#ANYWAYS back to thinking about Hal Jordan/Batman/Superman's thighs...

[kicksnscribs]

Meh i deleted that rude anon post bc its not worth it.

If you want to immediately resort to insults over something that could have easily been a "hey check your resources/you are super misinformed about this subject" kind of deal then have fun bc im not dealing with it.

But i do hope that you find peace soon bc pulling out that kind of rage on a complete stranger is not healthy.

[witherby]

I would like to request angst with Bruce and Hal 😇

-💀

You got it!

$3 Commission

Feat. Bruce Wayne, Hal Jordan, and some light angst.

This is set in the earlier days of the Justice League and pre-relationship. They've got several members, but the smooth synergy isn't all there yet.

In hindsight, if he'd just taken a minute to stop and think about what he was going to do before doing it, they would not be in this position. A fact that pisses him off just as much as it eats him with guilt.

"If you can give me time to map the pattern," Bruce had said, yelling so he could be heard over the racuous gunfire from Lex Luthor's latest machine designed to destroy Superman, "I can find the weak points for you to take it down."

And Hal...well. He never did like waiting for something to happen when he could seize control of the situation and handle it in his own way. He especially didn't like being told to rely on someone else telling him where and how to use his ring that the Lantern Corps bestowed upon him. That's how operating on a team works, though, which he's been trying his best to adhere to.

Mostly trying.

Kinda trying.

He's helped here and there, but mostly minds his business. He's a goddamned Green Lantern. This planet and a big-ass chunk of this galaxy are all part of his jurisdiction, and he guards it just fine by himself. Batman has no business giving him orders, what with that stupid pointy cowl, and that big flappy cape, and the bat-themed tiny boomerangs, and his huge feet, and those rippling thighs, and a jaw that could cut diamonds, and the fleeting sight of that ass when the cape is billowing in the wind —

Anyway, he can't be bothered to listen to some guy in glorified spandex boss him around when he can just take out the big, hulking machine himself. It's human in design, with some synthesized Kryptonite integrated into its weaponry. A simple construct is more than enough to take it out and make it back home before the newest episode of Project Runway comes on. He's been rooting for Jaques and his insane pleating techniques all season.

"I've got a magic space ring, Spooks. The whole thing is a weak point in comparison," Hal smirks. He takes to the air with a wink and a wave. He's about to fly straight at the weapon and smash it with a giant green hammer, but he's suddenly blasted by a beam of vivid, yellow light right out of the robot's mouth. His suit flickers and his stomach jumps into his throat, which is his only indicator that he's rapidly plummeting to the ground. The world spins faster than he can re-solidify the suit and orient himself, and the only thing he can think is god fucking dammit, I hate it when he's right.

He hits the dirt with a thud, blood roaring in his ears. His back is on fire and Bruce is rushing towards him, yelling something Hal can't make out. He's absolutely not in the mood to get scolded right this second. Give a guy some space to breathe, man.

" — up!! Get your feet under you, NOW!"

Hal jolts. The Bat's got an arm supporting his back and he's practically dragging the Lantern's body off the middle of the field. Hal's legs make an aborted attempt to get under him and support himself, but it's a useless endeavor when a huge, yellow cage springs up around the two of them moments later and knocks them both out of play.

Satisfied they won't be going anywhere, Lex's stupid machine turns away from the two of them and refocuses his attention on their teammates. Superman can't fly in close or the kryptonite the robot is armed with will take him down, too, which has suddenly turned this situation from a relatively low-stakes fight to a potential clusterfuck.

They're three men down — one rendered useless at close-range, one trapped by a stupid color, and one trapped for trying to rescue the guy that didn't listen to him.

Hal can't see Bruce's eyes under the cowl, but he shrinks away from his lethal glare all the same.

"...what was it you'd said," he mutters, "about watching for a weak point?"

"Shut the hell up."

"I — yeah okay. This one's on me."

[whirlibird]

DC for the blorbo meme? :3

this is against the spirit of the meme but i think i can make all of these about hal jordan. i apologize in advance

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most) - i didnt care about hal jordan at all until i was told that he was sky crazy. i had just seen come from away so any character that Just Wants To Fly is immediately my beloved. anyway then i shotgunned a bunch of green lantern comics and found out that theyre all deranged. love them all! but especially hal.

scrunkly (my “baby���, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped) - again Hal Time. i could probably make a collage of every time he gets grabbed like the damsel from king kong. spiritually he is making a squeaky toy noise every time.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave) - Hal Is Absolutely Not Underrated but i think outside of the GL fandom most of the green lanterns get sorta neglected. f in chat for the dceu just having No Lanterns. even in dc comics fandom i think a lotta people just think of hal as the generic lantern, like how guy gardner is thought of as the rude ginger guy that batman punched once. theres more to them! they have layers, like onions, like ogres.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week) i think this the only one i CANT make about hal but also, like in all superhero comics?? if you see YOUR favourite appearing briefly in someone else's run, you go poggers.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave) - PARALLAX HAL. HAL'S HOT GIRL SUMMER. POSTER CHILD FOR MALE HYSTERIA. LOVE THIS BITCH. dc wanted to reboot GL and get a new boy, so how do we get hal out of the picture? destroy his city and make him go full wandavision trying to recreate it and all the people that died! the guardians say no, so he snaps and murders them, as well as like....all the other lanterns on his way to doing that. crushed by his failure to protect his people, he decides the world is fucked and the only way to fix it is to start it over. cue zero hour, where he very nearly managed to reset the entire universe! the death toll was ENORMOUS! he got shot through the heart by his best bud oliver queen before he could finish it though. this triggers ollie's depression arc WHICH IS A WHOLE OTHER THING,,, anyway. well he got shot but he got better because he's hopped up on ultimate cosmic power and whatnot. the 90s comics continue while he is moping in outer space until a sun eater almost destroys the earth, so he comes back and throws himself into the sun to reignite it, dying for realsies this time. and on top of all that the CHANEL THIGH HIGH BOOTS? THE CAPE? iconic. later all this was retconned to be because he was possessed by a yandere space worm that was in love with him. which is also hilarious. someone deworm this man. after he died he became spectre for a while, until kyle rayner dragged his corpse out of the sun and he got to be a lantern again.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason) - hal really is most fun when he's fucking going thru it so like. Yeah. top 10 moments is when he's uncharacteristically quiet and looking blankly and ominously into the middle distance, so Every Character Who Was There For His First Hot Girl Summer is just like:

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell) - he already went to hell like, twice. once it was with superman. they had a great boys night out. vaguely related but i think sinestro once went through an orpheus and eurydice-esque journey into the underworld and/or spectre hal's subconscious?? and then also one time he and sinestro shared a ring and ended up yeeted to the Death Dimension together. sinestro got himself out so hal had to fling himself off a cliff and Fall To His Death to solve this problem. you can put a lot of icarus flavour into this guy