#[OOC: Can It Carter]

[askchuckandtiff]

Question for chucky! (Or glen/Glenda if they wanna answer too)

How would you feel if somebody miss gendered you for having long hair or "feminine features"? This has happened to me on multiple occasions and I wanna know how you feel abt it!

Chucky: When we first meet, I'd understand it. But if you know me, then that's a bit more insulting

Glenda: Oh, I'm plenty used to it by now!! I understand it, especially because I present more feminine. I'm not too offended by it

Glen: I'm a lil put off by it as I'm a bit more on the masculine side of the spectrum. A simple correction usually works, tho!!

[atlasheartd]

((I'll try to do replies tomorrow, but I think I'm gonna start working on the ikau so I can get that going because I really want to talk about certain things sdjgjshfh

[starcchild]

((if my brain wasn't completely shut off right now I would love to ramble about how absolutely debilitating Carter's fear of abandonment is, but alas my brain is. not wanting to cooperate

[1nm2]

.

[star-girl69]

Don’t Delete The Kisses

Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Aphrodite!Reader

—-

synopsis: after breaking someone’s heart as apart of your initiation into the aphrodite cabin, you don’t think love is meant for you after your cruelty. clarisse thinks you’re ridiculous.

a/n: my friend was talking about how like insane this song makes her and i was like oh so this is genius

Don’t Delete The Kisses - Wolf Alice

warnings: insecure and very sad y/n ☹️, so like yeah all of that stuff, very ooc clarisse but IDC, i hate everyone but you trope fr, more talking about our feelings which we know is very hard for clarisse, the usual mentions of death and weapons, all that demigod stuff, more clarisse wanting, clarisse is insane as always i love her my ladybug fr, swearing, mentions of food, crap ton of violence, broken noses, whole bunch of blood, teeth get knocked out, yeah, tell me if i missed anything!!

—-

“Well, did you do it?”

You wanted to sneak into the Aphrodite cabin silently, hoping your pink jacket would blend into the walls and hide you. But that was just wishful thinking. That was just something you whispered to yourself on the walk back to comfort your shaking body, wiping away the tears.

This is your initiation. They’re all sitting on their beds, waiting with eager eyes, greedy for a taste of someone else’s suffering, the comfort of knowing it’s not their own.

“Yes,” you say, pretending tears don’t rim your eyes.

You stand stall, shutting the cabin door behind you.

“I did it.”

Your sister Drew stands up and grabs your hand. You think she might comfort you. You think she might tell you Carter was in it all along, you didn’t really hurt him, it was all some elaborate prank.

Instead, she raises your hand up in the air and turns towards the rest of your siblings.

“Y/N!” she says, “Daughter of Aphrodite!”

Your siblings clap and cheer, smiling widely- one of the younger girls runs right up to you and hugs you, face in your stomach.

“You played him so good,” she giggles, pigtails swinging in the air. She is so naïve, so young, so unknowing. You wonder if you can give yourself amnesia if you slam your head into the column holding up the cabin.

You would do anything to forget this night. To forget the look on Carter’s face. He fell in love with you and you let your siblings guide you on what to do, what to say, you let them dress you up and and put pretty bows in your hair that he reached out to touch.

He thought he would end the night with a kiss, but instead he ended the night with your hand in his face, scoffing animatedly and asking “How could he ever think a daughter of Aphrodite could like him?”

You could feel his heart break, and you could feel your mother ghosting around the wind, you could feel the muscles in your face strain as your eyes filled with tears.

You wrap your arms around your younger sister and force yourself to chuckle.

“His face was so funny,” you say, but there was an unintended action to your initiation. Your heart broke too. You saw the look on his face- if that is how losing love feels then you never want to give yourself the chance to lose it.

Besides, it’s not like you could ever deserve love after this. The love your siblings crave but never quite get. True, encompassing, all-consuming love. After this night, after the hatred coiling up in your stomach like a snake, it’s just not meant for you.

—-

Everyone at Camp calls you princess.

It made you feel like a baby, weak, like you were nothing but a pretty face. But no matter how much you flinched at the nickname, grimaced when you found yourself answering to its call, no one stopped.

Your siblings all cooed and said it was so fitting, saying with curled lips that you were most definitely Aphrodite’s favorite. Your hair always fell in the most beautiful way, your makeup always stayed and looked beautiful, you know you can’t walk through camp without someone looking at you.

Especially after your charmspeak developed, you became a shell of yourself, scared constantly like you are just a walking knife, doomed to cut anyone you come near.

You’re not that different from your siblings- the only difference is you won’t ever lead someone on. You won’t ever make anyone thing they have a chance. Because you’ll never break someone’s heart again.

You’re still Aphrodite’s daughter, you still like to look pretty. So, you do your makeup and your hair, you revel in the feelings of eyes on you but you choose your words carefully.

But other than that, you despise love, your mother, everything about the Aphrodite Cabin.

But you suck it up, you let boys fix your posture, let them teach you to fight while they dream of kissing you, and you work silently and you wait to get out of this hellhole Camp.

You stay silent and you let them realize that you’re just simply not interested in a relationship. They’re sad, but their hearts aren’t broken.

Everybody calls you princess. But Clarisse says it differently.

Clarisse La Rue is probably the bane of your existence. She’s drop dead gorgeous, you would kill to run your hands through her curls, and she is the most talented person you know in battle. You’re pretty good, after all this silent training and the tips and tricks shared in vain, but she is a force.

She’s the one guilty pleasure you let yourself have. If only because you know she’s too strong to get hurt. So you let yourself look, keep a secret crush tight in your chest- only bursting out when you can’t stand it, and you just have to stare at her and revel in that for a second.

The thing about Clarisse is that she likes you. Which would be fine, you just tried to stay away, but she kept coming back for more and more until it became impossible to ignore her. It’s like you two were just doomed to forever be in love with each other, and you have to live with that and eat it like crow.

It’s not like she outwardly flirts with you. She just says your nickname differently. She caresses the words and says it softer. She doesn’t stare at you like everyone else- she looks at you. It feels amazing, your one guilty pleasure is to revel in her love from far away, but you make it clear that you don’t want a relationship and you never will.

Clarisse seems intent either to ignore that or wait you out. You don’t let her get close enough. You won’t break someone else’s heart.

Everyone calls you princess. You only like it when Clarisse says it.

—-

“Hi, princess.”

You don’t look at him, focusing on tying your shoes instead. “Can I help you?”

“Actually, I thought I could help you.”

You finish tying your laces, taking your foot up off of the bench and onto the ground. You grab your sword, hair tied back, tank top and stretchy pants. He looks you up and down. You do the same.

“Uh… Van, right?”

“Funny name so you won’t forget it, huh?” he winks, and you very obviously grimace.

“Ha, yeah.” You set your sights on a dummy currently not being attacked by a sword or spear and take a step forward.

“I noticed,” he starts, arm in front of you, stopping you from moving. “That the only weapon you don’t know how to use is the spear.”

You finally look at him. He’s wearing cargo pants and the orange camp t-shirt. His hand is plain and blonde, cut short, and his cheeks seem to be permanently flushed. He’s a son of Ares, pretty good fighter, but nothing else to speak for. Clarisse, at least, is the absolute best at almost everything she does- and she puts in the work to show it.

Van looks like he trains the minimum amount and gets by on his natural abilities as a demigod.

“Okay?” you say, wanting nothing more than to get away from him and go back to training. “I don’t get what you’re saying. And don’t flirt with me, either- one of my siblings would be happy to make out with you in a shed somewhere.”

“I’ll teach you,” he says, slightly exasperated. You finally notice he is, in fact, holding a spear. “Huh?”

You squint at him.

You do have a reputation in this camp. Part of the reason you’re called princess is because you’re standoffish and cold- people mistake it as you thinking you’re better than them. Really, you’re one of the worst people at this camp. You’re saving them from being tainted by association.

But every once in a while, someone will get it in their heads that soulmates do exist, and they’re the right person for you- and you’re mean and you shut them down, but that’s way before they fall in love. It hurts them, but not as much as it hurts you, not as much as it would hurt them if you gave them any ounce of attention.

The only person who keeps coming back for more sticks her spear into the ground next to you, fingers drumming against the wood.

“Van, you look fucking stupid.”

“Clarisse,” Van hisses, glaring at her. She glares right back, unimpressed. “Can you just go? Fuck.”

She raises her eyebrows. His spear hits the dirt before you can even comprehend that Clarisse kicked it out of his hands, and you have to admit- Clarisse is quick. Clarisse is good at what she does.

She pours everything she’s got into training- and pursuing you. You think it might just be a joke at this point, or something she finds fun, been doing it too long that stopping feels wrong. You would be lying if you said it wouldn’t be weird for her to stop. For both of you to stop whatever this is. This silent wanting.

“First of all, you are mediocre with a spear. Second, if Y/N wanted spear lessons she would come to me, right?”

“I don’t know,” you huff, walking away.

“Clarisse,” you can hear Van groan. “She was going to say yes until you ruined it.”

“Bro, she was not going to say yes. You’re welcome for saving your ass from even more embarrassment, Gods.”

“You’re just mad she doesn’t like you after you’ve been pining for years.”

She laughs, loud and boisterously, but there’s an edge to her voice, one of doubt, something like she’s scared.

“Oh, you’re fucking funny,” she says, and you can hear her slapping his shoulder. You stretch, risking a glance over your shoulder- Van is walking off and she’s looking at you.

But when your eyes meet hers, she quickly looks away. And you notice. You notice, but you do nothing about it. The way it’s always meant to be.

—-

The strawberry fields is the most beautiful place at camp. It’s where you feel something for your mother, because while gardening and plants are Demeter’s thing- finding beauty in the way the strawberry sits in your hand, the way the sun turns the sky into purple and oranges, the way the bright green trees stand out against that- it’s all your mother.

You can appreciate beauty here.

You see beauty everywhere, and you see love everywhere, but not the kinds your mother is famous for.

You’ve been picking strawberries for what seems like hours now, but it’s bearable under the setting sun and when you think about how good it will feel to finally sink into your bed.

“Y/N!” someone calls. “Princess!” you roll your eyes but stand up, turning around and putting your hand over your face to protect from the setting sun.

“Yeah?!” you shout back, squinting. You realize you’re alone in the fields.

“We’re heading back!” a Demeter girl, Sasha, says.

Your eyes flick to your basket that will only take a few more minutes to fill up.

“I’ll go back later!”

“Okay!” she shouts back, running off after everyone else.

You crouch back down, taking a deep breath before you begin ruffling through the leaves of the strawberry plant to find the juicy berries. You sneak a few as you work, shuffling down the line of plants. It’s so calm here. There’s no one to hurt. There’s nothing to be scared of.

When you stand up, there’s four figures standing by the shed. You gasp, bringing your hand to your chest, but Clarisse takes off her helmet.

“Princess?” she asks. “What’cha doin’ out here all alone?”

“Collecting strawberries,” you snort, full basket hitting your knees as you walk towards her.

“I see that,” she huffs. You notice Van behind her, and another sister, Carrie, a brother named Matty. “But what are you doin’ out here alone?”

You shrug, coming to a stop in front of the little group of Ares kids.

“Everyone else left.”

“It’s almost dark.”

“Not yet, though,” you smile sarcastically.

Carrie and Matty continue walking after they realize nothing fun is going to happen. You’re not gonna entertain them, so why would they care? But Clarisse and Van stay. You stare at Clarisse for a moment longer before finally looking away.

“You don’t have a weapon,” Van notes. “Smart to be out here alone?”

“Oh, relax,” you sigh. “We’re still in the barrier.”

You tighten your grip on the bucket and turn left, walking towards the shed. Clarisse is hot on your heels.

“And how do you know that? What if it had spontaneously, like, failed and shut down, or something.”

“Then I think everyone would be running around and screaming, because monsters would be crawling through camp. I would know.”

You place the bucket next to all the other buckets collected today- you’ll keep the good ones here over night, away from the animals and bugs and someone will collect them in the morning.

You stand up, rolling your wrists, wiping the sweat from your brow. You take the small cutters for the thicker branches from your pocket and throw it into the bin with the others.

“Well, if it makes you feel better, you can walk me back.”

“I jus’ think it’s stupid to be out here all alone,” she shrugs. You stare right past her, watching as the door slams shut. Was it windy?

Clarisse whips around, but sees it’s just the closed door. You frown, Clarisse steps forward.

“Sorry, Clarisse!” Van shouts from outside, and that’s when you hear the lock sliding into place. Your eyes widen as you realize what he’s done.

“Van, what the hell?!” Clarisse shouts, trying the knob. The door stays firmly shut. She slams her shoulder into it, but this place was built strong to protect from the elements, from all the little animals hungry for strawberries. “Let us out right fucking now, I swear, Van!”

“I can’t!” he says back, sounding sort of pained. “I just couldn’t get her alone!”

“Me?!” you yell, feeling increasingly trapped and claustrophobic. You shove Clarisse out of the way and rattle the doorknob, but it really is locked. “I didn’t do shit to you! Let me the fuck out!”

“For Carter!”

You take a step back. Your face falls from anger and anxiety into pure and utter turmoil. Your chest squeezes like it does every time you think about him. You carry the pain and the regret so heavily you doubt you’ll ever get rid of it. You’ll always be like this, rotting in your head, watching your beauty fade away and everyone give up on you.

Will you finally be free then? If you scream and take a knife to your face, make yourself unrecognizable, will everyone finally leave you alone then? Can you be something other than this stupid camp’s stupid princess?

But it’s wishful thinking. You’re a daughter of Aphrodite, and you were born to be beautiful, and you were born to be alone.

“Van, I’ll fucking kill you. Let. Us. Out.”

“Sorry!” he shouts, and you hear his footsteps in the dirt, running away while Clarisse screams for him to come back here.

You take a deep breath but it all comes crashing down like a dam breaking. All of the anger, the regret, the fear, it all comes pouring out until you’re sobbing into your hands in the middle of the shed.

Clarisse stops trying to break through the door. It’s painfully tense for a moment, nothing besides the crickets and the sounds of your sobs. You end up sitting on half-empty bags of fertilizer and mulch in the corner- although it’s not really used much, sometimes the Demeter kids like to experiment- it’s the most comfortable thing in this shed.

You’re 17 now, and you broke Carter’s heart when he was 13 and you were 12. You wake up and you feel your guilt like you feel the sun on your face- it’s your morning routine to stare at yourself in the mirror and know that you are the blessed one who doesn’t deserve it. You beg to be free, but this is your punishment.

“I’m sorry,” you cry out, “How does he not know I’m sorry?”

You never said it to him, of course- your siblings had told you Aphrodite would curse you if you said you were sorry, and you were 12 and scared so you shut up and you stared at him from afar, your first love and your first heartbreak. Could he not see the way you hated yourself? The way you hated everyone?

Why couldn’t anyone see that you weren’t a princess? You were a demon, so wicked you were worthy of being Hades’ right hand minion.

Clarisse sits down heavily next to you. She doesn’t say anything. She waits until the sobs start to ebb like a wave, until the worst is over.

“I’m sorry,” you say, one final time. Maybe the wind will take pity on you and carry your words to him. You wish it would, but why? Why do you deserve it? Your nails dig into your palms, leaving blood red moons.

“Why are you sorry?” Clarisse breathes, seeming more genuinely curious then demeaning. “Who’s Carter?”

You miss the way her lip curls around the name.

“I can’t tell you,” you moan, because Clarisse is the only person who actually gives half a fuck about you, and it feels so nice to have her eyes on you- not in the way everyone else does. They admire you, despise you, she appreciates you. She stares at you from afar and you both know that you want more, but she’s content to stare and you’re content to let her.

She laughs. “Yes, you can. I wouldn’t even care if you killed someone named Carter. But seeing as you escaped punishment from Chiron, and you only got locked in a shed, it’s probably not that bad.”

When you look up at her you can feel the mascara streaming down your face. You’re sure you look like a raccoon, and you can see how unnerving it is for her to see you- always so calm and put together- reduced to tears by a single name.

“I’m a daughter of Aphrodite, Clarisse.”

“I know,” she says, although it sounds like a question.

You stare at her, not able to say it, trying to convey to her with your eyes. You can practically see the cogs turning in her head as she thinks about the Aphrodite cabin.

“Oh,” she says. A few tears fall down your face. “The initiation thing- you have to break someone’s heart, right?”

“Yes,” you say, bitterly, resisting the urge to throw something and have a tantrum. You press your hands into your eyes, breathing heavily. “That stupid, stupid initiation. I hate being her daughter. I hate being like this.”

The hug starts out awkward. Clarisse places her arm lightly around your shoulders, starts mumbling apathetically that it’ll be okay. It’s not that she doesn’t care or anything, you’re both just foreign to what it’s like to feel this way for someone.

And it feels good to have someone touching you, so before you can stop yourself you’re shoving your way in her arms. She stiffens, sits up straight as your tears stain her orange camp shirt. But after a moment she hugs you back just as fiercely, with just as much desperation. She doesn’t say anything, probably because she doesn’t know what to say, and you can’t even comprehend your embarrassing, secret, unrealistic guilty pleasure of a crush is hugging you right now.

You’re too focused on the way she shushes you softly, her arm against your waist, the other around your shoulder- thumb drawing circles on your skin.

You’re too focused on the way she feels against you to even care about how awkward this will be later.

Finally, when night has really fallen and the wind starts to howl, you let go of Clarisse.

“Sorry,” you mumble, body locking up, staring firmly at the ground. Your face is caked in runny makeup- you feel as disgusting as you’re sure you look.

“It’s okay,” she says, hesitating for a moment before she stops touching you. “I, uh, I don’t think you should hate yourself.”

You scoff. Both at the ridiculousness of her stuttering and what she’s saying. “Whatever,” you mumble.

“No, I’m being serious.” She seems a little firmer now, like she really believes what she’s saying. But she doesn’t know you. “You shouldn’t hate yourself. Like, what do you even mean, you “hate being like this?’ What’s this?”

“I’m a monster, Clarisse. Literally, a fucking monster. I’m a horrible person, and yet everyone walks around and calls be princess because, what? I’m pretty? You can still be Aphrodite’s favorite and a monster. Maybe I am her favorite for a reason. Because of what I did.”

“A monster? Really?”

She looks at you like you’re the stupidest girl in the world. And Gods, coming from someone like Clarisse does that hurt.

You stare her down like you’re not about to cry. You squint so the tears won’t come, digging your nails into your palms to distract from the feeling in your stomach.

“I asked him to meet me at night. He told me he thought he loved me, and I laughed in his fucking face and said how could he ever think that I would love him? Who does that? Who is so fucked in the head?”

You look at her face, slightly twinged with disgust, and it feels good. It feels good to drive someone else away. To save them from yourself.

“This is my punishment. My life. And I hate it, but I know it’s what’s meant for me. I’ll never be loved. No matter how beautiful I am. I won’t let myself, I won’t hurt someone else. I don’t deserve it.”

She grabs your hand. You look at her, and she’s still so disgusted, so why is she touching you? Why is her face morphing into concern? Why does she still look at you like you’re this precious thing? Why do you like it? Why do you crave her like air?

“You don’t deserve this,” she says.

Why isn’t she listening to you?

“I don’t, Clarisse. Just- jus’ stop, please.”

But it finally hits you why she’s so disgusted. It’s not what you did, it’s the way you think about yourself.

“You came to camp when you were 12, right, so that’s when you completed your initiation? So, you were 12. You were 12 and listening to your older siblings. You were 12 and you made a mistake, and you’ve spent years and years punishing yourself over it. Most of the people at camp are blind, Y/N, but I’m not. I see the way you treat yourself, and that- you just don’t deserve that.”

“Fine,” you mumble, feeling a little breathless. “Maybe I was 12. But it’s too late. Everyone at camp thinks I’m a bitchy fucking princess.”

She smiles. “Well, you are.”

You throw her hand off of you and pretend to glare at her, but you’re smiling.

“You are a princess, Y/N, let me help you see it.”

Clarisse is your secret crush. She was a comfort for lonely nights, someone to think about when you were eating alone at dinner. And it didn’t help that she would stare at you while you imagined her sitting across from you. Clarisse is your secret crush, locked up in your chest and waiting to burst out like a cuckoo clock.

Clarisse is your secret crush, unrealistic and wishful thinking- but the way she looks at you right now makes it real.

The door clicks open.

“Oh,” Sasha, the girl yelling at you earlier says. “Sorry- I forgot my… uh…”

You quickly stand up, pushing Clarisse away from you. Sasha moves to the side and let’s you through the door. Against your better judgement, you stop and look over your shoulder.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow, princess.”

—-

The next day, after waking up and realizing what happened yesterday wasn’t a bad dream, Clarisse is really doing something this sweet for you, you’re ready to forget it all ever happened and sit alone as you usually do.

You stand at the edge of the pavilion, searching across the tables for an empty one-

“Y/N!” Clarisse yells. She looks at you expectantly, and you notice the empty seat next to her.

Oh. She wants you to sit with her.

As beautiful and sweet Clarisse is, you still can’t let her be anything more than your secret crush. But you can sit with her for one meal. You can pretend, and maybe that will hold you over when you eventually succeed in pushing her away.

Your head was clouded by her touch, her smell, her voice- you weren’t in the right state of mind to be making decisions about “seeing Clarisse tomorrow.”

You stop at the fire pit in the middle of the pavilion.

“Please, Mom,” you mutter, dumping almost all of your plate into the flames.

This is probably the first time you’ve really prayed to her since the day you broke Carter’s heart.

You set your tray down next to her, swinging your legs over the bench and under the table, settling yourself in. Her siblings don’t even look up, all busy eating identical bagel sandwiches- you squint, resisting the urge to laugh at the cheese, bacon, sausage, and eggs. Ares kids are always eating the most gluttonous foods, seeing as they train 24/7.

Clarisse glares at your plate.

“What?” you say, shifting awkwardly in your seat.

“That is not enough food.” And while your plate mostly is empty space, you’re really not that hungry this morning.

You shrug. “I was in a praying mood today.”

“Don’t care, go get more.”

You roll your eyes, but you’d be lying if you said her concern didn’t make your stomach twist in a good way.

“Okay, I’ll grab something on my way out.”

She hums, turning back to your sandwich. All of her siblings are intent on eating their big sandwiches, a few people at the end of the table talk in between bites- but the Ares kids take breakfast very seriously. They’re a bit more rowdy at lunch and dinner, but breakfast is always such a sordid affair, like someone died.

Someone else sits at the table. You look up from your plate, watching as Van digs into his sandwich, sporting a black eye, a bruised cheek, and a busted lip.

“Oh,” you mumble, cringing at his bloody, messy face.

You look over at Clarisse, notice her knuckles are split open. She feels you looking at her and turns to you, a bite of half-chewed sandwich in her mouth.

“Wha-” she starts, but catches Van out of the corner of her eye. She giggles, just a bit, and it makes your stomach twist. “Oh, Van, you are one of the funniest people I have ever met.”

Everyone at the table turns to him.

A few giggle at his busted up face, Clarisse smiles at him in that demeaning way she’s famous for.

“Move.”

“I’m not fuckin’ movin’, Clarisse. Go fuck yourself.”

One of her siblings laughs loudly. Matty, you recognize him. “Dude, you’re seriously going to get beat up- again.”

“You are,” Clarisse shrugs. “I’m serious, move.”

Van rolls his eyes and sets his sandwich down.

“Listen, Carter’s my friend, he never wanted to get revenge, but I wanted to get it for him. I know it’d make him feel better. I was tryin’ to convince him to go fuck up her bed or something when… well, yeah. I didn’t mean to trap you in there with her, Clarisse, okay? I know you’re fuckin’ obsessed with her, whatever, but she’s a serious bitch. And not even that hot.”

Matty puts his head in his hands.

The table is deathly silent. He looks around.

“Come on. All those Aphrodite kids are stuck-up bitches, but she’s just got a particular rudeness about her, huh? And, really, I don’t think I could fuck her even if the world was ending.”

“What the fuck,” someone across from you, Max, mumbles. A girl adjacent to you coos softly, and you realize that there’s tears falling down your face.

Clarisse puts her hand on your thigh.

“Van,” she says, her voice calm and even. She breathes in and out. “I am going to fucking kill you.”

Van looks over to Clarisse, and that’s when he finally notices you sitting next to her.

“I-” he starts, but doesn’t get to finish, not when you pick up your tray and throw it across the table- hitting him directly in the nose. “Holy fuck!” he shouts. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, Gods, fuck-”

You stand up and make your way around the table, tears clouding your vision, and he quickly stands up as well. No one makes any move to hold you back or protect him.

“Bitch,” he hisses. “Huh? Come at me, princess.”

And you meet him, attacking like a feral cat, all scratching and kicking and hitting, a fury fueled fully by your anger and the beauty in letting it all go. He grunts and tries to hit you back, but they barely touch you.

You can see Clarisse out of the corner of your eye, watching closely, arms crossed over her chest. It takes you a second, but for some reason, you can see her face so clearly. She’s slightly worried. She watches the fight with an intensity, like she’s happy to let you fight him- but if he actually hurts you, then she’ll jump in. But more importantly, she’s proud.

Gods, does it make you feel good.

“Fucking- bitch!” he shouts. “Get off of me!”

He pushes you back, you steel yourself. When he sees you coming at him again, he punches you hard. You swear you see stars. You swear you almost met Hades, just for a second.

Blood runs down your face, gushing like a geyser- you groan, one of Clarisse’s siblings making you pinch your nose and tilt your head back. Matty puts his hand on your shoulder, and mutters something encouraging about keeping your head back.

It’s all a daze.

“Clarisse!” her sister Carrie shouts, trying to hold her back while Van scrambles away on the ground, yelling incoherently about his teeth. “Clarisse! Clarisse! You got him, you got him, c’mon.”

It all comes rushing over you. Adrenaline kept you sane just for moment, but all the pain comes rushing back, and you almost scream with how much it hurts. You double down, chest pressing to your stomach while Matty and someone else try desperately to pull you back upward.

“Oh, Gods, why does it hurt so bad?” you say, more blood gushing forward, even through your fingers. It’s running down your neck and chest, permanently ruining your shirt.

“Van has a good right hook,” Matty winces. “Ass at everything else, but.”

“Y/N,” Clarisse says. She’s in front of you in a moment, hands under your chin, forcing you to tilt your head back. You can feel your face is absolutely covered in blood. “Hey, it’s alright,” she says, so softly that you’re the only one who can hear. “Okay, I’ll take you to the infirmary, okay?”

Matty let’s go of you, Clarisse replaces him, arm wrapping around your waist, fingertips still keeping your chin up. You walk in silence until you reach the infirmary.

She chuckles a bit. “You’re good,” she says.

“At what?” you groan, eyes screwed shut. “Getting punched?”

“No,” she says. “Just… you’re good.”

One of the healers rushes over before you can even think of an answer.

—-

After your nose was reset, your shirt was changed, and all the blood was cleaned- you sat in the empty infirmary. Van was in a private room with most of the healers who were having a fun time trying to fix his face and do something with the teeth Clarisse knocked out.

She finds you slipping your shoes on, face puffy, a bag of ambrosia in your hand.

“Princess,” she says. “I told them it was all me. So, you’re fine. I made up some shit about you getting caught in the crossfire.”

Your chest deflates a bit. You were sort of looking forward to the punishment. “You didn’t have to do that, Clarisse.”

She shrugs. “I wanted to. And I do whatever I want.”

You smile, and she sits down next to you on the creaky bed.

“What’d you get?”

“Oh,” she sighs, hands on her knees. “5 months no dessert. 3 months of teaching sword practice to the little kids, that’s gonna be like Tartarus come again.”

“Sorry,” you mumble. “It’s all my fault.”

“I could have easily let the two of you beat each other to death. But I didn’t. You were too busy winning that fight to care about what I was doing.”

“I didn’t win,” you scoff. “If you didn’t jump in, the way he punched me, he got me.”

“You didn’t know about Van and his right hook,” she shrugs. “It’s okay. I fucked up his face a bit, but you did so much better.”

You’ve been permanently on the edge of tears because of the pressure in your nose, so when they spill over, it’s no surprise.

“W-why are you crying?” Clarisse asks, turning slightly towards you, placing her hand on your arm.

“Still a monster,” you remark, sarcastic smile on your face. “I shouldn’t have done that to him. I… I was just mad. And look, here I am escaping with no punishment yet again.”

You go to stand up, feeling like your heart is a hole in your chest.

She puts her hand on your thigh to stop you.

“I think… just the fact that you feel so bad means you’re not a monster. I don’t feel shit for Van. I’m glad he got hurt. I would do it again. I hope I get to do it again.”

“You’re horrible, Clarisse,” you smile. She smiles back.

“The only person I feel bad for is… you. You’re the only person I’ve ever felt bad for. Everyone else in this camp is blind, Y/N. But I’m not. Not when it comes to you.”

And it’s like you’re seeing her for the first time. The way her curls always stick up in that one place, the way her eyes reflect the sunlight streaming through the window, the way the rough skin of her hands is nothing compared to the bones inside that hold you so softly. The way her lips look. The way she calls you princess. The way she sees you.

You’re both leaning forward, you’re both just teenage girls learning to love themselves, because you’ve always loved each other.

When her lips finally meet yours it all comes rushing back to you. You gasp and pull away after just a moment.

“Sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that-”

Clarisse grabs your face and kisses you.

“You’re not deleting that. I don’t care what you think of yourself right now,” she whispers, lips against yours. “Because you’re wrong, and I’m going to show you.”

And against your better judgement, you let her show you. She shows you with her hands in your hair, her hands on your neck, on your face, her lips against yours. You let her teach you love with just one kiss, and you decide you have a newfound appreciation for your mother.

If love feels this good, this beautiful, then you’ve been missing out.

This goes against everything you’ve been preaching for years. But you’ve found a new religion in her, you promise to listen to her and to feel what she makes you feel- no matter how wrong you think it is. Clarisse shows you it’s not wrong.

She finally pulls away for air, searching your eyes, but you can’t breathe when she’s not kissing you. She seems to like what she finds, because she smiles.

“You’re beautiful, princess,” she mutters, and kisses you again. “You’re beautiful, and you’re so kind, and I’ll show you what I’ve seen for years.”

Everyone calls you princess. But Clarisse says it differently. Clarisse says it like she’s caressing the word, pretending to caress you. Clarisse says it in the way you want her to say it, in the way that selfishly makes you feel so, so special. Clarisse says it like she knows you.

You were right. You’re not meant for love, it’s not meant for you. You’re meant for Clarisse.

—-

carter watching literally everyone fight over smth ridiculously stupid that happened when he was 12 and he got over 2 weeks after it happened: uh 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

—-

clarisse when she realizes y/n hates herself: WHAT????? HOW IS THIS???? HUH????? like she just doesn’t even understand she can’t comprehend it

y/n after hating herself for like 5 years and pretending she’s chill: 🤗

—-

van after he loses his teeth: 😞

clarisse when van loses his teeth: LETS GO FUCK THAT BITCH

—-

clarisse being y/n’s new religion btw 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

—-

taglist:

@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss @ravisinghs-wife @marsconer @evangelinexo @randomhoex @luvrrish

[b0oker18]

Just finished watching I Want To Believe! Here are Some thoughts of mine if you are so inclined to read them:

• I still love this movie dearly

• I know the plot is terrible

• Scully is not at OOC as some people may think. That is my opinion and I know many will disagree. That’s fine!

• Mulder is still Mulder

• No, Mulder and Scully did not break up half way through. They had an argument, it’s just done in the most Carterian way possible (yes, I’m probably coping)

• I love the final kiss at the end but it pales in comparison to The Truth and Existence Kisses

• I HATE when Mulder says “it’s why we can’t be together” but that’s Chris Carter talking and not Mulder

• When Mulder said “it’s why we can’t be together” it’s him throwing Scully’s words back at her. His feelings were hurt and he wanted her to know that. It’s a shitty thing for someone to do but again, not a breakup.

• in regards to “canon” endings. I Want To Believe in my personal favorite.

• I Want To Believe will forever be my personal canon ending.

• The novel is terrible but I do recommend reading it once if you can find it. It breaks down Scully’s headspace pretty well and it helps in understanding her motives.

Here’s some personal post IWTB headcanon stuff I’d like to share because why not?

• I’d like to believe that after this movie Scully will leave Medicine again and Mulder and Scully will start their own paranormal consulting business. Think Ed and Lorraine Warren from The Conjuring Movies but instead of demons possessions they investigate Physics, werewolves, Aliens and shit

• They will eventually reunite with William somehow.

• they may not be able to raise him, but they will have a good relationship with him and his adopted parents

• Colonization never happens because the alien rebels will come back and defeat the super soldiers/colonists

• They never move out of the unremarkable house because I love it too much

• They go away on many island vacations like the one we see in the credits

I can’t wait to watch this series again in another year or two! Like I said in this post. The X Files isn’t perfect but it’s my show and I love it!

[lumierexfics]

Praise kink for the doctor and breeding for trickster seperetly with a fem reader?

• LIVESTREAM NAME : The stimulus must be kept active at a convulsive level !

LIVESTREAM DESCRIPTION : Herman Carter sees someone in the trial that he never thought he’d see again— his favorite subject!

★ STARRING : The Doctor Herman Carter , Fem! Reader

‼️ CONTENT WARNINGS : MDNI 18+ , Second POV, Female genitalia for Reader, OOC! Herman Carter, Semi-lore accurate, Restraints, Blindfolding, Referencing to experiments, Praise kinks.‼️

<< previous [ao3 link] next >>

Your breath hitched seeing him—why and how was he here? The numerous thoughts circle around in your head, crouching behind a wall; the familiar shock travels through your body causing a slight yelp to escape from your lips.

Something was building inside of your abdomen that you tried to ignore since he was trying to hunt you and your teammates down. Your brows furrowed together, the beads of sweat dribbled down your forehead and neck; another shock came due to your mishandling of trying to connect wires together to finish the generator. Your hands finished connecting the wires together and wiping the dirt and grime on your pants to try and clean your hands.

You walked around the area, silently hoping to not run into him due to your past of him being an ex who tried to see how many times he could make you climax. The wind bursted into the air, your eyes saw as a claw descended and carried a small figure into the foggy clouds above.

You continued walking around, trying to find another generator—despite not touching a generator, a shock ran through your body. Hearing the familiar blood rushed through your heart, you had gone limp for a moment. You felt his shoulder against your abdomen as he walked with you over shoulder—solving generators became one of the last things that came to your mind.

Gasps escaped your lips, feeling his rough hands tightened the strip of cloth blindfolding you. You shivered underneath the cold examination table, the leather restraints didn’t do anything good to soothe your inner turmoil.

You squirmed a bit, feeling the cold blades of rusted scissors cutting off your shirt and pants. His thumb rubbed your clothed clit causing a groan to your lips.

“It’s been a while,” he explained, despite his voice being shrill. “Let’s revisit our experiments?”

His thumb pressed harder—feeling the slight electrical shock through your underwear towards sensitive skin, a groan escaped your lips.

“Is that a yes?” He pulled back his thumb. “Use your words like a good subject.”

“Ye…yes,” you replied.

“Good girl,” he replied. “Let’s begin.”

The feeling of cold scissors cutting off the remaining clothes from your skin, you shivered at the sudden breeze. One of his hands remained on your side, the other hand rubbed your inner thighs; rough skin that teased your throbbing clit. Your groans echoed in the examination room as he inserted one by one into you, in and out.

“So good,” he praised. “You can take more. I know you can, good girl.”

You had become undone—a mess in his wide and glossy eyes. He had been keeping count of you climaxing, just by his fingers.

“We need something more,” he said. “The results are the same.”

You could hear a belt unbuckling with fabric falling down. A pleasured groan escaped from your lips, his hand rested above your area and he thrusted in and out; his thumb still rubbing your clit.

“Good girl.” A distorted laughter escaped his lips. “You’re such a good girl for being my subject again.”

Every word that you tried to muster never escaped from your lips as they only came out in broken gasps and moans.

[ ↦ CLICK HERE FOR EVENT ! ]

[lottiexevans]

Lottie: I'll have to look more into it, but I think I'm probably going to end up going over their heads as far as I need to because this is ridiculous. Lottie: It's okay, not your fault. Just fucking aggravating, you know? As long as it doesn't grow into full blown Haunting Adeline levels of stalking, I can handle it. I think. Lottie: I love how you say "it's just a black bear" like that's NOT STILL A BEAR, CARTER. But Jackson is right; a wildlife place is probably going to be the best option in this case, and at least they're going to come check it out. Lottie: When did they say they were coming?

Carter: yeah and you can probably file a complaint against the cop or cops that didn't believe you too, pretty sure that's a thing Carter: ahh well hopefully you can get it all sorted out so he leaves you alone. sorry that you've gotta deal with it. Carter: umm... it's just a black bear so it's not like it's some giant grizzly? which we don't even have grizzlies around here anyway but yeah it's just tucked up underneath the one side, covered in a bunch of leaves. but jackson told me to call like a wildlife place and they're gonna come check it out, see if they need to tranq and relocate it 🤷🏻‍♂️

[metalfeather]

Carter doing a leap of faith can be something so personal

[toxicanonymity]

when raider met sweet pea

1k words  | analysis of raider!Joel x f!reader

Raider Joel Master List 

This is a peek inside early, unevolved raider joel in the original fic from March. We know how much he’s grown since then, but he’s done terrible, inexcusable things, and he knows it.  NOTES: You're referred to as sweet pea in this, Joel's pet name for you. General HC followed by Q&A. Thank you @milla-frenchy for always having good Qs. I have great Qs from others too that I'll get to as I can (looking at u @javier-penas-wifexx420, and others). To raider's pr team, sorry for going back in time but FIWB. WARNINGS: References to noncon, assault.

Here’s how I HC what happened under the surface:  When Joel interrupted the men from taking sweet pea, it wasn't a noble rescue mission. Mainly, he was fed up with the men and wanted to put them in their place. But then, one of the men used the butt of his rifle under her chin to make her look up, and this is what unlocked or triggered something in Joel:  She looked at Joel thinking he was saving her, and something in her face had a subconscious effect on him -- like he saw her hope and appreciation, and saw someone looking at him like he was a good man who mattered to them. It made him feel needed, which he hadn’t felt for so long that he didn’t even recognize the feeling, or know how to feel it, much less what to do with it.

That moment created the tiniest crack, a minuscule window into the man buried under the persona built by trauma and the apocalypse. The crack was too tiny to change his behavior yet, but that tiny window allowed him to see a glimmer of something else possible and allowed him to subconsciously connect with her in a way he hadn't connected in ages.  From his raider persona, everyone is pretty 2D, so consciously, he's not seeing or treating her (or anyone) as a real person at this point. But that moment still resulted in a “spark,” like a magnetism, and the crack in his shell grows over time. 

When he takes her inside: it was likely unusual that he took her somewhere private. Normally, he does things in front of the other men to show dominance (see Stash House).  Subconsciously, that tiny part of him wanted to feel like a protector, and taking her somewhere private may have been his pathetic idea of a protective gesture, physically picking her up and taking her away from the worse (more violent) guys.

He takes her to the room intending for her to suck his dick by default, but I don't think P in V was always his intent:  He doesn't threaten or mention fucking her upfront when he’s telling her what’s going to happen.  He tells her she's gonna suck his dick and to be a good girl and it'll be over quick. While she sucks him, he decides he has to have her (be inside her).  He says "alright sweet pea, now pull down your pants for me." He was acting on his primitive urges and what his body wanted in that moment for whatever reason -- he's a raider and has a huge sense of entitlement. Even though his escalation wasn’t out of malice, the effect is that he made the attack worse. He’s a bad person and a r*pist, and he knows it.

(Note, I’m only censoring this word because other people censor it and I sense some people find it jolting to see even if they read noncon. I'm not censoring it to try to make him look better. His past is a part of him, there's no getting around the fact that he's a r*pist. He's the last person who would want it forgiven or excused. He kinda hates himself ). 

Q: I've been wondering if he could have done to other women what he did to sweet pea in the 1st chapter

He did at least make other women suck his dick in the past. As for how he sees his past behavior now, it'll come out eventually, not like an OOC monologue, like a word in passing or implied here or there.

Q: I think you wrote somewhere that Joel didn't approve of the behavior of some of his men with women, and that Carter wasn't like that (was I dreaming?)  

The men who had sweet pea at the beginning of ch 1 are more physically aggressive and violent with women, physically forcing them and hurting them, whereas Joel calmly told sweet pea what to do (while he was heavily armed) and didn’t physically hurt her. The other men will smack them around and gang rape them. Joel feels like that behavior from men is weak, like if you're going to physically hurt someone, pick on someone your own size. He doesn’t feel moral superiority for this (I mean he doesn't see himself as a good guy), but he sees himself as stronger and more dominant than men who need to hurt a weaker person.

Q: Why is he so possessive and jealous, since day 1? In failed rescue : "He describes you. Joel’s jaw clenches and his eyes darken.  He waits a beat before answering." I love that 😏 but it's super fast. Did she trigger something in him from day one?

When he initially decided she's his so quickly, most importantly, he means she's not anyone else's. He's in charge, he's claimed her, he's dominant, and he's the boss. That was his original intent and he didn't expect it to go further than that.  But it goes beyond that because of the moment explained above. So it's also his primitive instinct that she's his, and that’s what you see when her bf describes her in your quote. Whatever connection or feeling was created by the way she looked at Joel made her special, and he couldn't let go of it. So she became like a precious possession at that point. Since then, he’s slowly evolved to where she’s not just a possession, but certainly still his. 

—

Thank you so much for reading. I really adore everyone's interest and investment in raider!Joel. If you love raider joel, please interact with his fics -- it's always better late than never. Comments mean a lot no matter how small, and reblogs mean a lot regardless of blog size. I know most of raider's fans started as lurkers, and I don't judge for your lurking era. Most of my tumblr bffs started as lurkers.

Ik the tense is all over the place in this sorry lol

TY ILY 🖤🖤🖤

[starcchild]

((as a fair warning, my brain's in a bad funk so I'm going to be sparse again. The next few weeks will probably be insanity with work, but I do have a little vacation coming up at the start of October, so I might be around a bit more then!

[thesummerstorms]

God, I have so much reading and/or research to do to see if this actually makes sense. But my rough/working outline for Heroes of Olympus Wonder Family goes like:

> The Titan War/Second Titanomachy ends

> Diana sees enough when the Justice League is sent to clean up and investigate the remnants of the three day battle in Manhattan to demand answers of the Gods

> Diana, along with Donna Troy and Cassie Sandsmark, get answers. They do not like the answers. Too bad, so sad, Zeus already made them swear, so no take backs.

> Diana and co. start seeing the early supernatural disturbances that indicate Gaia's rise, which were previously hidden by the Mist

> Artemis of Bana-Mighdal has started figuring out the whole demigod thing on her own with the Mist having been weakened by Hecate's defection, but assumes Diana already knows, which pisses her off

> All four Amazon's respective teams/ superhero friend groups are perturbed by their sudden, seemingly random disappearances and their refusal to explain what's happening (Diana & co. because of their oath on the Styx, Artemis because she's playing her cards close to her chest until she finds out who already knew about the dying children.)

> This continues, gradually escalating and getting tenser, until the Gods seal themselves in Olympus and Thanatos is captured. None of the Amazons actually know where either Camp is specifically so they can't ask for answers unless they find a demigod in the wild.

> Cassie Sandsmark takes a blow that should have killed her in front of Kon and Tim. She revives similar to Gwen from Camp Jupiter. Her friends freak out. She freaks out. Diana shepherds her away without answering any questions.

> All three of Diana's Amazons go dark overnight. Donna and Cassie's absence isn't really noticed by the civilians, but the press does eventually put it together that no one's seen Wonder Woman.

> Artemis the Amazon has also gone missing, but most people who notice think she's gone back to Bana-Mighdal. She has not.

> She may actually find Sadie and Carter Kane at some point, but I know even less about their books

> Elsewhere on Half-Blood Hill, the Roman and Greek demigods eventually destroy Gaia. A lot of clean up/mopping up is done after the funerals.

> Diana publicly reappears with grey inexplicably threading her hair. When Bruce and Clark demand answers, all she'll say is that the Gods can take back anything they freely gave. The implication is that she angered her father Zeus and is no longer immortal.

> Bruce and Clark realize she can't speak about whatever happened, but are disturbed enough by the results that Bruce starts digging.

> Donna Troy shows up first to bother Dick Grayson in Bludhaven specifically and then to the Titans. Unlike Diana, she is still actively looking for loopholes and starts bugging the shit out of them to return to Manhattan, hoping to lead Dick specifically to discover the demigods without revealing enough herself to get zapped by her oath on the Styx.

> Kon and Tim just walk in one day and Cassie is sitting there without any warning. This is one of the weaker bits for me because I haven't read enough source material, but right now I imagine it leads to Cassie having some sort of break down that Tim and Kon don't know how to handle. If that's OOC, I'll revise it later.

> Artemis has voluntarily relocated herself to NYC, though she vocally hates it, due to the proximity both to CHB and the Brooklyn House. She reached out to Jason starting to ask for aid gathering specific information, not knowing that he's already been tipped off by his brothers that something is up.

> Somewhere in the midst of this growing mess, Annabeth Wayne Chase, only a few months returned from Tartarus, is spurred by a chance reunion with her cousin Magnus to go home to Gotham for closure.

> She doesn't intend to contact any of her family so much as observe them from a distance, as her own Oath not to reveal the Gods and their children to the superhero community is still in place.

> ...good luck with that, Annabeth. It's not like they're all already more suspicious of the Greek gods right now or anything....

[willowswiththorns]

Could you write an sfw alphabet for Alex browning from fd1 please 🩷

I’m so sorry for the wait!! I got two commissions for this, so I’m going to do my best. Now this is the first time I’m writing for Alex, so if it’s a bit ooc, I apologize heavily. Thank you for the wait. - Willow

Alex Browning Fluff A-Z

A = Affection (are they affectionate with you?)

He’s awkward when it comes to physical activity, but he does try his best. Overall Alex will hold your hand or protectively put his arm around you, but the man will be a bit flustered when doing it.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Alex is a fun best friend to have for the most part, he’ll play around with you and tease you a bit like he does Todd and George.

If you both have a common interest, there’s a chance that you’ll be doing that interest with him most of the time.

The start of the friendship would mostly be before the events of the movie, most likely in high school. He’d notice some merch that you had on you or on your locker and strike up a conversation with you.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He’s likes to cuddle, but he doesn’t do it as often. This man gives both big spoon and little spoon vibes, he’ll be the big spoon for you when you want to be held or comforted.

However when it comes to the nights where he’ll wake up in a panic, it would be best to hold him and remind him he’s safe

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

——

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

When it comes to breaking up, Alex gives off the type to break things off and go no contact if he knows being near him would cause you immediate danger.

Not hearing from you would absolutely destroy him.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

When it comes to the idea of marriage and kids, he hasn’t really thought too deeply into it. Settling down or even living up to his 30s isn’t even something he thinks will happen for him. Death’s design is always on his trail.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Alex tried his best to be gentle with you, but this dude has a tendency to be a bit clumsy and rough with you by accident.

However when it comes to emotions, he’s a bit stunted. Alex is a teenage boy, so trying to show his true feelings can be difficult for him to explain to you. He really does try his best.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

When it comes to hugs, it really depends on the situation. If he’s in a good mood, he’ll hug you and kiss your forehead. When he’s stressed or frightened, his embrace will be much tighter and he’ll hide his face in the crook of your neck.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Like it was said before, he’s a teenager. He’s too emotionally immature for dropping the L-word on the first or second date. It’ll definitely take him a while to get to that stage.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

If a random person was flirting with you, he’s the type to just pull you away or walk up and hold your hand.

Now if it’s someone he has known beef with ( someone like Carter for example) Alex will be more snarky towards the guy.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Kisses with him range between little pecks on the cheek/lips to very longing kisses.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He’s okay near kids, but he really doesn’t like being around them too long. Alex doesn’t give off the vibe that he’s a social kind of person.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Alex will make some coffee for you and maybe put some waffles into the toaster.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Most nights you’ll watch movies until you both pass out by the tv. It’s very romantic.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He’s scared you’ll think he’s crazy like the others, so opening up to you would take a little while.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s easily agitated, but never really angry. The most “ angry “ he’d be with you is when he’s trying to explain death’s design and you’re not really believing him right away.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Alex remembers almost everything you tell him, he’s always remembering the details. Just make sure never to get into a debate or argument about something you’ve told him about, he’ll make sure he wins the argument every time.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Alex has a lot of favorite memories when it comes to y’all. However, his favorite memory by far would probably be when you both go in to kiss each other after a date and accidentally bump heads.

Watching you hold your head , his actions matching yours almost in sync. You both stare blankly at each other for only a slight moment before erupting in laughter.

A small awkward mishap turned into a cute little memory that he likes to think back on time to time. Even now he has a tendency to sometimes to put his palm on your forehead as he goes in for a kiss.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

If this is during the final destination movie timeline, Alex is 100% your protector.

He’s making sure you’re not next in the list of victims to come. It’ll start off as little things like putting his arm out in front of you as a small attempt to cover you.

However overtime it’ll become more noticeable like keeping you by his side all the time, and getting mouthy with Carter if he tries to get in your face about something

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He’s a bit awkward when it comes to romance, but he really does try his best.

Little bracelets or trinkets he sees when he goes out would most likely be your gift.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Alex has a tendency to get in his own head about things. He’s a bit of a superstitious kind of guy. He’ll usually freak himself out and shut down.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s not too crazy about his looks at all. All that he wants is for you to like him for him.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Alex would definitely feel incomplete without you. It would most definitely eat away at him, especially if death was after you too.

If you died, he’d be absolutely heartbroken. He wanted to save you and break the

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Alex gives off the vibe that he’d ask you, George, and Todd to hang out and watch movies together. He wants you to feel included in his friendship with him and Todd.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He’s not much for people who are narrowed minded or ignoring his theories on how death is tracking him. He wants a partner who will trust him and understand his feelings rather than invalidate them.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Dude sleeps on his back and doesn’t snore really. Sometimes he’ll wake up in the middle of the night due to stress and just needs to be held to fall back to sleep.

[holdy-caulfield]

My review on Star Trek book.

Dreams of The Raven by Carmen Carter

Genre: Sci-fi, drama, psychological, thriller elements

Pages: 255

Key words: amnesia, physical traumas, self-identity, character study, medicine, friendship, body horror, angst

TW: gore

Highlights: plot, mystery, atmosphere, very canonical characters, accuracy, dialogue, depth, drama, villains

Downsides: lack of some details, the reason of amnesia (far-fetched), McCoy being useless without 25 years of experience (exaggerated)

Vibe/tone: dark, serious, realistic

First, huge thank you to @very-bad-poetry-captain for their book review, because the amount of ST TOS books is a bit overwhelming so I follow mostly recommendations/reviews to choose what to read next. I will probably compare this book to Doctor’s Orders by Diane Duane, because it’s only a second ST book I read and both books are about Doctor McCoy, who’s my favorite character, so my excuses if you find it a weird comparison. Minor spoilers.

To put it shortly it’s probably one of the best ST TOS things I’ve read so far if I count fanfics. It is very good. Probably I will change my opinion ‘cause actually I have nothing to compare it with, but after reading it I felt pity it was finished and did not know what to do with my life for a few moments. You know that feeling if you a reader.

The story follows two plotlines: McCoy suffers amnesia (big amount of stress + alcohol + exhaustion + head trauma) and forgets everything that has happened for the past 25 years, so in his head he’s 23, and also a few ships Enterprise included were attacked by mysterious (and horrifying) aliens, so there’s Kirk & Spock dealing with those two problems.

First and foremost, the characters. They are very canon. And even more canon then in Doctor’s Orders. Spock and McCoy behave exactly like in the show, their relationships are ambiguous and not bubblegummy, as it shouldn’t be. It’s very much what you see in TOS.

And Kirk & Spock. One of the things I didn’t like about DO was that Spock got kinda lost in the background and it either was McCoy with Kirk or Spock and McCoy. Here Kirk & Spock have all these small details about them going on, like Kirk understanding Spock, caring about his feelings, Spock touching Kirk and very domestic scene of Kirk taking a shower while discussing with Spock matter of things while Spock is thinking about the next move of 3D chess. It was just very… Cute. Very TOS-y. Very t’hy’la. You can feel they are so at ease with each other.

Kirk & Bones dynamic is also amazing. Kirk experiences a lot of angst with the loss of his friend, there are a few cute moments between them when Bones is Bones (because Bones McCoy and Leonard McCoy felt like two different people to the characters). Kirk is just so in character, even the small details of him hitting the turbolift doors out of frustration (he does it a lot in TOS), his endless questions, his battle tactics.

There’s also I have to admit enough presence of Scotty & Uhura, they both have good amount of scenes (separately), Uhura is just such a vibe and mood there as well. Also there’s a few scenes with Sulu and Chekov. Nobody was forgotten, everyone had their moment.

And then, let’s discuss Bones.

He is 25 years younger in his head, so he is slightly out of character obviously, but it’s just so realistic, recognizable, that I believed wholeheartedly that it is exactly how Roddenberry would direct/write him being 23 y/o. I can’t name it OOC even. Well, he acts like a 23 year old. He is a drama queen even when he’s older, so you can imagine how dramatic he acts thinking he’s younger (complaining also all the time that he’s old, like, boy, you’re 48) it all just feels very natural.

All the interactions and dialogue feel very natural, I must say, and I often noticed that in TOS too. So the author did an incredible job making such an accurate, emphatic and believable portrayal of my favourite character.

And I felt very sorry for McCoy. I sympathized with him completely. I actually felt a little bit sad when he regained his memory, but it is also thanks to the writer. The way it is worded is beautiful and bittersweet.

About an elephant in the room - romance. Well, I actually liked and understood it. At first, have you seen Bones? Second, those two are both in their 20s technically speaking, well, I understood she is (and if she was hitting her 30s because I am not sure about her being in her 20s, still point stands) so it was natural, the chemistry was there. Third, characters are allowed to act stupid, and Dyson acted stupid and she fully knew she was acting stupid, but she just wanted to have sex with him for a long time, so I understand and wish it was me. So it didn’t bother me at all and I actually awaited them to kiss. It is a flink, obviously, and Dyson knew that. So even if she’s heartbroken she should be fine, I think, plus she did act like she was half-expecting to not continue it with him. I hope though Bones never finds that out. So it is a good believably written part in my very humble and probably unpopular opinion. Good for her even.

The plot and the atmosphere. The plot, the mystery is amazing. It doesn’t let you put the book down. Also, the atmosphere of the book… Well, it is grim. Because the whole situation is not very fun. And also it has gore. Even though @very-bad-poetry-captain did mention the gore I didn’t expect it in so much detail, and at one point I was reading with such expression: o_O (I low key love horror, so it didn’t bother me). And then the aliens themselves… They are terrifying. They stepped out of some sci fi horror, and the author doesn’t hesitate mentioning dark details and I LOVED it about the book. I like when the villains are actually scary. I don’t wish those monstrosities to exist. There’s literally body horror elements in this book, and it’s one of my fave horror sub genres for some reason, so it’s also a positive point. TOS also has some very dark stuff going on, and the serious, darker tone suits it very well especially in the book form. The style of the author is nice. It’s straight to the point.

So it does feel like TOS but the sadder/darker episodes. And I liked that the book doesn’t feel short. It has a lot going on both plotlines are equally interesting. I wouldn’t mind book being even longer actually. Even more details. So if you enjoy a good mystery I recommend it.

Well, I guess I also have to point out some downsides. Well, the dreams in the title. Why dreams? No, literally, why? If it was like living in a dream then yeah, McCoy kinda lives in a dream, but what Ravens have to do with that? Book mentions nightmares, but give me those nightmares. Nightmares although are a cliche they work for showing character’s fears, doubts. So it felt like some portion was cut out. Because nightmares are mentioned a few times. Well, you could argue that the nightmares are because of the trauma. I guess. For me also the reasons of amnesia felt a bit far fetched. I would personally add some near-death experience of Kirk, to add to the stress or Bones seeing Raven do its thing (won’t spoiler it), just to make it really horrifying for him. He also is called “doctor” when he’s thinking he’s 23, so it means he would be able to still… Be a doctor. And he acts as if he’s in the second year of med school. Which according to the medical doctor isn’t realistic. Also, the ending feels a bit rushed. I wanted a bit more disorienting from returned McCoy. And some hello from Spock, maybe a surprise for Bones on why Spock is acting extra enthusiastic or friendly or smh like that. But on the other hand I didn’t feel like the book lacks something. It was actually more than I expected.

Hugely recommend, also wish the writer wrote more TOS books :(

And I also want to read more darker/serious TOS books like this :)

[bayetea]

I have a few asks that want to know about my opinions on specific ships, so I thought that maybe I could just drop a bunch of quick takes all at once. under the cut are basic tier lists in which I rank ships featuring the prophecy 7!

none of what I've written here is very detailed so I don't think anything here even counts as ship hate, but forewarning you might see a ship you like sorted into a tier that says "I don't like it" at worst?

a preface - some of you guys might already know this but I almost exclusively envision and depict pjo characters as adults in their 20s (I'm aware that several of these characters died as kids), so just bear in mind that I'm not conceiving "age" as an issue in any potential pairings here - because I grew up with the books and now I just automatically think of all of them as being my own age as if they've all grown up with me. ik that just doesn't compute for some people but that truly is just the way I think about things, so you kinda have to take it or leave it \o/

lastly, I'm 100% a multishipper and I can be pretty open to a lot of things, so even if you see that I've placed something in a lower tier it doesn't necessarily mean that I genuinely couldn't ever like it, and it certainly doesn't mean that I dislike people who do. like I promise I just don't care this is all very unserious to me lol

to start:

percy:

notes: I really don't mean to be one of those people who insists that two non-related characters are basically family and therefore it's gross to ship them romantically (i.e. I won't look at you funny if frankercy is your fave) but like......... there really are interactions in son of neptune that make me think that percy himself views both frank and hazel as actual family members, so that's the main reason why I just can't picture the attraction - but maybe in an au frank x percy could be something (I don't think percy and hazel's personalities could ever work together tbh)

and lastly if carter were an option he would be next to rachel in the perachel tier lol

annabeth:

notes: the "this made me laugh" tier is basically my saying I could only enjoy it as a crackship (I don't think they actually work)

hazel:

notes: hazeleo becomes much more real if they're poly with frank + the "I would hear you out" tier here in particular is more "I kind of sort of almost like this but there's just something missing in order for me to consider it feasible"

frank:

notes: frank/juniper could work actually. I think a high maintenance tree gf makes sense for him

leo:

notes: see I do find valdangelo compelling but only if it addresses leo's very negative attitude toward nico throughout hoo. what I've noticed is that some (not all) valdangelo fans insist that that was ooc all along and that leo getting with nico is something that obviously ought to have happened considering that they were the 2 big outsiders on the argo. and I really don't agree with any of that tbh (and to me that speaks to something of a "pairing the squares" attitude, as well as a fandom tendency to coddle leo and insist he's never done anything bad, which is definitely not true), but I like the idea of leo coming to understand that he unfairly pre-judged nico and learning that there's actually a lot to like about him <3 I think that's a lot better (and makes for a more interesting ship!) than just ignoring his judgmental behavior as if it never happened

but funnily now that I think about it the valdangelo that I find even more compelling is leo/bianca lol. there's something interesting about an eldest daughter who's agonizing to run away from being an eldest daughter and a guy who's been running from everything for his entire life. I think they would make each other worse. but in a good way (or at least in a way that makes for an interesting story)

piper:

notes: piper/beckendorf sounds interesting now that I think about it. and luke is only placed where he is because it would be cool for piper to join the titan army and later stab him with katoptris

I don't have the spoons to yap about the potential of pipethan but it boils down to: I think piper goes really well with stoic personality types, and there's also something interesting about love and revenge, both born from intensely passionate emotions that can do so much harm to the self as well as the recipient. also they would be really good exes

jason:

notes: long time bayetea followers already know that it's hard for me to enjoy jason ships in a canon setting (although as I posted not that long ago, I'm kind of compelled by the thought of jasiper breaking up and then getting back together after like 5...... maybe 10 years of being separated lol) so this entire list is me more or less playing pretend, I don't actually enjoy jason with anyone really unless it's some kind of au

(i.e. if you've read the 8k word valgrace oneshot I wrote and you're confused about leo's placement here - that fic is a total au that's far-removed from canon, so I like them together in that context!)

[royboyfanpage]

Do you think there's an in-universe reason why Roy has never really had a serious relationship? He's "dated" (not really), and mostly slept around, but he hasn't had truly serious relationships. Even with Donna—it wasn't like she was his "girlfriend" and he was her "boyfriend". But we see that he's always sleeping around and flirting

Hi, thanks for the ask!

This is a difficult question because I don’t think there is one broad answer. Roy’s had three main romantic relationships- Jade, Donna, and Kendra- and all of them fell apart for different reasons. Jade and Kendra are the most self-explanatory in my opinion; Jade and Roy have never reached a point where they’d be able to sustain a relationship together, and him and Kendra were just a mess. Since Donna is his most consistent love interest, I’m gonna use them as a main reference.

Donna and Roy were obviously very young the first time they got together, it was very much “puppy love”, which I think was a big part of what made their relationship in Titans 1999 both happen and fail. However, it’s pretty clear that Roy did genuinely love her. How canon this scene is is highly debatable considering it’s from an issue that is very OOC, but I think it does have some merit in this context as a demonstration of Roy’s commitment to their relationship.

And when they’re together later, it’s once again clear that Roy was expecting a serious relationship with Donna through his upset that Donna wasn’t expecting that.

This came about at a very bad time, and their relationship was only really so Donna could feel more grounded amongst her rampant identity issues, which she later admits to

I don’t think it’s an issue of commitment issues on Roy’s part- on the contrary I think he’s a very committed person, despite what some people believe, which can lead to him entering or staying in relationships that aren’t necessarily healthy (while he did break up with Kendra after she said Carter’s name in bed, there were issues in their relationship prior to that that he was willing to ignore). I think the issue is Roy can tend to ignore problems at the beginning of relationships that then later escalate to much larger ones- the biggest example of this being, obviously, with Donna in Titans 1999 and with Kendra- which inevitably results in the relationships failing.