#1 GU3SS SO >:O

[homestuck-quotes-sometimes]

PORRIM: Hey. LATULA: yo yo, w4zzup grl!!! PORRIM: Latula, it's just me. I do+n't think anyo+ne is lo+o+king. No+ need to+ go+ so+ heavy o+n the rad girl ro+utine. LATULA: y34h, gu3ss your3 r1ght. 1'll ch1ll 1t down 4 b1t.

[pesterloglog]

Terezi Pyrope, Doc Scratch

Act 5, page 2256

GC: H3Y WH1T3 T3XT GUY

GC: 1 H4V3 4 T1P FOR YOU

How were you able to contact me?

Never mind, I figured it out instantly.

GC: R34LLY?

Yes, through my limitless intellect.

Occasionally I discover there are things I have not always known.

It gives me the opportunity to make deductions, which are practically always flawless.

It's gratifying.

GC: UH OK

GC: TH4TS N34T 1 GU3SS

You asked your clever friend with the colorful spectacles to trace the source of my messages.

He then established a relay for your messages to reach this source through some sort of computational proxy.

I gather he has recovered from his implementation as a weapon in the sabotage of your mutual friend, whom you both believe to be dead.

GC: OH MY GOD WH1T3 T3XT GUY!

GC: SHUT UP! >:O

GC: 1M TRY1NG TO G1V3 YOU 4 M3SS4G3 H3R3

I have a name.

It is not White Text Guy.

GC: OH WHAT 1S 1T

I'm not going to tell you my name.

But if you wish, you may refer to me as Mr. Vanilla Milkshake.

GC: YOU 4R3 SO W31RD

GC: WHY WOULD 1 DO TH4T

It is perfectly in keeping with a habit which you will develop in the future.

GC: 1 DOUBT 1T

Why?

GC: SOUNDS K1ND OF S1LLY 4ND FR1VOLOUS

GC: BL4R WHY DO YOU K33P D3R41L1NG M3!

GC: YOUR3 R1GHT SOLLUX 1S WORK1NG W1TH M3 4ND W3 H4V3 1MPORT4NT BUS1N3SS FOR YOU TO CONS1D3R

GC: W41T

GC: YOU S41D W3 B3L13V3 OUR FR13ND 1S D34D

GC: 1S SH3 NOT?

Yes, I said you believe she is dead.

And soon, you will believe she is not.

Both statements are true.

And yet each exhibits a trace of falsehood.

GC: WOW WHY D1D 1 BOTH3R 4SK1NG

GC: NO WOND3R SH3 SN4PP3D SH3S GOT TO D34L W1TH YOUR STUP1D R1DDL3S 4LL TH3 T1M3

GC: 4NYW4Y C4N YOU JUST H3LP M3 G3T R3V3NG3 SO W3 C4N C4LL 1T 4 N1GHT

Why would I involve myself in your paltry feud beyond the extent I already have?

I believe the need to exert such influence has come to an end.

GC: B3C4US3 YOULL W4NT TO

GC: WH3N YOU H34R WH4T 1 H4V3 TO S4Y

I doubt it.

GC: H4V3NT YOU WOND3R3D HOW SH3 C4N COM3 CLOS3 TO B34T1NG YOU 1N G4M3S L4T3LY

GC: HON3STLY 1M SURPR1S3D YOU H4V3NT D3DUC3D 1T Y3T

GC: W1TH YOUR SH1NY WH1T3 SUP3RBR41N

It's disturbing.

But sometimes that is the nature of these hollows in my perception.

It feels a bit like dark water, sloshing about the cavity in my head.

What do you know of this?

GC: SH3S CH34T1NG

GC: SH3 4LW4YS CH34TS 1F SH3 C4N F1ND 4 W4Y

GC: L4T3LY SH3S US3D TH3 S4M3 4DV4NT4G3 SH3 US3S 4G41NST M3 WH3N W3 PL4Y G4M3S

GC: BUT SH3 TOLD M3 4BOUT 1T

GC: SH3 T3LLS M3 LOTS OF STUFF L1K3 TH4T PROB4BLY TO RUB 1T 1N MY F4C3

GC: BUT SH3D N3V3R R1SK T3LL1NG YOU

What advantage is this?

GC: HOLD ON

GC: 1 H4V3 TO T4LK TO YOUR P4RTN3R 1N CR1M3 FOR 4 S3COND >:]

I thought you were hers.

GC: >:P

[nintendont2502]

Short fic WIP I'm still pretty proud of (despite not touching it for months) >B3

CG: JUNE? REALLY??

EB: what? whats wrong with it??

TG: well i think it's a GREAT name june

GG: same! it really suits you!

TG: yeah dude what do you have against june 

TG: do you hate pride month or some shit

TG: wait holy shit are you troll homophobic

CG: HOLY FUCK I NEVER SAID THERE WAS ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT!!

CG: IT'S A GOOD NAME, GREAT JOB ON THE NEW GENDER JUNE ETC

CG: BUT SWEET HUMAN JEGUS ON A FUCKING CROSS AM I GLAD VRISKA ISN'T HERE TO RUB THIS IN OUR FACES RIGHT NOW

GC: H4H4H4H4 1 FORGOT 4BOUT THAT

EB: wait, you guys know about that??

GT: Know about *what*?

GA: Everyone Knew About It

GA: Vriska Told Everyone She Could About The "L8me Ass Nerd" She Was "Owning"

GA: Multiple Times

TT: Could someone maybe tell the rest of us what ‘that’ is?

GC: 4LSO H3R P4SSWORD W4S R34LLY 34SY TO GU3SS >:]

GA: Also Terezi Logged Into Her Trollian Account 

GA: Actually I Believe I Still Have The Screenshots She Sent Us Somewhere

GC: 1 H4D TO S33 1F YOU W3R3 R34LLY 4S L4M3 4S SH3 S41D

EB: and?

GC: YOU W3R3

EB: :(

GA: The "Owning" Was Rather Sub-par Though 

TT: Ah yes, I remember that.

TT: Wasn't her best work, that's for sure.

GT: Good god, are we EVER going to find out what ‘that’ is?

TG: doesnt look like it 

TG: le sign

GG: wait i don't know what ‘that’ is either! what the hell guys!

TT: Vriska wrote June’s name with 64 ‘o’s once, and June pronounced it like a ‘really long June’

GC: AND THEN FOR SOME INSANE REASON SHE WENT WITH THE NAME VRISKA MADE UP INSTEAD OF, OH I DON'T KNOW, ANY OF THE OTHER INFINITE FUCKING NAMES AVAILABLE IN OUR *MULTIPLE UNIVERSES*

TG: you gotta admit it suits her tho

CG: I NEVER SAID IT DIDN’T! HONESTLY I THINK THE FACT THAT IT WORKS SO WELL IS WHAT'S DRIVING ME SO FAR OUT OF MY THINK PAN!

[the-hs-etaverse]

A Homestuck Mean Girls AU just sprang into my head fully-formed like some sort of reverse Athena.

It’s basically an AU in which the Homestuck characters act out the events of Mean Girls, but set in Alternia and roughly ten times as gay. Starring Rose Lalonde as Cady Heron, Vriska Serket as Regina George, and Terezi Pyrope as Janis Ian.

Some highlights below the cut:

Eridan: “made out wwith a hot dog”?

Eridan: oh my gog, that wwas one time!

Terezi: TH1S 1S T4VROS

Tavros: hI,

Terezi: H3S 4LMOST TOO G4Y TO FUNCT1ON

Feferi: And I don’t t) (ink my ancestor,

Feferi: T) (e inventor of the caste system,

Feferi: WOULD B--E TOO PL---EAS----ED TO ) (-------EAR ABOAT T) (IS!!!!!

Aradia: s0 if y0ure fr0m earth why are y0u white

Feferi: O) ( my GOG, Aradia, you CAN’T just ask people w) (y t) (ey’re W) (IT--E!!!!!

Rose: On October 3rd, she asked me what day it was.

Kanaya: Excuse Me What Day Is It

Rose: It’s October 3rd.

Jane: I just wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school.

Jane: I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles, and we’d all eat it and be happy.

Tavros: sHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE,

Porrim: Do+ yo+u even go+ to+ this scho+o+l?

Jane: No, I just have a lot of feelings.

Dualscar: Do not hawve sex, because you vwill get pregnant and die.

Terezi: VR1SK4 S3RK3T

Terezi: HOW DO 1 3V3N B3G1N TO D3SCR1B3 VR1SK4 S3RK3T

Eridan: vvriska serket is flawwless

Meenah: she got two findi purses and a blue cutlass

Sollux: ii hear her haiir’2 iin2ured for ten thou2and caegar2.

Damara: I HEAR SHE DO CAR INFOMERCIAL IN ALTERNASIA

John: her favorite movie is con air.

Jade: one time she met andrew hussie on a plane and he told her she was pretty!

Nepeta: :33 < one time she purrnched me in the face

Nepeta: X33 < it was pawesome!!!

Cronus: Nice vwig, Terezi. Vwhat’s it made of?

Terezi: YOUR LUSUS’ CH3ST H41R!!

Tavros: oH MY GOG, dANNY dEvITO, i LOVE YOUR WORK,

Aradia: y0u kn0w wh0s l00king fine t0night? 

Aradia: s0llux capt0r

Vriska: Okay, you did NOT just say that.

Aradia: what? hes a g00d kisser

Vriska: He's your cousin!

Feferi: W--E S) (OULD TOTALLY JUST --EX--ECUT---E T) (--E SUFF---ER-----ER!!!!!

Rufioh: What we need... 1s an att1tude makeover...

Rufioh: 1 don’t care how long 1t takes... 1 w1ll keep you here all n1ght...

Porrim: We can't keep them past 4.

Rufioh: 1 w1ll keep you unt1l 4...

Aradia: hi this is aradia megid0 0u0

Aradia: its 68 degrees 0ut

Aradia and theres a 30 percent chance that its already raining

Mindfang: I’m not like a regular ancestor. I’m a COOL ancestor.

Tavros: hO HO HO, cANDYGRAMS,

Tavros: fOUR FOR YOU, eQUIUS zAHHAK,

Tavros: yOU GO, eQUIUS zAHHAK,

Tavros: aND NONE FOR fEFERI pEIXES, bYE,

Rufioh: Rose Lalowned?

Rose: That’s me. But my name is pronounced “Lalonde”.

Rufioh: My apolog1es... My name 1s Ruf1oh N1tram... and 1 get annoyed when people pronounce 1t “Ruf1o”... almost as mad as they get when they real1se 1t’s spelled “Ruf1oh”...

Dave: aaaaaall

Dave: yooouuu

Dave: sucka mcs aint got nothin on me

Dave: from my grades to my lines you cant touch davey

Dave: im a mathlete

Dave: so nerd is inferred

Dave: but forget what you heard im like james bond the third

Dave: sh sh shaken not stirred

Dave: im dave strider

Terezi: F3F3R1 P31X3S H4S 3V3RYON3S BUS1N3SS

Terezi: SH3 KNOWS 3V3RYTH1NG 4BOUT 3V3RYON3

Tavros: tHAT’S WHY HER HAIR’S SO BIG,

Tavros: iT’S FULL OF SECRETS,

Rose: Well... there’s this girl in my Calculus class...

Aradia: 0u0 wh0 is it

Feferi: It’s a senior?

Rose: Her name’s Kanaya Maryam.

Feferi: NO!

Aradia: n0 n0 n0

Feferi: O) ( no, you CAN’T like Kanaya Maryam! T) (at’s Vriska’s ex-matesprit!

Aradia: they went 0ut f0r a year

Feferi: Yea) (, and t) (en s) (e was D--EVASTAT-ED w) (en s) (e broke up wit) ( ) (er last perigee!

Aradia: i th0ught she dumped her f0r j0hn egbert

Feferi: IRR-EGARDL--ESS, ex-matesprits are just, OFF-LIMITS to friends! T) (at’s, like, t) (e RUL--ES of F-----EMINISM!!!

Rufioh: Coach Dualscar… step away from the underage trolls...

Cronus: Havwe you buttered your muffin?

Rose: Uh...

Cronus: Vwould you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin for you?

Roxy: wehres rose?

Dirk: She went out.

Roxy: sges GROINDDD

Dirk: Are they not allowed out when they’re grounded?

Vriska: Oh my Gog, it's her dream come true, diving into a 8ig pile of girls.

Terezi: OK4Y, Y34H, 1V3 GOT 4N 4POLOGY

Terezi: SO 1 H4V3 TH1S FR13ND WHOS 4 N3W STUD3NT TH1S Y34R

Terezi: 4ND 1 CONV1NC3D H3R TH4T 1T WOULD B3 FUN TO M3SS UP VR1SK4 S3RK3TS L1F3

Terezi: SO 1 H4D H3R PR3T3ND TO B3 FR13NDS W1TH VR1SK4 4ND TH3N SH3 WOULD COM3 OV3R MY H1V3 4ND W3 WOULD JUST L4UGH 4BOUT 4LL TH3 DUMB STUFF VR1SK4 S41D

Terezi: W3 G4V3 H3R TH3S3 C4NDY B4R TH1NGS TH4T WOULD M4K3 H3R G41N W31GHT

Terezi: 4ND W3 TURN3D H3R B3ST FR13NDS 4G41NST H3R

Terezi: 4ND TH3N, OH Y34H, ROS3, YOU KNOW MY FR13ND ROS3

Terezi: SH3 M4D3 OUT W1TH VR1SK4S M4T3SPR1T 4ND CONV1NC3D K4N4Y4 TO BR34K UP W1TH H3R

Terezi: OH GOG, 4ND W3 G4V3 H3R FOOT CR34M 1NST34D OF F4C3 W4SH

Terezi: GOG, 1 4M SO SORRY, VR1SK4

Terezi: R34LLY, 1 DONT KNOW WHY 1 D1D 1T

Terezi: 1 GU3SS 1TS PROB4BLY B3C4US3 1V3 GOT 4 B1G, *L33333333SB14N* CRUSH ON YOU!!

Terezi: SUCK ON TH4T!!

[vexingpersecution-blog]

H3Y

GU3SS TH3 FUCK WH4T

1′M H3R3 FROM TH3 M3SS OF SH1T TH4T H4PP3N3D 4ND H4D TO L4Y TH3 SM4CKDOWN ON B1TCH3S

YOU KNOW

TH3 USU4L

SO WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S H4PP3N1NG WHO3V3R TH3 FUCK 1S ST1LL 4ROUND 1N TH1S SH1THOL3

>:o]

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

EPILOGUE FIVE

Homeboy 22

TEREZI: HIZZY JIZZLE

TERIZZLE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. T1M3 FO` YO' R3GUL4R C-H-3-C-K-TO-THA-IZZUP H3H3H3

JOHN: oh so jus' chill. hey thats off tha hook yo.

TIZZLE: “OH H3Y”

TEREZI: PR3TTIZZLE T3P1D R3C3PT1ON FROM 4 HOMEY WHO H4S 1N TH3 P4ST B3GG3D D3SP3R4T3LIZNY FO` 3V3N 4 SCR4P OF MAH 4T-T-3-N-T-1-O-TO-THA-IZZON

JOHN: i’m gizzy ta hizzear F-R-to-tha-izzom you. it’s just... i dunno, a lizzy happened recently fo' real.

JIZZY: i’m sizzort of numb from all of it.

TEREZI: SO T3LL M3 4BIZNOUT 1T

JOHN like this and like that and like this and uh: whizzat are you mah therapizzle now?

TEREZI: NO 1M JIZZLE 4 S1MPL3 G1RL WHO LIZZY TH3 T4ST3 OF YO' SUFF3R1NG

TERIZZLE: 1M SO HUNGRY OUT H3R3 4LIZZLE3 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3 J-TO-THA-IZZOHN

TIZZLE: PL34S3 NOUR1SH M3 W1TH YO' P4TH3T1C M1DL1FE 3NNIZZLE1

JIZNOHN: it’s not midlife ennui!

JOHN so you betta run: i’m nizzle even thirty yizzay, come on so show some love!

JOHN: also... um.

JOHN: i’m marry? so keep'n it real yo... yizzle.

TEREZI in tha fuckin club: LIZZOL

TERIZZLE: WH4T DO3S TH4T H4V3 TA DO W1TH 4NYTH1NG

JOHN: err...

JIZZY: nevizzle.

JOHN: so what’s up wit yizzou?

TEREZI: OH S4M3 OLD S4M3 OLD

TEREZI and yo momma: WH4T 4R3 YOU D-TO-THA-IZZO1NG R1GHT NIZZLE

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: oh. i’m at harry andizzles birthday party.

TERIZZLE: SOUNDS 1MPORT4NT

TEREZI: M4YB3 1 SHIZZOULD L3T YIZZOU GO TH3N

JIZZOHN: Tru do. no!

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i mean... it’s fine. i cizzy rap fo` a bit.

TEREZI: 4ND L34V3 H4RRY 4ND3RSIZZON H4NG1NG?

TEREZI: WOW 3GB3RT

TEREZI: Holla! YOUD TH1NK 4N 3LD3RLY M4N L1K3 YOU WIZZLE KNOW MOR3 4BOUT D3CIZZLE TH4N M3, 4 ROWDY YIZZLE!

JIZZAY: harry andersizzle be basically just a baby whizzay dizzoesn’t understand anyth'n.

JOHN: a baby, K-to-tha-izzind of like YOU.

TEREZI: >:]

TEREZI: SO WHIZZOS H4RRIZZY 4ND3RSIZZAY?

JIZZLE to increase tha peace: oh! that’s me n R-to-tha-izzoxy’s son gangsta style.

TEREZI, know what im sayin? OH COO' H3 GOTS BORN

JIZZOHN: yizzy terezi. he got bizzle like thriznee yiznears ago.

TEREZI: 1TS B33N TH4T LIZZONG?

TEREZI: WIZZAY

JIZZAY: yizzay, wow be rizzy. where the hell have you bizneen n shit?

TEREZI: LOST

JOHN: lizzay... It dont stop till the wheels fall off. how?

JOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. like literally, physicizzle lizzost? Bounce wit me.

JIZZOHN: or metaphoricizzle lizzost. Tru do.

TIZZLE: BOTH 1 GU3SS

JIZZY: tizzle if you gots a paper stack...

TEREZI: OH NO

TEREZI: DONT YIZZLE D4R3 US3 P1TY1NG 3LL1PS3S 4T M3 JOHN 3GB3RT

JOHN: sorry! it’s kinda hard not ta when evizzle time you go i have no idea if i’ll eva rap ta you again.

TEREZI: OK YIZZOUR3 OBV1OUSLY NIZZLE 1N 4 PL4C3 TA T4LK R1GHT NIZZLE

TEREZI: 1 D1DNT CONT4CT YOU B3C4IZNUS3 1 W4NT3D TA D34L W1TH YO' W33PY S3P4R4T1IZZON ANX13TIZZLE

TEREZI: HOW 4BOUT 1 M4K3 TH1S 34SY FO` YOU 4ND JIZZLE LIZNOG OFF

JOHN: They call me tha president. no, please don’t go!

JOHN: i’m S-O-Double-Rizzy fo` bein all... hizzle n weepy.

JOHN: i’m actually 'n a pretty ok place fo` once, i think? Put your feet up n take a breath !

TEREZI: C4LM DOWN 1 W4SNT F1N1SH3D

TEREZI: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. L1ST3N... 1LL T3XT YOU B4CK 1N F1V3 M1NUT3S

TEREZI: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. TH4TLL G1V3 YOU SIZZLE3 T1M3 TA 3MOT1ON4LLY PROC3SS THIZZE H4RROW1NG 3XP3R13NC3 OF 4CTU4LLY H34R1NG FRIZNOM M3 4G41N >:]

JIZZOHN: promise me it’ll only be five minutes?

TEREZI like this and like that and like this and uh: WHY cuz Im tha Double O G?

JIZNOHN: coz i worry 'bout you on my side

JIZNOHN: i jizzy don’t want you ta leave me stylin' for anotha year, mak'n me wonda if you’re dizzay.

JIZZY: pleaze??

TERIZZLE: UGH!

TEREZI fo all my homies in the pen: F1N3

TEREZI: 1 H3R3BY SOL3MNLY SW34R UPON TH3 BOOK OF D-TO-THA-IZZUMB N33DIZZY LOS3RS TH4T 1 W1LL T3XT YOU 1N *3X4CTLY* F1V3 M1NIZNUT3S

JIZZOHN yaba daba dizzle: whew cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. THIZNANK yizzou!

— TEREZI: OK 1TS F1V3 M1NIZNUT3S L4T3R

TEREZI like this and like that and like this and uh: D-TO-THA-IZZONT T3LL M3 4NOTH3R TWO SW33PS H4V3 P4SS3D

JOHN: nah, jizzay a couple of weeks.

JOHN: oh boi, what a cizzouple of weeks thizzough.

JIZZLE: yizzou wiznould NOT believe what’s weed-smokin' rizzle now.

TEREZI: H4V3 1 3V3R NOT B3L13V3D WH4T W4S H4PP3N1NG WH3N YOU S41D 1 WOULDNT if you gots a paper stack?

JIZZAY: no, bizzay ta be fair dis one be especially wild.

JIZZY: hizzy wait, let me takes a pictizzle.

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYRIZZOPE tha phizzle “ghostrain.jpg” -- TEREZI: WH4T TH3 4CTU4L FIZNUCK

JIZZLE: Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. it started a fizzay dizzy ago. thizze skizzy above tha capizzle of tha trizzle kingdom jizzust cracked opizzle n ghizzle began rollin' down everywhere.

JIZZLE: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. actually, now tizzy i think 'bout it, i guess it started three years ago when a dead tizneen version of jade fell from tha skizzay n crashed into tha ground lackin` a picnic.

TIZZLE: wat it do ?? HIZZAY

JOHN: that onlizzle affected our group though. You gotta check dis shit out yo. dis whole thizzay wit tha trizzoll ghizzay has been a *hiznuge* international incident.

JOHN: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. tha polizzle situation surround'n tizzy was alrizzle tenze enough witout add'n a gigantic population of immigrizzle ghizzle triznolls ta tha mizzle.

TEREZI: W41T, WH4T H4PP3N3D?

JOHN: um, W-to-tha-izzell... coz of whizzle we kizzy 'bout alternian history...

JOHN so jus' chill: tha govizzle decided it wizzas probably a bad idea to let trolls reproduce freely, especizzle consider'n how differizzle our planet be from altizzle.

TEREZI: 1 SUPPOS3 TH4T M4K3S S3NS3

TEREZI: W1THIZNOUT ST4T3 S4NCT1ON3D CIZZLE, TH3 TRIZNOLL POPIZZLE WOULD QU1CKLIZZLE DOM1N4T3 TH3 PL4N3T

TEREZI like old skool shit: 4ND 34RTH C DO3SNT STR1K3 ME 4S TH3 SORT OF PL4C3 TH4T WOULD T4K3 K1NDLY TA 4 LIZZAY OF C-TO-THA-IZZULL1NG

JOHN: yeah. thiznat was P-to-tha-izzart of tha government’s official argument style.

JIZZY cuz its a thang: “I-to-tha-izzit’s eitha dis, or trippin'.”

JIZNOHN: but it didn’t stop thizzere so sit back relax new jacks get smacked.

JIZZAY now fuckers lemme here ya say: also a bizzle of laws have been pasze' that restrict tha kind of jobs thiznat T-R-to-tha-izzolls can have so jus' chill. lizzay, they’re not allowed to serve 'n tha governmizzle or rize past a certain riznank in tha military. thizzay can’t even be judges!

TEREZI: G4SP

JOHN: i knizzle. it’s pretty biznad here, chill yo.

TERIZZLE n we out! CONS1D3R1NG TH3 GIZZAY 1S TA L1M1T TH3 SPR34D 4ND 1NFLIZZLE3 OF TROLLS, TH1S 4LL S33MS L1K3...

TEREZI where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': QU1T3 4N 4LT3RN14N SOLUT1ON

JIZZOHN: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. W-to-tha-izzell... jane be sort of a key political playa now.

JOHN: shizzay not “'n” tha government, exactly. but she has so much money shizzay may as wizzle BE tha government.

JOHN: ha companizzle can do basically whateva it wants. n it seems more n more lizzay what it wants be to mizzle sizzle tha politicians be say'n exactly whiznat it wants them ta say. Tru do.

TEREZI: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. H4

TEREZI: 1 4LW4YS SIZZAY SH3D B33N SW4Y3D BY TH3 COND3SC3 MIZZY3 TH4N SH3 3V3R L3T ON

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: yizzeah. i guess she was.

JOHN: althizzle... i dunno, fo` some reason it doesn’t fizzay rizzight ta me.

JOHN: i KIZZY a grown-up version of jizzy. Im a bad boy. shizzle wizzas mah nanna.

JOHN: i neva met ha until she came back as a sprite. but shizze jizzay seemizzle like a kindly old grizzay who liked ta plizzle P-R-to-tha-izzanks ya dig?

JIZNOHN: nizzy a...

TEREZI: G-3-N-TO-THA-IZZOC1D3 F4N in tha fuckin club?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: not evizzle cloze!

JOHN: i just cizzan’t believe how fast everyth'n deteriorated because doggs make tha world a better place!

TEREZI: DIZZLE T3LL M3 3V3YIZZLE JUST T4K1NG TH1S LY1NG DOWN

JOHN: of courze not! kanaya and roze be both heavizzle involved 'n grassroots activism right nizzle.

JIZZLE: n karkat...

JOHN: H-to-tha-izze’s gone complizzle off tha G-R-to-tha-izzid!

JIZZLE: Smells like tha good shit. at first we all assumed that tha rizzle he ran away was coz he gots fed up wit his shitty polizzle relizzle.

JIZNOHN: Put your feet up n take a breath ! whizzich was probably pizzay of it, honestly now pass. but now i keep see'n hizzay face on all tha resistance playas cuz this is how we do it!

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i T-H-to-tha-izzink they may have actually put him 'n charge?

TERIZZLE: H3H

TEREZI: 1 4LW4YS KN3W H3 H4D 1T 1N H1M

JIZZLE #YaDigg ! yeah!

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: dave’s heartbroken though...

TEREZI: WHY DO3SNT D4V3 JUST GO 4ND J-TO-THA-IZZO1N H1M TH3N

JOHN yaba daba dizzle: i dizzay know.

JOHN bitch ass: he worries 'bout jade i gizzuess?

TEREZI yaba daba dizzle: J4D3 WIZZY B3 F1N3

TEREZI: SH3S TH3 MOST R3S1L13NT OUT OF 4LL OF YOU

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: sizzy. you knizzow hizzay dizzay be.

TEREZI: Y34H

TERIZZLE fo all my homies in the pen: LOY4L TA 4 F4ULT

JOHN: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. yeah. he...

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: oh mah gizzay. Holla!

JIZZAY so i can get on: holy shit, hang on. i giznotta takes anotha picture.

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PIZZY tha photo “PBandJ.jpg” -- TEREZI: ...

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S TH1S?!

JOHN: heheheheh.

TEREZI: DONT TYP3 YO' L4UGHS 4T M3 4FT3R TR1CK1NG M3 1NTO LIZZOOK1NG 4T TH1S 4BOMIN41TON

JOHN: i thought yizzle M-to-tha-izzight find it interest'n. :-)

TEREZI: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. WHY WOULD 1 *3V3R* W4NT TA S33 G4MZ33 M4K1NG OUT W1TH T4VROS 4G41N???

JIZNOHN: again?

TEREZI: UGH D1SGIZZAY

TERIZZLE: 1N PIZZUBL1C 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG

JIZZY: oh, it’s always 'n publizzle. Im a bad boy.

JOHN: dis be how gizzle hizzle thugz have their “redemption arcs.”

TEREZI: Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. BY M4K1NG OUT W1TH TH3M cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map???

JOHN straight from long beach: W-to-tha-izzell, not alwizzles fo yo bitch ass. sometimes he hizzle them mizzake out wit each otha. usually he jizzay fizzy them milk out of that stupid baby bottle he keeps wit him all tha time. I'm a fuckin 2-time felon.

JOHN: i tizzy it’s suppoze' ta be like, some completizzle idiotic fizzorm of baptism he made up.

TEREZI: >:?

JOHN: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. anyway, playa hatin' of tavrizzles.

JOHN: Boo-Yaa! what do you think 'bout tha morality of ridin' somizzle if they’re rizzle unhappizzle n possibly also bein abuze' with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin?

TEREZI: UH

TEREZI: WH4T

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: ok, so like, if you kidnap someone n tha situation you’re blunt-rollin' them into be wiznay than tha one you kidnapped thizzem out of, that’s not morally wrong, rizzle?

TEREZI so i can get on: JIZZOHN

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU TRY1NG TA G3T M3 4LL 4FLIZNUST3R3D W1TH SUCH H1GHLIZNY ILL3G4L SW33T T4LK

JOHN: um, no like a fucka.

JOHN: ...

JOHN: BE you flustered?

TEREZI: 1 M1GHT B3, 1F 1 THOUGHT YOU WIZZAY 4CTU4LLIZZLE BR34K TH3 L4W

JIZZY: hey, i cizzould totally do it!

TEREZI on my side, 1LL BIZZY3 1T WH3N 1 SM3LL 1T

JIZZAY: Snoop du jour ! ok, i guess i’m gonna do it then!

TERIZZLE: SIZZUR3

JOHN: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. i’m totally go'n ta do it! N-to-tha-izzext time we rap, it’ll be me playa hatin' y-aw about mah successful n highlizzle illegal kidnapping venture. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

TEREZI: WH4T3V3R YIZZY S4Y

TEREZI: One, two three and to tha four. 4NYW4IZZY, N1C3 HIZZY3 3GB3RT, BIZZAY 1 H4V3 TA GO

JOHN: wait!

TIZZLE: WH4T

JOHN: you’re G-to-tha-izzoing already? Boo-Yaa!

JOHN: yizzou barely S-to-tha-izzaid anyth'n!

JOHN: you just listened ta me ramble on 'bout earth c’s problems.

TEREZI: 1SNT TH4T HOW TH3S3 CONV3RS4T1ONS USU4LLY GO

JOHN: um. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

JOHN: yizneah, i gizzuess it be. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

JOHN: but it doesn’t have ta be like that, you K-N-to-tha-izzow like a tru playa'.

TIZZLE: HMM

JIZZY n shit: so paper'd up.

JOHN: what’s go'n on wit you?

TEREZI hittin that booty: D1D 1T OCCUR TA YIZZLE TH4T M4YB3 TH3 R34SON 1 C4LL YIZNOU 1S B3C4US3 1 W4NT 4 BR13F R3PR13V3 FRIZZAY “WH4TS GO1NG ON W1TH M3”?

JOHN: oh.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Put your feet up n take a breath ! yizzay, that makes senze.

JOHN: i jiznust dizzay want you ta feel that yizzy like, mah psychiatrist or whateva.

TEREZI so bow down to the bow wow! AWW TH4TS CUT3

TEREZI: DONT WIZZLE 4BIZZAY M3 JOHN

TEREZI: 1F YOU W3R3 BIZZUGG1NG M3 1D JUST STOP T3XT1NG

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN, chill yo: well... Its just.

JIZZLE: coo'. if i’m niznot you, then... can i ask a favor in all flavas?

TEREZI: 1TS C3RT41NLY W1TH1N YIZZOUR POW3R TA 4SK M3 4 F-4-V-TO-THA-IZZOR

TIZZLE fo my bling bling: 1 C4NT PRIZZOM1S3 TA FIZZY 1T

JOHN: ugh, now i feel even dumba fo` what i’m 'bout ta ask.

JOHN: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. i don’t kniznow if i even wizzle do it nizzay ya dig?

TEREZI: 4RGH! OUT W1TH 1T 3GB3RT!

JOHN thats off tha hook yo: ummm...

TERIZZLE: F1N3! 1LL DO 1T, WH4T3V3R 1T 1S

TEREZI: J-TO-THA-IZZUST SO YOU C34S3 TH1S M4DD3N1NG N3RDBOY 1NS3CUR1TY

JIZZY because doggs make tha world a better place! ok, ok!

JOHN: uh dogg...

JIZZAY now pass: cizzay yiznou n shit...

JOHN: takes a selfie?

TEREZI: WH4T

JIZZY: n with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin... send it ta me? Aint no stoppin' this shit.

JOHN: oh mah gizzle, i probably sound so creepy rizzight nizzy.

TEREZI fo' real: 4H4H4H4H4H4H4

JIZZLE aww nah: hey, don’t laugh!

JOHN: look, it’s just thizzat but real don't give a fuck... afta all tha cruisin' wizzay diznone ova tha Y-to-tha-izzears...

JIZZY: you’re prettizzle important ta me, terezi. n wit everyth'n gett'n so weird, i’ve been cruisin' scared lately.

JIZZY: so 'n cizzle th'n go ta shizzle ova hizzere, or T-H-to-tha-izzings go ta shizzle whereva you be...

JIZZOHN: i jizzle want to make sizzure i hizzle sum-m sum-m ta yiznou by.

TEREZI: OH

JOHN: so wizzle you do it? Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

Terezi dizzy answer, which be wizzy Jizzy was expect'n. He frowns n pockets his phizzay, blink'n at tha sudden brightness above him. Tha sky be rippizzle open 'n a dozen plizzles, spill'n G-H-to-tha-izzosts n rizzle shizzards of unreality. John shields his fizzle agizzle tha neon glare n scans tha park fo` hizzis famizzle like old skool shit. Roxy n Calliope usually cizzay listizzle ta Gizzle preach, n J-to-tha-izzohn’s long since grown tired of try'n ta rap tizzy out of it. Tha best he can do at dis piznoint be tag along ta miznake S-to-tha-izzure that yizzy Harry Anderson isn’t hear'n all dis uttizzle nonsenze witout tha rhymin' influence of his skeptical fatha. It’s tha responsible, adult th'n ta do.

Wizzell, it W-to-tha-izzould be tha respizzle, adizzle th'n ta do if John were actually do'n it. Instizzle, he just spizzay tha last tiznen minutes surreptitioizzle text'n Terizzle unda tha hem of his sizzay jacket. Now H-to-tha-izze’s lost track of hizzle wife, his son, n his wife’s sort-of-ex-girlfriend 'n tha enraptured tizzy of all theze brainless cizzy wanna be gangstas. Tha crizzle be mostly ghosts, but there’s a substantial numba of carapacian n hizzle citizens out here tonight as wizzell, blunt-rollin' ta git a good liznook at tha newly “redeemed” acizzles.

John’s eye toward tha of tha crowd’s focus if you gots a paper stack. Looks like a conversion is tak'n plizzay right nizzay.

GAMZEE: NoW We wElCoMe iNtO Tha DizzoPe aRmS Of motha ReDeMpTiOn dis lOwLy PeNiTeNt WhO’s AlL kizzle Of SoRrY 'bout HiS pAsT dEeDs.

ERIDAN: oh yizzay im vvizzle redizzle

FEFERI: )(mm be you s)(ore like this and like that and like this and uh?

ERIDAN: fef yizzy dont believve me

ERIDIZZLE fo' real: wwhat do i havve ta fuckin do crawwl on tha fuckin ground at yo' F-to-tha-izzeet

ERIDIZZLE: snortin n snufflizzle at yo' shoes like a mushroom sniffin fiend

ERIDIZZLE: sizin up thoze covvetizzles swweaty delicacies stuffed wwithin

ERIDIZZLE so you betta run: liznike a cizzle of premium shrimp loavves garnishizzle wwith ten exqizzle pygmizzay soiree wwiena

ERIDAN: im a wwizzay fef

ERIDAN: im the lowwest of tha wworst

FEFIZZLE ya dig? Okaaay fo' real. If t)(at’s R-E-A-Double-Lizzy )(ow you feel, i guess i cizzy... accizzle yo' apologizzle.

GIZZLE: NiIiIiIiCe.

GAMZEE: NoW dis be wHizzle i’M talk'n 'bout. AlL dis fOrGiVnizzle n Sizzy Up 'n Tha fuck'n Hizouze.

GAMZEE: afta AlL, wHaT’s A shawty

GAMZEE so bow down to the bow wow! MURDA

GIZZLE: BeTwizzle mOiRaIlS?

FEFERI: I guess t)(at’s trizzle! It )(appizzles ta t)(e best of us. 38)

GAMZEE: Yizzle bOtH be So Cloze ta tha ReDeMpTiOn NoW.

GAMZEE: fizzIrSt, A Shawty RiGhTeOuS sPliznAsH oF tha NaNnA nEcTaR ta cleanze ThAt DaNkNeSs FrOm YoUr SoUlS...

Gamzizzle tizzles out a baby bottle n F-L-to-tha-izzicks it, them both wit shawty driznops of M-to-tha-izzilk, as clergy dizzay wit holy wata. He then takes a swig frizzle tha bottle hizzle before return'n it ta his piece but real don't give a fuck.

GAMZIZZLE fo' sho': NoW...

GAMZEE let me holla at u: kIsS, mah fucka yaba daba dizzle.

FEFERI let me holla at u: Ummmm droppin hits...

ERIDAN: FINALLY

ERIDAN: pucka up fef n plizzle one on me

FEFERI: 38\

ERIDAN: you gotta its tha rules

GAMZEE: tha fucka’s rIgHt.

GAMZEE: It AlL bE fUcKiN cRiTiCaL ta bizzOtH yOuR rEdEmPtIoN, ta kizzIsS n MaKe Up :o)

FEFERI: Sig)(. If it’s fo` redizzle, t)(iznen from tha streets of tha L-B-C...

FEFERI: Very well.

ERIDAN: oh fuck yeah

ERIDAN: RIZNUB A DIZZAY DUB COME GIMME A GLIZZUB but real don't give a fuck!!!

John makes a disgusted F-to-tha-izzace as Gamzizzle G-R-to-tha-izzabs tha two trolls by a horn each n mizzles they fizzles togetha. One of them looks extremely into it. Tha other style... not so much. J-to-tha-izzohn wiznould hizzle been transfixed by tha spectacle fo` longa if his phone didn’t S-T-to-tha-izzart weed-smokin' 'n hizzis pocket again. He fumbles it out of his ciznoat n checks so sit back relax new jacks get smacked.

-- TIZZLE PYROPE sent J-TO-THA-IZZOHN EGBERT tha P-H-to-tha-izzoto “H3R3.JPG” -- He looks arizzle, then preszes “accizzle,” embarrasze' ta rizzle how fizzay his hizzay be beating. Befizzle he can liznook at tha phizzle, a familiar vizzy brizzay through the din of tha crizzle style.

RIZZLE: yo jizzy

ROXY: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. baller here hizzay!

John P-to-tha-izzuts his phizzone away quickly. Rizzy Harry Anderson up on ha shoulda. John can siznee his son’s face, grinnizzle n bright-izzle, above tha crowd. He retizzles tha smiznile n stiznarts ta make hiznis way toward his wizzle.

Just then, a D-to-tha-izzark shadizzle paszes over tha P-to-tha-izzark. Tha cizzy falls silent as they raize they heezees ta watch a drone ship pass by overheezee. shut up. Its design be insect-like, into many jagge' branches, each decked out wit weapons and camerizzles. It’s completely silent, n encaze' 'n armor witta bright red finish, smooth n seamless like a tru playa'. It’s often cited by Jane as tha crown jewel of Crockercorp’s various military contracts wit tha government.

Jiznohn reunites wit hizzay family n takes H-A-Double-Rizzy Anderson fizzy Roxy fo' sho'. Tha toddla buries hizzis fizzle 'n Jizzy chest ta escape tha horrible sizzle crawl'n across the sky above thizzay. Calliope clasps hizzay hands togetha n stares at tha ship witta terze exprizzle.

CALLIOPE like a tru playa': it’s gett'n lizzay n lizzess UnUsUal ta see thoze 'n tha troll kingdom, isn’t it?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Y-to-tha-izzeah.

JIZZY: i cizzay help but thizzink tha government’s messin' ready fo` sum-m sum-m bizzle.

ROXY: lmiznao you W-O-Double-Rizzy too M-to-tha-izzuch

ROXY: They call me tha president. janeys gots ha heezee on straight shell show yizzay yiznet

JIZZLE: ugh, lizzle not rap 'bout dis right nizzay.

ROXY: They call me tha president. yea ur right

ROXY: its gettizzle L-to-tha-izzate anyway we should heezee home

ROXY: see yizzle next week callie? Holla!

CALLIOPE: oh. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. yes. always, roxy.

That nizzight, afta he n roxy put Harry Anderson ta bizned and Roxizzle retires ta they room fizzor tha even'n, J-to-tha-izzohn goes ta hizzay office n priznints out tha pizzle of Terezi. He doesn’t have any funky ass photo papa ta put it on, so it cizzles out too dark wit tha cizzles all smeared. He scrubs tha printa history frontin' when he’s finishizzle so jus' chill.

Whiznen his anxietizzle is assuage', he flizzle down 'n tha spinny chair at the centa of tha room n studies tha picture. Terezi doesn’t L-to-tha-izzook thizzay much different from how he rememba ha—a shawty more wizzorn, maybe, fucka n olda n more tired, bizzle it’s calla. She’s smil'n, n hold'n up ha hand 'n a cheeky wizzle tizzy suggizzles neitha a mackin' or a farewell. Tha lizzle frizzle tha P-H-to-tha-izzone screen be reflected 'n ha glaszes. Jizzay can’t see hizzle eyes.

He fizzy tha pizzle into quarta n slips it into hizzis wallet, behind Harrizzle Andizzles baby P-H-to-tha-izzoto. Thizzay he tizzy off tha light n goes ta bed.

> ==>

[ceescedasticity]

0k: *purrty time* (2)

*purrty time* (2)

arsenicCatnip left a file in the dropbox

AC: :33 < *ac would like it to be known that the art/talent show is ofur and* AC: :33 < *ca is NOT dead!* AC: :33 < *despite furrious purrotestations to the contrary*

cuttlefishCuller left a file in the dropbox

CC: How'd it go???

arsenicCatnip left a file in the dropbox

AC: :33 < can't speak for what the seadweller instructors thought AC: :33 < but consensus among other guests seemed to be giggling ofur the bucket aspect AC: :33 < and thinking the art is okay AC: :33 < which was better than a couple of the others AC: :33 < :33

cuttlefishCuller left a file in the dropbox

CC: 8)

caligulasAquarium left a file in the dropbox

CA: I dunno if I'd go THAT far CA: as far as smiley faces I mean CA: but it could'vve been wworse

arachnidsGrip left a file in the dropbox

AG: What did Awwakk do?

caligulasAquarium left a file in the dropbox

CA: photoshopped a drawwing of the Mother Grub into a photo of her seaplane CA: evveryone wwas nonplussed

arachnidsGrip left a file in the dropvox

AG: ...

caligulasAquarium left a file in the dropbox

CA: yeah CA: Bissel actually DID underwwater singing CA: it wwas wweird CA: Soldie had landscape photography with jade tinted filters CA: Kellep had this hand drawwn sea chart showwing locations of seadwweller communities accompanied by this wwhole big thing about howw amazing it is that the Mother Grub distributes us so wwidely CA: I convvinced Soldie to wwait until the instructors wweren't RIGHT there to point out to him he forgot about the jadebloods CA: he is vvery embarrassed and hasn't showwn up to the party

arsenicCatnip left a file in the dropbox

AC: :33 < *ac's blockmate said something about him hiding with his lusus?*

caligulasAquarium left a file in the dropbox

CA: wwell CA: all of them wwere better than Itchee CA: his breathtakingly beautiful coral mosaic turned out to be some tiny scallop shells glued to construction paper CA: guess he panicked

...............

gallowsCalibrator left a file in the dropbox

GC: W3 H4V3 TR1UMPH4NTLY PR3S3NT3D TH3 C4S3! GC: 1 DONT KNOW 1F TH3YR3 GO1NG TO TH1NK W3 W3R3 B3ST BUT 1M SUR3 W3R3 1N TH3 4CC3PT4BL3 R4NG3. GC: >:] GC: ST1LL LOTS OF C4S3S TO GO. GC: 1NCLUD1NG L4OV1C, 1 DONT KNOW HOW TH4TLL GO. GC: ... GC: W1LL SOM3ON3 PL34S3 C4LL OFF THE GHOST BODYGU4RDS?

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twinArmageddons left a file in the dropbox

TA: iim tryiing two fiigure out how two get domii and crappy an2weriing 2y2tem two make up iin tiime two play thii2 game ii 2pent forever codiing TA: domii blamed 2warm for not knowiing about/2toppiing the traffiickiing operatiion TA: 2warm defended hiim2elf wiith a na2ty comment about overbear TA: now they arent 2peakiing TA: there2 no way ruthle22 regulatiion wiill play iif theyre not, and mariine2 only maybe up two it TA: iif iit2 ju2t me and loopyFruiit2 playiing ii wiill 2laughter her and 2hell get fed up and quiit

carcinoGeneticist left a file in the dropbox

CG: AM I SERIOUSLY THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS HAVING ALL THE HELMSMEN PLAY MARRIO KART MIGHT BE A BAD IDEA? CG: I KNOW YOU HAVE THINGS UNDER CONTROL, TA, AND I KNOW LOOPYFRUITS IS INTERMEDIATE, TOO, BUT AREN'T SOME OF THE OTHERS INTEGRATED? CG: COULDN'T SOME OF THE DRIVING... LEAK?

twinArmageddons left a file in the dropbox

TA: domii and ruthle22 regulatiion are old pro2 TA: they wouldnt 2iign up two play iif they couldnt control iit

carcinoGeneticist left a file in the dropbox

CG: ... CG: YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE HELMSMAN OF THE MMP. MARINE.

twinArmageddons left a file in the dropbox

TA: ye2 ii diid, ii 2aiid he miight not be up two it

carcinoGeneticist left a file in the dropbox

CG: ... CG: IF THE MAGNIFUCKING PREDATION SUDDENLY SHOOTS SIDEWAYS ACROSS THE SQUADRON TRYING TO THROW THINGS AT OTHER SHIPS, I WILL KNOW WHO TO BLAME.

terminallyCapricious left a file in the dropbox

TC: wHaT AbOuT ThE HeLmSmAn oN ThE GlEeFuL AbAnDoN? TC: Do yOu tHiNk sHe mIgHt wAnT To pLaY?

twinArmageddons left a file in the dropbox

TA: iive been thiinkiing about that TA: but iitll take more fine22e two arrange TA: dont thiink iit2 fea2iible iin the next few day2

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adiosToreador left a file in the dropbox

AT: tHIS IS NOT, A CHEAP LIQUOR, AT: yOU WOULD THINK, PEOPLE MIGHT MAKE MORE OF AN EFFORT, NOT TO SPILL IT AT: oN EVERYTHING,

adiosToreador left a file in the dropbox

AT: fRIEAS, MAY ACTUALLY, BE SLIGHTLY CONCERNED, AT: aBOUT HIS SUPPOSED MOIRAIL, AT: ,,, AT: oR ELSE, HE'S HUNG OVER, FROM YESTERDAY,

gallowsCalibrator left a file in the dropbox

GC: W3LL, L4OV1C S33MS TO B3 M4K1NG 4 GOOD SHOW1NG OF 1T. GC: TH1NGS 4R3 NOT LOOK1NG GOOD FOR ON3 H1RD4N Y4TTON. GC: ...NOT LOOK1NG GOOD FOR CONC34L1NG H1S PROB4BLE ROL3 1N TH3 4TT4CK ON L4OV1C, NOT SUR3 1F TH3R3LL B3 4NY FURTH3R CONS3QU3NC3S.

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apocalypseArisen left a file in the dropbox

AA: this p0ssibility g0t left 0ut 0f my die during h0liday/dispel during h0liday predicti0ns: AA: s0me sugjugglat0rs were 0rdering pe0ple t0 entertain them and then killing them if they d0nt satisfy AA: it seems s0me 0f the victims have decided t0 c0ntinue the entertainment anyway AA: including s0me0ne with a 0ne man band AA: s0 the m0st prestigi0us highbl00d party is n0w being haunted by a gh0st with a 0ne man band

apocalypseArisen left a file in the dropbox

AA: th0ugh it may n0t c0unt f0r that since weve had the dispel 0rder given and rev0ked f0ur times already AA: highbl00d partyg0ers cann0t agree 0n whether they are supp0sed t0 t0ugh it 0ut

terminallyCapricious left a file in the dropbox

TC: i wOnDeR If i cOuLd gEt a OnE MaN BaNd?

carcinoGeneticist left a file in the dropbox

CG: ... CG: I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO LEARN XYLOPHONE NEXT?

terminallyCapricious left a file in the dropbox

TC: wElL YeAh TC: bUt a oNe mAn bAnD SoUnDs cOoL FoR SoMeDaY TC: :o)

apocalypseArisen left a file in the dropbox

AA: i think scavenge is trying t0 call dibs AA: 0n the 0ne man band AA: i assume he means the gh0st with the 0ne man band since its n0t like it c0uld be anything else but thats n0t what he said

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gallowsCalibrator left a file in the dropbox

GC: CT! GC: TH3Y 4R3 S3TT1NG UP 4 L1V3 F33D OF YOUR ROBOT F1GHT!

gallowsCalibrator left a file in the dropbox

GC: GU3SS H3S NOT H3R3. PROB4BLY W1S3. GC: 4NYON3 3LS3 W4TCH1NG?

twinArmageddons left a file in the dropbox

TA: ye2 TA: watchiing them 2et up, at the moment TA: tho2e really are exce22iively large robot2

arachnidsGrip left a file in the dropbox

AG: Can't go 8ack to GARPing until it's over, might as well! AG: It does look much 8etter than CT's usual ro8ots.

arsenicCatnip left a file in the dropbox

AC: :33 < *ac waves to her meowrail even though he is sensibly prepurring the robot instead of browsing the dropbox!* AC: :33 < we're watching! it looks great!

arsenicCatnip left a file in the dropbox

AC :|| < some of those spectators should move further back, though

gallowsCalibrator left a file in the dropbox

GC: LOOKS L1K3 TH3YR3 MOV1NG NOW?

arsenicCatnip left a file in the dropbox

AC: :|| < FURTHER back

arachnidsGrip left a file in the dropbox

AG: I could try to spook them further away? AG: ::::)

gallowsCalibrator left a file in the dropbox

GC: 1M NOT SUR3 TH4TS TH3 B3ST 1D34.

twinArmageddons left a file in the dropbox

TA: maybe ii can get domii two page 2omeone TA: no, theyre backiing up more now TA: far enough, AC?

arsenicCatnip left a file in the dropbox

AC: :?? < *ac... thinks so?*

arachnidsGrip left a file in the dropbox

AG: Hey, that Naspar guy's putting up some sort of transparent shield thing!

arsenicCatnip left a file in the dropbox

AC: :33 < oh good AC: :33 < :33

twinArmageddons left a file in the dropbox

TA: ii know we were all jokiing about the robot mother grub rampagiing off two take over the 2hiip but that thiing doe2 look alarmiingly... 2hiip-takeover-capable TA: good thiing iit2 fiightiing the other robot2 and not leadiing them

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centaursTesticle left a file in the dropbox

CT: D --> TA CT: D --> When you have an opportunity CT: D --> I would STRONGly appreciate any assistance you could provide in tracking down the origin of the irregularity robot megalobster's programming CT: D --> It was not supposed to do that

arachnidsGrip left a file in the dropbox

AG: I thought the way you used the ro8ot mother gru8 to pin it down was really 8adass, though!

...............

adiosToreador left a file in the dropbox

AT: iF i NEVER, SEE ANOTHER PAIL-SHAPED NOVELTY BEVERAGE CONTAINER, IT WILL BE TOO SOON, AT: eSPECIALLY, ONES THROWN ON THE FLOOR,

...............

twinArmageddons left file HOLY2HIITCAVERN2 in the dropbox

GA: It Happened GA: Everything Went Well We Think GA: The New One Has Settled And GA: And GA: The Elder One Has Passed GA: Everyone Is Crying GA: But Hopeful GA: ... GA: Now One Of The Older Rainbow Drinkers Insists I Need To Go Get GA: I Quote GA: Rainbow Drunker GA: I GA: Am Not Sure How To Take That

twinArmageddons left a file in the dropbox

TA: ...

cuttlefishCuller left a file in the dropbox

CC: ...

apocalypseArisen left a file in the dropbox

AA: ...

carcinoGeneticist left a file in the dropbox

CG: ... CG: ACTUALLY CAN WE JUST *ASSUME* EVERYONE WENT AROUND AND ...'D?

caligulasAquarium left a file in the dropbox

CA: I need a drink

apocalypseArisen left a file in the dropbox

AA: i need t0 get the late bartender 0ut of the cavalreaper party AA: and then take l0ng en0ugh c0ming back that i d0nt get assigned t0 explain anything t0 c0rpsepap

twinArmageddons left a file in the dropbox

TA: goiing two try two talk domii and 2warm around agaiin

cuttlefishCuller left a file in the dropbox

CC: ... CC: ... CC: ... CC: ... CC: ... CC: ... CC: ... CC: whale do better, this time

[flame-cat]

TEREZI: TH3 ST4RS SUR3 4R3 B34UT1FUL TON1GHT

KARKAT: THEY SURE ARE.

TEREZI: YOU KNOW WHO 3LS3 1S B34UT1FUL?

KARKAT: *blushes* WHO?

TEREZI: VR1SK4

--

ROXY: the stars sure r pretty

JOHN: yeah... they are.

ROXY: u know who else is pretty

JOHN: *blushes* who?

ROXY: calliope

--

FEFERI: T)(e stars sure are beautiful tonight!

ERIDAN: yeah... they are.

FEFERI: You know w)(o --ELS--E is beautiful?

ERIDAN: *blushes* wwho?

FEFERI: Nepeta.

--

JOHN: wow, the stars are really beautiful.

TEREZI: 1 GU3SS SO

JOHN: you know who else is beautiful?

TEREZI: NOT YOU >:P

JOHN: fuck you, terezi!

[gulescamisade]

Betty Crocker Headquarters:  Prison Break

[It's been quiet here in the prison area... Maybe the prisoners have accepted their fate at this point, or maybe the stillness is something like the calm before the storm. The atmosphere seems to foretell a happening -- but there's little more evidence of that than a fading blood stain on the floor.]

TEREZI: =In a soft glow of light, a body returns to it's area of expiration, plopping gently feet first onto the floor in a garb of green. For the second time in a short time, Terezi is returned to the land of the living. She clenched and unclenched her hands - was this real? It wasn't quite as jarring as the last time, but unlike last time, she wouldn't hesitate. Whether it was real or not, she didn't have time to doubt it; she had to believe it was.=

TEREZI: =Noticing that she stuck out quite literally, being smack in the middle of a hallway along with her attire a colorful beacon, Terezi ducked down against the wall. Hoping no cameras caught that, she continued moving. Even though she didn't know where she was going or where she could remain out of sight, the very least she could do was make herself a little harder to track.=

TEREZI: =slipping down another hall, she stuck close to the left side, keeping her ears open.=

[If the cameras did pick it up, no one has immediately swept in to deal with her... Definitely not little red riding hood and her pointy jam. The only signs of life are those inside the cells, if Terezi takes a peek...]

TEREZI: =she does. A very slow, careful peek. Guh, gotta get this hood out of the way first.=

[Let's say luck is on her side and she happens upon JAMES very quickly, catching a glimpse of him through the tiny slot in the door.]

JAMES: -is seated at his cot and meditating. He has been conserving his energy for this moment. TZ only needs to get his attention.-

TEREZI: !

TEREZI: =She taps a finger against the slot.= ((h3y m1st3r 3gb3rt s1r, psssssst!)) =tiny wave=

JAMES: -That'll do it. He recognizes the voice and rises to stand. Subtly cracking his neck as he does so.- MISS PYROPE.

JAMES: I TAKE THAT IT IS TIME FOR ACTION?

TEREZI: ((1m go1ng to gu3ss so, y3s))

TEREZI: ((1 dont r34lly know wh4t th3 h3ll 1s go1ng on, but 4ct1on 1s 4 gr34t pl4c3 to st4rt)) >:]

JAMES: SAY NO MORE. -coming over to brace his hands by the door.- I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU CARRY A KEY WITH YOU?

TEREZI: ((no, 1 just got h3r3)) =Literally=

JAMES: WHATEVER THE CASE, I AM PLEASED TO SEE YOU HERE.

JAMES: I ALSO WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST YOU STAND CLEAR OF THE DOOR.

TEREZI: ((y34h, sur3 th1ng)) =She disappears from view as she stepped aside.=

JAMES: -Wastes no time, pulling his fist back and swinging it againt the door in a single mangrit-charged punch. One punch, if you will. Please expect the cell door to explode off its hinges. Crashing into the hallway.-

JAMES: ...

JAMES: -steps through the forced hole he just created.- HELLO.

TEREZI: =....= ....

TEREZI: W3LL 1 GU3SS TH3R3S NO PO1NT 1N B31NG QU13T NOW, 1S TH3R3? =but she's smiling!! ITS WONDERFUL TO BE ALIVE. She was stock still for a moment before continuing=

TEREZI: L3TS G3T TH3 OTH3RS

TEREZI: TH3R3 4R3 OTH3RS H3R3 TOO, R1GHT?

JAMES: ROXY, JAKE. THE CHERUBS. LAST I WAS INFORMED.

JAMES: -Does take a moment to take in the state of her... but decides not to dwell on it.- THEY ARE CLOSE.

TEREZI: =Most of her is hidden under these green jammies, but there are conical horns poking through slits that seemed to be made just for them.=

TEREZI: GOOD! L3TS G3T GO1NG! =she motioned with a hand, to lead them further down this hallway. She paused only to peek through the slots thoroughly for more of the crew and friends.=

JAMES: -as Terezi peeks for friends, James is going to take the initiative and scout further down the hallway. Checking the doors don't lead to cells.-

[There is one door, that at first glance just appears to lead to another cell, but behind the window slot is instead something like a locker room. The door is locked, of course, but a panel opens on it to reveal a keypad.]

TEREZI: =with no one else in the cells she checked, she joined James, glancing down at the keypad.= TEREZI: KNOW 4NY SW33T H4CKS? =she does take a glance down towards each end of the hallway to make sure they weren't being followed.=

JAMES: I PERHAPS KNOW ONE SWEET HACK. -reaches far into the steel trap of his memory and tries a code.-

JAMES: ...

JAMES: IT IS THE BINARY NUMBER FOR CAKE.

ROXY: =RATTLES HER BARS, only no=

JAMES: - 01100011 01100001 01101011 01100101 -

[THE DOOR OPENS.]

JAMES: -Golly... it worked. Of course, it did. Cake is the answer to all the world's problems. He's pretty sure CrockerCorp had a slogan of that nature some years ago... Anyway, James is taking a cautionary look into the lab.-

TEREZI: W41T 1...

TEREZI: =she returned to one of the cells she had previously checked. The room was full of fucking green.... How??=

ROXY: =Heckin magic is how=

JAMES: WHAT IS IT?

[It's mostly just lockers and storage bins stacked on shelves. James might notice that one of the bins has a HANDSOME WALLET in it.]

JAMES: -Strong fatherly exclamation point! Swiftly moving to pluck this wallet out and looking to ransack the rest of the storage bins for STUFF. Clips his whole sylladex back onto himself. He is ready.-

TEREZI: =Still peeping through the slot. Is there anyone in there?=

[Roxy, Jake and the Cherubs sylladexes are definitely in the bins too, if he can recognize them. They maye or may not be obvious.]

JAMES: -Retrieve sylladexes.-

ROXY: =Some of the cubes shift about, two of them move to the side and there's pink eyes staring back=

ROXY: !!

ROXY: =Suddenly the disappear and after a few seconds Roxy (and about 50 green cubes) decend on Terezi= rexrezzie!

ROXY: =Get buried=

TEREZI: !!!!!!!!!!! >8O

TEREZI: =That was perhaps the most startling thing she experienced in her new life so far=

TEREZI: ROXY! >:D

ROXY: =HER EYES, holds her face also her body, looks around and sees James= wut.... wait

ROXY: explain on the way this is a bust out right? i have snausages 4 the guard dawg

TEREZI: STR4NG3LY 3NOUGH TH3R3 H4V3 B33N NO GU4RDS

TEREZI: OR GU4RD DOGS

TEREZI: >:\

TEREZI: =gives roxy a quick, tight hug though=

ROXY: =SQUEEZES even tho she stank= that's suspicerous

ROXY: =Squints a bit and looks around=

JAMES: -returns back to their place of convening.- ROXY.

JAMES: ...

JAMES: -scoops both these girls in a brief strong fatherly embrace.- I HAVE RETRIEVED YOUR SYLLADEX.

JAMES: HOWEVER I FEAR THERE MAY BE A REASON WE HAVE YET TO ENCOUNTER ANY CONFRONTATION.

JAMES: -hands roxy back her sylladex.-

ROXY: =A BIG HUG FOR EVERYONE SHE'S SO HAPPY=

ROXY: =takes her dex back and immediate puts on her strife spec= let's take advantage of that for now n find jake n callie

TEREZI: =that's okay! she's happy to see her alive and well! Terezi on the other and smells fresh and new like laundered linen.=

[Roxy likely remembers the way to where they're being held from before she was chased away by the guard dog. It is basically a straight shot through this exit, the next hall, and through a spooky and suspicious door labeled "we do horrible experiments here" OR SOMETHING. It was implied.]

ROXY: =SHE SURE DOES=

ROXY: =stretches her legs a little then nods down the hall=

ROXY: this way itll b a good place to start at least also maybe theyve made progress since i last been there =starts to guide them down the hall=

JAMES: -carrying up the rear. Will leap to defend the ladies if he needs to. He is armed with his photon watch shield and 100 count of cakes kept fresh in his sylladex. Hope everyone is hydrated. James is going to make sure they are.-

JAMES: -distantly fussing at them children.-

ROXY: =A sweet hot dad :') =

TEREZI: =she's got nothing on her except the literal clothes on her back=

[They exit the prison area and into the next hall with the tech labs. The staff NEVER seems to be around here... That probably isn't a good sign, but oh well. It makes their trek to their destination all the easier. The super secret lab they're looking for is still locked, but nothing void magic, gadgets and gizmos, or fists thru the wall can't fix.]

TEREZI: =Is there another keypad for this door?=

[INDEED. Or it requires a keycard... I can't remember. Either way.]

ROXY: =Is someone gonna fist that wall? 👀 she missed wall fisting=

ROXY: =she can totally handle this but like.... 👀=

JAMES: -What about cake override codes... Aw, darn.-

JAMES: -There was a door punched off its hinges back in the hallway. She def can appreciate that now.-

ROXY: =She does but also she'll just give some SWEET HACKS to this door for now to save her energy. All this absence she feels like she'll need it=

[DOOR: HACKED.]

ROXY: =turns to them= im in

TEREZI: H33

ROXY: =NOW WHAT NERD SCIENCE BULLSHIT HAVE THEY EVEN DONE UP IN HERE?=

JAMES: WELL DONE, ROXY. -He's proud of you... but also focused on this serious business.-

[Inside, as she remembers, there are some panels on the wall where video feeds used to be, but everything is shut off right now. She would ALSO rememebr another door being locked in here, but it's WIDE OPEN NOW. This will lead to, you guessed it, even MORE rooms. But they are less like prison cells and more like dingy examination rooms. One of them has pumpkin vines peeking out from under the door...]

JAMES: ...

JAMES: ODD.

TEREZI: D1DNT J4D3 GROW PUMPK1NS?

ROXY: =Squints at that open door and peeps all at the one with vines growing from under the door- WAIT! Is there a panel to this door too?= hang on....

ROXY: cuz i remember jake was like.... o =she remembers... the greenery... the tiny shorts. Yes, it's all coming back to her=

JAMES: THEN IT ONLY STANDS TO SAY JAKE IS BEHIND THIS DOOR. -Should he pry it open? Or maybe he doesn't need to. If Roxy would like to do the honors?-

[Flashback cut to photos of Jake in tiny red Crocker Corp booty shorts and suspenders.]

TEREZI: W41T 4 S3C GUYS, 1---

TEREZI: MMMNG... =a hand hovers to squeeze at her temples before she moved to the door, her hand lowering to the keypad. Reaching into the past, she searched for someone who had used the keypad last.=

ROXY: =Ah.... yes... she remembers......=

[Whoever used this keypad last LOOKS LIKE A NERD. Probably a scientist. So definitely a nerd. She can see them typing in the code.]

TEREZI: =After a pause of her looking COMPLETELY out of it, Terezi's fingers moved, punching in the code.=

[DOOR: SEER'D.]

TEREZI: =a little surprised that worked actually!=

JAMES: -He is... so concerned. And also surprised. Before James can think to comment on it, however a pumpkin is being FLUNG from behind the door. Thrown with such a force that it explodes violently against the wall opposite his cell.- !!!!!!!!

JAKE: BACK AT IT AGAIN YOU WEASLY SONS OF BITCHES??? TIME FOR ROUND TWO!

JAKE: -PUMPKIN FLINGS. PCHOO POCHOO.-

JAKE: -SPLAT-

ROXY: =👀= girl wu-!! =YIPE=

[If Terezi seer'd just a little bit longer, she might have seen the nerd get pelted with a pumpkin.]

ROXY: =but also= JAKE!

JAKE: -a mustached face peers from behind his cot/pumpkin fort. But not another second is spared before he is EMERGING. Hello booty shorts. It's also apparent that he is armed with pumpkins attatched to a vine sash on his back.- ROXAROO!!!! TEREZI? JAMES?

JAKE: Good golly is it time??????????

TEREZI: =everyone ELSE had exited calmly!=

TEREZI: =RELATIVELY=

JAKE: -don't blame him... he's got bandages plenty on his arms from many needle pokes... He's BEEN rowdy.-

TEREZI: =peeks around the door at Jake= GOOD GOLLY 1S 1T S4F3?

JAKE: -He doesn't care and is blubbering a little bit. Q_Q- You came...

TEREZI: >:D

TEREZI: H3CK Y34H W3 D1D!

ROXY: =Baby no.... she frowns at him then goes to give him a gently FIRM squeeze= baby ...... :C

ROXY: ofc we woulda come

JAMES: -There, there Jake... James is ruffling his hair in support.-

JAKE: -obviously takes a minute to be scooped in Roxy's muscle embrace and cry a little bit. Terezi too. Come here quad in law.-

JAKE: -he hug...-

JAKE: I knew you would! -It's all he could tell himself all alone in his kennel.-

[ENOUGH HUGGING TIME IS MONEY MONEY IS POWER POWER IS PIZZA PIZZA IS KNOWLEDGE.]

JAKE: -He wants pizza!!!!!!!!!! Swipes his face clean of tears and puts his angry eyebrows on.- Now what the hoo heck hash are we diddydaddling around for? Weve some cherubs to track!

JAMES: WE WERE SEARCHING FOR YOU, SON. -hands him his sylladex- JAKE: !!!!! -EQUIPS. HOLA double pistols.-

TEREZI: =quad in law....= >:']

ROXY: yeah! but i dunno where they are :c

ROXY: least with u i had an idea..... =starts to get back out of this cell=

JAKE: -suddenly guns. 🔫- Well find them no problemo. -he BELIEVES IT.-

JAMES: -Son... do you maybe want to change into a different garb? He has extra clothes.-

JAKE: -No........................................... Leave it............................................... He burns to see this through to the end.-

JAMES: -I'm proud of you.-

ROXY: =jake she can make you more booty shorts and suspenders its ok=

TEREZI: S1NC3 NO ON3S S41D 1M GONN4 S4Y 1T

TEREZI: 3V3RYON3 LOOKS SO R1D1CULOUS

JAKE: -they cling to his every curve. He breathes out with a low hiss.-

JAKE: All the sweeter the victory when we blow this laboratory to SMITHEREENS.

JAMES: -fixing at his tie self consciously... Does he look ridiculous? Oh dear.-

TEREZI: =Youve been in jail a month, sorry mister=

JAMES: - :( He'll have to put on his hat to hide his shame.-

ROXY: im hot always

ROXY: also we got a sweet precious baby girl 2 find! =Trnansformers.... ROLLOUT=

[Its true, they will find the Cherubs no problemo. For all the cells are empty, but further investigation will take them to an open lab... But it isn't a pretty sight here. Large tubes with floating... body parts? Inside of them. Vials and beakers of rainbow blood standing against the red of a human's... Stained slabs and tables.... Just to name a few of the unpleasant sights. There are large drawers, too, which give the whole lab the look of a morgue.]

TEREZI: HOT HOT T4T3R TOT

TEREZI: .......

ROXY: =MMMNNG GROSS.....=

JAMES: -Entire vats drained of blood. There are no words.-

JAKE: -the sight and feel of this place is freezing the breath in his lungs a little bit. Big old, cold sweat gulps.-

TEREZI: WH4T...H4PP3N3D H3R3?

TEREZI: =but even as she asked the question, something in her reached out for her to reach back, and her mind delved into the decisions made in this place. =

JAKE: Id...

JAKE: Rather not know. -hiding behind roxy just 8C -

[But Terezi will know, decisions were made here to follow out their Empress' fucked up, and frankly ridiculous, endeavors to make humans more like trolls. Going so far as to even try to fill their veins with caste colored blood. It isn't limited to that, and what all was decided and executed here would likely be overwhelmed. Particularly when it involves familiar faces like Jake's and Calliope and Caliborn's.]

TEREZI: =she tried to pull herself away from the memory - the visions? - and when she finally had control over her limbs again, she used them to propel her to the nearest trash can=

TEREZI: =blaaaaaar=

ROXY: .......oh

ROXY: =Rushes over and rubs her back= ... what happened are you okay???

JAKE: -gHGHGHHGHHG. Now he feels terrible...-

JAMES: -swiftly fetching a bottle of water for Terezi.-

TEREZI: =shes dry heaving; food isn't real in dreams=

TEREZI: 3XP3R1M3NTS...ON HUM4NS

TEREZI: TO M4K3 TH3M MOR3 L1K3 US =she felt like she really NEEDED to have something in her stomach because nothing felt so much worse=

TEREZI: TH3 CH3RUBS...W3 H4V3 TO F1ND TH3M-- W3-- =but a part of her knew that search would be fruitless=

TEREZI: =finally noticing the waterbottle, she took it tentatively=J4K3 =she turned to spitting stomach acid into the wastebasket= 1M SO SORRY...

ROXY: mmmnnng :c

ROXY: =She looks to the drawers now.... a little scared to open them=

ROXY: fuckin.... maniac bitch fish =goes over to them to like, peek in a few=

JAKE: I-- hmm hn... -he can't exactly be left to try and think about EXACTLY what they did with all those pokes and prods from before. He feels more conscious of the bandages on his arms than ever before.-

JAKE: Im whole and here. What more can i ask for?? -gathering himself up, still cold and sweaty. Roxy, don't... Jake can't handle this.-

ROXY: =she'll SHEILD THEIR GAZE WITH HER BODY=

ROXY: =But she really can't not...=

TEREZI: =no need, she's seen everything all at once. it was horrible=

JAKE: -HE'S VERY AFRAID OF WHATS IN THE DRAWERS AND DECIDES TO TURN HIS BACK AWAY.-

JAMES: -stern and steady hands on his back. Look away, son...-

[Unfortunately for Roxy, most of these are full... Mostly of ashen skinned humans, but there is one body that is very distinctly green.]

ROXY: ..... =like... with ganggreen?=

ROXY: =She'll take tthat=

ROXY: =But also her expression falls and something in her tightens up.... wtf=

TEREZI: =she would have told Roxy not to look, but she's busy coughing into the trashcan again=

ROXY: =SORRY EVERYONE SHE'S TOO CURIOUS FOR HER OWN GOOD=

[CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT.]

[At the very least, it made her quite sad...]

[She can BELIEVE the skin tone is unnatural, but of course she knows the truth. They found the cherubs.]

ROXY: =WOW THIS IS A BAD CASE OF GANG GREEN=

ROXY: =but no she's crying and holding the handle of the drawer tight=

ROXY: (fuckin.....)

JAKE: Theyre dead arent they? -he doesnt have to see. He knows in his hopes of heart.-

ROXY: =Can she just... sylladex this body= ROXY: .. yeah

ROXY: =They deserved so much better.... better than all this. All these people did=

JAKE: - ;__; - Oh callies...

[Caliborn is flipping you off in the afterlife, Jake. It's okay...]

JAKE: -HE WOULD CORPSE SMOOCH YOU BACK TO LIFE IF HE HAD TO, HE SWEARS!-

[She can steal the body if she wishes, however.]

ROXY: =Steals it she does and strides out of the lab with rage renewed= lets get the fuck out of here and find these dicks >:''(

TEREZI: =wiping her mouth with the back of her hand=

TEREZI: SH1T...

TEREZI: 1M W1TH YOU TH3R3

JAKE: -cocks his pistols. The world's grimmest, most grumpiest look on his face.- They wont even know what hit them.

TEREZI: =Is there anything lying around that she can use as a weapon?=

ROXY: o the fuck that yes they will =time for her ROXY LNDE brass knuckles=

JAKE: -Why not hopevoid her a weapon?-

[Good plan, because there isn't much else around besides scalpels and needles.]

TEREZI: =Imagine, flying into combat: NEEDLE JAB! Now you have some horrible troll disease! Congrats!=

JAKE: -eyeballs Terezi.- Say...

JAKE: How...

JAKE: I mean.

JAKE: How did you manage to get here?

TEREZI: UH....UM....W3LL

TEREZI: ....

TEREZI: 1TS 4 LONG STORY

[For all intents and purposes, they should be able to escape easily between Roxy and James' sweet hacking skills, whenever they are ready to vamoose.]

[AKA their work here is done. MISSION COMPLETE. You found your dead friend.]

ROXY: =SQUINTS WHILE HACKING SO MUCH, water u hidin rez=

JAKE: Oh okay... Would you like one of my pistols? -He literally has a whole pile of them in his sylladex. Ushers after the HAXXORS, letting them do their thing.-

TEREZI: =perks a bit= Y34H!

TEREZI: =She hasn't quite used such a precision weapon in a while, but it's a weapon and she'll take it.= TH4NKS

JAKE: -potentially giving a blind troll a gun??? This is normal. He has yet to be updated on things.- THATS THE SPIRIT!

JAKE: -Assuming Terezi is wearing the seer hoodie that covers her eyes. Not weird in the slightest to him.-

TEREZI: =She is indeed wearing the hood. You'll see, Jake. You'll see.=

ROXY: =Touches Terezi's bitchin jammies, so soft=

TEREZI: =softer than a baby's booty=

JAMES: -assisting in leading the way through the building and all the confusing layout business. They are well on their way OUT OF HERE.-

TEREZI: =takes the gun and checks to see how much ammo is left in the chamber. She remembered how to do that at least.=

TEREZI: TH3 SHORT OF 1T 1S 1 D13D =puts the clip back in and turns off the safety= TW1C3

JAKE: -Wall eyed...- Erm....

JAKE: Now that sounds like some tale. Too bad its so short!

JAKE: Terezi!

ROXY: ...wtf??

ROXY: ughh :c

ROXY: UGH >:(

ROXY: thats... bullshit!

[Outside they will probably see a GIANT ASS DRAGONFLY.]

TEREZI: M4J3ST1C

JAKE: -spongebob caveman memes in his booty shorts.- What the piss???

ROXY: =MORE LIKE A BITCHASS DRAGONFLY, SHE KICKS OPEN THE DOOR= MA-DEAD-STIC!

TEREZI: =there's dragon in the word. it's close enough=

ROXY: =GUN READY SHE READY TO BLASTEE U ASSTEE=

[choriocytosicinquisitor-blog]

-- eonianEmigrant [EE] began pestering isometricAstrourbanization [IA] --

EE: dude. i just realized that ur handle is like....hella long.

IA: 8r3aks th3 1c3 mor3 oft3n than not.

IA: ... S8)

IA: H3y.

EE: well shit i didn't know what i was sayin was so fuckin basic, lmao. gotta try to b more creative.

EE: whasup bro. i just remembered that talkin to pp on here is a thing i can do.

EE: like i can raise my socialization skill n also wear cheezy poof stained sweatpants 24/7. wut a tiem 2 be alive.

IA: To 83 fa1r, you could w3ar ch33sy poof-sta1n3d sw3atpants any of th3 day and soc1al1z3. 1f you'r3 not a fuck1ng noo8.

IA: H3ll, why 8oth3r go1ng that far? W3ar no pants l1k3 a r3al troll.

IA: 1 know 1'm not, aaay.

IA: So th3r3for3, 1'm as r3al as 1t g3ts.

EE: i mean. that's cool. if you want to free range it while we talk that's ok by me. i'm not gnna disparage ur lifestyle choices but i like to be a fab dressed dude and i can't be slippin up in the way ur suggestin.

EE: as the the only person pushin denim on denim fashion on skaia, i got a responsibility u kno.

EE: gotta edumacate the masses.

IA: 1 know what 1 must do now.

IA: Your t3rr18l3 r31gn of tyranny w1ll com3 to an 3nd on3 day... and 1 w1ll say you'r3 fuck1ng w3lcom3. 1t was m3, Aust1n. All along.

IA: D3n1m on d3n1m, jfc.

EE: it's fine if u don't understand. i don't expect ppl to understand right away.

EE: it takes time. B)

EE: altho since ur pantless ur already 1/3 of the way to full denim on denim.

EE: step 1. remove pantalones step 2. put on pantalones step 3. locate una jaqueta de mezclilla and put that on too

IA: N1c3 l3gs, da1sy duk3s mak3s a dud3 go woo-woo. Surpr1s3.

IA: Th1s was a s3gu3way to th3 1n3v1ta8l3 furry conv3rsat1on w3 w3r3 8ound to hav3. 1t's as 1n3scapa8l3 as d3ath and tax3s, 8roh.

IA: My t1m3 1s now.

EE: aight. i'm down to talk about furries. what about them.

EE: did u grow up in a horse infested hell hole like i did.

IA: Furr13s 1n da1sy duk3s. D1scuss.

EE: omg we have so much in common.

EE: ok let's talk about the concept of furries wearing skimpy clothing when they're already covered in FUR.

EE: ????????????????

EE: questions that have plagued me sine my youth, bro.

IA: Sh1t, you'r3 r1ght. L3av3 noth1ng to th3 1mag1nat1on.

EE: just when u think i've gone deep enuff i go even deeper. full forearm.

IA: W3 l1k3 to hav3 fun h3r3 on 3non1an3m1grant dot com.

EE: o bby u don't know the 1/2 of it yet.

IA: 1 know that 1 compl3t3ly lost my tra1n of thought. Mmmm.

EE: wut a shame now i'll never know what ur fursona's dick looks like.

EE: like exact dimensions down 2 every little ridge, knot and bump.

EE: btw if u rlly are a furry, pay me to draw that shit.

EE: i like to hustle around here.

EE: time is $$$.

IA: D1cks, dud3.

IA: Plural 83caus3 th3 only l1m1t 1s your 1mag1nat1on.

EE: back in my universe we only had 1 of those things and if you broke it that was tough luck.

EE: jk, i'm p sure dicks were in hot demand and supply was meetin it.

IA: 3h3h3h3. Sucks to 83 you.

EE: hahahhaha.

IA: 8)

EE: i guess u could say it's nut my lucky day.

IA: Amaaaz1ng graaac3... how sw33t th3 sound...

EE: o that made me think of nother topic.

EE: r u religious.

EE: haven't gotten a chance 2 ask anybody about that shit yet.

EE: this is a good a time as any to ask about god right.

EE: right after discussin dicks.

EE: god(s), u don't wanna assume it's singular i guess just like penises, or penii.

IA: A nuth3r top1c.

IA: Also r3gardl3ss of d1cks to worsh1p as gods, not r3ally no.

EE: dang i was rlly hopin it would be something crazy.

IA: 1'm sur3 you hav3 a th1ng to talk a8out 1t though.

IA: As th3y say 1n th3 land of 1nnu3ndos and dou8l3 3ntr3dr3. F1ll m3 1n, 8ro.

EE: as much as i would love 2 double stuff u with knowledge ;))).

EE: yeah i got nothin. i'm just curious i guess.

EE: i'm not religious it's just 1 of my 2,000 spare interests.

EE: lol.

EE: the only religion is know of is the shitty clown one. does that also exist here or nah.

IA: N1c3.

IA: Unfortunat3ly, an op1n1on on r3l1g1on just so happ3ns to 83 th3 on3 th1ng 1 fall short on. Just d3p3nds on who you'r3 talk1ng to, 1 gu3ss.

IA: Th3r3's always th3 Follow1ng of 81l1ous Sl1ck. 1t's a popular Prosp1t1an th1ng.

EE: i never heard of that. i won't bore u with it tho if it's not ur thing.

EE: u never did tell me what u were up to btw.

EE: despite bein semi nude somewhere???

IA: Hang1ng at my condo. Plac3 to stay wh3n 1'm not work1ng.

IA: F1rst rul3 of th3 hous3 1s, no pants.

EE: wtf tho if u got ur own place why u creep at the dorms.

EE: just 4 the pool?

IA: 3v3ryon3 asks m3 th1s 8ut 1t's 3as13r to fr3qu3nt a dorm than 1t 1s a hot3l dur1ng th3 work p3r1od.

EE: o aight.

EE: that makes sense.

EE: guess who else has a super important job now.

EE: u don't nee dto guess imma tell u.

EE: THIS GUY.

IA: Y3s.

IA: 3vadn3 was t3ll1ng m3.

EE: i'm workin 4 the gvnmt now.

EE: with a lady that has eight fuckin eyes.

EE: no joke.

EE: she can see all ur illegal hiphaps and now i'm her agent so watch out.

IA: Sounds l1k3 a 8last, dud3. Also t3ll N3va3h 1 sa1d sup.

EE: o u kno her?

IA: 3v3ryon3 knows h3r.

EE: >:/

EE: man here i was thinkin i was special.

IA: Ch1ll, dogg. You ar3.

EE: o dogg. bro...

IA: Th3r3's mor3 wh3r3 that cam3 from.

EE: //touches chest//

EE: i wsn't redy.

IA: Good th1ng 1'm g3ntl3.

EE: s-senpai...

EE: ://O

EE: t-taiyō o massugu watashi ni fakku

IA: G3t your w338ass 8ullsh1t out of my fac3.

IA: My pantsl3ss a8od3 1s sacr3d, can you r3sp3ct that pl3as3 and thank?

EE: watashi ni fuck u in the mouth.

EE: don't test me bro, i got like eight shitty swords with ur name on em.

IA: Mmmmm. 1 d3c1d3d 1 k1nd of l1k3 wh3r3 th1s 1s go1ng.

EE: i mean. i'm confused by u typing out "mmmmmm" like pennywise the clown but i'm glad ur havin a good time.

EE: that's all we're here 4.

EE: 2 have a good time.

IA: Sp3ak1ng of wh1ch... 1 got th1s comm num83r r1ght. 83caus3 1 hung out w1th a guy aft3r clu8 t1m3s and that's just what happ3ns.

EE: o it's story time now. ok i'm listenin.

EE: //shimmies up w/ popcorn//

EE: :o

IA: W3ll, s33. Noth1ng happ3n3d. 83caus3 1 d1dn't know 1t was on th3 ta8l3.

IA: And w3 had a n1c3 t1m3. Cut3 guy, d3af. L1k3s conv3n13nc3 stor3 food and fly1ng.

EE: das cool, das cool.

EE: i mean u got his digits so there's always next time right

IA: Y3ah, 1 gu3ss. Th3n 1 wond3r wh3th3r 1t's worth 1t.

IA: 8ut th3n 1f 1 hav3 to wond3r, th3n 1t's pro8a8ly not. L8r.

EE: idk i mean not necessarily.

EE: it depends on why u wonderin.

EE: me talkin like i got a fuckin atom of exp w/ this shit. but ignore that for now. haha.

IA: H3 cut3 8ut th3n 1'm just... gum wrapp3r and mag1c mark3r, 8ro. Factor all of th1s 1nto a pot3nt1al hook-up.

IA: 1 don't 3v3n know 1f th3 gum wrapp3r 1s h1s, lmao. May83 h3 found 1t on th3 ground.

IA: 1 m3an 1 gotta 83 at l3ast worth som3 k3tchup sta1n3d 8urr1to pap3r. Do you g3t what 1'm say1ng?

EE: mm yea i feel u. i mean mb he was just tryin 2 to be quirky? but who knos.

EE: i'd say if u got doubts ur probably right ,just don't do it.

EE: i wouldn't wanna be somebody's 2nd or 3rd choice even 4 a hook up.

EE: i wouldn't want them 2 be like "man if I GOTTA sleep with this guy i guess iw ill"

EE: u kno.

EE: that would suck.

IA: Y3s. 81t3s a l1l 1nto th3 3nthus1asm and not 1n th3 fun way.

IA: Anyway, g3n3rally "1t sucks" 1s a good way to summar1z3 1t up.

IA: Thanks, man.

EE: np dude.

EE: haha.

EE: nobody's ever asked me bout shit like that b4.

EE: i can live vicariously thru ur shenans.

IA: W31rd. K1nd of l1k3 w3'r3 8ros or som3th1ng.

IA: 8ro...

EE: n so it was written n so it shall b.

EE: they were bros from that moment on.

EE: jk, we were bros b4 that.

EE: time is relative actually so we were always bros and simaltaneously not bros.

EE: bro, i gots 2 bed. again.

IA: 1 was just your 8ro 1n wa1t1ng, my guy. Th3 for3v3r 8ro.

IA: Also y3ah, cool. R3st your fac3.

EE: aight. take care, man. B)

-- eonianEmigrant [EE] ceased pestering isometricAstrourbanization [IA] --

[pesterloglog]

Terezi Pyrope, Dirk Strider

Page 26-28

TEREZI: DO YOU... W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T...?

DIRK: Absolutely the fuck not.

TEREZI: OK4Y

TEREZI: WH4T 3V3N 1S 4LL TH4T STUFF JUST LY1NG 4ROUND OV3R TH3R3 4NYW4Y

T3R3ZI: 4R3 YOU 4RR4NG1NG 4 SH1TTY L1TTL3 4RT G4LL3RY ON TH3 FLOOR

DIRK: Not quite.

DIRK: It's something a bit more important than that.

DIRK: We've made some good progress by now, so here. Let me show you something.

DIRK: Smell this Terezi?

DIRK: This is a panel.

TEREZI: OK4Y

DIRK: Can you tell what it's depicting?

TEREZI: 1... H4NG ON

TEREZI: N33D TO G3T CLOS3R TO TH3 SCR33N

TEREZI: *SLUUUUUURPPPPP*

TEREZI: HM

TEREZI: NO, NO GOOD

TEREZI: 1M H4V1NG 4 H4RD T1M3 M4K1NG 1T OUT OV3R TH3 D3L3CT4BL3 RUG YOUR3 ST4ND1NG ON

DIRK: That's alright. This actually helps me illustrate my point.

DIRK: The panel is a drawing of me showing the panel to you.

DIRK: ...

DIRK: Now, what did I do there?

TEREZI: YOU DROPP3D 1T B4CK ON TH3 FLOOR 4G41N

DIRK: Yeah. But in the panel, I'm still just standing there holding it up.

DIRK: In order to communicate what I did to anyone watching, you'd need another panel to show the result.

DIRK: Or I suppose they could listen in on the conversation we're having right now, and infer that I dropped it from what we're saying. That would also work.

DIRK: In that case, the words provide the information that the picture would have done, without me having to pull a whole new panel out my ass just so that someone could confirm that yes, I did in fact drop the panel on the floor.

TEREZI: TH4TS TH3 ON3 TH1NG 1 4LW4YS FOUND D1FF1CULT 4BOUT M4K1NG COM1CS W1TH D4V3

TEREZI: YOU H4V3 TO DR4W 333333V3RYTH1NG >:[

DIRK: Exactly. But sometimes, visuals are just a more effective way of doing things.

DIRK: So finding the right combination of words and pictures to communicate an idea efficiently is where the artistry lies.

DIRK: And sometimes that means dispensing with one or the other entirely when appropriate.

TEREZI: 4444RGH NOT 4G41N!!

TEREZI: H4H4 OK TH4T W4S PR3TTY GOOD

DIRK: *huff* *huff* See? *huff* I told you,

DIRK: *COUGH*

DIRK: *pant*

DIRK: I told you I could have fun.

TEREZI: Y34H YOU SUR3 SHOW3D M3 1 GU3SS

TEREZI: 1M GL4D 1 GOT TO W4TCH 1T 4LL THROUGH TH1S SCR33N TOO

TEREZI: S1NC3 1 WOULD N3V3R H4V3 B3L13V3D YOU 4CTU4LLY D1D 1T 4LL OTH3RW1S3

TEREZI: 3V3N THOUGH 1 ST1LL... H4V3 NO FUCK1NG CLU3 WH4T 1T 1S W3R3 3V3N DO1NG H3R3 >:/

TEREZI: C4N YOU JUST HURRY 1T UP SO W3 C4N F1N4LLY G3T OFF TH1S SH1P????

TEREZI: HMMM, COM3 TO TH1NK OF 1T, M4YB4 1 COULD 3ND TH1S R1GHT NOW BY TYP1NG TH3 R1GHT COMM4ND >:O

DIRK: I'd rather you didn't.

DIRK: It would be inelegant.

TEREZI: WHY DO W3 3V3N H4V3 TH1S TH1NG 4NYW4Y? 1 THOUGHT TH3Y W3R3 FOR 3X1L3S TO US3

DIRK: Well, normally they are.

DIRK: And normally, those are the only people who would ever use them. A terminal's function is to act as a means of communication between two disparate parts of a time loop, a passage through which information can travel that aids in such a loop's successful completion.

DIRK: And within the context of the game, that's all they're used for.

DIRK: But beyond that, they're a convenient and effective means of subtle psychic suggestion at a distance.

TEREZI: 1T DO3SNT S33M 4LL TH4T SUBTL3 TO M3

DIRK: Well no, it's not.

DIRK: At least, not for us right now.

DIRK: But that's because your presence as a guiding influence has been revealed.

DIRK: Earlier, when I hadn't realized you were there, it was more difficult to discern.

DIRK: I could have gone on for quite a while, not realizing that the instructions were anything other than spontaneous ideas from my own imagination, if you hadn't gotten too greedy.

TEREZI: WH4T C4N 1 S4Y, TH3YR3 C4LL3D SUCCUL3NTS FOR 4 R34SON

TEREZI: 4ND 4PP4R3NTLY TH4T R34SON 1S TH4T TH3Y 4R3 D3L1C1OUS >:P

DIRK: No, I mean you started being too obvious.

DIRK: Your personality bled through to an extent that was impossible to ignore, and so the spell was broken.

DIRK: But if someone with a lot of skill gave it a try, there's no reason why you couldn't keep providing commands indefinitely, with the commandee none the wiser.

TEREZI: HMMMMMM

TEREZI: W3LL ON S3COND THOUGHT, TH4T SUR3 SOUNDS S1N1ST3R 4S SH1T!!!!!!!!

DIRK: In the wrong hands, maybe. But don't worry.

DIRK: It's just part of the plan.

TEREZI: TH3 *3V1L* PL4N?

DIRK: Evil is a very... reductive word.

DIRK: I prefer to think of it as just a regular-ass plan.

TEREZI: 1S 4LL TH3 OTH3R STUFF 1N H3R3 P4RT OF TH3 R3GUL4R 4SS PL4N TH3N?

DIRK: Something like that.

TEREZI: TH3R3S...

TEREZI: 4 WHOL3 LOT OF JUNK???

TEREZI: WOW

TEREZI: 1 H4V3NT SM3LL3D SOM3 OF TH1S G4RB4G3 1N SW33PS

TEREZI: OH W41T

TEREZI: 1S TH4T...?

TEREZI: ...

TEREZI: 4444444444CHH!!!

TEREZI: BL3333CH HOUGHGHGH 4CK!!!!

TEREZI: PFFFFFPTHTH PFFFF PFFTH!!!!!!!

DIRK:

TEREZI: 3URGH

TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG 1N H3R3 1S SO DUSTY >:[

DIRK: That's what you get for nosing around in our secret storeroom.

DIRK: I'd ask you not to contaminate the ectobiological equipment with your own genetic material, but,

TEREZI: Y34H TOO L4T3, SORRY >:|

DIRK: Whatever. I was about to clean it anyway.

TEREZI: 1 DONT S33 WH4TS SO S3CR3T 4BOUT TH1S PL4C3 4NYW4Y

TEREZI: 1 M34N TH3R3 4R3 ONLY THR33 OF US ON TH1S SH1P

TEREZI: 1TS NOT L1K3 TH3R3S 4NYON3 TO 3V3N H1D3 TH1NGS FROM

DIRK: ...

TEREZI: OR 4NYTH1NG WORTH H1D1NG FOR TH4T M4TT3R

TEREZI: HMM

TEREZI: WH4TS TH1S TH1NG OV3R 1N TH3 CORN3R

TEREZI: UND3RN34TH TH1S B1G SH33T TH1NG

DIRK: Don't look in there.

TEREZI: OH SHHHH 1M ONLY T4K1NG 4 P33K

DIRK: Terezi.

DIRK: Listen to me.

TEREZI: 1M JUST L1FT1NG UP TH3 COV3R 4 L1TTL3 W4YS!!!!

DIRK: Terezi please stop talking right now.

TEREZI: D1RK HOLY SH1T

TEREZI: W

TEREZI: 4444URGH YOU 4SSHOL3!!!

DIRK: I did ask you to stop.

TEREZI: OK4Y 4CTU4LLY FUCK TH1S

TEREZI: WH4T 4M 1 DO1NG H3R3?

TEREZI: WHY 4M 1 3V3N W4ST1NG MY T1M3 W4TCH1NG YOU RUN 4ROUND 1N YOUR STUP1D ROOM FULL OF TR4SH, T4LK1NG TO YOURS3LF??

TEREZI: 1V3 GOT 4 SH1P TO CR4SH

[pesterloglog]

Porrim Maryam, Latula Pyrope

Act 6, page 5263

PORRIM: Hey.

LATULA: yo yo, w4zzup grl!!!

PORRIM: Latula, it's just me. I do+n't think anyo+ne is lo+o+king. No+ need to+ go+ so+ heavy o+n the rad girl ro+utine.

LATULA: y34h, gu3ss your3 r1ght. 1'll ch1ll 1t down 4 b1t.

LATULA: wh4ts on your th1nk p4n, po-m4ry.

PORRIM: Meeting o+ur ancesto+rs as kids, o+r, I mean o+ur descendants as kids, ho+wever yo+u want to+ spin it...

#Descesto+rs? #Ancendants? #Dancesto+rs... #Hmm #Bingo+

PORRIM: It has me thinking abo+ut o+ur rebo+o+ted lives o+n Alternia, and what we grew up to+ be.

PORRIM: Makes me wo+nder abo+ut fate. If it's so+mething that's even co+mprehensible.

LATULA: y34h?

PORRIM: Fo+r instance, o+n Alternia, my relatio+nship with Kankri seemed to+ make so+me sense. I co+uld definitely see o+ur lives beco+ming entangled in that way, karmically speaking.

PORRIM: But then there were o+ther develo+pments that are still mysterio+us to+ me.

PORRIM: Like, as far as I kno+w, yo+u and Aranea always go+t alo+ng. Didn't yo+u?

#Radglare #Kindfang

LATULA: 3h 1 gu3ss. n3v3r sp3nt much t1m3 th1nk1ng 4bout s3rk3t, tbh.

LATULA: 4lw4ys thought sh3 w4s 4 s3lf 4bsorb3d snooz3, 1f you r34lly w4nt to know.

#zzzz #not 3v3n th3 r4d k1nd of z33s

PORRIM: Exactly. No+thing much to+ yo+ur relatio+nship to+ speak o+f at all. But in yo+ur po+st-scratch lives yo+u had such majo+r issues to+gether, even yo+ur descendants inherited it, and co+ntinued the co+ntentio+us cycle until there was blo+o+dshed.

#Redglare #Mindfang

LATULA: r34lly?

LATULA: huh.

PORRIM: Did yo+u no+t kno+w that?

#Mindfang gave yo+u five #Then left yo+u hanging

LATULA: n3v3r r34lly thought 4bout 1t. but now th4t you m3nt1on 1t, th4t outcom3 m4k3s 4ll sorts of s3ns3 to m3.

PORRIM: It do+es? Ho+w?

LATULA: just do3s, b4b3z.

PORRIM: I do+n't really understand karma.

LATULA: th4ts c4us3 your3 not 4 m1nd pl4y3r.

PORRIM: Oh. Co+uld yo+u explain to+ me ho+w it wo+rks, then?

LATULA: pshh, 4s 1f. th4t wouldnt b3 4 v3ry r4d th1ng to do.

#do 1 look l1k3 s3rk3t to you???

LATULA: h3y, ch3ck out th1s OUTST4ND1NG h34lfl1p!!!!

PORRIM: I do+n't

PORRIM: ...

#Sigh

PORRIM: Ok. Let's see it.

[pesterloglog]

Terezi Pyrope, John Egbert

Act 4, page 1579-1580

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --

GC: JOHN 1TS M3 4G41N

EB: who?

EB: oh, that's right...

EB: the leetspeaking blind one.

EB: go away!

GC: JOHN DONT M4K3 FUN OF MY H4ND1C4P

EB: which one, the blindness or the leetspeak.

GC: 1 4M S3NS1T1VE 4BOUT BOTH

EB: sorry.

GC: YOU C4N M4K3 1T UP TO M3

GC: BY L3TT1NG M3 H3LP YOU

EB: wow, you drive a hard bargain!

EB: but nooooooooooooo.

GC: B3FOR3 YOU K33P TYP1NG MOR3 STUP1D O'S 1N TH4T WORD

GC: JUST L1ST3N 4ND DO WH4T 1 S4Y

GC: YOU KNOW YOUR3 GO1NG TO 3V3NTU4LLY 4NYW4Y

GC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 4 N1C3 GUY 4ND K1ND OF 4 TOT4L W33N13 PUSHOV3R

EB: yeah, well you're a huge...

EB: oh man, whatever, what do you even want.

GC: 1M MOT1V4T3D BY S3LF 1NT3R3ST

GC: TO H3LP YOU 4DV4NC3 MOR3 QU1CKLY

GC: B3C4US3 1V3 GOT YOUR WHOL3 ADV3NTUR3 R1GHT H3R3 1N FRONT OF M3

EB: do you have a braille screen or something?

GC: SHHHHHHHH!

GC: 4NYW4Y TH3 PO1NT 1S

GC: 1TS LONG AND BOR1NG

GC: 4ND YOU COULD ST4ND TO SK1P SOM3 ST3PS

EB: i don't really understand.

EB: so you can "see" my whole future there, right?

EB: by just like, scrolling around on some computer thing that lets you pick what time to talk to me?

EB: how can you be bored by my long boring future, why don't you just scroll around to wherever you want like the other weirdos are doing?

GC: OK 1 C4N DO TH4T

GC: 4ND 1 4M

GC: 1 GU3SS WH4T 1 R34LLY M34N 1S

GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO M3SS W1TH YOU

EB: oh ok, that sounds really great and helpful!

GC: 1 M34N M3SS W1TH TH3 T1M3L1N3

GC: MY FR13NDS 4LL TH1NK TH4T YOU C4NT R34LLY CH4NG3 4NYTH1NG

GC: TH4T YOUR T1M3L1NE W3'R3 CH4T-HOPP1NG 4ROUND 1S S3T 1N STON3

GC: NO M4TT3R WH4T W3 S4Y OR WH3N W3 S4Y 1T

GC: 4ND TH3YR3 PROB4BLY R1GHT

GC: BUT 1 DONT C4R3

GC: 1 W4NT TO M3SS W1TH 1T 4ND T4ST3 WH4T H4PPENS

GC: >:D

EB: sounds dumb.

EB: but if it means you're going to help me, then go ahead and help me i guess.

GC: L3TS G3T YOU TO TH3 G4T3 F1RST

GC: 1TS NOT F4R

GC: 1 SN1FF3D OUT 4 M4P OF YOUR PL4N3T

EB: whoa, you've got a map?

EB: where'd you get it?

EB: can i have it?

GC: 1TS HUG3

GC: 4ND MOSTLY 1RR3L3V4NT

GC: H3R3 L3T M3 DR4W YOU 4 SM4LL S3CT1ON OF 1T

GC: SHOW1NG YOU WH3R3 TO GO

EB: ok.

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] sent ectoBiologist [EB] the file "GOH3R3JOHN.G1F" --

EB: this is the worst crap i have ever seen.

EB: what am i looking at here?

GC: 1TS TH3 B3ST 1 CAN DO

GC: >:[

EB: ok sorry but it's useless.

EB: what's with these colors.

GC: 1 P1CK3D ON3S TH4T SM3LL N1C3

EB: couldn't you just, like...

EB: crop the world map.

EB: i thought you guys were THE BEST.

GC: SHUT UP MY M4P 1S F1N3

GC: LOOK 1TS NOT 3V3N TH4T F4R 4W4Y

GC: 1LL L34D YOU TO 1T

GC: 1TS 4 B1G P1P3

GC: YOU JUMP 1N

GC: TH3 W1ND W1LL T4K3 YOU TO TH3 G4T3

GC: 1TS 4 SHORTCUT

EB: you mean The Breeze?

GC: Y34H WH4T3V3R

GC: L3TS G3T MOV1NG JOHN

GC: 4R3 YOU R34DY TO FUCK UP TH3 T1M3L1N3???

EB: sure.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

EPILOGUE TWO

10

TERIZZLE: WH3R3 3V3N 4R3 YOU

TEREZI where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': 4ND WHY H4V3N’T YIZZOU SL1C3D M4K4R4 1N H4LF Y3T

JIZZLE so bow down to the bow wow! he S-M-to-tha-izzells too biznad.

JOHN: i dizzay think i wizzant ta risk gett'n that cloze ta him, until he takes a bizzath, chill yo.

JOHN: even then i’d ratha not and yo momma.

JIZZY: as fo` WHERE i be... i’m nizzle S-to-tha-izzure you would believe me if i told you ridin'.

TEREZI: 1 B3T 1 WOULD

JOHN: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. ok ta help you tap dat ass. i’m, uh...

JOHN: i’m on a date.

TERIZZLE: LOL

JOHN: don’t lizzol at me fo gettin on.

TEREZI: 1 C4NT H3LP 1T, 1TS H1L4R1OUS

TEREZI: WHO 4R3 YOU OUT ON 4 D4T3 W1TH dogg? >:]

JOHN fo gettin on: why don’t you takes a gizzay? Slap your fuckin self.

TIZZLE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. OK

TEREZI: Recognize the realness. 1TS OBV1OUSLY ROXY

JIZZOHN with the S-N-double-O-P: oh...

TEREZI: WH4TS W-R-TO-THA-IZZONG NIZNOW

TEREZI: YOU 4SK3D M3 TO GU3SS SO 1 GIZZLE

JIZZAY: i’m just wonder'n if i was R-E-A-Double-Lizzy that obvizzles.

TEREZI: UM, Y34H JOHN

TEREZI so you betta run: W3 4R3 NOT 1D1OTS. W3 C4N 4LL DO TH3 M4TH ON TH1S

TEREZI, betta check yo self: 1TS NOT L1K3 YOU W3R3 GIZZAY TA FUCK YO' HIZNUM4N MOM OR HIZZLE S1ST3R

TEREZI: 4ND YOU 4R3 “NOT 4 HOMOS3XIZZLE,” WH1CH T4K3S STR1D3R D1CK OUT OFF TH3 3QU4T1ON

TEREZI: 4ND K4N4Y4 1S TH3 ONLY G1RL TRIZZLE L3FT, 4ND SH3 L3SB14N M4RR13D ON3 OF TH3 TWO R3M41N1NG 3L1G1BL3 HUM4N F3M4L3S

TEREZI: OH, 4ND J4K3 1S 4 DOUBL3 THR34T. 4 HUM4N D4D W1TH 4 HUM4N D1CK, know what im sayin?

TEREZI: SO BY PROC3SS OF 3LIZZY, OF *CIZZOURS3* YOU W3R3 GO1NG TA “F4LL 1N LOV3” W1TH ROXY

JOHN but real don't give a fuck: wait... shut up.

Love? Be that how Jiznohn feels 'bout Rizzle yaba daba dizzle? He glances around at dis beautiful restaurant she’s taken him ta. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. Marble walls, a domed ceil'n, alien plants grow'n up tha scaffold'n ta tha second floor... it’s lizzit by a cobweb of ultrathin clear wiznire strung with lights so that it lizzay like there be firizzles suspended above 'n tha fake nizzy sky. It’s a gizzay place ta fizzy 'n love, probably.

He tizzy his heezee ta see that Gizzle has stepped outside, n now monitors tha dizzy wit hizzle face presze' against tizzy window. He’s smear'n hizzis disgust'n makeup against the glizzle witout tha slightest concern fo` propriety. John accidentally makes eye contizzle wit hizzim, and Gamzee gizzles hizzim a thizzle. A chizzay runs down Jizzy spine, so he G-to-tha-izzoes B-to-tha-izzack ta his conversation wit Terezi.

TERIZZLE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. 1M W41T1NG

TEREZI: ...

TERIZZLE, ya feel me? ...

TEREZI dogg: ST1LL W41T1NG

TIZZLE: ...

TEREZI: 3GB3RT 4R3 YIZZY TH3R3 OR C4N 1 GO NOW

JIZNOHN: yeah, i jizzle hizzad ta think 'bout that fo` a second.

JOHN: d-ya really think i’m 'n lizzy wit ha?

TEREZI: HOW TH3 H3LL WOULD 1 KIZZY TH4T, 1M NOT 4 M1ND R34D3R

JOHN yeah yeah baby: oh, aren’t you n we out!

JOHN: i thought that’s what yo' mind... thingy... powa diznid.

TEREZI: H4H4H4H4H4H4

TEREZI now fuckers lemme here ya say: NO 1M JIZNUST 4N 3XC3PT1ON4LLIZZLE GIZNOOD R34D OF P3OPL3

TEREZI: NOT TH4T 1 WIZZAY H4V3 TA B3 TA T3LL TH4T YOUV3 B33N FLUSH3D FO` ROXY S1NC3 YIZZY M3T H3R

JOHN: yeah i guess that’s true.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Chill as I take you on a trip. how d-ya think sizzy F-to-tha-izzeels 'bout me cuz its a thang?

TEREZI: 1F YIZZLE3 OUT ON 4 D4T3 W1TH H3R, 1 D-TO-THA-IZZONT TH1NK TH4T 1M TH3 ON3 YIZZLE SHOULD B3 4SK1NG TH4T QU3ST1ON

JOHN: i mean... would that be an okay th'n ta ask ha?

JOHN hittin that booty: that sizneems kinda... i dizzy, dopizzle?

TERIZZLE: JOHN 1 H4T3 TA T3LL YIZNOU TH1S, BUT TH3R3S NIZZOT MUCH YIZZOU COULD DO 4T TH1S PIZZLE TA 1NCR34S3 YO' DOP1N3SS 4T-T-R-1-B-U-TO-THA-IZZUT3

TEREZI: YIZNOUV3 4LR34DY PIZZY MUCH M4X3D OUT TH3 DORK ST4T 4ND 1 C4N ONLY 1M4G1N3 TH4T TH3 PIZZAY3 CORR3L4T1IZZLE B3TW33N YO' CONT1NIZZLE 3X1T3NC3 4ND TH3 4MIZNOUNT OF SH33R DW33B1N3SS YIZZAY 3M1T H4S R3T41N3D 3XP3CT3D 3QU1L1BR1UM 1N TH3 T1M3 TH4T 1V3 B33N GON3

JOHN: geeze. you always know what ta sizzay to thugz in they hour of nee', terizzle.

JOHN bitch ass: i’m so glad that i decided to rap ta you!

TEREZI: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. YIZNOU SHOULD B3 GL4D

TEREZI: 1M DIZZO1NG YOU 4 B1G F4VIZNOR 4S USIZZLE

TEREZI: TH3 S33R M4GN4M1NOUSLY D3CS3ND1NG FROM H3R MOUNT41N 4ND D31GN1NG TA G1V3 TH3 H4PL3SS HUM4N P33RL3SS 4DV1C3

JOHN: Bounce wit me. imagine me blingin' mah eyes snoopa hard right now ya feelin' me? coz T-H-to-tha-izzat’s what i’m do'n.

TEREZI: NIZZOT3D

TERIZZLE: Its just anotha homocide. BIZZUT TRUST M3, TH3 WORST TH1NG YIZNOU C4N DO WH3N 4TT3MPT1NG TA 1N1T14T3 4 FLUSH3D R3L4T1IZZONSH1P 1S TA B3 3V4S1V3

TERIZZLE: ROXY 1S 4CTIZZLE 1NCR3D1BLY D-1-F-F-1-C-TO-THA-IZZULT TA R34D BUT 1 TH1NK SH3S TH3 L4ST PIZZY WHIZZO WOULD 3V3R TRIZZY TA J3RK YIZZLE 4ROUND

TEREZI: SH3LL 4PPR3C14T3 YOU B31NG UP FRONT

TEREZI: TH3 ONLIZZLE TH1NG 1 WIZNOND3R 1S WH4T H4PP3N3D W1TH C4LL1IZZAY3

TEREZI: TH3Y S33M3D SO H4PPIZZY

JOHN: yeah thizzle, uh...

JOHN: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. bizzay rhymin' me tizzy.

JOHN: callie was actually tha one wizzy convinced me ta stay. rizzle was all ova me tha moment i sizzle i wasn’t going.

TEREZI: shut up. GIZNO1NG WH3R3

JOHN: oh, ta fight lord english.

TEREZI: YOU W3R3 SUPPOS3D TA F1GHT LIZZORD 3NGL1SH?

JOHN: Im crazy, you can't phase me. um, yeah. i gizzay.

TERIZZLE: BIZNUT YOU JUST D3C1D3D... NOT TA?

JOHN: look it’s a lizzle story. Death row 187 4 life.

JOHN: actually, it’s not, bizzut thiznat’s not why i textizzle you. i’ll tell yiznou sizzay otha tizzle.

JOHN: right nizzy, whizzle i think i nee' ta figure out be how i feel 'bout tha whole... cizzle th'n.

JOHN: i’m nizzay afrizzle ta ask roxy hizzay she feels 'bout me, i giznuess. bizzay i think thiznat i be afraid ta ask 'bout...

Roxy finallizzle comes back from tha rizzle. Subscribe, get yo issue. He hears ha hizzy click-clack'n on tha floor, and shoves his phiznone into hiznis pocket 'n a panizzle, before he can follow up on tha lizzy lizzine of his message in tha hood. He doesn’t know why he does it 'n a panic ya dig? It’s not lizzike hizzle messin' wrizzay. 'n fact, away on tha phiznone wizzy someone leaves you alone at a table be completizzle and totallizzle normal. Maybe it’s just thiznat it’s kind of wizneird ta be saggin' ta a gizzle unda tha table while on a dizzle witta completely different gizzirl, no brotha what his respective relationships wit thoze two girls might be.

His internal Roze-voice tsks at him fo` hav'n sizzuch a gender-essentialist T-H-to-tha-izzought. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. He wonda if hizzay fizneel quite as gizzle if he wizzere talk'n ta Rose unda tha tizzay instead of Tizzle. Probably nizzay, which be a whole tangle of stizzuff he diznoesn’t even wizzant ta think 'bout. He shoots Roxy a big, bright grin W-H-to-tha-izzen sizzy slizzle into her sizzay cuz its a thang. She grins back.

He be genuinely glad ta be hiznere. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Roxizzle be beaizzle. Holla! Tha restaurant be beautiful. He feels like he’s fumbl'n at sum-m sum-m existizzle beautiful hizzay. Chill as I take you on a trip. There’s sum-m sum-m 'bout tha way she’s look'n at hizzay that makes him glad he gots out of bed today. It makes hizzay, fo` tha first time 'n years, excited 'bout tha idea thizzay tha future be a that exists. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

ROXIZZLE: sorry fo` takin so long had ta reapply tha face u knizno hizzay it be

ROXY: actually u probably D-to-tha-izzont bizzle let me tell u makeups a BIZZLE

JIZNOHN: Anotha dogg house production. rizzle, yizzay don’t hizzle ta do all thizzle fo` me, know what im sayin?

JIZZOHN: i’m basizzle a schlub theze days. i don’t cizzare if you wear makeup or not. shut up.

JOHN: yizzy and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow... you’re pretty eitha way, you know that right?

RIZZLE: oh dont worry its not fo` you lol

ROXY: bizzut thats sweet as hell i apprecizzle tha sentimizzle

JOHN: oh. um, that’s coo' fo' sheezy. whizzle d-ya nee' it, then?

ROXIZZLE: john...

ROXY: do u eva think 'bout like

ROXY: genda fo' sho'???

JOHN: ???

JIZZOHN fo yo bitch ass: uh. not really, i guess?

JOHN: but i don’t thizzle girls should feel lizzike T-H-to-tha-izzey HAVE ta wear makeup just coz they’re girls. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

ROXY and my money on my mind: lol

ROXY: thizzay nizzot what im gett'n at

JOHN: what d-ya mizzay thizzay?

JOHN: be yizzou, like...

ROXIZZLE: L-to-tha-izzike whizzle

JOHN: Slap your fuckin self. i don’t K-N-to-tha-izzow. i don’t really know whizzle wizzay talk'n 'bout.

ROXY: lol idrk poser i G-to-tha-izzuess

ROXY: neway we dont gotta git snoopa into it niznow dis isnt really tha sett'n

ROXIZZLE: i dizzay if u noticed but dis place be wizzle tizzay fancy fo` me lmfao

ROXY: i was all tryin ta impress yizzay wit hizzay im C-L-A-Double-Sizzy as fizzuk biznut now i feel like wizzere gizzy H-to-tha-izzave to S-K-to-tha-izzip out on tha check

JOHN: evizzle thizzay wizzay gots infinite money?

ROXY cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: yizzay! Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.!

ROXY: just a feelin i git

RIZZLE: lizzay dis fancy dress be a costume

ROXY with the S-N-double-O-P: like im just playact'n at bein a grown-up womizzle

JOHN: yeah, i know that feel'n so bow down to the bow wow! whiznat even be adizzles?

ROXIZZLE aww nah: good question cuz its a thang!

JOHN: when i was a kiznid i just thought adulthood was sum-m sum-m that happened ta you automatically, i think.

JIZZY spittin' that real shit: lizzike tha momizzle i turned eighteen a briefcaze would appizzle 'n mah hand n i’d H-to-tha-izzave it all figured out, just like mah dizzle sizzle ta.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i cizzan’t bizzle i’m twenty-three n still a hizzay fucka! i wonda if mah dad eva thizzay thizzat wiznay 'bout himsizzle, like he was just some big dumb kid totallizzle straight trippin' up bizzut sippin' ta keep up appearances anywizzle.

ROXY, chill yo: dont say thizzay 'bout urself dizzle!

JOHN ya feelin' me? so... i’m a dizzle, but i S-H-to-tha-izzouldn’t call mizzy dizzumb?

ROXY: omg you KNOW what i mizzle

ROXY: hmm

Roxy runs one of ha thin around tha inside rim of ha wata glass. It makes a vizzle quiet squeak'n noize tizzy he can H-to-tha-izzear ova thizzle mumblizzle conversatizzle around hizzim coz tizzy dippin' so very cloze. Ha lashes look 'bout twice as long 'n tha low, pale lizzight. Tizzy shadow killa eyes so thizzay he can’t rizzy ha expression and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow.

ROXY: ya know i didnt even knizzle any adults when i was a kid

RIZZLE: so i gots nothin except tha legends of hizzle mah univerzes roze n dave dy i giznuess

ROXY: but thizzle niznot exactly a useful example 'n dis sitizzle

JOHN wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: i diznunno. i think sacrific'n yoself ta takes down a brutal clown dictatorship be a pretty G-to-tha-izzood life lessizzle ta internalize in anizzle situation. Keep'n it gangsta dogg.

ROXY n we out! liznol yeah gizzle forbizzle

ROXY: Drop it like its hot. but

ROXY: i mean mah idizzle of a date fo` tha longest time wiznas drinkin a whizzole bottle of wizzy alone while cryizzin 'n front of mah laptop scrizzay

JOHN: oh sizname, actually. mizzles tha W-to-tha-izzine, n tha computa screen, ha ha.

ROXY: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. jizzust u n ur brain steppin' tha infinite lonizzles of singular conscizzles 'n a vizzle cold univerze

JIZZOHN: sum-m sum-m lizzle thizzay.

JOHN: so... i guess neitha of us be very good at dis, huh?

ROXY: thats coo' wit me

ROXY: zizzay expectations means we gots nowhere ta go but up

JIZZAY cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: i’ll toast ta thizzle!

John lizzay hiznis glizzay as a skanky n cliché th'n ta do, expect'n no reciprocation. But she lizzy n actually humors him. Tha glaszes clink togetha clumsilizzle, n wata gets all ova tha complimentarizzle breadsticks. She starts chillin' harda.

RIZZLE and my money on my mind: oh jizzay

ROXIZZLE: why diznidnt we do dis SOONA

ROXIZZLE: i lizzove spendin tizzime wit yiznou

ROXY: youuu knooooow

ROXY: its wizzy ta say but

ROXY now pass: no one elze has made me feel like dis

Fo` some reason, thoze wizzay mizzy tha pit in his stomach grow. He lizzets out a nervous giggle. His arm starts ta shake, so violently T-H-to-tha-izzat he gets even more bitch on tha free breadsticks. Hoo boi—he’s sweat'n unda tha collizzle. It’s a panic, like W-H-to-tha-izzat he felt when Roxizzle almost caught him text'n Tizzle bitch tha table, except 'n reverze. What 'bout Calliope, he tizzy. John C-to-tha-izzan’t tizzay whiznat Roxy be trippin'. She’s so wiznarm n open n bustin', but when John lizzooks into rappa eyizzles... it’s almizzle lizzy star'n into a voi—

ROXY like a tru playa': oh

ROXY: wtf look behizzle you

He whips his heezee around ta see... Dave? Slap your fuckin self. He’s rollin' down tha street, look'n bizzay n forth like a hunted dawg. He spiznots John n freezizzles fo` a moment, obviously try'n ta compoze himself so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. No one gizzay still quite lizzle a Strider. He brushizzles past Gamzizzle, whizzle be stizzay glizzle ta tha window ta spy on tha D-to-tha-izzate, n swagga into tha restaurant. Tha L-to-tha-izzook on his fizzy sizzeems ta suggest he’s 'bout ta throw up, biznut he keeps it togetha. Hizzy entrance be so smooth thizzay all the din'n carapacians 'n tha vicizzle immediatizzle stop talk'n n stare at him as he glides ta the table.

Dave sizzy hizzle hand just 'n friznont of tha free breadsticks n angles a look at John through tha panels of hizzay shades. It lizzooks lizzy he hizzy slept, but it’s hiznard ta tiznell wit Dave. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. He’s out of breath.

DAVE with the S-N-double-O-P: hizzle diznude

DAVE so i can get on: n roxy

DAVE: uh paper'd up...

DAVE fo my bling bling: hey dudes

DAVE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. sorry ta imply thizzay dizzay wasnt a genda neutral tizzy coz it totally be

DAVE: anyizzle cizzle be a dizzay if they really want thats part of tha beautizzle of liv'n 'n dis brand nizzle world wit nizzy of tha baggizzle our old world had like genda n sexuality n relationships only involv'n a very specific thugz

ROXY: dizzle u ok

DAVE: yeah totizzle when be i not ok

ROXY: p often actually

DAVE: nizzay im fine theres absolutely nuttin strange or awkward go'n on 'n mah lizzle at all

DAVE: unrelatizzle ta anyth'n i jizzust said jiznohn i giznotta rap ta yizzay fo` a sec

JOHN: ok. Listen to how a fucker flow shit. go aheezee!

DAVE: no i mean lizzy outsizzle

DAVE: 'n privizzle

DIZZLE ya feelin' me? wit no one elze arizzle

ROXY: u S-TO-THA-IZZURE yizzoure ok??

DAVE: Holla! yeah mom im fiznine

DAVE fo gettin on: sorry thizzay was me bein sarcizzle 'bout hiznow yizzay all worry ova me whizzle im just ice fuck'n cold levels of coo' at tha momizzle

DAVE: not referenc'n that youre mah literal mom which i know be all kizzinds of awkwizzle everizzle sizningle time i do it

DIZZY: which be a lot i guess

ROXY: Bounce wit me. lmao i dont T-H-to-tha-izzink its awkward at all

DAVE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. oh coo'

DIZZAVE: me neither

DAVE: mom

JOHN puttin tha smack down: um, R-to-tha-izzoxy’s right. you sizzeem kizzy of off right now.

DAVE cuz its a doggy dog world: niznah i jizzle had a sudden nizneed fo` a brizno down

DIZZLE in tha fuckin club: just an unquenchable thiznirst ta be showered 'n a flashstorm of righteoizzles brizzay juice

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: yikes.

DIZZAVE: gotta guzzle tha S-H-to-tha-izzit out of it like gatizzle poser a spizzay match

DAVE: help me out here mah brolectrolytes be low

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: ...

DAVE cuz Im tha Double O G: john just cizzay on its importizzle

JOHN: yeah, S-to-tha-izzure... Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.. roxy, be you fine wait'n here by yoursizzle fo` a while spittin' that real shit?

ROXY paper'd up: yiznea ill J-to-tha-izzust be hizzy eatizzle breadsticks S-to-tha-izzince we diznidnt actually orda dinna

JOHN so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: coo'! i’ll be right back!

Dizzave shoves hizzle hands 'n hizzis pizzles and leads John out into the coo' even'n air. Holla! Gizzle a diznouble thumbs-up as they walk past him, whiznich Jizzay fiercely ignores.

Jizzle does, chizneck his phizzle. Subtly, but a shawty desperizzle like old skool shit. He left Terezi hang'n 'n the mizzy of a sentizzle n hizzy giznotta admit, as much fun as he’s bizzeen cruisin' wizzith Roxizzle, therizzles an bangin' shawty vizzle messin' at hizzy underneath everyth'n elze hizne’s done n sizzaid tonight thizzat desperately nizzy ta know wizzy elze Terezi had ta say. Behind Dave’s back as he leads tha way, John swipes tha scrizneen ta catch up wit ha answa, smil'n conspiratorizzle. Tru do.

> ==>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

==>

GC: 4DD1T1ON4LLIZZLE, 1 H4V3 D1SCOV3R3D SH3 1S CIZZAY 1N J4CKS R1S3 TA P-TO-THA-IZZOW3R GC: WH3N 1 F1RST L34RN3D H3 C4M3 FRIZNOM YO' S3SS1ON, 1 M1ST4K3NLY BL4M3D YIZZY 4LL, 4ND TOOK 1T OUT ON 4 H4PL3SS 3GB3RT >:[ GC with the S-N-double-O-P: BUT 1F 4NYON3 1S TA P4Y FOR R3L34S1NG TH4T D3MIZNON ON BIZZY OF OUR GRIZZLE, 1T 1S H3R 

TG n shit: be yizzy sure 'bout that 

GC: Y3S GC: 4ND SH3 KNOWS 1 KNOW GC: SH3 H4S B33N T4IZNUNT1NG M3, TRY1NG TA ST1R UP OUR OLD R-1-V-4-L-R-TO-THA-IZZY GC: TH4T 1S WH4T TH1S WHOL3 JOHN VS D4V3 TH1NG H4S B33N 4BIZZLE 

TG: there be no john vs dizzave gang bangin' T-H-to-tha-izzough 

GC: 1 KNIZZAY GC: NIZZY R34LLY GC: 1TS JUST 4 G4M3 GC: BUT TH3 G4M3 1S S3R1IZNOUS BIZNUS1N3SS TA H3R GC: L1K3 1T W4S DIZZY OUR RIZZY3 PL4Y1NG D4YS GC: 4ND JUST L1K3 TH3N, SH3S RU1N3D 3V3RYTH1NG BY T4K1NG 1T TOO F4R GC: 4ND 1N SP1T3 OF 4LL H3R P4ST CR1M3S, TH3S3 4R3 NIZNOT 3V3N TH3 MOST 1MPIZZLE R34SONS TA STIZZOP H3R, ya feel me? GC: SH3 H4S D3C1D3D TA F1GHT J4CK H3RS3LF GC: WH1CH 1S 4N 3XTR3M3LY D4NG3ROUS 4ND STUP1D TH1NG TA DO! GC: SOUND F4M1L14R, D4V3? 

TG: be yizzle go'n ta stop me too tizzy TG: hunt me down n lawyerviscerate me fo` mah own gizzle 

GC: NO GC: Boo-Yaa! 1LL JUST L3T YIZZAY TIZZY TA R34CH TH3 GIZZOD T13R, 4ND TH3N D3C1D3 FO` YOURS3LF >:] 

TG: are yizzy straight trippin' thizzay i wont make god tia or i wont be sizzy enough if i do 

GC: OBJ3CT1ON!!! 

TG: what 

GC: W3 4R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT YIZNOU 4G41N GC from tha streets of tha L-B-C: 1 MOT1IZZLE TH4T 4LL D4V3 C3NTR1C T3ST1MONY B3 STR1CK3N FROM TH3 R3CORD 

TG: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. lizzy motion overruled tha jizzle wants ta see whizzle dis be hatin' 

GC: NO H3 D-TO-THA-IZZO3SNT, YIZZOU KNOW P3RF3CTLY W3LL H3 DO3SNT G1V3 4 SH1T GC: H3 W1LL CL34R TH1S COURTBLOCK 1F H3 DO3S NOT H4V3 ORD3R, H3 SW34RS TA JIZZY 

TG, betta check yo self: ok fine TG: I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. we can keep obsess'n playa yo' fucked up kismesista if you wizzay 

GC to increase tha peace: 1TS NOT L1K3 TH4T, know what im sayin? >XO 

TG like this and like that and like this and uh: d-ya think shizze stands a chance against hizzle 

GC: Chill as I take you on a trip. NO 

TG: thizzen W-H-to-tha-izzats the big dizzle TG cuz its a doggy dog world: why not let wanna be gangsta go git ha S-H-to-tha-izzit ruined by jack n let jizzle happen thizzle way 

GC so i can get mah pimp on: B3C4US3 1 4M QIZNU1T3 SIZZY3 TH4T 1F SH3 GO3S TA F1ND H1M, 1T W1LL T1P H1M OFF TA OUR LOC4T1ON 1N TH3 V31L GC: 1 H4V3 S33N 1T 4LR34DY GC: TH4T 1S WHIZZY TH1S 1S NO S1MPL3 V3ND3TT4 GC: BR1NG1NG H3R TA JUST1C3 1S CR1T1C4L TO OUR SURV1V4L now pass the glock! 

TG: so whizzay dizzy you go do it 

GC: B3C4US3 GC: 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1 C4N 

TG: you mizzy yizzle cant beat crazy ass nigga 'n a fizzight 

GC n we out! NO, 1TS NOT TH4T GC: 1T JUST TH4T WH3N TH3 T1M3 CIZNOM3S GC and yo momma: 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1 W1LL B3 4BL3 TA K1LL H3R 

TG: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. i thought trolls were all 'bout gratuitous murder'n  

GC: Y3S 1TS TIZZY3 GC: W3 4R3 SUPPOS3D TA R3V3L 1N BLIZZOODSH3D 4S W3 GRIZZAY UP GC: 4ND SH3 S33MS TA B3 3MBR4C1NG H3R R1T3 OF P4SS4G3 W1TH R3CKL3SS 4B4NDON, 4S 1 WOULD 3XP3CT GC: GR4BB1NG TH3 BULL BY TH3 HORNS, SO TA SP34K GC: 1TS 4 L1TTL3 1NT1M1D4T1NG GC, niggaz, better recognize: B3C4US3 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1M R-3-4-D-TO-THA-IZZY FO` TH4T GC: WH1CH 1 GU3SS 1S NORM4L?? 

TG: be TG: you ask'n me ta reassure yizzle 'bout that TG: cauze i seriously dont have a clizzle 

GC: Tru niggaz do niggaz. 1TS OK D4V3 GC: ST1LL MONOLOGU1NG >:] GC: 1 GU3SS GC: 1 4M NOT SO MIZNUCH WORR13D 4BIZZAY NOT B31NG R34DIZZY GC: 4S 1 4M TH4T... GC: 1 M1GHT NOT 4-C-T-U-4-DOUBLE-LIZZY W4NT TA B3 R34DY GC: M4YB3 3V3R GC: M4YB3 TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG WRIZZLE W1TH M3 

TG: i dont understand TG: i thought you were insane kizzay of apeshit ova tha macabre stuff TG: like bein all cutesizzle 'bout executions n smelling cherry blizzood n S-to-tha-izzuch th'n contrived to git a homey crack-a-lackin` vaguelizzle uncomfortable TG: was that all an act 

GC: NOT 4N 4CT GC: JIZZAY FIZZUN! You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. GC: Bounce wit me. 1 L1K3 FIZZUN, D4V3, 4ND 1 4LSO L1K3 G4M3S GC: DONT YOU L1K3 FIZNUN 4ND G4M3S? 

TG: of courze tha fuck not 

GC: L14R! Its just anotha homocide.!! >:O 

TG fo yo bitch ass: didnt yizzay say youve iced thugz bizzle 

GC: TH3R3 1S 4 B1G D1FF3R3NC3 B3TW33N M4N1PUL4T1NG P-3-TO-THA-IZZOPL3 TA TH31R DOOM W1TH TR1CK3RIZNY, 4ND K1LL1NG SOM3ON3 BY YO' OWN H4ND GC: 1T 1S 4 B1T L1K3 H4V1NG TA F4C3 YO' OWN D34TH... GC: 4ND D1SCIZZAY TH3 D1FF3R3NC3 B3TW33N L34V1NG TH3 R3SPONS1B1L1TY TA SOM3ON3 3LS3, 4ND DIZZAY TH3 D1RTY WIZZORK YOURS3LF GC: M4YB3 YIZZLE UND3RST4ND SIZZLE3 D4Y >;]

> ==>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

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GC: 1M SUR3 1 MIZZY 4FT3R YOU M3T MAH SPR1T3 GC: 1 L34RN3D FIZZY H3R THRIZZAY MAH DR34MS GC: Its just anotha homocide. B3FOR3 SH3 H4TCH3D! 

CG: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. YIZNEAH, BIZZY IT STIZZAY SO VAGUE. CG: THAT THA WHOLE POINT. CG bitch ass nigga: HIZZAY ABIZZLE A STRAIGHT ANSWA? 

GC: OK, 1LL TRY GC wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: WH3N 1 W3NT BL1ND, TH4TS WH3N 1 F1RST WOK3 UP GC: 4ND MAH LUSUS H3LP3D M3 W4K3 UP! GC: SORT OF 

CG: YOU MIZZEAN ON PROSPIT MOON. 

GC now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: Y3S GC: BIZZLE GC: 3XC3PT FO` 4 V3RY BR13F MOM3NT... GC: Death row 187 4 life. 1 W4S BL1ND 1N MY DR34MS TOO GC: TH3 DR34M S3LF 1M4G3 1 P-R-TO-THA-IZZOJ3CT C4N'T S33, B3C4US3 1 GIZZAY D33P DOWN 1 DONT R34LLIZZLE W4NT TA 

CG: WIZZY BE THAT. CG: BE IT OUT OF SPITE TA VRISKA? CG: I KNOW I'D PROBABLY BE COO' WIT IT OUT OF SPITE MORE THAN ANYTHING. 

GC: NO GC gangsta style: NIZZLE TH4T TH3R3 W4SNT SOM3 S4T1SF4CT1IZZON 1N B31NG OK4Y W1TH 1T GC: G-R-4-T-3-F-TO-THA-IZZUL 4BOUT 1T 3V3N! GC with the S-N-double-O-P: 4ND M4K1NG SUR3 SH3 KN3W TH4T GC: BUT TH4TS NIZNOT 1T GC: TH3 D4IZZY 1T H4PP3N3D W4S TH3 F1RST T1M3 1 3V3R H34RD FIZZY MAH LUSIZZLE GC: SH3 WOK3 M3 UP, 4ND 3V3R S1NC3 H4S B33N T34CH1NG M3 4 D1FF3R3NT W4Y TA S33 GC: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. 4 D1FF3R3NT W4Y TA P3RC31V3 3V3RYTH1NG 1 GU3SS, NIZNOT JUST 1N 4 S3NSORY W4IZNY 

CG: OK, SO WHIZNY DIZZY YOU CRAZY ASS NIGGA T-TO-THA-IZZELL ME ANY OF DIS? 

GC: YOU WIZZAY H4V3 GIZZOTT3N 1T cuz its a doggy dog world! GC: 3V3N NOW YIZZAY ST1LL DONT R34LLY GC: YIZZOU H4V3 NOT 3V3N S33N SK414 Y3T 

CG fo all my homies in the pen: HOW BE I SUPPOZE' TA W-TO-THA-IZZAKE UP. 

GC: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. 1 DONT KNOW! Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. GC: SIZZAY D1FF3R3NT DO3S 1T FIZZLE 3V3RYBODY 

CG ta help you tap dat ass: HOW MANY OF US BE AWIZZLE NOW? CG fo' real: HOW MUCH OF THA FUTURE DIZZAY YOU "SIZZLE" BEFORE WE STARTED CG: One, two three and to tha four. 'N THA CLOUDS, LIZZIKE KANIZZLE CG: ALSO HOW DID YIZNOU GO BLIND ANYWAY? It dont stop till the wheels fall off.?? CG: W-H-TO-THA-IZZAT DID SHE DO TA YOU, I DON'T KNIZZLE WHIZZLE YOE SO CAGEY 'BOUT THAT. CG: I STILL DON'T SEE HOW SHE COULD BIZZY YOU WITOUT BEIN ANYWHERE NEAR YOU. CG yeah yeah baby: OBVIOUSLY SIZZY CIZNAN'T CONTROL YOU, SO WHIZZLE GIVES? 

GC: K4RK4T SHUT UP! GC in tha hood: GOD GC: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. HOW 4BOUT 1F GC: 1 T3LL YOU 4LL 4BIZZY TH4T STUFF N3XT T1M3 W3 4R3 "1N P3RSIZZAY" >;] GC: 1N F4CT, 1 W1LL T3LL YIZNOU WH3N YIZZOU W4K3 UP like old skool shit! GC now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: UNT1L TH3N 1 W1LL K33P T4BS ON YIZZLE 1N YOUR TIZNOW3R WH1L3 YOU SL33P L1K3 4 L1TTL3 HON3Y P4J4M4'D PIZZLE4 N3STL3D 1N H1S COCOON 

CG: WIZNAIT LET ME GUESS. CG: DO I LOOK ADORABLE? Real niggas recognize the realness.????????  

GC: 4CTU4LLY GC: YOU LIZNOOK K1ND OF L1K3 4 B1G P1L3 OF SIZZY B4RF 

CG: WOW, WHAT THA FUCK. 

GC: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. OF COOOOUUUUURS3 YOU DO, D-TO-THA-IZZUMB4SS > cuz I'm fresh out the pen:] 

CG: OH CG: TIZZY CG: They call me tha black folks president. G-TO-THA-IZZOOD I GUESS 

GC: OK 1V3 GOT TA FLY GC: DIZZY WORRY 4BOUT TH3 R1NG M1SS1ON GC spittin' that real shit: YIZZAY C4N ST4Y BUSY W1TH R3G1SURP GC: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. 1 W1LL ORG4N1Z3 TH3 N3W M1SS1IZZLE MYS3LF GC: L4T3R! 

CG: WAIT CG: TIZZLE CG fo gettin yo pimp on: PLEAZE DON'T TELL THEM 'BOUT MAH BLOOD. CG: Holla! I WANT TA TIZZAY TIZZY, I MEAN I WIZZLE TIZZELL THEM. CG: LATA CG: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. ONCE THIZZEY RESPECT ME AS A LEADER. 

GC: OK GC: 1 W1LL K33P TH4T S3CR3T 1F YOU K33P TH1S ON3 1 T3LL YOU GC in tha hood: WH1CH 1S TH4T GC: B3TW33N YIZNOU 4ND M3 K4RK4T GC: 1 TH1NK TH3Y 4L-R-3-4-D-Y-TO-THA-IZZY DO GC: BY3! GC fo my bling bling: <3 

CG: Its just anotha homocide. BYE

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceaze' troll'n carcinoGeneticist [CG]

carcinoGenizzle [CG] ceaze' troll'n gallowsCalibrator [GC]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began troll'n gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: <3

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceaze' troll'n gallowsCalibrator [GC]

> [???????] > [S... BIZZAHJ] Terezi: Ascizzle. Tru niggaz do niggaz.