#˚₊‧꒰ა India໒ yaps

[mattsd0llfac3]

[mattsd0llfac3]

im about to change my theme and pinned post.. again.. so if you see any crazy things going on, don't worry about it 😭

[mattsd0llfac3]

Somehow Still Breathing - ch. 3

Noah woke up the next morning with his body heavy. Everything felt numb, like he was watching himself through a window.

"Get up."

"Keep going."

"Pretend."

The voicemail still sat on his phone. He hadn’t listened to it again. Couldn’t. Wouldn’t. If he did, he was terrified he wouldn’t survive it.

Noah got out of bed the next morning. It felt like dragging a corpse around. His body moved, but the ache stayed lodged deep in his chest like a shard of glass that wouldn’t work itself free.

His mom cried when she saw him at the breakfast table, like just showing up was some big accomplishment. It wasn’t. It was survival. Barely.

He finally went back to school. Walked the halls like a ghost wearing his own skin.

Teachers asked too many questions. People stared — not in the obvious way. Not in the what’s wrong with him way. No, it was more subtle. Like they could sense the shift in him but couldn’t name it.

"Didn’t Jaxon leave? Weird how sudden that was."

"Noah looks... rough."

"Wonder what happened."

If only they knew. If only they could see it — the fracture lines running down his ribs, the hollow cavern where his heart used to be.But nobody did. Except maybe her.

Opal.

She wasn’t like the others. Never had been. She sat next to Noah in every Sunday school class, rolled her eyes at the cheesy purity lectures, bit back sarcasm during sermons about obedience and sin. She never asked stupid questions. Never pushed.

But today, when she slid into the seat next to him at lunch, she didn’t even bother pretending. She sat with him at lunch, like she always had. Chewed on her straw, eyes watching him in that quiet, analytical way she had.

“You look like hell,” she said finally, nudging his arm with her elbow. “Thanks,” Noah mumbled. “Good to see you too.” Silence stretched. The kind that hummed just below casual conversation. Noah picked at his sandwich, throat too tight to eat.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Opal said eventually. Voice soft. Careful. Like if she pushed too hard, he’d shatter right there in front of her. “But... you should know… I’m not blind. Or stupid.” Noah froze.

Opal kept going. “You think I didn’t notice how you looked at him? How you were… after he left?” Her eyes flicked toward him, then back down at her tray. “I’m not judging you. I swear I’m not. I just… I’m here. If you want that.”

For a second, something deep inside Noah cracked—just a little. But instead of spilling out, he shoved it down harder. “I’m fine,” he lied. Voice flat. Hollow. “I’m over it.” Opal gave him this look—half disbelief, half pity—but she didn’t push. Thank God she didn’t push.

Because if she did... Noah wasn’t sure if he’d scream, or cry, or confess every terrible, aching thing clawing at his insides.

Church that Sunday felt like suffocating in holy water. The verses about righteousness scraped against his skin like sandpaper. The whispers of "sin, repentance, forgiveness" hit like daggers.

Opal sat beside him in the pew, close enough that their shoulders touched. She didn’t look at him during the sermon. Didn’t need to. Her presence alone was enough to say “I see you. I know.”

When the pastor talked about “the path of the righteous” and “God’s design for love,” Noah’s fingers dug into his palms so hard his nails left crescent moons in his skin. And when they all stood to sing, he couldn’t open his mouth. He just stared at the stained-glass window. Blue and gold and crimson. The colors bled together, blurry through the sting in his eyes.

Bury it deep. Lock it down. Keep living.

That’s what he told himself. Over and over. And for now... that was enough to keep his lungs filling. Even if every breath still hurt.

©mattsd0llfac3

a/n: one of the first lines where it says "feels like he's watching himself through a window" had me singing Dear Evan Hanson the whole time while writing this. (iykyk)

Dividers: @enchanthings-a

[mattsd0llfac3]

guys idk whats happening to me.. I suddenly feel like writing SO MUCH STUFF.

THREE CHAPTERS WRITTEN?? TWO ALREADY POSTED?? FINALLY WORKING ON THAT FRATBOY CHRIS AU??

[mattsd0llfac3]

dont mind crazy things you see going in on my acc, im going THROUGH it rn.

[mattsd0llfac3]

"you can't be that forgetful"

Im halfway through redoing my theme and I remember this wasn't what I wanted to do 🧍🏻‍♀️

[mattsd0llfac3]

GUYS, I LOVE BASKETBALL!!

Guys, I love basketball.

Guys. I love basketball...

Basketball...

WHAT! WHO PUT THAT THERE.

[mattsd0llfac3]

How I feel seeing a bunch of girls fiening over my ex bf on tt, knowing I HAD THAT and FUMBLED THAT

[mattsd0llfac3]

Just a girl and her favorite movies 💔💔

[mattsd0llfac3]

guess who chopped all her hair off 🤑🤑

[mattsd0llfac3]

it feels so weird to see Matt with a beard and Nick with a clean shave.. I mean it's sexy but it feels weird

[mattsd0llfac3]

didn't anyone ever tell you it's okay to shine?

India. Dee. .ᐟ doll coded. christian. scottish. curly girl. eighteen. sturniolo triplets. role model. billie eilish. laufey. suki Waterhouse. silver jewelry. drew starkey. lover girl. matt girl. tim burton. Angst. edger alan poe. volleyball.

⌗ Taglist .ᐟ - not open yet, but I'm working on it !

⌗masterlist .ᐟ - coming soon !

➴┊always open to requests + inbox is always open

★┊feel free to yap all you want

Bow dividers - @bernardsbendystraws

[mattsd0llfac3]

this is the last time I'm going to change my theme, I SWEAR

[mattsd0llfac3]

new series starting.. today.

mlm!oc x mlm!oc

contains: mlm. angst. angst. and, oh look at that, even more angst. light cursing. religious trauma / regret.

warning: bring tissues there's a 95% you will tear up.

Dividers: @enchanthings-a

©mattsd0llfac3

[mattsd0llfac3]

guys what's like a vibe I give off just based on what you can tell about me. like a certain time period? Or smth like that? 😔

OR EVEN BETTER, whats a character vibe I give off 🤑

[mattsd0llfac3]

Guys I cant tell if this theme is me or not..

I have one in mind but idk..