survivingbpdday2day-blog

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Emptiness and Loneliness

I can be surrounded by love yet still feel lonely. I can stare beauty in the face, yet still feel overwhelming emptiness. These situations can be causes for intense emotional crises.It often feels like a giant tidal wave is about to crash down on top of me and sweep me away into oblivion. When I feel that loneliness and emptiness, that crashing tidal wave, I want to find someone who can take it all away. Dwelling on the emotional crises incited by loneliness and emptiness can become obsessive, leading to destructive choices. The truth is, no one can take away the emotional crises, no one but me, myself. But how?

Self-management techniques are the best way I’ve learned so far to help me regulate emotions and feelings, such as loneliness and emptiness. Recognizing the emotions themselves is the key first step. Recognizing that I am loved, that I have so much to be thankful for, and that my feelings are not based in rational thought also helps. Being mindful, focusing intensely on being in the moment here and now, helps stem that tidal wave I feel is about to crash over me. It allows the logical mind to become more prevalent, helping reason through the emotional crises. It is not easy, and I am not always able to stem the tidal wave, but I am getting more proficient as I keep trying. The trick is to never give up.

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This is a great video describing many of the symptoms people with BPD suffer. When I watched it I saw a lot of myself. I’ve never been suicidal, but much of the rest of the emotions and thoughts are almost exactly like mine.

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Source: http://www.juliajones.net/mindfulness-matters/practicing-the-stop-technique

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Abandonment

Today someone close to me posted photos from their past on a social media site. The rational part of me thought they did it for fun, and because that’s what people do. The irrational part of me, the emotional part, felt like they were putting themselves out there in a way that said they are available. I felt abandoned, that they were moving on without me, and I felt angry. The battle within raged for hours.

Simple events like this can trigger such a huge emotional/logical battle within someone who has BPD, and it is difficult for those who don’t suffer this affliction to understand. In their eyes it’s just a picture on social media, but to someone with BPD it can become a very real and very intense emotional crisis. Those with BPD can use various techniques to calm the battle within, such as being mindful, the STOP technique, and communicating thoughts and feelings to the people towards whom our feelings are directed. Communication can help alleviate the emotional crisis, and it helps those around someone with BPD understand why we do and say some of the things we do and say.

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A link to some helpful resources.

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Generally high functioning, it is not unusual for a person with BPD to graduate from college or become a doctor or lawyer. Princess Diana and Marilyn Monroe were reputed to have suffered with Borderline Personality Disorder. They had the ability to “be apparently competent” that often leads loved ones and professionals to trivialize their profound suffering and to deny the appropriate recognition or care required by this painful and persistent illness” – Valerie Porr

https://myborderlinemind.wordpress.com/bpd-quotes/

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Those we love are hardest to communicate with, but communication is the key to understanding and maintaining relationships.

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Just one of the many struggles from within.

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I wonder this all of the time.

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The Enemy Within

Every day I fight the enemy within myself. Some days are better than others, but every day is a constant struggle. The simplest things can cause an emotional crisis, and no one even knows it. I attend individual counseling, as well as DBT, and the tools I’ve learned are helpful. But those moments when I’m alone and the demons rage within are the hardest moments. I know that all of the support and love in the world can’t fix me, only I can fix me. That’s easier said than done.