#⠀꒰͡⠀ bubba vents ⋆⸜ 🩹 ︵⠀

[toddlrboy]

🐾 : About ! @toddlrboy

𐂯 Name :: ONYX ( Azrael ) — Kippy / Veil ! ˗ ˏ ˋ PRONOUNS ☁️ he / it / xe + neos ! O1 — O5 ish (?) : 19teenie 🛝 .. 🥪 . 🚀🚙🥣 ﾉ autistic !! Otherkin/nonhuman + petreg 🦴 Spins : lps, marine life, pokemon, plushies currently hyperfixated on Irondad and his spiderson :3

🛝 — TAGLIST : !

⭐️ : Interaction !

 ੈ✩‧₊ 🚒 ᯓ my Picsart : carrd : prns.cc : straw page — I interact from @onyxhaspaws

ⓘ DNI : nsfw accs,non agere accs (if your primary blog isn’t your agere one, that’s fine! This is for individuals who aren’t associated with age regression at all and are randomly following /info), racist,anti lgbtq,endo, homophobic/transphobic etc,ableist,sexist,unsupportive of neo pronouns,ddlg/ddlb/ddl accs (and supporters), abdl, ageplay/petplay, pedos/maps, hazbin hotel or helluva boss themed, transid, proship, under 16 + over 30 ( I am a legal adult ), radqueer ᝰ 🖍️

ⓘ BYF : — I have spin jealousy, meaning that I likely will not follow you/block you if you trigger my jealousy over my spin. (Eg. Posting content of my spin and saying how it’s “yours”, claiming interest in it, etc. posting moodboards + other media without claiming is fine.) — I need tonetags ! It’s hard for me to read the tone of messages and its intention, as an autistic, so please be patient with me ^_^ — I have a bit of a typing quirk when I’m regressed, which will happen here (replacing “and” with “n”, replacing “with” with “wif”..) I won’t translate text much as I’m unsure what is understandable and what isn’t, but feel free to ask for a translation and I will readily provide it ! :D ☄︎. *

ⓘ BOUNDARIES : — as said before in byf/byi, I need tonetags when interacting — adding onto the being autistic part — seriously, please be patient with me. Don’t guilt me or rush me to respond. Not only is this to do with me being autistic, but I deal with social anxiety and sometimes I just am not in the right mood to respond. It isn’t because I don’t like you, it is just that I want to answer in my own time without feeling controlled and obligated. Please do not do this to me! ` More will be added.

⚓︎ : I am open to mutuals and friends !! Feel free to send me things you think id like or say hi! Start a convo in my dms! I highly appreciate it ^—^ (please remember to follow my DNI etc/gen) ! / info

🔭. `

Interaction (that follows my DNI) is highly appreciated !

[toddlrboy]

— a message to the community, about neg regression. ( 🩹 )

Since I’ve been seeing a lot of people talking about regression aspects (shout outs to people who feel x when regressed, people who cry when regressed etc) I feel I should say this:

Negative regression does not make you impure. Negative regression does not make you disgusting. Negative regression does not make you a bad regressor. Negative regression does not mean you are any less wanted or loved.

People often overlook the fact that age regression is a COPING MECHANISM. Meaning — it isn’t just something for fun! Thats NOT what a coping mechanism is. A coping mechanism is something that someone does when events, environments or situations are too stressful, have/are traumatizing the individual, or helps them overcome some sort of obstacle in their life. And for some, it is just something that will forever be apart of them. So it’s no surprise that regression would involve crying! And fits! And meltdowns! And frustration! And anger! And overwhelming emotions! Of course we will be either sometimes, or all the time, upset when regressing! It makes no sense to me that people would label this as “impure”. This is damaging, and frankly, hypocritical.

I am a permanent age regressor (+ permanent age slider). Ever since I knew (became aware) that I was a forever child, I felt insecure. I felt I needed to hide. To suppress. It was (is) already worse, because I am not able to fully embrace my inner kid (I cannot have things like pacifiers. I cannot have things like sippy cups. I cannot have things like onesies. I want to oh so bad, but I can’t.), and now with on top of that having to suppress my upset? My turmoil? The pain of isolation it feels to be small and vulnerable with nobody to turn to? Feeling as if you would bother someone? Having nothing to rely on? Having nothing to make these feelings soothed? Having nothing except the plushies in my bed and an iPad? Having nothing but pain and anxiety? Having nothing? And then, on top of that, people say that being sad or upset is… “impure regression”? Do you see how damaging that is to a person? (To me, as a random thing on your tumblr page?)

Is me being in a state of emotional pain, because of my longing for care and soothing, “impure” to everyone else?

It’s negative regression. Not impure. Impure implies that the regression is *not* pure. That it *should* be pure. That it is a defect — a variant, a rebellion of the “pure regression”. It’s 2024. Stereotypes should not dictate us anymore.

It’s negative regression. It’s vent regression. Not impure.

[toddlrboy]

˙𖦹 Forever boy : small in a big world.

tw : vent post.

“ \ ☁️ . `

Feeling so small, but unable to.

( not supposed to. Alone. Feeling disgusted. Feeling unwanted. Feeling isolated. Am just a lost boy here, with nowhere to go. Am just a kid, but shouldn’t be. Am just a child, stuck in a mind I cannot cope. Turning my back. )

not small enough. Not like them..

( not afraid. Having things to soothe. Things to hold and touch and play. Having nice sheets and fun toys. Having cute pacifiers and patterned sippy cups. Having things. Dressing up in onesies and cute toddler clothes. Having diaps and baby plates. Maybe they have a carer to love them, maybe their sibby, maybe their friends they share their tiny time to/with. Maybe they are all better than I ever could hope to be. Maybe they deserve more than I. )

[toddlrboy]

Sensitive boy. Why are you crying?

🍼 : I don’t know . . .

shaky and anxious. Buddy lays in his bed under the covers curling small. His tears sink into the fur of his plushies. He hopes they won’t be mad at him for it. He rubs at his eyes, sniffling as he rubs his face into the pillow too. He hopes tomorrow will be better. : 🌧️

Papa kissing him goodnight, not leaving his crib because he knows his baby would have a breakdown if he left — his fears sturdy. Big brother cheering him up by simply doing anything — colouring together, playing together, watching cartoons together. His family being there for him. Forever. Nothing goes wrong here. Nothing happens here. Yes, tears well up at boy’s eyes, but that’s okay. They said that’s okay. He hopes so. : 🫂

been having a few rough nights lately, so I made this. :,)

Requests are open !

[toddlrboy]

I’m an emo kid.

That’s all.

[toddlrboy]

oh. To be loved… ᶻz

✶﹒ “But baby..you are loved.”

green eyes widen. Stunned and uncertain. A hand slowly tracing my cheeks, my chin, then the shape around my eyes. So lovingly. So certain. The temptation to pull away, to try and deny this. It can’t be true, it can’t be real—

“Shhh..baby..c’mere. Dad’s got you. Papa’s here.”

a low whimper, mixed with a whine, as I melt. Falling forward, like my wings weren’t there — like a baby bird learning that it couldn’t fly yet — but dad was there to catch me. He hoists me up, easy, and I bury my face into his neck. Inhaling his scent. Tears rolling down my face in a tidal wave of uncontrollable emotion. It hurts. It wasn’t fair. But dad was there with all of its patience and care and sweet murmurs and praise. A hand, firm yet gentle through black messy hair. Another hand holding me steady, faintly rubbing my back. The motion of him rocking side to side faintly, lulling to soothe me. The anxiety of this existence melting away. The fear of being wrong falling away. The second guesses and doubt and intrusive thoughts — gone.

oh…to be loved.

but I am loved.

[toddlrboy]

tw : vent.

Oh, to be small enough to be carried. To fit perfectly in someone’s arms. To be tiny and perfect. To be right in size. To fit any clothes ever. To be precious and adorably so. To be the prime size to be carried and held and for piggy back rides and even just being held on someone’s hip with one arm. To be small enough to fit in small spaces without feeling uncomfortable. To be tiny enough to not take up much space. To be dada’s little one and actually be little.

Oh, to be small and perfect.

[toddlrboy]

cw vent post

a lonely, lonely kid.

stupid, stupid stray kid. An outcast. An unwanted freak. Something not meant to be in this world, in this human flesh. My body not what it is meant to be. Forever stuck in a place, in a body, in something that is not my own. Forever isolated, pushed away from things I crave and want and oh just please let me be able to hug and hold and laugh and play with these nice things? Let me be able to soothe and calm and be safe?

unsupervised kid. Kicking things around. Biting and screaming. Slapping hands away and stomping its feet. Crying loud, loud, loud enough that the tears burn their eyes instead of his. Sobbing and repeating apologies to his plushies over and over and over that they ended up with a thing like him. There is no bedtime or Naptime or snack time. There is no playtime or bathtime. There is only darkness in a room as it sits on its bed, sat up and staring ahead. Eyes wide as tear residue caked his face and dries up uncomfortably. He doesn’t keep track of how many hours he has sat in the darkness wide awake. His eyes ache. His heart ached more. Oh, what a wonderful wish to dissapear!

Sometimes I imagine the self getting lost in an aquarium. No supervision. No guardian around. Just boy and the dark, large tanks. Nobody around to care. Nobody to talk to , or have listen to it. A purgatory for all my existence until maybe someone remembers I’m gone, and comes back to look. (They won’t. I’m forgotten and useless. I’m no good.)

It’s so cold here. I will never be enough.

there is so much more I wish to say, but maybe it’s better to say nothing at all.

[toddlrboy]

@toddlrboy `s tag master list !

regular posts, babbles, whatever ! ( ꒰͡⠀ toddlr playtime ⋆⸜ 🛝 ◝ ︵⠀)

my favourites ! things I like (⠀ ꒰͡⠀ buds favourites ⋆⸜ 🐳 ︵⠀ )

sib/family posts (⠀ ꒰͡⠀♡ our cuddles ⋆⸜ 🛏️ ︵⠀ )

Important posts that need attention ! ( ⠀꒰͡⠀❕important ˎ˗ ︵⠀ )

Drawings I make or pages I colour ! (⠀ ꒰͡⠀ boycrayonz ⋆⸜ 🖍️ ︵⠀ )

Otherkin + petre posts (⠀꒰͡⠀ baby wings ⋆⸜ 🪽︵⠀ )

My works (moodboards, png, flags, whatever!) (⠀꒰͡⠀ my workz !! ⋆⸜ 🥏︵⠀ )

My wish list. Wants for items or anything else (⠀꒰͡⠀ boy wishes ⋆⸜🚀︵⠀ )

Games + archive (worksheets, recipes etc.) (⠀꒰͡⠀ kiddie toybox ⋆⸜ 🧩 ︵⠀ )

Me / identity ! (things I identify with both for fun and /srs) (⠀꒰͡⠀ it’s Onyx ! ⋆⸜ 🔭 ︵⠀ )

vent posts, feel free to mute/filter. (⠀꒰͡⠀ bubba vents ⋆⸜ 🩹 ︵⠀ )

requests for others/gifts for me + messages ! (⠀꒰͡⠀ my req / for me ⋆⸜ 🚒 ︵⠀ )

requests from others/gifts for others (⠀꒰͡⠀ gifties / req ! ⋆⸜ 🧼 ︵⠀ )

Leave a message for me ! /nf (Anything anon related) (⠀꒰͡⠀ anon talks ! ⋆⸜ 💤 ︵⠀

my special interests ! (⠀꒰͡⠀ my spins ! ⋆⸜ 🥣 ︵⠀ )

anything abt my mutuals n friends ! (⠀꒰͡⠀ mooties n friends ! ⋆⸜ 🫧 ︵⠀ )

fictional cgs, babysitters, fav characters etc (⠀꒰͡⠀ boy is loved ⋆⸜ ☁️ ︵⠀ )