sunderedmind-blog

[sunderedmind-blog]

Wish i read this 4 hours ago lol

How to Relate to Multiples: Conversational Do’s and Don’ts

In order to get other perspectives and help flush out this guide, I’m sharing this rough draft. Please feel free to correct me or suggest additions. As promised, I’m working on making this guide more inclusive to all kinds of multiples, and I appreciate advice on that. 

Sometimes, when faced with strange and unknown situations, people clam up and feel uncomfortable because they don’t know what things are appropriate or inappropriate to say or discuss. Uncomfortable topics will vary from system to system, but here’s a basic general overview that will hopefully help you feel more at ease when talking with your friend and their system.

Keep reading

[sunderedmind-blog]

The daily grind

Just taking a moment to enjoy the godsend that is switching. Don't worry Arc, we'll be on our way home soon, then you can relax, and I'll front for a while.

[sunderedmind-blog]

Well said

Multiplicity Is Not Easy

  [Note: This is something we’ve started working on. There is more stuff we’re planning on adding to it for sure but wanted to share what we’ve begun so far. It was sparked by as kind of a “reality check” / “vent essay” because of people who thinking being a multiple system is all fun and games or (role)playing. Because it is still a work in progress of sorts, some sections might seem skeletal or lacking in transitional devices from one paragraph to another. ] 

Introduction

Multiplicity is not easy. In fact, being multiple is hard. It is not easy from within or from without. It took a lot of work and effort, and still takes work and effort, to able to function and cooperate as much as our multiple system manages to. Our being able to function isn’t a done deal. It is something we are always having to keep our eye on, perfect, and reevaluate. Just because  we can cooperate on a daily basis doesn’t mean we are perfect or we have all the answers by any means. Our being as functional as we are is ongoing struggle. A work in progress. Maintaining and perfecting out ability to “adult,” if you will. However that doesn’t make us any less healthy than any average singlet. The average person is as likely ever working to keep their shit together as we are.

Doubt

Multiplicity is hard because of a the doubt. It is hard living with a massive amount of doubt waiting around every turn even after all the years we have known we are multiple. Doubt even after having a mental health professional recognized our multiplicity. Doubt that everyone else in the system isn’t actually real. Doubt that you yourself aren’t actually real.  Then there is also the doubt that haunts us due to being “abnormal” as far as what society generally considers standard. No matter how many years go by, no matter how many mental health professionals we convince, no matter how many lay people accept our multiplicity, no matter what - we are always haunted by a faint shadow of doubt.

Confusion

Multiplicity is hard because of the confusion. Even after all these years, sometimes it takes us a minute to realize who is fronting at certain times. Identity confusion when dissociation is high is an awful feeling.

On top of all this, it pales in comparison to the confusion we had before we had a word to accept what we were and the come to accept that was really what we were. Over life before that time was a mess of confusion.

Fear

Multiplicity is hard because of the fear that lurks in the shadows of our minds. Fear that singlets will think we are faking if they found out or we come out to them. Fear that singlets might think we are demonically possessed. No matter what we show or do, we could possibly loose a dear relationship if it went badly. We also fear singlets might react negatively to finding out about our multiplicity. React violently even.

Secrecy

Multiplicity is hard because of secrecy. The need to hide being multiple to practically everyone around us. It is hard because so much of our daily life (inside and outside) is off-limited to explain or discuss to so many.

Lying/Pretending

Multiplicity is hard because of all the lies that that has to be told and pretending that has to be done. Members have to pretend to be the gender that the body’s sex is. Members have to pretend the body’s name is their name. Members have to spend day in and day out pretending to be one single person.

Stigma

Multiplicity is hard because of the stigma. Either way it is sliced - spiritual or psychological- there is stigma and it is hard to live with. It is hard because, either way, multiplicity is highly misunderstood and people are ignorant about it on so many levels.  

Cooperating

Multiplicity is hard because it means being a part of a group constantly. Cooperating and comprising over just about every little aspect of life is a daily process. Things have to be coordinated to some extent or another all the time. Sharing everything. It takes a lot having every little thing be a group effort can be taxing on so many levels. It is hard not sometimes get frustrated or upset with how much and often we have to share all the time. Sometimes we do not see eye-to-eye or even argue. Sometimes we stretch or even break our own system’s rules.

Conclusion

Just because we have come to accept with what life has thrown at us does not mean it is perfect or that it has always been as “easy” (compared to what it once was for us). Having ourselves organized now does not make the years of chaos and confusion that we felt with during our teenage years simply cease to exist in our past. Rather, it is a reminder of how things could go back to if we mess up. How things were when we did not work together, and we tried to just “stop being multiple.”