#[ jim: tOTES I'M ON IT ]

[downtherabbitholewithlucy]

When you mix THIS

With THIS

You end up with THIS

[sourcedfrom-az]

Boarding.

Jimmy Zare's Uploaded Memories (1/8)

___

I reeled back, "We're not bringing that," I said it clearly and loud.

Curly was holding up his sleeping aide, those headphones that block out noise.

"You can't work with 'em on," I added.

We were going through stuff in our lockers, stuff to throw into totes, and he looks at me dead in my face and says..

"But you're bringing your camera."

I made a rebuttal, "Why does everyone ask about the camera? It's just my thing."

"Go off," he said while he laughed, launching clothes and some hair care items into his tote.

My tote was barely filled. Neatly folded clothes, a thing of HRT cream, and my favorite mug. I had no other items that secure people had found themselves depending on. The entire thing was just necessity, as I hadn't found a hobby besides my body and a bad book - swearing I could write better than that. No need, I was there for money.

So when I was done, he was done.

(memory gap.)

At line up and the tote storage, I finally saw the crew again. Curly was doing his best to stay beside the new kid, Daisuke, while Swansea was making his way over to me. I smiled, only to frown again.

"Another damn trip, Jimbo."

"Why do you call me that?" I asked, blunt.

Swansea grinned, "Seniority."

"Okay," my hands were shoved into my Pony Express jumpsuit pockets.

"Take a joke," He scodfed, "Hell, we're a big one at this point. Look at the other ships. Shutting down, being scrapped, repurposed and without care. Now it's my job to fix it," he shook his head at some point, "I'll tell you what, there's probably a problem with this one."

"Curly already checked, a vent's collapsed," I said, "Take care of it."

Swansea had walked off when he noticed who I was staring at. Her.

She was sitting alone, reading a psych book about some foreign topic, trying her best to catch up while they were still fueling the ship. I had made my way of course, looking at her with a smile.

Anya flinched a little, like she always does, and then sighed, "Hey, Jim."

"Another trip," I crouched to her level, "Ready?"

My hands were on my knees at this point.

"I'm not sure... I did the tests Pony Express gave me and all... but I -"

"You'll do your part right," I said, "It'll be like last time. Don't mess up."

"Uhm... yeah. Thanks, Jim."

"Sure," my face was straight, "When we get everything settled, I'll make sure to help."

"..."

We didn't exchange any words while sitting beside each other after that, I just watched Curly show the new kid around.

By the time we all boarded, I had stuck to the kitchen and living room area with my head in one of Anya's books. I wasn't learning anything new, I was just reading. I knew where everyone else was, Swansea and Daisuke in Utility, Curly in the Cockpit, and Anya in Medical.

I was called to the Cockpit and I sat beside Curly.

"Navigator and co-pilot," he addressed me.

"Curly," I addressed him.

"I know you're familiar with flying," he smiled at me, "So I'm giving you control of takeoff."

"Seriously?"

"Jim, take the wheel," he chuckled and urged me on, "Come on."

"Shit," my hands had taken the wheel and I just remember feeling the fire of the engine and the ship tremble. They did our countdown...

(memory gap.)

"You look so comfortable," Curly mumbled something like that.

I remember saying, "And that's bad?"

"It's routine for me," he responded, "Its... boring after 8 years. I have hobbies, I have distractions, but being captain always comes first. Wouldn't you get stuck?"

I blinked at him, "Stuck how?"

"Stuck in the loop, I guess. Of doing it over and over?"

"Ah, I see," I clicked my tongue, "You feel like you're not going anywhere, at the top without any reason to really climb higher, right?"

"You got it," he sighed loudly, "That's why you're here, Jim. I... really wanted you by my side. I don't know, to spice things up. To uh... help you find your own footing too."

"Most of which I accomplished on my own, not with your help."

"I still recommended you," Curly made a smug look, "Just a tiny bit of credit."

"Whatever helps you sleep."

He scoffed, "Like I can get a lick of it... I should have brought those headphones."

"You literally cannot pilot with them. We're a team, like you always say. I gotta keep you in check."

Curly laughed with a pat on my shoulder, "I suppose you're right in some sense!"

"Yeah..."

[mrs-foleys-baby-boy]

I suspect this is going to be a weird mystery that has long since been lost to time, but I wanted to get the question out there in case anybody knows what the hell I'm talking about.

As you'll know if you've been following my blog, I've been watching through the WWE catalog, and I am currently making my way through the summer of 1997.

Partway through 1996, Brian Pillman signed on with the WWF after leaving ECW, however due to the fact that he had been in a car accident and shattered his ankle shortly before, he was not able to wrestle for nearly a year after he signed on. Therefore, I've only just gotten to see his ring attire.

And for some reason his tights have a hammer and sickle on them?

Best image I could grab on short notice, I could possibly get a better one given time to scrub through the catalog and look for his matches, but they're generally not focusing on the man's thighs so it's a bit hard.

I've tried looking this up and unless my Google Fu is seriously failing me, there seems to be very little mention of this on the web. I at the very least found that there is a Pillman figure with these tights, for a little bit of a better image:

Seems to me to clearly be a hammer and sickle. Maybe it's supposed to be a P for Pillman? But I digress.

It just doesn't really make sense. He's not supposed to be a Soviet or a socialist or a communist, and never in his career does it seem that he's ever played a character like that. In fact, at this stage he seems to be playing a gun-toting God-fearing Republican.

I've found three intriguing posts concerning the matter:

One from wrestlecrap.com summarizing from a later edition of Raw where Goldust has his face painted with what Jim Ross proclaims to be "Pillman's symbol":

That's certainly going in my Goldust facepaint collection.

One from a wrestling column that had a reader write in and ask "Hey, why did Pillman have a hammer and sickle on his tights?" to which the author basically replied, "Uh, actually I don't think he ever did do that." (He actually claimed it was a spare pair of tights but that's a pretty ridiculous suggestion to me.)

And one post from /r/SquaredCircle asking about it where one of the replies (upon which the comments seem to agree is the right answer) suggests it was his 4 Horsemen logo, that it was a stylized 4 with a hook on it. Which would be all well and good if redditors weren't constantly talking out of their asses and this made any sense at all.

How the hell does a hammer and sickle look like a number 4? Pillman did have tights very similar to this while in the 4 Horsemen, but it was a pretty simple 4H logo.

Additionally, Brian Pillman did also use a different stylized 4 Horsemen logo while he was in ECW, which I'm assuming is what this redditor is assuming the OP is actually talking about:

In addition to these two logos looking nothing alike, it would be very strange (in my opinion) for the WWF in 1997 to have Pillman go out in tights promoting a wrestling stable from WCW. It just kinda doesn't add up.

So that's my ramble. Does anybody out there have any idea what's going on or do I need to buy a corkboard and some red string here?

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Eyes and Ears

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: An AU where Barbara finds Jason instead of Bruce.

Chapters: 19/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Barbara Gordon, Jim Gordon, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Sheila Haywood, Original Character(s)

Relationship(s): Jason Todd/Original Character(s), Past Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson

Additional Tags: Canon Divergent AU, Older SIbling Barbara Gordon, Jason Todd-centric, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Jason Todd is NOT Robin, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Has a Crush, Adopted Siblings

Chapter Nineteen: Last September

Barbara poked her head in the workshop, and Jason looked up at the source of light as he talked with his friends. He smiled and jumped down from the stage to help Barbara with the pizza boxes in her hands. "What are you doing here?" Jason asked.

"I heard you guys were working on costumes. I could help," Barbara suggested. "If you don't want me here, I could just—."

"You're the best, Babs," Jason whispered, grinning as he set the pizzas on an empty table. Barbara pulled paper plates out of a tote bag, and Jason started eating.

"Jason, use a—."

Jason took a plate from her and finished chewing. "I want you to stay. I'm glad you're here," Jason whispered before turning to introduce her to the other kids. They all thanked her for bringing pizza and ate together.

"You should see Jason's mustache—."

"Gabby, no," Jason laughed nervously. Gabby gave Jason his mustache, and Jason put it on. Barbara grinned. "It's not my official mustache. It's just mustache number one."

The kids fooled around and showed off what they'd done so far. After everyone was done eating, they went back to work, and Barbara helped with some of the sewing work. She and Jason worked side-by-side, and after a few hours of working, they stopped to finish the pizza. Jason was different by that time. He'd grown quiet and business-like, reserved to a specific spot on the stage where he sat alone listening to music. Barbara followed him and nudged him. "You okay?" Barbara asked. Jason nodded and took a deep breath. "Do you want to be alone?"

"I don't have to be. I just wanted some quiet," Jason whispered.

"What are you listening to?" Barbara asked. He passed her one of his earbuds, and she sat down next to him and listened quietly with her eyes closed. After a few minutes, Jason lay his head on Barbara's shoulder, and she looked over at him to see that he'd started to drift off to sleep. "Know what's funny? I've known you for over a year, and this is the first time I've ever heard the music you like," she whispered. He opened his eyes and sat up.

"This is my mom's music taste. It just helps me relax," Jason whispered. She looked over at him again.

"Your mom had great taste... Jason, can I ask about her? What was she like?" Barbara asked.

"She was safe. When she wasn't sick, she was so much fun to be around. Mom was funny and spontaneous, and sometimes she'd get so sad she couldn't—. She made everything okay when she could," Jason explained. Barbara messed up his hair.

"Her best was beyond good enough. She made you the person you are now, and Dad and I love that person," Barbara reassured him, and he smiled.

Jason waited a moment before getting up and stretching. "I'm glad you came to help tonight," Jason thanked her again. Their teacher called them together and had them run through a few scenes. Barbara wrapped Jason's headphones up and held onto his phone for him.

His phone vibrated, and she answered. "Hello?" Barbara answered.

"Hey, Pumpkin. Where's Jason?" Jim asked.

"He's got his hands a little full," Barbara replied.

"Did he eat?" Jim asked.

"I brought pizza for him and his friends... Oh, I'm taking him home later, so don't worry about picking him up tonight," Barbara whispered.

"Thank you, Babs. I'll see you kids in the morning," Jim replied before hanging up. Barbara charged Jason's phone until he was freed up to come back.

"We can go now," Jason replied as he put on his backpack and took his phone from her. He waved goodbye to his friends and followed Barbara out into the parking lot before doing a cartwheel.

"Tonight was fun, huh?"

"You had fun?" Barbara asked.

"Yeah, you were there, and we got to hang out and—. Do you want to help work on the floats tomorrow?" Jason asked. Barbara nodded as she unlocked the car.

Jason threw his backpack in the backseat, and he lay back and closed his eyes. By the time they both got home, Jason was fast asleep. "Jay, psst. Wake up. We're at home," Barbara whispered, and he took a sharp inhale of air before grabbing his bag and following her up. Jason stretched out and said goodnight before taking his shower and going straight to his room.

Once Barbara was asleep, Jason came into her room and got on her computer. She opened one eye and watched as he searched something up. "What are you doing?" Barbara asked.

Jason exited out of his tabs and turned to her. "Were you awake this whole time?" Jason asked. Barbara nodded as she lay on her side facing him. "I can explain... I'm working on something for you for Christmas. I figured that if I started early, I'd be finished by early December."

"Well, what is it?" Barbara asked. Jason smiled a little half-smile before getting up.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Barbie," Jason whispered on his way out of her room. He stopped in the doorway to offer her one last thought for the night. "Let it be a surprise."

Barbara turned on her back after Jason left, and she stared up at the ceiling. As she drifted off to sleep, she couldn't help but wonder what Jason was doing.

When she woke up that morning, Jason sat at her desk in his uniform while eating breakfast. "Good morning," Jason greeted her, "Pop can't take me to school this morning. He had to go in early. I made you breakfast." Barbara sat up and looked around her room.

"I have to take you to school?" Barbara asked. Jason nodded. "What time are we looking at?" She scratched her head as she tried to wake up.

"You've got forty-five minutes. Your breakfast is made, the keys are on the counter, and I made your lunch for work," Jason whispered. Barbara got out of bed and dressed to take Jason to school before eating her breakfast, and Jim came out of Jason's room with a cake.

Jason came out of her room, and they both sang her the happy birthday song. She smiled and thanked them both.

"You guys didn't have to do this," Barbara replied.

"You gotta make a wish," Jason whispered. She smiled and closed her eyes before blowing out the candles.

"Thank you guys," Barbara replied as she looked back at Jason, "How much time do you have before—."

"Barbara, it's Sunday," Jason laughed. She scrunched up her nose and cut the cake. "Yesterday was Saturday."

Barbara gave Jim his piece and then Jason his. "Jason ordered the cake," Jim replied. Barbara ate a little bit of her cake, and a grin spread across her face. She kissed Jason on the cheek.

"Gross," Jason complained as he wiped his face.

"You're the best little brother a girl could ask for," Barbara whispered.

"It was nothin'," Jason replied, pausing a moment before asking, "Did I get it right?"

Barbara smiled and nodded as she ate. "It's perfect, thank you," she smiled. Jason lit up. He and Jim started eating their slices of cake, and Jim nudged Jason.

"Good pick," Jim commended Jason.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

This day in history

I'm on tour with my new novel The Bezzle! Catch me TONIGHT in LA with Adam Conover at Vroman's, then on MONDAY in Seattle with Neal Stephenson, then Portland, Phoenix and more!

#20yrsago Education czar calls teachers’ union a “terrorist organization” https://www.cnn.com/2004/EDUCATION/02/24/paige.terrorist.nea/index.html

#20yrsago Garry Trudeau puts $10K up for anyone who will confirm Bush’s Air Guard claims https://web.archive.org/web/20040401103812/http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/faqs/index.html

#20yrsago Nelson’s Grey Tuesday RSS https://web.archive.org/web/20040503084858/http://www.nelson.monkey.org/~nelson/weblog/culture/blogs/greyDay.html

#15yrsago Conan copyright trolls censor fan-readings of public domain stories https://www.sffaudio.com/conan-and-new-zealands-new-copyright-law-vs-broken-sea/

#15yrsago Unimaginably gigantic cell-phone market in Shenzhen https://www.bunniestudios.com/blog/?p=283

#15yrsago John Hodgman explains what’s wrong with “Meh” https://waxy.org/2009/02/john_hodgman_on_meh/

#15yrsago @brucesterling's The Caryatids, my pick for best book of 2009, a novel of clear-eyed hope for the future https://memex.craphound.com/2009/02/24/bruce-sterlings-the-caryatids-my-pick-for-best-book-of-2009-a-novel-of-clear-eyed-hope-for-the-future/

#10yrsago Mozilla’s $25 Firefox smartphone: a free/open device for billions of new netizens https://www.cnet.com/tech/mobile/with-firefox-os-mozilla-begins-the-25-smartphone-push/

#10yrsago Whistleblower: NSA secretly continues Merkel surveillance by bugging other German officials https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2014/02/nsa-moves-from-bugging-german-chancellor-to-bugging-german-ministers/

#10yrsago Text of Little Brother on an art-litho, tee, or tote https://www.litographs.com/products/brother

#10yrsago Takei to Arizona lawmakers: we will boycott Arizona if it passes its anti-gay Jim Crow law https://www.cnbc.com/2014/02/25/razing-arizonageorge-takeicommentary.html

#10yrsago How Youtube’s automated copyright system lets big music screw indie creators https://torrentfreak.com/why-youtubes-automated-copyright-takedown-system-hurts-artists-140223/

#5yrsago Deposition of opioid profiteer Richard Sackler reveals his bizarre defense: definitional games and insistence that words mean their opposite https://arstechnica.com/science/2019/02/sackler-behind-oxycontin-fraud-offered-twisted-mind-boggling-defense/

#5yrsago Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will pay every staffer a living wage, ending the longstanding practice of Congressional staffers taking second jobs https://rollcall.com/2019/02/22/alexandria-ocasio-cortezs-call-for-a-living-wage-starts-in-her-office/

#5yrsago As expected, the EU has advanced the catastrophic Copyright Directive without fixing its terrible defects https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2019/02/european-governments-approve-controversial-new-copyright-law/

#1yrago This is your brain on fraud apologetics https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

[carewyncromwell]

For the favorite character ask: 7 [ 101 Dalmatians, 1961 ], 29, and 30, please?

7) 101 Dalmatians

Roger!! Absolutely 120% Roger! Honestly, if there was a Disney guy I'd be most open to dating, it'd be Roger. A witty, laid-back musician with a love of dogs who will stand up to the likes of Cruella DeVil if she threatens the people and dogs he loves? Seriously, this guy's awesome.

29) A Series of Unfortunate Events

Violet Baudelaire! I always loved what a good big sister she was, trying to protect and look after Klaus and Sunny, as well as how smart she was. Plus, honestly, in that admittedly very inaccurate film adaptation starring Jim Carrey, her fashion sense was totes on-point.

30) American Girl

My favorite American Girl as a girl was Felicity Merriman. Yes, to be fair, part of this was that she was a redhead like I was, but I also have always loved the Revolutionary War period, and I loved Felicity's character arc of having to temper her rebellion with taking responsibility (through helping her mother with taking care of the house and her siblings when she fell ill) and showing compassion, even to those who arguably don't deserve it (through bringing food and a blanket to her once-enemy Jiggy Nye in prison). One thing I admittedly really don't like about Felicity's story now that I'm older is the shocking lack of discussion toward the issue of slavery when Felicity's grandfather owns a plantation and Felicity is such an independent character. The lack of focus on slavery in a story so focused on being free was something that even as a kid felt a little odd, but I kind of just shrugged it off because there were no characters explicitly called slaves in Felicity's story (even if looking back they were clearly coded as such) and I didn't fully grasp at the age of seven that all Southern plantations of that period were maintained by slaves, whether they were discussed or not. Even with this, though, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Felicity and her friends Ben Davidson and Elizabeth Cole and I like to imagine that as an adult, Felicity came to grips with this serious contradiction in the Revolutionaries' politics. My other favorite girls were Kirsten, Addy, Kit, and Molly -- if I was reassessing my favorite today with the nostalgia glasses off, I'd probably pick Kit.

Favorite Character Ask!

[motylheir]

@killuvolts​ replied to your post: HAVE YOU BEEN NICE OR NAUGHTY?             ❝...

“Wanna’ kill Santa with me?”

                ❝ count me on it !❞

[zelzahdarkcloak]

Tagged by @saxifrage-wreath Thank you so much!

Favorite music to bring the Christmas spirit into your home?

For as long as I can remember, the instant that Thanksgiving dinner is over, it's been a tradition for us to put on Manheim Steamroller's Christmas Extraordinaire while washing up and decorating. I also have a special place in my heart for Roger Wittaker's Christmas album. I used to laugh at how his voice sounded but now it's really nostalgic for me. I adore Darcy the Dragon and you should listen to it.

Movies you have to watch during the Christmas season?

There is a mighty list but the first ones that come to mind are Elf, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (yes, the live action one and I know it's a meme but I like it anyway), Ernest and Celestine, Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas, A Christmas Carol (there's like three different ones we like but we watch them all ), and A Muppet Family Christmas (always makes me cry with the Jim Henson cameo at the end). There's also a selection of old 20's cartoons that my brother and I always make sure to watch this time of year too. This one specifically cracks us up:

Favorite way to decorate for Christmas?

My mother's snowman collection, putting up my grandmother's Thomas Kinkade Christmas village (which I got to do this year again!), and of course the tree, which has our collection of old ornaments that we've bought or made over the years. There's also a photo of my grandmother sitting on Santa's lap that I really love to see every year, packed in a tote that continues to have a dusty peppermint smell year after year.

Do you have special Christmas-y clothes?

I have exactly one item. It's a elf hat with ears on the side. It's atrocious and I love it. Someday, I would like to add to my collection of Christmas attire but it always feels like such a waste when it's only for one month out of the year. (Still holding out for an ugly Christmas sweater someday.)

Favorite smell of Christmas?

Oooooo all the smells! I make a simmer pot every year that immediately makes the house feel homier. But I also bake lots, we light candles, that dusty peppermint candle that never seems to go away permeates every decoration, and old cinnamon ornaments on the tree make up a potpurri of smells that is entirely unique to our family.

I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm tagging anyone who hasn't done it already and would like to! <3

[maxwell-grant]

What do you like the least about the Shadow ? not counting bad adaptations or writings, just in general

The fact that he's not public domain. This might be a weird answer but here's the first thing that came to mind with this question: The guns.

Now, I don't dislike the guns per se, I think I've been pretty clear as is that I'm not exactly thrilled about guns or characters who yield guns as a selling point to begin with, but it's pretty far from a dealbreaker (I mean, I'd have a pretty dang miserable time as a pulp fan if they were) and it usually comes down to the execution.

I've already talked once about the guns in the context of comparing the Uzis from the 80s Shadow to the .45s of the pulp Shadow and why that shift is kind of emblematic of everything wrong with that version and, more importantly, the terrible precedent it set for future adaptations. I like the way the gun fights are written in the pulps because they tend to be written like duels, where time stops for an action scene and every stroke, every move, every decision by The Shadow and his enemies has an impact and a thought process behind it, and that's a lot more fun to read than just an overpowered Shadow massacring nameless gangsters in a second.

Both have their uses and selling points, of course, but if I'm gonna follow The Shadow as the protagonist who gets into danger, why should I be invested in his peril if he never even seems like he's in danger? It also completely removes one of the few things that gives The Shadow a justification for what he does, namely, that he's returning fire against criminals that made the decision to kill him or others, and not opening fire on faceless nobodies before they can even react and we just have to assume he's justified in that decision.

Again, small difference, might not even matter to some and I certainly don't think The Shadow needs to be cleanly justified in everything he does (obviously he wasn't always on the defensive in the pulps either, but again, I always point to the existence of a pulp Shadow character used specifically to point out why the guns blazing approach is counterproductive and not what The Shadow does), but when the character's already treading this close to villainy or worse from the get go, I think boundaries like that are important and there's a pretty solid line between "the bullets fired by the Grim Reaper were but a successful reflection of theirs, they who choose to bring death upon others now brought a karmic end to themselves" and "some guy walked into a room and started shooting bad guys out of the blue". And that's not even really my main problem with the guns.

Just, compare these 4 Shadow comic covers from the 40s, to 4 variants of the same issue from the 2012 run. See any pattern?

Or, to be more blatantly, look at some of the covers for the original Street & Smith pulp stories, and then the covers for those very same stories in paperback reprints made by Jim Steranko in the 70s. I'm not knocking on Steranko's art or pinning the blame solely on him, I really like his covers, but I mean...

For fuck's sake, even in the remake to the super iconic cover of Shadowed Millions, The Shadow's now pointing a gun at absolutely nothing. And really, that's my big issue with the guns. 95% of all Shadow art seems to treat the character like he lives with pistols glued to his fingers and cannot walk into a room without pointing a gun at someone, even in situations where he isn't doing anything that requires a gun. And since these covers, these illustrations, is what informs people's understanding of the character more so than anything that's ever been written in the stories, it's really not at all surprising that The Shadow's characterization has been made so often into that of a gun-toting borderline maniac who solves every problem with violence and murder.

This is the big reason why I really like the covers Alex Ross did for Dynamite. Not because I like Alex Ross (I mean, I do, but he's not really among my favorites, he's incredibly skilled but his art style's not really my thing, visually I preferred the Chris Samnee/Francesco Francavilla covers), but because he was the only artist who was doing things with The Shadow on the covers other than just having him pose with guns in an urban background. He wasn't afraid to put him in weird poses or uncharacteristic scenes, or mess up his clothes and have him be outmatched, and it made the covers so much more dynamic and more reflective of The Shadow, even more so than the stories themselves.

Doesn't The Shadow look more interesting when he's doing basically ANYTHING other than pointing a gun at something? Why not let the strikingness of his design and the mystique of his personality speak for itself? He's gonna look sinister or cool or even humorously out-of-place or some combination of the three no matter what he's doing, and there's so many ways you can distort his presentation or make his surroundings mesh or contrast. Frankly the LAST thing a shapeshifting being of mystery should be in their presentation is just, uniformly samey. Again, I don't dislike the guns and there's obviously great and creative Shadow artwork with them, but it's so hard to find good cover artwork where he's not holding them.

Frankly I'd even argue that, if the intent is to make The Shadow look scary or mysterious or threatening, then it's better to draw him without guns. Because everyone knows The Shadow's got guns, and everyone knows the things that guns are for. You know what a guy with a gun is gonna do, he's gonna shoot it to injure and/or kill people. We understand that, we all know gun-toting heroes a plenty, we know what The Shadow's gonna do with a gun. Anyone can look scary with a gun in their hand. If anything, the guns work to undersell how creepy or intimidating he can be.

(Art by Michael Kaluta, Sandy Kossin and John Paul Leon)

Because what the hell does THIS guy have in store for you? Leering gigantically above buildings with blood-red eyes and corpse-colored skin while puppetering the deaths of mobsters, standing with a hand curiously stretched with no eyes and no expressions save for a grin with too many teeth , or to quote this post from Dan Schkade's tumblr,

"walking down a street that knows not to look at him",

and who else but The Shadow could inspire descriptions like these and live up to them?

[darthdisasterous]

Favorite part is that it didn't take long to get to that second point.

Literally weeks after him stating he would rather fuck a manatee than be bothered with Jim, he went from not wanting to be physically near Jim

To chasing after him to make sure he was ok because the Nazis stole that guy he claims to really hate and Namor can't allow that.

Because when someone takes the man I can't stand to be anywhere near, I, too, forget I'm in the middle of fighting a fucking war on behalf of multiple governments to save him.

Totes normal. All the chill.

From "I'd rather fuck a manatee" to "my husband needs back up"

[tenshiscientia]

Headcannons of the Chocobros with a S/O from a Royal/Distinguished Family

Okay so you and Ignis totally met before Kingsglave went down 

I'm gonna bs a little here and say that there was a gala that Noct had to attend before Kingsglave 

You and Iggy met at the gala cause you had some Noble trailing you like a bloodhound 

Ignis was trying to find Noctis 

Iggy's white tux: meet red wine

Your outfit: meet jim beam and seven 

In other words: your drinks ended up on each other 

You entirely laughed it off saying that it was perfectly fine 

Ignis was a complete mess

Tripping over apologies 

How he should have been paying more attention 

That it was his fault not yours 

There's no need to worry, he'll get your outfit cleaned right away 

He's pulling you through so many halls you've lost track 

But that's only because of how endearing he is being at the moment 

Both of you were to blame for this incident but yet here he is trying to take the whole fall himself 

You two ended up not going back to the gala and ended up talking the rest of the night

The next morning you were called back to your home in Altissia 

You had wanted to say goodbye to Ignis but it was urgent 

So up and off you went 

Several days later you heard Insomnia had been destroyed, the King, Prince, and Oracle killed along with 

Ignis had told you that he was the Prince's advisor 

So when you saw the news...it hit hard

You tried to call him once.

It didn't work, all you received was a dial tone...

With this news your heart broke

You refused to leave your room 

To take care of any of the responsibilities that you had

You didn't care 

That one night with Ignis...

Your world had gone dark with the loss of him

With knowing there was no chance of ever seeing him again

The Astrals had forsaken you, just as Bahamut had forsaken this very star...

Finally, after weeks of being cooped up in your room,,one of your servants dragged you out for a walk, stating you needed the fresh air 

You didn't want to but you didn't resist 

After walking down to the fish statue you were about to turn around and go home 

Then you heard a familiar voice that you thought had departed this world

"You are a lucky man."

Your head snapped up and your eyes scanned the crowd frantically

The crest of tawny hair would never be forgotten as it swayed slightly, as if the person was tilting their head.

"Ignis!"

You yelled for the man forgetting all standards of proprietary and litterally leaping into the fountain ruining your outfit and running through it to get to the other side 

By the time you jumped out Ignis is already waiting for you his arms splayed wide open, a surprised (yet happy/relieved/as many things that you can think of) that you are alive and well and here in front of him look on his face 

You dive into his arms, which in turn knocks him onto his tush

(Both of you are perfectly fine, not even his pride has taken a hit. The fall was worth it! Totes worth it!)

He can feel you crying against his chest and damn does he feel bad right now 

I mean like, he did have his phone, he could have tried to call you

But then you look up at him

Your face is all covered in tears 

You tell him you're just happy he's safe 

He grins really big and asks you if that's it and you nod

Then you stand up and offer your hand to him so he can get up

Ignis offers a handkerchief so you can clean the worst of the mess off your face and you swear to return it to him later 

You offer to house him and his friends so that they don't have to tide over at the hotel and Ignis says he doesn't want to impose but you shake your head and tell him to get his friends and follow you 

Ever after that are you grateful to that servant who dragged you out of the house for some fresh air

[nikonoi]

Ask game, 6 and 10!

#6 Is creek really that great?

ah man, so uh I have mixed feelings about creek, like I really like it, but I also have beef with it??

like, I love how it became canon and educated people on such a niche topic such as yaoi. but with it becoming canon, I feel like it also kinda took away from other ships involving the two. and I'm kinda salty abt it ngl.

Buut, at the same time I love them together in canon, its mainly a gripe I have with the fandom really, creek is EVERYWHERE, like it's giving me cavities, and I'm just kinda neh, tired of it??

fun fact, it was because of twunk x corg that I even began watching south park in the first place, like 13 yr old me was a huge fujoshi, so when she read that the yaoi episode was gonna air soon, lil me lost her damned mind. so creek will always be special to me even if I have some issues with it (petty issues at that lol)

@unlikely-bloom you also asked for creek, so here ya go

#10 if you had to match each kid in craig’s gang with the kid that was the most like them in stan’s gang, who would be the most like who?

Ugh, this is hard, um okay so

obviously stan and craig are foils for each other so they're a match

um, kyle would totes be with tolkien because they're the odd one out (tolkien being black and kyle a jew) but also because they're like, the moral compass of the group (kyle more so than tolkien but still lol)

uh, I'd put jim jim with kenny, because jimmy is like that one member who's there when need be but not all the time (in canon, in fanon its different, which is great) it's kinda the same with kenny.

and lastly best boi clyde with cartman cause they're both fat, no no, that's a joke, but like clyde seems to have some kind of respect for cartman that most of the others dont, and he tends to believe the crazy things cartman says, and I think that's super cute it's like they're brothers, so yeah they're a match

welp, there you have it, thanks for the ask :D

[eisforeidolon]

'stiel shippers are already making up conspiracy theories about how 15x19 ending is actually a fake, homophobic ending meant to fool people and 15x20 will have the true ending where Cass comes back and their ship becomes unequivocally, mutually canon and it's endgame. They've gone full TJLC with the fix-it episode theory and I can't say that I'm surprised at all.

Yeah, negative levels of surprise there. 

When Misha was posting all those travel pictures from around the US while J2 were quarantining, it was all a ruse!  TPTB made him post old pictures to hide where he was and his generic motel rooms could be in Vancouver!  He lives in Washington, so that’s probably close enough he doesn’t have to quarantine anyway!  They can’t leave the guy who saVeD tEH ShOw out of the last two episodes!!  Doesn’t matter that they let the actors spoil Mark P. and Jake A. and Jim B.’s returns, nah, they had to try and keep whether Misha was there or not a surprise!

Now this.  They managed to recognize when an episode was pandering to bibros with 15x19.  Which honestly was a bit of an accomplishment for them, given the hilarious exercise in palpable denial their “meta” about Red Meat is.  It certainly isn’t even all of them that managed it, given the usual blinkered nonsense floating around declaring Dean being drunk is desolation about Castiel (not, you know, hopelessness their whole world is still gonna end and everybody is gone but him, Sam, and Jack - just like their Mary who? nonsense in season 13).  Not to mention the insisting to each other Dean was totally willing to kill Sam to get Cas back, lalalalaing right through how the brothers were offering to kill each other and both be gone for the revival of, again, everybody else.  I digress ... and go on for a bit after this, so have a cut:

The point is, they recognize that having the Winchesters drive off into the sunset together is pandering to bibros, but they refuse to accept that whole scene destroying Castiel’s character was just pandering to them.  Despite how out of nowhere with zero previous buildup to support it being twue lurve it was.  Despite how this was supposedly planned for a year, yet the characters have been more at odds than ever.  Despite how one-sided it was.  Despite how, no matter how much they keep insisting to people in the comments under official CW posts that there is NO WAY to see it as anything but romantic, non-shippers and more casual fans keep daring to say they see it as familial (the NERVE!).  Despite how, while you could fairly say it’s become The Jack Show in recent years, it has never been the Dean & Cas show outside of shippers’ fevered imaginations.  So while pandering to them any harder than was already done is gonna get some WTF from the general audience?  Pandering to bibros just means making Sam & Dean’s show about ... Sam & Dean.  Which nobody in the general audience is gonna bat an eye at.

Doesn’t matter that the network president still talks about doing a revival with, specifically, J2.  Doesn’t matter most of the legitimate press over the series ending focuses particularly on J2 and Sam & Dean’s ending.  Doesn’t matter that the ones the actual co-showrunners consulted about tweaking the finale scripts post-COVID are, repeat it with me, J2.  Jared is totally a cheerleader for their ship, we know this because reasons!  Jensen must have changed his mind since last time he said his character was straight, because nobody’s asked him in the last five minutes and that’s the “right” answer they want him to say!  Misha said Jensen was totally into it and Misha *cough* never lies!

As I’ve said before, I put nothing 100% past Dabb.  I would not be even a little surprised if we get at least somebody mentioning somewhere next episode that Castiel got resurrected off-screen again.  Or if there’s some implication the brothers see him again in a way shippers could pretend totally had to involve hooking up with Dean. However, while we know Misha will bend whichever way the minion $$$ wind blows, and Dabb comes off as desperate for ass-pats on twitter from the hellers & minions blowing smoke up his ass?  He has played both sides for years in ways the general audience can dismiss (again, hard to do that and make reciprocated twue lurve “cannon”).  Dabb is also a co-showrunner with Singer who isn’t all over fandom and seemed kind bemused by it and previously said the ship was never discussed as a thing in the writer’s room while the ‘hellers were insisting their secret storyline was totes in there, guise. 

Likewise, I would be very surprised if after years of being harassed by a handful of disrespectful asshole “fans” to do so, Jensen agreed to just give in and change the character he’s been very invested in playing for fifteen years to please those jerks.  For something that suddenly and arbitrarily changes the character’s sexuality away from how he has explicitly said he has been playing it for fifteen years for a 40+ year old character in the very last episode.  For something Misha has implied he and Berens went behind his back to do in terms of Castiel’s end - that any idiot with two brain cells to rub together could figure out would lead to more harassment directed his way especially if he dared object (and would be objecting to another actor’s choices for their own character). For something that undermines what he has said repeatedly that he sees as the fundamental basis of the show.

None of that matters, though!  They’ve convinced themselves that they’re the only real audience and only they know the true story - the rest of us are just some sad definitely tiny group of pathetic hangers on that don’t understand the show has Changed Now and is really about the grEatEST LurVe stORy nEVeR tolD!  It’s what their whole echo chamber the whole audience wants ... because they say so!  

[whole-lotta-hoes]

Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More

Episode Two: Looking For A Job

Episode Three:

Episode Four:

Episode Five:

Warning:

This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and question your sanity. It will include a shit ton of weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Do not read if you are not ready for any of this, read at your own risk.

Cast:

John Paul Jones (Main character)

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

John Bonham

-------------------

Led Zeppelin is a band apparently. It's just a bunch of horny mother fuckers put together to make songs about sex. John Paul Jones was laying in bed with Robert Plant which he has no idea how that happened. He hoped nothing weird went down between them cause Jimmy Page would be so mad. oh jesus oh god you do not want to make that mother fucker mad. He'll literally turn you into a cheeseball and eat you. John got out of bed only to see that John Bonham was standing in the corner eating swedish fish gummies. He was not going to question it.

"Want some?" Bonzo asked him and he held one in his hand.

"I don't know you what the fuck!?" Jonesy yelled. He went to the baffroom and spotted jimmy trying to swim inside of the toilet. He believed he could do it if he tried hard enough.

"the oil supply demand is sky rocketing these days!" jimmy yelled as he got out of the toilet.

"Bitch do not touch me with your boo boo water," He warned him as he grabbed a toothbrush to use as a weapon. He learned how to make a knife with it in jail.

"Penis guitar playing is totes fun jonesy, you should try it," jimmie added. Oh mother fucker he is a heterosexual lad. Or that is what he said the other day when he ate some of robert's caramel popcorn. man he wondered how he even ended up in that stupid band. who's led and why does he have a zeppelin? you know some guy named their kid zeppelin but he claims that he didn't name him after the band. wait what were we talking about?

The band all decided to head to mcdonalds to eat happy meals. jimmy tickles.

"Guys! oh my god you will not believe it but britney is such a slut! ugh! can't believe she left me for a fish lookin' mother fucker-"

"No one gives a rats ass about your weird horny ass!" jimmy cut him off by yelling at robert. God damn that shithead has a huge ego but a small dick. Jonesy never understood why people liked him so much. He once stole his favorite pair of jojo siwa socks and claimed he never knew he owned any.

"You motherfuckers we're supposed to be going on tour!" Bonzo yelled as he swooped the food off the table.

"suck my asshole bonzo!" jim yelled.

"calm down pagey, he's just a meanie," robert added as he patted his head.

"y'all need to start realizing that no one likes you both!" jonesy snapped.

"shut up you're literally ugly and small and the bassist of led zeppelin and you look like heman with that stupid haircut of yours" Bonzo said as he ate jonesys burgers. damn that hurt.

"You know," jonesy began, "i don't need this job"

"what job?" robeet askes.

"shhhhh let the weirdo speak," jimmy said as he stuck his finger into his mouth.

"without me you will all suck asshole and no one will actually like led zeppelin," he explained.

the three slowly looked at each other and began to laugh their asses off at him.

"You act like you matter so much," robert added.

"shut up cheese cream! you're literally big and ugly and you look like you are 50 years old!" bonzo said as he drank his milk. that was funny. Jonesy felt his blood boil and grabbed his happy meal and stormed out.

-

It was the day of their shit concert. led zeppelin were backstage preparing to cause a dismother and set things on fire. preferably roberts underwear that pretty much doesn't exist in this case. the band stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.

"hello bananas-" That motherfucker fell forward into the drum set. oopsies. jimmy ran to him to make sure his hoe isn't dead or alive. fucking bon jovi.

"oh shit! robert plant is down!" he yelled. jonesy was absolutely done with them. they are nothing but a bunch of dumb fucks who ruin everything. He took out his laser penis and shot jimmy and robert to death.

"oh Motherfucker has a fucking laser pp! hija de su pinche madre!" jimmy yelled as he split in half. robert died again. bonzo just sat there blown away by the fact that that john paul jones just killed the front man and the guitarist of Led Zeppelin in front of millions of people. he was impressed.

"holy shit man you really-"

nope sorry but jonesy shot him too so he died. damn he could've let him live. meanie. oh wait im writing this so i could've.... ah man im too lazy to go back and fix it. too bad we're going with this plot now. Jonesy stepped off the stage and headed to the back.

"god dammit i hate everyone in this bloody world," he said to himself. he decided to hit the pub that was nearby to enjoy himself.

As he was sitting at the counter drinking something that is an alcoholic beverage. he began to spark ideas of what he could possibly do since led zeppelin died. He thought about starting a whole new band but he remembered that what caused him to kill led zeppelin. that was out of the shopping list for walmart. next was to steal money from the bank so he remains rich but he then realized that he is a famous musician and will get recognized quickly. fuck. he then thought of changing his hair to look less like heman cause that insult hurt.

"aha!" he shouted. He finally thought of something that could get him a shit ton of money. He drank the remaining drink from his cup and ran out of the pub.

-

he put on a thicc line of eyeliner, red lipstick, a black wig, fish nets leggings, high heeled boots, and earrings. oh man this is going to be hella great. His wife walked in to see what the fuck this small ass mothertrucker was up to this time. oh man i shat my pants.

"sweetie what the fuck are you doing!?" she yelled. Jonesy turned to look at her.

"led zeppelin is no more," he responded. She was so confused and wondered how the fuck she even ended up marrying heman. she had no idea what led zeppelin is no more meant and was hella concerned for his health.

"be back in a few days," he added as he broke his ankle trying to exit the house and rolled down the hill. oops it's not up the hill anymore. guess you could really say he went down hill. i hate myself so much. he walked down the sidewalk and ended up in someone's house. Motherfucker it's jimmy page's house. he stole his nice trousers or whatever those were. my teacher walked by as i wrote that btw. turns out they don't fit him cause jimmy is also a big hoe and jonesy isn't. shit. jimmy is embarrassing asf. that was pointless of him stealing so he stole his underwear. wait he wears those? imma look it up hold on. i didn't find anything about that so im just going to assume that he doesnt.

there was a picture of jimmy when he was with the yardbirbs and golly that is one ugly Motherfucker! he stole and stuffed it into his underwear. he got out of the house full of useless shit that he did not need at all. Then he forgot what he was doing. Jonesy continued walking down the street only to break his other ankle and rolled down the steep pathway. damn he's one dumb hoe bitch.

-

His laser penis was out of control. he just wanted to have a little me time but instead shot a whole through the wall of the motel be was staying in. god dammit. he removed his pp and switched it out with a normal pp. that's odd. his plan of overthrowing led zeppelin stressed him out. what else do you do when you're stressed? well can't say cause i ain't gotta peener. he got so bored. his days of not being in led zeppelin have been lame and was the worst idea he could even come up with. he didn't know what to do know. he can't just eat your grandma over and over again. he looked at himself through the mirror and oh my god I'm a sexy Motherfucker oh yeah bitch im THE BITCH. he needed to find something that'll keep him entertained for while.

babysitting was a bad idea. he got bitten by a bunch of goblins and gave him rabies. god i hate kids.

"hello motherfucker," jimmy said.

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD DAD SHOES PENIS PLANT! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU THE OTHER DAY!" Jonesy yelled as he jumped over the couch.

"Nah bitch that was just my twin brother Jamie Patricia Page," He added. "Bitch why are you dressed like a stripper?"

Oh yeah he forgot that was what he was going to do once he killed led zeppelin. he still can but now there's a little bitch with him named james patrick page.

"we should kill robert plant," jimny suggested.

"Bitch i already killed him, you're a little too late you duck whore," he responded.

turns out he didn't actually kill led zeppelin but instead killed their twin brothers.

"You want to overthrow led zeppelin into the trashcan?" Jonesy asked. "Thought that's what you and bert wanted to do...."

"Nah man.... percy is a very stupid penguin and is meanie.... he stole my jojo siwa socks," jimmy explained.

ah damn turns out robert plant is the villain of the story and should be died. he is too powerful. his hair will slice the fuck out of anyone.

"You got a plan?" Jonesy asked.

"i say we steal his pants and burn them and use them as an alternative to oil," he explained. damn science class. then this guy named bonzo showed up and began to beat them with his drum sticks.

"BONZO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" james yelled.

"sorry but robert said to beat you both with them!" bonzo yelled back.

jonesy dug through his pants and took out a bunch of swedish fish gummies.

"hey look! fish gummies! come and get it boy!"

"bitch what the fuck I am not some stupid dog for you to be doing that time of shit you small Motherfucker heman lookin hoe short shit," bonzo said.

"GIMME GIMME OH SHIT!" he attacked Jonesy.

jimmy page the god of led zeppelin stood there watching while cheering them on fight fight fight! it got in here so he removed his trousers and threw them at bonzo which ended up knocking him out.

"oh shit! your pants are powerful! we can use it to kill percy!" Jonesy shouted.

"NO! JIMBERT MUST GO CANON!" Jimmy yelled and jumped out the window. all you heard was splash. that motherfucker jumped into the pool and is now wet. that's a disturbing image. Jonesy rolled his eyes and went back to doing whatever the fuck he was doing. it all of a sudden got really bright outside. oh the sun came out cause it was cloudy. but wait! Jonesy looked out the window and spotted robert plant heading towards him.

"IM THE GOLDEN GOD-" that motherfucker fell inside of the pool and sizzled. cual pinche golden god ese no mas anda haciendo puros desmadres y estupideces de mario.

that was the end of led zeppelin.

[jimroott]

it's totes none of my business and i hope they're both happy but i'm still not over jim and cristina breaking up

[maxyboii527]

AND NOW, PRESENTING (what i should have presented ages ago but completely forgot about,)

BEST THEATER QUOTES (Mostly Mr. J)

Ten Ways to Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

s = student

J = Mr. J

s "Can I eat these grapes?"

J "Yeah, but dont spill or I'll take away your birthday"

J "I think all of you are gonna die in this scene, I gotta read the script again"

s "Can I get hit with an axe?"

J *tiredly* "Dear god-"

J "Asher- wait- UGHHH i mean ARCHER"

J "If one of you- ugh this is cringe, but if one of you wanna do this *dabs* go ahead"

J "This isn't the booty show"

J "If you all just walk in quietly it feels like a weird cult"

J "Maybe eat a rat? I don't know, thats what you guys eat"

J "I'm just gonna move you all like mannequins"

J "She has EXPIRED, she has EXPIRED"

J "Who's reading a Brandon Sampson book? Oh, he's a good author :)"

J "THIS IS NO TIME TO PANIC! *running offstage* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- wait- *running back on stage* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

s "So everybody gets to watch me get eaten?"

J "Yup"

s "This is abuse! This is Jimmy abuse!"

J "The BLOCKS"

J "When you hear 'meat shield', that's a very weird queue, but when you hear that, get up"

J "My Amazon search history... is going to be very weird"

J "Zombies, you can't read"

s "aw :("

J "We're about to have peace, but not really, because SOMEONE *looks at susan* is going to ruin it"

J "I think all of you are gonna be consumed"

J "I don't know if I want Christy to make it"

J "I think you'll have nerf guns as well"

s "Can I shoot the survivors too?"

J "NOOOOOOO- jeez, you guys are morbid-"

J "-And then I think we'll feast on Christy"

J "You'll rise up, take her down- AHHHH-"

s "brains-"

J "LOUDER"

s "brAINS"

J "There's only like, 10 backflips I need you to do. Just kidding. Or not, you'll never know :)"

J "Alright, impress me! no pressure"

J "I can breakdance! I'll break something-"

J "You aren't gonna like this, but I love you-"

J "I know I lied, but this time I'm not lying"

J "Did you just flop onto the floor?"

s "Yeh"

J "Behave or I'll put you in a tote and close the lid. You'll have to stay here overnight"

J "Wow, that is morbid but I love it"

J "After Nana gets consumed, what happens next?"

J "Ugh, that would be a weird amazon purchase. I have 15 rats coming so probably not too weird though"

J "It's so sad" *laughs*

s "So where are these zombies coming from anyway?"

s "Global warming"

s "Makes sense"

s "Zombies are imaginary, just like Britney Spears!"

J "No one cares about your little emotional issues, ok"

J "And then- aw, I don't have the music for that yet :("

J "Try to do it on the other side so we can see you choking him- things I thought I'd never say..."

J "Times are tough in the apocalypse 🤷‍♂️"

J "I love it! We're all gonna be a hot mess- we're all gonna be a hot mess together :)"

J "Yeah, she might need resuscitation again"

J "Jimmy, Allee, you're doin great :)"

*Jimmy and Allee are dead on the floor*

J "Jim's a little cold by now, but you can feast on him too. He's like leftovers!"

J "All you wanted was peace, but she took a piece out of you"

J "First we need to determine who's the most attractive person here!"

*narrator stands up*

s "uhm, no" *pulls him back down*

J "You don't have time to tie your shoes in the apocalypse!"

J "Who has not had a chance to be eaten?"

s "I'm too pretty to die!"

s "Take him, he's German!"

J "We did decide to kill them, didn't we!"

J "We ready for scene seven?"

s "Yuh!"

J "Yuh, get into it!"

J "We have a surprise guest! It's cranky Mr. J >:("

J *on megaphone* "Hey, I'm using this now"

*falls really hard*

s "Asher, ya good?"

s "YeAh"

J "Ok, zombies, we're too boring- I know that sounds mean, but I'm sorry"

s "I'm deceased, I have to go die"

s "Hey, I've totally moved on!"

*looks at brick wall with 'Sam x Susan' graffitied on it*

s "Yeah, mhm"

s "Will eating us make you happy?"

J *nodding* "yep"

s "Will it fill the aching hole in your heart?"

J *still nodding* "You bet"

J "Yeah, zombies, if you die, you can get back up"

s "Except me?"

J "Except you."

s "Haha! Never trust the narrators, we're like the media!"

s "So... if I were the last guy on Earth-"

s "I'd date the zombies."

s "Fair enough-"

J "Middle schoolers scare me, when I have to pass through the cafeteria at lunch I'm terrified"

J "We're gonna keep an eye on this red thing- if it starts smoking, turn it off"

J "Dear god, I hope no one loses their pants on stage"

J "It's good practice for if you go to prison :)"

J "Guys, back up, you make me nervous"

J "It's ok, I don't teach math"

*is a calculus teacher*

J "This is what you'll do when you go to prison! Don't smile for your mugshot though"

J "Let's run the show with fog, we'll see if anything starts on fire"

J "I'd be screaming if I was being eaten alive"

s "I'm not becoming a granny, my skin's just dry"

J "I love mutilating chickens on stage"

J "Just dont fall off the stage, thats my goal"

J "Did someone die? nobody die until after Thursday"

J "Welp, she's deceased"