#AND its trauma induced from being a parent since age. 4

[throwupgirl]

i think dean winchesters great bc hes one of the few tv show protagonists who so clearly has ocd but bc hes poor and their dad has never taken them to a doctor once hes never been diagnosed and he just goes this is normal. im normal. everyone ELSE is the problem and should simply think like me (letting anyone else pick the music in my car will instantly make the world explode. no i cant explain how)

[sir-arlieosaurus-lung-struggler]

the holidays are always really fucking weird, i dont like many of them but specifically December is just- ew

Anyway ill just thro my mini pitty party real quick:

These song explains how I feel about christmas time *perfectly*

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas by mother mother (christmas playlist)

From heres basically a trauma dump about being in the hospital, but i typically talk about this in a tone more like "oh yea! i nearly died lmao"

When i was like, just turning 6 I had 💫pneumonia💫 & needed to go to the 💫hospital💫. So I spent like, 12/11-31/15 in the hospital. along the way i had these treats happen (not really in order, 💜=story from family member, ❤=i actually remember this)

💜being diagnosed by my sisters 16 yo boyfriend by looking at my gums, whereas medical staff took 4 days

❤Some mcdonalds, cool auntys banana bread, jello & making popin cookin sets w/ my older sister

💜a 5 day medically induced coma

lung surgery therefor cool fuckin scars on my back (WHICH I CANT FUCKING SHOW ANYONE CAUSE I WAS CURSED W/ TITS AND 2/3 ARE UNDER MY BRA)

💜waking up from said coma periodically only to say "im scared" w/ my mom trying to comfort me but i had ear shit going on

💜Finnaly actually woke up, yelled "IM DEAD", which is reportadly the scariest shit my dad has ever heard, my mom asks if i hurt, i say yes, she like "ur not dead honey" again i was 6 & in & out of a coma 😂 (idk why but I've always found that story funny)

💜my parents being thretened w/ truancy by my dumbass school

❤Christmas, I had *2* mini christmas trees in my hospital room 💅 1 was cool but my cool uncle & aunty got me a pink 1 which I still have to this day as a lamp

💜only trusting 1 of my doctors cause he looked like my grandfather who'd been deceased for 2years at that point

❤💜going on walks around the kids floor in a wheelchair & stealing a little gingerbread beanie baby ornament but they didnt care so they just let me keep it & i still have it somehwere.

💜my mom met a lady who had a son who was a few months old & they didnt expect to live past a couple weeks but he *did* (more on that later)

💜had food in the cafeteria and i proceeded to rub the pizza i got *into my hair*. My response? "Its just cheese" my family and I quote that to this day lmao.

💜being reverted to a toddler for a good minute (someone asked my age i said i was 3, i was not) & needing to relearn walking, talking, the little bit of reading i knew & getting into a shower w/out being scared of being pulled down the drain

❤said dude who asked my age worked at the hospital cafeteria & we visited him after most of my appointments. miss u uncle (that was what he went by), wish u well. Dont know where he since covid cause the part of the building cafeteria was in was torn down.

❤and after all that later and i got releaced on new years eve :>

results:

From there forward i had a 20-30minute nebulizer to do every 4 hours (which my parents had to wake up at like 2am for a half hour for), 2 twice daily inhailers, 2 nasil sprays, "the tire" (tastes like shit and makes me feel anxious) (that isnt even all of it my mom counted 8 meds at one point) and i slowly dropped them year by year till they had me down to just rescue inhailer as needed & if my lungs r really shit for a min i go on the tire. (Tire=prednisolone but what 6 year old is remembering that name lol)

specialist appointments every week, then 2 weeks, then every month, 3 months, 6 months, now im at checkup every year and check in as needed

"Look whos inside again" by bo burnham is my life in a nutshell

To this day the smell of a consentrated area of hand sanatizer just has me stop in my tracks lol.

seeing a picture of tiny me on my parents facebook feed yearly of me unconscious in a hospital bed w/ tubes in mah face

couple of close friend i met post hospital (keep in mind i was like 7) didn't believe me so i ran around the playground cursing them the fuck out (never did get in trouble for that 😂) ((I still talk to 1 of them shes cool))

Idk where to put this but about that kid I was talking about before, I found out last year around this time he had just died- of 💫pneumonia💫. yea that fucked me up for a good minute, he was around 6 too which didn't help, I never even met the kid and I still had a weird form of survivors guilt.

Anyway have a merry fucking christmas i really dont get this holiday lol, treat yourself kindly, feel free to be the grinch you are and explain in detail why u hate the holidays u arent alone lol

[serialbydesign]

Defining Psychopathy

Psychopathy, often confused with sociopathy, is an anti-social personality disorder. Both mental health conditions are characterized by:

Need for violence.

Disregard for social norms, conventions, and laws.

Lack of remorse & guilt.

Deceitful nature.

However, sociopaths usually are emotionally unstable and tend to act on compulsion, lacking patience and planning. Psychopaths are attentive to details, calculated, and plan every action they intend to pursue – be it legal or illegal. Therefore, they leave few clues and take fewer risks. Over time, multiple conceptions of psychopathy developed – most of which overlap, but some contradict others.

Just like sociopathy, psychopathy can be caused by genetic and environmental factors. This means children can inherit it from the parents but also develop it during the lifetime after abuse, emotional shock, or living in an unsuitable environment. But one can also acquire psychopathy after a traumatic brain injury. It has been discovered that the prefrontal cortex is responsible for our social behavior and acquired psychopathy is often linked to trauma in this area.

Another prevalent theory states that psychopathy is genetically inherited and can be triggered by environmental factors, while sociopathy is only developed throughout life. No matter which theory we follow, Dexter Morgan is much closer to being a psychopath than a sociopath. However, he does struggle with keeping his Dark Passenger under control at times.

Dexter Morgan, The Psychopath 

Dexter Morgan is a forensic expert, but he most frequently calls himself a blood spatter analyst. Even though he commits horrendous crimes throughout the show, we root for him and find bits of ourselves in his narratives. We see how he evolves from a cold-blooded serial killer to a cold-blooded serial killer who cares about some of those around him. The personal way in which he narrates his experiences further increase the connection we feel with this character. He often contemplates on aspects of the day-to-day life using first person pronouns in plural forms, which works on our subconscious. This is one of the many techniques used by real-life psychopaths, and Dexter Morgan proves again and again that they work.

“They make it look so easy, connecting with another human being, it’s like no one told them it’s the hardest thing in the world.” – Dexter Season 5 episode 12, “The Big One”

Dexter’s sense of righteousness instilled by his adoptive father fires up conflicted feelings on his morality. On the one side, he murders people in cold blood and enjoys it. But on the other, he gets rid of “bad seeds” the justice system could not charge. Ultimately, he is saving lives while satisfying his dark passenger, being a modern vigilante.

“We all make rules for ourselves. It’s these rules that help define who we are. So when we break those rules we risk losing ourselves and becoming something unknown.” – Dexter Season 7 Finale, “Let’s Give the Boy a Hand”

These, together with his continuous struggle to control his urges and do as little damage as possible to society, make us all feel sympathy for Dexter. Because we know the terrible things that happened to him, we understand what caused this behavior. But would he feel the same about us?

The Profile of Dexter Morgan

Dexter Morgan is persuasive, intelligent, deceitful, and a psychopath.

He killed well over 100 people (at least 134 documented cases) and shows no remorse about this – in fact, he believes he benefits society. Moreover, he likes to take trophies – a single drop of blood from each of his victims, carefully placed on a glass slide. Dexter has a ritual that is full of meaning for each of his victim’s crimes and likes to confront them and let them know he knows what they did. He feels empowered by this, he feels he finally has control.

Dexter is neat, sometimes compulsive, and likes to keep order in his life. He always plans his actions and waits for the best and safest time to make a move. This is what differentiates himself from a sociopath. He likes being and working by himself because using his “mask” is tiring. But even though he has an anti-social behavior, his social skills are way above average.

“People fake a lot of human interactions, but I feel like I’ve faked them all and I fake them very well. And that’s my burden, I guess.”

Dexter Morgan can be best psychoanalyzed using Freud’s structural model of the psychic apparatus which defines three dimensions of the mind:

The id represents our uncoordinated instincts, with a focus on pleasure and desire. The id is often associated with evil, lust, sin, and the like. The super-ego is the moralizing element, responsible for assimilating social norms and behaviors. It’s the virtuous, pure, and wholesome dimension. The ego, a realistic and rational influence on our thought process, usually mediates these two antagonizing elements.

Even though most individuals naturally balance these three dimensions, Dexter Morgan struggles do so. He spent all his life observing those around him and trying to mimic their behavior, knowing he will never act like them naturally.

Dexter’s Id

After the age of 6 years old, most individuals suppress their id and manage to focus their mental and emotional energy towards following social norms. But Dexter was not able to do so and, as a consequence, his id rules his life. Even as a child, Dexter enjoyed killing animals. In fact, taking a life is the only thing that makes Dexter feel alive. Sex does not interest Dexter, which we can also blame on the trauma he suffered as a child at a critical age for his (among others) psychosexual development.

Dexter’s Super-Ego

Dexter refers to the people surrounding him as humans, feeling detached from his own humanity. There is plenty of evidence throughout the show that demonstrate Dexter has a seriously underdeveloped super-ego if any. His adoptive father, Harry, created an artificial super-ego dimension in his mind through a few strict guidelines. However, Dexter’s subconscious never adopted them as its own and, as a result, he sometimes struggles to follow them.

Dexter does not understand religion. The only higher power he knew was his adoptive father, who also created the code. He has difficulties in developing real relationships of any nature with those around him but has gotten very good at faking them.

Dexter’s Ego

Instead of balancing out the 2 other dimensions, Dexter uses his ego to hide them from society. He goes above and beyond to hide his true self. He fights the recurrent feeling of emptiness that can only be relieved by killing.

How Dexter Morgan Came to Be a Psychopath

There are a few theories about how Dexter became what he is, but they all rely on the emotional and psychological trauma he suffered as a child.

Dexter saw his mother brutally murdered when he was only 6 years old and sat in a shipping container in a pool of her (and others’) blood for 2 days. This affected his emotional development and understanding of social norms, which he has difficulties adapting to.

Dexter understands he is a disturbed individual. But even though admitting the problem is often times the first step to resolving it, psychopathy has no cure (yet). There are no pills, vaccines, or therapies that erase traumatizing memories from our subconscious, induce empathy, or warm up a murderer’s blood.

But Dexter lacked a mother figure during his most important years, even before she was murdered. He was deprived of the warmth, closeness, and affection only a mother-son relationship would provide. Even though loving, his mother was not as present in his life as she should have been – and neither was his father. They were both addicted to drugs and involved themselves with dangerous figures, which ultimately lead to their demise. Even though a loving, caring family took him in at the age of 6, the damage was already done.

“I was there. I saw my mother’s death. A buried memory, forgotten all these years. They climbed inside me that day. And it’s been with me ever since. My dark passenger.” – Dexter Season 1 Episode 11 “Truth Be Told”

Moreover, his need for power and control were overindulged in a try to create a warm environment for the troubled child. But this only increased the distance between Dexter and humanity, between an impressionable child and his remorse and guilt.

Dexter Morgan & His Dark Passenger

Most of the time, Dexter Morgan is able to suppress his passenger. But it still needs to be let out from time to time, and when it does, Dexter refers to the process as the Dark Passenger “taking over”. He already knows that it will get out one way or the other, so he doesn’t try to fight it. In fact, Dexter finds comfort and acceptance in his Dark Passenger, the only entity that accepts him for who he is.

“I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask… not just me. People think it’s fun to pretend you’re a monster. Me, I spend my life pretending I’m not. Brother, friend, boyfriend – all part of my costume collection. Some people might call me a fraud. Let’s see if it will fit. I prefer to think of myself as a master of disguise.” – Dexter Season 1, Episode 4

Dexter manages to separate and balance out his natural self and the façade brilliantly. He is seen as a loving son, brother and as a reliable and helpful coworker.

The Code of Harry

Harry was more than just Dexter’s adoptive father. Together with Aaron and Deb, he was his family in the most real sense of the word.

“If I were capable of love, how I would have loved Harry.”

Since they could not stop Dexter’s urge to take life away, Harry decided to channel it. Therefore, Harry developed a code together with his therapist in which he confided about Dexter’s condition. As his father put it, the code focuses on survival and doing as little wrong to the world as possible. Dexter needs to be sure he kills the right person and to have proof for his deeds. But above all, he needs to never, ever risk having collateral victims.

Even though frustrating and rage-inducing at times, Dexter abides by the Code of Harry. However, he does take advantage of technicalities to satisfy his dark passenger at times, racing with the police and even hiding evidence in order to punish criminals himself even with his friends’ and coworker’s career on the line.

“Without the Code of Harry, I’m sure I would have committed a senseless murder in my youth. Just to watch the blood flow.” – Dexter Season 1 Episode 3, “Popping Cherry”

The Morality of Dexter

Yes, Dexter Morgan is brutal, ruthless, and cruel. Ever since Harry Morgan took him in, Dexter made efforts to comply with social norms. Even though he pretended for decades, he makes efforts to preserve appearances every day. None of the behaviors he adopted for so many years got under his skin, none of them come naturally even after all this time.

But this doesn’t mean Dexter Morgan is stone-hearted or completely devoid of feelings. After all, he does feel anger, hate, and affection and admits that he needs the people in his life. He realizes how scared he is of losing his family. 

Even though supposedly rudimentary, some of these feelings scare and intimidate Dexter Morgan because he doesn’t know how to handle them.

[ziracona]

And I hate to do this- So on that thread, not that he's as bad, why do you think Michael is redeemable? (and also Frank) Especially by his main victim? :? I hope that isn't as bad or as judgmental as I think it sounds... - Sleepy (its like 5am here :3 living up to my name i see)

So, these I gave a short and a long answer for under cut, but forgot I’m on mobile and can’t do that. I can tag it “long post” but uhhh, sorry about this. Anyway, thats why Frank comes in two chunks. I wrote it expecting to be able to use a read more. :’-] also ya fine. And I hope you’re in bed 🤣 now. Okay so. Here’s my reasons:

For Michael, to start, Halloween is complicated af. You have to know what timeline people are talking about, because there are like 8+ and Michael has been written as a wildly different character by wildly different content creators, and I would not feel the same ways towards them all. They’re not the same character. When I talk about Michael, unless I’m going on about a specific other film, I mean either H20 canon, or DbD canon, which are in line with each other when it comes to characterization. (This also includes Halloween’s 1 & 2 in the H20 line, and Halloween 1 at least in DbD). In those timelines, Michael has like at best 2% agency and choice in his own life and what he becomes. That’s why I am sympathetic. I still root for Laurie to nail his ass to the wall of course, and everything he has done to hurt someone isn’t okay just because his life is unfair & awful & out of his control, but I still find him a very tragic character. He was canonically suffering violent psychosis his parents refused him treatment for, isolated with a monster as his doctor & only human contact for 15 years from age 6 on, overdosed on medications that when OD’d worsen psychosis symptoms and can cause permanent brain damage, and stuck like that until escaping briefly when he turned 21.

In Halloween canon, Michael tells his parents he hears voices telling him to do bad things like hurt people, but they tell him he is imagining stuff, and ignore his attempts to get help. The voices say they will be quiet, which is what he desperately wants, if he kills his sister Judith. So he does, at age six. Scientifically speaking, that’s literally too young to really have a complete grasp on death and mortality itself, let alone complex ethics. He immediately goes to his parents after doing the deed, so they can do whatever they need to do. Instead of getting him help, he is sentenced to 15 years in a 1960s American sanitorium (hell), until he turns 21 and can be tried for murder as an adult (fucking ridiculous and unfair?? Tried as an adult is for like, upper teens who commit heinous murders. How tf you justify trying a six year old literally too young to really understand murder as an adult for murdering someone??). They give him to Dr. Sam Loomis, a fucking horrible person, who says he spends 8 years trying to help Michael (a fkn lie), but canonically by only a few months of meeting the kid is thoroughly convinced he is evil, the devil or a demon in human form, faking his psychosis and side effect symptoms (trauma induced mutism from killing his sister, onset of catatonia/motion loss symptoms, etc, all of which are common with his disorder & trauma), desperate to kill again, and an evil mastermind doing the devil’s work, and says so. Spends four hours every day accusing Michael as a six year old child on, of planning to do horrible things and faking his illness and being a demon and not a human, and Loomis, from age 6 to 21, is this kid’s only human contact. And the staff knew it and how wrong and disturbed Loomis was, but did nothing. So from age 6 to 21—barring one or two visits from his mom & Laurie before his dad beat 4 year old Laurie for saying Michael’s, who he hated after Judith’s death, name—until she trauma blocked out having had a brother or sister at all, and then both parents died in a car crash—his only human contact in complete isolation was an adult man who told him for four hours a day he was an evil lying demon faking his symptoms and plotting murder and not a human and promised he would kill Michael and stop him, from childhood on, and that was it. He was never given an understanding of what was medically wrong with him, or that anything was at all. He was threatened and abused and kept overdosed on drugs for 15 years since early childhood, and his only understanding of the world taught in that absolute isolation, was that he was a demon who wanted to get out and kill again. And the violent psychosis, telling him if he killed both sisters, they would go away and leave him in peace with no more constant noise. With no normal understanding of the world or people or life like he was owed ever given to him, no understanding at all of what you were going through or were aside from the promise drilled into your head you were a monster who wanted to kill every day for 15 years while drugged up? Like, I’m a firm believe people are responsible for their own actions, but in a case as extreme as that, honestly, how else was that ever going to even be able to end? You forget, as a child. Who you used to be. That’s beyond grooming even, it’s being grown in a lab for the sole purpose of someday walking out, taking a large kitchen knife, and killing Laurie Strode. And it’s tragic. It’s unfair. Halloween is a tragedy, not a horror film. It didn’t have to be that way. He wanted help. He asked for help. Loomis is directly and pretty much solely responsible for the lives lost in 1978. You know he won’t even call Michael “him”? The only human he contact he had since age six on called him “it.” And no one stopped any of that. And even then. Even then, even with all that. With the drugs, and the lab grown killer, and all of it? Michael is pretty much the single least sadistic slasher killer there /is/.

Everyone he kills in Halloween? He kills fast. It’s actually kind of boring if you’re expecting a scary slasher, because there’s no chase until Laurie. He just appears, runs you through, and you die. Very fast. And if there is any emotion expressed towards the act of killing or aftermath, it’s not pleasure or hate or happiness, it’s curiosity, because literally everything is something he wasn’t allowed to experience growing up and just has no practical experience with yet. And on top of all that, he also just doesn’t kill people he doesn’t have to. He kills one man for clothes, kills Annie to re-do Judith’s murder since it didn’t work the first time and he needs both sisters for the voices to stop, and he kills Bob and Lynda becuase they stumble onto where he is & are a threat to success. (This + Judith 15 years prior is all the deaths in Halloween period, btw). Michael routinely only kills his target, and anyone who is a threat to success. Literally doesn’t even jump out to kill Bob or attack until Bob opens the door to the closet he was hiding in, and he has been seen. Walks past a security guard and lets him go in H20 becuase he doesn’t see him, steals keys from a mom with her 4 year old kid and doesn’t even hurt them because they don’t see him really either, steals a knife from an old lady making a sandwich who is one foot away but looking the other direction, so he lets her go. Even with all the possible stakes against him, really, Michael is like, the least cruel and most sympathetic and merciful version of that lab grown killer possible, which can only be a testament to the person he was initially/still somehow has managed to keep faint traces of alive inside.

As for Laurie finding him redeemable, answer is threefold I guess, and I’ll start with the most important. 1: in Halloween canon, Laurie cares for Michael and is incredibly sad about what he turned into and wishes he could be different (once she remembers who he is). That’s established canon, not a choice of mine. In Halloween 2, she tries to talk him down before shooting him, and he hesitates when she says his name and lowers his weapon for a moment. In H20, she talks about him a lot & even asks her boyfriend (a psychologist) if he thinks something so traumatic can happen to someone that they can never recover, bc even though she hasn’t seen him in 20 years, he’s still on her heart. She hesitates to kill him once she has him helpless in the finale, and when he reaches out for her hand, she almost cries and starts to reach back because it’s what she has truly wanted for so long. 2: Michael & Laurie are siblings, and that’s a very important relationship to me. Obviously, there’s lines where you cross, it’s fkn over, but it is special, and I’m weak for it. They were both cheated of the good family life they could have had, and I like characters I care for getting recovery and rehabilitation, and I would like them to be able to recover and have whatever fragments of the lives they wanted which are still possible. And then 3: Laurie is his victim, but they’re also both victims of Loomis, and the system, and her parents, and if she does /wish/ for him to be okay and things to be like they were, which was canon before me, so she does, then I think them finding happiness and her relief and new hope in regained family and him redemption and rehabilitation through the quite literally only person he has /ever/ known who treated him well or like even a human at all & is still living, that’s so good. It’s sweet, and it makes sense. I like broken people putting the pieces together and finding ways to be okay. None of the shit that happened to either of them was okay, and Michael sure did fucking do it, but it’s about as “it’s complicated” as literally possible, and Laurie wants him to be her brother again, and Michael deserves a chance to experience personhood enough to want anything like that again too, and I think it’s sweet. To be able to find happiness and peace and a new life in that rubble. It shouldn’t be possible, because Halloween is a tragedy that never gets a happy ending, no matter how many timelines they create or versions they tell, but I wish it could have one. It needs one. At least one, among all the fated tragedies for those two cruelly cursed siblings. They both had their lives stolen. Michael by Loomis, and Laurie by Michael. And I want them to find those stolen lives again. And if they can do it together, that’s a very odd and unusual set of circumstances for that kind of thing, but it’s a very complete way to tell the story. He tried to kill her, but if she asked him to stop and he stopped, if he himself chose to change on his own, when it really, really mattered—decided that it was what he wanted more than all the things he was before, and she decided that was enough, and they could both have a future as family? I like that. It’s a happy ending stolen back.

Long Frank Answer, in case you /have/ read ILM & thus short answer did not answer your question: So. Again, for me, I always talk about Frank as in the version of him I myself write, and I wrote ILM before the archives retcon, and also just ignore them because they’re usually dumb and blatantly contradict well established and longstanding canon. Even then, I usually don’t like Frank though—didn’t like him when I started writing ILM. But Frank has very little established canon character. All there is for sure is he was a foster kid that went through some bad stuff, he met Julie and changed his mind about desperately trying to be homed somewhere other than with Clive bc he liked Julie a lot, he met Susie and Joey, they became a gang chilling in Ormond’s abandoned lodge, then tried to rob a store Joey was fired from, were surprised by a cleaner who grabbed Julie, and Frank impulse stabbed him, freaked, and ordered the others to finish it with him and be in it together. Then before they’d even really finished burying the body, they got snagged. That leaves a whole lot of personality and thoughts and motivations and future choices and person wildly undetermined. Writing, sometimes characters just do their own thing completely out of my control, and I have to adapt. Frank chose not to kill Meg at the end of Tenacity, Adrenaline, & Grit, which surprised me, because he’d been nothing but a dipshit asshole bastard till one minute ago, but I knew it was because he recognized what she’d tried to do at great pain to herself because she wouldn’t bow down and die, and he connected/empathized or sympathized on some level. He also couldn’t go through with killing Quentin immediately after being helped by him in Distortion/Iron Maiden. Neither was like, planned. It’s just who the character was. I was frustrated. I did not want to like or feel sympathy for Frank at all. Then in The Lost, Jeff just fkn hijacked the whole plot and added 20 pages not in the outline because he wanted to be kind to Frank & it’s not like I can stop characters when they do whatever they do. And while writing it, I got to know that the version of Frank Morrison in the world I was writing—which is always the version I refer to/think of him as & write now myself—was not somebody past saving. He’s a piece of shit and he’s done fucked up and inexcusable stuff, and he pays for it. In many ways, Frank gets away with a lot over the course of ILM, but it’s always because characters choose on their own to forgive him, not because they or he doesn’t think it was fucked. And Frank suffers—a lot—for his choices, and has to live through appropriate and large amounts of regret and remorse about stuff he did before the end. He gets the chance to make better choices several times, and mostly he doesn’t. He continues to fuck up. But right near the end, he makes a couple good decisions when it’s down to the wire, sees where his bad choices got him and what he has to live with, and then he does live with it. He almost dies, and then ends up falling on Jeff’s mercy, which he knows he doesn’t deserve and doesn’t expect to get, for a last chance to make it, and because Jeff is an ungodly kind and forgiving soul, he makes it.

Frank isn’t a good person, and he does a lot of stuff that isn’t remotely okay or justified or excused, but he /is/ a kid—the upper end of it, but he’s not a full grown adult. He has every reason to believe nothing of himself or others, a fucked up childhood and life which isn’t his fault, and the Entity got all four Legion kids before they’d even had time to process the one and only violent crime they did (which was unplanned), and it is historically running a PHD in psychological warfare vs everyone. Absolutely none of that excuses or justifies him, but it is an explanation for some of it that is not as bad as say, doing that shit for fun or cruelty or hate or what have you, which makes him a bad person, but one with a lot more humanity left than say, Kenneth. Who is at -100 or something. If he’s still got a lot of humanity left, that means he could be redeemed, and he eventually chooses that path for himself and hits the appropriate “I did something horrible. Fuck. It was really bad. I should not have done it.” “I am really sorry I did this. I feel awful. I’m sorry.” “I cant change it, but I can try to do better and make whatever reparations I can.” “I want to be better, and I am going to try.” necessary stages of actually trying to improve. So, I like him. He did a lot of really awful shit that wasn’t okay, but he was never without sympathetic elements. He does love his friends and his girlfriend, he is a good boyfriend to Julie and selfless towards her and his crew (overall anyway—has even risked death for them very willingly, even the one who was fighting with/kinda hated him), will keep his word in deals and has some semblance of both sympathy and honor, feels guilt, is a kid, did not choose this life but was rather catapulted into it and too weak to climb out once he landed in the mud. All of that together makes him someone I feel sympathy towards and find quite redeemable, so long as he will decide he wants that, which, in ILM, he does. If you just meant Frank in general then idk how to answer because there’s not much established Frank period it’s kinda a shell like all original dead by daylight characters, and I have no thoughts on it by itself because it’s not a whole person, and so I really only think of Frank as ILM verse Frank now.

[nihalsjourney]

Not wearing my hijab anymore

We’ve entered a new decade, it’s 2020. To be honest I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Eve and the hype around it, which is why I waited with a new blogpost. I think it’s nice to look back on some things, one of them being my very first blogpost on here. (link) December 8, 2015 was my very first day without hijab. I can still feel the stress and anxiety of that day. After that, I never talked about it anymore because I still felt guilt and shame. It’s been four years and I feel like I’m able to talk about this past chapter in my life much better.

So we’re going waaaaay back, beyond those 4 years!

My mother is Dutch and my father is Turkish, my mother converted to Islam 24 years ago. When my parents had my brothers and I, baba (father) felt a stronger sense of practicing Islam better as well as raising us with our Turkish identity. Seeing as how Dutch society forces immigrants to assimilate rather than to integrate. The thought and fear of us losing our Turkish identity really stressed him out. 

Being in an interracial relationship asks for more different responsibilities I think. My mother and baba were integrating in each other’s culture, learning one another’s language while working hard and raising us with best of both worlds. 

As we got older our parents signed us up to an Islamic elementary school. With a school bus we’d go in the early morning from Valkenswaard to Eindhoven. There were both Muslim and non-Muslim faculty. My personal experience wasn’t great, I was already dealing with depression, anxiety, and trauma. I don’t remember a lot from what I learned because I dissociated quite often. It was difficult for me to learn because unfortunately we were taught Islam from a cultural perspective and fear inducing. To me Allah seemed like a big angry man and I refused to believe that.

I remember that all female teachers wore a hijab. Muslim or not. The girls also wore a hijab starting very young. After school they would take it off, others didn’t. I remember one time after gym class that I didn’t put my hijab back on. One of the male teachers who saw us on our way back to class shamed me for it. Looking back it was so awful how at first the girls didn’t even bother or noticed. But once the teacher said something about it they started whispering loudly to each other ‘haram’ ‘she didn’t put her hijab back on!’.

There was this unspoken rule that a girl should wear her hijab ‘full time’ when she’s 12. We’d ask each other, ‘When will you wear your hijab?’ ‘If you don’t start wearing it now you never will!!’ ‘Wearing your hijab at 16 or 18 is too late, you should wear it when you’re at least 12!’ Alhamdulillah (thank God) I can say that my parents never forced me.

I switched schools when I was 8, it wasn’t an Islamic school but I still kept wearing my hijab to school as force of habit.  Once I turned either 10, 11 or 12 years old I started wearing my hijab. After age of 12 I had to switch schools again, this time a dominantly white school. From the maybe 200 students, there were 5 students of colour, 4 of them Muslim and I being the only one wearing a hijab. I was facing a lot of discrimination and Islamophobia already and it only got worse from then on. The majority of white people questioned me about every single little thing, my hijab, Islam, if I sympathize with terrorists, if my father came here for money and if I was oppressed. ‘When did you start to realize you wanted to wear your hijab?’ ‘Did you feel ready?’ ‘So you’re Muslim, right? What do you think of ISIS?’ The older I got, I hoped that the questions would stop but they never did. I had very little knowledge, yet people thought I did because of my hijab. Like I was a living, walking human museum or encyclopedia.  

I started to question myself. Did I feel ready? Do I understand what wearing the hijab means? Can I justify myself to Allah for wearing my hijab though the intention of wearing it is non-existent?

It made my heart hurt so much because I had to face reality. I didn’t have an answer. At first I tried reading and researching more about Islam, but back then there was very little willingness of me to do so. I tried to move on despite feeling unhappy, guilty and confused. When I was 18 I decided to talk to my mother about it. She said she had always been worried that I never made my decision to wear my hijab consciously because I was so young. Together with my mother I began brainstorming for ideas and options. Such as trying to wear my hijab in different styles to see it makes any difference and talking with a few women who had taken their hijab off. When I listened to their stories I felt scared. Clueless of what I should do, standing at a cross roads having no idea which path to take.

Once I decided that I wanted to stop wearing my hijab, I talked with my baba. He was very confused and upset. He always tried to protect us from the Western world, so he was worried that it influenced my choice. I told him it didn’t. Although he didn’t agree with my decision he emphasized that he will always be there for me and love me. That’s all I needed to hear. I knew that baba needed his time to get used to things.

Sometimes I still think that I have to explain to others that I used to wear a hijab. Specifically to sisters who wear it. Because I understand all too well what it’s like to be a visible target of Islamophobic violence. There has become such a huge shift in my daily life that sometimes I feel like the odd one out when I’m with Muslim women (who wear the hijab).

Talking about a huge shift in my daily life. In the beginning especially, I noticed how Muslims and non-Muslims were now treating me differently. Whenever I’d greet a sister ‘Assalaam aleikum’, (peace be upon you) she’d look me up and down disapprovingly and wouldn’t return my greeting. It felt awful, I stopped greeting anyone all at once to give myself some sense of security because I was feeling so vulnerable back then. Instead, non-Muslim (majority white) people started to happily greet me. It was mind boggling. 

Like it was some sort of game, I’d keep track of all these differences. How in the past people wouldn’t sit next to me in public transport even when it was busy, to by passers saying ‘Allahu akbar’ or ‘terrorist’ under their breath when walking past me, getting checked by security a lot faster or accused of stealing, always being refused when applying for a job (in my city, Eindhoven, discrimination on the job market is very high) etc. 

When I have to show my ID, that has a picture of me with my hijab on, people always feel the need to tell me ‘You look prettier without hijab!’. When that happens I get a, what Dutch Iranian artist Saman Amini calls in the play ‘A Seat at The Table’, racial freeze. Cashing in the comment, reacting with a fake smile and getting back to my day. Not allowing myself to feel the hurt or the frustration.

It has definitely been a struggle the first year or two. I had to adjust to how society was treating me, nobody sees my hijab but sometimes I still feel like I wear it. A lot of my life experiences before taking it off were based around my hijab. And as I’m writing, realising it now, hurts. Wearing the hijab since a young age, I was basically robbed of my childhood and sure that may sound dramatic but it’s reality. It impacted my quality of life because I was an easy target for Islamophobic violence both verbal and non-verbal.

I got to see first-hand what it’s like to be treated both with and without hijab by non-Muslim and Muslims. Whether I’m a bad Muslim or a well ‘integrated’ (read assimilated) immigrant. 

We still teach girls to judge other girls. In my time we’d judge those who chose not to wear their hijab (yet) or who wore their hijab the ‘wrong’ way. As I got older I started to realise how toxic this behaviour is. But I find that this way of thinking is still deeply rooted. Because I still have some moments that when I see a sister with a hijab showing hair, my first thought is ‘Oh My GoD sHe Is ShOwInG hEr HaIr!! AYIB!!’ it’s been happening a lot less. But when it does I mentally slap myself in the face and remind myself of how toxic that way of thinking is because it does not contribute to anything positive. The judgement I had towards myself and others has lessened immensely. I’ve become a stronger person and learned so much (I’m still learning!!). All the things I named and more, I had to experience. Before I was so caught up with myself. Trying to survive. Now I able to make room in my heart for others to heal.

I look back to these past four years a lot. Feeling thankful and amazed. Never before did I have such a close relationship with Allah and myself. Honestly, I feel ashamed when I say the following. So may Allah forgive me for my ignorance and wrong doings, may He accept my good deeds, prayers and efforts of learning…

I never prayed, sometimes during Ramadan. Like I said, I forgot what I learned as a kid because of dissociating. When someone tried to teach me about Islam I didn’t have the space to listen, my mind never saved the information. Alhamdulillah, with its ups and downs, the past four years I have now been saving the knowledge I learn about Islam. I’m praying 5 times a day, reading translations of the Quran, going to lectures with an open heart and mind. Soaking up all the information I can get my hands on, eager to learn.

I’m not saying this to brag. But to stress that once again, I had to go through these things to grow through them. I had to experience all of this in order to become the person I am today. A better version of myself. Because with this experience and knowledge I am able to stand even stronger on my feet.

Lastly, I want to emphasize that my experiences I shared above, especially the negative ones have nothing to do with Islam. It’s man-made culture. Please see religion separate from its people.

Also there is unfortunately still way too little awareness of how children mimic our words and (misogynistic) behaviour. Pretty much everything I named in my story I learned from aunties, uncles and the girls around me. So especially to us women, I hope that we can start to truly uplift each other and not tear each other down any longer.

Thank you so much for taking your time to read this. A Dutch version of this blog post will soon follow.

Take care, peace and blessings upon you all! Much love,

Nihâl

[epicocityfic]

Lillie is a Poorly-Written Character

Lillie, from Pokemon Sun and Moon, is a horribly written character.

There. I said it. I welcome pitchforks, but first, read the actual point I’m making.

That isn’t to say I always thought she was a bad character. Quite the contrary; early in the SM series, she was in the running for best character of the series. She had an engaging difference from her game counterpart in that she couldn’t touch Pokémon. This was pretty interesting in its own way, and provided an investment for her character arc.

It was after Shiron hatched that things very quickly fell apart.

It’s because of this that it baffles me when people tell me that she had one of the best-crafted character arcs in the series that we ever see, because I don’t see it, and it all comes down to one thing: Lillie lacks any character agency.

Compare her to both Lana and Kiawe, the far more superior written characters of the saga thus far. When it comes to their major strides (Z-Ring/Crystal for Lana, new Pokémon for Kiawe) each of them seeks it out and does their own work for it. They get help, but the decisions they make are entirely their own and are driven solely from themselves. They don’t even need a push to see it done or get it started.

By comparison, Lillie has none of that. At the beginning she can’t touch Pokemon, which is fine, but as more is revealed, the more her character is called into question. Namely, why, after four years, did Lillie not even think to find out the reason she lost her memories? It takes a random act of Nebby teleporting her to random places for it to finally kickstart her. It’s Ash going “hey, let’s get your memories back” that makes her even consider it.

For a character that’s so supposedly proactive and developed, this makes the development seem either handed to her at best or undeserved at worst.

This aspect of her character, lacking that agency that others have, really comes to a head in SM 49.

On the surface, here’s where I can see people liking Lillie. She makes a momentous stride in character development by being able to touch Pokémon again and seeming to gain this burst of courage. But all of that’s on the surface. If you just put those points on paper, yes, I agree, she sounds amazing. But when you look at the little details, a lot of it starts to sort of crumble apart.

It really starts in SM 48, when Lillie reverts being able to touch Pokémon completely. In and of itself, it’s clearly a move made to induce drama, but it’s what happens in SM 49 that not only erases any sort of progress she actually made on her own, and instead hands it to her.

Because she gets her memory back, and suddenly she can touch Pokemon again. That’s it. No hardship (and indeed, any hardship from before was erased, and thus can’t count). She can just suddenly touch Pokemon.

4 years of trauma ended because she got her memory back. 4 years of trauma ended because she recognizes a misunderstanding.

I feel that’s not quite how trauma works.

I’ve made the comparison elsewhere, but I liken the whole situation to that of Guy Cecil from Tales of the Abyss.

Like Lillie, Guy has an inability to touch something (women, in his case). Like Lillie, Guy didn’t have his memory of what triggered it. Like Lillie, Guy gets that memory back.

Unlike Lillie, Guy doesn’t get over it in 5 seconds after that memory is restored. Instead, he has to work through it.

Now yes, I know, “it’s a kid’s show”. But that’s no argument (and, indeed, the laziest one) for not allowing Lillie to work through her problems. They could have given her memories back and still had her work to overcome her issues. It could have even prevented the issue her character is facing now.

Bottom line for this: Lillie is a badly-written character because she doesn’t have any agency in her initial development. It’s handed to her.

This is fixed after that moment in SM 49 above. Instead, an entirely separate issue occurs: favoritism.

Since that episode, it’s become increasingly obvious that we, as the viewers, are meant to love and adore her. That everything she does is, in fact, worthy of praise.

Perhaps there’s a bit of hyperbole in there, but I think it’s apt.

To say this, I provide two key points of evidence: Lillie’s relationship with Lusamine, and her “development” since.

Since the former is a bit more complex than the latter, I’ll address the latter first. Namely, in this case that, like much of Sun and Moon, they only address the character when they feel they want to. That even after her big arc, Lillie gets an episode for herself...resolving an issue that never even existed.

Then we take more than 30 episodes before even bringing up that Lillie doesn’t have a goal. Any other character, even the equally-badly written Mallow, would never have taken this long to address it. Heck, we didn’t even know this bothered Lillie until, somehow, it becomes relevant!

Now, points to her for the battle against Tyranitar, but it still fuels this fact we need to love Lillie given we see her, an inexpert battler, take down (used loosely) a Tyranitar, and in a curb-stomp, no less. The Icium-Z is a given, but then she gets an Ice Stone, too? For no other reason than “Charjabug found it”.

It pushes the narrative that Lillie must be loved and deserves praises and gifts.

However, what reinforces this narrative is in how the story deals with Lusamine.

Obviously, in the games, Lusamine is abusive to Lillie, and so, seeing Lillie stand up against her mother offers catharsis.

In the anime, Lusamine...is a workaholic.

That’s really about it. Well-meaning, clearly a bit ditzy, and yes fails as a parent in some aspects but clearly loves her daughter even more than her own lifelong dream (given she protected her family). The narrative shows this. Yet, we’re also supposed to believe the narrative when Lillie constantly pushes her away, gets angry at her and, ultimately, never has any true reconciliation.

Hell, the major crux of her relationship with her mother is saying “Mother, I hate you!”, as though it’s justified.

But is it? Lillie hates her mother for three reasons: 1) She evolved Clefairy when Lillie didn’t want to. 2) She’s never around and is condescending, at worst, by calling her baby. 3) She allowed herself to be kidnapped by Ultra Beasts.

On the surface, you can see where the anime is trying to justify Lillie being in the right, but when the details come to light, it makes Lillie instead come off as a whiny brat.

1) Said Clefairy was Lusamine’s, and clearly okay with evolving. Where does Lillie have any point to really argue about it? 2) Most parents act that way towards their children around that age, but even ignoring that (and the separate can of worms that is the fact SM wants to treat its kids like kids but also adults), it’s Lusamine’s work that allows Lillie to live such a wonderful life. 3) She was only kidnapped to protect her family.

Yet, at the end of the day, we’re supposed to agree with Lillie, once more reinforcing that “love Lillie, she is right” mentality.

I realize I’ve gotten rather winded here, so I suppose I’ll wrap this up simply with a TL;DR.

Lillie is a poorly written character because for half of her “development” she lacks any agency in making it happen and only allows outside forces to control it. When she gets over that, however, the narrative tries to force us to agree with Lillie at every single turn, even if a clear look at the events point her out to really just be a brat who gets everything handed to her, but wants to complain anyway.

Dare to Be Silly,

Epicocity

[stepuptocomeup]

What Are The Various Types Of Migraines

BASILAR MIGRAINES

A transient ischemic attack is basically a tiny stroke caused by the temporary disturbance of the stream of blood into the mind. Unlike pops, TIAs have yet to be demonstrated to induce irreversible harm to the mind and also neurological issues that spring up from these, such as slurred speech or weakness to a single aspect, clear-up over twenty-five hrs of this strike. BAMs have been originally believed to change just ladies and teenage women, however, research proves that whilst they truly are primarily an issue for those bands that they may appear in folks of most genders and ages.

Migraines are just discomfort at your mind. Basilar migraines, even formerly called basilar artery migraines or BAMs, really are still an incredibly infrequent but most likely benign form of this traditional migraine with air.

The basilar artery can be found in the rear of the mind. The aggravation related to basilar migraines is normally a serious throbbing pain on either side of the straight back part of the mind, rather than this temple throbbing additionally related to migraines.

Throughout the air period, basilar migraine symptoms could incorporate lack of equilibrium, dual vision or partial eyesight loss, deficiency of nourishment, tingling using one or even each side of your human anatomy, fatigue, nausea or distress, and acute vomiting. The indicators normally last one hour or so less and vanish if the aggravation starts, but might survive provided that months soon after the aggravation has vanished. Many basilar migraine victims pass or shed awareness throughout the air phase too. In rare instances, they might even slide into a noun which may last days or weeks.

HEMIPLEGIC MIGRAINE

There really are a lot of distinct sorts of migraine headaches, including the classic and common migraine. One especially rare form of migraine would be the hemiplegic migraine.

Hemiplegic migraines have been migraine issues having really particular indicators. They include:

A sudden attack unilateral (one-sided) weakness and/or paralysis, typically during the aura phase of gout.

The weakness usually involves a migraineur's experience, arm, and leg.

Once the ideal side of this body would be your affected side, the migraineur could be speech impaired.

A mild head injury can activate a hemiplegic migraine.

The paralysis lasts in the hour to days but typically clears up within 2 4 hrs.

Dizziness, vertigo, double vision, and difficulty in walking or balancing may all be part of hemiplegic migraine.

Hemiplegic migraines are mainly genetic and victims often have at least one first or second-degree relative (cousin, parent, aunt, uncle, first cousin) who also suffers from hemiplegic migraines.

Because so many hemiplegic migraines are brought on by slight head trauma, men and women who have a propensity for this type of migraine are invited to prevent contact sports. In households where the affliction is common, beginning often occurs in childhood, therefore the no-contact principle is very critical for children at hemiplegic prone families.

Several genetic markers have been discovered for hemiplegic migraines especially. It isn't just a requirement that viewing is normally offered for, but viewing is available to this upon petition.

This type of migraine is very upsetting because of its outward symptoms so closely resemble a stroke. Fortunately, the stroke-like results normally reverse entirely inside a day. In addition, they are problematic mainly because hemiplegic migraines do not respond to the majority of migraine medications and often have to get medicated more like epilepsy using more harmful medicines than regular migraineurs take.

PEDIATRIC MIGRAINES

For many little one migraineurs (folks afflicted by migrainous headaches) the frustrations get started between 5 and 11 decades old. Ahead of childbirth, the amount of female and male kids with migraines is nearly equivalent. Right after puberty girls are more inclined than girls would be to possess migraines and many likely on account of exactly the exact same hormonal imbalance issues which produce the quantity of mature ladies migraineurs 3 x the adult men.

Present estimates imply up to 10 percent of kids between 5-15 yrs of age have problems with migraines, rising to 28 percent in the 15-19 age groups. Allergic reactions have a true effect on wellbeing for kids. The higher proportion of kids who practical experience migraines leave them even high childhood wellbeing issues.

Quite a few little one migraineurs are blessed enough to possess their own illness to disappear throughout puberty or upon attaining maturity. But, individuals who suffer from migraines since kids are a lot more inclined to turn into mature migraineurs than people that failed to possess these being a young child.

Diagnosing pediatric migraines is like diagnosing mature migraines using a couple prominent exceptions. The International Headache Society's requirements say the aggravation has to continue 4 to 72 hrs. Kiddies' migraines are often briefer which simple fact has to be taken into consideration when wanting to identify them. Mature migraines are many times biased, however, children often have soreness on either side of their mind. These concerns must maybe not be ignored only as they're maybe not onesided.

Kids have migraines, as well, they aren't really a state restricted to maturity. Scientific tests have indicated that babies can have migraines, however, that really is tough to affirm.

Mature migraine victims ought to see for migraine signs and symptoms within their own kiddies, distinct should the different parent additionally experiences migraines. A young child using 2 migraineur kids features a 70% probability to become a migraineur.

[assignmenthelpstudio-blog]

One Child Policy and its effects upon Chinese Society

One Child Policy

Here we will be discussing a unique law, imposed and being strictly followed since last 30 years in the world’s second largest country by land area, having world’s biggest population of 1.3 billion, China. Today China is fastest growing economy on earth, but when we go few years back in the past, we see China as communist country famous for its Great Wall of China. In the beginning when the development in China was in initial levels, population was increasing whereas the resources were inadequate. Ruling governments were facing problems in making available food equally among the masses. Visualizing the future and planning for better progress, the leaders took up the initiative to control the fast growing population. In the 1960s. China’s large population was growing so rapidly that there was a serious threat of mass starvation (Miller, Spoolman, 2008).    

In 1979, the then Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping established a policy, banning birth of the second child. The couples were allowed only to have one child. Though this policy was announced as a “temporary measure”, but till today it is being pursued.  The one-child policy is perhaps the best example of the state’s inability to cope with the strain on China’s natural resources posed by its rapidly growing population (Becker, 2000). The policy was implemented with a set of regulations, relaxation for having a second was given on certain conditions. Couples abiding by the one child policy were encouraged by awarding different benefits like better jobs, medical facilities, better education, preferential treatment in obtaining governmental assistance, etc. whereas for those going against the policy were fined, better jobs were not offered and their participation in social activities were not encouraged. Secondly, the parents were to bear the education burden of the second child from their own expenses. However there are certain relaxation for urban couples allowing them conceive two Childs. Couples who are themselves only child to their parents can opt for a second child, if the first child is born with some disability and if the first child is a girl couple can seek permission for the second.  

Strict measures were practiced to enforce the policy efficiently. Women at the workplaces were regularly examined for any abnormalities in health. Committees of elderly women were established in apartment complexes to check any defiance of the policy. In simple language, privacy of women was assaulted. Moreover, women were forced for sterilization and abortion to prevent them to conceive more than one child. Even in some cases late abortions were also conducted. Surgeries were done on unhygienic places and multiple times without maintaining medically approved gaps. These all deteriorated the health of an average woman. The liking of males has discouraged women participation in many fields, though as a work force they work shoulder to shoulder with men, but still in jobs men are given priorities over women. Even the maternity laws ofChina prevent the employers to hire female workers.  

Urban couples, in particular, have accepted the ‘one-child’ policy, but preference is clearly a major factor that encourages abortions (Chambers, 2012). Chinese culture is a male dominant culture, birth of a girl as a first child creates miseries to the parents. The policy affected the pride of girl infants that gave rise to abortion and killing of new born. Concerns about female infanticide surfaced periodically in late imperial edicts, which forbade it (Mann, 2011). This deed developed unbalanced ratio of 114 males for every 100 females as compare to the normal ratio of 105 males to every 100 females. The shortage of women may have increased mental health problems and socially disruptive behavior among men and has left some men unable to marry and have a family (Hesketh, Xing, 2005). Female infants if not aborted often grow up in orphanage and persuaded to lead a second class life in the society. The urban families a girl child were in advantage of this policy, as these girls have full family support, in respect of education and proper upbringing, similarly they enjoy better work opportunities. Abortion is not illegal in China, while the policy has encouraged the use of contraceptives; around 87% of women in China consumes short or long term contraceptives. This research proves negative in rural areas, where women have no other option of consuming contraceptives rather than following the local family planning committee directives.  

There is diversity in implementation of one child policy, as it was only meant for Hans Chinese living in urban areas, whereas locals living in rural areas and Chinese ethnic minorities were exempted from the one child policy but with a gap of 4-5 years between the second child. Policy declined the population growth, in a country of 1.3 billion people. China’s one child policy was designed to create a generation of ambitious, well-educated children who would lead their country into the first world. This strategy has succeeded, but at a price (Fong, 2004). Besides advantages and this policy gave desired results, but there were some flaws as well. At the time of imposing the policy they didn’t realized its long term impact on its population and economy. Chinese people are now more educated and environmental awareness has changed there thought, now they are of different view, that instead of imposing ban on birth of more than one child, considering increase in the resources, would have been more fruitful.

China has made vast developments in industrialization, its economy is booming at a notable pace but scarce in migrant workers is very prominent. Similarly a single male child born, has to face the responsibility of supporting parents and grandparents, thus burden of four people is laid upon a single person. The population of China is steering towards 0-growth comprising other issues as well. The issue of aging is also the result of one child policy. Gap is increasing between elderly parent and adult children. In China, this problem has been named the “4:2:1” phenomenon, meaning that increasing numbers of couples will be solely responsible for the care of one child and four parents (Hesketh, Xing, 2005).

Above are the few main issues that are most commonly debated in the world community, nevertheless there are many other factors that has now disfavoured the policy. Another, serious concern for the Chinese authorities is girl trafficking and commercial sex. In 2005 in China there were 100 female births for every 118 males, which means, according to a Chinese report, that in 2020 there will be 30 million men of marriageable age who will probably not find a wife (Scarpa, 2008). According to reports, girls are smuggled into China from North Korea, Vietnam, Burma, Mongolia and Thailand. These girls are used for forced marriages and commercial sex. Even girls from Chinese rural areas are bought or kidnapped by the influential or rich family, who becomes the brides of their only sons.

In 1978 when the policy was enforced, China’s economy was far behind from where it stands now. Carried out in defiance of cultural and political reason, the policy has induced social suffering and human trauma on a vast scale (Greenhalgh, 2008). The policy makers didn’t visualized the future China, and its

remarkable growth in industrialization. There’s a scarce of skilled and qualified workers available to for the massive industries in China. The Chinese population is ageing at a noticeable speed. The pace of its aging trend is by itself unparalleled, with the proportion of older adults projected to grow from 6.8 percent to 23.6 percent over the first half of the twenty-first century, reported by United nations (2005, cited in Uhlenberg, p. 157) In rural areas the only son has a burden of supporting his family (parents – grandparents), he is forced to move to urban cities for employment, whereas he lacks proper training and qualification on the other side of picture, the son of upper class getting proper training and education, has various options of jobs inland or abroad. Compared with the large numbers of the total labor force, China’s skilled labor force is much smaller, forming less than 20 percent of the total (Gao, 2012). Thus the qualified workers available are limited. Multinational organization having huge investments in China, have serious concerns over the availability of skilled labor on cheap wages. Because of the low birth rate, associated with the one-child policy instituted more than 30 years ago now, China’s work force has been shrinking for the past decade; the current census indicates that the shrinkage is set to become more pronounced (Gardner, 2011).  

The changing global environment and competitive market, has compelled the think tanks of China to persuade the government to terminate the one child police or make some amendments in it allowing a second child. The same policy was imposed on temporary basis but new leaders taking over, brought forward the same. Referring to new researches, China might be facing challenges related with social and economic factors. Preferably the changes in the policy was to be made few years back, China is now facing the impacts of the family limiting policy. China has taken a long leap since 1979, passing through many social, political and economic changes, the effects of policy seems to be dimmed. The freedom and wealth enhancement, has weaken the government’s strength to enforce the policy.  

The one child policy, since its implementation in 1979, undoubtly slower the birth rate. The global family planning authorities, claims that the policy has been unsuccessful in producing the desired results, acknowledging the actual figures, according to the census records, since the policy was enforced, there has been addition of around 12 million people every year, in the Chinese population. The government claims that its one child policy has prevented around 400 million births. It should be noted that many Chinese families who want more than one or two Childs, use different tactics to avoid registration, they may change their location or change family identities. Moreover, improved health conditions have declined the death rate.  Thus the confirmed figure will be higher than official ones.

Irrespective of high pressure on the government, by the general public and associated think tanks, to terminate the thirty year old policy, certain factors needs to be justified before taking any action. Global geographical changes are quite obvious since last thirty years. Where overall world population is increasing, resources are declining, the major concern of developed countries is the availability of resources and unemployment. The high rates of economic and industrial developments that accompanied population growth in the twentieth century fed fears about depletion of resources and fouling of the land, air, biota and water in nearly all parts of the globe (Academies of science, 2001).  Whereas China is still out of the queue, from such issues. Chinese government still holds the steering wheel to bypass the country, to some extent, from these global issues.

In, 1979 when the one child policy was enforced, it was only meant to control the growing population accordingly to cope up with the available resources, as discussed above there were many loopholes in the policy making. But, now making amendments in the policy or terminating the policy, will not be an easy task. Aging, imbalance ratio of sex, male domination, available resources, employment and health conditions, will be influencing the decision of making any change or cancelling the policy. Chinese family planning authorities has changed their stance over population control to family care. Modernized methods are introduced instead of abortion and sterilization to control the birth rate. Scarce of women, available as brides will further decrease the birth rate. The one child policy has also displayed China as violator of human rights. Global authorities related with human rights, has accused China for breaking laws of human rights, enforcement of one child policy is of the example.  Amendment of policy is needed to promote the importance of women in the Chinese society, effective counseling would be helpful in changing the male dominance. It is predicted unless serious measures are not taken the Chinese economy might collapse in another 5 – 10 years.

[tcifiscal]

Words that Hurt: Anti-Sanctuary Bills Traumatize Children and Communities

This legislative session, Virginia lawmakers adopted an anti-immigrant bill that harms immigrant families in the state while likely having no actual impact on immigration policy. The bill very much echoes the type of anti-immigrant rhetoric that is being spread at the federal level, and is described by opponents as designed specifically to send a message that immigrants are not welcome in Virginia. The legislation now awaits a decision from the governor. He should veto this unnecessary and harmful bill.

On its face, the bill (HB1257) prevents localities from implementing any ordinance, policy, or procedure that restricts the enforcement of federal immigration laws. But that wording is sufficiently vague that its impact on Virginia schools, public safety officials, and communities is unclear. At best, it would be purely symbolic, since Virginia has no “sanctuary cities.” At worst, it could be interpreted as forcing local governments to rescind existing policies that build trust between police and the communities they serve, policies like not asking crime victims and witnesses about their immigration status. Either way, this bill sends a message to immigrant communities that the state will go out of its way to not protect or value them -- a message that has particularly harmful consequences for children and families.

In Virginia, nearly 1 in 4 children live in households with at least one immigrant parent. The vast majority of these children are U.S. citizens (at least 86 percent) and the majority of the parents are lawfully present. Yet, as outlined in a new groundbreaking report by the Center for Law and Social Policy (CLASP), children in immigrant families have recently experienced an increase in trauma-induced symptoms that stem from anti-immigrant rhetoric, regardless of a parent’s immigration status. That’s because kids in immigrant families often can’t tell the difference between the rhetoric they hear and whether threats of deportation apply to their family.

CLASP researchers shine a light on the harmful impact this has on young children under the age of eight. The report draws from a large multi-state survey of parents, child care providers, education providers, and public service agencies. Findings show that the impacts are severe, widespread and have surfaced since the 2016 national elections in children as young as three.

Fear by both parents and children has led to a host of new observed behaviors that harm child brain development. For example, immigrant parents are avoiding taking advantage of public benefits that they and/or their children are eligible for, such as food assistance and health care support because of fear of sharing personal information with the government. This has led to children going hungry and not receiving responsive or preventive health care.

Parents are also more hesitant to leave their homes with children for non-essential services, so kids in immigrant households are now less likely to go to libraries, parks, museums, grocery stores and retail shops -- routines that broaden perspectives and help shape minds at early ages. In addition, children in immigrant families are now less likely to attend education programs. All of these factors result in children in immigrant families having fewer opportunities in life to develop skills and normal routines that will contribute to their success as stable adults.

Changing activities and routines for children can lead to heightened fear and anxiety, especially when parents making these decisions are driven by the same emotions. Research has shown that when a parent’s immigration status is not under threat, children are significantly less likely to have adjustment and/or anxiety disorders. But observers have noticed children in immigrant families exhibiting new unusual behaviors related to heightened stress, including: separation anxiety, biting fingers, bed wetting, lack of participation in school, refusing to talk and other atypical social behaviors.

We all want to create the types of communities where all Virginians can thrive and reach their potential. But when Virginia advances legislation like HB1257 with no clear purpose other than to send an unwelcoming message to immigrant families, that further contributes to an atmosphere that actively undermines families and our children. Nearly a quarter of the children in this state live in families that are likely to be affected by anti-immigrant rhetoric, and legislators need to carefully consider how their actions contribute to raising a generation in a cloud of fear and anxiety.

The governor can and should veto this needless legislation, but this bill has already contributed to damaging the public climate, and that can lead to lifelong consequences.

– Chad Stewart, Research & Planning Analyst

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Wednesday 6th January 2010

I am not a writer. In all honestly, I struggle a lot which I believe is due to my dyslexia (to the people that know me, yes I do have it!)

I have put off writing this for so long because it is going to break my heart in every way, shape and form. This blog is all about my thoughts and feelings since the day my big brother was involved in a car accident on Christmas Day 2009 which killed him, to how I have coped with it to this day. I have my tissues ready because I will cry a lot. 

I was 16 years old, enjoying Christmas Day with my family. We was all sat on the sofa watching Eastenders. My younger sister (Ayesha) was trying to get hold my big brother (Imran) who had gone to Scotland with his friends for the day. I remember the phone went straight to answer machine and Ayesha at this point was really worried. I remember just shrugging it off. I must have really been into Eastenders.

We all went to bed and my big sister's (Amna) boyfriend now husband (Nadeem) stayed over that night. 

Ayesha woke me up ‪around 2am‬ in the morning along with Amna, Nadeem and my younger brother (Farhaan) saying the police are knocking on the door. We was all in a daze as we had all woken up apart from Ayesha who hadn't yet gone to sleep. My parents had separated at this point and my mum was out with her friends.

Nadeem opened the door and the two police men immediately asked for all family members to be present as they had terrible news. I honestly thought this was part of my dream. The police men asked Amna to confirm Imran's car registration plate which she did and they informed the car was involved in a fatal accident where two out of three passengers in Imran's car had died and one man had survived however he had serious head injuries and is in an induced coma. 

Before I go any further, I'll explain how the car accident happened. Imran was driving round the bend on the motorway and skidded on black ice which made the car go onto the embankment. The car then rolled back onto the motorway however on its roof. Another car then crashed into my brothers car which immediately killed two of the passengers. 

They asked us loads of questions which made me think my brother had died that night such as if he was wearing Timberland boots. Anyone who knew Imran would know he would never ever own a pair of Timberlands. They advised the survivor was wearing Timberlands. At this point my heart dropped, I didn't even cry. I just froze and begged myself to wake up from this nightmare.

By this point, my mum and dad had come to the house and immediately they was arguing and blaming each other. The police advised us to travel to Preston immediately as they needed my parents to identify the survivor. 

It was the most horrible car journey up to Preston. Ayesha was crying uncontrollably, Farhaan was sleepy - he was only 7 at the time so he didn't really understand what was going on. And me? Still begging myself to wake up.

We got to the hospital and I was crying so much, I didn't want to go in and see what was happening. We all got there and Amna was greeted by our family liaison officer called Alex. Amna has always been the mum figure and as she was the most stable out of us all, she dealt with the reporters and the police. 

My mum was the one who went in to identify the man in the coma. My family was sitting in the waiting area, all in silence, hoping and praying that my brother had survived.

After what felt like a lifetime, my mum came back and said what we wanted to hear, my brother had survived. However my mum was crying so much. My mum has previously worked in hospitals looking after patients who had leukaemia. She knew since seeing my big brother in an induced coma that he wasn't going to survive.

We all went back home on Boxing Day morning. My dad got himself a hotel and stayed there in Preston to be with my brother. We requested for him to be back in Manchester so he would be closer to home, however due to how poorly and the amount of injuries he had, that wasn't possible. 

The next 12 days was agony. My family met with my brothers friends who had died to offer condolences. I was trying to be strong, for my mum, my little brother and my sisters but it was tough.

My parents arranged a doctor they knew to come visit my brother, he gave us false hope and advised my brother would be fine and to start arranging things at home, such as a suitable bed for him etc. Which is what my mum was looking at doing.

It got to New Year's Day which is a day I'll never forget. Imran adored Farhaan, we all knew it was because he hated having three younger sisters and always wanted a little brother. When Farhaan was born, Imran was the happiest person alive. We took Farhaan to see Imran. It was the first time he opened his eyes, he saw Farhaan and started crying. By witnessing this, I cried so much and it's a moment I'll never forget.

Days went by and my brother still hadn't woken up and hadn't progressed. 

It was Wednesday 6th January 2010. Three days before Imran's 22nd birthday. The worst day of my life.

It was the year we was badly snowed in, all schools was closed.

I was at home with Farhaan, I made us breakfast and we decided to watch ‪Mean Girls‬ - a film I've not watched since this day. My mum and sisters was on their way to my brothers friends funeral. They had literally just left to go and I felt as though I had just sat down.

I heard crying, shouting and banging on the front door. I opened it and Ayesha said the words I wish I could forget. 'Imran's died'. 'WHAT??!!' I screamed back. Amna was crying. I can't remember where my mum was at this point. 

I stepped outside into the snow and literally collapsed. I don't remember much from there.

My big brother had died of a heart attack at the age of 21.

Someone, possibly a neighbour took me back into the house and I saw my mum, on the floor, punching it hard screaming 'not my Imran' I wish more than anything I could forget that, I can still hear the screams in my memory. 

I ran upstairs to my room and starting punching, screaming, crying. I couldn't believe this had happened.

My uncle shortly came round and managed to dig my mums car out from the snow and drove us to Preston. It was the most silent journey ever. I was sat with Farhaan who again was so quiet and looked heartbroken. I do try talking to Farhaan about this now but he can't remember any of it.

We got to the hospital and my brother was put in another room where my dad was. My family stood around my brothers body and just cried so much. The thought of killing myself came there as I thought, there is no way on earth I am going to get through this, how the FUCK am I supposed to live now? 

My mum actually did grab a wire when we was in that room and tried to strangle herself. Again a memory I wish I could forget. My dad and uncle ran up to her and took the wire of her and tried to help her calm down.

All of Nadeems family came, who are basically my own family. I don't know what we would have done without them which I remind them to this day.

I remember getting back home and walking down the street in a daze. There was so many people outside our house. Family, friends, neighbours, all there to offer their condolences. I really badly wanted to tell them to fuck off. I just wanted a few hours to myself to give me time process what had happened. Suppose I've got the rest of my life for that.

Imran's funeral was on Friday 8th January 2010, a day before his 22nd birthday. Again, I don't remember much, my brain has blocked out most of my memories as I spent the rest of my teenage years torturing myself about the car accident, thinking about how scared my brother must of been, what his last thoughts where and what if he had just stayed home with us on Christmas Day instead of going to Scotland? He would be alive today. I would have my big brother. 

I had suffered from extreme depression, eating disorders and anxiety. Which in all honestly, still hasn't completely gone away today, almost 8 years later.

I am happy to say my eating disorder has finally gone away. Anyone who knows me is aware of how much I eat. It’s taken me a long time but I’m glad I can finally stomach eating 3 meals a day.

I do still class myself as suffering from depression and anxiety. Especially this time of year. I tend to block and push people away and try to get through December and January on my own which I know is the wrong thing to do and possibly makes my depression and anxiety worse.

I hate Christmas, Boxing Day, New Year's Day, all of January. I hate snow. I hate winter. I hate Mean Girls. I hate driving when it's icey/snowy.

It reminds me of everything I've been through.

I still get angry sometimes, at God if there is one. Why my brother at 21 years old? Why did I have to experience this trauma at the age of 16 which had impacted and heavily affected my adult life? The day my brother died I classed myself as an atheist. In my eyes, there is no God. If there is, he’s a cruel being.

I even hate getting close to people, it takes a lot for me to open up to people as I hate telling the story of my brother, which is a huge part of the person I am today. 

I care about people so much, possibly more than normal. I am so scared people I care about will just die, which is probably why I hate leaving things on bad terms with people that mean a lot to me and I am that person that will do anything to make sure people stay in my life, no matter how they badly they treat me.

I also have the tendency to push people away, maybe because I am terrified they will mean a lot to me and then knowing they will die one day.

This year has been tough, since 2010 I haven't known anyone to die. This year I have known 4 people to die. One of them being my grandad. He was heartbroken when Imran died. He kept saying it should have been him. My grandad went to Mecca a month before my brothers accident and brought his coffin and outfit which had been bathed in holy water. Little did my grandad know he wouldn't have used that for him, but for his grandson. 

I still worry about my mum, who is and no one can argue on this point, the strongest woman alive. She has been so strong for me, my sisters and my brother. Even today. I have my moments. I get upset, drive to my mums and curl up in her lap and cry that I miss Imran. She's always there for me, cuddling me and telling me he is proud of me, for how much I have achieved, how I have got back on my feet and continued with my life. 

She suffers from bad depression still, I mean her first born child died before reaching the age of 22 and she still had to be strong for her other 4 children. 

Amna is also strong. She's given birth to my three beautiful nephews who have been brought up knowing all about their uncle Imran. They have a picture of him in their bedroom which I took when I moved into my own place. Ayaan who's the eldest aged 5, shouted at me and told me he wants his Uncle Imran's picture back in his bedroom. 

They still don't understand what's happened. Ayaan and Zaki (aged 3) still ask me why they haven't met Uncle Imran and why he doesn't come to play with them like me, Ayesha and Farhaan. We have to explain Uncle Imran is in heaven and is watching down on them. He would have been the best uncle ever, definitely a better Aunty than what I am!

Ayesha's doing well too, finally passed her driving test, looking to buy her own house with her partner and wanting to start a family soon.

Farhaan is in his last year of school, looking to go to college and eventually university.

Me? I'm just getting by on every day life. Working full time, enjoying being independent and saving up to buy my own house.

I did go to university and gained a degree in Counselling and Psychotherapy. My goal in to firstly travel starting end of next year then when I get back home, to have a job which is linked to my degree.

Over the years I’ve had therapy which has helped me in so many ways. I’ve learnt how to deal with my emotions and anger. Learnt breathing techniques simply in those moments where I get overwhelmed and feel like my chest is closing up on me. I’ve learned going for walks, exercise and eating healthy really are your best friends.