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in the old gta games (the top-down ones, 1 and 2), if you pressed the horn button while outside of a vehicle you would burp/fart on demand

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archeologists discover a lost verse of the odyssey where homer documents instructions for a perfect baked potato, despite the fact that potatoes wouldn't arrive on the continent for another 2200 years

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Having some tea earl grey hot..... just like that bald bitch John Luke the Card

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A noble was sent by his king to find an appropriate gift for his daughter's birthday. The noble arrives in the town market, and he spends all day pouring over the fine wares the city has to offer. Fine silks from far away lands, precious gems from deep below the earth, and many more luxuries appropriate for a princess. By the end of the day, he was exhausted for choice. He cannot decide, and he doesn't want to make a wrong choice and upset the king.

He trudges into a parfumerie and the shopkeeper greets the him. "Shopkeep," he says "I need a perfume that would be fit for a princess. Please show me what you have," The shop keep nods, and speaks up, "Of course, m'lord, but-"

The Noble interrupts and says, "I'm exhausted, sir. Please do as I asked." and he slumps into a chair, waiting for the perfume to be mixed.

So the perfumer opens up a case, and in a whirlwind of clinking vials, grinding pestles, and tinkling jars, he quickly whips up a beautiful rose-colored concoction. He spritzes it in the air for the Noble to smell.

"Good heavens," the Noble says, "That's the most beautiful scent I've ever smelled! You must come with me to the king and show him this perfume. I think this is perfect!"

"But I-" the Perfumer says, interrupted again by the Noble, who demands he grab his kit and come to the castle with him post-haste. Before long, the Noble and the Perfumer have an audience before the king. The Noble proclaims that the Perfumer can make the most beautiful scent he's ever smelled. One that would be perfect for the King's daughter. The King is skeptical, and challenges the Perfumer to make something even better. After all, if this perfumer is worth his salt, he could make a scent that would impress a King.

So once again, the perfumer opens up his case, and in a whirlwind of clinking vials, grinding pestles, and tinkling jars, he quickly whips up a beautiful lavender-colored concoction. He spritzes it in the air for the King to smell.

The King's nostrils light up. He's ecstatic. "This is perfect! You're right, this man is a genius! Perfumer, I demand you whip up the best scent yet for my daughter."

"But I-" the Perfumer says, and he's interrupted by the King, who drags the Noble and the Perfumer, perfume case in hand, into a banquet hall where a party is being thrown for the Princess's birthday.

The King brings the Noble and the Perfumer to the Princess, and proclaims he's brought her the best gift yet. The Princess stares at the Perfumer impatiently, and asks, "Well? Let's see it."

The perfumer sighs, and once again, he opens up his case, and in a whirlwind of clinking vials, grinding pestles, and tinkling jars, he quickly whips up a beautiful rose-colored concoction. He spritzes it in the air for the Princess to smell.

"Wait a minute!" interjects the Noble. "This is the first perfume you showed me. The King asked for one even better than the first two!"

The perfumer sighs, and responds "Well, you should have let me explain that these are the only ones I make, but that's just my two scents."

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mama mia you know this is authentica 🤌🤌🤌

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not like, i was watching an episode where she died. it was just that she died sometime before the reboot. it wasnt really explained

i had a dream last night i was watching the new king of the hill season and peggy was dead

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"you're alive!?" you exclaim, "but they shot you, how???"

i sit up and smirk. i open my jacket and pull from the breast pocket a small, thick book with the bullet embedded and i hand it to you.

you examine the embedded bullet in amazement, then open the book to find that it's mostly blank pages except for one that says "the proliferation of plastic as an everyday material was based on a false claim that it could be easily recycled, touted by the petrochemical companies manufacturing it. unlike plastic, aluminum and paper are both easily recyclable. same with glass, but it's also able to be sanitized and re-used."

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i had a dream last night i was watching the new king of the hill season and peggy was dead

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https://twitter.com/dril/status/178191539959377920

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Your left buttcheek has gained sentience. [Done]

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Have a gifset of a cougar wreaking havoc on my housebuilding

(shameless plug in case anyone wants to see the full video)

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go on...