junipers-euology

[junipers-euology]

also every time i see someone even slightly older than me my first fucking thoughts are always “what if they groom me?” in fear and “please fucking groom me” in desperate need. i hate it. i need to fucking be normal. holy fuck. i wasn’t even groomed as a kid its not a trauma response so dont tell me that.

[junipers-euology]

im a whore im a whore im a whore im a whore im a whore im a whore im a whore im a whore im a whore. i just beg for sexual attention all the damn time because i can’t keep in my pants to save my life, huh

[junipers-euology]

always wondered why one of our biggest kinks was CNC and being touched until we were overstimulated/uncomfortable because “we don’t have sexual trauma like that”. GIRL YES WE DO???? came to this conclusion bc we just processed an event that happened in the past but like. yeah no that perfectly lines up with why we’d want that now at least. huh.

like just. wow, yeah. we WERE touched until made uncomfortable by someone. we’re into that to take control over it. that makes some sense.

HOWEVER LIKE A PREVIOUS POST OF OURS SAYS!!!! you don’t need trauma to have kinks. if you do, they can provide an explanation, but they are far from required <3

kink safely and heal fully, peeps

[junipers-euology]

it feels so horrible to not trust anyone as much as i should. i have so many amazing people in my life but every time i wanna speak up i get so scared. all i can think is that im gonna be too intense for them and they’re gonna leave me. i can’t handle any of them leaving me i can’t i can’t. that or they’ll try to send me away to somewhere. i hate that my brain won’t let me trust my partners and friends. even my parents. they all say “you can tell us ANYTHING” but in my head its just no no no no no no no no you’re lying. if i tell you how i feel you’re gonna be angry or leave me.

this is why i split some guy in my head. he can’t leave me, ever. its impossible. but even then he’s just mean to me most of the time. im so fucking privileged to have all of these resources to hear my problems but all i do with it is hide. i even hid stuff from my therapist because i got too emotionally close to her and thought she’d leave me too.

anyone wanna shout at me and blame me for their problems

[junipers-euology]

the real inherent problem i have with finding healthy kink/para dynamics is that they don’t fulfill my need to be abused and taken advantage of For Real. like cmon my consent shouldn’t matter to you. push my boundaries and make me uncomfortable. manipulate and gaslight me even outside of sex. literally just be a bad person to me i deserve it.

oh and DONT give me aftercare at all. thats soooo lame just leave me alone after we fuck and make me feel disgusting.

[junipers-euology]

cw: cannibalism vent

fuck fuck fuck fhck fuck i wanna eat someone so bad. i can’t stop thinking about grinding a person’s flesh between my molars. why do i have to like this, what made me this monster?

and lets not get started on what i want to do to myself. i keep getting violent thoughts and cutting my limbs off and eating them raw. theyre so bad but i’m so hungry. i can’t put the thought out of my head. i swear im not being emo or whatever. i feel like i need to eat flesh. to calm down my brain

[junipers-euology]

if you ever become my friend it has two possibilities to begin. either

~ im unhealthily obsessed with your opinion of me to the point im crashing and getting highs from the way you respond to me

~ it is the awkwardest experience ever and you’ll think i hate you for months

n then it stabilizes eventually but yeah. is that anything. is this normal (i know its not)

shockingly tho i rarely get “possessive”? i get bursts of jealousy but only for split moments. at most i blame myself for not being good enough that they wanna talk to me constantly.

but i don’t commonly have the experience of “they can only be MY friend”. again is this anything or am i a fun, new kind of desperate freak LMAO.

[junipers-euology]

i took a shower n i used my pink shampoo to smell all lady like X3

[junipers-euology]

i feel sosososso small and little its so fun,,,i got my plushies and ate some chips this is so amazing. i dont have a care in the world i can be here and lay in bed and cuddle with my partners. being little like this is one of my favorite things,,,,

i really want a onesie and a sippy cup. i don’t really like pacis and diapers tho pacis sometimes look cute!! im so happyy im fluttering so muchhh. i kinda wanna watch mlp with my friend—

oo oo i also want to be a puppy kinda,,,,arff arrf awwwoooooo!!!!

[junipers-euology]

Intro!

Hi, Juniper here! This is my mental health sideblog to @deadrobot-juniper . While not a kink blog, I would still consider its future contents to be NSFW, and with that being said, minors DNI!!!

I will be posting vents and frustrations with my mental health, but also positive moments and supportive stories where applicable. We’re all in this together.

Feel free to open up in my ask box, too :)

Personal Information!!

Age: 19 years old

She/they/it, everything except male pronouns

Pansexual demiromantic

Polyam, taken <3

MtF

Objectum

Undead/Robotkin

Plural (will elaborate in later post)

Topics that will be discussed (thought subject tk change) are the following:

Paraphilias

Hypersexuality

Age regression

Depression

Anxiety

Plurality

Intrusive thoughts

Dissociation

Depersonalization

Kintypes & atypical gender alignment

Sense of self

Disability

I don’t have a proper DNI as I block freely, but I will say that this blog (like my main one) is NOT a safe place of radical queers. It is also not a safe place for non-consenual pro or even a neutral stance on contact.

I believe in harm reduction, but with that I do also believe fiction doesn’t harm anyone.

Enjoy the exhibit!

[junipers-euology]

when people are confronted about their problematic interests or kinks the defense is always “this is how i cope with my trauma” and while thats all well and good— i don’t fucking have intense trauma associated with my paraphilias!!! i dunno why i fetishize siblings and corpses and gore!!!! i didn’t choose this as much as those traumatized individuals but i don’t have a “valid” reason to have these fucking things. no im just a perverted attention whore who’s wires are crossed wrong in her brain. this is fucking hell. i don’t relate to anyone. i wish k could justify it like everyone else. be a victim. but no, i’ll only be a victim of my own hand.

[junipers-euology]

i’ll make a proper intro soon but whatever

i forget paraphilias are disorders and when i remember, i hate them so fucking much. why can’t i just like normal sex and normal porn why does it have to be intense and scary and fucked up and almost illegal for me to enjoy it. also why the fuck am i the one always making others uncomfortable. am i that fucked up that i barely feel discomfort but am constantly a disturbance to others? fuck i wanna cut but can’t and shouldn’t.

i fucking hate my fetishes. why does it have to be the worst things on the planet. why can’t i be normal. i just wanna be how i was before i discovered porn.