#((Whoops...I wrote a book again))

[gaybearwedding]

hi hi hello i have been gone forever due to various reasons such as “work” and “mental illness” and “having developed a kpop hyperfixation that has been occupying most of my attention recently” but i need everyone to know that i saw off book live twice last week (in philly with a friend and then in nyc with my girlfriend) and it was truly so everything. i didn’t get many pictures but i did get a few and none of them are very good but one of them is of jess’ amazing stool balancing act and that’s all i need really

[ssunspotted]

Ooc: how did Tolya's upbringing shape how they view mental illness (their own and others')? How do they feel about the broader societal stigma towards mental illness & conversely the pockets of radical acceptance in their new world?

How did Tolya's upbringing shape how they view mental illness (their own and others')?

(BADLY. Tolya had incredibly high expectations placed on them from childhood while also struggling developmentally due to their neurological disorder. This was never recognized for what it was, and from a very young age they accrued baggage about not being able to keep up with others, or coming across as lazy or stupid.

The solution pushed for their falling behind was invariably Taking Personal Responsibility™ and just trying harder to push through because failure was not an option, and that idea being beaten in so consistently throughout their younger years left a permanent mark on them. There was a long while where they subscribed completely to the 'pull yourself up by the bootstraps' mentality, and their damaged self image from not being able to do so was weaponized against them very successfully, in a way that really reinforced a sense of desperate inadequacy and led to them more readily deferring to others.

In the early years of their freedom post-incarceration, Tolya had IMMENSE internalized ableism, and their self loathing, frustration, and the more troubling aspects of their delusions caught plenty of people in the crossfire. Openly anxious, paranoid, guilty, or especially meek people were easiest to project onto (negative), and their self flagellation would turn external and hostile quickly in the wrong situation. There has been a LONG journey taken to unlearn some of this bullshit and alter their behavior, even if it's still dangerously cathartic to other themself from their memories of who they were and look down on their past self's entire mental health situation.

How do they feel about the broader societal stigma towards mental illness & conversely the pockets of radical acceptance in their new world?

Eternal frustration that social attitudes make it difficult for people to seek help or even acknowledge mental health struggles. What a shame that THIS is what people feel so afraid to talk about and share of all things. They're also acutely aware that openly expressed mental illness, down to just seeming off or awkward or lost/annoying/inconvenient will be used against a person the moment they become any kind of a target, and they take note of egregious examples that victimize the ill (or homeless) specifically. There's A Lot more judgement about that happening behind the screen than they'll let on. On that note, they compulsively seek to be solace for those they see their own mental health struggles in. Even to a degree that doesn't serve them. As for the last part of the question; Y'all have no idea how easy it could still be to reduce this fucker to sobbing over unexpected shows of grace or forgiveness, especially if they've just had a fit of some kind or shown their hand regarding their mental health. This is stuff that online interactions can't get across but you have no idea.

It's easier than it used to be, but I expect it'll never be easy to process. NOW ON THE OTHER HAND, some things that you could call objectively maladjusted are falling under that Radical Acceptance umbrella and well. I'll say it's not helping their attempt at being Normal* and connecting to people. This is a Freak who Is having a lot of freak behaviors wholly enabled. Yay!)

[rika-mmendmethings]

Interdimensional Epiphany l Rafayel

CHAPTER 1

Chapter 2

Summary: A fortnight of compensated leave from your company was supposed to be a rejuvenating experience. Things take an unexpected turn when Rafayel, your choice of ML, starts becoming self-aware. His love knows no bounds, not even interdimensional ones.

Warning(s): Subject to change as we progress further into the story. For the prologue, currently none. Though story has major character deaths, subdued manipulation, heavy angst with a happy(?) ending, slight yandere themes, fluff, did I mention angst?

Word count: 1.9k

Playlist coming soon.

Notes: This series is something I wrote after being inspired by Error 404 by @ittybittyfanblog. It circles around the idea of a self-aware Rafayel and the worlds he'd cross to be with the reader. This series is my spin on what could've happened with the deleted Reddit user and their self-aware Rafayel from chapter four of Error 404. However, keep in mind the plotline is entirely different. Lmk if y'all want me to add you in the tag list for this.

The multiple keys in your keychain jingled as you hurried to unlock the door to your apartment. Once inside, with the door securely shut behind you, you let out a triumphant whoop and began dancing in celebration. A wide grin spread across your face as you kicked off your heels, nearly tripping over your own feet as you made your way to your couch. When your back hit the soft plush you exhaled a euphoric sigh, feeling an overwhelming rush of dopamine fill your senses.

The reason for your happiness? A whole sum of two weeks granted as compensatory leave to your department. You and your colleagues had been working your butts off the entire march. With the financial year coming to an end, your procrastination was also forced to come to an end as you stayed up for hours preparing yearly, monthly, quarterly, and god knows how many more reports. But alas, your efforts paid off and the higher-ups were impressed by your teamwork and immaculate results and awarded your entire department a two-week reprieve.

You couldn’t even bring yourself to worry about the work that would inevitably pile up upon your return. All you knew was that in the present moment, you were practically given a corporate boon and god forbid if you don’t live it up to the fullest. You squealed again, kicking your legs like an ecstatic newborn. You stood up, stretching your arms above your head before skipping to the kitchen.

As you poured yourself a glass of juice and grabbed some leftover takeout, your mind wandered to how your life might begin to mend itself again. Not that it had ever been truly broken, but the past month had been hard enough to make you feel as though you were constantly on the edge. You loosened your tie and sank back onto the couch, blissfully relaxed, your legs casually draped over the table in front of you.

March, you concluded, had been the most unlucky month of your life. The first week had started with a quarrel with your parents when they demanded you book an immediate flight and come to your hometown immediately. You understood their feelings — they hadn’t seen their only daughter in five years — but you couldn’t just abandon everything and disappear. You had responsibilities, and no matter how much you missed your mom’s homemade pickles or your dad’s clueless grocery runs, you couldn’t drop everything for a visit. That’s what you told them, but it only led to their anger.

The second week of March brought more frustration when you were handed the work of an employee who had left the company abruptly. Internally cursing him and taking an oath to meet him in hell, you ended up shouldering his share of projects as well.

In the third week, an issue with your Sodexo meal card arose, and while you reported it to your manager, you knew it wasn’t going to be a priority for him, considering the mountain of tasks he already had to juggle at year-end.

But the final week of March truly tested your patience. In addition to the looming deadlines, your boyfriend of two years, Tyler, was giving you a migraine. He knew how packed your schedule was and had seen how much the month had already drained you, yet he still managed to pick fights over matters you thought had been long settled.

Love and Deepspace.

When you and Tyler had first committed to each other, you had sat him down and clearly explained how your love for otome games wouldn’t interfere with your relationship. What you sought in fiction was vastly different from what you needed in real life. As a self-identified "men-are-disgusting" type, you had always trusted your parents to help you understand the difference between right and wrong, and to guide you toward the right kind of person. When Tyler came into your life, he seemed to check all the boxes: good-looking, smart, organized, and a great companion. So you took a chance on love.

But over the past few months, things had taken a turn for the worse. You began to notice how inconsiderate Tyler could be toward your feelings, and how little effort he seemed to put into the relationship. On top of that, he began to criticize you for being a “merch-collecting freak” and for not knowing how to invest your money. The irony wasn’t lost on you, especially since the only "merch" you collected were plushies and a few rare 4-star banner posters — things you bought with your hard-earned money, and that you had every right to spend as you pleased. You dismissed his behavior for a while, but it all came to a head one day when you came home to find him tearing up your posters in a fit of spite.

You confronted him, demanding to know why he had destroyed your things, and his response —“You don’t need otome games when you have me”— was the breaking point. In that moment, you realized that you couldn’t even keep your own interests around him without facing ridicule. That day, you made a wise decision. You slapped him across the face and, with the help of some neighbors, you kicked him out of your apartment, officially ending the relationship once and for all.

You didn’t regret your decision one bit. Aside from the moments with him that were genuinely worth feeling sad about, you surprisingly didn’t miss him much either. It seemed that, subconsciously, you had been prepared to leave him the moment his behavior began to shift. Setting your empty utensils aside, you sprawled out on your stomach, unlocked your phone, and opened the app that had, in many ways, saved you from what could have developed into a toxic relationship.

“Some long for longevity… before fading to dust. Some long for eternal sleep…” you belted out the theme song, singing at the top of your lungs as you pressed enter. You recited aloud the random information on the white loading display: “Lemuria is an ancient, marine civilization recorded in legends. Its unique, advanced technologies are difficult to use.” You paused mid-sentence, tilting your head slightly as a thought struck you. “Does that mean Lemuria’s technologies would be far more advanced than ours if it actually existed? I’ll have to ask Reddit later.”

The game opens with a silver-haired man rubbing his chin in thought, donning a brown sweater and black slacks. It seems Sylus has decided to greet you today. He’s recently become your main choice after Rafayel in the game, but the others hold a special place in your heart as well, so you always ensure to include them when selecting who you want to meet at Destiny Café. You quickly navigate to the agenda to claim your night-login stamina before it expires. However, when you return, you’re met with a ‘failed to connect. Retry or return to login’ pop-up. You press ‘retry,’ glancing over your shoulder to check if your router’s LED lights are blinking as they should.

This time, when the game reboots and you log back in, you’re greeted by the purple-haired man who somehow manages to climb his way onto the first place among your lead choices even after new releases. You are one of those players who had been in the fandom just some time after the game released officially and Rafayel has been your choice of ML ever since, though you do get bias-wrecked by Sylus every so often. You smile, not at all bothered by the shift in characters, and admire his ‘asymmetrical romance’ outfit, paired with a big, vibrant red bow. Rafayel suddenly closes the distance between you and the screen, leaning down so that his eyes meet yours although it feels far from mere programming.

His mystical eyes are wide, holding a strange clarity, as though he’s uncovered something. His soft features are lit up with eyebrows arched and full lips drawn in a small part. He tilts his head, seeming momentarily stunned. You wait patiently, suspecting the devs may have added a new update for how characters interact with you. You would have missed it had you not been paying close attention, but you distinctly hear him whisper "beautiful," clear as day.

A soft pink blooms on your cheeks, and you flinch slightly, caught off guard by the timbre of his voice and the unexpected compliment. You wonder why the word didn’t appear in the captions but brush it off as a possible glitch. Unable to resist, you flick some stray hair away from your face and respond cheekily, “I know, right?”

You could have sworn you saw the faintest quirk of his lips as he stepped back, but then again, your brain is frazzled from overwork, and you wouldn’t trust it for opinions at this moment. You still have a daily task remaining, so you select "Quality Time" and set the timer for 30 minutes to work with him. You position your phone upright, supported by a cushion, and gather the utensils to take them to the dishwasher.

After putting your overcoat, bag, and other items in their proper places, you shake your shirt off your shoulders, deciding to freshen up for the evening. Had you been more observant, you might have noticed an unusually flustered Rafayel, his eyes fixed on you as you walked past the living room and toward your bedroom in just your bralette and pencil skirt.

When you slip out of his sight, he sets down his fountain pen and leans toward the screen once more. His iridescent irises, the color of dusk, shift around your living room, watching with a kind of unrestrained curiosity. They take in the unfamiliar world with the weight of a thousand unspoken questions, their intensity hidden behind lips that are pressed in quiet contemplation. Long, pale fingers, hesitant yet deliberate, tap softly against the unyielding glass that separates him from whatever lies beyond it.

He listens, the faint sound of your footsteps growing nearer, and in an instant, he straightens up. With a swift motion, he grabs his pen, resuming his drawing as though he had never strayed from his post. Later, he tells himself. Later, when you aren’t around, he will unravel the mystery of what this all means.

You emerge from the bathroom, hair damp from your shower, and sink into the sofa, still wearing your pajamas, a packet of chips resting on the table in front of you. His gaze drifts to you every now and then, some sort of fascination blooming in the quiet chambers of his heart for how your existence goes against everything he knows. You sometimes catch his gaze and before you start to ponder about it, he unwillingly utters words that feel like metal on his tongue — words that you’d consider entirely normal — words that would show in the captions. He clicks his tongue in distaste, not liking being pressed into speaking phrases that don’t truly belong to him — just empty lines, part of some programmed response. Yet, despite this reluctance, it doesn't stop him from continuing to steal glances at you, as if something distinct about you holds his attention despite himself.

And for the first time in months, he lets his phone beside him ring, despite the familiar caller ID—his miss bodyguard’s. The world around him — around you — seems to fade into the background, and for a fleeting moment, he is wholly, silently present in this strange, ordinary space that feels anything but ordinary.

Check out my other works if you liked this ♥

[fligniuz]

Idk why but all I can think about is how lu is probably the type of bf who’d be so in love and obsessed with his girlfriend. Like he’d be the type of bf who is very supportive of what his girlfriend does. You wanna start working out? He’s going with you to your gym sessions and Pilates classes so you’re not on the journey alone, you wanna start eating healthy? He’s looking up healthier recipes to cook for you both. You speak another language? Mans is already on Duolingo as we speak learning as much as he can! I also saw a tiktok recently of a bf cooking his gf steak when she’s on her period so she can get iron and that screamed ‘lu’ to me lmao

i just wrote this whole thing out and thought it posted but it didn’t UGH whatever let’s try again

YES NONNIE!!! luigi is the definition of active boyfriend!

he loves to get involved in all your hobbies and activities. you like biking? luigi will be doing research for a whole fucking week narrowing down the best brand, seat size, and tires for the kinds of rides you like to go on. def will surprise you with a little bow tied on the seat, like in the ice cream pic :-) his sweet smile. and you know he’s got his own bike to go with you every time!

heavy on pilates classes ORRRR we know he did yoga for some time? would absolutely come to yoga with U! you get jealous because all the girls in class stare at him but you KNOW that man is all yours so you’re not too worried. if U like cooking/baking i can see him organizing a digital recipe book for U, adding new things you mention wanting to try whenever he can (and sneaking in his own suggestions, of course☺️). if you’re outdoorsy, he is too!! loves hiking with U!! is the most prepared when it comes to this shit too, since we know he likes the idea of having an efficient one-bag lifestyle. he brings extra water for the both of U, sweat rags (LOL☹️sorry), a change of clothes in case you’re somewhere kinda messy, and absolutely has scoured some perfect walkers with the best tread on them so you’ve got a reliable pair of shoes! everything U need for an adventure with him, he’s got two bags packed and ready to go, and he’s never going to miss out on an opportunity to explore nature with his fav person. he loves seeing new things with U

i can imagine that he’d like to play video games with U!! i like animal crossing and he made his own wordpress post about the og version for the gamecube so i know he likes it too! don’t know if he ever tried new horizons out but he’d like the summery feel of it and the setting of the island. would set up his own house on your island although he never gets around to upgrading it completely and it’s just filled with fish he’s caught (in that post he said his favorite part was fishing!) and waiting to sell to the nooks😭but i think he would use that one website that allows you to make your own pictures into custom designs, and he would have his favorite image of you guys together hanging on the wall!!! would lowkey be the breadwinner in your little animal crossing family. he likes the simpler, more nature-focused aspects like collecting materials, bug catching, and crafting, while U appreciate the creative parts that allow customization and design. he stocks up on bells for U and is always trying to help U complete your catalog! asks shit like “i know you’ve been looking for that one wallpaper and it’s finally in stock at the shop, you want to take some of these bells off of me?” :-) i’ve seen a few fics where U play mario kart together and he always wins which makes me mad because personally i would be whooping that ass AND laughing at him for it but whatever🙄 (the sex after a hard match would be…well i’ll let U imagine it ehehehe)

i’ve got a stomach bug rn so i’ve been thinking a lot about him being your caretaker when you’re sick or just hungover🥺stays in bed with U, keeps fluids in U, reminds U to take meds when needed, ties your hair back when U vomit, just constantly worried about his baby’s health. tries to be very careful about what he says and how he reacts so he doesn’t make you feel embarrassed or bad about being all icky. never forces U to eat if you don’t feel like it because he understands completely, but will gently encourage U to take some bites of a banana or toast, just so you have something in your stomach

“baby i know you’re dehydrated and probably thirsty, you want some water with ice? maybe some juice? i could go get some gatorade, that’ll replace all these electrolytes you’re losing!”

and when U do have a drink he reminds U “little sips, honey, little sips. too much at once will make that nausea worse”

definitely coos at U like “ohhhh my poor baby” or “i’m so sorry” or “it’s okay, mia cara, it’s okay. i’m right here with you, baby. i wish i could take all the pain away from you.”

sorry this got kinda self-indulgent😭i do NOT feel good

[marioposssa]

'My dear' - a small continuation in numbers and pictures.

As I mentioned in my first post on temeraire statistics, Laurence pet name for Temeraire is consistently 'my dear', (with one exception of 'dear heart' in ToJ). And now, that my temeraire statistics tool(TM) is at a point where I am reasonably satisfied, I wanted to take a short look back across all books to paint a more complete picture over the usage of this pet name across all books.

Since this got a bit longer again, let's start with the overall numbers.

HMD: 22

ToJ: 9 (+ 1)

BPW: 11

EoI: 12

VoE: 3

ToS: 31

CoG: 10

BoT: 5

LoD: 16

or as a picture:

A more detailed write-up (and some more pictures) is under the cut

Let's start from the bottom of the high score.

The book where Laurence least uses the sobriquet is 'Victory of Eagles' with just 3 mentions and all of them heartbreaking.

The very first declaration of 'my dear' takes place when Laurence finally reunites with Temeraire after the other has believed him dead and the second follows soon after, two chapters later.

And then Laurence despairs over his role in Napoleons invasion of Britain and he mostly ceases to use non-formal modes of address altogether. Only after having overcome most of his immediate guilt at the very end of the book, when he reads to Temeraire out of the Principia Mathematica on their transport to australia, does he use the pet name again.

The usage curve over all books makes it look like this (some very sad peaks):

The second least mentions are in 'Blood of Tyrants' with 5 mentions overall. All of them appear only after Laurence gets his memories back at the end of chapter 14.

Unfortunately the book denies us a scene with Laurence and Temeraire reuniting after this event (where I would expect at least one my dear to have been uttered), but we see Laurence using the pet name again starting when Temeraire takes his leave from Mei and they travel on to russia.

On the other end of the scale we have 'His Majestys' Dragon' with 22 my dears and 'Tongues of Serpents' with a whooping 31! scenes where Laurence calls Temeraire by his pet name.

I already wrote in more detail on pet names in HMD, so I was initially very surprised by this result, as I had expected HMD to win overall. Why? Well, His Majestys Dragon is the book which introduces and defines Laurence and Temeraires' relationship, and while their bond is being tested in the other books as well, I would argue that most challenges are already played out in smaller but similar scenarios in HMD: Dayes' attempt at the captaincy vs Yong Shins 'seduction' of Temeraire in Throne of Jade; Temeraire coming to grasps with Choiseuls' execution vs Laurence death sentence in Victory of Eagles; Laurence coming to love Temeraire across the book vs Laurence coming to love Temeraire over the course of his amnesia in Blood of Tyrants.

Given this, it would have made sense that the first book also featured the most explixit verbal assurances of their bond through dialogue.

But on second look Tongues of Serpents is the book where the pair get fully taken out of the war for the first time.

Laurence has time to reflect on what retirement and a life outside of the corps looks like and, maybe most importantly, considers that Temeraire is part of the retirement deal as well. I would argue that Laurence adjusts his outlook accordingly well and finds a peace in this situation that is much a better mirror for what we see of their life at the end of League of Dragons than the mere acceptance of giving up his ideas of marriage and life with Edith in HMD. The pavilion and Australia is also specifically mentioned in their last scene in League of Dragons as well and is reoccurring reference when Laurence thinks about life after the war. So in conclusion, maybe Tongues of Serpents is the most domestic of the books?

Here's how the two books compare across chapters:

Looks pretty equal to me over all actually. *Tongues of Serpents * gets a few higher counts overall and also shows 6 counts in Chapter 7 alone, the chapter where the hunt for the stolen egg begins and the search groups starts their descend into the australian outback.

On a side note, we also see one other characteristic statistics thing here in the chart that you get with per book comparisions: books generally do not have an equal number of chapters. If we wanted to be more accurate we might want to account for the chapter amount , or even over all word lenght, factor of each book. I am not adding it here, because this is non-serious fun only statistics - and I haven't implemented that nice feature in the tool yet and am too tired to do it manually for all 9 books.

Overall Laurence calls Temeraire 'my dear' a grand total of 119 times over all books. If the two are not separated in the course of action - such as kidnapped, stranded, fighting for their lives against mobs or assassins, dealing with amnesia, clandestinely duelling for their honour or garnering the approval and ire of their fellow dragon or human- then Laurence does not sway from calling Temeraire 'my dear' alongside 'Temeraire'.

He starts using the sobriquet in the third chapter of His Majesty's Dragon, right after Temeraire rejects Dayes as substitute captain, and keeps using it until the very last mention in the very last dialog at the end of the final book, if that isn't devotion in bookends.

Finally, I'll leave you with this overview over all datapoints across all books:

[everyandanything]

I can’t get the idea out of my head that the Curtis brothers all feel like "the outsider" of their core family. So please enjoy this quick drabble I wrote when I should be writing my next chapter whoops.

Pony, the youngest, and his brothers just want him to remain a kid for as long as possible. They constantly search for ways to protect him and keep him from having to grow up any faster than he already has. But that protection means whispered secrets and pretty lies that make Pony want to scream.

Sometimes, when he wakes up in the middle of the night and Soda isn’t there, he tiptoes down the hall to the threshold of the kitchen to listen to the terrified whispers of Darry and Soda as they pour out their fears under the quiet cloak of night. How can they afford to keep going? How can they pay off Pony’s hospital bills? How can they make sure he’s okay after everything life has dealt him? One day Pony hopes he’ll look back on these moments and see that these conversations were only out of love, but at fourteen, he feels like a burden, like there’s an ’otherness’ in him he can’t shake.

And when the morning comes and his brothers stand in the exact same spot and offer him bright smiles and kind eyes, his chest aches with a pain he doesn’t think he’ll ever escape.

Soda, who down to his looks has always been told he’s different. Different smile, different nose, different laugh, different temper. Some days he wonders if he was switched at birth, perhaps he might even believe it except for the fact that when he looks in the mirror his eyes are so clearly his mother’s that he tells himself that's enough.

Sometimes, when he watches Darry and Pony fight, Soda’s reminded of the things he’s thankful he didn’t inherit: like their father’s sharp tongue or their mother’s quick temper. It’s a lethal combination, especially when shared by two stubborn boys, and causes his brothers to have blowouts that Soda wonders how they can possibly recover from.

But then there are other days— eventually, not at first— when his brothers finally learn how to love one another again. Soda listens as they talk for hours about their favorite books, or the story Pony’s writing, or how his track season is going, or even Darry’s favorite football team. All things Soda’s never understood. And as he watches his brothers become closer it hits him; Darry and Pony no longer need him, not really. The thought sends a shock of fear coursing through his body, and as he watches Pony smile up at their brother there is a small part of him, a part that he’ll never admit to and always hate, that hopes they won’t ever stop fighting just so he’ll know they have to keep him around.

Darry, no longer just a brother but instead a not-quite-father figure. He sees Pony and Soda together, all the ways they’ve bonded from having to live under Darry’s regime. He listens as Soda soothes Pony’s fears after yet another nightmare of Darry sending Pony away, or the gentle words they whisper to each other when Darry’s temper gets the best of him for the umpteenth time and he takes it out on them.

He lies awake at night wishing he could simply be their older brother again. He would do anything to not have to yell at Pony about his grades or chew Soda out for coming home late without calling. But what can he do? He can’t stop, because stopping could lead to something worse: losing his brothers, and he’s lost so much already.

So instead he lets himself be the villain in their story, and when all the ways he’s wronged them leave him lying in his bed unable to sleep, he creeps down the hall and sits by their door, listening as they laugh about something only they can understand, and tries to remind himself what he’s doing it all for.

[stump-not-found]

Okay, what you wrote is truly a masterpiece. This is exactly the kind of book this community was looking for. But tell me honestly, did you have a plan of events ready before the whole book? Or did you just go based on your own thoughts?

I am a novice writer and I would like to know if the way I prepare for writing can change the whole novel 📡

aaaaa thank you for the kind words

in the simplest terms i break narratives down based on a specific theme or keyword. for theseus, this theme wound up being abusive family dynamics and how they impact future relationships. this then branches into discussions of growth and change, with various characters struggling with growth at different rates (if they ever decide to change at all)

originally did not have this concept fully hammered out. i started with an idea that made me laugh, which is the body sharing shit with hammer and bill -- because i drew it and it looked stupid and it made me laugh. then i thought of a few narrative beats i really liked, which act as sort of "narrative north stars."

i always knew i wanted ford to have his massive meltdown on the beach -- i just didn't know how to get there. i've had the same ending planned from the beginning, so again -- how do i get there? everything else is just filling in the gaps

by having these moments i'm excited to write, it helps motivate the entire story, and makes sure i'm writing something fun and indulgent while still developing the core ideas.

things i did not have planned out from the start would be the closet element, or the kids initial conflict with their parents divorce. there's a whole lot more but that would be spoilerrrrssssss---- those things came in more as i played in the space and chased the threads that i thought were interesting. although the ending of theseus is textually the same as it has always been, the mood of it has drastically shifted several times -- this story was originally supposed to be a five chapter straight-up tragedy. whoops!

writing for me is a lot of planning, but at the end of the day? it's a lot of playing! just kicking up sand in my box while i slam my dolls against the ground aggressively

[welcometomypersonalhell098]

oh my god i forgot to post my artfight attacks WHOOPS (my user is graywars btw. :3c)

this is my attack on @cozymochi ! its my yuu chatting w nyoka, and i got a little carried away and wrote probably too much but! im still kinda happy w it so ill chuck it under the read more line

again if u havent checked out mochi's blog b4. then. get on that, NEOW /nf

By all means, Yuu and Nyoka meeting is improbable--the fact that they are in different grade levels would singlehandedly eliminate most chances for them to cross paths. It is even more improbable that they become any kind of close friends, which we have Nyoka's general aloofness to blame. Not to mention, Yuu is almost cartoonishly prey-like in Nyoka's eyes: what, a prefect with a mousy appearance, a shyer demeanor, no status to his name, and no magic whatsoever? In NRC, that's practically a death sentence. In usual circumstances, Yuu would be a distant source of entertainment not worth more than a slight huff of breath somewhat resembling a chuckle at most.

But Yuu did not exist in "usual circumstances". 

IF there were ever a moment that these two meet, it may be in the few weeks after Book 2--Leona's overblot. Yuu, perhaps hearing the whispers of an elusive yet effective Savanaclaw tutor, wanders into the library late, late at night studying for his History of Magic class and spots a beastman that matches the rumors' descriptions. Perhaps, he goes up to him, and with a bowed head asks him to tutor him. And maybe, Nyoka, having the combination of Professor Trein asking him to help out and the personal interest of seeing if this little prefect might be using his victory over the Savanaclaw housewarden for something nefarious, agrees, if only to suss Yuu out. In any other case, he'd ignore them, but his king's fire is on the line. (simp /lovingly)

For the next few weeks, they meet like this again and again in the library. Yuu is ever the diligent student, behind years in education in this world not by choice, but now wants to catch up with a passion that Nyoka seems rather apathetic to. After the first few sessions, Yuu brings with him little gifts as thanks--of course, on the kind of budget he's on, he can't afford much. But, they are full of a certain charm: snacks that remind Yuu of home, a small music box that plays a relaxing tune, or even fruits he'd foraged nearby Ramshackle. Each one is carefully passed over a respectful distance, never with any expectation. Each could be easily written off as piddly attempts to curry favor, but Nyoka accepts them with grace anyway. It goes on like this as immoveable object clashes against unstoppable force, Nyoka's detached disposition and Yuu's gentle sincerity, stoic rich boy vs sunshine "Let's all get along!"-boy--a "battle" for the ages, from acquaintance to friend(?)

It does not take long, maybe 3 to 4 sessions, for Nyoka to understand Yuu's true nature. Yuu is a simple guy, after all, and his stunningly genuine heart is rather naively good, in Nyoka's opinion. But, perhaps Nyoka can admit that maybe it's a tad bit refreshing to speak with someone with no expectations. Yuu is no fanboy (it's doubtful he knows of Nyoka's fame at this point in time), he has no concern for hierarchy (being from a different world, status would make no difference), and certainly is not any normal NRC student (the other day, Yuu informed his tutor of his "pleasant" day in Octavinelle, post-Azul overblot. Nyoka wonders if the Prefect is sane.)

Perhaps one day, when Nyoka is in a good enough mood, the conversation takes a turn into a tangent while Yuu is tutored on Magical History, something Yuu was surprised the uniformly strict tutor allowed. Yuu happily speaks of his own world's history, antiques, and artifacts in comparison to Twisted Wonderland's, while Nyoka listens, perhaps sliding in a few comments in ...intrigue? Things afterwards, although not necessarily warm, become...comfortable? Nyoka's remarks become somewhat less sardonic and even might crack a smile once or twice (gasp!), and Yuu becomes happy to spend time with the beastman even after tutoring hours--if Nyoka allowed, of course.

They are not friends, at least not in name. Nyoka seems the type not to be overtly chummy with, well, anyone and Yuu keeps his tutor's boundaries in mind. Parading around telling everyone he's friends with Nyoka Wadjet would be a one-way ticket to a scornful snake, Yuu was certain. And besides, he doesn't need any verbal confirmation. Just enjoying his company in the late hours of the night is good enough. And maybe, juuuuust maybe, Nyoka felt something of the same.

[velvetlilacsdaisies]

Fourth Wing Men HCs: nicknames for him

Includes: Bodhi Durran, Garrick Tavis

A/n: I haven’t wrote some headcannons in a HOT minute, but me and @garricks4thwingqueen have been conspiring and inspired me to take a whack at it again. These got a smidge long, so I will make a part 2 with more characters, and other scenarios, but you know who had to start with! I also included some AI pics I’ve been cooked up that are mashes of my fancasts ideas for the characters. I have the hardest times visualizing a lot of characters and places in stories and sometimes the AIs I’ve seen all look alike or aren’t itching the right part of my brain. Disclaimer: I tried to take into consideration book accuracy, but AI is AI and I only dabble w it on my phone. So I’ll take what I can get. Skin tones, hair, proportions may not be perfect. These just personally help get a better concept, and I find fun to make, and anddd risking forgetting about a free 7 day trail from time to time 🕳️🤸‍♀️ *muah* enjoy!

Warnings: swearing, underage drinking/smoking (if u squint), suggestive content

Bodhi Durran

Bo/Boh, beau, bowie, Bo Bo, babe, love

Xaden and him are maternal cousins. While the firstborn always had the weight of responsibility growing up being an heir by his parents. The younger cousin was always ‘coddled’ by his. Though he adored his family, he hated how they always doted on him. Mainly because of how much his older cousin and his best friend would tease him about it.

Xaden and Garrick started cooing “Bowie” and “Bo Bo” at him when they were 12, he was 11.

“Bowie, don’t forget to write to me.” “Bowie, be good for your uncle.” “Oh Bo Bo don’t you look so handsome today!” They’d snicker to him under their breaths when he’d arrive at the fortress when his mom would drop him before flying out to an outpost. Watching how his cheeks flushed red, and he had tight balled fists pressed at his sides.

Once the doors closed, after formal introductions with his Uncle and lingering personal staff were done, and once the adults a room away—he would hurl one of his clenched fists at their shoulders.

Starting a playful brawl amongst the three

Spoiler alert: Bo Bo back then lost once or twice…maybe a handful of times

Then as awkward teenagers when problems were simpler the three of the pubescent boys discovered churam and drinking. Bodhi started unironically calling himself Bo Bo and Bowie, mockingly teasing himself as a ‘bit’.

The young men were sat around a fire in the clearing to the outside of Riorson House. Xaden and Garrick in a heated debate over a petty topic. “Bo Bo can’t comprehend what’s going on right now.” He would say, exaggerating and scratching his the top of his head. It had been effective for the most part to ease the tension between his friends

Now from time to time, he’ll still do it especially if you’re present. He always thought you looked cute as you shook your head with a crooked smile spread across your face when he did it

Sometimes fhd guys would find him doing something badass, you’ll hear triumphant whooping from Xaden and Garrick, endearingly using the nicknames they called him as a child

“Go Bowie!” “Bo Bo that was fucking awesome!” “Bowie! Bowie! Bowie!”

But if anyone else besides the select few called him those names, he’d glare daggers at them. Like the time Ridoc tried to call him Bo Bo during lunch while the group was joking around

Bodhi’s boyish grin disappeared instantaneously. “If you ever call me that, I will rip your tongue out.”

The first time he heard you call him Bowie tho, he nearly melted. It was one of the first times you slept over with him and he had to get up early for a leadership meeting

You propped up on elbow, using your other hand to wipe the sleep from your eyes. “Do you have to go, Bowie?” A small pout on your lips watching him get dressed

His other pet names from you were selective, usually just calling him Bo/Boh, but your favorites were Babe and Love

Babe being the one you leaned towards the most

especially when you would catch him doing something ridiculous or he’d press your buttons. Or just when you wanted something

“Babe? Are you kidding me?” “Babe stop!”

“Babe can you get me another drink, please?” You asked, looking up from your lashes with puppy dog eyes. He folded every time no matter if you were closer to the serving station or bar. How could he say no when you gave him that look? Not caring, flipping all his friends off as they’d give him knowing smiles.

He was a simp for you

Love was usually reserved for tender moments with him. When you’d notice he’d be having a bad day, or to calm him down when you’d notice he was fuming silently beside you at something going on

Intertwining your fingers with his giving a reassuring squeeze. “It’s alright, Love.”

Or holding his cheeks, bringing him to eye level with you. “I’m here, Love. Can you take a couple deep breaths for me?”

Sometimes you broke out the corny double entendre of beau. Very select people would get it, but you thought it was great

Mainly you’d be out to the taverns with your friends when you’d use it. Usually when a girl would approach him, and you’d try to hide your jealousy tho it was plain as day

“He’s actually my beau.” You’d say, a sinisterly sweet smile on your face when a girl tried to introduce herself. Your hand twirling the curls at the nape of his neck. Bodhi would always shiver from the gesture, trying to contain his arousal at your possessiveness

Then later in the night, he’d pin you to the wall of his room. Pressing feverish kisses up the column of your throat. “Are you gonna show me all the way I’m your beau?” He muttered before grazing the delicate skin with his teeth

Garrick Tavis

Gare, Tavis, Gary, Gare Bear, Hon/Honey, Sir

His parents tried to call him Gary at one point growing up, but he always ignored them or begged them not to call him that. It always sounded so stupid to him

Garrick was blunt, dry, and straight to the point not caring for nicknames. Only really preferring to be called by his name or Gare on occasion by his friends and acquaintances. His last name an even better alternative than a nickname

But Xaden, Imogen, and Bodhi took a sick pleasure in all the creative corny nicknames his parents would try to make a thing for him growing up.

“I think we oughta get Gary’s input?” Imogen leaned her chin in her hand as they all discussed weekend plans after school looking over at the towering young man. The side of her mouth crookedly lilting upward, knowing she struck a nerve. Garrick could already feel his eye twitch, clenching his quill as he acted like he hadn’t heard them a few feet away at the table in the library.

“It seems Gare Bear’s not in the mood today.” Xaden would casually lean back in his chair, smirking, and watching his best friend stroll into the dining room late for dinner time after a terrible day

Which would result in Garrick walking by, and tipping his chair back causing the Riorson to flail and fall backwards. “Relax asshole,” Xaden hissed, rubbing his head.

To this day they still called him the silly names. Taking immense pride when you had picked up on the memo, and started to call Garrick the names he despised. Especially because you two weren’t each others favorite people at first

The first time it happened, it was when Garrick pissed you off. He had been criticizing all your sparring movements, and you had enough. “Sorry we can’t all be perfect like you, Gare Bear.” You’d sneer, watching the irritation form on his face.

“Do not call me that.” He’d glower, but you’d just smile brightly. “Whatever you say…Gare Bear.”

Seeing how it got under his skin, from that moment on you’d always call him just to pester him. Enjoying the glare he’d shoot your way or awaiting for whatever witty remark he’d reply

Eventually once you two started getting along, you called him his first name, being more considerate towards his feelings. Garrick’s chest filling with disappointment as he awaited the usual Gare Bear falling from your pretty lips.

“Hey Garrick,” it was a rare moment when you found him by himself. None of your mutual friends around for once, and one of the first interactions you had alone. “What?” He looked up from what he doing. “I said hey?” You gave him a weird look. “But you called me Garrick.” He said in disbelief. “That’s your name isn’t it?” “You always call me Gare Bear tho.”

That’s when you realized he secretly liked it despite him trying to act annoyed at you.

Then when you had officially started dating, he had to get used to fact you loved calling him all these terms of endearment. Deep down, loving how you could make him become bashful by your words

“Here you go, Honey.” Leaning down, kissing his cheek, setting down a dish of apple crisp in front of him. You knew how much he liked the dessert and grabbed an extra one when getting your dinner. Garrick’s cheeks tinged red and chuckled appreciatively, “you’re the best.” His friends just silently stared as if you two had three heads. “What’s the matter?” You asked the group unphased, taking a seat. “You broke him.” Imogen replied in awe.

You had changed his perception on being called nicknames. Even letting it slide when his friends poked fun at him with the once despicable nicknames

Out of all the nicknames you called him, his favorite by far was the one you’d use in the bedroom.

“Please,” you begged, while sitting on your knees. “Please what?” Garrick gripped your chin between his thumb and forefinger. You gulped, “please Sir.” A cruel smirk on his face, pressing a small kiss to your lips. “Good girl.”

[autisticlalna]

recently in the sbk community discord: leon, is the moon big?

its been a while since ive done one of these, whoops. im still pretty tired, but something pretty interesting is going on i wanna make sure everybody's caught up on.

it starts a little bit before Leon's episode 17, "Something is VERY WRONG on the Skyblock Kingdoms SMP..." when we got a sudden teaser:

uh oh, gamers.

the discord jumps on checking Leon's namemc and get a better look at his tattered skin:

(^ courtesy of Aces! also this, which is not relevant but makes me laugh):

what with the end of the season on the horizon, the telescope, and Leon's physical state, we jumped straight to Moon Big jokes. then, another teaser:

what's it?

oh, frig, the Stronghold book. remember that thing?

fun fact: in an Avid stream i don't have energy to track down the clip of (7/18/24), he mentioned he was the one that wrote it OOC. i don't remember what else he said about it, but it's still around and is being kept at spawn. neat.

then Leon's premiere goes up and Rex notices something in the description.

out-of-body experience?

finally, the premiere itself.

One chilly, rainy evening. I had just finished admiring my pile of diamond tools. Before calling it a night, I decided to head upstairs and sit by the fire for a while. Rest the bones, warm the feathers, yaknow. When all of a sudden... A gust of wind, a burst of flame! Then, nothing. I blacked out.

[phantom screech] One quick thing before I go--

This wasn't like with the chorus fruit. This was very, very different. When I came to, I had this feeling of dread, of- of fear and- and paranoia, that I just couldn't shake. Constantly in my mind, constantly, I couldn't stop thinking: Something out there is.. watching.

and then his speech at the end.

I know you're out there. Fool me twice, shame on me, I'm not falling for this again! You got me before, but this time I'm standing my ground. I love this world and the people in it, and I swear on every fiber of my being you are not going to take this from me! He's out there, and I know it.

so.. not only is Leon being watched, but it's something he has history with.

[legundo voice] WELL THAT'S OMINOUS.

wait, hey, that's a fun transition. speaking of Legundo...

let's take a quick detour into the series Leon was in before SBK, UHC Generations. the core concept is that you're in ultra hardcore (so no natural regeneration), but when you die you pass the world on to someone else. Leon was the third generation, and after over half a year of owning the world he decided to end the series on his own terms, intentionally fell to his death, and passed it on to Josh CodeNeon. Josh later died himself and passed it onto Legundo, but not before building a little spot around a campfire where he was able to summon the ghosts of previous generations to talk to them.

cut to last month and Legundo's episode 5, "I Need To Fix This...", where he decides he needs to build a gold farm. one of Leon's big contribution to UHCG was redstone farms, so Legundo summoned his spirit for a quick chat as he showed off his idea on how to get the farm to work. there's some fun things from their conversation, though:

Legundo: How’s unexistence? Leon: Aw man, it’s a lot of void. I’ve missed this place Legundo: Some firm ground underneath your feet, nice memory Leon: It’s lovely, I haven’t felt the warmth of a campfire in a while, yeah

[Leon gets attacked by phantoms.] Legundo: Oh no, they don’t like that you're back Leon: Oh no, oh no, my ghost body is being eaten by phantoms Phantoms: [screech]

and, most importantly...

Leon: Ok, ok, well, you know on that note, one quick thing before I go, just uh, wanted to let you know. Legundo: Yea [zooms in on Leon’s face.] Leon: Will is coming.

(transcription by ComposerNicholas, just edited for formatting)

an out-of-body experience, huh?

One quick thing before I go.

Legundo called Leon back to UHC Generations while Leon was on Skyblock Kingdoms. Leon passed out on SBK, helped Legs out on UHCG, gave Legs a warning, and then woke up on SBK with sudden paranoia.

and we're still not done! because at the end of Leon's SBK episode, we get this:

(image brightened for visibility, sorry about the artifacting)

and ComposerNicholas pointed out that Leon's first UHCG episode has this in the intro:

in his UHCG finale, Leon describes the flashes of alternate realities and glitches he's been subjected to as the world nudging him to move on. it's tired of him, it needs new blood and to grow and change with fresh faces and new ideas. so it's time for Leon to go. Legundo himself later mentions "the will of the world"-- the world is as alive as the people that make it.

Legundo's episode ends on him giving himself a timer. either he dies before the timer ends, or he follows in Leon's footsteps and dies on his own terms to pass the world on. after all, he'd pretty much found a way to eliminate all risk of ultra hardcore, and Leon had reminded him what the true point of UHCG was. he can't stay here forever. as the generations say: death is inevitable.

..in ultra hardcore, anyway. not so much in Skyblock Kingdoms, no matter what the thing watching Leon wants him to think.

You got me before, but this time I'm standing my ground. I love this world and the people in it, and I swear on every fiber of my being you are not going to take this from me!

to try and wrap this up, here's some more words from Leon as we go further into insanity:

anyway, this is what i've been able to scrape together so far. as usual, im just able to collect the pieces and maybe tape some of them together. we got a very brief Nukeri in Viking's episode the same day as Leon's, and now we've.. i dunno, got hints about Legundo? but the more focal thing seems to be that the UHCG world may have convinced Leon to pass it on, but that doesn't mean he's free of it. part of him is always going to be there, in the memorials and by the campfire.

oh yeah also quillbee did a video where he rebuilt founder's town from memory and invited leon on to help

[puppym3]

heartstrings and lullabies chap 3

soft!seungmin x afab!reader

chap 4!

wc: 5.5k (whoops...)

warnings! : smut!, fingering (f receiving), readers implied first time, seungmin is experienced, seungmin is so sweet and soft, secret relationship trope, seungmin + reader hold back a lot, angst at the end, family arguing

a/n: i accidentally got too into it and wrote a lil extra... hope you enjoy! i appreciate all of the love, thank you so much!! I'll combine all of the chapters together when I'm done writing! <3

MINORS DNI!

this is only a work of fiction!

---

“We should take things slow,” Seungmin says, backing away for the fourth time since he’s gotten to my room.

“Yeah, I agree.” I mustered out, unsure if I was mentally back yet when I replied because of the amount of fog in my head from the kisses.

The lingering taste of his kiss still tingled on my lips as we sat there, our breaths still mingling in the quietness of the room.

“I need to calm down,” Seungmin said embarrassed, trying to dismiss himself from the room. I could guess what “calming down” meant and my breath got stuck in my throat again, coughing slightly. Remembering the moment he left the room for a while yesterday night when all of his blood went to other places.

And as much as I wanted to say something, and tell him to stay, I knew that these boundaries were important to him and we should try to take things slow. 

I watched him as he stood up, his movements a bit awkward as if he was fighting with himself to stay composed. His eyes flickered to the door and then back to me, a soft smile playing on his lips despite the clear tension in his shoulders.

"Right," I said, clearing my throat and trying to sound more confident than I felt. "Taking things slow is... good."

Seungmin nodded, his expression softening a bit at my words. "Yeah, it is. I just need to... take a moment."

I could see the faint blush on his cheeks, and it made my heart ache with a mix of affection and desire. He was trying so hard to keep things respectful, and I appreciated that more than I could express.

As he reached for the handle, he hesitated, glancing back at me one last time. "Um, Just… to let you know, I really like you. A lot."

My heart skipped a beat at his words, and I felt my face heat up. "I like you too, Seungmin. A lot."

A genuine smile broke across his face, and it was like the tension melted away just for a second. "I'll be back soon," he said softly before finally stepping out of the room.

As the door closed behind him, I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. The room felt strangely empty without him, and the lingering warmth of his presence seemed to fade away slowly.

I leaned back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Taking things slow was the right choice, but it was challenging. My mind replayed the moments we had shared, the way his lips had felt against mine, the way his touch had sent shivers down my spine.

For some reason, I felt tears welling up in my eyes, a sudden hit of overwhelming emotion. I was so lucky that he reciprocated the way I feel in some way, but he’s right about it being difficult. Maybe it was just the overwhelming feeling of happiness, nervousness, anticipation, and being unintentionally edged over and over again. 

I wiped the tears away quickly, not wanting to dwell too much on the emotions I was feeling. There was a lot to process, and Seungmin and I had decided to take things slow, which meant I'd have to get used to managing these feelings without rushing into anything.

I knew I needed to keep myself occupied. I decided to tidy up my room, hoping the mundane task would help me regain some semblance of control over my racing thoughts.

Just as I was straightening a stack of books on my desk, I heard a soft knock at the door. My heart leapt into my throat, and I took a deep breath before opening it.

Seungmin stood there, looking more composed than when he had left. His eyes softened as he saw me, his face a little flushed and he offered a tentative smile. "Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey," I replied, stepping aside to let him in.

He nodded, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. "Sorry that I keep on leaving."

"I understand," I said, smiling reassuringly. 

Seungmin took a seat on the edge of the bed, his gaze fixed on the floor for a moment before he looked up at me. "I meant what I said earlier," he began softly. "About liking you. And about wanting to figure this out, together."

I felt a warmth spread through me at his words, and I nodded. "Me too. I want to find a way to make this work, no matter how complicated things might get."

He reached out, taking my hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. "We'll take it one step at a time."

I squeezed his hand back, feeling a surge of determination. "One step at a time," I echoed, a sense of hope blooming within me.

After sitting on the edge of my bed for a while, Seungmin hesitated for a while, as if he needed to say something more.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” Seungmin begins, and for some reason my heart immediately drops all the way to my stomach. “But… I don’t think we should, uhm” He looks at me, debating how he should choose his words. “...have sex… yet” 

I felt a wave a relief, but also embarrassment hearing him say it out loud cause I thought it was already implied with “taking it slow”. “I really want to, like… do that, like, a lot, but now probably isn’t the best time.” he finishes off, nervously brushing his hair out of his eyes. His puppy eyes nervously scanned my face to see how I’d react.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly, quietly accepting his words. “I’ll wait for you.” 

Seungmin's smiled, and he pulled me into a hug. I melted into his embrace, feeling the steadiness of his heartbeat against my cheek. It was a simple gesture, but it evoked such a warm feeling inside of me.

I let him hold me for a moment, listening to his soft breathing and quickening heartbeat.

I let Seungmin hold me for a while longer, savoring the closeness and the comfort of his embrace. When we finally pulled away, he gave me one last lingering look before leaving the room, promising to see me later.

When we had to gather for dinner, the atmosphere was charged with tension as our parents decided to have a family gathering in the dining area. Seungmin and I exchanged nervous glances as we entered the room, trying to act normal despite the many things we were hiding.

I was more upset than anything that baby Yun wasn’t here, I knew if he was here I would have something else to focus on. But he was gone visiting his grandparents for the weekend.

My mom was chatting animatedly with Seungmin's dad, their laughter filling the room. It was clear they were enjoying each other's company, which only made me more uncomfortable.

Seungmin and I sat on opposite ends of the table, pretending to be engrossed in our own thoughts. Every now and then, our eyes would meet, and a silent understanding passed between us.

"So, have you two been getting to know each other?" my mom asked, turning her attention to us.

I forced a smile, feeling the weight of her question. "Good," I replied, trying to sound casual. "We've been getting to know each other better."

Seungmin nodded in agreement. "Yeah."

His dad looked at us with a warm smile. "I was nervous! I thought they wouldn’t make an effort to get to know each other at all."

Seungmin and I exchanged a quick glance, I was suppressing the urge to laugh at the irony.

"Yeah, my daughter isn’t the social type" My mom said, almost teasing at me. 

As the conversation continued, I couldn't help but steal glances at Seungmin. The memory of our kisses lingered in my mind, making it hard to focus on anything else. I could tell he was struggling too, his fingers tapping restlessly on the side of his thigh.

Our parents didn't seem to notice the underlying tension between us, too caught up in their own conversation. It was both a relief and a challenge, trying to maintain our secret while being so close to each other.

At one point, Seungmin's dad suggested playing a board game, and our parents eagerly agreed. Seungmin and I found ourselves sitting next to each other, our shoulders brushing occasionally as we moved pieces on the board.

The game was a distraction, but it also brought us physically closer. Every touch, however accidental, sent a jolt of electricity through me. I could feel the heat of Seungmin's body next to mine, his presence both comforting and exhilarating.

As the game progressed, I noticed Seungmin's fingers brushing against mine under the table. It was a small, discreet gesture, but it sent my heart racing. I glanced at him, and he gave me a subtle, reassuring smile.

His fingers were interlocked with mine, then when it was my turn to go my hand quickly broke apart with his. His hand fell from mine and gently rested on my thigh, his fingers tracing the outline of my jeans.

I felt heat follow everywhere he touched, making me shiver. He finally stopped when his hand reached out to lay on my inner thigh but did not move an inch. It was getting more and more hard to compose myself as he watched my reactions with a careful eye. 

We continued the game, our parents oblivious to the silent communication happening between us.

At one point, Seungmin's dad excused himself to get more snacks from the kitchen, and my mom followed to help him. The moment they were out of earshot, Seungmin leaned in closer to me.

"How are you holding up?" he whispered, his breath warm against my ear.

I shuddered. "I’m…” I let out a quick shaky breath, “Managing. You?"

"Same," he replied softly. "I didn’t realize how hard this would be."

His words sent a shiver down my spine, and I bit my lip to suppress a smile. "Me too."

It was a little thrilling to hide this one thing from everyone, but I wasn’t sure how long I’d be able to hold it up.

And I remembered Seungmin’s words from earlier, how were we not going to get physical when this amount of contact was getting me worked up? I meant what I said to him, I was going to wait even if it killed me. 

Two weeks had already passed, and I had stayed true to my word. I kept my hands off of him and he did the same. We would occasionally share a peck or he would give me a back hug when nobody was around, and those intimate moments were enough to keep me satisfied for the moment.

Yun had also been keeping me busy since he had started crawling around everywhere. I had my eyes on him like a hawk to make sure he wouldn’t do stupid baby stuff. 

Seungmin had been beside me most of the time as well. But whenever I had to watch the baby, my attention would only be on the baby (for a good reason). As much as I was frustrated with my mom for going around and leaving us with the baby, I’m glad she gave me a good distraction.

I was cradling Yun for a while, and he had finally gone asleep in my arms. I placed him carefully in his crib when I felt arms snake around my waist and kisses on the back of my neck.

“Seungmin” I whispered out to him, enjoying the warmth and comfort of his embrace. His touch was gentle and I leaned back into him, savoring our one daily moment of intimacy.

“Wanna watch a movie tonight? We have the house alone tonight and we could finally hang out.” He whispered in my ear.

I smiled, feeling a rush of excitement at the prospect of spending more time alone with Seungmin. "Sure, that sounds great," I replied softly, turning around to face him and I couldn't help but lean in to kiss him gently on the lips.

"Let's pick a good movie," I suggested, already feeling the tension easing between us as we settled into the familiar rhythm of being together.

Seungmin nodded, his hand finding mine as we walked together to the living room. We scrolled through the movie options, our shoulders brushing as we debated over genres and actors. Eventually, we settled on a romantic drama, something light and entertaining.

As the movie played, we lounged on the couch, occasionally stealing glances and sharing soft laughs. The comfort of his presence filled me with a sense of contentment.

But once his hand found his way on my thigh again, my mind completely blanked again just like what happened at game night. I felt the tingling sensation and the sudden heat in my body. 

I could see his eyes glued to the TV, but I couldn’t focus at all on what was happening. It wasn’t fair that I seemed to be the only one struggling this entire time when he seems perfectly fine.

As Seungmin's fingers traced gentle circles on my thighs, I could feel my mind growing hazy with desire. Each stroke sent a shiver down my spine, and I couldn't suppress a soft sigh as his touch moved higher, igniting a tingling sensation that stirred something deep within me. His concern was evident in the way he looked at me, his puppy-dog eyes searching for any sign of discomfort.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, his voice laced with both worry and curiosity.

Instead of answering, a surge of longing and impatience surged through me. Without a word, I moved, pushing him back onto the couch and straddling his lap. I could sense his surprise and uncertainty, his wide eyes locked onto mine as I leaned in, capturing his lips in a hungry, heated kiss. It was as if all the pent-up longing and unspoken desire had finally found release.

His hands, initially hesitant, found my hips and pulled me closer, deepening the kiss with a fervor that matched my own. Our bodies pressed tightly together, each touch electrifying as we explored the depths of our passion. I tangled my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer, wanting to feel every inch of him against me.

Seungmin responded eagerly, his restraint giving way to the raw intensity between us. His hands roamed over my back, tracing the curves of my body with a growing urgency that mirrored my own. The kiss grew more fervent, more desperate, as if we were both trying to convey days of longing in that single moment.

My own need grew with every passing second, my hands exploring him with a hunger I hadn't realized I possessed. Fingers slipped under his shirt, tracing the contours of his slightly toned body, feeling the warmth of his skin against mine. When we finally broke the kiss, his surprise was palpable, his heavy breathing a testament to the intensity of our connection.

Seungmin's gaze met mine, his breath ragged against my skin. Without a word, he leaned in to trail kisses along the curve of my neck, his warm breath sending shivers down my spine. Each touch of his lips was a revelation, a new sensation that stirred me to my core. I moaned softly, unable to contain the pleasure that shot through me with each caress.

His hands tightened on my hips, pulling me closer as he continued to explore my neck and collarbone. The touch was both gentle and possessive, sending my senses reeling. I arched into him, seeking more of his touch, more of the electrifying sensation that only he could evoke.

Unconsciously, I found myself moving against his thigh, seeking some relief from the building tension between us. I gasped as I felt his hardness pressing against me, a physical reminder of our mutual desire. His lips continued their assault on my neck, soft and warm, igniting a fire that burned hotter with every passing second.

Seungmin's hands moved up my body, tracing the curves of my waist and the swell of my breasts. I let out a soft moan as he cupped my breast, his touch sending waves of pleasure through me. The heat between us intensified, the tension growing as we both struggled to control our escalating desire.

Pulling back slightly, I looked into his eyes, seeing the raw passion and longing mirrored in his gaze. His grip on my hips tightened, fingers digging into my skin as he pulled me closer. His lips crashed down on mine again, the kiss rough and demanding. I felt a rush of excitement as he took control, his hands roaming over my body with a newfound urgency.

"Hurry... do something," I pleaded, the words escaping my lips in a desperate whisper.

He didn't need further encouragement. With a swift movement, he yanked my shirt over my head, the sudden exposure to the air-conditioned room making me acutely aware of our heated surroundings. Seungmin's eyes roamed over my bare skin, drinking in every inch of me with an intensity that left me breathless.

His hands moved to my back, deftly unhooking my bra and letting it fall to the floor. He claimed my lips again, the kiss deepening as his hands roamed over my body with purpose. I could feel his hardness pressing against me, a physical manifestation of our shared need.

Seungmin's fingers traced the curve of my waist, his touch sending shivers down my spine. His thumbs brushed against my nipples, eliciting a soft moan from deep within me. Each caress was like a wildfire, spreading heat and desire through every inch of my body.

Seungmin pulled back slightly, his eyes searching mine for any sign of hesitation. "Is this okay?" he asked softly, his voice barely audible over the pounding of my heart. I nodded, my voice caught in my throat as I struggled to find the words to express the overwhelming desire that coursed through me.

His hands moved lower, fingers slipping beneath the waistband of my pants.  I helped him to discard my pants, only leaving me in my underwear, which kind've felt awkward being the only one naked. 

But it didn't matter when I saw his face as he scanned my body, looking at it as if it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever looked at.

Seungmin's gaze lingered on my body, his eyes filled with a mix of awe and desire. He reached out, his fingers tracing the edge of my panties, the touch sending a jolt of electricity through me. "Can I touch you?" he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

I nodded, "Yes, please...." my heart pounding in my chest as I surrendered myself to him. Seungmin's fingers moved lower, first teasing the fabric, rubbing fingers slowly over my wetness, then slipping beneath the fabric of my panties. I gasped, his touch sending waves of pleasure through me.

Seungmin's eyes never left mine as he continued to explore me, his fingers moving with a slow, deliberate pace that left me aching for more. I could feel the heat building between us, the tension growing with each passing second.

His fingers found my clit, the touch sending a jolt of pleasure through me. I moaned softly, my hips bucking against his hand as he began to circle the sensitive nub. Each stroke sent a wave of pleasure through me, the heat building until I could barely breathe.

The way he was staring at my flushed face, watching my reactions, and making sure he was making me feel good was enough to drive me over the edge. 

One of his fingers finally dipped into me, the sensation building to a crescendo. I could feel my body trembling, my heart racing with anticipation.

"Can I make you cum?" Seungmin asked softly, his voice laced with a mix of desire and concern. His eyes locked onto mine, searching for any sign of hesitation.

I nodded, all I could do was choke out a moan. I couldn't speak, couldn't think, couldn't do anything but feel the overwhelming pleasure that was building inside me. I held onto his arm as he prodded into me at a slow pace

Seungmin added another finger and quickened his pace, hitting the right spot and sending shivers down my spine. 

As the pleasure built, I felt myself getting closer and closer to the edge. I could feel the heat building inside me, my breath coming in short gasps as I struggled to hold on.

Seungmin's fingers continued to work their magic, his touch sending waves of pleasure through me. I could feel my body tensing, my muscles clenching as I fought to hold on.

"For me," Seungmin whispered, his voice rough with desire. "Let go and let me make you feel good."

His words were enough to push me over the edge. I cried out, my body convulsing as I came, my muscles clenching around his fingers. I had never came down as hard as this before, but his fingers were like magic.

He slowly removed his fingers, not trying to overstimulate me. He then hurried off to get things to clean me with and get a change of clothes.

As the pleasure began to ebb away, I felt a wave of exhaustion wash over me. My limbs felt heavy, my eyelids drooping as I struggled to stay awake.

Seungmin must have noticed my tiredness, because he gently tucked me into his side, his arm wrapped around me protectively. I snuggled into him, enjoying the warmth of his body and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

I wanted to do something for him, to return the favor and make him feel as good as he had made me feel. 

I reached out, my hand finding his hardness through his pants. I could feel his sharp intake of breath as I began to stroke him, my movements slow and deliberate.

Seungmin let out a soft moan, his head falling back against the couch cushions. I could see the pleasure in his eyes, the way his body tensed and relaxed with each stroke. I smiled, feeling a sense of satisfaction at being able to give him this pleasure.

But Seungmin's hand stopped mine, his eyes meeting mine with a soft smile. "No, not tonight baby," he said, his voice gentle. "Tonight was about you, about making you feel good."

The pet name “baby” felt so good to hear in my head and I wanted to argue, to protest that I wanted to give him just as much pleasure as he had given me, but the warmth of Seungmin's embrace and the gentle reassurance in his eyes silenced any protest. He held me close, his touch soothing as I nestled against him, feeling safe and cherished.

The room felt cocooned in intimacy, the air thick with the lingering echoes of our passion. I could still feel the aftershocks of my release, a pleasant tingling that ebbed into a deep sense of contentment. Seungmin's heartbeat was steady beneath my ear, a comforting rhythm that lulled me toward sleep.

His fingers traced lazy patterns on my back, his touch a gentle caress that whispered of tenderness and care. I sighed softly, my exhaustion finally catching up with me as I let myself relax completely in his arms.

"Sleep, beautiful," Seungmin murmured, his voice a soft whisper against my hair. "I'll be right here."

With his comforting words, I closed my eyes, allowing sleep to claim me. Wrapped in Seungmin's embrace, I drifted into dreams filled with the warmth of his love and the promise of tomorrow.

The morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow over the room as I woke up. Memories of last night flooded back to me, the warmth of Seungmin's touch still all over my body, and the way he guided me through everything brought heat back to my cheeks.

I felt so happy, but a little upset that I couldn’t do more for him.

The sound of my bedroom door opening abruptly pulled me out of my reverie. It was my mother, her expression a mixture of concern and disapproval.

"Good morning," I greeted tentatively, sensing the tension in the air.

My mother's eyes narrowed as she surveyed the room, her gaze landing on the disheveled bed and my tousled hair. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

I glanced at the clock and winced. "Um, sorry, I lost track of time."

She sighed heavily, folding her arms across her chest. "I understand, but you can't keep disappearing like this. Joon is trying to connect with you, and you're barely giving him a chance."

I felt a surge of irritation at her words. "I can't keep relationships? Maybe I learned that from you."

My mother's face hardened at the accusation, her lips pursed tightly. "This isn't about me, it's about your future. You need to start thinking about your responsibilities."

I shook my head, frustration bubbling up inside me. "I'm trying, okay? But it’s kind’ve hard to think of my future when we’re constantly moving around, how can I keep relationships, mom?”

My mother's expression hardened further at my retort, her brows furrowing in displeasure. "Moving around is no excuse. Plenty of people manage to maintain relationships despite changes."

I stood up from the bed, suddenly feeling defensive. "Maybe if you'd consider staying put for once, I wouldn't feel like every connection I make is temporary."

Her eyes flashed with hurt, but she quickly composed herself. "Life isn't that simple, and sometimes we have to make sacrifices for our future."

I crossed my arms, feeling the weight of frustration and resentment building inside me. "What about my future? What about what I want?"

"You're still young," she replied sharply. "You need stability, discipline. I’m trying to provide that for you."

"Yeah, by dragging us from city to city every few years!" I shot back, my voice rising. "I can't even have a stable friendship, let alone a relationship!"

Her lips pressed into a thin line. "You need to learn to adapt."

I shook my head, feeling tears of frustration welling up. "Adapt? How am I supposed to adapt when I don't even know where we'll be next year?"

"We're doing what's best for us," she insisted, her tone firm. "You need to think beyond your immediate desires."

I took a step closer to her, my voice trembling with emotion. "Maybe I wouldn't need to cling to every fleeting moment of happiness if I felt like I had some stability."

Her expression softened slightly, a flicker of regret passing through her eyes.

I turned away, blinking back tears. "I just want to feel like I belong somewhere."

She reached out tentatively, but I pulled away, needing space to breathe. The weight of our argument hung heavy in the air, words left unsaid but emotions raw and exposed.

After a moment of tense silence, she spoke again, her voice softer now. "I know you're upset, but I promise I’m trying to set roots."

I turned back to face her, my anger fading into resignation. "I know."

Her gaze softened, a trace of maternal concern in her eyes. "Give Joon a chance. He cares about you, even if it doesn't always feel that way."

I nodded, feeling drained by the emotional turmoil of our conversation. "I'll try."

She turned and slowly closed my door, leaving me to be alone as I wiped away the tears from my eyes.

There was only one place I wanted to be right now, back in Seungmin’s arms, where I felt understood and cared for, or back in the nursery, surrounded by Yun and Seungmin, where everything felt simpler and more comforting.

As I sat alone in my room, the weight of the morning's argument still heavy on my heart, I couldn't shake the feeling of being torn between two worlds. On one hand, there was Seungmin, whose presence brought me comfort and a sense of belonging I rarely felt elsewhere. On the other hand, there was Joon, my mother's choice for stability and a future she deemed secure.

I buried my face in my hands, trying to sort through the jumble of emotions. The memory of Seungmin's touch lingered, a warmth that contrasted sharply with the cool, calculated words of my mother. I wanted stability, yes, but not at the cost of sacrificing every connection that meant something to me.

I felt a strong urge to hear Seungmin’s voice, I needed to hear him, I missed him so much. I feel like he’s the only thing that would cheer me up at a time like this.

I picked up my phone, fingers trembling slightly as I scrolled through the contacts until I found Seungmin's name. With a deep breath, I pressed the call button, hoping beyond hope that he would answer.

The phone rang once, twice, and just as I feared he might not pick up, I heard his voice on the other end. "Hello?"

"Seungmin," I breathed out, relief flooding through me at the sound of his voice. "It's me."

There was a pause, then a soft, comforting reply. "Hey... Are you okay?"

Tears welled up again, my voice wavering as I struggled to keep it steady. "Not really. I just... I needed to hear your voice."

"I'm here," he reassured me gently. "Whatever you need, I'm here."

His words were like a lifeline, grounding me in the midst of turmoil. "I miss you," I admitted quietly, feeling a rush of vulnerability.

"I miss you too," Seungmin replied softly. "I’m not home but, do you want me to come?"

The thought of him being here, of his comforting presence, was exactly what I needed. "Yes, please."

"I'll be there soon," he promised, before hanging up the phone.

I clutched my phone tightly, the reassurance of Seungmin’s promise echoing in my mind. The weight of the morning’s argument felt a bit lighter now, replaced with the anticipation of seeing him again. I knew I needed to pull myself together before he arrived.

Taking a deep breath, I stood up and walked to the bathroom connected to my room. Splashing cold water on my face, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Red-rimmed eyes, tear-streaked cheeks, it was clear I had been crying. I took a few moments to compose myself, running my fingers through my hair and tidying up my appearance as best as I could.

The moment I stepped back into my room, I heard two soft knocks at my door.

Opening the door, I was met with his concerned gaze. He looked as if he had rushed over, slightly out of breath, but his eyes softened as they met mine.

"Hi," he said gently, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. "Are you alright?"

I nodded, but the tears threatened to spill again. "Better now that you're here."

He pulled me into a tight embrace, and I clung to him, feeling the tension melt away. "I'm here," he murmured into my hair. "I've got you."

For a few moments, we stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, finding solace in the shared silence. Finally, he pulled back slightly, looking into my eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I sighed, nodding. "It's just... my mom and I argued. She doesn't understand how hard it is to lose your dad and then all of a sudden never have a place to call home again, and she thinks dating a bunch of guys will somehow fix our problems."

Seungmin's expression softened with understanding as he listened. He guided me over to the edge of the bed, where we sat down together, he scanned my face and wiped away the stray tears. 

“What if… she’s really in love with Joon?” I said, my voice shaky, “What does that mean for us..?” 

Fear was in my eyes as I scanned his face, as he was thinking of how to respond.

Seungmin held my gaze for a long moment, his brow furrowed in thought as he considered my question. He reached out, gently brushing his thumb across my cheek, wiping away the last remnants of tears.

"I don't know what it means for us," he began softly, his voice carrying a mix of concern and reassurance. "But I do know that whatever happens between your mom and my dad, it doesn't change how I feel about you. I like you a lot, and I want to be here for you, no matter what."

His words eased some of the fear tightening my chest. I leaned into his touch, seeking comfort in his presence. "I'm scared," I admitted quietly, feeling vulnerable.

"I understand," Seungmin replied, his voice tender. “But I’m not giving you up, that’s not an option I’d ever consider.”

I placed a soft kiss on his lips  He smiled, and I knew everything was going to be alright.

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

tsc thoughts while reading (beware of spoilers) starting with -

david wymack my fucking beloved

also i never rlly liked/cared for thea but her scene with jean and her nickname for him was cute

chapter 3 thoughts:

jeremy being in awe of neil and the foxes is giving me life

fanfics with alvarez in them gonna go crazy now that we actually have a first name for her (and don’t have to invent one)

oh they rich rich (in reference to jeremy’s family butler?!)

jerejean first interaction!!!!

chapter 4:

omg sunshine court mentioned

having the sudden realisation that i can never read fanfics that have jean’s perspective or anything about the how the ravens work, raven!neil/aftermath of the kings men in the same way again

my neighbours are having a party and while i’m loving the music and absolutely jealous i’m not there, it’s really distracting me from reading

ngl i rlly miss neil and andrew and the foxes please let me see my family soon

‘ what you hold onto is less important than the act of holding on itself’ nora sakavic shut the fuck up you philosophical genius i’m gonna cry this is so real to me

renee i love u

WIT WTF JEAN IS NINETEEN I DIDNT KNOW THAT OH MY GOD BABY HE JOINED THE RAVEN LINEUP AT SIXTEEN WTF

i’m drinking red wine while reading and i think that’s appropriate… also i’m listening to that jean moreau playlist someone made and it’s mega depressing https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5zlPt63Ap0AjJQ1Ff5OKrd?si=75oEzLE8SO-bfJwewM8Evw&pi=a-ge04jIlVTJGY

this is so funny to only me but i’ve been hyperfixating on one direction again and zayn just dropped new music so everytime i read about jean’s raven roomate zane i think of one direction and confused myself a bit about what fandom i’m reading rn

fuck riko u sick fucking fuck u put jean into a box with a singular hole for air and left him to die u fucking cunt

KEVIN ASKING JEAN TO PROMISE NOT TO KILL HIMSELF AFTER NORA WROTE COUNTLESS DRAFTS IN WHICH JEAN KILLED HIMSELF WHILE ON THE PHONE TO KEVIN AND THE ONLY TIME SHE DIDNT KILL JEAN OFF IS THE VERSION SHE PUBLISHED AND THE REASON WE GET TO HEAR HIS STORY TODAY IM SO BROKEN

jean’s ‘gift’ from the ravens with his broken magnets, blacked out postcards and angry letters is making me cry he deserves so much better

slowly realising that this book is gonna be super triggering lol whoops

a cool evening breeze 🥲

THAT CREEPY LITTLE GOALKEEPER IS MY FAVOURITE GUY OK

‘kevin saw nothingn but the court, but jean had stopped hoping for more than that years ago’ shut the fuckkkk uppppp i cant do this anymore kevin/jean relationship is so deeply important to me (i say this about everything)

chapter 5:

SECOND NEIL/ JEAN INTERACTION OF THE BOOK IM SO FUCKING EXCITED

‘of course it’d be you, you tedious malcontent’ ‘good morning to you too’ is so ‘morning sunshine’ ‘fuck you’ coded (neil and matt bromance confirmed)

the amount of mitski on this jean playlist is making me sick

FUCKING SCREAMING OMFG THIS IS THE JEAN/NEIL CONTENT I YEARN FOR

‘abominable cockroach’ aww jean u say the sweetest things 🥰❤️ neil loves u too babe

literally devouring every last scrap of information jean feeds us about neil - his slow, hungry, hateful smile and the madness in his eyes (neil baby i love u never change)

oh jean don’t diss aaron, do u know how many fanfics have been written about u two

tsc is confirmation that jean moreau will come into ur house and judge u based on the contents of ur fridge (and then throw out ur stash of lollies)

‘to have a real match as a palate cleanser’ jean is really trying to win my favour by borrowing neil’s sassiness huh (no wonder i love them so much together) ((and yes i know he’s BEEN sassy ok))

jean reaching for the tv screen as if he could save neil and describing andrew running for neil as if hell was on his heels is making me absolutely giddy idk whether to scream or cry i’m doing both and i’m giggling

I bet on losing dogs is so jean moreau coded omg

holy fuck nora, the moments after the raven/fox match when riko tries to kill neil is fucking amazingly written. reading from jean’s perspective as he watches the game on tv, the tension, the breathless anxiety and confusion of the scene is palpable i coukd fucking taste it, my chest is tight just reading it

JEAN SAYING ANDREW WILL BE COURT IS IMMACULATE

[medicallyfascinating]

I thought I reblogged the post but I did not cuz I'm DUMB but I already wrote out the entire thing so!!!!

I was tagged by @thequeenwillriseagain

this is so cute!!! I'm so flattered you decided to tag me in this

also if you got a notification that I posted this already- no you didnt

Favourite Colour: Purple. But I love blues too.

Currently Reading: I'm ngl I haven't read anything in so long but I've got a list of books I wanna read. I really wanna read 1984. But also my aunt bought me a book called Young Mungo ages ago that I haven't read because it looks kind of gay fetish-y and it makes me really hesitant to actually read it. (I have zero proof its actually fetishy but the front cover makes me uncomfy)

Last Song: Hot Mess by Friday Pilots Club. I played Messy by Lola Young on loop today so I feel she deserves an honourable mention.

Last Movie: again, I'm TERRIBLE at watching movies. I genuinely don't remember the last time I actually watched one. It truly might have been Heriditary, which is kinda gross but not particularly scary. The family aspects were moving and the lady swimming across the screen made me laugh for like 5 minutes straight (I was drunk when I watched it)

Last Series: The Split on BBC IPLAYER which is all about a family going through divorce and healing/struggling through childhood traumas. It's such a beautiful show and it makes me SOBBBBB. Honourable Mention once again of The Goes Wrong Show which I watch most evenings. It's on BBC IPLAYER but it's also on Amazon Prime. I highly recommend it- it's so fucking funny. It's just actors pretending to be actors who are fucking up constantly.

Sweet, Savoury or Salty: UMMMMMMM God it really depends on my mood. Probably sweet but I love them all so much, it's impossible to choose.

Craving: Oranges. I'm so bad at eating fruit tho. I need to eat more fruit.

Tea or Coffee: Tea, 10000000%. I love it so much. I'm drinking it right now.

Currently Working On: Ferdibert smut. It's taking me forever. It was supposed to come out on Ferdinand's birthday and it's now the 6th of May so........... whoops.

OKAY-

I shall tag @awakenedunknown, @faerghusfucker and @nimbuskibblebites only if you guys want to join in tho!!!!!! <33

[electricalhuzzah]

Hi, it's me again :D

I was just thinking of an idea for another fanart for Heinz Dilemma based on Bill's comment on one of the pages of The Book of Bill where he gives advice to the reader that if Ford happens to start talking about his moth collection, they should just jump off a cliff.

Besides this very helpful advice, we get to know that Bill probably had to listen to so. many. facts. about moths. as Ford could never shut up about them and Bill just had to endure to keep his "good muse" fasade.

So I imagined a cute little idea that, while past Bill might have hated being dragged through the process of endless lectures on lepidopterology, current, human Bill would actually enjoy that (even though he would probably not be able to retain any information given whatsoever). I can imagine him just leaning in as he sits with Ford as the scientist infodumps about his favorite moths from his collection. Maybe he would even ask Ford to talk about them before sleep as his nerd talk works better than a sleeping pill lol.

And that brings me to the question that got me to immediately open Tumblr to ask:

Is BOB even canon in the Heinz Dilemma universe? Because I'm not sure if I've ever seen a mention of it and I just gotta know

As always- hope you're having a good day/night ^^

And thank you again for the nice reblogs on my art, appreciate that a lot <33

hi!!! :D fords moth obsession is truly so very special to meeee. i dont talk bout portal era nearly enough but i feel very similarly as u said abt bill maintaining the muse image. i think he fell down the pipeline of like “ok just listen to him say this boring shit about moths even though it’s literally the most uninteresting thing on this goddamn planet” -> “omg wait im literally the only one whos listened to him talk about moths this long ISOLATION TACTIC TIME BABEY” -> “holy actual fuck how is he STILL yapping abt these goddamn creatures i literally just isolation tactic’d him— wait no fuck wait now this means im ACTUALLY THE ONLY MF whos listening to his ass talk about moths. this is torture who could’ve predicted this would backfire” -> “at least his voice has that medium sexy coffee-corroded rumble when he yaps for fucking ever” -> “i’m NOT soft i am NOT sentimental everyone who says otherwise can EAT BLISTER JUICES” -> “one sixer please.” does that make sense does anyone else see that or am i just having visions and saying nonsense mcgucket style

ANYWAYS that was a tangent. you are CORRECT heinz bill DOES get ford to yap them both to sleep!!! im so horribly soft about them sometimes,,, i think bill likes to put hsi head right by fords chest/neck before asking him moth questions so that he can be surrounded by that voice rumble as he falls asleep,,, and also reciting moth facts is kinda like counting sheep for ford so they both fall asleep to it and audghehrbdbrbb ……. when they sleep together but they both have The Demons™️ about sleep………….

i think i said this in an ask WAY WAY back when i first got the tumblr app but! as i wrote heinz dilemma i kinda had it in the back of my mind that the theraprism intercepted the book of bill before it ever left the facility (didnt end up getting a chance to mention it in the fic itself… big whoops on clairty gang thats my bad ;-; ). with the exception of the pines finding tbob/tbob ever making it past the prism in the first place, p much all the events transpired are considered canon to heinz (i think? with the caveat of My Dumbass Mightve Fucked Something Up and You Could Probably Catch Me Cherry-Picking More if You Really Wanted To).

bill hearing screams when he returns to the triangle form, bill’s patient number, the one-line mention of smiledip dog being in the theraprism, the idea of ax speaking in rhymes when keeping records/relaying events, the olms being a malleable interpretation of the orbs of light that work at the theraprism, the blink-and-youll-miss-it mention of ciphertology’s existence kinda, the implied traumatic tijuana nose flour stan lore that got brought up, and dipper’s protective/vengeful mentality towards bill are some of the things i remember drawing specifically from tbob/the website!

holy long walk for a short drink of water i say so many words ANYways hope youre having a good one too my homie :DD and ofc anytime on the reblogs ur art literally makes my day!!! <33

[discoveredreality]

intro post <3

don't mind me editing this like every single day lol

my dm's and askbox is always open if u want to talk <3

anons are welcome too <3

also if u want to make new friends i am right here pls say hi im fucking lonely😭

anyways

BELOVED MOOTS <33333 (everyone is tagging them and this is fun)

this in no particular order just whoever pops up on my dash or smth idk. not every moots just the ones i actually know lol. ok so

@im-ur-sleep-paralysis-demon THEY'RE AMAZING LOVE THEM SM IF U DON'T FUCK OFF BECAUSE OMG KJHLGJKFJHLKYFJHKJGL

@ma-lan13 HELP MY BESTIE IRL GOT TUMBLR OMG OMG. AND SHES ACTUALLY USING IT WTF?????? ANYWAYS SHES THE BEST <333

@bloophasarrived SHE'S THE SWEETEST AND SO WONDERFUL. HER PERSONALITY SPARKLES AND OMG SHE'S SO FUN AHHH

@marylily-my-beloved I LOVE HERRR WE HAVE THE BEST CONVERSATIONS. SO NICE AND EASY TO TALK TO. AND WHY DOES SHE KNOW ME SO WELL <3333

@im-just-here4853 my vent buddy omg we just vent to each other i love her so much idk what i would do without her <33

@im-on-crack-send-help TWINNING IN LITERALLY EVERYTHING. SAME MUSIC TASTE. SAME TASTE IN FOOD. IN DRINKS. IN THE WAY WE THINK. WTF. ANYWAYS SHE'S MY POOKIE I LOVE HER <333

@the-gay-skeleton-in-ur-closet THEY'RE THE BEST OMGGGGG and they're nice and cool and shit <333333 i'm quoting myself it's fine AND LIKE SO NICE AND GOOFY AND EVERYTHING OMG

@cubemagnet somene i met on a random post and now we occasionally team up to correct grammar lol 🤓🤓🤓 anyways she's amazing :D and everything she says is so iconic like isjflsrijglruhglsuglijrsg

@book-girl4eva SHE'S AMAZINGGGGG. IT'S SO EASY TO GOOF AROUND W HER I LOVE IT. SHE ALWAYS SLAYS SO HARD. EVERYTHING ABOUT HER SLAYS. idk if you'll see this but this is for u pookie <3

@mil-pinterest-sss-here-i-am ??? questioning why we're moots. but he's literally so nice. literally will be my therapist and help me w maths because that shit is impossible 😭

@dandelionflowery omg literally so kind and everything all the time. so fun fun reading their fics and doing shit together omg

@sweetwarmcookies16 OMG RIJGDJFGIJFGIF THE BEST I LOVE PLAYING GAMES TOGETHER AND TALKING AND EVERYTHING. ALSO AN AMAZING WRITER

idk brain isnt braining ill add ppl as i go along

moodboards made by my lovely lovely moots <3

so far i only have one here cause i forgot to link the previous ones whoops 😭😭😭

about me

i'm ari. she/her. nicknames welcome. go wild. dude/bro/girl/literally anything is also fine. i use 'lol' and '<3' too much. minor. literally the biggest procrastinator and so disorganised i dare u to find someone worse than me. i'm indian but i live in australia. bengali/north indian idk. band kid :D my pinterest is here. PLEASE DM ME IF U WANT TO. I NEED FRIENDS. IM AWKWARD AND BAD AT MAKING CONVERSATION BUT STILL PLS 😭😭😭

personality/star sign or whatever

according to the mbti test here i am an istp-t. i am also a cancer. i found out my sun, moon and rising signs and the marauders version and i wrote it down and lost it so then i redid it and i lost it again so i can't bother at this point someone help me :(

time zone

Australian Eastern Standard Time (AEST) i think?? SUCK ON THAT AMERICANS AND WHOEVER ELSE EHHEHEHHEHE ;LSDJFSFJIJFDJF;LJ

my music taste

i love taylor swift, conan gray, olivia rodrigo, sabrina carpenter and honestly a lot of other stuff lol. also love bollywood music.

favourite books and authors

i love reading and i'm usually a really fast reader lol. i love harry potter (fuck jkr tho), kotlc, chetan bhagat books, the inheritance games, agggtm, literally all of karen m. mcmanus's books, the divergent series, pjo and hoo, lorien legacies, the selection, powerless, soc, girl in pieces, dictionary of lost words and bookbinder of jericho, all the books by amish, and a bunch of other books.

dni

idk the usual?? if u think ppl arent valid or you're literally an asshole. honestly you all can go get stuffed. idgaf

tag games and shit

yes you can absolutely tag me. i love tag games and chain asks. sometimes i may not get to doing it but i usually will and it makes me so happy when i'm tagged lol

tags

i don't post that much stuff so i don't really have mulitple tags for my posts. anything or any shitposting or thoughts will be tagged #ari's shit. for asks it's #ari gets an ask?

fandoms!

i'm literally obsessed with drarry but i'm mostly part of the marauders fandom. i'm starting to make my way through all of the marauders fics. i love love love hermitcraft. i'm an ethogirl literally who doesn't love etho?? also really into trafficblr. i literally love six of crows so much like omg. desperately trying to get through the magnus archives im only 8 years late haha i also love kotlc sm. (team foster-keefe forever!) i'm low-key in love with keefe sencen cause omg. aaaand also a bunch of other shit but those are the main ones idk bro

i'm bored and this is too long already might as well add more so here are a bunch of userboxes :D

and that's all not because i have self control but because there is a limit to images per post 😭😭😭 i literally had to delete some of my aesthetic images for this soooo

all the above photos are not mine, i got them off of pintrest.

my profile pic is obviously from the makowka picrew here

the beautiful dividers are linked here. these are by @saradika-graphics she is a literal star these dividers are so good

IK THIS IS WAY TOO FUCKING LONG AND I KEEP ON ADDING SHIT MORE SHIT SO IF U ACTUALLY LIKE READ TO THE BOTTOM THIS HERE IS FOR U LMFAO ILYSM <333333

[majestichyuk]

Just the norm

Pairing :- Mark Lee x Fem!reader

Summary :- Just some college kids being college kids.

Genre :- College students, comedy (because I’m nice like that), text messages, fluff (you tell me), acquaintances to friends, flirty-ish, ass whooping, cringe alert (sry)

Wc :- 1.3k 

WARNING :- cursing. It’s never a peaceful day with the haechan & renjun, reader wanted the smoke, and jeno just being the peacemaker because he can. 

Notes :- THANK YOU FOR 100 NOTES ON MY LATEST BOOK kutabare starring Jeno T-T. I WROTE THIS, sry i wrote this in the spawn of the moment because why not, you either enjoy it or you don’t, but once again thank you for the love, don't be afraid to talk with me and send in some ask, I’m open. But anyways enjoy my crack cringe short story, LIKE, FOLLOW & REBLOG. 

🦹

“HAECHAN, GIVE IT BACK!,” you yelled as you leap forward to grab the nuisance by his light brown hair.

“Bring back what?!” Haechan asked as he stood on the other side of the table. “I have nothing that belongs to you,” 

“Haecha- ugh, RENJUN!” you called out to Renjun who’s busied himself with his phone on the other side of the classroom, with his legs crossed elegantly. “Haechan give her back whatever you stole from her,” Renjun ordered as he kept his attention on his phone.

Haechan snarled at you as he handed you back your phone, and pouted as he plopped himself at his desk.

“I always knew you were a lil bitch,” you stick your tongue out playfully at Haechan as you took your phone from his hands. 

“What'd you say you strumpet-” he was interrupted as Jeno entered the classroom.

“What’s with all the noise I was hearing outside?” Jeno questioned as he placed his barrel bag on your desk. “You two fighting again?” Jeno looked at both you and Haechan unimpressed.

“They’ve been at each other throats since this mornin-” Renjun was the second victim of being interrupted by someone.  

“There wouldn’t have been an issue today if he wouldn’t stick his nose out in other people's busine-” Haechan interrupted you as he jumped out of his seat, slamming both of his palms on your desk startling Jeno.

“Well, I’m sorry for wanting to know who has my dearest friend all smiley and shit!” He nearly gagged at the scene he witnessed this morning. “Who possessed you, babe?” Haechan looked at you worriedly as he reached out to check your temperature.

“Renjun whatcha doing after school?,” Jeno peered over you and Haechan getting into a brawl, completely ignoring you two as if it was a normal day.

“Mark asked me to help him with something so I’m probably going to his house,” Renjun told Jeno as he went into his bag searching for a snack. You halted yourself as you let go of Haechan’s neck, dusting your pants as you got up from the floor, kicking him in his ass before you walk over to Renjun.

“Want me to tag along, Junnie?” You sat on Renjun’s table and tried to muster your most irresistible puppy eyes.

“Look who’s the little bitc-” Haechan got slapped at the back of the head by Jeno as he struggled to get up from the floor. 

Renjun put his attention back on you. “Why you wanna tag along, don’t you have somewhere to be after school,” Renjun asks pushing more of a reaction out of you, even though he has an idea of your motives to join him and Mark.

“Well.. not anymore, I don’t really have to be there, the team will do fine without me for one day,” you reassure him, even though you’re kind of rethinking if your basketball team has that level of independence.

“They’ll be fine,” You brushed him off as you took a bite of the snack he handed to you.

“So who were you messaging this morning to have Haechan nearly puke everywhere?” Renjun questioned you as if he didn’t know.

“No one really,” You stuffed a handful of the chips in your mouth. “Jst marlk,” you were able to get out, thinking no one would be able to understand. Until.

“MARK? MARK FUCKING LEE,” Haechan pushed Renjun out of his seat as he planted himself in front of you in Renjun's abandoned chair. “Lee Minhyung has you smiling like that?!,” Haechan looks at you in concern and disgust.

“What’s so wrong with Mark?” Jeno joined in as he held Renjun back from pouncing on Haechan. “Calm down Renjun, calm down,” He gently stroked Renjun's hair and went over to flick Haechan’s forehead.

“Well for starters,” Haechan rubbed his red forehead. “He’s a total wimp that just smells bad and too uptight, AND HE CHEATS!” 

“You’re just mad because he beat you in badminton,” Renjun rolled his eyes whilst taking a seat next to you on his desk. 

“And because he beat you in Mario cart,” Jeno added as he propped by the window.

“And because he-” you stopped speaking when Haechan started to dramatically flop in his chair.

“Okay! Okay, I get it, I’m a jealous trainwreck, I can't help my competitiveness” he pulled out his white handkerchief and surrendered. Everyone chuckled at him until their attention was taken by the devil himself.

“Hey Mark,” Jeno got up and bro hugged Mark who reluctantly accepted the gesture.

“Hey,” Mark muttered looking quite tired as he went to take his seat at the back of the class. 

“You see what I mean? A total wimp, didn’t even greet us” Haechan loudly whispered as he watched Mark place his headphones on his head. Jeno went over the speak with Mark, leaving Haechan to ramble.

“I don’t think you should be talking considering your mom has to wash your underwear at your big age, and he looks tired” You retorted, gazing at Jeno and Mark wondering what Jeno was talking about.

“Well since you’re obviously so smitten by him why don’t you go over and talk with him?” Haechan challenges you as he looks at you expectedly. 

Renjun brushed him off “You didn’t have the balls to talk to youR crush face to face, all I saw was shriveled nuts,”. You burst out in laughter gaining the attention of the two boys at the back.

“You know what I’m not even going to waste my time with you,” Haechan glared at Renjun. 

“The only action you’re getting is from that hole in your pillow, you prude,” Haechan spat out as Renjun gasped at his words.

 “It wouldn’t be that way if you’d let your mom visit me mor- AH!” Renjun got up from his desk and ran towards the classroom door with Haechan trailing behind him screaming how he’d skin him alive. 

You sat there with your arms crossed, knowing after they’d had their little fight they’d probably leave the compound goofing around to only return until their next class. You watch as Jeno and Mark are still in deep conversation about god knows what, so you get up go back to your table, and take out your phone preparing to play a mobile game until lunch is finished. 

After five minutes of playing Roblox, you see you got a text from someone.

Marknificent 🦹: So no greetings when I arrived?

You quickly open the message, instantly thinking back and realizing you indeed didn't greet him, not that it was unpurpose.

You: I should be asking you the same thing 🤨

Marknificent 🦹: Touche

Marknificent 🦹: What ya doing?

You looked behind you to see him still engaging in conversation with Jeno, well he’s mostly listening but anyway.

You: I’m actually on the toilet 💀

You: Taking a fat shit

Marknificent 🦹: ew wft dude 😭 😂

Marknificent 🦹: Well I’m popping a huge pimple on my ass rn 

You let out a snorted laugh to look back and see Mark looking away from Jeno, smiling trying to hold his laughter.

You: Are you having a serious conversation rn?

Marknificent 🦹: Yes 🧍🏻

You: So why are you texting me?

Marknificent 🦹: Well I’ve noticed we don’t really talk much in person because we’re always interrupted, so why not cheat the system?

 You: That’s not nice bro ☠️

Marknificent 🦹: He’s too deep in his story to even notice

Marknificent 🦹: Plus ima pro at multitaskin, no lies detected.

You: Im intrigued 

Marknificent 🦹: Well I asked renjun to help me with something at my place

Marknificent 🦹: You could tag along and 

Marknificent 🦹: MAYBE, i’ll show you first hand (pun intended)

You: what was the joke? 💀

You: Boy-

You: what ya mean by that? 😏

Marknificent 🦹: I shall not tell ☝️

Marknificent 🦹: You have to be there to find out 🧍🏻

You: Aaaaand what if I’m not there Mark lee

Marknificent 🦹: Well Albert, Ig you’ll never know

You: Albert 🧍‍♀️, really? 👩‍🦯

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