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not naming names but some of you are genuinely really good people and i hope that you get everything your heart wants and needs

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my neighbour said "you know your cat climbs up there and stares at me?" and I said "yeah, I know, I'm sorry."

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mutuals, out of curiosity what season were you born in and what's your favorite season?

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Just saw a post that reminded me that when i was in the botanical gardens today there was a new sign with a photo of a cat and so clearly i was like oho? botanical garden mascot cat?? (mascat even) and went to see what the sign said and the sign said . See this cat? This cat is here all the time. she WILL beg you for pets. do not listen to her she is a fucking liar she will bite bite kill you. we do not own her. we do not know who owns her. if you know please fucking tell us. which is funny enough as like a sign purely because you know some botanical garden employees found this out the hard way but particularly funny because i MET THIS CAT WEEKS AGO. in the botanical gardens. she was sunning on a bench and very politely asked me for pets and was very nice for like ten minutes and then she bit me (not very hard, didn't break skin or anything) at which point i sternly told her well in that case i would not be petting her anymore and left and she followed me OUT of the gardens DOWN the street for a good bit, again shamelessly begging for pets. what an accomplished little criminal. neighborhood famous for lying and betrayal. god forbid women do anything

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you’re 23 and you learn rosemary kennedy was lobotomized at 23 and you’re like my god she was barely an adult. then you’re 27 and you’re like holy hell amy winehouse was just starting her life. and then, presumably, you reach 36 and you’re like christ alive marilyn monroe was only 36. and so on and so forth

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bad

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children are so fucking funny man. i just overheard a kid go “i just learned a new way to pinch, wanna see it? it hurts a lot more!” followed by a loud, notably pained scream

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sheepish is a really funny word. fuck im so nervous (turns into this)

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hater for hire. if you need someone to hate on anything i'm your guy. i'll hate on anything for next to no reason and i just do it for the love of the game. which i hate

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when i was 14 i came out to a highschool teacher as transgender and i believe i was the first transgender person he ever talked to, and i suppose he panicked, because all he did was say "i think you should listen to little lion man by mumford and sons," and i did, and it changed my 14 year old mind, but i am still unsure what his intended message. he was cool with me being transgender though.

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they're holding my fucking thang hostage for $6

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