sydema-blog

[sydema-blog]

Chinelas Make it Better

So far, I have been enjoying and celebrating my labor day weekend. This included laying around, sleeping, and eating; as per usual. However, today my husband and I went to my parents’ house to eat cheeseburgers for lunch and banana pudding for dessert. After we ate lunch, my mother offered to take me on a labor day shopping trip, and me being the person I am, I absolutely did not turn down her offer. 

So, we began our shopping trip at the mall. We have a route we take every time we go there: JcPenney’s > Dillard’s > Jcpenney’s. We’re pretty picky when it comes to shopping, but this time we actually found some things! My mother and I have a rule to never buy anything from a store unless it is on “sale”. (We all really know “sale” means they have jumped up the original price to only take a percentage off, which comes out to be pricier than the original original price. Inflation you guise.) 

Anyways, we found some pants, and a shirt. Well my mom really wanted to find some sandals to do yoga in and possibly go canoeing in for my brother’s birthday. (I know we sound super white and super basic right, but I don’t care.) We ended up going to a shoe department store, and low and behold CHACO’s! They are so hideous they are cute. AND MAN ARE THEY COMFY! I got some green ones and my mom got some black ones. (It get’s even whiter and more basic.) I decide that I am going to wear these while I finish shopping. So picture this, a white girl with her hair in a bun, a peach t-shirt on, black leggings, and green chaco’s on. I know SUPER WHITE, SUPER BASIC. Look! I even took a picture of them. 

Well, I got home to show my husband, and he asked “WHAT ARE THOSE!?”. To which, I responded “They’re my sandals, do you not like my chanclas?” He they begins to educate me and tell me, “Baby we are not mexicans in this house, we are BOLIVIANS and we say CHINELAS”. So, that is how I learned how to say flip flops in Bolivian. 

The message I got from today is that it’s not always lonely. It may feel lonely most of the time, but family sure can help it. Heck, even shopping can help it. I don’t like to say materialistic things make me feel better, but man that shopping trip sure was fun and I got some cute stuff along the way even if it makes me look super white and basic. 

Chinelas = happiness.  

[sydema-blog]

Being Petty

In day to day situations, I would like to think of myself as a prideful person. I try my hardest on everything I do, and I try to be the best version of myself... and then someone decides to ignore me like they don’t see me walking right towards them. Then my best friend Petty comes out to play. 

I was shopping at Walmart today for a few things here and there. As I was walking down an aisle with my husband, I walked past one of my sorority “sisters”. We made 3 second eye contact, and she said absolutely nothing. No “hi”. No smile. Not even a wave. So, me with my best friend Petty over here, decide she can’t get away that easy and decide to make conversation. If she had said hi, I would’ve just said hi and kept going. But, no now we got to be difficult! So now I am catching up with her making sure I take some time up, we say our goodbyes and go separate ways. 

This was only a small example of my best friend Petty coming out to play. 

However, as we were making our way out of Walmart, I started thinking. Most of the girls from my sorority... heck all of them, I no longer talk to them. As I said before, I joined because I was lonely, and while I was in the sorority I did not go out of my way to see everybody every day. While in the sorority, I noticed that many of the girls have best friends they hung out with everyday and were glued to the hip. I didn’t have that. Was it because I distanced myself from everyone? Was it because I didn’t go out of my way to hang out every chance I got? Was it because no one liked my personality?... The list goes on...

As you can tell friendship troubles is a huge part of my life, and is a insecurity that I deal with everyday. I know that I haven’t always been the best friend to every person, but I have made great progress since high school. 

To be continued...

[sydema-blog]

To New Beginnings

This will be my first post. Today, I had the spontaneous urge to begin a blog. I wanted to write down my thoughts and publish them; not like anyone is actually going to read this. I expect this blog to have zero followers and zero views, and I am okay with that. I simply want to get it out there. Somewhere. Whatever it is. 

I have a wonderful life. I have a wonderful family, a loving husband, a job, and a roof over my head. I would not say that I am unappreciative of my life or that I am taking things for granted, but that I am discovering the true meanings of my many human emotions. I want to write about what I feel everyday, and the struggles I go through. They may not seem like struggles to you, but I feel like everyone is struggling with something being physically or emotionally. I want to talk about the things people aren’t talking about, because they feel it will make them seem like less of a person. Truth be told, I feel many people, including myself, are afraid to talk about how they feel. Most of the time we either don’t want to show weakness, or we believe we shouldn’t feel a certain way because we are not say diagnosed with a mental illness. However, these feelings are human feelings. You don’t have to be diagnosed with something to say that you are feeling lonely; it is just a part of life. Coming to terms with that part of life is a whole other story. 

I am 23 years old. I just graduated college one year ago. I have been working as a first grade teacher for a year, I will be happily married for a year in September, and I am a new home owner. Life is good for me. Life is good. I tell myself this everyday, because I should be thankful for what I have. Then I start to feel lonely, but why should I feel lonely? I have many people that love me, but I still feel lonely. I have family, but I scarcely see my three friends that I do have. I went from being with my friends constantly in high school, to seeing them a little less and less in college, to rarely seeing them at all. Heck, I even joined a sorority in college. I told everyone I joined so it would look good on a resume, but the truth is I joined because I was lonely. Once I graduated college, those sorority friends disappeared and I was left with my three amazing best friends from high school. I wasn’t actually that surprised when it happened. After high school, my friends where disappearing into thin air and it happened after college, too. Thankfully, I still have my best friends. Even when we went our separate ways during college, we still found our way back. I guess this is why I am skeptical when everyone has these amazing college best friends they would do anything for, a ride or die. That is not at all what I got in college. It may be because I chose to live at home and save money rather than live in the dorms. I mean when you truly think about it, when you live in the dorms you are by yourself 24/7. So, at some point in time your loneliness pushes you to make friends and hang on to them for dear life so you won’t be left alone. Then after college, I saw everyone moving in together. I was still living with my parents. They were going off and bonding, while I was staying at home. Even when I did move out of my parents, I went straight to moving in with my husband. I guess, what I been missing is a friend to fill my void. While I do have my three best friends, that I am more than thankful for, no one prepares you for how lonely becoming an adult can be. Everyone is busy. Even when you want to see your friends, work gets in the way, or chores, or other responsibilities. While you know it is nothing you can help, you still feel isolated and alone like you don’t have friends. Even though, the truth is everyone is just to busy building their lives. 

My day to day schedule is go to work, maybe work out, get home, eat, go to sleep, repeat. When I do have extra time to myself, though, I find myself lying in bed doing absolutely nothing, or sleeping. I find it sad. I don’t expect to be having fun with friends or going on adventures 24/7, but shouldn’t I be doing something? Shouldn’t I have drive to start a hobby that I am passionate about? Shouldn’t I be productive with my days? Shouldn’t I do something?  Maybe, maybe not. 

Hopefully, while I am learning about myself and growing as a person, I can answer more of these questions I have about myself and life. I guess, let’s just see where it takes me. 

Whatever it is.