sysiphus

[sysiphus]

I’m a drug addict

But my drug is lying in bed crying and doing different things to simulate affection like touching my face or hugging a pillow and it’s rlly bad for me but I can’t stop myself and my brain is getting re wired to depend on it cause it’s my only comfort. I don’t know how to stop cause I’m only getting lonelier and the longer I’m alone the worse and worse I get, making it harder and harder to make friends and I don’t have the strength. I can’t do this anymore I just work. My only friends are 2 guys I’ve fucked that don’t live near me. I just wanna die. I should’ve died in that car it would’ve been better for everyone everyone everyone

I make ppl uncomfortable to even look at, I’m an idiot and an exercise to be around that exhausts everyone around me. He’s gone

He’s gone

He’s gone

What is the actual point

I can’t even draw what I want I have to draw everything else and I should just fucking kill myself.

[sysiphus]

I don’t wanna do this anymore I’m so lonely

I don’t wanna be here anymore I spend so much of my free time crying and grasping for touch and a person a human being there and barely doing anything I like anymore

But I can’t find people I can’t make friends even it’s almost a year now since my sister left and I have no one, I’m not programmed correctly to have anyone so I would like to turn it off and turn it back on again. Please this is agony

I just can’t take it anymore I’m just gonna snap and jump off a high rise, I was programmed to desire touch and hugs and company and laughing with someone and also programmed with anti any of that just to see what happens to the human brain and id like to cut the funding please

I’m almost 30 and I’ve never had love ever ever ever

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

follow your dreams at a sustainable pace

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

[sysiphus]

found this in an old sketchbook