speedmarcmax

[speedmarcmax]

Growing up, I was never a fan of online play in video games. Why? Five reasons in particular: 1. I had no friends to play with 2. The types of games I typically found myself drawn to didn't support it 3. I was always a console generation behind 4. I lacked a reliable method with which to access such features And perhaps the most glaring of them all... 5. The age old pastime of noob bullying

The most remarkable instance of this phenomenon that I can recall is playing the PC demo of Halo: Combat Evolved. It featured a single multiplayer map, which actually allowed players to host and participate in online matches. Sounds like a jolly fun time, doesn't it? Well, it was never that way for me. Admittedly, I've never been a first person shooter aficionado. I was a casual dabbler of the genre at best. This, of course, meant that I would face relentless griefing, bullying and just all around destruction from experienced players. Nonstop. Too often, I would be killed in a match, only to be taken out again within seconds of respawning.

I had a similar experience with the illustrious Street Fighter Online. As a novice, fighting against players who would spend who-knows-how many hours in these games, grinding and practicing to perfect their techniques, I’d get my butt handed to me mercilessly and constantly. Thus, I said, "Screw it." What was the point of subjecting myself to such frustration, humiliation and alienation? It wasn't fair and it wasn't fun.

Fast forward many years to the subject of this essay: Among Us. A smash-hit indie title which has succeeded in eliciting similar dormant feelings. Feelings of game-related anxiety, frustration and stress that I hadn't experienced in a long, long time. I honestly kind of hate this game. It isn't fun. Now, one could of course argue that - similar to the past examples - I simply suck at it. Yet, I fail to see how one can develop genuine "skill" in such a game, when the majority of outcomes are literally based on dumb luck.

I'm writing this fresh off the heels of a match in this game, which perfectly illustrates the problems I have with its mechanics and overall player base: - I'm assigned the role of crewmate - While searching for tasks, I stumble across a corpse - Beside the corpse is another player - The player reports the body and immediately blames it on me - Everyone takes their side and begins voting me out - I ask whether the accuser truly intends to pin this on me without any evidence - They confirm - I'm now a ghost - Deductive reasoning, basic logic, process of elimination and good old fashioned common sense be darned

By no exaggeration, it has been too long for me to even recall the last time I felt such anger and frustration over a video game. And this is a regular occurrence, at least in my experience. This game simply puts me in a bad mood every single time I play it, without fail. I'm not sure if it's this way due to the majority of players being immature or what, but I genuinely cannot fathom what type of person would find such an experience enjoyable.

And this is the game that’s blowing up the Internet? This is what everyone and their mother are losing their minds over? Seriously?

On paper, the concept and mechanics of the game are fine. It's interesting enough and fairly simple to comprehend as far as learning curves go. The predominant demographic, however, is a toxic conglomerate of contemptible, lying douchebags. This is a game for douchebags, that's it. It's a game that rewards douchebag behavior. Well, as someone just so happens to not be a douchebag, that explains why this game isn't fun for me.

In conclusion, the game isn't fun and makes me wanna chuck my computer out of a 50-story window, followed narrowly by own body. Eff this game.

[speedmarcmax]

I have swtiched sides

When you think about it, heterosexuality is essentially synonymous with homophobia. Let's face it. It's the new millennium. Not being gay is just as oppressive as bashing queer people outright. From the time that we're children, we're taught that it takes a man and a woman to create a child. This toxic misinformation must be banished from our education system.

For instance, a trans woman can impregnate a cis-self-intentifying female who would be able to give birth just fine. I would like to repeat that again: MEN with PENISES are NOT the ONLY ones who can CREATE A CHILD. If a trans WOMAN impregnates a FEMALE with HER penis, it works just the same.

This is why heterosexuals NEED to be phased out. They're a relic of a forgotten time. Not to mention they're boring. A penis attached to a cis-self-identifying male should only come in contact with a vagina as a result of some drunken dare. Nobody wants to see you kiss either. I'm serious, Keith and Diane. Stop doing it. Every time I look out my window to stalk your asses, I see you two swapping spit in the driveway every morning before leaving for work. It sickens me.

[speedmarcmax]

Heterophobia must be STOPED

Hello, Internet friends. Today, I am going to be tackling an issue of hatred and desemenation in our country called HETEROPHOBIA. As I am typing this, I just noticed that “heterophobia” triggers a red squiggly underline in the Tumblr text box, but there isn’t one for “homophobia” WHICH MEANS THEY ARE TRYING TO SILENCE THE TRUTH!!!!!

Ok. Here it goes. It was Monday and I’m sitting on my ass in my sleeping infant stepcousin’s bedroom watching Winx Club episodes on Dailymotion at 360p intentionally (a favorite hobby of mine) and ALL THE SUDDENN...........I come across a comment thread. Someone was remarking how good the episode was (it wasnt good it was finomenal btw) and some one replied “damn straight”

???? 

Uh, hold on b*tch. What are you trying to tell people? Let me explain for you Americans: “Damn straight” is a common response for an afromation e.g. something you agree with. RIGHT. But I have never heard anyone say “damn gay” know WHY?? Cause they would get CASTRATED !!!!

In other words, the Illuminati is trying to tell us that it’s okay to damn, despise, buttrape and lynch heterosexual people, but not homosexual “people.” This is Bull Schitt at its finest, ladies and morons.

So I have set up 17 sepearate Petitions on Change.org the first one is here, go sign it http://change.org/p/ban-heterophobia-2017 and also make sure to use the hashtag #FuckHeterphobesUSA so we can make this world a BUTTER PLACE!

I salute my brothers and slut companions who will stand with me to battle this egregious plague! That’s all I have to say for now. BACK TO WINX CLUB OKBYEEEEE!! x