strifebloom

[strifebloom]

Loveless

Part 1.

Summary: In Midgar, everyone has a soulmate. Except of course, the woman who could never find hers - and the man who never bothered to look. Who knew that forcing the two onto a mission would be like a moth to a flame.

Tags: Cloud Strife x Reader, Soulmate! AU, Avalanche Member! Reader, hurt/comfort, slowburn, heavy angst, pining, unspoken feelings, temporarily unrequited love

Note: I recently picked writing this back up after a 2 year hiatus so I thought I'd finally post it on tumblr too!

Ao3 link

The rain was heavy that night. 

People poured out of the doors of Shinra corp, rushing to the station to catch the last few trains for the evening. Thunder sounded in the evening sky, deep murmurs brushed past you as people complained of Mako reactor failures within the country. You slowed your pace, hanging slightly behind the crowd that were leaving the Shinra building, hugging yourself slightly in the rain. It had been the worst downpour of the year, and of course the one day you would forget to bring a damn umbrella or any decent type of coat. Working for Shinra within the day was hardly a dream, in fact - it was merely an excuse. After all, what good would the mole of Avalanche be if they couldn’t get themselves a high-up job within Shinra. 

As you walked behind the other employees, your eyes scanned the crowd with intent. He was supposed to meet you today.

A slight fog hung in the air, lowering the visibility that was already hardly there in the first place. Footsteps rushed past you, splashing in the puddles on the concrete as they made their way to the trains. In and out. You followed behind the crowd, making your way to the station amongst those who were on their way home for the evening - to see their loved ones and family. 

As you boarded, your eyes slipped down to the wrist of the woman next to you; the small tattoo-like initials indented in small print as plain as day. They say that once your paths cross, and the connection forms between two soulmates - the initials of the lovers fade onto the wrists of both lovers. The train swayed slightly, you glanced down to your own wrist - a discontented sigh left your lips at the bareness.

Sure, there had been no complaints at the course of your life, so far. With such an important job as playing the part of Avalanches mole from the inside of Shinra itself. You lived a comfortable life, not a soul from Shinra suspected you and your facade upon the plate. However, that’s all it was. You were no business woman from a lavish background living on the plate of sector 4, you lived in the slums, commuted daily to work and then to the cells to give out any information that could’ve been of importance. A small sigh left your lips as you glanced out the window of the train, watching as different sectors passed you by the minute. All these people you’d met throughout the years, and still no spark. 

Still no soulmate.

Snapping back to your senses you realised the man you had been waiting for hadn’t appeared at the station. A slight wave of anxiety brushed over you as you stood in the middle of the crowded last train. Perhaps he’d forgotten, perhaps you’d missed him and left him stranded waiting on the platform. You chewed on the inside of your lip, what the hell would you tell the splinter cell say if you’d lost their merc? In the carriage, your colleagues pointed glances of curiosity at your sudden irritation as you shuffled impatiently - bothered by your thoughts. Flashing an apologetic smile for pushing past someone, you moved to the next carriage - Cloud Strife would stand out if he was on the train, there would be no way you’d miss the SOLDIER uniform and spiky blonde hair. 

The next carriage was just the same, lined with grey suits, sodden from the rain. People with crossed arms and drained faces either babbling about their day or trying their best not to fall asleep. You walked down the middle of the carriage, grimacing slightly at the feeling of your blazer clinging to your shoulders. The train was warm, only reinforcing how damp you were after the rain. Small puddles were only the metal floor from the people gathered - a small line of them moving to the next carriage. With no sign of the blonde ex-SOLDIER, you decided to follow them, hoping you’d encounter Cloud sooner rather than later instead of having to write an apology letter to Tifa. 

An echo of metal bashing against itself could be heard as the train manoeuvred the railway. The next carriage was emptier, mainly pedestrians and hardly any from Shrina corp. Your shoulders slumped in relief, glad to be away from the crowd of equally damp employees.

“You look like hell.” A blunt, unapologetic and hardly audible voice sounded from behind you.

Almost immediately, you glanced to your right. Cloud stood against the corner of the train. Arms crossed in front of him, head leant back. Apart of you wanted to be mad at him - he’d obviously followed you on board but never made any mood to greet you. But you were far too tired for that, this evening at least. 

“And you’re trying to say that you don’t?” You replied in a voice of similar tone, moving to stand next to him - assuming almost the same position. 

That was the thing you found you liked about Cloud. The two of you were very similar in your approach to all things avalanche: no nonsense get it done. Unlike Tifa, who could be known to be a darling, Cloud was scarcely liked and known for having a temper. But it wasn’t entirely off putting. A part of you highly admired his approach to most situations and yet you never had enough time to speak with him. The only times you see each other were days like this - for a transaction.

The ex-SOLDIER looked down at you. His mako-infused his subtly assessed the position you’d taken before a small grunt left his lips. Something that appeared much more endearing to those who knew him. 

“Never said anything.” He replied after a moment, shifting his gaze to the door across from him. 

“You know, I meant at the train station - not on the train, right?”

You raised your brow, a slight hint of frustration in your tone. Cloud simply blinked, like he was trying to process your annoyance. 

“We were both going this way, there was no point in standing in the rain all day.”
 He replied, that matter-of-fact tone making your blood boil. Although you couldn’t exactly reprimand him for being wrong. 

You brushed your hair out of your face as the train slowed, arriving at Sector 7. Most of the news you had been overhearing at work as of recent was of no use to Avalanche HQ - they were far too hesitant to make any rushed moves. However, the splinter cell were always prepared to accept you, and whatever news you’d bring. Your feet echoed against the metal of the steps as you made your way towards Seventh Heaven, mentally preparing yourself incase Aerith was hanging around this evening. Her energy brought a glisten to your eye and a genuine smile to your face, however you admittedly could get burnout by her energy fairly quickly. You were much more of a ‘straight-forward tell it how it is’ kind of person.

A small sigh left your lips as the two of you walked. The woman from the train’s wrist was still on your mind, out of selfishness it had forced you into a terrible mood. As the two of you walked, the ground crunched underneath your feet. You looked over at Cloud, his face unchanging as he walked next to you. A part of you wondered if he had met his soulmate. No one was probably aware if he had, the ex-soldier was a very private person and those leather-bound gloves he wore never seemed to leave his hands.

The man felt your eyes upon him, he glanced over at you as you walked - raising his brow slightly. 
“You need something?”

Mulling over his rhetoric, you decided there would be no better time than to press him about his personal life whilst the two of you were alone. At the bar, Cloud spent most of his time with Tifa, and whilst she was lovely, you didn’t feel right pushing Cloud for questions in front of the person who knew him best. Perhaps she’d find you silly for even thinking to ask such simple things. 

“Do you believe in soulmates, Strife?”

Cloud scoffed slightly, a smile threatening to pull at his lips. 

He looked up, eyes studying the underside of the plate as the two of you walked. His side profile was illuminated by the dim streetlamp of the Sector 7 slums, highlighting the sharpness of his facial proportions. In this light, you supposed he looked quite pretty. After a moments pause, he furrowed his brow, like he a foul memory had resurfaced - something he wanted to forget.

The man shrugged “Not like you can’t believe in them.”

He fell silent for a moment, still lost in his thoughts .

“Not in Midgar.”

You frowned slightly at his words, trying to understand what he meant. People say that when you lose your soulmate, you lose apart of yourself. Cloud had always seemed so…distant - you’d always wondered if there was something more than just the horrors he endured in SOLDIER behind his demeanour. 

He kicked a stone, swinging his arms slightly as the two of you made your way through the back alleys - taking the shortcut towards Seventh Heaven.

A million thoughts rushed through your head, a million questions you felt the need to ask. You looked over at Cloud again, a heat rushing to your face due to the anxiety of needing answers.

“Have you met yours? Your Soulmate, I mean.” 

You asked hesitantly, voice growing quiet before you finished your sentence - your stomach dropping slightly with the feeling of overstepping. 

Cloud clenched his jaw, his body stiffening slightly as he walked next to you. You slowed your pace, moving away to give him room. 

“Don’t be stupid.” 

Was all he said, as you both walked into the night. 

The door to the bar creaked slightly as you pushed it open, revealing the small knit group of the splinter cell in their usual places. Tifa behind the bar, chatting to Aerith and Jessie, Biggs and Wedge laughing at something indiscernible and Barrett talking with Marlene. 

You looked over at the man who had walked with you, a small scoff leaving your lips as you pushed him into the bar. The two of you had walked back mostly in silence after the minor soulmate conversation, it was comfortable - Cloud was someone who didn’t need to make conversation to let you know he enjoyed your company. 

You would be a fool to deny that Cloud Strife wasn’t someone of interest to you. The mako-infused blue eyes that could almost read your soul as he looked you over. He was fascinating, and the two of you had a smilier mindset. When you had first met, a part of you had hoped that he would be the soulmate you’d been searching for - with your similarities. 

But things are never as simple as that. 

His brows knitted together slightly as he felt your eyes on him, those blue eyes shifting to meet yours. Cloud nodded slightly at the others, a small grunt leaving his lips. A greeting that was far more endearing to those that knew him. 

Tifa’s eyes shifted from Aerith to the two newcomer’s within the bar, her eyes brightened at your presence briefly but then shifted to a state of worry as she hurried past the counter towards the two of you. Her hands immediately moved to your shoulders, a disapproving huff leaving her lips as she felt the wetness from the rain. Sure enough, a pool of droplets followed your trail. Quiet rain droplets fell from your coat as you stood in front of the bar owner, who was absolutely mortified at the state you were in.

“Oh my god, how bad is it out there?” The woman asked, her voice gentle and filled with genuine worry.

The man next to you tutted, crossing his arms over the front of his chest as he met Tifa’s gaze.

“Take a guess.” His reply was blunt yet again, but he was hardly one to complain. Cloud himself for the most part was in a far better situation than you - the weather hadn’t caused his hair to flop miraculously at least.

Tifa shook her head, ushering you towards the counter and she mumbled quiet thoughts of worry. 
“No this won’t do, what if you catch a cold?”

She scolded you gently for hanging around for so long, but her smile was still bright and loving. A part of you wanted to protest, if it wasn’t for Cloud’s expertise in hiding in plain sight, you wouldn’t of had to wait for so long outside the station, and furthermore maybe you would’ve avoided the worst of the downpour. Despite your protests, she urged you towards the spare room in the back of the bar to change. Jessie spared something clothes, joking about how much nicer they’d smell due to your perfume. You smiled and shook your head as you changed into the new, far warmer garments.

Regardless, you had witness reports to share, and information to give. Once you had changed, the members of the splinter cell had rearranged themselves around one of the larger tables in the bar. You took a seat between Cloud and Aerith - smiling warmly at the woman who nudged your shoulder in greeting. 

“Right.” Tifa hummed, flipping to a fresh page in her notebook “shall we get on with it?”

You spent a good few hours telling the sector 7 Avalanche members what you had learnt from your job within the day. It was nothing of high importance to HQ, however their plans to renovate the warehouses in sector 2 meaning they would be left unattended for a few days was something that definitely took the interest of Barret. The man nodded his head, tapping his fingers against the desk as he watched Tifa write down her notes whilst listening to you. As expected his focus snapped entirely to you once you’d mentioned the warehouse opportunity. 

“For how long?” Barret asked, leaning forward slightly with an eagerness.

As you were about to answer, Cloud cut in.

“They won’t leave it for more than three days” he stated bluntly, his eyes flicking from Barret to the annoyed expression on your face “If you wanna get in, gotta do it quick.” 

You sat back in your chair, watching the cogs in Barret’s head turn as he thought things over. The table grew silent, everyone knew not to interrupt Barret’s thoughts if you didn’t want an ear full. Even wedge had placed his snacks back on the table - an air of tension settling over everyone. 

“Will we go?” Cloud asked, tilting his head to the side slightly. His tone was a balance of confidence and boredom, like he wanted Barrett to hurry his decision, like he had somewhere else to be. 

From across the table, Tifa shot him a warning look as she shook her head slowly. Her eyes shifted to yours, a small smirk forming on her lips. You knew her cue and were more than happy to take the opportunity. Swinging your leg slightly, you rammed your boot into Cloud’s ankle; a warning to shut him up. The man’s brow furrowed, he instinctively hunched over slightly in pain before glaring at you in childish manner. Cloud swung back, aiming his own foot for your ankle. An eye for an eye - as he would casually say when you went to reprimand him. 

Once the meeting had ended, the two of you stood up almost immediately. Like two children who couldn’t stand to be near each other after a fight. 

“Sit..” A soft voice chimed, trying not to let out a giggle as they watched.

Aerith was laughing at the two of you and your childish display, Tifa still at her side. You’d been kicking each other throughout the rest of the meeting - both too stubborn to give into the other. As you looked down at Aerith, you noticed the slight shadowing on her wrist. Your eyes widened in surprise, the woman had never spoken about her soulmate before, you had never realised she had one.

Aerith wasn’t an entirely private person, you knew almost everything about each other. But as her arm rested on the table, revealing the darkened lettering, a small feeling bubbled inside and you wondered if you really knew her at all.

Her eyes followed yours, a knowing smile playing upon her lips.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” She hummed, her voice quiet and knowing. 

Cloud raised his eyebrow, leaning back in his seat slightly as you sat forward. The lettering hadn’t bled, like a tattoo, still fresh - still permanent. 

Z.F.

The others had departed and the bar was now quiet, a soft yellow glow filled the room from the lights that had been left on within the main room. Tifa sat with her hands in her lap, her eyes had also shifted to the initials marked on Aerith’s wrists - a gentle frown pulling at her brow like she too had been entirely in the dark until now. 

“I didn’t know you’d met your soulmate..?” You hummed, a small grin of curiosity spreading across her face.

It was a wonderful thing to see but also, entirely confusing. You’d never once met anyone Aerith had been remotely romantically interested in, or had at least appeared to be. In the past, you’d potentially considered Cloud as you’d observed the duo upon your various meetings, but had then concluded that her playful nature was far too sibling like to be the soulmate type. In this world, soulmates were head over heels, it wasn’t uncommon for them to be joined at the hip. Glancing over to the ex-SOLDIER, you noticed he too was now leaning forward. His brows were knit together, a look of both frustration and confusion painting his face as he stared at the initial on her wrist.

You gave him a slight glare, it was unlike Cloud to be so obvious when snooping - let alone so annoyed with something he hadn’t at least tried to comprehend. A part of you thought he was potentially jealous, but there wasn’t a soul he had seemed to have interest in. 

The woman glanced down at her wrist, her jaw clenching subtly as she looked down at the mark. Something in her eyes changed, that sparkle fizzled out slightly. Aerith’s entire demeanour shifted within those brief moments - catching the attention of Tifa who gently lifted her hand to her should. Her posture slouched slightly as she chewed on the inside of her lips. You couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but a rush of worry shot through you, like you’d overstepped. Like you’d never noticed the mark of her soulmate for a reason.

She laughed softly, albeit it was entirely half hearted. Aerith subtly turned her wrist over, hiding the mark of her soulmate as she looked up at the two of you.

“Had.” 

The woman mumbled, her voice carrying a wave of sadness and defeat. You hardly had anytime to pick up on what she had said before she was clearing her throat, shrugging off whatever burden was weighing on her soldiers. 

You sat back slightly, a wave of guilt washing over you. Next to you, Cloud uncrossed his arms, face softening slightly as he watched her. Aerith shook her head and laughed slightly.

“That’s not why I asked you guys to stay, Barrett wanted us to ask you both to carry out the next mission.”

You frowned slightly, sitting forward with your mouth open to say something. That wasn’t your role in Avalanche. You were just the messenger, you didn’t take part in the missions - not that you’d never been interested in doing so; but you’d never had the training. The bar was silent as a million thoughts rushed through your head - only interrupted by the sound of rain against the roof. 

“I’m sorry but that makes no sense, that’s not my role..?”

You didn’t want to sound selfish, but you knew your lack of experience would only irritate Cloud. The blonde ex-soldier wasn’t the kind of person to be patient, especially not on a mission. He nodded in agreement at your words, a small hum leaving his lips. Of course, you’d be no help to him, surely Tifa would be a much better fit?

Aerith nodded, her smile brightening once again as she leant forward.

“Exactly! No one will know who you are! That’s why you’re perfect.” She chimed, clapping her hands together softly.

The man frowned slightly, the sound of his leather gloves tapping gently against the wooden table. Cloud’s eyes shifted to yours once again, his expression blank and unreadable - but you could tell he was trying to work out what value you could bring.

Aerith watched for a moment silently. She had always been aware there was some sort of connection between the two of you on your side, however, in truth she was nervous about about the mission herself. The whole team had been. No one knew how you would react, let alone how convincing the idea would be. 

Next to her, Tifa cleared her throat as to cut in. It was like she could read your mind, she could tell that a fear was brewing - not just because of your lack of experience, but also your reputation. You were both well known and well respected in Shinra, a primary reason for your value to Avalanche and one slip up on a mission could ruin everything. 

“Cloud has some undercover work on the plate next week,” Tifa began, her voice lowering to an almost whisper “but he can’t go on his own - and the rest of us would look far too focused on the mission..”

His brow furrowed, a small scoff leaving his lips.

“You? Focused?”

The woman gasped and playfully leant forward to slap him on the shoulder. She shook her head, swinging her legs due to the height of the stool slightly. 

“No, the point is... We need two people to pretend to be soulmates and, to my knowledge, neither of you have one - right?”

Tifa’s voice was as kind as her smile, but there was a hint of teasing behind it.

Cloud’s eyes widened slightly, obviously taken aback at the proposal. You had no idea what he was thinking. He stiffened slightly, shooting you another glare like a child would do after a scolding, in response, you simply rolled your eyes - a heat rising to your cheeks in embarrassment. 

Clearing your threat, you avoided eye contact with almost everyone in the room in those next moments. 

“Well I mean, yeah.” 

It was embarrassing to admit, most people had met their soulmates by your age, if not at when they were younger. The women across from you shared a teasing giggle yet their eyes remained sweet. Tifa leant forward slightly, her aura reassuring as she rested both elbows on the wooden table of the bar.

“Can you play this part for me? I promise it won’t get in the way of anything else, plus! There’s obviously an incentive” Tifa added, knowing that the extra money would be like music to the ears of the blonde mercenary.

A million thoughts rushed through your head. Was this really a good idea? You’d never heard of people convincingly pulling off faking soulmates, and whilst you and Cloud had similar attitudes neither of you were the romantic types. 

Out of curiosity, you glanced to Cloud. He too seemed to be in thought. The man’s arms were crossed, his gaze focused on the large wooden doors of Seventh Heaven. There was a slight twitch to his brow as he felt your eyes upon him. Cloud glanced your way, a small hum leaving his lips. 

He shrugged, raising his eyebrow slightly.

“I’m up for it if you are.” His voice was unphased, if not seemingly interested - the money was definitely sweetening the deal.

For a moment you simply stared at him out of utter surprise. You weren’t really sure if it was the selfish part of you that knew there was money up for grabs, or maybe the curious side that wanted to see how successful this mission could be…but before you knew it you were slowly nodding.

And god, the two of you had no idea what you were getting into.

[strifebloom]

fic planning be like:

[strifebloom]

❝dead or alive❞

plot: with a bounty on your head, it was only a matter of time until someone came to collect… but at least cloud’s nice about it. pairing: cloud strife x gn!reader. cw: SOLDIER!cloud, hurt/comfort, angst, (a little) humor, depictions of violence, injuries, blood, and stitches. reader is averse to pain and puts up a big fuss about getting stitches but it’s not super graphic. words: 2.6k.

a/n: this is an alternate universe in which cloud did become SOLDIER amongst other things, so this won’t completely align with canon.

If he doesn’t kill you, Shinra will. That’s all you need to know to get you running.

Granted, you don’t get too far. You’re a pencil-pusher who’s underfed, exhausted, and paranoid to the nth degree. You’ve been slithering from sector to sector in hopes of finding some ditch to die in before the Shinra agents get a hold of you, and you should’ve known that your luck would run out sooner than later. Your invisibility ceased the day you walked out of HQ with those documents under your arm and no intention of coming back.

You only wished you’d had a little more time to get them off your hands.

Keep reading

[strifebloom]

hello!

May I request that you do a cloud strife x reader where the reader uses duel blades? These blades actually have short range and long range attacks and ( with enough force) can propel the reader forward? I would like them to meet in the scene where Jessie is seeing Biggs and wedge on bikes, but they see an extra bike and that’s the readers? The whole scene plays out and the reader is super badass, pulling enemy’s back with their duel blades and throwing them into a wall. Then after, they talk a bit and find out that they are a SOLDIER aswell..? IDK if this could be written so I’m sorry I’m advance if it can’t so feel free to tell me if you can’t!

| Cloud Strife & A Dual Blade User Reader |

[ Cloud Strife x GN! Reader ]

TW & CW + Tags: Violence (not super detailed). Mentions of firearms and blades. Reader is a SOLDIER as well. [No relationship mentioned. GN! Reader.]

Summary: A small fic of Cloud Strife meeting the reader who uses duel blades and eventually finds out that they are also a SOLDIER as well.

[(A/N): Hey there anon! My apologies for the late reply to your request. Not gonna lie, the reader gives off a bit of Ignis Scientia from Final Fantasy XV! I was in a mood to write a small fic for this one. I'm not sure if you wanted a fic request, if not let me know! As always, enjoy!]

"Looks like we got more company!" cries Jessie, Shinra infantrymen catching up close behind the others. The smell of rubber creating friction on the road was strong, and the roar of the motorcycle echos throughout the tunnel. "Quit moving around, or you'll fall off the bike," Cloud says while maintaining full attention on the lit road ahead of him.

"Hey Cloud! Take care of them, will ya?!" Biggs yells as Wedge holds onto Biggs for dear life. "We cannot let them ruin the mission!" Cloud hums in acknowledgement, making a cue for Jessie to take over driving the bike. She responds swiftly, and Cloud makes a leap onto onto one of the infantry's bikes and quickly taking him out.

"You!! Avalanche scum!" shouts an infantrymen, moving his bike closer towards Cloud so he can strike.

"Not so fast!"

A sharp object swiftly flys into the back of the man, earning a shout of pain from him and losing control of his bike.

Cloud makes a face of confusion for a moment, but before he could do anything he hears a motorbike pull up from behind, breaking him from his thoughts. "You guys abandoned me back at the meeting place! I was looking for y'all everywhere!"

Cloud turns to his left, and he sees you. As you're fighting one last infantrymen with your blades, your (H/C) hair lights up from the bright overhead lights in the tunnel, your mako green eyes are as sharp as a hawk, and he notices the daggers on your side as you slam the infantrymen hard into the wall.

The biggest thing he notices instantly however, is your outfit. A SOLDIER uniform, actually.

"Sorry (Y/N)! I thought you were right behind us the whole time," Jessie says with a sheepish laugh. "Glad you caught up with us! You would have missed out on our SOLDIER boy there! He's badass, don't you think?"

You turn your head slightly towards Cloud, making eye contact with his mako green eyes. Cracking a small smile, you reply, "Oh no, I saw. He's pretty good!"

Cloud quickly shifts his eyes back to the road. "C'mon. We're almost at the end of the tunnel."

"Right. Let's get a move on!" Jessie shouts out with pure energy.

...

Mission success! Now it was time to get the hell out of there and go home. Before you could drive off on your bike, Cloud stops you.

"Nice job back there."

You look at him in confusion, before replying with a smile. "Thanks, just what I do. I could say the same thing about you too." Cloud hums quietly, before asking, "...You're a SOLDIER, aren't you?"

Your smile drops just a tad bit and your eyes drift away from his. "That obvious, huh?"

"It's the uniform. And the trademark mako eyes."

"Right. Figured you should have known, since you are one too."

"Ex-SOLDIER. I'm just a mercenary now. I quit a long time ago."

You chuckle lightly, the cool night breeze of Midgar brushes away a strand of your hair. You look up towards a mako reactor, its bright light beaming up into the night sky. "It's getting late. We should go home," you say.

"Right," Cloud adds moving away from your bike and hopping on to his own and starting the engine.

"Wait," hearing your voice and looks up. "I never got your name. Who knows? We might meet again someday."

Cloud stays quiet for a moment. Only the sound of the humming engine fills the brief silence between the two of you. And with that, he finally replies.

"...Cloud. Cloud Strife."

[strifebloom]

The way this was one of my favourite ao3 fanfics last year

two squeezes mean 'i love you' || cloud strife/reader

More fluff to repent for the rest of my angsty, angsty Cloud fics

Pairing: Cloud Strife/Reader

Warnings: none

Summary: Cloud is horrible at words - everybody knows that. You did too and it never bothered you; not really. But when you realize he hadn't told you he loved you even once throughout the entirety of your relationship, you decide to take matters into your own hands.

AO3 link

Cloud was never good at words. Any words. And his previous conversations with, well, literally anyone proved that much. You knew that. You fell in love with a man of actions, not words; that was one of the reasons why you loved him so much in the first place.

That didn't mean him never telling you he loved you stung any less.

The first few times he didn't say it back, you just assumed he wasn't ready for it yet. Which was perfectly fine. After all, you yourself had been with people who pushed for that confession to happen way too soon and you didn't want to put him through something like that. Plus, if he was involved with you in the first place, that meant he was bound to have some feelings for you; he wouldn't be with you if he didn't.

Your faith in that notion weakened with every month that went by. And, suddenly, your first anniversary passed by, and… still nothing. Everytime you told him you loved him, he just made a vague grunting noise and looked away. So, eventually, you just stopped saying it all together.

That was the moment you noticed a slight change in his behaviour. He always kind of reminded you of a grumpy, old cat. But now that you stopped showing your affection like you used to, his face soured even more ー if that was even possible ー and the crease between his brows became nearly permanent.

Eventually, when you refused to kiss him goodnight, he snapped.

‘Okay, what is it?’ he asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

‘What?’

‘Don’t “what” me. What. Happened.’

‘I… I really don’t know what you mean, Cloud.’ You stifled a yawn. ‘Can we please talk about this in the morning? I have an early shift tomorrow and I really don’t want to be late.’

‘No, we are having this conversation now.’

Seems like your weak attempt at deflecting failed. Miserably.

You sighed. ‘Alright, alright. What is it?’

‘Well…’ he stammered. ‘It’s just that… You never…’

‘I never what, Cloud?’ It was your turn to cross your arms. ‘Are you going to tell me, or are we going to sit here all night?’

He stared at the comforter like it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen. ‘...You never tell me you love me anymore.’

You must’ve heard him wrong? ‘Can you speak up a bit?’ Your voice was softer this time.

‘You never tell me you love me anymore,’ he repeated, finally looking you in the eye. ‘You always did that and now you don’t… So something must be wrong. Right…?’

‘You never tell me “I love you” either. I just… didn’t think you liked that kind of mushy stuff, so I stopped. It gets weird, always saying it and never getting an answer.

A moment of silence passed.

‘I do say “I love you”.’

‘No, you don’t.’

‘I do!’

‘Well, then clearly not to me, ‘cause I’ve never heard you say it!’

Cloud furrowed his brows. You could practically see the gears turning in his head. ‘But on our first anniversary…’

‘...I said it.’

‘On your birthday…’

‘That was me too.’

‘On my birthday…’

‘Keep trying, you might get it sometime.’

At that, he fell quiet.

Eventually, the silence got nearly stifling.

‘Look, Cloud, I get it if you don’t feel the same way. I’d just really appreciate it if you could tell me that to my face instead of… doing all of this.’ You gestured vaguely.

His eyes went so wide it was almost funny. And it would be, if not for the context. ‘You really think I don’t love you back?’

‘...Yes?’ It came out as more of a question than you intended it to.

‘Hm.’ He pursed his lips. ‘Well, I do. A lot. I’m just not… very good at this stuff.’

‘Yeah, I noticed.’

You both shifted, clearly uncomfortable.

‘I… might have an idea,’ you said slowly, meeting his eyes. He nodded; you took it as a sign to continue. ‘Since you’re not the best at words, how about we… set a code? A non–verbal way to say it?’

‘But… how would I say it without words?’ He tilted his head to the side. Cute.

You took his hand. ‘How about… two squeezes?’ You squeezed his hand gently. ‘Just like this.’

‘And that would mean?’

‘“I love you.”’

He looked down, deep in thought. After a moment, he nodded. ‘Okay,’ he said and squeezed your hand back.

Twice.

* * *

Ever since then, Could would squeeze you constantly. And not just your hands ー your arms, your thighs. Even your stomach sometimes, if you were cuddling. You’d scold him gently for the last one. You were a bit insecure about your belly and such direct attention to it made you quite ashamed, but he’d just squeeze it again and kiss you.

‘Bastard,’ you muttered in between kisses. ‘You’re lucky I love you.’

And he’d squeeze you again.

Sometimes, he'd deliberately do it in places where he knew you were ticklish; like your sides or your back. He’d pin you down and proceed to fondle you all over until you were a giggling mess ー always in sets of two.

It warmed your heart, honestly. You never really expected him to use that ‘code’ so much. When you set it, you thought he’d use it once, maybe twice a week. But at this rate, he’d be ‘saying’ it more than you were.

On one evening, when you were all hanging out in the bar ー Barret, Tifa, Aerith and the two of you ー Cloud was getting especially touchy. He always had a hand on you, hanging off your shoulders, around your waist or on one of your thighs. The rest of the group must’ve noticed; they kept stealing glances at you amids the conversation.

Finally, Tifa gave in. ‘Cloud, why do you keep squeezing them?’

Cloud went red.

‘Please tell me it’s not a sex thing,’ she added.

‘It’s not!’ you said, giggling. ‘It’s just… a little secret.’

‘You still make it sound like a sex thing, you know?’ said Aerith.

Cloud went even more red ー if that was even possible.

‘Stop, you’re gonna give him a heat stroke at this rate!’ you said, amusement clear in your voice.

Barrett snickered. ‘If he’s still that blushy when we talk about sex, then I’m honestly sorry for you.’ He patted your shoulder.

‘And your sex life,’ added Aerith, hiding her grin behind her glass.

Cloud groaned. ‘Can we stop talking about that?’

‘Why?’ Oh, Aerith was having way too much fun with this.

‘’Cause it’s none of your business.’

Tifa sighed. ‘Okay, okay, we’ll stop.’ Cloud didn’t like the look in her eyes. ‘If you give us some details about this whole squeezing situation.’

The other two cheered, raising their glasses.

‘Yeah, we wanna know!’ said Barret. ‘Come on, spill it.’

Cloud gave you an unsure look.

‘Go for it, babe,’ you said.

He sighed, defeated. ‘Well, it’s…’ He straightened his back a bit when you squeezed his hand. Twice. ‘It’s code for “I love you”.’

‘Awww,’ Aerith smiled. ‘I honestly didn’t expect it to be this cute!’

‘Me neither.’ Tifa refilled her glass. ‘Whose idea was it?’

‘Mine!’ You grinned. ‘Cloud’s awful at saying it, so I decided to do something about it.’

‘Could’ve spared them that part,’ grumbled Cloud, looking away.

‘Is she lying tho?’ asked Barret. ‘Don’t worry about it, little man,’ he added after a moment. ‘A lot of people are like that. It’s a good thing you two found a way to make it work.’

‘He’s right,’ said Aerith. ‘No shame in that.’

‘They’re right, babe. Cheer up.’

Cloud grumbled something under his breath and went back to nursing his whisky. You smiled wide when you felt him squeeze your hand.

Twice.