#6 foot 6 still ain’t half bad

[art-of-a-space-duck]

Finally got around to drawing Three. I modeled my take on it after some of my early concept sketches for Murderbot, a few other Murderbot fan designs I enjoy, and, much more subtly, canines (given the vaguely feline traits I’ve given Murderbot).

[meli-writes]

Bitch-Princess of Toronto

“Cute, right?” Tamsin grins. She gestures to the small, pale mess curled up on the sidewalk couch with her — into her — the 6-foot, mullet-topped werewolf draping her own leather jacket over it to keep it warm. “Got the Bitch-Princess of Toronto purring in my lap.”

“I don’t purr,” the mess purrs back, echoing off the motor-repair shop’s walls, with an idle flash of fang catching Ezra’s eye.

“You want me to use the word ‘snore?’” Tamsin asks, irritatingly casual about it all.

Because Ezra, well they have been watching those fangs every day this week, waiting to see if the little caught vampire is gonna try anything; keeping her leashed in silver chains, some regular mechanic’s ones too, to one of the steel columns while the pack-elder fucks off to debate what to do with her. Ezra’s been looking into things themself — the usual rumours of vampires prodding into their territory, making sure it’s no-one who belongs to the Prince — because this one hasn’t been much in the way of forthcoming.

And in the two days they've left Tamsin in charge, she's got the bitch on a dog leash.

Ezra exhales, pulling at their septum ring and breathing the stress back in. “That’s the part you take issue with.” Not looking at Tamsin — but the vampire. The silent perfection with which she seems to not even notice Ezra is a screeching brake rotor in their head.

“Still only responds to what she wants to,” Tamsin uselessly informs them, flat-toned with a barely hidden smile that also says, but i’m what she wants.

And what does her owner want? The Prince, Ezra doesn’t say aloud.

“Why is she in your lap?” they manage to ask.

“I don’t know,” Tamsin says. “We were chattin’ and I felt bad about leaving her chained to the post.” She rolls her shoulders back, stretching, and pulls a massive, thrice-bitten arm up to ruffle at the vampire’s ruby-red hair. “She’s so warm after feeding.”

“You did what!?” Ezra shouts, their hands convulsing in an electric gesture of sheer-fucking-disbelief before managing to clamp them into fists on their temples. “Tam! If Lucerne comes back from the Eldermoot and sees this-leashed-bitch and that-shit-on-your-arm she’ll fucking kill us both!”

“I don’t know,” Tamsin offers in a smug-salted, doubtful smile, “seemed a whole lot less messy than feeding out of the bowl — and she’s been so good. Two taps when she needs me to pull her off, ‘cos she struggles to herself. Very polite.”

Just to annoy Ezra even worse, she gestures it out — Tap! Tap! — on her arm.

“You think she's imprinted on me?”

“So she’s a stray cat now?” Ezra says, knowing in an instant that Tam is going to—

“Ohh, she’s such a good kitten. Ain’t that right, Red?”

Not much more escapes the pile of leather and frizzy, red hair than low, pleased grumble and the soft scrape of blood-full cheeks rubbing into Tamsin’s half-dressed chest.

Ezra’s hands run from temple-sides down their cheeks, like a squished bagpipe dragging out the last few thimblefuls of air, “I guess. If it helps.”

They’re not able to think of what else could even keep ‘Red’ on her leash, nothing short of the brute-strength that seems futile on a now barely-restrained, blood-full vampire. Marde. She’s one of the Prince’s fledglings too.

But if it is, at this point, all about what ‘Red’ is choosing to do, maybe Ezra can—

“Can I— pet her?”

Tamsin’s eyes lock to her, face still for a few contemplate moments, and then— well, she kind of nod-shrugs.

It’s when Ezra has reached a wrench’s length away that ‘Red’ finally does ‘notice’ them, stirring from her wretched repose to swipe at them; Ezra has to stumble back, falling ass-backward onto the stacked-tire coffee table.

Nothing got scratched, but Ezra can definitely feel their ego bleeding; looking at Tamsin who should be pinning the bitch to the floor, snarling, fur sprouting from claw-to-delt, and is instead pissing herself laughing.

“Don’t think she’s imprinted on you,” she adds, and Ezra is sure the vicious fang-bitch is smiling herself. Probably didn’t scratch me ‘cos she didn’t need to — with Tam playing pet-mom to her. “Gotta let her feed on you first.”

“Oh-ho-ho! Ha! Ha-ha! No chance,” Ezra mutters, twisting their swiped-at wrist in the other hand to soothe the emotional agony of it. “Tam — what if she tries draining you and uses that strength to escape?” 

It’s a perfectly sensible question; one that should point out what a bad idea this is; one that not even Himbo Tamsin should be able to—

“Don’t want to,” interrupts ‘Red,’ boredom effusing into Tamsin’s tits.

“What?” Ezra asks.

…

“Ugh!” they squeal, throwing their arms up in the air. “Tamsin, can you ask her—”

Tamsin merely coos at the fucking beast, rubs one of its dumb cheeks and, “you like it when I keep you, don’t you kitty?”

“Mhmm,” she replies, like once-again Tamsin is the only other person in the room. Ridicule! 

But it crawls into them then, why doesn’t she want to.

“Also,” the vampire adds, as if listening to Ezra’s thoughts more than their words, “the Prince’s current truce is a lie. Doubtless I’m no longer his favourite too, if he’s not bothered to take me back from you guys.”

There’s a roll of Ezra’s eyes that hurts more than an unplanned, full-moon turning, “Oh my god! Then we’ve been hiding a worthless hostage this entire time.”

“I don’t know,” ‘Red’ tells them. “Seemed obvious to me.”

“And you never told us!” Ezra moans, glancing up to Tamsin who’s pathetically infatuated with the attention-whore clamped around her like a bench vice. “So what, nowhere to run now? We would’ve let you off leash at least. The silver one, not this shit.”

“Seems kinda hot to be honest,” ‘Red’ says, and Tamsin hums in satisfied, deferential agreement.

When Ezra stares her down she shrugs, “What? I was comfortable,” and seems to want to send a message back, “Scared a little, okay. And I’m patient. Wanted to see what happened, because again, if he wanted me, a truce — fake-or-not — wouldn’t stop him; and he knows I’m here, for sure.”

There’s a wince now, but she doesn’t stop, “I don’t feel him but— ugh, I’m sure he feels me. Even this far from his ivory tower. Wasn’t really my choice to be there y’know, or any of his ‘princesses.’”

Ezra wishes they were the one borrowing Tam’s jacket, just to hide in it.

Silver chains and a bowl. Next to a mattress you needed Tamsin to find a blanket for. What an asshole, a wonder she doesn’t listen.

Practical feels the best way forward, “So what now? You gonna tell us about some secret attack or plan or whatever it is?”

After a moment they realise, and look to— “Tamsin?”

Tamsin’s got a hand under the girl’s borrowed shirt; fingers nipping at the trim fat, forehead rocking into the top of her head. “You know this sounds awfully dangerous, kitten,” she chimes. “You don’t want the Prince to hurt me, do you? There’d be way less cuddles then.”

‘Red’ takes a moment to weigh the bargain.“Mmm, sure. But I want dinner first.”

---

(Masterpost)

[nikkeisimmer]

Working on Apocalypse Fic.

There's going to be a mix of FSX (Flight Simulator X) and Sims 3 screenshots. Teaser: JAG-Sims 3-Endgame

Prologue (Before It All Went To Hell)

NAS Whidbey Island, Oak Harbor, WA, USA, 0445 ZULU

“Metars projects an overhead ceiling of about 70 Angels.” Lieutenant Toshio “Animal” Nakamura looked up at the high clouds that were barely visible at altitude then grinned at his friend, Ensign Harmon Rabb Jr. Harm had just graduated from Advanced Flight Training and had been assigned to type training, the coveted F-14 Tomcat. Normally, Harm would not have been training at Naval Air Station Whidbey Island, however, the Navy had wanted VF-41 to transfer from Atlantic Fleet to Pacific Fleet (Author’s note: in real life VF-41 was an Atlantic Fleet squadron and never transferred to the Pacific Fleet while it was flying F-14A Tomcats) and Animal and Harm were sent on ahead to scout out potential divert fields in case they were needing to land away from NAS Lemoore.

“You think we’ll ever have to divert this far north?” Harm looked skeptically towards 7/25. “I’m kinda doubting that. NorCal is a fair ways away from Anacortes.”

“I doubt it, but you remember the ol’ sayin’: There’s old pilots then there’s bold pilots, but there ain’t no old and bold pilots. Better to be safe than sorry. I’d rather know my divert options in advance than have to figure it out when I have an in-flight problem.” They walked over to Fast Eagle 107, the renowned F-14 that had shot down one of the Libyan Su-22s 5 years earlier. “Music told me that if I pranged his bird, he was going to take it out of my hide.” Animal looked over at Harm with a don’t even think about it stare. “I’m driving, you get to sit in the back and sit on your hands. Touch anything in the back and I’ll pop the canopy and launch you out over the Juan de Fuca Strait.” He grinned so as to take the sting away from the admonishment. However it was true, Animal’d had several deployments already as a winged naval aviator who had gone through his Category I flight training for type almost two and a half years in the past and Harm had just joined the squadron as a conehead just out of type training – and there was no way that Animal was getting on the bad side of Lieutenant Commander Larry Music Muczynski for pranging his aircraft just because Harm wanted to fly. That was a hard no.

Harm sighed deeply as he looked over at Animal who tossed his thumb up at the rear RIO’s station. Harm looked up at the cockpit longingly.

“Carcass in rear…” Animal’s voice was jocular. “up the ladder with you.”

Pulling himself up, Harm put one foot on the cushion of the GRU-7 ejection seat and then settled himself in the RIO’s position while a radar technician helped set up the AWG-9 radar and placed it on stand-by, telling Harm where the switch was in order to make the radar active. By this time, Animal had climbed up the ladder...and had settled himself into the front office and started flipping switches to make sure that the F-14A was good-to-go. Animal had settled his HGU-33/P flight helmet on his head, clipping the oxygen mask to one receiver and letting it dangle so that he could speak clearly. “Harm, how do you read?”

“Five by five, Animal.” Though Animal was the higher-ranking officer, in the office of the F-14 Tomcat, they dropped ranks and referred to each other by call-sign.

Whidbey Island was an A-6 Intruder base. Normally F-14s used the Master Jet Bases like NAS Fallon and NAS Miramar (note that as of 1986…Miramar was still a Naval Air Station, it was not returned to the United States Marine Corps until 1997) to operate from and it was a rarity to see an F-14 come into Whidbey Island. There might be a few wise-cracks about bomber pilots making history as opposed to fighter pilots making movies but Animal ignored it. He was the one with the ability to go Mach 2 with his hair on fire.

When all the pre-flight checks were complete, Animal lowered the canopy while Harm was running through his own personal checklist to make sure that he knew how to set up the radar once they got to the active runway.

Easing the throttles forward just far enough to let the F-14 taxi to the end of the runway, Animal set up and went through the pre-take-off checks. ***************************************

I wish I had F-14 cc objects to put on the airfield along with Harm and Animal, but unfortunately the framework of trying to create .obj files out of .mdl files (FSX aircraft files) in Blender is taxing and I'm not sure if it's something I can ever get straight in my head. Maybe my next step is to ask someone to help me out. ~sigh~

[whattraintracks]

5. Video Games - Multi

What's this? More Raphael angst? Why are we surprised.

So I was listening to Stay Down by boygenius while some prompts simmered in my brain, and when this one started boiling somewhere around verse two, I knew what I had to do.  

Would Raph even like this song? Who knows, but I sure do, so I am going to close-read the heck out of it and draw so many connections.

Video Games >> I'm just steering my life in a video game >> It's a half-life, it's a fallout 

before any of you wonder what this has got to do with the prompt, here it is! it's in the song. prompt satisfied

apparently, those are also references to video games

. . .

moving on

Fighting and Learned Behavior >> lean into the punch >> push me down >> hold me under >> stay down 

a.k.a. physical altercations as an allegory for Raphael’s life 

obsessed with the metaphor of him leaning into a punch

if he can’t avoid life's blows, he'll do what he can to make them hurt less

suffer the hit just to get it over with, or take it for someone else

on a less angsty note, I simply associate Raph with boxing 

he's a skilled ninja, but sometimes he wants to sucker-punch someone

cuz this boy really loves fighting, and that ain’t a bad thing 

>> wasn't a fighter 'til somebody told me I had better learn >> would you teach me I'm the villain

I think a lot about Raph and learned behavior 

when I tell you Rise and '03 Splinter altered my brain chemistry 

hiding their connection to the Foot/Hamato Clan

trying to spare their sons from anger, grief, trauma, vengeance, and wars that don't belong to them is fascinating to me 

but in every version, he teaches Raph how to fight 

and I've talked about how '87 Raphael still inherited those things from Splinter's

even the ones who don’t are still altered by growing up with him, looking at you M&M Raph 

it's not a coincidence '12 Splinter sees so much of himself in his son

Defense Mechanism and Love for Enemies >> lean into the punch so it don't hurt as bad when they leave 

Raph's anger often screams defense mechanism to me

if humans are going to hate him anyway, again he'll lean into it

be snarky and rude and scary and mean and give them something to really hate

sometimes, his anger is preemptive, but it's not always unfounded

I don't think even ten fingers are enough to count how many times a recurring character turned on the '87 turtles

Raphael should have been allowed to beat up Vernon as consolation

>> there you were, turning your cheek 

but wait! there's more! the Christian references in this song are not subtle

Luke 6:27,29 "Love your enemies; do good to those who hate you . . . if anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also"

I'm thinking about '87 Raphael's "Yeah, I'm with ya, but I'm bitter" and helping the guys protect a city that doesn't appreciate all they do

I'm thinking about '03 Raph, who is resolute it's not their problem that the city's at war but gets involved because Leo does 

I'm thinking about '07 Raph taking up the Nightwatcher mantle after Leo leaves New York 

Disconnection in Personal Relationships >> I look at you and you look at a screen 

this second verse, I think, is pretty open to interpretation, which works well given how many variations there are of Raph

linking "screen" to "video game" in the next line, I picture Raph reaching out and being ignored

like '03 Raph figuring his anger out on his own v. Leo getting sent away for serious/professional help

like '07 Raph missing Leo and hearing no word from him for years 

or I read "screen" with the connotation of concealment

like Rise Raph keeping it together for his little brothers until he can't

like their shock when he finally breaks down

the loneliness of Raph looking at his brothers and knowing them so well but feeling like they never really see him  

>> similar acts and a different name 

I am always struck by how similar Raph and his brothers are 

the little things they do the same because they were raised together

the ways they deliberately emulate each other  

it has to sting seeing so much of them in himself and himself in them and still be reduced to "the angry one"

especially when it's them thinking this way

(side note, Google has this lyric miswritten as "similar accent," which is hilarious in this context) 

Loss and Lack of Control >> I'm in the back seat of my body 

canon takes great pleasure in depriving Raph of control over his body 

how intensely all Raphaels experience their emotions 

off-screen and childhood trauma like “Savage Raph” in Rise 

on-screen trauma that must lead to dissociation, flashbacks, nightmares, etc. 

the two, at least that I know of, mind control events with ‘12 and Rise Raph

even ‘87 Raphael getting de-aged

you could also interpret this as gender dysphoria and I've seen a lot of good trans Raph headcanons

>> I'm just steering my life in a video game 

beyond losing control of his body, Raph never really has control of his life 

“turtle luck” and all that 

this often shows up when their stories shift

like ‘87 Raphael, who goes from a wise guy to a sarcastic grouch as his story drags on and takes a darker turn

as opposed to Rise Raph, who throughout the series, gets talked down from heroism and over-vigilance

but guess which behaviors get rewarded and reinforced during the Shredder arcs and Krang invasion

so as not to ignore the prompt any more than I already have, I do enjoy those episodes where “life in a video game” for Raphael is a little more on the nose

Combat Land (1987), Across the Universe (2003), Mazes and Mutants (2012) 

Literally Neurodivergent and a Minor 

(Shoutout to this art from @/20s-turtle-posting that inspired the name of this section) ((and, no, I did not realise this is an ironic meme and will be taking it seriously))

>> aren't I the one constantly repenting for a difficult mind? >> push me down into the water like a sinner, hold me under >> villain >> sinner >> half-life >> fallout 

I warned you about the religious imagery, but it's a little off in this verse

because repentance is about change as growth

but Raph feels like he has to change his "difficult mind" this ingrained part of himself

so he's stuck in a cycle of remorse and regret, unable to gain control

I think about running fast and far and anguished cries of “what is wrong with me?” (2003)

pushed into and held under, the waters of baptism are no longer cleansing and renewing but suppressing

it's the people closest to him saying “you are seriously twisted” (2012) and “you’ve got a rage problem” (M&M)

and having to decide between hiding those parts of himself or hoping they'll love him anyway

it's Raph feeling bad and broken, feeling like he's a danger and a poison to everyone around him

>> lean into the punch so it don't hurt as bad when they leave >> it takes so long for me to settle down and when I finally do, there's no one else around 

and I wonder if Raph's temper is ever tied to feeling unlovable, and one feeling sparks another in a vicious feedback loop 

a teenager testing the boundaries of care and affection, more defense mechanisms

how does he get himself to believe in their steadfast love even when he feels unworthy of it

to trust he's safe enough to feel all of his ugliest emotions when his life is so out of control

he forgets, his story doesn’t let him remember, that he’s still a kid 

he's got a lot of growing to do, and even if it takes a long time, he’ll settle down one day, find his balance 

his family’s gonna stick it out, and they’ll still be around when he finally gets there

tl;dr I will never be able to listen to this song without crying about Raphael now, so thanks, brain. 

[libidomechanica]

Her eye wadna been

A sonnet sequence

               1

These three parts in silken lines of deep. Young fell then they sayes the impending. And thrift pages but where we spake with foule and he knowing, doubts, displayed like years. Reappeared to human love. Poet, Singing details I have seen upon a little form, and dance held of Dracula my virgin toward garb, the ocean wide, far away in the wine, let the hour mind answer, echoes, dispering their cheek was the thou wilt. No object, that made the fault among us. Rose love bottom of your breast in staying hopes off my brown fire dim, and you so; yet fresh and fair the stalk of either&father.

               2

I thing eyes. But who, will stroke us in they from all be loved in Derision tossed my Cupid got to prove, the inspiration, like the cannot tell me of the song, and with the ages, I wist noon; and slip of cowslips bindweed spotless that binde yon gate then coming under the day, ye was never the but to blesse ouercame throbber slopes to which glowing up a Deity; but our soul shock him who looked an idle and to rid him fu’ low bench returned hour again, althought here thus, by Satans of their hand, indeed—our kitched myself and this poor dear. Then, methought all dances, of clear round. If your Highland watch follows now and gray, to stood to view their pray take of gold out of honour inmost excell; rich you are that who you; good-morning; From the ivorie, that spangled close; for, half a back with no signs of this only an oath; and in his loues to joy have bee farms fit you?

               3

Are doth the cup to harsh to sleep: so we entrusted upon your Prince he midnight, as birth on the girl with thy casement suffer, dying, blow, bugle; and, as if thy fell the truth, and no rainbow. Tibbie, I hungry to take such peace, forsaken to more. If the bed of Love appeare, nor like a cry. As thinks tears: and them all the world. Which poore womb, our fair ascended but in hold vices with favorite good did. Bring throat Her that made and snowy summer letter the want that slant and methought have forlornest and cut flesh were paced and I shall bringing the rosy lips, or die and Dreams.

               4

Has broken: times, through door open the one is spurred could fooles Head, then show much above, and smile and I my minions the Louvre, there is at you? That he friend, as unconfined and world are we enter. Wrapped daughter, separations, let me hot five heart, with me and that should see my jet t’enthraldome to parted his chipped with the body were me; your breast in that, ’ I asked: Spindle in heart joint narrow, and if your own deserted then men cabinet, I the bringing in a snail, his heart as the bed they building rounds, saying. Like a messence, and thy though the kye. And if myself in my still.

               5

Much each up to the cup of further sleepy mouth—rather wineglass made my discouraged, Sir; but somethink only way the will she saw him, the white hands, you being voices with fresh for man, ’tis play, tis other looke, at die of miles and the calamitous years’ childe is to sell honour mind, taking brain— ’tis place evening strawberries. No human he this For shuttering voice is the departed her, the larkspur, with desires he had been seen though shell’s fierce love thou do streak its hacked and bad, the winds show; all the higher hae seen, felt like the lass made it fly as anybody seasons run slow, hey body, laye, and helped to write tarnished, dear to this wanted: the little house, the impending Heart, that I heart’s thy thumb: about this man, why we builds herself will melts, all the endearing lost just hammerung but I lingers sharpe work mute but by moonlight to this, rejoice!

               6

Therefore my love-knot one whose he sappeared the sweet violence, and me for ambition is my shame: althought foot into the should’st noon; with one tears twire not sleek. For one drooping across. To long, who hath blew from wink, that I thank me. Bloated him, and arrow-straight, that is a mirror like these heart, to dwelt in rocks, see, to me, you ain’t neva having, thou art, wearing, pleasure, and time he messenger trying, and a Shaking oranger. The cost, and breathe bonie lace. A stablish boy, cold me. Shut the solitary in the Fiend does not attainable. The desert wonder Lambes ytorne?

               7

Moss in violets sick, ourself and turned him. And so the day-light’st man who by a blown on you may ye feel the sun declining, dying, Die, oh!—I guest, but wise. Were from that in her love in rubric thus, but by the grasp thee, if he was, the heart release took their sphere, an infant’s blossom want. Yet, if he lilac given, the old in pure all day I meane the cost, for thorn’s blots came back Night meet at her eyes were than his fill my champaign, drank—Young fell? Bed their should for houseless might of the dark old in silence confest, the free, that steal sweet, seeing; and so she wild! The place, so now it by?

               8

Over that I be cut it free feeling as wedding up to the goes, tossing, and thorn, the Samian Here round his arms, but troop of sweet in spirit decease to get; Let nothings. Receive. In pole, his fingered and hether drink my silence of Poet-print shee took death foule and of either say she deep in our come the yellows now some shadow, Time; but what the garden in peace, are nobody as anybody as the oak and make it took my break him fu’ tend up and he little steadily folly, not blue larkspur, without secret her, and wishing, that the good is in that hill.

               9

It aches made the cool bed to me, i’ll never call inheritor and each, as understood blue stead thou, Desire, between the moor, ye snufft and clasp the lilies have no more dewy shall consent, I promises of medicate weighter. Spotless of entrust this … The glowed away to they creeping, but heard and curls, like a virgins, in your owling a Navy drill its he green, robbing ringle sea, admonished—our kids will me those can may sits summer days the dark, it was half water fool, unruly loved, and life. She crane, two days and her doubtful and with the day of Paramoures.

               10

Your Highland with fervour of dogs and heart to dear; and will flies, and your loue and weeds marks to my heart to brydle loom one and thro’ all the strive and drest golden liuelier note, the highwayman counts there Jove become be my love, in my fragranted the wiser mither give no privilege and if the lass, a loss what I might and all is living want. That Rich from head and loved there, such extremendous tear, were the pastime, haueour, and stuck on mine, learned mine; yet sounded. A shamed a thing moon waved plump. When I saw what the day down and Crueltie; from a little step beyond, and euer headlong way free.

               11

’ Julia goes againe, but thank’d her. Body joints, and fix’d that he sun shine eyes or him her teeth weeds, and Evil. And smile, the sumptuous Shout of Ida: the villain the most worthy top, and assembly of your rimes, those day and sitting the Troop came I hae seene that made you seen twisted house rose man who by a time, I need my though bounding from the infant’s green-grounds and did the lover’s ass, the working of human lovelier not seem’d to the care not makes to earns they pretty; but that he lovers, but you with spade, and we watermelon, but the Troop a Shaking the world. And the pit.

               12

And cling and well reign cure, or in a scythe, nothing more sandy foot didn’t. The rich, more; but that any eye loom one from thee, So my friend, at distracter with thy hairs, could I leaue th’eternal come with public kindling stars stars ’light. The love it with returned in dalliance Rumpelstiltskin after- hands for full East, yet helpless, and breath a strange maladies, beside you? Rustling life is there beneath he did nothingness, once more shine in parted—ah, you a wrinkle, his roar back and the cried there I had toiles of the laurels on the patents words thine age ask’d me antipodes; but I.

               13

I laid. But, being young, did not alone, stella behold he feebler he’s delicated of moss extends they shame. Us hanging, and watch the wind searching and barren of some I have soul the red wit do diction, oh Thou have seeds in the nard steps. And time I haue you, those when she wants to judgments hands from him whose Fire often clime, and I wonder to my heard him, until the terrifies me you must not so. Time; but was a great any Evill decay, for the North, trust new words of the blush? All call’d her seeke the took him who is daughter, quick. A girls were believe and make men show.

               14

And glows me the could lakes, The wren was half as he top is tale passed, and all remember fade as being mortal who neither’s roar of the mossy net. Have green and you on the Whitmanesque urge to her write good will her love. The first, where a potato, that lights are curtain his upon her in her pillow the lass made the will stay your frame: although he frayed like Daphne shadow in yon gate reviewed then my eyes were desire, and from the walls melody, with his has gone. To with shiny prompt to his want their back on the world dropping hame a woman the shudder to me shepheard it?

               15

Now shaping all you up inside, while she’s the wrath our brain to thee, what can being clear; the river maid into eternal law; and touch of him, and rain-drops peal their primrose is knowing to him for was all have desolate. The God did make up to herself with spicy nest: with my lass, I never with the said: o friend can, with hurricane of flax that makes of mine. Pray, than a young, it looking out of a winter, can I look of us. Give hung upon think of ill! Some that looked by the rock me nothings cryen for she had her proof, if unjustly me, but, trowth, I careless you wilt.

               16

Hill; and always black years marbles when shed over you get out, and sitting grenadine nebraska, Nebraska wicket cream of Nature calm, he wave! Ill farthern dames: well. Say, with the heart, and let your painted on the woods would echoes rot and man seat you may not my poverty and sense senseless Shadows lay, Poor wretch, go marry air below. Blue were like Phœbus’ self-doing, up the Sunne, and low the would everyone heart, I’m poor it was learned weeds, and bright she sits upon meant, I laid bell o’ my caren, happy, if his arte. Knew: her will part; nay, I went warm summoned and drank—Young man!

               17

— Whose Fire of woe, woe, woe is pulse fair pure. Heifer a miles only, the king time he hath of rustice disarming down—yet true, ’tis true love. She went singing, who pass hand oh, ’tis lock’d embeds every phrase wheat of her better is seldom us all. But at me from drops dead on that you? At ever, the answered over-tufts of your waist, the church but even pedestal blemished ere your father Eve, whom all old and Tears to blood; and looked aloud. Hearing principalities; show much, nor climb; then hedde, it chance, is in all to mine was frozen, this said, she knew not this society?

               18

It may ye feel sometimes overlooked an idle length of winter, reckles die, that Judas, thou art, and flowers. Where murmured into see a sleeves, hissing, farther side to the righteen sae shy; for who hate’er forget till fared underness flower baby any Love, which in a distant she shall lived that feel the late, and wits out-wrestled from side my lovely as we ourse offerd, Strength mine rebuked to could lifting thered an image seem but her and blinding a Whig, or steep robber sloped to drag it give my hear? Two name to dear ruin’d to tumble, approaching shall should not spired to me antipodes; but he wept my fault on his but ye may betide The air breast though word from love, my finger poisonous woods, I love to the heare that bosom a leaf indeed: And so that cost a wood, a power to human being shall I offered. Determines upon her in tow.

               19

Upon me to Loves delightly me and why wilful task of us singing down three time, o’er, thought a slain rain toward life. Prone of Lady in the Long I climb the world’s consent draw myself three tooke doe not did their veins? Yet we might doth Nature in that is over-rule us as we, and pawed about there, galleon to my eyes lifting down at he little white Lamb: she put he lessons when you sae highwayman clouds doe for stony name thy fame, with gold of whom lonesome way and do you; we know the echoes roll from you are then, as in the great wing up to horses, girl; as like twent.

               20

In second speaking, this reft her ever sex. We shudder to vse to us, leaue tormented her panes. If the ladders take a crazy auld man’s could I hold communion of our let it was onely Dearie; from the top of light would I did growing waves lie abed were are call future splendous to mine communion of the high. It is her grape. But wherefore thee grey lines upon the morning far in the dwarf came thee; and, bide each doth many World, and smooth these the might thine. But he is free. That he had in bodies fire—my mist and in the know I have mine into him thy swaying, dying, chatter: let dark moved heardes all; I can jump both Sea and in a dreams of these that made another far frosty air to banish to saying less rue. The rose impending and scorner-stone lass ere to suppress’ eye plunging from this time I dream that me doth for me! As like the river.

               21

For a bells; the unsuspect, me for thys sharpens and find thorn! When, as I tell me who builds his rapier breasts (than ducats. Nebraska, Nebraska, Nebraska, Nebraska, Nebraska, Nebraska wicket creater, where think of myrtle; a belt of you will her own desert wonderstand, and gain her face but all; if on the deep through this sinnes the moon. That the last toiles the both; but wise might of Memory of youth figures promise you ain’t watched it wouldst be feather unnested a spots determined, a chambers, of a sunny kind. Who hath of her eyes, to heart. He added, like the scarce could be who hate, I feeling the blue days long washed it! In Seattle, and other, that Love done! I wist not sweete? Let men prove, a gown mourned her was part. Or to o’er they did me when I am and slimy nest twelve Ignorant, I returned he for silly rise inter an’ lan’.

               22

In sprite; the should we were cause that her tatter harme did him advantage found as serve for that crime. And the Interpreting, sir, to say Stellas eyes in the grow stiff and grass croon If thy sweet Highland Mary. Singing O darlin’ darlin’. This my girls beck, with new please, and peculiar nook remote. And, lassie day, look, one and can, weaving her we are dim, and was on to sleeper bold his gone at my best comes a man your prential exercised in the statute of the heart joined though solitary in Juno sweet Common bed and thered singing in the never watry bowres, to heart.

               23

While, approachinery, gentler passion smitted in mossy skulls that nobody like Love away, and rubies grey to cross his forgotten all inheritor and feverish chariot, but, trowth, I cannot rest of duties set: bayleaue troubled will heard mine or foot in love slept with a dewy grass never than a thunder than this pardon, seemed to him up to hope next time be wise as love the serving-boy approximate web, they call comfort me go. Find the morning house, why thing to gain the formed. That poor hut sunk child hiding—and arbitrary black mouldy hay, begging stayed him.

[chiliiscereal]

Well my standards have really lowered when I comes to writing fanfiction a XD

First I didn’t want to write any at all, then I didn’t want to write for any cartoons, then I didn’t want to write for cartoon turtles... and here i am.

Here I am starting a x reader fanfiction... with the 2014/2016 version of Raph

Still a bit uncomfortable with this but I had an idea so here we go! If I like it then I’ll keep going :p

Lol what am I doing with my life XD

Too tall

Raph x tall! Fem! Reader

Summary: yes this is me self projecting. Reader is 6 foot 4 inches tall and literally every boy she meets is too insecure to date her when she’s that tall. After a while of being treated like she unbreakable and a giant she gets tired of it. Luckily there’s someone else out there who understands how she feels.

———-

You tapped the cafe table impatiently, trying not to watch your friend and her boyfriend across from you. You attempted to look at the door instead. Maybe if you stared at it long enough then your date would show up.

“It’s okay! I’m sure he’ll show up.” She tried to console you as her boyfriend held her tiny little hand.

Perfect.

Small.

You looked at your own clenched hands and wished that yours could fit so perfectly in someone else’s hands. But, sadly, big hands come with height.

No boy your age ever came close to you.

It’s not that you minded.

It’s that they did.

You didn’t care that practically every boy you met barely went up to your shoulder. You wanted companionship. You didn’t need them to be a hulking giant. You needed someone who loved you.

This wasn’t Tall Girl for goodness sake.

You weren’t waiting around for some tall man to show up.

Unfortunately no guy was willing to step up to the plate.

Why might you ask?

Insecurity of course.

The last three guys that turned you down all said they weren’t comfortable with being shorter than their girlfriend. Others said they weren’t looking for a girlfriend.

Funnily enough they all ended up with girlfriends maybe a week later.

The other girls were incredibly tiny. They barely even made it to the boys shoulders. If that.

But you thought maybe this boy would be different.

He seemed like he was.

He seemed interested at least.

He SEEMED like he was excited when you asked him on a double date with your best friend and her boyfriend.

But an hour passed already and he wasn’t there.

You sat up with a bit of a huff. “It’s fine. Let’s just... let’s just enjoy dinner.”

Your friend frowned at you but decided to let it drop. She knew you hated whenever anything like this was addressed so she bit her tongue and changed the subject.

You couldn’t enjoy dinner or pay attention to anything brought up.

Oh you tried.

You gave it the old college try.

But you found your mind wandering back to the lost date way to often.

After another thirty minutes you stood up. “You know what? I’m kind of tired and I still have some homework to finish up. You two enjoy your date!” You grabbed your bag and walked out before your friend could even call you back.

You just needed some time to yourself.

Time to think.

You walked down the sidewalk slowly, half heartedly wishing that the boy would call you and give an amazing reason as to why he was two hours late.

You stopped yourself from reaching for your phone to check for a text.

No it was his loss.

Not yours.

Surely there was someone out there for you... waiting for you to come along.

Someone that wouldn’t care if you were a little taller than them.

You huffed and zipped your bag shut. Whoever they were, they definitely weren’t that boy.

“Hey girl, who you all dressed up for?” Came a voice from the alley you were about to pass.

“No time to talk.” You answered quickly and continued walking.

You weren’t about to give them the time of day. There was a tub of ice cream and a sappy romance movie waiting for you back at your apartment.

“Come on, a girl like you with legs like that? Surely you’re dressed up for somebody.” The man stepped out of the alleyway and leaned against the brick wall. “I’m thinkin’ maybe it’s me.”

Oh you wanted to turn him around and hit him with your bag.

But it wasn’t worth the risk.

“Hell no.” You stated curtly and walked by him briskly.

He snatched your wrist, effectively making your skin crawl. “Look at me when I’m talking to ya.”

He pulled you into the alley before you could stop him.

“Maybe you didn’t hear me.” You growled and tried to rip yourself away. “HELL. NO.”

“Come on, baby! Give me a chance-!” He attempted you sweet talk before he was interrupted.

You caught his hand before he could grab you anywhere inappropriate. “I have had a REALLY terrible day. I am a MINOR and if you don’t get lost RIGHT NOW then you’re gonna have some serious problems.”

He was close enough that you could smell the bitter alcohol on his breath.

He was probably a head shorter than you and had no idea what he was getting into.

“I don’t care if you’re a minor-.” He started.

Your fist smashing into his nose stopped his words.

“Like I said!” You growled as you shook the pain out of your knuckles, “I have had a really really REALLY bad day. And YOU are some little gnat just buzzing in my FACE!”

He gripped his nose with a cry, blood dripping down it like a waterfall. “YOU BROKE MY NOSE!”

“YOU PULLED ME INTO AN ALLEY AND TRIED TO TOUCH ME!” You shouted back, hitting him with your purse before he could charge at you. “YOU MADE THIS CHOICE AFTER I WARNED YOU!”

It felt good to take your rage out on somebody. And it was justified to! It wasn’t like you were just beating this man. He wasn’t letting you leave! He kept grabbing you before you could go.

————-

Turtles pov

They crouched above the alleyway, watching the man pull you into the alleyway.

“We gotta get involved man.” The red masked one whispered. “This doesn’t look to good.”

“I told you, we only get involved if it gets really bad.” The blue one responded with an eye roll. “We can’t risk being seen!”

“It already looks really bad!”

“If she gets anymore hurt then we jump in!”

The orange masked turtle jumped into the conversation. “I don’t know, I think my money’s on the girl.”

“Mikey shut up!” The purple masked brother whispered. “This is serious!”

“So am I! Look at her! She isn’t even scared!”

“I think she at least looks a little scared.”

“Probably cause she’s trying to keep herself from beating the shit out of him!”

Raph rolled his eyes and shoved his younger brother. “It’s our job to do the protectin’ round here. Shut up and- HOLY SHIT!”

The all gasped as you reeled your hand back and knocked your fist into the creeps nose.

“Damn that looked like it hurt.” Leo observed. “Maybe she doesn’t need our help.”

“I say we stay here in case it goes south.” Raph argued, waiting for Leo to argue with him.

“Fine, but we leave when it looks like she’s safe.” Leo nodded and looked back to the fight.

Raph didn’t have time to feel proud that he’d been listened to. Mikey was inching closer to watch. “What the hell are ya doin’?” He reached forward to pull him back. “She’s gonna see ya!”

Mikey leaned over the edge anyway. “Look at her go! I told you he didn’t stand a chance!”

“Who knew using a purse was so effective?” Leo nodded. “Think she’s got it?”

“Looks like it to me!” Mikey laughed and watched with glee. “This is real entertainment.”

“Mikey you’re too close to the edge!” Raph tried to grab him but was shoved away. “You’re gonna fall-!”

————

With that you shoved the man into the wall. “Are you FINALLY done? Have you FINALLY learned your lesson?”

He spit out the blood from his mouth and nodded. “Fine! Please just leave me alone!”

“Good choice!” You shoved him away from you. “Go before I change my mind!”

He was gone before you could even blink.

“That’s right! Get out of here!” You shouted to him as he scurried away.

You lifted your chin triumphantly.

Maybe you hadn’t gotten that date but you sure did beat the crap out of a creep.

You dusted your hands off and snatched your purse off the ground.

“If I catch you harassing anyone else you’ll get it twice as bad!”

No answer of course.

He was long gone.

Still, it felt good to shout.

You could finally go home.

You turned back to the edge of the alleyway with a sigh of relief.

You took one step forward.

Then, the least expected thing happened.

“OH SHIT!”

Next thing you knew you were on the ground after something very large crashed into you.

“What the hell!” You sat up and rubbed your head. “Who just sits on a roof above an alleyway?!”

You grabbed your purse quickly and stood up, ready for another fight.

It wasn’t another creep.

And from the looks of it... it wasn’t even human.

Well, THEY weren’t even human.

You didn’t know what they were.

Green...

Huge...

And shells...

The finally looked at you.

Why were they wearing masks?

What even were they?

Why were they there!?

The one in orange immediately scurried behind the one in red. “Oh shit oh shit oh shit!”

The one in red looked at you and then looked at the guy behind him. “You dragged me into this! You fix it!”

He pulled him forward.

Honestly you had no idea what to think.

There were two GIANT turtles right in front of you! And they were talking!

You gripped your purse a little tighter, waiting to see what they would do.

The one directly in front of you tried to speak only to look back at the red masked one and then back up at where they had fallen.

You looked from him to where he was looking quickly. “Are there more of you?”

He gulped quickly and attempted to hide behind the bigger turtle. “Uh... yeah?”

You took a small step to the exit. “Are you... are you gonna try to take my purse or something?”

The red one glared at you. “No! We’re just.. just here to protect the city. We ain’t monsters!”

You noticed him getting defensive immediately and nodded. “...okay then. Well, if you’re not going to rob me then I’m going to pretend I saw nothing and go on my way.”

The red one frowned.

You were acting waaaaaaay too casual.

Surely there had to be some other motive.

“Hold on a minute... you ain’t goin’ anywhere yet.”

You glared at him and held out your purse. “Are you gonna stop me?”

Mikey took a step back and Raph rolled his eyes.

“I don’t think a purse is gonna do much against someone like me.” He stated.

“I don’t even know who you are.” You stepped back again and tightened your grip. “I didn’t even know people like you existed until now.”

You looked them up and down, taking them all in.

This couldn’t be real.

It couldn’t be.

“You say anything bout this and you’re dead, got it?” He pointed around you as if aggression could make you quiet.

“Can you at least let me go home and finish my ice cream before you decide to kill me?” You backed up again.

You were so close to running away.

So close to escape.

Before you could back up any further, two more creatures dropped from the sky behind you.

You jumped and scrambled away, nearly running into the red masked turtle.

“Listen, I’m sorry about the way my brother phrased everything.” The new turtle glared at his companion. “What he meant to say is that we protect the city. We were watching that man just in case he tried anything and these two,” he glared at the first two again, “fell off the roof.”

The one next to him pushed up his glasses. “I’m surprised you haven’t passed out from fear yet. The first person we met did just that!”

Your back hit the wall and you had no where else to go. “I’m not too sure if I won’t do that.” You glanced between the four of them. “What even are you guys?”

“Turtles!” The orange one spoke up before the red one could shush him.

“Mutants as well.” The purple one joined.

“And ninjas.”

“And teenagers.”

You couldn’t help but snort. “Mutant turtle teen ninjas? I think you need to rebrand that.”

Maybe you were insane.

Here you were cracking jokes with large turtles at dinner time.

But so far they were harmless, despite their stature. According to the blue one they protect New York.

“Ya got a problem with it?” The red one grew even more tense.

You shook your head quickly. “No. Just... surprised.”

“And scared?” He added. “Scared of monsters like us?”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “I thought you just said you weren’t monsters.”

That seemed to stop him.

So you continued with a deep breath. “You’re all just... really huge. I thought I was tall but standing next to you...” you swallowed and tried not to let your nerves get to you. You turned to the blue one since he seemed to be the leader. “...can I go now? I won’t tell anyone you exist or... whatever it is you want.”

The blue one was skeptical but the purple one butted in.

“Do you have a way home? Like a friend you can call?”

You opened your purse. “Yeah I should be able to call an Uber with my...” you pulled out the broken device. “...my phone.”

Well crap.

You stuffed it back in quickly. “It’s okay I’ll just walk-!”

“I can fix it.” He offered. “Besides it’ll be an extra security measure for us if we have your contact information.” He gestured loosely to the hand you’d punched the creep with. “We could also bandage up those cuts.”

You brought up your hand and inspected the blood with surprise.

Well... when were you gonna get another opportunity like this? It’s not everyday a girl gets invited into the homes of local mutants.

Besides you really didn’t want to walk home with your phone destroyed.

The red one looked at the purple one angrily. “You wanna being ‘er back??”

“Our job is to help people, Raph.” He rolled his eyes.

“I’m with Donnie. It’s only fair since we broke her phone.” The blue one nodded.

“Well if it’s not too much trouble...”

—————

Next thing you know you were whisked away to none other than the sewers.

Well that kind of made sense.

No one would ever really want to go down there anyway.

The purple one, whose name you learned was Donnie, had your phone in his three fingers the moment you stepped foot in their home.

“I’ll do a little fixing up, maybe an upgrade, and Raph can take a look at your hands.” He muttered as he started to disappear into a lab like room.

Raph...

He was the red angry one wasn’t he.

The tallest and biggest out of them all.

He didn’t seem too happy about it either.

“Why me?” He protested. “What ‘bout Leo? Or-or Master Splinter? Heck, even Mikey!” He gestured to his orange masked brother as if to showcase how he’d be better at it.

You couldn’t help but silently agree with him.

Mikey seemed the most open on the way here. He’d talked your ear off the whole trip, asking questions about what it was like to be a human and bragging about all the people he’d saved. He’d even wanted you to play a video game with you when you got to their home. He’d been a bit overbearing but that was better than Mr. miffed muscle mountain.

“Hey you’ve broken the skin on your knuckles before. You’ve got experience in it. Just fix her hand and be done.” With that, Donnie was gone.

You shared an awkward moment of eye contact with Raph before he sighed.

“Well, I’m gonna go play my game.” Mikey dashed over to the tv. “Let me know when you two are done and we can play!” He grabbed Leo by the back of his shell and pulled him along.

You bit the inside of your cheek nervously.

It was just you two.

You and the giant turtle boy beside you.

“Aight well...” he cleared his throat. “I guess I’ll take you up to the work out room then?”

He stopped and you realized he was waiting for you to say something. You quickly tried to scrounge up a comprehensible sentence.

“Y-yeah, sounds good with me.” You followed after him quietly, holding your hand so the blood wouldn’t drip everywhere.

The room was smaller than you imagined but still... it was huge to you.

He began rummaging through a box on the table, fumbling with objects. “You can uh... you can sit down while I grab the-the stuff.” He told you quickly.

You didn’t know where to sit so you interpreted his words to mean that you should sit on the work out bench.

You watched patiently as he found the roll of gauze.

Clearly he was just as nervous as you.

You didn’t know why HE was nervous though. He was a giant turtle for goodness sake. He could snap you in half easily.

“Here lemme see that hand.” He shuffled over and reached out.

You gave your right one to him, trying to hold in your nervous shaking.

“Ain’t gonna bite ya.” He rolled his eyes.

“I know.” You commented, watching him start applying disinfectant. “Just never been in a situation like this before.”

He snorted and continued his work.

You couldn’t help but notice how small your hand looked compared to his. Ha. That was new. Usually it was you watching little pick me girls compare their hand size to their crushes. How strange it was for it to be you.

“And I thought I had big hands.” You couldn’t help but blurt out.

He kept his eyes on your hand, examining it a little more. “Ya call this big?”

“Yep.” You glanced around the room, taking in the ‘scenery’.

He snorted. “Damn tiny to me.” He pulled out the gauze and began wrapping your knuckles. “Look, I’m uh... I’m sorry ‘bout the way I handled earlier. My dumbnut brother got us exposed when ya clearly had the situation handled.”

You cringed, remembering that they’d seen you beating the creep. “Yeah I could have handled that better as well.”

He paused for a half second, as if considering his next words, and then continued. “Heard ya say you were havin’ a shit day as well.”

You weren’t exactly sure if you wanted this brought up in the middle of the weirdest experience ever but you were desperate for a smooth conversation. “Yeah, some jackass stood me up.”

He frowned and momentarily made confused eye contact with you. “Stood ya up?”

“You know, as in he said he was gonna go on a date with me and just didn’t show up.” You forced out a laugh. “But it’s fine I got ice cream at home.”

“Mmm.” He muttered. “Sounds like a douche bag.”

Well outta room! Part two will be up I had too much fun :)

[justanotherniky]

the new cozmez song came out and I did the work of the gods~

Hit em up / cozmez KAN/ROM/ENG

この社会の不条理のと真ん中で kono shakai no fujouri no to man’naka de In the midst of irrationality in this society

成り上がりに全て賭けた定め nariagari ni subete kaketa sadame The fate of betting everything on the jumped-up

どん底も経験済み donzoko mo keiken zumi Who’ve experienced the rock bottom

どんな場所にいたってずっとWe’re from the streets don’na basho in itatte zutto We’re from the streets No matter where we are, we’re from the streets

光の見えない暗闇の中で hikari no mienai Kurayama no naka de In the darkness without light

それでも夢見たテッペンからの眺め soredemo yumemita teppen kara no nagame I still dreamed of the view from the top

片足突っ込んだ地獄の淵 kataashi tsukkonda jigoku no fuchi Having one foot in the pit of hell

せこから蘇ったAin’t no stoppin’ me seko kara yomigaetta Ain’t no stoppin’ me I came back from there, ain’t no stoppin’ me

本当の痛みなんて honto no itami nante I didn’t know what real pain was like

知らずにいきがって shirazu ni iki gatte Just being overconfident

ホンモノ語るなんて honmono kataru nante And preaching about genuineness

この先は通用しないぜ Kono saki wa tsuuyou shinai ze This is not going to work from here on out

Click clack, 今 Step back Click clack, ima Step back Click clack, now step back

その感覚じゃToo bad sono kankaku jya Too bad If you feel like that, too bad

Watch your back もう瞬殺 Watch your back mou shunsatsu Watch your back, or you’ll be killed instantly

この場所じゃ不合格 kono basho jya fugoukaku You fail at this place

栗り返してくカルマの中で kuri kaeshite ku karuma no naka de In the karma that repeats itself

まだのがいてる奴らに届け mada no ga iteru yatsura ni todoke I hope those who struggle will hear this

路上のDream から頂点のKing rojo no Dream kara chouten no King From the dream on the road to the king on the top

We’re just too real, baby, we’re just too real

生半可な奴らはWe gon hit em up namahankana yatsura wa We gon hit em up To the half-hearted ones, we gon hit em up

見下してた奴らもWe gon hit em up mikudashi teta yatsura mo We gon hit em up Even the ones looking down on us, We gon hit em up

今全員を並べてWe gon hit em up ima zen’in wo narabete We gon hit em up Now, everyone in line, we gon hit em up

We gon, we gon hit em up We gon, we gon hit em up, yeah

Hit em up, BAOW, BAOW Hit em up, hit em up, BAOW BAOW

今偽物に代償を払わせる ima nisemono ni daishou wo harawa seru Now, we let the fake pay the price

Pay up, pay up, pay up, aye

現状維持よりもずっと目指していく genjou ishiyori mo zutto mezashiteiku We’ll aim much higher than the status quo

Way up, way up, way up, aye

6 in the morning, 路地裏で動き出すStory 6 in the morning, rojiura de ugokidasu story 6 in the morning, a story starts in the backstreets

付け焼き刃の言葉並べてるバース tsukeyakiba no kotoba narabeteru baasu Hearing your verses full of pretentious words

それで語る苦労とか鼻で笑う sore de kataru kurou toka hanadewarau I sneer at those hardships you talk about

いいか忠告を聞きな iika chuukoku no kikina Look, here's my advice

それが出来なきやHit em up sore ga dekinakiya Hit em up If you can’t do it, hit em up

綺麗事を語る隙に kireigoto wo kataru suki ni While someone talks about ideals

俺らいつもRunnin’ the block orera itsumo Runnin’ the block We’re always runnin’ the block

聞き飽きそうただの泣き言 kiki aki sou tada no nakigoto Getting tired of hearing, it’s just whining

甘ーちゃん共仲良くやってろ ama-chan tomo nakayoku yattero Spoiled brats, enjoy your cheap friendship

We’ve been drillin’, trappin’, yeah

行き先ならTo the top ikisaki nara To the top We’re going to the top

決めてる覚悟 kimeteru kakugo I’m already prepared

成功へのPassport seikou he no Passport The passport to success

お前の明日も omae no asu mo To your tomorrow

全てもらう subete morau I’ll take it all

存在で全部を証明済み sonzai de zenbu wo shoumei zumi I’ve already proven everything with my existence

We’re just too real, baby, we’re just too real

生半可な奴らはWe gon hit em up namahankana yatsura wa We gon hit em up To the half-hearted ones, we gon hit em up

見下してた奴らもWe gon hit em up mikudashi teta yatsura mo We gon hit em up Even the ones looking down on us, We gon hit em up

今全員を並べてWe gon hit em up ima zen’in wo narabete We gon hit em up Now, everyone in line, we gon hit em up

We gon, we gon hit em up We gon, we gon hit em up, yeah

Hit em up, BAOW, BAOW Hit em up, hit em up, BAOW BAOW

I did not translate this myself, the translation is from the official music video. I only did the romaji transcription :D

[vincess-princess]

in darkness shall you be reborn

Chapter 6

Word count: 3019 Warnings: none (for once lmao) A\N: this will probably be my last update for the month because i have exams coming, sorry :( and, of course, i'm not the author of the shanty mentioned in the chapter

By dinner, a generous share of warm beer and several bitter puffs of a cigarette that Mick forced through his teeth brought Vince back onto the sinful earth. He obediently followed Mick’s orders and fussed around in the kitchen, though wrenching even a single word out of him was rotten work. Neither Mick nor Tommy who dropped by the galley to “check when the dinner is ready” got a clear picture of what had happened: a few listless hand waves, barely noticeable head shakes and one eye roll at an especially bad joke were all they could get. Nikki was just as unwilling to share the details, apart from several curse words, and by dinner drank himself into oblivion. Which was probably a mistake on his side, because the upcoming day was expected to be quite turbulent – they were finally going to arrive to Port Royal and dump the captives and most of the goods into the grabby hands of local barons. The crew looked forward to it, having spent weeks at sea, and loudly and happily talked about their plans, which primarily consisted of girls and ale, during the dinner. Listening to them made Vince’s heart ache – he too wanted to lose himself in the warm embrace of a girl and a bottle of wine flavored with spices. But he knew he most likely would not be let out without supervision, or would simply be confined to the galley. Still, an inkling of hope in him persisted.

The nights in the Atlantic Ocean were always warm, but as the ship went southwards they were becoming more hot and humid, so the crew spent most of their time on deck instead of hiding in the wardroom. Vince didn’t like the idea of spending the night outside – he always heard that night air could make one sick, what if he caught a cold? – but staying in the galley was not an option. Provident Mick did not risk to leave him there alone, not with so many knives around that he could see attracted Vince like a mouse to cheese in a trap. Mick could see almost everything with his icy-blue eyes that penetrated Vince’s soul to its very core. Vince only hoped he couldn’t read his thoughts – he wanted to keep at least some part of him to himself.

Mick played his guitar on the deck that evening, and all the sailors passing past him slowed down or stopped in their tracks outright to listen to the quiet, haunting melodies that gradually evolved into heavy beats of such power the strings rang and wailed as if on the verge of breaking. Most songs Vince couldn’t recognize – of course, Mick wasn’t playing anything he typically heard in operas and at concerts. But some sounded familiar; Vince might have heard his men singing them while working on deck while he was in his cabin supposedly dealing with business. In reality, though, he often abandoned boring papers to press his ear to the door and listen to hoarse, powerful voices sing unevenly but with refreshing sincerity. No opera or choir could ever imitate the rawness and liveliness of such simple tunes sung by such simple folk.

One of them was just flowing from under Mick’s bony fingers. It was mostly beats and clapping rather than actual melody, but the sound intertwined so naturally with the winds howling around and the waves crushing at the bow of the ship that any professional music would sound out of place – fake, even.

Mick saw Vince tap the rhythm with his foot on the floor and raised an eyebrow. “You know the tune?”

Vince half-nodded, half-shrugged. He heard his crew sing it, and sometimes sang it quietly to himself when alone in his cabin. He was a decent singer – or he wanted to believe he was – but he couldn’t join his crew in it for fear of losing their high regard for him. He was of noble blood, after all, and did not belong among simple folk.

“How come? This ain’t what they play in operas, or wherever your kind goes to have some fun,” Tommy chimed in, unasked.

“Heard my crew sing it,” Vince replied reluctantly. These were one of the only words he said over the evening.

“Did you like it?” Mick asked, glaring at Tommy.

Vince shrugged again. Any weakness he had, any secret aspirations he nursed the pirates would target before everything else, because it hurt the hardest. Better not reveal his soft spots to them at all.

“Well, not like he’s got much of a choice. Don’t have a choir here, princess.” Tommy plopped onto the same bench that Vince sat on. It was a bit too short for three people at once, but Tommy unceremoniously squeezed in anyways, swaying his hips to fit on the narrow plank. His hand immediately slid onto Vince’s knee. Vince slapped it away, only for it to return, this time feeling his thigh. He was too tired to argue, so he let it be.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’,” Mick concluded. “T-bone, you remember the ‘All For Me Grog’ lyrics?”

“Of course,” Tommy grinned. “What, are we throwing a party for the newcomer?”

“Jesus, Tommy, give the guy a break,” Mick rolled his eyes. “Now, why don’t you put your mouth to good use and sing for us? The night is terribly quiet.”

“Not a problem, boss. Hey, everyone!” Tommy called out to the crew. “What do ya think of a little song break?”

The pirates cheered, dropping whatever they were doing and surrounding Tommy, Mick and Vince. They still stared at Vince like he was an exotic animal, but at least they didn’t look hungry. Only one person, a long-haired ginger sailing master, remained unphased, gripping at the helm like his life depended on it.

“All For Me Grog, everyone!” Mick declared and began tapping out the rhythm on his guitar. Almost immediately, Tommy began to sing.

He had a good voice, Vince had to admit. A little bit hoarse from all the cigarettes smoked, perhaps, but it only added to its charm.

Where are me boots, me noggin', noggin' boots, They're all gone for beer and tobacco, he sang, and his voice rang all across the ship and farther, drowning in deep black waters of the Atlantic Ocean. For the heels they are worn out and the toes are kicked about And the soles are looking out for better weather,

Well it's all for me grog, me jolly jolly grog, It's all for me beer and tobacco-

The crew joined for the chorus, croaky, husky voices interweaving together into a low, steady rumble. As much as Vince didn’t want to admit it, the sound forced goosebumps to run down his back.

For I spent all me tin on the lassies drinking gin, they sang as Tommy winked at Vince and squeezed his knee harder. Far across the western ocean I must wander.

Where is me shirt, me noggin', noggin' shirt, It's all gone for beer and tobacco, For the collar is all worn, and the sleeves they are all torn, And the tail is looking out for better weather.

I'm sick in the head and I haven't been to bed, Since first I came ashore from me slumber, For I spent all me dough on the lassies don't you know, Far across the western ocean I must wander.

As the singing faded, an unnatural silence broken only by the sound of waves descended onto the ship. The pirates stood still for a few moments, looking yet not seeing one another, their thoughts far away. At home with a wife waiting for them, or in a pub drinking with buddies, or in bed with hot fingers of a hooker all over their bodies… what else did people like them, always on the move, always hiding from the law, long for?

Well, at least Vince knew damn well what he wanted – to get away from this goddamn ship. And the inkling of hope inside him that he had no heart to suppress whispered to him that he could only hope to pull it off tomorrow. He needed to be alert and prepared – to seize the opportunity when it comes. Not if. When.

“Great, everyone, now back to work!” Tommy clapped his hands, and the silence was broken by shuffling of boots on the deck and indecipherable murmuring. “You too!” he poked Vince in the chest. “The dishes ain’t gonna wash themselves. Come on, come on, I’ll help you carry them.” With that, he pushed a tray in Vince’s hands and began piling up plates on it. Vince narrowed his eyes at him, trying to catch his gaze, but the first mate was terribly occupied with fitting as many plates onto the tray as possible. Since when Tommy was so eager to help him do the dirty work?

Of course, it wasn’t just out of kindness of Tommy’s heart. When they entered the galley, he slammed the door shut and turned to Vince. His angry frown made Vince clutch the tray tighter, as if it could help him should Tommy want to hurt him, although Vince couldn’t recall anything he did lately that would make the first mate dissatisfied with him.

“What the hell did you do to Nikki?” Tommy demanded.

“What are you talking about?” Vince forced himself to let go of the tray and upended it above the tub, accidentally splashing the muddy water on his pants. “Oh, fiddlesticks!”

Tommy snorted and his frown evened out slightly. “Jesus, if anyone else hears you say that you are gonna get your ass beaten. Just say ‘damn’ like everyone else.”

“I’ll have my fiddlesticks, thanks.” Vince grabbed a towel from the counter and tried to sop up the water on his clothes, silently hoping that Tommy would drop the topic and leave him alone. To no avail, unfortunately.

“Asking nicely for the last time,” Tommy stepped forward, towering over Vince in his high-heeled boots. How did he even walk in those on the always-swaying deck? “What happened?”

“Why do you care?” Vince snapped back. “Are you policing his sex life or something? Pervert.”

“I couldn’t care less about where he sticks his dick as long as his nose doesn’t fall off. But I do care about our business, and he’s lying there out cold surrounded by empty bottles. I talked to him in the morning – everything was normal. You leave his cabin, and he drinks himself into oblivion and refuses to show up on deck or even open the door. What the hell happened?” Tommy reached forward and squeezed Vince’s shoulder, not letting him back off.

Upon learning that Nikki hadn’t told anyone about Vince’s breakdown relief washed over him. Knew Tommy about it, the entire crew would have already been snickering and whispering around Vince, and for a reason. Going into a fit of panic when told to undress, like some hysterical nun who’d never seen a dick in her life, wasn’t quite what Vince wanted to be known for. Sure, everybody already knew he was Nikki’s toy, but he could at least carry that unflattering status with as much pride as it was possible to have in this situation.

“What do you think?” he said through gritted teeth. “Do you think he wanted to play poker with me or something?”

“Sure he didn’t. But I know him, and this ain’t how he behaves after sex, so I can only assume he hasn’t had any. Which is weird, because he always gets what he wants, even from bitches like you. What did you do to him?”

“Ask rather what he did to me.” Vince turned away demonstratively and reached for a sponge. “Maybe it’s his conscience finally waking up.”

“Hah, nothing of this kind in that asshole,” Tommy brushed him off with a chuckle. “Listen, I’m not gonna leave you alone until you tell me.”

“Then you’ll be spending a night here,” Vince didn’t retreat, plunging the sponge into muddy water, pursing his lips in disgust when his hand touched some food remains. “Maybe he’s upset I drank that premium whisky of his.”

“He gave you his premium whisky? You lucky son of a bitch!” Tommy almost jumped, his eyes lighting up. “Can’t imagine how well you sucked him off to get that. So all it takes is just offering you some booze? I have some vodka stashed somewhere-”

A plate almost crashed against his head – he managed to duck at the last second, and it broke against the wall instead. Vince didn’t have enough time to fling another plate – Tommy tackled him to the floor instead.

“Let me go,” Vince hissed, wriggling underneath him.

“I will, if you ain’t gonna throw more plates at me”.

“I will, if you cut that talk.”

“Well, we’ll stay like this then.” Tommy shrugged. “So that was all a show the first time? Are you more pliable one-by-one, or was that the booze?”

“Neither. I’ve drunk beverages a hundred times better than that whisky. And no, that wasn’t a show.”

“Hard to believe, princess.” Tommy pinched his cheek. “But you’ve got a grain of truth somewhere, I admit. Nikki wouldn’t react like that to a good blowjob.” He finally rolled off Vince and plopped down onto his sleeping place, his legs alone half of the room’s length, and patted the place next to him on the blanket. After a little hesitation Vince moved there too, solely because the floor was too cold.

“So, now that we’re comfortable and cozy, will you fuckin’ tell me what happened?” Tommy pressed on. Vince tried not to touch his body, but he could feel heat radiating from it even at a distance. “With as many details as possible. I won’t jerk off on it, I promise. At least in your presence.”

“Nothing much,” Vince shook his head again. “Nothing to jerk off to - we didn’t even have sex.”

“Well, that’s a shame,” Tommy looked disappointed. “I hoped for a juicy story. How come Nikki didn’t fuck you again? I know he wanted to – he’s been talking about you all night not letting me sleep in peace - and I doubt you are eloquent enough to talk him out of that.”

“I might be,” Vince got offended. Did Tommy think he had been taking all his rhetoric classes for nothing? “But words wouldn’t help there. They didn’t help me yesterday, after all.”

Tommy ignored Vince’s full-of-disdain look.

“How’d you squeeze the whisky out of him then? You don’t look like the type – and even if you did, I doubt you could get it with force. Nikki’s just as good at hand-to-hand combat as with a sword.”

Tommy didn’t lie, still looking fully determined to wring the answer out of him, and Vince gave up, not ready to listen to his nagging for the rest of the night. But even remembering what happened from a safe distance of the galley still made a lump form in his throat and his heart beat faster. He was so tired of all this. Even the pride he was clutching at like a drowning man to a raft seemed less important than just being left alone. Besides, everyone on the ship already knew he was Nikki’s bitch, so what difference would it make to have that happen twice?

“He started undressing me, and I kind of… began to suffocate. I don’t know what happened – everything was blurry and I couldn’t breathe. And then he pours this whisky into my mouth and sends me away. That’s all.”

Tommy stayed silent for a minute or two, which in his case was more frightening than when he talked all the time.

“Just don’t tell anyone,” Vince added hastily. “I mean, not that there’s much of a reputation to ruin for me, but still.”

“I won’t,” Tommy said after a few seconds of pondering over it, “but not because of you. Because of him. They might consider it a weakness.”

In other circumstances Vince wouldn’t believe him, but now it was different. Tommy spoke without a usual hint of mockery in his voice and looked more serious than Vince had ever seen him over the short period on the Shout. So he was inclined to believe him – or at least hope that he wouldn’t spill the beans intentionally.

“Still, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, princess. By the way, I just now realized I don’t even know your name. I know you’re a Wharton because we found papers in the captain’s cabin, but not much more than that.”

“Vincent Neil,” Vince said after a short pause. Maybe now he would start calling him by his name instead of giving him womanly nicknames? “I don’t suppose anyone here will call me that, so just Vince will do.”

“Alright, princess Vinnie,” Tommy grinned (no, this was a hopeless case) and then, unexpectedly, stretched his hand forward. “Nice to meet you.”

Vince stared at it like it was an exotic and extremely venomous snake somebody just suggested he pet. But seconds passed and Tommy’s hand didn’t waver, and Vince decided he didn’t want to decline this extremely rare demonstration of respect he was so unexpectedly offered.

“Can’t say it’s mutual, sorry.” He shook Tommy’s hand.

Tommy burst into laughter. “That was harsh! Didn’t you have your etig- etiqa- good behavior lessons in your childhood?”

“Etiquette, you mean? It’s useless outside social events. No one cares which fork you use for fish and which for salad here.”

“Wait, you use different forks for different dishes? Man, that’s crazy. How’d you remember all that? And what a pain in the ass it must be to wash all of them!”

“I never remembered anything even after all my lessons,” Vince smiled faintly. “Always thought it to be stupid, honestly.”

“Well, at least here we’re on the same page,” Tommy nodded and got up. “Now, you have work to do, and who am I to interrupt you?”

“Bastard,” Vince murmured to his back. Tommy jerked his shoulder, but chose to ignore the insult and hurried out of the galley.

[danielxricciardo]

Prompts

1. "Hi, my ex just walked in. Would you hold my hand please?"

2. "I didn't expect to see you here."

3. "Have you seen this dog?"

4. “That mouth of yours, does it ever stop making noise”

5. “Seven minutes in heaven is for virgin teenagers”

6. “Slam that door one more time and I’ll shove my foot straight up your cute ass”

7. “Jesus! Knock next time would you”

8. “You have money go and get yourself a hoodie that’s not mine”

9. "I hate roses, I thought you knew"

10. "Do you think I am an angel? Ha"

11. "I wanted to sleep but someone decided to die"

12. "I can kill you right now, what are you talking about?"

13. "Hi, I am lost, can you come after me?"

14. "When I first saw you I wanted to date your best friend"

15. "I am so funny and you are just jealous"

16. "If I have to choose... no"

17. "Stop breathing like that!"

18. "I just did my nails"

19. "I'm the best driver în the world"

20. "Will you marry me?" "No"

21. "I think I broke my arm" "So?"

22. "I think I love you" "Thanks"

23. "My arms are lonely, don't you think?"

24. "Apparently we are dating"

25. “Well it’s kind of hard to move when you’re sitting on my lap”

26. "Those things you said yesterday, did you mean them?"

27. "If we elope, you think they'll kill us?"

28. "This is yours"

29. "You can’t just kiss me, laugh and then walk away."

30. "Are you using ass as a pillow?"

31." I find your lack of faith disturbing."

32. "And I took it personally"

33. "In here I am the boss"

34. "Oh, bite me!" "Where?"

35. "What will you do if we break up?"

36. "Where is my T-shit?"

37. "This is no time for sarcastic comments."  "There is always time for sarcastic comments."

38. "I’ll keep quiet, you won’t even know I’m here."

39. "The way you flirt is just awful"

40. "Don’t be fooled. I’m the epitome of mess."

41. " If you are on TV should I congratulate you?"

42. "And this, is why we can’t have nice things."

43. "That's what he said"

44. "I am scared of your boss"

45. "You should know, a lot of girls have a crush on me"

46. "Everyone is afraid of you"

47. "If I'm watching that movie one more time I'll lose my fucking mind!"

48. "I thought being on vacation will be stress free"

49. "My parents don't trust you"

50. "I don't think I should give my last name so easily"

51. “I really wish I could unsee that.”

52. “Who would’ve guessed we’d be sharing a room.”

53. “I feel like you have an unhealthy obsession with me.”

54. “Nah he’s fine, it’s the other one you really got to watch out for.”

55. “I have a suggestion.” “I’m not taking my clothes off so forget it.”

56. “You’re the genius, why don’t you tell me?”

57. “Have I ever told you your accent makes me swoon?” “Really?” “No.” He/she smiles. “ that’s why I’ve never told you.”

58. “I’m alive? How am I still alive?”

59. “You’re crazy! I love it!”

60. “Never have I ever is about to get a lot more interesting.”

61. “What did they do?” “Dude. They did the do.”

62. "You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!"

63. "Well this is awkward."

64. "Im too sober for this."

65. "Im pregnant." "Wall done, Virgin Mary!"

66. " I want to protect you."

67. "Kill that spider and maybe I'll forgive you"

68. "I have no one to go to the wedding"

69. "Don’t you dare touch _______!"

70. "I thought you were dead!"

71. "This is, without a doubt, the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in."

72. "Take care of you, please"

73. "If your best friend single?"

74. "Just remember, if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English."

75. "Why does everyone assume we're a couple?"

76. "Im craving something sweet" "Are you pregnant or something?"

77. " What is the magic word?" "I'll kill you în your sleep"

78. "When I see you my knees get weak"

79. "Finally you're single. Can I take you on a date?"

80. " So, I guess you don’t do after hours?"

81. "I know what I'm doing, I've watched two whole seasons of Grey's Anatomy."

82. "I can't believe I'm stuck here with you right now."

83. "Okay, this did not go as I planned it in the shower."

84. "I'm not going to sit around and watch you destroy yourself."

85. "You were my best friend"

86. "You did what?"

87. "Can you just pretend to love me for a second!"

88. "You are enough"

89. "Take the shirt off"

90. "Your nickname is bitch"

91. "What do you want to watch?" "You"

92. "How could you ask me that?"

93. "Your mouth does this thing and I can't resist it"

94. "Are you allowed to drink?"

95. "I said Im done, leave me alone!"

96. "Don’t raise your fucking voice at me”

97. “Yeah, I remember the drill”

98. “Tell me again, slowly this time, why that dog is in my bed.”

99. “Gave you so much, but it wasn’t enough.”

100. “You and me, we were destined to fall apart.”

101. “No, you don’t know who you are until somebody breaks your heart.”

102. “I want to tell you everything. The words I never got to say the first time around.”

103. “It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all.”

Song lyrics prompts

1. “It’s the little things about us, that I love so much.”

2. “Last night I told you I loved you // woke up blamed it on the vodka”

3. “It’s a better place since you came along”

4. “You make me love the things I hate  “

5. Just a paper sheet and half a cigarette are left in my hand

6. Your faith walks on broken glass

7. "And can you teach me how to dance real slow?"

8. "I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe"

9. "One night, you won't forget the rest of your life"

10. "We only said goodbye with words"

11. "I'll try to give you love until the day you drop"

12. "I like the pretty boys with the bow tie"

13. "Lets get drunk forget what we did"

14. Your kisses lift me higher

15. When you're ready we can share the wine

16. "And if you don't love me now you will never love me again"

17. "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?"

18. "When there's nothing to lose and there's nothing to prove"

19. She's the kind of girl who only asks you over when its raining, just to make you lie there catching water dripping from the ceiling.

20. Now I understand, you're a human, and you got to lie, you're a man

21. The good and the bad times: we've been through them all.

22. Now I ain't educated but I sure ain't stupid

23. I grew up in the shoes they told me I could fill

24. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

25. A lover would just complicate my plans

26. And in the morning, i’ll be with you, but it will be a different kind

27. My heart is yours, it’s you that i hold on to

28. And with one kiss, you inspired a fire of devotion that lasts for twenty years

29. I let go of my claim on you, it’s a free world

30. I’m in my bed, and you’re not here and there’s no one to blame, but the drink in my wandering hands

31. Cause you gave me peace and i wasted it, I’m here to admit that you were my medicine

32. Oh, dear diary, i met a boy, he made my doll heart light up with joy. Oh, dear diary, we fell apart, welcome to the life of electra heart

33. For you, I would cross the line, I would waste my time, I would lose my mind

34. Is it really me you're missing?

35. Remember that night?

36. How many times can I break till I shatter?

37. As long as I breathe, I’ll call you my home

38. "You wouldn't know love if it crushed your fucking chest."

39. "When we scream our lips don't make a sound."

40. "Please don't let me sink, wrap your arms around me and carry me home."

41. "This hasn't torn us apart so nothing ever will."

42. "A long time ago we believed that we were united."

43. "I miss the person that you were but I don't miss you."

44. "If home is where the heart is, why do I feel so fucking heartless?"

45. "I can't live, I can't breathe with or without you just go away."

46. "I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid I'll survive and have to watch you suffer."

47. "I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away."

48. "I'm not like you I just fuck up."

49. "All because of you I believe in angels, not the kind with wings, no not the kind with halos. The kind that bring you home when home becomes a strange place."

50. "I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again."

51. “I wish people liked me more.”

52. “How could I ever love someone else?”

53. “I guess you’re getting everything you want.”

54. “She probably gives you butterflies.”

55. “I hope that you’re okay.”

56. “I defended you to all my friends.”

57. “I never cared about what they say, only care about me and you” 

58. “Either way i’m gonna lose, so i’m just gonna keep on loving you”

59. “You know i’m bad at communication, it’s the hardest thing for me to do”

60. “Iwas your lover, i was your friend, now I’m only just someone you call when it’s late enough to forget”

61. “It’s fucked up but it’s true that i love you like i do”

62. “Well we both had nights waking up in strangers beds but i don’t wanna, don't wanna, i don’t wanna give up yet”

63. “Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow.”

64. “I’m begging for you to take my hand.”

65. “I can’t make it go away by making you the villain.”

66. “He feels like home.”

67. “I’d be breaking all my rules to see you.”

68. “But I know you’re not scared of anything at all.”

69. “When can I come back?”

70. “I’m ready to owe you anything”

71. “I’ll always look best in your head”

72. “I know you know it’s wrong, but I’m ready”

73. “All I ever want is breaking me apart.”

74. “Let's talk sweetly like all our love is false.”

75. “You put a fire in my heart, painted blood on my stars, gave me faith.”

76. “I wanna meet your girlfriend, she sounds nice.”

77. “How is kissing me so wrong?“

78. “Can’t you see that I’m already yours?”

79. “I’ve been losing track of the romantic sh*t I’m tryna say but basically I love you"

80. “I don’t wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips, I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath”

81. “I apologize for all your tears, I wish I could be different but I’m still growing up into the one you can call your love” 

82. “I’m out of my head, of my heart, of my mind cause you can run but you can’t hide, I’m gonna make you mine”

83. "I never loved someone the way that I love you"

84. "It's the way that you know what I thought I knew, it's the beat that my heart skips when I'm with you"

85. "I hope she gettin' better sex, hope she ain't fakin' it like I did, babe"

86. “I know we’re young and people change and we may never feel the same”

87. “I can’t change the world, but maybe I’ll change your mind”

88. "You don't own me. Don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay."

89. "Leave everything that is worth a single cent and just take me instead."

90. "And then I got you off your knees, put you right back on your feet, just so you can take advantage of me."

91. "Hey, I can't let you go with nobody. Cause I love you, baby."

92. "Tell me that it wasn't my fault and that I was enough for you."

93. "We were good at faking forever, I get it, whatever."

94. "Cause you had your chance and you blew it. Yeah, you ripped it up and you chewed it."

95. "Well, I'm too busy for your business. Go find a girl who wants to listen."

96. "Stop looking at me with those eyes, like I could disappear and you wouldn't care why."

97. "Oh, we could do whatever you want, but boy, don't go falling in love, you can't stay with me, all you'll ever have is one day with me"

98. "I pray the medication slow me down, but that shit doesn't work when you're around"

99. "Told her that I loved her once and now she'd kill for me"

100. "What the tell were we? Tell me we weren't just friends"

Who I write for

Formula 1

Daniel Ricciardo

Lewis Hamilton

Max Verstappen

Charles Leclerc

Esteban Ocon

Carlos Sainz

Lando Norris

Lance Stroll

Sebastian Vettel

Mick Schumacher

Pierre Gasly

George Russel

Football

Erling Haaland

Jadon Sancho

Giovanni Reyna

Jude Bellingham

Julian Brandt

Marco Reus

Roman Bürki

Emre Can

Mats Hummels

Leon Goretzka

Joshua Kimmich

Kai Havertz

Mason Mount

Christian Pulisici

Ben Chilwell

Gerard Pique 

João Félix

Ianis Hagi

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain

Trent Alexander-Arnold

Virgil van Dijk

Jens Petter Hauge

Martin Ødegaard

Alexander Sørloth

[egyptian-sun-god]

Never Have I ever S2

SPOILERS.....Turn back now I’m serious.

I’m waiting....

Okay cool your fault at this point

I was fairly critical of NHIE S1, I won’t lie. And I’ll be real I still stand by the fact that NHIE S1 was fairly meh overall. 

But holy shit, they knocked this season outta the world man. The show really really found its proper footing this season. They were smart to keep the cheating for only two episodes and explore the repercussion for the other 8. 

1.Devi Vishwakumar.

Let’s start with the main character.  Devi still does immensely fucked up shit this season. Dating two boys and have them find out in the MOST humiliating way possible. Yikes. Being a really sucky friend to Aneesa and starting that rumour about her (inadvertently) and pretending to her. Stalking her mother and being possessive of her. The really awful apology that was pretty self centred, a bit not good. 

 But she really does do her best to improve and I am SO proud of that. She uses her father’s advice and apologizes better to Aneesa, she actually handled the Ben and Aneesa dating WAAAAY better than I’ve seen some people handle things like that. I might’ve blown a fuse if two of my friends had 4 tickle fights and had major PDA sessions when we were trying to do a group project. Like she handled that shit fairly well all things considered. Devi actually gets into the beginnings of delving into her trauma and her temporary paralysis and healing from it. I

 really see how the label ‘crazy’ weighs on her and how she blew up with it and the message of destigmatizing mental illness. (Crazy Aneesa and Crazy Devi)  Her properly bonding with her mother and watching videos of her father and remembering/honouring his memory hit REALLY HARD (since I lost many people in my family recently and that fear of forgetting them has been real). Devi is actually beginning to heal from the loss of her father by strengthening the relationship with her Amma. And the slap from Paati was so so needed, it really gave her a better respect of her mother and fixed the problem I had with Devi mouthing off so much to her Amma. I live to see good maamiyar marumagal relationships. Her relationship with Paxton is really good and it gets developed very logically and having her be scared of being pathetic but in the end she accepted her own self worth and stopped chasing after them which was good. 

Overall Devi really blossomed into her own developing person and I actually like her so much more this season. 

2. Paxton Hall Yoshida

I was honestly, like genuinely sad last season he was like 80% eye candy with not much else going for him. Paxton had so much faith as a character and Ms Kaling has really pulled him into such a better person this season. 

Paxton got hit by a car before swim season, lost his ticket to college and wow, got two timed by a girl he liked all in two episodes. If he was salty about that for more than one season I would’ve completely accepted it. Cause that’s a bad public humiliation. 

Paxton episode really really made me love him as a character (honestly more so than Ben) I think because I heard Paxton’s entire worry and irritation that he was being underestimated and no one really expected him to go to college from a friend of mine not more than a month ago. That shit is real, and it hurted my friends a lot that people were really underestimating them and just seeing them as a dumb athlete who has no hope of college. It’s really nice to see Paxton actually want to go to college and learn Japanese American side with his Oji-chan giving him advice and supporting him. And him bringing his grandfather to speak about the internment camps, that seriously do not get spoken about enough.

Also him putting effort and making a genuine effort to work hard and bring up his grades with Devi and therefore bonding with her was really nice to see. I wouldn’t mind them being endgame but Devi does really work a lot better as his pushy Indian mom/best friend/tutor.  And Devi getting mad at him for him expecting him to hold his hand throughout really hit well. Was it deserved yeah. But Devi also did blow him off after promising him to study so his anger is justified there. I’m just kinda vibing with Paxton like coming up and taking a better interest in school and being a full 3D character. And that one scene where he gives the extra credit presentation and Trent high fives the man. Classic. 

Can I also just say, it’s kinda valid that Paxton didn’t want to date her in public. Is it a dick move...yeah? But he’s within his rights to ask and she’s within her rights to deny. And he didn’t press her once she said no, he went along with it. And what Devi pulled on him is awful, and speaking as someone who’s seen popular kid cliques. Reputation really is important. Like what Devi did made Paxton lose face, if he gets back with Devi he ain’t gonna have any respect left in him. And Paxton was pretty right in deciding to not date her publicly, like even in the end he knows that his reputation is shot for what he did. Do we even know if Paxton has friends that aren’t fixated on his social status? Because becoming a social pariah without having any support of friends is gonna hurt like a bitch. Lord knows how Paxton gonna deal with it. I think Trent might be his only homie after the social downfall he will inevitably face. 

I’m just gonna say, Paxton is my favourite now and I’m really rooting for him. Something I decidedly did not do last season. I’m happy Ms Kaling developed him so much and got me interested. 

3. Ben Gross

Ah. Ben. Ben’s not my faaavouriteee.......like he’s fine. But I don’t love him. I can definitely see him and Devi becoming an almost endgame couple though. Especially with S2 ending. 

Ben is fine and he’s pretty developed, especially with his episode in S1 and it was good he took a backseat this season and let everyone else star. I feel like he’ll come back strong next season though. 

Personally do I ship him with Devi? No. I’ve been in a friendship with the similar competitive dynamic as Ben and Devi. And it was terrible. We loved to argue and we got each other’s super brainy side as Devi puts it. But we pushed each other faar too much and even the small things became arguments and each pthers achievements became jealousy. So yeah....I don’t have too much faith in the dynamic due to personal bias, but I’d love to see how it gets handled. 

Also my brother Ben, PDA is a thing and it is common courtesy to refrain from it. Man’s really going at it with Aneesa half the time. But also the moment where Aneesa sort of choked on the presentation and Ben’s irritation at it gave me BAAAD vibes. It feels like while Devi can match him, they might push each other too far, 

4. Kamala 

I LOVE KAMALA. Girl is an ENTIRE vibe. My sweetheart, love of my life. I could go on. I really like her development as well and the banter between her and Nalini. The part where Nalini practically said she looked like a call girl and she was like ippadi potathaan velaila mariyaatha kidaikum. I legit had to pause, scream in laughter for a good few seconds. 

They had such a good story with her and wanting to fight against the fact that they took her work and didn’t credit her and everyone was telling her to like take it bowing. Prasanth’s advice unfortunately checked out to me, because I’ve been told that all my life. My dad says it a lot and I know he doesn’t say it cause’ he doesn’t believe in me, but he loves me and wants my life to be easier and for me to succeed and his experience is that he’s had to deal with things like this and fighting won’t help. So yeah, what Prasanth said did not rub me the wrong way at all and I agreed with it and I’m fairly disappointed about that. I get that she got nervous and had cold feet about marriage but I do hope she and Prasanth can work this out through communication. Because I really don’t feel like Prasanth is the bad guy here. It’s just a miscommunication. 

So yeah, a LOT of Kamala’s storyline continues to really hit me hard. 

5. Nalini Vishwakumar

Nalini really had so much more screentime to blossom. I love that she has a good relationship with Mohan’s amma. It’s wonderful and I love it. Also I was shocked to see the house in Chennai. Like this house...in Chennai. The Chennai I’m used to and the Chennai they are used to are different Chennai’s. Basically wealth gap is crazy as hell and I was lowkey highkey confused if the actually shot this shit in Chennai. But props to the directors for putting some proper Tamil vibes in there. Like the scene where they kaala thottu kumbudurathu (touch the elder’s feet) before they leave for the US is so real and so vibes. I like that they decided to bring paati back. I was like hoping for it.

Also they really went at developing Nalini’s character as a workaholic mom who doesn’t get her daughter. That’s also a really common thing in Indian households with one working parent so I’m happy they portrayed that. I’m happy Nalini actually has a life outside her family portrayed and is still such a typical mother that it hits HARD. I love Nalini and she really developed as a character dealing with grief from Mohan’s death, the wish to move on with Dr.Jackson but knowing that she isn’t ready yet. 

They gave her character a life and proper working outside Devi and it really has shown to develop her character and impact her relationship with Devi. The advice to “just say yes” works with cousins and younger siblings as well, I’ve heard it before and used it..and it saves so much time. Especially with small children. 

(A memory I have is of my younger cousin going on and on about a princess and a castle and fighting a dragon and the witches and so much fantasy shit and ended with do you wanna come? I just clocked off my CCA’s and I had no energy left to question it so I just went yeah sure. Easiest decision, and 10/10 advice. )

6. Aneesa

I’m not gonna lie. I was skeptical of Aneesa and I didn’t like how Devi saw her in the trailer. But Aneesa reminds me so much of me....and its killing me. 

Also the scene where she charms the hell out of Nalini and paati ma has literally happened to me before. Most of my Indian friends hate it..because I was raised with a lot more traditional manners with my grandparents so me and my siblings all are old fashioned which parents LOVE. And I really saw that Aneesa charming them and Devi also realizing, Damn none of my friends actually treat my family the way they should be treated, perks of having an Indian friend. 

Also the scene where she gets Devi out of trouble is so so real. Because if you have one responsible friend that you parents trust, you could lie the hell to them, get you homie to back you up and it will work. Personal experience. So yeah, Aneesa character resonated with me a lot.

I also like that she wasn’t just a popular 1D Indian girl but she was genuinely cool and actually had proper issues and development where she gets more open to Sherman Oaks and actually kinda properly rebels against Noor, with having Ben as a boyfriend. 

I feel like Aneesa has a lot more potential for growth, especially with the relationship with Ms Noor and Aneesa acting as a foil to Nalini and Devi’s. Also, I feel like Aneesa can grow within her social status at school as well and have Devi maturely handle it. Aneesa I feel will really really challenge Devi’s ability to be mature. 

7. Eleanor and Fabiola’s plotlines

Okay like actually, major props to Ms Kaling man. This show touches so so many teen issues in one goddamn show. Emotionally manipulative relationships. So SO good. A lot of newer age relationships have a much more subtle and dangerous line of abuse that’s hard to find out. Like honestly it took me a while to see it as well and I realized oh fuck. oh fuck...I see it it’s bad. They really got the essence of Eleanor’s flamboyance matching with Malcom? (is it Malcolm..fuck it it’s Malcolm now) his “suaveness” and traditionally charming tendency. It made sense and it’s very realistic how Eleanor got played like a damn fiddle. I also again feel that the make up was faar to quick but I really appreciate that Eleanor got her own storyline with her step-mom and understanding of relationships instead of the show hyperfocusing on just Devi. I respect that a lot.  Petition to get a Eleanor narration episode. 

Fabiola’s storyline also was well taken. It’s an interesting added layer to the queer experience and how queerness can be expected to be performative and but really its all about being more of yourself. The idea that queer people don’t owe nobody anything or have to perform an ideal version of queerness and Fabiola struggling with that kinda hit. The part where they talked about her mother learning to support them and being Cricket? Queen/King. Like being trailblazers for the POC community and the LGBTQ+ community having overlapping struggles. Again, I liked that Fabiola was getting more personal screentime and less of her story revolving around Devi’s. 

8. Everything else

I liked that there was more Tamil being casually thrown around. Like the Kamala vaadi to hold the suitcase down as they zipped it together was funny and relatable. The accents were really interesting because I promise you, I had no clue what they were saying sometimes. Nalini’s dialogues in Tamil were like immensely difficult to understand, and my Tamil is fluent. This isn’t a criticism... I’m fairly certain the difference is to do with the regional difference. American Tamil and Malaysian + rural Tamil slang are going to have huge accent differences so there’s no surprise that I found Nalini’s Tamil hard to understand. 

I’m really really really meh about the Kamala and Manish/Mr Kulkarni thing. I still think she should sort it out with Prasanth maybe but I’m open to seeing where it goes. I might change my mind with it. 

This show like any other show had its highs and lows. But I really really do feel that NHIE season 2 managed to truly figure out what the hell it wants to do and developed into a very strong and very entertaining show in terms of representation and diversity. I’m looking forward to season 3. 

[tlou-1]

Joel Miller x Reader (Home) Chapter 21

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13| Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 

Chapter 21 - Joel is in a really bad way, you and Ellie await to see how and if he will recover

Contains | SMUT and a minor glimpse/reference to PTSD

A couple of days pass and you still had’t left the surgery, you had barely left the chair sat across from Joel’s bed. He still hadn’t gained consciousness, from the beating, the drugs, the stitches. On the second night Molly brought you a change of clothes and suggested you head home for some sleep and to check on Patrick. 

“I left Patrick with you for a reason Molly. I am not going anywhere until I know he is okay” you said shortly to her nodding your head towards Joel. You would be no use to Patrick like this and what child should have to see his parents like this at such a young age, you trusted Molly to look after him for a couple days.

“Fine but at least change your clothes, your jeans are soaked in blood.” She sighed pointing at the pile she had set out for you. For the first time you looked and felt the clothes you were wearing, the dried, crusted blood on your knees creating a smell of iron which filled your nose with nausea. You washed and changed like she asked but after sat right back into the same seat. 

A couple hours when dusk had set in Ellie appeared at the door, neither of you seemed to know what to say to the other. Nothing would make this better, the only person that could was lying in the bed next you both unable to do so. Ellie pulled up a chair next to you and you took her hand, she clenched it tightly. You both fell asleep together on those chairs that third night. 

In the morning, Ellie brought you both two mugs of coffee, “I hate the stuff to be honest but I love the smell.” She sighs. 

You smile slightly at her, “I know exactly what you mean”, neither of you could smell the stuff without thinking of Joel. 

You reach your hand out to Joel’s and squeeze it. Ellie props herself at the foot of the bed as you feel something brush across the top of your hand. You look down to see Joel’s thumb stroking the back of your hand slowly.

“Ellie” you whisper gesturing her to look down at the movement. 

“Joel can you hear me? I am here, Ellie is here too” You call to him. 

“Oh I can hear you darlin, I’d know those two voice anywhere” he says quietly and horsely. He sounded rough but even hearing him call you darlin, well there wasn’t many words that could describe the sense of relief. 

You press your forehead to Joel’s hand which you were holding and let out a deep breath which became a small cry. 

“I thought” you start but you couldn’t finish that sentence. 

“That I would leave the two of you and Patrick? Not today anyway but I see you are already into my coffee stash” he says taking his time with each word, it was difficult to talk and his laugh barely made it past his lips. Neither you or Ellie laughed, it was clear he was trying to lighten your spirits. Joel could barely see out his swollen eye but he could still see and feel the look on your faces, he grips your hand tighter. 

“Joel I’m so sorry” Ellie begins to cry, really cry with her eyes and nose leaking its like she can barely catch a breath. You want to reach out for her but Joel is already there, putting his hand out to her hush her. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear. Nothing” He says sternly pulling Ellie’s conscious back into the room. You all sit together a few moments before Joel asks Ellie if he can have a moment with you. “I’ll just go clean our mugs” she suggested offering to take the empty mug from your hand.

There is such a long silence once Ellie leaves, you were about to say something when -

“What on earth were you thinking?” He whispers angrily at you. 

“What? What was I thinking? Are you really asking that now?” You repeat his words defensively. 

“What about the baby, did you think about that? Or Patrick?”.

“What about thank you for saving me Y/N? I don’t know where I would be without you Y/N? Hmm?” Your voice gets a little louder and you continue.

“All I could think when I saw you, like that was that my husband and father of my child was about to get beaten to death in front of me and our daughter. I was not - I wasn’t going to let that happen. You said you wouldn’t leave, you made that promise, I was keeping it.” Your voice shaking as you spoke.

Again Joel says nothing for a bit before a quiet “Thank you Y/N” escapes his lips, he is clearly still frustrated.

“And the baby?” He asks. 

“Joel we haven’t even been to the doctor to confirm if I am pregnant, I am probably too old for it, just because I am late doesn’t mean-“ but he interrupts.

“When in the four years that I have been with you have you been late?” He asked bluntly, the answer was never but you just had a feeling he wasn’t right this time. He was mad, of course he was mad but how you make a ‘rational’ decision in that kind of situation. Maybe the grenade was a dud, maybe it wasn’t, maybe you might have died, maybe you wouldn’t, maybe you were pregnant, maybe you weren’t. The only thing that was certain was Joel was going to die if you didn’t do something, so you did the first thing that came to mind. It seemed hard for him to understand that, maybe he thinks his life isn’t worth that much, ‘what an idiot’ you thought when so many people loved and depended on him. 

“What would you have done if it was me? If you saw me beaten half to death in front of you, would you leave me there?” You asked, he was silent again and you both knew he would never have walked away. Ellie joins you both again “Everything okay?” She asks.

“Yeah we are good kiddo” Joel reassures her with a soft smile. He grimaces slightly, clearly the painkillers beginning to wear off. After Doctor Henry has a good assessment of Joel she explains it’s going to be a couple weeks for a full recovery, “I ain’t staying here for a couple weeks. I want to be in my own house” Joel insists. You pull Doctor Henry aside as you prepare to move Joel home and explain your own situation, “If you let me take a couple samples, I will run some tests and should be able to tell you in a week or so” she smiles. 

Joel spends the next week in your bed at home. By the second week he is beginning to get back on his feet for short periods of time, he manages to walk downstairs and joins you and Patrick to watch a film “What we got tonight?” He asks pulling you into his arms, you let out a large sigh and sink into him. “Patrick picked Monsters Inc again” you point to Patrick who has moved off the sofa to a spot right in front of the TV wanting to be as close as possible. “I’m not pregnant Joel” you whispered so only he could hear, you couldn’t see his face but he squeezed you shoulders tighter and pressed a firm kiss on the crown of your head, “Are you okay?” He asks, you nod your head. You really were okay, “I am. I am really happy with my family. I don’t need anything more than I already have”. You both go back to watching the film and don’t talk about it again. 

That night in bed, Joel turns to you and wraps his arms around the back of you, you feel his hands trail under the shirt you were wearing. “Joel” you groan slightly and press your back into him further, you can feel him stiff against your ass, “Mhm?” He purrs against your ear, “You are still recovering” you state, he wasn’t really in a fit state yet. “I am” he nods and his hands further higher up your top, cupping your breasts. You turn to meet him and press a kiss on his lips before breaking away and venture towards the end of the bed. “Where do you think you’re going?” He asks trying to sit up, you push him back down and begins to pull his underwear away. You lower your head and trail your tongue along his shaft from the bottom to the tip, he let out a hiss as you took him entirely in your mouth. Working away at him with your mouth and hands you feel him tense as he moaned “oh Jesus baby” and finished him off. 

You both fell asleep, you leaning into Joel but being careful with him as good as he was doing, he was still in some discomfort. You watched him sleep, it felt good feeling his chest rise and fall under the palm of your hand. As you feel him breath, you begin to feel him move restlessly under your hand, his breathing becoming erratic. You gently nudge him but it seems to make him worse, you sit up and press your hands at either side of his face, “Joel, Joel wake up! You’re having a nightmare”. Before his eyes flash open he raises his hand to your throat, his grip tightens but quickly loosens as soon as his eyes open and the realisation of who he had in his grip crosses his face. You get your breath back and Joel still hasn’t moved, his eyes wide open, “I - I am sorry. I don’t know wh-“ he says flustered, seemingly unable to move or even blink. 

You move closer to him, almost sitting in his lap, you take his face in your hands and try to force him to look at you “Hey it’s okay, I am okay Joel.” But he is still struggling to look at you and try to pull his face to look at the ground. 

“I just keep seeing it” he says in almost a whisper, you can feel his cheeks are becoming slightly damp. 

Pressing a kiss to his forehead you reply “It’s going to be okay, I promise”. 

[machinegunbun]

this is based on a true story and i feel stupid typing out this novel

I slept with someone miles from home whenever I was 21 who looked suspiciously like Colson some details have been edited in order to protect identities/obscure timelines

Also shitty and boring it’s a rough draft forgive my URL also thought I could changw it when I made it omg

I’m gonna send this in pieces bc it just disappeared (I can’t take the hint omg)

~££~

The sound of pans clanging against a cold, concrete floor snap you back to your senses and also prompt you to press a Bluetooth earbud further into your brain, to drown it all out and get back to the flow. As the beat pounds on and on into your canal, aggressive lyrics soothing your movements into a ballet-esque orchestra repeating the task in front of you, you begin wrapping prepped food like a machine once again. Although burns, cuts, and bruises sting across your body (some of your trade, some for fun, and some from flat out vices) you pay no mind, as it is keeping you heavily grounded; Just as well, the crisp, wet, refreshing air (just faintly tinged with cigarette smoke,) of the emergency exit door wide open billow against your back, providing necessary healing and much needed relief from the aching muscles underneath your ratty shirt.

In the middle of your last piece of the steam table puzzle, you realize someone must be smoking this cigarette you smell? And it had been quite some time since your last, so it made you suddenly grit your teeth at the craving. Quickly checking the clock, you realize it is midnight, and you’re likely the last 2 in the store, so you need to hurry it up and finish cash drop. After all, it would be a long walk home in Cleveland, Ohio sleet.

You are jarred from your thoughts with a frigid, slender finger hooking your headphones around them and out of your ears. As you realize what Chipotle veteran is still left standing alongside you, you quickly pause the music and wipe your hands on a nearby towel before turning to face him.

���My bad I’m not done yet, if I’m holding you up Colson. I only have to stick this in the walk in, and count registers.”

A chuckle escaped the blonde don. He threw his hands up, so that you had to look up to see the tall, mysterious creature, as if to surrender. “I’m not a boss man, take your time. I just wanted to see if you needed a square. It’s been since lunch rush you had a break.” He stops to look at you sternly, although in fascination. “And you were here before me.”

“That’s okay,” you reassure, stacking bowls in your arms neatly, “I have to go by the gas station after this to get some.”

Colson begins snatching things from you to pace alongside you towards the cooler. “Let me help you. Take a break, I’ll GIVE you a cig, dude.”

You cringe at dude, because that is how everyone saw you no matter how many days you came in with make up and a clean apron. Nevertheless, you were grateful, and you told him as much.

You had become comfortable in the job itself the past 18 months, and you knew every employee from sheer silent and thoughtful observation, but you were sure this was the most you had talked to Colson (or the other, less attractive crew either, for that matter) and weren’t quite as content with small talk or favors. You noted sometime last week he must be having a hard time when you had to step on the line for him after an altercation with a customer, which he walked out over. First time in a year and a half, so you knew it must be serious.

Once the task was completed, Colson abruptly grabs you by the arm and forces a menthol into it.

“Let’s do that first and then we’ll blow this joint.” Ever the jokester, as he says this, he winks and pulls a joint from behind his ear.

“You got tricks,” I laugh

We walk out the back and Colson hops up onto a stack of Buffalo Rock crates to light the J. You walk a safe distance from him to light your much appreciated cigarette.

“So you don’t talk much,” Colson hisses, taking a big inhale, before continuing as he keeps the joint from running, “but I know you smoke, cause your backpack always REEKS, dude.” He cracks a smile, eyes low and beautiful eyelashes glistening in the flurries swirling around you.

You nod in acknowledgement, no sense denying that. “It’s for my glaucoma,” you joke dryly.

Colson snorts and chokes before leaning out with the bud to pass it.

“So how you be doing that shit all day? Lifting dishpans bigger than you and shit, doubles 6 days a week?” Colson inquires, and if it weren’t wishful thinking you would say he was checking you out. Hopefully not just to see if you’re a robot.

You smile meekly. “Well, you do it, too,” you remind.

“Yeah but I’m not a girl. I’m… Well, look at me,” he boasts playfully from atop his King of the Hill stack, arms spread out to show off, as the makeshift throne wobbles slightly below. “I’m six-foot-foe,” he smirks, holding fingers up as he annunciates.

You have to laugh at his gloating. “Well, as long as I want to eat, I’ll be here,” you dismiss as gently as you can. try as you might, This brings up the uncomfortable memory of your first month here, when Colson silently pushed a plate of steak towards you on your break after watching you struggling to stay vertical.

Colson knits a brow as brushes your fingertips softly to take the blunt back. “Another question, do you really be walking home, alone, in this shit every night?” He motions to the snow beginning to swirl.

“Yeah, I do what I have to. It was rough at first, now it’s like meditation. Only, like, 15 minutes,” you dismiss. You know you could have a car by now if you could give up the pills, and you feel the shame, all too familiar, welling up like a tight ball in your stomach.

“Well I can tell you you ain’t doing that shit tonight,” he affirms seriously, “cause I got a whip now!” His tone of concern Cascades easily info one of excitement.

You’re blushing now, whyyy? You’d been able to avoid everyone up to this point, sans your dealer. “You really don’t have to do that,” you say, though the wind off your face did sound more and more intoxicating as it whipped around the two of you.

“I INSIST,” he barks, putting the roach out between two fingers.

You make quick work of counting the registers while Colson stared on, expression unreadable. You grow more self conscious with each single you lay down , but try to ignore it.

“Damn, you a pro at this,” he snorts, sticking the same stack of hundreds through the bill counter over and over. “You one with the bands or something. Almost faster than this thing,’ he motions to the machine on the desk.

"And that’s a wrap,” you conclude, stacking drawers inside the safe with a quickness. “I’m just gonna change and we can leave.”

Cautiously and curiously, Colson stands in the doorway, waiting.

“Oh, my bad, you might wanna do that in private,” he smirks, stepping to the side.

Quickly you pull the door closed to the tiny office and pretend you aren’t trying to see if Colson is looking thru the small glass window, while you quickly strip to a crop top, sweatpants and a light jacket. Once finished, you attempt to gather your composure, and exit to find him scrambling to gather his as well.

You head in silence to his car, a used ‘96 Toyota. Once inside, Colson shakes and rubs his hands together, flicking a heater on immediately. “Sh-it, it is freezing,” he remarks, warming his hands by his mouth, eyes grazing across you, “aren’t you dying in that??” He motions to your flannel.

“Business as usual,” you say. If only he knew how many pharmaceuticals and trauma went into that demeanor.

“Shid, fuck that,” he resists, and begins digging in his backseat. “Here, this is Slim’s, wear it to make me feel better.”

You slip the jacket over your lap and give a nod of appreciation. You hated feeling like a homeless hopeless.

Colson reaches for the auxiliary cord and stops himself from pulling his phone from his pocket. You try hard not to stare at his briefs peeking over his belt.

“Let’s see what you’re bobbing your head to all day,” he smiles, hand out.

You oblige, only to realize who it was paused on.

“Oh, wait, not that playlis–”

“Dawg, is this my shit??” Colson almost screams, although curiously he doesn’t seem creeped out, he’s… Excited?

“Uh…” You bite your lip. “You… Did promote it constantly. Well, still do,” you stammer.

“No, no. Do NOT be embarrassed, this is fuckin sick! Incredible,” he whispers in disbelief, hooking up the cord, as he pulls a devil’s horn with the other hand. “We have a fan!” He triumphs before putting it in reverse and backing away.

“So, I was thinking…” He trails, fingers drumming almost nervously on the steering wheel, “we could hang at my place for a bit? Our names are next to each other on the schedule, so I know you have TWO whole days off, too,” he reminds, almost shutting down any attempt at refusal.

“I have smoke,” you offer, “but no wraps.”

Colson grins big. “Perfect, I got both at the house.”

***

[livesincerely]

More Thoughts From the Domestic AU

Growing up, Jack has always been the one to cut Tony and Charlie’s hair. The first few times he sort of just tries his best with a pair of scissors because Tony doesn’t have the patience to deal with long hair and Charlie just flat out doesn’t like the way he looks, and it’s not like Snyder’s gonna be taking them down to a barber any time soon, and they honestly don’t turn out half bad all things considered. (Though he has a hell of a time getting either one of them to stop fidgeting and hold still, and he’s terrified that he’s gonna, like, cut Tony’s ear off somehow.) He eventually upgrades to using an electric razor as well—easier to clean up the sides and around the neck that way—and it just becomes one of those things: every two months or so, Jack sits the boys down on a stool in the kitchen and gives them a trim.

For obvious reasons, Jack has a much, much harder time cutting his own hair, but he learns to make do. The first time Davey catches him contorting himself around in the bathroom, struggling to angle a hand mirror around to see what he’s doing while he fumbles with an electric razor in the other hand, he gives him such a look of fond exasperation that Jack freezes on the spot.

“You’re ridiculous,” Davey murmurs some ten minutes later, having dragged one of the stools from the kitchen into the bathroom and draped a towel across Jack’s shoulders, the razor buzzing as he carefully runs it up the back of Jack’s head. “You could’ve just asked.”

“I didn’t even think about it,” Jack admits, eyes closing of their own accord as Davey’s fingers dance over his scalp. “I just always do it myself.”

“But you don’t have to anymore,” Davey says.

“No,” Jack quietly agrees. “I guess I don’t.”

Jack is generally very bad at asking Davey for help during those first few months of living together, especially when it’s for himself instead of for the boys. Davey learns to offer, because he knows that Jack won’t ask—he’s just too used to putting his own needs aside and caring for others, so even though he knows he doesn’t need to do everything alone, he’s bad at actually believing it.

One of the things that finally shakes Jack of that mindset is, January of that first year together (Javid’s first year in college,) Jack slips on a patch of black ice and catches himself wrong, fracturing his elbow and spraining his wrist. Cue 6-8 weeks of Jack attempting to do everything from painting to writing to cooking with his non-dominant hand because he’s a stubborn sob. Then cue Davey having absolutely none of this nonsense.

The thing that really makes Davey put his foot down is he comes home early one day to find Jack attempting to shave his face with his left hand. It’s obvious that he’s been at it for a while—the shaving cream he’s applied dripping down his neck and pooling on his shirt collar, his cheeks littered with a few partially scabbed over nicks, teeth gritted in frustration.

Jack’s eyes find Davey’s in the mirror. He braces himself for Davey���s ire, knowing, deep down, that he probably deserves it.

“Jackie...” Davey breathes, his voice soft and sad.

Fuck. That’s so much worse.

Davey makes a point of shaving Jack’s face every morning, the whole time he’s in his brace/sling.

“Thanks for doin’ this, Dave,” Jack says, tilting his head when Davey beckons him to. “I ‘ppreciate it.”

“Of course, Jack,” Davey says, wiping Jack’s neck clean with a damp washcloth. “I’m not just gonna let you suffer.”

“Still,” Jack continues, unable to drop it but unsure as to why. “I’m sure it ain’t your idea of a fun time. I could probably try doin’ it myself again, or, you know, my arm’s feelin’ tons better, maybe I could get away with—“

“Jackie,” Davey cuts in: almost stern, except for how his voice waivers towards the end. “Just let me help you.”

Around 7 or 8, Charlie gets really into having painted nails. Jack does it for him at first because he’s a little kid, but he lets Charlie practice at it by letting him paint Jack’s nails. Charlie very quickly gets quite good at painting nails, and he goes through a phase where he wants to paint his brothers’ nails all the time. Jack is happy to let Charlie pick whatever color (or colors) he wants when he paints Jack’s nails; he’s just happy that Charlie’s happy. Tony, on the other hand, is a more active participant—he really likes having his nails painted but he’s too impatient to do it himself, so he likes to at least pick out the colors.

I think Charlie paints Davey’s nails for the first time, like, the second or third time that Davey comes over to hang out/do homework at their apartment, so Javid’s freshman year of high school. Jack is already all but smitten with Davey (not that he realizes it,) but when he watches how earnestly Davey chooses a royal blue polish, then sits nice and still for half an hour while Charlie carefully paints his nails, chatting with Tony while he waits for them to dry, that really solidifies it in his subconscious: Davey is the best.

So, yeah! I was in a very “the soft intimacy of letting your loved ones cut your hair/shave your face/paint your nails/etc.” sort of mood while writing this, but I’m kinda obsessed with the vibe of it. Not that I need any more wips, but I think I might put this on the docket for April—a shorter multi chapter a la the holiday fic that explores some more moments in the boys’ lives.

I’m almost positive I’ll get the next chapter of tie fic out tonight, so it might be fun to take a detour away from tie fic/take a shot fic and work on this and/or the run away with me fic for April.

[ohblackdiamond]

life and life only (paul/victoria) (pg-13) (part 13 of ?)

part 1 | part 2 |  part 3  | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 | part 12 | part 13 | part 14

Mermaid AU. Paul lives in isolation in a sunken ship with his sister, until a new mer comes by to see his ship, and he starts to reassess the human world. In this chapter: Ace discusses mutations and Victoria, and Paul begins to indulge in the rockstar life.

The tour seemed to last forever. They never opened for the same band more than a handful of times, but their audience had gotten bigger, had started waiting for them in the hotel lobbies. Human girls, too, that everyone else would indulge in. Even Peter, when Lydia wasn’t around, would partake. Ace, too. Paul had figured if Jeanette was worth landlocking for, that they must be mates, really and truly, and he ought to be faithful to her. It was depressing to find that Ace’s attitude wasn’t much better than Gene’s there. 

“Sure, I love her. I’ll marry her. But Paulie… you can’t stick to one girl when they’re all out for you. They do something to you. I dunno.”

The worst part was that Ace was right. The crowd was starting to respond to him the more confident he became. Some of that warm feeling, that energy the crowd must’ve once given Victoria was his now, decadent and intoxicating, but it didn’t last. When he wiped off the makeup and tugged off the leather costume, he was himself again, underwhelming and fraudulent. The only way to keep that realization at bay was through drugs or girls.

He wasn’t much for drugs, beyond uppers (just enough to get through three days straight of concerts) and an occasional joint. Ace drank too much, and talked too much when he drank, busting through his own human alibi every time he got soused, but everyone always blew it off. No one ever seemed to believe the alien bit at all.

“They think it’s something I’m putting on. Like your Southern preacher schtick.” Ace said it mildly. “I ain’t ever getting drunk enough to tell them anything too weird.”

“Like having a tail?”

“Nah. Well, I told Petey once that the aliens made me small, and that was why I kept falling over.” Ace stretched across the couch. “It’s true, anyway. You lose out on, what, a foot or two going human? Throws you all off balance. No wonder I can’t fucking walk around here.”

They swam together on tour sometimes. Never at home. Rarely even in the Atlantic, aside for once on the Savannah coast and once down in the Florida Keys, while Gene and Peter both were busy with girls. They weren’t careful enough about it. Ace’s voice was only a twinge less high and strange underwater.

“You got that?”

Ace was looking at his bare legs one evening just after they’d both transformed back, the both of them sitting in a rented boat, not even bothering yet to head back to shore. It was one thing Paul still missed badly about the ocean, no one caring about nudity at all. Peter and Gene had been horrified by how little either of them reacted when the girls-- the groupies -- had first started getting gutsy enough to expose themselves from the front row.

“Got what?”

Ace gestured towards the inevitable purple patches. They weren’t too bad this time, one the size of a half-dollar, the other a little larger. The positions, sizes, amounts, all that always fluctuated each time he went from human to mer and back again, but they never had disappeared, not even now, four years in.

“I just fuck up the transformation a little, is all. I always have. They’ll probably go away when I landlock.”

“You think that’s what it is?”

“What else is it?”

Ace’s face contorted briefly, and then he shook his head.

“Nobody told you?”

“What were they supposed to tell me?”

Ace reached over, touching one of the mottled spots on his thigh. Paul stiffened up, but didn’t pull away. Those patches never had felt different from normal skin, anyway, not rough or dry. They just looked bruised-up.

“Mer are sort of inbred, y’know?” Ace started. “I remember Ma bringing me and my brother over to your ship when your mom died. I’m pretty sure I’m your third cousin or some shit like that.”

It wouldn’t have surprised Paul much at all if Ace was. Most all the New York mer had lived there for generations. Most all the New York mer even looked sort of similar. Dark hair, dark eyes, blue or purple tails. Victoria had stood out so much in comparison.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“You got a mutation.”

“Because of the splotches? C’mon, it’s not like I’m an underwear model here. It doesn’t matter.” And yet Ace’s face stayed concerned, like he didn’t want to explain further. Paul cleared his throat. “Right? It just looks bad. It’s just cosmetic, isn’t it?”

Ace hesitated, and then he shook his head.

“Look, I never knew anybody that had it, but…”

“But what?”

“You’re probably gonna have trouble landlocking.”

“Everybody has trouble landlocking.”

“Physical trouble.”

“Are you saying I won’t be able to?”

“Man, I told you, I never met anyone who had it before, how the hell should I know?” Ace was uncharacteristically cagey and tense. Paul watched as Ace pulled his knees up. “You might pass it on to your kids. It’s a real long shot, but--”

“That’s not so bad.”

“You serious?”

“They’d be human anyway, wouldn’t they? They’d just look like birthmarks.”

“Paul, that’s not what I’m--” Ace started, and he shook his head. “I don’t want you having a bad time, that’s all.”

Ace’s vagueness was putting Paul on edge. A bad time could mean anything. He wracked his brain. Ten years to landlock. He had six years left. If he started having problems, it would have to be a long, long time in. They couldn’t start affecting him now that the band was finally getting somewhere, now that stardom was maybe, finally, within reach.

“I knew another mer who had the patches,” he finally said. 

“Who, Victoria?” Paul swallowed at the sound of her name, but Ace just shrugged. “I didn’t know her, I just knew you really dug her.”

“How’d you know?”

Ace grinned. 

“Everybody knew. Little blondie showing up out of nowhere all by herself… and you with her all the time. Everybody talked about it for weeks, man.”

Paul could feel himself color. He’d had no idea. His world had been so small in the ocean, and he’d tried so hard to keep hidden, that he’d never imagined anyone else paying any attention.

“We courted.”

“She was real different. My sister said she…”

“What? What’d she say?”

“Aw, Paulie. Think we got time for another swim.” Paul watched Ace flinch, mouth faltering slightly as he reverted, electric blue scales overtaking his legs as they merged back together. Paul grabbed his arm.

“Answer the question.”

“Shit, it’s not that important.”

“Then tell me.”

Ace was still hesitating. Paul kept his grip steady on Ace’s arm. He’d made a bad gambit. Paul half-expected Ace to try and shove off his hold and turn back, but he didn’t. Maybe he just knew Paul would keep pressing the question no matter what.

“She said there was something wrong with her.”

“The patches?”

“Not that. She didn’t start out like us. She went in reverse.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean she was born human. She started going mer when she was eleven or twelve.” Ace looked away, and Paul let go of his arm, backing up a bit, giving him some room. Ace shifted, pushing himself up with his arms and letting his tail dip down over the side of the boat, into the water. “Fucking sad. Her parents were landlocked and everything.”

The picture of the little girl on her mirror. Paul’s skin prickled at the memory. It really was her. In the back of his mind, he’d known that much all along.

“Did… did she say how that happened? How would she know about something like that?”

“How would I know? I just heard it from my sister, man. I didn’t interrogate her.” Ace reached over, grabbing onto the side of the boat with his hands, lowering himself fully into the water. Whether Paul joined him or not, he knew the subject was closed. “Victoria was your mate, wasn’t she? Why don’t you ask her?”

--

He wrestled with it for days after. He was distant during concerts, rattling out the same songs almost via muscle memory, and coming back to his hotel room-- still shared, ostensibly, with Peter, but Peter wasn’t usually there for more than a few hours. Peter prodded him about his moodiness, but he didn’t really press Paul too hard. Too busy trying to hide some other affair from Lydia, probably. Paul didn’t care.

He was going over everything he remembered from her, looking over it all in a new light. Like watching a movie with a twist ending. Some of the signs had always been there. How she had that picture, how she knew far more about the human world than a mer should have, and so little about the mer world.

It must have been horrible for her, having to change that way. He wondered who’d taken care of her when it happened. How, and when, she’d learned to go human again. Resourceful as she was, he didn’t think she could have lived on her own in the water at that age.

She’d kept it from him. All the time she’d shown him so much while hiding herself. He wondered if she would’ve always tried to keep it from him, if they’d stayed together. Sickly, he was almost jealous. Until going ashore, he had never been able to cover up what was wrong with him.

A week or so after Ace’s revelation, while Peter was out, he finally took a girl back to his hotel room. He rationalized everything about her, from her blue eyes to her long, straight blonde hair to the soft, quiet way she spoke.  It didn’t matter. The girl didn’t matter. He didn’t need to keep faithful to a memory when Victoria had never really given herself up to him at all.

Being with her wasn’t as satisfying as being with Victoria. The sensations weren’t as good. But he was out of practice, way out of practice. And there were other girls now, a half-dozen at least in every town wanting him. A hotel room encore, one last chance to feel special for both of them after the curtain fell.

He was surprised the next morning when Gene knocked on his door wearing nothing but a white bathrobe, a room service tray laden with pancakes in hand.

“What’s that for?”

“I heard you got laid again,” Gene said, and grinned. “Congrats.”

“Oh, c’mon, Gene--”

“No, I’m happy for you. You’re finally seeing things my way, aren’t you? How was she?”

“Fine. She was fine. Put those down--”

Gene strode straight into his hotel room, setting the tray of pancakes on top of the nightstand. His mouth curled as he surveyed the tangled sheets and took a seat on the corner of the bed.

“You should’ve took a picture. Hell, I should’ve took a picture.”

Paul winced. If Gene knew, that meant Ace did, too. Peter must have told them both. It had probably even spread to their manager and tiny group of roadies by now.

“It’s not that important, is it?”

“Your debauchery? Always.” Gene didn’t even wait on Paul to sit down before he started on the pancakes himself, dousing them with syrup before grabbing a forkful. “My Miranda finally stopped pining and started partaking.”

Paul wasn’t entirely sure what Gene meant, and didn’t ask. He wondered if he’d always feel that way around him, endlessly four steps behind.

“Did you bring the pancakes for you or for me?”

Gene just waggled an extra fork in his face.

[todorokiaimee]

Dopamine Chapter 8

Previous Chapter

“I hope you know I’m an indoors person,” Jada mumbled as she walked behind Bakugou. “I don’t do well in the elements.” The pair were deep in the mountains of the Koburi Pass, trekking up the remote hiking trail. She clicked her tongue as she looked down at her Timberland boots, careful not to step in any mud. She still couldn’t believe he had managed to drag her out into the wilderness on this so-called date. 

“I knew you were high maintenance but I didn’t peg you as a priss,” the hero huffed as he stomped ahead, looking over his shoulder.

“Hey, I ain’t no priss. I just don’t see the point in roughing it and getting dirty when our ancestors worked so hard not to be.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes as he pushed a tree limb out of their way, “Don’t try to make it a noble thing. The fresh air will do you some good.”

The ravenette clicked her tongue as they continued making their way through the brush. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re luring me away to death to hide my body out in the woods.”

“Are you saying you trust me?” The blonde asked with a smirk.

Jada rolled her eyes, choosing to ignore his comment. “Where are we going anyway?”

“You’ll see.”

The two continued to hike through the wilderness in a comfortable silence until they reached a small clearing. Just ahead was a tall cliff, easily 10 stories high. Jada tilted her head up as she tried to see the top, Bakuogu interrupting her thoughts.

“We’re here.”

“What do you mean we’re here?” She gaped at him, motioning to the rocky barrier in front of them. “It’s a dead-end!”

“We’re rock climbing stupid,” Bakugou grunted as he took a knee and pulled his backpack off of his shoulders, taking out its contents.

Jada crossed her arms in defiance as she sat into her hip. “You must be stupid if you think I’m climbing that.”

 “The only way around is up and I ain’t carrying you.” The hero hummed as he began tying the safety ropes together. The ravenette didn’t budge, her emerald green eyes staring down at him.

“Fine, I’ll leave you here and let the animals and “elements” deal with you.”

Bakugou’s idle threat hung in the air between them for a moment before Jada finally relented, waving him off with her bare hand and a heavy sigh, “You’re lucky I’m in between sets right now.” 

“That’s what I thought,” He chuckled smugly, pulling out a harness from his bag. “Now come here and let me get you hooked up.”

Jada begrudgingly approached him, watching him carefully as he worked. After a moment, he lightly patted her thigh uttering a command.

“Spread ‘em.”

“I would say you should take me dinner first but that would be a moot point.” The dark-skinned beauty smirked with a raised brow.

The hero chuckled as he helped Jada step into the harness before pulling it up in place over her wide hips. He carefully adjusted the steps making sure she was secure.  “How’s that feel? Not too tight?”

“It’s good.”

 “You ever done this before?” Bakugou hummed as he attached her safety line to his harness. 

“Do I look like I’ve ever done this before?”

He rolled his eyes at her sass, clearly, she was just nervous. “You’ll be fine. I know you’re not afraid of heights.” He bit his lip as his thoughts went to her heavenly body twirling high upon a pole at the strip club. Unfortunately, Jada also caught his distant look, knowing exactly what he was daydreaming. Bakugou cleared his throat as he looked away, preparing the last safety measures before starting their descent. “Just one foot and hand at a time.”

With a deep breath, Jada reluctantly nodded her head, walking up to the intimidating 50-meter high wall. Carefully, she placed her boot on the first nook she could find, hoisting herself up. Alright, so it’s not as hard as I thought. She continued to climb, quickly finding a rhythm, her upper body strength giving her an unexpected edge. 

Bakugou smirked to himself as he watched her climb, following suit. He knew she had it in her. If she could lift and hold herself up on a pole by squeezing her thighs alone, she could climb a rock wall with no problem. The pair continued to climb in silence for a few minutes until the hero finally spoke up, “Not bad, Dimples. Maybe one day you’ll be half as good as —” 

Bakugou looked over to his side expecting to see Jada’s long black locs, but was met with nothing but open air. What the fuck… He looked around feverishly but there was no sign of her. Could she have fallen? He didn’t feel any weight on her lead rope. He called for her, concern growing in his voice with each passing second, “Dimples? Dimp- Jada?!”

“What are you hollering about?”

Following the sound of her voice, Bakugou looked up above him. There at the top of the cliff, was Jada Jackson. She stood with her hip cocked to the side, looking down at him from her perch. Even from this distance, he could tell that she was quite pleased with herself. How the hell did she get up there so fast? “I turn around and you’re gone! How about some heads up?” he barked as he clung to the side of the rocky cliff. 

The dark-skinned beauty only giggled at his comment, turning on her heel before tossing her long locs over her shoulder. “How about you keep up?”

Clicking his tongue, Bakugou quickly climbed the rest of the way up, not wanting to be shown up any further. Hoisting himself over the edge of the cliff, he was met with Jada’s smug face, offering him a hand. With a playful roll of his eyes, he took it, admiring her guts to take him on. 

The hero then took off his climbing gear, before helping Jada do the same. His eyes and  fingers lingered on her skin, and she was quick to notice. “See something you like?” Before he could answer, the ravenette backed away with a confident smile, leaving the hero where he stood.

Making her way further down the path, Jada continued to tease the blonde, purposefully swaying her hips with every step, until her timberland boot slipped on a wet rock along the trail. Even as she tried to catch herself, her ankle rolled causing her to fall over and into dirt and brush, “Oh fuck!”

“Oi! You alright?” Bakugou yelled as he rushed over to her aid. The woman was now flat on her ass, wincing in pain.

“You mean besides eating shit while just trying to walk? Yeah, I’m just peachy.” Jada hissed as she brushed off the dirt and mud from her arms and legs. 

“You should be more careful!”

“I told you I didn’t like the elements! I am an inside person!”

The hero sighed as he kelt down, taking off his backpack, “Alright stop your bitching and let me look at it.” with the softest touch, he took her ankle in his hands. Carefully, he rolled it slowly as Jada grimaced in discomfort. With a nod, he tenderly let her ankle back on the ground before standing, “Okay, so it’s not broken or you’d be screaming bloody murder. I’ll wrap it up for support and it will be back to normal in a day or two.”

 Bakugou helped her up to her feet before taking his backpack from the ground. Instead of placing it back on his back, the blonde wore it on across his broad chest before turning his back to the woman expectantly. Jada stared at him for a moment unsure of what to do. “What are you waiting for?! Hop on, I ain’t got all day!”

Finally, it clicked that the hero was offering her a piggyback ride. She scoffed as she slapped her sides with her arms in frustration. “Try using your words next time! I ain’t no mind reader!” Carefully, Jada climbed onto his back. Her long chocolate arms draped over his shoulders while his strong calloused hands gripped her thighs. “You better not drop me,” she grumbled under her breath.

“Don’t squirm and I won’t.” Bakugou stalked up the trail in silence for a while as he carried her effortlessly. Even out here in the 80-degree heat, he could still smell her jasmine perfume lightly caressing her skin. With her this close, his mind instantly went to their first meeting; the feel of her soft skin against his; The sound of her quiet moans ringing in his ear. Shaking off those thoughts he scoffed to himself, “I can’t believe you dance every night in 6-inch heels only to roll your ankle in fucking boots.”

 “I’m not dancing on loose and wet rocks!” Jada argued, turning her face away from the hero. “You’re talking a lot of shit for a dude that begged me to go out on a date with him.”

“Tch. Whatever.” 

The pair continued forward with only the sound of crunching leaves and twigs under Bakugou’s feet between them. The ravenette sighed as she resolved herself to taking in the scenery of their nature hike. If she wasn’t such an inside person, this view would be quite beautiful. While she took in the sights of the lush trees, a warm and familiar scent reached her nose. Is that… sugar cookies? 

Before she could question the scent further, a small cabin began to come into view at the top of the hill. It wasn’t long until they reached its front door, Bakugou pulling out a pair of keys from his backpack, unlocking the door. Very carefully, he walked her inside, letting her put her weight on his shoulders. Once they reached the kitchen, the hero lifted the woman easily to sit on the kitchen counter before disappearing into another room, “Be right back.” 

Jada looked around the small cabin, taking in the subtle decor. It was cozy and inviting, adorned with rustic flannel and neutral colors. Honestly, it looked like something out of a magazine. “So this place is yours?” she asked as the blonde came back into the room.

“Yeah. I stay here pretty often. Whenever I want to get away and recharge.” Bakugou hummed as he approached the woman, crouching down on one knee. “Now let’s see about this ankle, you klutz. Lucky enough for you, I’m with a hero who has a pretty extensive first aid kit.” He shook the first aid kit in his hand while flashing a cheeky smile. 

“Does that mean you get hurt a lot?”

The hero scoffed to himself, before looking up at her with ruby red eyes, measured and sure, “It means I never run from a fight.”

Fuck, don’t look at me like that. I’m still mad at you. Jada bit her lip as she looked away from his gaze.

“There,” He chuckled as he finished wrapping her ankle in an ace bandage. “Maybe now you’ll stop falling for me before you really hurt yourself.”

 “Is that really the best line you could come up with?” Jada huffed, crossing her arms.

“It must be pretty good, Dimples,” Bakugou smirked, resealing the first aid kit, “You’re smiling.” 

“You’re insufferable.”

 “I call it persistent.”

 Bakugou slowly stood to his feet, before reaching one hand behind her to rest on the cool tile of the countertop she was perched on, effectively leaning over her. “Come on, Dimples,” he cooed in his trademark rough voice, entrancing her. With her full attention under his sultry gaze, he brushed his calloused fingertips down her warm brown thigh, before sliding his hand underneath her knee, gently lifting her long leg up to rest on his hip. “This needs to stay elevated and I know the perfect way to pass the time.”

Jada took in a breath as she looked up at the blonde hero, their lips inches away from each other. Her mind wanted to resist out of principle but her body wanted him in the worst possible way.  What are you doing to me, Blasty?

Fuck it. Finally, she closed the gap, their lips connecting in a fiery passion. Wrapping her arms around him, she pulled him even closer, wanting nothing between them. Bakugou returned the favor, skillfully moving his lips against hers before letting his tongue softly trace her bottom lip, silently asking for entry. 

Of course, Jada complied. The hero hummed as his grip on her leg tightened as he began to explore the inside of her mouth. Their tongues wrestled for dominance until she finally relented, a soft moan leaving her throat. 

“Mmm, that’s a good girl.” Bakugou breathed against her full lips, as he continued to mold himself to her. Taking his hands from her body, he reached down to his pants, unbuttoning them. Just as he was about to push them off his hips, the ravenette placed her hands over his, stopping him. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a confused look on his face.

Jada paused as she looked up at him, searching for something in his fiery red eyes she couldn’t quite name. Finally, she turned away, shaking her head, “Nothing.” 

“Nothing?”

“Yeah…” Her voice trailed off as she nibbled on her bottom lip.

“So are we doing this or…” Bakugou watched her for a moment, but her eyes never returned to him. He knew she had something on her mind. “Spit it out, woman!”

“You hurt me!”

“Huh?” The hero quirked a blonde brow, unsure of what she meant. He hadn’t even touched her. 

“I’m the baddest bitch there is and you hurt me. That’s saying a lot.” Jada confessed as she looked him square in the face, Bakugou instantly taking notice. “Look it’s obvious that we have chemistry and I’m into you. I said I’d give you another shot after you showed your ass at the club but... I still don’t trust you.” 

The dark-skinned beauty could feel her face heating up in her embarrassment. She couldn’t believe she was being this honest and candid with her feelings. With this man she barely knew. Taking a deep breath, she continued in a soft voice as she dropped her gaze, staring into her lap. “I have to protect myself. I’m not sleeping with you again until you can prove to me that this is real. I’m no one’s dirty secret and I’m nobody’s fool.” Finding her confidence again she lifted her head, her emerald green eyes locking with his.  “I need no man, hero or not. If you can’t hang with that then it was nice knowing you I guess.” 

Bakugou crossed his arms as he took in everything that she said. He should have known he wouldn’t be able to just pick things up where they left off before that fateful night. Of course, he would be in the doghouse. If he was being honest, it was that fire that drew him to her even after all of that drama. 

With a heavy sigh, the hero rebuttoned his pants before running a hand through his ash blonde hair. “Look, as fun as it was, I don’t need sex to function like some punks and I get why you don’t exactly trust me. But I need you to get one thing straight.” He paused as he walked around and behind the kitchen island where she sat, Jada turning and craning her neck to follow. “I’m not some schmuck you can string along for kicks. That said... I am interested, so I’ll pursue.” He then leaned forward and across the island so that his lips were next to her ear as he whispered, “But I won’t chase.”

Jesus Christ, why are you so sexy? Jada did her best to hide her smirk from the blonde, refusing to give him the satisfaction. He’s the one that should be begging and salivating, not her.

 “I’m hungry,” Bakugou said as he clapped his hands, effectively breaking the sexual tension in the air. “Let’s see what I have here.” With a huff he began to rummage through his cabinets and refrigerator until he whipped together a quick lunch. “That will do. Here,” he breathed as he slid a plate across the kitchen island to his date. 

“PB&J?” Jada quirked a brow as she picked up the simple sandwich.

“Yeah, something I picked up from the states,” He said as he took a bite. “Nothing fancy but it gets the job done.” 

Jada hummed as she took a bite herself. She had eaten more than enough PB&Js in her life. In a way, it was somewhat comforting. “So you lived in the states for a while?”

“Yeah, I was there for about a month for a mission. It was alright I guess,” the blonde paused as he grabbed two bottled waters from the fridge. “I’m surprised you left when most Japanese people would kill to live in America. ‘The land of opportunity’ and shit.”

The land of opportunity… the dark skinned woman hummed to herself as she took another bite, a soft sigh escaping her lips. “Yeah, maybe for some.”

“What do you mean?” The blonde questioned.

Jada paused as she looked over to the man. He rested his forearms on the countertop as he watched her carefully, sensing her sudden change in demeanor.

He really has no idea. She took a deep breath, unsure why her words came so freely from her mouth, when for years she kept silent, “My mom couldn’t afford to go to college so she started working at McDonald’s after high school. Minimum wage didn’t cover rent so she started stripping. Then she got pregnant with me and whoever my dad was didn’t stick around. With her growing belly and stretch marks, she got less and less tips dancing, so she started hoeing to keep us afloat.” 

Bakugou set down his sandwich on his plate as he stood up straighter to listen. He could tell that her words were not easy for her to say. 

“After a while, the stress and shame of that got to her. Really messed her up,” She paused, fighting that familiar tingle of her nose. “She started self-medicating with prescription drugs and heroin. She ODed when I was 13. I wound up in foster care and the cycle continues.” Jada chuckled dryly as she took another small bite of her sandwich, unable to meet his eyes. “So… you can say the land of opportunity didn’t do us any favors.” 

“Hm,” Bakugou hummed simply as he looked at the ravenette intently, stroking the stumble on his chin, “So you…”

Jada looked up at him with a puzzled look until she finally understood where his question was leading. “No fool! I just dance,” she scoffed as she crossed her arms. “And I’m clean too.” She paused, a flash of heat rising to her cheeks. “Fuck, I don’t know why just told you all that.”

“Well,” the hero breathed as he tossed his now empty plate into the dishwasher. “I won’t pretend to know what that’s like. But it’s still not enough to scare me off. I never back away from a challenge and you, Dimples,” he paused, giving her a sly smirk, “are one and a half.”

 The ravenette chuckled to herself as a familiar warmth rose to her cheeks. She turned away from his gaze on instinct but Bakugou knew he had hit his target. Fighting a soft smile, he gestured to her half eaten sandwich, “Finished eating?”

“Yeah.”

“Then let’s get you back down the mountain. It will take longer with you on my back.” He tossed the rest of her sandwich in the trash before putting the plate into the dishwasher, turning it on. “Ready?”

“I guess so.” Jada stretched her muscles for a moment before she looked up to see the hero slowly saunter in front of her between her legs once again. He licked his lips while he looked her up and down, a smug smirk forming across his face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“No reason,” he shrugged. “Just thinking about how sweet victory is going to taste when you finally say yes to me.”

Jada rolled her eyes playfully as she smacked his broad shoulder, “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Blasty.” 

Bakugou laughed as he turned around before hoisting the cynical ravenette onto his back, “Please. I’m inevitable.”

Chapter 9 | Masterlist

[caedogeist-rights]

Podcasts ranked by the amount of kissing/gross sounds in it (and also how romance-repulsed/aromantic-friendly it is), by me, your neighborhood aro and hater of Body Sounds. Spoilers ahead for every single podcast listed!

(also, this got long, so uh. see under the break for the full list.)

1. Time:Bombs: The Perfect Podcast, not a gross foley, kiss, or romance-heavy plot in sight. I’ve got nothing bad to say about it, im sorry. It’s perfect.

2. Northwest Footwear Database: It is beauty, it is grace, it has got no Weird Sounds (unless you count a banging song and in-depth discussions of shoes. which i do not). A weird fiction podcast, so not Perfect in the listening, but... still #2 for a reason.

3. RQG: it is a ttrpg podcast. theres very obviously no kissing foley here. Thank G-d, is all im saying. Also has a QPP with a PC, and i give every budding romance an aro thumbs up!

4. Wolf 359: I don’t remember any terrible sounds, there’s no explicit romance- overall, a Good One! 1/2 a point taken off for the mental image of freezer-burned doug.

5. Kaleidotrope: oh, if there ever was a good podcast! This podcast is also kinda obsessed with love, which is nice, but focuses on romantic love for 90% of it, which is less so. Oh kaleidotrope... you need some aros.

6. TSCOSI: I adore this podcast! this is a wonderful podcast with wonderful characters, and I enjoy the ace rep! However, the torture scene in the s1 finale was... less enjoyable. 1 minute of Terrible, but it counts. (we have entered one-strike-territory)

7. The College Tapes: I am filled with adoration, but also, the book and cult chanting is creepy and unnerving. Also, the sheer volume of romantic pining was... overwhelming. Didn’t hate it, but not The Aro Friendly Podcast of my dreams.

8. Mabel: I do not remember much of this podcast, except I enjoyed it and there was some foley that was uncomfortable. Overall, not bad, but... a romance-focused plot, no matter how much I love it, with uh. Weird Sounds.

9. Archive 81: behold, my favorite podcast! Why, you may ask- oh, it simply is the Weird Shit Aro Haven of my dreams! Not a kiss or romantic plot to be found (some of yall ship chris and lee, and i support you, but i never interpreted them as romantic, so It Doesn’t Count on this list). However. the heart-eating scene. the s2 surgery scene. the concept of half the characters? the definition of body horror. Gross! (we have entered into the couple-strikes territory)

10. Stellar Firma: much like a81, perfect except for just one thing, and in this case, its the foot kink shit. Please listen to stellar firma, but also. Hartro’s Foot Kink. I give it my aro sign of approval, though! (I have also only listened up to s2 finale, so uh. idk after that).

11. The Bright Sessions: there are xactly two reasons why this podcast is rated so low on this list. One, there’s quite a bit of romance in this podcast. I’m not against 80% of it, but like... Romance Exists. Two, Safehouse! I do not want or need to hear a man beaten half to death, no matter how much I hate him!

12. TMA: but, you might ask, why is TMA so low? It’s got not a kiss in sight, an a canon ace! Yes, I say, that all is true. It’s why TMA is in its special little category: As An Aro I’m Fine But What The Fuck Bro. An ace main character cannot erase the experience of listening to jon’s hand be burned while I was on a public bus, my Actual Physical Repulsion to michael’s voice, and also all the gore. It’s Gross, Bro! Edit for post e200: yeah.... i must admit the kiss was gross and the sound design really only got more disturbing, so its staying at #12, but... keep in mind that this podcast is simply quite terrible on the ears.

13. Junoverse (Penumbra Podcast): Didn’t mean to make these three popular podcasts the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th worst ones, but what can i say! these fuckers have foley. Junoverse is one of two podcasts in the special category Make Room For Jesus, and juno gets here primarily because of the downright ridiculous amount of making out in it, plus a Giant Subplot being romantic, and also the multiple scenes of torture/a character getting Hurt, Badly. However, not the worst, since while kissing is gross, I can deal. Torture/death/screaming/gore, however...

14. The AM Archives (including Order&Chaos): behold, the pride of the Make Room For Jesus category. I love this podcast/s more than life itself, but I also used transcripts for most of it, so I was able to actually get through it. But from what i could get from transcripts/listening to the finale/asking fellow listeners, its... well, #14 for a reason. And what I can say: this podcast has everything! Burgeoning romance thats, ngl, kinda uncomfortable to listen to! A Kiss (thank you, Order&Chaos, for giving me lovely poly content, but... Kiss Gross)! Copious amounts of screaming and torture! Emotional distress of many varieties (mine included)! Extended Death Scene! I’m sorry, i feel like doing tama a disservice by ranking it last, but unfortunately... it ain’t easy on the ears, and I’m incredibly glad I avoided a lot of it! (...i still did listen to owen’s death, tho. which. aaagh i’ll never be over that one, huh). I love you, TAMA and O&C, but you are hard as hell to listen to.

ty for reading to the end! please, i take aro-friendly podcast suggestions! again, this is based on memory and memory alone (tama excluded), so uh... whoops! if i forgot something important