sunbleachedfilcs

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here we are. planning a baby. so much planning. so much timing. we're not even together together. yet here we are.

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LOVE WILL FIND YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN EVEN WHEN YOU THINK IT WON'T

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How do I stop feeling guilty for wanting basic human needs does anyone know

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Hanif Abdurraqib interviewed by Ruth Awad: Joy Is Not Promised to You

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maybe fall is for redemption.

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maybe one day i will stop having to ask is this how you treat someone you love because it weighs on me.

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Federico García Lorca, from Blood Wedding

Text ID: In my heart I have a scream, always / waiting,

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also nothing like the girl you fully vulnerable and all hooked up with various times on the trip not responding to you. for a good couple days. like did i do something? i did. didn't i.

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not sure what i did to reward such a cosmic punishment but! my name's cyn! and i want a fucking break!

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currently running on stress levels that have me feeling like a shaking puppy in the background of my brain. push it down. away.

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would anyone notice if i went home?

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very demure. very mindful. very cutesy. sneaking bons into the villa nightly.

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“that’s ok i understand!!!!” but it actually made me sick to my stomach

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i should be allowed to eat pretty girls souls while in love. not very casual of me.

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last night was definitely not on the agenda either but 🥵👯‍♀️😍

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don't look at me but my plan has definitely gone out the window. all bets are off. i am getting myself into so much trouble. the aftermath if this goes badly for me is going to be nuclear. it's going to be incredibly painful all over again. and i am throwing away all my worries and concerns into the ocean and having fun with bonnie anyways. giving up control i hold so tightly and dear.

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well cyn. sleeping with her and sleeping with her was not on the vacation agenda. neither was the soft vulnerable hours. and i missed yous. don't get attached. don't look to much into this. the bubble will pop and it's me on my own. i was doing so well on my own. fuck.