't care and I know he doesn't take care of himself so... I will try because I can do that... right?

[sparrowduskstrider]

They Never Change

They never change. So why did this one? Each dream has the same semblance. Sometimes there is different dialogue and lately, I'm wondering if it his him invading my dreams on purpose to send me a message. It was the same room. The room that I often saw but never knew the way to. The walls red and the golden arches immaculate. The gems inlaid were that of a Magister's abode. There could be no other who would have something so pretentious unless you were a noble and I knew he wasn't. I stood in the center of the room, eyes roaming over the familiar couches and pillows. Eyes falling on the gem that fed the bastard his fair share of fel energy and made sure that we as his servants never went without. He took care of us he would say. We didn't starve from lack of mana. But it was a different scene. She wasn't there this time. Actually it was Lelani. Not surprising as she often was the one who stood there beside the bastard. Her hands bound as she looked at me with those same eyes of understanding but this time... there was fight in them. Fel there was fight in them and it made it worse because it had to be something that kept her from fighting back... something. And I got angry. I hate when it makes me angry because then it is so much harder to do. "You see Eviaa? See what happens when you go against me?" And he would wave his hand, gesturing to something behind me and I was given the reign to turn and my eyes widen. Each of them... each of those I cared about were there. Tied, bound and struggling. Big brother, both of my new sisters, the kids, Owl, Rhonae... all of them. And then there was Nightengale and he seemed to have the most resilience. There was so much hatred in his eye that it made me shrink. "See how much they've come to hurt? Because of you. And because of this... they'll come to loathe you." And his hate made my heart sink. And as I looked to each of them, it wasn't fight I was seeing it was hatred and I wanted to shrink and get away. And I would turn to look at him and Lelani had that same hatred in her eyes and I shook. "No... they won't hate me. They are my family..." But the smile proved otherwise. It was just another nightmare. It had to be. He would push Lelani forward and she would obediently lift her chin, exposing her neck. Just as she had and I could feel my hand coming to the dagger at my hip. But I would stop. There was a soothing sound. And it made everything pause and it caused Thala'ronin to pause. His expression becoming confused. I would keep my hand at my dagger, almost afraid to remove my hand from it but I knew that voice. "Togy?" I would turn and he was unfastening his binds and he was singing that song. And I felt a little at ease as each of them would unbind their hands and the anger seemed to fade. I wanted to cry before I turned to see Lelani doing the same, that smirk on her lips. My eyes would turn to the Blood Mage to see himself looking confused and then... afraid? Anger took over his features as he would let his hand spark and quickly I would come forward. I'd put myself in the way for all of them. For every one of them and as I closed my eyes to brace for impact, it never came. All I could hear was his singing and when I opened my eyes... it was all gone and I was able to rest. I was able to be at ease with one of the most soothing sounds I had ever known. His voice.

[sparrowduskstrider]

Unfinished Puzzle

Where do I start? It is hard to start when my life is something that is complicated that even I seem to lose track of it. I'm a Farstrider, I'm an Aunt. I'm a woman's Girlfriend. I am a Friend. But among those things I am many other things. I am a Murderer. I am Psychotic. I am Criminal. I am a Slave. I am this puzzle that not everything fits into the right place but it is all part of the same puzzle. My past is clouded, it is thick and full of misery. My future... isn't looking as bright anymore. Not as it once was. Lelani was in prison. She's out now. She is the love of my life. A girl I want to see happy forever and what makes her happy came home today. Ashalon. Oh Ashalon. She'll leave me, I know it but... I'm okay with it because he made her happy. Happier than I can ever make her. He can protect her like I cannot. I never was good at it. And there is Thala'ronin... oh he's around. I know the bastard is because I keep having spells and I'm not remembering. They were alright for the few days I stayed locked up in Nightengale's apartment. While he watched over me to keep me safe... I'll treasure those moments because they'll be all I have of him. A man I love but... can't. He was always a bad listener but it is hard to hate someone or get angry at someone that you know loves you unconditionally. I wish I could have given him what he needed just as I wish he could have given me what I had needed at that time. But what matters is we stay friends. We'll stay friends... right? I'm tired. I'm broken. I want to curl up with two people I love and pretend that all is well but I will wake up alone or to see he hadn't slept. Greet him with a good morning and continue with what I must for the day. I can't... keep him long. He'll want to go to her. He'll want to see her. He doesn't want to see me. I'm being selfish for being here but I won't have to anymore. He won't... have to take care of me anymore.