#(and while not-kane's existence sure added to his own questioning regarding his own humanity... his changes to his body def did first)

[offdxty]

The images of a fire, of a body consumed by flames, a being watching as another shifted and started to exist, eyes wide and in awe, skin moving and squirming, DNA changing, cells duplicating, a world opening up, a recognized house, a recognized woman, blood, tears - all of them continue to exist, continue to be while Harrow speaks. They race back and forth, pop up and disappear, a heavy-lidded gaze following each of those pictures with the tiniest of movements - irises vibrating, watching without looking, without focus, while words are taken at the very same time.

A hypothesis, another one, being made and voiced out into the room between them, the space that exists, filled with oxygen and carbon dioxide; Maybe Kane wants to be Kane, to be someone, because Kane thought he is just that. Maybe he wants to follow orders, an instinct eager to do what it was made to do, to fulfill its purpose.

Both could be correct, both could be the opposite. Both could be both at the same time - correct and not correct, a fact and a theory, knowledge and assumption.

...And Kane swallows, sucks a bottom lip between his teeth, bites and chews on it until the skin begins to feel a little tight, a little raw - only then he lets go of his own flesh, nostrils flaring with an exhale of air, lashes glistening as he blinks once, twice.

---He doesn't know whether any of this is right or wrong, whether any of these suggestions, ideas, possible reasons, apply to him or not. Perhaps he's just functioning because he follows a direction, perhaps he's only grieving because he took the very same emotion from the one he'd been copying; Like fragments of a life that is his own but not his own at a same time, fractions of experiences and memories that have happened to him, but not to him. Not to Kane, not it, yet Kane, yet it, because the DNA exists, the cells exist - copied, split, copied again, split once more, taken apart, reassembled, morphed and merged together until an image had been formed, a face and a body and a breath, hair and lungs and an appendix.

But not all of it, only parts. A whole physical existence, but only pieces of a life. Kane had seen him, Kane had watched, Kane had observed and Kane had made a decision; Now here other-Kane is, and he wonders... he wonders and thinks and feels, and all of it might just be... instinct. Learned behavior.

It makes everything feel even worse, causes eyes to close and lips to purse.

...But maybe, just maybe... ---Maybe none of this applies to him. Maybe it does, but partially. Maybe there is something else to him, maybe he does think, does feel, and none of it is fully attached to pure instinct and learned behavior anymore.

Error should not produce grief, Dr. Harrow says such himself; In case grief applies, the whole of not-Kane might stem from an origin more sophisticated. Is this grief... real grief, he feels? An emotion made of something else than learned behavior?

Maybe Kane, not-Kane, it... wants it all. Maybe Kane follows a direction, a code, instinct and learned behavior, while also grieving, thinking, feeling. Can he be... both? Can he be a something-someone?

... He doesn't know.

Even though he thinks about it all, takes those words and syllables filled with information to consume them, dissect them, try to put them back together into what he thinks makes sense... he has no real knowledge regarding the matter. He has never considered any of it, has never followed a pattern of existence like the one he's currently involved with... Perhaps he's just offering theories in return. Even though he knows he's thinking, most likely feeling, perhaps having an emotion - there's no proof existing, at least none he feels familiar with. All he can do is to listen to the man in front of him, to take what he's saying, and to... react. To... try and figure it out.

It, whatever it might be.

Eyes flick back open, silence stretching for another while; A spine straightens and Kane's gaze focuses on the wall above the other as his hands slide along his thighs, then let go of fabric, of muscle - his arms fold in front of his chest instead, hands tucked into each armpit as he inhales, exhales, swallows, lifts his chin.

A nod. Then a shake of a head. Both actions are happening without a word falling from full lips, and yet they seem thoughtful - deep in a way, meaningful.

"He questioned his own humanity." A fact. Kane did say such out loud, after all - spoke it directly into the camera he left behind, hoping for someone to find it on some faithful day. Someone did indeed.

"---It changed him, like it changed everything within its reach - flora, fauna, life. I guess that upon seeing me, he found another reason to..." A brief pause, as if Kane's struggling to find the right words for what he tries to say; He swallows, again and then takes another, deeper inhale of air.

"...To doubt it. What he believed to be." ... "---I don't know if he made a mistake. I don't know if his final decision to self-destruct was based on me, my existence. I think... I think he already made that decision before we got to meet each other."

He wouldn't have survived. Kane knew. And Kane's aware of the fact that Kane knew.

"But... I do think that it's... ---sad. The consequences. The act itself. He should've been the one to go back to his wife, but he couldn't. He had no choice. No matter what he did, he wouldn't have been able to find his way back out, to stay alive. ---That's what I meant with him putting hope on me instead, because I am him - yet I am not. I am not him, not quite. ...But I would like to be...---someone."

Silence was a more useful tool than any question, especially when the subject truly began to speak. Arthur didn’t dare interrupt, instead just watching - noting the return of the odd colors in the subject’s pupils, the unspooled words that seemed like blood spilling from a wound. A rupture of something that had been compressed, maybe; it fascinated him far more than anything else did. 

The change in posture didn’t go unnoticed, the curling of those fingers in search of contact. The way he recounted what happened at the lighthouse with something close to reverence - as if there were something there that he truly did care for, that he valued. They were behaviors that likely were learned by watching, there was little to no proof that they were understood; and that gap between function and comprehension was where Arthur lived. 

“You’re responding to memory,” Arthur noted, again stated like nothing more than fact. “The memory of events can sometimes be… difficult. Especially memories of observation. You observed as Kane chose to self destruct, the same way you observed Lena react to your presence. Perhaps the fact they bother you so severely isn’t because of the emotional weight, but because they were new sensations. Whatever part of you is ‘learning’ found these moments worth flagging as important.” 

His voice dipped as he spoke, just enough to suggest depth without delivering any comfort. “That’s curious. Memory without ownership shouldn’t carry emotional charge - so I don’t believe that it does. I think that those moments are important to you because they are ones that gave you guidance and direction, and that’s what you are searching for.” 

Arthur shifted. He leaned forward, raising a hand; offering a hypothesis, to see how it was handled. “Kane gave you a direction. He gave you two, actually - ‘do not look’, and ‘go find Lena’. You looked, because your internal programming demanded it. You were meant to look at Kane. You were meant to copy Kane. You watched him, even as he… self-destructed. But when he was gone, when there was nothing else to observe, you needed a new rule to follow. 'Go find Lena.' You did that.” 

Arthur leaned back again, his hand falling down gently into his lap. “Maybe the reason you want to be someone is because you think that Kane thought you were someone,” he offered. “And you think that you’re failing Kane’s orders, in some way. Maybe you have a drive to succeed, to fulfill your duty. Maybe you still want to satisfy the parameters of a command you were given.” 

His eyebrows raised, as if offering the theory; though he didn’t let it sit for long before offering evidence against it. “But - if that were true, here’s what I can’t quite solve. If you are just something - an echo, a mimimc, a residual pattern - then you shouldn’t care about failing. Error should not produce grief - and if it does, then the grief itself is part of the design. Which suggests an origin more sophisticated than something I’m prepared to explain.” 

His fingers tapped again, eyes looking almost as if he were actively thinking that through, right now;  he was. He inhaled softly, followed by an exhale; and then he rested his head behind him, again, against the wall. 

“… Let me ask you this. If Kane did think you were someone - and you turn out to be something - would that make his final choice a mistake? Do you think he made the right decision, in ending himself and sending you?” 

[hermanwatts]

Sensor Sweep: Michael Shea, Hugh Cave, Walking Dead

Comic Books (Paint Monk): If you think I worship at the proverbial altar of Roy Thomas when it comes to Conan comic books, you’re right. I do. But it’s not undeserved. Not only was Thomas the man who worked to bring Conan to Marvel, but he also took his time with character research, developing all the nuances of the Cimmerian and making sure the Hyborian Age was portrayed by the most capable artistic staff the House of Ideas could muster (within budget, of course)! He scripted the initial run of Conan for the first 115 issues.

  Sales (Cirsova): I don’t know that I’ve mentioned it here, but we have made some of the Wild Stars backstock available via our Amazon store. We had several damaged copies when trying to fulfill our crowdfunds–these have been made available at 1/2 SRP. I’ll note that while a few of these were pretty mangled, most of them were dents, dings and corner creases. While these would’ve been unacceptable to send to backers or for retail shelves [especially for comic folks], these are perfectly good readable copies if you want Wild Stars at a lower buy-in.

  Zombies (Everyday Should be Tuesday):  I have long been a fan of the comics and watcher of the show, but I haven’t yet dived into any of The Walking Dead novels.  But with an impending trip to China and a good experience with Chu’s Lives of Tao books, Typhoon was the perfect book to start with.  Chu takes the action across the Pacific, telling a story set after the zombie apocalypse hit China.  If you think walkers are bad, wait until there are 700 million of them.

  Publishing (Kairos): If you travel in the circles where this blog is read, you already know that yesterday Amazon nuked preorders for Jon Del Arroz’s and Declan Finn’s latest books. Amazon shut down Jon Del Arroz’s Glorified novel along with Declan Finn’s Deus Vult novel from publisher Silver Empire.  Publisher Russell Newquist was informed that both books, which were scheduled to be released on November 1st, were removed from Amazon and Kindle.

    Fantasy (Misha Burnett): I have been thinking a lot about Fantasy, and specifically about fantastic settings–settings in which the fantastic elements are integral to the world. And frankly, I’m not interested in writing stories set in some vaguely Central European kingdom in the First Millenium AD. The Tolkien/D&D/Swords & Sorcery kind of setting is one that I don’t really relate to. I’ve never ridden a horse or herded a sheep.  I’ve never been in an actual stone castle, never fought using a sword or a mace, never fired a bow, and sitting around a campfire is something I do before I go inside and sleep in a real damned bed.

  Science Fiction (Futurism.com): In 1982, director Ridley Scott graced the world with “Blade Runner,” the cult-favorite sci-fi film noir that painted a stunning picture of a bleak, distant future: November 2019. Since that starts, well, today, let’s compare our current timeline to the one in “Blade Runner.” Just please don’t bring back those insufferable jokes about hoverboards that flooded the internet in 2015 when we hit the futuristic date that Marty McFly traveled to “Back To The Future Part II.”

  Authors (DMR Books): Dr. Timothy Willocks was born in Cheshire, England, to a working-class family. He graduated from the University College Hospital Medical School, whereupon he began practicing medicine. He did some time as an intern in a trauma ward before specializing in the treatment of drug addiction. Tim eventually grew tired of the stress and hassles involved with practicing medicine and turned to writing. Willocks’ first published novel was the noir thriller, Bad City Blues. His next novel, Green River Rising, was optioned by Hollywood.

  Warhammer (Track of Words): In this instalment I spoke to legendary Black Library author CL Werner about his new Warhammer Horror novel Castle of Blood, which is available to order now in hardback, ebook and audiobook formats. It’s the first full-on horror novel released for Age of Sigmar, and promises to be very interesting indeed! Let’s get straight to the questions and Clint’s answers, to find out more.

  Gaming (Dungeon Fantastic): GURPS DF has copper pieces ($1), silver pieces ($4) and gold pieces ($80). DF Felltower has its own devalued set. AD&D has copper, silver, electrum, gold, platinum, Rolemaster has coins from bronze to gold going by tens, and Dragonlance even has steel pieces (Hah*). Generally, though, those coins are the same everywhere. It’s rare for places to have extra coins.

  Fiction (Mystery File): THEODORE STURGEON “The Ultimate Egoist.” Short story. First published in Unknown, February 1941. Collected in Without Sorcery (Prime Press, hardcover, 1949) and The Golden Helix (Dell, paperback, 1980; Carroll & Graf, paperback, 1989), among others. Reprinted in Human?, edited by Judith Merrill (Lion #205, paperback, 1954).    I suppose everyone, at one time or another, has had the following fantasy: that the world you see, and the objects in it, could disappear if you simply decided that they no longer existed. That the facade of life revolves around you and you only. You don’t even have to admit it. I know you have.

Halloween (Jon Mollison): Tomorrow night marks the one celebration that traditionally brings neighbors together to celebrate as a community.  Yes, we all grumble about early Christmas decorations and wish each other Happy New Year at parties, but Halloween is the one where you go out and meet your neighbors and share in a communal love of the macabre and candy and making little kids smile.

Fiction (Adventures Fantastic): He That Hath Wings” is one of Hamilton’s best works, so I was surprised to find that it hasn’t been reprinted very often.  Fortunately, The Best of Edmond Hamilton is in print, although the cover illustration of the current edition (see below) isn’t nearly as good. Just so you know, I’m going to discuss this story in detail, so expect spoilers. The story concerns a boy, David Rand, whose parents were caught in what is only described as an electrical explosion, but they were exposed to some unidentified form of radiation.  David’s father dies before his is born, and his mother dies a few hours after his birth.

Men’s Adventure Magazines (Mens Pulp Mags): Bob Deis and Wyatt Doyle — the editors and publishers of THE MEN’S ADVENTURE LIBRARY series — will have their latest book, POLLEN’S ACTION, at this year’s PulpFest. It collects the cream of the Samson Pollen’s high-octane action paintings for the men’s adventure magazines. They’ll also have a limited number of copies of EVA: MEN’S ADVENTURE SUPERMODEL. These are being produced exclusively for members of PulpFest. This special edition — predating the title’s wide release by several months — will look at actress, pin-up model, and men’s adventure magazine artist’s model Eva Lynd.

Comic Books (John C. Wright): Feserm or, rather, the scoundrel JBS Haldane, defines the terms fantasy and imagination incorrectly, even misleadingly, but the point still stands. I propose a clearer definition: One is mere wish fulfillment that excludes consequences and context, and hence is outside the moral order. The suave British spy who nonchalantly seduces any gorgeous woman seen, yet without fathering any bastards or breaking any hearts, is an example.

Fiction (Paperback Warrior): The character of Modesty Blaise was conceived as a comic strip in 1963 by British writer Peter O’Donnell. The success of the strip landed O’Donnell a film deal, and he wrote an early draft of the screenplay starring his sexy, female spy for a movie that was eventually released in 1966. A year before the movie’s release, O’Donnell adapted his unproduced screenplay into the first of 11 Modesty Blaise paperback novels in this highly-regarded series.

Fiction (DMR Books): It is in Michael Shea’s Nifft the Lean where the author really shines in the way of crafting some amazing and unique dark fantasy. While using a familiar Dying Earth type of setting, and a style of prose that one might compare to Clark Ashton Smith or Fritz Leiber at times, it is the inventiveness of the plots that set the stories apart. Although Shea continued the Nifft series later in his career, the original saga published in the 1982 DAW collection consisted of four main tales.

Pulp (Mystery File): Private eyes in detective fiction are as often as not hard drinkers, and some of them are awfully good at it. But few of them are as good at it as was Peter Kane. There isn’t a single minute in “The Late Mr. Smythe” in which he isn’t totally sozzled. I can’t believe that anyone could go through life the same way he does, in three stages: drunk, drunker, and completely plastered.

Greyhawk (Boggswood): A few posts back, I posted an Apocalypse map of Blackmoor showing what Greyhawks’ Blackmoor should look like with the towns and rivers properly placed.  The map you see here is the one I used to site those locations.

Fiction (Black Gate): Bad guy, villain, evildoer, crook, criminal, and gangster. Fiction has a love affair with these characters ranging from low-level sneak thieves to wizards intent on destroying all life on Earth. In many cases, the villain is the driving force behind the tale. Where would fiction be without Lady MacBeth, Grendel’s Mother, Long John Silver, or Count Dracula? Though the villain is often the impetus, they rarely hold the place of protagonist in novels until recent times. A few famous characters did achieve notoriety, influencing fiction to this day.

Sensor Sweep: Michael Shea, Hugh Cave, Walking Dead published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/