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One of my favourite customer interactions

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In a perfect world, I could sing to you under a sky of real stars. I can't sing and the stars are too far, but wouldn't it be kinda cool anyway?

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sliding scale of posts about Jesus being a carpenter who was nailed to a cross

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Ok breaking containment for this one because I need everyone who will listen to hear this.

Women who suffer bad cramps are told cramps shouldn't affect school/work/etc, but no one ever investigates further because no one can possibly know if what someone experiences is just typical pain or something much worse.

Well after 15 years of stage 4 treatment-resistant endometriosis that came with pain as bad as, if not worse than, actual labor contractions every month, all the while being told I was 'typical' and 'just had bad cramps', I've finally been healed (another post for another time). I have had what everyone describes as the elusive 'normal period pain' for several months now, and I am begging you to look me in the eyes and listen because I need everyone who can hear this to hear this.

I have been on both sides of this. I have the hard-earned knowledge of what a period 'should' feel like.

If you have to put in any effort to hide your cramps, you need to get help.

Even during of the PEAK OF CRAMPING (i.e., as bad as your cramps possibly get), you should still be able to stand, speak, walk, eat, work, and sleep with no problems. These tasks should require very-little-to-no extra effort beyond what you would normally do when you aren't on your period. When you do these things, you should feel grumpy and a little bit icky and maybe a twinge of nerves and NOTHING MORE.

If you have to sit in the corner and hope no one approaches you because you can't speak or stand without showing pain, even slightly, you need to get help. If your pain is showing on your face, you need to get help. And most importantly, IF YOUR PAIN DOES NOT RESPOND TO 1-2 TYLENOL OR IBUPROFEN, YOU NEED TO GET HELP.

Your period cramps should make you grumpy. Your period cramps should make you feel a little icky and tired. Your period cramps should make you feel your insides existing/moving a bit and a twinge of nerves that makes you groan slightly then the "pain" should stop there, NOTHING MORE.

If your cramps put you on the floor but you make believe you're the captain of a ship who has just been stabbed and has to hide it to fight on, and you force yourself to power through the day, please understand: you are not okay, that does not make you okay. Just because you can power through the pain doesn't mean you aren't sick. If you have to force yourself through any basic task beyond the effort it takes you to do when you aren't on your period, and I am holding your face and looking you in the eye as I say this because I need you to hear me: You aren't normal. You don't 'just have bad cramps'. You are sick and you need to get help.

Now most people will tell you if your cramps are beyond a 3 out of 10 on the pain scale, you should see a doctor. While this is usually true, you have to consider chronic pain CAN AND WILL BREAK YOUR PAIN SCALE. Most people will only compare pain they currently feel to pain they may experience one day but probably never will. "Sure these cramps feel bad now, but if I had a leg amputated with no anesthesia, that would hurt WAY worse, so this pain can't be that bad-" No. Your pain is what it is, objectively, full stop. My cramps were at a 10 out of 10 every. Single. Time. And nobody told me claiming they were a 6-8 because I thought to myself 'what if I lose a limb one day?' was completely wrong. 10 pain is 10 pain. And if there's something that hurts worse than that, guess what. The thing you are experiencing right now is still a 10 out of 10 on the pain scale. Just because you experience it every month doesn't mean it's magically not as bad is it is. And if your pain is worse than a 3 out of 10, you need to get help.

Now when I say get help, I mean find the root cause of your pain. You can't just throw drugs and hormones at it without knowing what it causing your pain. Endometriosis, fibroids, pcos, cancer, adenomyosis, polyps, thyroid issues, there is always a cause. And if you leave it untreated, it will grow and get worse to the point where it resists treatment and the drugs and hormones you've been throwing at it for years don't work anymore. You have to find a doctor that will investigate. If your doctor tells you you 'just have bad cramps' get a new doctor. I know you've been told that but please hear me: no one ever just has bad cramps. A healthy human body doesn't spontaneously cause itself pain so bad you can't stand up; there is ALWAYS a cause.

I was sick for more than 15 years. My entire life was put on hold and now I'm in my late 20s trying desperately to play catch up for everything I missed. I want to pick up 12yo me, spin her around, and tell her she doesn't have to die before she finally stops hurting. I don't want anyone to suffer the same fate I did simply because everyone told them they were normal. A little twinge of pain here and there is normal, suffering is not. I promise you your pain is real, it is not normal, and dear heavenly day I am begging you you need to get help now.

TL;DR: There is no such thing as 'just bad cramps.' If you feel anything more than grumpy, icky, and pain greater than a 3 out of 10, you need to find out what's wrong with you before it gets worse.

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Tenna is not a tumblr sexyman. He's just A Sexyman. He's very well liked across all platforms and there's nothing about the guy which would indicate you're a weirdo for simping. You know who is an tumblr sexyman, though? Battat.

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I made a bad comic and now you have to look at it

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"I hate you all."

"And I'm not sorry."

Not gonna lie, this is more or less where I assumed Gonta's arc would go, after seeing his introduction scene. Insert ramble about my V3 experience. Purely optional read though, since it's long and I talk about personal stuff in 2nd half.

A deeply insecure, intelligent, earnest, considerate, hardworking, albeit socially clumsy in an endearingly pathetic way guy says he's used to being seen as scary, yet is visibly holding back sadness that his new friends DID get intimidated by him.

A former wild child obsessed with fitting into society as a distinguished gentleman. Who'd even bother with the abstract human rules of fancy-schmancy after 10 years worth of forming their adolescent synapses amongst wild animals? Is this inherent sensitivity to grace and decorum, or pure pragmatic bullshit and even deception? The guy's more concerned with what he "should do" over what he "wants to do", too - but still can't help but taint his "shoulds" with his "wants".

There were more observations, but ultimately "Oooooh, you're so gonna kill everyone!" was my honest-to-god blurted out, giddy conclusion, as my brain frantically processed this first encounter. ...Man. Anyway.

I played the whole game both loving Gonta more than I felt comfortable admitting and getting very pissed about it (there is a reason behind my blog's name lol), but also freaking out, and waiting for him to snap. Either due to getting fed up with mistreatment despite his efforts. Or leaning into his feral child side and butchering everyone, subtlety be damned - there's no rule limiting victims per blackened in this particular killing game anyway. Or ultimately turn out to be a twist-villain.

Know Wheatley? I thought Gonta would pull "I AM NOT! A MORON!", too, but instead… well.

(Should've been more selective with who you love, my dude...)

No 180. No subversion. Nothing cathartic like that. Something far more inconsolably heart-wrenching instead.

And far more real.

Paradoxically, Ch4 shows Gonta is far more genuinely good-hearted than I've ever allowed myself to admit. My hunches and paranoia got proven both correct and wrong at the same time, through Gonta commiting a horrible thing, with reasoning that went against my core values, yet miraculously without ruining his virtues in my eyes. Quite the feat, really. (ngl, still wanted to slap him tho, before the heart-break took over)

He didn't do it out of resentment. He didn't turn out to be a primitive, resentful brute. There was no pretense, no facade. Even at his very worst, what drove him was a genuine care for others, even if misguided and weaponized by someone else. His reasoning was fucked up, imposing, selfless and self-centered at the same time, but very... human and internally consistent. It all made sense. The goddamn fool was just as unhealthy as he seemed... and pathologically, deeply, irreparably kind.

That was my "twist".

And it meant so much.

People insist that Gonta's ultimate arc reveal is that he can knowingly do bad things. Nah. That's a simplistic takeaway. There's nothing special about it.

Gonta being a fundamentally good person, even if broken, and not immune to causing harm, makes him so much more complex, deeper and not so clear-cut of a character, than he'd be if he was evil, two-faced, or even a non-victimized partner in crime some insistently paint him as. At least that vulnerability of his is what had the most uncomfortably profound impact on me, and brushing it off or erasing it, or even romanticising it into something it's not, feels like a major disservice on par with dismissing him as dumb.

Ultimately, I felt both robbed and relieved by V3. I was glad Gonta was exactly who he presented himself to be. On another hand though, it made things all the more depressingly unfair and bleak, specifically considering the fact that Gonta's never truly initiated nor did things exclusively on his own terms, and how deliberately exploitative his circumstances were, despite pretense of free choice and technical possibility of Gonta backing out. Which, in terms of going out of one's way to do fucked up shit, is far, far less than what I both feared - and later on frankly hoped - he'd do.

But it does fit the pattern of vulnerable or abused people habitually compromising their own insight, ethics and truly independent decision-making in favour of overly valuing other people's deliberate bad faith and narratives they weave. A poor man's "autonomy", run by emotional, maladaptive or trauma-based autopilots, impulse, lack of clear-minded critical thinking, and stress or insecurity-driven overthinking, with no healthy distance from oneself.

And because of its short-sightedness, it saddles one with all the blame, whether unjustly or not, but never truly expresses/validates one's authentic self nor benefits others - except those who maliciously leech on and enable that sort of behaviour under one or another pretense, as means to their own ends.

And this hit all too close to home.

To get a bit too real, Gonta was the wake-up call that inspired the lasting change in me, as someone with same insecurities as his. Even if he did it through doing everything wrong and setting a very extreme example of what happens if you never stop to truly question your autopilot or assumptions about the world and yourself.

In a sense, he did save me - from justifying and giving harmful people a pass at the cost on my own well-being, just because I could handle it, knew I wasn't perfect, or also had things I was guilty of; from gaslighting myself that compromising my ethics is the right thing to do, or allowing others to do so to me; from thinking basic self-respect and boundaries is being rude and a burden, and being accountable for messing up means I have to keep defending or associating myself with toxic individuals; from thinking me compulsively falling into my maladaptive patterns over and over is remotely close to actually, *consciously*, utilizing my free will and potential; from parents who, ironically, called me "a savage child" for struggling with grasping subtleties of social norms due to isolation (though due to chronic childhood illnesses in my case) and chipped away my self-worth over the years, and from "friends" who, albeit very dear at the time, all too happily depended on that to instill their influence; from me taking everything others say to heart or at face value, while undermining my rational concerns or gut feelings. Really funny coincidence, btw, that parent thing. 4th FTE was a real "oh" moment.

Gonta did those exact things to himself and then some more, and got irreparably ruined before he had the chance to learn. But I didn't have to follow the same emotionally self-destructive trajectory.

Feeling comfortable with my anger at injustice without crushing guilt and excessive responsibility over other people's feelings, while still working on fixing my own issues, was part one of the healing process that set me free.

I'm forever thankful for what Gonta has taught me. And for the fact that in my jaded adulthood, I still stumbled upon a fictional character that had a lasting, formative effect on me. I thought it's impossible at this point. Really, dude helped more than therapy. And he's just pixels.

And I really, really wish he'd reach the same epiphanies as I did. He deserved that so much. That, or at the very least, get really, really furious.

So there it is, I suppose. A fanwork depicting something I thought I'd get in the game, and find positively cathartic as a reader. Because, indeed... it would've been "fun" (translation: hurt less), if he "went all crazy".

But would it be just as meaningful?

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Seeing people drawing parallels between Queen & Carol and Tenna & Asgore make me think that the first three chapters are foreshadowing what's going on with them in future chapters

Chapter 5 will be about how Asgore has been working with The Knight because he thinks it will reunites him with his family, and once we stopped him from doing whatever he is trying to do The Knight will hurt him

Chapter 6 will be about how Carol has been involved with this whole conspiracy for the people she cared about, whether it is for Noelle, Dess, her family in general, or maybe even the whole town somehow. However, at the last minute, she realizes that she doesn't actually know the full consequences of her actions

Following this pattern, Chapter 7 might reveal that whoever the real mastermind of this whole thing have some kind of resentment against the lightners/light world like King did. They're probably someone who felt abandoned by lightners/light world and become very bitter about it. If the mastermind turned out to be a lightner themselves then maybe they're someone who felt so alone or betrayed in life

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The names of the episodes getting less enthusiastic is so funny to me cause you can feel Caine giving up

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Made this diagram like 4 years ago and never posted. but I feel like it’s always relevant

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my jokes are very lowbar

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is it just me or..

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"I made it up"

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Stole these from r/Deltarune

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drawing kris and berdly the same way fanartists draw kris and noelle