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burningdarkfire · 4 years ago

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tagged by @saturdaysky, thank you! always very happy to talk about writing 🤠

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

36 on ao3, with many others left in the past on livejournal or ffnet

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

162k. it’s kind of a shame it doesn’t have the majority of my pre-2011 output as i never ported over my top four or five longest fics. i would’ve loved to see some genuine lifetime totals!

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

9 on ao3 (critrole, nier, hetalia, overwatch, trc, voltron, no. 6, star wars, tiger & bunny). if you expand trc to include anything clamp and throw in code geass then that covers everything i’ve ever published, though homestuck is by far the fandom i have the most WIPs for despite never finishing a single one and deserves a shoutout

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

take my hand / take my whole life too: critrole, 9k, how essek and caleb’s relationship evolves through touch

blue sky, warm sun: critrole, 3.5k, six mornings caleb wakes with essek

dark night, bright stars: critrole, 3k, six nights caleb spends with essek

kitty love: star wars, 1.5k, kylo ren forms a bond with hux’s cat millicent

the walls kept tumbling down: critrole, 2k, caleb spontaneously visits essek after a hard day

commentary and further answers are below the cut!

spots 1-3 on the list are gladly accepted, given that i also think they’re some of my best and most broadly-appealing shadowgast. kitty love gets its spot despite being pure, pointless crack because it’s for a huge fandom, which is fine and fun but i don’t have a lot of personal attachment to it

the walls kept tumbling down is a surprise! it was a self-indulgent “i want a fic exactly like this to fix my mood and instead of digging through the internet for one i’ll just make one up” that i only worked on for a couple of days. i’m glad it clicked for other people!

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i always try to respond to comments, although sometimes a week or two pass by before i can find the energy to sit down and do it

admittedly comments have gone unanswered during months or years when i’m not writing fic and then it feels too awkward to a) go back and respond, and b) respond to any further comments on the fic even if they come in when i’m active. so instead those comments haunt my ao3 inbox forever (oops)

i do appreciate every single one though, and there are some comments that i go back to read if i need a pick-me-up just because they were so nice 😊

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i’ll link my no. 6 fic forgive me because it still dominates my top fics in terms of hits despite being 387 words long. i wrote it in 2011 in less than half an hour, if i’m remembering correctly, and there are a few clever bits in it that i’m still quite proud of

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i don’t usually write or read “pure” crossovers but i do like fusion AUs where characters from one work are imported into the setting of another work

but it’s fandom-dependent. critrole has been an outlier in that i can count on one hand the number of AU fics i’ve read and liked enough to remember. some of my favourite canon-adjacent fics veer off wildly, but they’ve still got their roots in the universe

i’ve published 17 critrole fics myself and they’re all canon-adjacent. i’m only now working on my first fusion-type AU 🤷‍♂️

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

i have one distinct memory of receiving criticism on a fic. in hindsight, it was constructive and pretty fair, but i was a young teen and so it still haunts me

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

i do!! and i’m excited about it because it’s fairly new to me!

i write to the characters, and what kind of relationship i think they’d have, but it’s probably true that my interests tend towards certain relationship dynamics

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of!

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, actually! this was about about a decade ago so sadly the details have been lost in the haziness of memory and the inaccessibility of ffnet. i tried to dig it up last night but couldn’t find it again 😔

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i don’t ... think so? my current roommate and i tried co-writing when we were teenagers but none of that got published. it’s possible i’m forgetting something from my livejournal/early tumblr days because i remember doing a lot of ask games and challenges with other writers and fandom friends

now i’m just an introvert who avoids invites to discords because i feel like i simply Do Not Have Time so 🤡 not sure it’s anywhere on the horizon

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

i used to have shipping walls and pairing lists until 2015 or so but i have since accepted that i am changeable like the wind. my interests come and go!

i am a multi-shipper though as a general rule. i’ve never had such a loyalty to a pairing that it would bother me to pair one half with someone else, and i also don’t care at all whether or not a ship is canon. it’s just about what’s interesting!

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i’ve had remarkably sequential focus for my critrole fics and finished nearly every idea i’ve had so far. however, this ACME AU is testing me lol and i’ve spent so much time on it that my list of other ideas to write is only getting longer and longer. nothing is abandoned yet, because not much else has even been started, but i am starting to sweat a little

15) What are your writing strengths?

i love my writing style! i value simplicity and clarity: no flowery descriptions, easy words, few similes, little variance in sentence structures, etc. it can vary, based on my mood or the characters i’m writing, but i like doing more with less

i’ve spent years working at my own style and it is so satisfying to read something i wrote in 2011 and feel how familiar it still is while being able to pick out what i would change

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

recently, it’s been plot. if it can’t be conveyed by 2-4 characters talking to each other then i don’t know how to do it anymore 😭 i’m most invested in emotional resolutions, but it’s probably a good idea to have things happen sometimes!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i really do not enjoy this when it’s used as a “character quirk”. this includes nicknames, common phrases even if they are spoken that way in canon, and .. everything, really, that’s in a different language

i’ve spent a lot of time in spaces where it seemed widely agreed that doing so was not welcome, and i’ve had considerable fandom “culture shock” reading critrole fics. there are plenty of reasons to have caleb speaking “zemnian” or to emphasize his accent, and those reasons don’t need to be lofty or deep, but i do think there should be a reason beyond “haha this guy says ja instead of yeah”

i promise, absolutely pinky swear, that i don’t judge anyone on an individual basis for doing this. it seems to be a deep-seated fandom trend in this case and i just wish it wasn’t

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

tsubasa reservoir chronicle (trc) all the way back in 2010. tsubasa, my beloved, how you changed my life 💕

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

i like different ones for different reasons, but the top contender might be such is the endlessness for nier automata. it’s a vampire/werewolf enemies-to-lovers fusion AU where i put 2b and 9s in an original universe of mine that i wrote about a lot when i was a teenager

i feel like i did a spectacular job of adapting the universe for nier and i thought i conveyed a lot about the world in a relatively short number of words (the entire fic is just under 5k). i’ve considered more than once that i should use this version of the universe going forward because i enjoy it so much!

thanks again for the tag, sky, and i’ll leave this open to anyone else who wants to try as i think most of my mutuals have already been included. don’t be shy about tagging me in your answer if you take my open invite as i love reading these! 💖

#my posts #writing blogging #replies

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rkivepacks · 5 years ago

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TITLE: can i call you that in this lifetime? (umarekawari] Pairing: taekook/kookv/vkook (Kim Taehyung & Jeon Jeongguk) Rating: PG13 Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Reincarnation au, Word Count: 6,630 Trigger Warning/s: Swearing, Major Character Death but Reincarnated, Mentions of drugs

Disclaimer: This work is solely from the idea of the author. Should there be similarities with the works of other respected artists are purely unintentional. This also do not reflect on the real lives of the artists portrayed in this work. Comments, suggestions and any other concerns are accepted in my inbox. Thank you!

Summary: “Whatever, you just admitted your dog looks like literal shit but with fur.”“That dog was you, asshole.”— the au where they promised to meet each other in all lifetimes but then jeongguk was reincarnated as a fucking dog

mimoto.

Taehyung closed the journal where he writes his letter to Jeongguk, keeps them inside his bag, before putting his attention on his phone who has been ringing with the notifications coming in in succession. The world they lived in was not as blessed. You only have one love of your life given to you whom you will spend all your lifetimes with. Sometimes, you remember them, at some you don’t. In some, you won’t even get to remember them – their face, their voice, memories of being with them in their past life.

Lifetimes wherein they could remember each other, where they always seem to find each other, always have a special place in their hearts. Lifetimes wherein they did not see each other or recognize each other always seem to haunt them, reminding them they can’t be happy in all lifetimes.

Taehyung remembers that one life time where Taehyung always knew ever since he can remember that he has to find Jeongguk. Needs to. Knew that Jeongguk is out there somewhere, waiting for him, or looking for him, no matter the circumstance. The said circumstance composed of the two meeting when the Philadelphia Police Department got a hold of a different man named Taehyung Kim, one that is innocent and in fact does not have a possession of illegal drugs. It just happened that Jeongguk was the detective who worked on the notorious drug lord that goes with the same name of Taehyung Kim, but the team who conducted was tipped with the wrong information, and somehow the group was led to a Taehyung Kim who lived downtown two blocks down the police station, working for a production company.

Taehyung was in the process of sorting out his luggage for his work-related trip to Northern Europe tomorrow in the afternoon when a knock rings around his rather quiet apartment. He drops the pairs of socks he was sorting out in his bed and ruffles his hair, a habit he has long picked up.

“Taehyung Kim?” A man adorned in police uniform greets Taehyung on the other side of the door, accompanied by another one with the same outfit.

“Speaking. Is there something wrong?” He calms himself down. Taehyung has a habit of getting nervous around police and hearing sirens. He figures it was something he had developed from the past lifetimes.

“We need you to come to the precinct, sir. The chief and detective will further explain it for you.” The unnamed officer replies.

Taehyung has taken political classes in university. He knows his rights. He might have almost failed the class but he learned something. “Do you have an arrest warrant?” He eyes the folded paper tucked inside the palm of the other officer, who handed him what must be the arrest warrant.

Taehyung scans the paper for the important information that must be indicated in the arrest warrant for it to be valid. Taehyung deems it necessary to follow the officers to the police mobile that will escort him to the precinct.

“You already searched my apartment and myself for drugs and you did not see any. You did not have to bring me here.” He huffs as he was led to a room. Taehyung was sure this was a plot conducted by the police of the state to pin any people that they can. He has read the news before. He also thinks he watched too many movies.

“Please wait here until we get the chief and the defective down here. I also got Officer Bae to call your lawyer.” The officer inside the room with him informed him.

He hears faint foot steps outside the room, making him think that it was probably the chief and the said defective. Is this how life ends? He thinks. I haven’t seen Jeongguk yet.

“Is that the notorious Taehyung Kim?” A voice shot him out of his violent thoughts that includes him being killed.

“No I’m not.” He snaps, crossing his arms. “Although I get told I’m notorious for my looks so-“ He explains.

“Is Taehyung Kim there?” A voice cuts him out of his monologue.

“As I have said, not the one you’re trying to look for.” He rolls his eyes then searched for the man who called his name. His eyes land on the man stood in a black shirt and a black bomber jacket draped on top. In fact, the man is wearing all black, and all-

Jeongguk. His Jeongguk was standing in front of him, in the precinct. Inside the interrogation room.

“Right in front of you, Chief Lee, Detective Jeon.” One officer breaks silence.

“I will handle the interrogations.” Jeongguk turns to the chief, who then nodded and walked out of the room, together with the officer who was with Taehyung minutes ago.

Jeongguk waited for the tell-tale sound of the door locking. He knew they did not have much privacy, considering Chief Lee and Officer Yoo were staying on the other side of the room overhearing the whole interrogation, through the one-way mirror and the microphones installed in the room.

“You- you deal drugs?” Jeongguk asks, mouth agape and stuttering once they are out of ear-shot.

“What the fuck? No! I already told you! Listen- I have a flight to catch tomorrow you can’t detain me especially if I did not do anything.” He explains, his eyes have rolled too many times.

“How have you been?” Jeongguk asks once he was seated.

“I’m good, I guess, minus the fact that I was brought here on false accusations.” Taehyung rests his arms on the desk, and stares at Jeongguk. He remembers the last life time when the boy’s hair was a lighter shade of brown, but he supposes being borderline blonde would not be appropriate for a detective.

“You’re really not dealing drugs are you?” Jeongguk asks. He figures they were given the wrong information, buying the notorious group they have been trying to catch more time for all the illegal shit they have been doing.

“You know me, Jeongguk.” Taehyung’s reply hides much more than what its surface would imply. Jeongguk knows his Taehyung. Knows he haven’t even seen drugs up close. Minus the make shift ones they use in filming sets.

“Detective, there’s something you need to see.” A knock on a door signals the man who informed Jeongguk who gives Taehyung a knowing look and a pat on his arm before fleeting the room.

Taehyung sits back, head hanging back on the chair, and blows out the air. He curses the universe for plotting this lifetime for them. Seriously, can’t we meet at a supermarket or some simple shit? Taehyung grumbles.

He wishes for a retake on those lifetimes where he met Jeongguk at an early age living only two blocks away. That lifetime, Taehyung knew he needed to get a notebook or something that locks to protect his letters to Jeongguk from his sister who has naturally a kick for checking out things around the house that peaks her interest.

He also could not and would not forget the time they met at a very odd circumstance involving a table, heels and a very drunk Taehyung on his birthday, who was given a fucking stripper to grind on his lap. Who knew the stripper was a friend of a friend, one of the choreographers in the university dance team, clad in leather jacket and harness, looking like a walking bdsm.

Jeongguk never got to see the end of Taehyung throwing casual comments about that day or the suggestions that followed the main event, Jeongguk grinding on Taehyung wearing nothing but his pants and a choker, of a private show.

A door opening snatches Taehyung from the road he’s travelling that would get dirtier if he had not heard the door. Soon after Jeongguk returns to the room with the Chief. Jeongguk has a pissed expression on his features that Taehyung has always been familiar with. Jeongguk has a lot of patience in his body, even more so than Taehyung, so whatever has been biting his ass must have taken a toll on him.

“Taehyung. They have another Taehyung Kim in custody.” Jeongguk informs him.

“Taehyung Kim, born as William Blue Silvester, hiding under the pseudonym of the same name as yours, has been caught just in time before he leaves for a sanctuary he owns off the Mediterranean.” The Chief supplies information, dropping a folder containing probably the basic information of the said criminal in front of Taehyung. He looks at Jeongguk for more words but one look from the man says everything is well.

After another few minutes of apologies from the chief and Jeongguk himself, Taehyung, who was allowed to leave the establishment as he wished to do so, and Jeongguk was left to stand outside the room he was just in hours ago. The two watches Chief Lee and Officer Yoo turn a corner and left the two in privacy.

‘I’ve been waiting for you.” Jeongguk remarks.

“So you have not been looking for me?” Taehyung jokes, not meaning anything behind it. Jeongguk laughs, throwing his head back. Once he has composed himself he pulls Taehyung by his arm and wraps one around him, keeping him close. Taehyung relaxes under the calming breathing pattern he feels from Jeongguk, resting his chin on the other’s shoulder.

“Got my notebook?” Jeongguk asked above whisper, still hugging Taehyung close to him.

Taehyung hums, “Got a lot of catching up and reading to do, officer-“

“Detective.” Jeongguk corrects which Taehyung ignores as he pulled back.

“Also, pay for the pens I bought for it.” He tuts.

“You smell different in this lifetime.” He comments.

“Yeah. I learned I don’t have a sensitive nose nowadays so I took advantage. I can handle stronger scents.” Taehyung smiles, remembering the whole lifetime he spent with Jeongguk who can’t last a day without being too sensitive with dust and anything that his nose catches a whim of. They kept a whole 9-pack facial tissues around the house for the sake of his colds.

Jeongguk gently pulls him back to get a good look at Taehyung, who has been staring at him too closely. “Will I see you more often now?” Jeongguk asks, hopeful.

“I leave tomorrow for a work. I’ll come back after two weeks. We can meet then.” Taehyung replies.

“I see.” Jeongguk nodded, his features dimmed. “Give me your number.” He commands.

“Did you not have my whole profile and whole life filed in one of your cabinets?” Taehyung jokes.

“I don’t want to lose a job, so.” Jeongguk answers back, shrugging at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Jeongguk offers the latter a ride home. He learned that Taehyung is two years older than him in this lifetime, he still likes black bean noodles, and his new job that lets him travel approximately thirty times a year. Taehyung learns that Jeongguk’s family in his new life includes a father who was also a detective in his days, which inspired Jeongguk to follow his father’s footsteps, earning a degree and a well-deserved position in his current post.

“Okay, detective. Show me your new self when I get back.” Taehyung says, bobbing his head up and down absent-mindedly.

“That can be possible.” Jeongguk turns his whole upper body if the space in the front seat allows the two of them. “Tae.” He whispers, the older, looking expectantly at him. “Call me tomorrow before you leave.” He says, resting his arm on the other’s shoulders, arms almost wrapped around him. Before he can stop himself he plants a kiss on the older’s temple, too softly, Taehyung might not feel it (he did. His heart beat that picked up tells him so).

“You’ve been alive many times and you never learned how to ask nicely. Good bye, officer.” Taehyung calls out as he walks out of the car, not noticing Jeongguk was a beat faster than him and is walking behind him to his front door.

“Detective.” Jeongguk corrects.

“Same thing. You all detained me. I will have you know I memorized the bill of rights.” Taehyung replies from his door.

“Is that so? Quit your job, then, apply for the vacant position in our department.” Jeongguk chuckles.

“I’ll keep that in mind. I might pay more visit to your work when I get back.” He taps the code for his door, waiting for the beeping sound to signal that it’s unlocked. “Good night, officer.” He leans up slightly to plant a kiss on the corner of the younger’s mouth, not caring to wait for his response as he lets the door close behind him when he got inside.

“Detective.” Jeongguk corrects for the second or third time that night to no one in particular, facing the door that already signaled that it was locked again for the night.

That night Taehyung opens the journal he maintained that lifetime that he keeps for Jeongguk, a tradition. His first one was acquired when Jeongguk got him one that almost resembles a unicorn, with sequins designed to change between two colours when you run your fingers through them. The journal serves as the records to keep the other updated before they see each other again in each lifetime.

[unknown] 11:49 PM Call me tomorrow. - jeongguk

Officer Jeon 11:50 PM Please call me tomorrow.

Officer Jeon 11:51 PM Can I call you tomorrow?

Taehyung read the texts he received in succession, as he picked up from where he was disturbed from his activity and finished packing his luggage and other important things that needed to be in his hand carry for tomorrow. He made sure his bed is free from any other things he might forget before sitting down, already changed into pyjamas, and reads the text messages. He reads each of them, picturing the younger typing away on his phone, contemplating his words.

Taehyung 12:04 AM Hard bargain. I’ll try tho

Taehyung 12:05 AM Good night, Officer Jeon.

He rests his phone on under his pillow, with the part of the phone where the speaker should be out and would be strategically placed near his ear for his alarm for the next day. He does not get to read the other’s reply, and Jeongguk figures out the event for the night took a toll on him.

As promised, the two right after Taehyung got back from his work trip. The younger had been waiting outside his apartment, in his casual clothes. He was way past an hour earlier than Taehyung but the older did not need to know that.

Beat from his flight and his two-week long work overseas, the two decided to have their late lunch delivered and just stay in for the first hang out of the century (read: lifetime). The first thing that Jeongguk asks for his for his contact name in the older’s phone to be changed.

“What’s your passcode?” Jeongguk was in the middle of guessing the older’s password to change his contact name himself, but all the possible 4-pin code the older could have used failed to unlock his phone.

“You don’t know my passcode. You’re gonna have my phone-“ He almost snatches his phone from the younger’s grip when he saw what was displayed on his screen. “-disabled. See, fucking brat.” He huffs, snatching his phone anyway, although it’s useless now that his phone was disabled for five minutes. Jeongguk continues to laugh from his seat, watching the older unpack his clean clothes from his luggage.

“You got another person’s birthday as your passcode? You’ve changed, hyung.” He chides.

“Yeah, that’s why you wouldn’t know.” He bites back. Jeongguk also would not know that his password was 1978. His favorite meeting with the younger was in the gloomy day of January 9, 1978 when they met at a court room, intent on opposing the other, as their clients were having a feud over properties of a deceased relative. He knew he left the court room with a settled case and a new person in his mind. It was one of the lifetimes they have gone through together that was peaceful. They were happy. They left that life happy and content with each other.

“Ah, hyung, I want my journal now.” Jeongguk sits up from the bed where he was laying down beside Taehyung’s clean clothes.

“Award-winning authors don’t give free books that they worked hard for, Guk.” He teases, eyes not leaving his task.

“You would not know that, hyung, they do. Especially to their loved ones.” Jeongguk feigns, almost feeling like he was offended.

“And you’re saying is you are one of my loved ones.” Taehyung states, dreading the younger’s answer.

“Your only love, hyung.” Jeongguk says almost patronizing.

Mood: Giddy, Content, Betrayed (explanation attached below)

Dear Detective,

We met today. I do not appreciate being dragged out of my apartment in the middle of packing shit and detained just because your officers thought I would have the energy to trade drugs/ Also, who the fuck thinks Taehyung Kim was a good name to use as a drug lord? I have so much to ask you. I noticed the scar on your arm. You did not have that the last time I saw you.

I’m also wondering if it is against your work conduct if we use your cuffs for personal purposes? By the time you read this entry we probably have already used it. But it’s ok, not everyone is a good citizen.

fuck the police, your taehyung

“Fuck the police, hyung? Really?” Jeongguk reads, not wanting to believe what he just read. He only read some portions, that being the first page, one from the middle and the latest one, the one Taehyung wrote the night of chaos where they met in the interrogation room.

“You’re kink shaming me and I don’t like it.” Taehyung looks at him.

“Whatever hyung, I’m gonna read this when I get home. Who knows what kind of kink you developed when you were alone.” Jeongguk shifts so he can lay on his side, facing Taehyung.

“Says the one who has a kink for being called an officer. You probably fuck your one night stands with your costume still on.” Taehyung huffs.

“That whole sentence is just so wrong in many ways.” Jeongguk changes position again, almost ready to pound on Taehyung after his next offense. “First of all, I do not have an officer kink. Second, this is not a fucking costume. I don’t even have a police officer uniform. I’m a detective.” He huffs.

“But you did not deny fucking someone wearing a costume like one.” Taehyung replies after a beat of silence. Jeongguk stands from the bed, throwing Taehyung’s neatly folded clothes at him, Taehyung whining a ‘hey, fuck you’ at him.

faster than you could say the word bye.

Taehyung did not remember falling asleep to a vivid dream of the last time he and Jeongguk went to see the fireworks show near the amusement park in their past lifetime. He knows he suffered from motion sickness after Jeongguk dared him to go three times on the 360 degrees Vikings. In his defense, the younger promised him head if he did (he did). It seems like he only dreams of his past lifetimes with Jeongguk.

The two do not always win.

The universe has a unique way of telling them that the two of them are lucky enough that they get so each other in their next lifetimes. The universe tells them that humans get to be alone too. They were reminded that they have happiness not given off by the other. They have lives lived separately, sometimes because they were both strangers to each other. Sometimes the universe allows them to spend a lifetime with a person that is not Taehyung or Jeongguk.

Taehyung hates most of them.

The universe, according Taehyung and Jeongguk’s experiences, was a big stage, and they were the leads. The universe seems like it planned for the two to meet, and deems it necessary that that was enough.

One lifetime Taehyung remembered was the one where Taehyung was a nurse at the Asan Medical Center. He has not seen Jeongguk in this lifetime yet, and he hopes he sees him soon. He remembered the talk they had in one lifetime where Jeongguk told him how fun It would be to see the older work in a hospital. Taehyung was assigned to the Brain Trauma wing of the hospital. Taehyung works with Doctor Kim, who refers to as Seokjin when they are not dressed in operating gowns, and their uniforms and only a table full of kimchi, ramyeon and soju separates them and not an operating table, battling for the life of an individual wishing to live comfortable for an extended period of time.

He has been asked to do the rounds before Doctor Kim comes for his operation that evening and the hospital has been relatively quiet and peaceful at this time of the year, compared to last month of every year where more accidents happen and the hospital tends to be busy. He comes back to the nurse station just in time Doctor Kim was getting his coat on him and checking up on some files with the nurse stationed at the desk.

Taehyung believes he has already covered three rounds for other nurses in favor of assisting other Doctors. The hospital does not suffer from staff shortage, but Taehyung believes they need more hand or some nurses and other staff in the hospital should learn how to do their own job despite the circumstance.

“Taehyung, how is Ms. Moon doing?” Seokjin asks, going over the papers brought out for him.

“They should be fine and be good enough to not be cranky at everyone. They keep changing nurses to help them. Remind me to never let myself be called to the VIP ward.” He rants, scratching the back of his head involuntarily.

“Yeah, not the only one who complained. I’ll request for you to be assigned to this wing soon.” Seokjin laughs quietly.

The alarms from the emergency room and Taehyung’s beeper simultaneously alarmed him and Doctor Kim of a patient immediately in need of assistance coming in to the emergency room. The two runs without further ado, some nurses working for the trauma wing already getting a hold of the record of the said patient who Taehyung can see was bathed in his own blood and he wonders just how harsh the accident have been.

“His heart rate is not stable. The witnesses said he fell unconscious after his opponent landed a few harsh hits on his head.” One nurse informs, passing off the information gathered by the ambulance team who responded to the patient. Doctor Kim worked fast as he suggested for a fast x-ray and a CT scan for the patient.

“Get the operating room ready real fast I need to get to his brain immediately.” Doctor Kim chides, talking fast, trying to one up the fact that he might not be able to save the patient from the internal bleeding that is currently invading the young man. Taehyung quickly does as he was told, contacting the radiology and department to inform them of a patient in need of immediate assistance.

Taehyung could not clearly see the young man’s face, thanks to the harsh beating he took and a mouth guard recovered from him that Taehyung assumes that he is some sort of a professional fighter. Taehyung feels an uneasy fit in his stomach that he attempts to attribute to seeing another poor soul fight for his life unconsciously.

One nurse was gently but hurriedly, cleaning off the blood from the patient’s face, that almost dried as the time passed, as Doctor Kim gets a good look on the vitals of the patient. Right now he makes out a jet black color of hair matted with blood that ran down from a laceration.

Taehyung continues to aid Dr. Kim, informing him of the other specialists awaiting the patient and the operating room. Taehyung scrubs in to assist in the bloody and dragging operation of the patient. He assumes the uneasy feeling at the pit of his stomach and the patient lying helplessly that everything will be okay in the end. Things will be alright.

Things could not surpass the word ‘alright’ or any word that gives someone the comfort and assurance of a positive outcome. Things after the operation did not go quite well for the patient. The whole process was a success to some extent. The patient is alive.

But the patient is brain dead.

Dr. Kim blames himself for not being fast enough to get to his brain. The doctor takes off the scrub adorning him as he made his way out of the operating room, about to inform the people waiting for the fate of the patient with a heavy heart. Taehyung pushes down the lump in his throat and the tears that was threatening to spill out of the corner of his eyes as he assists the recovery team with the patient.

He did another rounds for the midnight shift, forcing himself to take his mind off a certain private room that seems to have it out for him, calling him and urging him to just drop everything and go there. His rounds ended with a final stop at the station, greeted by another nurse working the night shift.

“Taehyung, you’re way past over your shift already.” Nurse Kang, a close friend who he worked with for a year now, grabs him out of his internal monologue, ever so gently with her gentle voice.

“I just have another patient I need to check. Pass me the records for the patient in room 507?” He gives a tight lip smile, receiving the records for the brain dead patient from the afternoon. He turns the corner and locates the private room, knocks and enters to see an unmoving patient from the center of the room, multiple wires holding on to keep him as stable as they can get him.

He stands on the right side of the hospital bed, watches the rise of the chest of the patient before checking his vitals. He makes sure to keep them in mind and a mental note to keep an eye on the patient. He checks on the bandages that were also wrapped on the poor man’s ribs, having his fractured from an aggressive attack from his opponent.

Taehyung releases a heavy sigh that would be deemed as out of stress or annoyance if this patient would just be awake at this moment and not be in the waiting room for dead people, technically, with his current state.

“Jungkookie, was it a good fight?” He whispers, as if speaking loud would suddenly wake the patient up and startle him. If only.

“Did you last for how many rounds?” He adds. “I’m working in a hospital now. Did you plan for me to work in a hospital just so I can help stitch your ass back and see your brain? Sounds just like you.” He looks down on the Jungkook’s limp hand from his side and holds it gently, without lifting it up. Just gently caressing the back of his hands.

“I’m not going to fool myself and think that you will move your fingers while I’m here and suddenly be awake. I’m sure you know your chance of being alive after your operation is 70/30. I’m happy you were sent to this hospital. I can’t stay too long here. I’ll be back for you in the morning.” He stands up, wiping the tears that made their way past his lids, tucking Jungkook better under the blankets, making sure all is well, as they can be.

The next morning greets Taehyung with a sun high in the sky and the darkness of the night in his heart. He cried. He cried, called Jimin for an emergency, who understood and rushed home from his work at the local boulangerie downtown that he owns with Yoongi. He cried, wrapped inside Jimin’s arms that cannot seem to guard him from the pain.

Because he can’t. Especially if the pain comes from the inside.

He doesn’t get better. But at some point he got stable enough to tell Jimin a part of the whole story, at least from this lifetime alone, but he briefly explains things from the last and the other ones. The ones where they met at a better circumstance and ones kind of similar to this one. He had Jimin call off work for him, and tell his Seokjin hyung to talk to him some time after today. Jimin does not understand the whole thing. But he tells Taehyung he knows. Just from the tears that escaped him, leaving him, trailing behind the man who caused them to fall.

That night he assures Jimin that he can be left alone, who put up a gentle argument with Yoongi siding with him. The two won, insisting that they at least wait for him to be asleep and deep into it enough to not be awake in the middle of the night, breaking down and alone.

He does wake up at some point near four in the morning, the journal he kept for Jungkook lay atop of the comforter covering his thighs, pen in hand.

Mood: [unknown] My Jungkook,

Can I call you that in this lifetime? It seems like I failed to do so. In the thirty-two hours that I have met you. Can I claim you? I would like to believe so. We promised we always have each other. Always for each other. Even if the universe won’t allow us. I’m yours.

I visited you in your room and told you that I’ll see you in the morning. I guess it’s too painful to hold on and wait for me. I understand. I have many questions for the two of us. Do you think if I became a doctor instead I would have saved you? In my defense, the last time you did not specify if you wanted me to be a doctor or a nurse. You should have been more specific. I could have been a security guard at some point.

I’m trying to convince myself that it’s okay. We can’t be happy in all lifetimes. I believe I’ll meet you in another life anyway. Like we always do.

See you soon, Taehyung

kensaku.

There have been times wherein the universe is on their side. But having sides does not provide luck for the two. Jeongguk and Taehyung remembered the lifetime wherein technically, they did not see each other. Jeongguk claims they did, though. Up to this day, Taehyung still gets livid every time he was reminded of all his efforts. Jeongguk calms him down saying;

“Hyung, it shows how much you miss me and love me, isn’t that great?” Which earns Jeongguk a smack to the back of his head, quite painful. Taehyung does not appreciate working up a sweat in that lifetime.

Taehyung slams the journal on the counter top in favor of fetching himself a glass of milk from the fridge, letting the journal smack against the thick wooded material and the pen to bounce off the top and roll to the side. He downs half of the milk before settling down on the table, opening the journal to where he bookmarked it with the pen, although it was no help since he decided to slam it and let the pen loose its place between the sheets.

Mood: Bored, Livid, Impatient, Alone.

Jeongguk,

where the fuck are you? I haven’t seen even an inch of your hair or a gross particle that came from the sole of your foot in this lifetime. It has been twenty-three years. Twenty-three years of waiting for you. My family in this lifetime were nice people. I remembered you and our promise to each other when I was ten years old. The next year, I said it was okay, it has only been ten years, you were probably just eight years old at that time. But now I assumed you were twenty-one, you can now walk and find me if you wish. Sometimes the thought that you got tired of looking for me in the lifetimes we can remember each other and waiting for me in the lifetimes we can’t.

I’ll wait for you in all lifetimes and love you in all of them, Taehyung

RE: Mood: Bored, Livid, Impatient, Alone.

I’m {THIS} close to putting up a sign just to find you. I think it will go like this:

Lost other half: JEON JEONGGUK Return to: KIM TAEHYUNG REWARD: negotiable

Jimin said he’d help me design the posters and he’d even use your favorite color for it. I told him about you already since you annoy me I might combust if I keep them all to myself. He even said he’d have Namjoon hyung beat you up when you finally show up. After introductions, of course. At least get on first name basis.

fucking tired of your shit, Taehyung

“Is that your fourth journal? That’s tragic, Taehyung” Yoongi extends his neck from where he’s on the sofa, to Taehyung’s place on the floor, in favor of using the table to write on, beside Yoongi’s disgusting feet propped up on it (Taehyung’s words).

“These journals only got eighty sheets per pad.” He bites back, slapping Yoongi’s toes away from the edge of the journal.

“That’s three hundred and counting notes for Jungkook. Calm the fuck down.” Yoongi explains, almost pouting.

“Shut up math daddy.” Taehyung grumbles and closes the journal, making sure to make it look like he’s done with writing and Yoongi’s bullshit.

“Taehyungie, I’ve come bearing gifts for your majesty, great king, ruler of Armageddon, Lord Farquaad, Daughter of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazon, The God K-“ Jimin opens the unlocked door to the house, with his infamous line that they have had arguments over before because,

“They came from different scripts. You cannot be Lord Farquaad and recite Wonder Woman at the same time, Jimin.” That day Jimin shrieked out a loud “I do what I fucking want.” That made the neighbor check up on them, with Jimin screaming bloody murder.

A Vietnamese take out, a round of beer cans later, the four people in the apartment, with Namjoon arriving hours later with crumpled shirt and a stain Taehyung did not want to know much about, Jimin was able to do a rough photoshop of a wanted poster for Taehyung’s soulmate minus a picture that would really help them identify the man.

Jimin rant on and on about how Taehyung is really being selfish with not giving a photo of the certain man they were looking for. “I’m just saying, honestly, the odds of sixty Jeon Jeongguk can show up at this door once we post this outside. None of them would be your soulmate because his bitch ass of other half claims that no photo is in his possession.” He explains, complete with gestures and booming voice.

“He would not appreciate having his face plastered all over the city like that. I know him.” He explains exasperatedly. “Plus, you wouldn’t get the photos we kept both in soft and printed ones and our polaroid print outs are nudes. Not exactly appropriate to be plastered around the state.” He adds, fishing off the last pieces of fish crackers from the paper bag. Yoongi makes a face that screams disgust and Namjoon gives a knowing look and Jimin throws the tablet pen, almost missing his forehead.

“I thought I was going to fucking die as an old man, Jeongguk, that alone was terrible. But none of it would top the fucking stress you gave me looking for you.” Taehyung grumbles. Hoseok watches from his seat the banter between the two. He was pretty sure they had it before, already.

The movie they were watching was still playing, but the volume was being turned down little by little until it was borderline on mute, save for the occasional bass that hits the walls. They were having an unplanned movie night, since Jeongguk just got back from a work teambuilding for the weekend and everyone in the group chat got the word that Taehyung and Jin were having a planned stay in.

Jin was currently in the kitchen with Hoseok, preparing for another round of bottles of soju for everyone and the cup noodles left in the apartment.

The argument, one they have had before, started when Jeongguk started poking on Taehyung and played the ‘remember’ card. The others have been informed on what goes on between the two, including the whole context which they were having an argument over at the moment. The argument escalated when Jeongguk became specific and took jabs at Taehyung. In his defense, his flirting mechanism with his boyfriend was quite different than what usual couples do.

No, he was borderline bringing up a past that annoys the fuck out of Taehyung. Jeongguk knows it gets him frustrated and admittedly embarrassed (although Taehyung would not admit that). Now the two were still pressed up against each other, bickering with the occasional smacks and light slaps for each other.

“It’s not my fault I was fucking reincarnated as a dog, hyung. And don’t think I have forgiven you for naming me Yeontan.” Jeongguk huffs.

“Yeontan is cute, mind you.”

“Do I look like someone who deserved to be named Yeontan?”

“As if Gureum was a good ass name, Jeongguk, really, good job!” And wow, Taehyung really has it out for Jeongguk’s dog back in 2003.

“Gureum suits my fucking dog.”

“I called you Yeontan because Yeontan was brown and you look like fucking shit.” Taehyung slaps him with a pillow before standing up to barge into the kitchen where Hoseok took refuge in, away from the couple and into Seokjin’s comfort.

“Whatever, you just admitted your dog looks like shit but with fur.” Jeongguk speaks, pouting, making his words almost a murmur to himself.

“That dog was you, asshole.” Taehyung shouts from the kitchen, having heard Jeongguk.

Jeongguk whips his head towards the kitchen, muting the movie once and for all to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend’s ranting to the people who escaped the chaotic living room in hopes of not hearing the infamous story for the tenth time.

That night, trapped between the walls of their bedroom, Jeongguk coaxes Taehyung, begging for forgiveness that Taehyung refuses to give just yet. He was basking in the love and affection Jeongguk was giving him just for the older to give him attention. He already used different tricks. He made promises and he also resorted to using other stories from the past.

“Hyung, hyung.” He taps the older, who refused to face him in his sleep, opting to sleep on his other side that Jeongguk knows be uncomfortable enough and Taehyung would wake up with a sore right side.

“I’m sleeping.” Taehyung’s reply was short.

“No you’re not. Listen, for what it’s worth, we still met.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jeongguk.”

“The thing is you looked for me. I love you.” He kissed the older on the cheeks, since the older refused to turn. He thinks staying up all night and beg for forgiveness while the older is already in deep sleep would do him no good. Staying up won’t grant him immediate forgiveness.

Taehyung was being really ruthless, in Jeongguk’s opinion. It was when he was on the brink of falling asleep, his mind already hazy and body heavy, he hears his Taehyung speak.

“Fucking brat, I love you.” Taehyung huffs, before shifting to lay on his stomach, head turned towards Jeongguk.

[end] see other works here

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ritebeforeyoureyes · 7 years ago

Text

Haunt

Can I just say that I love you all and I promise, I am not ignoring any requests or kind messages. If an inboxed message is left unanswered, it’s because I’m slowly making my way through them. I have had an increasing number of prompts and your lovely words of motivation and I will try working through them whenever I can x

Masterlist – Plot: Confrontation is never easy.

Haunt (Chapter Twelve)

Once Tom was done with the technicalities of covering up yet another one of his murder victims, he made his way back to the penthouse, unfazed by the whole experience. This had happened one too many times for him to have an emotional attachment to it. His first kill was the only one he truly remembered, the experience tattooed into his brain. He had only been eighteen when it had happened, and he was still shaken by the gaping absence of Zendaya in his life. They’d only been apart a few months and Tom was still as heartbroken as he had been the day he had left. Dom, skilfully, had used Tom’s vulnerability and let him channel it into his field of work. As a result of his conflicting emotions, Tom hadn’t hesitated to put a bullet through a man’s chest; a day he thought about often. However, everything that followed that day was a blur. It was the only way to survive in his world of criminality. If he thought of his kills as people – brothers, sons, husbands, boyfriends – he would be just like them - dead. So, like he always did, Tom had changed his clothes, wiped off all the blood scarring his skin and was freshly showered by the time he made it back home.

“How’s Z?” Tom rolled his sleeves up his arms and grilled Jon without so much as a hello. Jon was sat at the kitchen island, nursing a glass of whiskey, even though it was early evening. “Her ear?”

“I stitched her up good.” Jon tried to reassure Tom, but he knew him too well. Tom could see right through the hesitancy plastered across his face.

“But?” Tom pushed, his hands reaching for the bottle of whiskey instantaneously. He took a large, strong chug from the bottle, the familiar amber liquid burning the back of his throat.

“She hasn’t said a word.” Jon admitted worriedly. “Nothing. I … It’s not like anything I’ve seen before. You guys all reacted to the violence differently but with her, I don’t have the slightest idea about what she’s thinking-“

“I’ll go check on her.” Tom took another healthy mouthful of whiskey before diverting his pure attention towards Zendaya. He hated himself for ever getting her in such a situation and he vowed, to himself, that he’d never be as distracted as he was today. It was his job to protect her and from here on out, he was going to do exactly that. With a light tap on his own bedroom door, Tom entered as if he were a trespassing stranger. “Z, baby?” He found her curled up in a ball in the centre of his bed. She looked so small in that one moment, her body shaking slowly. She was crying. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.”

Tom crawled into his bed, his hands trying to reach for her, but his proximity was like holding a lighter to a firework. As soon as Zendaya felt his body heat radiate onto her own, she snapped away, her long legs forcing her out of bed and towards the opposite end of the room. Within the matter of moments, her back was tightly pressed against the far wall, her eyes bright red and tear filled.

“I’m going home.” Zendaya wiped at her face with the back of her hand sloppily; she was forcing herself to seem composed. She had regained her ability to speak coherently once speaking to Darnell and so there was a confidence to her voice that wasn’t present when she was with Jon.

“What?” Just like she had done a few seconds ago, Tom scrambled off the bed and made his way back towards Zendaya. She was cornered against the wall and as he moved closer, she had nowhere to edge to. And even though he was a few inches shorter than her, his built frame was intimidating and big and she momentarily cowered into herself.

“I’m going home.” Zendaya repeated, straightening out her posture and crossing her arms over her chest defiantly. “Darnell’s coming to get me.”

“You called Darnell?! Are you fucking with me, right now?” Tom scoffed, his eyes falling to her bandaged ear. “That phone is for emergencies only. It’ll only take a matter of minutes for Harrison to trace Darnell’s phone and go after him. You can’t trust anybody, Darnell included-“

“See! You may be used to this world but none of its normal. Darnell is the one person I can blindly trust, and I shouldn’t have to worry about some gang member threatening to kill him! I’m leaving so I can get away from all of this-”

“You’re not safe by yourself, do you not understand that?” Tom gripped at her shoulders and gave her a thorough shake, as if his forcefulness would snap her out of her delusions. He wasn’t going to leave her with Osterfield’s men lurking about. They were dangerous and equipped with the highest artillery that only the Holland’s could combat. “Your defenceless without me.”

“Having you with me didn’t stop me from getting shot at, did it?” Zendaya retaliated, Tom’s eyes snapping back to her injury with serious regret. He hated himself for letting her get hurt. He knew he shouldn’t have let his guard down as much as he had in that moment. He should have had Jon scope out the restaurant before-hand. He should have been vigilant. There was so much he could have done to prevent the shooting from happening.

“This isn’t a joke, Zendaya!” Tom rubbed at his forehead in distress. Why did he have to have the one girl in Manhattan who was unbelievably stubborn?

“A joke? I’m the one who got grazed by the damn bullet, of course I know this isn’t a damn joke!” Zendaya spat. “That’s exactly why I’m going home. I was perfectly fine before you came back! I was a grandma and it was fine. I did me and I went to work and then I went home-“

“That was then, this is now.” Tom stepped forward, his eyes narrowing but his voice quietening. His whole exterior changed, and he was suddenly incredibly gentle. His eyes softened and Zendaya was momentarily reminded of the Tom she once knew and loved. “You going home isn’t going to miraculously make this all go away, Z. It’s happening, and we’ve had this conversation before, you staying here is the safest option.”

“I can’t stay here, Tom! I want everything to go back to normal! I want to go to work and-“

“We can compromise, Jon can take you to work and bring you back here-“

“No, I want my life back.” Zendaya’s inner turmoil resembled that of Schrodinger’s cat. With Tom’s mysterious disappearance all those years ago, Zendaya’s wild imagination had fooled her into moving on. She had envisioned him falling off the face of the earth and that had worked for her. She’d erased every memory of a Thomas Stanley Holland and slowly but surely it had allowed her to process their break-up. But now that she knew the truth, it was hard to face. Tom couldn’t comprehend that all Zendaya wanted was for him to leave her and her simple life alone. She didn’t want any part of this dirty money and gang rivalry bullshit.

“Can you stop being stubborn for a second and just understand where I’m coming from?” Tom sighed with the heavy feeling that their argument was destined to go around in circles. “I’m trying to be here for you and you’re making it god-damn impossible-”

“Oh, so you want to be here for me now?” Zendaya mumbled the rhetorical remark under her breathe but in their close proximity, Tom heard her loud and clear.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You fucked off when I needed you, Thomas!” For the first during their tiff, Zendaya’s voice was raised to the point that she was hurting her own vocal chords, her words echoing throughout the open space. “You just decided it was best to leave me by myself in our crappy little town with no explanation, no goodbye-“

“I was trying to protect you! Do you not get that?” Tom’s volume was now meeting Zendaya’s, his face turning an unsightly shade of pink as he yelled. He was desperate for her to grasp why he made the decision to leave her. It hadn’t because he’d fallen out of love or because he was obsessed with making money. His reasons had only ever stemmed from having Zendaya’s best interests at heart. “Do you think I wanted this life for you? I never wanted you to have to constantly look over your shoulder or worry about whether I was going to wake up dead or alive-“

“Did you forget where we come from?” The town Zendaya had grown up in was notorious for its gun crime and gang prevalence. “I was always worrying if you were alive! I was always looking over my shoulder. And unlike when we were together, there was no you to protect me as I walked down the streets. There was no you to protect me from the demons inside my house-”

Zendaya’s voice cracked at the end of her sentence. Her mind drifted to all the times she had walked home from her night shifts at the diner, all the creepy men cat-calling her as she made the ten-minute walk home. She remembered feeling on edge and unsafe, her mind wistfully thinking about how Tom would have never let her walk home alone like this. But Zendaya had had no other option, her measly student job was the only thing that had been keeping her afloat. Her father’s drinking had gotten progressively worse and her mother’s absences even longer.

And yet, she’d face the scary walks home to be united with even more hellish moments at home. Her father would curse at her, his words slurring. He’d throw things, nag at her, blame her for Claire’s disappearance … he’d even raised his hand at her the odd few times. And yeah, her home environment had always been rough, but Tom had always been there when she was younger. She would stay at his place and he’d whisper sweet nothings into her ear as she fell asleep in his arms. Nikki and Dom wouldn’t mention anything in the morning either, they’d just offer her some breakfast and make her feel as involved as they could. But, after Tom abandoned Zendaya, the safe haven him and his family had provided had disappeared too.

“I didn’t think of it like that.” Tom admitted reluctantly.

He had always wanted to check up on her over the years, but he couldn’t stomach the thought of just watching her from afar, going about her life without him. He had purposefully not gone back for her because he didn’t want her to have any associations with the contradictory life that he lived. Going back to check up on her was risky for both parties and so the easiest way to cope with her absence was to forget. He went out with a countless number of women, all of whom he tried to use to wipe his memory of Zendaya. Every time he did it, slept with them, he reassured himself that he was doing the right thing. But, now that he thought about it properly, it was selfish. He had never evaluated just how much Zendaya had relied on him. “I’m so unbelievably sorr-“

“Don’t say your sorry.” Zendaya swiped at the air dismissively. “Because I know you’re not-“

“Can you just let me apologise? I’m trying to be sincere here-“

“Oh, please!” The images of Tom with multiple women draped over him didn’t seem like regretted walking out on her. “I didn’t matter when you were out parading around with all these women. I shouldn’t matter to you now-“

“You’ve always mattered, don’t say that-“

“You know what I’ve always wondered?” Zendaya completely ignored Tom, going off on her own inner monologue of turmoil and anger. “Was our whole relationship a scam? Did you really think so little of me that you didn’t even have the decency to break things off?” With a little clearing off her throat, Zendaya channelled her inner diva and put on her best British accent as she spoke again. “Daya isn’t worth an explanation, lets just let her grovel for the fun of it-“

Those words of Zendaya’s really seemed to hit Tom in the gut, it was like something within him snapped. It wasn’t often that someone called him out on his bullshit. Because, everything that Zendaya said was true. He wasn’t as heroic as he painted himself out to be. He had hurt her, and he’d comforted himself by just assuming she’d been happy all these years. And now that she finally was – happy - he’d come back to fuck it all up again. “You can’t fight me, can you, Tom? It’s cus’ know I’m right-“

“Stop! Just stop!” Tom screamed, taking another step forward. His voice was shockingly loud and Zendaya pressed herself up against the wall tightly. She was practically on her toes in an attempt to create as much distance between them as she could. She had only ever been in such a situation once before and it hadn’t been pleasant. She had come back from her shift from work, barely stepped through the threshold, when her dad had forced her up against the door. His breathes were ragged and the snarl was ever-present. On instinct – like she had back then – she flinched, her eyes closing.

Zendaya thought Tom was going to hit her.

And he did, his lips smacking against hers forcefully.

If you enjoyed this piece and would like to help further me and my work, please support me whilst I get through university. The money you donate will go towards assisting me in my student fees. It is one hundred per cent a voluntary pursuit and greatly appreciated, however, your lovely comments and votes are always welcomed too. Thank you for being the greatest: https://ko-fi.com/D1D072V0

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