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The ups and downs of this shithole we call life:

Been very suicidal recently. I’m trying my best and I’m working hard to stay out of that mindset... but lately everything seems like it has come to a head and I’m not built to hack it. But I’ve also had good things happen to me. Those things help keep me held onto the idea that life just sucks sometimes. I’ve been in a plateau overall, but hopefully this demented ride we call life leads me to an up and where I wanna go. Til then, cheers my friends. Grab a drink and stay a while if you need it

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Being me

Honestly when people call me an asshole, I respond with “I’m an asshole, but I’m funny” I’m consistent with I what I do and say to people even if they are hurting or upset because I want to be an emotional anchor that won’t treat them with eggshells. Part of this is because it’s a knee-jerk reaction to outside stress and anxiety but also I use it to deflect my own issues of depression and suicidal thoughts. If I genuinely hurt or offend someone, I make it clear to them I won’t do it again and I will apologies for it as 99% of the time it’s never done out of malice. I want people to laugh and see the humor in dark things because while the thoughts of wanting to die are always there, maybe they’ll laugh and go “Okay, yeah, I can deal with one more minute/hour/day/week”. It’s hard but I try to reach out and make sure all my friends and family and even people I don’t know, know that if they need to talk I’m here, and I regularly try and check up on them. I say random ass things to make things funny, or weird. And if you like funny and weird, I can make it REALLY weird.

Try reaching out to your friends and family even if your head tells you bad things. Try reaching out to friends that don’t seem okay, and then reach out to ones that DO seem okay. Each of us a labyrinth of emotions and thoughts and no matter what those dark voices in your head say, you ARE Loved, you ARE Important and you ARE Worthy.

Rambly post outta nowhere but here I am ay, Still kicking.

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What does foreplay have to do with a girl being wet? Why is that a man's responsibility? It's their vagina.. We can't control that...

please don’t have sex

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Human Sonic

Human Shadow

Human Tails

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As a Sombra main when this happens 🙃

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I know it sounds fake but you really do have a lot of silent lovers on this planet who look at you and wish they had your smile or your hair color or your humor or your intellect or your intentions or your heart, your manners, your eyes, your ease, even just you. People who are too shy to tell you what they admire about you or what they wish for you or who they see themselves becoming bc of you & they’re too shy to tell you. even tho it isn’t verbalized, the universe has still heard and the universe has loved you for helping out on its creations. You’re that person. You’re you.

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When you die, you appear in a cinema with a number of other people who look like you. You find out that they are your previous reincarnations, and soon you all begin watching your next life on the big screen.

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Why "doing something relaxing” does not help your anxiety

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.  

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind. 

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture. 

Therefore, I present to you: 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift 

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see. 

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in. 

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.) 

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety. 

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel. 

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors. 

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.  

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself.  I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too. 

(Now this shouldn’t have to be said but if the “do nots” work for you then by all means do them. They’ve just never worked for me.)

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Sold my 3DS and copy of Animal Crossing (as well as several other games) to make rent this month. Was brought to tears when I thought about all of the progress I put into my town and villagers just going away never to be seen again. Long live Dnguston and all its inhabitants!

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Sony made both movies so they obviously exist in the same universe

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Well, to anyone who gives a shit, Happy New Year!!! From my half a bottle of gin in self to you, I hope youll have a great 2019!!! I hope it is the start of the best years of your life!!!

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