steph-hawkes-blog-blog

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“Well, fuck them... And kinda fuck me for that, I guess. What’d you say his name was again?”

“Its not a problem, Steph. And I’m use to it. Trust me on that one, people assume that shit all the time.”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

TEXT ✉ TABITHA & STEPH

Tabitha: In all honesty, what would life be like without Chinese food? Just really ponder that question.

Sam: Boring. Tragic. Depressing. I have a thesaurus with me. But I also really kinda wanna order Chinese now.

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“I-- Jesus. Those poor girls. Don’t have a meltdown on us. Another Nagasaki is really the last thing that we need here.”

“Stop! Those flowers go in the back as indicated by the floral chart you guys had plenty of time to memorize. You know what? I can’t do this. I can’t do this.”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“I’d love to help... Unfortunately, I’m probably not the best person to call in all my 5′2″ glory. Are there any other options? The best help I can provide is calling a professional.”

“I know this is on short notice, but one of the shelves came completely apart in my closet and Koda’s not home, so I figured I’d call… Maybe you could help?”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“Not really, because, as you know, I drive well. Unless I’m drunk. Which is why I’m glad I walked here. I’m not sure where you’re going though. I keep fucking offering to take you in, but apparently that isn’t socially acceptable for couples who haven’t been together for less than a year. We’ll see about the book, though. I wish it the best... You’re flying to, like, Indonesia, right? Cuz I don’t know about you, but this pretty girl is gonna miss you.”

“Are you trying to make a bet with me? Drive me back to your place, if you even have a license, as bad as you can and we will see what happens. And excuse you, I’m moving out in a month’s time. I’m getting published, remember. Doesn’t guarantee success but hey promotion starts in two months time… That sounds beautiful. Sort of like you, right now. Why are you so pretty?”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“Or... we could try that. But constantly going back to get more seems like too much of a workout for me. I guess it’ll work, though.”

“I say we just keep getting fortune cookies until all the good fortunes actually outnumber the bad ones, how’s that? She sounds totally insane and annoying. Hopefully I’ll never run into her.”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

lucagrisham:

“I don’t vomit while drunk, except three times before because my designated driver was a pretty shit driver. Other than that, everything is dandy. I mean that’s fine with me. She won’t notice since she only has two of her sense left. I just have to remember to feed it. —You can never get on my level. You’re like one foot and three inches on a good day. A box, hm? Boxes are used for storage. My head has a lot storage, meaning I am smart… God what in the hell am I talking about?”

“I don’t believe you, Mr. Grisham. I really don’t. I think it takes a lot less than bad driving to make you chuck. But whatever you say, I guess... But good. Cat at grandma’s. Which is also your house. Which is still pretty sad... And, like I said, you’re drunk. Which is why I’m cutting you off until later. Might have whiskey or wine back at my apartment. If you’re a good boy, that is.”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“Yep. A thousand. I don’t mess around with luck. I’ve run into too many bad fortune cookies, so... I’m hoping the good ones will outnumber the bad ones. She was, though. Totally insane. And really annoying.”

“A thousand, huh? Well alright, we’ll make it two thousand just to even it out. Then we can keep eating them until we find really good fortunes. Are you serious? Wow, she sounds crazy…”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

If that was true, I wouldn’t feel the judgement radiating from people when I tell them I’m 20 and do absolutely nothing with my life. I don’t think saying I’m an apprentice at a tattoo shop means anything to them. Maybe you’re like me, then, if you don’t have any idea.

No one does. I didn’t. You think I could have ever predicted I’d have got in my car and drove off to some random small town away from LA and end up as a tattoo artist in said town? I didn’t even tell anyone I was leaving.

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“Well... Then you have fun with your cozy library. I’m checking out The Time Traveler’s Wife and finding a bed.”

“I’ve always liked smaller libraries. They’re homier, cozier. Besides, we still have an excellent selection here.”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“Well, thanks for understanding. I thought I wasn’t the time to assume and all that bullshit... But I guess not. Maybe I just need more to drink.”

“Its okay, Steph. You aren’t the first one that thought that I married him cause of the money. Well thank you and I could tell that you meant it so no worries.” 

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“Just make sure that doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass... And that’s a big... fear of mine. I’m happy being oblivious and irresponsible.”

“She’s graduating, so it’s a moot point now. Well, no one is irresponsible forever. We all have to mature sometime.”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“I love you enough to say, as a fellow pseudo-alcoholic, if you vomit tonight, I’m never sleeping with you again. But sure, we can keep the cat as long as we keep it at Grandma Grisham’s house for a while, because Stephanie’s apartment isn’t cat-proof yet-- My lady area? I seriously wish I was on your level right now. And I have a lovely head shape, thank you. Yours is shaped like a box.”

“You would’t cut me off. You love me too much. Please, can we keep it? Or you at least keep it sometimes. It’s like a huge step people in relationships take when they get a pet. It’s like the next thing to a child. Except it doesn’t like come out of your—you know, lady area. Thank god for potatoes. They’re amazing. You have a head shaped like a tomato, by the way.”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“More reason to cut you off tonight, but you’re fun when you’re drunk, so I don’t mind. I hope your grandma’s not allergic or anything, because I don’t have room for an Annie, no matter how cute she is... I love you, too. Enough to remind you that vodka’s made from potatoes.”

“I only had a few drinks. Just a glass—the bottle’s a glass right? I think I’ll name it Annie. It’s gray, I think. You sure? It looks really… soft. Oh thank you, I’m very cute I’ve heard…. That’s shit. But food, I love potatoes. But not as much as I love you. And vodka.”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“I can’t tell if that’s good or bad, really... But I guess I’ll leave to make room for more useful patrons.”

“Yes. It’s rather small, if you haven’t noticed.” 

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“Maybe I could. Sorry to be such a nuisance. Enjoy your water.”

“Maybe you could try looking around you once in a while and not stand here blocking the way. Thanks for the effort.”

[steph-hawkes-blog-blog]

“I... was just looking out. I’d tell her to not try that shit again or I’d fail her, but... I’m also not a teacher. Nor do I want to be. I’m too irresponsible.”

“I meant how should I feel about it. I didn’t have any intention of actually saying anything to the student. Thanks for the vote of confidence, though, stranger.”