#( i just didn't want to go without posting for her bday & the event! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

taylortruther · 5 years ago

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Since Karlie seems to be the hot topic today lol...I don't think Taylor and Karlie are friends anymore, but I'm also not sure what to believe about the Perez Hilton tip that it's because of her leaking info to Scooter without realizing she was doing that, or whatever the rumor was about her throwing a party at Taylor's apartment. My best guess (and I fully acknowledge that these are celebrities I don't know and won't ever know, and we've all seen like 1/1000 of their life) is that after (cont'd)

after Snakegate Karlie just didn't show up for Taylor as a friend. Maybe she didn't want to take sides, maybe she feels friendly with Kim and/or Kanye and didn't want to publicly criticize them, maybe she just didn't treat Taylor like her feelings were as big as they felt to Taylor (like minimizing the emotional fallout, possibly without realizing that's how it was coming across). So not like a huge, they got into a fight, yelled at each other, etc. showdown, but just Taylor realizing (cont'd)

that Karlie wasn't there for her like a bff when Taylor needed her most. Like a fairweather bff instead of a ride or die. So it's possible she just lost touch with Karlie because she focused on the friends who did make her feel seen and heard and understood--and, even though Taylor does very little personal posting on sm, those are the friends we see her acknowledge (Gigi, Martha, Abigail, Blake & Ryan, etc.). Maybe she has a stubborn sense of pride in being more loyal to Karlie than (cont'd)

Karlie ever was to her, so she won't publicly bash her (but I think Taylor isn't going to bash anyone for personal reasons anymore after her Ellen interview about Joe--just going after SB2 for business reasons). But she also won't do anything to indicate that Karlie is her friend, like wish her a happy bday or attend her weddings. I also think IFTYE is about Karlie, and Taylor letting go of a friend who wasn't as loyal as she once thought. So yeah, thanks for coming to my TED Talk lol.

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sorry i didn’t post this right away but you may be onto something. it was more of a slow growing apart than one significant event.

but then how do you explaine claire and ash’s likes on perez’s tweets?

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svccbus · 6 years ago

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delilah has ever celebrated a thing. halloween isn’t one of her exceptions. if perhaps she was allowed to be festive as a child, hop around streets trick or treating when she was young, she would see some magic in the holiday. instead, she sees an excuse for people to play pretend and find reasons to throw parties. which is fair, she doesn’t mind this part. she has a drink in her hand and though she feels very dislocated in a sorority party, alcohol is doing its part in dulling her loneliness. delilah takes a sip, it burns. she forgets she’s as alone as you can be while simultaneously surrounded by a group of people.

her costume isn’t the most elaborate. she doesn’t share the same excitement that at least half of the country has for the holiday, but blending in has been one of her talents since forever. delilah dresses as lana winters, stands in her green suit and skirt with an L brooch attached to her lapel. she has done her hair in a way to imitate the fictional character’s bob and is overall satisfied with the result, even if it’s not the most obvious. it’s unique, though, so it should count for something. it’s not a good conversation starter and she isn’t the most approachable so she observes people instead - watches as they get more and more inebriated and how they fall over each other. she almost laughs sometimes, too, though holds it in.

the clock hits midnight and she smiles then, a little bitter. november first.

happy birthday, florence.

she never celebrates halloween and she never celebrates her birthday either. she remembers she celebrated it once, when michelle paid her a luxurious dinner over an expensive bed some years ago. it was glorious and she felt as if life could be beautiful and meaningful. she doesn’t think so anymore. she hasn’t celebrated her birthday since and she definitely never had a chance to celebrate it when growing up, always too caught up on her next appointment.

she turns to the person next to her, tired of being passive. she puts on the charm though she doesn’t uses her magic on her words. she lets the person choose. “how ‘bout you get me a drink?”

#shiver.threads #❝ 𝓉𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓈 𝓈𝑜 𝓈𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝓈𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁 » threads.#( i just didn't want to go without posting for her bday & the event!

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 5 years ago

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So this happened a year ago. In my original post, I left off the follow up, which is important to current events.

The follow up is this: a month following the above incident, I hadn't heard from L at all. So I sent her an email that was well thought out & very carefully worded telling her how I felt about what she'd said, that it had really hurt & I felt judged. Her response was a non apology. The email was basically "I'm sorry you took it that way, but I could tell that you expected me to be judgmental about it so you just heard what you expected" with a lot of other stuff putting blame on me for the entire situation & saying I had no right to feel that way.

So I didn't respond. I completely cut contact immediately. Unfortunately, because of the way she is, that also meant cutting ties with her awesome husband, baby, & step kids. BUT it also meant significantly less drama & negativity in my life, thus less stress.

Which brings us to today:

Well, really Friday night. While I was at the concert with The Spawn, I got a text at 11:35 pm. It was from her husband. Below is how the conversation went.

HUSBAND: Its [baby's] birthday party tomorrow. Bday was today. You should say hey to L

ME: Happy birthday to [my nickname for baby]. I'm gonna be honest with you, I love you guys but unless some stuff has drastically changed in the last year, I can't. I don't have it in me to go back to dealing with everything I was dealing with being in contact with her. I'm sorry. It sucks because you guys were like family.

HUSBAND: Sucks bro. Its package deal.

ME: I know. But I promised myself last year that I was going to set & enforce personal boundaries for my own physical & mental wellbeing because not doing so in the way I always have is no longer something I can sustainably do while keeping myself as healthy as possible. That whole thing started in Jan 2019, & I tried to make it work within my relationship with L. But about this time last year, there was an incident & a conversation that followed that made me realize she wasn't capable of respecting my boundaries, or really even me. So I dipped. It hurt & I hated the casualty of additional friendships, but I have to look out for me so I can be here as long as possible & as functional as possible for [The Spawn]. I'm sorry.

That was the end of the conversation. Now, I have some suspicions as to what caused him to reach out like that. First off, this time last year L was complaining that all her friends had ditched her because of the baby. I didn't say anything but I was pretty sure the real reason was her soul sucking negativity, the fact that she thinks she knows everything & is right all the time (even if provided concrete evidence to the contrary), & is incredibly judgmental if your views or opinions don't align with hers. I'm pretty sure that by this time she's lost all of her friends outside of batshit Facebook mommy group types.

Second, I have known her longer than her husband. She is a bipolar type one, ex junkie, & current alcoholic who refuses to get any kind of treatment or therapy. So needless to say, she's fairly unstable & flies off the handle quite a bit. Her husband used to lean on me to help... well, manage her. I imagine it's tough for him to handle her, the baby (who is now 2), his batshit ex, & his 2 kids with her (who have plenty of their own issues) on his own.

I feel for him, genuinely, but I can't put myself in that position again. She took advantage of my kindness, was a constant source of stress, instability, unpredictability, & negativity.

She'd ask for advice, but what she really wanted was for someone to just blindly agree with whatever she already decided was right but without telling you what the view she had already settled on was.

She'd ask for baby advice because she wanted the baby to have a shot at ending up like The Spawn. I found out from her husband that if she disagreed with what I said, she'd talk to him about it later saying whatever reasonable thing I said was 'horrifying' or 'borderline child abuse according to the Facebook mommy group' & mock me.

She basically shit on anything I enjoyed or did if it didn't align with her likes or tastes. She constantly flaked on plans with no explanation but if I flaked because I was not feeling well enough, she'd guilt the hell out of me saying how I used to be a better friend.

I can't go back to dealing with that. I won't. I deserve better than that in a friend because I am a better friend than that to the people I call friends. And with my new promise to myself regarding boundaries & respect, any friendship rekindled with her wouldn't last more than a couple weeks, tops because with L it's always her way or the highway.

I'm just not that doormat, punching bag of a person anymore.

Alright Humans and Humanoids, it’s time for another rant. Today’s topic: a suddenly judgmental ‘friend’

Ok, so, there is a woman who I’ve been friends with for about 5 yrs who we will call… L. She was around when my health started the initial Big Spiral that caused me to have to go on disability. She took me to the e.r. & to procedures. She was helpful & supportive. She helped me come to terms with needing mobility devices & encouraged me to go into pain management, knowing full well that I was at the point where I had tried everything short of the dreaded opioid medication. She knew I was scared of the judgement that can come with it. This last year or so though she has become less supportive, more self centered. Example: she had a baby a year ago. When she went back to work, it was one day a week & really only needed 2 hrs of childcare that day before her husband (who is amazingly sweet & still super supportive) got off work. So I volunteered. 2 hrs once a week was doable. Then she started her practicum hours for school. Suddenly she needed 5 hrs for 2 days and the 2 hrs the other day. She knew that me feeling as useless as I do, I would say yes, even though it was far too much. After 2 months, her husband made her find daycare because when he picked up the kiddo every day, he could see how badly it was killing me. After that, she stopped talking to me unless she needed someone to bitch about her life to. Fine. We all go through periods like that. It will get better, I thought (stupidly). Since then, I’ve only seen her when her husband invites me over for game night. Ok. Fine.

Which brings us to today. I went over for the baby’s first birthday. I pretty much just hang with her husband & his friend because they are chill and because there were WAY WAY more people there than I was lead to believe there would be, so there’s a ton of noise. I’m chatting with those guys about something I discovered regarding my medication (which I’ve been on, at the same dose, for nearly 2 yrs) that makes it work better in emergency situations (like if the pain is super overwhelming, can’t move kind of bad). I purposely was not going to tell her, but she walked outside at just the wrong time. She immediately becomes super condescending & judgmental in tone, lecturing me about opioid addiction & basically treating me like a junkie. Here are some relevant facts about this little talk:

#1. I have been on this dose for nearly 2 yrs. I never take more than I’m prescribed, often less, actually, so that I am able to address emergency situations.

#2. In emergency situations, this is my last resort. I take OTC meds, use heat or ice, stretch, ect FIRST.

#3. My pain tolerance is NUTS. If I’m not tearing up when I move/put weight on that body part, it’s fine and I just need heat/ice and rest.

#4. This woman is an ex heroin addict who up until she learned she was pregnant was doing molly on the regular and getting falling down drunk a minimum of twice a week.

#5. Remember me mentioning her practicum hours? Yeah, she is getting her masters and licensing to become an addiction counselor.

#6. She know goddamn well that even being prescribed these meds was a last resort for me, so anything other than my scaled down maintenance dose is absolutely a last resort.

SO WHAT THE FUCK. She made me feel small, ashamed, and absolutely like shit about doing what I need to fucking do to survive. Yes, I am in constant excruciating pain, but the emergency pain we are talking about? That shit makes me want to kill myself just so it will stop.

My dad (whom I live with) sees how bad it gets. I can see it physically hurt him to be helpless to do anything about it. In those moments, he looks so small and old. I told him what I was doing and his response was “Are you still able to measure the dose accurately?” When I confirmed that I can, he said “Does it work?” Again, confirmed. “DUDE THAT’S AWESOME! That’s like a total game changer for you!” (Now you know where I get part of my speech patterns from since I type the way I speak.) Like, if my dad (and my other 4 friends, who basically reacted the same way) are just overjoyed I found a way to manage the pain better, then she should be, too.

But she isn’t. I don’t know that I can maintain that friendship anymore. She is literally NEVER happy for me or encouraging about anything. Example: I finally found a decor scheme that I want to pursue for my spaces. (I’ll post about that next because I’m PUMPED AS HELL.) I sent her pictures I’m using for inspiration with a lot of words conveying my extreme excitement and she responded with “I dunno. That’s really eclectic & a lot of colors. It looks, like, cluttered and nothing matches. Don’t do too much of it. I’m sure you’ll change your mind soon.” I was like:

but instead of 'meep’ I definitely said bitch. I can’t imagine being that consistently negative about EVERYTHING that isn’t what you like/want/believe. That must take so much energy. I really don’t need that kind of person in my realm right now. I’ve got dragons to befriend or vanquish (those dragons will be my friends or they will be cut down) and stuff to paint.

Really sad thing is today she was lamenting that she only has 3 'real friends’ left since having the baby. I don’t understand how she can lack that much self awareness. I’ll still be nice when she reaches out, because I’m friends with her husband, but I’m not pouring more energy into that relationship. It isn’t worth it & is incredibly one sided. Just because I put a lot of time into it doesn’t mean I should continue to do so. Not at such a steep price.

*DISCLAIMER FOR ANYONE CONCERNED:

just so we are clear on this, I’m not doing anything dumb like shooting up my meds. Just fyi. I’m not entirely comfortable (after today’s experience) with disclosing what I’m doing. To be frank, I don’t tell many people what I’m even on in the first place. It’s nobody’s biz. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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