#(he learned it from xiazi <3)< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[heymeowmao]

介子鬼城 | Conjuring Curse (2023), dir. Chen Juli

[traineecryptid]

NPSS Weibo Q&A (20240831) Part 8

This is a Q&A session held on Weibo. People will tag their questions with the hashtag #南派三叔藏海花在线答疑# (#NPSS Zang Hai Hua Online Q&A#) and NPSS will look through the tag to pick some to answer. The event started at 1500 hours on 2024 August 31st.

Folder with screenshots and big compilation google doc is here. Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. Part 5 is here. Part 6 is here. Part 7 is here.

20240902

1233

Why do people say that Tianshou is angsty? #Web Drama Zang Hai Hua# #NPSS explains Tianshou# [Video] 

1508

Q: I want to know if there are two forces of Tianshou, both good and bad sides respectively: Gate guarding Tianshou (good) and Lu God's Tianshou (bad). 

A: You're a little smart.

1509

Q: Shu, if little Zhang Qiling was in a tomb one second and transmigrated into his Yucun self the next second with his feet in the same foot bath as Wu Xie’s, what would his first sentence be?

A: A demon!

1510

Q: I will watch Zang Hai Hua for you… Don’t stop answering, okay…

A: I’m still persevering.

1511

Q: A-Bing, did you know that Zang Hai Hua will stop updating for 3 days? Do you still want your Heat Index or not! (T/N: Heat Index is the ranking/ trending-ness of a drama.)

A: I’m not the boss. It’s not my decision to make!

1537

Q: Hello, Xu-laoshi. Since you said that you won’t be writing “Yucun Biji” anymore (If there’s going to be 9 more Yucun Biji published, then you don’t have to read this post because Yucun Biji is my favorite out of the entire series), can I beg you for an Altay Biji? I wish to see the Iron Triangle’s nomadic life: Menyouping riding a motorcycle to Ürümqi to buy stuff (could also go from a summer ranch to some village). Wu Xie would be in charge of raising cats and dogs and chickens and goats and cows. Pangzi would be in charge of steaming lamb and barbecuing lamb chop. When they don’t want to herd the animals anymore, they can plant sunflowers. Wu Xie can use his architectural talents and build underground houses and learn a few Kazakh words…  

A: I’ve been to Altay. The life there is like the original series and not Yucun.

1540

Q: Laoshi, Sir, Genius Writer, do you know how amazing the Flowery Night you wrote is? How did you do it? Are you Team Experience or Team Imagination? Has a beautiful god descended in the middle of the night and kissed the keyboard you wrote Flowery Night on?

A: Those who understand Flowery Night are experts.

1553 Q: I just took a nap and Shu got online. With the drama updates on hold for three days, will you chat with us for three days?

A: On and off, I guess. I’m deathly busy. I want to cry.

1554

Q: Sanshu, Sanshu, what is the one thing that Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi did that angered the other the most? Please tell me.

A: That would be enough for ten books.

1858

Q: Would there be one day where the Iron Triangle gets poisoned after eating some unknown mushrooms?

A: It would if Xiaoge isn’t around.

1858

Q: Shu, would there be updates for Queen’s Banquet? Approximately when would the updates start? Wu Xie is about to go moldy being stuck in that hole.

A: Soon. I need to pick a good desk.

1900

Q: Sanshu, Sanshu, does Wu Xie have any children appropriate de-stressing methods? The kind that can be broadcasted.

A: Standing in the rain?

20240903

0509

Q: The cat didn’t survive but if the cat did survive, would Xiaohua keep it? Or would he give it to Xiazi to raise?

A: Xiaohua wouldn’t interfere with the cat’s karma.

0510

Q: Shu, I really went to Louwailou to eat their West Lake Vinegar Fish during 817. The taste was unforgettable… The restaurant was full of Daomis. Do you have anything you would like to say to the Daomis who have been violently beaten up by the Vinegar Fish?

A: I’ve heard that every fish that was made into a Vinegar Fish has died in vain?

1259

Q: No updates for three days, you could say that this is a version of Three Days in Silence.

A: You sure know how to meme…

and here's part two if today's double update! we've caught up to 3rd September now! hooray! and this is 120 posts (less than 120 questions)... theres... an amount to go... but! whittling! making progress! yay!

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

3 Lost Tomb Characters’ Guides to Dealing With Wu/Nine Families Issues

Xie Yuchen

1.) Money can’t buy happiness, but it can find tomb raids, which are happy (?) and can support your aesthetic needs. You’re really into jewel tones right now, and it’s reflected in the gear for your next outing. You tried to avoid bringing Wu Xie, both for the disruption to the aesthetic and your sanity, but somehow the most oblivious man alive has a knack for showing up in the wrong place always.

2.) Opera is a coping mechanism and a hobby. Additionally, you look great in the costumes. Work it. Certainly a plus to show up at a Nine Families meeting in full attire, Wang Pangzi always applauds your entrance with a standing ovation and Huo Xiuxiu takes video of people’s reactions. The only time you were upstaged was when Wu San Xing, who was supposedly dead (again) at the time, strutted into a meeting at the very end and cast his vote on something before strutting right back out. You can appreciate the power move there.

3.) Tread a fine balance between helping your beloved friend Wu Xie and avoiding the death stares of his boyfriend when you stop by the house. Being dragged on your back through the desert was humiliating, but Zhang Qiling sharpening his sword at the dinner table while staring at you is terrifying. It doesn’t help that Wu Xie’s mini-me Li Cu, who also seems to suspect you of trying to purloin his adopted father, keeps referring to you as the Pink Panther. Hei Xiazi somehow found out and now life is hell.

4.) Despite your better instincts, get your own immortal emo boyfriend, even if Hei Xiazi is an absolute imbecile and aspiring sugar baby. Remind yourself about that vague crush you had (and will probably always have) on Wu Xie, the overwhelming evidence points to you being a morosexual. Hei Xiazi is…a challenge. But as Huo Xiuxiu points out more than once, you’d never be able to date someone who was easy or uncomplicated.

5.) It’s okay that you aren’t the chosen heir to lead the nine families. It’s okay that you aren’t the chosen heir to lead the nine families. It’s okay that you aren’t the chosen heir to lead the nine families. Repeat mantra until it sounds true. Note that there are probably worse choices than Wu Xie out there, you just need to time to think of some.

Li Cu

1.) Always remind yourself that technically you aren’t related to any of these fucking insane idiots. Always remind yourself that being related to someone doesn’t mean they’re family anyway.

2.) Try to avoid The Drama when you can—sure, it’s how you got into this mess to begin with, but more importantly you can’t be bothered to deal with The Shoes of The Lettuce King or whatever new bullshit they’re all obsessed with digging up. Shit’s crazy. Inevitably you’ll get involved somehow, but put it off while you can.

3.) You are Team Wu Xie. Doesn’t matter if some other family’s representative tries to go behind his back to try to steal your loyalty with money (fuck right off, boomers), or try to convince you that Wu Xie is a dangerous man to follow (whoa no shit wow really?? good to know, never would have guessed), or claim their group can offer you a place to belong (you have a place now and you know exactly where it is, it’s noisy and dusty and creaky and always smells like homemade soup). You always note down the representatives’ names, Pangzi has a notebook for it that he titled The Shady B*tches Burn Book.

4.) Zhang Qiling is the coolest person ever. Like yeah shit was awkward af at first but like. So cool. Last month, when those creeps broke in? Handled. With ease (this is also the night you learned Wang Meng has a frying pan weapon “from last time” and zero fucks left to give). It’s weird, feeling safe. Xiao Ge just has that effect. You kinda get why Wu Xie was so batshit determined to get him back.

5.) Bring your college friends to the Nine Families meetings. It freaks everyone out and they could use the new blood (metaphorically).

Liu Sang

1.) Your Idol lives at Wushanju part-time, when he’s not off on missions or wandering. You accept that going to see Zhang Qiling necessarily involves being force fed Pangzi’s new recipe and half-listening to Wu Xie babbling about grave etchings. Meanwhile Wang Meng color-codes your modeling schedule, Li Cu steals half your food (while making full eye contact) and Kan Jian blushingly sling-shots flower petals into your hair. You might as well move in here, Wu Xie suggests casually one day, and you don’t really have a good argument against it. Wu Xie wants to keep his people close, you realize, and you try not to feel too warm about that.

2.) Always attend the meetings when there is tension. The Wu family is unpopular with most of the other families on a good day…you know they can technically handle themselves but their heir is also a train-wreck who has almost lost all his possessions several times while pursuing goals so the family needs some nice, sensible, super hearing allies.

3.) Xiao Bai and Kan Jian come to all of your modeling shows. Your Idol came exactly once—some designer excitedly tried to recruit him for modeling and he literally climbed out a window to leave the conversation. Still, it is nice to have friends come to your shows, and you save seats for them. You always save extra shoot pictures at their request and it’s a smug and definitely not at all heart-fluttery moment when you see Kan Jian has given your picture pride of place on his dresser.

4.) Allies come in all forms. After your ears get damaged, Huo Daofu is the one who somehow fixes everything while bitching loudly about how no one around here can stay healthy for five minutes the entire time, and you kind of get his deal a little. He leaves you his card, which according to Pangzi is an offer of lifelong friendship, and leaves Wu Xie the bill (which seems astronomical until you figure out their whole situation nowadays, wherein Huo Daofu would be shocked and borderline angry if Wu Xie ever actually tried to pay him back).

5.) Training with the real, actual Zhang Qiling is the best thing ever, so it’s a little disappointing one day when Wu Xie suggests he could spar with you instead for a change. You are a little concerned (and not-so-secretly excited) about kicking his ass in front of your idol. It’s not a surprise that Wu Xie fights dirty, but it is a surprise that Wu Xie beats you. By out-thinking you every step of the way. It’s both humbling and (you will take this to your grave) incredibly hot. From that point on you alternate fight-sparring with Idol and strategy-sparring with Wu Xie. Wu Erbai sends you The Art of War as a birthday present, which you realize—that is the signal that you’ve been fully welcomed into the fold.

[thosch3i]

Xiao Yuliang Interview [Eng Trans]

[Photo: XYL’s dog]

so remember this post? yeah well i wound up doing a mostly full translation of the entire 6 minute interview on twitter. some parts are paraphrased and a few details were skipped bc he sometimes repeated himself and there were one or two details i wasn’t 100% sure of, but other than that an eng transcript of the full interview is below the cut:

1. Introduce your role in "Ultimate Note"?

XYL: In Ultimate Note I play Zhang Qiling, Xiaoge.

2. What kind of impression does this character leave in your heart?

XYL: Before, I thought he was a really strong, and then a very cool, and then a very cold/detached person. But later, I finished reading the novel and read the script, and I felt like he's someone who lets your heart ache for him. The feeling he gives me--because once I was reading the script in a car, and I almost wanted to cry for him, because he's always searching for the things he's lost. And he's very strong, but he wasn't born strong; he also went through a lot, and he made himself strong. He can bleed, and he can get hurt; it's just that he doesn't say anything, and he doesn't show that he's in pain.

3. Talk about the initial pressure of receiving this role?

XYL: When I got this role, the pressure was really really big, but I also thought I was pretty lucky, because I'd played Zhang Qiling before, and I get to play him again, and I think that's pretty lucky. But the pressure is too big, on set right now, the pressure is very big.

4. Netizens were pretty satisfied with your performance; have you seen these comments?

XYL: When Sha Hai was airing, I saw their comments. Some of them approved, and I was happy, but others--like, saying some suggestions or opinions--I also looked at them. I also looked at the performances of other actors who played Zhang Qiling and comments on their performances. I used them as a reference, and I learned from the experiences/evaluations of others.

5. What was the greatest challenge of playing Zhang Qiling?

XYL: The biggest challenge is that there are too few lines. It's really hard to act! [Xiaoge] has some expressions where it's just, you can't make them too obvious or too "unrestrained" because his actions are also very restrained, but if you're too restrained then everyone just thinks you don't have any reactions. And the editors are also very hardworking, because they'll have 4 pages, and I won't have a single line, just reactions. The others will talk for 10 minutes, and I'll just be reacting. [Xiaoge] is a person with few/no words, but with his whole heart, he wants to go care for others...it's very difficult; this "no lines" is very difficult. Another thing is fight scenes are very difficult, and the weather is too hot.

6. What are some scenes that left the deepest impression on you?

XYL: Like when it's 3am, and we're running through a wild river, the water is all up to our waists, and we don't know what's underground. I was just afraid there were snakes, you know? Nothing we can do, just run. And there's also, because the filming location is at Xishuangbanna, there really are snakes. We've seen snakes etc on set, so we were afraid accidents would happen. Thankfully they didn't. And there was also when we were rubbing mud on our faces during the hot day. Actually, what we were rubbing was chocolate paste. When the chocolate on our faces dried, we spread on more, and it feels like you've become a "chocolate person", not a "mud person". I also tasted it--the BTS side clips recorded it; the taste is okay. [t/n: here is a link to that clip]

7. How did it feel working with the other actors in the crew?

XYL: Liu Yuning-laoshi [t/n: Hei Xiazi] is really nice. He doesn't have a temper, and he's a very calm and tranquil person. I think he's really nice. Xiao Xi [t/n: lit. “Little Xi”, nickname for Zeng Shunxi aka Wu Xie] is a little mischievous. Xiao Xi likes to stir up trouble on set and play around. In any case he plays around with Pangzi and me, but Liu Yuning-laoshi is more tranquil, not quite the same as [his character] in the show.

8. Before you posted a vlog caring for your pet on Weibo, why don't you introduce your pet?

XYL: My dog's name is a character I played once; my mom named him. Because we'd just finished filming that show, and then my mom got a dog, so she just called him my name in the show. Tell me, isn't that annoying? [t/n: drama was called 反骗天下/Fan Pian Tian Xia and his role was called 米若/Mi Ruo; his dog is apparently called 米诺/Mi Nuo.]

9. You've been an actor for awhile now; can you discuss what being an actor feels like?

XYL: Initially, before I became an actor, I thought, "Oh, cool". Everyday you're just, wow, holding weapons, cool! But now I think it's so hard. Especially while shooting this show, I got a sty for a month, and it's still not better even now. [t/n: you can definitely see the swelling under his eye in ep1] I think this sty is from accepting this role, or because of work. In any case, it's still not better. But it's no problem; thankfully, my hair can cover it. You also have to be careful of safety on set; real blades can slice open your hands. Once, I wasn't careful and cut my wrist, but thankfully the doctor's stitching skills were pretty good. When he was still stitching, I even said, "Doctor, you have to stitch it well, okay, I'm an actor, I use this hand to perform", and he said "Okay". After the stitches were done, he asked me, "Are you satisfied with the stitches?" The results were pretty good; it didn't really leave a scar.

10. Finally, promote this show to our fans.

XYL: You all have to watch our "Ultimate Note", because filming was really tough, and we've diligently tried to accomplish these three roles [t/n: the iron triangle, I’m assuming] and later on some of the the details of many of the books. I hope you will see similarities to the novel in some of the show's scenes.

and we are done! so yeah, i think his take on xiaoge’s character was the most important part, but some of the other stuff (listening to him complain about some things lmao) was kinda funny too. im still laughing about the whole ‘im an actor i need this hand to perform’ bit bc dude you literally sliced yourself open w a knife badly enough to need stitches but that’s your first priority???? glad you’re dedicated to your job though i guess but LOL

Quick question/answer:

1. What do you want to say to Zhang Qiling?

XYL: Xiaoge, you've worked hard.

2. Who from the show would you pick to go with you on an adventure?

XYL: I’ll choose...I'll choose Pangzi, because he'll definitely bring food. And he's fat, and he's pretty joyful, oh right, I can also bully him.

3. Describe the level of your cooking skills.

XYL: Cooking skills? The rank of instant noodles. Just boiling instant noodles, then adding the flavor packets, and then tomatoes, eggs...instant noodles.

4. If you're not restricted, what kind of role do you most want to play?

XYL: If I'm not restricted, then I want to play that guy who, in the morning, is just delivering takeout or is really well-behaved and wears glasses, that type, and then at night he pushes his hair back like this [xyl mimes pushing his hair back], and he starts to....different types...in any case, like split personalities, right, split personalities.

5. A sentence to describe your ideal life.

XYL: My family and I are healthy, and I have enough money to go live a normal life, eat/drink whatever I want, travel with my family, and just grow up slowly.

oh right additional note, in zsx's interview, when asked which character he'd take, he said xiaoge without hesitation. and the interviewer asked if he wanted to know who xiaoge picked and zsx was all "he didn't pick me did he...I'll be leaving now, thank you~" 😂

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

10 Things that Have Not Happened in the Lost Tomb Series Canon But Definitely Have: My Super Legit Headcanons

1.) *prayer circle for pingxie*

2.) Pan Zi isn’t dead. He and Wu San Xing have retired to a village, all is going well, then of course his friggin nephew moves in down the road. With his “friends.”

3.) Once he accepts that “my nephew kinda went insane briefly and stole a kid, “Wu Erbai loves playing video games with Li Cu.

4.) Wu Xie got wasted one night and typed up a complete manuscript titled “Xiao Ge and Me.” Pangzi, also drunk, wrote the foreword. The manuscript has since disappeared but duplicates have been seen in the homes of Huo XiuXiu and (oddly enough) Zhang Rishan. Liu Sang loudly ridiculed the very idea but soon after was spotted at a cafe, reading what looked suspiciously like an autographed copy.

5.) Pangzi makes three different coffees every morning for Wu Xie, Xiao Ge, and himself. He personally prefers it plain and cheap, whatever is on sale—having decades of tomb raiding experience, he learned early that was often all you get and he got hooked on it. Wu Xie gets a spoonful of honey in his nice stuff (nice in the sense that Hei Xiazi brought it one day and smiled innocently “how much did you pay for it”). It’s one of Pangzi’s favorite things about this post-Thunder City life, the knowledge that when he looks up, Wu Xie will be absently swirling honey in his drink while reading at the table in the morning, all healthy and content. Xiao Ge stated (with his eyes, you know all the detailed and understandable communication he does with his eyes) that he has no need for special coffee. However, after a coffee cart mixup one day where he wound up with the wrong order, Xiao Ge privately developed a love for caramel macchiatos. Pangzi provides it in colorful mugs for him. He doesn’t say it aloud, but the monochromatic warrior with a sword who huddles up around his whipped cream topped mug? Adorable.

6.) Hei Xiazi once worked as a nanny.

7.) Zhang Rishan once heard a rumor that Wu Xie was going to be taking on an exploration soon and immediately closed the tea house indefinitely “for insurance reasons.”

8.) it’s not that Xiao Ge and Xie Yuchen don’t get along. They do! Really! There’s just…not much in common outside of Wu Xie. One is the monochrome-dressing pretty-faced leader of his family who had to grow up way too fast and has a weird bond with Hei Xiazi and the other—oh wait. Once they figure this out, there are tentative, occasional lunches. Hei Xiazi is never invited and shows up every time.

9.) Wang Meng has invested really well over the years and doesn’t actually need to work for Wu Xie, he just sticks around because this moron keeps wandering off and needs supervision and for someone to deal with accountants (after The Incident of 2019, wherein some accountant got so enraged with Wu Xie’s, well, personality that he unwisely made a vague and meaningless threat over the speakerphone to “beat your ass” and then spent a week feeling like he was being watched from several rooftops wherever he went).

10.) Xiao Bai started the tea house rumor, made and distributed the copies of the Xiao Ge and Me manuscript, and alerted Xiao Ge to the accountant situation. Wu San Xing is oddly charmed by her whenever they meet.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from The Lost Tomb, part 3

I didn’t mean for this to stray into angst but like the lack of updates with Li Cu in LTR?? I had to do it to em.

Wushanju Crew Chat, 11:05pm

Li Cu: what’s up losers I’m outside

Li Cu: someone come on and open the damn door

Wang Meng: Language:(

Li Cu: fine, someone come on and open the damn door please

Snake Eyes Chat, 7:00am

Wu Xie: hey are you awake? Sorry I missed you coming in:) was finishing up some work. How was the end of your first semester? Did that geology paper go well? Did the food budget work out or do you need some extra money next semester?

Li Cu: yeah about your work

Li Cu: heard a little rumor

Li Cu: about you going through some stuff during ur recent trip

Li Cu: some stuff you maybe forgot to mention

Li Cu: and you told me we gotta check in with stuff, so this is me checking in, okay

Wu Xie: oh? What stuff?

Li Cu: idk just like

Li Cu: THE STUFF WITH YOU ALMOST FUCKING DYING FOR FUCKING MONTHS AND THE WAREHOUSE SHIT AND ERJING AND PEOPLE HURT YOU AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A THUNDER CITY AND NOONE FUCKING CALLED ME ABT THOSE PARTS ONCE

Wu Xie: oh. That stuff.

Li Cu: yeah asshat I’m in the kitchen whenever you’re ready to explain your fucking bullshit. Also you’re out of milk wtf how am I supposed to make breakfast here

Main Chat, 11:14am

Wu Xie: okay so it’s possible I fucked up a little bit.

Wang Pangzi: THERES JUST SO MUCH YOU COULD BE REFERRING TO I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START

Zhang Qiling: What’s wrong?

Honorary Wu Chat, 11:30am

Wang Pangzi: KID IM SO SORRY THAT PUNK IS A TRAINWRECK BUT YOU KNEW THAT

Wang Meng: Welcome home, Li Cu <3 not much has changed, ultimately.

Wang Pangzi: IT DIDNT EVEN OCCUR TO ME THAT HE WOULDNT TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT IT ONCE THE REST OF US FIGURED IT OUT

WAIT HOW DID YOU FIND OUT

Li Cu: it’s okay. not your fault, uncle. Doesn’t matter how I found out. Wait wait hold on what do you mean “the rest of us figured it out” who figured it out

Wang Pangzi: SAY HELLO LIU SANG

Liu Sang: …hello.

Wang Pangzi: SAY MORE THAN THAT.

Liu Sang: uh…so you’re Wu Xie’s protégé, huh?

Li Cu: oh well howdy there homewrecker

Liu Sang: Excuse me??

Zhang Qiling: I think someone on the roof is calling me and I should go find out.

Wang Meng: I would also very much like to be removed from this conversation.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHAHA KIDDO IVE MISSED YOU

Li Cu: all I’m saying is aren’t you the little creep who’s obsessed with Xiao Ge

Liu Sang: ???

Zhang Qiling: Li Cu is referring to a brief period of irrational thought on Wu Xie’s part, where he mistakenly believed you to be a threat to our relationship.

Liu Sang: what do you mean a threat??

Wang Pangzi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN TIANZHEN HAD “A BRIEF PERIOD OF IRRATIONAL THOUGHT”

YOUVE MET YOUR HUSBAND RIGHT

Wang Meng: can you please take me off this chat.

Liu Sang: Wait, so Wu Xie told you about me, but…reading between the lines, he didn’t mention the cancer or anything bad that happened? Oh yikes.

Li Cu: don’t change the subject “Liu Sang”

if that is your real name

Like yeah you’re right abt it but still

just saying

heard you got good ears but I’ve got snake powers

kinda

so like no more funny business okay you superhearing harlot

Wang Meng: LANGUAGE, LI CU. IN THIS HOUSE WE SHOW GOOD MANNERS.

Wang Pangzi: LMAO OH DO WE NOW

Zhang Qiling: Li Cu, this is all unnecessary and childish. Please apologize.

Li Cu: you say that now bruh but apparently you weren’t complaining when he was all “idol this” and “idol that”

oh and hey Wang Meng while we’re here can I show you my business class grade report later bc Wu Xie is all “what matters is that you learned and enjoyed the experience” blah blah all eat pray love you know how he gets and I want to actually discuss areas to improve so that when I take over this joint I do better than Wu Xie? Tho that shouldnt be hard lol

Wang Meng: hurtful but accurate. I’ll bring my best red pen:)

Liu Sang: oh my god. I’m too jetlagged to keep up with any of this.

Wang Pangzi: BEST. DAY. EVER. IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR HEI XIAZI.

Not A Homewrecker Chat, 11:52am

Liu Sang: Okay, we started off on the wrong foot.

Li Cu: I agree let’s start over

Start with how your little prank game almost got ppl killed

Liu Sang: And I seriously regret that. But we moved past that.

Wow, he seriously skipped over so much bullshit but didn’t skimp on mine, huh.

Li Cu: AHA so you ADMIT IT

Liu Sang: I’d like to think I’ve grown since then. That I’ve come to see Xiao Ge as a person and mentor, rather than an idol. I count Pangzi and Wu Xie as my close friends. I’m going to be staying here with them right now, I hope you can be okay with that.

Li Cu: see in my head you were going to be a lot less mature about it and I had a bunch of great follow-up insults planned

Liu Sang: I figured. I’d like us to be friends, though. Or at least not enemies.

Li Cu: okay but only bc you don’t know me yet so you won’t judge too much for this and I need to get this out to somebody I’ve been thinking about it for hours and my friends are still in finals and I’m stressing a little bit maybe

Liu Sang: ?

Li Cu: I yelled at dad

*Wu Xie sorry autocorrect

Liu Sang: …uh huh.

Li Cu: I yelled at him earlier. for keeping all that stuff from me. He started crying

Liu Sang: Wu Xie has been pretty emotional since we got back. Not necessarily your fault.

Li Cu: I made him cry right there at the kitchen sink and it felt like maybe the worst thing I’ve ever done

Snake venom and stabbings, no tears

Me saying I wouldn’t have gone to his funeral, all tears

Which I know was shitty to say but I was really mad

Liu Sang: If it’s any consolation, I think Wu Xie can understand the concept of being led by his emotions to make bad decisions…better than most people.

Li Cu: Xiao Ge came in then and looked weird

Like weirder than usual

Like he didn’t know which of us to be more mad at

Liu Sang: A common problem for the iron triangle, I understand.

Li Cu: I just ran out I didn’t have words right then and I feel stupid

but whenever they come back from their walk I’m gonna say sorry and stuff bc i could’ve come home to his funeral and I’m mad about it but also like. I could have come home to his funeral. I can get mean when I’m in a freakout mood. It’s not like I was scared or anything at all I don’t get scared really anymore ever but just like. Freaked out.

Liu Sang: He’s probably going to say sorry, too.

Li Cu: sorry I called you a homewrecker. Didn’t mean to slut-shame either

Liu Sang: I admit that after the initial shock, it was pretty funny. Super hearing harlot, it should be on my business card;)

Li Cu: this situation with Wu Xie is weird but kinda good ya know. And I have these freakouts sometimes that something maybe bad could happen to this situation. So consider this a shovel talk. But like, also not a shovel talk at the same time.

also I appreciate you saving his life and whatnot

Liu Sang: Noted. Now. Coffee?

Li Cu: sounds sick.

Be in the kitchen in 10. You can pick out what we watch for the household tv show tonight. no way is Wu Xie choosing some dry documentary about gravestone rubbings again. Pangzi just watches real housewives reruns and Xiao Ge won’t watch tv after he caught the last half hour of A Walk To Remember. Also i need my phone now to send some $ to Hei Xiazi since I owe him for…providing some intel

Liu Sang: Not even surprised.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.3

Might fuck around and post the third part, it was supposed to be a one post tale but here we are

Wu Family Chat

Wu Erbai: One of you boys needs to update me right now, or I’m taking a squad to Zhang Rishan’s restaurant.

Wu San Xing: the fuck is going on my phone is blowing up and I haven’t even disappeared

Panzi: Sir, what’s the problem? Have the Zhangs moved against us?

Wu San Xing: if this is some domestic shit i s2g there is only room in this family for one asshole mess, Wu Xie is gonna have to be content with being the himbo mess, i want it on record

Wu Erbai: How lovely to see where your priorities are. Report in, you three, or I will take drastic steps.

Wang Pangzi: OKAY FOLKSES SO THE KINDA-SITUATION IS SOMEWHAT UNDER CONTROL MAYBE

Wu Erbai: …elaborate.

Wu Xie: hey uncle, I’m okay! Don’t worry:)

Wu Erbai: I will be the judge of that. Tell me what on earth is happening.

Panzi: Wu Xie, do you need us? I can have someone there in under ten minutes.

Wu Xie: nope, all good! If you send them your people might see some er cosmetic shifts to the building and also smoke but that’s just from Xiao Ge using his sword and the smoke grenade they threw and maybe that explosion later:)

Wu San Xing: see he’s fine

Wang Pangzi: SO ESSENTIALLY THE SHITSHOW DE JOUR IS A NECKLACE THAT WAS FOUND RECENTLY IN A ZHANG TOMB IT IS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THE WEARER, SPECIFICALLY A ZHANG WEARER

AND FROM WHAT WE HAVE SURMISED IT ACTIVATED LAST WEEK RIGHT AROUND THE TIME TIANZHEN GOT SICK. AND APPARENTLY THE ZHANGS ARE ALL JUST CHOOSING TO IGNORE THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THAT. IVE MENTIONED IT FIVE TIMES BC ZHANG RISHAN’S FACE TWITCHES AND ITS GREAT IM HOPING TO GIVE HIM WRINKLES

Wu Xie: the necklace went haywire when we arrived and got near it, it started glowing really brightly. Then Zhang Rishan used a smoke grenade thingy to herd Xiao Ge and Pangzi and I into going into these small cells underground, and while they were trapped there, I was taken back upstairs to be tested against the necklace, except then—

Wang Pangzi: SHUT UP TIANZHEN IM TELLING THE STORY, YOURE THE DAMSEL AND WE WILL GET TO U. AHEM.

BASICALLY ZHANG RISHAN MADE A SERIES OF SUCH BAD DECISIONS WE MIGHT AS WELL CALL HIM WU XIE AND BASICALLY THE NECKLACE PROTECTED WU XIE FROM SOME SUICIDAL FOLKS TRYING TO PUT AN IV IN HIM TO ASSESS THE NECKLACE EFFECT ON HIM BLAH BLAH MAD SCIENCE STUFF AND THEN BASICALLY THE NECKLACE KINDA BLEW THINGS UP A LITTLE IN AN EFFORT TO DEFEND ITS WEARER SO THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS, TIANZHEN IS ABLE TO CAUSE PROPERTY DAMAGE AT THE TEA HOUSE WITHOUT LIFTING A FINGER.

Wu Xie: :(

Wu Erbai: I have so many questions but I think I’ll hold them til the end. Or try to forget this altogether.

Wang Pangzi: XIAOGE AND I WERE TEMPORARILY STUCK BUT WE HEARD WU XIE SCREAM WHICH WE LEARNED LATER WAS BC HOLY SHIT SENTIENT JEWELRY BUT AT THE TIME WE MAY HAVE LIGHTLY PANICKED

XIAOGE MANAGED TO BREAK DOWN AN ACTUAL CONCRETE WALL WITH HIS BODY DONT ASK ME HOW BUT HE GOT US OUT AND THEN WE GRABBED WU XIE TADAAAAA

Wu San Xing: I’m so proud of the chaos here I could cry. You try to raise them right, then they leave the nest and you just hope for the best<3

Wu Xie: I still can’t believe the two of you falling for a smoke grenade trap to separate us, like yeah I fell for it too but I expected better from you

Wang Pangzi: SHUT UP UR NEW LITTLE ENGAGEMENT NECKLACE OR WHATEVER IS THE ONLY REASON YOU MADE IT OUT WITHOUT NEEDLES BEING STUCK IN YOU

IM SO MAD AT YOU WE ARE CUDDLING LATER

Panzi: so you are all alright?

Wang Pangzi: YEP. ALSO HEI XIAZI AND XIE YUCHEN WERE THERE FOR SOME REASON BUT THEY ARE LEAVING NOW THAT XIAOGE HAS BEEN TALKED DOWN AND THUS RELATEDLY ZHANG RISHAN IS NO LONGER IN IMMINENT DANGER OF BEING BEHEADED. HEI XIAZI IS TAKING XIE YUCHEN TO DINNER AT A REALLY NICE PLACE THAT XIAO HUA WILL 100% END UP PAYING FOR.

WE ARE HAVING TEA AND DISCUSSING WHAT TO DO WITH SAID NECKLACE. AND BY THAT I MEAN WU XIE IS DISCUSSING THINGS WITH ZHANG RISHAN SINCE NOW WE ARE ALL APPARENTLY FRIENDS AGAIN OR W/E WHILE XIAOGE IS GIVING THE UNBLINKING STARE OF DOOM AND I AM ENJOYING MY TEA AND DEFINITELY NOT HOLDING ANY WEAPONS IN MY OTHER HAND AS I TYPE THIS

Wu Erbai: …well. It appears I will be having a conversation with Zhang Rishan tomorrow. It sounds as though you have it in hand for the moment, however?

Zhang Qiling: Zhang Rishan will not be a problem for Wu Xie ever again. I will ensure it.

Wu San Xing: Panzi why don’t you ever do cute and romantic stuff like this for meeee:/

[traineecryptid]

你不知道的陈皮阿四的50个秘密 50 secrets you didn't know about Chenpi A-si

translated from the original post here with thanks to @destimushi for the collab and edit! Previous: Mystic Nine, Hei Xiazi Next: Zhang Qishan

1.陈皮阿四从小就会耍匕首，其实他也不知道为什么，总觉得这玩儿意挺顺手的。

Chenpi A-si had known how to use a dagger since he was a kid. He doesn’t know why either, just that it’s rather natural to have it in his hand.

2.陈皮阿四不知道自己父母是谁，所以一直宣称父母是被自己杀了，管他呢，反正又没人知道真相。

Chenpi A-si doesn’t know his parents, so he always told people that he had killed them himself. After all, it's not like there’s anyone who knows the truth.

3.陈皮阿四挺喜欢听二月红唱戏的，偶尔会想去学，只是考虑了下自己的跑音，于是放弃了。

Chenpi A-si quite likes listening to Eryue Hong’s opera performance. Occasionally, he’d think about learning it, but after some consideration of the fact that he can't carry a tune, he gave up on the idea.

4.陈皮阿四经常去逛窑子，但只是泄火，而且他讨厌那些女人。

Chenpi A-si frequents brothels, but he only sees it as a necessary release [1]. He also hates the women there.

[1] lit. release fire. This refers to the the philosophy in traditional chinese medicine (TCM) about the body collecting “heat” from either certain foods or having too much mental stimulation. Some people can be naturally “heaty” too. If left untreated, it would cause sickness like dry breath, sore throat, constipation and other conditions, depending on which organs the “heatiness” is concentrated on. Usually people would “release fire” by just eating “cooling” food, such as pears, birds’ nest, and certain types of herbs.

5.陈皮阿四喜欢吃甜食，不过也只是私下去托人去买来。

Chenpi A-si likes sweet treats. But he will only secretly ask others to buy it for him.

6.陈皮阿四讨厌螃蟹，所以那天看见那个捕螃蟹的“顺手”就把他溺死了。

Chenpi A-si hates crabs. So when he came across the crab catcher, he “coincidentally”[2] drowned the guy.

[2] He was there, so he might as well drown the guy.

7.陈皮阿四也不喜欢吃面，可是那个被称为师娘的白痴女人似乎只会下面条，为了不委屈肚子，还是每次都会吃完。

Chenpi A-si also dislikes noodles. But that idiot woman he calls Shiniang [3] seems to only know how to cook noodles, so to not offend [4] his stomach, he would always finish it.

[3] Teacher’s wife. [4] also neglect, wronged, aggrieved

8.陈皮阿四没事会去调戏狗五，因为觉得他反应挺好玩儿的。

Whenever Chenpi A-si is free, he would go and disturb and tease Gouwu because he thinks that Gouwu’s reactions are funny.

9.陈皮阿四没事也会去齐铁嘴那里转转，随便唠唠，当然，他才不会付钱。

Whenever Chenpi A-si is free, he’d also hang out at Qi Tiezui’s place and chat nonsense. Of course, he wouldn’t pay for anything.

10.陈皮阿四和解九下过棋，然后快输的时候果断的耍赖掀了棋盘。

Chenpi A-si had played chess against Xiejiu before, and when he was about to lose, he quickly, shamelessly flipped the whole chessboard.

11.陈皮阿四经常去狗五那里蹭吃蹭喝，狗五的手艺不错这点无误。

Chenpi A-si would always eat and drink at Gouwu’s house for free. Gouwu’s cooking is not bad, this is true.

12.陈皮阿四曾经��齐铁嘴算过一卦，结果是自己准备下的那个油斗是凶斗，于是差点没把齐铁嘴的肚子被捅了个窟窿。

Chenpi A-si let Qi Tiezui calculate his fortunes once. The result was that the opulent tomb with an abundance of riches he was planning to raid is an inauspicious one. He nearly punched a hole in Qi Tiezui’s stomach for that.

13.陈皮阿四挺佩服齐铁嘴的，因为那个斗最终他没下，交给了自己的几个徒弟，但没有一个回来了。

Chenpi A-si admires Qi Tiezui quite a bit because in the end he didn’t go to that tomb himself. Instead he handed it off to a few of his disciples. None of them returned.

14.陈皮阿四其实挺怕三爷的。不过他才不会让别人看出来。

Chenpi A-si is actually quite scared of Sanye. But he’d never let anyone know about it [5].

[5] lit. see it.

15.陈皮阿四挺想和佛爷打一场的，不过思考了很长时间，觉得如果输了有可能会被爆头，于是，放弃了这个想法，毕竟命才是最重要的。 Chenpi A-si would like to fight Foye once, but after thinking about it for a long time, he felt that if he lost, he'd definitely get a headshot [6]. So, he gave up on this idea. Afterall, staying alive is the most important thing. [6] Headshot here could mean from a gun or just a kick to the head.

16.陈皮阿四也挺喜欢那个二响环，不过另一个他也没找到。

Chenpi A-si also quite likes the Double Ring Bangle, but he never found the other one [7].

[7] When Zhang Qishan first found the Double Ring Bangle, he deduced that they must come in pairs based on the etchings on it. But he also never found the other half of the pair.

17.陈皮阿四挺喜欢霍仙姑的，够泼辣，对口味。

Chenpi A-si quite likes Huo-xiangu. He thinks that she’s daring [8] and it fits his tastes. [8] Other definitions for this phrase include: unreasonable, forceful, vigorous, provocative and more.

18.陈皮阿四会对丫头卖萌，目的是让她帮自己去二月红那里求情，犯错少点责罚。谁让他天天犯错呢。 Chenpi A-si would act cute towards Yatou. The reason for this is so that she would help him ask for mercy from Eryue Hong and lessen the punishments he’ll get from making mistakes. Who asked him to make so many mistakes?

19.下斗回来那天，听到丫头的死讯，陈皮阿四忽然没来由的想吃阳春面了。

When he heard the news of Yatou’s passing on the day he came back from a tomb raid, Chenpi A-si got the sudden urge to eat yangchun noodles.

20.陈皮阿四杀了那几家被佛爷嘱托不许买药给二月红的药店里所有的人，其实他也知道他��都是无辜的，但还是没制止住自己。

Although Chenpi A-si knew that the people who wouldn’t sell medicine to Eryue Hong because of Foye’s orders were innocent, he still killed them because he couldn’t control himself.

21.陈皮阿四私底下找了好多有名的面馆去做阳春面，可还是没有找到以前的那种味道了。

Chenpi A-si privately went to a lot of famous noodle shops to ask them to make yangchun noodles, but he never found one that tasted like the one he had before.

22.陈皮阿四知道自己被人叫做流氓中的航空母舰，其实他挺开心的，因为他比三爷那个大流氓等级高。好吧，他知道他弄错重点了。

Chenpi A-si knows that people call him The Aircraft Carrier of All Thugs, and he’s actually quite happy with the nickname, because this means that he is of a higher class compared to the gangster called Sanye. Alright, he knows that he has got the wrong point.

23.陈皮阿四曾经把宰了的徒弟，割了几片肉扔给三寸钉吃，那只死狗居然嗅了嗅然后嫌弃的扭了头跑了。

Chenpi A-si had cut a few pieces of meat off one of his own disciples that he killed and tried to feed it to Sancun Ding [9]. But that dog was picky, it only sniffed it and turned and ran away.

[9] lit. Three inch nails. This is Gouwu’s sniffer dog that he usually keeps in his sleeve.

24.陈皮阿四偶尔会后悔把那几个小崽子杀了，因为，没人帮他收拾屋子了。

Occasionally, Chenpi A-si would regret killing those rascals because there’s no one to help tidy his house now.

25.陈皮阿四路过二月红那间屋子的时候会在门外望很久。别误会，只是路过而已。

Chenpi A-si would linger outside Eryue Hong’s house for a long time whenever he walked past. Don’t misunderstand, he was just coincidentally passing by.

26.陈皮阿四回到自己的府邸，看着空荡荡的屋子，忽然觉得自己该成家了。

Chenpi A-si went back to his own manor, and in the face of the emptiness of his own home, he suddenly had the realization that perhaps he should start a family.

27.陈皮阿四娶了个会做饭的女人，长得还不错，会下各种面。

Chenpi A-si married a woman who can cook. She's quite good-looking, and she knows how to cook all sorts of noodles.

28.陈文锦出生那天陈皮阿四慌的手忙脚乱。

The day that Chen Wenjin was born, Chenpi A-si panicked and didn’t know what to do with himself[10].

[10] lit. Hand busy, leg messy.

29.看着刚出生的小文锦皱巴巴的像个猴(小孩子刚出生都很丑)，陈皮阿四忽然嫌弃的想扔掉。

Looking at newborn Little Wenjin, Chenpi A-si thought that she looked like a monkey because she was all wrinkly (all newborns are ugly), and suddenly had the urge to throw her away because he didn’t think she looked nice.

30.陈皮阿四很庆幸当时没扔掉小文锦，这丫头长大了长得还挺漂亮。当然了，也不看看是谁女儿。

Chenpi A-si is very relieved that he didn’t throw away Little Wenjin back then. The girl grew up to be quite beautiful. Of course, one would have to consider whose daughter she is.

31.生陈文锦的那个女人死了，也是病死的，下葬那天陈皮阿四没去，而且一个月都没出去过。

The woman who gave birth to Chen Wenjin also passed due to illness. Chenpi A-si didn’t attend her burial, and he stayed home for a whole month after that.

32.算是结发妻子吧，那女人死的第二个月，陈皮阿四和没事人一样继续该干什么干什么。没人知道其实下葬那天陈皮阿四把自己关在屋内整整一个月。

Although she could be considered to be his wife, the second month after that woman died, Chenpi A-si continued on with his usual business like nothing happened. No one knew that he stayed home for a whole month since the day she was buried. [11]

[11] lit. Closed himself off in the house.

33.陈皮阿四非常疼爱陈文锦。

Chenpi A-si really loves Chen Wenjin and dotes on her.

34.陈皮阿四后来又娶了好几房姨太，但后来似乎不知所踪了。呵呵，谁知道去哪了呢？

Chenpi A-si did marry a few more concubines [12] after that, but they all disappeared eventually. Hehe, who knows where they went?

[12] Also, wives after the first wife, whether or not the first wife is dead or divorced.

35.二月红教导过“忍无可忍，无须再忍”嗯，陈皮阿四做到了……做到了后面一句。

Eryue Hong taught him “If you’ve reached the limits of your patience, you don’t need to be patient anymore”. Mhm, Chenpi A-si did it…but just the second half though.

36.一个人的时候会想起以前的时光，似乎罚跪也是快乐的。切，他才不是皮作痒呢。

When he is alone, he would think about the past and feel that even when he was punished to kneel, it still felt like a happy moment.Tsk, he’s definitely not itching for a beating.

37.陈皮阿四走路想心事的时候左脚拌右脚摔倒了，庆幸的是旁边没人。喂！不许说出去，小心你喉咙。

Chenpi A-si tripped over his own feet and fell because he was thinking about some personal matters while walking. Luckily there was no one around. Hey! Don’t tell others this, and be careful of your throat.

38.你以为陈皮阿四会告诉你他使得一手好铁沙弹是因为当年偷懒跑出去打弹子玩儿，而且一瞄一个准?

Did you think that Chenpi A-si would tell you that the reason why he is so good with the steel bullets is because back then he would play truant and sneak out to play marbles, and he was quite a sharpshooter with it?

39.陈皮阿四有时会很固执，对，是固执，不是耍小孩子性子。

Sometimes Chenpi A-si would be stubborn. Yes, it’s stubborn, not throwing a childish tantrum.

40.陈皮阿四其实讨厌血的味道，铁锈味的，但他觉得舔掉刀尖上的血这个动作很帅气。

Chenpi A-si actually hates the metallic scent of blood, but he thinks that the action of licking blood off his knife makes him look very cool.

41.陈皮阿四会很好的掩饰自己的真实感情，比如让别人更在意自己的嗜血而不是悲伤。

Chenpi A-si would hide his true feelings very well, such as making others focus on his bloodthirstiness and not his sadness.

42.陈皮阿四最近看狗五很不爽，而且预谋烧了吴家宅子。原因？谁让狗五那混帐儿子勾搭自己宝贝女儿的。

Chenpi A-si dislikes looking at Gouwu lately, and he plans to burn down the Wu family’s house. Why? Who let Gouwu’s rascal son approach his own precious daughter.

43.吴家的几只宝贝的古董花瓶莫名碎了，陈皮阿四才不知道呢，谁会在意地上几颗小的铁沙弹?

Some of the precious antique vases in the Wu Manor broke out of the blue. Chenpi A-si knows nothing about it. Who would care about some tiny steel bullets on the floor?

44.吴家后宅终于着火了，嗯哼，管他陈皮阿四什么事，反正他有充分的不在场证明。

The back of the Wu manor eventually caught on fire. Mhm, it has nothing to do with Chenpi A-si. Afterall he has an alibi to prove that he wasn’t around.

45.陈皮阿四现在会去戏院听听小曲，只是兴趣而已，觉得不是在怀念。

Nowadays, Chenpi A-si would go to the opera house to listen to some tunes. This is solely out of interest. It’s not like he's feeling nostalgic.

46.陈皮阿四希望陈文锦好好的过完这辈子，可是，总是事与愿违。

Chenpi A-si wishes that Chen Wenjin would live out her life happily. But, in the end, the reality was far from his wish.

47.陈皮阿四曾经下过厨，然后……没有然后了…… Chenpi A-si tried cooking once, then…there was no “then”...

48.陈皮阿四也是生活方面伤残人员，他会告诉你？开玩笑。

Chenpi A-si is also a victim of life. But would he tell you this? Don’t kid yourself.

49.陈皮阿四偶尔会想想自己的父母。

Occasionally Chenpi A-si would think about his own parents.

50.陈皮阿四其实害怕孤单，只是比起勾心斗角还是孤独比较安全。

Chenpi A-si is actually afraid of being alone, it’s just that being alone is safer than having to be petty and fight over things.