#( ok. with t hat. logging off i fear

[minghs]

what cycle do you keep repeating?

the almost leap

you stand at the edge of change more than anyone knows. you plan, you hope, you crave the shift — and then you pause. doubt creeps in. the what-ifs get louder. and you tell yourself: not yet. not this time. maybe later. you self-sabotage in ways that feel rational: delaying decisions, waiting for the "right moment," convincing yourself you’re just being cautious. but really, you fear what the leap might take from you. or worse — what it might reveal.

[chrysolina]

𝕞𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕪 𝕤𝕒𝕚𝕕 '𝕟𝕠'

𝕕𝕒𝕪 ��� - 𝕔𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤 𝕖𝕧𝕒𝕟𝕤 𝕩 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

A/N - AYEEE here he is!! My personal fave being, well - the best!! Enjoy ghouls!!

Trope/inspo - Spending a holiday with the family (bcos I’m such a sucker for daddy! Chris E )

Warnings - SMUT (18+ READERS ONLY), stress, body changes/acceptance, Chris being a fool, floof, eh nothing else really 

Autumn, that time of year was upon you again. It was unarguably your favourite season of them all, the cool air on sunny autumn days, crunchy leaves, wonderful coffee, sweaters that’d swallow you whole and kisses that leave a cold ghost of its passing on your skin - just a handful of the many things you adored about the rust-tinted season.

That being said, you tend to find that you were also a bit happier in the fall months. Be it September, October or November - you always had this irreplaceable smile on your face that’s only grow when with the right people. It was a continuous annual trend in your behaviour, the kind of trend that’d only be noticed by your husband Chris.

But this autumn, things were turning out to be a little different than the last.

October was supposed to be the month spent playing and enjoying the company of your two angelic children. October was supposed to be the month where traditions would come alight and make everything seem warm and fuzzy with anticipation. But this October was turning it to be something quite the opposite.

Just that July gone, you had given birth to your third child, your little baby boy Luca. At first, Lucas was an angel; slept like a log, fed during the day and not so much during the night, didn’t repeatedly puke up or poo on himself like your first son Alex did and was always greeting you with sweet, gummy smiles - at most times when you were getting your breast out.

He really was an angel, until he got his booster jabs done near the end September and seemed to be catching every known virus possible.

Not only did you have a sick three month old baby, two very attention-seeking toddlers who wanted to be by you twenty-four seven, a husband who was in and out doing scenes across the country, a house, a career, friends and family to keep up with - you were also suffering with a seasonal cold and a clogged breast.

In all honesty, things couldn’t have been worse.

Without even putting your mind to it, you knew that since there were too many variables asking for your sparse attention, you’d have to cut back on some more pleasurable things in an attempt to juggle everything you had going.

Friends wanting to meet up for a coffee in town? Sorry ladies, the answer would have to be no. Your PA asking about possible magazine photo-shoot she’d like you and your family to shoot? Not today Julia. Going on a daily walk to help burn off the baby fat you put on? Nope, can’t happen today Y/N.

You get the picture.

In this flurry of people spitting stuff for you to do left, right and centre and a baby stuck to your breast nearly all day, you also failed to notice the happiness and joys that came with Autumn - Chris picking up on this almost immediately when he mentioned how beautiful the red, yellow and orange trees in the garden looked.

He expected you to go into your little happy rant over the beauty of them but instead, you replied bluntly “They’re ok I suppose.”

With all that that was going on around you, Chris couldn’t help but feel absolutely useless. You were doing, literally, everything. From helping out with the kids to sorting out laundry, dinner and Luca - you were everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

You were absolutely nothing like your usual chipper, loving self with Chris or the kids, you were a void doing stuff by demand.

And Chris knew he needed to do something about it - fast.

As if by sheer luck, an opportunity too good to miss arose from the depths of nowhere. It was only a matter of days until Halloween was upon the Evans family and with that said, Lisa decided to host a Halloween party for friends and family - a get together come meal everyone could enjoy, even the kids who could go trick or treating if they wished.

Chris knew that you’d most probably turn down the invite and send him with the kids and he knew that you’d most probably spend the night either asleep with Luca or weeping in the shower over what your life had become, his heart breaking at the memory of hearing your weeping as he passed the bathroom one evening.

So with sneaky yet good intentions, Chris told his parents and Scott - who’d take the kids for the night - the plan he wanted to put into action to help revitalise the love of his life and asked them to help him with it and to keep it on the hush, to play everything as if it would go the way Chris had predicted.

And they did exactly that.

Chris was pleasantly smug when he saw you dress up all the kids in their little costumes he’d chosen out for themselves. Aiela was in a beautiful frilly witch costume equipped with a broom, point hat and potion bucket for her sweets, Alex was dressed as a mummy and Luca was dressed in a pumpkin costume, topped with a puffy pumpkin hat for safe measures.

Yes, this was going just how Chris had planned.

Right up until you decided to go and get changed.

“Shit,” Chris whispered to himself and immediately dialled up Scott who answered on the first ring. “Hey Chris, what’s up?” Scott’s chipper tone made Chris wince and pinch his brows in annoyance.

“Change of plan, can you come and collect the kids now?“ Chris looked to the clock that hung on one of he kitchen walls and then back out to the living room. Good, you still hadn’t come down yet.

Much to Chris’ confusion, he could hear Scott beginning to laugh quite smugly through the phone, making Chris wonder as to what he found so funny. “Just take a look outside.” Scott all but replied to his brother’s question and watched from his car as Chris scowled at him from the porch steps.

“Ha ha very funny.” Chris made a point to flip the bird to his brother and then quickly ran inside to get the kids and sleepy Luca and his diaper bag ready to leave. To say Aiela and Alex were excited to be going off early to the party was a little bit of in understatement, just by buckling themselves in to the car alone had them fizzing in their spots.

“Be good for Grandma, Grandpa and Uncle Scotty, alright?” Chris have his best serious face and tone as he kissed the three heads of his little cherubs, a chorus of yeses and frantic nodding heads coming from Aiela and Alex.

And with that Scott sped off in the direction of his parents house meaning that the real fun had only just begun in the Evans house for that night.

“Chris?” You called out as you padded quietly down the stairs, your fears starting to build once you took a swift look around the living room and only found it empty, the sound of cartoons playing low in the background.

You took the time to look in the kitchen and the laundry room, the bathroom and the pantry - and not to forget the backyard as well but to your utter confusion and slight trepidation, the kids were no where to be seen.

As if by god’s calling, you heard the metallic jangle of the lock on the front door open and shut and the sound of Chris’ flicking his shoes off and his feet padding towards the living room, the smile on his face soon falling once he saw what you were dressed in.

Your costume was nothing like that of what you’d wear as a twenty-something year old but it certainly demanded attention that only gawking eyes could give you. You were dressed in simple yet incredibly figure hugging all black t-shirt and leggings with brilliant white skull bones plastered in the appropriate places.

Oh, and the cute black and white striped fluffy socks you wore were just to die for too.

Chris couldn’t believe it. No, he could believe it - he just didn’t want to. To think that for all that time, all that time of not being able to see what was hiding under those baggy jumpers you wore, they were all leading up to this.

In his mind, even back when you put the idea forward Chris spat at the thought you’d need to lose some weight - and thank god he dismissed them back then. Your figure was to die for, literally; even after three kids your waist rivalled the likes of Beyoncé’s, your grown breasts could make any man water and the mere sight of them accompanied by your hips and ass - god did the ‘extra padding’ of baby weight do some wonders on you.

Not even snapping you fingers in-front of Chris was doing any good, he was in a total trance that made him lost to the world - the only signal of life being the way his eyes clouded over as they kept trained on your rigid figure, a look foreign to your mind taking residence on his growing smug face.

“Sorry sweetheart,” Chris cooed whilst winding an arm around your waist, sliding you towards his muscular form. “I forgot to tell you, I sent the kids away to my parents for the night.” Your breath caught at the thought that you hadn’t prepped the kids for an overnight stay.

“Bu-but I didn’t pick them any pj’s or anything or enough milk for Luca..”You tried to push away from Chris’ hold in an attempt to do something with your nerves but found it useless when Chris’ grip grew stronger around your body and had you pressed against him again.

“That’s why I did babe,” Chris smiled down at you with that cheeky smile you’d grown to ignore these past months.

Your breath caught in your throat again, for all the right reasons. “Wh-what?” You laughed in an airy tone.

“Yeah, while you went to Luca’s checkup last Thursday I took the opportunity to sort out a bag for Aiela, Alex and Luca,” Your mouth hung open like a broken door as you listened to Chris’ master plan unfold before you.

“And I dropped it ‘round mom and dad’s - all so I could spend tonight, with you.” And there it was again, that all too well known glint flashed in those irresistible blue eyes and made your stomach churn both ways - you couldn’t have sex yet! You looked like a hag under those baggy jumpers you used to shield your flaws with.

But Chris was having none of it.

You tried to slide away, you tried to hide the evident blush that adorned your cheeks - only one of which was proven slightly successful. With a steady hand you ducked away from Chris’ nearing head and felt him take purchase on your neck - the one place he didn’t want to be, yet.

Just by your stiff yet hiding for, Chris could tell you were having some serious doubts about something and he just knew it had something to do with your body.  

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Chris lightly pecked a kiss or two at the sensitive apex of your neck and felt you squirm into his buff chest like an uncomfortable child. “Please baby, tell me what’s going on.” Ah yes, pleading would most certainly help the situation at hand - not.

“N-no, I can’t..” You stumbled over your words like hazardous rocks on a pathway, fumbling after every snagged step.

“Can’t what sweetheart?” Chris edged you on a little further in a warm, soft tone and a supportive hand finding residence on the lower part of your back, your body slowly relaxing once the familiar feeling of safety kicked in.

“I can’t have sex Chris..I-I’m too ugly..” Your voice dipped a decibel once the real reason of your insecurities slipped past your lips, the feeling Chris moving his head up to look at you brought back the sudden tension in your body.

As much as he tried to fathom it, Chris couldn’t actually believe what you had said - you? Ugly? He and the growing erection in his pants had to scoff at that claim unanimously.

“Y/N,” Chris sighed deeply and made you look up at him with weak eyes. “I think you know what I’m gonna say next so, hear me out;” You only stared at Chris expectantly as he took another deep breath in through his flaring nostrils.

”Give me ten minutes of your time and I will show you just how beautiful I really believe you are - is that a deal?” Whether it was the smirk on his face or the feeling of his erection nudging at your lower stomach, Chris gave you no other choice as to what to say.

“Deal.”    

• ————— •

And by god did he keep by his side of the deal.

Even though it was going on 8pm at night and the ‘ten minute’ oath had long been thrown out of the window, neither of you wanted to stop.

It was as if you two were hooked on the high of each other’s touch, the months spent preoccupied doing other things meant nothing to either one of you as Chris carried on eating you out like a starved man, your own orgasm hurtling with great speed towards you.

It all felt so foreign, from the way Chris’ tongue lapped up your flowing juices to the way he sucked on your clit like a pacifier, making euphoria seep through every crevice of your body - you couldn’t help but allow the happy tears to escape your eyes as you screamed out your second release of the night, the sound of your euphoria channelled down to Chris’ straining erection and made it throb in a longing agony.

“Mm so good to me baby-girl,” Chris hummed as he travelled back up your body and latched his soaked lips to yours, the taste of your salty sweet juices mingled in a toxic manner along the hairs of Chris’ beard and the dips and curves of Chris’ lips. The feeling of his straining erection standing tall along his navel reminding him to get to real stuff.

“You ready darlin’?” Chris smirked devilishly at you whilst pumping his tall, proud and thick shaft that oozed out pre-cum by the second, a sight you really wished you could capture on camera. You could only nod in desperation and whimper like a caged animal from your spot on the bed-sheet, the feeling of exhaustion leaving you as you watched Chris’ smirk grow.

“Then y’know the drill, turn over for me.” Without hesitation, you complied entirely and flipped yourself onto your stomach, pressing your ass upwards towards Chris - who could only groan in response, the belief that you felt you were ugly in any shape or from evaded Chris’ mind even now.

With the slick tip of his shaft pressed to your lips, you whimpered at the sudden feeling of Chris’ hand latching onto your swollen breasts and the heat radiating off his front as it lay on your back. “Since this is your night tonight, you call the shots - rough or slow baby?” Chris cooed into your ear and licked it, for extra measures.

As much as you loved Chris’ slow and intimate side, the greater part of you pleaded for something more - something better - than regular love-making. With a heavy moan, you bucked your ass up into Chris’ navel and scrunched the bedsheet into balls in your fists. “Fuck me up Chris - please, just fuck me so hard I won’t be able to lift a leg tomorrow.” And like that, Chris was inside of you.

Did you really just say that? Maybe Chris’ foggy mind was playing tricks on him, yes that’s what it was - but there again, you did say that. The dirtiest thing you’d said since way before the children were even little specs in the sky.

Hearing something like that, that confession of yours, it just made something go within him - not the way his hips ploughed into yours but something deeper. That’s when Chris realised it, you never changed - not even after the birth of three kids. You were still his and his alone.

And that only fuelled the raging list fire within Chris’ pit.

“Say it again-” Chris growled into your ear, his hips relentlessly throwing themselves into yours. “Talk dirty to me Y/N - God, just..fuckin’ say it again baby.” Chris groaned again, throwing his head back at the feeling of your sinful walls fluttering around his shaft.

With a pornographic moan, you bent your head down and thought up some of the worst/best lines you had to offer. “Mmm Chris don’t stop please!” You begged out in euphoria. “Prove to me just how much you love me baby! Give me everything!” You pleaded again and felt the hot sting of a slap ghosting over your ass cheek, your cries growing louder at the sensation of another smack landing on your ass.

“That’s it baby, take my fucking cock and all my cum like the fucking star you are, go on.” Chris yelled a hiss out whislt stepping up the pace of his thrusts, his hips meeting the flesh of your ass at a steadily increasing pace and then he did it. He hit it.

He was hitting your g-spot like a madman. And you couldn’t contain yourself much longer.

Lifting your head up, you yelled out in what sounded like pure euphoria and clung to the bedsheet schruched in your hands like they were the strings to life and if you let go, you’d lose yourself completely. Just by the dip of your back and change in positioning, Chris couldn’t help but also throw his head back in bliss as the climatic feeling of his orgasm neared him like freight train at full speed.

“Fuck I’m so clo—close babe,” Chris grunted and squeaked into the apex of your neck and began sucking a large wet bruise on your flawless skin, one of his hands finding their way down to your clit and began to rub it furiously - the euphoric feeling of it alone made you howl out and your walls flutter and clench.

But Chris didn’t stop at the feeling of your walls becoming vices around his length, instead he ploughed into even harder than before with one thing on his mind - turning you into a quivering, cumming mess.

“Chris—I’m gonna—“Chris heard you heaved in desperation underneath him, remnants of euphoric tears on the sheets below but Chris couldn’t care. No, he knew you were just a whiskers inch away from giving him your third - and perhaps best orgasm of the night and like hell he wouldn’t be selfish and milk it for all it’s worth.

Between the frantic rubbing and rolling of your clit between Chris’ cool fingers, the harsh wet bruises and kisses he was leaving along your bare shoulders and the pure feeling of your skin against his - you were lost. And just like that - you snapped and came.

A loud, elicit moan far too similar to that of a pornstar Chris would grind off to as a horny teen escaped your red, flushed lips and had his breath caught in his throat, ropes of cum spraying from his length into you as your walls seized him in place.

With a grunt and a moan of content release, Chris let himself drape over your smaller yet slicked form and held you to him, the feeling of his heartbeat beating through your ribs and through to yours - you really could stay in this post coital bliss forever.

“Fuck I love you Y/N.” Chris moaned tiresomely into your hair and ran a hand up the globe of your slicked bright red ass, one of his favourite sights by far. “Was I too rough?” Chris began to worry once he saw the remnants of tears on the sheets below the two of you and turned his face to have a look at you, the smile on your swollen lips told him different.

“No,” you sighed with a tired smile. “You were perfect, absolutely perfect - thank you.” Even though the context of your thanks weren’t specified, you had an awful lot to thank Chris over this week alone. But just by the imminent thought of sleep, this would just have to suffice.

“No baby,” Chris objected as he laid you two down on your sides, your bodies irremovable due to the sweat climbing to each other. “You’re the one that deserves a thank you out of either one of us.” You couldn’t help but smile at the cheesiness that oozed off your sleepy husband.

“And hey Y/N?” Chris smiled down knowingly at you, a glint of mischief still lingering in his beautiful blue eyes. You only hummed in question and refused to meet the glint in his eyes “No more no’s, okay? When you need help, tell me and I’ll be there - no questions asked.” You could only smile tearily at your husbands confession.

“No more no’s - got it.” You smiled and fell into a deep, well needed slumber, eager for the next day to follow.

• ————— •

Chris / Steve rogers tags - @patzammit @tacohead13 @youreahandsomedevil @thisismysecrethappyplace @fanfic111

Permanent tags - @multireality @its-a-pretty-interesting-wall​ @coffeebooksandfandom​ @titty-teetee

Hey y’all, just letting you know that if you think you’re seeing double here - you’re not, don’t worry. Tumblr bitched about my post so here’s my FUCK YOU to the stupidity of Tumblr ((: ENJOY!!

[underwearless1]

A Senior at Work

My company adopted a boys' home as part of our Corporate Social Responsibility efforts and I was tasked to bring a group of teenage boys (14-17 years old) for an expedition in a neighbouring countries.

There were around 20 colleagues on the project.

We were in the city for 3 nights before we embark on a 3 days 2 nights expedition.

I shared room with Hin who is around 5-6 years my senior, married but no kids.

Hin's lanky, trimmed frame and friendly demeanour makes him a charming character that is naturally attractive (at least to me).

But as a colleague, i would not even attempt to harbour any thoughts or fanstasy with him.

The second night in the city was my turn for some leisure.

I was in the same team with Hin. So a group of 4 friends went out for a quick drink at the pub nearby after lights out for the boys.

We were chit chatting till late and after a few bottles of beer, I was getting a little tipsy.

By the time we returned back to our room, I was high.

I remembered that I was very daring. I started to strip my clothes off my body piece by piece and pretending that Hin was not there.

Hin walked forward to help me stablise myself and asked me to go and shower.

I have stripped to my underwear when he caught hold of me.

I caught the opportunity and pretended to be really high and slumbered into his arm.

Like a big brother, Hin helped me into the tollet stall turn on the tap and asked me to shower.

He left me in the stall and exited the toilet.

I was feeling so drowsy that fell asleep in the toilet while the warm water was running.

I can't remember how long had past when I sense a pair of hands lathering foams on my body.

I was fully naked sitting in the stall and still feeling tipsy.

My senses tell me to just stay put, not do anything and enjoy the moment.

As the hands continue run through my naked body, I can sense mini-me rising.

I almost can sense Hin smiling to himself as he watched my body responding to his touch.

Slowly, I sensed him working towards my nether region, peeling off my foreskin soap my already sensitive dick head.

This was then when I let out a moan and our eyes met.

It was a moment of silence.

"you were unconscious just now". he said.

"I'm sorry, I din mean to trouble you..." i replied with an intense level of awkwardness. Trying to sit up but slipped as the lather was too slippery.

Hin caught hold of me and chucked... "I don't think you are capable of cleaning yourself up, let me help you."

His tone of voice was almost commanding that I relented.

His hands continue to soap up my fully erected prick,

He poured more shower gels onto his palms and started to lather up my scrotum, perineum and anal.

My legs just spreaded on instinct and I closed my eyes, tilted my head backwards to let out a moan.

I was trying my best to control myself so that I will not cum right in front of him.

I was hoping that he will slow down.

But at the same time, it was so erotic and yet embarrassing to be "held by the balls" by a colleague whom I was secretly attracted to.

Anyway, I reckoned that he was also high and was just teasing me.

He was alternating the pressure exerted on my body and moved on to rinse me.

His boxers were almost translucent as it got wet while rinsing me.

I can see a sizable tent stretching underneath the fabric but didn;t not dare to touch him.

The finale came when he was toweling dry me.

under the warmth of his hands, the smell of his breathe and the pressure of his palm,

I can't control anymore and I just stood in front of him and shot my load in his full view and onto his short....

The rest between us is history....

I still missed that night...

I woke up feeling very uncertain the next morning.

When my mind got cleared of all traces of lust, guilt and uncertainty were the emotions that hit me.

I did not dare to move too much for fear of waking Hin as he was lying motionless in the next bed.

He slept topless and back faced me.

I remembered looking at his back, not overly muscular but manly, his shoulder was moving up and down in rhythm with his breathing.

As guilty as I felt, I also have this unexplainable impulse to want to stretch over and run my hand down his back.

I recalled having one hand on my manhood, caressing myself and lost in my thoughts.

Just as my mind started to wonder off, Hin stirred in his bed and turned over.

In a sweep of a moment, too fast for me to react, our eyes met again.

I pretended to look away and tried to look as if I just woke up too.

Just like the brightest beam of sun ray shooting across the horizon, he greeted me with the brightest smile.

"Hey dude," he asked. "Did you rest well last night? You were sleeping like a dead log."

I responded with obvious embarassment....

"Mmmmm..... did I snore? I'm sorry if I have disturbed you?"

"Oh... not at all... don't worry." He smiled again. "You won't snoring, just breathing very deeply."

I though that was nice of him to say that.

Garnering whatever courage i could find, i decided to talk about the night before.

"Look, about last night...."

"Oh, don't worry about last night. You were just too tired and couldn't think straight. Ahh ahaha...”

His reply was so candid that I did not know how to respond.

I grabbed a pillow and threw right at him and exclaimed with laughter "KNN!" hoping to break the awkwardness in me.

Amidst all the laughters and throwing of pillows at each other,

I got so excited that I jumped out of my bed and leap onto his, wanting to wrestle with him.

I have totally fogotten about the woody that I was spotting and of course, my nakedness.

It was only when I am on his bed that I realised that I might have done something inappropriate again.

I quickly jumped off him, apologies and walked towards the toilet.

Hin was taken aback too.

Before I entered the toilet, Hin opened his mouth....

"Are you gay?" I didn't sense any hint of condemnation, he sounded almost affirming.

I turned back, standing before Hin, naked, with a semi.

Knowing that I probably have no way to hide and no where to run.

"I guess you know that answer...." I answered, trying my best to look normal and moving my hands to cover my nakedness.

"Hey dude, don't worry, no issue, come sit here, let's talk."

He pointed to my bed and in a swift motion, threw a pillow for me to cover my modesty.

Like a little boy under command, I followed his instructions while wondering what is there to talk about.

"Look, I am sorry about what happened, I didn't mean to, I didn't want to destroy our friendship...."

"It's ok, I know." He interrupted my rattling. He smiled.

"huh? you know what?" I asked as I hoped that I had not opened my big mouth.

"Maybe I know that you are gay all along?" He chuckled.

That was the most unnerving statement that I have heard in the longest time.

"I...."

"I have gay friends you know? and I am perfectly cool with that." He interrupted me again.

Just then, someone knocked on the door....

It was the boys...

Hin turned to the door and said....

"Ok, we are coming... see you at the breakfast place."

"ok.... that's all for now.... we catch up tonight?"

With that he hurried me to wash myself up and gave me a smack on my butt as I moved....

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Nobody’s Perfect: Part 4

Pairings: David Harbour x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, unplanned pregnancy, more angst.

Word Count: 4,674

A/N: This story was an idea that came to me from an interview David did. The quote was “…I’m better at the fantasy of relationships than I am at the daily real life, but I’m trying to steer myself into a realist…” And this is the story I came up with. I obviously don’t know David therefore I’m using my first amendment right, here…. & since David reads fan fics… if you ever see this, love… well, I’m sorry….

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@DavidKHarbour- She said yes! My baby mama said yes! I want to shout it from the roof tops but I got scolded by my fiancée for yelling it off her back porch so Twitter it is! SHE SAID YES! #Harbourfamily #fianceeandme #andbabymakesthree

@(Y/T/H)- Don’t let @DavidKHarbour lie to you, people. He shouted it from my porch for ten minutes until my neighbor threw a tennis ball at him. I am not the bad guy here… (but I am the baby mama that said yes!) #Harbourfamily #fianceeandme #andbabymakesthree

—September 24th—

@(Y/T/H)- Welcome to the world Jackson David Harbour. Not even a full day old and I already love him more than life itself. #Harbourfamily #BabyBoyHarbour -@DavidKHarbour retweeted.

@DavidKHarbour- Yep, my fiancée convinced me to name our son Jax… I will warn every man out there- when your girl is pregnant and crying with an empty pint of ice-cream in one hand and a baby name book in the other, don’t agree to ‘any name you want, sweetheart’ because she WILL hold you too it. #Harbourfamily

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do you really have to go back to work?” David nodded slowly with a sigh as he ran his fingers up and down his two week old son’s back while he slept on his chest.

“Trust me, I don’t wanna go. But I’m only three hours away so I’ll be up here every chance I get.” You nodded with tears in your eyes and you looked at the two men who held your heart as he looked over at you. “And it’s just for a few months. Then we can all go back to New York together as a family.” You nodded as you leaned into his side and put your head on his shoulder. He sighed and draped his arm around your shoulder and gently ran his fingertips across your ink covered skin.

“We could go with you.”

“I don’t want you and Jax in a city like Atlanta, in an apartment for hours on end without me when he’s this young. You’re much better off here with your mom for the first couple months.” You nodded again and sighed as you reached up to run your fingertips through Jax’s dirty blond hair.

“He’s so beautiful.” He nodded in agreement as he kissed his son’s head.

“I don’t want to leave him… either of you.” You nodded in understanding as you curled into his side even more. “I love you, baby. Remember that. This isn’t gunna be easy on either of us.”

“I know.” You said as a few tears fell on his shirt. “I love you, too.” He turned his head and left a long kiss on your forehead.

“Alright, take him or I won’t leave.” You sat up and wiped your tears off your cheeks before carefully taking your son from your fiancé. You both stood up from the couch and he grabbed his duffle bag off the floor. He gently gripped the back of your head and gave you a sweet, gentle kiss before pulling back and searching your tear filled eyes. “I love you. I’ll call you when I get to my hotel.” You nodded as you followed him to the front door of your mom’s house.

“Drive safe, my love. Be safe.” He nodded and walked as slowly as he could, backwards to the door.

“I miss you both already.” You bit your lip and sniffed as your son began to fuss on your chest. You held him to you and stopped in the doorway with a slight shiver from the cold.

“We miss you, too.” He took two steps forward and kissed you once more.

“I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you, David.” With one final kiss on the back of his son’s head, he forced himself to turn and walk to his car as Jax began crying from the cold. David’s heart broke with the sound but you both knew he had to go to work. With tears in your eyes, you stepped inside and closed the door; unable to watch your fiancé drive away. “Shhh…. It’s OK, baby boy. Daddy’ll be home before you know it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You really had to dress him like a biker?” You smiled and nodded as you snapped Jax into the Sons of Anarchy onesie you bought from Amazon.

“It’s adorable and you know it.” David smiled as he wrapped his arms around your waist as you pulled on a pair of jeans, a mock leather jacket and baby converse.

“He makes a pretty badass biker.”

“Wait, you haven’t see this yet.” You picked Jax up off the changing table and carried him over to the dresser where the Amazon box was. You passed off your son to your fiancé and snagged the Harley beanie. You pulled it on his small head with a smile.

“He’s perfect.” You nodded in agreement as you kissed the top of your son’s head.

“We did good.” He nodded and kissed your forehead before following you out of the nursery in your mom’s house.

“Well look at you.” Your mom called out from the front door where she was hanging up her last Halloween decoration on the door in her witches costume. “You guy look so good!” You glanced back at your biker and David in his ‘borrowed’ Jim Hopper costume and looked down at your blue jeans and your ‘Daddy’s Lil’ Monster’ shirt and nodded.

“I try.” She came inside and grabbed at her grandson.

“Oh, I could just eat you up, my little monkey.” She smirked at your fiancé and tipped her black witches hat. “Sheriff.”

“Mother, stop it.”

“On that note, I’m gunna go start the fire.” You smirked at David as he grabbed his jacket and headed out into the brisk autumn afternoon air.

“God, you need to stop.” You laughed as you headed into the kitchen to grab the plastic witches cauldron and fill it with candy. She shrugged as she rocked Jackson back and forth.

“What? He’s so not my type but no woman can say no to a man in uniform. Like this cutie in his biker uniform.” She cooed softly as she brushed her knuckle across his cheek. She smiled down at him and you could almost hear her heart melting.

“You got him, mama?” She nodded softly and sat down on the couch. With a smile, you headed out with the bowl of candy and your leather jacket to sit by the fire. “Hey.”

“Your mom’s still hilarious.” David said with a small laugh as he crouched by the growing fire; adding a log to the side to get it built up. You nodded as you set the candy bowl down next to the massive punch bowl on the table you had dragged out from the back porch.

“I warned you. She thinks she’s funny.” You walked over and gently rubbed his back with a smile. “Sorry if she made you uncomfortable.”

“Oh, not at all!” He laughed as he stood up to grab another log. “It’s Halloween, I’m a sexy man in a cop outfit.”

“MY sexy man. No one else.” He smiled and looked up at you with nod.

“Only yours. And I’m one lucky son of a bitch.”

——

“Hey sweetheart. How are you?” You smiled warmly at your fiancé’s tired face on the video call as you smoked a cigarette on the back porch.

“Sleepy. Your son didn’t want to sleep last night at all but thankfully he slept well today and went to bed a little early tonight.” David pouted around his own cigarette.

“Damn. I wanted to see him tonight since I missed him last night.” You nodded and glanced over at your mom, who was sitting next to you, and she nodded her head.

“Where were you?” You asked carefully as you glanced back at your phone screen. Your fiancé inhaled his drag sharply and shook his head.

“Sorry, baby. I was filming late and didn’t get a chance to call.” You nodded again and took a drag of your cigarette to steady your nerves. This wasn’t the first time David hadn’t gotten a chance to call or fallen asleep before he could call in the past few weeks since Christmas. It happened almost every other night now.

“David, are you seeing someone?” He choked on his cigarette and rapidly shook his head.

“No, baby never!” He coughed as he went into his kitchen to grab a glass of water. “How could you ever think that?” You glanced back at your mom again, who nodded again and gestured for you to voice your fears.

“Because you’ve stopped calling your family. You haven’t come and seen your son in weeks…”

“Baby we’ve just been super busy. I swear to you, I’m not seeing anyone else and I’m actually getting Thursday through Sunday off of filming so I will be there in just a couple days for Valentines day. Just you, me and Jackson.” You nodded at him as you took a long drag of your cigarette.

“Promise?” He nodded as his blue eyes searched his phone screen.

“I swear, baby. I swear.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m gunna go up to my mom’s house for a few days since it’s my week off with Jax.” Your head whipped over to David as you changed your six month old’s diaper.

“You’re kidding, right?” You snapped as you tossed out the dirty diaper and grabbed a clean one. “Are you even going to ask me if I can take off work to go?”

“I don’t even know why you’re working. It’s not like I don’t give you money.” You scoffed and grabbed the jeans you had your son in that day to put them back on.

“David, I have to pay bills, too. I can’t just live at my mom’s house for free.”

“Well can you take off work to come?” Your brow furrowed as you picked up your squirmy little boy off the changing table.

“No, David I can’t just take off work. So this little vacation isn’t happening.”

“My mom has the right to see him, too, (Y/N). And I wanna spend time with my son.” Tears filled your eyes and you shook your head.

“You know what, David. Just go.” You kissed the side of Jax’s head and passed him to your fiancé. “If that’s what it takes for you to step up and be a parent, go. I can’t with you any more. I really can’t.”

——

“Hey (Y/N). How are you?” You smiled at your future mother-in-law weakly as you tossed out your third beer of the night.

“I’ve honestly been better. How’s my son?” She smiled and nodded at you.

“He’s beautiful, sweetheart. Wanna see him? David just put him down a few minutes ago.” Your smile lit up your face and you nodded frantically.

“Yes, please. Even though he’s only been gone a day, I am missing him like crazy.” She gave you a warm smile as she got up off the couch in her living room and headed back to the guest bedroom.

You missed her glance at her son, who was coming out of the bedroom as you grabbed yourself another beer from the fridge. You looked back just as she was turning the phone around to the crib. Tears welled in your eyes as you looked at your precious baby boy, fast asleep, just like his father slept. You huffed a laugh at your son, who looked like he was announcing a football touchdown with his arms as you headed back out to your back porch.

“Look at my sweet boy.” You cooed with the slightest slur as you sat down in your chair. Karen nodded as she flipped the camera back to her and sat down on the bed, confused.

“He’s an angel… but honey, how come you called me and not David?” You sighed and shook your head as you threw the cap off your beer towards the trash can and lit a cigarette.

“He doesn’t answer my calls anymore.” She glanced up at David as you took a pull of your beer. “Apparently, I’m not really worth his time.”

“Oh honey, no.” Karen sighed as she sat back against the headboard. You nodded your head as the alcohol in your system took over the vocal part of your brain.

“Did you know, I took off my ring a month ago and he still hasn’t noticed? Yea, it’s been sitting on his bed side table all this time and he doesn’t even care. Not that he comes here anymore to see it.” Tears welled in your eyes as you ran your fingers through your hair and you huffed a laugh. “Do you know I spend more time talking to you on the phone than seeing the father of my child who lives three hours away. Valentines day was the last time I say him and that was a month and a half ago. Oh, and I talked to my lawyer friend again today.” You nodded to yourself as David fell into the door frame with tears in his eyes.

“I found out, that I never should have let him take my son. Since David pays his insurance and his medical bills and technically pays child support and shit and he has a copy of his birth certificate with him, he could go straight to Atlanta from your house and I can't stop him. If I were to go get Jax, I could get arrested for kidnapping. Yea…” You took another swig of your beer and Karen stayed quiet, knowing that you needed to let your emotions out and that her son needed to hear what you had to say. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you took a drag of your smoke.

“Funny thing is… I’ve had these custody papers for a two weeks. All I have to do is sign them and I can stop putting myself through this heart break every single fucking day… but I can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t…” You looked away from the screen and took another swig of your beer, desperate to drown out your pain in the bitter taste.

“I don’t want to take his son away. I don’t want to be that woman. But I don’t want this… need for distance from his family or whatever David’s doing to hurt Jax in the long run. It's ok if he doesn't love me any more. I get it. But his own son… What am I supposed to do, Karen?” She shook her head.

“I don’t know, sweetheart.” You quickly downed the rest of your beer as she looked up at David’s tear stained face. He was sitting on the floor of the guest bedroom staring at his sleeping son and he and Karen both jumped when you threw your beer bottle at the trash can. It missed by at least six inches and shattered on the floor of your porch.

“Shit.” You slurred as you looked at the burned out cigarette in your hand. “You know, I love him so much… but honestly, I wish I had never met your son.” You looked back at the phone screen and frowned. “I should probably go. Yea, I’m… I’m gunna go. Just… make him bring my baby home.” Karen nodded as tears filled her eyes. Before she could even respond, you hit the end button, dropped your phone on the table and burst into hysterics. In New York, Karen looked up at her son.

“What are you doing to her, David?” He shook his head as he forced himself up off the floor.

“I have to go home.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your brain pounded in your skull as Jax’s small whines carried through the baby monitor on your dresser. It only took the little boy a moment to self sooth before falling back asleep. You laid on your bed for a moment before the need to urinate and to pump your painfully full breasts forced you to wake up a little more. You peeled your eyes open and groaned at the bright sunlight pouring through your bedroom window. You felt the bed shift beside you, followed by soft footsteps and the sound of your curtains closing. You groaned in response and curled into your pillow for just a moment longer. You mentally scolded yourself for drinking in access since you typically didn’t drink at all as the bed dipped in front of you again.

“(Y/N).” You forced yourself to open your eyes to look at David’s tears stained face and he shook his head at you. Very carefully, he reached up and moved your sleep tangled hair out of your face. “I would… never… take your son from you.” You searched his face for a moment and burst into tears and he instantly moved to pull you into his arms. “I’m sorry. Baby, I’m so sorry.” You sobbed into his chest as he held you painfully close, apologizing over and over again. You fingers gripped the cotton material of his shirt firmly as he did everything in his power to use his body to hold you together until you cried it out.

“Don’t leave.” He whispered, his lips brushing across your forehead when you had finally cried it out. You sighed and pulled yourself back to look at him in the darkened room.

“I can’t do this anymore.” He nodded and cupped your jaw in his hand.

“I know. And all of this pain you’re dealing with is my fault. And I know, nothing I can say will change the last few months. But please, baby I’m begging you to just give me one more chance. I love you so fucking much and I have no idea why I’m doing this to you but I can’t lose you. I can’t…” He closed his eyes and shook his head as tears fell onto his pillow. “Just give me a chance to be the man you deserve and the father our son deserves.” He opened his blood shot eyes and visually pleaded with you as his hand gripped your hip. “Don’t sign those custody papers. You don’t have to wear my ring yet, I understand. But don’t sign those papers.”

“You heard.” He nodded as he reached up and brushed your tears away.

“Every single thing.” You nodded as you pulled back, grabbed the baby monitor and your blinking cell phone and got out of bed to go to the bathroom. Your fiancé didn’t say a word, knowing that in that moment, you understandably just needed time. You grabbed your breast pump from the kitchen, some aspirin and a bottle of water and headed out to the porch to check your voicemails from the job you were supposed to be at. David came out with Jax a just as you were finishing your cigarette.

“Lost my job.” You said as you took Jax. You smiled weakly at your baby boy as you stood your smiling son up on your thighs.

“I’m sorry.” You shook your head and glanced over at him.

“No you’re not.” He met your eyes through the smoke of his cigarette and you gave him a tight lipped, partial smile. “I know it’s not like you’re happy I lost my job. But right now, you don’t care.”

“I do.”

“Please… don’t insult me, David. Just don’t.” He nodded as you looked back at your son. “You have been absent from our lives for months. I don’t know why and frankly, I don’t even want an excuse from you. I just want the man I fell in love with to care. I want the father of my child to care.” You looked over at him with tears in your bloodshot eyes. “I love you, more than I should right now. But you’re killing my soul.” He nodded at you and scrubbed the heel of his hand across his eyes to wipe away his tears.

“I don’t want that. This isn’t me, baby.” You nodded as you looked back at Jax and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t help but smile at him. You pulled him into your chest and hugged him tight. “If it’s OK with you, can I stay here for the rest of my break? I know it won’t make it right but I want to start making up for lost time.” You nodded your head slowly as you kissed the side of Jax’s head. “I… umm… I’m gunna hold on to this.” You looked over at him as he looked your engagement ring in his calloused palm. He flipped the white gold band over with his thumb and looked up at you. “God, baby, I wish I could take it all back.”

“Just fix it.” He nodded as he closed his hand around your ring.

“I will. I promise you.”

——

“Why is he in my house?” You glanced up at your mom through your lashes as you nursed your son in your room.

“Technically, he’s outside on the porch right now because he’s still my fiancé and he’s the father of my son.” You could see the protective side of your mother coming out as she leaned against your door frame and crossed her arms over her chest. With a sigh, you grabbed your remote and turned down the volume of your TV. “Mom, I can’t do this right now.”

“Baby, you have to.” She crossed the room and sat down on the bed at your feet. “He’s hurt you.”

“Yea, he has. But you of all people know how much I love him, mom.” You shook your head and glanced down at your son. “I can’t throw away the last year and a half because of two months of poor judgement so I’m giving him the chance to figure his shit out. I’m giving him the chance to prove himself; to prove that this is where he really wants to be.

He wants to stay a couple days while he’s on a break from filming to start building the foundation again. So I said yes. But I’m not stupid. He may sleep in my bed tonight but I am not forgiving him yet. Mama, he finally realized the severity of what he was doing to his family. He deserves a chance to make it right before it’s too late, right?” You shook your head and looked back down at your son. “I want my family to work out and he’s finally ready to work on it. Is it so bad to want that?” You looked up at you mother and she shook her head.

“No, baby. Not at all.” She reached out and cupped your jaw in her hand. “Sometimes I wonder if I raised you to be too nice.” You huffed a laugh and smiled.

“No, mama. You raised me to love whole heartedly.” She nodded and pat your cheek gently. “Oh, by the way, I lost my job.” She sighed and nodded her head.

“Figured that’s why you were home before me. You were pretty drunk when I dragged your ass off the porch last night.”

“Extenuating circumstances.” She nodded as she got up and kissed your forehead.

“We’ll figure it out, sweetheart. We’re doing just fine without you working anyways.” You gave her a smile as she bent down and kissed the side of Jax’s temple. “He hurts you again, and I’ll kill him.” You smiled and nodded as she headed out of your room to go to bed; glaring at your fiancé as she passed him.

“She hates me.” You looked up at David as you finished nursing Jax and nodded.

“You hurt her baby girl.” He sighed as he came over and sat down on the bed beside you, pushing a few toys out of his way. You looked over at him as you sat Jax down on the bed between you. “Give it time, David. With both of us.” He nodded as he cautiously put his arm around your shoulder. You leaned into his side as Jax waved a plastic, hole filled ball at you. You smiled at him as he handed you the ball and grabbed his stuffed tiger. He babbled incoherently as he hit the tiger on the bed.

“He’s so perfect.” You smiled and nodded against his shoulder.

“He really is.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey sweetheart. Sorry I’m calling so late but I only have a minute before I have to go back on set anyways. It’s been a long day but I just had to call you.” You nodded sleepily at your phone as you curled into yourself under your blankets.

“’s’OK. Better than nothing.” He gave you a weak smile behind his cigarette before pulling it from between his lips.

“So I got the call today. I’m Hellboy.” You smiled broadly and proudly as you blinked yourself a little more awake.

“Good job, baby! I’m happy for you.” He nodded slowly and took a nervous drag of his cigarette. Your brow furrowed as you instinctively reached out to rub your thumbs across the creases of his forehead. “What’s wrong?”

“Well… it films in Europe… for six months.” You let out a small whistle and sat up on your bed. David was just getting on the right page of calling every day and visiting every chance he got and you had agreed just the day before to go back to New York with him when ‘Stranger Things’ finished shooting. Now he would be leaving you again. “I want you to come with me.”

“David…” He shook his head as he looked up at someone from production calling his name and told them to wait a minute. He got out of his chair and walked away from set with a shake of his head to you.

“We both know I gotta take this movie right now but I’d have to miss my son’s first birthday and our anniversary. We’d be in two completely different time zones… I won’t do that after everything I’ve put you through.” He sighed and looked down at the ground before looking up at his phone again. “Come with me, please. I already made it a demand in my contract that my family comes with me.” You huffed a laugh and ran your fingers through your bed head. You gave him a small smile and shook your head.

“You purposely made this call, at this time of night, to get me at a weak point where I couldn’t do anything but say ‘yes’, didn’t you?” His entire face relaxed into a smile as you leaned back against the headboard of your bed.

“So are you saying yes?” You shrugged and tried to force a look of indifference on your face.

“I’ve never been to Europe before. I’ve actually never been out of the country so I’d need to get a passport… and that’s just such a hassle… I don’t know about this…”

“I’ll have them figure out a passport for you and Jax, don’t worry.” He laughed. His blue eyes searched your face, hopefully. “So…?” You smiled and nodded.

“Yea, I guess we can all go to Europe.” His smile threatened to break his dimples as he ran his fingers over his phone screen.

“Thank you, baby girl. I love you.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart. Now go save the world or whatever it is you’re doing. Text me when you make it home.” He nodded as he took one last drag of his cigarette.

“I will sweetheart. Sweet dreams. Sorry I woke you.” You shook your head as you got out of bed to have a quick smoke before you went back to sleep.

“You know I absolutely don’t mind. Good night, baby.” You blew him a kiss, which he playfully caught and stuck in his pocket before hanging up the video call. With a small sigh and a shake of your head, you lit up a cigarette with a smile because your family was finally coming together again.