#...that pixel art is never getting done oh gee

[cloudsrust]

I may have gotten side tracked,,

[miss-m-winks]

Instead of a summary of my art from each month of 2019 I’ve compiled a summary of my art from every year of this decade! Finding some of that old art was incredibly difficult.

And making an exact image description of all this would be too long to write or read so I’m going to do my best to describe all this in a concise and interesting way.

2010: I was a sophomore in high school, so about 15 years old. These two drawings are in pencil and colored pencil, one of some random girl character wearing brightly colored clothes and a rainbow shawl thing (??) walking on clouds it seems. No idea what that was meant to be about. The other is a reference for my old oc, the very first one I ever had, based on myself. She looks human but with unicorn ears and a horn, plus wings and a tail. I hadn’t figured out animal legs yet either so she has perfectly normal human legs that just end in hooves.

2011: still mostly pencil, colored pencil, I don’t remember if I had a laptop yet. I would have been 16 years old at this time. I picked a self portrait here, a coloreddrawing of myself in black concert dress playing the trumpet because I got to do a solo in jazz band and I was very happy about it. The other art I picked for this year is digital but in the old ms paint program (you know before it tried to be fancy with a few more realistic tools and was only pixel art tools) I do believe I was still using the family computer for this, with a mouse. I was really creative with the tools. It’s my unicorn girl oc again, flying through the sky. I included a progress image, showing how I made it. I’m so glad I saved the steps and posted them it’s really cool to see my old art process for that.

2012: 17 years old, and I think I finally had a laptop with a good art program on it by this time but I still did mostly traditional art, lots of colored pencil work. I found this old experimental art I did that year, a colored pencil drawing of a girl sitting on a tree branch, but the background is all digital, a painting of a fantasy night sky with three moons. It actually looks kinda good, the edges of the colored pencil drawing are crisp and smooth and the digital background doesn’t look out of place. I mean the shading is a bit of a mess and I used white clouds on a black night sky which is a bit funny looking but it isn’t that bad. The other image is a colored pencil drawing that was really ambitious for me at the time. I had this cool idea to draw Death with sunset colored wings, all poetic and stuff. Why did I also draw death with blue skin and horns? I don’t know. Why is death sitting on an ambiguous brown cliff overlooking a cemetery? Well I guess I just was having trouble finding any other way to make a nice background and have death above a cemetery. I should redo this one, it’s a really good concept.

2013: my last year of high school, 18 years old. I was doing digital art a lot more often this year and expanding the diversity of my ocs. One of these images is a digital drawing of two of my first characters of color, two male black elves (black as in African-based) smoochin. My first black oc was also my first queer oc, jayvyn. A gay elf. There are a lot of issues with the way I originally conceptualized his story but even when I was thinking he was the only queer person in his town and there was homophobia towards him (I was only just dipping my toes outside the mindset I grew up in) I gave him a whole massive group of friends (a boys' lacrosse team he was on don’t ask me why lacrosse I have no idea I don’t even know much about lacrosse it was a weird choice) and those friends were extremely loyal and supportive of him, even to the point of going on dates with him just to make him happy. and again, he was the only gay character I had so I was writing a bunch of straight dudes taking their one gay friend on dates in a town full of people who were at least vaguely homophobic, I definitely had a lot of growing to do in my writing and my own mindset but I’m kinda proud of myself for doing that? I could have done so much worse with my first queer oc and my first real step into characters of color, but I made the whole story about this tight knit group of boys who were all such close loving friends. (Gee I wonder if this had anything to do with my being ace and not knowing it yet). Oh yeah, the other image is also there, that one is from a photoshop class I took. We had a three-way folding mirrors the bathroom at the time so I put on a hoodie, turned out the bathroom lights, folded the mirrors in and shoved my face into the gap and then took a photo with the flash while holding my mouth open in a silent scream. The result is this really cool series of screaming faces at different angles, which I then ran through a few filters and major contrast adjustment. Could be an edgy generic horror movie cover lol

2014: 19 years old, and I just finished a year of community college and then left on a church mission for 18 months. I probably should have used some of my first college art class drawings for this year's summary but I was using my old deviantart gallery to collect these old images so I forgot I had all that college art too. These two digital images are pretty dynamic in different ways. Dynamic lighting and dark skin, an experiment I was doing to figure out lighting better for my characters of color. That’s Jayvyn again I think, with lightning shooting out of his hand because I sure love making characters with lightning powers. The other is dynamic in the posing and I’m still incredibly happy with it, it’s a drawing of a grey centaur from behind, bucking in panic because a kitten pounced on its foot. Definitely still one of the best centaur drawings I have ever made.

2015: 20 years old, I was actually on my church mission for this entire year so finding art from that year was very very tricky. One is just a small pencil drawing on another oc, Ronan with his cool mechanical leg playing fiddle I guess? I was doing a lot of synesthesia doodles that year so there are lots of swirly lines coming off the fiddle. I was also surprised to find this really neat digital art I made of Ravio from link between worlds, I almost forgot I did find a way to make digital art on my mission (no access to my laptop, limited apps we were allowed to use, super limited access to normal computers except for emails and such, always busy doing important stuff) I discovered the drawing function in the iPad notes app and every time I had time I would use it until I figured out how to make it work for me, using only my fingers, the limited color palette options, and this marker tool that had one size and only multiplied (except when using white) this is definitely one of the best ones, but I don’t know where the rest went. I had a lot. I was stunned to find this because it really looks like I could have done it on a laptop, can’t believe I forgot I did that.

2016: 21 years old. Had to get used to a laptop again. Also I created my current main oc Morianten during my church mission so here I have the very first full body digital art of him! I’ve definitely changed his anatomy a lot since then, made him much more bird like. Kinda funny to look at this old one and see just how differently I draw him now, only three years later. I also have here a digital painting of some other members of morianten's adoptive family, his dad and little brother having a father son race in nice racing wheelchairs. I still struggle with proportions when I draw characters in wheelchairs.

2017: 22 years old, and back in college. I really had a focus on figure drawing that year, I was back in college art classes and I found posespace.com which is just full of professionally shot art model photos. I’ve got one digital figure drawing of my oc Talib, another practice in lighting on dark skin. The other image is a charcoal drawing of my oc Parva, I think I did that one in a 30 minute time frame where I was taking pictures at different points to show my process but I’ve lost the process images.

2018: 23 years old, and really getting into color depth with my digital art. I found a really old pencil drawing of a dynamic dancing scene and redid it as a digital painting with extreme colored lighting dynamics and new characters. I also got super into mermay so I’ve included one of my favorites, a rainbow trout gal and her elf girlfriend having a chat after a nice swim. I’m super proud of the colors and proportions here, and the shading is pretty great too.

And then it’s 2019! This year! I’m 24! For this one I used three images instead of two, all digital. My ocs Talib and Kouto as persephone and hades in a really quick painting I did but the colors and lighting are intense and fun. No outlines painting of Morianten with some pretty intense lightning lighting. That one took ages and I’m still not entirely pleased with the way I drew his face there but I’m proud of it. And I never actually posted this last one, it’s a new oc created exclusively for the DC superheroes au I dabbled in with @askmissbernadette, a young hero called Lion riding a skateboard in a dark city with a long coat on because that’s a fun way to replace the common superhero cape design.

Overall, it was really fun to go through my art for the entire decade and see how much it’s changed over time. And to see how much my characters have changed. Hope 2020 is a good year, hope the 20s in general are good. Here’s to another 10 years of change and progress!

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

A Monsters’ World

I’m Not Alone!!! Hey folks, I have this interesting relationship with my parents which I always thought was kinda hard to describe and I thought it was a unique type of hell, but it’s not. So I literally Googled “Why don’t my parents care about my interests?” and I didn’t actually expect much to come up but it turns out there are hundreds and thousands of other people who go through the following issue.

 You know when a small child is telling you about some fantasy world that they just made up and you just kinda dismiss it and tell them ‘cool’ just so they’ll leave? Well I’m sad to say I’ve done that and we probably all have. But This is one of the many ways my parents. If I ever talk about something that I care about they dismiss it or trivialize it. At the end of one of my sentences they just say “Anyways” and then move on and talk about something else, not even acknowledging me and they send a clear message that what I just said, what I care about, WHO I care about and that I, do not matter to them. My dad still thinks I play Call of Duty, after 4 years of not playing it. My parents couldn’t name one of my hobbies other than gaming and you’d have to ask them directly or else they’d never think to talk about me. I’ve eavesdropped on their conversations at church several times and they never mention me, because I’m not the success or the type of success they like. I am treated like that little kid who tells them something and they treat me as if everything I just said is utterly useless and worthless. I have straight up been told to “shut up” or “stop talking” because no one wanted to hear about something I thought was worth talking about. Next is something that really bugs me. We all want to spend our time doing things that we enjoy, things that bring us joy and things that we see value in, right? Well of course. However for me, if I am not making money or in school then what I am doing is “nothing”. What I am doing isn’t worth anyone’s time and I am simply being lazy or wasting my life. My parents insult my hobbies and my way of life, they hang on every mistake and insecurity and then they wonder, “Why don’t you like to spend time with us?”. Gee I wonder you crap sack! Maybe because you hate everything I do, think, say and like. Maybe because you make me feel invisible and worthless! If I wanted to feel invisible and worthless I’d go back to school where I was picked on and was made fun of because of my hobbies and beliefs but now you guys are the bullies you dicks!

 Oh man, I guess I just needed to blow off some steam… this is very therapeutic. Anyway it turns out that so many other people have this problem and it destroyed the bond and friendship between parents and their kids, especially mine. They likely haven’t noticed that they’ve done this and they probably don’t care. 99 percent of my encounters with a family member is bad and they put me down in one way or another. I’ve said this before in my blog but frankly this is my family bullying me to some extent. Also you may have noticed that earlier in this post I said that my parents don’t care about who I care about. So that means my girlfriend. They really don’t understand my feels for her or they don’t care about my feels for her. To them she’s just some girl that I call my girlfriend (though she’s so much more than that, I’m not a fan of that label despite being true). They treat it the way people do when a kid in grade 2 says they have a crush. They brush it off as if it’s nothing and will always be nothing. I hate it and unfortunately I have to pull teeth in order to use the car to see her because simply using it when no one else is, is somehow a burden on them. I was recently working on some art for my girlfriend and it was a nice pixel art piece that took it’s fair share of time and effort. My Sister walks behind me and looks at what I was making. She says “isn’t that a lot of work just for your girlfriend?”.... WHAT!? Wouldn’t you do it if you value someone that you are in a relationship with?! What the hell is wrong with you?! Of course it’s a lot of work but it’s worth it because that’s called ‘Caring’ you stupid human! However my sister wouldn’t understand, she has never cared about anyone but herself and that’s not an insult, that’s legit true. She doesn’t do things for her friends because she feels that they “don’t deserve it” and she’s never been in a relationship even though there is a perfectly nice guy out there who’s way too good for her and to her, who has had a crush on her for years now but she won’t think twice because… he sometimes has a casual beer. I mean I just bought my girlfriend wine because who the fuck cares about a causal alcoholic drink? (responsibly of course) We are Christians but it’s not wrong to drink alcohol, it’s wrong to get drunk. Anyway this guy has bent over backwards to please her and treat her special and she won’t even look at him because he’s not her textbook perfect guy that fits her requirements. Frankly I think he’s lucky because she’s toxic, evil and stupid anyway, he’s dodging a bullet. Anyway that was a bit off track. The point is, I am locked in this house like a dog, I’m expected to not talk or do anything that may inconvenience anyone (but they’re allowed to inconvenience me) and I am to just exist happily in my own little world where no one cares about me. I am just waiting for the day that they take me out back and put me down.

 Next would be how my hobbies, don’t count as hobbies because it’s not adult like enough or simply not something they like. For example over the span of my life they have attempted countless times to pull me away from video games and do… just about anything. Soccer, hockey, gymnastics, art’s and crafts (not even the good kind), biking, wall climbing. Anything! Now none of these things are bad, in fact I can enjoy any of those things I listed but they forced me. They said I have to pick one and I ended up trying all of them but it wasn’t videogames. I loved and still Love them, no doubt due to the lack of affection, acceptance and fun that my parents never showed me. Of course after awhile they just gave up, Now I hardly see them. I live from noon hour to 6am while they are either at work, asleep or watching tv. My parents are funny though, they think that popping their head through my door and saying good night is a good way to show they love me… awwwwww, isn’t that a cute little load of crap. Another thing is when they try and tell me what I like or what I think. Like what?! How do they know? Is it magic? They don’t know anything about me but yet they can tell me what is important to me and what think. Go die. The other day I was busy helping move things to the new house (we’re moving) and we were building counters for the new kitchen and when we were finished they were excited to get home and watch a movie and I said “no thanks, I’ve got work to do”. I had to work on my book, that piece of art for my girlfriend and I that I mentioned earlier and there’s a game that I want to finish before I go off to college. All of these things are work and mean alot to me but my brother just said, “No you don’t”. He assumed that what I was doing was worthless and a waste of time.

 Now this is not entirely my family’s fault… well there bad attitudes are. However my talents, skills and idea’s of fun are… generally frowned upon by people, especially people like my family. For example when someone is a good singer or dancer or musician or athlete people think “wow I wish I could do that” instead my hobbies and skills are “worthless” and people think “what a waste of time” or “you have too much time on your hands” or “get a life”.

 Lastly after more digging around on the internet this is a clear sign that my family is toxic and full of narcissists because apparently this is how they feed themselves. Inflicting this upon me as the weaker target makes them feel dominant and gives them a sense of power. They need this to feel secure. It sucks for me but it’s easy and nice for them because they are monsters living in a world where the monster is the good guy and the good guys always win.

 Anyway folks, I definitely feel better after writing this, though I now have more research that I want to do on this matter. Peace