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I could use some 💪 luck

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Congratulations to Keir Starmer for bringing in an online 'safety' law that could apparently ban Wikipedia

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i love in fantasy when its like “king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous”

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In contemporary American self-help literature, the magic word is healing. The term refers to self-optimization that is supposed to therapeutically eliminate any and all functional weakness or mental obstacle in the name of efficieney and performance. Yet perpetual self-optimization, which coincides point-for-point with the optimization of the system, is proving destructive. It is leading to mental collapse. Self-optimization, it turns out, amounts to total self-exploitation. The neoliberal ideology of self-optimization displays religious - indeed, fanatical - traits. It entails a new form of subjectivation. Endlessly working at self-improvement resembles the self-examination and self-monitoring of Protestantism, which represents a technology of subjectivation domination in its own right. Now, instead of searching out sins, one hunts down negative thoughts. The ego grapples with itself as an enemy.

Psychopolitics

Byung-Chul Han

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This would fix me

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I don't think I've ever known a time in Doctor Who fandom where so many assumptions were made so strongly and believed by so many. So here's a quick FAQ about the current state of the show:

Will Disney renew their deal to co-produce Doctor Who?

We don't know.

Disney usually wait until 1-3 months after a show has finished airing before confirming a renewal. They have renewed a few shows earlier - when they've been a massive hit, or in order to start production early to get a special ready for Christmas - but 1-3 months is the norm.

Were Disney happy with the Gatwa episodes?

We don't know.

We don't even know their metric for success. Number of viewers? Number of new subscribers? Critical acclaim?

Disney didn't renew Andor beyond its second season, even though the show's been hugely acclaimed. Indeed, Disney have pulled the plug on several shows - the streaming landscape has changed a lot since the original Doctor Who deal, with most streamers tightening their belts.

Did Ncuti Gatwa quit because of uncertainty about the show's future?

We don't know.

People quit their jobs for all sorts of reasons. Usually, there's more than one reason.

Would Ncuti Gatwa have stayed if Disney had renewed early?

We don't know.

It is possible. Gatwa's contract was with Bad Wolf, not Disney. The contract might have been for three years, as with other modern Doctors - in which case he'd have still been under contract if they'd started filming a third series in time.

But this is speculation, since we don't know what was in the contract.

Did Ncuti Gatwa fall out with Russell T Davies?

We don't know.

It's interesting to me that Davies was present on set for Gatwa's final shoot. He wasn't present for Eccleston's. But this may mean nothing. It's also - of course - none of our fucking business.

Did the final episode originally have a drastically different ending?

We don't know.

We do know a week of additional shooting was added in February.

This isn't unusual. Extra shooting also occurred for The Church on Ruby Road (the scene where the Doctor saves a baby from an inflatable snowman) and The Robot Revolution (the scene where we meet Belinda's housemates).

One possibility is that, counter-intuitively, filming more material might actually save money. There are tax breaks in the UK for episodes of television that cost a certain amount - so spending a little extra to meet the threshold might save a larger sum in tax.

We don't know what was in the final episode. Behind-the-scenes show Doctor Who Unleashed featured a scene that wasn't in the final episode - a party at UNIT HQ - but it's limited data.

Has the BBC cancelled Doctor Who?

No.

British TV has never worked like American network TV, so "cancellation" isn't the right word. The BBC haven't yet commissioned new Doctor Who - and can't do until Disney decide whether to co-produce. Whether it's a yes or no from Disney, nothing further can be commissioned until the answer comes.

Will a different streaming service co-fund Doctor Who?

We don't know.

If Disney turn it down, though, it seems like a safe bet. Disney Plus is a massive platform - Doctor Who is a drop in the ocean of their shows. A smaller streamer might see more value in Doctor Who.

If X people will subscribe to a service just for Doctor Who, it's a question of how much each service cares about the number X. Disney's one of the services that needs X subscribers the least.

Doctor Who has two advantages in 2025 that it didn't have in 2022, when the last deal was made:

Firstly, the rights to stream the Eccleston to Whittaker eras in the US are about to revert to the BBC from HBO Max. Streamers love catalogue shows (i.e. shows with loads of episodes, like Friends and Star Trek), so that's a great package to sweeten the deal of a co-production. Pay for 26 episodes, get 175 free.

Secondly, the BBC are developing a children's cartoon version of Doctor Who aimed at -year-olds - with exactly the same format as Bluey, one of the biggest ever successes on streaming. Bearing in mind the BBC co-produced Bluey, this seems like a very attractive show to offer any streaming service willing to fund the main show.

Indeed, this seems so good to me that even if Disney weren't originally going to renew, this might tempt them to change their minds.

Is Billie Piper playing the new Doctor?

We don't know.

It looks like she is! That's usually what it means when one Doctor regenerates into a different actor. But unlike with Tennant in 2022, Piper isn't credited as the Doctor, and neither has there been a press release confirming her as the Sixteenth Doctor.

Why hasn't the BBC confirmed Billie Piper's role?

We don't know.

Maybe they don't want the news to be overshadowed by negative press attention to the future of the show. Maybe production company Bad Wolf wants an air of mystery and intrigue around Piper's role. Maybe she isn't playing the Doctor in some way. Maybe there's a reason we haven't considered.

Will Russell T Davies be showrunner for the next series of Doctor Who?

We don't know.

We don't know anything - and it's possible nobody does. Davies has said that Bad Wolf has plans ("it's our job to have plans").

I do think it's likely the BBC will keep Bad Wolf and Davies if possible. If nothing else, there isn't a long list of companies who can make this show, or showrunners of Davies's experience and acclaim who want to make this show.

Why are people behaving as though they know all the answers to all these questions if we don't actually know them?

I don't know.

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It is increasingly looking like I will be homeless in less than a fortnight

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I think a lot about what you refer to as the Jackie Tyler's Coffee Table problem in the Eruditorum for Rose, and I kind of think the simplest distillation of the problems of RTD2 compared to RTD1 is that in Space Babies the TARDIS destroys the ceiling of Carla Sunday's apartment and it's never treated as anything with any lasting consequences.

Yeah, it’s weird how uninterested the RTD2 era is in class.

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There now begins a long period of intensively watching live Tori performances

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probably a connection between "curtains are just blue/maybe poe just liked birds" stupidity, and "evil artists are hoarding the means and knowledge of art production" pro LLM stuff, with totally narcissistic, customer-is-always-right consumerism as the bridge, yeah?

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What embarrassing cunts on this website are doing ‘Hogwarts Legacy Pride Week’???

Harry Potter fans don’t deserve any fucking peace, your support contributes directly to JK Rowling’s financial and cultural capital that she uses to attack vulnerable people.

Quite literally funding the legislation that makes people’s lives worse. And don’t even pretend to be doing it to ‘spite JK Rowling’, it’s fucking embarrassing.

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The Ratings War

It’s nice that the BBC screened the season two finale in theatres. Now I’ll be able to say, “I remember where I was during the last episode of Doctor Who.” Granted, I’ll be a brain in a jar by then and “The War Between the Land and the Sea” will be celebrating its 50th anniversary. Doctor Who will be mentioned in the retrospective documentary as a springboard for the show. A mere footnote in its illustrious history that only the die-hard TWBTLATS fans will sit through. Fans will speculate which Russell Tovey was the best Russell Tovey. I’ll prefer the Twelfth Russell Tovey while the brain next to me, oddly enough, will be a big War Russell Tovey fan. But that’s the future, and this is now. Right now, we still hold out hope that the show will continue. We can't know the future. We don’t know yet about the BBC’s last futile attempt to collect TV licenses through bounty hunters. We haven’t seen the Disney AI eat Russell T Davies at what is supposed to be a productive lunch meeting, swallowed whole like the Rani.

I joke, but one feeling I am struck with after this episode is that aspects of it were not planned. This did not feel like Ncuti’s intended departure. It feels a lot like Disney said, “Film a version where he regenerates and one where he doesn’t.” The ratings were the deciding factor as to which version aired. I’m not just speaking out of pocket here, there are real rumours and even photos of this other version. What that says to me is that nobody truly believed in the central concept. Couple this with yet another bit of stunt casting from the first Davies era, and it all begins to feel like a stop-gap. If you lean on nostalgia with no clear plan, you’ve got yourself a Star Wars problem. And these days, if you’ve got yourself a Star Wars problem, you’ve got yourself a Disney problem.

You may wonder why I say there was no clear plan, but did you also just watch a season of Doctor Who mimic the previous season? Both seasons start with a kitchy space-romp. Both seasons depict a mysterious older woman disguised as different people. I spoke in my review of “Lux” about its striking similarity to “The Devil’s Chord.” “Lucky Day” was a spiritual sequel to “73 Yards,” where a vaguely intriguing folk-horror is reduced to a less interesting political thriller about toxic masculinity. There’s the Doctor-lite episode. And then the second-to-last episode introduces us to a great evil with their names in big blocky text. Both finales include a caricature of a more talky villain with a giant CGI body. Oh, and we mustn’t waste the UNIT set. So if they planned to develop a formula and do that forever, then I retract my statement. That isn’t to say this season has been bad. In fact, I’ve enjoyed a lot of it. If they’re going to do the same thing twice, at least they did it better this time.

Usually, I would spend more time breaking down the plot of the story, but if you want my review of the plot, go back and read my review for “The Empire of Death.” Oh, that Davies, he got us again, the rascal! He made us care about a big, bad guy only to have it boil down to a mundane story about the people involved. In this case, it’s an imaginary baby named Poppy about whom we do not care. Last year, it was Ruby’s birth mother, about whom we do not care. But underwhelming finales are kind of Russell’s thing. They always seem to disappoint somehow, which I think I’ve figured out. Davies has always been far better at character development than plot. Back before the show had to meet the expectations of Disney executives, it might have been ok to eek out a more intimate finale. But now we need to see the production value on screen. You need to go big and bombastic, which puts Davies' skill sets at odds. Ruby Sunday had such a great character arc this season, while the Rani gets eaten by a big skull monster. 

While we’re on the topic, I’d just like to say that Archie Panjabi absolutely killed it. She doesn’t play the Rani like a mad woman, and yet there is intensity in her eyes. You can feel the contempt oozing out of every pore. Her performance only got better with a third episode. Even Mel’s description of the Rani supports my belief that Davies really understands the character. She’s not another Missy. The portrayal of the character is in no way a betrayal of the character. Which is why her abrupt and stupid ending was such a misfire. I’m struggling to understand Davies’ decision to end the storyline in such a lacklustre manner. What I don’t understand is how that felt like the interesting thing for him to do. He said in an interview prior to the episode that “The Reality War” was going to shake up Gallifreyan lore. Considering this, wouldn’t it have been more interesting had the Rani’s plan actually worked?

Losing Archie’s Rani so senselessly was a bit of a gut punch. I felt like the dad from “Walk Hard,” when he kept saying, “The wrong kid died!” But when you think about it, at least we got to see this Rani strut her stuff. We hardly got to know Mrs Flood outside of spooky quips to the camera. Having her be the one to survive means we get to see more of what Anita Dobson can bring to the character outside of her mystery woman status. Sadly, there is no chance of seeing the Rani’s TARDIS. I don’t know why the show seems to think they need to maintain the pretence of the Doctor’s TARDIS being the last in existence. Not just because it isn’t, but because it’s not really that important that it remains the last of its kind. Part of what makes the Master and the Rani fearsome is that they possess the same power and intellect as the Doctor. Some have said that Clara and Ashildr’s TARDIS or Fourteen's TARDIS existing contradicts the storyline. But rule number one- the Doctor lies. Why would you tell someone like the Rani where to find a TARDIS?

I never expected Omega to be a satisfying payoff. The story was already overwrought with Conrad, two Ranis, and a Poppy mucking about. Trying to introduce Omega in a single episode, which also captures his pathos and wrath, is a tall order. He was doomed to be a big, dumb monster, swiping at people and easily destroyed. Had they taken their time, he could have had interesting dialogue. They could have brought back Peter Davison in a shock cameo as Omega. Doctor Who loves bringing actors back as different characters. He could have stayed on playing the badger for years, and his gruff old man voice would have only added to his performance. But even if they weren’t going to bring Omega back in a substantial way, they could have gone one further and found him dead. I mentioned last week that using his body to rebuild Gallifrey is like something from Norse mythology. I stand by that. The point is, people are complaining that Omega and Sutekh were CGI slop, but I think it’s deeper than that. Pixar has proven you can get real emotion out of CGI. It’s not the CGI that’s slop, it’s the writing.

Can you imagine the cliffhanger we could have had? Not one based in sensationalism and stunt-casting, but one based in narrative. The two Ranis restore Gallifrey as its bickering Queens. The might of the Time Lords bolstering the power of the universe’s most terrifying scientist. The Doctor wins by saving the world, but loses by gaining a greater and very powerful enemy. It writes itself if you’re not trying to put a swift end to things before they even flourish. But this is perhaps where the RTD2 era has struggled the most. There is almost a surplus of ideas bashing about. It reminds me of the Rocko’s Modern Life episode “Skid Marks,” where Rocko is repeatedly warned not to get the “fat guy” by increasingly fatter characters. Only in this case, the “fat guy” in question is “The Boss.” By this point, we’ve had a pantheon of characters who could be described as “The Boss.” It’s Trenzalore all over again, in that by the time the Boss finally appears, will anyone care?

Of the trinity of villains, the one with perhaps the most surprising ending is Conrad. I expected the Rani to double-cross him and feed him to Omega herself. After all, according to her, humans are cattle compared to a Time Lord. Which is a weird observation from a person who has implied on several occasions to be a vegetarian. One aspect of Conrad’s ending that I found a bit odd was Ruby referring to his reality as “nice.” I get what she’s trying to say, in that he could have been Andrew Tate, but just wanted people to be happy. But we also get a scene where Rose comes back into existence because Conrad couldn’t imagine a world with her in it. Alright, Ruby, I guess fuck your friend Trudy. But that just feeds into what has been a spike in weird Doctor Who optics. All of that aside, I think it’s nice that Ruby showed compassion to Conrad. Kicking him in the balls would have felt good, but watching Ruby come into her own as a person was far more gratifying. Millie Gibson absolutely shone this season, and I am more than happy to eat a little humble pie in saying so.

In “Wish World,” we were given hope for a bit of espionage with Shirley’s UNIT tablet. But that whole storyline sort of went bust, as I somewhat called it. Instead of Shirley and her group of freedom fighters locking onto Conrad, she and the other UNIT operatives are called back to HQ via subdermal tracking devices. That’s a little more than weird, but we’re gonna ignore it. With that storyline abandoned, the truncated Omega climax, and the Doctor’s surprise regeneration, I have to wonder if anything went according to plan. Not only have you denied Omega fans a payoff, but also the disabled members of the audience were denied their big moment. On top of abandoned storylines, this era feels like a victim of its own hype. Because Davies wants people talking about Doctor Who, he’s been leaving a trail of bread crumbs and red herrings in his wake. The problem with this is that fans often have more interesting ideas than what he had in store. Maybe the Bone Palace is Omega’s body. What if they’re in the land of fiction and Anita Dobson’s casting is a secretly brilliant way to make “Dimensions in Time” and its EastEnders crossover more relevant? We had so many theories. This type of speculation can only lead to disappointment.

UNIT is able to reassert itself back into reality through the Doctor, with a little help from Anita Benn and the Time Hotel. What’s funny is that if you pay attention to the bone balcony from the end of “Wish World,” you’ll spot the outline of the doorway Anita opens to save the Doctor. Had I not rewatched “Wish World” at the cinema, I doubt I would have caught it. I knew we would see Anita again, but I didn’t know how. I thought this was a great use of her character. It was nice to see what she’s been up to and how being the manager at the Time Hotel has changed her perspective. Even if she hadn’t been pregnant, I think they could have gotten away with her only being there to hold the doors to the hotel open. Her constant reminders that she “just works in hospitality” were giving serious “Harriet Jones, Prime Minister,” energy. What’s confusing is her mentioning of the Boss. The last time we heard of the Boss was from the Meep. The Meep is pure psychedelic sunsoaked evil, while Anita seems perfectly nice. I have a hard time believing she felt so spurned by the Doctor and Rogue’s dance as to turn evil. So, is the Boss evil or is Anita just working for an evil person? It’s not very far-fetched to believe that someone who calls themselves the Boss and runs a hotel could be evil. Either way, Anita wields the powerful force of the Time Hotel with responsibility.

Possibly the most thrilling aspect of the episode was when UNIT HQ became the HMS Warspite. Perhaps they were getting the memo that UNIT was looking a bit like the Avengers tower, so they spiced it up a bit. Let's see you do that one, Stark! I used to go to a rotating restaurant in Kansas City called Skies. It sat atop the infamous Hyatt Regency building and gave a beautiful panorama of the city. I used to think a bottle of Boulevard Beer and that skyline were a slice of heaven. But now, thanks to Russell T Davies, my memories are sullied by the absence of Gatling lasers. It felt ironic to give UNIT a battleship upgrade when you consider the upcoming war between the land and the sea. Was this a kind of pilot episode for an upcoming TV series which should have been titled simply “UNIT”? Because I tell you, not once have I gotten that title correct the first time I say it. I think the problem with the title “The War Between the Land and the Sea” is all of the thes. Why not “The War Between Land and Sea”? Or even “Land and Sea.” Or even better, “UNIT.” Either way, the trailer was very blue. And not in that ocean way, but in that governmental way. It’s hard to tell if this is going to be Doctor Who’s “Andor” or its “Secret Wars.” The showrunner is Pete McTighe, so take from that what you will.

The UNIT laser cannons are deployed after the Ranis sic the Bone Beasts on the tower by exciting its atoms. As it turns out, the Bone Beasts are like antibodies that clean up excited atoms that result from the unstable reality of the Wish World. Like the Alpine Ibexes before them, they crave that mineral. They’re like big, bony versions of the Reapers from “Father’s Day.” How they differentiate between atoms excited by Wish World inconsistencies and just regular excited atoms is anyone’s guess. Perhaps I was right when I suggested that Davies just thinks they look cool, which they do. It’s also a good way to show off UNIT’s fancy new tower, which is, admittedly, way cooler than their previous HQ. They have containment units. Weapons out the wazoo. They even have a zero room. Which, if I am not mistaken, is the first time we’ve seen a zero room since the ‘80s. I’ve always found it funny that the Doctor jettisoned the TARDIS’ zero room at one point. It’s the TARDIS, it saves rooms like computer files.

One room in the TARDIS that the Doctor will need to create is a baby room for him and Belinda’s baby, Poppy. The Doctor understands that even though Poppy is a creation of the Doctor and Belinda’s minds, she is still their daughter. Even further, she’s a miracle because the Master’s genetic bomb from “The Timeless Children” left any remaining Time Lords infertile. I wondered if this was what Davies meant when he said he was going to “shake up” Gallifreyan lore. By using a thirty-three-year-old concept like the Time Lords being sterile. One question I know he answered was that of bi-generation. Some of you may have noticed on Davies' Instagram that he was going to explain bi-generation. And by explain, he means the Doctor is going to give his best guess. That guess being that bi-generation is a Time Lord trying to survive. Which, as explanations go, is right up there with why the Twelfth Doctor chose Caecilius’ face. It’s more of a speculation than an explanation. But honestly, I prefer it that way.

While the zero room appeared to save Poppy from the reality shift, it wasn’t enough. As the Doctor and Belinda creepily discuss parenthood together, Poppy’s little jacket slowly folds away to nothing. Until it and she stop existing. The only person who remembers is Ruby. It’s one of those glitches, like Ernest Borgnine still being alive or teal being too blue. The Doctor giving his life to save Poppy reminded me a lot of the Fifth Doctor giving Peri, a woman he had only just met, the sole vial of spectrox toxaemia antidote. This is the Tenth Doctor trading places with Wilfred Mott. It would appear to have worked as the Doctor awakens to find himself in Belinda and Poppy’s garden. In this new reality, Poppy exists as Belinda’s daughter. Except now, Poppy is no longer part Time Lord. No time or space, babies here. Some have complained that this short changed Belinda’s character. But she still has her job as a nurse, she just drinks less expired milk now. It even lends her character a bit of clarity. One thing I found odd was how often they returned to Belinda, telling the Doctor she needed to return. When you add the framework of her being a mother, the insistence makes more sense than “I have work in the morning.” Because of this, it doesn’t feel as forced as marrying off characters like Jo or Leela. It’s also a good reason for Belinda to cease travelling with the Doctor.

Before we say goodbye to Ncuti, we say hello to Jodie. Considering all of the aspects of this season which were leaked ahead of time, it’s amazing they managed to keep a lid on this one. I’d heard rumours of a secret regeneration into Billie Piper. Omega and the Rani seemed to have been spoiled immediately. This might be one of the most spoiled seasons in Doctor Who history. But I don’t believe I saw anyone talking about a Jodie Whittaker cameo. It’s weird that she shows up when she does, as this is when I expected to see Susan. One of the heartaches I always felt from the Whittaker era is that they never brought back Susan. Call me sentimental, but I yearned to hear her say “Hello, Grandmother.” This would have been an opportunity for her to say both! Can you imagine? Sadly, Susan is MIA, which feels like yet another abandoned storyline. As Jodie Performances go, this was a genuine treat. We get to see her be a bit intimidating and confrontational toward the Doctor, if only momentarily. While I wasn’t a Chibnall fan, I never gave up on our girl. Seeing her back after these last three years was a welcome surprise. Even if it was a nonsense cameo that was basically a rehash of “Time Crash,” she still nailed it, and everyone in the theatre gasped when she showed up. Come back anytime, Jodie. Just don’t tell Chris.

Saying goodbye to Ncuti was bittersweet. Yes, it was slightly spoiled, but I never outright believe any rumours I hear. Why would I? I’ve seen some wild theories. I loved that he bowed out gracefully and was not overly sentimental, but this departure felt hasty. We were just getting to know the Fifteenth Doctor. Since he’s left, I’ve seen a lot of head-scratching responses from people saying, “He wasn’t so bad.” I don’t get these people. He was fucking great. Sure, maybe he cried a lot, but I cry a lot. You put on a video of Kermit the Frog singing “Rainbow Connection” and I start welling up. He was dazzling. He was beautiful. He could do weird. He could be intimidating. He could do alien. He was our fearsome Time Lord and saviour, and I will have zero Ncuti badmouthing in this house. I’ll miss his outfits. I’ll miss his flamboyant movements and that cheeky voice he would sometimes slip into. I’m going to miss that guy a lot. Perhaps in time we will learn why he departed the series, but at the moment, it feels like the Mouse and the Beeb lost faith. But I never lost faith. He had another year in him, at least. Come back anytime, Ncuti. Just don’t tell Russell.

Which brings me back to the cause of and solution to all of Doctor Who’s problems- Russell T Davies. I want to mention that while I can be harsh toward RTD, I absolutely love him for what he’s done and continues to do for Doctor Who. But as I said above, Doctor Who has a Star Wars problem. What I mean is that while Star Wars is a vast universe, it struggles to grow outside of the Skywalker saga. If there aren’t the Rebellion and the Empire, the Jedi and the Sith, what is Star Wars? They can’t just have Anakin Skywalker as a kid, he must also build C3PO. Rey has to be related to an important person. She can’t just be force-sensitive. Historically, Doctor Who has never had this problem. The show could regenerate and change its formula over and over without breaking. That is, until Davies took over. It’s not Russell’s fault per se, but his insistence on revolving around the Tenth Doctor and Rose’s relationship has given it too much weight. This insistence that everything must revolve around this one moment in the show’s vast history makes Doctor Who feel small.

I’ve actually heard people say, “They should just bring back Ten and Rose. I’d watch that forever.” These people confound me. Doctor Who is way more than two people’s co-dependence. I don’t know why you would feed into this aspect of Doctor Who other than sensationalism. But the issue runs deeper than that. Because the people in charge at the BBC aren’t really clued into what makes Doctor Who work, they relied on RTD, a proven entity. But RTD was only ever a stop-gap. We need someone to come and keep the ship afloat. Sadly, it’s yet to be revealed whether he’s achieved that or not. You could say the ratings are in the toilet, but TV is such a different animal these days. Who knows what success looks like on television anymore? The theatre I went to had double the people it did last year. Everyone I know who watches Doctor Who has been watching Doctor Who. It’s anyone’s guess as to what the show will become in the future. One thing I will say, however, is that I never needed Disney money and blockbuster special effects to love Doctor Who. If the next season comes around looking like ‘80s Doctor Who, I’d still watch it.

However, as I sit here wondering if this is the last new episode of Doctor Who I’ll ever write about, I’m filled with an odd curiosity. Sure, it would have been far more interesting for Ncuti to regenerate into Jo Martin. And my initial response to Billie Piper was a feeling that the show had finally jumped the shark. But when I rewatched this story with my sister, I found myself smiling at the sight of Billie. Perhaps it was the passage of time, but I’ve warmed to the idea. I keep finding myself asking questions like “What if she’s not the Doctor?” “Could she still fly the TARDIS?” “If she can fly the TARDIS and has the Doctor’s memories, wouldn’t that make her the Doctor?” It’s funny that the choice not to credit Billie Piper as the Doctor is partly why I am curious, and partly why I am annoyed. I'm curious to see what she might do with the role. But I am annoyed because it feels like another one of Davies’ breadcrumbs. “What does it all mean?” Do you know what it means, Russell? Or did you not credit her decisively because you wanted to wait out the fan reaction? I’m kind of at the point where I’d like more answers than a constant string of unresolved storylines. Keep some mysteries alive, but fucking finish something too. Even comic books are written in volumes because people understand that endings are important. Otherwise, you end up with a universe slowly dying like the MCU.

If this really is the end, we’re going to get some seriously weird media starring the Sixteenth Doctor. It will be a second golden age for Doctor Who books and comics. As much as the seething nerd inside me wants to see that, I’d also like it to be a costume designer who creates her look, not some comic book artist. I want to see Billie Piper’s take on the character, not just some writer’s speculation as to how that might be. We’ll know eventually whether Disney will continue with Doctor Who, but that hardly matters. In fact, the only real benefit I feel Disney offers is making Doctor Who more readily available outside the UK. You might say they gave Doctor Who a fighting chance against the Marvels and Fallouts of the world. But lets never forget that Doctor Who never needed to be those things to be great. I said last week that I want Russell T Davies to deliver more than sensationalism. I hoped that he wouldn’t set things back to the status quo. The glitches of the previous universe are a nice opportunity to shake things up. We’ve not seen their full extent yet. Perhaps Adric is still alive. I hope that RTD takes this downtime to regroup. Rethink. And if his plan is to rewrite the same season for the third time, I hope he starts looking for his replacement. I’ll probably never cover every episode of Doctor Who, so I’m not going anywhere. Besides, I’ve got to cover “The War Between the Land and the Sea,” which is the first time I didn’t have to check the wording of that title. Maybe things are looking up. 

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Where did the Vlinx go?

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It's a big day for McHale's Navy fans.

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Russell T Davies has done it

He has successfully made Steven Moffat the least sexist Doctor Who showrunner

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My Wish for the World of Doctor Who

Does anyone find it funny that the only aspect of season two that Tharries didn’t spoil was his cameo? I’ve been bombarded with thumbnails of the Rani and leaks about Omega since before episode one aired. But this? Radio silence. Those NDAs are no joke. Jokes aside, I think it’s lovely that they gave him a cameo. He very clearly loves the show. Plus it gives me hope. If a fairly popular YouTuber can nab a spot on the show, then maybe a barely noticed Tumblr blogger could one day set up the microphones for a Big Finish Torchwood audio. A girl can dream. I like to aim big. Speaking of aiming big, how about that penultimate episode? They really swung for the bleachers, right? Sure, why not? 

I’m not apathetic, it’s just hard to write about the first half of a two-parter. And while Davies has delivered one of the more solid seasons of Doctor Who that the show has seen in years, he hasn’t completely gained back the goodwill he lost with the lacklustre “Empire of Death.” While yours truly was more forgiving, many were left deflated by an ending that didn’t quite deliver. While I enjoyed “Wish World,” it’s with a pensive anticipation. There are things I would love to see Davies do, but this is his story, not mine. I would like to think he has more planned than “Gallifrey is back, baybee!” But I wonder how far he plans to take this new shake-up to the Doctor’s reality. Will he make broad strokes, or will he pull back just shy of anything substantial? Are we forging into the great unknown or breaking things and putting them back to the status quo? 

When I say substantial, I need you to remember what kind of fan I am. I like Doctor Who weird. I don’t want Davies to “undo the Timeless Children,” or anything so mundane. I want Davies to break Doctor Who so that people stop trying to place it in such rigid constraints. I want Davies to free Doctor Who from the binds of canon. I would love to plunge Doctor Who back into the realm of mystery promised by its title. Doctor Who isn’t the kind of show to really focus on hard facts. Can you name the different Cyberman ships? What was the name of the ridge where the War Doctor carved “No More” into a wall with a laser gun? How many times has the Doctor been 900 years old? None of these things matter to the type of story Doctor Who is. Doctor Who is unique in that its strength is what kills other shows- change. My hope is that Russell T Davies will push Doctor Who further into the realm of fluidity. I want the definition of Doctor Who to expand, not shrink.

Leading into this episode, I was most anticipating Archie Panjabi’s portrayal as the Rani. We have already seen Mrs Flood and can retroactively think of her as the Rani. But we had hardly met our new Rani before the credits rolled last week. I had a good feeling about Archie from the get-go. She has a regality about her. When I saw the photos of her “Wish World” appearance on the Doctor Who socials, I was starting to feel hopeful that they would nail the character. Her deep red coat with the gold studded shoulder pads was giving Kate O’Mara. I’ve always admired the Rani’s penchant for authoritarian power clothes. She looks smart with just a hint of dominatrix. The glimpses of her sonic syringe had me yearning for the toy. I love a good 1:1 replica, and that thing is begging to be electroplated and shipped to my house. My boyfriend better watch out because when that thing arrives, my inner Rani will unleash. She looks the part, she has the toys. So far, so good.

The episode opens in Bavaria, 1865, with the Rani visiting the seventh son of a seventh son of a seventh son. This relates back to the old folklore belief that any seventh consecutive son’s seventh consecutive son will be like a wizard. But if that wizard should then go on to have a seventh son, that son would then be a sorcerer, a sort of font of magic. As I had wondered last week, the Rani seems interested in exploiting magic as she has exploited science. Considering the Toymaker’s accent and Bavaria, I expected this baby to be related to him somehow, especially when the baby is used to turn a woman into flower petals. Not since Billy the Butcher have I seen a character wield a baby like a weapon with such finesse. The Rani kisses wishes off the baby’s head, reducing people to farm animals. The baby’s six brothers are instantly transformed into a flock of mallards. They really should have ducked. Sorry, I really quack myself up. In truth, it’s some cold shit to essentially kill those children. They sand the edges down by making them ducks, but it’s ruthless. Very Rani.

Pulling from the Steven Moffat playbook of starting the second half of a cliff-hanger in a completely different location, we find the Doctor and Belinda awaking in bed together. The room is mid-century modern kitsch. The Doctor (who is going as John Smith) and Belinda kiss one another good morning, and they set about their day. The aesthetics of the ‘50s nuclear family are the perfect backdrop for a story about a fictional world that doesn’t hold up to scrutiny. The Doctor, in his finest John Steed apparel, kisses his fake wife and his Space Baby Poppy goodbye. But reality can’t fully preserve itself, so slips happen as cups fall through tables. Not even Ruby's appearance at the Smiths’ door can shake the Doctor from this waking dream. The stifling fiction of this reality forces people into roles they were never meant to play. They are the invention of an idyllic megalomaniac who thinks men are men, women are women, the poor and disabled don’t exist, and that everything should be bright and sunny all the time. Who do we know that fits that description?

Conrad’s introduction reminded me a lot of George Orwell’s “1984” with Conrad acting as Big Brother. During his constant updates on television, Conrad must reestablish the lie of a world not in step with reality. If Conrad stops concentrating on this fantasy, reality has a shitty way of creeping back in with major consequences, such as flooding. I was amused by the choice to model Conrad’s Doctor Who story book on a Harry Potter book. Whether or not it was intentional, it rings true for a guy who seeks to limit the spectrum of human sexuality and gender. Did anyone else notice the author of the book was I. M. Foreman, like Susan? Interesting. Furthering the 1984 associations, we get Shirley and Ruby (and of course, Tharries) filling the role of the proles. And as Winston wrote “If there is hope, it lies in the proles.” Since Conrad doesn’t consider disabled people as valid, they’re essentially a blind spot in his worldview. Consequently, this provides a lot of agency for them to move about unnoticed. A rebellion is forming right under his nose.

This ragtag rebellion is comprised mostly of people with disabilities. However, Ruby is brought into the fold. Possibly due to her proximity to Conrad, Ruby can see through his facade. It’s revealed that after expressing doubts about Conrad, Ruby is turned in to the thought police by her own mother. Carla is cracking me up at this point. She’s such a traitor! This marks the third time in one reality or another where Carla has completely abandoned Ruby. I’m reminded of Rory Williams and his penchant for dying. I don’t truly believe Carla is a bad mum. It's just funny that a woman who fosters many children’s most consistent character trait is abandonment. After Ruby escapes capture, she is brought into the fold by Shirley. After vetting Ruby, they show her a UNIT tablet from before reality shifted. Ruby doesn’t recognise the device but it feels familiar. In their world, phones are still things attached to the wall, like the one Carla used to betray Ruby. With this tablet, they’re able to pinpoint Conrad’s location during his transmissions. We’ve yet to discover if and how that will come into play.

I liked that this group of outcasts were diverse, but one aspect I found weird was that they were all so young. This isn’t to say that they didn’t breach the topic of ageism. Mel’s status as a single older woman makes her invisible in her own right. But it would have been nice to see some older people in the ranks of the rebellion. It reminded me of “Alien Romulus”, which felt very aimed toward young people. Compare the cast of “Alien,” where the ages of the crew were varied. Call me out of touch, but I don’t understand this modern inclination to appeal to young people by assuming they can’t identify with older, if not elderly, characters. I got into Twin Peaks as a teenager, and that show is full of old people. Some of my favourite Doctors are old people. It’s not a huge issue, I simply find it strange. This episode has its share of elderly representation with Mel, Mrs Flood, and Susan Triad. But it feels out of step to say a group of disabled people are capable of fighting a rebellion while leaving out the elderly. Like I said, it’s not a huge issue, just weird.

John Smith works at UNIT- Unified National Insurance Team. It’s the same UNIT tower but in a completely separate line of work. Susan Triad is back in her “The Devil’s Chord” attire. Colonel Ibrahim has traded his tactical gear for a work-appropriate suit and tie. It’s like the set of Mad Men, except there’s a giant shipping box containing the Vlinx. While at work, John Smith experiences a couple of different slips. First, when he refers to Ibrahim as beautiful, something in Conrad’s world that a man should never say about another man. And again, when wondering who the Rani is as she flies her bone scooter up to a skeletal tower à la the Wicked Witch of the West. I mused last week that the Rani is too scrupulous to squabble with past incarnations as to who is in charge. However, even that narrative is beginning to show cracks in the presence of reality. While Mrs Flood may have sprung Conrad out of his cell, she and he have found themselves trapped in their own respective circumstances. The jailor and the prisoner are both left to rot while the Rani is free to do as she pleases. But what is she doing?

One thought that has remained with me since “Wish World” is, why would the Rani wish to bring back Time Lord society? To what end would the Rani benefit from resurrecting Gallifrey? Historically, the Rani has been labelled a “Renegade Time Lord,” alongside the Doctor and the Master. She wasn’t exactly in high standing with the Time Lords. And yet her within her palace is a giant Seal of Rassilon. This leads me to believe it’s not entirely about resurrecting the Time Lords, her dear friends. This feels more like her positioning herself to rule over the Time Lords. In the same way that she wouldn’t revere the Time Lords, I have a hard time imagining she holds any warmth toward Omega. Omega feels more like a means to an end; another source of power for her to manipulate. Going by the preview for next week’s episode, it sounds like she plans to use Omega’s body to rebuild Gallifrey. It's mythic in scale, drawing parallels to Norse mythology where the world was created from the body of a dead frost giant.

The Rani’s bone palace is a perplexing location. I don’t fully understand why her tower and its sentinels needed to be made of bone, but perhaps we will get an explanation next week. Or perhaps its just some weird shit Davies thought would look cool. Which, it does. Though it is amusing that while forming this fortress, the Rani saw fit to include a little bone kitchenette where Mrs Flood can make Conrad’s sandwiches. I did wonder if this palace was actually the Rani’s TARDIS, but that doesn’t explain the sentinels. If they aren’t her TARDIS, where is it? Historically, the Rani has always had a cool TARDIS. I would love a peek inside a modern version. We know she can travel in time as she was in Bavaria, so I expect to see it at some point. Unlike the Doctor’s TARDIS, the chameleon circuit still works, so it could be hiding in plain sight.

John Smith continues struggling with doubt when Conrad’s transmission is disrupted by Rogue contacting the Doctor from a Hell dimension called green screen. If you’ll recall from last year, I’m a Rogue girlie, so I was very excited to see him again. Belinda calls the thought police on John after finding him slipping cups through the dinner table.. However, this is all part of the Rani’s plan. She brings the Doctor and Belinda back to her palace under the pretence of thought crimes. But it’s just an excuse for the Rani to exposit her entire plan to the Doctor. For a moment, I felt something in the pit of my stomach akin to worry. It was beginning to feel like the Master talking at the Thirteenth Doctor while she stood around doing nothing. But Davies smartly draws attention to this, informing us that the exposition is the point. The Rani intended for the Doctor to see through her ruse. She needed the power of a Time Lord’s doubt to undo reality. She needed Conrad to create a reality so unrealistic that only a red-pilled Broganite like himself could imagine it. Both he and the Doctor are merely pawns in the Rani’s quest to break apart reality so that she may find Omega underneath.

What Davies has done is essentially given himself the license to rewrite the mythology of Doctor Who. When he puts the world back into place, he can essentially reshape it. He has said recently that Gallifreyan lore will be rewritten. For my money, Gallifreyan lore has always been a bit shit anyway, so I’m fairly open to the prospect. Furthermore, in the aftermath of the Chibnall era, Doctor Who’s entire narrative has felt murky. Is the First Doctor just a fob watched version of the Fugitive Doctor who only thinks he grew up on Gallifrey? If so, whose leg did Clara grab? Who slept in the Doctor’s crib? So far, Davies has remained a bit vague on the situation, which has left many in the fandom waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. As I said above, I’m not looking for Davies to undo the Timeless Children, but some clarity would be nice. There are, however, some interesting context clues that could indicate which direction Davies might take the narrative.

The language over the Doctor’s origins has recently sided more on the Time Lord from Gallifrey aspect over the Timeless Child from wherever aspect of the narrative. They even refer to Omega as the first of the Time Lords. While yes, you could say that it takes more than the Timeless Child’s regeneration to make a Time Lord, it is a rather decisive way to say it, don’t you think? Furthermore, something that stuck out to me was the montage of classic Doctor’s faces, particularly the order in which they are presented. Unlike “Rogue,” which gave us a random assortment of the Doctor’s previous faces, we’re given the Doctors in chronological order. Or are we? We start with the First Doctor, William Hartnell, but shouldn’t we be starting with Jo Martin? Instead, Jo Martin is slipped in between Thirteen and Fourteen. But the War Doctor is placed in chronological order, not by his appearance. Had he been listed by his appearance, he would have been slotted between Eleven and Twelve, but here he’s shown between Eight and Nine. Perhaps because it pertains to the Doctor’s memory, they are presented in the order in which the Doctor remembers these incarnations. It’s not as though the War Doctor was forgotten by the Doctor. It may be nothing, but it's interesting that the show seems to be gravitating toward the traditional form of the narrative while still embracing aspects of the new narrative. It’s this sort of thing that makes me think we will see a kind of amalgam of the two.

The aspect of the story which stood out the most to me was Poppy. Why is Poppy here? And more importantly, what does the Doctor mean when he says Poppy is real? What implications does that have on the story? One thing we never did learn in “Space Babies” was who was making the Space Babies and why. Was the Rani attempting to create new Gallifreyans? Is that why they talk? Are any of the Space Babies going to grow up to be Susan? Is Poppy the Timeless Child? Is Susan secretly the Timeless Child? I have a hard time imagining children on Gallifrey. Specifically, new Time Lord children. I can picture the Doctor as a kid. I can picture the scarlet-clad children running in the 50th anniversary special. But I have a hard time imagining the Time Lords as reproductive. So much so that the Doctor has been alive for millennia and is only recently getting comfortable with the concept. Though I do find it funny that the closer the Doctor gets to embracing romance and sexuality, the less he mentions his age. My point, however, is that I don’t take Time Lords to be the type to reproduce. And not in that “genetic looms as canon” manner, or even asexuality, but rather in that “removed from the mundanity of having a body” sort of way. My thought of Time Lord society is that a large portion of Time Lords were dead on their feet. Ineffective and affected. Effete to a fault. They would definitely grow Space Babies.

Sadly, one of my predictions about Doctor Who has not come true. Mrs Flood is not some storytelling god with the ability to cancel Doctor Who. Fears of cancellation weren’t the most brazen of marketing gimmicks, but rather a harsh possibility. It’s a real shame when you consider Doctor Who is currently on an uptick in quality, but so was the Cartmel era and they still took it off the air. Something I think Davies could have done better was to reassert the narrative when he returned. There were large portions of the fandom who wanted to see him erase the Timeless Children from the show completely. Some fans were afraid he would do just that. Meanwhile, I found myself somewhere in the middle where I simply wanted him to make it work. His desire to please everyone has left a lot of people unhappy. Because of this, next week’s episode feels pivotal. Will Davies finally let the proverbial other shoe drop? I’d like to hope that Davies is improving the sandbox. I’m hoping that he will use this reality disruption as a chance at a clean slate. Marvel shook up continuity with Battleworld, why can’t Doctor Who do it?

I hope that Davies has more in store than sensationalism. Perhaps a surprise regeneration replacing Ncuti Gatwa with Billie Piper would get people to tune in next year. But a bit of clarity in the wake of the disastrous Chibnall era would help retain said audience. I don’t just want spectacle from this finale, I want a statement of intent. Davies has danced around these concepts long enough. In the same manner, it’s up to us as fans to remember to watch next week. Because this could be it for Doctor Who proper. Do you really want the last Doctor Who you watch to be “The War Between the Land and the Sea”? Of course you don’t. That’s why I’m going to the theatre next week to watch the episode. That’s why I rewatch the episodes on iPlayer. We need to show up so people know we still love Doctor Who. Who knows if ratings still mean what they meant in the pre-streaming era? Probably not. Let’s not put it to the test. Unless, of course, you think Doctor Who should have some downtime. I get that the current era may not be your cuppa, but Doctor Who can’t change if it doesn’t exist.