#[ ✿ ] : 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦 ➜ cody hepner •

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❛      what   do   you   expect   me   to   do   ?      ❜

closed starter delivered to @dismaltouch

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why   did   he   continue   to   try   ?   when   time   and   time   again   he   was   reminded   that   everything   they   had   was   lost   the   night   he   accepted   that   deal.   in   his   head   it   was   forgivable,   but   it   was   clear   that   that   view   and   everything   else   was   one   sided.   with   a   tight   jaw,   he   nods,   expelling   a   soft   :   “   you’re   right,   i’m   sorry,   ”   in   spite   of   everything.   “   i’m   sorry   for   how   i’ve   been.   i’ve   been   selfish   since   i   came   back   into   your   life,   and   that’s   -   it’s   fucked   up.   from   now   on,   we   can   keep   this   more   transactional.   i   promise   i   won’t   bring   up   loving   you   again,   ”   hopes   it   isn’t   an   empty   promise.   there   were   already   enough   times   he   went   against   her   wishes,   and   if   he   really   did   love   her,   he   ought   to   start   respecting   what   she   wanted   instead   of   himself,   or   acting   out   fear.   “   but   .   .   .   i   still   do,   just   so   you   know.   i   just   have   to   say   it   one   more   time.   so   you   know.   ”   as   if   he   hadn’t   been   painting   it   in   neon   colors   since   he   came   back;   as   if   she   felt   the   same   after   declaring   her   hatred   for   him   the   last   time   they   saw   each   other.   “   i   know   you   would   have   made   the   right   choice   back   then;   i’m   not   so   sure   that   i   did.   ”   it   didn’t   matter,   it   was   a   choice   he   had   to   live   with,   and   if   he   pushed   that   aside   and   didn’t   think   about   never   holding   her   again   or   all   the   firsts   he   missed   from   his   son,   he   could   feel   a   flicker   of   excitement   in   the   anticipation   of   finally   meeting   him.   

after awhile, she had to force herself to stop thinking about cody, plaguing herself with questions of what if's. at the end of the day, she'd been convinced by her parents that he never truly loved her and the only thing she could do was move on with her life. she had a son to worry about after all. she didn't want to hear him tell her that she mattered to him, because it only made his departure hurt even more. “ don't say that to me now. it doesn't matter anymore. ” she couldn't open up that door, not again. she shook her head at his words, keeping her expression as stoic as possible. “ you knew how much i loved you. you were always enough for me. i would've done anything to make it work back then. ” this wasn't the conversation they should've been having right now, she knew that. “ it doesn't matter if you didn't mean to or want to, because you still did. ”

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✉     closed  starter  delivered  to  @dismaltouch

❝   i'm   not   following   you.   ❞   he   is.

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[ ✿ ]     :    CLOSER  FOR  @dismaltouch​

❝   it  ,  uh  ,  looks  like  a  rotisserie  .  or  maybe  a  squirrel  .    ❞  

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males pt. 1

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it’s   blow   after   blow   and   all   cody   can   do   is   stand   and   take   it.   the   ugly   truth   is   sprawled   out   before   them,   and   while   he   hadn’t   been   sure   if   it   would   mend   them   or   drive   them   further   apart,   he   hadn’t   expected   it   to   obliterate   any   shred   of   hope   he   may   have   been   clinging   on   to.   curses   himself   for   ever   letting   it   all   come   slipping   out.   had   he   expect   her   to   understand   and   run   into   his   arm,   forgetting   all   betrayal   and   time   apart   ?a   fools   dream.   “   i   don’t   know   how   to   make   you   understand,   ”   squeezes   out   of   his   closing   throat.   it’s   too   hard   to   look   at   her,   to   see   the   proof   of   what   he’s   done   strain   her   cheeks,   and   for   the   first   time,   it   almost   feels   like   the   end.   up   until   now,   even   when   he   left   knowing   they   were   never   meant   to   see   each   other   again,   it   had   never   felt   truely   over,   but   cody   couldn’t   imagine   a   way   she   could   forgive   him   for   this.   “   i know . . . they   told   you   i   was   only   gonna   hurt   you.   i   guess   i   just   proved   them   right.   ''   they   had   said   a   lot   of   things   about   him,   he   was   sure,   desperate   for   daisy   to   find   someone   far   above   his   class,   and   while   it   had   never   gotten   to   him   before,   he   had   to   admit   then   and   now   that   she   deserved   more.   he   goes   quiet   for   a   beat,   letting   all   the   anger   of   her   words   fill   the   empty   space   between   them.   it’s   only   then   that   he   realizes   where   this   anger   might   end   up   when   she   leaves   (   !   )   “   you   can’t   tell   them   i   told   you,   you   know   that,   right   ?   swear   you’re   not   gonna   tell   them.   ”

regardless of what cody had said to her, she would still be of the belief that he was lying to her. he'd lied when he left, why wouldn't he lie about anything else ? she didn't know if it was possible for her to ever trust him again. ❛ i don't believe you. ❜ she had never felt more hurt in her entire life. betrayal that came from someone you loved hurt in the worst kind of way. ❛ fuck you cody ! you never even gave it a chance ! you just let them ruin everything ! ❜ she shot back, suddenly feeling fired up. daisy shook her head at him, taking a step away from the male. ❛      no. i didn't hate you before. i was hurt and upset, but i didn't hate you. now, though ? i don't know how you could ever do that to someone you supposedly loved. i don't care what they offered you ! you knew how i felt about them. you knew i wanted to get away from them. they've made my life fucking miserable for as long as i can remember and you just fucking left me behind. i don't want to hear that you're sorry, because it's not fucking true. you shouldn't have ever taken that deal.      ❜ she was feeling heartbreak all over again for the second time in her life, from the very same guy who broke it the first time around. ❛      what they thought of you never mattered to me. you knew that it didn't. all i ever wanted was to be with you.      ❜ she tore her gaze away again, felt more tears slipping out, not bothering to wipe them away this time.

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no   matter   how   deeply   he   breathes,   there   isn’t   enough   oxygen   in   the   world   to   calm   his   nerves.   thank   god   she   seems   to   refuse   to   meet   his   gaze;   it   gives   cody   enough   reason   to   bounce   between   the   rough   gravel   beneath   his   feet   and   the   trees   behind   her.   anything   but   her.   not   when   all   his   failures   are   being   brought   to   the   surface.      ❛      i   am   sorry.      ❜      almost   hates   that   she   refuses   to   believe   it   no   matter   how   many   times   he   says   it.   but   there’s   some   truth   to   her   words.   sorry   about   what   it   had   done   to   them,   that   his   son   had   missed   time   with   him,   but   he   wasn’t   sorry   for   making   sure   she   was   provided   for.      ❛      and   what   if   we   couldn’t   ?      ❜      it’s   the   first   time   his   words   come   out   sharp,   but   the   ‘   I   HATE   YOU   ’   had   left   cody   more   wounded   than   he   wanted   to   admit.   knowing   something,   and   hearing   it,   cut   different.      ❛      you   hate   me,   fine.   nothing   new.   you’ve   hated   me   since   that   day,   just   like   i   knew   you   would.   i   accepted   that   when   i   made   that   deal.   but   i   am   sorry.   you   think   i   could   have   chanced   that   ?   what   if   we   couldn’t   make   it   -   even   when   we   tried.   i   thought   about   that   every   fucking   night,   and   every   time   i   looked   at   that   .   .   .   fucking   ultrasound.   ❜      his   gaze   finally   cuts   to   daisy;   from   here   he   can   see   the   dampness   that   coat   dark   eyes.   it   matches   his   own.      ❛   so   yeah,   i   ruined   everything.   because   i   loved   you.   they   were   never   gonna   accept   us.      ❜      and   she   deserved   better   than   trash.

how was she supposed to look at him now that she knew why he'd left her like that ? she couldn't fathom how he was able to justify abandoning her just because her parents had bullied him into it. why wasn't he willing to fight for her ? ❛ you're lying cody . you're not sorry. ❜ how could he have done that and somehow be sorry ? she wasn't buying his apology. he made a choice without even thinking about how she'd react to finding out at some point. she was feeling overwhelmed and completely alone. she never was close with her parents, and now she couldn't even trust them. she couldn't look at cody the way she once did, either. he made a decision about her future, about the future of their son without even consulting her. how could he do that ? she scoffed at his words, blinking back more tears and taking a step away from him. ❛ so you didn't believe in us ? you didn't think that maybe even for a second we could make things work ? you're a fucking asshole. that's not my truth . . . that's your truth. we could've figured something out ! i could've gotten a job too. but you just . . . you let them ruin everything. ❜ she felt like she wanted to run like she had before. maybe this time her parents wouldn't have her tracked down and brought back home. his words hurt, she couldn't stop the small sob from escaping. ❛ i hate you . ❜ she didn't actually hate him, but she'd never wanted to hate someone more.

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he   can   hear   the   spiral   the   second   she   starts,   and   for   a   moment   he   squeezes   his   eyes   shut   and   braces   for   the   wave   of   disbelief   in   her   tone   that   hits   him.   what   he   had   done   was   disgusting   in   more   ways than one,   and   the   fact   that   he   hadn’t   taken   what   she   would   have   wanted   into   consideration   was   merely   the   cherry   on   top.   it   was   for   the   best,   but   not   something   he   decided   carelessly.      ❛      i’m   so   sorry,      ❜      it’s   the   betrayal   that   creeps   into   her   gaze   that   really   does   him   in,   and   he   stumbles   closer,   hands   reaching   out   on   instinct,   but   he   draws   them   back   almost   as   quickly.   this   was   the   last   thing   he   had   wanted,   but   she   had   left   him   with   no   choice;   there   were   only   so   many   times   he   could   beat   around   the   bush,   try   to   justify   himself   with   no   explanation.  she   was   right,   she   deserved   to   know.   ❛      stop, stop. listen -   you   know   we   weren’t   gonna   make   it   work.   i   was   struggling   to   take   care   of   myself,   how   was   i   gonna   to   take   care   of   all   three   of   us   ??   you   know   it’s   the   truth. i couldn't say no.      ❜      she   had   to   realize   that   all   he   wanted   was   for   them   to   be   together.   after   everything   they   had   been   through   together,   she   had   to.   right   ?   gaze   turns   down   at   the   question,   heart   racing   as   he   forces   the   words   out,   knowing   she   would   only   hate   him   that   much   more.   ❛      it   was.   ❜

❛ fine. i promise. if you tell me, i'll let you meet him. ❜ considering the fact that cody was making her promise instead of taking her word for it, told daisy that she really wasn't going to like what he had to say. she was already taking a huge risk letting him meet their son, but she wanted answers and if that was how she could get them, then she'd allow it to happen. the moment he told her that he'd made a deal with her parents of all people, she could feel her heart sinking. she didn't think he'd ever do something like that. not when he knew about her tumultuous relationship with them. ❛ you . . . you made a deal with my parents ? after everything that i told you ? ❜ she could feel her eyes welling up with tears. a sense of betrayal washing over her. ❛ how could you do that to me ? ❜ daisy didn't want to hear him out, not after what he'd just admitted to her. ❛ so you just left me instead ? we could've figured something out cody ! we could have been together ! i never cared about their money. ❜ she shook her head at him, gaze tearing away from the blonde so she could wipe her tears away. ❛ was it worth it cody ? losing me ? losing everything we had ? ❜

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❛      you   have   to   promise   me   that   i’ll   get   to   meet   him,      ❜      he   demands,   worried   this   admission   will   make   her   take   back   the   offer.   it   was   more   generous   than   he   deserved,   and   if   he   knew   daisy   the   way   he   thought   he   did,   not   one   she   took   with   ease.   with   a   shuttered   breath,   cody   presses   his   feet   into   the   ground   to   stabilize   himself,   suddenly   wishing   he   had   stopped   her   somewhere   he   could   sit   down   to   compose   himself.   gaze   peers   both   ways   before   he   starts,   making   sure   there’s   no   one   around   -   anyone   could   carry   the   news   that   he   caved   back   to   her   parents   !   ❛      i   made   a   deal   with   your   parents,      ❜      words   come   out   slow,   like   she’s   a   stray   animal   he’s   trying   not   to   scare   off.      ❛      dais,   they   were   gonna   stop   supporting   you.   i   couldn’t   let   that   happen.   not   with   him   on   the   way,      ❜      head   shakes   off   the   thought.      ❛      but   they   promised   if   i   left   .   .   .      stayed   away   from   you,   they’d   make   sure   you   were   both   taken   care   of.      ❜      

❛ so tell me why. i have every right to know. ❜ ever since cody came back, things had been difficult for daisy. her emotions were all over the place and it wasn't something she was used to. part of her missed him, yearned to go back to what it was like before he left, but she didn't know if that was a possibility for the two of them. if she could just get him to tell her why he left she'd have the answers she was so desperate for. ❛ what cody ? just tell me. stop leaving me wondering. ❜ she was hopeful that her last ditch effort to get him to talk would be successful. she knew their son was someone cody wanted to see. if she promised him a chance to meet him, maybe she'd finally make some progress with him. a confused scoff passed through her lips as he finally gave her something. ❛ what do you mean you made a deal ? who . . . who did you make a deal with ? ❜

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❛      I   DID.      ❜      there   they   are   again,   those   nerves   that   leave   his   fingers   twitching   and   his   stomach   churning.   jaws   tightens,   body   visually   stiffening   as   cody   tries   to   piece   together   an   exit   plan.   after   everything   he’s   said,   how   could   he   expect   her   to   leave   this   alone   now   ?   he   knew   daisy,   and   he   also   knew   how   incredibly   impossibly   it   was   for   him   to   refuse   her   anything.   had   been   wrapped   around   her   finger   from   first   sight,   and   even   time   apart   had   not   seemed   to   wither   those   ties.   ❛      daisy   i   -��     ❜      her   words   hit   like   a   brick   wall,   leaving   his   head   spinning.   meet   him   ?   the   little   boy   he   carried   around   in   his   back   pocket   ?   the   one   he   had   practically   bagged   her   to   see   at   their   last   run   in   ?   it’s   enough   to   make   one   particular   sentence   fall   out   against   his   better   judgment.   ❛      i   made   a   deal.   ❜   

❛ but you didn't stay. did you ? you still left, so maybe you didn't want to stay as much as you claim you did. what are you talking about ? what would you do all over again ? ❜ what could he possibly have gotten himself into that was worth losing everything that they had ? she was stubborn, she wouldn't just give up because cody was begging her to ask him for anything else. there weren't many things that daisy could use to her advantage in an attempt at getting him to tell her what she wanted to know, but she thought that there was maybe one thing that could convince him. ❛ there's nothing else i want to know. tell me, cody. tell me what made leaving so worth it. tell me and i'll let you meet him. i know you're curious about him. ❜

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❛      i   wanted   to   stay   so   bad,   daisy.   there   were   so   many   days   i   wished   i   could   go   back,   but   i   can’t,   and   even   if   i   could   i   would   do   the   same   thing   all   over   again.      ❜      every   word   leaves   him   gutted.   the   harsh   reality   was   that   he   could   have   never   provided   for   them   the   way   her   family   could   have,   and   if   making   a   deal   with   the   devil   was   what   he   had   to   do   to   keep   them   warm   and   fed,   he   would   have   simply   asked   where   to   sign.   throat   grows   thick,   a   contrast   to   his   drying   mouth.   what   had   he   done   ?   why   did   he   continue   to   dig   himself   in   a   hole   around   her   !      ❛      no,   i   know   it   does   and   i   -   .   .   you   don’t   know   what   you’re   asking.   you   don’t   really   know   what’s   at   stake   here.   can’t   you   ask   anything   else   of   me   ?      ❜      

❛ no, cody . . . i can't do that. because you're the one who left ! i wanted you to stay, i begged you to stay and you didn't. what the fuck are you talking about ? ❜ she demanded, not missing the words he'd allowed to slip. ❛ don't you dare try to avoid answering me. you owe me an explanation . . . a real one. not some excuse as to why you can't tell me. ❜ she wasn't just going to let things go because it'd be easier for him. ❛ well what about the fact that seeing you hurts me ? ❜

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❛      jesus,   daisy   !   can   you   take   two   seconds   and   even   just   consider   the   thought   that   that   day   was   hard   for   me   too   ?   how   shit   do   you   have   to   think   i   am   that   after   everything,   after   finding   out   about him   .   .   .   that   i   could   just   walk   ??   so   easy   -   because   if   i   do   (   !   )   something   bad   is   going   to   happen.      ❜   the   frustration   builds   so   much,   he’s   realizing   all   too   late   that   he’s   slipping.   giving   too   much   away,   but   it’s   like   the   words   have   a   life   of   their   own.   ❛      because   not   seeing   you   hurts   me.      ❜

❛ yeah, i do have to go there, because you left me. do you remember that ? 'cause i do. you're always saying that ! why can't you explain it ? of course i'm mad. it's like you just can't understand how much you hurt me. you're constantly around now, and every time i look at you . . . all i can picture is you walking away. so what the fuck do you want from me ? why do you keep hurting me ? ❜

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if   he   thought   about   it   too   longer,   he   could   question   the   choices   he   made,   ponder   if   they   could   have   made   it,   but   it   almost   hurt   more   to   think   that   maybe   he   had   thrown   it   all   away   for   nothing,   and   let   himself   believe   it   was   all   heroics.   “   daisy,   ”   he   sighed,   pushing   down   the   strain   he   had   only   moments   ago   for   a   softer   tone.   “   you   were   the   only   thing   i   cared   about.   maybe   you’re   right,   maybe   we   could   have   made   it,   ”   the   idea   makes   his   stomach   churn.   “   but   i   was   scared.   scared   that   i   wasn’t   gonna   be   enough.   ”   at   the   end   of   the   day,   no   matter   how   strongly   they   had   loved   each   other,   cody   had   never   truely   felt   good   enough   for   her   to   begin   with.   she   was   .   .   .   everything.   it   was   selfish   enough   to   make   her   settle,   let   alone   drag   a   child   (   who   he   loved   almost   more   )   down,   when   he   knew   they   could   be   offered   more.   “   i   didn’t   mean   to   leave   you   with   them   like   that.   well,   i   didn’t   want   to.   ”

maybe she was being a little hostile towards him, but daisy was convinced that she had every right to be. she wasn't the one who walked away. “   we all want things we can't have.   ” if she'd gotten everything she ever wanted they wouldn't be where they currently were. daisy could hear the seriousness in his tone, but she couldn't just pretend like she wasn't still hurting for cody's benefit. “   maybe you did, but you didn't love me enough to fight for me. you didn't love me enough to just try to make it work. you abandoned me all because of them, and they've still done nothing but make my life miserable.   ”

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grip   tightens   around   the   warm   metal   of   this   phone,   teeth   biting   against   the   tip   of   his   tongue.   “   i   want   you   to   stop   being   hostile   for   five   seconds   and   stop   acting   like   the   decisions   i   made   were   a   breeze.   ”   might   be   the   firmest   tone   he’s   held   toward   her   since   their   reunion,   hooded   eyes   flickering   toward   her.   of   course   she   was   in   the   right,   but   his   feelings   could   only   be   disregarded   so   many   times   before   he   snapped   back.   “   you   can   see   it   the   way   you   want   to,   disgusting   deal   and   all,   but   i   loved   you.   ”   he   still   did.

“ maybe biologically, but he doesn't need to wonder why his father abandoned him, either. or did you want me to tell a three year old his father made a disgusting deal with grandma and grandpa ? ” her tone was full of venom, still unwilling to forgive him for the bombshell he'd dropped on her. “ it doesn't count for anything, cody. you made your decision a long time ago. i just want you to see what you so easily gave up.   ”

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“ i   am   his   father   .   .   .   but   fine.   i   get   it,   i   know   i   don’t   exactly   deserve   the   right   to   dictate   how   this   goes.   ”   long   pause.   “ thanks, by the way.   i   know   none   of   this   is   easy.   if   that   counts   for   anything.   ”

♡ muse ↝ daisy rosenberg

♡ closed for ↝ @grimcoves

“ the only reason i'm letting this happen is because i made a promise. you . . . you can't introduce yourself as his father. you'll just confuse him. okay ? ”

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❛      do   you   have   to   go   there   ?   you   hate   me,   it’s   abundantly   clear   -   but   i   told   you,   i   can’t   explain   it.   i   did   what   was   right   and   i’ll   continue   to   do   what   i   have   to   do   at   the   end   of   the   day.   even   when   i   keep   my   distance   and   just   check   in,   you’re   mad.   the   only   thing   that’ll   make   you   happy   is   me   disappearing,   but   i’m   not   ready   to   do   that.   not   again.   not   yet.      ❜

❛ what kind of question is that cody ? it seems like you don't ever do what i expect anymore anyways. after all, i expected you to be there for me when i got pregnant. look at how that turned out. ❜