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bumbleprince · 8 years ago

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What the Heart wants

Chapter 2/?

Fandom: Hamilton – Miranda

Pairing: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson (Jamilton)

Warnings: mentions of death, angst, dramatic boys

Words: 3238

Summary: Soulmates exist, they’ve been proven time and time again. But they're difficult to find. In a world where your heartbeat is Morse code and hiding your soulmate's name, there are many ways to decipher the code. But if you're poor and can't afford a translator, you're shit fuck out of luck. That is unless someone you know is able to decipher it, at the loss of their own soulmate. Some are lucky, born with the ability to decode heartbeats. Others are stuck in the dark. Alexander Hamilton had heard of stories where two names had been in someone's chest, but the rumors saying one had to die before you could meet the other made him wary to get his deciphered. Especially when his husband passes and shortly after he meets Thomas Jefferson.

Tags: @empyrealsakaki @gum-and-chips @ur-friendly-neighborhood-fangirl @exadorlion @midnigtartist @jamiiton

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who's read so far!! I'm beyond happy that people are enjoying it. I'll make sure to update as often as I can.

(Also: Thomas is damaged and doesn't know to express feelings correctly or cope with bad memories. Alex is trying really hard to understand his soulmate, it doesn’t work.)

Thomas's family was wealthy, to say the least. And everyone in his family had their heartbeats decoded at a young age in hopes of living a long happy life with their soulmates. But when Thomas turned ten, his parents searched far and wide for any sign of an, 'Alexander Hamilton' with no luck. He was excited. He wanted to meet his soulmate and always begged his family to keep looking, and his parents didn’t give up. But his father passed and his mother gave up the search in her agony. Thomas grew up and slowly began to forget his soulmate, despite how it hurt. He moved out, and married his high school sweetheart Martha. They lived together and formed a family. He had everything. Four beautiful daughters, a wife he fell in love with every day he saw her, and a big house with lots of room. But illness struck and took away his spitfire wife. Leaving him to raise his girls alone. His eldest, who was named after Martha, was headstrong and refused to accept her mother's death, trying to shake her awake as she lay in her death bed. Mary, silently sat by her side, shaking lightly as her thick curls covered her tear filled eyes. And his twins, Jane and Lucy, were too little to understand what death truly meant. They would never get to know why mommy didn't wake up. Sitting quietly on the floor, asking when she would.

That's a memory Thomas will never get out of his head. From there, he took total charge and developed a mother like nature towards his girls. They moved from Virginia and left Monticello and the memories of his Martha behind, starting a new life in New York.

Another memory Thomas will never forget is meeting the short tempered immigrant Alexander. They argued over a spilled coffee on his new suit, having never spoke before. It was the first of many confrontations. But names never got exchanged. Even still, Thomas almost looked forward to arguing with someone every day, it helped him let go of all his stress and pour his anger into one person. He knew he hated Hamilton. But his hatred turned into pure black resentment when he heard his name for the first time. Why? Well, you try watching your parents search for someone until one of them drops dead from exhaustion, and the other is in agony for the rest of her days, and then you're stuck continuing the search until your heart can't do it anymore.

So yes. His hatred for Hamilton came from how much he longed for him after his parents burned it into his head, that he needed him. The sharp pain in his chest made him leave their coffee shop early, hearing his voice calling after Thomas. But he refused to go back. He sulked in his office and couldn't cover up his tear stained face quick enough when his girls came home from school. They'd seen him cry before, sure. But he'd been doing so well. Explaining what had happened was difficult, but his daughters were his best friends. If anyone, they would understand. Martha swore she'd slap Hamilton if she ever saw him in the streets. Thomas had to remind her that was wrong. Despite how much he'd like to as well.

Slowly but surely Thomas healed with the help of James Madison, and his daughters, and he kind of had to shape up when Alexander started working at the same publisher company as Thomas. When they passed each other in the hall for the first time something changed. Seeing Hamilton's eyes light up with the same familiar hate filled spark made the Virginians heart skip. He missed how much he hated him. As if nothing had ever happened, the two were back to hating each other and the rage that boiled within Thomas was finally surfacing. Screaming matches that lasted for hours, papers being thrown across the office and on one occasion Thomas punched his desk so hard it left a hole in the top. Hamilton covered it with a potted plant. But things never got physical, except the few occasions one would slap the other out of sheer frustration.

Thomas hated Alexander, that was a given.

But he absolutely loved hating him.

Five years he loved hating him, loved looking forward to screaming down at him and watching his face burn red from anger, etc. And Thomas felt like all of that changed when he woke up and read the text Hamilton had sent him.

[ Insufferable Prick <3 – Thomas 10:18 p.m. ]

'I only kind of hate you. I just thought I'd let you know.'

He blinked a few times in confusion. Only kind of? Not only was the text completely out of the blue, but it didn’t make sense. How could he not hate Thomas? He gave him a million reasons to. Despite his confusion and drowsiness, he replied instantly.

[ Thomas – Insufferable Prick <3 6:49 a.m. ]

'Thanks for the heads up. Hope your coffee creamer has gone sour and computer crashes while you're writing.'

After sending the sarcastic text, Thomas dragged himself out of bed and shuffled over to his closet to get ready for the day. He picked out his favorite and obnoxiously bright suit, along with a dark tie to make him look less flashy. But he couldn't resist a petty jab at Hamilton, so he found a green undershirt and stared at his outfit in the mirror for a moment, smiling darkly. One quick shower tooth brushing later, he was tugging his jacket on and walking down the hall, knocking on his daughters doors. "Rise and shine ladies! Daddy's got to go to work and you're going to James' house!" He shouted happily, hearing mutual groans of displeasure. He walked back down the hall and saw Mary trudging out of her room, glaring daggers at her father. "You're lucky I like spending time with uncle Jemmy." She whispered, puffing a few curls out of her eyes. "I guess I am. C'mon pumpkin let's go make breakfast." Thomas wrapped an arm around her as they walked down the stairs. She leaned into him sleepily and yawned a couple of times. "What's with the green today Dad?" Sitting down at the kitchen island she leaned her head in her hands. "Feel like pissing off Hamilton, he won't be at work but everyone will notice. He’ll confront me on Monday."

"Green's his favorite color right?" Martha walked into the kitchen, running her hands through her wild curls, her doll like lips pursed in annoyance. "Yes it is. Nothing like being petty first thing in the morning." Thomas grinned at his look-a-like, before yanking four bowls out of the cupboard. "I have to go quick today, is cereal going to suffice?" He asked peeking over his shoulder just in time to catch Jane and Lucy popping into the room and jumping into their chairs. "No pancakes?" Jane asked, frowning. Thomas sighed and slid the bowls across the counter for his girls to catch. "Not today muffin. I have lots of work to do. Maybe you can get James to make some later." "Dad...it's Sunday, why do you have to work today?" Lucy inquired, wandering to the fridge and trudging back to the counter with a jug of milk. Thomas went grabbed a few granola bars from the pantry. He swished the words around in his head for a second, "We got a few books that need last minute revising. I'm in charge of looking through the last one today," He said, hauling a couple cereal boxes out as well, dropping them in front of his girls. "Oh. Okay." Lucy hummed, reaching for the cocoa puffs.

Thomas glanced at the clock and hissed under his breath. "Alright girlies, I'll see you later. Have fun with James and Dolly today." He kissed them all on the head, letting Martha squeeze him into a hug before he left. "We will." She smiled, before winking at him. "Go get'em Dad." Her bright attitude filled him to the brim with confidence, and he nodded, giving her a big kiss on the cheek before he left. It was hard for Martha to be happy without her mother, but she had managed and after all of the heartbreak she had a very positive outlook on life. It made Thomas feel like he did a damn good job in helping her heal. Hell, he poured his heart and soul into his daughters happiness every day. And their Martha would be proud, he hoped.

Work was quiet on Sundays, and no one had to be there except when they were pressed for time. So Thomas offered his help and decided it'd be a nice day to be alone with his thoughts and possibly confuse some co-workers with the green in his attire. Everyone in the office knew he and Alexander despised each other, and anything having to do with the other was repulsive.

Just as Thomas was pulling into his parking spot, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Huffing slightly, he parked and whipped his phone out, smiling when he saw Hamilton's name flashing on the screen. He took a second to ignore the call, before answering. "Good morning Hamilton." He said, fake happiness in his voice. "I see you got my text." He chuckled, getting out of his car and heading towards the building. "Yeah I did, real mature Jefferson. I was being serious." Alexander's voice sounded sleepy, as if he'd just woken up. "My god did you sleep in? It's nearly eight o'clock." Thomas gasped over dramatically. He let another grin creep onto his face when he heard Hamilton swear under his breath and a shuffling of blankets. "Fuck you, I couldn't sleep." He growled, and the shuffling stopped for a moment. "Anyways, I only kind of hate you. Believe me, I have a million reasons to hate you right now, but I shouldn't." Alex's tired ramblings made Thomas slightly on edge. "Shouldn't hate me? Why, Hamilton what's gotten into you?" He continued his comical sarcasm but clearly Alexander wasn’t having it.

"Listen, I know you have work but if you can, stop by afterwards. I want to talk to you in person, not just over the phone." That made Thomas stop in his tracks. He froze in the middle of the lobby, staring at the elevators. "Talk? Just talk?" He asked, thinking it was just a slip of the tongue. Something was off with Hamilton and he didn't know what. It really freaked him out. "Yeah." Alex said, voice low and soft. Was it because he was tired or was something seriously wrong with him? "Are you feeling alright?" "Jefferson I just want to talk. It's kind of serious and I have no idea how to approach it but I'm angry as hell and I don't-" he paused. "I can't hate you anymore. Or...I think I shouldn't. So just come over and we can talk."

Thomas's chest swelled with anxiety. Hamilton had to hate him, he wouldn't allow anything else. Anything else would make him relive the longing he'd felt for so long, and the emptiness in his heart would come back. He also didn't want Alex knowing they were soulmates. He didn't know exactly why but he didn't want him to. Reluctantly, Thomas agreed to just talk with Alexander after work. And for the rest of the day, work was hell and his anxiety turned into anger, as it quite often did. Why did Hamilton have to ruin everything going good for him? First he ruins the idea of soulmates, the prospect of destiny and fate. Then he brings back the awful memories of how much he longed for him, how Thomas would have died to meet him years ago. And now he's trying to take away the only outlet Thomas uses to cope with the emotional time bomb ticking away inside him. He feels betrayed at the mere thought of Alex not hating him back.

Jefferson took his sweet time getting over to Alexander's house. Work got out at five, and it was almost seven by the time he got there. Alex was watching the street from Phillip's bedroom window, and he fell off the window bench when he saw a familiar car pull up. He picked himself up and jogged down the stairs to answer the door. He flung it open and watched as Thomas walked up the porch stairs, hands stuffed into his pockets. He clearly didn’t wear that to work, Alexander thought. Wearing an old sweatshirt and ripped jeans? He went home and changed. That asshole. Alex scowled and crossed his arms. "Alright I'm here. Let's talk." Thomas sighed, leaning slightly. "And listen I don't got a lot of time, I gotta pick up my girls." "I'll be quick then." Alex stepped to the side as to let Thomas in, but the man didn't move. "Come on it's cold outside." He said, and once again he didn’t move. "Fine. We can talk here."

Alexander leaned against the doorframe and stared up at Thomas. He saw the ever present glint of resentment in his eyes, and sighed. "I couldn't sleep last night." He started. "And I think I completely changed my life yesterday? I don't want to say I did but, it's been hanging over my head like something dead." He shrugged. "So my first instinct was to talk to you. After all if this is going to be my life now I at least want you to know I don't hate you as much as I should. Or at least I'm going to try not to." He stood up straight again. Searching Jefferson for any sign of recognition. He remained motionless but his eyes told a different story. His brows narrowed and he saw a flame slowly turning into a forest fire inside him. "How did you change your life yesterday?" Thomas finally asked, causing Alex to tense up. "I did something a little crazy. I regret it but only kind of."

"You keep saying that, only kind of? Like somethings holding you back from truly regretting what you did." Thomas said without thinking, shifting to lean on his other side. "Or keeping you from completely hating me." Alex stared at him wide eyed. He slowly dropped his gaze and unfolded his arms. He burned holes into the doormat, zoning off for a moment to fight himself in his head. Half of him wanted to push Thomas down those stairs and watch him suffer for the rest of time. The other was telling him that soulmates don't do that. Despite who they are, you should never wish pain upon someone meant to be in your life. He believes that half of him was the half John influenced. While the other was the one Thomas spilled coffee on, the one who hated him the way he should have. So, only kind of, made sense.

"I...guess you could say that." Alexander finally spoke, looking back up at him to see the fire growing stronger in Thomas's eyes. Then it was silent again. Finally Jefferson sighed and turned around, walking down the first few steps on the porch before Alex ran after him and grabbed his sweatshirt. "Where you going?" He asked quietly. "You weren't talking. I need to get my daughters." Jefferson said flatly, not turning around. He yanked himself away from Alex and continued to walk down the stairs. Alex bounced nervously, looking back and forth between Thomas and the door. He could run inside, never talk to him like this again. Or he could chase after him, and just tell him what he knew.

Thomas was just opening his door when Alex shouted. "Wait!" He ran down after him, tripping the last few steps. He ran up to him and grabbed his arm, chest heaving slightly. "I-I found out who my soulmate is- O-or who my soulmates are." Alex whispered, and he felt Thomas freeze under his touch. He didn’t look at him. He stared at the car and stood silently. "I can't hate you because John wouldn't want me to hate you because he died and then I met-"

"Shut up."

The words startled Alexander, and he slowly released his grip on Jefferson's arm. "W-What?" Thomas turned around and jerked his arm away, fury written all over his expression. "Go ahead. Hate me just a little. But just know I'm going to hate you to no end, do you understand me?" He glared, causing the smaller man to back up. "I don’t want to hate you Thomas. John wouldn't want me to hate you because of this. It would be stupid to-" "Fine. Don't hate me at all. That won't change how much I hate you." The words stung and they shouldn't have. Both men were slightly shaking. Alexander from the sudden violence and Thomas from the fear rising in his chest. They stood in silence and Alex reached out to grab his arm again when Thomas smacked his hand away. "John was your soulmate." Thomas whispered, mentally slapping himself for being so reckless, for being...himself. "...so are you." Alex's voice was quiet as he rubbed the back of his hand gently.

Thomas got in the car and began to close the door when Alex grabbed the edge, staring at him, terrified. "I know Hamilton. I've known for a really long time." His voice was on the edge of cracking, losing his confident growl. "Is that why you want to hate me so badly?" Alex whispered, trying to open the door a little more but Thomas ignored his attempts and finally Alexander let go. He watched him slam the door and drive away as fast as he could, and Alex forgot how long he'd been standing by the road. Staring off in the direction Jefferson had left. His phone buzzed and he looked down to see a text from you know who.

[ TJs – Alexander 7:13 p.m. ]

'I don't want to hate you.'

'I do hate you. It's a fact. Don't forget it.'

A pain began to bloom in Alexander's chest, and his hands shook lightly as he stared at his phone. Thomas didn't just think he was annoying, he really hated him. Not playfully, not teasingly, or even jokingly. He resented him. And he couldn't understand why he did. Carefully, Alex went back inside and locked himself in his office. He stared at the piece of paper Burr had given him. He looked up a Morse code translator online and held his pulse, trying to understand it but he couldn't tell which beats were which letters. Angry and upset and head flooding with thoughts of his soulmate, he ripped the paper up and threw it away, leaving his office and stomping upstairs like a child grounded by his parents. He even jumped onto his bed and curled up in the blankets and gripped his pillow tightly as to not feel sad. It didn't work. He didn't want to be hated, not the way he was. Alex typed out a million text messages and never sent them, finally giving up and tossing his phone across the room in his tantrum. He covered his head with a pillow and tried to sleep, ignoring the fat tears filling his eyes.

Alex really wished he hated Thomas too.

#atomicprinceling #WTHW #What the Heart wants fic #jamilton #Hamilton #hamilton the musical #alexander hamilton #thomas jefferson #soulmate au #soulmate fic #hamilton fanfic

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