spilledinkgenerator

[spilledinkgenerator]

please don’t stop loving me when I’m inconvenient

[spilledinkgenerator]

Nothing feels relieving anymore

My bones feel like they’re splintering

How is this ever going to be anything other than a nuissance to everyone

[spilledinkgenerator]

ORGANS SHREDDED IN A CHRYSALIS

NO WINGS EVOLVE

I STILL EMERGE IN WEAKNESS

[spilledinkgenerator]

I’ve lost a lot

But we’re all gonna die anyway

Loss comes for us all

And in that i guess

What the hell

I like being alive

[spilledinkgenerator]

It’s too late

And it’s only just beginning

[spilledinkgenerator]

When did living become so unlivable

[spilledinkgenerator]

It is terminal

They don’t tell you that

Terminal - “predicted to lead to death”

And there is death

There is end

Your hobbies will die

Your relationship with friends

All the potential relationships you could have had

All the people that could have loved you if you weren’t so terminal

You interests, your passions, your sources of joy and your ability to experience them

It is all dying, it will all become dead

Chronic illness makes it so that you’re the only thing left alive to watch all your terminal deaths come to fruition

Constantly at your own funeral

Constantly grieving but when a person is lost someone will, with a hand on your shoulder, say

“They would have wanted you to move on with your life, they would have wanted you to be happy”

But you can’t because it is your own death, it’s your own life taken from you

And you are forced to witness it

Not quite a person

Not quite dead

Do you feel like a corpse

Do you beg for absolutes

It is terminal

They just don’t tell you

[spilledinkgenerator]

I wanna wake up

I wanna wake up

I wanna wake up

I wanna wake up

I wanna wake up

[spilledinkgenerator]

I wanna plan your murder in my sleep

[spilledinkgenerator]

I wanna plan your murder in my sleep

[spilledinkgenerator]

Kill me you fucking coward

[spilledinkgenerator]

Don’t be so afriad of loving that you miss your chance to do it

[spilledinkgenerator]

That person shaped hole in your chest sure has made you cold

[spilledinkgenerator]

nostalgic for needles in my arm

And the sense that something was begging

That nothing was over yet

[spilledinkgenerator]

I don’t want to be remembered i want to be known

[spilledinkgenerator]

I’m really sorry

You’re going to have to stay alive

You have to

For the good things

You have to

You have to be alive to see them

[spilledinkgenerator]

is there a life for me here