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canary3d-obsessed · 5 years ago

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 10 second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Meta)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Unclean Realm

Lan Wangji has a Louis Henry Sullivan moment on seeing the Nie family home, becoming enraptured by its overwrought monumental architecture after a lifetime of restrained good taste and single-story buildings.

He approaches the fortress with the expression of delighted wonder that he usually reserves for when he’s looking at the moon or at Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian is like, yep that’s a building, all right, but he supports Lan Wangji’s kinks.

Meng Yao tells them about the Wen Clan directive, and has what appears to be a moment of genuine, affectionate amusement at Nie Huaisang’s reaction.

Jiang Cheng kinda blames the Lans for inventing the whole “indoctrination” thing and for encouraging his brother’s disaster bi tendencies. Wei Wuxian responds by complimenting the Lan Clan, almost like someone who met his true love got some real value out of the instruction he received there.

(more after the cut)

One of the great ironies of this story is that Wei Wuxian sort of becomes a rogue Lan disciple because of his relationship with Lan Wangji. He relies on Lan temperament techniques, uses music as a primary cultivation method, has committed all of the Lan rules to his supposedly terrible memory and cites them on multiple occasions, and is an important mentor for the younger generation Lan disciples. Because Hanguang-Jun is just that good in bed.

Xue Yang in the background of this conversation is channeling OP’s church-enduring, school-enduring inner 10-year-old.

Nie Mingjue, Chifeng-Zun, appears, and couldn’t be more different than his brother. On first watching this episode, I saw him as a grumpy, sexy, very emotional leather daddy man who is quick to anger. Rewatching, I see someone who’s struggling with a growing illness...the resentful energy kind.

Nie Mingjue’s handling of resentful energy is very different from Wei Wuxian’s straightforward interest and acceptance. NMJ has a traditional cultivator’s view of it, regarding it as evil and as something to resist, while he is literally carrying it on his back. He’s like a secret alcoholic who is preaching temperence, and can’t find a way to be reconciled with himself.

At this point of the story, Nie Mingjue is keeping it together, but is under a hell of a lot of stress, and Baxia’s blood thirst is already maybe a problem.

The Yunmeng bros think that Nie Huaisang’s fear of his brother is hilarious, because they don’t understand the situation. They think he’s just living in a hideously toxic family dynamic like theirs, when actually he’s in a loving, sorta healthy, if parentless, family that is being crushed under a generational curse.

Compliments for the Yunmeng Bros

I’m not the first meta poster to notice how happy Jiang Cheng is to be praised by Nie Mingjue.

He never gets this at home. Jiang Yanli praises him, but in that watery “you tried your best” way that doesn’t really stick. Nie Mingjue’s praise really means something, because he is a fearsome warrior and stern authority figure. And this is a double compliment, because Nie Mingjue says he heard it from Lan Xichen, and agrees with it.

Let’s Make Terrible Decisions

Keep Xue Yang alive, says Wei Wuxian, and Meng Yao immediately agrees, although I’m pretty sure he would have proposed that even if WWX hadn’t.

So they do, not realizing that “kill him later” is never a good plan for someone who 1. super needs killing 2. has a whole lot of death-dealing skills.

Future clan leader Jiang Cheng notices how smart and talented Meng Yao is. Xue Yang finds it hilarious when the trio praises Meng Yao, possibly because their evil team up is already underway.

Boss’ Bed Warmer Son of a Ho

The constant insults toward Meng Yao are about his mom, but there’s another level of leering implication, that Meng Yao seems to encourage in his conversation with the soon-to-be-murdered guard captain.

Nie Mingjue elevated him way above his expectations, and he is ridiculously pretty, which has to create rumors. In the Nightless City scenes when he’s fondling Baxia and telling Nie Mingjue’s family secrets there’s definitely a sense of intimacy that’s not just “loyal retainer.”

I feel like maybe this whole exchange is a bit of theater designed to show Xue Yang something without showing it to anyone else. Meng Yao didn’t need to have this conversation in front of his prisoner.

Let’s Do Exactly What We Said We Wouldn’t

Once the younger quartet are alone with Nie Mingjue, Wei Wuxian crosses the room away from his friends and practically into Lan Wangji’s pocket, if Lan Wangji had pockets.

He has no pockets and also has no personal bubble any more, when it comes to Wei Wuxian.

We could make a weapon out of Yin Iron, Wei Wuxian says, completely forgetting his entire conversation with Lan Yi, apparently. Lan Wangji doesn’t argue with this idea.

Nie Mingjue warns Wei Wuxian not to try it.

I stabbed a man in Qinghe just to watch him die

Nie Mingjue is like the Johnny Cash of the cultivation world, carrying the weight of his poor choices and trying to steer the young folk to the path of righteousness. But--like Johnny Cash--his bad choices have made him really fucking cool, so he isn’t very good at deterring anybody.

Meng Yao Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends

Immediately after Meng Yao’s fellow Nie clan people call him “son of a whore” again, Wei Wuxian meets him, is nice to him, addresses him by his military title, bows to him, asks why he’s away from the party, and thanks him for his service.

But Meng Yao has already decided to make friends with Xue Yang, so Wei Wuxian goes onto his list of people that he doesn’t give a crap about except if they can be useful to him. Then Meng Yao goes to make out hatch a plot with Xue Yang.

I’ll Sleep On Your Roof

Meeting SongXiao seems to have done away with the last of Lan Wangji’s resistance to his connection with Wei Wuxian.

He hears a noise on the roof and, when realizing it’s Wei Wuxian, he smiles one of his tiny reserved smiles before heading outside.

When he sees Wei Wuxian drunkenly sprawled on the roof, limbs akimbo, wine on his chin and neck, mouth full of poetry about the open road, Lan Wangji gives him the most fond look imaginable.

Then he reluctantly leaves, with his signature “say goodbye, but only when he can’t hear you” thing.

They’ve both come a really long way since their first meeting. Wei Wuxian is openly and vocally attaching himself to Lan Wangji...but is not actually entering his space or asking for anything from him; he just wants to be near him, and wants to let him know that. “I’ll sleep on your roof tonight.”

And Lan Wangji just...loves him. Wei Wuxian is drunk, embarrassing, demonstrative, eager to make a hell weapon out of yin iron, touchy feely, and absurdly sexy. And Lan Wangji is pretty okay with all of that.

I Might Have Been Drunk

Wei Wuxian carefully avoids telling Jiang Cheng where he was last night.

Even if he did get blackout drunk, he would have woken up on Lan Wangji’s roof. And I don’t think he was as drunk as that. He just knows Jiang Cheng wouldn’t like the truth.

Wen Fucking Chao, Again

Wen Chao shows up to be annoying and boring. This leads to a pretty good fight between Nie Mingjue and Wen Zhuliu. Note that when the chips are down, Nie Huaisang stands with his Gege without any cowering. Almost as if he had hidden reserves of bravery, and is not as helpless as he lets on.

Wen Zhuliu isn’t styled to be super hot, although he’s certainly compelling, and in Dance of the Phoenix he looks good with sensitive-guy hair wispies. I wonder what actor Feng Mingjing looks like out of character?

BRB, adding a tag to my follow list

Battle Bros

When the fighting breaks out, the Yunmeng brothers are decisive and united, with Wei Wuxian giving orders to Jiang Cheng and JC following without hesitation.

I feel like if these two could have gone through a few big battles together, instead of being separated during most of the Sunshot campaign, their whole relationship would have improved. On the battlefield, they respect, trust, and understand each other.

The Pointy End

Nie Mingjue is holding his own against Wen Zhuliu, but he gets distracted by Meng Yao hollering “Xue Yang has escaped” and then shanking the guard captain right in front of him.

Wen Zhuliu takes advantage of the distraction to aim a very slow stab at Nie Huasang, and Meng Yao jumps in front to get stabbed on his behalf.

When the Yunmeng bros show up to help NMJ, Wen Zhuliu immeiately yanks Wen Chao back behind him and points his sword at Wei Wuxian. He absolutely sees these two as a serious threat. Considering that eventually WWX is going to kill Wen Chao while JC kills Wen Zhuliu, this concern is not misplaced.

Wei Wuxian tells Wen Chao to stop being such a jerk, and Wen Chao menaces Wei Wuxian and gloats about the burning of cloud recesses. The burning, that is, of some part of cloud recesses that doesn’t include the library, the Jingshi, the main cultivation chamber, the rabbit warren, or Lan Qiren’s house, unless the Lan Clan is really really good at rebuilding things to very exact specifications.

In a rare moment of seeing Meng Yao’s internal thoughts, he is worried about Lan Xichen when he hears about cloud recesses.

The Yelling Part

Now we have the particularly nasty breakup between Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao. It’s...got some layers. Meng Yao is cowering on the floor, but is not apologizing.

He never apologizes throughout this encounter.

孟瑤無悔 - Meng Yao (has) no regrets

This scene is amazing and excruciating to watch, even more when you know what’s ahead.

What the Fuck is Meng Yao’s Plan

On one level this is Meng Yao, manipulative sociopath, setting up a cover story for his aiding and alliance with Xue Yang. On another, this is Meng Yao, loving subordinate, being tossed aside by his lord because he dared to stand up for himself.

He uses the same “scout’s honor” gesture we’ve seen Wei Wuxian use to swear he’s telling the truth. Wei Wuxian is always lying when he uses this gesture.

I’m...not sure exactly what Meng Yao’s plan is, with all these chess moves? By stabbing the captain in front of NHS, he created an opportunity to plant a cover story about Xue Yang’s escape. He might be hoping that Nie Mingjue will forgive him and keep him on, while Xue Yang can stay in his back pocket to be used later.

Dry eyes? Try Visene

Or he might be intending to get kicked out, given his non-apology. In any case, Nie Mingjue is weeping during this encounter, and Meng Yao...isn’t. He is signaling distress in his voice, expression, and body language, but his eyes are dry up until the last moment, and even then they just glisten a bit. In a show where every actor is an expert at crying on cue, that’s got to be a deliberate choice.

Which isn’t to say that Meng Yao is faking being full of emotion in this scene. It’s just that the emotion isn’t necessarily sorrow.

What Does Nie Mingjue’s Head Think

Flip the view and this is about Nie Mingjue being betrayed by a subordinate, who has turned out to be a self-serving murderer. And on another level it’s Nie Mingjue being betrayed by his lover, who was just using him for advancement.

I rewatched the later episode where we get the scene as Nie Mingjue’s head perceived it, and he’s particularly brokenhearted and disillusioned from his head’s POV. In that version there is a telling addition to the conversation.

Nie Mingjue asks about the guys who were roasting Meng Yao behind his back. He asks, if I hadn’t come, would you have murdered all of them?

Um. No, dude. Of course fucking not. That’s what a patriarchal authority does. That’s the way an angry Nie Mingjue/Baxia team might solve a problem.

Meng Yao has to use subterfuge to kill his enemies. And while he super hates being called “son of a whore” it’s absolutely not enough to make him kill someone, with the risk murder brings. Likewise, being treated well isn’t enough to make him spare someone. Nie Mingjue totally doesn’t get this, because he’s been the patriarch of this clan his entire adult life.

And Here’s the Actual Problem

There is a betrayal here, but Nie Mingjue is not simply a victim. Whether it’s a sexual relationship or a non-sexual bond of affection, there can be nothing solid in Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao’s relationship within a feudal society, because it is fundamentally unequal. Even if they love each other deeply - which I’m not convinced either of them does - every encounter they have is tainted with power dynamics.

Meng Yao has been elevated by Nie Mingjue and quite probably taken into his bed, as well as being told many family secrets, but has not been given a new surname (like, for example, Wen Zhuliu was) or independent power. More importantly, Nie Mingjue has not used his authority to remove or punish the many people who disrespect his subordinate. Lan Qiren would have had all of those gossipy fuckers kneeling in the snow, and Wen Ruohan would feed them to his mosh pit zombies.

Meng Yao is a murderous little snake, but he is right to be angry with Nie Mingjue about some things, and his pursuit of his own agenda is understandable.

Well, That Was a Slice

Meng Yao leaves, hurt, with a dignified bow; just as he did that one time when his dad kicked him down the Carp Tower steps.

Take note, both patriarchal authorities: that is his way of saying “I’m going to murder you one day.”

Nie Mingjue sits with his broken heart, as we realize that we’ve only spent 20 minutes with this guy and we’ve gone on an entire emotional journey with him. This episode packed in a LOT.

Soundtrack: Johnny Cash, Folsom Prison Blues

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #wangxian #meng yao #nie mingjue #my gifs #canary3d-original #the untamed meta #the untamed gifs #restless rewatch the untamed

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fe-semi-decent-scenarios · 5 years ago

Note

oooh could you do protective headcanons for the golden deer too??🥺

{I most certainly can. Y’all know I love these tropes so keep ‘em coming. Hope it’s to your liking! :3}

Claude:

6/10

Neutral, with just a tad bit of nerves.

Look. Claude has bigger fish to fry than what you’re gallivanting on about during the day. The man has a dream to catch with literally a country and 1/3 (woot woot alliance) on his shoulders.

First, the future. Then, you. Can’t have a life together if there is no place for it to be had, yeah?

This doesn’t mean that he never worries about you. Quite the contrary, if he begins then he can’t stop. So he doesn’t tinker the thought.

Instead he has his most trusted allies at your back. During the Academy days you were left under Hilda’s watchful eye, and during the war you are always nearby (courtesy of matchmaker Prof.Byleth)

Once he puts a ring on it you’ll have guards. No problem.

He also trusts your own capabilities. One doesn’t train every day to walk out with nothing

Also

You make me laugh if you think Claude believes you’ll ever cheat on him

Not that he’s cocky okay, maybe a bit but no one would dare put the moves on “The Master Tactician’s” s/o

Any suitor coming your way is peasant fodder. If not to him, than to your own personal retaliation.

Yupp, nothing to worry about. You’ve got it covered. He’ll only step in if you physically come ask him

and with a bit of teasing he’ll comply

However, Claude is very sensitive to illness for obvious reasons. This is why he’s listed at a six. He always insists on tasting your food

It was a gimmick at first, and in the beginning he’d make banter to sneak a bite while you remain all unknowing of his true intentions

He’ll be damned if someone ever poisons you. They won’t ever get the chance

Ignatz:

9/10

Let us face it. Iggy is a worry-wart.

He freaks out over the most minuscule of situations. The poor lad nearly gets a heart attack at least once a day

And no, i’m not just referring to his pre-timeskip self. Ignatz may have grown a head taller, got a backbone, fancy harem artist pants--but no, he did not lose his inner anxious zealot. That trait will cling until the day he dies sadly

Having you at his side only makes things worse (in a good way. The trouble is worth it to him)

Especially if you’re more of the risky sort. Expect him to mother hen if you cause ruckus around the monastery. He can and will lecture you to death (only to apologize and hide away after)

Now not only does he worry about his own issues, but also yours. I swear Ignatz acts like you are his second being. If someone scolds you, hurts you, etc. he acts like they did it to him

Can be a bit dramatic, not gonna lie. He gets so worked up that his ears go red. Like, you can just t e l l he’s holding so much back because he doesn’t want to go too far

Don’t even get me started on if someone tries to make a move on you

He becomes t o r n. It isn’t his place to tell you who to hang around, but ohmygodwhatifyourealizeheisn’tgoodenough

iggy no, bad iggy. don’t think like that

He feels threatened so easily and not many would peg him the jealous type. He is, but hides it very well.

If need be he will talk out his feelings with you. That’s something noteworthy of Ignatz: he uses his words. He may find communicating such thoughts aloud difficult, but if he truly is concerned then he will be honest with you.

Raphael:

10/10

Raphael believes in trust. He expects you to be honest and to not keep anything important secret. In return he’ll do the same.

This is why he doesn’t care if someone is flirting. He could give less of a thought on gossip, rumors, or anything really. That effort can go towards training

He truly, honest to Sothis, trusts you with all his heart. There isn’t any time to spend doing otherwise. Raph just wants to live happily and that means having you by his side

Nor does he feel intimidated by anyone else either. I’m not saying that he reeks of resolved confidence, but Raph believes that you love him. Love topples any mindless flirting that other people throw your way

but let’s get one thing straight

If anybody, and I mean ANYBODY, tries to hurt you

This guy’s having them for b r e a k f a s t. Pounded, sliced, and Smoked. The same way he liked his bacon.

You are his family. Raphael protects his family, and those he cares about.

You will never be alone. Goddess if you cry and someone else is the cause then he will take action. One fault of Raph is that while he’s a sweetie, he doesn’t think before acting a lot. Similar to Caspar, he just goes for it

It takes a lot to get underneath Raph’s skin.

In short: do not f*ck with his loved ones. He would take on Nemisis himself mono-e-mono if it meant protecting them

Lorenz:

8/10

Y’all going to sit there and try to convince me that Lorenz Hellman Gloucester doesn’t try to establish dominance?

Key word: try

He’s quickly shut down

“Lorenz if you tell one more person that we’re betrothed, I swear that I’ll shave off your eyebrows” - You, one month post-confession

Saying that you’re his perfect match is no excuse. Considering all the preaching he does on noble humility, you’d think he would want your private affairs off the notice board?

It doesn’t take long for your peers to start complaining. Claude finds his behavior entertaining, but not a day goes by that someone doesn’t beg you to make him shut up

Lorenz is also a bit old fashioned. He doesn’t like the idea of you fighting more than necessary

Once again, shut down

Best way to deal with Lorenz is to let him think he has his way, then just do whatever. He gets upset, pouts, spouts his normal lecture, but then relents. All in due process with him

Never thought I’d say this, but perhaps requesting not to be in the same troop together is the best option? You’d think he would fight better with an S tier relationship at his side? Nahhh. HE TAKES YOUR KILLS IT IS NOT FAIR

He gives too much attention to what you’re doing, and not the enemy. Best if you stay separated

Ugh pray no one hits on you in front of him. Just... *screams* I don’t think anyone will, just to avoid him getting defensive. I swear the other deer take extensive preventative measures to avoid it.

Hilda:

6/10

C’mon. This is Hilda we’re talking about

You two most likely grew closer because she “asks” you for help so often

Just like Claude, she has bigger fish to fry. The last type of person she wants to be is Holst (she loves him though don’t misinterpret that)

She does worry though

Not enough to make her take the front lines, but a smidgen. Just to where you’ll get periodic check in’s

Nothing obvious. A simple “what’s going on?” as she inquired about your well-being

A precarious scan-over as she checks for any new scars

She does get jealous though. There’s an entire castle full of available people and someone chooses to flirt with you?

That just doesn’t make sense. Perhaps the “once something is taken it becomes more desirable,” saying has some truth

She’s quite the clinger. You’ll just be walking and suddenly, BOOM, bubble-gum pink arm-candy in the corner of your vision

Once you two bypass the ‘puppy-love’ early stages, she changes.

Despite her negligence beforehand, she does become overprotective

Will fight if needed. Say you have a paralogue? Just so happens she was nearby and wants to tag along

She also has to protect you from Holst. My dear, you cannot do that yourself. Brotherly wrath beseeches you, my god. Run dude run

Marianne:

3/10

A possessive streak is nonexistent in her blood. Such thing is a personal fear of her’s. Marianne refuses to conform to the stereotypes associated with her crest

However, she does believe that one day you may leave her side. Marianne isn’t the most confident person. She...doubts

Often does she wonder if you’re there solely to make her hurt. To love her and then one day disappear without a trace

Anxieties like so will not go away overnight. She will not seek reassurance, which makes her more uncommunicative than most partners

but no one is perfect. Neither are you. All you personally can do is politely decline any advances, and do your best to let Marianne know that you love her

She isn’t particularly protective in any other sense either. She’ll heal you if needed, but special attention isn’t there

Marianne treats being a healer like how an ER doctor operates. On the field, everyone is equal. She is needed everywhere and cannot stay by your side. Otherwise lives will be lost, and that won’t be good for her conscience.

The same goes for all other aspects. If you’re gone, then you’re gone. If you’re sick, then you’re sick. She cannot give you special attention and acts in accordance to severity of the situation. Patients cannot be weighed in value via personal bias

She has a surprisingly strong sense of self control, let me tell ya.

Lysithea:

7/10

She...does not have much time. Entering a romantic relationship was not a possibility that crossed her mind once before you

Why bother when the ending is certain? Why leave someone brokenhearted, or a widow? Why give herself that extra stress when she’s already under so much as it is?

You can’t blame her for being extra cautious. While her life may be hanging on a string, that doesn’t mean yours has to end

After some time she develops a resolve. If needed she would gladly lay her life down if it meant you could live another day

A problematic conclusion. You two will argue often over how she cannot trade a ‘life for a life,’ just because of her special circumstances. Her mind always enforces that it’s the logical decision, and has trouble recognizing her own value

I suppose that comes with being a know-it-all, huh? Once her mind is set then there is no changing it

Despite her brain sending all the signals that acting on jealousy is wrong...well, we know Lysithea

She won’t come out and say she gets protective for your sake. Apparently anyone flirting with you already had business with her

Business that miraculously unfolds once you leave. Then suddenly they no longer have an interest?

What’d she do? Threaten to shove a thoron up their rectum? No one knows

Leonie:

9/10

She is the mom who’d create a strict morning routine for her kids to follow before school

Or a thorough itinerary on a vacation

Not a moment or bullion to be wasted!

Cannot express enough how much this girl cares. She can become annoying from all the interference, but you’ll never become a bum with her in your life

You might want to ask her to butt out. Remind her that you’re not one of the kids from her village, and that you can handle yourself

Sometimes you’ll joke and say “yes mom,” because she gets b o s s y

Which will earn you either: a) a glare, or b) her playing along and confusing everyone else

So in a sense, yeah she’s protective. Overbearing in her own Leonie way

Not the jealous type. Leonie doesn’t look at what other people have, and instead focuses on her own life. If someone wants to shamelessly throw themselves at your feet then that’s their issue. You know better than to cheat on her

I can see her complaining to the captain or to Byleth though. Why waste time when the issue can easily be solved? Obviously someone with the time to flirt has time to do training drills

Bonus! Cyril: (because during my first play-through I kept expecting GD to take him under their wing. They did not, and Nintendo missed out.)

5/10

He personally hates being treated like a child. When someone doesn’t take him seriously Cyril’s self restraint goes b o o m

So he won’t do that to you. You’re a capable individual and that’s that. Nothing more for him to interfere with

His only protective streak lies when you’re incapable of doing things yourself. Aka: injured, ill, resting, etc.

He’ll nag you for not being careful, but it’s not hard to miss the tears pricking his eyes

He’s also very perceptive towards break-in’s. Many people have tried to kidnap/assassinate people of higher standing. He’s witnessed many attempts towards lady Rhea. I see him taking night shifts for patrol often, and after the war the habit sticks with him.

He takes a lot onto his shoulders often. It’s not bad. Being dedicated is an admirable trait, yet if you’re down someone will have to stop him from picking up the slack.

He’s no healer, and leaves that job to the professionals. However he doesn’t want anyone to disturb you with the work your missing. So he’ll do it in your stead

Manuela lets him stay in the infirmary past visitation hours. Mostly because he’s so busy during the day that he can’t come by

He won’t return to his room those nights. He prefers to be by your side, just in case.

Other than this type of situation- no, he’s not protective in the slightest.

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bisluthq · 4 years ago

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Hey! I'm fairly new here and I have a pretty uncommon take on Kaylor. But I just wanna start off by saying I try my best to be as supportive of LGBT people as possible and if they're both bisexual, then I would be 100% okay with that! I'm not trying to "defend their heterosexuality" or anything, I think that's really weird

Okay, so my personal theory is that Kaylor did happen, but that Taylor and Karlie are both straight. I know that might sound contradictory, but I say this based on my own personal experiences based on how I am with my best friend. I think Karlie and Taylor's relationship might have been similar in some ways to ours

Right, so I'm straight and I'm not into women in the gay kind of way (but it's completely cool that some girls are), and I have this roommate who's gorgeous. Really gorgeous, she's like a 10/10 "I would sell my kidney to look like you" kind of girl. She's very attractive, she has like tan skin and long legs and gorgeous brown hair and pretty eyes and nice lips and just like… she's just very good looking. I'm definitely jealous of her body, I won't even pretend I'm not 😪 I lowkey hate her because of it (jk)

We've been living together since not long before COVID started, and we're very good friends. There were three of us before, but our other roommate went back home to stay with her parents until in person classes are back on and we agreed to it and worked something out because she has really bad anxiety so we understood her reasoning for it

Anyway so it's just been us two and because we've been at home a lot during this time instead of out for most of the day like before, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and have become a lot closer. We were already friends from before, but now we're like super close besties, we've been hanging out a lot together and playing board games, watching movies, helping each other with essays, just having long conversations about anything and everything, etc

Like it's been so nice having a best friend that I can be this close to now because I haven't had a best friend since I was a kid

So my friend and I were having like a conversation last year about how hard it's been in quarantine not being able to go on dates and how we miss kissing people, and so we decided to just like, make out for fun you know. I mean, there's not really anything that's inherently romantic or sexual about making out, that's just society that says that. But tbh I think making out with your friends if you want to should be normalized, it's fun and it can even be emotional sometimes. It's not that different from hugging people

After a couple of weeks or so, I think we got bored of just making out with each other and decided to like, fully hook up. It started off because we were modelling lingerie for each other for banter and were pretending we were each other's runway judges and then I think we just decided to hook up with each other as like part of the whole "game". I can't remember who initiated it now, I think it might have been me as a joke lol

Like just in a platonic way for fun, as a kind of substitute until we can go back into society

And tbh I always expected hooking up with a woman to be like mediocre and boring and awkward, but although it was a bit hard to get the hang of at first and there was a learning curve, it's actually very enjoyable. Like I was very surprised actually at how hot it can be, I think I can maybe see why bisexual women and lesbians like doing it

Anyway we both liked it and we just carried on hooking up on the regular and it's been like 8 months now and tbh I just think it's very sweet and heartwarming, like it actually makes me feel a little emotional how we're close enough and care about each other enough that we can even help each other out with the physical intimacy side of things so that we don't get sexually frustrated while we're stuck in lockdown

I just think it's really cool and we even sleep in the same bed most of the time now because tbh what's the point in sleeping alone when you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? It's nicer, like you can cuddle and stuff

Anyway, I think that maybe Kaylor's relationship might have been similar. I think they're both straight but they became really close friends in a short space of time, and that their friendship was so intense that it became physical but in a platonic way

I think lesbians and bisexual women are amazing and I have so much respect for you guys for accepting yourselves in a society that tries to erase you, and I think there definitely needs to be more wlw representation on TV and in movies

But at the same time, I would also like there to be more close female friendships like the one that me and my friend have where you can just talk about everything together and do things that society usually reserves for romantic partners, but in a platonic way. Because female friendship is really important and beautiful, whether that's between straight women like me and my friend who I think is probably straight too, or between queer women because one thing I've learnt during my short time on this blog is how queer women can have very close platonic friendships with other queer women too

I think society just has overly strict ideas of "straight" and "gay". Like for some people, they would hear about two women sleeping together and think "Oh that's gay", but not necessarily because straight women can enjoy sleeping with other women too, like it's normal 🤷‍♀️

I think it's just a result of women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men

I also think it's because women are so oversexualized in the media, and obviously straight girls see that too and so we sort of internalize that attraction to women because we're so used to seeing women being presented in a sexual way? Except it's not real attraction with us like how it is for queer girls

Like I'm very much "attracted" to my friend, she's genuinely stunning and just very hot tbh. But I still identify as straight because it's just a case of what I mentioned above, it's a "fake" attraction. And also because men are afraid to compliment other men because it's seen as "gay", but women can be fully confident in their sexuality and still recognize other women's beauty and sex appeal. You see it all the time in instagram comments, and I really love how we're all so supportive of each other like that

Like I can be fully confident in my sexuality and yet still say that some women like my friend are gorgeous as hell and also 100 times better looking than most men I've seen. I'm very much obsessed with some women's appearances but in a platonic way

And I just love the concept of "girl crushes" and I think that from a feminism viewpoint, it's beautiful that we're focusing on other girls and showing love towards other girls too, instead of just to men who, let's be real, don't even fully appreciate it half of the time

I am going to be sad when we all have to return to life as usual and my friend and I won't be able to spend as much time together anymore. I'm dreading it tbh, I don't want it to end yet. And it really sucks that the physical side of our friendship will probably have to stop too once our other roommate comes back because I think she'd definitely misunderstand the situation and think it's something different than it actually is if she ever saw us kissing or something. I really am going to miss it a lot though, I really like how things currently are and it's just really really nice and I don't want it to change :/

Btw I'm sorry if I sounded fetishistic or offensive with any of this, I just get a bit jealous sometimes that you guys get to date girls and we're just stuck with men. Honestly if it wasn't for all of the homophobia and the struggles that you all have to face and the fact that it would feel disrespectful to the LGBT community, I would probably really wish I could change my sexuality to be bisexual or gay instead because I just think women are better. Sometimes I really do wish I was into women in that way because dating girls just sounds so much more appealing to me (in a non fetishizing weird way) but unfortunately I'm stuck with dating men 🤦‍♀️ But I also know I'm lucky and privileged to be straight even though most men are mediocre and kinda gross and I don't mean to be disrespectful because I know you all have to face homophobia and other LGBT difficulties and it really sucks, people are awful. There's nothing wrong with women dating women or men dating men at all, society is just ugly and bigoted

Anyway, does anybody else have a similar sort of take on Kaylor where they think they could have both been straight and just had a very close friendship with a physical side to it? I think it would explain a lot. But like I said, this is just a theory of mine based on my own situation, and I'm also open to the idea that it was an actual relationship and that they're both into women for real, not just fake "into women" like I am.

Also pls feel free to call me out if I accidentally said anything offensive towards LGBT people, I tried my best but if I made a mistake anywhere pls let me know and I'll avoid it next time!

You’re not offensive. Please stop apologizing. And we’re gonna come back to the Kaylor stuff another time because... Honey. You and I need to have a conversation for a bit.

So firstly, I’m not trying to like “diagnose” you and at the end of the day it’s your choice what you want to call yourself but... tbh you might not be straight. Sexuality is fluid not static and exists on a spectrum not in absolutes. It’s not like it’s straight, 50/50 bi, gay and you’re born knowing and there’s no room for anything else. That’s not true. There’s a lot of room in between all of these and labels can change over time. We’re people, not cereal brands, and sometimes we don’t even KNOW the word for what we might be. I’m tagging a tag for you from when we asked people to share their label journeys for you to see. It’s not simple or easy and it’s not just because of external stuff - it’s because figuring this out internally is HARD. If you found yourself having such an intense friendship it became physical, repeatedly, you liked it a lot, you still sleep in the same bed and continue to share all your thoughts and you don’t want any of that to end... I’m not sure you’re Kinsey 0. And I think you might lowkey have a girlfriend dude.

You can obviously prefer men but like... hun I reaaallly don’t think you’re completely straight.

Also: it’s okay to say “I see myself winding up with a man and this is a situationship for right now!” but that doesn’t make you straight because again, sexuality is a spectrum and you can manifest a particular kind of endgame while experiencing other things along the way.

But here’s where you really got me: “most men are mediocre and kinda gross” and “women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men” because that’s the kind of thing I used to say in my Bi 1.0 era before I ID’d as a lesbian for a bit and before Harry Styles (KING 🥺) made me bi for real. Hun, no. Straight women like men. Tbh BI women like men. I genuinely, unironically, find Harry and Timmy and Matt Smith to be sexy beasts and I would do dirty things to the former two but maybe not the latter irl in 2021 but yes also him if I could be on that Spain trip with him and Karen where they got sloshed and which I think of often. These men are genuinely fucking beautiful to me in the same way Taylor is and Di Silvers is (okay she’s prettier than all of them but like same ~vibe) and like Megan Thee Stallion is and Indira Varma in everything but especially GOT and Gillian Anderson and Keira Knightley. Like those women are HOT to me and SO. ARE. THE. MEN.

Straight women find SO MANY DUDES hot. So many. Starting from objectively pretty options I just cannot personally understand like Chris Evans all the way through to bitches who are outchea simping for wrestlers and Cole Sprouse. Do I understand? No. But like... that’s straight girl culture and ours is not to judge.

If you’re struggling to find men hot then... you might be gay.

Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “fake attraction”. Like queer women - especially femme women which I assume you very much are - experience the same kinds of feelings straight girls do. We have women we want to be like and look like and find enviable (me and Oenone Forbat) and women we find aesthetically gorgeous (me and Anya Taylor Joy) and we have extremely close female friends who we can spend hours on end spilling our guts to - as you say female friendships are truly special - and without going into personal people that you don’t know, that’s me and Cam and Sim right? I literally talk to them for hours. Like those are not gay feelings. And yes we can chat about those kinds of feelings with straight girls and call them “girl crushes” and not immediately get “caught out” because they experience this exact shit too.

But here’s the thing. They never do and I don’t want in the cases above to fuck these women. It’s not sexual.

The moment I can actually imagine fucking the women in question that’s... gay.

Like it’s not “fake attraction” it’s literally just gay. That’s how we desire women. We want to fuck them. Not all women. Not always. But sometimes we want to get under or on top of one and just really truly fucking make each other moan with pleasure.

I have no idea if Karlie or Taylor are into women. They could both literally be straight. I have no idea.

But I have a better idea about you.

Hun, you’re fucking your roommate/best friend and don’t want to stop.

You’re not “into women”.

You’re into this woman.

And possibly into women more generally.

So I know it’s weird to have to be the one to tell you this, and if you want to keep chatting via anon or in my DMs or if you want me to try collate resources for you from around the web but...

Like.

Dude.

You’re a whole ass part of the rainbow.

Welcome to the community you thought you weren’t a part of earlier today 🌈 ❤️

It’s nice here, sure there’s homophobia, but at least we get to fuck girls and man is it good.

#agony aunat #share your label journey #roommate anon <3

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herohotline · 5 years ago

Text

Wet Clay (P.5)

Shouta Aizawa x Reader

Summary: You’ve got your own handful of problems- being a counselor doesn’t mean you can’t also have anxiety or feel overwhelmed by it all.

A/N: it’s finally here!! thank god!! and thank you everyone who was so patient waiting for the new part. i honestly had a lot of fun making this new chapter- i wanted it to be a bit longer as a Thank You for the long wait. I hope you all enjoy it, and look forward to the next chapter!

Word Count: 5,500+

Tag List: @babayaga67, @cosmichorse95, @sugacookiies, @howthe-f-didigethere, @rintomoj, @missadorable96

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Technically-not-but-still-technically House Arrest is finally over, much to your relief.

You, Bakugo, and Midoriya were finally freed from Aizawa’s punishment and proceeded with your regular schedules. And while Bakugo and Midoriya have a lot of catching up to do, the same goes for you.

Which you weren’t expecting at all, but you’re pleasantly surprised by a few students standing at your office on your first day back greeting you and asking for a scheduled meeting.

Slowly but surely, word of you and your practice has been moving around the school, which is exactly what you were hoping for. Especially since it got out that you were able to have a successful session with Bakugo, of all people, the students seem to suddenly have a newfound interest in trying therapy that wasn’t there before. It’s the progress you’ve been waiting for to report to Nezu, letting him know that students even outside of the hero course were asking about therapy.

Due to your agreement, you couldn’t give them a session. Your time was pointed strictly at the hero classes for the time being, but it wouldn’t always be that way. You had the interested students fill out a simple questionnaire once the idea popped in your head, which helped you immensely for your reports to Nezu.

They were simple questions, not asking anything too personal, of course. Things like, ‘why does therapy interest you?’, ‘what problems would you like to talk about?’, and ‘what are some of the things that stress you daily?’

The answers you received confirmed that you were right from the beginning- U.A needed a proper counseling team hired, and it would be best if it was sooner rather than later.

And on top of all that good news (though kids needing therapy admittedly wasn’t the best news, but at least it was being assessed instead of being ignored), Nezu agreed with you! After hearing and reading your reports on the students, he agreed to start working with you to begin making after-school programs and looking for professionals to hire. It would take a few weeks, if not more, but the beginning of your dream for U.A was finally taking big steps, and it was overwhelmingly exciting.

You haven’t been able to fill anybody in on your news quite yet, but your change in attitude was noticeable by the staff and the students. It’s especially noticeable to the staff when you come in one morning, cups of coffee and tea hot and ready that you had bought for them when they came into the Teacher’s Lounge before class.

Yamada enters with Kayama, whistling low as he quickly walks over and inspects the cups. “Ho-hey!” He exclaims. “What’s all this?”

“Good morning, Yamada,” you smile at him and nudge a cup his way, which he takes with a gleeful hum. “I was just feeling good this morning and I’m really thankful to how much everyone has helped me settle in, so I figured I could buy everyone a drink.” Kayama walks up as well, grabbing one of the teas, surprising you with her choice.

She notices, a deep frown on her lips. “You tempt me, honey, but I have to watch my figure!” She gestures to her body, which is on full display at all hours. Not that you’re a prude, but it makes you wonder how the pubescent boys and girls feel while in her presence. You’re not envious of them. “But I appreciate you very much, thank you.”

“It’s no problem, I’ll make sure to try and get something better for you next time,”

“Oh, don’t worry! A little tea won’t hurt me.” Kayama quickly waves off your concerns and she sits on one of the chairs available in the admittedly small room. “So? Why’re you so happy?” She raises an eyebrow, and before she can ask-

“Nothing that you’re assuming, I’m sure,” you tell her quickly. “Truthfully, it’s because my work is going well. My tenure here might actually be useful- Nezu and I are talking specifics on hiring other counselors, now.”

Yamada cheers, as loud as ever, “really?! Good job!” He wraps an arm around you and shakes you- if the coffee hadn’t woken you up before, you were surely awake now with his energy! “Does that mean you’ll be staying?” Kayama perks up from her seat.

“Oh, does it? It would be so nice to keep you around longer!”

“I’m not sure about that,” you laugh uneasily, “what the students really need is someone that can be fully devoted to them and their needs, you know? I can’t give that to them while I’m still working as a counselor on the side, and I’m really not sure if I can give up that job.”

“Aw,” Yamada frowns, keeping his arm secure around your shoulder as he looks down at you. The man was freakishly tall, honestly. “Shouta will be so bummed. Do you know how long your tenure lasts?”

“I sort of hoped you were giving up on that,” you deflate. “But, no, I’m not very sure. But it’s probably not for much longer. A month more, maybe two at most. Then I’ll be leaving.”

“Leaving?”

You and Yamada turn your head towards the door, and you get a face full of his hair, making you sputter and sneeze as he laughs at you and apologizes (but it doesn’t sound like he’s sorry). You shove him away so you can actually look at Yagi, dressed in his usual baggy, bright yellow suit.

“Morning, Yagi,” you greet him tiredly. If you said before that you were energized by Yamada’s behavior, you take it back now. He’s actually exhausting. “Yes, eventually. I’m not officially hired, you know.”

“I must have forgotten,” Yagi mumbles under his breath, looking equally tired but thankful as you nudge a cup of tea his way and he takes a long sip. You remember him telling you that coffee was one of the things on his long, long list that his stomach couldn’t handle. “I’m getting too old, probably.”

“How old are you, anyway?” Kayama asks from her seat and Yagi smiles.

“That’s a good question,” he says, and then looks to you. “You’re leaving in a month or so, though? That’s unfortunate, Shouta will miss you.”

“That’s what I said!”

“Nice job avoiding the question, pro-hero,”

“I swear the two of you never quit it!”

The three of you talk over one another at the same time, and after a moment’s silence, burst into laughter together. Despite everything, these people had quickly become your friends, and chatting with them like this every morning was a part of what made the extra stress and work all worth it. “I’ll miss all of you when I have to leave, I mean it,” you tell them once the laughter subsides, and Kayama coos.

“We’ll miss you, too. I’m sure the students will as well, you’ve grown on them.”

“That’s true… I don’t feel good about the whole making-a-relationship-and-bowing-out thing. It takes a long time for a child to feel comfortable talking to you about their issues, and I finally have that! And now that I'd have to leave…” You sigh heavily as you rest against one of the tables, crossing your arms at your chest.

“Give it some more thought, then,” Kayama suggests. “Everyone would be happy to keep you around, including Nezu. Think about all your options before you make any decisions.”

It’s good advice, but the truth is, you’ve already done that.

The time you’ve spent at U.A has been amazing, yes, but you’ve never been more overworked in your life. The stress of keeping up your two professional jobs has you tossing and turning at night, and the burden of feeling like you’re going to let everyone down isn’t good for your mental state, either. For your own health, you can’t keep working the way you are now.

You’re going to have to choose. And it hurts you more than anything.

Despite all of that, you smile at Kayama. “You’re right,” you say, and you try not to sound as tired as you feel, “I’ll think about it.”

—-

The first thing you have to do with your new duties from Nezu is put together after-school affairs. He doesn’t give you a lot to go off of- he just wants you to put together some sort of event or club that the students can go to after hours that will be good for them. Nezu is nice, but he gives you too much freedom. It’s hard to create ideas all on your own and be the judge on if they’re worth the school’s time and money or not.

You’ve thought of several things. The thing you’re trying to do is create an original idea that isn’t purely formed around therapy , per se, but a way for students to vent their problems in a healthy and calm environment. Your best idea has been a little something you called ‘food for thought’, a baking club students can go to where they can learn to bake and cook a variety of simple dishes, and while they bake, everyone gets a turn talking about something that’s bothered them or that they’re working through, no judgment. It can be a bit therapeutic to cook in general for some people, and if you gave students the chance to vent during that time, you think it might be something healthy and fun. And then they could all eat snacks afterward.

...But you doubt yourself again and think about scrapping the idea. There’s too many variables- some students might not like the idea of group therapy like that, and some students might abuse the club by coming only for treats and ruin it for everyone else. Plus, not everyone likes to cook.

You groan and deflate in your seat, laying face-down on your desk. This is too hard…!

Out of nowhere, your phone vibrates. It makes you reluctantly pull your head up, grasping for the device and wincing at the bright screen when it turns on.

It’s one of your clients asking for an appointment.

You take a deep, tired breath in, and let it out slowly. Slowly you sit up in your chair and open one of your desk drawers, fumbling around for your planner and slapping it down on the desk as you open the text and start to ask for details.

Your schedule is crammed, a lot more than it used to be. You end up feeling guilty not being able to see your patient soon enough and give up some of your free time in order to see them. Not that they know that- they thank you and tell you they’ll see you soon, and the conversation is ended.

Somehow, you’re even more tired than before.

Eyes wander over to your plush, comfortable couch. It’s a tempting idea, but… the scattered papers full of drafts of ideas for an after school activity are staring at you, so you shake your head at the idea and try to focus on the papers instead. You can’t afford to nap right now, even though it sounds so, so nice right now.

Your eyes droop, but you can’t sleep. Absolutely not. Your shoulders sag.

You fall asleep slouched over your desk before you can even realize it.

—-

Waking up is surprising, because you didn’t remember falling asleep. It’s always odd when that happens- opening your eyes and forgetting you even closed them, so it has you sitting there like, wait, what ? For a few moments.

You’re not even at your desk like you remember being. Instead, you’re laying on your couch- something you very much remember wanting to do, but you hadn’t. You’re alone in your office too, which is even more odd. You don’t think you sleepwalk.

As you slowly sit up and stretch your tired limbs, you look at the clock on your wall and see that it reads 3:20- school is just about to end.

Drat. You were hoping to get more done before now…

You suppose that’s fine- you can always work more at home and email Nezu if you come up with a great idea by the end of the night, but you sort of doubt that will happen. You go back to your desk to start gathering your things, but from the corner of your eye, a bit of yellow catches your attention.

There’s a sticky note on your ‘food for thought’ paper. Your eyebrows spring up in curiosity as you lean forward to read it.

It’s not much. It just says ‘good idea’ and then there’s, strangely enough, a doodle of a cat giving a thumbs up. It’s not the best drawing you’ve ever seen, but it’s cute.

Kind of strange though. A cat? Who even wrote this, anyway? Who was in your office when you were asleep?

You doubt it was a student. You’re not really bothered, but… the sticky note says it was a good idea. You were doubtful about it, but the second opinion makes you rethink your decision.

Maybe it wasn’t that bad of an idea? According to the mysterious cat-doodler.

Hm. You pocket the sticky note, and then put the paper with details of your idea in your bag as you continue to pack up. Maybe if you run into one of the teachers on your way out, you can ask them what they think. You should have thought about that earlier, to be honest.

Quickly you pack up and lock your office. You’re going to miss the train home if you don’t hurry, after all, and you want to get out of the building before the bell rings and the students crowd the halls.

Fortunately, though, you spot Cementoss- Ishiyama- at the front doors, and you wave to catch his attention.

“Ishiyama! You're heading out, too?”

The cement-like man looks toward you, and he walks through the doors, holding it open for you. “Mm. I need to make it to an appointment,” he says simply.

“I see. You wouldn’t mind if I ran an idea by you really quick? It’s for the kids.”

He shakes his head. “Not at all, I just needed to get out before the children did.” You grin and tell him you were doing the same- and then you tell him about your after-school baking idea.

By the time you finish telling him the small details, you’ve walked to the school’s parking lot and Ishiyama looks interested in what you have to say. “I don’t think that’s a bad idea at all. It’s creative, and I think the students would like having something to do besides sitting in a circle and talking.”

“Right!” You animatedly burst for a second- and then bashfully smile at your outburst. “That’s what I was trying to do. I’m glad to hear that it might be worth it. For hires, we could maybe hire a cook, and then the therapist who’d be willing to lead the conversation. That’s where my worry comes in- we’d be paying two people at most, along with spending money on ingredients…”

“Ah, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that,” Ishiyama says, and he slowly comes to a stop in front of what is probably his car. It’s a big, heavy looking vehicle- which kind of makes sense. The guy probably weighs a lot and needs something he won’t crush into the ground. “We have plenty of ingredients and food left over from lunch time, and Lunchrush would be willing to chip in. It could be something that’s held once a week, maybe.”

“Ah, you’re right. I guess I just didn’t want to assume anything on his part, since he already does so much.”

Ishiyama laughs. “You’re very considerate, but don’t let that get in the way of exploring your ideas. And don’t let Nezu scare you- he’ll let you know if it works or not. If it doesn’t, that’s fine. You’re not wasting his time.”

The words are, quite frankly, reassuring. You didn’t realize how much you needed to hear that, and your body naturally relaxes a bit. “Yeah,” you smile at him, “you’re right. Thanks a lot, Ishiyama. I’ll let you go now- good luck with your appointment!” You wave at the cement-man as he enters his car, but right before he closes the door, you suddenly remember something as you light up. “Oh! I had one more question?”

He looks up at you as he keeps his door open.

“Do you know anyone that likes cats?”

The question is an odd one, and his cemented eyebrows raise in surprise, but you don’t really have a proper explanation. Ishiyama thinks about it, and then he says, “the only person I know who actively likes cats is Aizawa.”

It’s your turn to be surprised. Really? You had no idea.

“Huh,” you say aloud. “Well- anyway, thanks a lot for your input! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

You wave off Ishiyama as he drives off, and once he’s gone, you pull out the sticky note still in your pocket. Aizawa likes cats, huh…? He might have been the person who looked over your paper, then, and he probably moved you over to the couch when you fell asleep at your desk.

The thought makes your chest warm. That was certainly nice of him, if that’s the case. But- ah!

The school bell rings, and you jolt into action. If you’re not quick, you’re going to miss your train home!

—-

Your phone had died on the train ride home.

It was tragic, honestly, because that meant you didn’t have anything to distract yourself with as you swayed in the crowded cart during your long ride home. No music, no texts, no articles… you busted yourself by reading the ads on the ceiling of the train, but there was only so much to read, honestly.

By the time you got home, you quickly plugged in your phone and started to make yourself some dinner. It wasn’t until after your dinner, which was just some quick and easy curry and rice from a package, that you were able to look at your phone again.

There’s several text messages waiting for you.

Some of them are from Yamada, and then there’s a few from a client of yours. But there’s an odd contact among them that you never saw in your messages.

Who knew Shouta actually texted people? He seems like the call-only type.

You click on his messages first. There’s three of them, all sent at different times during the day.

Shouta (7:43am): Thank you for the drinks. Glad to hear your work is going well.

You wonder who told him, but you figure it was probably Yamada.

Shouta (1:30pm): If you keep sleeping during work hours, you’re going to want to get a sleeping bag.

So it was him who was in your office! You should have known he’d be a cocky bastard about it, too.

Shouta (4:10pm): Bakugo only yelled five times today?

The last one was kind of funny. Without thinking, you reply back to him.

You (6:45pm): Thanks for the sleeping bag idea, but I’ll pass for now. It was sweet of you to move me to the couch, but next time you’ll need to wake me up instead!

You (6:45pm): Did you see Bakugo go anywhere after class?

Surprisingly, you don’t have to wait at all for his reply.

Shouta (6:45pm): You looked like you needed it.

Shouta (6:46pm): He didn't go to his dorm, but he stayed on campus. Why?

Hmm. You wiggle on your bed, plugging your phone out of its charger so you can relax in a comfortable position as your fingers tap on the screen.

You (6:47pm): I guess if anyone’s a good judge of someone’s need for sleep, it’s Mr.Baggy Eyes, huh? Go figure

You (6:47pm): also, that’s confidential. But I think he deserves a lollipop at this point. Bakugo cares a lot more than he likes to show, but the fact he’s actually thinking about our session and considering some new methods says a lot about his character. Thanks for telling me.

Shouta doesn’t say anything after that, at least not right away, so you move on and look at your other messages. Yamada’s are a bunch of absurd internet pictures, so nothing too important, and your other client who texted you is asking for a reschedule.

It takes a bit of back and forth with your client until you eventually decide on a new date where both of you have time- thankfully, it didn’t require you taking time out of your weekend more than you already have. By the time you’re done, you have one new message from Shouta.

Shouta (6:56pm): You’re right about that. Bakugo is difficult, but with some help, he’ll be able to do a lot for society. Hopefully you’ll be around enough to see him change. His trust doesn’t come easy.

The words make a heavy feeling in your stomach drop. Without meaning to, Shouta has stabbed you in the gut with guilt, and you’re feeling even more about your decision to leave U.A.

How could you leave, really? The students need you- but so do your clients.

Stress builds up in your shoulders again, and staring down at Shouta’s message, your head swarms with bad thoughts.

Anxiety and discomfort rolls over you in waves.

And you don’t really have anyone to confide in. Part of you feels like talking to Shouta- but you’re not really that close to each other yet. You doubt he wants to hear your complaints about work.

Shouldn’t you be grateful for your opportunity?

You blink as you barely make a reply, and then you toss your phone to the side once you turn it off. Your eyes look at the ceiling of your room, and despite the exhaustion deep in your bones, you’re suddenly wide awake.

You feel like you won’t be going to sleep tonight, as much as you would like to.

You (7:08pm): You’re right. I’ll try my best.

——

Coming into work the next morning is dreadful. The only thing keeping you awake and mildly aware of your surroundings is the caffeine that’s running through you- you’ve drank so much coffee and energy drinks that you wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a part of your bloodstream at this point. You look like a mess, but there’s work to be done.

It’s Friday, which is usually nice, because Saturday is your only day off. But you sacrificed your Saturday for a session tomorrow, so there’s no promise of a break for you for at least another week.

Overnight, due to your lack of sleep, you thought of three other ideas for after-school activities the students might like, and you sent all of them over to Nezu once the sun began to rise and you decided it was an appropriate hour to message him. He hasn’t gotten back to you yet, but that’s unsurprising.

With nothing else to do, you got on the train early enough that it's not even that crowded. You still can’t find a seat, but that’s fine. You’re afraid if you sit down and relax for more than a moment, you might fall apart.

Hence why you’re heading to work several hours early. Hopefully you’ll be able to pull yourself together before work starts.

You stumble a bit each time the cart shakes when it comes to a stop, but eventually you get off and walk to U.A. It’s practically empty, which is also unsurprising, but the doors are open for you, so that’s good. You were a bit worried it might all be locked down.

As you head to your office, it’s eerily quiet in the building. Beside the sound of your shoes tapping on the floor, there’s nothing. It’s a bit unsettling.

Maybe that’s just because you haven’t slept at all recently and your anxiety is through the roof at the moment. Who knows? Regardless, you make it to your office with no issues. But when you open the- unlocked- door, you jump.

And then you slam the door shut with a surprised scream.

“Oh my god!” You yell at the door, and you can hear the people scrambling from inside your office. “What’re you doing?! On my couch?!”

Kayama speaks up, her voice just a lilt higher than it usually is. “Would you believe me if I said it was nothing??”

“No! No I wouldn’t!” You yell back, and you rub your eyes with the heel of your palms. “I will never be able to wash my eyes from what I just saw, Jesus-“

“We’re sorry!! You’re really early!”

“Do you always do this shit on my couch?! I have students sit on that thing- oh my GOD, I was laying on it yesterday!”

“No- we swear-“

And then suddenly, as if from nowhere, Shouta is coming from around the corner with his face twisted up in confusion. “What’s going on?” He asks as he walks up to you, and you gesture angrily toward your closed door.

“Yamada and Kayama were fucking on my couch!”

“No we weren’t!!” Yamada’s screechy, way too loud voice denies.

“Yeah, tell me that again as if you’re not scrambling to put clothes on right now.” You huff, and Shouta’s eyebrows have successfully disappeared beyond his hairline. “Did you have any idea about this?” You look toward him, a hateful look in your eye- but he quickly shakes his head.

“I just got here. I was actually- well.” He looks toward your office. “I was going to nap.”

“ Lord - does everyone use my office as they so please? Do the keys I own mean nothing?”

Yamada wails, “we’re sorry- “

“Shut! Shut it!” You snap.

This is the worst. You have had no sleep, no food. You’re overworked and stressed enough as is- this was just the last straw.

“Clean up my office. Get rid of all your ridiculous germs- the door, my desk, the couch- anywhere the two of you touched needs to be squeaky clean or else.”

You’ve never been the type to really get mad, especially at your friends. Especially at friends who you haven’t even been friends with for less than a year. You try to keep your cool. This was just… bad timing.

“Yes, right. We promise,” Kayama says from beyond the door.

“And you-“ you point at Shouta, who is more than a bit surprised at your tone, and his face shows it. “You haven’t had sex in my office, have you?”

“Never.”

“Good.” You let out a frustrated breath. “Then you’re invited to get breakfast with me so I can cool down while those two put themselves together.”

He doesn’t really need much more convincing. He’s already walking by your side as you turn around, walking much faster than you normally do as you head for the front doors.

Shouta walks a bit faster and opens the door for you, too, which you barely mumble a thanks for.

It’s quiet as you walk down the sidewalk in the early morning, but eventually Shouta speaks up, keeping up with your pace easily. “Do you know where you’re going?”

You stop in your tracks.

“No.” You bite your lip as you frown, and you truthfully can’t even look at him. Instead, you keep your eyes on the ground, at the pebbles on the ground. “Do you know anywhere to go?”

“...Yeah. Follow me,” his voice is surprisingly soft as he reaches forward and nudges your arm his direction, and you both turn around as he takes the lead. You don’t walk for long, crossing a few streets and making a few turns, until you’re at the same place that Shouta brought you to last time.

The familiarity as you enter the restaurant makes you relax just a little bit.

“So,” Shouta starts once the two of you sit at a booth. A waiter handed you both a menu, but you haven’t opened it yet. “You’re not usually so tense.”

Shouta doesn’t make meaningless observations, you know that much about him. He’s inviting you to talk about why you’re acting strangely, and you’re tired enough that you take the bait.

You vent. You vent and vent and vent about everything you’ve been feeling lately- stressed from two jobs, guilty for having to leave, not wanting to leave, tired, upset you have to give up your free time, upset you can’t talk to anybody about your feelings, anxious that you’re not good enough- all of it.

You’re a therapist, so you know how important it is to communicate your feelings, but you haven’t been doing it for yourself. You should know better, but it’s hard. You tell all of that to him too, even though he didn’t ask for any of it.

He gave you an opportunity to speak, so you did. All of it.

And by the time you’re done, your food (which you don’t even remember ordering, so Shouta must have done it when you were busy ranting) is sitting hot in front of you and ready to be eaten. You feel like a hot pile of blubber by the time you’re done, releasing a big sigh full of all the ghosts that have haunted you the past few days. And then you stab your fork into your food, and it feels oddly gratifying.

“...Sorry.”

Shouta just barely moves his head as he closes his eyes- a fairly weak version of shaking his head as a way to deny your apology. “I’d be on my last wire if I saw Nemuri and Hizashi fucking, too.”

Despite yourself, you snort.

“I know you haven’t worked at U.A for long, but if you wanted to ask for a day off, I think Nezu would be willing.” You barely open your mouth before he’s already shutting down your argument, “you want to help the students, and I understand that. But how much are you going to help them in this state? You can’t do anything if you’re doubting yourself and you’re sleep deprived on top of it all.”

Brutally honest, but they’re words you needed to hear. You sink into your seat and nibble on your food instead of arguing with him, which Shouta snorts amusedly at as he eats his food too.

Once again, he pays for the meal, but you don’t really try to argue about that, either. You appreciate how considerate he’s being right now.

“You’re right, and you know it too, so I don’t really have to say it. But you’re right.” Shouta smiles as you play with your fork, food now finished. “I haven’t had a day off in so long, I guess I forgot they existed. I don’t even know what I’d do, besides sleeping a lot.”

“Sleeping is always nice,” He comments and you roll your eyes, because of course he’d say that.

“What do you do on your days off?” Shouta gives you a look and you click your tongue. “Right.” Sleeping.

“Could always go out of town. Have a day trip.”

“I suppose, but I’m not really sure where I’d go,” you hum thoughtfully. “I’m not really sure what I even like to do… I know I like spending time with you. But I guess you have even less time than I do to really go anywhere, huh?”

You’re too out of it to really think about what you just admitted, and you’re looking out the window so you don’t see how Shouta’s face shifts at your little confession. “If you’re fine with me being on patrol, we could go somewhere. That’s probably the best I can do.”

And you’re also not aware of how foreign it feels for him to offer his time up like that for another person. You really have no idea- you just smile at him and light up. “Yeah, that’d be fine! Just having a day out, walking around and all that sounds nice. Aw man, it’s kind of exciting now,” you laugh, your eyes squeezing shut as your nose scrunches up.

Shouta discreetly looks away.

“I’m not very exciting, but whatever you say.”

“Well, that’s true,” ow, “you’re relaxing. And I think I need to relax more than I need excitement, really.” Oh.

He just hums in response.

“Well, anyway. Thanks a lot for letting me say all that. It was really nice of you,” you move the subject along, rummaging through your things until you find your phone and click it on. “It’s still awhile until class starts, but we should head back and check on the two love birds.”

“Hopefully they’re decent by now.” Shouta rolls his eyes, scooting out of the booth with you, and with the food already paid for, you both walk out of the diner together.

“I really can’t believe those two to begin with. Did you have any idea they were together?” You look up at him as you walk.

“Honestly? No. And that’s on purpose. I don’t want to know.”

You laugh. “That’s fair.”

Shouta hums again in response, and the two of you chat some more as you head back to U.A together. It’s nice that you can feel a bit lighter than before, now.

But it’s not fair. It’s not fair that now you’re feeling better, a bit more energized than before, you completely miss the way that Shouta looks at you. The way he’s been looking at you ever since you were exploding with anger at his two best friends.

A look that’s a bit too akin to attraction.

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starsfic · 4 years ago

Text

Spider-Webbed- Chapter 1/3

Summary: A mysterious new racing rival asks Xiaojiao out and Red Son suspects that she’s a spy for the Spider Queen

Notes: This is the idea based off Tourist Trapped that I mentioned a few days ago. There’s Spicynoodleshipping (new boyfriends) and Zoisiteshipping, created by @pechachaos. @ninja-knox-ur-sox-off, since you showed interest...

-_-

The race today wasn’t as big as the Great Wall Race, but there was still a massive crowd. “Do you want to wear the hat?” Tang asked as he and Xiaotian walked up to the seating. The younger shook his head at the sight of the green dragon hat. “Fair enough.” The scholar placed the hat on his head.

“Qi Xiaotian! Mr. Tang!” The two stopped at the voices. Mr. and Mrs. Long were walking up together, wide smiles bright on their faces. Xiaotian couldn’t help but snuggle into the hug he was scooped in by his bestie’s mother. “Are you two here to support Xiaojiao?”

“Like always, Mr. Long.” Tang said, shaking the man’s hand. “It’s good to see you here!”

“Well, we don’t understand all…” Mr. Long gestured to everything. “This. But we do want to support Xiaojiao.” Mrs. Long nodded, finally releasing Xiaotian. The boy smiled before rising on his tippy toes to look around. “Xiaotian, my boy? Are you looking for something?”

“I invited someone.” Xiaotian admitted, his smile fading as he fell back down to his feet. “But it looks like-” A throat cleared and his smile returned. “Red!”

Red Son stood there, looking a little confused and flustered. Xiaotian bounded up, hugging his boyfriend and ignoring the little flames that came off his hair. A moment later, he shot back, cheeks warming. They didn’t look at each other before the mortal gathered his courage. “I was worried you wouldn’t make it.”

“I...was doing something.” Red pulled a tablet out of his pocket. “I had a drone install spy cameras in the Spider Queen’s base.” He pressed a button and the tablet turned on to reveal a feed of the webby lair. “Now we have a live feed of what they’re doing!”

“That’s so cool! What have you found?”

“Well, apparently some new person is joining them...”

(Neither of the boys noticed Mrs. Long lean over, eyeing how the demon flushed at the praise. “Have they just started dating?” she whispered. Tang held up two fingers. “Well, they’re doing better than you and your partner were.”) Before Tang could muster a snarky response, an announcement came over the loudspeakers to ask people to take their seats. “I guess that’s for us!”

The group took their seats. Xiaotian settled next to Red's side. After a moment, his boyfriend wrapped an arm around his shoulders to pull him close. Heat formed in their faces when their sides pressed together. (They ignored the Longs and Tang's coos.)

The racers took their positions as the commentators listed out the course and the racers. There was an excited roar when Long Xiaojiao, house favorite, was introduced. Tang, very used to this at this point, was the loudest. Xiaotian was close behind.

Then it was time.

"On your marks!" The racers finished last minute position shifts. "Get set!" Engines turned over. Everyone held their breath…

"GO!"

The racers took off.

The white and emerald green of Xiaojiao led the way.

The race went like normal, the commentators listing out the upcoming turns and who was out. There were cheers every time Xiaojiao's position was confirmed. A close call with a wall and another racer made the crowd go wild.

"No!"

Xiaotian snapped out of his excitement to glance over. At the sudden noise increase, Red had startled and dropped his tablet. It had slipped through the gaps in the seating. The two winced when there was an audible crack.

"We can get it when the race is-"

"Looks like we have a last minute entry!"

Everyone looked up at the screen. It replayed a purple and black motorcycle crossing the starting line. When it switched over to the live feed, it revealed that the new racer was in hot pursuit of Xiaojiao. "It looks like- who is that?!" There was some muffled whispering. As it continued, the new racer managed to drive up so they and Xiaojiao were neck to neck. "Well, whoever that is, they're neck in neck with Long!"

The two racers were in a hot game of mock tag, zooming in front of and behind each other. Xiaotian gripped Red as they watched. The finish line was coming up…

Xiaojiao cut in front.

The new racer zoomed up.

The two glanced at each other.

The finish line was engulfed in a cloud of dust and wind.

Xiaotian released Red to instead help steady Tang. Red, used to his mother's powers with wind, and the Longs, who were dragons, stayed still. Everyone else was holding on for dear life.

Finally, the wind died down. The dust cleared.

And the mysterious new racer had crossed first.

Gasps and whispers rolled through the crowd before people started clapping. None of Xiaojiao's family did. Xiaotian made eye contact with his friend when she pulled off her helmet. The same question was in her eyes.

Who is that?

-_-

Xiaojiao wanted to be left alone. That was understood. The Longs said their goodbyes before heading to their car. The boys promised to meet her at the shop.

Red and Xiaotian managed to collect the former's tablet. The casing was bent and the screen was slightly shattered. But Red claimed it was still usable. Now he and Xiaotian sat at a booth, Tang eating noodles at the bar, and Red poked and prodded his tablet.

That was where everyone was.

When Xiaojiao finally came back to the noodle shop, it wasn’t how anybody expected.

She was happily humming as she skipped into the shop. Skipped. Tang, eating his sixth bowl of noodles, Red, who was smacking his spy tablet, and Xiaotian, who was watching Red smack his tablet with some minor concern, stared as she twirled before finally coming to a stop. Tang was the first to speak. “Uh...Mei? Honey? Are you feeling alright?”

“Just peachy!”

“Are you sure? You usually aren’t so…” Tang made a gesture of her cheerful self. “Happy after a loss. You’re glum for a day before getting back into practice.”

Xiaojiao stared before shrugging. “Alright, I guess it’s time to spill the beans.” Pulling out her phone, she typed out something. The sound of a can falling over played before she grinned. “I have a date!”

Red stared. “...You were gone for half an hour. You have a date?!”

Xiaojiao shrugged again, her smile fading. “Yeah! I ended up talking with someone and they seemed nice and they like motorcycles and video games. What’s the harm?” Red held up his tablet and gestured to the screen. Between the glitching and static, the image of one of the spider goons trying to do the worm was playing. Xiaojiao raised a brow in confusion. “I see.”

He glanced over and yelped at the sight. “I mean, it’s-”

The sound of a motorcycle cut off whatever Red was going to say next. Xiaojiao gasped happily. “She’s here!”

She ran outside and Red seized the opportunity to turn the tablet off. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

“It’s just a date.” Xiaotian said, leaning into him. The demon stiffened before awkwardly wrapping his arm around his shoulders. His frown didn't fade. “What’s the harm?”

Red’s expression did not get better when Xiaojiao came in with “Hey, family…” She was escorting a familiar purple-clad rider inside. “Say hello to my new girlfriend!”

The rider took off her helmet, revealing messy dark hair and several piercings. Her smile was sharp as green green eyes took in the establishment. The bad feeling grew worse. “What’s up?” she said, flashing them a finger gun.

Tang had clearly recognized who this was. His voice was gritted as he managed out “Hello.”

Xiaotian was much more friendly as he waved. “Hi.” Red glared, ignoring the elbow to the gut that his boyfriend gave him. “So, is this your date?”

“Yep!” Xiaojiao said, leaning into her new ‘girlfriend’ like Xiaotian was doing to Red. “She came up and we started talking. She’s really cool.”

“Not as cool as you, pretty girl.” Then she wrapped an arm around Xiaojiao’s shoulder and squeezed her, seemingly not noticing the girl flush. “It’s nice to meet you, everyone. I’m Spin.”

Red raised a brow. “Is that your full name?”

“Eh, you could say it’s a nickname.” Spin shrugged, sounding cool and unbothered. “Anyway,” she said as she turned her attention back to Xiaojiao. “We should head out before the cafe gets too crowded.” She dropped her arm to instead hold Xiaojiao’s hand. Spin gave a nod to the trio before walking away.

“Don’t wait up!” Xiaojiao yelled before disappearing as well. There was a moment of silence before a motorcycle started up. It zoomed away with the dragon girl’s cheer echoing behind it.

The three of them stared at the doorway.

“I have a bad feeling about this.” Red finally voiced.

-_-

The next afternoon, Red and Xiaotian were hanging out in the latter’s room. The demon, sitting on the bed, was still having trouble with his broken tablet and growled as he flicked it again. The image managed to clear for a moment before dissolving back into static. Red dropped it with a groan. “Uh, maybe you should hook that up to a new tablet?” Xiaotian suggested, looking up from his desk from where he was drawing.

“I can’t. All my spares are back in the palace my mother’s staying in and she’s still in a mood.” Said mood was why she wasn’t with her son and her husband. All Red had said was that his parents had argued and she had stormed off to one of their spare homes. “And I don’t know whether or not Father’s told her about...us.”

‘Us’ was something DBK seemed to be ignoring for the time being. All of Xiaotian’s guardians had given their approval but DBK hadn’t said a word. Which was fine. Really. Red returned his attention to the tablet, picking it up and giving it another smack. There was a screech before someone started speaking, the words breaking in and out. “Finally!” he said.

“Where is-told that she would be here-where is she?”

“My apologies, my Queen- busy.”

“BUSY!?”

“Yes-she said she was visiting- motorcycle race.”

Red froze, staring at the screen. He didn’t notice as the audio died. “Did you hear that?!” he said, whirling onto his boyfriend. “He said the new person was visiting the motorcycle race yesterday!”

Xiaotian raised a brow. “...yeah? What about it?”

“Think about it! Who else randomly showed up at the motorcycle race?!” The delivery boy opened his mouth but before he could say a word, the demon continued. “Spin! She has to be the new agent!” He started pacing, going over the idea. “I mean she has the same purple scheme as everyone else in the Spider Queen’s clan, it’s easy for them to disguise themselves…” He whirled around to shake his boyfriend. “Xiaojiao!”

“Xiaojiao?!”

“She must be using Xiaojiao to gather intel on you!”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Xiaotian gently pried Red’s hands off his shoulders. “Maybe she’s not? I mean, lots of people wear purple and like motorcycle races. It could be a coincidence.” The demon stared and he held up his hands. “I’m not saying you’re crazy. I’m saying that you gotta have evidence. Otherwise, people will think you’re crazy.”

Red took a deep breath in and a deep breath out. “Evidence. Right. I’ll go do that.” He ran to the door, paused, and walked back to Xiaotian. He pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Uh, thanks. For the advice.”

He returned to walking out, not noticing the mortal flush, touching where he had kissed him.

#Monkie Kid #Spicynoodleshipping #Lego Monkie Kid #Zoisiteshipping #Tang #Qi Xiaotian #MK #Mr. Long #Mrs. Long #Red Son #Long Xiaojiao #Mei #Spindrax #Spider-Webbed #my writing #fic

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josiecarioca · 4 years ago

Text

Waiting (one-shot)

Requested by @artisticreptilequeen and @latitsoso

Summary: Soren Snape has chosen a lonely path for himself that not even his closest friend can help him walk.

(Soren Snape x Audrey Blake, characters mentioned: Severus Snape,Evelyn Black and Eloise Snape)

Also available on Ao3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/30010311

Tagging: @snapescapades @mafagafobebum @marvelschriss @codename-thedoctor @zealouspickleeggdragon @green-oasis @drawnfromthedead @snapescapadesafterdark @serosvit @snapecentric @hayalee8 @oliverlandomens @sleepysnapesnake @lily-themadqueen-andpinky @paracosim @the-witches-son @aikersen @violet-knox @viper-official @be-zoar @thepomegranatejuice @alwyssnpe @siriuslysircadogan @hbprincealice

…

“Soren, are you alive?”

Soren opened his eyes and looked around, searching for that familiar voice. He didn't know the place around him. It looked nice enough, though. A small livingroom, with teal colored walls covered in classic movie posters and a moon themed tapestry hanging next to a tall bookcase, loads of colorful cushions and, in front of him, a square coffe table with food and cooking themed hardcovers and a notebook filled with a round and small handwritting he knew all too well. He found himself laying on a soft white couch, “Golden Girls” was playning on the TV in front of him.

He sat up, feeling as if the room was moving around him like a ship in open sea. His clothes were sticking to him, tight and uncomfortable and his mouth was so dry he felt a bitter taste in his tongue. He didn´t remember drinking any water since right after curtain call.

Soren heard the sound of something frying, before the smell hit him. His stomach growled. He couldn't remember when he had last eaten anything that day.

“You´re getting glitter all over my couch.” that voice...Soren shook his head, suddenly angry at himself. How had he ended up here of all places? Idiot!

“Audrey, I...” he called out but his head felt like it just about split in two when he raised his voice. “I mean...how did I...”

“Here...” the voice approached. He looked up and there she was. Audrey, in a dusty pink turtleneck wool dress that hugged her plump figure, black leggings and boots, her blond hair pulled back in a ponytail, with thick bangs framing her roud, dollish face. She looked like she was either going to a date or coming back home from one when he, at least he assumed, crashed-landed at her door.

She held a plate in front of his face and it smelled something like heaven is supposed to smell.

“This is what you eat when you're flat on your arse drunk, if I recall correctly. Rashers, eggs benedict and your mother's cheddar, chive and potato pancakes. Right?”

“You...know how to make mam´s pancakes? ” he smiled, hoping foolishly that small talk would delay the earfull he was about to get. “She never gave anybody this recipe. Not even my cousins.”

“I lived with your parents for a whole year remember? I've seen auntie Lyn make this more times than I can count.”

Even though he felt like somebody had taken an axe to his skull and split it clean in two, Soren had to smile.

“Thank you. You didn't have to.”

“I sort of did have to, though” she let out, sounding tired “I found you laying on my doorstep, looking healf dead. Trust me, I was tempted to just walk around you and leave you there, but then what would I say next time I visit your parents? Besides, my landlord and neighbours wouldn't be too happy. Here, you´re going to need this. You must be dehydrated.”

She put a gallon of water on the table in fronto of him. Soren shugged nearly half of it before he could even begin to think about eating.

“Now, pray tell...what has gotten into you?” she crossed her arms and stood before him, looking far taller than her 5 feet, maybe 5'3 including the boots. Soren looked at her, pleased to notice she had put on weight. She looked like her normal self again, he thought. Last time he'd seen her she looked gaunt, almost.

“What do you mean?”

“What do I mean? Is it a normal occurence for you to prance about town drunk off you mind and pass out in front of people´s doors dressed like Beetlejuice and Dr. Frank'n'Furter's lovechild?”

“Oh, this!” Soren looked down at himself, finally remembering...

The effin' costume. Yeah, she was right. Her neighbours wouldn't be none too pleased to see a 6´2 man in full make-up wearing a leather corset-garter combo with stockings and high heels under a stripped trenchcoat passed out drunk in the hallway.

“I was...working.”

“Working? Is this an honest-to-God opera costume, or the Ministry for Magic had you go undercover in a fetish brothel?”

“Costume. The Ministry doesn´t usually have me dress up nice and sexy when they want to get me fucked. Hardly pay me as well as they should for it either.”

“What opera are you in this time around?”

“Orphée aux enfers...Our director decided to give the Kosky version a run for its money, so of course genderfuck drag was the way to go. Because why the fuck not? ”

“We're just going to pretend like you didn't love the idea...” she smirked. That was good...he hoped.

“Well, yeah, we decided to have a few drinks after the performance, and Henri thought it would be hilarious to just go out partying in full costume.”

“Who?”

“Henri Fournier...he played Orpheus”

“Of course...” Audrey, sighed, no longer amused.

“He's a riot, you should meet him.” Stop digging, Soren. She´s already mad at you, no need to act like a bufoon.

“And you should shower and change.”

“I´m afraid I don't have anything to change into...Unless, what's his name, your...”

“Ethan, his name is Ethan.”

“Yeah, him, unless he doesn´t mind me borrowing his things...”

“I´ll see if he left something here...”

“Left...I thought you two were...”

“He moved out.”

“When was that? Last we talked you we...”

“Come on, finish eating go have a shower, I'll find something for you to wear.”

“Hey, Shortcake, I...” He let out without even thinking. It had been so long since he last called her that, years maybe, but somehow it just poured from his lips.

“Don't...call me that.”

“I'm sorry...I really am. About this whole thing as well, I really don't know how I ended up at your door, I would never...”

“You don't have to apologize. Just eat, take your shower and...” she sighed “...we´ll see.”

…

Soren was tripping over himself so badly Audrey had half a mind to offer help. But eventually he got himself to the bathroom. She glued her ear to the door, half expecting to hear him collapse inside. The sound of the water running reassured her enough to step away and try to find something for him to wear, hoping Ethan had forgotten at least a pair of shorts or something.

Typical Soren to put her in this situation without even thinking. He never did think, did he? Just did whatever he wanted to do and everything else be damned. Nevermind that his parents were constantly worried sick about him, that his sister had to keep calling him to remind him he had a family and he should go see them sometime. Audrey was almost sure neither his father nor his mother knew what he was up to.

That he was spying for the. ministry.

His father would never allow it.

Audrey had been only a spectator, entirely foreign to their world of magic and wars no one of her kind was supposed to know, but she knew well enough, apparently even better than Soren, that it was a disastrous idea for the son of Severus Snape to be a spy. To collect inteligence about the very same criminals who still had a reward out for his father's head. Soren was born with a target on his back. Even as a child, Death Eaters had tried to get to him, the same with his sister, Eloise. And why wouldn't they? What better revenge on the man who brought down their leader than to harm his children? Audrey knew from hearing whispers and bits and pieces of conversations when she had lived with his parents in Glencoe, right after deciding to go no contact with her mother. She knew from what Eloise told her, in a vain, desperate attempt to get her to help knock some sense into her brother.

But Audrey also knew there was nobody on earth who could keep Soren from doing what he wanted. Sometimes she was tempted to tell Severus and Evelyn what he was doing behind their back. If they knew...They thought Soren was travelling around the world singing. A successful baritone, touring Salzburg, Paris, New York, Lord knew where else. Surely that shouldn´t prevent him from coming home now and then, however...But he would go months without showing up, so his parents, maybe, just thought that if he didn´t show up for Christmas or Easter it was because he was somewhere in a nightclub or a bar, partying. And sometimes that was true, but not always. At times, she wondered how and when they would find out, and hoped it wasn´t through some tragedy.

But...sometimes she also wondered if they didn't already know. If they were just waiting for him to finally be honest with them. Maybe neither Severus nor Evelyn could bring themselves to believe Soren would do that to them, so they acted like they didn't suspect, when in reality, they knew. Maybe they were just hoping he'd show himself worthy of their trust. Just waiting for him to come around.

So Audrey said nothing. It wasn't her place to, after all. If Eloise hadn´t, then she certainly had no right.

She finally found something. And old t-shirt and some pajama pants. Good thing Ethan was tall, she thought. This would do for Soren to at least make it back home, or wherever he was staying in London. Come to think of it...She shook her head and left the clothes on the bed where he could find once he was done showering.

“Soren?” She called once the water stopped running and she could hear him in her bedroom.

“Yeah?” he sounded a bit more sober.

“I'll call your sister, do you have her girlfriend's number? Maybe they can pick you up.”

Soren didn't answer answer immediately. Instead he took his time to get dressed and came back to the livingroom, sat on the couch and took another swig of water from the bottle.

“So, should I call her?”

“I would literally rather you hand me over to a dementor.”

“Maybe if I knew how. Eloise is my next best choice.”

“Eloise will never let me hear the end of it.”

“She wouldn'r be wrong, now would she?”

He didn't answer. He just made that face. That face he put on when he knew he was wrong, when he knew he had no good excuse. The corners of his mouth turned slightly upwards in an odd, clumsy smile, and his nostril flared slightly as he breathed out, then he looked away. Thinking of the next joke, of the charming comment that would deflect questioning, the next change of subject. Had been that way since he was a boy. Soren always knew when to leave an argument well enough alone. This way he wouldn't have to admit he was wrong.

“As soon as my head doesn´t feel like the the 1812 overture is playing on surround sound inside my skull, I can see myself out.” she shrugged with that devil may care grin that could get him whatever he wanted.

Audrey sighed. She didn´t have the energy to argue, And true to be told, if she hadn't found him passed out drunk at her door after nearly a year of no contact whatsoever, she would be happy he was there. Wasn´t this what they used to do, back when things were different? Staying up at night, huddled up on the couch, watching old TV programmes reruns till the wee hours of the night? She missed that. She missed having Soren around, she missed his stupid jokes, his impromptu performances. She missed him singing “Largo al factotum” early in the morning as he shaved, his voice filling her bathroom till the upstairs neighbours complained.

But she didn´t miss what came with it. She didn´t miss the disappearances, the weeks and months without a single phone call, the excuses, the worry, the panic...

“You already ruined my couch with all that sodding makeup” she sighed, sitting next to him “Might as well spend the night. But you´ll have to be out before noon. I´m working the lunch shift this week.”

“How's that going? Mam told me you made it to sous-chef.”

“Yeah, which sounds impressive until you realize it just means I'm the first in line to be verbally abused when Bastianinni wakes up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“I worked with a Bastianinni once...It was for the best sharp knives are not part of our line of work, or the whole cast would have used him for target practice, down to the children's choir. When a tenor decides to be a diva, oof...”

“So, you´ve been talking to your mother?”

“Yeah, I called her and dad last week from Salzburg...to apologize for not showing up for Christmas again. She told me you were there.”

“I was. I assume that's how you got my address...”

“I...I mean...is not like she” Soren stammered like a little boy caught with his hand in the biscuit tin.

“Did you really think your mother would give you my address if I didn't tell her it was ok?” Audrey smiled “I´m just surprised you asked.”

“Why wouldn't I ask?”

“You tell me...For the past four years I´ve seen more of your parents and your sister than I´ve seen you. And you don't call anybody, just go off for months on end...”

“You know why that is...”

“I do. That´s why I don't wait for you anymore. It's pointless. But then when I give up waiting, you decide to show up.”

“Is not like I planned to just...”

“You never do.”

“Audrey, I...”

“I´ll get you a pillow and some covers, it's getting late.” She couldn't let him speak. If he started he'd take her in again. And before she knew it, she would be waiting again...for a phone call, a message, waiting for that moment she'd finally be fully a part of his world. A moment that would never come, no matter how long she waited. Not for her and not for anybody else. Soren had chosen a rocky path that only fit the steps of one person: himself. She couldn´t walk with him, and it would be fooolish to wait for him to come back any time soon.

“You said you were working lunch shift tomorrow.” the sweetness on his voice reached her as she got up from the couch, disarming. “Can´t you stay a little while longer?”

#Snapedom #Soren Snape #The Soren Snape chronicles #Soren Prince Snape #Audrey Blake #Soren x Audrey #angst #severus snape #evelyn black #Eloise Snape #The Snape siblings

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jalapeno-princess · 5 years ago

Text

Somebody Else

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 5.3K

Summary: It was Yugyeom’s birthday so both him and BamBam try to get Mark to tag along with them to the club. After Mark has been cooped up in his apartment for a while, the younger boys feel as if his sour attitude has to deal with your breakup over three months ago. What they didn’t know, was that you and Mark have been fooling around and agreed to have casual sex with no strings attached. However, you decided that you no longer wanted continue allowing Mark to take advantage of you and ended things between the two of you completely. Against his many refusals, he finds himself going to the club, but something happens that causes him to regret the night in it’s entirety.

A/N: I’ve been in love with the 1975 since I was 16 years old and “Somebody Else” is one of my favorite songs. I thought about writing an imagine based on the song for the longest time but I didn’t know how to start. I decided to write it after a daydream I had where Mark and I broke up and I ended up with JB but I decided to include JInyoung instead. Please enjoy!

So I heard you found somebody else And at first I thought it was a lie I took all my things that make sounds The rest I can do withoutI don't want your body But I hate to think about you with somebody else Our love has gone cold You're intertwining your soul with somebody else

I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone And then leaving with somebody else No, I don't want your body But I'm picturing your body with somebody else

“Mark come on, you have to come bro—it’s my birthday! You, BamBam and I are like the three musketeers! We can’t go to the club without you! He and I get drunk, while you keep an eye on us and make sure we don’t get in trouble. It’ll be a good time, I promise.“ Seeing the promising look on Yugyeom’s face the longer he tried to pry at Mark and get him to go out with them made it harder for the older boy. If it was anyone else, he would’ve said no right off the bat. However, from the beginning of their friendship, Mark has always had a soft spot for his two youngest friends.

No matter how much Yugyeom and BamBam would take advantage of his kindness and manipulate him in to doing things he didn’t want to do, he could never find it in himself to tell either of them no. But this time was different. Mark was very adamant on not going out anytime soon, no matter what the occasion was. Right as he was about to decline once more, the other boy spoke up.

“What’s wrong Mark? You always used to go out with us, even when you and noona were still together—wait a minute. You’re not still hung up on her are you? It’s been months. Three months to be exact, and weren’t you the one to end things anyway, so what’s the problem? Maybe you need this outing. You could find someone new—“ He knew BamBam and Yugyeom meant well, or so he could only hope. Sometimes, those two had a tendency to be selfish and were willing to put their friends in uncomfortable situations if it meant they got what they wanted. It was partially his fault that he’d let them get away with things; Mark was a huge pushover.

Whenever someone asked him for a favor, he was quick to lend a hand. Things were different this time though, he wasn’t up for going out; especially not to the club of all places and hearing about you got him all flustered. BamBam was right about the breakup; it’s been three months since Mark told you he was no longer in love with you and that he wanted to end your relationship. But what the younger boy wasn’t aware of, was that you and Mark were still casually hooking up as if nothing was wrong. Well, that was up until three weeks ago when you told him you could no longer continue fooling around with him anymore. He was still pretty upset about it and as much as he wanted to keep lying to himself by saying it was because he missed having sex with you, Mark knew it went beyond the intimacy between you both.

Three weeks ago

“Fuck—I’m so, so close. Please baby, tell me you’re almost there too—you’re driving me crazy y/n—shit—“ You’ve had sex with Mark many times to know when he was near his end. His grip on your waist would always be so tight to the point where he’d leave bruises and his pace would get quicker if it was even possible right as he was about to come. When you felt his creamy, warm liquid fill you up as he hid his face in the crook of your neck, you released a frustrated sigh and motioned for him to get off of you. “Wait, y/n—you didn’t come yet. Let me take care of you—“

“No, it’s fine. I think I should go. You got you wanted right? So my job here is done.” Mark looked at you as if you grew another head. It wasn’t as if this wasn’t something either of you weren’t used to. Sure, your breakup was more than two months ago, but you and Mark agreed to continue sleeping around with each other until one of you found someone else. Well, at least that’s what he thought.

“Y/n—“ As you were about to look for your clothes that were practically flung all across the room, you felt his fingers grip on to your wrist all but gently causing you to fall back in to bed with him. “Talk to me. Did something happen? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” The emotionless chuckle that fell from your lips sent chills down Mark’s spine. He knew it was wrong for him to ask you if it was okay for the two of you to still fuck on the down low even if you were no longer together.

Although your relationship was no longer, he didn’t think there was anything wrong with the idea of hooking up with you. Mark loved making love to you; it was his favorite thing to do. It was more than just sex to him whenever the two of you would find yourselves tumbling in to bed together. There was a spark; a flame that flickered between you and Mark. He may not have harbored feelings for you anymore, but he’d be lying if he said you weren’t the best sex he’s ever had. You were all he knew and wanted to know for the last three years.

It came as a shock to him when you agreed. You didn’t take the news of the breakup all too well. When Mark told you he no longer felt anything for you and wanted to end things with you, you ended up crying and begged him to stay with you. His heart hurt seeing you fall to your knees while you wrapped yourself around his leg, but he couldn’t stay in a relationship where he no longer felt anything. It wouldn’t have been fair to you.

A week after he left you crying your heart out on the kitchen floor, he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t quite done with you yet. He fooled around with a girl he met in the club the night before, but he didn’t feel anything. When he brought the girl back to his place with intentions of blowing her back out, he just assumed the two of them would fuck and she would leave. But when he got her naked and right as he was about to put on a condom; something inside of him screamed that this was all wrong. He wasn’t even in the mood for sex; nor was he even horny. Mark just felt like he had to have sex with someone else in order to lie to himself that he could hook up with anyone other than you.

The girl was cute and it was obvious with the way she was ripping his clothes off of him that she was interested in him, but there was just one problem. She wasn’t you. He gave her an empty apology and the poor girl looked so confused as he began to put his clothes back on, but he was quick to tell her nothing was going to happen between them. The next morning, he found himself contemplating on reaching out to you. Mark began typing out multiple text messages letting you know that he made a mistake and that he was still in love with you. But he knew that wasn’t the truth; or at least that’s what he kept telling himself.

After sending you a risky text, asking you if you were okay with continuing the physical part of your relationship, he had expected for you to ignore his message or even cuss him out. However, when you responded less than ten minutes later with a simple “sure”, he released a breath of relief. He had a huge feeling you were going to say no, especially because of the way he ended things that night. And because Mark knew that you weren’t one to just sleep around. You believed in relationships; you never gave your body to just anybody. It was either exclusivity or nothing. What he didn’t know, was that you were willing to have him in any way that you could; even if that meant leading yourself on and getting hurt in the process. If Mark only wanted you for your body, it was better than not having him in your life at all.

Red flags went off in your head immediately the minute you agreed to having somewhat of a friends with benefits relationship with Mark. Everything seemed to be fine in the beginning. He got the sex that he wanted and you got the companionship that your heart craved. You knew your relationship with Mark would never go back to what it used to be, but you tried to lie to yourself by saying that maybe, just maybe he would find it in himself to redevelop feelings for you.

When he only reached out to you strictly for sex, you pushed back any thought of reconciling to the back of your mind. He wasn’t the same person you fell in love with all those years ago and you couldn’t force him to get back in to a relationship with you. You were fine; for the last two months, you accepted what you couldn’t change and allowed this toxic relationship to go on. But it was only a matter of time that you wouldn’t be able to let Mark hurt you for much longer. As much as you hated the idea of giving Mark up completely, you knew there was a huge chance you’d lose yourself sooner or later by letting Mark take, take, take until you had nothing left to give.

“Baby—“

“No, don’t you dare give me that baby shit. I’m done. I can’t keep doing this anymore. I was stupid for letting this happen. I was stupid for allowing you to continue to play with my heart. I’m still so fucking in love with you that I was willing to give you my body if it meant being able to still have you in my life. But I’m not happy Mark. You obviously could give less of a shit about me and my feelings. I’m nothing but just an easy fuck to you. You’re a fucking selfish asshole to take advantage of me like this. I know you were aware of the fact that I still love you and you acted on my feelings because it was convenient for you. You broke my fucking heart Mark. Are you happy? Is this what you wanted? God, I feel so pathetic for allowing this to go on for two months. I hate myself for taking this long to realize that I don’t need this shit. I deserve better than this. I would’ve done anything for you Mark. But I can’t say the same for you. Have a nice life Mark—I’m done trying to be a part of it.”

Once you finished putting on the rest of your clothes and practically stormed out of his apartment, Mark felt a pain in his chest that he’s never felt before. Not even the night of your breakup and he was frustrated that he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Was it because he knew that this was it? This was the end for you both. He knew he fucked up. But was it because you were the one to call it quits this time and his pride was hurt? Or was it because he still loved you?

No way, he couldn’t have been in love with you. If he still had any sort of romantic feelings for you, he would’ve never allowed the break up to happen in the first place. When he felt a tear fall down his cheek, Mark knew he made a huge mistake. He gave himself a few moments to think about what just went down and when it hit him that he lost you completely. But what did it matter? Isn’t this what was supposed to happen the minute he broke up with you? There wasn’t supposed to be any more involvement with you both. Was he such a fucked up individual that he got himself off on hurting you?

You were right, you didn’t deserve any of this? How could he treat you like nothing when you gave him the world on a silver platter? What kind of monster did he allow himself to turn in to? He made himself a vow that night to give you your space and time to heal before reaching out to you and apologizing for being such a sadistic asshole and mistreating you. However, he was afraid of the backlash he would get if he were to try and get in touch with you even if it was just to say sorry. Whenever you said something, you meant it. So when you said that you were done, he knew you meant not only with allowing yourself to get hurt, but just done with Mark in general.

It took him a while, but he came to terms with the fact that he was still in love with you. He actually never stopped. He just thought that when he no longer put effort in to your relationship that it meant he no longer loved you. The more he put time and effort in to other things like his job, hanging out with his friends, playing his video games and even spending more time with his dog than he did with you, he felt as if he would be fine without having you in his life. Boy, was he wrong.

“I’m not in a rush to get in to another relationship nor do I want to fuck just anybody like how the two of you always seem to. You only want me to come out just so I can be the designated driver and because your cheap asses don’t want to pay for a cab. I’m sorry Yugyeom. I know it’s your birthday, but I refuse to go out and waste my time sitting around like a fucking loser surrounded with hundreds of sweaty bodies drunkenly grinding up on one another. And I’m honestly in no mood to celebrate. You guys have fun and try not to do anything stupid.”

Even if Mark told the two boys no, he knew he’d end up going out anyway. He could only yell and fight them off for so long until they used every single excuse they could find to guilt him in to going. Mark wasn’t surprised to find himself at the entrance of the most popular night club the city had to offer. He let out a frustrated sigh when he saw how long the line was, but before he could tell the two boys off, the bouncer allowed the three of them in after looking at the clipboard. BamBam and Yugyeom couldn’t stop the laughs that fell from their lips when they took a look at Mark’s confused expression.

“Yugbam never waits to get in. We’re very important people. Even more so because it’s my birthday hyung. Now we promised to get you drunk and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” The three of them pushed their way through the hoard of bodies scattered throughout the club in order to get to the bar and BamBam ordered two rounds of tequila shots to start the night off. “Bottoms up!” BamBam and Yugyeom took their time with sipping their drinks but the eldest boy downed his shots in one go.

“Mark hyung—the night is still young man take your time—“ The glare he sent to the overly excited boy caused BamBam to stop mid sentence before he could say anything else and ruin the night before it could really start.

Come on baby This ain't the last time that I'll see your face Come on baby You said you'd find someone to take my place

I just don't believe that you have got it in you 'cause We are just gonna keep 'doin' it' and everytime I start to believe in anything you're saying I'm reminded that I should be getting over it

“Should we go out on the dance floor?” Mark gave Yugyeom a knowing look but the birthday boy wasn’t going to let him be his usual boring self. Plus, it didn’t take a genius to know that something was bothering him. Even if Mark continuously told both of his friends that he was fine, Yugyeom knew there was something weighing heavy on his mind. He wanted to be there for Mark and support him the way Mark never failed to do for either of his friends. But Yugyeom was never good with words. The thing he was best at was getting plastered and finding himself in between the legs of women he wouldn’t even take the time to learn the names of. That’s what he had planned for Mark.

He’s never been in a relationship before, so he wouldn’t understand what Mark was going through. Nobody really did. How do you console someone through a break up when they were the one to initiate it in the first place? Mark knew he had no choice but in joining his two friends out on the dance floor since he didn’t want to be standing in a corner by himself like a loner. Once they found a decent place to stand, they all began dancing or in Mark’s opinion; flapping their arms and legs in an awkward motion. He found himself smiling softly in amusement as he watched the two boys looking around the club for what he thought were girls to go home with. When BamBam’s eyes widened in shock, he thought it was a good sign but Mark was quick to notice the way the younger boy now looked so worried.

“Hey Gyeom, maybe we should find another spot to dance in. Better yet, why don’t we just find another club? It’s too crowded in here don’t you think?” Yugyeom was completely oblivious to his friend’s change in demeanor, but Mark was quick to pick up on it and turned around to look in the direction BamBam couldn’t stop staring in. It was in that moment Mark felt his heart sink to his chest. There you were, in all your breathtaking glory. Your long hair was done in bouncy curls, your makeup was simple but very elegant and the dress you were wearing was one of his favorite ones you owned. It hugged each and every curve perfectly and every single time you had worn it, it would find it’s way on the floor by the end of the night.

You looked extremely beautiful. Out of all the girls in the club, you stood out the most and he wasn’t just thinking that because he was biased since you were his ex-girlfriend. No matter where the two of you went, Mark always felt that you were the most beautiful girl in existence. However, it wasn’t your beauty that was causing the gut wrenching pain in his stomach. No. It was the hands that were grazing a little too close to your ass that was driving him to the brink of insanity. You were currently grinding up against another body, one that didn’t take long for Mark to recognize.

“Isn’t that—Jinyoung? What the fuck?” His vision landed on the man in question and he could feel his heart clench the longer he kept his eyes on the two of you. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t look away; as much as it pained him to see you in the arms of someone else, especially a man he considered to be one of his good friends, he just couldn’t stop staring. You looked so happy; so in to Jinyoung and it was clear to see that the older boy was attracted to you with the way he was holding you so protectively. It was in that moment of seeing your bodies molding against each other that your words from a couple of weeks ago came back to him like a slap in the face.

“I’m gonna find someone to take your place. Someone who is actually going to love me for me and not just for my body. The way you used to love me.”

BamBam and Yugyeom were completely in awe at the fact that you and Jinyoung were here together but Mark didn’t seem all too surprised. Jinyoung wasn’t one to keep his feelings a secret. He may have never told anyone that he had a crush on you, but Mark saw it in his actions. Even when the two of you were still a couple, Jinyoung would do things for you that Mark felt only boyfriends did for their girlfriends. He did things for you that not even Mark did.

If Jinyoung saw something that reminded him of you, he wouldn’t hesitate to buy it, no matter the price. There were days he would ditch class just so he could pick you up from work, he would take off his shoes and give them to you to wear if he noticed your feet were sore from walking in heels all day, he’d text you every now and then to make sure you were eating your meals and he even knew your coffee order by heart.

During your relationship, Mark found himself questioning your loyalty to him and sometimes he felt as if there was a chance you were cheating on him with Jinyoung. But you never seemed all too interested in Jinyoung even as a friend and you made it aware that Mark was the only man for you. Why did he have to go and fuck everything up? Seeing you with Jinyoung made him want to throw up. As Jinyoung leaned down and placed a kiss on your neck, he felt his blood begin to boil. That should be him holding you, dancing with you, grinding you against his growing erection while whispering dirty things in your ear. That should be him passionately making out with you, not stupid Park Jinyoung—wait, what?

“Mark hyung, I think it would be best for us to leave—“ This earned the birthday boy a scoff. Yugyeom was soon regretting his decision of begging Mark to come out and celebrate his birthday. Now he wanted nothing more than to go home before things took a turn for the worst.

“Why would we leave? We’re here to have a good time and celebrate your 23rd birthday man. Come on, you guys wanted to party, let’s fucking party.” Mark started making his way back to the bar with the intent of getting extremely drunk. If you could have your fun, then so could he. He never had the confidence nor bravery to talk to any girl without a few shots of liquid courage inside of him and if he was planning on finding someone to take his mind off of you with Jinyoung’s tongue shoved down your throat, he needed to be plastered. With the way he was acting; so forceful without a care in the world, they were afraid of what Mark was actually capable of.

A drunk Mark was dangerous. He could get really angry and sometimes physical if he had a little too much to drink and now he had a reason to be upset. Three shots of rum and two beers later, Mark found himself dancing along with a petite, busty blonde with blue eyes and a nice, curvaceous body. She told him her name three times, but Mark couldn’t care less to learn it. Nor did he care about the way her lips felt against his. He just needed a distraction. Even if he was drunk, and occupied with someone else, his mind and his eyes continued to wander towards you and Jinyoung.

You had yet to notice his presence and a huge part of him wanted nothing more than for you to see him with another girl so that you could experience the pain he was currently feeling watching you with one of his friends, but he knew he put you through so much negativity in the last couple of months and you deserved the happiness he could no longer give you. BamBam and Yugyeom found themselves keeping an eye on their older friend in disbelief that they had to be the ones taking care of him and not the other way around. If this was under different circumstances, the two mischief makers would’ve been excited that their hyung was having a good time and getting himself back on the market. But knowing he was acting this way after seeing you with someone Mark thought he could trust, they wanted nothing more than to get out of there.

As much as they didn’t want to aggravate him by trying to leave, they both decided that neither of them were having fun and deep down, Mark wasn’t either. After arguing over who would try and take Mark away from the girl he was obviously not interested in, BamBam began to walk towards the older boy and tapped on his shoulder.

“Mark hyung, it’s time to go.” A sigh of relief fell from his lips when Mark complied and began to follow him. To BamBam’s dismay, right as they were about to exit the club, Mark turned around and searched the club for you one more time. It didn’t matter that he had so much alcohol in his system, he was still so upset seeing you with someone else. He was soon regretting looking for you the minute he saw Jinyoung whisper in your ear while motioning his head towards the door. Deep down he knew exactly what the two of you had planned once you were to leave the club and he could physically feel himself shutting down at the thought. As the three boys found themselves sitting outside waiting for a cab, the worst thing that could possibly happen, happened. But it wasn’t like any of them were surprised; it was nearing the time that the club usually closed. So to see you and Jinyoung walking outside the same time they did, it wasn’t unexpected, just extremely unwanted.

“Oh, hey guys! I didn’t know you were here—ah yeah I totally forgot! Happy birthday Yugyeom!” Both Yugyeom and BamBam turned to see you and Jinyoung holding hands; they could only hope Mark wasn’t paying attention to the two of you but they knew it was asking for too much. You currently had your head down and both boys assumed it was because you felt awkward seeing your ex-boyfriend while you were with your current love interest. They might have not been aware of what exactly was going on with you and Jinyoung, but the two of you weren’t so discreet with your needy touches and lingering kisses.

“Thanks man. How have you been? It’s been a while bro.” Jinyoung grinned before lifting your intertwined hands up and placing a kiss on the back of it. Was he really that insensitive to act as if what he was doing was okay? You and Mark were together for three years. Even if he was the one to break up with you, BamBam and Yugyeom didn’t feel right with the way Jinyoung was practically flaunting you off in front of them as if it was the most normal thing to do.

“I’ve been good—ah, we’ve been good. Keeping busy.” The animalistic growl that came from the back of Mark’s throat made the two younger boys extremely nervous.

“We? You must be happy Jinyoung. How does it feel fucking around with my ex-girlfriend huh? You wanted this all along didn’t you? You didn’t even wait for us to break up completely did you? She and I have been fucking for two months after our break up, were you aware of that? You’ve been following her around like a lovesick puppy even while she and I were together. I hope you know she could give less of a shit about you, she’s still madly in love with me. She might be bouncing on your dick now, but just know that she wishes it was me—“

“Mark that’s enough!”

You were quiet this entire time and you were secretly trying to tug at Jinyoung’s wrist to let him know you wanted to leave the group of guys and head back to your car. But as smart as Jinyoung was, he wasn’t all that bright. You took a few steps towards your ex-boyfriend and took in a deep breath before continuing to release your built up anger.

“You don’t get to say shit! You know nothing! You hurt me. You broke me. You fucked up my mind and my body. You fucked me over. I hate you. Do you hear me? I hate you Mark Tuan. I spent so much time crying over you, wishing things would go back to how they used to be but for what? For you to put me through the same shit again? You don’t deserve me. I did anything and everything you asked me to. Nobody in their right minds would ever do even half of the shit I did for you. Who I date, who I’m talking to or who I’m sleeping with is none of your business anymore. You decided you wanted nothing to do with me the minute you broke up with me. Jinyoung saved me before I could completely fall apart because of you. He takes such good care of me in ways you never did even when we were a couple. And yes! I’m fucking Park Jinyoung! We were just about to head back to my place so he could rearrange my guts. I’ve only been with you and Jinyoung and if I’m being honest with you, Jinyoung is the best sex I’ve ever had. I refused to allow you to continue ruining my life by taking up my thoughts. So fuck you Mark Tuan. Come on Jinyoung, let’s go.”

All four guys looked at you in disbelief after hearing your confession; Yugyeom and BamBam were extremely flabbergasted after hearing the news that you and Mark were still sleeping around together even after your breakup. Jinyoung has a smug expression on his face and Mark was fuming.

“Park Jinyoung, get your ass over here!” Jinyoung said his brief goodbyes before running after you and left the two younger boys to look at Mark in confusion. There were so many things they wanted to ask, but they knew better to egg him on and make matters worse.

“Mark hyung—“

“Don’t. Just get me home.” The taxi showed up less than ten minutes after the whole confrontation and Mark was the first one to get dropped off.

“Are you sure you want to be alone right now? Maybe you should come to my place, you need friends right now.”

Mark released a soft sigh before shaking his head in disagreement. “I need some time by myself. I’m sorry your birthday night was ruined, I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. I promise. Get home safely. I’ll talk to you both later.”

Mark slowly made his way up to his apartment and didn’t even take three steps inside before falling to his knees and crying his heart out. That was so much for him to take it. He might have been drunk the minute you and Jinyoung approached the three of them, but he was completely sober by the end of it.

Hearing exactly what he did to you, on top of your confession that Jinyoung was the best sex you’ve had, made Mark feel like complete and utter shit. His ego was hurt, his feelings were hurt and his heart was surely broken. But he deserved it. He lied on the ground and stayed there for what felt like forever. Right as he was about to fall asleep, he reached for his phone and although his conscience was telling him it was wrong, he began typing your number, the only one he knew by heart. Once he sent the text messages, he drifted off to slumber wanting nothing more than to sleep for the next five months.

Asshole: I made a mistake and I’m so fucking sorry. 5:23 A.M.

Asshole: I hope Park Jinyoung takes good care of you. You deserve the entire world and more. 5:23 A.M.

Asshole: I still—fuck. I still love you. It’s too late, but it has to be said. I lied, I never fell out of love with you. I was just being a selfish fucking dumbass. 5:23 A.M.

Asshole: I’m sorry. For everything. Take care of yourself and have a nice life. 5:25 A.M.

Get someone you love? Get someone you need? Fuck that, get money I can't give you my soul 'cause we're never alone

I don't want your body But I hate to think about you with somebody else Our love has gone cold You're intertwining your soul with somebody else

I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone And then leaving with somebody else No, I don't want your body But I'm picturing your body with somebody else

#got7 imagines #got7 #mark tuan #mark tuan imagines #got7 angst

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selfcareparker · 4 years ago

Note

okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!

also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)

the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓

you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(

now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol

OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY

PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha

LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ

now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)

(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓

me reading this:

also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺

i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg

yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao

and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰

Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs

I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it

GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG

^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film

I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)

47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)

oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀

and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)

++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌

#ok i wrote some if this on the tube/on the bus/at the dentist/in bed so if this seems like it’s all over the place #that’s bc i was literally all over the place skshg #*of #also i love how you used tags skajahsg #lovely anon #<3 #sorry if some of the sentences didn‘t make sense or were too fucking long i wrote half of this half asleep #and i know i dont have to apologise but still like no one should have to read all my page long sentences that arent even proper sentencesskk

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crunkumbee · 6 years ago

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Lost In You

Yancy x Reader

Requests:

could you write a piece about yancy and y/n in the ending where they stay in the prison and after a while get together and it’s a very sweet and soft? love ur writing xxx

I heard you want fanfic ideas? If so. May I present the classic jealous Yancy? A new prisoner/guard flirts with the reader? - @just-a-werido

oh. my god. dancing. with yancy. just. oh my god. please?

Cuddles and stuff because Yancy is baby- @greemany

Could you write a really fluffy Yancy x reader?? Like maybe they're both super touch-starved and easily flustered and so there's a lot of embarrassed but sweet, blushy cuddles and physical affection??? Sorry if this is a bad ask but I'm just a SLUT for Yancy cuddles thanks friend💕

Can I request a cuddly Yancy x reader where he almost lost her due to a fight between her and one of the guys who thought it be a good idea to mess with his family? Like the gang instantly comes to her aid and Yancy is like ????!!!!!!! and instantly makes sure his baby’s okay? Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: Holy goddamn you guys first of all thank you so much I am so honored that you all love my writing and trust me enough to write these!! Second um I kinda went off and shoved all of these together bc I thought they would sound good and yeah also sorry fics have been kinda slow its just been a crazy last couple of weeks with LITERALLY EVERYTHING and dancing yancy?!?!?!? HELL YEAH but please please PLEASE ENJOY FRIENDS LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Tag List: @i-am-a-weeb @arts-of-plenty @gay-matty-boi @brokequeenofcardonia @writer-of-camelot @pleasedontfollowmeimtrash @bxbamilktae @th3-n3xt-phas3-2 @animals4ever527 @janiceapex @ughsomething @go-just-me-fan @les-amis-de-l-ab-yeet @aheistwithyancy

Twelve years with the chance for probation. That’s what you were stuck with. Happy Trails Penitentiary wasn’t what you thought it would be but after what you had done, you were perfectly fine with it. You weren’t one to talk to new people so when it came time for lunch you sat alone in a corner and prayed that nobody would sit next to you or even look at you.

The potatoes weren’t the best you had but it was better than you expected and as you were poking at them you didn’t even notice the man that sat next to you.

“Youse is new here. I’m Yancy,” he extended his hand out to you. “I saw you walk in and thought youse was the best looking person in this joint.”

“Y/n and I’m sure that seeing somebody new has an affect on who you’re attracted to.”

He chuckled and god damn that was a beautiful sound.

“Youse might be right. But you should come sit with the rest of us. Hank even has wine for us.

Your plan was to just sit there in the corner for the next twenty years but when a man as handsome as Yancy asks you to sit at his table, you don’t argue and just go along with it.

You followed the man to the table with multiple other people and you were instantly overwhelmed once they all started to surround you.

“Hey fellas, stand back a bit shes new here.”

And so for the next few weeks you sat at the table and the other prisoners became like family to you. You and Yancy had gotten really close. He would spend most of his time with you whenever you could and he had a spare key to all of the cells so some nights you could sneak into one anothers cell. Sure he was attractive but you weren’t anything more than friends and while you would like for there to be more, you were perfectly content with how your life was with him just being a friend.

There weren’t many other new guards or other inmates. But, there was a new guy. His name was Lucas and he just wouldn’t leave you alone. It wasn’t until Yancy said something to him that he kinda backed off but you could still feel his eyes on you. Three days into his sentence you went to use the restroom during lunch. It wasn’t in the same room as the cafeteria but it was down the hall a ways and since the guards trusted most of the inmates, they would let most of them just go off on their own. As you were walking out of the restroom, Lucas came up behind you and grabbed your hips, only resulting in you pushing yourself off of him.

“What the hell?!?”

“Come on baby girl you know you liked it. Why would you want some pansy like him when you could have all of this.”

“Fuck you!” you yelled at him before punching him in the throat. You wanted to go for the face but he was a lot taller and a hell of a lot bigger than you were and there was no way you would have reached even if you had wanted to.

“Bitch,” he backhanded you and your face hit the concrete wall. “Kick her ass.” Lucas said to the two people who then walked out from around the corner. Of course they were both women and twins.

“Too big of a bitch to fight me yourself Lucas?” If he replied you couldn’t hear it because the woman on your left with short black hair punched you followed by the other one with long brown hair that was tied back kicking you in the stomach. It took you a moment to shake it off but you soon got in with the rhythm of their movements and while you were taking an ass beating at least you were able to fight back. At least you wouldn’t be the only one bleeding.

You had been gone for too long and while the gang told him that everything was fine, Yancy just couldn’t shake the feeling that you were in some kind of trouble.

“Hey Tiny, can youse come with me to check on y/n?”

“Sure thing Yancy.”

Together they walked out into the hallway where the restrooms were and sure enough there was Lucas laughing as two women were fighting you. You were holding your own well but you were outnumbered.

“I’ll help y/n boss go get that asshole.”

Yancy nodded and sure enough Tiny was taking care of the brown haired woman while you focused in on the other one. Now that she didn’t have her partner, it was a lot easier to take her on.

“Hey Lucas! I know youse have a problem with me so let's take care of it right here, right now.”

“I’m not going to fight you. You’re not worth the waste of breath. And neither is y/n.”

He could have said whatever he wanted about him but the second that he brought you into it, Yancy lost his cool. Nobody could get away with having people attack you then talk shit about you. Yancy didn’t think before he clocked Lucas in the face and he fell to the ground. Yancy was about to advance on the fallen man before he heard your voice.

“Yance, don’t. He’s not worth it.”

He looked over and saw you bruised and bleeding. You and Tiny had managed to knock down and keep the other two women down. It was then that Yancy decided not to murder the man on the ground. Seeing his way out Lucas got up and walked down towards his cell.

“Come here sweetheart.” You started to walk towards him and he met you halfway. He walked you to the guard where Tiny told them everything that happened. Yancy walked you to the infirmary but it just so happened to be the nurses birthday so she wasn’t there so instead Yancy grabbed things that looked like they would be of use and walked back to his cell which was closer than yours. Jimmy followed you both and once you sat on his bed and Yancy put all the supplies next to you he went out of the small cell to talk to Jimmy. The other man nodded before walking off and Yancy came back to you.

“Okay this isn’t going to feel good but just know that I’m not tryin to hurt you.”

“I know you wouldn’t try to Yance. Just get it over with.”

Other than you occasionally wincing when he would put peroxide on the cuts on your face (and him apologizing every time) he was gentle.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner for youse. I should have been there to help you otherwise youse wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

“Yance. Don’t try to blame yourself for what happened to me. You and Tiny came to help me before it got worse and that’s all that matters.” you put your hand on his and neither of you were used to the closeness that you were both currently at but all that either of you knew was that you liked it.

“Let me put these bandages on you. Just be still.”

As he put them on your face you could smell the sweet prison cologne that they gave them and for some reason it smelled better on him than it did anybody else.

Suddenly there was music playing throughout the hallway. It was usual for this to happen and the warden liked to have music on once in awhile.

“Do youse know how to dance?”

“What? Oh no! I’ve never had the chance to learn.”

“Well there’s no better time than the present.”

He extended his hand out to you and for a moment you hesitated. You weren’t used to so much and prison wasn’t the place that you thought that you would find a family but here you were, learning how to dance with the most handsome guy in the joint. It wasn’t what you were expecting when you got 20 years for arson but now that you were here and in the moment, it was nice.

As you took his hand and stood in the cell with the soft love song that you didn’t recognize playing over the speakers you realized that this was the place for you.

“Just let me show youse what to do and follow my lead.”

He carefully and cautiously to his shoulders and placed his hands on your waist. And when he started to move you followed and it soon became easy to follow.

You looked into his soft brown eyes and smiled and that’s when the moment of realization hit him, there’s nobody else for him. The way that something as small as dancing with him made you so happy and brought out the beautiful smile of yours, and if all of that could make his heart melt then there was no person he would rather be with.

Just when he thought the moment couldn’t get any better, you rested your head on his chest. It was now or never.

“Hey, uh, y/n?”

“Yeah Yance?” “What would you-, uh see I kinda-”

You knew what he was saying and didn’t need anymore confirmation than what he was giving you in that moment. You moved your hand from his shoulder to the back of his neck to push his lips to yours. His lips were softer than you could have ever imagined and he was thinking the same thing.

You pulled away and looked him in his puppy dog eyes, “I didn’t think youse would like somebody like me but I’ve been lost in you since the day you showed up.”

“I was going to say the same thing about you.”

“If I talked to the warden, would youse like to share a cell so we don’t have to sneak around every night?”

“If he allows that, I would love to.”

“Good because I talked to him this morning and he says that as long as we don’t get into a fight with each other then he doesn’t care.”

#my writing #markiplier #markiplier x reader #yancy #yancy x reader #markiplier yancy #AHWM #a heist with markiplier #AHWM spoilers #a heist with markiplier spoilers

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flightfoot · 5 years ago

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Emotional Baggage, Misunderstandings, and Navigating Through Relationships Despite Them: HappyCamper41's "Wanted: A Butterfly And A Cat"

I love what HappyCamper41 has done with many of the arguments and conversations between characters in “Wanted: A Butterfly and a Cat”. Oftentimes ‘good’ characters, ones with good intentions, end up coming into conflict or having a misunderstanding of some sort - but the conflict is reasonable, the misunderstandings have a good reason for occurring, and while characters can make mistakes, they aren’t demonized for them. They’re treated as people, just trying to navigate their world and situations as best they know how.

One of the first major examples of this is with Rena Rouge’s argument with Ladybug in Chapter 2, with how extremely (and in Alya’s opinion, overly) strict and secretive Ladybug is about secret identities, and information that isn’t completely necessary to fight akumas more generally.

“I’m just trying to keep all of us safe-”

“From what?” Rena Rouge interrupted, vulpine eyes narrowing indignantly, “Last time I checked, the three of us are a team. Carapace knowing my identity wouldn’t be any more dangerous than you knowing it.”

Alya doesn’t just blindly accept Ladybug’s reasons. She thinks critically about the situation, looking at it as a whole, instead of merely focusing in on the part Ladybug’s been pushing - that the fewer people know a secret identity, the better.

However, Ladybug’s also able to say her piece, give some more complete reasoning.

“Carapace isn’t the only reason we don’t broadcast our identities on a megaphone.” Ladybug snapped, her voice becoming more and more irritable as the argument continued, “We never know who might be listening in on our conversations- we’ve seen the kinds of crazy powers that Hawkmoth can give his akumas. We always need to operate under the assumption that somebody is listening to our every word.”

“Chat Noir does have enhanced hearing…” Carapace mused, and Rena Rouge shot him a nasty look.

Ladybug HAS a point, one that Carapace even adds to - not a point Rena Rouge particularly likes, but one she’s forced to acknowledge - while also going over why it’s not a good enough reason in this case.

“Look, I understand that you want to keep us safe.” Rena said, taking a deep breath to control her own temper, “But what you just said really doesn’t hold up to any scrutiny. If they can listen in on our every conversation, they could be following us home. We can’t live our lives like this… we can’t place our lives in the hands of people that we don’t even know!” She paused, letting her words to sink in, “Besides, you know who both of us are-”

Rena not only is able to fire back, showing how unreasonable it is to THAT tightly control what info they’re allowed to know while there are other, bigger security gaps that they can’t do much about - it makes the whole “you can’t let anyone have any clues whatsoever about your identity” thing seem more like security theater than anything. She also brings in the deeper reason she wants the rules to be relaxed a bit, one that’s based less on pragmatism and more on emotion. Placing your life in the hands of people you know nothing about is asking a lot, especially when, like in Ladybug’s case, she’s asking for Rena Rouge’s and Carapace’s complete trust, while exhibiting little trust in them in turn - or so it comes off to Alya at least.

“Yeah. I do.” Ladybug said dryly, “And maybe there’s a reason I haven’t trusted either of you to know who I am.”

Ladybug and Rena Rouge’s eyes both widened in shock at the former’s words- until Rena Rouge’s narrowed with spite. Ladybug had always been a bit distant with her two allies, but she had never openly disparaged them like this before. Carapace was certainly a forgiving guy, but Rena Rouge wasn’t one to turn the other cheek in a situation like this.

Ladybug snaps and says something that… well it’s not that she doesn’t MEAN it, but she wouldn’t say it like that normally. She immediately realizes that she went too far, but the damage is done. And while Carapace may be one willing to let that level of disrespect slide in order to keep the peace, Rena Rouge isn’t - but that isn’t treated as being a bad thing.

One thing that really sells Alya’s perspective here is the sentence noting that Ladybug had been distant with Rena Rouge and Carapace prior to this, but hadn’t “disparaged” them before. It frames the conversation squarely from Alya’s point of view, letting the reader better understand where she’s coming from and exactly how she’s interpreting Ladybug’s words. It really helps the reader empathize with Alya, not just on the strength of her arguments, but on her feelings about the situation as a whole.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Carapace stepped between the girls, “There’s no need to-”

“Oh, I think there is.” Rena Rouge growled, elbowing him aside, “You know? We didn’t have to help you, Ladybug! You asked us to fight besides you, because Chat Noir and Hawkmoth are too much for you to beat on your own. The hell do you mean ‘maybe there’s a reason’ you haven’t trusted us!?”

Rena Rouge was ranting now, “We’ve never let you down, Ladybug. We’ve had your back- walking out on friends and family every time Hawkmoth and his pawns decide to attack innocent people! We’ve been through hell together, and you’ll have to forgive me for not wanting to spend every waking hour worrying about my partners learning that I go to a fucking high school!”

Rena Rouge is allowed to be angry. She’s allowed to say her piece, to express her feelings about it - not just on the secret identity situation, but what Ladybug just said to her, the dismissive attitude she had. She reminds Ladybug that they’re not just tag-alongs - they’re a team, and Ladybug isn’t the only who’s been fighting Hawkmoth, who’s had to ditch commitments, who’s had to survive daily life as a superhero. It’s a nice touch, putting it into context, that yes, Ladybug may be the leader, but that doesn’t mean she’s the only one with something at stake here, the only one who should have a say in this. And that fighting by her side, her and Carapace performing their jobs as the Heroes of Paris, should be reason enough for Ladybug to trust them. At least trust them more generally. Especially since Ladybug seems to expect trust from THEM, but will not show it herself.

To Ladybug’s credit, she recognizes Rena Rouge’s feelings and argument, and apologizes for her own words.

Ladybug face quickly evolved- shifting from shock at the outburst, to anger at Rena Rouge’s words, and then to one of pure exhaustion.

“...I’m sorry.” Ladybug said finally, “What I said was out of line-”

“You don’t say.” Rena snorted, and Carapace chuckled nervously.

“-and, for what it’s worth, I trust both of you more than anybody.” Ladybug’s voice was hollow now- and fragile, “It’s just- my kwami told me that these secrets are more important than anything else. I understand why it bothers you so much- really, I do. And there’s a lot more going on here than you might think.” She looked between them cautiously, hesitant to say more.

I love how HappyCamper41 notes Ladybug’s changing emotions during this. It helps to show that it isn’t just Alya having emotional reactions here, but Marinette as well. That both of them are just dealing with these circumstances as best they can. Marinette became angry initially, likely as an instinctive reaction to being yelled at and hostility in general, but once she had a chance to comprehend what Alya said, what she was getting at… well, it doesn’t seem she blames her for it.

Canonically, Marinette has a tendency to think in terms of problem-solving, which is all well and good, but can sometimes misfire when she forgets about the feelings and perspectives of the people involved. I’m guessing that’s what happened here. She wasn’t really thinking about Alya’s perspective on this, her own point of view and feelings, until Alya’s outburst hammered it in for her and forced her to face the emotional issues Alya brought up about the lack of trust, making her recalibrate her thought process.

Which is a good thing! She listens to Alya’s concerns, not only the practical ones but the emotional ones, apologizes, and reconsiders her approach. That’s a mark of a good leader.

Something I also like? Ladybug blurts out the rest of the story, that she’s not supposed to be the Guardian, that Chat Noir’s supposed to be a hero, lays out some of Tikki’s theories, confesses her own fears, the pressure she’s under, and just… like with Rena Rouge before her, she’s able to make her point of view known, but not just from a purely practical standpoint, but from an emotional standpoint as well. Rena Rouge’s and Ladybug’s feelings during this are treated as being just as, if not even more, important than the cold, hard practicalities associated with the situations they find themselves in. It helps to flesh them out, to make them easy to relate to and see yourself in.

And this part at the end of the argument, the reconciliation, I thought was really important and well done.

Rena Rouge groaned internally. Nino was probably right- this was the first time that Ladybug had opened up to them even a little bit, so there was no need to press their luck. But Ladybug’s logic was just so infuriating that Alya could only barely keep her mouth shut. The three of them were a team, and teammates needed to trust each other! Ladybug wasn’t going to accomplish anything by taking the weight of the world on her shoulders when she didn’t have to…

“That was a lot.” Ladybug said abruptly, but offered a somewhat forced smile, “It was still good seeing you guys, and-” She hesitated, and looked straight at Rena Rouge “I don’t want you to ever think that I don’t appreciate what you’re doing for me. You were right: you have had my back from the beginning. You’ve risked your lives for me and for this city countless times by now. Questioning you was… really messed up of me.” She swallowed, “I’m sorry, Rena.”

Rena Rouge stayed silent for a moment, her emotions more than a bit confused.

“I… I forgive you.” Rena Rouge said quietly, and Ladybug nodded.

Not everything was completely solved by this conversation. The core issues still remain. But things WERE made better, understanding between both parties was increased. While Alya still wishes Ladybug would trust her and Carapace more, her reasons for wanting that, for pushing for that, have changed - or maybe expanded. It’s less that Ladybug doesn’t WANT to be able to trust them, and more that she feels like it’s all entirely her responsibility, that it wouldn’t be safe to place her trust, and some of that burden, on Carapace and Rena - plus she’s not wrong about there being some risk involved.

Ladybug apologizing, acknowledging that what she said was wrong, that she didn’t mean it the way she sounded, saying how she feels about Rena Rouge and Carapace, that she acknowledges their role in this and appreciates them, was a good step in their reconciliation. There may still be some sources of tension between them, but it’s not based on resentment towards Ladybug - if anything, it’s based more on a desire to help and frustration that she won’t let them.

Also, Ladybug being willing to fully and sincerely apologize? Again, shows that she’s a good person to lead.

One of the best marks of a leader isn’t just looking at whether things go wrong under their command - that denotes being lucky more than anything - but their response when problems DO arise.

A different sort of argument, of misunderstanding and subsequent reconciliation occurs with Adrien and Plagg in chapter 3.

Adrien (accidentally) took away Plagg’s mouth in the previous chapter out of fear of what his father may do to Plagg if he kept on talking. By next chapter he’d managed to restore it, but it still left an impact on the kwami.

“Hey… Plagg?” Adrien called out to his kwami hesitantly.

Plagg didn’t even look at Adrien, instead choosing to continue munching on a slice of swiss cheese as he stared out of Adrien’s gigantic window at the sunset. Fortunately, Adrien had managed to unseal the kwami’s mouth, but Plagg was yet to say a word about the entire incident downstairs.

“Um…” Adrien started, biting his lip awkwardly, “I know you’re probably still mad at me, but I was wondering if we could maybe… talk?” Adrien hesitated, “I didn’t mean to seal your mouth like that, and I just-” Adrien stopped when Plagg continued to ignore him.

An uncomfortable tightness grew in Adrien’s chest. He wasn’t particularly close with Plagg- the kwami generally minded his own business, after all- but the thought of Plagg giving him the silent treatment from here on out bothered Adrien far more than he’d have expected. He stared at Plagg’s back, unable to stop himself from recalling his father’s cold avoidance whenever a young Adrien misbehaved.

In particular, Adrien remembered a time when his father had confined him to his room for an entire week after Adrien (seven at the time) had spilled water on the designer’s sketchbook. He’d seen his mother several times every day- usually to bring him food- but other than that? Adrien remembered spending hours on end staring at the wall, wondering how he could regain his father’s trust.

Why can’t I do anything right!?

“Look, I’m sorry about what happened down there!” Adrien blurted, his voice breaking as he spoke, “I- I didn’t know I could do that to you, and I would never…” He trailed off, unable to stop his eyes from becoming the slightest bit wet, “I’m sorry, Plagg! And I know that you- you can’t forgive me, and I let you down, and you probably don’t want anything to do with me anymore-”

Adrien leaps to conclusions based on Plagg’s behavior - ones he has good reason to leap to, considering that “the silent treatment” and isolation are an established part of his father’s disciplinary method, of his way of punishing Adrien for even innocent mistakes and accidents - much like what happened with Plagg, since Adrien didn’t MEAN to seal off his mouth. Plagg can’t really isolate Adrien, being bound to him, but he can refuse to acknowledge his existence - which arguably is even WORSE with not being able to leave the room.

The part I really like is how Plagg reacts, how it’s filtered through Adrien’s eyes, yet it’s clear to the reader that Adrien’s an unreliable narrator, that his perspective is skewed due to his own experiences.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Plagg finally spoke as he turned around, and Adrien was astonished to see concern written on his kwami’s face, “Adrien, buddy. You need to calm down. Why wouldn’t I want anything to do with you anymore?”

Plagg floated away from the windowsill at high speed, landing on Adrien’s nightstand to face the boy as he paced. The small cat looked both nervous and confused as he studied Adrien up and down, his eyes widening as he noticed the tears in his wielder’s eyes.

Plagg hadn’t expected Adrien to actually break down and panic. Hadn’t thought of it, though knowing Adrien’s background, it was a pretty easily anticipated reaction. He hadn’t really MEANT to cause him that kind of distress, not consciously really thinking about it at any rate. The descriptions in the second paragraph, noting how he “floated away from the windowsill at a high speed”, “looked both nervous and confused”, and noting “his eyes widening as he noticed the tears in his wielder’s eyes”, are highly effective at conveying Plagg’s shock at Adrien’s reaction, at showing how his worldview tilts on its head, him reevaluating how to interact with Adrien, even without words. (Though the words earlier definitely help.)

“I- you- I mean…” Adrien stuttered, blindsided by the kwami’s sudden response. He rubbed his eyes a bit, trying to deal with the tears that were still flowing.

“Listen.” Plagg said, his voice softer than Adrien had ever heard before, “You’re right- I am a bit upset that you silenced me down there. But I know that you didn’t mean to do it.” Plagg shifted uncomfortably, not sure how to respond to the boy’s tears.

Plagg looks at Adrien’s reaction and adjusts his approach. Much like with Ladybug in the earlier argument, he realizes that his behavior, his words and actions, were having effects he didn’t really intend, didn’t mean. And that Adrien’s emotional reaction, his point of view, makes sense and needs to be taken into account. That he misjudged Adrien.

Sometimes you have a flawed conception of someone else’s viewpoint, of how they perceive your actions, one that may not be entirely wrong but doesn’t fully take into account what the situation is like for them emotionally. I really appreciate how HappyCamper41 takes those flawed assumptions, those bits of friction and misunderstanding, and shows ways to try to deal with it, readjust expectations and resolve the situation to an extent, even if some friction remains. You can’t see inside of someone else’s head, to feel what they feel. Best you can do is muddle along as best you can, adjusting your viewpoint and approach when reality doesn’t match it, try to do the best you can.

“You- you were ignoring me just now.” Adrien’s voice was still shaky- accusatory, even- as he regarded the kwami with distrust.

“Shit…” Plagg muttered anxiously, looking around awkwardly as if there was somebody else nearby that could bail him out, “I was- yeah, I probably shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t realize you-” Plagg swallowed, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but here, “I… didn’t think you’d take it so personally.”

Adrien’s evaluation of Plagg’s behavior wasn’t really that wrong - Plagg WAS giving him the silent treatment as a method of expressing his displeasure with Adrien. He just didn’t expect him to take it so hard, though he knows enough that he should have.

Plagg has his OWN emotional baggage that’s affecting his interaction with Adrien. Adrien isn’t the only one who’s been abused, been treated badly. Like how Adrien automatically interpreted Plagg’s behavior through the lens of the most similar example he knows, through his father’s behavior, Plagg subconsciously associated Adrien’s behavior with that of some of his previous wielders who misused him, abused him, used him to hurt others or hurt him themselves. It seems to have been more instinctual than anything - with how Plagg reacted when Adrien started freaking out, being surprised and not having any residual negative feelings towards him, at least that he displayed obviously, he just… it’s his usual coping mechanism, closing himself off from a corrupt wielder. It just took an obvious reminder that Adrien is not by any means corrupt, but is a victim himself, to break him out of that.

Plagg knew this of course. He’s been around Adrien and Gabriel enough to see that. But old habits, especially ones born of trauma, are hard to break.

Unfortunately, Adrien’s association between Plagg’s and Gabriel’s behavior causes him to leap to some conclusions that are obviously incorrect to the reader, but make sense from where Adrien’s standing.

A variety of emotions flared up within Adrien, as he realized what Plagg’s behavior currently reminded him of.

In his early years, whenever his mother was at a particularly long filming for one of her movies, Adrien’s father would be in charge of tending to the boy. Almost every display of emotion Adrien’s part would leave his father painfully uncomfortable if they weren’t outright scolded- as if Adrien’s feelings were so invalid that they were a burden to the man.

And just like those awkward hours Adrien spent with his father back then, Adrien realized that Plagg was only with him because he had to be. The city hated him for a reason, Ladybug saw right through his act, and Plagg would ditch him in a heartbeat if he could.

Why am I such a mess!? Adrien sat on the side of his bed, desperately trying to hide his tears as he buried his face into a pillow. He hadn’t cried in ages, and he wasn’t supposed to- especially not with anybody watching.

Adrien’s taking Plagg’s reacting to his emotional outburst to mean that he was upset, was uncomfortable with Adrien HAVING emotions, displaying them at all, rather than just being empathetic with Adrien and not wanting him to suffer. He’s so unused to people empathizing with him, to feeling bad about making HIM feel bad, and wanting to make him feel better, that he has trouble recognizing it for what it is. The superficial similarities between Plagg’s and Gabriel’s situations don’t help matters.

The detail about Adrien’s background really helps illuminate his psychology here, show how his conclusion makes sense based on what he knows and has experienced, even though it’s incorrect.

“Hey…” Plagg’s voice was softer now, as he landed on the pillow next to Adrien, “Look at me.”

Adrien complied, doing his very best to keep his face neutral.

With the conclusion Adrien’s reached about WHY Plagg’s upset, it makes sense that he’d keep his face neutral - Gabriel hadn’t liked any display of emotion from Adrien after all. Though I doubt Plagg fully realized why Adrien’s doing this - it’s a pretty natural reaction when wary just in general, to try not to show any weakness. Something that Plagg seems to be familiar with.

“I’m sorry I ignored you.” Plagg said quietly, “I’m just… not used to having a wielder like you-” Plagg’s eyes widened, as he realized what he’d said, “In a good way! Most of the kids I end up with aren’t…” Plagg looked around frantically, as though physically searching for the right words.

“They’re not this pathetic, are they?” Adrien said, doing everything in his power not to sniffle, “It’s okay… you can say it. I know I’m a mess-”

“That is not what I was going to say.” Plagg interrupted, eyes narrowing slightly, “Usually… when one of my cats gets upset, they take it out on somebody that isn’t themselves.” He winced, recalling some particularly nasty scenarios, “And… over the years that’s led to some pretty serious consequences.” Plagg sighed, “You, on the other hand- you’re not like that. And I guess I’m just not used to it.”

Adrien blinked, not immediately convinced.

This part is similar to Rena’s argument with Ladybug earlier, with how Ladybug apologized for her statements and gave her background and point of view to help Rena and Carapace better understand her reaction. It’s a very effective way of bridging gaps in understanding, especially ones derived from that person’s own specific circumstances and emotions.

And it’s something Adrien thinks about, tries to understand, see things from Plagg’s point of view now that he has a better understanding of what that viewpoint actually is.

He considered the kwamis words further. Plagg’s power was pretty serious- his father had made that clear the entire time. Cataclysm could destroy literally anything, ignoring both size and durability, meaning that this ring was one of the deadliest weapons in existence.

In the wrong hands… Adrien didn’t even want to think about what would happen.

Bold of you to assume that you’re not the ‘wrong hands.’ A cynical part of Adrien’s mind seemed to mock him.

With what Plagg said, the background he gave, Adrien at least now has a glimpse into Plagg’s previous actions.

“Oh, swiss- I’ve never been the best at these kinds of talks.” Plagg sighed, “Just- just know that I’m not mad at you right now. And while I’d obviously rather we dump the ken doll in the red pants and help Ladybug-”

“Um… what?”

“-I understand that it’s not happening. At least… not yet.” Plagg gave him a pointed look, “But in the meantime? You’re a good kid, Adrien. You keep me fed, you don’t commit war crimes for the hell of it, and you’re usually pleasant to talk to.” Plagg shook his head again, “And given the circumstances… that’s way more than I would’ve expected.”

Plagg’s the adult here, something he seems to just be coming to realize. He’s not used to having to be the nurturing one, the one who needs to be kind and gentle, to boost up his wielder. He’s used to practicing resistance as best he can, or to just being along for the ride.

But with his expectations upended and such a blatant display of how his usual modus operandi isn’t going to work, is a bad fit for these particular circumstances he finds himself in? He adjusts. He makes sure to let Adrien know that he’s not mad at him, that he understands that Adrien isn’t ready to rebel yet, and that he thinks well of him. By next chapter he’s flat-out said he’s adopting Adrien, which sounds like a joke but in a lot of ways seems to be the truth. He’s being the closest thing Adrien has to a good parental figure, since he doesn’t have one currently. He’s the adult in this situation, and he’s acting like it.

We’re all just trying to get through this world as best we know how, making assumptions of what others are thinking and feeling, and being affected by our own experiences and emotional state. Sometimes this causes conflict, even between ‘good’ characters who’re on the same side, who are doing the best they can in trying circumstances. I truly admire how HappyCamper41 has portrayed these situations and look forward to reading more of her writings!

#ml fanfic analysis #fanfic analysis #Miraculous ladybug #Wanted: a butterfly and a cat #Spoilers through chapter 3

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lostinthewiind · 5 years ago

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A prompt for Speirs or Lipton! Reader has found a quiet, peaceful spot in the countryside near Aldbourne where they escape from the boisterous 506 PIR. However they dont know that someone else has also discovered that spot, and they get interrupted whilst they are sunbathing in their underwear! Xx

I choose . . . drumroll please . . . LIPTON! I changed the plot slightly to take place in Austria after the war. I just think there might be better weather there for sunbathing, no offence to England *cough* *cough*

TAG LIST: @gottapenny @warmommy @scissorsfordoc @david-weepster@wexhappyxfew @curraheev @mayhem24-7forever @one-who-hunts-eagles @bandofmarvels @i-am-a-lost-girl16 @wildwilliamguarnere @higgles123 @those-dusty-jump-wings @medievalfangirl @maiden-of-gondor @whoabrekker @thefricklefracklesin @junojelli @bandofgays @itisjustmethistime @whatwouldidowithoutgeorgeluz @dumpofdumblings @inglourious-imagines @misspiggyfeels

Our Own Little Slice of Heaven

It was a beautiful day; one you could actually take the time to appreciate. Sure, there had been many a day during the war where you had woken up and the sun had been shining and the sky had been a glorious shade of light blue, but the sound of artillery and screams for a medic that soon followed usually soured any and everything that was once worth cherishing.

Now that the war was over, however, there was much more time in the day to stop and savour the little things, such as a blue sky or a shimmering lake, and that was exactly what you planned on doing.

Most of the men had taken it upon themselves to spend as much time in the lake as possible, and although you weren’t necessarily shy around the men you considered family by now, you still weren’t keen on the idea of stripping down in front of all of them. Luckily for you, while on a walk through the woods one day, you came across a small, secluded lake nestled among the trees that no one else knew about.

Now, every morning, you visited the lake, took a swim, and laid in the sun for a while with a good book. Some days you spent hours on end there, enjoying the beauty of the little slice of heaven you had discovered and the time you got to spend alone; just you and your thoughts.

With a towel in one hand and a book in the other, you made your way down the narrow path toward the lake, ready to start your day the same way you had the day before and the day before that.

Setting your belongings down beside a large tree trunk, you unzipped your jacket and stepped out of your boots and pants before making your way toward the sirene lake. Despite the fact that the still, blue water looked so very inviting when it sparkled in the sunlight, you knew it was deceivingly cold, so without hesitation, you wasted no time in taking the plunge and leapt off of a rock into the water.

Your body tensed as soon as you touched the water, but seconds later, you felt more awake than any cup of coffee could ever make you feel and let out a refreshed sigh.

You didn’t stay in the water long—just long enough to wake up give your body and hair a quick rinse. About five minutes later, you climbed out of the lake and scurried back over to your belongings, wrapping yourself up in your towel to dry off.

Then you laid the towel down on the grass and sat down, and with your back against the tree trunk, you picked up your book and flipped to the last page you had left off at. In your bra and underwear, you lounged in the sun and air-dried, letting your thoughts fade away as you got lost in your book.

Not long after you started reading, however, you heard a branch snap somewhere close by and looked up, expecting to see an animal or something but instead seeing a man.

Staring out over the lake, Carwood Lipton was taking in the breathtaking scenery, completely oblivious to the fact that you were sitting five meters away. You waited for him to notice you, but when he didn’t, you decided to speak up. “It’s really pretty, isn’t it?” you asked, catching him off guard and causing him to jump a little.

“Oh, Y/N.” Lipton turned toward you, his eyes widening when he realized you were more exposed than he had ever seen you before. “I’m sorry.” he apologized as he turned his back to you, his cheeks flushing with heat. “I didn’t think anybody else knew about this place.”

“That’s exactly what I thought, too,” you said. “Hence the reason I’m not exactly decent.”

Lipton let out a nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that, too.”

“Don’t be.” you placed your bookmark back into your book and set it aside. “I’m sure it’s nothing you haven’t seen before . . . you know, a woman’s body, I mean . . . not my body in particular.”

“I should probably just go.”

“No, don’t go.” you felt bad about being the reason Lipton didn’t get to enjoy a place that he obviously adored just as much, if not more than you did. “Come, sit. I’ll put some clothes back on.”

Slowly, Lipton turned back around as you slipped your jacket on to cover your bra. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” you crossed your legs, not bothering to put your pants back on since you were pretty sure Lipton was grown-up enough to handle a little bit of thigh. “It’s too nice out today to not sit by the lake for a while. Come and sit with me.”

Hesitantly, Lipton walked over and sat down beside you. “I usually come here first thing in the morning when the sun is just peeking over the horizon,” he said. “I’ve never really taken the time to stop and appreciate a sunrise before. I’m glad I have now.”

“That sounds amazing.” you smiled.

“You should come watch the sunrise with me tomorrow morning,” Lipton suggested. “If you think this place is beautiful now, just wait until you see it when the world’s first waking up. The birds are singing, the crickets are chirping. It’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing.”

You laughed softly, a smile spreading across your face. “I never knew you were such a softie, Lip.”

“Really?”

“No, I lied,” you admitted. “What with being the company’s den mother and all, I sort of suspected it. But singing birds and chirping crickets is a new level, even for you.”

“What? A man isn’t allowed to enjoy the beauty the world has to offer without being some kind of sad sap?”

You chuckled. “I never said ‘sad sap’, I said ‘softie’. There’s a difference,” you told him. “It’s a good thing. Women like a man who isn’t afraid to drop that harsh, brooding demeanour every once in a while.”

Lipton nodded, the corners of his lips curling up ever-so-slightly. “And what about you?”

“What about me?” you questioned, confused.

“Do you like a man who isn’t afraid to drop that harsh, brooding demeanour every once in a while?”

You thought for a moment or two before answering, the warm morning breeze brushing your damp hair over your shoulders. “I suppose so. I haven’t really put much thought into it, to be honest.”

“That’s okay. I sort of caught you off guard with that question, anyway.”

“No, it’s not that,” you assured him. “It’s just been a long while since I’ve really paid any mind to the qualities I look for in a man. It’s been a long while since I’ve paid any mind to anything besides staying alive.”

“I know how you feel.” Lipton nodded in agreement. “It’s gonna be weird returning to normal life. I’m not sure how I’ll function . . . I wish I could just stay here forever.”

Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, you exhaled. “I like that idea.”

“We can stay here together.” Lipton lifted his face to the sun and closed his eyes. “We can just sit here in the sun and look out over that lake for the rest of our lives.”

You giggled. “I think we might get hungry after a while.”

Lipton opened one eye and looked back at you. “ . . . or at least until the sun starts to set and it gets cold.”

“That sound’s more realistic.” you took Lipton’s hand in yours and interlocked your fingers with his. “We can come back in the morning and watch the sun rise again.”

“Most definitely.”

“Hey, Lip?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve had a chance to think about it. I do like a man who isn’t afraid to drop that harsh, brooding demeanour every once in a while.”

Lipton opened both eyes this time. “’A man’?” he repeated.

“Yeah.” you smiled. “I’ve got someone specific in mind.”

#band of brothers #band of brothers fic #band of brothers fanfiction #lostinthewiind #carwood lipton #carwood lipton x reader #reader insert #reader imagine #hbowar

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gottagobuycheese · 5 years ago

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Tag Thingy

Thanks @silent--sonata for indulging my terrible sleeping habits XD

(fyi this will probably be unnecessarily long and rambly, so it’s going under a cut (EDIT: whelp the song list got a little out of hand, I’d apologize if I were even remotely sorry))

Rules: Answer 17 questions & tag 17 people you want to get to know better

Nickname: Cheese (or Lactose Wedge, or Dairy Product of Unspecified Origin and Purpose)

Zodiac Sign: Gemini!

Height: 160.5 cm/5′3″ (Bubbles I refuse to believe you’re actually that much taller than me)

Hogwarts house: Somewhere between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff allegedly, both of which I’d be honored to get sorted into, but honestly I’d just be stoked to get sorted at all

Last thing I googled: I think it was something along the lines of “how to speed up audio playback in GarageBand,” but but my train of thought was derailed before I actually looked at any of the results so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (and on a related note, thanks again for the magical audio editing @imperiousheiress!)

Song stuck in my head: The end credits to Legacy of the Wizard (which is SUCH a jam, thank you for enlightening me @jessicafish) Following and followers: 227 (goodness just looking at that number is stress-inducing) and...104?! When the HECK did you all get here??? I think just last summer I was happily floating about in the 50′s. Anyways, to anyone I have not said hello, hello! Hope you enjoy your stay, and I am sincerely sorry if you expected Quality Original Content, or even just regularly scheduled other people’s content. Sadly, neither of these things tend to happen here.

Amount I sleep: During the school year it’s usually anywhere between 30 minutes and 6 hours (DON’T EVEN START BUBBLES YOU HAVE NO RIGHT), usually landing in the 3/4 hour ranges if I’m smart about it, but now that I am on Unofficial Break, it’s usually at least around 6 hours (except today was 3 because Avatar is an excellent show and the weirdos in this house have regularly scheduled breakfast at 9-something every morning). Sadly my sleep schedule can only be forced to tolerate normalcy for so long before careening back in the other direction, so we’ll see if this is just a blip or if we’re back to normal mid-Atlantic Ocean hours!

Lucky number(s): I wouldn’t say these are necessarily favorite numbers, but I do like 2 and 9. But come to think of it, second attempts at Official Things do tend to go better for me than first attempts, so maybe there’s some merit there after all! Dream Job: Don’t think I’m really cut out for dreaming anymore, haha (unless you are a theoretical future employer in which case I am Extremely Full of Ambition and Passion). The bed-adjacent metaphor has been made, and not to brag, but I can sleep on pretty much any surface. Currently studying my Not Favorite aspect of STEM (was there ever a favorite or did I just like being good at things sometimes) and learning how to People™ properly (and also learning a gazillion convoluted drug names like what the heck dude, did you just fall asleep on your typewriter coming up with these), so I’ll take whatever place hires me and pays me enough not to depend on my parents for everything, I suppose. In an ideal world, that would entail a job where I could make friends, and even more importantly, a job where my shortcomings would not cause Massive and Irreparable Harm, but I don’t think this line of work really meshes with that last one, so I guess I’ll either have to get my shit together™ extremely soon or fake my death, adopt an alias, and flee to a completely new place with no ties whatsoever before trying to get another, less high stakes job.

(Though I guess, less cynically, I like helping people well enough? And stories are fun! Maybe there could’ve been something with that. Not that there still can’t be, mind, but there’s still a long way to go between Here and There)

Wearing: Black shorts. Navy t-shirt. Brown some-specific-kind-of-jacket-I-forgot-the-name-of jacket. Is it summer? Is it fall? Am I in middle school? Who can say, but they are COMFY so sadly I have no cares to give

Favourite song(s): way way WAY too many to list here, and I do not have them all organized in a handy playlist separately, but to name a few (and these are not necessarily the MOST favorite okay, it doesn’t mean I don’t love stuff not on this list, it means you can’t force me to pick between my children and I am going to find at least one quick thing from a few things I like before I need to hit post and go back to looking like I’m being studious, and also things I think you should listen to right now, but for everything I’ve linked assuming I mean the whole OST), here’s a spam of links in no particular order:

LoZ Wind Waker - The Great Sea (aka the epitome of optimism)

Undertale - NGAHHH!! (I was about to link more but then I realized it’d be the whole soundtrack lol)

LoZ Breath of the Wild - Hateno Village (Night)

A:tLA - Peace (bad call BAD CALL NOW I HAVE EMOTIONS)

Legend of Korra - Final Scene/Ending Theme (MISTAKES WERE MADE MISTAKES WERE MADE)

Kung Fu Panda - Oogway Ascends (I feel like I’m taking you on a whole little album journey now XD)

PMD: Explorers of Sky - Dialga’s Fight to the Finish (aka the Gotta Shower Fast song)

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Pursuit ~ Cornered (aka the HURRY UP AND PACK UR SHIT YOUR FLIGHT LEAVES IN THREE HOURS song)

Apollo Justice: A New Trial Is In Session (very underrated soundtrack imo) and also Apollo Justice: Telling the Truth (because these two are very closely associated in my head and it’s getting harder and harder to narrow things down so maybe I should stop lol)

Your Name: Katawaredoki (in which I am forcibly thrown heart first into the bedroom of my second apartment at approximately 12-something A.M.)

Digimon Adventure 01: Butterfly (MASSIVE 90′s childhood anime feels, and also Last Summer Before Everything Went to Shit feels (on a general scale I mean, not personal))

Pokémon: Lugia’s Song multitrack cover by Jordan Moore (would that I could have a talent of that musical talent)

Pokémon the First Movie: Tears of Life (great now I’m on a Pokémon music spiral GUESS IT’S CHILDHOOD NOSTALGIA HOURS NOW)

PMD: Blue Rescue Team - Farewell and Run Away/Fugitives (you CANNOT make me choose between these guys okay, my brain WILL explode, and whoops now I want to link the whole ost)

Palette by A Dear Friend (wink wonk)

Pokémon: Alpha Sapphire - Fortree City (wow talk about mood whiplash)

Detective Conan: Main Theme (I can’t find the specific version since there are so many, but it’s a Good Theme)

Super Smash Bros.: Brawl - Opening Theme

Pokémon Colosseum - Relic Forest

Song for Lindsay by Andrew Boysen Jr. (oh great now it’s time for marching band feelings I guess)

Mt. Everest by Rossano Galante

Deltarune - Field of Hopes and Dreams and A Town Called Hometown (orchestrated) (aka the Lots of Work To Do song) and You Can Always Come Home and Don’t Forget (hey guess what I wrote a bunch of fake extra verses for) (also it looks my pathetic attempts at narrowing things down are getting even more pathetic so I’ll wrap up soon XD)

Guild Wars 2 - Fear Not This Night (never actually played this myself but my friend got me addicted to the music)

Lord of the Rings - May It Be (Enya) (aaaand now I miss choir, THANKS BUBBLES)

Lion King - Can You Feel the Love Tonight (Multilingual) by Travys Kim (aka how I remembered how fun these things are)

Original Song by Anonymous

(The urge to add all the other songs I’m not adding is so strong but I’ve got so much work to do so just assume I mean all Nintendo music from any game I’ve played, all Ghibli movie music, every musical I’ve ever heard, and even more)

Random fact:

Apparently as early as the 17th century, you could guess that a child would have a shortened life span if their foreheads tasted salty. Yes, there is a specific reason, and yes, you may already know what it is, and thankfully no, that life span projection no longer holds true, assuming access to Modern Medicine!

Favourite Authors: Okay I have not read enough various books of enough various authors to be able to answer this, so I’m just gonna go with a few books instead. They are not necessarily all-time favorites, but I enjoyed reading them very much at the time and more often than not go back to them for comfort reads: The Martian, any of first three Harry Potter books, and The Rise of Kiyoshi. (That last one’s not really a comfort read but I am drowning in Loving Kiyoshi juice so here we are)

Favourite Animal Noises: Certain kinds of birds (UNLESS it’s some ungodly hour of the morning and you’re trying to sleep)? Ooh, and crickets!

Aesthetic: A slob, but like...a comfy slob. An incredibly disorganized hermit who is happy to mill about in the uncontrolled entropy. (Are we talking about what aesthetic I give off, or what I like to look at, visually? Because I like space, and water, and mountains, and forests, and forests ON mountains, OOH and forests on mountains at night where you can see space, perhaps reflected in a body of water. Or just water, idk. Different things are pretty to look at at different times)

WELL THAT ONLY TOOK FOREVER SORRY FOR THE OBSCENE LENGTH

@pachelbelsheadcanon @averybritishbumblebee @shingeki-no-korra @sailorlock @yeswevegotavideo @soultheta @queenerdloser @ifeelbetterer @rogueofdragons @peppervl @amadness2method @mutalune and anybody else who wants to do this! This isn’t seventeen, and I don’t know if any of you have already done it/been tagged, but I hear people moving around upstairs so that means this break is over XD. And ABSOLUTELY no pressure to actually do this, this is pretty much just me wishing you well! (and YOU of course, my dear reader! I hope everything’s going all right, or if it’s not, that it does soon)

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milk-luvr-dot-com · 5 years ago

Text

“A New Assistant” - The Thick of It - Chapter 2

Summary: While DoSAC fucks around trying to keep the data wipe a secret, Malcolm and Ivy begin to become more comfortable with one another.

Word Count (this chapter): 5222

Rating: Mature (for adult situations, language)

Warnings: No Ao3 Warnings, Explicit Language, homophobic language, fatphobic language, sexist language, ablest language

Categories: F/M, Gen

Tags: Falling in love, crushes, comedy, slow burn, explicit language, original female characters, AU - canon divergence, mutual pining, additional tags to be added

Chapter 1, Chapter 3

Ao3 link and full work under the cut.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510592/chapters/59267578

Malcolm walked into the office, expecting to turn on the light. It caught him off guard when the light was already on, and Ivy was sitting across the room at her desk, quietly talking to people on the phone about menial garbage that Malcolm had put her on last night.

"Oh, shit." He said, dropping his briefcase beside his desk and settled into his office chair.

She looked up after finishing her call, "Morning, sir."

"Were you here all night?" Malcolm made a concerned face.

Ivy capped her pen. "No, got here early to sort out Anthony's mental breakdown about his stupid bloody department of education thing." She rubbed her eyes, which didn't smear what little makeup she had on. She looked tired. She could have been lying.

"Well, good morning anyway. Can I fetch you some tea?"

She thought it was a sweet gesture. He always tried to be kind to her, no matter how frustrated or pissed he was at anybody else. He was always patient. Even if he made a smarmy comment, it was all in jest. She had only been there a week, but she knew that Malcolm didn't treat anyone else like this.

"Aren't I supposed to be the one doing the tea fetching?" Ivy smiled meekly.

Malcolm didn't look at her, instead preoccupied with signing into his computer. "Right you are. Can you fetch us some tea?"

She sighed, getting up, "what kind?"

"Earl grey would be fine, thank you, Ivy."

"Mhm." She fetched it, then came back fairly quickly.

As she leaned down to set his cup on his desk, he began, "You ever see that movie with Rory Calhoun, where there's these siblings who sell meat but it's actually made out of human flesh? What's it called again?"

"Motel Hell?"

He snapped his fingers, pointing at her. "Motel Hell. Wow, you must really know your '80s horror films."

She chuckled, "I remember seeing that one at the cinema with my mates."

Malcolm raised an eyebrow, "in cinema?"

"Yeah."

He didn't continue, trying to calculate her age in her head.

"Sir, you're only about 4 years my senior." Ivy slumped into her chair.

Malcolm looked at her in disbelief. "No..." he turned his head to give her a side eye. "No, you can't be."

She pressed her lips together, and nodded. "Yeah. 46, as of July."

"I thought you were approaching your 40s. Christ, you look lovely."

"Oh, stop." She swiped her hand at him, grinning and blushing. "You're not that bad, either, Malcolm."

He sighed, "Anyway, uh, my point was that you and I are like the people from Motel Hell. Tag team of..."

"Shit?"

"Yeah, shit. So, I want to see you in action. How about you go up there and see what's.. shaking." Malcolm smiled, using his hands as he talked.

"Alright then. I'll take notes for you." She stood up, making her way up to the DoSAC workspace.

The sound of Ivy's heels echoed through the office space and send the same vibe as the Other Mother from Coraline. Once she rounded the corner, she didn't make a fairer presence.

"Morning, morning, morning everyone." The DoSAC employees looked relieved to see her instead of Malcolm. They really shouldn't have been. "Where's Nicola?" Ivy turned to Olly, who was punching in a phone number.

"Er, she's on a call." He said, which was a total lie, as she had just stood up and looked directly at her before ducking back down again, with a relieved look on her face. Again, she really shouldn't have been.

A blonde haired woman, who's name Ivy recalled to be Robyn, asked weakly, "Does he know...?"

She wheeled around, staring at her. They were the same height. "Hm? Sorry? Does he know what?"

"Er..." Robyn scrambled for something to say, clearly, "the best way to clear a paper jam?"

"I'm not sure, but in my expert opinion, you put a hamster in a tube sock and beat the printer over and over again with it until it works." She bluntly responded, then turned at Nicola's voice.

"Morning, Ivy. Uh, if you could sort out the sack race situation for me, that'd be terrific." She said to Terri, who agreed and asked what she could do. "Ideally, build a time machine so that we could go back and not invite photographers to the sports day."

Ivy rolled her eyes. Terri and Nicola continued for a few more moments, then Nicola turned her attention to Ivy, finally. "So, Ivy-"

"Oh, sorry, uh, Malcolm's calling, hang on just one moment." She made her way to the elevator nook.

"Malcolm, what can I do you for? ....Oh, yeah, it's going okay. Yeah they're being fucking weird, like those boys on that one show, Ghost Adventures. Walking around and shouting every five minutes, 'what was that?' .... no, not literally, sir. But maybe you should come up here, they look like they're about to admit something. They've got it in their little beady eyes. ....Yeah, okay. See you." Ivy slinked back to the main area.

She gave a warm smile on her way back. "Right, my apologies. What's going on, hm?"

"Uh-" Nicola began, but then was cut off when Ivy answered a voice call. "Hello, Rory, what can I do-... WHAT?" She shouted, and continuing, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? JESUS!"

Ivy ran off, towards the bridge point of the office. She continued to talk to Rory about something regarding what's on the press, something menial, but Rory always decided he was most important. That's why Malcolm gave Ivy the number, for her to handle it. Robyn and Glenn had a very clandestine conversation full of false laughter on the other end of the hall. She took mental note of it. Once Malcolm exited the lift, she ended the call.

They held conversation on their way back to Nicola's office.

"They're being fucking weird."

"They're always fucking weird, why do you need me up here?" Malcolm asked.

She exhaled through her nose. "I'm just worried it might be something big, and I don't know if I can handle it, okay?"

"You can handle it, trust me, you were fine, but since I'm up here anyway, I might as well stay up here." They stopped directly outside of the Secretary of State's office. "We'll talk about this later, okay?" He pointed at her, and they both entered the room.

"Little pigs, little pigs," he teased in a gruff voice, "Let me come in. Don’t worry about the hair on your chinny-chin-chin."

"Malcolm, Ivy, what was your call?" Nicola asked, smugly.

They both furrowed their brows. Ivy spoke first, "is it any of your business?"

"What was our call?"

Glenn tried to get a word in, but Malcolm continued. "You want to know what our call was? Sorry, I didn’t realize I had to run all the calls made through your bed-wetters switchboard, here."

"Usually he’ll just dial 1-1-hate." Ivy jumped in.

Nicola asked, "Malcolm, do you know?"

"Of course he knows."

"No, he doesn’t know."

Ivy gently elbowed him, whispering, "Fucking clandestine."

"There has been a massive irretrievable data loss. The last seven months’ worth of new immigrant details have gone, apparently lost in the computer." She finally laid out.

Ivy’s eyes widened out of shock, and then her brows lowered, angry. Malcolm paused for a minute, beginning to crack a smile and then a maniacal laugh.

"You’re fucking kidding. Nicola, tell me you’re fucking kidding." Ivy began, slowly raising her voice halfway through the sentence.

"Do you know what? Do you know what’s really fucking sad here, is that I don’t even have the energy to pretend I already knew. Which is for the best, because I’m gonna need all of my fucking energy to fucking rip all of your bodies to bits with my bare hand and sell off your flayed fucking skin as a sleeping bag to a normal person!" He turned to Ivy, "Ivy, go and get my bowie knife from my office, because I’d like to start now."

"Can I just say that getting angry actually isn’t going to help anything. I’ve done anger, I’m currently at grief, I’m working my way towards bargaining… whatever, you know, it’s behind me."

"Oh, that’s great. That’s fan-fucking-tastic, minister! You know what, why don’t you just explain your little plan to us here so we can pick out all the problems with it like crows looking for bits of flesh on a fresh piece of roadkill." The short woman spat, crossing her arms.

She sighed, asking Terri to explain the plan. "Well, blaming the department minister might be a high-risk strategy."

"Ooh, high risk. Power serve." He added immaturely.

Ivy smiled, then bit her lip, adding "Saucy."

"My pitch would be that this department is fatally flawed. It’s out of condition, it’s obese, it’s asthmatic."

"That a-girl, back over the net."

“You're really sure about that, Nicola, because-” Glenn began.

"Yes, wise words from the distinguished, elderly, gay fucking tennis coach here."

Olly interjected, "Seriously, I think we should talk about my strategy further because I really think that there's a way-"

"Oh, good, the tiny-dicked ball boy's having a go now, with his tiny little clean white shorts and a pink polo, here we go." Ivy pinched the bridge of her nose, leaning against the black filing cabinets.

"What about Sue Barker's little sister? What's she got to say?"

Robyn made some comment about lemon zinger, before Ivy checked her notes. "Does The Guardian know about this? The Mail?"

"Oh God- you two, can't even handle you, you fucking statue, on your own," Nicola started, motioning to Malcolm, "but now it's fucking Bonnie and Clyde. The Guardian, God I don't fucking know..."

"Shall I find out? Get some feelers?" The woman in the pink power suit asked.

"Yeah, go on, get your feelers out for the lads."

"What do you think, Malcolm, will shitting on the department work?" Nicola suggested, crossing her arms and rubbing one of her temples.

"Oh, sure. Let's cause a bit of friction, here, huh? Let's fire someone, let's fire Glenn!"

"You can't just fire Glenn, no."

"We could fire Glenn."

"Shall I get his file?"

"No! I've got a list!" The sickly fucking Mister Rogers (God rest his soul) shouted.

Ivy folded her hands together, bending down as if she was talking to a child. "Oh, you've got a list? Of what, your favorite fucking toys, you fucking immaculate toddler?"

Malcolm left the room, and so did Nicola and Glenn. "Ivy, come on. You're the new broom, you're sweeping up trouble with one end, broom-handling incompetent staff up the tunnel with the other."

"So how do we play it with the Guardian, then?" She chased after him.

"Smile. By gay. Smile, smile, smile!" Malcolm psychotically smiled. Ivy mirrored him.

"Malcolm, sir?"

"Huh?" He was at his desk again, stuffing his notes for the meeting at The Guardian in a pile.

"Am I coming with... you... to the thing?"

He stopped, looking at her, lost in thought. "Er... yes, but I'm going to need you stay out of the lunch room. Stay in the lobby. Have a lovely beans on toast or whatever it is you cockney bastards do."

She rolled her eyes, shrugging, "Ah, thanks mate."

"I'll call you or come get you if some shitty shit thing happens, like Nicola chokes on a piece of banana or some other disaster."

"I'd expect Nicola to choke on Jeffery's banana, trying to sputter out..." She continued for a moment, mumbling on about calling Nicola a wanker.

"You really don't like her, do you?"

Ivy looked up at him, raising her eyebrows. "No. I really don't. She's a fucking disaster with the press. She's a smug little stinging lit piece of coal thrown in your shoe directly from hell."

"Well, what can you expect from someone so low down on the list?"

She snickered, "Not much apparently."

"Fine. Yeah." Ivy looked up at Malcolm's voice. She was seated on an uncomfortable red seat directly across from the meeting room. She stood and met up with him again.

"Ah, there's your other half, Malcolm." Olly commented.

"Piss off." She answered.

Most of them piled into the lift, and Olly continued. "I didn't think you'd have come today, but I suppose she follows you everywhere, like a little puppy."

"Yeah, what is it with you two, Malcolm?" Terri chimed in. "Are you two dating?"

"Are we dating?" Ivy mocked. "No, we're not. I'm his assistant. He's my boss."

"Hot, isn't it?" The curly haired lanky bitch continued.

She sighed. "Olly, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to tear off your arm and beat your thick skull to death with it." She pointed at him threateningly.

"Ooh, I'm so scared of the oompa loompa in the navy blue skirt."

"Don't fuck with me!" She shouted.

Malcolm shot Olly a stern look, to let him know he meant business. That classic Malcolm look that put fear into DoSAC's veins. He shut up immediately. They exited the lift and out of the lobby, then back inside into the van.

"Hey French Lieutenant's woman, we're over here, come on! What're you doing, marking out your territory?"

Nicola had a look on her face like she'd just seen a ghost. She'd fucked up somewhere along the line, Ivy thought.

"I need some air, Olly, come with me, now." She hurried out the car.

"She's not a post-match puker, right?"

"Fuck's sake."

"I know."

Terri began talking about wine. She stopped, in favor of asking more prodding questions. "How was your first week, Ivy?"

"Fine." She was pretending to write things down, instead drawing a caricature of Nicola in a straight jacket with a text bubble coming off of it saying 'wooden toys!'. She had it turned to Malcolm, who looked at it and smirked.

"He wasn't too hard on you, was he?"

"Nope."

"Are you listening to me?"

Ivy finally looked up. "Nope!" She smiled. Malcolm covered his mouth, checking his Blackberry, and pretending he wasn't grinning. "And I don't work for you, so it doesn't matter."

Nicola returned to the car, apologizing profusely and explaining herself to Malcolm. She ended it with a, "Sorry, Malcolm, I'm really sorry."

"Fucks sake!" He smacked his lap with his clipboard, "JESUS! CHRIST! Well now we've got another adjective to add to smug and glum, FUCKING RETARDED! Jesus! Do you not think it would be germane to check who you're talking to? It's a fucking newspaper office! It's not a fucking, sanatorium for the fucking deaf, is it?! Are you so dense?! Am I going to have to run around slapping badges on people wit a big tick on some, a big cross on others, so you know when to shut your gob and when to open it? Jesus Christ! Oh, but that'd probably confuse you as well, won't it?! That'll be TOO confusing! You'll see a cross and go, 'oh, fuck, X marks the spot! Better tell this little person all about the Prime Minister's fucking catastrophic erectile dysfunction!' Oh, but, not to worry! Not to worry, you've sent Olly over there to deal with it! Fucking Olly! He's a fucking knitted scarf, that twat! He's a fucking balaclava!"

Once Malcolm had finished his tear, he held his face, turning to look out the window. Nicola quietly left the car, leaning against the side of it and rubbing her face. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Sorry, Ivy." He quietly said, apologetically. "Sorry you had to be caught in the middle of that."

She had been silent the whole time, stuck in between those two. "Oh. It's okay."

"Don't I get an apology, too?" Terri piped up.

"No, actually, you don't, you fucking wad of bubblegum. Come on." Malcolm and Ivy exited the van, Nicola saw and followed from the other side. They approached the red head, and Olly was desperately explaining himself to her.

"The department's not really fit for purpose, I mean, Terri's quite bad."

"Not just Terri, I mean I'm not going to name names but Robyn, Robyn's shit. Total shit."

Olly nodded, "Robyn, she's total shit."

"O-kay. Olly, please fuck off." Ivy said, crossing her arms.

"What?"

"Go on. Go and have your fucking lukewarm tea. Mummy and daddy are talking." Malcolm added, shooing him with his hand. "I'm sure that we can settle this matter of you eavesdropping on a private conversation."

The journalist paused for a moment. "It was a public conversation."

"No. You are- you think you're so clever and you are so totally wanking with the wrong crowd here because this woman-" Nicola grabbed Ivy by the sleeve, dragging her in front of Malcolm and into center stage. "This woman, here, is the press."

"Nicola!" She hurriedly whispered. Nicola ran off, whining "Fuck, what have I done?" All the way back to the van.

"Do you think this is going to advance your career? Is this you moving forward?"

"I mean, at least my career has got a trajectory, whereas yours is about to crash head-on into a change of government."

"Don't you worry, girl, because I can still fucking steer some fucking flaming wreckage in your fucking direction."

"Yeah, I'll tell you what, once it's printed I promise I'll come back to you for a reaction quote. How's that?"

"Darling, I wouldn't fucking piss on you, if you were fucking allergic to piss, right?"

"Malcolm-" Ivy attempted to begin to deescalate the situation.

"No, I will fucking-"

The reporter began to walk away, "I'll come back to your wife, here, for a reaction quote, too. That's quite enough for one day. Jesus."

"We're not married!" He shouted after her. "Fuck right off, then!"

As they turned, Malcolm began muttering swear words to himself. "Are you alright, sir?" Ivy asked.

"No! I'm not fucking alright! Shit!" He spat, throwing his hands up. He huffed, "Sorry, it's just-"

"I know." She tentatively put a hand on his forearm that was attached to the hand stuffed inside his pocket. "Sorry, dumb question."

"No, you're fine."

Meanwhile, inside the van, the gang were gossiping like a bunch of schoolchildren about Malcolm and Ivy. Terri pointed, "Look, they're holding hands! They have to be dating!"

"What?" Olly looked out. "No they're not!"

"Okay, shh, shh, they're coming back."

Malcolm and Ivy walked back to their office in silence on their way back. Once they got back and settled back in, Malcolm broke the silence.

"Well that was a fucking whale-sized shit stain on this department."

Ivy clacked in her password into her laptop. Without looking up, she answered "This department is a whale-sized shit stain. To be completely honest, sir, it's exactly what I'd expect to happen."

He chuckled for a bit, then the room went back to silence. Once again, Malcolm broke it. "Ivy?"

"Hm?"

"What did you mean, this morning, when you said you thought you couldn't handle it?"

"Huh? Oh. Er... well, I meant exactly that. I didn't feel that I could handle a big reveal like that. And I had a feeling that was what they were going to do."

"Do you know what? I think you could've handled it."

"Sir-"

"I've seen you in meetings. I know how you've done at your last job. You're quick enough, you're... certainly smart enough, and you've got enough power in your voice to yell if need be. That's a big part of the job, too."

She smiled, warmly, and genuinely. She was blushing, just a bit, too.

"Don't doubt yourself. Okay?"

She sniffled, on the verge of tears. "Okay." As she nodded, a tear dropped down onto the paper she was reading. "Thank you, Malcolm. Thank you."

"Hey, hey, woah." He stood up, "Don't cry, I was just-"

"I know." She wiped a tear away. "It just means a lot to me, that's all." She grabbed a tissue, wiping away drips.

"Okay..." Just then, his cell phone chimed, a notification from the Daily Mail. They'd gotten their grubby little hands on the story already. "Oh, shit."

"What?"

"Mail's found out. Right, gotta get Nicola's spidery arse down here. Pick yourself up, and look alive, love." He punched in the number, and sternly talked into the phone, "Get over here. Now. Might be advisable to wear brown trousers, and a shirt the colour of blood."

Ivy didn't listen to that last bit. She was too focused on him calling her ‘love’. Yeah, it was colloquial around England to refer to women as ‘love’, but it was mostly in a demeaning or sarcastic method of use. It meant more that Malcolm had used it as a term of endearment.

Malcolm began once Nicola - and for whatever reason, Terri - had settled down. Ivy was stationed next to him, arms crossed, like a bodyguard of a mob boss, leaning against the back wall. “I just want to say to you, by way of introductory remarks that I’m extremely miffed about today’s events. And in my quest to try and make you understand the level of my unhappiness, I’m likely to use an awful lot of what we would call violent sexual imagery. And I just wanted to check that neither of you would be terribly offended by that.”

"Did you write that for him, Ivy?" Terri asked, as if they were friends.

"To be honest, I’d rather him not apologize for it, it’s funnier that way." She said starkly and with a bit of sass. "I’d rather him go in unlubed, if you will."

"I think I could do without the theatrics, Malcolm."

"Enough! E-fucking-nough. You need to learn to shut your fucking cave, right? Today you have laid your first big fat egg of solid fuck. You took the data loss media strategy and you ate it with a lump of E. coli. And then you sprayed it out of your arse at 300 miles per hour."

"I simply made a mistake."

"Pretty big fucking mistake." Ivy added.

Nicola furrowed her brow. "God, can you just shut up!"

"Hey, I don’t work for you. I don’t give a flying shit what you tell me to do."

"You got on the record and off the record fucking mixed up! What would have happened if like, George Martin had done that? We’d have no fucking Beatles, that’s what. Now, I don’t give a fuck about that. I’ve had to sit next to Paul McCartney at fucking Chequers."

"The data loss wasn’t my fault."

"Fine, yeah, but I tell you what. It came out pretty fucking fast once you were in there, didn’t it? Which makes me wonder, should I just go and talk to the boss? Should I go and tell him, 'I don’t think she’s up to the job.'"

"You said yourself that if he sacks me after a week, it looks like he’s fucked up."

"Yeah, but that was before, when your only problem was a fucking shit pun in a newspaper and a face like Dot Collen licking piss off a nettle."

"Okay, I messed up, right? I messed up. But I will, from now on listen to every bit of advice you give me. I’ll go on Question Time wearing a push-up bra and a fez. I’ll do the hustings on stilts if that is what you tell me the strategy is because you know about that stuff, Malcolm. I know that. It’s just that I’ve got things that I want to do, all right?"

"Of course you do, like Montessouri fucking rocking horses, I suppose."

“No, no.”

Ivy checked her notes, "Uh, the Mail has the motherload on this, yeah? But you know, you’re going to have to just swallow your pride."

"Uh-huh. Thank you, Ivy."

"Right, what’s the strategy?" Terri clicked her pen.

"Ooh, the Kraken awakes." He sarcastically said.

"No, no no. This is just the first part of the meeting that hasn't been about expletives or fezzes or stilts or teabagging. This is the bit that relates to media management."

"Teabagging?" The assistant inquired.

"I didn’t say anything about teabagging. Do you know what teabagging is?"

"Er… not really, no. I’m told it’s uh… unpleasant."

Ivy and Malcolm made eye contact, both thinking the same thing.

"Who do you want me to call? The Mail?"

"Yes. Go on, get the mail in. The Cheeky Girls back on tour." He escorted them out of his office, closing the door behind them.

"What a day, eh, sir?" Ivy said, returning to her desk.

"Er… Ivy, I’d rather you not call me ‘sir’ anymore. At least not when we’re alone."

"Oh. Okay. Uh, any particular reason?" She began fiddling with some papers, stacking them and clacking the edges against the desk to straighten them.

"No, no. It just feels a bit formal, you know? Like, oh, what’d I do to deserve respect?"

"Mhm."

The room returned to silence. Even though they were a week in, Ivy still wasn’t christened in Malcolm’s eyes. This was her first experience with a scandal that was actually proper. There were no long nights, where they were flip-flopping back and forth with options and the media while the cleaning lady worked around them, not yet. There were no miserable holidays where they spent the time sucking up to another MP. If Malcolm had any friends or social skills, he would have expected to have had a night or two sitting together at the bar after a long night, slowly getting hammered on cheap beer and the occasional hard malt. There was none of that yet. But he still felt like she was here the whole time. Like she’d been through thick and thin with him. He didn’t know if that was just her vibe, or if it was on account of the fact that he was slowly falling in love with her.

Wow, Malcolm thought. He’s admitting it to himself now. That was unheard of. He hadn’t been like this since high school. He hadn’t felt anything towards anyone, especially not since he took this job all those years ago. Shit.

"Hey, Malcolm?" Ivy finally broke the silence. Hearing her voice was such unrequited bliss.

"Yeah?"

"Do you… want to go for a drink sometime? Or something besides work?"

"Why?"

"Can I be honest?"

"No."

"I’m going to anyway. You seem like you need a friend."

He stared at the wood grain on his desk to preoccupy his senses while he thought for a moment. He finally answered, "Okay."

"Huh? Sorry?"

"Let's go, then."

"It's only 3:30, Malcolm."

"Yeah, but it's 5:30 in Finland. Come on, grab your stuff, there's a pub 'round the corner."

"We have work!"

"No, no no, it's okay, we'll just sneak out."

Ivy was taken aback by Malcolm suddenly rebellious manner. I mean, he sort of was rebellious regardless, in a different way. Swearing and hurling abuse at coworkers was his drink of choice when it came to rebellion, but he always stuck around and did his work. It's not like he was straight-lace, either though. He was just never the type to ditch out early.

"Christ, what if the press sees us?"

They sat up at the bar stools. Malcolm ordered them each a beer. "The press won't come near the pubs. They haven't yet, anyway."

"Haven't yet? Do you...?"

"No, not all the time. I usually have a stash in my office." He smiled, joking. She laughed, taking a swig.

"I wanted to be a bar maid when I was younger." She mentioned, offhandedly. "Went to school for it for a few months. Became preoccupied with other things." She continued to explain.

"Really?"

"Yeah. But, enough about me." She shook her head, gesturing to him. "Did you ever think you'd get into politics?"

He sighed, "Not really, no. I uh, went to school for journalism. Started at my local newspaper, which got absorbed by The Independent. Continued there. Slithered my way up the chain." Ivy raised an eyebrow. "I dipped my hands into politics while working there. I left the Indy and worked for what is now called the department of work and pensions, then, again, worked my way up from there."

"Mm."

"What about you?"

"Oh, uh... Well I-I didn't really have a career until my mid 30's. I've bounced at lower level secretary or receptionist positions for a while. In both politics and journalism."

"Yeah, 'cause didn't you work for good old Harry Pickle, the dickle for a while?"

She snorted, almost spitting out her beer. "Is that what they're calling him?"

"What, you didn't know?"

"No! The bloke always kept that sort of thing under wraps, I guess. For his own sake."

"Jesus Christ the man's a fucking control freak."

"I know, oh trust me, I know. I had to wake up early every morning to print out things he could check off to make him feel like he had more control, while I poured sawdust over his idiocy vomit pile and swept it up. Fucking disaster. And when I said I wanted to leave, I think they put me on you because you were the worst to deal with."

He paused, furrowing his brow.

"In their opinion. I genuinely enjoy working for you Malcolm, don't worry." She placed her hand on his forearm that was resting on the countertop. He looked at it, biting his lip and trying not to draw too much attention to it.

Oh God, is she interested in me, is she being nice, or is she just tipsy? He thought. No, we're only one beer in, she can't be. Stop staring, you look like a creepy old man. She's just... so beautiful.

He clenched his fist under the counter, scrambling to find other things to talk about. "Uh, what about before your 30's?" She hadn't moved her gentle hand.

"Oh. Uh..." She looked apprehensive, almost embarrassed. "Well, you know I went to bartender school. But before that I mostly just... stayed at home. I don't have any younger siblings. Actually, no siblings period."

Malcolm smiled. "You're lucky."

She chuckled falsely, "I'm really not. I er... had to take care of my mother after secondary school. She was ill."

"Oh, bless."

"Yeah," she looked down, smiling sorrowfully. "But, she didn't have long to suffer. She died when I was 19." He nodded along, sympathetically. "After that, bartender school. I worked as a barmaid. Got bored with it after a year or two. Then I went to undertaker school, while still bar tending in the nights."

Malcolm raised his eyebrows, shocked. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'm not kidding. If you ever need to mix a black velvet or embalm a body, you know who to call." She giggled. Malcolm laughed a long, admiring her as well. "So, then I worked as an undertaker until aged 33. I was offered to become funeral director, you know, the seedy arsehole who'll tell you shit like 'it's what dad would have wanted' when showing you a 10,000 quid casket. Had no interest there. So I started my assistant job in government, after going to a job fair. And the rest is history."

"Jesus, your life is so much more interesting than mine."

She chuckled. "I don't think it's all that cool. I mean, I've never been outside of Europe."

#the thick of it #malcolm tucker #peter capaldi #malcolm tucker x original female character(s)#pcap #jamie's fanfics #fanfic #fic #fanfiction

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liannyeong · 6 years ago

Text

Don’t Lose This Feeling

Summary: Two best friends and a truth. What will happen?

Word count: 8807

Pairing: Jaebum X OC

Warning(s): slight angst

A/N: This was 2 weeks overdue... I’m sorry >< If there’s any inconsistencies in this work, please forgive me T_T The summary is bad, I’m sorry

"I think Hana likes you," Hyeri says out of the blue over lunch. She's a fellow coursemate in his major, one whom Jaebum easily gets along with. They've known of each other since their first year, but only started talking when placed in a group together in the current semester of their third year.

Jaebum was about to feed himself a spoonful of rice when she said so. His hand immediately halted in front of his opened mouth, eyes on his friend, brows raised in amusement. He lowers his spoon and asks her, "Why do you say so?" before stuffing his mouth.

"You two spend a lot of time together," she points out the obvious.

Jaebum snickers, shaking his head at his friend's reason. "Just because we spend a lot of time together, doesn't mean we got something going on," he justifies.

Hyeri doesn't seem convinced. She folds her arms across the table, leaning closer. "I see the way she looks at you. It's different from how best friends look at each other. There's that endearment, yes, but Hana? It's different. She looks at you as if you have the wings of an angel or something."

Now, Jaebum barks out a laugh. Hyeri's serious face, coupled with her words, is amusing to his ears. It's absurd. "You're reading it wrong. There's no way Hana have feelings for me."

"Whatever you say then."

---

Jaebum regrets his decision to tag along. He's got deadlines to meet, yet here he is, getting dragged to a hang out that he doesn't really want to be in. No, it's not that Jaebum hates any of his friends breathing in this cramped room. It's just that he's got poor time management and excellent procrastination skills that he's pressed for time. Heck, he doesn't even know if he can complete his assignments on time.

Now, seated in a circle with his friends, Jaebum questions his life's choices. Why did he agree so easily to his best friend's request, Jaebum doesn't know anymore. The plastic bottle in the center stops spinning, the cap pointing to Hana. Jaebum lost count the number of rounds of Truth or Dare they're in, silently hoping each to be the last so that he can get home.

"Say, Hana-yah," Jackson starts. He's a student in the Sports department, and it's still a mystery how the introverted Hana became friends with the extroverted Jackson. "Do you not like anybody?"

Jaebum's ears perk up at the question. Hana has chosen truth. They've talked about this before, and the answer was "You would know if I liked somebody." Jaebum thought the answer shouldn't even be called one. Now, with Hyeri's words slowly coming back, Jaebum wonders if his best friend will answer the question differently.

Instead, he hears the same reply.

"Do you at least have a type?"

"You can't ask another!" Hana argues.

Jackson grunts but obliges anyway. Hana spins the bottle and it ends up pointing back at her. There's a loud "Ha!" in the background, before Jackson singsongs his question. "So~ do you have an ideal type?" Jaebum wonders when did the game became Jackson versus friends.

She huffs as she rolls her eyes, then she hums, staring at her hands on her lap. She pointedly avoids any eye contact with anyone. She doesn't even look at Jaebum once, as if she's holding a secret that she desperately wants to hide from him. Weird, because she has always been one to look at Jaebum when speaking. Like she needs some acknowledgement or assurance from him as she says her thoughts.

"Yeah, I suppose I do."

"Tell us."

Jaebum doesn't miss the glare she sends Jackson. She rolls her eyes again before letting out a sigh, as if she has given up arguing with Jackson on the rules of the game. She opens her mouth to say, "Someone who I'm comfortable with. Someone who understands me well. Someone who sees my flaws but accepts them."

Huh. Jaebum expected something different.

"Ay," Jackson lets out, not impressed. "That's not a good answer."

"But it still is an answer," she quips.

A few more rounds later, the bottle finally points to Jaebum. He picks a dare.

"I dare you to kiss the person you think is attractive in this room," Mark, Jaebum's roommate and friend, instructs him. There's a glint of something in his friend's eyes, which Jaebum doesn't really get. Nonetheless, he wants to wipe that look off his face.

Jaebum scans the circle. The first person that pops into Jaebum's head is Hana, but it's only because he doesn't find any of his friends particularly attractive. It'll be weird if he kisses Hana though. He's not in love with his best friend, why would he do something that might cause things to change between them? Still, Jaebum doubts Hana has any feelings for him. They're best friends! Purely platonic! Hyeri's words are just utter nonsense.

So Jaebum does the one idea his mind could think of: he shifts, closing the gap between him and the girl next to him. He cups her face and tilts it sideways, before pressing his lips to her cheek. He hears whistles and cheers in the background. When he pulls away, Hana looks up at him, shell-shocked and slowly turning red in the face. Jaebum could only shoot her an apologetic smile.

As he goes back to his spot, Jaebum can feel Hana's gaze still fixed on his face, as if registering the event. Jaebum turns his head to meet her eyes. She still doesn't look away. So Jaebum stretches a hand out, and pats her knee as a silent apology. She stiffens at the touch, and her throat bobs slowly. Jaebum squeezes her knee slightly, and it seems to have snapped her out of her temporary trance. Her lips quirk up in a small smile, too fast that Jaebum almost missed it. Weird, Jaebum thinks. Why was she so affected?

---

Jaebum reckons it's a result of that night. Hana has been avoiding him. It may be subtle to anybody else's eyes, but Jaebum knows Hana almost all his life. It's easy to tell when something's off. For more than a week, he hasn't seen her at all. Whenever he texts her, all she ever replies with is a "I've got deadlines to meet!! Sorry :(". Jaebum doesn't recall any moment when Hana would reject him in any way. They have always gone home together, taking the subway together, walking side by side and talking about whatever that comes to mind. So it's not hard for him to guess that there is something off between them, though Jaebum just can't pinpoint exactly what is wrong. If it's anything related to that night, did the kiss made her feel weird?

Thankfully, he knows her class schedule by heart, making it easy for him to talk to her. When he approaches, there's a flash of alarm on her face. Jaebum pretends it doesn't hurt.

"Hey," he says when he's right in front of her.

"Uh, hey, Jaebum," she greets back, awkward.

"Are you okay?" he asks, peering into her face when he realizes that she's avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah I am!" she replies too swiftly. "Sorry, but I've got to go?"

"Hana-yah," Jaebum calls out, a hand reaching out to grip her elbow. She flinches at his touch. Something is totally off. He closes the gap, peering into her face once more. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong?" she asks back, blinking back at him as if clueless. But Jaebum knows that face too well. She's hiding something from him.

"Be honest with me. What's bothering you?"

"I told you it's nothing!" she insists, pulling her elbow away but Jaebum's grip tightens. "I've got to go, okay?"

"Your next class doesn't start until 2 hours later," Jaebum states flatly. His patience is wearing thin.

"Well, I have other things to do."

"Like what, avoiding me?" Jaebum spits bitterly.

Her expression is similar to a deer caught in the headlights.

"So you were really avoiding me, huh?" Jaebum concludes when she doesn't answer. "Is it about that night? When I kissed you as a dare?"

She turns red. "I--"

Jaebum sighs. His thoughts were right. He lets go of her elbow, and runs his fingers through his hair. He barely notices Hana's eyes following the movement. "You must have felt weird about it. I'm sorry, Hana-yah, but I had to since I didn't know who to pick."

"So it was just..." she trails off.

"It was just a game," Jaebum finishes her sentence. "It didn't mean anything."

Jaebum doesn't miss the way her expression falls, but it passes quickly. Still, that expression stays in his mind. Why that face? Jaebum wonders.

"Oh. Okay, cool. That's uh... great!" Hana lets out a sigh after a moment. "It was all in my head then..." Hana ends with an awkward laugh. She punches Jaebum's arm lightly in a teasing manner. "You should have told me it was nothing! That way, I wouldn't have felt weird, and avoided you!" she argues.

"Well, you were the one who didn't bother to confront me!" Jaebum retorts, though a smile is etched on his lips. "Besides, we're best friends! Why would I even find you attractive?"

"Excuse me!" Hana wears a scandalized expression, which Jaebum knows she's not the least bit offended. "Are you saying I'm not?"

"I don't find you attractive at all, knowing how you are in and out." Jaebum mimics a vomiting sound, inducing another punch on his arm as well as a laugh. But her laughter sounds different. It's not as light and as joyful as it usually is. It doesn't have the same ring it always does. Her smile reaches her ears, but it doesn't feel like it's sincere. Jaebum wonders why.

---

"You still think she doesn't like you?" Hyeri reinstates Jaebum's opinion, mouth slightly agape and expression disbelief.

Jaebum nods slowly.

"Are you blind?" she mocks, incredulous. "It's so obvious to me!"

"Like I said before, you may be reading it wrong!"

"She's clearly affected by your sudden kiss!"

"She probably finds it weird that her best friend kissed her and supposedly found her attractive!"

Hyeri groans, burying her face into her hands. "I should have been there. I would have done something to find out the truth!"

"Well, the truth is: Hana has no feelings for me. Period."

Hyeri slams her hands down, the sound of it loud enough to attract attention from the nearest neighbors. "Maybe if I were there and you had kissed me--"

"Who's kissing who?" Hana's voice interjects the conversation. Both Hyeri and Jaebum freezes in their seats, slowly turning their heads towards the source at the same time.

"Hana-yah, hi," Jaebum says lamely.

An eyebrow raised, she looks at the two quizzically. "You didn't answer my question."

"Uhh--"

"Well," Hyeri sits up, clearing her throat. "Jaebum here was wondering how it's like to kiss someone."

"What?" Jaebum gasps. He feels a kick on his shin. He nearly yelps.

"So yeah, I was telling him he could try kissing me."

"What?" Jaebum gasps again. But this time, it's in tandem with Hana's.

Hana looks taken aback, as if disbelieving that she's hearing such words. When her eyes meet his, for some reason, Jaebum can sense disappointment in them.

"Don't believe her, Hana. She's saying nonsense," Jaebum clarifies.

"Uhh, sure..." Hana trails off, a frown etched on her face. Then she schools her expression, shooting him a curt smile. "Anyway, I've got to go. See you later?" She looks at Jaebum with anticipation for his response. It's an unspoken rule that they will always head home together, but this time, with the slight raise in tone, she's asking if they will. Jaebum nods. Hana bids her goodbye and walks away.

Once they're sure she's out of sight and earshot, Hyeri leans forward, eyes blazing with newfound confidence and determination. Jaebum's earlier decision to berate his friend dissolves in a matter of seconds. "You saw that?" Hyeri sounds so happy, like a child receiving presents. Jaebum resigns as he nods.

"Want to confirm it?" she suggests, a playful smirk on her lips.

Jaebum ponders a while. There's no harm in this, right? He still doubts Hyeri is right. There's no way Hana likes him. After all, they've been best friends for years, and Jaebum knows her at the back of his palm. He knows everything about her. If she has liked him for so long, he would have known already.

"Sure."

---

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on between you and Hyeri?" Hana confronts him one summer day. It's the end of the semester, so she came over to his dorm room to help pack his things. Summer vacation is always spent at their hometown, far from the bustling city of Seoul, closer to where the fresh air of the sea is.

It took almost two months to get a reaction from Hana. The experiment was easy: the main principle was "spend less time with Hana, but more time with Hyeri and see if Hana gets jealous". Coincidentally, the semester makes it difficult for Hana and Jaebum to see each other on campus due to having different class schedules. It proves to be helpful in the experiment because they tend to hang out with whoever that shares similar schedules. So, Jaebum starts spending more time with Hyeri who takes the same exact classes as him.

"There's nothing going on, though?" Jaebum says offhandedly. He definitely isn't going to let her know that he's testing out his friend's hypothesis. Which Jaebum is slowly believing. Hana hadn't said anything, but Jaebum knew she's annoyed whenever Hyeri's around. Or whenever he talks about her.

"You're always busy with Hyeri that we barely hang out anymore!" Hana starts.

"Why, are you jealous?" Jaebum counters.

"Jealous?" she echoes. "I'm your best friend! And we haven't been hanging out together!"

"So? What's your point?"

Hana looks at him as if he just asked the stupidest question in the world. "Oh, so now that you have a new girlfriend, you don't need me anymore? Is that it?"

"You're really jealous, aren't you? That I've been asking Hyeri out on a date, and not you?"

"What?" Hana gasps, incredulous.

"Is it not true? You like me, don't you? That's why you're jealous of Hyeri. Because I'm paying attention to someone else, not you. Isn't that the case?"

Her face that drained of color proved his point to be true, even though she mutters a weak "What are you talking about?"

"It's obvious that you like me. I've seen it with my own eyes. With the way you're so jealous about Hyeri, it's no doubt that you have feelings for me."

She falls silent. The air suddenly feels heavy, and Jaebum fears she might explode.

She lets out a sigh, fingers pinching her nose bridge. "Fine," she starts, tone a little harsh to Jaebum's ears that he nearly winced. "Since I've been found out, I'll just say it."

"It's true. I like you," she spits as if the words hold no meaning. "I didn't say anything because I wanted to our friendship to last. You're my best friend. I didn't want to lose you over some stupid feelings. So I hid it."

"But what I'm so affected by is the fact that you started spending time with Hyeri and less with me. It's as if you forgot that your best friend existed," she adds. "I don't care if you love her. I just want to be your best friend. But you don't seem to care about me anymore."

There's a pause in the air, that Jaebum wonders if he's supposed to say something at all. Her eyes are boring right into his face, and it burns. Her gaze so intense, it's scalding. There's a sharp intake and then, she moves.

"It's fine with me though," she says as she navigates around the room, picking her things and stuffing them into her bag. "Now that you've found someone and ignoring me, at least it'll help me get over my feelings."

"Besides, you don't have to worry," Hana pauses at the doorway to his room, "I'm flying off to London for an exchange program next week. I won't get in the way of your relationship with Hyeri."

"Enjoy your summer, Jaebum-ah," is the last thing she says before she walks out of his room. Despite the way she calls his name, it sounds distant. As if she's saying goodbye. Jaebum hears the front door open and then clicking shut. Like the empty dorm, Jaebum feels hollow inside.

---

Jaebum haven't seen Hana in months. No texts from her, no calls, no news. Heck, she didn't even inform him her flight details, nor did Jaebum muster up the courage to ask her about it. Jaebum only gets updated about her through their mutual friends and her Instagram posts. She used to post very rarely, but these days, there's always a new photo or a new story from her. It's as if she's trying to let Jaebum know about her wellbeing without talking to him directly. It's a little self-indulgent, Jaebum supposes, but he takes whatever he can.

"Honestly, I don't understand why you are even like this," Mark says as he grabs a can of soda from the refrigerator. He pads over to their shared dorm, settling himself at his own bed. "You look like some lost puppy who is waiting for his master to come home. Only that you're the one that ran away from your master."

Jaebum ignores his roommate and friend's comment, unlocking his phone and tapping the Instagram app like a reflex. He absentmindedly scrolls through his Instagram, pulling the page down every other second, hoping for another update from Hana.

Another pull of the page and Jaebum nearly drops his phone onto his face when a picture of her pops up on his screen. She's smiling so widely in the selfie she took, her hair tucked under her beanie, her cheeks rosy and the tips of her ears that peek out is red. His heart swells at her face, yet he smiles to himself. It's weird that he's happy to see Hana. Perhaps he just misses the times when they were best friends.

Jaebum swipes through her post, silently pleased that he's got a dosage of her through the many photos she uploaded. She's smiling brightly in each one, and the last is a group photo with the friends Jaebum assumes she has made over the period of time she stayed abroad. Jaebum's lips stay curled upwards, eyes warm as he gazes at her face. But his eyes start to wonder around and finally, it lingers on the hand on her waist. Jaebum traces the hand to its owner, and his smile drops. His heart nearly stops. He shoots up into a sitting position. He zooms into the hand and then onto the face of the owner, who's smiling just as wide.

Huh, Jaebum thinks, has she found somebody?

"What's with that look?" Jaebum barely hears Mark from the other side of the room.

"Jaebum?" Mark's voice is suddenly so loud at his ear, Jaebum nearly flinches. Mark is looking at Jaebum's phone screen, the group photo blatantly shown. "Oh, Hana posted something?"

"I didn't know Hana and Jinyoung are friends," Mark adds.

Jaebum snaps his head up, ears perked up, eyes wide in alarm, "You know that guy?"

"Yeah," Mark replies, unfazed, as he goes back to his initial spot. "He's a nice guy. Come to think of it, Jinyoung has a similar personality to Hana. I'm glad they met!" Mark says gleefully.

Something about it makes Jaebum feel uncomfortable. He should be happy for Hana, shouldn't he? Now that she found someone else? Jaebum doesn't even know why, but he feels an ache in his chest when thinking of Hana with somebody else. Logically, it would mean that there's nothing between her and Jaebum so they could go back to their old times again. Why, Jaebum wonders, does he feel so uneasy?

---

Jaebum finds out from Jackson that Hana is extending her stay in London. It's been 4 months already, and yet he has not received a single message from her. Jaebum reckons she's keeping her promise of being out of reach. He's not upset though. It's perfectly fair that she does such thing to him. After all, Jaebum is the one who caused their current state of friendship. Only that this time, he doesn't even know if he can mend it at all.

To his surprise, Jaebum hears her voice for the first time in months at a small gathering at Jackson's place. All their mutual friends were gathered in the small apartment, and Jackson decided to video call Hana. She seems happy to see everyone after so long. Jaebum wonders if she feels the same towards him. Heck, does she even notice him at the corner of the screen?

Jackson gets everyone to say hi to her individually, and Jaebum hopes Jackson would forget about him and continue on with others. But of course, that's not what happened because Jackson is always trying to make everyone happy and feel included. So when Jackson calls his name, Jaebum sees how Hana's face morphs into surprise. If anybody else noticed the shift in the atmosphere, they don't say anything.

"Uh, hey," Jaebum says awkwardly.

"Hi," Hana greets back, a smile on her lips.

Jaebum will never admit it aloud but... Seeing her smile after a long time and directed to him only, it makes his heart skip a beat. His heart almost soar. He returns the smile.

Jackson reappears on the screen, taking the center spotlight again. He begins chatting with Hana, and Jaebum is thankful that he's pushed back to the corner. Things may not be okay between them now, but at least there is progress. Watching her from far is good enough for now.

Jaebum listens to her anecdotes of her time at London. Her voice sounds like a song to his ears now. He lets it play continuously, not wanting it to stop. Her eyes go off behind the web camera, her hand gesturing for someone to come into the screen. She goes off screen, but comes back with another person in tow.

He shouldn't be feeling disappointed, but Jaebum can't help it when he sees Hana pulling another man -- Jaebum remembers him as Jinyoung from the group photo -- into the screen. Jaebum must have been the only one in this group of friends to not know Jinyoung personally, because everyone else seems to recognize Jinyoung.

Feeling a little left out, Jaebum slips away from the living room and into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. He reckons Hana wouldn't even notice his absence so he lingers in the kitchen, slowly drinking a glass of water. Minutes later, his phone vibrates. Unlocking the screen, his heart nearly stops at the message.

Or more specifically, the sender.

From: Hana

Where'd you go?

Jaebum looks up to where the group is clustered around the small laptop. He shifts until he can see the screen. Hana is still there, next to Jinyoung who is busy conversing with the group.

Jaebum types out a reply.

To: Hana

In the kitchen, getting some drinks.

As soon as he sends the message, he looks back into the screen. He can see Hana immediately reacting to her phone, fingers moving across the screen, probably typing out a reply. Almost instantly, Jaebum's phone vibrates again.

From: Hana

That long? Come back on screen.

Jaebum doesn't know how to make sense out of this. Is Hana missing him? If so, why didn't she contact him privately first? He leaves her message unanswered, pocketing the phone in his jeans. He struts over to the living room, bidding goodbye to his friends. When he looks at the laptop screen, Hana seems to anticipate something, but Jaebum only bids her and her friend goodbye.

---

It takes Jaebum a few days before he musters up the courage to send Hana a text, asking to talk. They decided on a video call since they both have a lot to say. Calling her has never been nerve-wrecking, it was always carefree and easy. It was always relaxing to talk to her. But now, it's like a fight-or-flight situation.

The call gets connected and Jaebum nearly gasps seeing Hana on his screen. She's wearing a plain white shirt, hair tied up in the messiest bun. She must have finished studying, because that's how she would usually look during her intense studying sessions.

"Hi," she says with small smile. "How have you been doing?"

Heck, why did his heart flutter just by listening to her voice? Using an earpiece, her voice is amplified and it feels like she's talking right at his ear. He can hear her breathing clearly. Just why the hell is he so affected by her?

Jaebum clears his throat and his mind too. "Fine, I guess?" Jaebum replies awkwardly.

"That's good to hear," she says with a nod. Jaebum briefly wonders if he answered wrongly. To be fine with the situation... Jaebum wonders if she understands it wrongly. Did she think that Jaebum isn't affected by their situation?

"Um..." Hana starts again. "Is it okay if I go first?"

Jaebum just nods.

She takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry with the way things are. It was rather selfish of me not to tell you about my flight details and whatever not. I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you for the past few months. I just thought... That if I stayed away from you for awhile, we'd be okay again."

"I've been thinking a lot about us, and my own feelings for you," she continues. "You seem happy with Hyeri... So I thought... I should be happy for you." She smiles and Jaebum can't figure the emotions behind it. But his heart clenches at her words. "I thought I should let you go, move on from this feeling, and let you be happy with her. I thought I should be a better best friend, by being happy whenever you are. I can't let my feelings get in the way with your relationship with Hyeri."

"So... I hope that we could put everything in the past and start afresh again," she finishes.

Jaebum doesn't know what words to say. The past few months were nothing but gloomy to him. The argument they had only made him realize this. He's so used to having Hana around, that having to live a day without her physical presence is equivalent to learning how to breathe underwater. It's impossible. With her gone, he realized he had taken her for granted.

Her words break something in him, yet he doesn't know what. She's in pain, and it's all because of him. He doesn't know how long Hana has harbored feelings for him. But through it all, she has endured much. And all the while, Jaebum didn't know at all.

"Hana-yah," Jaebum finally says.

"Hmm?"

"I miss you."

The moment he releases those words, there's that uncertainty in the air, and the silence that hangs between them feels heavy on Jaebum's shoulders. He watches how she takes those words: she blinks, once, twice, as if she misheard it. But she seems conflicted, with the way her brows slightly narrowed, her lips quirked upwards a little. Just three simple words, yet its meaning is so hard to decipher.

In the end, she says, "I'm coming back soon, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Jaebum lets out, tone deflated. It's not a reply he wants to hear, but then again, he doesn't really know what kind of reply he was expecting.

"Goodnight, Jaebum," she bids like a whisper when silence pursues. Jaebum doesn't know if she's tired or if she just wants to end the call. Jaebum decides it's better to agree on the former. Besides, it's night over there while it's daytime in Korea. Jaebum doesn't even bother correcting her about the timezone difference but bids her back the same way. When their call ended, her half-whispered voice keeps replaying in his mind. Despite having woke up several hours before, her voice induces sleep and he drags himself to his bed, throwing himself onto the soft mattress. He shuts his eyes and hopes that their dreams connect. A dream where everything is okay.

---

"I think you like her," Hyeri states when they met up for lunch.

Jaebum nearly chokes on his drink. "I do not!" he almost shrieks, red in the face.

"Sure you don't," Hyeri muses. "Then why did you say you miss her?"

"It's been a long time since I've hung out with her, okay? Of course I miss her!" Jaebum justifies.

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Hyeri dismisses him, waving her hand.

"I just-- I don't know, okay?" Jaebum resigns. "These days, whenever I see her, I just--" His hand goes to his chest, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt. "I just feel."

"Hmm," his friend hums. "My conclusion is still the same: You like her." Jaebum opens his mouth to argue but Hyeri beats him to it. "You like her, but you don't know it yet."

"That makes no sense."

Hyeri shrugs. "It's something you have to figure out for yourself." The female takes a sip of her drink. "Ask yourself this: Do you feel jealous when she spends time with another guy?"

"I don't know."

"If she does spend time with another guy, say that guy named Junmyeon? Jinrong?"

"Jinyoung," Jaebum corrects.

"Ah, yes, him. Do you like it when she spends time with him?"

"I--" Jaebum halts. Does he? The first time he saw that group photo, he felt disappointed; a sinking feeling in his chest. When they video called with the group of friends, Jaebum didn't like the way they were seated so close. He didn't like the way they seemed to get each other so well, just as how Jaebum understood Hana perfectly without a word. But now, he wonders if he even knew his best friend that well.

"Found your answer yet?" Hyeri's question drawls Jaebum back to reality. She has a knowing look on her face, despite resting her chin on her palm, seemingly bored.

Jaebum only sighs, shrugging.

---

Jaebum's breath hitches the moment he sees the female emerging from the arrival hall. For 4 months, he hasn't seen her in person. To finally see her feels like a dream. He strides towards her, watching as her eyes dart around, presumably looking for familiar faces. Jaebum doesn't know what came over him, but he suddenly gained bravery. The moment he was a few steps away, and their eyes meet, Jaebum swears her whole face lit up and the smile that breaks onto her lips is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. Has Hana always been this beautiful?

Jaebum sees nothing but only her, his eyes blurring everything at the sides, focused on her form. They're close, but Jaebum thinks it's not close enough. She's already halted in her tracks, eyes looking at him in anticipation. Jaebum notices her open her mouth, probably to say something, but Jaebum is fixed on one thing only. He goes past the baggage trolley, hands reaching out for her face. He cups her face, doesn't register the shock expression, as he leans down, eyes fluttering close.

The press against her lips is so soft and pillowy. It feels heavenly and so right. Jaebum could easily get lost in the moment, but there's pressure on his chest that snaps him. He pulls away, eyes meeting hers. She's flushed in a pretty pink, shy at the close proximity, yet her eyes are as wide as a doe. Oh, how Jaebum wants to close the gap again.

There's a clear of a throat and Hana jumps away from him. Her attention immediately turned to the newcomer, her cheeks still red and her expression embarrassed. Jaebum follows her gaze and recognizes the male that stands a few meters away as Jinyoung.

"Sorry to intrude," the male says awkwardly as his eyes dart between the two, "but uhh, we're gonna take the last group photo."

"Oh right, okay," Hana sputters. She turns to Jaebum, but the moment their eyes meet, she looks away. Well, shit, Jaebum must have screwed this one up. Suppressing his dejection, he forces a smile at her.

"Go ahead," he encourages. "I'll wait."

Hana looks at him warily, before nodding. She leaves her bags with him, then follows Jinyoung.

Jaebum watches as Hana's lips break into a wide smile when she approaches her friends. It makes Jaebum's heart swell. It has been a long time since she directed such a smile to him, Jaebum wonders if she'll give him one again.

Eyes not leaving his best friend's body, Jaebum stares at the arm that wound around her shoulders, pressing their bodies closer. That Jinyoung seems like a touchy person, huh? Is it necessary to be so close to her? Jaebum mocks in his mind.

But Hana's own arm goes to his waist, and Jaebum's heart breaks. She doesn't seem to mind the skin contact. In fact, she seems so relaxed to be held in his arms. It all hits Jaebum at once: maybe she has moved on. Maybe the few months apart allowed her to get over her feelings for him. Maybe, she finally found the one. After all, Mark said that they have matching personalities -- they must be compatible.

When Jaebum focuses back onto the scenario at hand, the group is dispersed. Hana is still surrounded by her other friends, all smiles, Jinyoung in tow. She must be happy with him, Jaebum thinks. As if she read his mind, Hana's eyes meet his in the distance. She shoots him an apologetic smile but Jaebum assures her with a smile back. He doesn't move a muscle from his spot, patiently waiting for Hana to come back.

When she does, there's an awkward silence between them. It's the same feeling one gets when put in a situation where everything is just so fragile, that if a single word is uttered, everything just falls apart.

"Where are you heading?" Jaebum finally asks.

"Home," she answers. "I'm gonna take a taxi to surprise my family." She smiles, as if proud with her plan.

"I'll help you with your luggages then," Jaebum offers as he grabs the head of her luggages. They walk side by side towards the taxi stand, the silence hanging between them similar to a heavy weight.

"Jaebum?"

The said male hums.

"... Nothing."

The boot of the car is released, and Jaebum helps to load her things.

"Thanks," she utters, a faint blush on her cheeks. Jaebum wonders why. "I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, see you."

The car door closes, and the taxi drives off. Jaebum stands at the taxi stand, eyes following the vehicle until it vanishes out of his sight.

---

Neither talks about the kiss. They're so busy with their own things that they hadn't conversed at all. Still, Jaebum has the urge to send her a message, just to talk to her. He doesn't have the courage to do it though. Not without a reason.

Imagine his surprise when his phone screen lit up one day, a message from Hana staring at his face. Jaebum's thumb hovered at the message, he himself requiring some courage to read in its entirety. He took a deep breath, before tapping on the notification. There was a short text of "Do you want to go with me?", followed by a photo of two tickets attached. Jaebum zoomed into the photo, figuring out what the tickets are. Those are tickets to a carnival held downtown. As surprised as he is, Jaebum was pleased that Hana initiated a conversation and asked him out.

So it took Jaebum just a mere seconds to accept Hana's invitation.

Standing in front of a mirror, Jaebum examines his own appearance and curses it. His eye bags are obvious. He couldn't even sleep properly when his mind just wouldn't stop conjuring scenarios of their carnival date-- It's not a date! he berates himself. For all his life, Jaebum has never bothered about how he looks in front of Hana. He has never tried hard to dress up for her. But now, he's a little insecure. Is he dressed too simply? Does his body look toned enough? Does he look good at all? Jaebum stares at his reflection. He's donned in a plain white shirt, half-tucked into his black jeans. It looks too plain, too boring so he grabs a black bomber jacket. Perhaps a baseball cap to complete the style-- no. His hair will look flat if he wears one.

He grabs his belongings and takes one last good look in the mirror. You look fine, Jaebum consoles himself. He fixes his hair slightly then takes a step back. He tugs his clothes and nods at himself. Then, he sets out of his dorm.

It's not a date, Jaebum keeps reminding himself as he makes his way downtown. It's just a normal platonic hangout with a friend. That's all. But he doesn't get why he feels anxious as time ticks by. Or why he feels butterflies in his stomach when he thinks of how Hana would look. It's not a date, but why does it feel like it is? His playlist of songs are not helping either. It only plays sappy love songs, or the ones containing heartbreaks. Which situation best describes Jaebum, he doesn't know.

His phone dings with a message from Hyeri.

From: Hyeri

How's the date going??? :)

To: Hyeri

I'm nervous, and I don't even know why

By the way, it isn't a date!

From: Hyeri

Are you sure it isn't? It seems like it is...

Think about it

Why else would she ask you out to a carnival, of all places?

To: Hyeri

What

From: Hyeri

If she's scared on the rides, she can hold your hand

;)

To: Hyeri

Shut up

That's nonsense

And she's not easily scared

From: Hyeri

Maybe this time she will be

;)

Then she will hold your hand

Jaebum blushes at the thought of holding Hana's hand. Gosh, why is he so easily affected by anything Hana might do to him?

From: Hyeri

Are you getting ideas now?

;)

To: Hyeri

Shut up

I hate you

From: Hyeri

You really like her, huh? ;)

To: Hyeri

No, I don't

It's been a while since we hung out, that's why I feel on edge

It doesn't mean anything.

From: Hyeri

Then why did you kiss her?

Jaebum stares at the message. He doesn't even have an answer to that. Do I really like her? Jaebum wonders. All he ever felt before the kiss, was a strong urge to do so. No reasons behind it.

Suddenly, there's a voice calling his name at his ear, and he flinches. Jaebum looks up, and all he sees is Hana, looking so breathtaking in a simple casual wear. Dressed simply in a beige pullover that is tucked into denim jeans, a tote bag slung over a shoulder, she looks pretty in Jaebum's eyes. It's weird, because she has always worn clothes like that whenever they hung out. But today, it makes his heart skip a beat. And for once, Jaebum is thankful for his own choice of style -- it complements hers.

She glances at his phone, and there's an unreadable expression on her face. She quickly looks away, as if she saw something she wasn't meant to see. Jaebum's eyes dart to his own phone, the screen showing his messages with Hyeri. Embarrassed, he presses the lock button, and stashes it into his pocket.

"Sorry, did you wait long?" Hana says first.

"No, I just got here," he replies.

She leads the way to the entrance, rummaging her bag for the tickets before heading inside. It's like entering a whole new world. Shrieks, laughter, the sound of the rollercoaster whooshing down, the music from each booth all mixed together like a badly composed orchestra. It's noisy and crowded, so Hana and Jaebum sticks close. Sometimes their fingers brush, and Jaebum tries hard to calm himself down. Gosh, why is he so affected?

"Which shall we start first?" Jaebum leans closer to her to ask. It's so close he can mildly smell the perfume she wears. Damn.

Hana scans the area, before pointing to the least crowded one. They contest against the sea of people to get to the first ride. It's just a simple ride, probably meant for children. A warm-up, Jaebum supposes.

After that, it all kick-starts. They went on many rides and euphoria fills their being. Screaming, laughing, crying -- everything feels normal again. As if they had no tension between them. As if everything was forgotten, and all that's left are two best friends having the time of their lives.

They just got off another rollercoaster ride that's supposedly the most popular and scariest. Hana wipes tears in her eyes but laughs as she recalls those moments on that ride. Jaebum can't help but laugh along because a) her recount is actually funny and b) her laughter is contagious. Besides, he can't help the smile on his face when she looks so adorable. He must have stared for too long, her words barely understood by his brain, for Hana's laugh stops and she's looking at him in amusement.

"Why that face, Jaebum-ah?" she asks, head tilted to the side.

It's enough to snap him out of his trance, so Jaebum just says a lame, "Huh?"

She chuckles, shaking her head. "Come, let's take a picture," Hana suggests as she approaches an empty photo booth at the corner of the carnival site.

She enters the booth first, and Jaebum slides in next to her. It's small, so the side of their legs touch, and Jaebum can feel the warmth of her body against his. So close and so dark, Jaebum wills not to do any stupid stuff.

Hana scrolls through the screen, probably finding some features that Jaebum doesn't really bother about because he's just watching her. The light from the screen illuminates her face, painting her face a pretty white, as if she's a marble sculpture.

Do I like her? The question pops in Jaebum's head again. His eyes stay on her face, trailing from her eyelashes to her eyes to her round buttoned nose and then to her lips. The last time he touched it, it felt soft. He wonders what it'll taste this time.

His eyes are still fixed on her lips that he barely registers the completion of photo settings and the start of the photo taking. She shifts back, making their bodies more pressed up against each other. Then her face turns to his--

"Yes, I do," Jaebum mutters.

"What?"

He surges forward. A hand cup the side of her face, another curled over her waist. Her lips taste as soft as he remembers, a little chapped this time. He ignores the bursts of light at the side of his face, deeply entranced by the flavor and the feeling of her lips. Hana tugs at his sides, as if needing to hold onto something and all Jaebum wants is to deepen the kiss. So he presses his body forward, closer to hers. Just as he does so, the tug becomes stronger and Hana breaks apart, tilting her face sideways.

Heavy panting fills the quiet booth, and the white light from the screen returns. Jaebum could see the pink in her cheeks, her lips redder than before. He's about to lean in again when there's a whirling sound at the machine. Hana's attention goes to it, and Jaebum follows her gaze. A strip of photos comes out, and all four of them are pictures of their kiss.

Immediately afterwards, Hana pulls away and stands up, forcing her way out of the cramped space, without a word. In a state of panic, Jaebum snatches the strip of photos and clambers out of the booth haphazardly. Hana continues walking, never turning back even though Jaebum calls her name. He jogs over to her, grabbing her arm.

"Hana--"

"Why?" she cuts. "Why did you--" she doesn't finish her sentence. Jaebum realizes her eyes are red and moist. She's holding back the tears.

"Am I a rebound to you?" she starts again. "Is this because of Hyeri?"

"No, it's not," Jaebum answers. His hand goes to her face, but she slaps it away. She even distances herself from him.

"Then why?"

"Because I like you," Jaebum confesses.

"No." Hana shakes her head. "It can't be..." It's like a revelation that she refuses to acknowledge. "You're all about Hyeri for the past months and now, suddenly, you like me? That's absurd."

"There's nothing between Hyeri and I!" Jaebum clarifies, yet she doesn't look convinced. He takes a step closer, hand still stretched out to touch her, but she backs away again. "Hana, please... Believe me."

She shakes her head. "I'm sorry... I can't-- This is a lot to take in. I'm just-- I'm sorry." She turns on her heels and runs off. Jaebum's legs too stiff to even move.

He watches her leave, then loses her in the sea of people.

---

It's another period of being stagnant. It's like staying afloat in the middle of the ocean, where there are no currents and neither ships nor helicopters to give help. Jaebum wonders if he'll drown anytime soon.

Hana hasn't contacted him, but he has seen her around on campus, all smiley with her friends. As if she has forgotten about him.

Like right now.

Jaebum has been staring at her face from across the cafeteria. He's seated at a corner, near a pillar which makes it easy for him to hide away. Besides, the lunch crowd is doing enough to block him. On the other hand, Hana sits at her usual spot -- the most secluded area of the cafeteria. No one likes that part, because it's far from the food stalls but she doesn't mind it one bit. She favors comfort to convenience.

Hana's hand goes up to her mouth, the action snaps Jaebum from his momentary haze. Her shoulders shake, her eyes forming crescents, and Jaebum can hear her laughter in the distant of his memories. He's envious, that he probably will never see her smile ever again. That her smiles will no longer be directed to him. His gaze must have been intense, for she turns her head to his direction. Their eyes meet and Jaebum sees how she was just glazing over the crowd to how she recognized him. Her eyes widen a little, her smile falters slightly, but her cheeks turn rosy, and Jaebum feels his heart skip a beat. Her eyes dart to one of her friends, before she glances at him again. This time, there's a small smile on her lips and Jaebum knows it's meant for him. In that moment, despite being in the midst of the crowd, Jaebum swears it's as if it's just the two of them in the world.

It's crazy how a simple smile is enough to make him happy. The next thing he knows, Hana stands, waving goodbye to her friends, but her attention goes back on him. She approaches him, goes through the crowd, eyes locked with his. His heart thumps in anticipation, perhaps. Not once did Jaebum look away.

She pulls the chair opposite him and takes the seat.

"Are you in a rush?" she speaks for the first time since that carnival date.

Jaebum shakes his head dumbly.

"Great," she breathes. "Listen, I-- Hyeri told me everything. Including that experiment of hers. Or yours."

Jaebum blinks. "I see..."

"But what I don't understand is... Why-- How did you even-- Why do you like me?" she asks after much difficulty in forming her words.

Jaebum sighs. "I can't say... I don't know either," Jaebum answers. His shoulders slump. He probably looks like a dog with droopy ears after being scolded. "When you left for your exchange program, I just-- I missed you, I guess. It felt different without you. And you refrained from talking to me. So did I. Then I saw photos of you with your friends and I-- I thought I was angry because you seemed to be unaffected by our fight. But I realized it's not anger at all... I was jealous. I envied every other guy that were close to you."

"And when I saw you again at the airport, you looked so beautiful, and I missed you so much that I just-- you know."

"And I kept wondering if I had feelings for you or if it was just some stupid passing thought. But when I asked you out to the carnival, I liked spending time with you. And I realized I liked you too," Jaebum finishes. His own face feels warm when he finally admits to his own feelings.

Hana reaches for Jaebum's hand that is resting on the table. She pats the back of his hand, before curling her fingers into the space between his index finger and thumb, lightly squeezing it. "Thank you, for telling me the truth."

She retracts her hand but Jaebum grabs it back, wants to keep it intertwined with his own fingers. Hana looks up at Jaebum, surprised. "Jaebum-ah, can you let me go?"

He doesn't know what that question means. He doesn't want to let her go. He doesn't want her to avoid him again. He doesn't want to feel invisible in her eyes again.

"I have a class now," Hana explains. "You need to let me go of my hand."

"Are you gonna avoid me again?" he asks, voice filled with worry, ignoring her words. "Do you hate me now?"

Her gaze softens. "I can never hate you, Jaebum-ah. Angry, yes, but never hate."

She pulls her hand, but not forcefully. His grip isn't that strong either, she could easily break free. But she doesn't try hard enough. Jaebum wonders why. Reluctantly, Jaebum loosens his hold. She slips off so easily, like water.

"What now?" Jaebum asks. He needs some closure after admitting his own feelings. He supposes Hana felt the same when she confessed.

"I don't know..." she trails, unsure. She nibbles her lower lip, cheeks slightly rosy. "But... do you want to try?"

"Try?"

She blushes, obvious despite her face being turned down. "Try being together with me?"

"What?"

Her skin flushes a deeper red, but she snaps her head up, eyes blazing with confidence. "Do you want to give us a try?"

"I-- Are you serious?"

She nods slowly.

A smile breaks onto his lips.

"Okay!"

She beams. She stands up, as she says, "I'll go for class now--"

But almost immediately, Jaebum stands up, nearly knocking his chair over. He grabs his bag and puts it on haphazardly, before walking over to her side of the table. She blinks up at him, rather confused.

"I'll walk you there," he says.

"Okay," is her answer, cheeks pink.

Jaebum purposely lets his hand brush against hers, let his shoulder knock against hers. He lets his fingers slip slowly between hers, and is pleased that she doesn't pull away. Instead, he feels her spreading her fingers so that he can easily intertwine their fingers. He folds his fingers tight over her knuckles, not wanting even any air to come in between.

When they reached her floor, the lecture theater just meters away, Jaebum halts in his tracks and lets go of her hand. Hana looks at him, confused. He takes a step closer, their breaths mingling. His hands go to the junction between her jaw and her neck, tilting her face up. Her eyes sparkle, her cheeks red. He leans forward, pressing a kiss on her forehead. Then another on her cheek. Then almost on her lips.

Her eyes that fluttered close open again, darts down to his lips. Jaebum doesn't close the gap. But there's a tug on his shirt, and he's pulled forward. The press against his lips feels soft and plush as he remembers.

Breaking apart, Hana breathes, "See you later?"

"Yeah," Jaebum lets out, as if all air has been sucked out from his lungs.

There's a shy smile on her lips, and then she disappears into the lecture theater. Jaebum stands in the corridor, smiling to himself. They have a lot to talk about later, but as of now, Jaebum doesn't mind. They have a lot to get used to, but that's fine. At least now, he has his best friend back.

And a girlfriend, too.

It's all good.

#got7 #got7 jaebum #got7 im jaebum #got7 scenarios #got7 jaebum scenarios #got7 im jaebum scenarios #jaebum #im jaebum #im jaebum scenarios #jaebum scenarios

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midtownsparker · 7 years ago

Text

fortune’s fool; p.p.- 2

peter parker x reader

A/N: moving to my main from @midtownsparker-archive

requested: nope

Words: 2000+

Warnings: cursing, mentions of sex, mentions of drinking, mentions of death

summary: Two Empire State University students fated to meet

let me know if you’d like to be added to my tag list!

requests are open!

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | masterlist

2. Understanding-

21 year old Peter, 19 year old reader

She woke with her head buried in stark white sheets, a rhythmic thrumming pounding against the base of her skull as she tried to gather her thoughts. She was definitely not in her own room, but the scent that surrounded her cocooned body was a familiar one, and the easy, measured breaths that she could hear from beyond her wall of pillows was a symphony she’d learned by heart.

With a groan, she turned on her side and pushed away the pile of blankets that separated herself from her best friend’s body. His bare chest rose and fell, faint puffs of air escaping his slightly-opened mouth every so often. Soft curls fell across his peaceful face that lay smooth and unwrinkled as he slept.

This wasn’t the first time that she’d woken up in the same bed as Peter Parker. It was, however, the first time she’d found herself naked and twisted in his sheets. She couldn’t say that she was surprised. They’d been the closest of friends for over a year now, and they both knew that some sort of consummation of their friendship was inevitable.

It didn’t worry her. She knew that what had happened wasn’t serious, and therefore, that nothing about their relationship would change. She knew that Peter knew that, too.

That’s why it happened, she supposed. Because they both knew it wouldn’t ruin anything. It was bound to happen some day, anyway. Instead of worrying, she was content to lay in the peaceful silence until Peter woke up and they’d have to talk.

She breathed in the cool morning air that blew through the slightly opened window and caused the sheer white curtains to flutter. The rest of Manhattan was surely awake by now, evidenced by the honking of horns and shouting from street corners. This was what she loved most about Peter’s apartment. The building was squished between another apartment complex and a multi-level shopping center, which was all smack in the middle of the bustling city, one that she’d come to love, perhaps even more than her own home of Long Island.

His own space, however, was a simplistic haven that was just so him that she found herself spending more time at his place than her own home.

“Just move in already,” is what he’d said once on a warm morning after she’d slept over for the fourth night in a row.

“No, you’d get sick of me!” she’d laughed. He disagreed, but they never spoke about it again. Still, she continued to spend days on end flitting between his kitchen and his sofa and his bedroom, working on her own things, simply coexisting with Peter and not depending too much on his presence to get her own stuff done.

Most often, she could be found sitting on his bed with her textbooks and notes spread around her, all marked in her own code of colored highlighters as she studied or worked on homework while Peter sat at his desk, focused intently on his own work and typing away madly on his laptop, stopping only to remind her to stretch or drink some water or grab a snack. That was just Peter, though; the caring guy she’d met over a year ago who had saved her from days of hauling boxes and who still cared more than anybody else and always thought of her needs before his own.

She loved him, she guessed, but in the purest of ways. She couldn’t stand to lose him, and he felt the same way, because they both knew that the ease of their relationship was not a common thing. They never actively sought anything more from one another, believing that if something was meant to happen, it would happen. For now, they both coveted the freedom they had to see other people, and the knowledge that they still had the other to come back to and laugh about awkward dates and terrible hookups with.

“It’s easier this way,” she’d said. “I don’t want to start anything if I can’t commit my whole being to you.” “I agree,” was his reply. ‘We both love this whole ‘young college student’ phase too much for us to really be able to give everything to one another like we deserve. Besides, as long as I’ve got you as my best friend, I couldn’t really ask for more.”

Then they’d smiled, Peter with that bright, dazzling thing that you could see from miles away, and her with something soft and shared with him, like a secret she seemed to reserve only for Peter, and then they turned back to their work which had been abandoned only minutes ago.

Sighing softly, she let her eyes trace over Peter’s still-sleeping figure. She wished, sometimes, that they’d met ten years later, when she knew who she was and what she wanted, and she’d be able to love him fully like he deserved. She still wasn’t expecting more from him, but she think it might have been better, knowing their intentions from the beginning.

She didn’t know, though, if he’d be her same Peter. His “after school hobby”, as he’d called it, wasn’t easy on him. She’d seen how much it changed him, even within the short year that they’d known each other. He was more quiet, more self aware. He’d seen horrors and faced death, and there was no one who really understood it, that he was still a kid that had to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.

She did her best to listen when he needed her to, when days were dark and he just needed to get things off his chest. He’d told her about Liz and the Vulture and the homecoming night that happened so long ago that changed him forever. He told her about the innocent people that he could’ve, would’ve, should’ve saved, but let their lives slip through his fingers, and how each one weighed heavily on him, every one of them a cold, unbeating heart that couldn’t speak the words of condemnation that he knew they should. He told her about his visits to the graveyards around his city where he stood before their graves and cried tears that he didn’t deserve to cry and apologized profusely, knowing that his words would do nothing to bring them back.

And she would listen. She would let him cry onto her shoulder while she ran soothing fingers through tangled, sweat soaked curls, easing that beautiful mind in its state of turmoil. And then he would push his face deep into her chest while she cradled his head and pressed soft kisses to his hairline while his body racked with sobs.

Who would he be without her? He couldn’t be like this with Ned, couldn’t confide in him like he did with her. MJ would tell him to take his feelings out on the punching bag that hung in the back room of his apartment. He couldn’t even begin to talk to May about it in fear of worrying her half to death. She knew that. She knew everything. And so she became his rock, his unmovable force that he knew would always, always be there for him.

If she wasn’t though? Who would he confide in? Who would ease his pain and help him carry his burden? If it had been ten years later, who knew that he’d even be alive? That there was even a possibility of them meeting at all?

He’d certainly be different. Not the same shining light that she’d come to know so well. Knowing him, he’d let him get lost in his selflessness, his need to be a hero, and push himself further and further into this other version of himself. She didn’t ever want to meet this version of Peter, and so she fought to keep him Peter and not just Spider-Man.

So far, she thinks she’s doing alright. He’s still paranoid at times, always checking over his shoulder, wrapping a protective arm around her waist when they’re out late, but he’s also trying, she knows. He visits Aunt May every weekend, takes a trip to Uncle Ben’s grave once a month, hangs out with his friends regularly. She thinks he’s doing great, all things considered.

Peter began to stir on his side of the bed, a soft groan emitting from beneath the protection of the covers. He rolled over to face her, opening one eye slowly and allowing himself to adjust to the bright light that was now streaming through the window.

“Whatimezit?” he mumbled, pushing his head up to eye her unclothed body. “Wha’d we do last night?”

“We had sex,” she spoke bluntly, giving him a small shrug. “We can talk about it, if you want.”

“Rather not, actually,” he groaned, pushing his head back into his pillow. “How much did I drink?”

“Well, you took three tequila shots straight out of the gate then shotgunned a beer and I kind of lost count after your fifth mixed drink, so I’d say you were sufficiently smashed by the end of the night. Not that I was any better, mind you,” she recalled, stomach churning at the thought of that last beer.

“I feel like absolute shit,” Peter grumbled, face muffled by the fabric of the pillowcase.

“You look it,” she joked, scooting over so they were shoulder to shoulder, pressed together like sardines.

“Hey, not nice,” he pouted, turning his neck so their faces were mere inches away from each other. He smiled at her, breathing in as he spoke again. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Of course,” she responded. “We’ve talked about this before. As long as none of our feelings have changed, I think that we can both move past this.”

“Good. Now who’s making breakfast? Because I really don’t wanna get up right now, but if I don’t have something drenched in grease and hopefully some sort of cheese, my stomach will start eating itself,” Peter remarked, kicking her leg lightly under the sheets.

“Not me! I made you dinner before we left last night,” she answered, returning his kick.

“Let’s just order something in and that way we can stay in bed until it arrives,” he suggested.

“Fine, but you’re paying,” she insisted, and he agreed, allowing the peaceful silence to fall upon them again.

“I’m glad you’re my best friend,” he remarked after the silence settled, pulling her body closer to his with one hand.

“Don’t let Ned hear you say that,” she cautioned teasingly. She knew that Peter’s relationship with Ned was different than the one they had, but was still just as strong, and probably even stronger considering their history. She didn’t mind sharing his attention. She loved Ned just as much as Peter, and she was glad that he still had a close friend from home that always had his back no matter what.

“Ned knows it’s true. He doesn’t mind, I think. Ever since he and MJ picked up those jobs at the Rec Center, they’ve been closer than ever. Now they both gang up on me rather than just MJ,” Peter whined.

“To be fair, though, you deserve it more often than not,” she joked, nudging his shoulder.

“That’s probably true,” he sighed. “Anyway, I meant it. You’re the best person I know. Thank you,” he stated, reaching down to squeeze her hand.

“Thank you,” she responded. “You’ve done so much for me Peter. I’m so lucky to have you.” She smiled and squeezed his hand back, her grin only growing when he leaned over to press a kiss against her forehead.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

“One of us should really put some clothes on before we freak out this delivery guy,” Peter mused quietly, not moving at all.

“Yes, one of us should definitely put clothes on and get the food right now,” she looked at him pointedly.

“Fine,” he grumbled, sliding out of bed and pulling a pair of flannel pants on while she watched him in amusement, following his movements until he was out the door. Yes, she certainly was lucky to have Peter in her life.

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