#(vs. what i used to do when this happened--i used to try to distract myself? but i could feel myself doing it and that was Too Weird and

[urlocal-limitesshbic]

*.˗ˏˋ DEILD- The Quickest And Easiest Method To Lucid Dream That I know ´ˎ˗.*

Listennnn, I love the lucid dream method down. It is AND ALWAYS WILL BE my favorite way to shift, apart from the void state.

BUT I know I cannot be the only one struggling to get lucid😩😭 At least I used to struggle before I found DEILD. I found other techniques tedious, having to do constant reality checks during the day felt like a chore and lying completely still in bed for 30+ minutes waiting for my body to fall asleep was quite literally torture to me. IF I could stay awake through it because most times I couldn’t or just rolled over and gave up because nothing was happening and I was très uncomfortable.

I’ve tried mild, SSILD, fild, ALL THE “ILDS” every single one and while they are effective, I’ve finally found the technique that works best for me and takes the least amount of time so I thought I would share, just in case it may help someone else!

With this technique you…..

Go from being awake directly into a lucid dream without falling asleep (this is called a wake initiated lucid dream and in my experience I feel more aware and in control with these vs when I randomly become aware in the middle of my dream. They are also easier to remember if you have poor dream recall. )

Are able to start the lucid dream scene in the privacy of your own room so you don’t have to worry about trying to shift in the middle of distracting dream scenes or dealing with distracting dream characters

You can save a Lucid dream that’s been cut short or even have several lucid dreams in one night using this method

Don’t need to do reality checks during the day if you don’t want to or do any other daytime prep

The whole thing takes 10-30 seconds START TO FINISH!

The technique…

*.˗ˏˋ DEILD ´ˎ˗.*

Dream Exit Initiated Lucid dream

Steps…

Before bed set the intention that when you wake up you will immediately remember to perform DEILD

Set a touchless alarm to wake you up anywhere from 3-6 hours after falling asleep. I like this one! Maybe put it in a playlist with a lucid dreaming subliminal or theta waves set to play after the alarm goes off to boost your chances of becoming Lucid🌙

Go to bed as normal. As I fall asleep I like to imagine myself waking up to the alarm and successfully performing DEILD. Then I imagine myself successfully entering the void from the LD and then successfully waking up in my wr. I loop this sequence until I fall asleep. I do this to help me remember to do the technique the second I wake up, but it is not at all necessary.

Immediately upon waking and hearing the alarm, I try to remember to stay still and not open my eyes. Minimal movement is fine, but we’re trying to convince our body that we’re still asleep! The alarm will shut off on its own.

Wait for what feels like 10 seconds without actually counting (Again, you don’t want to activate your Brain and wake yourself up too much )

After it feels like 10 seconds have gone by, do a reality check like the nose pinch test EVEN IF YOU FEEL WIDE AWAKE and don’t think you could possibly already be back asleep in only 10 seconds. Most of the time you’ll already be in what is called a false awakening-when you think you’re awake in bed but you’re actually dreaming

If you were able to breathe through your closed nose you are now in a lucid dream starting out in your room. You can proceed to shift to your dr in any way you like-some of my go to’s are:

-creating a portal

-entering the void and shifting from there

-entering the astral realm and shifting from there

-waking myself up from the dream but intending to wake up in my dr not my cr

Editors note:

If when you do the nose pinch test, you are still awake, repeat step 6 up to 2 more times. If by this point, you still have not entered a lucid dream, it is best to go back to bed and try again the next time you wake up. This method is very effective but fragile, as it is best performed in that very small hypnopompic window right when you are teetering on the edge of awake and asleep.

Why this method works…

When you wake up from sleep and don’t move or open your eyes, it tricks your body into thinking that you’re still asleep and it puts you back in a dream, even though your mind is actually awake! This is why a touchless alarm is helpful, or you can use natural awakenings.

Troubleshooting the method…

The hardest part about this method is remembering to stay still as soon as you wake up.

You can set the intention to remember to do so before bed

You can also use prospective memory training during the day (every time you look in a mirror/ drink something/ plug in your phone/ enter a different room etc you can affirm “the next time I wake up I will immediately remember to perform DEILD” )

And if you move by mistake or have to use an alarm that needs manually turned off, all is not necessarily lost. it’s still worth trying anyway as long as you think you’ll be able to fall back asleep! Just wait 30 seconds instead of 10 before doing a reality check and consider using an anchor to help keep you focused and awake (could be focusing on the sound of the subliminal if you made a playlist, or the sound of a fan etc)

TLDR OF THE TECHNIQUE:

Wake up either naturally or to a touch-less alarm. If you must use a manual alarm, keep movement minimal as to not activate your brain too much.

Lie still with your eyes closed and keep a blank mind for 10-30 seconds

Do a reality check to see if you are lucid dreaming

Shift from the lucid dream

Videos explaining the technique….

“Use this simple technique for more lucid dreams. Please.” -Tiger123

“Lucid dreaming techniques shouldn’t be this easy!” - Daniel Love

“Dream exit induced lucid dreams-DEILD tutorial”- Tipharot

[thescrapwitch]

for the character opinion thing! Fingon (or Finrod whichever you like more)!

I already answered about Fingon, so let’s do Finrod!

How I feel about this character: I like him a lot, and yet I’ve barely written him! He’s one I’m always worried that I’ll get wrong, mostly because I’m still trying to learn what his voice sounds like when I write it. He is kind, deeply kind, and wise, though can be a little distracted with all his questions of the world (like all of Finwe’s grandchildren he is very curious). He also listens very well.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: I’ve written a bit of Finrod/Amarie which was fun, but also Finrod/Beor has my heart and I blame @eilinelsghost for that. And there is also a soft spot in my heart for Finrod/Edrahil

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I like the idea of a Finrod - Maglor - Amarie friendship trio, making music together back in Valinor when they were young, and of course I love having him be close friends with Turgon. I need to write more of their friendship, there’s so many fun contrasts and parallels between them I’ve never explored that could be fun (ex: being forced out of your secret city and dying far away vs refusing to leave your secret city and dying in it, being betrayed by a close family member, being close to a particular family of mortals, etc).

My unpopular opinion about this character: I feel like we (also myself) don’t do enough with the snake imagery associated with him. Snakes can be symbols of rebirth (skin-shedding), knowledge, healing. I feel like when snakes are used for him, its connected to them symbolizing cunning, but he doesn’t strike me as that sort of character. He is wise, not manipulative, and I feel like the snakes represent that rather than any sort of hidden darker nature.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I can’t actually think of one here! What I am learning from this ask is that I need to write more Finrod, so that once I understand him better I’ll release 17 other places where canon should have changed to fit him in more.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Anonymous asked: I have a few questions as an aspiring writer and a current fanfic writer who publishes.

Okay! But if you write fan-fiction, you're already a writer! I'm guessing you mean an aspiring author? ♥

How would you help with distractions and writer's block? I try to dedicate myself to writing, but then I wander off to other stuff and my motivation wanes.

This is not uncommon and there can be a lot of different reasons for why it happens. Understanding the reason behind why it's happening is important for knowing how to fix it. I have a couple posts that will help with this:

5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes! Feeling Unmotivated with WIP Writer’s Block

How do you advise me outlining a huge original story plot with world-building in an organized way that isn't just scattered?

Outlining is really just any method that helps you get all the important pieces of the story out, in order, so that you can use it as a reference while writing. Some people use one big beginning to end summary. Some people like scene lists or timelines. Other people like scene cards or mind maps... Different things work for different people, so part of the work you need to do as a writer is figure out which method/methods work best for you.

I often find, though, that the struggle people have with outlining is less about what method to use and more about how to actually fill out the details, which brings me around to plot and story structure. All stories have structure. Fan-fiction is often short, character-driven fiction, which gives it a different structure from the average novel. That said, even if you're a prolific fan-fiction writer, you may still need to take some time to learn about plot and story structure. I'll link a few posts that will help, but once you understand story structure (all the specific plot points a story should go through), it becomes much easier to know how to outline it.

Guide: How to Outline a Plot Guide: Starting a New (Long Fiction) Story Basic Story Structure Beginning a New Story How to Move a Story Forward Plot Driven vs Character Driven Stories Understanding Goals and Conflict

What advice would you give for writing fictional religions and mythology?

First and foremost, it's important to understand the role religion and mythology play in your story... how do they feed into your characters' beliefs? How do they influence your characters' actions and behavior? How do they guide the forces of power in your story's world? How do they impact the story's conflict/s and plot? Ultimately, you don't want to put a lot of time into creating and fleshing out a religion or mythology that's ultimately unimportant to the story. It helps to focus most on the aspects that truly matter.

Also, you might consider using real world mythology and religions as inspiration... just be careful about cultural appropriation. It's best not to use anything that belongs to an active culture or religion unless it's yours, or unless you do intense research and consult with sensitivity readers to make sure you don't do anything harmful.

And lastly, what sources do you recommend to accurately describe buildings (especially castles and manors) battlefields, geographical locations especially when it comes to mountains and rivers, etc), dresses and clothing especially if it isn't modern, and fighting techniques that are believable (for example, how a smaller woman would fight a larger man without being unrealistic)?

1 - Find Inspiration Sources - No matter when and where your story is set, it's important to find inspiration sources for the places in your story, whether that's buildings, towns, regions, whatever. Not only will this help you imagine and describe what you're envisioning, it will help you immensely with research on specific details.

2 - Time and Place Are Important - Many descriptive details are specific to time and place, so make sure you know that about your inspiration sources and/or the elements in your story. You can do a Google search for layout, architecture, and design (along with relevant location and era information) to find the details you need. For example, "medieval European castle layout" or "Victorian era manor house architectural details." Likewise, you can look for "Tudor era menswear" or "Victorian era dress details."

3 - Fighting Techniques - This again will tie into the time and place when your story is set. However, some fighting techniques will be somewhat timeless. I would strongly suggest heading over to @howtofightwrite for the best information and resources about portraying fighting techniques in writing.

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[bonesandthebees]

How do you stay motivated when writing a fic? I’m always really motivated for something, I write the first chapter or two, and then it’s all gone :(

— 🌈

oh I used to struggle really hard with this. as I've gotten older I've gotten a bit better at self discipline and also figuring out which stories I'm going to be able to keep going with vs ones I'll get bored of but it requires a lot of trial and error (and considering I still have some abandoned fics it's not a skill I've completely mastered)

here a few 'hacks' I've figured out over the years though!

be careful how you outline. if you're doing a multi chapter fic and you're like me then your first instinct might be to plot out every single chapter before you start writing so you know what direction you're going in. while it's good to know where you're heading, I've found that for myself over plotting can be the enemy to motivation. a technique I use for my long fics is that when I first start the fic I will typically know what's going to happen in the first 2-3 chapters, I have a few random scenes in my head that I know will happen somewhere vaguely in the middle, and then I'll know the ending but that's it. I leave most of the middle stuff blank. this leaves me a lot of room to change and add things to the story as I go, plotting out only 1-2 chapters at a time so that if I have an idea while writing a chapter I have the freedom to go in that direction instead of being forced to stick to an outline. not knowing exactly what's going to happen can help keep your interest in the story so you don't get bored of it.

don't write the good stuff first. we all know the feeling when you have an incredible scene in your head that inspires you to build an entire story around it. or you might have a few scenes you're incredible excited for but they require a ton of build up to get there. I understand how tempting it is to write those first and figure out the rest of the story later, but my advice is to restrain yourself. if you only have a few scenes you're super excited to write and then you write them... well, what motivation do you have for writing all the boring stuff? you've already written the part you wanted to write. personally, I find I have to force myself to write only in chronological order if I ever want to finish anything. I also find that this lets me really get into the groove and tone of the story so that by the time I do get to those scenes I'm really excited for, I can pull them off much better than I would be able to do if I wrote them first before writing the rest of the fic. while you don't necessarily have to write in chronological order like I do, I recommend holding yourself back from writing all the best scenes right out of the gate.

buckle down. this is the least helpful tip tbh but it's also unfortunately true. sometimes you just have to sit down and force yourself to type. even if it feels impossible you just have to turn off all other distractions and try to get the juices flowing again. sometimes this doesn't work but sometimes it does. it might feel like scraping melted plastic off a table but once you get back into the rhythm it gets easier.

I hope these help!!

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 14th Jan ✨

Oh, friends, I have had a shit week but these listens have definitely gone some way to making it bearable. Happy Audio Drama Sunday 🎧

👻 @tellnotalespod oh how I love you and how I have missed you!! It seems that some time has passed since the end of S1 and Leo has OBVIOUSLY made absolutely stellar choices in the meantime. Nothing is better for one’s mental health than isolation and trusting the slimiest creature on god’s green earth. 

🦀 @thesiltverses (37) my beloved Silt Verses have returned with a frankly exceptional HOUR long episode filled with so many things to scream about that I don’t even know where to start. Val’s revelation that extreme power can also be used to bring people joy is VERY interesting indeed. They were never going to be able to control her, but I doubt it even more now. And PAIGE stepping up!! Part of me really wants a Val vs Paige stand off but most of me wants to protect Paige at all costs… I am loving the music choices this episode and the scene with the telephone calls was so good! Also, PLEASE stop foreshadowing Carpenter’s death, I am going ‘lalalalalala I can’t hear you!!’

🧳 I listened to episode 8 of Travelling Light by @monstrousproductions after a night shift and the hazy tiredness only served to make it even more transcendentally beautiful. I adore the blossoming friendships aboard the Tola, especially between the Traveller and Óli 😭🌌

👁️ @malevolentcast (39) I love it when you can *feel* that an episode is gearing up to a season finale, a few little loose strands tied up here and there but one BIG problem looming for the finale. I NEED to remember to not listen to this show when I’m emotionally compromised in any way because I found myself bloody sobbing as Marie was talking about her son. I should know that Malevolent is going to play dirty with my emotions. 

🏛 @the-mistholme-museum ENDLESS okay I don’t want to ruin this for anyone who hasn’t listened yet but !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! let’s go!!!!!!!!!!!

🐬 @patterspod P Files brought creative levity into our lives with the tale of Professor Fantabulum. I’m honestly a huge fan of the idea of creative genius as a torch passed on to the people who you inspire

🌨️ @thewhitevault (5) Oh I just don’t trust this guy at all. . . everything he says is so perfectly plausible that there’s just obviously something wrong with him. My friend pointed out that the family meeting mentioned surveyors . . . . .  Now S has been killed by something . . . . I just adore the way The White Vault slowly ramps up the cosmic kind of horror but you’re so distracted by all the other scary human shit going on that your brain is primed and ready to be terrified by the obviously fictional stuff by the time it happens. It’s such clever writing!! 

❤️‍🔥 The Love Talker (6) Ah, now, Ren…. Just because you *can* do something, doesn’t meant necessarily mean that you should… you feel me? Some of the anatomical descriptions in this episode made me want to vomit a little. It’s so awful, I need to know what happens next!!

🏢 @somewhereohio (S2E5) I’m absolutely living for these scenes with Green and Sterling. Are they squishing my heart into pieces? Yes. Do I feel sick to my stomach thinking about the impossibility of trying to perfect and control the one you love? Yes. Can I have more, please? 

🍾 I finished season 1 of @ameliapodcast and what an absolute DELIGHT that ending was!! What an absolutely masterful raising of the stakes at just the right moment in time to keep the listener absolutely hooked. I hope Tara and Lily come back one day, they were so much fun and I think will be even more fun as free agents! 

🌫️ @souloperatorpod dropped this week and the first episode is very intriguing indeed! I think I need to relisten without any distractions if I want to stand a chance of collecting all the threads of red string I’m going to need for this show! I really love the theme music and am very excited for more! 

♦️ The Grotto continues to be an absolutely WILD delight. I caved and listened to two episodes this week but it’s okay because I still have ep 4 in my back pocket. I love the music, the sound design, the fact that it is literally impossible to work out what the hell is going to happen next. Go listen to The Grotto!! 

Thanks to everyone making art - it makes things better 💓 I’m so excited for @camlannpod next week!!  

[sweepseven]

Top 5 favorite cirque shows? 🎪

5. Alegría - The original. IANL is fantastaic because this one was fantastic first. The White Singer was such an icon of my earliest Cirque fandom years and finally seeing her live felt like a dream came true. Now every year I adore it all the more for it's place in CdS history. What a daring production, and what a snapshot of its era. Though it's not my ultimate forever favorite, I do think Alegría is the pinnacle of classic, true Cirque du Soleil.

4. Varekai - What a lush and splendid show. After the structure and relative severity of Alegría and Quidam, out bursts Varekai with a completely different world, completely different take on costumes, and completely different energy. It's an interesting one too because on the scale of "shit's just happening" to "actual plot," Varekai leans more towards plot in a specific balance I don't think we've seen from Cirque before or since. There are plenty of things in this show that just are, but because the world is so beautifully fleshed out it doesn't distract us from the uncommonly specific plot: boy falls into a forest, he loses his wings and can't walk, he falls in love, his love is kidnapped, his love returns transformed, and he heals and gets married. That's a lot of detail compared to an O, Mystere, or La Nouba, considerably less compared to a Volta, Corteo, or Ka, yet it leaves room for an inexplicable underwater number. And it all still makes sense! Now that's worldbuilding, baby.

3. Kà - SPEAKING OF WORLDBUILDING. I have enumerated on my love for this show for thousands upon thousands of words so I won't spend too long on it now. But something I don't mention often is that I saw Ka because I kind of felt like I had to, not because I specifically wanted to. I was in Vegas for the first time, could only pick two shows, and went with the classic O/Ka spectacle split of artistry vs. technology. There was nothing else to the decision. And since then I haven't stopped thinking about Ka - nor stopped writing about it - for over seven years straight. This is the best plot-driven CdS show in company history by leagues. From setting to music to spectacle to characters Ka is a ten out of ten. It has given me more as a person and writer than I can go into here, and I'm endlessly grateful to it. For fun here is the first post I made shortly after seeing it:

I knew myself well enough to know he'd be a problem but not well enough to think I'd still be on my bullshit for eight years. God damn. What Ka does to me. And I'll thank it every time 🥹

2. Kooza - Everything I say about Kooza makes it sound like it was my very first show, but the real one was La Nouba lol. This is another one I've gone on and on and on about to bear repeating now, but every time I say Kooza changed my life, I mean it. It inspired me to try flying trapeze, and in 2024 I crossed my fifteenth year of training without even noticing. It has become such an ingrained part of my life, all because I saw one trapeze act in one circus show at a pivotal time in my life. So much of my late teens is tied up in Kooza emotions, obsession, and just straight up magic. There have been more complex and effective shows in Cirque history, and this was truest around when I saw it for the first time. But since then I have had the immense pleasure of watching a show grow into exactly what it's been to me since the very start. It's like a real first love. I just feel like the luckiest girl in the world for having met this show.

1. Quidam - Quidam is categorically the best Cirque show of all time. It's that simple. I genuinely think anyone that disagrees just doesn't have an informed enough opinion to weigh in appropriately. It might not be everyone's active favorite, but it is the objective best. The depth and soul of this show is unmatched. There is symbolism with tangible weight - not just motifs, not just weird for weird's sake, but real repeated and deliberate decisions that firmly say something about the characters, world, and plot in a way that even O and Alegría cannot match. This is peak Franco Dragone, this is peak Benoit Jutras, this is peak everything about golden era Cirque du Soleil wrapped up in a setting so sharp and melancholic that whether you are, were, or have never even been a lonely young girl, you now know exactly what it feels like. I have threatened to write so much meta and I really need to sit down and just get it done. I can't think about this show without looking like that poetic cinema meme. Quidam is my top favorite, and it's also everyone's top best whether they know it or not.

Ask me my top 5 anything!

[yanabeardoodles]

dude! your art is so delicious!!! how did you start drawing and who were your inspos and stuff?? you have a seriously unique and beautiful art style and i’m just eating SO good right now

I love telling this story!

I started drawing around 9 y/o and it was because my mom (who in no professional way is an artist. She works in law) was able to draw the cartoons me and my sister would see on TV.

I always looked up to mom as a little kid and wanted to figure out how to do that as well.

Time went on, I got into anime in middle school, checked out a bunch of Christopher Hart "how to draw anime books", and continued to draw all throughout high school.

Just to realize I didn't like how I was creating art.

I felt stuck and looking at the 7 years of art I did from middle school and high school I really felt I wasn't...changing.

Then I didn't change how I approached art for a few years after that. I was a workaholic so I never really dedicated as much time as I had wanted to figuring out how to change.

I tried branching out with different sources like studying Glen Keane gestures and loose western cartoon styles. Still felt stuck

THEN QUARANTINE HAPPENED 🗣️

Remember that workaholic life I mentioned? I use to work at least three jobs all at once before quarantine. Then I had no jobs. And I freaked out cause I saw my self-worth was connected with how much work I could do at once.

Not healthy, be better than me folks.

Anyway I needed a way to kill time and feel like I was accomplishing something. Then art reared her shiny ass in my face and said

"...draw, bitch"

So I did. All day. Every. Single. Day.

And there wasn't a goal to be a better artist this time. I just needed a damn project 😂. And it wasn't until the end of 2020 I saw improvement looking back to April

As seen below April vs December 2020

(Don't ask me why but the youth drawing is still one of my all time favorites)

Also I won't lie, I made a tik tok in April, it blew up outta no where in August cause of Rock (freakin) Lee of all things. And I liked the attention. Don't be like me. I burned out very quickly due to that mindset of "make art people want to see as fast as possible!" Not make art for myself.

Anyway, by then I was use to drawing everyday. Not even full blown illustrations but like doodling everyday. And I wanted to keep that routine. So I got jobs that would allow me to at least be able to sketch at breakfast before work.

Then I got a job as a paint and sip instructor, so I was able to try painting more often

As seen here

And from there I just started playing with art supplies all around. I treat art like math. My brain gets easily distracted and with that in mind, if I get tired of digital art, I go to color pencils or watercolor or gouache and then rinse and repeat.

I feel this is going on forever so to wrap it up

Current artists I'm inspired by:

For colors -

JC Leyendecker

@japhers on tumblr and twitter

For ink- Bruce Timm (worked on BTAS/STAS/Justice League etc)

Dan Mora (@ Danmora_c on Twitter)

Lastly character designs - A BUNCH OF ART OF THE MOVIE BOOKS

Spiderverse, Klaus, Maya and the Three, Luca, Dreamworks, Miyazaki etc

If the movie or show was cool. I went hunting for that art book to figure out what they were thinking when they made the characters.

And that's it.

The end of my spiel

[pink-crayon-princess]

My personal littlespace experience (agere and agedre)

SFW interaction only

Not sure if this would be helpful for anyone, but stuff like this is helpful for me, so I figured would post it here for someone else's benefit. :)

Fast facts:

I'm an adult cis Christian woman.

I work less than part-time.

My husband (Baba) is my babysitter sometimes.

Ages 2-14 (mostly either toddler or kiddo, still figuring it out).

My family is supportive of all my interests, I keep the finer points of my regression private.

I've been regressing (or wanting to) for as long as I can remember.

I am ADHD/autistic with chronic pain (a phrase I never thought I'd utter).

Why I regress/dream:

For fun! I had an awesome childhood but awful teenage years, so I'm trying to reconnect with my inner child.

I didn't realize I was audhd until I was in my 20s, so you can imagine what that might do to your inner child.

Meltdowns/shutdowns usually trigger involuntary regression.

Things that make me feel little in a good way:

Agere fanfics

Browsing the toy section

Worksheets/activity pages

Sucking my thumb or using my paci (not deco)

Cuddles and comments from Baba

Amusement parks

Christmas

Baba's shirts and matching pj sets

Soft things

Novelty (vs nostalgia)

Music

Things that make me feel middle in a good way:

Minecraft/Mario

Horror game playthroughs, ARGs

Game Theory

Harry Potter

Silly group chat gaming videos

Experimenting with style and makeup

Reading

Not carrying a purse or bag while exploring

Escape rooms

Music

Media with depictions of middle and high school (I live vicariously through it)

Things that make me feel little/middle in a bad way (usually involuntary):

Stress, anxiety, emetophobia triggers

Meltdowns/shutdowns

Injury, illness, and chronic pain

[Perceived] rejection or failure

Decision-making

The dark, demonic activity, and jumpscares

Menstruation

Media with depictions of middle and high school (mine sucked SO bad)

Not sure if I have PTSD or anything but sometimes my brain gets stuck thinking about bad stuff that happened to me and I do NOT like it

Idk man sometimes I just feel like crying for some reason?

My time in littlespace:

I regress once or twice a week, mostly at night. I like knowing that I don't have any tasks complete and can fall asleep whenever I like.

I make myself snacks and/or bottles.

I carry a stuffie everywhere.

I keep my toys in an inconspicuous place. My collectibles are on display in my home (until they get played with)!

I age dream to induce regressing. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. Both are okay! The more upset or relaxed I am, the littler I feel.

Middlespace can be precarious. I'm trying to work up the nerve to do it on purpose.

More about Baba:

Baba pokes his head in every so often, but isn't an active participant in my regression, even though he's very good at it (generally, I am my own CG; I usually choose nights that he's working to indulge in littlespace so I can spend time with him while big).

His love language is gift giving, and he loves to treat little me! My favorite toys are from him!!

Bigspace and littlespace alike, he comforts me through my upset moments and snuggles me to sleep. His deep voice is so soothing, especially when he's playful :')

We have an outstanding adult relationship. We credit this to Jesus.

How has my regression impacted my health?

I started regressing on purpose in the middle of my depression. It was something new and exciting that distracted me from the icky things I was thinking about at the time.

Finally figured out I was ND! After I healed from my depression, I continued to regress through college as stress relief.

I've retrained my brain. It seems to see regression as an easy "out" during a meltdown, reverting back to a simpler state of childish upset instead of the ... ideation that it used to latch onto. This, by all accounts, is a massive improvement.

I've been melting down much less since graduating, and my regression has been mostly leisure ever since.

Baba has been a huge help in healing old wounds of rejection. His continual comfort and support has been a blessing beyond belief.

Recently, I have been asking the Lord to come into my regression and speak to me while I am small and vulnerable. He has spoken simple truths over me during those times, using my play as a means to teach me about His love for me, both big and small. I intend to continue regressing, and see what else He might want to show me.

I imagine I will outgrow my regression like normal kids outgrow their childhoods, probably when I have kids of my own ... but I still can't wait to play with them! :)

My toys:

Coloring books/crayons

Stuffies

Magna tiles

Moon sand

Play food/tea set

Tutu and tiara

Doctor kit

Marble run

Bluey figures, LPS, MLP, and appropriately-sized accessories

12" Dolls

American Girl dolls and clothes

Pretend makeup

Nintendo Switch

Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

My inbox is open! Love u guys :)

[faeratil]

Because I have no one in person that I can rant to about my thoughts on Cinderella and the Four Knights (2016), you guys get to hear my thoughts.

First, I put this show on because I had just finished Tomorrow (2022), and I needed something sappy and full of cliché tropes to help distract me from the emotional trauma. I did my best from episode 1 to try and guess who was endgame for Eun Ha-Won based on all of the stereotypes and the way the interactions between her and the Kang cousins were written, and I feel like my original thoughts would’ve been a better ending.

Also with the way that the characters were written, they really should’ve called it Cinderella and the Three Knights because the fourth “knight” wasn’t even really written to be a Love Interest in spite of him being one of the best characters (until stuff happens with his mother and then it’s like being disappointed by your longtime crush and wanting to smack some sense into them).

My thoughts on the characters, though:

Eun Ha-Won

I love her. She deserves the world. She is an absolute ball of sunshine in spite of all the shit she’s had to deal with and continues to deal with straight through to the final meeting she has with Chairman Kang. I think she’s gorgeous, and I hate that she thinks she’s not pretty just because of how the Kang cousins treat her vs Park Hye-Ji. She honestly could’ve made it through the whole show without a Love Interest and I would’ve liked that more than the actual ending. She’s strong physically, mentally, and emotionally. She’s very smart and wants to use what she knows to teach others. She’s so very devoted to family in spite of how her stepmom and stepsister treat her, and even more so how her dad treated her. I would’ve tried to woo her myself if I had been in the show.

Kang Ji-Woon

The bad boy/bully type, the enemies-to-lovers trope, the stalker’s enabler. This man constantly looks like a crying wet puppy, but not in a cute way. He tries to look so sad and pitiful, and he’s an asshole from the get go. From the very start where he rolls his eyes and tries to give Ha-Won his watch when she asks him to apologize for not buying all the food he asked her to prepare at the convenience store, and then scoffs and immediately assumes she’d do anything for money (without considering the fact that she’s dead broke and needs money to survive). You think maybe there’s a redemption when he gives her a bouquet of white roses on the memorial day (I forget what the actual name of that day is called) of her mom’s death. And then you see him being a whiny puppy stuck to the second female lead, enabling her stalker tendencies and hating everyone who doesn’t immediately make Hye-Ji happy. He hates Hyun-Min so much that he also decides to pursue Ha-Won just to make him miserable when he thinks they’re engaged, not even caring about how it might make Ha-Won feel. He keeps doing sweet and caring things that make you think “oh she’s finally breaking down his tough exterior”, and then he just turns around and is an asshole again. He abandoned both Ha-Won AND Hye-Ji on the side of the road on separate occasions and then thought just saying “oh sorry” would fix it. I get that his backstory is sad, and I get that Chairman Kang fucked him over and basically forced him to accept the fact that he’s family, but it’s no excuse for the way he treats everyone else. Also, man needs to learn how to comb his hair and maybe take some allergy medication so his eyes stop watering and his nose isn’t always red.

Kang Seo-Woo

The unrequited love, the pop-star, the male best friend trope. I love him, and I hate that the writers barely gave him a chance. He tried so hard so many times to tell Ha-Won that he liked her. He did so many things to care for her, wrote love songs about her, used his status as a pop-star to help draw crowds away from Ha-Won when she was getting bullied by the girls who thought she was Chairman Kang’s mistress, was a genuinely kind person to everyone including Ha-Won’s best friend, and tried so many times to confess. I wish the writers would’ve taken just a couple more lines to have him say “no, Ha-Won, I’m not writing a love song right now, I’m telling you how I genuinely feel about you” and actually given her a chance to consider him. He saw how much Ha-Won hated the spotlight she got while everyone thought she was engaged to Hyun-Min, and he let pictures of himself in a girls uniform go viral just to stop more pictures of Ha-Won from leaking to the press. At any moment, he could’ve just done with Hyun-Min did and asked Ha-Won to play along with the rumors of them dating, but he actually considered Ha-Won’s feelings (glaring at you, Ji-Woon) and lied about his own feelings to protect her. If I had to choose between the Kang cousins, I would choose Seo-Woo.

Kang Hyun-Min

The spoiled rich kid, the playboy, the fake fiancé, the one afraid to actually love, the object of the stalker’s affection. I wish he had been endgame. They set it up so well in the beginning for him to be endgame. You could tell from the moment he saw Ha-Won beat up the assholes at the bar/party for not paying for the pizza delivery, he was developing feelings. He could’ve easily gone back on his bet with his friends and asked any other girl to go to Chairman Kang’s wedding with him, but he chose to go after Ha-Won, and even went all the way to the convenience store just to try and get her attention. His shock at hearing about BOGO deals with the ice cream was honestly cute, and he was kind enough to sit down with Ha-Won and enjoy the ice cream in spite of being raised directly under Chairman Kang (who makes it very clear what he thinks of anyone who isn’t rich), and he’s actually nice to her. At the beginning he still has that playboy attitude, but even after offering her money to be his date (and being turned down, good job Ha-Won for holding true to your values), he still tries. He picks her up for the wedding, opens the door for her, treats her the way a gentleman should treat a lady (win for chivalry!), and gives her a chance to feel as beautiful as she is. He also is very up front and adamant with Hye-Ji that he wants nothing to do with her, but she keeps showing up and trying to make him feel guilty for not still liking her after having a crush on her when they were NINE YEARS OLD, and it’s been 10 years (she bugs the hell out of me but we’ll get to her). Hyun-Min also is thinking of Ha-Won when he asks Chairman Kang and Secretary Lee to keep it secret from the other Kang cousins that Ha-Won isn’t his real fiancé, because he trusts that they wouldn’t try to pull anything on someone who was already in a relationship (fuck you Ji-Woon for taking that personally and making Ha-Won uncomfortable and confused). He keeps Ha-Won company so she won’t be alone, he goes along with her missions until his pride gets in the way, he buys her a whole wardrobe of clothes because she keeps wearing the same tracksuit for god knows how many episodes and just genuinely tries to make her feel comfortable and taken care of so she can focus on the things she actually needs to do instead of just surviving. I wish that he had seen Ha-Won when she got dolled up in that black and blue dress, he would’ve fallen for her all over again. Unfortunately, the writers decided that the “childhood lovers/first love” trope was more important for Hyun-Min and Hye-Ji, and they had him go back to her even though she was being a stalker after he repeatedly said no. Also hella power move that the heir to the Haneul group in his early 20s would go stand before a board of directors and his grandpa’s wife to save his grandpa’s company after being a slacker playboy up until he met Ha-Won. I love him. I wish he had ended up with Ha-Won. Fuck the writers for putting him with his stalker.

Lee Yoon-Sung

The “fourth knight”, the secretary to the chairman, the by the book character. They never even gave him a chance to be considered a Love Interest, so it kept bothering me that they called it “…Four Knights” and then only made 3 of them potential LIs. He is the most efficient and down to earth of all the guys, he does his job exceedingly well, he respects the absolute hell out of Ha-Won and tries his best to make the Kang cousins respect her as well, he’s a master of tae-kwon-do, he’s deeply loyal to the chairman until a bigger issue comes up, and he’s a very obvious fan favorite. I was very disappointed that the writers made him side with Madame Ji even for the time that he did because he had been so against treating her as his mother after she abandoned him with an abusive drunk father 12 years prior, but I am glad his loyalty to the chairman won out. Also very happy that they included him in their friend group at the end, my man needs to learn to relax (but not with alcohol… my emetophobia did not appreciate the end of the drunk dinner…).

Park Hye-Ji

The second female lead. I cannot stand her. I hate that the writers even included her past the first couple episodes, and I hate even more than they ended up letting her win with Hyun-Min. She’s a very “woe is me” character who acts like she’s entitled to everyone’s attention, especially Hyun-Min’s, just because he gave her a ring when they were 9 and her family got along with the Kang family before her brother died. This girl spends 10 years pining over Hyun-Min after she has not seen or heard from him AT ALL in those 10 years, shows up at his house unannounced when he returns to Korea from studying abroad, constantly shows up wherever he is in public and just looks at him all sad and pathetic like he belongs to her and is cheating on her, she’s been told by him numerous times in basically every episode that he does not want her around and that she should give up even to the point where Hyun-Min has to threaten to never acknowledge her again, she hates Ha-Won for being close to Hyun-Min and then later Ji-Woon, she jumps from guy to guy after Hyun-Min’s threat starting with Ji-Woon because she knows it’ll piss off Hyun-Min the most, she assumes anyone who is nice to her must be in love with her and feels personally attacked and betrayed when they’re like “no I’m just a nice person, I don’t have feelings for you”, blames Hyun-Min for her being so sad and depressed when she’s the one who can’t just fucking get over him from when THEY WERE CHILDREN, constantly tries to make moves and get close to Hyun-Min on the trip and after she moves into Haneul House, and then turns around and is like “I never want to see you again” when Hyun-Min tries to treat her more kindly and tries to explain why he was being such a dick to her. And yet they end up together. Because “childhood love/first love” was more important to the writers than the fact that they made the second female lead a self absorbed entitled stalker. The only thing that comes to mind that puts her in a good light was when she let Ha-Won spend the night, but even that was reluctant and she only started being nice after Ha-Won admitted that the engagement was fake. She should’ve just taken the fashion scholarship to Paris and finally gotten out of the Kang’s lives. If she was alone in a foreign country she might actually learn to rely on herself instead of always expecting Hyun-Min or Ji-Woon to come running.

Hong Ja-Yeoung

Seo-Woo’s biggest fan, Ha-Won’s best friend, an absolute cupcake of a character. I want her to be my best friend. It did annoy me that at the beginning of the trip, she left Ha-Won to do stuff alone just because Seo-Woo wasn’t joining them, but my girl has Ha-Won’s back in every other situation. She was even willing to support Ha-Won and Seo-Woo when the scandal article was published saying that they were engaged when they weren’t. She also was determined enough to get close to her favorite pop-star that she came up with a plan to help him escape his fan girls by wearing her school uniform, and she managed to sneak some photos of him crossdressing as well that he later used to help Ha-Won. She’s been there for Ha-Won through everything and did whatever she could to help even though she herself didn’t have much. I am so happy for her that she gets to be part of Seo-Woo’s management team in the end.

Chairman Kang

Classist asshole who values highly skilled and charismatic employees, but continues to treat them like trash if they stop acting like employees. For him, money buys everything including people, and he has almost completely forgotten what it’s like to actually care about someone until Ji-Woon is on his knees in tears begging him to give his blessings to him and Ha-Won, bringing up how the chairman made his mom leave his dad to remind him of the horrible mistake he made in the past. Chairman Kang talks all the time about wanting the Kang cousins to act as a family, but doesn’t even act like a grandpa to them. He acts like a dictator by threatening to cut them off from everyone and everything if they don’t do exactly what he says. He has good instinct not to trust Madame Ji towards the end, but you would think after 4 failed marriages he would have some way of blocking any future wives from trying to take over the company. I’m glad he finally gave Ha-Won his blessing, but just the wrong cousin.

That being said! In spite of the endgame love interest and the stalker, the interactions were pretty cute and it was entertaining. It was much needed after watching Tomorrow. I’m going to acknowledge that canon has Ha-Won with Ji-Woon, but in my mind I will always pair Ha-Won with Hyun-Min or Seo-Woo, and believe that Hye-Ji would actually go away (and STAY away) after Hyun-Min rejected her at the wedding.

[genericpuff]

so, i'd been stalking your blog in silence for the past few days/weeks because i used to be a huge fan of LO (i paid patron, was on the discord, own merch and a volume, spent money on fast past for over FOUR years). but as it happened to most fans, i got frustrated and gave up fastpass, and for a while i was trying to stay away from LO critiques because it just made me mad to realize something that was a comfort thing for me was bad all along (and i didn't wanna go full blown anti-LO) but i just finished reading your analysis on the mid-season finale and oh my god dude.

the retcon on how persephone feels about apollo after over 4 years of seeing her hate him because of what he did nearly pushed me over the edge. i feel sick to my stomach, this has to be among the worst things rachel has done and i just wanna say thank you for bringing it up and talking about it so eloquently. i'm a victim of SA and its comforting to see people in the fandom take it as seriously as it should be.

also LO rekindled is a breath of fresh air, thank you for creating it and putting so much work into it <3

Aw man, it's wild when I see people go through the pipeline of realizing LO has issues, mostly because it's a common attack on the critical community that everyone in it are just a bunch of "trolls and haters", but really, a lot of us started in the same boat as you, myself included. I unfortunately just missed the Patreon era, but I remember when I was a diehard fan of LO, it was one of the biggest facets of my friendship with the person who introduced me to it, I would literally be swiping my app refreshing it over and over again in the last seconds leading up to new updates trying to get the episode to just load, I drew fanart, I even did a tattoo of it once for that same friend who got me into it, and yes, I was really pissed that there was an anti community surrounding it.

It's crazy to think back on those times. I do miss how the comic used to make me feel, but at the same time, I know there's no going back to that time so I try to make the best of what I have now within the critic community, and what I've gained since then in terms of dissecting and discussing literature.

I feel so much for your feelings regarding the SA plot, I'm also a victim of SA so it was one of the biggest plot points that drew me into the comic in the first place, so it was really hard to truly realize what the series had become as the SA plotline took a backseat and the characterizations fell apart. It felt like something that I had gone through - and many others who also related to Persephone's struggles - was being used for cheap drama and that feels especially apparent now with how the series seems to be backpedaling it, or at least, replacing it with different motivations to make Apollo the villain, almost like it's an attempt to distract us from the SA and make us want to see his downfall for reasons that Rachel can quantify in a more black and white "good vs evil" kind of way.

I'm so glad you like Rekindled, I made it for people like you and I who loved LO once upon a time but mourn for what it once was before it turned into what it is now. It's been such a cathartic project for me and I'm so happy that others enjoy it too <3

[fabled-lady-twilla]

I really am my own worst enemy when it comes to my writing... 😭😭😭

So, over the past two days I performed a little experiment to figure out what environmental factors/mental states/any other factors help me get more writing done vs. hinder me so that I get less writing done.

First day, I didn't do anything different than I normally would. So, I ate breakfast, took my ADHD meds, put on my writing playlist at low volume, sat down at my cluttered desk with a cup of coffee, and started writing. As usual, after spending some time organizing my thoughts, I was able to get some writing done but it was nowhere near my word count goals, and per usual, I was frustrated with myself. It wasn't one of my good days.

I'd write a couple of sentences, get discouraged by my own unhelpful thoughts, then desperately search for a serotonin boost in the form of an Instagram reel or some other brainrot activity in which I doomscrolled for a bit until my brain said: I'm happy again, let's try writing more.

Then, I nitpicked every fucking word (not every sentence, not every paragraph, every WORD) I wrote, compared my writing to other people's writing, and had a general 'my writing isn't good enough and therefore I'm not good enough' mentality. I couldn't even get a sentence out without some form of negative self-talk happening, and I know many other writers can relate to this. We're often far too harsh on ourselves and it does nothing but make us upset.

Second day, I completely changed everything and on god, I literally researched how to become more productive with writing and freaking ✨forced✨ myself to apply these changes to see if it truly made a difference. Being in therapy for many years, one thing I'm really good at is experimenting with methods that help me become better at something and getting rid of things that hinder me. I'm really good at applying (minor) changes quickly to see if they help. So, I ate breakfast, took my meds, made a cup of coffee like usual.

But here is what I did differently:

I completely cleared off and cleaned my desk space so that it wasn't cluttered and had less distractions.

I closed out all of my tabs that had any other novels or fanfiction stories, so I didn't give myself a chance to compare.

I didn't let myself 'organize my thoughts' or do a bunch of unnecessary 'pre-tasks' before I started writing.

I set a timer on my phone and literally put it on the other side of my room. I set my time for an hour and dedicated the hour to writing only and no socializing or engaging with social media.

Like the article below suggested, I wrote in shorts bursts and took small breaks during that hour, which eased anxiety.

Any time I thought 'wow, this isn't going to work and I'm going to have another day of not meeting my writing goals' I simply turned it on its head, forcing myself to say something along the lines of 'wow, lets forget writing goals today and be open to the discovering new ways to write and be happy while doing it'.

I told myself, 'it doesn't matter if it's perfect or if I can't find the right words. I'm just going to write out a bunch of paragraphs and see what I get'. I didn't care or pay attention to grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors, I just wrote without judgement.

I'm sure anyone reading this won't be surprised to hear that not only did I get more writing done, I went beyond my word count goal without even realizing it and enjoyed myself while doing it!!!!

Go beyond, PLUS ULTRA!!!! Lmao. 🤣🤣🤣

Why am I always SO hard on myself? It does nothing but ensure that I get less writing done and make the act of writing as miserable as possible. It's like I forget that I love writing and it's my biggest passion in life, haha.

These are just a couple of articles I used to make some changes:

[iviarellereads]

The Fires of Heaven, Chapter 11 - The Nine Horse Hitch

(THIS PROJECT IS SPOILER FREE! No spoilers past the chapter you click on. Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Wheel of Time, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(Flame icon) In which someone has to remember she's not who she used to be.

PERSPECTIVE: Siuan et al have reached Lugard, in Murandy. She's been letting Logain think he was in charge, since she really doesn't know what to do with him yet.

The Nine Horse Hitch is the inn Logain chooses for them for the night. Siuan arranges for Leane and Min to distract Logain while she goes to meet a contact to find out where the Blue Ajah went after the Tower broke. On the way, she notes that she looks and feels very young, not much older than Min, and fairly attractive beneath the grime of travel.(1)

She has to put on a somewhat embarrassing performance to ask the right questions of the innkeeper to establish the contact, but she does so. She doesn't get quite the response she was looking for, but gets brought into a back room to talk. She informs the contact, Mistress Tharne, that Siuan Sanche has been stilled, and Elaida a'Roihan is the new Amyrlin. Tharne says that explains some of the orders, maybe, and she does have a message for any Blue who came looking around. Simply a name: Sallie Daera.(2)

Siuan leaves, the Tharne making fun of her as she does. At least she understands the message: the town of Salidar, birthplace of a famous Blue sister. On the way back to her inn, she glares so fiercely that she gets fewer catcalls.

PERSPECTIVE: Min, on a bench, in the common room of the Nine Horse Hitch, watches Leane flirt with a whole table of men. Logain looks grumpy that he's not the center of attention. Min wonders what it would be like to flirt with Rand the way Leane is with everyone.(3)

Siuan sneaks up on Min and says they have to go south, now. She thinks she may have made some Whitecloaks suspicious, and Min can tell that Siuan has learned something. Min grumbles they won't be able to reach another inn by nightfall, but goes to tell the others, quietly.

=====

(1) She makes a big deal of how far separated from her youth she is. Siuan, you're only 41. To be changed back to 25 or so is really not THAT big of a deal. You even admit this is only 15-20 years here. I'm saying this as someone who's staring down the barrel of 40 myself sometime in the next 2-5 years to keep things vague. RJ had a very skewed conception of women's self-image and aging compared to what we know now (consider what 50 looked like in The Golden Girls vs what 50 looks like nowadays in film and TV) and was also writing as a man trying to understand women from the outside, for sure. (2) Wow, what a clever puzzle, I'm sure nobody but a Blue would figure out Sallie Daera was Salidar. Especially since there have only been so many Amyrlins and the one who saved the Tower from Bonwhin's disaster would be widely studied. (3) This whole sequence, I mean starting all the way back when she was buying silk fabric to have dresses made to show Rand someday, but all the way through this… This is where a lot of people start to hate Min. And, look, everyone is entitled to their feelings and opinions. It is sad and frustrating to see a young woman who stands out from others be blended back into the crowd. But, there's also a problem with putting Not Like Other Girls girls on pedestals just for being NLOGs when there are so many different kinds of female characters in this series. If you can't tell, I think it's more complicated than a lot of people's knee-jerk reactions make it out to be. And, I can't say how I feel because a lot of it's influenced by what happens later.

[altruistic-meme]

Okay i was originally going to try to make a nice and neat little post about heartstopper and some of my thoughts, as well as a separate post about what i like about the comics vs. the tv show. 

Uh. So. I can’t actually corral my thoughts to be coherent enough for that, so here are some various assorted thoughts about it all instead <3 put under a cut bc it is long and rambley and a mess

[spoiler warning for the comics if you haven't read them]

Idk what it is, but I love comic Charlie a LOT. Like. A LOT a lot. There is just something about his character in the comics, his banter, the way he behaves that I love so much more in the comics than the show. I feel almost like the characters aren’t quite the same person, though I do love them both. I just connected so much more with comic Charlie.

Semi-related but I also feel like we get a much more clear picture of his OCD and the attached anxieties in the comics. 

HMMM okay or maybe not. Idk. I think maybe we can see more of Charlie’s OCD in the show through his desire to make everything easy and perfect for Nick, even when it hurts him too. 

He’s popular in the comics!!! It’s mentioned multiple times by other characters that Charlie is popular at school!!! And I think that’s actually a really interesting look at his character. He was bullied for most of y9 and yet the rugby lads think he’s a popular kid in y10. Despite this, we don’t actually see Charlie interacting with basically anyone but the other main characters, and I think that kind of reflects how Charlie views himself. On the way back from Paris, he asks Nick “does this mean I’m a cool kid now?” he doesn’t think people see him as cool but like I said, other characters have said he’s popular. They must have gotten that idea from SOMEWHERE right? But Charlie’s own poor self-esteem means he still doesn’t actually believe he’s cool or that people like him. I don’t know if there was a point to this rant but. Charlie is a popular boy.

I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE KIDS WHO STOPPED THE BULLYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, in the comics Charlie really is a nerd in a way he isn’t in the show. He helps Nick with his math and yells at him for distracting him from his homework. I get why this change happened in the show–it gives us a better idea of the strained relationship that Charlie has with his mom while also showing us that his dad tries to support him but often fails–but I really like it in the comics because Nick calls him a nerd but it’s less obvious in the show how nerdy he really is. 

That said obviously I also ADORE getting to explore the other characters and their lives and everything in the show. I love getting to see more of them. (But I also love how we DON’T always get all the information in the comics, but that’s just because I love when there are background stories happening that we don’t see through the main storyline. This event/love is not unique to Heartstopper) 

I love Imogen!!! I really like that it’s showing her as someone who is sort trying to become friends with the group and that isn’t always a fast or easy process. She goes to the sleepover with them and she hangs out with them in Paris, but she’s doesn’t leave Prom with them or anything. Also, I love the possibility that she is discovering that she’s queer too!! And that her halfway joining of their friend group leads to her discovering herself bc i feel like that’s so true to real life.

I am so curious about the Isaac vs. Aled thing and I wonder if Aled will appear in one of the later seasons, or if he is just not in the show at all. And Isaac! I assume he’s in some extra content I haven’t seen? Don’t get me wrong ofc, I love Isaac and his storyline is SO SO IMPORTANT as someone who is asexual myself. I am so glad that there is the representation of someone discovering that they’re aroace. I do assume that’s part of the reason for him being the 4th friend as opposed to Aled? Idk. 

I’M SO SAD ABOUT OLIVER BEING COMPLETELY OMITTED FROM THE SHOW!!! I assume there is an interview or something where Alice Oseman explains why Oliver wasn’t in the show, but I haven’t seen it and rn I will simply cry about it. I love him and I wish he had been included. 

I am also SO CURIOUS how the rest of the show will look!! I know that I read somewhere that s3 should be the contents of book 4, and that s4/s5 if they get them would be books 5/6 respectively. And I’m so intrigued. Because book 4 is the heaviest of them all so far, and I wonder how it will be translated to the screen. Especially the Sept-Dec timeskip! Will we see that time, especially considering the other character’s storylines??? This wasn’t an issue in the comics since they focus solely on Nick/Charlie, but with all of the other characters it would be more difficult to just skip that whole time. Will it just be a summary of events like in the comics, with flashes to what has happened? Or will we get a more explicit idea of everything?? (probably not including Charlie’s sh relapses or the night in October, but maybe the This Winter content???) i am SO excited for October though so all my questions can be answered :’)

OH something that was super interesting to me was a very small change in dialogue during the scene where Charlie first tells Nick about his sh. In the show, when Nick asks if he still does it Charlie just says “No.” but in the comics he says “No! I mean- hardly ever” and it’s such a small change but it speaks volumes too in the difference between the comic and the show. I’m not really sure what it’s saying though. Was show Charlie just more consistently in a better place where he feels like it’s stopped and won’t happen again? Was comic Charlie just more honest in this moment in acknowledging that it has still happened since? I’m not sure!!! But i’ve spent WAYYY too much time thinking about this one tiny change in dialogue!!!

Another thing is like, I really liked how the comics handled Nick’s dad. Them not meeting in Paris and then him missing Nick’s birthday. It really hits hard exactly how negligent he is, and it gives space for Charlie to be there for Nick when he’s upset. I do like how it went in the show as well, because it does still get everything across beautifully, but idk. I think mostly I’m just remembering the shot of Nick opening the door to greet Charlie on his birthday looking heartbroken and upset about his dad canceling and how hard that hit when i first read it. (keep in mind that i watched the show before reading the comics, so i was surprised at first to learn that they didn’t meet up in Paris! Let alone that he missed Nick’s birthday TOO!!)

Okay I think that’s it for right now. I have largely been spinning comic Charlie in the microwave in my mind bc OUGH i relate to him too much. I will probably come back at some point with more thoughts, but until then. Hope you enjoyed my brief insanity.

[amiasfitaccw]

Veronica, Miss Silesto, whatever you prefer

Part 2nd

What are some of the benefits and challenges that come from having dogs as scene partners when you're filming?

One out of 10 commercial videos go to the trash because some of us are just in the wrong mood. Planned sex itself is already a problem, and each of us should be as distracted as possible from the "formality" of the shooting process. We don't know how to live according to the script, but shooting it in any case assumes. My main task is to relax and have fun, as always. Dogs should not suspect the atmosphere of "staging" and feel natural. The operator should be as transparent as possible, not to distract either me or the dogs with his presence. I wouldn't call it a disadvantage, it's just a cost of the process.

Advantages? I'm sorry, but I have nothing to compare it with. It's over, I like ordinary everyday sex more, without masks and cameras. But if I happen to act in professional porn with men in the future, I will definitely share my feelings with you.

In general, sex with a skilled man and a big dog can be compared in terms of the sharpness of sensations. The key word is skillful. A man needs to be very sophisticated in sex to impress me. And it's enough for a dog to just be himself.

Do you have much sex with your dogs off camera? If so, what are the differences when you're just being intimate with them vs when you're trying to film content?

Almost every day when I'm at home. They are very temperamental and persistent, and I myself do not intend to refuse them. Of course, our home sex is warmer, gentler and more intimate. There is no preparation, no foreplay. Only the animal world of passion. Where I get caught, sex happens there, we don't need to set a time and place. Fortunately, in my personal life there are all the conditions for this.

Shooting a commercial movie is completely different. Be sure to take a break for 2-3 days without sex. On the set, my dogs are overexcited and more chaotic than at home, because they are not on their own territory. They attack, you can say they rape me. I also get too excited about it and the sex in the frame looks fierce and wild. As for the sensations, sex during the shooting can not bring as much physical pleasure as at home. There is no relaxation and intimacy, it is impossible to focus on feelings. I think any porn star will confirm my words.

So as someone who's generally in the zoo porn space, I don't know how much you've worked with some of the bigger companies out there, or heard stories from others, but when it comes to the bigger names how much consideration is there for the happyness and wellbeing of the animals involved in their productions?

I've received offers from probably all the producers you might know in this industry. Almost all the freelance girls contacted us with proposals for joint filming. I wouldn't accept it on any terms just because I don't consider myself a part of the business. I am an independent and closed person, I am not interested in money, prospects and growth. My story is a true addiction to pleasure, which unexpectedly brought good incomes. No more.

Safety, comfort and mutual attraction, in my opinion, are things without which there should be no porn, no sex at all. Neither in the zoo, nor in the human world. It pisses me off when a dog is simply raped in the video, when she does not show any initiative. It's a flat and lifeless plot, it's not porn at all. 

The right approach to creating a zoo begins with the correct training of the animal. We spent six months on this from the first contact to the first shooting. When raising a new pet, we allow him to be present in the frame, but I never focus on him while he is just an "extra". The main character is still the same here. And my young star is still six months away from full participation in the cinema, I think.

A big goal with the magazine is trying to push for zoo activism. What role do you think porn can play in trying to create more widespread zoo acceptance?

You know, we thought that our audience was no more than a couple thousand meaningful and deeply involved people who would become regular viewers. As we can see two years later, for every thousand regular buyers of my movies, there are 5,000 newcomers. New people are constantly appearing and there are more and more of them, the process is becoming more active. This is very inspiring and inspires future creations. My clips on 10 sites where we advertise have accumulated more than 20 million views at the moment. People are increasingly stepping over embarrassment and asking us questions, asking for advice, and just trying to get to know and communicate on our favorite topic. A great trend, laid down by pornography, or something else.

As someone from Spain, what do you think about the new change in laws to "legalize bestiality" there? I've heard from other Spanish friends that the law is fairly controversial, and not as clear cut as some of the more American media makes it out to be.

There was a lot of hype around nothing. Bestiality has never been mentioned in Spanish criminal law. Where this fictional interpretation of article 337 of the Criminal Code came from is anyone's guess. There is not a word about the sexual exploitation of animals, you can see for yourself. Modern journalism is not perfect, if there is no news occasion, many authors are not averse to inventing it.

Speaking generally about the legal side of our genre, I fully agree that the safety and well-being of an animal is most important when you enter into some kind of interaction with it. You play, you feed, you have sex – it doesn't matter. Be careful and do not dare to harm. This is the focus of the amendments proposed in Spain to the law on the protection of flora and fauna. And to call the sex of a fragile girl and a guard dog weighing 150 pounds sexual exploitation is a clear overkill, you must agree. To be honest, in my case, the victim is rather me, because my dogs are not giving me a pass, demanding sex.

to be continue...

[tma-entity-song-poll]

Battle of the Fear Bands B2R1: The Corruption

WORMS (In My Brain):

“worms as metaphor for depression,,,,“isn’t it crazy what squirms inside,,,,” its all very “you can’t escape these fucking worms,,,,,” Also it goes fucking HARD as HELL”

Sweet:

“The "compulsive incestuous heterosexuality under the influence of psychotropic candy" song!”

Note: The first piece of propaganda to have me concerned.

Lyrics below the line!

WORMS (In My Brain):

All kinds of funny And I'm so lazy Try and hang around and it'll drive you crazy And isn't it bad? (Oh-oh-oh) That I'm just distracted but I'm still sad (oh-oh-oh) Can't believe that this is where I'm at Isn't it crazy that I'm still sad Despite the love and all the care and the friends I have? Isn't it crazy that I'm still sad? (There's so much space) Isn't it crazy what squirms inside? These motherfuckers get stronger with pesticide Isn't it crazy what squirms inside? I think it's driving me insane The worms in my brain I changed my address I changed my own name Can't get away Get away The source of my pain The worms in my brain If I dig them out I'd dig my own grave Can't get away Get away from them I said to the doctor "Take a look at my head" 'Cause it's been ten long years since it's even been checked He told me "Come over here" Took a look in my ear and said "Fuck" (What the fuck is happening?) You've got worms in your brain They drive you insane You changed your address You changed your own name Can't get away Get away The source of your pain The worms in your brain If you dig them out You'd dig your own grave Can't get away Get away from them I got worms I got worms I got worms Inside my head I got worms I got worms I got worms Inside my head It's really okay, y'know Like, I've always wanted a pet And it's actually kinda cute when they feed off my flesh Like, sure, they were like kinda hard to deal with at first But I kinda got used to the way that it hurts And I really think you're overreacting And it's kinda distracting Like I know it sounds bad But, like, why are you looking at me like that? Oh, hold on two secs There's one crawling out of my ear right now Fuck these worms I think it's driving me insane (Woah-oh) The worms in my brain (Woah-oh) I changed my address I changed my own name Can't get away Get away The source of my pain (Woah-oh) The worms in my brain (Woah-oh) If I dig them out I'd dig my own grave Can't get away Get away from them I got worms I got worms I got worms Inside my head I got worms I got worms I got worms Inside my head I got worms I got worms I got worms Inside my head I got worms I got worms I got worms Inside my head Ooh That one, that one

Sweet:

Hello, my candy coated darling, it's your vanilla baby I've come to say I love you and I always have I find it so amusing, I used to be confused and Afraid that you would never love me Back but now I see that we were always meant to be You and me forever planting lots of family trees Counting out our children, half a zillion at least We'll name the boys for you and we will name the girls for me Haa haa haa Haa haa haa Hello, the sour peach of my skin, the sweetest poison icing So tasty it could rot your teeth and brain The chaotic consumption, the diabetic gumption To do a thing like make me go insane And leave this plane of reality completely Float among the clouds of pink and blue cotton candy Let's blast into space and race around like aeroplanes Spreading multicolored chemtrails, soda pop, and acid rain Feels so neat Never wanna be myself again I just wanna be sweet (sweet) Feels so fun Never wanna come back down Feels so neat Never wanna be myself again I just wanna be sweet (sweet) Feels so fun Never wanna come back down Come back down Haa (haa) haa (haa) haa (haa) Haa (haa) haa (haa) haa (haa) Haa (haa) haa (haa) Goodbye to heartbreak on my birthday, annoying boys who hurt me With all the stupid things they do and say I can't even remember what I was so upset for Spun sugar melts in water anyway So no more crying, dry those tears, I'll end your pain Soon you'll feel the cherry syrup running through your veins Heaven is a grinning face with not a trace of shame Take a taste of every flavour, favor anything but plain Feels so neat Never wanna be myself again I just wanna be sweet (sweet) Feels so fun Never wanna come back down Feels so neat Never wanna be myself again I just wanna be sweet (sweet) Feels so fun Never wanna come back down Haa (haa) haa (haa) haa (haa) Haa (haa) haa (haa) haa (haa) Haa (haa) haa (haa) haa (haa) Haa (haa) haa (haa) haa (haa) Haa (haa) haa (haa) haa (haa) Haa (haa) haa (haa) haa (haa) Haa (haa) haa (haa) haa (haa)Haa (haa) haa (haa) haa (haa)

[maskedemerald]

15 Questions Tag Game

I'm finally getting to catching up on the tags I've gotten while I was ill. You'll be seeing a lot more of me now!

Tagged by @the-down-upside-finch and @taveren-writing because I got tagged twice I'll do this for my OCs from both my upcoming NaNoWriMo projects: Blue is A Curiosity Piqued's current and upcoming protagonists Aelfraed and Arnvalr. Red is Magic Act's protagonists Magician and Night. Sorry this is going to be a long one but hey you get some Fae shenanigans and some detective vs thief shenanigans.

Rules: Answer the 15 questions as your OC or yourself. Tag up to 15 people.

Tagging: @card-queen @pb-dot @thetruearchmagos @dogmomwrites @i-rove-rock-n-roll @stesierra @guessillcallitart @sparrow-orion-writes @ashwithapen @cat-esper @jasperygrace @sam-glade @alnaperera @amaiguri @akiwitch

I'm curious to learn more about you and your characters!

Are you named after anyone?

Aelfraed: I was named after my grandfather... though I was almost named after my father. Very glad that didn't happen its bad enough sharing a lastname. Arnvaldr: Dunno, never met my folks and never bothered to ask my sister Vigdis. Don't really care they were all probably shitty.

Magician: That's actually pretty hard to answer when I don't remember what it was. Night: Wouldn't you like to know human. You can't trick what is mine so easily. You are not that clever. Though the attempt is amusing.

When was the last time you cried?

Aelfraed: A couple of weeks ago now, its been a good thing to have gotten away from the university in the long run despite everything else that happened. Arnvaldr: pft, poor detective. Dunno the last time I did.

Magician: After Night threw me in the deep end. They left me to trick some fae into believing I wasn't human by myself, specifically one that I'm sure was planning to kill me. Night: I apologized for that Magician, you seemed to be fine at the time. You had them convinced. Magician: You called that an apology? Ugh you make absolutely no sense. Do fae even cry? You thought I was ill. Night: Correction, I thought you were ill because you kept sleeping for more time than you were awake. Fae do cry, I have cried. Magician: When? Night: I would rather not talk about it Magician.

Do you have kids?

Aelfraed: I've never really considered it. Arnvaldr: Never, nope. Not happening.

Do you use sarcasm?

Aelfraed: Its not really something I use, I would rather state things clearly. Arnvaldr: Figured you'd pick the boring answer Detective. Life's more fun with a good dose of sarcasm.

Night: Me? Never, I only ever say exactly what I mean. Magician: Uh-huh, sure you do Night. There has to be some sarcasm in all that cryptic stuff you end up saying. Wait... stop laughing its not my fault you manage to say that with a completely straight face!

What’s the first thing you notice about others?

Aelfraed: Their mood probably. The expression on their face. Arnvaldr: Really, doesn't the au... never mind. I guess we have something in common Detective, well sort of.

What’s your eye color?

Aelfraed: They're gray the same as my father's, not a nice kind. They always seem so cold and judging. Arnvaldr: Huh I thought they were darker than that, probably just the lighting. Running across rooftops at night isn't the best way to get a good look at someone. Mine are green in case you missed it. Aelfraed: Are you trying to make finding you easier? Arnvaldr: I'll say again, catch me if you can Detective.

Magician: Mine are a redish brown... Night? What did you do to my eyes! Why are they more red! Night: Pft, you didn't notice Magician? I thought you would have noticed before now. You didn't really think you'd fit in with such ordinary eyes, you've seen mine. I am sure humans do not have this shade of purple. Magician: I was a bit distracted with the ears. Also that's more than just purple.

Scary stories or happy endings?

Aelfraed: I would rather see a happy ending, life is bad enough without adding horror stories to it. Arnvaldr: Wuss, give me horror any day. Happy endings just aren't realistic.

Night: Horror, without a doubt. The more disturbing the better. Magician: That tracks, living with you is like being in a horror story and I've had enough of that. Happy endings please, hopefully I'll get one.

Any special talents?

Arnvaldr: Does thievery count, or maybe my nack for escaping. Aelfraed: I would say no. With what you steal I'm rather surprised you're still alive.

Magician: I'm pretty good with my magic tricks by this point, as long as I have my gear there is a lot I can pull off. Night's is probably being terrifying. Night: ah haha, funny. You are just easy to scare Magician.

Where were you born?

Aelfraed: A smaller town outside of Edinburgh. Arnvaldr: I don't really know, don't really care.

Magician: I was technically born in the city. Mum had to go to the hospital and we didn't have one nearer but I grew up in a small town that's practically countryside. Night: One of the many fae realm pockets. I believe the mirror to Magician's small town though according to Magician the two are quite different.

What are your hobbies?

Aelfraed: Reading, give me a good book and I'll be happy for hours. Even better if I'm learning something. Arnvaldr please don't say theft, please tell me you have something else to do. Arnvaldr: Oh come on, the theft is fun! But if you insist, running... specifically over rooftops.

Magician: Magic tricks, cycling and video games. Night: For me gardening, my blue roses are quite well kept. Though also the stars and my experiments. Magician: Don't give them any ideas, you don't want to be one of their experiments. Its a nightmare. Night: Shhh, you're scaring them away.

Do you have any pets?

Arnvaldr: Hmm I'd like one, not really able to look after one though. Don't tell the Detective I feed the strays when I can, I don't want him getting the wrong idea.

Night: I have Nyx, he's a crow I found near the lake portal. Magician: Wait so Nyx looks like a normal crow because he is?

What sports do you play/have played?

Magician: A little football with my friends, its fun but I'm not serious about it like some of them. Night: I would explain but we would be here for some time, I doubt humans have fae sports.

How tall are you?

Aelfraed: Quite tall, I think I got most of the height in the family. Only my father is taller and that's not by much. Arnvaldr: 5ft 3, less height really helps with the whole thief thing.

Night: You think I am constrained to a specific height? No, though I do prefer to remain on the taller end of things. Magician: A little jealous that you can just choose. I'm 5ft I'm hoping to get a bit more as I get older.

Favorite subject in school?

Aelfraed: Everything, I missed the variety of subjects once I started at University.

Magician: Science, it gave me so many ideas for tricks. Its not really school but I really like the theatre club at the community theatre across town too.

Dream job?

Aelfraed: I don't know right now, I've left university and haven't worked out what I want to do now. What about you Arnvaldr? If you didn't need to steal what would you do? Arnvaldr: Come on, I'd probably still pocket things. Maybe a Focus Engineer or Archeologist. Aelfraed: I didn't know you were interested in history. Arnvaldr: I'm not, but that's where the interesting treasures come from so where better to pocket them. Aelfraed: There's no changing you is there.

Magician: I want to be a magician but I think that's obvious, maybe a stage actor too.

Woooo! Thank you for reading to the end! If you're curious about the projects I'm going to be working on both during NaNoWriMo next month and will be posting more about them!