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Is everything I thought real?

Is our friendship really what I think it is?

This isn’t new so why does it still shock me like if electricity going through me. Sorry I betrayed you like a man. I just don’t want to be apart of this so called family anymore, I want to be one with the wind, do you think they will accept me? Would I be worthy to go now? Not like I would be able to

Im just a scared dog at the end of the day, afraid to lose his pack with nowhere to go, nowhere to hide

It’s not like I was able to tell you my dark and pitiful emotions, I wanted this I deserve this I wanted to be alone. My core is rotting just like the old apple, we have in the fridge. Counting the days until it starts stinking again. We can always replace it right?

Not only my insides are stained from the blue paint but so is this right? No right way to fix this it was too late

The sadness always found a way to creep out of my skin, one way or another. No wonder why it’s forcing its way out, so painfully slow but steadily moving. the adrenaline sweeping me in but the coward in me going through my veins and mind. Want me to break for you? Don’t worry about me, it only makes me feel human. After your gone, how do I tell them your gone? I would still love you not only because we have the same blood in our veins but no one would ever be able to take your special place in my life

But did you ever cared how I was in the middle of it? Feeling tossed back and forth like a rag doll

Right I didn’t mattered, it wasn’t my business, it really shouldn’t be

it was climatic but so calm after the storm it ended up like a cliche storyline right?

-s.

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I’ve been a subject of people desires

Not because of what I have on the inside but on the outside

It made me realized of how no one has truly liked me for me

It made me realize how abnormal I am

All of these abnormalities makes me but who am I

And who am I without them

The curtain has been opened and I can’t seem to close them up again

I’m trying but the rod keeps getting stuck

I’m forced to face these hidden feelings and realization

But I want someone to there for me and cradle me

I know am not a baby but I want you to sing me that one medley without having you pushing me away or having that scorched expression in your face

I want you to tell me I’m normal

I want you to tell me there’s more to me than I know and that I’ll be able to find them soon

But when is soon

I know I can take my time but time feels like it’s running out for good

So quick but so slow

Quick like a fire but so slow like a leaf falling to the ground

Life can be just like harmony but so cruel at same time

So hurtful but so beautiful like the cloudy sky

I have to let everything out so I can heal from this

I want to truthfully say I’m okay and that I’m doing great things for myself

I believe I can even if you don’t believe me

Even if you won’t like the person I have become

-s.

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Maybe it’s always been like this

I was probably trying to excuse everything everyone did

I am still that little girl that was called over achiever but afraid of everything

Afraid of my own potential.

even when I met it, it came crumbling down like if they were old towers trying there best not to fall

Always picking up what’s left

I always been and always had

That’s my job

But this time I’ve really done it.

-s.

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where did everything go? 

why can’t i explain it? 

the words in my throat won’t come out.

i always had the need to grow up quickly but now that i am an adult, i tend to ponder on the past

wanting things to be different, i had aspirations in life but to be quite frank i have none as when i used to. 

wanting to change the anguish state that feeds the roaming monsters in my brain but i keep repeating my venomous cycles.

as if i’m lost in a hazy forest with no right directions in mind. 

feeling lonely but can’t handle human interactions, running away from them like they are torments sent to me from god. 

trying to find a way to enlighten my essence of living.

getting tired of being tossed away like an old rancid teddy bear, waiting for someone to pick me up again. 

why can’t i find the thing i was made to do? 

why does it feel like looking for a pin in an enormous sea?

being afraid of getting trapped by the furious waves of the deep green sea 

you always had your ways to pursued me into your loving and hateful arms 

i’m honestly not sure if i want to see you again but i don’t think it would make a change. I do know that deep down in your shallow eyes, that you don’t remember a simple thing about me. 

- from a pondering s.  

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Why do you have the power to make my skin feel like thorns.

It makes me sick seeing the reflection that I have to learn to love at some point

Making me feel icky like I have some sort of slime coming from body

No where to go and no where to hide

Feeling so bare to emotions that consume me and my miserable mind

I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore.

It makes me want to drown in the vast ocean of loneliness.

hating the feeling of not having control of my thoughts,

Makes me want to scream my guts out till I get rid of the poisonous weeds that are filling up my head for good

-s.

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Happy New Years losers :^)

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Damn I really hate myself

Am I really such a loser why does my head feel weird

Why do I feel like this it’s very mediocre of me am I right

Why do we feel the emotion to fit in

I’m just a really sad person who has no one at all

Im sad I feel sad

I want to sleep and cry

Im tired

- an drunken s.

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Falling into the pits of despair

Unable to move my two feet in this dark shallow world of mine, making any sudden movements would make the beast of my desperate cries come to life. Which would make me not be able to make it out alive.

My sadness that is slowly consuming me and devouring my hopes and desires to live. 

The poisonous weeds are spreading around my aching body of guilt 

Wanting to run from reality itself

Unable to get fazed by the true colors of a foul clown while hurting inside

Hurting so much that it makes me want throw everything just so I can lie there like the true parasite i am.

-s.



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The insanity that goes into realizing Being stuck in the same loop of having hopes and losing them again leading my thoughts into the blackness void further ahead.

I sometimes wonder if I even have them or have the same will power that people have to make their desires happen

Always wondering if my steps are right or wrong but I can’t shake the feeling of doubt and the anxieties that come with these decisions

How do people know they are so sure about something?

Dealing with commitments that aren’t feasible to even begin thinking but ending up dwelled on the past and thoughts that can end up making me go berserk

- s.

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P.s I’m very sad to see them go :( but it was a crazy ride that I would love to see again haha hopefully (for season 2!)

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The thought of you pains me

It’s unbearable to the point that it makes me fill up with agony. 

I haven’t dwelled on the memory in a long time

But I recalled it as if it were just yesterday

you made me out as a naive fool

But why reminisce on this dull memory now?

I don’t want the memory of you lingering in my head but it can’t be helped

It’s been 5 years Since I last saw you

But do I even want you to come back?

Or

Do I want to not be associated with you anymore?

This is too complicated that it makes me want to forget everything even up to when it all began.

-s.

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Deluded by my false hope

Realizing wrong doings can’t be undone

A wall is building between us

And it’s being unknown

Should’ve I said something sooner?

Or was it too late?

Why am I having this strange feeling of you not coming back?

Did I expect it? Or was I surprised?

-s.

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Wanting to leave this ghost town

For a long time.

Wanting to runaway but why am I trapped here?

Wanting to move but the ghost are holding me down.

- s.

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