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Stucky RP Chapter 1

The first part of a roleplay we have been doing for a few years (still in progress, this is a very small fraction of what we’ve already written, and there is much much more coming in the future. Forgive our awkwardness, we’re new at this). Loosely following the plot of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (borrowing also from Marvel comics, real-life historic events, and changes for the sake of story). Written in paragraph roleplay format, so perspective switches between Steve and Bucky. Somewhat mutual pining (Steve doesn’t know what he’s doing), Some period-typical homophobia, 18+ for sexual content.

This part takes place before the events of Captain America: The First Avenger. Bucky’s starting to suspect that his feelings for Steve are more than friendly, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it because he’s being shipped out. Steve is kind of oblivious but has strong feelings toward his best friend. They feel pressured to lead the typical American Dream lives, and they each think that’s what the other wants.

Bucky ran trembling fingers through his dark hair nervously, managing to muss it up as he stared into the bathroom mirror.  Any minute now he knew his mother would call him down for breakfast, his father angrily fluttering the morning papers at the kitchen table. Normally he liked to stick around and harass his son until he got in a few good jabs, dragging his large feet out the door with a smug air about him. Nothing pleased him more than reminding Bucky where his place was.

"James! If you don't hurry it'll get cold," his mother called just as he knew she would, causing him to grimace a bit as he hurried to replace his hair.

"Yes ma'am," he called back, pushing his worried thoughts from his mind. He'd have to tell Steve today, he was heading out soon and the longer he waited the worse it would be. Taking a deep breath he tipped his head back and steeled himself, reminding himself he was doing as expected, his father had no reason to pick at him now.

"Some sugar," she smiled, proud of herself as she set his bowl on the table, and he couldn't help but return the expression, his tensions eased a bit by her kindness. "And before you say anything, it's alright, I've been saving it for you. I know how much you hate your oatmeal plain, and it's all we've got left this week."

"Thanks ma," Bucky ducked his head a bit as the slight woman bent to kiss his well-combed hair, ignoring his father's sigh of annoyance. He and his mother shared a look as she straightened up, smoothing out her apron before turning to tidy up the counter. Bucky ate his meal in silence, not sure what he could say. His mother was well aware of her husband's expectations for her son, they'd had a few blow-outs over it in the previous weeks.

Mr.Barnes was convinced his son would never amount to anything, though at the heart of it Bucky knew it was because his father was scared and unable to be as effective as he wished he could be. Years of hard labor had scarred his hands, bent his fingers until they barely did what they were told. He'd worked his way up though, so he managed more than mingled. Everyone needed things fixed these days, things were sparse and money was tight. They had enough money to get by, but Bucky's being pushed towards the army was really a result of his father's need to feel proactive in the crumbling world.

Bucky didn't resent him for it, he understood. He understood all too well that because he was capable, he had a responsibility. His father had never been very good with his emotions, but all his well-intentioned heckling had sunk in when he got the letter. "I'll stop by the shop later, Pops," Bucky made sure he cleaned his bowl, drank his milk, cleaned up after himself. His mother's eyes followed him as he moved, shining with adoration. She'd always been his confidant, about most things anyway. She knew this wasn't going to be easy for him.

His father grumbled as he gathered his things, but the old man was smiling. The small gesture was all he needed to get out the door with a hop in his step. He'd help Steve collect his mother's things, tidy the nearly empty apartment. It wasn't the best time to tell him he was leaving, but there wasn't going to be a good time. Everything was arranged for Steve to take his place with his parents when he was shipped off, Steve just didn't know it yet. His friend had talent, and intelligence, and heart like no one else Bucky'd ever met. He was going to do great things. Bucky, on the other hand, was certain his skills would be best utilized in the war. No one had an eye like him, the recruiters had practically salivated when he showed off his deadeye shot. It was all but done.

Steve was going to kill him.

Arriving at the small apartment Bucky tucked the oatmeal cookies gifted by his mother into his pocket, intent on using them to soften the blow. When the time was right. Pursing his lips he grabbed the spare key, opening up and entering without bothering to announce himself. Steve was expecting him. Shuffling in the door he closed it behind him quickly, keeping out the chill spring air. A box already sat beside the door, filled with what looked like winter clothing. Steve's mother wouldn't need them anymore, they were planning on gifting them to the local shelter.

"Steve? Tell me you got some sleep. It's barely 6 a.m."  

Steve awoke to find himself face down on the end of his bed. It seemed the night had gotten away with him. He'd tried to sleep at a reasonable hour, with the promise of a busy day to keep his mind off things, but it couldn't come soon enough. He'd tossed and turned until all he could think to do was start packing his mother's things. It was clear to him now that he'd eventually passed out due to exhaustion. He didn't get much sleep these days.

Steve managed to crawl out of bed and headed over to the phonograph, still revolving and emitting static. He'd needed something to drown out the deafening silence of his empty apartment. He was ready to get the day over with so he could finally move out of the place that held so many sad memories. He removed the needle from the record and turned off the machine. Still wearing his clothes from yesterday, Steve headed into the kitchen. He found the energy to make himself some bacon and eggs. It wasn't easy to keep going, but he knew his mom would have wanted him to stay fed. Not that he'd ever had any trouble taking care of himself. It had become a necessity when his dad had passed. Steve and his mom had to take care of each other. Now he felt it was his duty to take care of himself, to do right by her.

He'd barely taken a bite of his breakfast when he heard the front door open. Bucky, he thought, with a brief flutter in his chest. In his sleep-deprived fog, he'd almost forgotten about their plans. Though he should have been used to it by then. Bucky had been there nearly every day, despite Steve's constant assurances that he was fine on his own. He couldn't admit it to himself, but it was what he most looked forward to each day. Bucky still knew how to make him smile on even the darkest of days. And he had a feeling that he was going to need that, what with the task that awaited them.

As Bucky called to him and entered the room, Steve could feel a smile gracing his face already. "Hey Buck," he looked at the clock on the kitchen wall, "Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I got at least a solid two hours."

Steve stood up from the table and pulled in his friend for a hug. He sensed an unusual and worrisome tension in his demeanor.

"You didn't have to come do this with me. But I appreciate it all the same. Sorry can I get you some food? Coffee?"

At Steve's admission Bucky sighed, slouching over to the small man with frustration and playfully flipped the cloth of his collar as he pulled away. "Did you sleep in these? Steve…" The dark haired man released the blonde's shirt, turning on his heel to pace away, checking his irritation before it got away from him. Steve had good reason to be neglectful of himself, even if it wasn't his intention.

Facing him he found and presented a smile, doing his best to keep it together. Steve needed all the strength he could muster. "You know I'll help myself," Bucky grinned as he snatched a strip of bacon from the full plate. Slipping it past his lips he savored the salty meat, thinking on how boring his breakfasts would be until the next grocery day. "You shouldn't be alone right now. I'm serious, you gotta ease yourself into these things," chewing around the words he stole a sip of orange juice, washing the crispy bits down.

In his own offer he found an opening, a way he could break the news to his fragile friend. "I'm stayin' here tonight. Aht! No arguing, it's decided. I'm gonna be exhausted runnin' back and forth today. I told Pops I'd stop in and give him a hand lifting a few returns 'round noon. Ma also inferred I'd been spending too much time at the house. I know it's only because she's worried about you. Just, spare me breakin' her heart will ya? You make a guy feel like he's a nuisance," Bucky's aqua eyes shied from his best friend's familiar countenance, knowing it was low to play on Steve's emotions, but unable to help himself. He could barely remember the last time they'd been alone… with wandering hands. It had been before Steve's mom had gotten sick, and that had been weeks ago. Maybe months.

Bucky was beginning to think it'd all been a fluke. He knew Steve was normal, as normal as a guy with all his problems could be. At least more normal than Bucky himself. Bucky had always known he was different, he'd only begun to fear it since the day he'd gotten a kiss from Connie Stafford and hadn't felt a thing. Not like what he felt the first time he and Steve had kidded around and tried out a few things with each other. Definitely not like how he felt now. It had started out innocent enough, but became something of a habit of theirs, nothing serious just… they were good pals. They were there for each other. At least, that's what the dark-haired man told himself. His feelings for Steve were confusing as well as terrifying, but if anything in his life was certain, it was that they ultimately meant nothing. Nothing would come of it, so he didn't dwell. Not when he could help it anyhow.

Maybe in the dark quiet night he could reveal his betrayal, his abandonment of the person that meant more to him than anything. Maybe homemade oatmeal cookies and a friendly touch might take the edge off of the unhappy news. At least, that's what Bucky could hope for. Steve was a good guy, and he had his whole life ahead of him. Bucky just wanted him to be happy. This was one way he knew he could make a positive difference for him… even if he didn't accept it at first.

Steve busied himself as his friend spoke to him, putting the kettle on to boil."I'm fine, really. I got used to being alone a long time ago."

Everything would be okay if he kept moving forward. He'd get a job, anew place to live. Maybe one in Bucky's neighborhood. He'd survive somehow. It wouldn't be the same but at least he'd be okay. As he poured the boiling water into the coffee pot, he nearly scalded himself at Bucky's suggestion of staying over.

"What? No, you don't have to... I don't..."

Suddenly Steve felt guilty. Had he been a bad friend? He had to stop himself sometimes and remember that Bucky needed him just as much. They needed each other. And he realized his friend was trying desperately to help him. So he gave in. "Sure, Buck. You're always welcome. It'll be just like old times."

Nostalgia flooded his memories and the immense distance that had separated the best friends became all too clear. He couldn't afford to lose the only person left in his life. It still felt difficult to open up, but if he could do it with anyone, he knew it would be Bucky.

"I told you, you don't have to be alone. Wether you're used to it or not," Bucky reminded his dismissive friend, leaning back on his countertop and eyeing the coffee offhand. "Why are the old times old times?" the taller man mused a bit sadly, realizing the likely reason even as he spoke. "I guess it's not a thing guys do huh? After a certain age…" the dark-haired man toyed with the dish towel absently, tugging at a stray thread. "Like you're supposed to want to 'grow up'. As though it's only proper to aspire to grow apart."

Bucky perked up a little when Steve made his way over, reaching for the coffee. "You read my mind," Bucky grinned as Steve started on the preparation, and he couldn't help but snatch another bit of bacon off the big plate in his excitement. He was gonna make up for the theft anyway, later. "So, if that's what it takes… grown' up… I don't think it's worth it. Family is all we got, if people forget that tryin' to be proper then they've forgotten what bein' human is."

Realizing he'd been straying too close to a topic he'd never be ready to seriously broach, Bucky grew irritated with himself, and pushed off the counter with a huff. "Can that stuff brew any faster? I gotta put something else in my mouth, you're letting me ramble too much," leaning over his friend's slight shoulder he rested a hand there, "A guy gets mouthy when he's hungry. Seems oatmeal's my breakfast for the week, 'n' mom's not big on the portions. It's like she's not noticed I'm a grown man these days."  

Steve listened intently to what Bucky had to say. It made sense. Steve had been far too distant lately.  He knew deep down that being alone only made things worse. But despite that, it still hurt too much to open up. He didn't want to drift apart from Bucky. He knew he'd have to work at it. Thankfully for him, his friend was persistent.

The soft touch on his shoulder reminded him. Bucky was there. He was real. He cared about him. It was too special to take for granted. He smiled as he poured two cups of coffee.

"Well then I'll just have to make you an extra large breakfast. All that stuff in the fridge is likely to go bad anyway. I'm still trying to figure out my plan, but I definitely can't stay here."

Bucky eagerly followed the progress of the coffee with his light eyes, biting his lip when Steve poured his cup. He cradled it in his hands, bringing it to his nose to inhale deeply, humming, "Ahh… a little cup of heaven," he smiled, flashing a look at his friend as he gathered up the milk to sweeten up his drink. Once the mixture was to his liking he took a long sip, eyes falling shut as he swallowed it. "I take that back, it's positively sinful."

With a sharklike grin the dark-haired man slid into the open seat at the kitchen table, relaxing back, long legs stretching out. "You makin' me breakfast? I dunno Steve, a guy could get used to that kind of treatment." Although it was a jest and although he'd not been really thinking of what was coming out of his mouth, images filled his mind of them sharing that apartment, spending their days taking care of each other. No war, no separation, no worries about where their lives were going or who cared to comment on it. The unbidden daydream of cozy domestic life startled him such that he nearly spilled his coffee on his best shirt.

Shifting into a better sitting position he settled his mug on the table, running a nervous hand through his hair. He was getting too comfortable. He needed to separate his imaginary Steve from his real Steve. There was no reality where they could be together, and he was only hurting himself and his best friend by pretending it existed.

"You don't gotta do that, buddy," Bucky backpeddled, shaking his head and moving to stand. He slid a hand up Steve's arm to wrap an arm around his shoulder, pulling him into a side embrace. "Maybe you could teach this fella a thing or two. Ma's never had the time to show me the ropes, and I gotta learn sometime. It'll be fun. What do you say?"

Steve started to once again gather the ingredients for his friend's meal, stopping to savor a sip of his black coffee before it got cold. He felt a warmness in his chest, even before the coffee. It was a feeling he'd missed. Taking care of someone. Despite his meek appearance, Steve was always trying to help people. It was what made him feel alive. It was what made his life worth living. It was a feeling he did not often experience anymore.

"Please. It's the least I can do. You need to eat well," He glanced enviously at Bucky's muscular frame stretched out at the table, "I bet you got even more growing to do. Not satisfied being only twice my size?"

Steve's skin tingled at the firm touch of Bucky's strong arm around his. The smaller man knew he had his own strengths, but sometimes he couldn't help but feel inferior against his friend's physical endurance. He could only hope he'd get there one day. Until then, he could still show Bucky everything else he had to offer.

"Well I learned how to make all my mom's signature dishes. Nothing special, mostly boiled stuff. But it makes me feel at home. I'd be more than happy to show you." ---    

----

Bucky had been resting his lips on Steve's golden head without realizing it, and startled by the realization he snorted at the joke, turning away to return to his coffee. "You got nothing to be sore about Steve, you're getting a college education. You got in on talent and smarts alone. I could never do that," the taller man brought his coffee to his mouth to quiet himself. He was rambling because of his nerves. All his worries about leaving were making him clingy. If he wasn't careful he'd push his best friend away just because he couldn't reign in his emotions.

Bucky cleared his throat and set down the coffee he'd been practically chugging while his thoughts ran amok. "So… by all means, teach me about breakfast. And then I gotta stop by the shop, but I'll only be an hour. When I get back, we can sort all this stuff out okay?"

Bucky's praise made Steve blush. It was difficult for him to feel proud of his accomplishments, but it made him happy when people recognized them. The friends' individual strengths had always complemented each other beautifully that way.

Teaching Bucky was a nice distraction from all the unpleasantness. Before he knew it, they were laughing together and making a mess. "See? Your eggs look even better than mine already."

Feeling more comfortable than he had in months, Steve grabbed one of Bucky's fresh slices of bacon and started chewing on it. "You owed me one... Slightly overcooked but worth it."

He loved having this much fun with Bucky again. He actually felt a pang in his chest every time he thought about him leaving for only an hour. He just kept reassuring himself that he'd be back soon. And who knows, maybe they could stay like this, for a while at least.

"Hey, first time, remember?" Bucky pouted slightly as he sampled his own cooking, licking a bit of butter off his fingertip. "Not bad for a first-timer, if I do say so myself." Munching on his bacon he made a show of stealing Steve's orange juice even though he could have easily gotten his own. Smiling devilishly he gulped it down, fighting off Steve's half-hearted attempts to win it back.

"Aht! You deserved that for criticizing my fledgling attempt," Bucky rationalized playfully, struggling with the urge to put his hands on the smaller man. It wasn't the time for it yet, he had to wait. There was still a lot to be done that day, and he didn't want Steve to have to suffer the burden alone, should he react badly to the news and send Bucky home. There was always the chance that Steve would hate him for this. The timing was just awful.

"I gotta go," Bucky sighed as he scraped up the remnants of his eggs and finished them off, handing his last strip of bacon to the smaller man. He didn't take no for an answer, and slid out of his seat to head out the door. Pulling on his jacket he ran a hand through his hair to put it back in place and smiled weakly, not wishing to leave his friend alone at all, but he'd promised. "I'll be back in a jiffy. You won't even know I'm gone."

With that Bucky pulled Steve into a tight hug, one that lingered longer than it should, he imagined, should anyone have witnessed it. Then he hurried out the door, refusing to think on it too much. Steve wasn't going to do anything stupid. He would be there waiting when Bucky got back, and they'd have a bittersweet walk through memory lane.

~~~~

It was just over an hour later when he hopped back up the steps, rubbing his arm absently. His father had dropped a washing machine on him, luckily only catching his left arm, but it stung like nothing else. Digging Steve's key out of his pocket he let himself in again, calling for his friend. "Steve? Wasn't so long was it? I hope you didn't get too much done without me," he spoke loudly as he slipped off his coat, settling it on the coat rack beside the door before heading to the bedroom where Steve was busily emptying the closet.

"Holy cow, she kept that?" Bucky sank to his knees, forgetting for a moment his new slacks, and wondered at the grainy pictures strewn about the floor. "This was when we found that camera in the park… and borrowed your mom's cash stash to get 'em developed… We used up that whole thing. Here's that picture you took of your painted foot," Bucky couldn't help but laugh, remembering the awe in Steve's face as he'd preserved that bit of himself. Bucky had drawn a ridiculous cartoon on his friend's appendage with the leftovers of his model kit paint, and Steve had loved it. It was thrilling to finally see it again. "Boy did she snap her cap when she found out. I thought she woulda tossed these…"

Bucky settled back against the meager bed, flipping through the photos with a grin stretched wide across his face, the memories mostly pleasant ones.  "Here's the few we had that hobo take, remember? He acted like we were putting on a fashion show. Kinda creepy now that I think about it," Bucky's good humor faded and he froze when he found one he'd thought was lost forever, one that had haunted his memory the last few years. Their round young 16 year old faces were mighty close together taking up the whole paper, Bucky's full lips pressed brazenly against Steve's. Their eyes were closed. He'd cupped the blonde's face in his young hands like a lover's. It was impossible to mistake the meaning behind it. And she'd kept it. Suddenly all the lingering looks and soft smiles she'd sent his way made sense, and her last words to him…

'Keep him safe, you hear? Be good to my darling boy.'

She had known, and she had never said anything. She'd also kept the photos when she could have destroyed them easily. Bucky didn't know what to think about it, he just didn't know if he was ready to share it with Steve. They never talked about their intimacies, it was just something they did. Bucky didn't want to push the subject anyway. Steve was a straight up regular guy, he'd be embarrassed and it'd be awkward. So Bucky slipped the picture into his pocket, and remembered he'd yet to gift the oatmeal cookies to his grieving friend. But he'd need them for their conversation. So he handed the small stack to the curious man, minus their kiss, and focused on the last one.

Sarah Rogers stood on the wooden porch, unaware her young boys were saving their last exposure for her. She carefully hung their newly laundered clothing along the long stretches of wood, her fair hair partially obscuring her lovely features that resembled Steve's so flawlessly. It was enough to make Bucky's eyes well up. "She was one helluva woman," he swore in almost a whisper, reverently.

Before he knew it, it was time for Bucky to leave. Steve tried not to show how bothered he was, but it must have shown on his face. He held Bucky close, feeling like neither one of them wanted to let go, until finally Bucky was out the door. Steve stood where they had parted for a minute, analyzing his feelings. Why was he suddenly so heartbroken to be without his friend for one hour? Had he been that starved for company? Not wanting to let the feeling linger, he returned to the task at hand.

Her bedroom closet was going to be the most difficult part, he thought, so he decided to begin there. Pulling out boxes and sorting their contents. He couldn't bear to get rid of any of it, but he knew he wouldn't be able to take much with him. It would be too difficult. He'd just focus on the sorting for now. Maybe Bucky could help him decide what was most important.

Time had gotten away from Steve when he heard his friend call out to him. "In here!" He was absorbed in his rummaging. "Oh yeah, the pictures! I haven't looked through those yet. Gimme a minute to finish going through this file drawer."

He could already see the photos in his mind as Bucky described each one. They were permanently etched in his memory. He finally emerged from the piles of his mother's belongings and reached for the stack that his friend had been browsing. He sat close to Bucky and went through the whole pile again.

"Just as I remembered. That was... such an amazing day." Steve's mind wandered. There was one picture he definitely remembered from that day. But it wasn't there. Just as well, he didn't think he could handle the embarrassment if Bucky brought it up now. Still, he hoped his mom hadn't done anything with it.

When they got to the last picture, they sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, gazing at the face of the woman who had brought him up, taken care of him despite everything, and now was gone. "That she was, Buck. That she was."

Bucky didn't know what he could say, he still had both his parents, Steve had already lost both of his. There didn't seem to be anything he could that would make any difference, and everything he had felt he should say, he'd already repeated for posterity. All he wanted was to provide for his best friend, to be there for him with whatever he needed. So for lack of words he simply leaned their heads together, tight-lipped but smiling as best he could, and gave the blonde's arm a friendly squeeze. After a stretch of just breathing together he gathered the photos into a small empty box, setting them aside for them to keep. Surely Steve would need keepsakes, and he was going to make sure he had some, even if Steve insisted he didn't.

Several hours later it was getting late, the sun was disappearing behind the buildings and they were getting hungry, having inadvertently skipped lunch. Bucky convinced Steve he had no idea how to properly prepare spaghetti, and watched with a mischievous glimmer in his eye as his friend earnestly attempted to teach him how. He was so serious and focused that Bucky didn't have the heart to tell him it was a lie. If there was one thing he could cook, it was pasta.

They sat in relative silence at the kitchen table, Bucky toying with Steve's foot with his own, pretending he wasn't doing it intentionally. He caught Steve's gaze a couple times, smiling lazily, as though he wasn't teasing the blonde on purpose. After they stood side by side at the sink, Bucky cleaning the dishes as Steve dried and put them away. They engaged in small talk as they did, Steve going on about art class, Bucky showing off the large bruise he was sporting from the fumble with his father.

It was so comfortable that when they relaxed in Steve's room after he didn't feel a bit awkward. It was a second home to him, and it made it easier as he again felt the need to come clean. "Steve… you remember when we talked about signing up? How we decided against it because of going to college together and all…" Bucky found he couldn't keep the eye contact he'd started off with, the pure open blue gaze following his lips making his nerves rear their ugly head. "I gotta letter. They're drafting me in," the audible silence was killing him slowly. "I'm leaving in a few weeks for basic, and after that…they probably won't wait long to send me an assignment."

Bucky anxiously looked down at the space where their shoulders were pressed tightly together, leaning back on the wall atop Steve's neatly made bed. "I'm sorry Steve, I… I don't know what else to say." Swallowing hard he jammed his hand into his pocket, grasping for the cookies like a lifeline. He presented them akin to an offering of flowers on a first date, shaky and messy as hell. "Mom made these for you, with what we had left. I know it's a shameful apology, but I didn't want to wait to tell you, and I know it doesn't make up for anything, I… I'm sorry Steve."

Steve held onto the comforting embrace of his friend before excusing himself and wiping away the tears. Some days were harder than others, but it always helped to have Bucky around. It made the rest of the evening pass more smoothly.

They were nearly finished with his mother's bedroom when the boys' stomachs seemed to grumble in unison. "I'd better make us something. I think there's still a can of tomato sauce. How's spaghetti sound?" Bucky seemed eager to be taught, so Steve described the process with as much detail as he could muster. They laughed together as they cooked, enjoyed their dinner, and washed the dishes.

"I've noticed you keep rubbing that arm. Everything okay?" Bucky explained what had happened, and Steve expressed his sympathies. He knew Bucky was tough, but it was hard for Steve to see him in any pain. He felt bad for making his friend work so hard with him all day, so he decided to call a break so they could just rest a while in his room.

As Bucky began to make his confession, Steve instinctively placed an arm on his friend's shoulder. He didn't know what to say. He looked in the man's eyes as he said the words, then stared blankly at a spot on the wall. He couldn't believe it was happening. The only person he had left in his life was being forced to leave him? To potentially lose his life? Suddenly his mind was full of confusing feelings. Like he was realizing for the first time how important Bucky was to him.

"That's, um... Wow." Steve looked back at his friend as a handful of cookies was thrust into his line of sight. He saw Bucky's face again. He could see tears forming in his eyes. The man looked terrified, though Steve could tell it wasn't because of going to war. It was because he didn't know how to tell his friend he had to leave him.

Steve took the cookies graciously. "It's... It's okay, Buck. I know this can't have been easy for you. We'll figure something out. Maybe you don't have to go..." He felt his own tears welling up. "Maybe I can go with you? Something..." Suddenly he didn't care about college or work or anything. He just didn't want to be alone anymore.

Bucky didn't have the heart for this, but he knew it wasn't going to go away. He'd have to talk about it one way or another, and the reality of their situation was a heavy one. "Steve…" his friend was clearly in denial, but the slightly older man had expected as much. God, he felt like such an asshole. Still, he didn't want to make it any worse… he went back and forth quite a bit in his mind before speaking again.

"We both know they won't take you, Steve. Your asthma alone…" Bucky felt his throat tighten, but he fought to continue, it was too important for his fear to silence him now. "It's gonna be alright. I'm good at that sorta stuff, remember? Number one athlete. You better believe before I go, we're gonna brush you up on your boxing. I can't leave you here with no way to defend yourself." The thought of Steve alone in the city terrified him, but he had to stay positive.

"I'll be back before you know it. You'll see. And, I've still got a few weeks before anything so…" Bucky's heart was racing as he reached for Steve's free hand, his mouth going dry. He shouldn't be nervous, they'd been doing this thing for years… but it was changing for him, he felt… different. His father would be so angry with him. His mother would feel like a failure. But when he was with Steve, none of that mattered. And, as it seemed, he didn't have to worry about it long. Soon he'd be on the other side of the world, far away from this thing they had, it would be something for him to hold onto tightly. And it could all be over in the space of a breath.

Curling their fingers together he gave a gentle squeeze, resting their foreheads against one another, breathing shallow in his excitement. "This isn't gonna change anything. You're always gonna be my best friend…I meant it when I said it before. I'm with you 'til the end of the line, Steve." Licking his lips he let his fingertips drift up Steve's thin bare wrist, watching the progression until he met the cloth of his rolled up sleeves. "Lemme show you."

Without a moment's hesitation Bucky ducked his head and captured Steve's frowning full lips, determined to help him forget their circumstances, even if it was just for a little while. They never talked about this thing, barely ever even alluded to it. It was fragile. Not because of their insecurities, but because it just wasn't done. As long as they didn't act on it in public, it wasn't an issue. Everyone knew boys and girls fooled around, but as long as it wasn't a spectacle, no one paid it any mind unless they had a real enormous stick up their ass.

It was all about the end game. If you ended up married, no harm, no foul. If you were a confirmed bachelor but you didn't fuck a guy on your front lawn and flaunt your lifestyle, folks rarely called you out on it. But he knew it was dangerous to dream like that… Steve blushed at the sight of women, wistfully watched as they walked by, his nerves giving away his fancy. He wasn't like Bucky, who didn't get nerves, who felt cool as a cucumber when dealing with girls because really, he had nothing to lose. And that was all the dark-haired man needed to know. Steve was a smart guy, a nice guy, and he had a stubborn streak a mile wide. He'd make it far in the world, no matter what. And if a girl was what Steve wanted to be happy, then maybe it was good that he was leaving.

Without breaking their liplock Bucky took the nearly forgotten cookies from Steve's other hand, placing them on the nightstand. Cupping the blonde's face tenderly he kissed as gently as he could, careful not to upset the tentative moment. He took his time, dragging his now wetted lips along his friend's jaw languidly, nipping and licking down his slight neck. Steve's breath caught, and Bucky smiled, glad he could still affect his friend so strongly, and busied his hands with undoing the other man's belt.

It'd been so long he was worried Steve might stop him, might change his mind, might have decided he didn't want this with his friend anymore. But the blonde just laid back and let him open up his trousers, reach in to stroke him. Bucky bit his lip to brace himself, feeling his own desire grow as he curled long fingers around the firming shaft, careful not to give in to his urges and unbutton his friend's threadbare shirt. Steve tended to be self-conscious about his body, especially in comparison to Bucky himself, so the bigger man never pushed the matter if he could help it.

Careful not to force the moment too far, Bucky kept his eyes downcast when he bowed his head, sliding Steve's growing erection past his slippery lips, his eyes fluttered closed for a second as he was overwhelmed by the powerful sensation. He didn't linger too long though, beginning his worship of Steve's body almost immediately, one large hand curling around  a trim thigh to brace himself, the other still gripping the shaft in his mouth with just enough pressure.

Bucky could only hope Steve wanted this distraction as much as he did.

Steve shuddered at the way Bucky said his name, breaking the tense silence. He wanted to stay in that moment. He didn't want time to keep moving. He wished he could freeze everything and just keep Bucky forever. What was he supposed to do? He felt so weak as his friend reminded him of his disadvantages. Even though he knew Bucky was just trying to protect him. It was too much to handle at once.

He let Bucky pull him closer. It suddenly felt like they'd never been close enough, despite all they had done together. And now he never wanted to let go. He squeezed the man's hand, letting him know how strongly he felt, in place of the words he couldn't find. The sudden kiss didn't even surprise Steve. It was like slipping back into a place where he felt most comfortable. He could never put these feelings into words. He didn't even fully understand them. But they always felt right with Bucky.

When Bucky took away the cookies, as though Steve finally remembered that he had hands, he gripped his friend's muscular shoulders tightly and pulled him closer. The way the larger man's lips touched Steve's skin all over made him shudder with excitement. By the time Bucky was reaching for his belt, he could already feel himself straining against his pant leg. The hunger he felt for his friend to touch his most intimate areas was more unbearable than ever. When he felt the large hand finally make contact, Steve let out an involuntary moan. The pleasure in that moment of contact so great, he could have lost his control right then. But he held on, squeezing Bucky's arms tighter. Trying to focus and make the moment last.

Steve braced himself as his best friend slowly lowered his head. The young man wasn't the most experienced lover, but in all his days, he'd never felt anything as amazing as Bucky's lips. He groaned again as they made contact, already on the torturous brink of orgasm. He couldn't give in so soon. He needed this moment to last. He tilted his head back and shut his eyes. He focused on his thoughts of Bucky. He couldn't admit it to himself, but this man was the most important thing in his life. He couldn't bear to see him go.

Suddenly he was brought back to reality as he opened his eyes and saw this man, this man he cared about so much, showing him such... tenderness. It wasn't just a way to get off. There was something special growing between them. Steve ran his fingers through Bucky's thick hair in an effort to show him how much he meant to him. How badly he needed him to stay.

Bucky was lost to his senses, happily drowning in a sea of need. It was becoming too much, and he gave in and rubbed off a bit against the heavy blanket beneath them, He was so wanton, so immersed that he didn't even need to touch himself, he felt like he could  go off at any minute. And Steve… Steve was divine, writhing against him, eagerly pressing into his ministrations, shamelessly moaning for him.

It took everything he had not to lose his cool and ruin his new slacks. That would be fun to explain to his mother. So he focused on his friend, paying close attention to every sound he made, every shift of his body. Bucky wanted Steve to remember him fondly, no matter what happened. So he would give the man everything he could before he left. Everything.

But as he lay there, feeling Steve getting closer and closer to the edge he decided he couldn't give that last part of himself, the thing he'd been wondering about since they started their little games. No, he couldn't let himself go that far, because if he did, he might not be able to let the man go. And as good a man as Steve was, he wasn't big on emotional attachment. As much as Bucky wanted him, Steve wasn't his to have.

The fingers slipping gently into his hair nearly caused him to stop, the emotions flooding through him almost too much to bear. Steve had no idea what he meant to Bucky, and the dark-haired man could never let him know. It would ruin everything, it could create a rift between them that could never be healed. No, it was best that Bucky keep his distance, keep things friendly. Because he loved Steve enough to let him go.

Tears prickled at his eyes as he was petted, the show of affection tugging at his heartstrings violently. If he wasn't careful, he'd end up a sobbing mess in Steve's lap. So Bucky steeled himself and pressed his cheek lovingly against Steve's bared thigh, managing to look up at him fondly as he doubled his efforts. He wanted Steve to let go, he wanted to take care of him. He didn't have much time left, but what time he did have he intended to spend with his best friend doing everything in his power to make him happy.

And if Bucky tried hard enough, maybe he could win the war before it could touch him.

Steve felt hesitation from Bucky when he touched him. He hoped he hadn't offended his friend. He let slip more pleasurable noises in an attempt to let the man know he was enjoying himself. He wanted to return the favor. He didn't want to ruin this. It was the only thing they had that could express their unspeakable bond with each other. These thoughts were bound to drive him mad. They were staving off his climax, but just barely. Soon enough it was too overwhelming to fight.

Steve focused on the feeling of Bucky's tongue and lips against him. His hips were grinding against the man's face, aching for his release. He felt his breath quicken. His muscles tightened as his entire body finally gave in to the pleasure. "Bucky!" His hips raised high, he came forcefully on the larger man's beautiful face. It felt like it would never end. He could barely catch his breath enough to come back to reality.

He held his friend's face in his hands. What could he possibly say? He didn't even understand his emotions. But he knew they were real. And with this clarity came the reminder that he was leaving. Tears returned to his eyes. He never wanted to have to say goodbye. He had to do something.

"Goddamn. How did you learn to do that? Maybe it's time you taught me a thing or two."

Bucky accepted Steve's release gracefully, pleased when some spattered across his lips and tongue. The remnants he wiped off with his wrist, smiling sheepishly as he did. Even with his cock raining all over another guy's face Steve Rogers still managed to act the angel. "Why, I've been getting a lot of practice in, as you well know…" the dark-haired man rested comfortably on his side, brushing his mussed hair back from his face.

His own erection strained almost painfully against the front of his spotless trousers, though he did reach down to adjust himself a little under Steve's cerulean blue gaze. Bucky loved  the way his friend looked at him when they did these things. It was only then that he felt like maybe Steve might feel a smidge of what Bucky felt for him. Deep down he knew he was just fooling himself, but when he was hard and Steve was pressing in tight against him, it really didn't matter. Bucky knew he would kick himself later, but in the moment it was everything.

Still, he couldn't let himself go like that. Once he'd started realizing it meant a lot more to him than Steve, he'd tried desperately to reign himself in. But this was it, things were winding down, and soon he'd be wishing he was here with his friend, messing around in the fading evening light. "Okay," Bucky agreed after considering it for a moment. "If that's what you really want."

Bucky undid his belt, sliding out of his pants easily, setting them aside, "If I ruin these my mom'll tan my hide," he then replaced himself next to Steve, "But I wanted to look good for you. So I risked it." It had taken a lot to admit, but he was feeling bold after their intimacy, and he figured he'd be gone soon anyhow. He could let loose a little. "For the record, I don't think you need any coaching. You always know just what to do to drive me wild."

Bucky's heart was hammering in his chest as Steve looked him over, as though trying to decide what to do. Up until then they'd stuck to mostly hands, some mutual grinding, the occasional mouth action. No matter what Steve chose, Bucky was always blown away. Just having the blonde beside him was enough to make his heart skip uncontrollably. Steve had never swallowed him down though, he'd always pulled back, and Bucky wondered if that's what his friend was asking.

"You know I'm up for anything. And if you're not feelin' it, that's no problem either. I'm not greedy," Bucky grinned at that, honest though it was, since his reputation often said otherwise. But a reputation was really only perception, and if one played their cards right, they could have any reputation they liked. As long as the girls in the neighborhood thought he was a fox, he was safe. All he really cared about though, was how Steve thought of him. "I'm just glad to be here with my best guy," the dark-haired man ran a thumb tenderly along Steve's sharp cheekbone, memorizing the features of his pale face for a millionth time. It never got old.

Steve lay there helpless as he tried to catch his breath. All his body wanted to do now was pass out with Bucky in his arms. But he wasn't about to let this night end so soon. He held his friend's face close to him, not wanting to let go. He didn't know how to tell him what he was feeling, so he just said, "Yes. Please."

He watched as the man slipped out of his trousers. He was surprised to hear Bucky had put so much effort into his appearance. Steve just assumed that looking good was his natural state of being. "Heh. I don't really know what I'm doing." He feigned ignorance. Though honestly he never had to try with Bucky. Everything just came naturally.

Steve gazed at the specimen before him, exposed as he was. He wished he could be as comfortable with his body as Bucky was. He was instantly turned on again and couldn't decide what to do with his friend first. Best take things slow, he thought. He held Bucky's face in his hand and kissed him gently. All the while sliding his other hand down the man's chest, brushing his nails against a nipple teasingly, finally reaching his erection. His own member twitched with excitement as he stroked his friend slowly. "I'm up for everything, Buck."

Bucky watched the minute indication of emotions and thoughts playing across Steve's angular face, his body hot and ready to go, but his heart felt soft and exposed. The older man snorted softly at his friend's claim that he wasn't certain what he was doing. True or not, he never failed to please Bucky. It was a blessing. Steve seemed overstimulated, so the dark-haired man prepared himself to back down if he needed to. All he cared about was his friend's comfort. "Hey, buddy, we don't have to do anything, honest. It's not a big deal," Bucky flashed a friendly smile, showing Steve he wasn't just saying these things to be nice, "I'm perfectly happy with everything. It's been a long day, I understand if you wanna -"

When the other man reached forward to touch his face, Bucky braced himself, but the overwhelming emotions still crashed through him, making his breath stutter awkwardly in his excitement. He bit his lips and had to concentrate to open and raise his eyes to back Steve's pale countenance, not allowing himself to hide from the moment. As the kiss was given however, Bucky couldn't help it as his eyelashes fluttered shut, his heart jumping into his throat. God, he was a goner.

Bucky tried to choke back the whimper that sprung loose when Steve's soft hand curled around him, but it escaped him between kisses, his body melting under the attention. He'd not had another hand on him in the month or so Steve had been nursing his mother. Bucky had been there for a lot of it, but Steve often insisted on being alone, and the older man knew when he really needed it. It'd been the most difficult thing in his life, letting Steve deal with something on his own, especially after taking care of him for so long, but it had brought them closer in the end. His nickname falling from Steve's lips was enough to steal the air from his lungs, he'd never get used to the connection he felt from such a simple thing. It was a battle to find a breath.

Shuddering in delight under the careful touch, Bucky couldn't contain his small cries and hisses as the pleasure trickled and then welled up inside him. Between panting, gentle kisses he languidly arched his hips into the small but firm palm, remembering the pottery class they'd taken together, and the way he'd admired Steve's control of his slight hands. "This is perfect Stevie, yeah, just like that," Bucky could barely contain his need, fighting with himself to keep it tame, though really what he wanted he was never going to ask for. Instead, he compromised.

"Lemme get you back," he mumbled against the blonde's kiss swollen mouth, slippery from their saliva and delicious as ever. Scooting closer he reached down between them and gathered Steve's cock up, patiently stroking him back to full mast, grinning in triumph as he managed it without losing himself to the thrill of it. Tangling their legs together he got close enough for their erections to meet, and pressed, nudging their hips in as tightly as they could manage.

"I want to feel more of you," he whispered as he began to nibble along Steve's neck, the elation of being so intimate again running away with his senses. Steve was slight enough that Bucky could slip an arm under the man's body to hold him closer even as he cupped his friend's hand and began to touch as much as he could of all that lay in the valley of their bodies. It was intoxicating, and it required a lot of his concentration not to get carried away.

The more Steve gave him the less he could contain himself. He began to shiver, his mind becoming sloshy as he neared his release, all the things he had to bite back fighting to escape his arousal reddened lips. Bucky began to lose his grip on all of it, squeezing his eyes shut as he couldn't bring himself to care anymore, thrusting into Steve's fist with abandon. "I'm gonna - ah Steve, I can't - oh god, yes, please -" Bucky's last word was a pitiful moan, scraping out of his strained throat as he finally shuddered, spilling hot and wet against his best friend. His face was buried in Steve's neck, the skin there moist and splotchy from Bucky's teeth and suckling kisses. The older man didn't care though, relieved as he was that he hadn't given away the depth of his true desires. It was time to get back in character.

"Jesus Steve, you almost had me with that bit about needing pointers," Bucky fought to breathe as he rolled over to lay on his back, sweaty and satisfied for the first time in weeks. He couldn't wipe the grin off his face as he finally began to relax, realizing he'd been carrying around a lot more stress than he'd known. "Good one buddy, ya got me."

Steve delighted in every thrust Bucky made into his slender fingers. It elated him to be able to give his friend such pleasure. He was surprised Bucky still wanted to stimulate him back, but his body was still responsive and the feeling was too blissful to deny. It didn't take long for the blood to rush back and make him hard again. The feel of Bucky's cock against his made him throb with lust.

Steve's hands wandered all over Bucky's body. His hips instinctively grinding against his friend's. Their hands stroking themselves and each other in unison. As Steve felt Bucky's orgasm approaching, he focused on the head of the man's erection, giving it all that he could. He held his friend tight as he came in his hand. It was so intoxicating that Steve himself felt another release, spilling what was left inside him to mix with Bucky's on his stomach.

They clung their shuddering bodies together in post-coital bliss. Steve smiled at Bucky's teasing. He could barely move. He felt he would be content lying there with his friend until they had enough energy to go again. This was suddenly the most important thing to him in his life. Even after coming twice. Steve never wanted to let Bucky go. "What can I say? You bring the best out of me."

"Is that what this is?" Bucky kidded brightly, holding up his wet hand, eyes half-lidded and heavy from his lingering orgasm. Without a second thought the older man gave his fingertips a lick, his enjoyment of the moment causing him to act instead of think. He didn't care though, for that few minutes after they shared something like that, he figured he was allowed to be a little weird.

With a laugh he dropped his hand and pulled Steve close once more, suckling at Steve's mouth languidly, simply enjoying the sensation. When he pulled back he hummed his appreciation of the contact, licking his lips pointedly, "Tasty. This counted as dessert, right? I hope you're up for seconds." Bucky joked smoothly, leaning over Steve like he was going to climb on top of him, only to grab up the cookies from their forgotten place on the night stand and settle back into his previous spot.

"Gotta keep my boy fed," he teased, pressing one of the baked goods to Steve's slightly agape mouth, raising his eyebrows in expectation. "I maybe kinda lied a little when I said my mom made these ya know… I might've been trying my hand at it." Bucky bit his bottom lip in anticipation, feeling exposed at revealing his secret. Suddenly he felt terribly nervous. Bucky shrugged then, like he didn't care if Steve ended up hating them, "Ma says I used too much cinnamon. I just...I wanted to do something nice for you."

Steve managed a laugh as he tried to catch his breath. The way Bucky was so casual with this made him bashful, but it gave him hope. As though this was something he could get used to.

He nearly cried when Bucky climbed atop him asking for seconds. He wanted it more than anything, but his body couldn't take anymore, and he didn't want to give his friend the wrong idea. Steve was relieved when he came back with cookies. He reached for one hungrily, but Bucky beat him to it, as the cookie was pushed suggestively into his mouth. He laughed again, nearly spilling the cookie all over the bed, but he caught himself and took a bite.

His first thought was that Mrs. Barnes must have improved her recipe. He ate the whole thing hungrily as Bucky made his confession. Steve couldn't believe his friend had done something so thoughtful. He placed a hand on Bucky's as he swallowed as much of it as he could.

"Bucky, you're the best friend a guy could have. And your baking is top notch. I'm not just saying that. I'd say your mom doesn't use enough cinnamon." He managed to muster up enough courage to kiss his friend tenderly on the forehead. "Thank you."

Bucky had to duck his head to hide that his eyes were beginning to shine with the promise of tears at Steve's show of affection. "Ahhhh, it was nothing," he acted like the was feigning sheepishness, but he genuinely felt exposed, his cheeks burning hot. God, he was acting like a girl with a crush. They were only cookies, it wasn't a marriage proposal. Hell, they weren't even going steady. Not like that was even an option for them.

The logical thoughts were painfully sobering, and the harshness of reality helped his eyes to dry before they spilled a single tear. "There are a dozen more back home, I guess I wanted to see if you even liked them before I offered them up," the older man shrugged, finally meeting their gazes again. "You don't' have to move right away or anything. I mean, it'll take a couple days to clean up and then there's the moving. Pops says we can borrow the truck," Bucky laid back then, looking up at the familiar ceiling, thinking of all the times he'd laid there in Steve's arms and felt so much desire and confusion over what they were doing. In the end though, he always was glad for it.

"I know rent's paid up 'til next month. Ma's said you can come along anytime though," the words were out of his mouth before he'd realized he'd never brought the subject up with Steve that day. It'd simply been an assumption in his mind that that was the plan, that was what they were working towards. He'd briefly forgotten how stubborn Steve could be. He wanted to kick himself.

Bucky winced, bracing himself for the impending argument. "Before you say anything, I know that's not your plan. I know you want to strike off on your own but Steve, you're family. We want you to live with us, there's no reason for you to go it alone. The fact of the matter is, I'm not gonna be here in a few weeks, and Ma's expecting you to take my room." He'd fully intended not to bring up the subject of the army again after his confession, but there it was. At this point he'd say whatever he had to to know that Steve had a place to stay where he could keep an eye on him.

Steve was genuinely impressed with Bucky's thoughtfulness. He knew it must have taken the man a lot of work to make such delicious treats for him. It gave him a warm feeling in his heart.

Bucky's mention of moving threw him off guard. Steve assumed he was talking about helping him find an apartment until he brought up his mother. The smaller man just listened in confusion as he watched panic fill the eyes of his friend. He wanted Steve to stay at his place? He wasn't sure he could accept that. He was more than capable of taking care of himself, and he didn't want to be a burden. "I... Are you sure, Bucky? That seems like a huge strain to put on your poor parents."

He could tell Bucky was already anticipating his refusal. Steve saw something in his friend's eyes that was unmistakable. He was not going to take no for an answer. What choice did he have? Mrs. Barnes was like a mother to him. And Bucky... Honestly he couldn't imagine not being with the man as much as possible until he left. He would just have to swallow his pride.

"If you insist, I can't refuse. Honestly the sooner I can get out of this place the better. That is, if you don't mind sharing your room."

"Never been a problem before," Bucky could feel the relief settling over him like a calming blanket. He'd honestly never expected Steve to agree. "Who are you and what have you done with Steve Rogers?" he kidded even as he scooted closer, emboldened by the acceptance of his offer. He stole a kiss, then rolled away to lighten the mood, figuring there was only so much he could get away with. Steve enjoyed a little stimulation as much as any guy, but if Bucky came on too strong he was sure their friendship would suffer.

Clearing his throat he ran a hand through his sweaty hair, straightening his clothes a bit. "Well there's no hurry. My room's not going anywhere. Besides, I figured you'd wanna take advantage of your privacy while you have the chance. I mean, unless you think you can keep quiet?" Bucky raised a brow pointedly, silently reminding Steve of the time they'd messed around at his place and got a little too into it. Bucky's mother had come to the rescue, inquiring after Steve's moaning, and the boys had to make up some story about too much ice cream. It was nearly a disaster. Funny now of course, but at the time, no laughing matter.

"We've got some time before I go. We're going to the gym for sure. And you should go ahead and finish up that last semester of French without me. On the bright side, you won't have to share books with me anymore," Bucky teased, remembering how irritated Steve could get when the older man would scribble in the blank columns relentlessly. Bucky stripped off his button up shirt then, leaving on his white tank, but thought better of it and yanked it over his head too. He used it to clean up the mess drying on his stomach, then tossed it to Steve.

"I'm beat. I dunno about you but it's been a long day. I can take the couch," he started gathering his things, planning on giving the other man his much needed space, and flashed him a friendly smile to offset the fact that he was indeed standing unabashedly in the nude.

Steve felt his face flush as Bucky kissed him. He hoped he hadn't been too forward. Everything was happening so fast now. All he could think about was his best friend leaving him. But Bucky was being so cavalier as always. Steve didn't want to make him worry, surely the man was going through enough emotional conflict. So Steve did his best to keep his feelings in check.

Steve placed his hand on Bucky's shoulder. "Well we could always come back here if we need to get away," he teased, "I just feel like it'd be easier to adapt if I were there with you." And he had to admit to himself that the loneliness was getting to him.

He was very much looking forward to the lessons with Bucky. Steve always felt inferior when it came to his fighting skills. He knew he had some learning to do. Continuing his French lessons however, suddenly felt inconsequential. He knew Bucky would never let him quit, though. So he decided to keep his mouth shut.

Steve caught Bucky's shirt and wiped himself off. His exhaustion was starting to catch up with him as well. He watched as the larger man stood naked in front of him. Such a perfect specimen. He realized he had to say something now or he'd forever regret it.

"You... You don't have to go. If you don't want to."

Bucky had busied himself picking up his scattered clothing, stepping around the many boxes now settled here and there around the room. He shrugged as his friend spoke, nodding in agreement. "Alright, if you're sure. I'll hold you to that if you feel like messing around," Bucky couldn't hide his smug smile, knowing there was no way Steve could keep the presence of mind to prevent his mother or father hearing them, should anything happen. And when they were alone, things usually happened. Bucky was sorely aware he was always the one initiating things, but Steve went along with it, and he was grateful to have such a superb friend.

When Steve's voice met his ears again Bucky blinked a bit in genuine surprise, but didn't let it show too much. "Yeah, okay. If you're sure it won't bug you." The older man's tone was flippant, but his chest ached something fierce. Steve was hurting bad, had to be, to reach out in a way he never had before. It worried Bucky immensely. "Move over, big guy," he teased affectionately, brushing a hand over Steve's soft blonde hair as he slid into the small bed beside his ailing best friend.

It took him a moment to get comfortable, but when he did his back faced the other man, Bucky doing what he could to not take up too much space. "I'm out, buddy. But I'm here if you need me," the bigger man muttered sleepily, shrugging his shoulder a bit as the chill night air nipped at it.

Steve was relieved when Bucky agreed to sleeping with him. He didn't know what had come over him. He'd spent practically every night of his life sleeping alone in his bed, but something told him that if he let his friend stay on the couch, Steve would be up all night worrying about him.

He slid over in the bed to make room for the larger man, pulling down the covers in an attempt to air out the sheets after their recent tussle. "Thanks, Buck. Good night." Steve could feel his cheeks flushing as they lay beside one another. It was strange, but it felt right, somehow. He set his head on the pillow and stared at his friend's back, trying to sort out his feelings, but lying on the comfy bed was too distracting and soon his exhaustion took the better of him.