#「 self.」 외유내강 ( a steel hand in a velvet glove )

[yi-jaesang]

the good bye symbol because mobile won’t let me c/p

first of all: fuck you. second of all: you did this to yourself i cannot be blamed.

dated: back to a week before jae was allegedly scheduled to leave for the military.

written on a piece of paper that showed visible signs of just how upset he had grown while writing it and left in sunwoo’s room after jae had been over hanging out before he had “left for home” ( — after an uncharastically long hug from him ). in actuality, he walked to the bus stop closest in proximity to sunwoo’s and caught a bus to the airport. written in korean since it felt easier for jae to write freely in but i included the translation here obvi. the crosses out bits still eligible enough to be made out bc he sucks at scratching things out properly you’re welcome

Woo,

죄송 해요. 처음으로 우리 사이에 거짓말을했지만 선택의 여지가 없었습니다. 나는 당신의 눈을 볼 수 없었고 여전히 갈 수 있습니다. 내가 데이트를 떠난다는 말은 지금부터 일주일이 지나도 ... 작별 인사를하는 건 상상도 못해 내가이 일을하니 극도의 상처를 입을 거라는 건 알지만 정말 화 나지만 결국 이해해 주셨으면 좋겠어요 형. 우리는 거의 20 년 동안 뗄래야 뗄 수없는 존재 였는데 어떻게 내가 당신을 공항 터미널에 맡길 수 있겠습니까? 만났을 때까지 나는 언니 밖의 세상과 완전히 완전히 외로웠 고 만난 후에는 더 이상 외로움이 어떤 것인지 알지 못했습니다.

작별 인사를 할 때까지. 우리는 내가 느끼는 순간에 어울리고 있었다. 우리 셋 이서 우리가 항상하는 것처럼 어울리 더군요. 평범하지 않지만 나는 그것을 느꼈다. 춥고 고통 스러웠습니다. 머지 않아 두 분에게서 멀어진 세상이 될 것입니다. 당신은 서로를 가질 것이고 나는 아마도 내가 잊혀진 선반에 충분한 먼지를 모으게 될 추억이 될 것입니다.

나를 미워하지 마세요. 그때가되면 날 잊어 버려. 하지만 나를 미워하지 마세요.

그래서 저는 웃음과 함께 내일 침대에서 일어나면 뵙겠다는 거짓 약속으로 떠나고 싶습니다.

나 무서워.

조심해, 그가 이중 형 근무에 당신이 필요하다는 것을 알고 있습니다. 문제가 없으면 내가없는 동안 대대도 찾아 봐? 그가 내가 할 일을하게 놔두지 마세요 그는 좋은 아이이고 그 상태를 유지해야합니다. 그가 여전히 학교에서 아이들과 문제가 있다면, 내가 지금 핵무기를 이용할 수 있다는 것을 아이들에게 알려주세요.

사랑해 형. 나는 당신이 그것을 알기도 전에 당신에게 백발과 불안을 줄 것입니다. 싸움!

— j.

衛

추신. 내가 죽어도 난 아직 나이가 많아요

Woo,

I’m sorry. For the first time I’ve put a lie between us ... but I had no choice. I couldn’t look you in the eye and still be able to go. Telling you I was leaving on a date still a week out from now was just ... what I needed to do for me. I can’t imagine saying goodbye to you and I know you’re probably going to be extremely hurt by the way I’ve done this and also really pissed off at me but I hope eventually you can understand, hyung. We’ve been inseparable for nearly two decades so how could I be expected to just ... leave you at a terminal in the airport? Until we met, I was completely and utterly alone against the world outside of my sister and after we met, I never knew what lonely felt like anymore.

Until I found myself envisioning the farewell. We were even hanging out in the moment I felt it. It was the three of us, just hanging out like we always do. Nothing out of the ordinary but I felt it. It was icy and painful. Soon, I’d be a whole world away from the two of you. You’d have each other and I’d be a memory who will probably end up collecting enough dust on a shelf that I end up forgotten about.

Don’t hate me, please. Forget me if that’s what time brings. But just don’t hate me.

So I want to leave with laughter and a false promise that I’ll see you whenever I eventually roll myself out of bed tomorrow.

I’m scared.

Watch out for Ki, you know he’s going to need you on double hyung duty. If it’s no trouble, lookout for DaeDae too for me while I’m gone? Don’t let him do anything I would do. He’s a good kid and he needs to stay that way. If he has trouble with kids at school still, make sure they know Ive got access to nukes now.

I love you, hyung. I’ll be back giving you grey hair and anxiety before you know it. FIGHTING!

— j.

衛

p.s. even if i die, I’m still older.

[yi-jaesang]

this should have been posted yesterday but my phone has the white screen of death and nothing would fix it so here it is, a day (and year...) late but oh well, imaginations exist for this reason shhh.

this goes along with this post. and when it switches to monospace, i tried to also write from his older sister’s pov in this one as well.

Jae gets a birthday text from Sunwoo after not speaking to the other since Christmas Eve.

Having a hair stylist as an older sister always had it’s perks and it’s annoyances -- running the gamut from always having someone to trim up your hair or professionally dye it when you wanted to change something up to being stuck as a Guinea pig whenever they wanted to experiment or practice and ...the peskiness of an intrusive older sibling over your shoulder as they worked. Jae was never one to mind being stuck getting his hair messed with, in fact the act usually helped put him at a more calmful ease so he was normally pretty open to it. Today had been one of those days..at first. Woken up with a breakfast ready that he hadn’t had to prepare for once, his birthday was off to as good a start as most years aside from the low feeling in both his gut and the depths of his soul. He still hadn’t spoken a word to Sunwoo since the other had informed Kian and himself that they’d be ditching them that Christmas. Bailing on their years and years of traditions. Ditching Jae on his first Christmas back with all of them.  Sunwoo hadn’t used those exact words but they hadn’t needed to. That was the gist of the choice and Jae had immediately closed off to the other and that’s exactly where he planned on staying. He really meant that little to someone who he would quickly count as the most important person to him, outside of his family or not? He really meant so little to someone he’d literally die for if need be? Someone he’d allowed himself to be the one grabbed by the nags in blue, cuffed and booked, in order to make sure Sunwoo’s secret remained protected? Forget them then. Jae didn’t need them. Jae needed no one. Or at least that’s what he was telling himself in order to ignore the icy pain his entire body had been in these past few days since that night. He was just going through the motions a lot lately, still spending the holiday with his family along with Kian and his, and even Sunwoo’s family still. Still keeping up the appearance the persona that most everyone knew him best for: I just don’t give a fuck. Anger had led him to trying his best to get Kian to see what Sunwoo did as more than just ‘’one Christmas missed’’. Anger had led him to momentarily ensure that Sunwoo would lose not one, but the pair. But...that wasn’t fair. Not to Kian. Kian didn’t deserve a placement in the middle and despite what Jae felt, he wasn’t going to put him there so he’d made sure to tell Kian that just because Jae wasn’t speaking to Sunwoo and had no desire to ever again do so, didn’t mean that his own friendship needed to end as well. He didn’t have to take Jae’s anger on his own shoulders as well. Fuck, the boy had enough on his shoulders all the time as is. He didn’t need more. Plus, Jae was good at surviving under a crushing amount of life on his own shoulders for 15+ years now, he’d be fine on his own. 

On his own. Exactly how he pretty much felt now that for him, the trio was a duo. Sunwoo had pretty much in Jae’s eyes, saved his life in juvie. They hadn’t needed to step in and get involved when they realized what the language barrier between Jae, the guards, the wardens and pretty much anyone they all sent in to try and deal with the young kid, was causing but they had. They’d stepped in and they had translated. They hadn’t needed to keep quiet when Jae had broken down in their shared space after a visit from his sister had left him feeling absolutely in pieces. Beyond devastated and feeling like a complete worthless letdown, Jae had laid facing the wall and just cried himself into exhaustion, dehydration, and the worst migraine he had still ever felt to this day. (The crying yourself into a scary level of dehydration wasn’t as foreign to him anymore though. It happening a few rare times while gone in the military and as recent as Christmas Eve)  If something like that show of complete weakness had gotten out into the pod, he would have been a target despite the way most seemed to semi avoid him after a few fights involving Jae. Sunwoo had witnessed it all and no one had ever heard even a peep about it. Jae felt like he owed him so much more than the years of watching their back and friendship he had provided in return and even now that it felt like things were irreparable, he knew he’d forever feel in debt to his best friend Sunwoo. He also knew he’d probably always feel this slice of emptiness now too. Sunwoo and Kian were as much a part of what made him who he was as he himself was. They were both crucially important to his life and it felt impossible to come to terms with what was going on but with a temper like Jae’s, this was just...how it had to be. 

So, everything was great so far on his birthday aside from that. Honestly, it was barely even felt too. It was so miniscule that his day was going absolutely amazing so far. 

Or, at least that’s what he’d tell anyone. At least that’s what anyone would believe if they looked at him or spent time with him. He was good at faking it and today so far had been no different. 

𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝’𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚒𝚋𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚟𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚖. 𝙷𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖, 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚜�� 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚒𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚊𝚢. 𝙹𝚊𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚡 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑, 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚏𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚜 𝙽𝚊-𝚁𝚊𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚙 𝚊 𝚋𝚒𝚝. 𝙷𝚎’𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚜𝚊𝚏𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚊 𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚐𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝙺𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚊 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚍𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗...𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚋𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝. 𝚂𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙹𝚊𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚖 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚍, 𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗; 𝚑𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚢 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚞𝚜𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏. 𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚢, 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚢𝚙𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚠 𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚜. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚝 𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗’𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑. 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗’𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝙹𝚊𝚎. 𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢. 

𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚠𝚘𝚘? 

𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚘 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚍𝚒𝚘𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢? 𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚐𝚞𝚒𝚕𝚝𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚑𝚎’𝚍 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚐 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚔𝚒𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚝 𝚞𝚗𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 (𝚘𝚌𝚌𝚊𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐) 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚜𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜, 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚜𝚙𝚛𝚊𝚠𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚍𝚒𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚟𝚘𝚕𝚞𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚐𝚎 𝚘𝚛 𝚒𝚗 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚟𝚎? 𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚜𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚊𝚢 𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚠𝚘𝚘 𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚍𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚘 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝙼𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚙𝚛𝚊𝚠𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐? 𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚊 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚎𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚘𝚕 𝚜𝚑𝚎’𝚍 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚌𝚊��𝚌𝚑 𝚊 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚏𝚏 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝙹𝚊𝚎’𝚜 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚙𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚘𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎? 𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚔𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚟𝚒𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚐𝚊𝚜𝚙𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚕𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚙𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚕𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚞𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚢 𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚘𝚛 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚒𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚕 𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 -- 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚋𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 “𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗𝚝𝚘𝚠𝚗” 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎 (𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚘 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎, 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝. 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢’𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎.) 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍. 𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚠𝚘𝚘 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚗 𝙲𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚖𝚊𝚜? 𝚂𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚜𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝙹𝚊𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊��� 𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚛...𝙽𝚊 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚊 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚑𝚢 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚊𝚋𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚞𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚏𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚞𝚋𝚋𝚢 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚎𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚊𝚎𝚗𝚐. 

𝙹𝚊𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎, 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚕𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚋𝚢 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚠 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜. 𝚂𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚔𝚕𝚢, 𝙽𝚊-𝚁𝚊𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎. 𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚠𝚘𝚘 𝚔𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝙹𝚊𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚏𝚎. 𝙷𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚠𝚘𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙺𝚒𝚊𝚗 𝚔𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚜𝚊𝚏𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏, 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝.

𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚝𝚘 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚒𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚝 𝚞𝚙 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍?

𝚂𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑. 𝚂𝚊𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚒𝚝 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚣𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚞𝚙 𝚊𝚜 𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜, 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚝 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚒𝚖…𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚢, 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚜 𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚞𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗. 𝚂𝚘𝚞𝚕 𝚌𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚘𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚜 𝚑𝚎 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝙽𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝, 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚖𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚢𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚒𝚛. 𝙷𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚍...𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛, 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝. 𝙱𝚞𝚝 ��𝚎 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚘...𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚕. 𝙰𝚜 𝚒𝚏 𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚗𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝚏𝚕𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚒𝚏 𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗. 𝙷𝚒𝚜 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚝 𝚊 𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚐𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚢 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛. 𝙱𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚗. 𝙷𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚗.

His phone had been buzzing nonstop it seemed like, as pretty common on people’s birthdays. Texts, video calls, phone calls, social media notifications, the device was lively enough. The only thing missing was the one thing Jae felt like he wouldn’t be seeing this year. Any of the sort from Sunwoo. He probably wouldn’t even show later to spend any time with him or with the family for New Year’s Eve. Jae knew Sunwoo knew him enough to know that Jae was angry. Jae knew that Sunwoo also knew him enough to know how violate a thing that could be to navigate and so he figured the silence between them would just..be how it would forever be now. Some point during his time under Na’s care, it came. He hadn’t deleted or blocked the contact. Hadn’t edited it in any sort either. 

the contact image, the same.

the contact name, still the kanji Jae had once again set Sunwoo and Kian’s contacts as again recently. 

Happy Birthday, Jae 🎉 I hope it's a good one.

For how long he sat there looking at on first his lock screen and then his notification bar after his phone had decided him staring at it so intensely must mean he wanted face id to open sesame, Jae would never be sure. Anger was the first emotion that replaced the blitz attack of happiness when the buzz had first come and he had realized it was from his best friend. Was this an attempt to make sure his day sucked? Did Sunwoo want Jae to be in a bad mood on his BIRTHDAY of all days? Was it funny to imagine riling up Jae? 

No...Sunwoo wasn’t like Jae in that manner. They’d never do something like this maliciously. This was...exactly what it looked like. A text wishing him a happy birthday. An offer of hope that his day was good. And with how formal it read, Jae was a hundred percent certain that Sunwoo really did in fact know how angry Jae was. Was finally certain that Sunwoo at least seemed to understand what was going on. That they really grasped the fact that things were not okay between them now. And yet, even with years and years of knowing how Jae was...Sunwoo had still sent the text. 

Did the Hope of the trio feel hope that their friendship would find it’s way back someday?

When he opened it, his anger was intending on it being so that the text would read as seen. So that if Sunwoo would look, they’d feel ignored. Maybe feel like they didn’t matter. Like they were something easy to brush off. Much like Jae had felt since the moment he had learned Sunwoo had made plans on top of pre-existing plans. On his first Christmas back no less. But the longer he sat there and stared at the screen once it was open, the less his resolve felt. He missed his best friend. God, did he miss them even when his anger would be boiling the hottest. Kian could only give Jae so much of his time, the boy always needing to be at one shift or another, something Jae of all people definitely understood given his own work history and Jae would never try and push for more hang out time, not from Kian. Kian was the baby, he was meant to be protected and cared for the most out of any of them. Kian was supposed to be kept happy at all cost and lately, Jae knew the in-fighting was dragging him down and that tonight would suck for Kian more than anyone that was a lie, it would be hardest on the birthday boy when yet again, Sunwoo didn’t join them for not just one but a night of double celebration as they celebrated Jae’s birth and welcomed a new year. Jae was nowhere near the point where he’d be open to talk to Sunwoo about any of it but...

He hadn’t been aware that the sigh he felt ripple through his body had come out alarmingly audible until he heard a quiet sad one behind him. Not even the sense that something was troubling his sister drew his gaze away from his screen though even if just a quick peek at the mirror in front of him wouldn’t have been too much trouble to look at her. His gaze still remained steadily glued, the words a bit blurry by now as his eyes tired from the constant focus on them. No, what made him realize his sister had been both reading over his shoulder and watching his reactions was when her voice washed over him in the softness that was mostly only heard when she spoke their native tongue, the Korean making him feel even more homesick and heartsick as it drifted from over his shoulder and touched at his ears. 

𝙸𝚏 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚊 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚕𝚎𝚍𝚐𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚏𝚘𝚛. 𝙶𝚘𝚍, 𝚖𝚊𝚗. 𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚊 𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚖𝚗 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝.

It was sweet and sour all at once, the exact way his beautiful butterfly as he called her was built to be. Silence was what she was met with but it wasn’t shocking, not with Jae’s personality. It was a complicated situation and even if Jae hadn’t given his sister even a single detail about what was going on, she still knew how to get inside the ice block he kept himself in when it came to emotions at times. Still knew how to pierce straight through it and rip at the fragile strings of his heart. 

𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛.

For a moment, his gaze finally wavered as it slid from his phone screen to the mirror, blinking a few times as his eyes adjusted to the difference. His mouth opened to argue that she didn’t know what was going on and to shut up but a hard tug on a strand of his hair stalled the words his sister probably had predicted the second he looked at her. 

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚒𝚗 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛. 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚡𝚝, 𝙹𝚊𝚎-𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚐. 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚠. 𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚕𝚕 𝚍𝚘 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝. 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚊𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎, 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝?

He heard the stress on the single word near the end. 

“𝚃𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚠. 𝙶𝚘 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝’𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎...𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚙𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚍𝚘 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝚄𝚗𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚎𝚕𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚍𝚘 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝. 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚙𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚍 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚎𝚕𝚜𝚎’𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛. 𝙻𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚒𝚎𝚛, 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚎𝚛. 𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝...𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚡𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚎. 𝙼𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚞𝚙 𝚊 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗.”

It was barely five minutes later, his gaze back on his phone’s screen when a loud thud that only two things in the world -- a team of federal agents or Kian’s foot -- were capable of making echoed throughout the house. A breath later and which one of the two was made obvious as a bellow for the ‘’birthday bitch’’ to show his ‘’ugly face’’ echoed just as loudly. 

And there it was. A reason. An excuse. Letting out a pent up breath of air that took a little tension out of his body, his fingers were quick before he locked the phone and shoved it into his front pocket as he unfolded from the chair, giving his sister a kiss on the cheek as he breezed past, a smile on his face that lightened up the darkness in his eyes as he took the stairs three at a time in search of his best friend and the lunch he hard ordered. Maybe some birthday kimbap rolls had found their way into the order from Grandma if he was lucky...

“You just lost a star on Yelp, I’m cute! Just look at this hair!” 

𝚂𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍𝚗’𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙹𝚊𝚎’𝚜 𝚕𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝙽𝚊-𝚁𝚊𝚎’𝚜 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚙𝚞𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚍. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚙𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚎 𝙹𝚊𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚕𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖.

「 text 」 thanks...

「 text 」 don’t forget to bring mason with you tonight. kian and dae will be pissed.