#And I'm always happy to help. One time I literally had to screen record my own Macbook screen to show her how to do something.

[iero]

Nothing makes me feel more like a techie then when my mom has to call me to do something super basic on her Mac desktop. She just called me to ask how to save something to her Downloads folder.

[seobrangii]

| shitty 808s - kim jongseob x gn! reader - 1.2k wc✔︎

my notes⎯ sorry for not writing in a bit- I got hit by a scooter and lost hearing in my left eye. anyway- enjoy! (ilovejongseobsm). also the reader is younger than jongseob- so they're the maknae! warnings⎯ lowercase intended, cursing, not really proofread, I don't know jackshit about making music- I do make it just for fun but I don't know it on a professional level. songs⎯ "take you there x no bs" | dj short and "trillions" | alicia keys

“dude this sounds like shit.”

“it’s literally only 808s. it’s not going to sound good.”

“tell that to carti.”

jongseob groans and relaxes his body into the creaky studio chair. from where he's at; body slouches and neck bent, he feebly grabs for the mouse, each time he reaches he just barely misses it- giving a pitiful grunt every time.

you slap his hand away playfully, scooting your chair over in his place to play with the track. in the 30 minutes you've been in the studio you only managed the 808s. ass, in your opinion but something to start the song off as a base.

"what are you doing?" he mutters, looking towards the desktop screen. the black background of the software lights up every time you move around tracks. the purple and blue sections reflect off his glasses, "stop pressing stuff, you're gonna mess it up."

a scoff leaves your lips absentmindedly, choosing to replace the pre-made 808s with a original. you play it back for a spilt second- nodding to yourself feeling content in your work.

"you should be thankful I'm helping you," you start, adding a few high hats some measures into the song, "today is my off day and youngji just came out with a new episode."

he rolls his eyes and reaches over to grab his water bottle, he uncaps it and throws the lid on your lap. you make no effort to move it, "you would've had to come in eventually. jiung needed you today to record your verse."

you reach over to twitch your hand infront of his bottle, as if faking him out. he jerks his body away from you quickly, the water shakes in his hand- some even coming from the top and onto his sweater.

"bro." it comes out weak and quiet, a frown forming on his lips but you're quick to talk over him;

"for him, I wouldn't have complained. it's different when I have to do it because it's scheduled then come in to help someone work on his song." you spilt the back ground voices you added from files and slip in theo's guitar solo along with a 4 bar bass drum.

at this point you haven't listened to what has been added, jongseob still hogging the headphones. though you have enough confidence in yourself, and as one of the main producers, to know that the song will be somewhat decent- and way better than whatever he had before.

"what even is your inspo?"

"'bambi', baekhyun."

he makes a face, "sexy, no?"

you shrug, clicking around on the application to add some reverb, "piece will love it, fnc will tolerate it, intak will be happy. what more is there?"

he doesn't respond.

the difference between the software when jongseob had it compared to it in your hands is insane. infront of you the screen decorated with rainbows of colors, the static lines tracking the sound range from lengths and size. it's beautiful.

you feel a heavy weight on your left arm and look down to see jongseob leaning on you, he lets out a tired breath, and reaches up to fiddle with the loose string on your sleeve.

"are you almost done yet? you're hogging my equipment and I have other stuff I need to do."

"is all you do is complain?" you ask, titling the song with a random phrase and saving it, "because if that's the case I'll just get keeho."

his grip on your sleeve tightens as he tenses. for some reason jongseob is afraid of keeho- the latter always picking on him and fighting him. you would ask why and how it started but in all honesty, you couldn't really care.

"no no no, it's okay. you can keep working."

a proud smirk graces your lips as you reach over to slip the headphones off his head. he lets you, reaching forward to give you better access, smiling when he feels your hands pat down the mess they left.

you bend down slightly, apologizing when his head falls from your shoulder, and blindly reach for the tower to unplug the cord from its socket. "alright," you mess with the setting once more, turning the volume up enough so it can be heard. "you ready?"

jongseob yawns, "about time." you smack him upside the head.

the song is only about 3 minutes long, but in that three minutes it sounded wonderful. even though you were on playing around with it, something to keep jongseob satisfied until he could figure out what he really wanted to do with it, you think it could actually be the final product.

as the song plays you would take a look at his face to gauge his opinion. he seemed to like it; bobbing his head with the melody, a soft smile on his lips. it made you feel somewhat better about missing youngjis' show.

"okay, what do you think?" you ask as the beat fades out, you pause it so it doesn't play again and turn your body towards him, knees knocking each other.

he doesn't say anything for a minute, staring at the poster on the wall behind your head. his face is back to neutral. you think about snapping your fingers infront of his face to wake him up.

after a while he takes in a breath and says, “buns, actual buns.”

“you’re only saying that because it’s not jiung working on the song.”

he doesn't say anything but nods in agreement. there's a cheeky smirk on his face. "if that's the case, I'll just delete the song." you move the mouse to press erase before a hand catches you before you do.

"don't." he says, a mild glint in his eye as he pries your fingers from the mouse. he gently places your hand back in your lap while maintaining eye contact, moving the device to his side of the table.

"so it's not 'buns'?" you ask, the smirk back on your face.

he hesitates and then says, "no it's still ass, but why would I delete it just to start over, waste of time."

you laugh and go to answer but your phone vibrating catches you off guard. you use your face to open it to read the message;

멘토르 (mentor) come to floor 4 pls, we're ready for you :)

"uh oh," the chair beneath you slides backward as you stand up to collect your belonging. the bottle cap falls from your lap as you hand jongseob his headphones, "duty calls, i'll be gone for about an hour or two, if you need me, don't. I'll be busy."

he laughs, watching as you put on your shoes. you places a kiss on his head as you retreat for the door. you hear the clicking of a mouse and muffled music from behind you.

as soon as you reach for the door knob a voice calls out. "yeah?"

jongseob, hood pulled back so that you can see the bangs of his brown hair, his glasses that reflect the sparkle in his eyes, and the big smile on his face says, "I know I give you shit but thank you. you saved me a lot of trouble."

you smile back at your elder, a content look matching his own, "hey, anytime."

you close the door and head towards the elevator.

⎯if you want to be apart of my taglist let me know!

→ thank you for reading!

[astrophileous]

Love Bugs was sooo good!!! Do you think they’d let Penelope plan a baby shower with the entire team? Maybe even a sex reveal and Penelope truly trying her best to not reveal it early, the others on Garcia duty to make sure she doesn’t let anything slip LOL

WAIT HOLD ON THAT IS SUCH A CUTE CONCEPT???

and I hope you don't mind me putting my own twist to this, but you literally just reminded me of this insta reel I saw a while back of a couple who was doing a sex reveal privately on the beach with a cake, and then the wife, very innocently pulled out the candle so that the husband could cut it, not realizing the cream sticking on the candle would prematurely reveal the sex to them 😭 now I just can't stop imagining Penelope accidentally doing the same thing KAJJSJEJ IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS

btw thank you so much for reading love bugs, I'm soooo happy you liked it <3333

Love Bugs Masterlist / Criminal Minds Masterlist

You couldn't have been less inclined towards the idea the first time Penelope had brought it to your attention.

The next time she did, Penelope knew better than to come empty-handed. Thankfully for her, JJ and Emily both seemed to be partial towards Penelope's brilliant suggestion.

"I think it'll be great, (Y/N)," JJ had said. "I never did one for Henry, but I helped a girlfriend host hers once. It was fun."

"And I, personally, am always down for a party." Emily grinned.

"But a gender reveal party, guys? Seriously?"

"It'll be great, Beets. Trust me," Penelope swore. "Plus, you don't need to worry your pretty little head with anything. You just sit back, relax, and let us three do the heavy liftings."

Eventually, with the right doses of persuasion and incessant pleading, you agreed to let them throw a sex reveal party for the baby; with one condition: you wanted to keep the whole thing small and simple.

But small and simple weren't exactly Penelope's forte.

JJ and Emily tried their best to keep the tech analyst in check during the entire planning process. It was bad enough that the two of them had to take turns monitoring Penelope to make sure she wasn't stepping out of any line, but when they finally received the envelope from your doctor containing the sex of the baby, Penelope grew even worse.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Penelope yelped when Emily's voice suddenly appeared beside her. The blonde scrambled to click a few buttons on her computer screen to close the page she was looking at before Emily could see what she was doing, but it was too late.

"Wasn't that the archive of the hospital (Y/N) goes to?"

"What? No. Of course not. Why? Did you think I hacked it? That's ridiculous, why would I ever hack--"

"Garcia," Emily's stern voice cut her off. "Did you seriously just hack a hospital's records to find out the sex of (Y/N)'s baby?"

Penelope's silence was all the confirmation that Emily needed.

"It won't happen again," the tech analyst murmured shamefully.

But it did, in fact, happen again.

"Pen?" JJ's eyebrows creased when, just a few days later, she spotted Penelope sitting behind the desk in her office.

"Yes? Oh, hi! Hey, how are ya? Nothing to see here!"

Penelope offered JJ a sheepish smile, one that was intended to conceal trouble but instead spoke of one. JJ's eyes squinted.

"What's that in your hand?"

"Oh, this?" Penelope raised her right hand, showing JJ the figurine of a duck dressed as Superman that she, for some reason, was holding. "It's my new buddy. I got him at a flea market last week. Isn't he cute?"

"I meant your other hand, Pen."

JJ raised her eyebrows expectantly.

Soon enough, Penelope surrendered to JJ's stare of death--the one that she had perfected since becoming a mother--and handed the envelop into JJ's awaiting palm.

"I'm sorry," Penelope said meekly, like a child being scolded after being caught with her hand in the candy jar.

A week before the party was supposed to be held, JJ had safely dropped the cake order at the bakery, along with the sacred envelope that you had entrusted in her care. In hindsight, it looked as though everything was finally going according to plan.

Until the D-day rolled around.

As Emily held down the fort back at Derek's and your shared place, JJ and Penelope resorted to cake duty. JJ let Penelope go into the bakery to grab the cake while she stayed in the car for a quick phone call. When Penelope didn't yet reappear after five minutes, JJ decided to follow her inside to see what was holding her up.

"Hey, Pen?" JJ called to Penelope, who was standing like a deer caught in headlights in the middle of the room. In front of her, the baker was holding the box of cake with visible confusion on his face. "What's wrong?"

"She's just been standing there like that. Frozen. Like she saw a ghost," the baker informed.

"Pen?"

"The apron," Penelope whispered.

"What?"

"The apron."

"What ap--oh no."

JJ's eyes widened almost comically when she finally registered what had Penelope looking so stunned.

"Sir," JJ began, "you didn't happen to be working on this cake before we came in, did you?"

"Yeah, I did. I was just finishing it up. Filling in the buttercream and adding some final touches."

JJ sighed. "So, you're saying that the buttercream on your apron is the buttercream you used to fill in the cake?"

JJ's question prompted the baker to look down at the apron he was wearing.

More specifically, at the colored buttercream that spoiled the sex of your baby.

"We've got a situation," JJ said to Emily as soon as she and Penelope found her in your kitchen half an hour later.

"What is it?"

"Me and Pen accidentally found out about the sex."

"You what?!"

"I found out about the sex. I know the sex," Penelope murmured from where she was standing behind JJ. "I know what it is. I know what--hey, you two!"

The three women swiveled their heads towards the doorway, seeing you standing there with Derek practically gluing himself to your back.

"Hi, girls. Everything alright in here?"

"Everything is fine! Why wouldn't it be?" Penelope chuckled nervously.

A frown appeared between Derek's eyebrows. "Babygirl, you okay?"

Penelope waved him off. "I'm fanta... bulous."

"Fantabulous?" Emily whispered.

"Pretty sure it's a combination of fantastic and fabulous." JJ whispered back.

You stared at Penelope in concern. "You sure you're okay, Pen?"

"I'm fine, Beets! Splendid, even! I'm just so happy to see the three of you! God, look at that. You're all so perfect together. My Beets, Chocolate Thunder, and your beautiful baby--"

"Okay!" JJ exclaimed, cutting Penelope off before she could spill the main surprise. "We've still got a lot of work to do here, so... go, both of you."

As soon as you and Derek were out of earshot, JJ said to Penelope, "Pen, you gotta calm down."

"I can't. Oh my God, I can't calm down. It's the knowing. I hate knowing secrets, I'm not good with them."

"It's only for one more hour," Emily reasoned. "You can do this. Just... take a deep breath."

JJ and Emily somehow managed to keep Penelope from spiraling any further, long enough for them to finally commemorate the main event of the night. Your living room was crowded with beloved and very familiar faces: members of the BAU and a few friends of yours and Derek's. The speakers were blasting "September" by Earth, Wind & Fire, and you stood in front of the guests with Derek to your side when Emily and Penelope finally brought out the cake.

"Ladies and gents, we're about to witness a very important moment in history," JJ announced to the room. "In a few minutes, we'll finally find out the sex of the newest member of the (Y/L/N)-Morgan's household!"

The crowd erupted in cheers. You felt Derek give your hip a squeeze.

"Does anyone care to share their guesses?" JJ asked.

Shouts of "boy" and "girl", and a very vague shriek of "twins", all piled on top of one another. JJ quickly gestured with her hands for the crowd to calm back down.

"Without further ado, I present to you, Derek Morgan and (Y/N) (Y/L/N)!"

As your guests exploded in a synchronized ovation, Derek pressed a gentle kiss to your temple. "You ready, Bug?"

"As long as you are, Mr. Morgan."

You and Derek each grabbed a knife from the table, but before the blades could touch the cake, Penelope's voice stopped you in your tracks.

"Wait, let me remove those candles for you."

"No, Penelope!"

Emily's warning came too late.

The entire room held their breaths at the sight of the candles in Penelope's hand. The tech analyst darted her eyes in confusion before she realized what she had done.

"Oh no."

"Is that--" Derek's voice sounded lost in awe.

"Yes, it is," you breathed out.

"The cream, it's--"

"I know." A humorous chuckle escaped your chest as a lone tear fell down your cheek. "It's a blue buttercream. We're having a boy."

Derek didn't waste any second before gathering you in his arms. Around you, your crowds of friends celebrated along in a sequence of hoorays and applause. But even in the midst of that ruckus, you felt like there were no other people left on this world with you other than Derek and your baby.

Your son.

"Hey, Little Man," Derek whispered as his hand landed on your belly. "I can't wait to meet you."

[agirlandherquill]

your novels look so interesting.. i wish i could write a whole novel without getting all distracted but ADHD is NOT fair to me unless its 4am and i've got coffee dbehbeudhb. do you have any tips for how to pace yourself and write more than a oneshot before getting bored and/or annoyed with the work? i want to write more than oneshots but it's difficult T T

this is such a good question, thank you for asking it!

okay i'll tackle this in two parts, first, pacing - it's taken me a long time to understand how my brain works, so believe me when i say i've tried many different things to help with pacing (I've had days where I've written nothing at all, or 8,000 words in one day (my personal record, god knows how)), but here's a few things that help me pace my writing:

this may be a little too obvious, but music, anything and everything, try something that fits your mood or the mood of what you're wanting to write and let it be the background to you while you work

write little bits at a time - i call these snippets, and over time the snippets i have for a scene/chapter build up until i have something I'm fairly happy using and then I work to join them together; some days are purely snippet days, or purely snippet hours, where i write until my attention-span or interest in that specific scene/chapter wears out, it often varies, but little bits build up, they are just as equally important to the story/novel/whatever it is that you want to write, so remember that

if you find yourself with a spare moment, or you're struggling to write something - try to plan it instead, make a bullet point list of what you want to happen, even if its just a conversation between characters, a small scene, literally whatever it is that you're doing - forming some kind of structure helps MASSIVELY (it took me forever to realise this, so if the idea of planning is daunting at first - trust me, I know - i've always been torn between being a planner and a pantser when it comes to writing)

movies. pace yourself when writing, take breaks, and watch MOVIES. it's surprised me how many times i've been watching something and been inspired to write, so the second the movie's over i get to work, or i make notes on my laptop/phone/whatever while i'm watching something to deal with it later on

okay now for the next part, writing more than a one shot before getting bored or annoyed with the work - i think every writer has their moments where words anger them, a certain scene, the way something plays out, bugs them, so i wouldn't worry about getting annoyed too much, it happens to us all; as for being bored - I'd say open a second document or something, split the screen between the bit of writing that's boring you, and try to rewrite it, do that until you have something you're fairly happy with (it sounds tedious, i know, but sometimes it really does help - or even switching a scene to a different character's POV)

as for the one-shot part of the question - i tend to treat the chapters of my novel as sort-of one shots within a wider story, each one follows the other in tandem (or if you're up for challenging yourself, separate timelines (I only WISH I had the courage to undertake something like that, maybe I will one day)) so if you know where you want the story to go, treat each chapter as though it is a one-shot if that's what you're comfortable/used to writing, and follow the story and its structure through, piece by piece, sentence by sentence; writing is beautifully challenging and so, so worth it, and you're right, it is difficult - but if you find a way to make the story flow right for your brain, it gets easier over time and you can create a much larger, more detailed, even more eventful story - aka, a novel, or at least what my personal perception of a novel is - of course it varies, and that's what is so wonderful about stories, they're yours, and only you can tell them - so remember that, always - that's what gets me through the roughest patches when i'm struggling with writing,

(emphasis on much larger for me - my current draft is sitting at 212k words and counting, i shock myself every time i open the doc, but that's just how my story ended up growing - it took a long, long time to get where it is now)

i hope this answer helps you, even a little, and if you have any more questions please ask away - this made me think and consider my own writing process, which is super helpful!

p. s. i know you're anonymous, whoever you are, but if you ever want someone to read anything you're writing, anything at all, let me know! i love getting to see what other people write - it also inspires me to write more, and share more of my work too!

once again, thank you so much for asking, I've really enjoyed writing this letter (cough, post, whatever you like to call it, i like the idea of a letter, but that's just me)

~ A Girl And Her Quill

[inflamea]

hi! first off i love your blog. as a certified lp expert, i was hoping you could help me understand a few things. i'm reading the secret diary of laura palmer (beautifully written but so so heartbreaking) and i guess i'm having trouble understanding the division between bob and leland. was leland always bob from the start of the abuse? how much was leland vs bob? how did laura know bob's name, as written in her diary? when does the veil between them lift? i haven't watched the show in a while so i don't remember how clear it makes these things. thank you so much! i'm really enjoying (or... something like that) this read and i might be back to hear your thoughts when i'm done!

firstly, thank you for saying nice things about my blog! secondly, i am happy to answer your questions, but with a major disclaimer: that i can only tell you how i read things, and that i basically… do not pay attention to anything that ma/rk fr/ost was in charge of [i.e. most of s2]. i do not think he understood the show’s ethos and i think there’s an excellent reason that the return literally introduced time travel to retcon it entirely. to put that as kindly as i can.

(also, like, this is an rp blog, and i’ve been writing laura for years, so inevitably there are going to be ideas that i’ve gotten in my head that i fully think are ‘canon’ that i’ve just forgotten i made up. obviously, i’ll try to keep that to a minimum, but it could happen. i’ve read the book several times, i’ve seen the movie… well, i seem to see it at least a few times a month, but i’m not much of a “here’s the receipts” kind of guy. alas.)

so, anyway: bob. like all the lodge spirits / entities / whatever you want to call them, he does exist. and — like all the lodge spirits, again, if i were guessing — he’s been a presence in laura’s life since she was a little kid (pre-diary). she writes about that a bit at some point. he’s this guy she knows, probably from around the great northern, who befriends her and plays games with her and grooms her, basically. she refers to him as a friend of her father’s. so that’s how she knows his name and his face. if that description reminds you of another guy, well! i think it should! but we’ll get to that eventually.

now, the other aspect of the spirits is that yes, they can inhabit people — and yes, we know that leland has been bob’s host for most of his life. i DON’T know the specifics of how that works, physically: obviously, we’ve seen bob where we know leland isn’t, but it’s usually in the black lodge / the Other Place in general. but we also know that laura has access to those places well before she is confined to them, so. you can run yourself ragged in circles on that one. but the way i see it, it kind of just doesn’t matter. one of the main threads of the show is that humans create their own problems (like, the reason the gang ended up on earth to begin with was because they were part of the nuclear fallout from the trinity test / the manhattan project: in this specific sense, albert is spot-on when he says “maybe that’s all bob is: the evil that men do”). the spirits clearly do have influence of a sort, but when it comes to actually manipulating human behavior, their track record is shit (consider that the giant, presumably the de facto leader,  spends almost literally ALL his screen time desperately trying to get coop to make better decisions — at some points honest-to-god waving his hands in the air and yelling “no!” — to absolutely no avail). 

another thing about the lodge crew is that they all seem more or less morally neutral: they are not ‘good’ or ‘evil’. they have their own agendas and personalities — they maintain, as a group, a sort of cosmic balance —  but mostly, they’re just trying to vibe. and bob is kind of like a chaos spirit. he wants everybody to give into their worst impulses just so he can see what happens (and, yes, literally feed on those emotional repercussions). he sucks. but if his host had been a completely different person, his influence would have also looked much different (this is something else that tp:tr expands on: still a violent piece of shit, but a far cry from devoting his life to tormenting little girls). so to answer, i suppose, the ultimate™ question here: it’s always leland. it is never not leland. if leland were the kind of man who would actually be repulsed by these actions, he wouldn’t be doing them. bob might be enabling him, but he is not controlling him. the film confirms this quite eloquently, i think. lynch is careful to only ever show bob when it’s decidedly Laura’s Point of View / Laura’s Perception, because what he is, essentially, is her boogeyman. he was this weird and unpleasant presence in her life at a formative time, and he then became — when she could not process what was truly happening to her and dissociated from it — THE weird and unpleasant presence in her life. and if you ask me, there are several points throughout the diary where she does seem to realize the truth about her father, only to re-repress it (this also happens in the film itself: the first time we see her confronted with his identity, she freaks out, but then she pushes it down, not having a safe way to do anything else). the ‘veil’ between bob and leland is really just laura’s ability to comprehend that there IS no true veil between bob and leland. 

i also suspect that laura’s dissociation / psychosis likely does not only ‘absolve’ her dad, but also ben, whose intentions she seems completely in the dark about until very late in the book, which… does not make much sense, if you’re reading her mental state any other way, since even audrey — hindsight being what it is — tells cooper that he’d probably been abusing laura for a long time. so for me (i.e. what i’m doing on this, my rp blog, at least), ben and leland fall together under a sort of Bob Umbrella. they’re always enabling each other and competing with each other and they’re both just fucking horrible people. they’re supposed to be her family. they’re supposed to look out for her. and she just cannot make it make sense that they wouldn’t — her whole world has been constructed around it! so generally, when laura is looking at them and seeing this kind of fairytale villain from her childhood, it isn’t that they aren’t present: it’s that she isn’t.

the same goes for when she’s writing ‘as’ bob in her diary: like, yes, it’s very real to HER, but he is not literally, factually, an omnipotent being who can read and control her mind. i think that people tend to fall into a trap here where they feel like believing laura means taking for granted that she’s a reliable narrator, and she just isn’t. there’s no scenario in which she would be. she’s telling you the truth as she understands it, but the truth is that there’s so much she doesn’t understand. that she can't. she’s just a kid. she thinks she has so much agency that she doesn’t actually have, and — since once, she actually WAS a very ‘normal’, well-adjusted child — she trusts people. she trusts the adults in her life to look out for her, even when they’re literally trafficking her (one of the most haunting bits in the book, imo, is when she’s basically like, “yeah, leo has his issues, but he likes me! i’m pretty sure he’d have my back if anything bad ever happened!”… and then he’s, you know, the one person who could have potentially saved her life that night, but instead he just tied her up and left her there).

so... yeah. i hope this helps! there's perpetually more to dig into with peaks, depending on what your interests and opinions are, but i tried to keep to what you were asking and, obviously, my focus here is laura and what makes the most sense for her narrative, specifically.

[archivallyminded]

Hellooooo :) For the sleepover asks: do you have any book/song/movie/tv/literally anything recommendations? I always see you reblogging cool stuff for different fandoms 🤭

Okay, I do, but this is the most random assortment of my recent favourite media/music, but hopefully someone can pick out something from this (And thanks, babe <3):

Books:

Wham! George Michael and Me by Andrew Ridgeley:

In 1975 Andrew took a shy new boy at school under his wing. They instantly hit it off, and their boyhood escapades at Bushy Meads School built a bond that was never broken. The duo found themselves riding an astonishing roller coaster of success, taking them all over the world. They made and broke iconic records, they were treated like gods, but they stayed true to their friendship and ultimately to themselves. It was a party that seemed as if it would never end. And then it did, in front of tens of thousands of tearful fans at Wembley Stadium in 1986.

Andrew’s memoir covers in wonderful detail those years, up until that last iconic concert: the scrapes, the laughs, the relationships, the good, and the bad. It’s a unique and one-and-only time to remember that era, that band, and those boys.

Digital Minimalism: Choosing A Focused Life in A Noisy World by Cal Newport:

Digital minimalists are all around us. They're the calm, happy people who can hold long conversations without furtive glances at their phones. They can get lost in a good book, a woodworking project, or a leisurely morning run. They can have fun with friends and family without the obsessive urge to document the experience. They stay informed about the news of the day, but don't feel overwhelmed by it. They don't experience "fear of missing out" because they already know which activities provide them meaning and satisfaction.

Now, Newport gives us a name for this quiet movement, and makes a persuasive case for its urgency in our tech-saturated world. Common sense tips, like turning off notifications, or occasional rituals like observing a digital sabbath, don't go far enough in helping us take back control of our technological lives, and attempts to unplug completely are complicated by the demands of family, friends and work. What we need instead is a thoughtful method to decide what tools to use, for what purposes, and under what conditions.

(I've been feeling burned out from tech lately with work, and I'm trying to pull back as much as I can from using screens every moment of the day).

Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands by Kate Beaton:

Before there was Kate Beaton, New York Times bestselling cartoonist of Hark! A Vagrant, there was Katie Beaton of the Cape Breton Beaton, specifically Mabou, a tight-knit seaside community where the lobster is as abundant as beaches, fiddles, and Gaelic folk songs. With the singular goal of paying off her student loans, Katie heads out west to take advantage of Alberta’s oil rush―part of the long tradition of East Coasters who seek gainful employment elsewhere when they can’t find it in the homeland they love so much. Katie encounters the harsh reality of life in the oil sands, where trauma is an everyday occurrence yet is never discussed.

Beaton’s natural cartooning prowess is on full display as she draws colossal machinery and mammoth vehicles set against a sublime Albertan backdrop of wildlife, northern lights, and boreal forest. Her first full length graphic narrative, Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands is an untold story of Canada: a country that prides itself on its egalitarian ethos and natural beauty while simultaneously exploiting both the riches of its land and the humanity of its people.

(I had to go to Alberta to get my training completed, and I experienced a lot of the similar themes explored in this graphic novel. Might be stupidly Canadian for some, but a great graphic novel overall).

The Radium Girls: The Dark Story of America's Shining Women by Kate Moore:

Discover the gripping and inspiring true story of The Radium Girls, a groundbreaking work by acclaimed author Kate Moore. Immerse yourself in this compelling narrative that unravels the extraordinary lives of these fearless women who fought against all odds.

The Curies' newly discovered element of radium makes gleaming headlines across the nation as the fresh face of beauty, and wonder drug of the medical community. From body lotion to tonic water, the popular new element shines bright in the otherwise dark years of the First World War.

Meanwhile, hundreds of girls toil amidst the glowing dust of the radium-dial factories. The glittering chemical covers their bodies from head to toe; they light up the night like industrious fireflies. With such a coveted job, these "shining girls" are the luckiest alive―until they begin to fall mysteriously ill.

Songs:

You Deserve an Oscar by Matt Maltese

Love and War in Your Twenties by Jordan Searcy

Wham Rap! by Wham!

Everything She Wants by Wham!

She's Got a Way by Billy Joel

Movies:

The Wham! Documentary on Netflix was just a hell of a lot of fun, and inspired me reading both Andrew Ridgeley's memoir and get into more of Wham's music.

Good Will Hunting: It's the first time I properly watched it through, and loved it.

TV:

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: I wasn't a fan of the first season, but the crossover and musical episodes (Plus adding James T. Kirk, spoilers), has really brought it around for me.

[doyouremem8erme]

i put together some transcripts of the pages with a lot of text! theyre probably not perfect bc i used image to text for some of them and transcribed the others by hand

Foreword

"Amphibia changed my life" -- BRENDA SONG, VOICE OF ANNE

When I first saw a sketch of Anne Boonchuy, with one shoe on and leaves in her hair, I felt an immediate kinship and connection with her. I felt like I knew her right away. I could see her quirky. dry sense of humor. I could see how brave she was. even if she didn't know it herself yet. There was so much detail and story in this one image. I was blown away. I wanted to know more about Anne, and I most definitely wanted to meet the person who created her. At that point, I hadn't done a lot of voice-over work, so I was a bit nervous for my audition. But the moment that I stepped into that booth and met Matt Braly for the first time. I immediately understood why this show was so special. It's because Matt Braly is so special. Not only is he an incredible artist, but his warmth and kindness mixed with his witty sense of humor is the true heart of Amphibia. He built a world where being different is not just okay. it's celebrated. After my audition, I remember thinking that even if didn't get the part. I'm so happy that Anne and Amphibia existed in this world. Thank goodness that wasn't the case and I had the privilege of voicing Anne for three glorious seasons. I remember the first time Matt invited me over to the studio to see some finished episodes. Up until then. I had just been recording from scripts and hadn't seen any completed art. I cannot explain how floored I was after I watched the opening credits. It was so beautiful. The landscapes, the characters, the attention to detail-- I literally wanted to take a screen shot, print it out, frame it, and put it over my mantle. I had never seen a show look like this. You could feel and see how much love and care was put into every detail. Every frame was a true work of art. It made me look at animation through completely different eyes. The world that Matt and the entire Amphibia crew worked so tirelessly to bring to life is truly so unique, spectacular, and weird in the very best ways. Amphibia changed my life and will always have a special place in my heart. I will be forever grateful to be a part of this family. Thanks for letting this little girl live out her anime dream, Matt.

Sasha Waybright

When Anne was zapped to Amphibia, she wasn't alone - her two schoolmates were also transported. The first that we meet on the show is Sasha Waybright (Anna Akana), who quickly aligns herself with the toads and even has a sidekick in one-eyed toad warrior Grime (Troy Baker). Sasha, Braly admits, is "one of my favorite characters." Writing Sasha, the Amphibia team wanted to create the perfect foil, someone Anne could really stand up to after living under their thumb her whole life. Slotting into the show's themes of change and maturation, the character was essential because then the team could show how much Anne had changed by being away from Sasha all those months. Spending time with the Plantars in Wartwood helped Anne to reevaluate what was important to her, leading to the epic and tragic conflict between the two girls in the season one finale. "Reunion." "You can tell that Sasha's never been told no before by Anne. It's just never happened. And you can feel the tectonic plates of this relationship shifting because of that confidence that Anne now has," Braly said. Amphibia wasn't content to leave Sasha as a one-note antagonist, however. Throughout the series. the writers were looking to unravel and investigate Sasha's relationship to control -- her need to control her friends, her situation, how she is perceived, and how she perceives. A brief flashback in season one shows Sasha standing up to some bullies on Anne's behalf which is ironic because Sasha is, of course, herself a bully. But from Sasha's point of view, she was providing a service and deserved to be respected and followed because of that service. This makes her an ideal partner for the oppressive toads, who provide protection and then demand tribute in return. In the same way that Sprig is partnered with Anne, toad leader Grime is partnered with Sasha, suggesting that Grime represents who she is on the inside. The cohort she chooses is a hyper version of herself, who is also more outwardly brutish. From a character design point of view, unlike Anne -- who remains in a grimier version of her Catholic school outfit for the entirety of season one -- Sasha fully changes herself to fit in with her new surroundings. This was part of both of their characters' arcs, with the Amphibia team wanting Anne -- who begins the show a lazy, selfish shoplifter -- to get better and for Sasha to get worse. Instead of reinventing herself in a positive way, Sasha leans into her negative qualities because they initially help her to get ahead in this horrifying environment. The events of "Reunion" are the catalyst for Sasha's own transformation throughout the show. And after her schemes fall through yet again in season two, she comes to the realization that the control she craves is only pushing people away. It takes time to get there. but she ultimately leaves Amphibia a hero through and through.

ok marcy's is missing a lot and is pretty blurry but i'll do my best to transcribe it by hand :] stuff in brackets is just my best guess for whats cut off.

Marcy Wu

The third human to be transported to the magical, horrible land of Amphibia was Marcy Wu (Haley Tju), a character that the team hadn't quite figured out--at least, initially. The character was conceived as more cunning and mischievous in the beginning. A bit of a pulling-the-strings-behind-the-scenes kind of character. That all changed when they cast Tju. "She became this incredibly lovable, nerdy goofball who was living out her escapist fantasy," Braly said. "We were like, 'That's great. Let's pivot to that,' because it was so compelling." Visually, the team wanted to capture the idea that she's having the time of her life. Her outfit was specifically inspired by Aragorn from Lord of the Rings. She also has a bandolier with potions and [mushrooms] and a belt-buckle in the shape of an "M." She became [the embodiment] of wish fulfillment. There's also that green hairclip, [a] remnant of the human world and a detail that was important [to the] Amphibia team. The clip had a disarmingly girlish quality, one [?] but also serves as camoflauge--you don't suspect her of [wrong?]-doing because of how she looks. [The influence?] of the fantasy genre is incredibly [clear?]. Braly said, "She's got little anime keychains and a [?] should feel like a classmate you had in school [?] in that way. I feel like we all knew someone [?] a little overexcited about their passions." Of [?] her to something much more unexpected [?] [behind?] you and was really into manga [?] [design?] work obscures Marcy's role as the [?]. Spoilers: it was Marcy who got the girls [?] [even?] after getting them trapped, didn't tell [them who?] did it. She also planned to further [continue?] their world-hopping adventures [?] fear of losing her friends to a big [change?] [?] [offered] a job out of state back home.) [?] more harm than Sasha, the [?] dichotomy is dramatic [?] she is this sweet, lovable [?] she actually hurt [?] [?] sell the big twist. [?] already been [?] suspicion by Sprig [?] [seems] fun and [?] in that [?]

ok that got ROUGH at the end because stuff is cut off i dont know why i even bothered. but here's her second page too:

Braly credits writer Adam Colás and storyboard artist Anna O'Brian, who, along with Tju, gave birth to Marcy. "The alchemy of them getting together really brought her to life," Braly said. Marcy's story in Amphibia becomes one of not running away from the big changes coming in her life. Her decisions, while well-intentioned, lead her down a rabbit hole of horror as she becomes the host body for an evil supercomputer, birthing the twisted villain Darcy (also Tju). But in standing up to this entity in the climax of "All In," she demonstrates her growth and refuses to lose herself to fantasy again. Ironically, Marcy becomes an author at the end of the show, creating entire worlds for others to immerse themselves in.

The Amphibia that Never Was

Before Amphibia, there was Amphibiland. When work on Gravity Falls's second (and ultimately final) season was winding down, writer and storyboard artist Matt Braly reached something of an impasse. He needed another show to roll onto, but, according to Braly, "there wasn't really anything." While working late one night with Gravity Falls creator Alex Hirsch, Hirsch put a bug in Braly's ear: he should pitch his own show. "It's amazing because sometimes in life, until someone has vocalized it, it seems impossible. But the second he said, 'why don't you try?', it suddenly seemed very doable," Braly remembered. "Why shouldn't I at least try?" Braly got to thinking. His first idea was for a Power Rangers spoof, but the week he pitched it, Disney released a trailer for Big Hero 6. His second idea was a Star Trek-ish concept called Internship, about (you guessed it) interns on a U.S.S. Interprise-type ship. It also didn't go anywhere. At Disney, the appetite, it seemed, had cooled for sci-fi. Instead, Braly pivoted to fantasy. "I really wanted to make a story about a character who was completely out of place from where they were. Because, to me, my favorite shows were stories where characters really grew and changed." The idea that was deemed the stickiest was about a teenage girl trapped in "a medieval, crunchy, gross frog world." The show would be about a Lindsey Lohan in Mean Girls-style who could then be dropped in a horrible fantasy landscape. Hirsch remembered that Braly loved working on Gravity Falls episodes that featured spoiled brat Pacifica. "He really liked writing sassy mean girls and he had an extraordinary knack for it." But why frogs? Because people think frogs are gross, for one. An unappealing fantasy world would be made even more unappealing if it was populated exclusively by giant, talking frogs. And then there's the metaphoric value of frogs -- for a show about change. you couldn't ask for a better example than a creature that goes through big transformations throughout its life cycle. While the show ended up colorful and quite chipper, the reference points for Amphibiland, at least initially. were much darker and more unsettling. Specifically, the original version of the show was inspired by the "sweaty" fantasy movies of the 1970's and 1980's -- things like Jim Henson and Frank Oz's The Dark Crystal, Henson's Labyrinth, and Arthur Rankin, Jr. and Jules Bass's adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit. Instead of the lush colors of the eventual show, everything in this initial version was muted and muddy. The world was more dangerous. Anne, referred to as a "beast" in the pilot episode, lived in a cave surrounded by animal bones (that she presumably caught and ate). This was a version that was scary and spiky and thorny. Development (and later Season 2) art director, Jacob Streilein, worked on creating backgrounds that felt like they could be practical sets. The original title, Amphibiland, had a logo with wood grain and a burning torch -- something that gave off the vibe of an epic classic fantasy.

Received an almost final printing of The Art of Amphibia and am sitting here vibrating with excitement just look at this stuff ---- Matt Braly. 🐸💙💎

The Art of Amphibia coming March, 25 2025

[levisgirll]

oki it me again uWu back with another request because I really enjoyed the first one!!!💗💗 couldn't find the exact words to phrase this but what about aomine (from Kuroko no basuke) as your boyfriend in university. I look forward to what you will write!!

𝐀𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝

text: hello again!! thank you so much for reading my posts and the fact that you like them makes me happy c: 💗💗 I'm glad you enjoyed the other request so, I hope you enjoy this! (also, aomine is my second fav in knb ^^ he's just so attractive oml-)

synopsis: aomine daki, the great basketballer player at your university is your boyfriend! how is it like to have aomine as your boyfriend though? and how does he act with you? (get ready for this-)

Once Aomine is your boyfriend, get ready cause this guy will show off and flex a lot when it comes to you. Whenever you stay and watch his practices, he flexes a lot with his back muscle and he would turn around if YOU saw that. You are just sitting there, all blushed while covering your face, "Oh god, this idiot..."

Sometimes, the basketball club would invite student for 'Learning the basics of Basketball' and the first person he wants to invite is, of course, his girlfriend. While he is waiting for her, he would just sit in the bench and lots of people go to him for help, but he would ignore everyone and say he is tired and to leave him alone. But once he sees you, y/n, entering he is all energetic and comes running to you. "Aomine, let me change wait" , "But darling, I was waiting for like 10 minutes...you have to make up for that."

Once everyone leaves and its just you two, he gets all hyped up cause he loves it when you are alone with him. He gets extra clingy towards you and keeps on hugging you and you can feel his tensed muscular body. "Sweetheart, you looked amazing today."

Okay but this guy, would fuck up and beat any guy that even showed any sort of disrespect. He is not standing there with a glare or bumping into them if someone laughs, or says something mean to you. He will go up to that person and hold them up while saying "Okay, you started this. Come here."  You have to stop him before he gets physical towards them, "Aomine! Stop!! They just said to me to move". "Yea, 'Move you', what the fuck is that? Asshole, learn some manners! Do you know who you even spoke to!"

This guy is smart, so he knows all your university spots, so don't be surprised if you see him out of nowhere. "Hey its that guy! He is always following you!" Kagami would yell out, "Fuck, you have some stalker Y/N" Kagami would say while glaring at him, he was your university best friend. "That's my b-boyfriend."

Your man will also buy you a lot of snacks, and if you say you skipped breakfast. He is dragging you to the university café and will force you to eat after he buys you food.

Oh my god, your boyfriend loves to tease you A LOT. Like there wont be a day he wont tease you. If you somehow changed up your hairstyle, he will make a huge scene. "No WAY! Sweetheart, you look so good! Wow, that's my GIRL! You all heard that??!"

Aomine makes you laugh like crazy, and there also wont be a day he wont make you laugh. He just loves it whenever he hears your beautiful laugh and small giggles, he founds it so cute and you really warm his heart whenever he hears that.

He will never forgive himself if he ever made you upset or cry. Aomine will probably think about it the whole day and he will keep spamming you "I'm sorry" multiple times. If you don't reply back, he would come to your lecture hall and he is gonna make a scene. "Y/N I SAID IM SORRY!"

You definitely boost his ego, like crazy. Whenever he feels low before a match he would call you and he just wants to hear his girlfriends voice motivating him. "Aomine, don't worry you got this! Besides, didn't you tell me the only one who can beat you...is you?" "Fuck, you are right. Darling, I'm gonna win this and I'll come and hug u after this match. Wait for 20 minutes" And he actually does it.

This guy sticks with his words, so if you tell him meet up at 2 pm. He is there at 2pm waiting for you. If he says he will do literally anything for you, he fucking will.

Once he got, really upset and emotional and he said to you during a call at midnight. "Y/N, Dont leave me like how everyone does.". You then recalled about him telling you about this past and how his old teammates left him, so you would say "I wont, I'm your girlfriend aren't I?" And he is up on his bed all hyped hearing that, "Can I see you now!" "Aomine it's 2am and I have a quiz tomorrow bye, shutting my phone love you!" But this guy wont leave you and spam you in EVERY social media. "Nice try, but I know you have discord on your laptop. Wait, I see you online I'm calling you now."

One time, he came to your huge lecture hall and he sat right next to you, and he would just turn and look at you, focusing on what you are doing, and play around with your stuff and hair. "Aomine, I am trying to focus!" You say all blushed and can't even write anything on your notebook. "Of course, cause you are focusing on me right? Sweetheart, I know, I know I am great." Now you wanna smack him.

Whenever he sees you, he gives you that hot smirk of his and it gives you butterflies. "Ha! Wow literally everything I do, you love it don't you?" . Y/N then turns to him and gives a small chuckle, "Don't get ahead of yourself, Aomine." He then goes near you and lays his arm on your shoulder, bring you closer and he would whisper to your ear "Why not? your my girl so, I want to impress you."

You both love it whenever you guys hold hands around university, this guy is really tall so you always feel so relaxed and also great when your boyfriend squeezes your hand, and walks you to your lecture. "Okay now try to focus on your lecture and not your mind all about me alright?"

He actually loves it when you cheer for him and that really boost not only his ego but rather his self-confidence. "Y/N! I'm gonna win this match for you!" He would yell out during the match and everyone is looking at you.

He would go for academic help for you sometimes and you guys meet up in the library to study. You are the reason he passed some subjects, don't get me wrong, he is intelligent but super lazy.

His wallpaper is a selfie of you both and he looks at that before every match. He sometimes pecks his phone when he finds a picture of you.

Speaking about his phone, this guy has a folder with just you, all your pictures, screenshots of chats, even screen records of your voice notes and videos. He just loves you dearly, and he gets so fucking mad if someone touches or even goes near that gallery. He protects that with all his life, your pictures are important and he is not the type of guy to show his friends your pictures, in fact he hates that! "My folder, my girl, and no one gets to see that. Go away."

Whenever he is bored or isn't doing nothing, he would open his phone, and check every social media app to see your online status. "Oh OH, I see you online darling! Answer me, wanna go out and get ice cream? Please say yes."

He is actually such a great motivator and brings your mood up whenever you feel like giving up during university. He won't allow that, like never. "What so you will just give up? Stop? After all this time, you let this one test fuck you up? Don't you dare let that bring you down, you idiot." He actually even inspires you.

Before you go for the whole day cause you had to work on your report he would say "Smile for me one last time?"

When he sees you from afar, he would yell out and say "That's my girl! Don't move, I'm coming for you!" And this guy jumps at you with his embraces and sometimes picks you up. "L-Love put me down!!"

He actually loves teasing you like that in public, he wants everyone to know that are are HIS girl and his only.

He messages you during his practices and even would skip practice to see you.

Y/N: Oh you don't have practice today?

Aomine: Nope! And besides, I am the captain so doesn't matter. (He is not the captain- its akashi but lies)

He says that and then goes on how he knows everything about basketball and the team and he keeps doing that till you can compliment him ‘Please Y/N say anything’ he would think and you know that but tease him back not saying anything.

*meanwhile in his basketball groupchat* 

Kise: aomine, WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?!

Akashi: Probably ran off to see his girl.

Atsushi: Whatever, my chance to leave and eat outside.

Kuroko: Can I join you?

Atsushi: No.

You would treat his injuries and he would just sit there, looking at you with a smirk.

Aomine: "Oh yea, here even hurts darling!"

Y/N: "Love....you are lying aren't you?"

Aomine: "What! No!...Maybe?" 

You let out a sigh "Ah, you are an idiot...stop hurting yourself all the time." He would suddenly lift your chin up and say "You know...that I love you yea? You also better tell me everything and if you need help, just say it" He can be really soft and sweet sometimes, but he gets all cringy and shy about it and he gets up rubbing the back of his head. "I-I mean that's what a boyfriend does right?! Come on, get up I'm taking you out."

Okay, I hope you enjoy this and anyone who did! Aomine is such a dork but a sweetheart and I can see most of this happening :,) 

If anyone enjoyed reading this, please then leave a like or a reblog! It means a lot and have a great day <3

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Steve Rogers, The Man On Fire

Hey y'all, as Pride month draws to a close I would like to post this fic. It's been in my drafts for a month and I finally today found the motivation to finish it. This is special to me for many reasons, one of which being that I'm proudly a part of this community. Some of the anger written in is my own. I think a lot of people will resonate with it. I really hope you all enjoy this and happy Pride Month <3

This was based loosely off a headcannon and once I re-find it I will credit!

Synopsis: Steve is freshly thawed, queer, and pissed | A.k.a. Steve's experience in 21st Century America

Characters: Steve Rogers, Mentions of Bucky Barnes, (loosely a Stucky fic but Steve thinks he's dead here)

Warnings: Angst but not bad, Steve Rogers being volatile and chaotic (we love), poorly written accents (I literally read this with an accent in my head), literally a 2k monologue

Word count: 5.1k

Steve Rogers came out of the ice angry.

No— not angry— Steve Rogers came out of the ice fuckin’ furious.

He came out of the ice with his hands curled into two fists, with his jaw clenched so hard his teeth were liable to snap, and with a bone to pick with every damn reporter and historian and too loud opinion on this side of the Brooklyn Bridge.

He came out simmering— no, erupting— like the serum in his blood couldn’t keep his body from hibernation all those years ago but it sure as hell won’t keep him from setting the entirety of New York on fire now. He’ll burn it all down if he has to and rebuild it the way he remembers it— the way Bucky would have remembered it— and at the end of it all no one— not the bigots or deniers or the homophobes that seem to be the only thing that came with him from the forties— will be able to say that Captain America can’t love whoever he wants.

No one will be able to say that Steve Rogers didn’t love James “Bucky” “the man I’ve loved since twelve years old” Barnes with everything he had and then some.

No one.

So he starts with the museums in Washington— because sure it isn’t New York but where else would a relic like himself belong more?

He still has hope when he enters the building. They didn’t make them like this when he was a kid— they had science fairs in the town hall and culture fairs in the backstreets near the docks but never anything this grand. No tall marble pillars or enough stairs to make him wonder if he would have been able to climb to the top when he was half the size he is now. It’s strange. It’s kind of wonderful. Yeah, the Smithsonian museums make Steve Rogers feel small for the first time in a very long time and that gives him hope.

That hope doesn’t last long, though, because soon he’s wandering through the halls, following the signs that say Captain America: The First Avenger— what the hell is an Avenger? Is that what they’re calling soldiers these days? Now he feels small and old.

Turning the corner is like landing on another planet, one devoted entirely to him. His picture is everywhere he looks, his name is in lights, even his damn uniform has been replicated and presented on a little stage and he hates it. The rage is back, sparking at his fingers— he’s a match and lucky for everyone this building is made of stone because if it wasn’t he’s sure it would be reduced to nothing but ash by now.

It only worsens as he begins reading through the plaques and the paragraphs flashing across screens on the walls— he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to that. The more he reads, though, the more he wonders if the stone is really, truly safe from the fire in his blood. He doesn’t think it is.

He surely isn’t at least— he feels like he’s going to explode. This isn’t him— none of this is him. War hero. Martyr. Golden boy. He has to stop reading that plaque— clearly no one did their research. Clearly no one dug up his medical files— or his police records. Brawls at the pub, disorderly conduct behind Mr. De Luca’s sandwich shop, public nudity at the beach that one time— thank you Bucky for the best night of his god damn life. Golden boy— ha.

Golden nobody with the black eye and broken hand is more like it.

For a moment he thinks he’s fine— he thinks it can’t get worse than this. Then he gets to the early life section and for an even longer moment his tongue tastes like gunpowder.

Steven Grant Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his friend James Buchanan Barnes—

He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence— not when they already got the most important part wrong. Friend. Friend? No, no, no. No! There are a million words in the english language that Steve could use to describe Bucky and ‘friend’ will never be the first one.

How about best friend?

How about partner in crime?

How about soulmate who loved Steve so much that every night for the past forty-eight days since he woke up in an era that Bucky doesn’t exist in he’s cried himself to sleep with the same cherry cola taste of his ‘friend’ on his tongue.

It’s the final straw— Steve loses it.

“Anyone got a marker?”

The museum is quiet before he speaks but when his voice— steadily rising and taking on that New York headiness that his troops used to jazz him about— cuts through the exhibit— his fuckin’ exhibit— it’s silent. It’s dead, almost as dead as Buck— Nobody dares move a muscle as he rips his ball cap off his head and throws it at the statue of himself. Everyone knows who he is— everyone is going to know who he is so help him god.

“I said—” he tries again— “does anyone have a marker?”

It takes a moment for the people around him to pick their jaws up off the floor and he allows them that moment with a smug grin starting to tug on the corners of his lips. Finally— they’re starting to get it.

He’s not a hero; he’s a supernova of every scrawny, queer kid who’s ever gotten beaten to a pulp for kissing who they want.

Maybe then it’s fitting that the marker— when it’s finally produced and placed in his waiting palm— comes from a teenage girl with a shaved head and a blue, pink, and purple denim jacket and a busted lip. She doesn’t say much— only a mumbled here you go— but her eyes say everything that her words don’t. Give em’ hell, Cap. For the first time since waking up he flashes a genuine grin back— yeah, this one’s for you kid.

Steve wastes no time uncapping the sharpie— he’ll look that one up later— and scratching out the error. The blasphemy to his unholy name. It takes him a little longer to decide what to write in its place. There are a million words, sure, but somehow none of them feel right at this moment. None of them are enough. That’s something he’ll have to come to terms with later, though— how much nothing feels like enough anymore without Bucky.

Finally Steve settles on a word and he scribbles it as neatly as he can given the fact that he hasn’t had to write anything in eighty years. When he takes a step back, feeling alive for the first time since waking up, he beckons over the girl with the shaved head and points to the place where he’s taken it upon himself to correct history.

“Hey kid, why don’t you go ahead and read that outloud for everyone here.”

He allows another moment— this time because she deserves the time it takes for her eyes to light up and the smile to stretch across her bruised mouth.

Steve laughs— a rusted, croaky laugh; another first in forever— when her head whips around, facing him as she loudly proclaims: “It says boyfriend. Steve Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his boyfriend Bucky Barnes!”

“Damn right I did—” he mutters to the kid before taking a step towards the crowd of gaping mouths. “Did you all hear that? Don’t worry if ya’ didn’t— I’ll say it one more time. Boyfriend. Bucky was my boyfriend and if he was here today he would be my husband. If any of you have a problem with that then feel free to take it up with me. I took on half of Brooklyn for that man and I’ll do it again.”

When no one says anything Steve nods, turning to hand the girl back her marker and to thank her— he may be angry but he hasn’t lost all his manners— but when he looks at her she doesn’t look back. Instead she takes the same step forward that he had, one of her hands balled into a tiny, shaking fist at her side and the other wrapped around a cell phone that’s pointed towards the crowd. He doesn’t understand the mechanics but he thinks she’s recording.

“You hear that?” She parrots the super soldier with a wavering but fierce voice. “Captain America likes men! And none of you can deny it!”

This time it’s his mouth that drops, watching as she shakily turns the camera off and spins back around. Before Steve can say anything, though, she’s talking again, this time hastier, and he can’t help but think that she sounds so much like him. All flushed and scrawny and pissed.

“I’m sorry, I’ll delete the recording if you want but, I jus’ know these bigots are gonna’ try and cover everything up and that would be a fuckin’ shame. I don’t know if you know how many kids need to hear this. I did— and I think they should too. Only if you want, of course.”

He doesn’t answer right away— he can’t. It’s like looking at himself at fifteen. Suddenly he’s back again, his feet hanging in the water as his boyfriend paces behind him, asking if he’s ready to have him look at his knuckles yet. He didn’t get that many good punches in— the scrapes are mostly from the pavement— but Buck always worries too much so it doesn’t matter. The protective idiot.

Steve shakes his head, blinking away the sunset lingering behind his eyes. “Bucky woulda’ loved you, kid.”

The next time he loses it— the next time he turns into more flame than man— is after he saves the city he’s been trying to burn down for three months.

It isn’t long after that day in the museum when Nick Fury decides it would be best for everyone if Steve goes back into the field. Of course, no one really asks him what he wants— they pretty much just shove a new suit into his hands and tell him to get training, Captain— but what else is new?

No one really comments on his outburst besides that either. Can you really call it an outburst when you’re just trying to reclaim the parts of you that have been stolen? Sure, the press gets a hold of the story and, true to what the kid had said, tries to twist it into something more digestible, but no one actually addresses it up with Steve. Apparently when someone saves the world as good as he does no one cares that they kiss men.

Or that they don’t wanna’ to actually save the world anymore.

See, in those three months— between the training and training and even more training that Steve Rogers begrudgingly obliges— he has time to catch up on the world. More importantly, he has time to catch up on what the world thinks of him. He scours a plethora of documentaries, scholarly essays, and whole books of information about his time as Captain America. Well— his time as Captain America when it mattered. In all his scouring he learns one thing: everything written about him is wrong.

It’s all so fuckin’ wrong.

Just why the hell would he want to save a world so bent on destroying who he is?

The Smithsonian exhibition was nothing compared to what’s been written in the eighty years he spent in the ice. Better yet, nothing compared to what hasn’t been written about him. They’ve taken an eraser to every part of his life that doesn’t fit with the golden image that they constructed for him. A.k.a. every part that matters. His relationship, his past, every little thing that made him supposedly perfect for the role he was given. Gone. Erskine told him he was a good man— apparently he was the only one who thought so.

Apparently being a good man isn’t good enough.

They only wanted the perfect soldier. Yeah, well, they had one and they fucked him over too. Don’t even get him started on what they did to Bucky— Steve doesn’t want to think about what Winnifred— Winnie for short— Barnes would do if she saw the history books erasing her baby’s Jewish roots. Or his relationship. It wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for damn sure. If ever there was someone more protective than Bucky it would have been his mother. Not that there’s a damn note about her in anything either though.

Maybe that’s the final straw that does him in this time— watching the place that Mrs. Barnes loved more than almost anything else in the world crumble, while also knowing that the world no longer gives a shit about the two people she loved more.

“Mr. Rogers, this is where you grew up, is it not? Is there anything you would like to say about what took place here in your home city today?”

Maybe he pretends not to hear the last part— maybe he really does only hear up until where the reporter asks him if there is anything he wants to say. He’s been around quite his fair share of explosions; it would make sense that his hearing is a little off. Maybe he just doesn’t care anymore, though.

Scratch that— he definitely doesn’t care anymore.

And why the fuck should he? He does have something to say and propriety be damned he’s going to say it.

Steve stares into the crowd of faceless reporters and flashing cameras with a scowl on his grimey face. Around him stand the other Avengers— his ‘team’. The last time he had a team the historians screwed up the history for every single member. Dugan, Morita, Falsworth, Jones, Dernier, Sawyer, Juniper, Pinkerton. Barnes. All of them were brave men with families and sacrifices and all of them were treated like jokes by ‘reporters’ just like the ones in front of him now. He really doubts there’s a difference between old and new journalism.

The only difference is that now he’s here and this time he’s not going to let them write anything but the damn truth.

“It is—” Steve muses, brushing the sweaty hair from his forehead— “I’m surprised you know that though.”

The reporter cocks his head, clearly confused, and it makes the super soldier’s blood boil. “Come again, sir?”

“I said I’m surprised you know where I was born, kid.” This time when he says the word— kid— it’s derogatory. “Ya’ know, considering how you all seem to know nothing about me otherwise.”

Steve almost smiles at the way the crowd tenses. He actually would if it weren’t for the white hot rage coursing through his veins, mingling with the last of the adrenaline leftover in his system. It gives him an extra kick— not that he needs it. Even when he was just a runt from the wrong side of the tracks he needed nothing more than an offhand comment to raise his fists. Fighting to Steve Rogers has always been intoxicating— the aftershocks of winning the battle just makes it more thrilling now.

Who knew, right?

“Sir I asked—” The reporter sputters and Steve simply holds a hand up, silencing him before he can start again.

“Yeah I know what you asked, alright. You want me to talk about the battle here in New York today and how I am more than happy to have risked my life to save it. But I can’t do that, kid. Because I didn’t save it for you. I didn’t save it for any of you.”

Steve feels his team tense— maybe were it any other time he would stop talking. He would just leave it, let the issue go, because Bucky would tell him too. They aren’t worth it, bruiser, he would say, they aren’t worth your blood. Maybe he would listen to his boyfriend because usually he was right. Bucky was always right. So yeah, maybe he would list—

Who is he kidding; he knows he wouldn’t.

Not then and certainly not now— not when Bucky isn’t here to defend himself against everything Steve has been reading about. That’s exactly why he doesn’t stop talking. Someone has to defend him and who better of a person than him? So, yeah, he keeps going, even when he hears footsteps behind him.

“You wanna’ know who I did save it for? James Barnes, that’s who I saved it for! You see, just around that corner there is a bookstore. Rickley Books. That was my boyfriend's favourite bookstore. You know, the man who gave his life to stop a train in Austria from reaching the enemies? Yeah that was him. That train was filled with supplies. Had it reached their headquarters, who knows if we’d be standing here today. If there would be a New York at all. Not that you would know that. But who cares about that dead sergeant from the 107th, right? There’s plenty just like him.”

Steve shrugs nonchalantly— a move he picked up from the very man he’s speaking about— but he spits his words at the reporters with enough venom to cancel out any peace that the action brings. That’s his own move.

He keeps going. “You know who else I saved it for? His mother. Yeah, his mother Winnie Barnes. Wonderful lady. She used to run a soup kitchen a couple blocks from here. Kept the rift raft like myself from going hungry most nights— I was a brawler, you know.”

A couple of reporters in the crowd laugh at that and Steve flinches, his vision tinting red as he cranes his neck, seeking them out.

“Oh you think that’s funny, do you? You think I’m joking? I’m not. You ever been backed into a corner, son? Had people hurl slurs at you that I can’t even repeat today? Ever been beaten up for loving your best friend? No, I bet you haven’t. You weren’t a queer kid in the thirties. That’s hard— that’s borderline impossible actually. I only made it because of people like Winnie Barnes. That woman was a saint but nobody talks about her either.”

Steve has to take a deep breath, clearing the rasp in his voice that rises as he dwells on the woman he called his second mother for so long. She wasn’t just a saint, she was an angel. He can’t cry here though, not now. Not even as his throat begins to tighten.

“Winnie was the type of lady who didn’t let anyone walk over the little people. She used to sit me down and say Stevie you gotta’ fight for what you want because ain’t nobody gonna’ give it to you. She told me that I shouldn’t have to but that there were going to be people who would try to tear me down just for being me. And she was right— just like her son— because that was the era, you know? But now, here in the twenty-first century, you’re all still trying to tear us down.”

A hand lands on his shoulder, small fingers tugging at where his suit has begun to tear. Natasha Romanoff. He meets her gaze quickly, neck craning to stare down the red head, and in the few seconds their eyes meet it’s like Bucky is next to him. Somehow the blue in her irises catches the falling sun just like his used to. Steve can hear the gruff of his voice in the depths of his mind. Back down, bruiser. The sentiment is echoed across Nat’s face.

Steve shakes her hand off him, turning back to the reporters— don’t they know that he can’t?

“You all say you care about me, huh? That I’m a hero? You know nothing about me— you don’t want to. Before I was a soldier I was a kid. A queer kid. I said that already but let me repeat it. Queer. Did you write that down? None of you certainly did before. That’s how I know that you don’t care— because in an age where being queer is infinitely more accepted you still don’t bother to write it down.”

He pauses for another breath, shutting his eyes against the blinking red lights of the cameras. They’re like little demons, always watching his every move. Recording. Everything’s always recorded these days. Will he ever be used to that? Bucky was the technology guy, not him. Not then and not now.

When Steve picks up again— eyes open and shoulders freshly straight— it’s on a new note— a clear note.

“You don’t care about me— you certainly don’t care about the real heroes of the war because if you did you wouldn’t erase our history. Do you know how much it would have meant to Bucky to see our relationship accepted? The man who died for you? How much it would’ve meant to his mother? You can’t just pick which of our stories and our sacrifices are worthy and which aren't.”

He hasn’t spoken this much since he’s woken up, not all at once at least. Maybe he should have, though— maybe if he had then he wouldn’t feel like ripping the heads off everyone in front of him right now. Call it fight or flight. Call it revenge. Hell, call it whatever you’d like because it doesn’t really matter. Either way he feels like a kid again— again— backed into a corner behind the deli with his fists up and his teeth bared.

He feels feral again.

“So now you just want me to save the world like I did— like Bucky did— all those years ago— or maybe jus’ New York— as if that’s any better— and you don’t even bother to write a proper article about me? Hell, I never even asked for an article, let alone a whole exhibit! I’m just a soldier— and before that I was just a kid. If there’s never another article written about me I’ll be grateful. But now that I’m here, standing in front of you, I’ll say this—”

Just as Steve’s voice is cresting into a shout that would no doubt be heard regardless of whether or not the microphones were in front of him, Natasha tries one more time, her fingers slipping between his.

Her voice is a dull buzz compared to his, only reaching his ears by sheer will. “C’mon Stevie— we gotta’ go now.”

Like before he’s stunned but this time instead of seeing Buck— instead of hearing him in his head— he hears Winnie.

You fought good, honey. You fought good for us. You can rest now.

It’s jarring and it’s not lost on him the handful of awkward seconds that it takes for him to respond. That’s just the effect Winnie had on people though— still has, apparently. Steve shakes his head— I know, mama. But I gotta’ finish this fight.

“No, Nat— I’ve got to say this.” Steve mumbles— voice just beginning to waver despite how hard he clenches his jaw— before sneering at the crowd one last time.

“If I ever read an article from any of you that discredits Bucky Barnes, our relationship, or myself just know that I’ll come for you. I’ll come for this city. Don’t you ever forget who I saved it for. James Barnes, Winnie Barnes, and every queer kid who’s ever felt erased because of people like you. The bigots in the forties couldn’t stop me. The Nazis couldn’t stop me. Not even the Atlantic Ocean could stop me. So don’t think for a second that any of you could either. Have a good day.”

With that Captain America turns, marching off the impromptu stage and beginning the trek back to his apartment. He doesn’t bother looking at his team as he passes them— he can imagine their stunned faces well enough on his own. No doubt he’ll be getting another assignment from Fury soon enough to make up for this ‘outburst’ too. Still, he feels a little bit better. There’s an ache in his shoulder, and one under his ribs too, but he still smiles as he passes Rickman and Sons Books. That must mean something good.

The last time Steve Rogers burns he doesn’t burn the way he’s expecting to— he doesn’t vandalize his own name or blow up at a reporter. No, the third time— the final time— that Steve Rogers burns it’s with nostalgia— and with a damn good cup of coffee in his hand.

“I had no idea this place was even here.” The girl across from Steve muses, tiny hands shifting the steaming cup back and forth.

Her name is Ellie, he learned that back at the museum after asking for a copy of the video she took. He barely knew how to use his phone back then, let alone his email— hell, both still confuse him more often than not— but she had been patient. A little awestruck and a little riled up too but he took it in stride— easily. It’s not hard being nice to the spitting image of him.

“I’m glad I’m good for something other than making the news.” Steve chuckles and this time he means it— there’s no malice or ill intent, only humor. “O’Malley’s ‘s been here longer than I have. Looked a little different then—” he takes a moment to let his eyes wander the old coffee shop and it’s new appliances— a moment to feel his age catch up to him— “but I guess I did too.”

Ellie’s laughter joins in there and it’s strange— strange that he hasn’t laughed with another person in seven, almost eight, months; strange that her laughs sound so much like Bucky’s when they were younger; strange that Bucky isn’t here to hear. Here to laugh, too. Because he would have.

He would have called Steve an old man, would have wrapped his arm around his shoulders, would have asked— no, demanded— that Ellie try the plum cobbler. They always made the best cobbler. Bucky always had the best laugh. All grit and breath and him. Steve feels warm just thinking about it.

“Well thanks for letting me in on the secret, I’ll make sure to guard it carefully.” She even has Bucky’s warm sarcasm.

Maybe it’s not so much like looking in a mirror as it is looking at what he wishes he and his boyfriend could have been back then.

“And thanks for letting me interview you—” Ellie continues, setting the cup down but not before nodding at it, her eyes wide— “wow. You weren’t kidding about the joe, huh? Anyway— thanks for scheduling this. I know you’re probably super busy— and that there are more well established people you could have gone to.”

Steve sets his own mug down too— if he hadn’t there’s a possibility it would be more puddle than porcelain. “Well established means nothin’, kid. Not when you don’t have heart. They’re parasites, all of ‘em. The press couldn’t care less about me.”

Ellie nods, lifting the lid of her laptop. It’s a little bit dented and slathered in stickers, not quite the newest model— he would know, he has the newest one and it’s still sitting in his apartment in the box. Yet another testament to how little the people around him truly know him.

“Welcome to the twenty-first century, can I get you a side of classism with that commercialism?”

Now she sounds like Winnie too.

“Say, has anyone ever told you that you’re funny?”

She shrugs, tilting her head, a lopsided grin glued to her face. “Once or twice— I never know if they mean it or if they just want me to shut up. I never do so I guess we’ll never know.”

Steve sputters out another laugh because; “I guess we’re the same then— never give them a moment, kid. That’s the best advice I can give you.” He pauses— again— he supposes it’s going to be a day of pausing— he supposes it’s about time he pauses— before adding, “Bucky would’ve scolded me for saying that.”

Ellie’s fingers, swift and deft over the machine— Steve hadn’t even seen her begin to type— pause too as her smile softens. “What would he have said instead?”

Her question shouldn’t catch off guard— this is why he asked her to meet him; to finally, properly write his story— their story. Still he pauses— Steve’s empty hands feel hot, his shoulders warm; bare— what would he have said? It doesn’t take long to hear his boyfriend’s voice, not there but somehow loud in his ear all the same.

Just relax— they aren’t worth it. It’s too nice out to care about anything but the water— are you coming in or not? Summer doesn’t last forever, you know?

It’s impossible but Steve can feel the sun on his back and on his ears again, like he’s there— like he’s back, sixteen and on fire. Those were the days where everything made him cold. The days where his skin burned no matter the season but especially in August which was when the ocean was warm enough to swim in. It never stopped him from joining Buck— nothing could have stopped him. His cheeks warm, too, at the thought.

Steve blinks, his own smile— perhaps a little lopsided in it’s own right— shaping over his mouth. “He would have told you to relax— and to try the plum cobbler. It’s fantastic.”

With another giggle— and a reiterated comment— has anyone ever told you you’re funny, Steve?— they fall into a conversation, just a kid and a relic, about life. It’s not an easy conversation— but then again those kinds never are. It’s real, though, and unedited. Unfiltered. Just the way Erskine and Winnie and Bucky would have liked it— the only way Steve wants it. It’s not perfect but, hell, Steve has never been perfect.

He’s never wanted to be.

Maybe Steve doesn’t know everything his boyfriend would say— and maybe he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t blow up once or twice after today— but he can confidently say that he gave Brooklyn a run for her money— twice— and lived to tell the tale. He can say then when it mattered, he burned. That he still burns. That he will until he doesn’t— until he’s extinguished.

But, hey, though Summer doesn’t last forever, not even the Atlantic could extinguish the flame that is Steve Rogers.

That’s what he writes— in Sharpie— on the card he writes to Ellie— the one attached to the computer he knows he’ll never use.

[wehatejulietsimms]

I said there would be a part three on the WTHTD video and I decided to keep it quiet a couple days ago until my gut told me to post.

Please stick with this read as it will get deep into lore and connections

My conspiracy on the scorpion tattoo part two:

In the WDHTDANCE video

there’s two girls; one blonde and brunette.

At first, a regular person might pass it off as

“Oh, two girls in the background! MV standards.”

Sadly, no.

It’s Juliet and Angie before and after Andy found out about Scientology and their wickedness.

Let me explain and backtrack the beginning theory of the music video.

It starts with Andy walking into a hotel building with a monster holding the door for him. He walks into a dark movie theatre room that relives his past memories, AKA the AUDITING ROOM or what other people refer to as the *fake* Akashic records room. (A spiritual place that stores memories that many fake spiritual gurus love to talk about in *awakening*)

What’s with this room, you ask? Scientology is known to bring people into rooms to “clean their memories and get their stories straight.”

While Andy is watching on the screen, there’s two innocent girls, as previously mentioned before, living their best life and looking flirty at a party. Sources say Andy and Juliet met at parties/festivals back in the day with Juliets family near always, which includes her sister who was trying to become an influencer as well.

Throughout the video shot, Andy’s being watched by this monster man in the background, making sure Andy is watching attentively and he’s looking at the scenes worried in regret. Furthermore, these two girls turn into hideous morphed demonic beings at the foot of this monster.

Then shows the shot of an innocent woman drowning in water.

“Oh how don’t you drown in a rain storm”

He’s asking Juliet why she isn’t exposed from the spotlight from all the shit she’s put herself in. Hint, nobody knows who the fuck she is and Andy’s asking why karma doesn’t punish her yet. (It’s coming! It’s already been hitting her!) Why hasn’t she drowned in all the fucked up situations she’s created through the years.

During the auditing process, Andy is being purged of Juliet and the Simms family secret of darkness so he can view Juliet as an angel,

like how the women think they are the monster’s little wh*re princess (excuse my language) because they think THAT monster is in control of Andy’s wording and thoughts during the auditing process. Aka Scientology, and Juliet’s father.

I believe Andy is watching carefully around their father because they come from money as well as

Jeff is an A class narcissist himself and says “peace is everything when you can fuck everyone over!” and tries to make Andy something he’s not, which is an asshole.

We don’t have to dance, is a song toward Juliet saying I’m not going to make this relationship something it’s not up to be. I know who you truly are and it’s not something that I’m going to keep loving you toward, so we can still be in a relationship because I’m stuck with you but I’m not ever going to love you (.) like I did when I was young and naive ever again.

Record scratch (auditing) ; Steve Miller Band (the joker is one of their classics)

Tattooed necks and tattooed hands

(Facade to hide in and be the person that they want him to be, so he tries to be comfortable as much as he can. ALSO, the song THE JOKER BY STEVE MILLER BAND GOES INTO DETAIL ABOUT ALWAYS BEING IN MASKED PERSONALITIES and being seen differently by everyone, which Andy feels like)

Oh, how don't you drown in a rain storm?

(Previous statement above ⬆️)

Fresh regrets, vodka sweats

(He regrets meeting her and getting married so soon and he drowns her out with vodka getting too drunk and having night terrors)

The sun is down and we're bound to get

Exhausted and so far from the shore

(I think that line perfectly states how far they’ve tried to drive him out of his “let’s create a better world” mentality & bright eyed personality into feeling exhausted and enslaved, overall not like the inner child he once had. Fucking Juliet being an older cougar and taking advantage of Andy’s youth while his parents sold him out and Ashley was a weirdo who gained half the rights to the band, not only that but his record label’s pressure, band mates, crew, friends (which are mostly Scientologists) to always go along the dotted lines like a script, literally.) He was only 18-20! A baby! who was groomed up by old Hollywood cults for selling him a dream that left him almost dead.)

You're never gonna get it

I'm a hazard to myself

I'll break it to you easy

This is hell, this is hell

You're looking and whispering

You think I'm someone else

This is hell, yes.

Literal hell.

(The fan base used to think Andy was this confident almighty saviour because he cared about us, his young sweet heart cared about helping people and he was drowning in regret and shame from the fake industry and kinfolk behind him making him feel left out, delusional, and not belonging. He was feeling a moment of weakness in these lyrics and had to put on a facade that he was some big seductive rocker dude for financial and status sake, which in multiple interviews he feels bad about because HE HAD TO DO THAT out of survival mode and not because he wanted to! Now, today he’s seasoned and getting in control)

We don't have to talk

We don't have to dance

We don't have to smile

We don't have to make friends

It's so nice to meet you,

Let's never meet again

We don't have to talk

We don't have to dance

We don't have to dance

(This is basically an ode to meeting Juliet for the first time. Or getting into a relationship with her in the beginning. He’s writing what he now would have done instead of marrying her in 2012. Didn’t they say they both hated each other when they first met? He wanted to listen to his gut instincts and he felt deep regret in those lyrics)

Bottles smash, I raise my hand

How can you all even stand it

Why is there joy in this poison, oh

Faking smiles and confidence

Driving miles to capture this excitement

I can't take anymore, oh

(He’s asking why isn’t anyone caring about fake people including literally everyone he’s surrounded by, including us.

Why we used to not care about diving into the abuse and delusional shows everyone put out there, fake smiles and fake personas to keep fans alive and happy, which is coincidentally the most popular BVB was.

I wish Andy knew that for us, it wasn’t fake and that even though he was depressed and angry inside and still showed up for BVB army is a very selfless act, because he wasn’t forced to be nice to anyone but only put on a stage act by management.

Now he’s really shining and we get to see the person he has always been for us, a neighborly seasoned person who sings his truth and we, as BVB army fans, relate to the sad darkness and happiness overcoming it too.

He’s real and always has been, even if he’s had to hide and mask for his protection.

He gained popularity and support because he was authentically himself and showing up for him when he felt the shittiest (even when he thinks he didn’t handle it correctly with fighting and alcoholism,) still he showed up and gave everything in authenticity and pure emotion, Andy style. I think he’s come to conclusion that his stage presence is something special outside of his personality and that it’s okay to express your soul on stage even if it’s changing, he’s coming back to who he’s always been inside. I think he’s channeling it in such a badass empowered way on the IN BETWEEN tour.

Congrats Andy! That man IS a true soul warrior.

Dude was fighting predators, groomers, and multiple cults by himself and still showed up (AND bettered, healed, unlearned things about his surroundings and himself) even when he felt isolated and alone! Props to Andy!

I personally interpret the scorpion tattoo as death and not forgetting to go back to the place that he was left FOR DEAD even if he feels scared or lonely.

You’re not alone, Andy! We are here and we see you!

I’m so proud of him. He’s such a diamond in the rough. I’m proud to be a supporter and recognize what he’s done for himself and how it translates into his art.

.

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

This is totally cool, lol! That's why I tagged you, I like different perspectives 🥰 and I adore lesbian Jenny

I've been thinking a lot about Jenny's character and sexuality lately since I'm in the middle of rewatching the show. I totally agree that she's attracted to women and most times she pursues guys it's mainly to increase social status and not because of genuine interest. Nate always felt different to me, though. Like, the two times she really pursues him is in season 2, when she's being homeschooled and trying to make it as a designer, and the end of season 3, which is after the whole Damien drama and she's just looking for someone who cares about her and respects her (I know you said once that it doesn't even feel romantic here, which I also agree with, poor girl just needs a connection). I do really see how it can be interrupted as comphet, though. Like she feels like she's supposed to be attracted to Nate because who wouldn't be?

I think the reason why I lean the other way is probably just projection. Jenny's been my favourite GG character since I first watched the show when I was 12, partly because I relate a lot to her, and since I'm bisexual... Add that plus the fact that I totally have had a crush on Nate and of course I'm gonna ship them. I've been relating to Jenny even more this time around cause I dropped out of school this year, so her season 2 arc really hit close to me. So this made my jenate feelings come back tenfold and also made me that much madder at Rufus, lol. I just wanted to go through the screen and shake his shoulders like "There are other paths than the one you want your daughter to have, not everyone has to go through life like society expects you to let your daughter carve out her own unconventional path you fucking idiot!" Luckily my parents have been way more supportive.

Mainly I just see Jenny as bi with a strong lean towards women, but I like to think about lesbian Jenny, too. It wouldn't exactly be the first time I had contradicting headcanons.

I don't know I just think it's really cool that different people can have such different interpretations of the same character. I think that's what's so interesting about fiction, to see how we view things differently depending on how we view and relate to things based on our own experiences. Tumblr can be so focused on hating people who disagree with you, but I like following people with different opinions, it helps me understand people better.

Yeah, I'm glad you tagged me!! back in November, some anons were mean to me about shipping Jenate (me??? who literally does not even - anyway) and ever since then I've been trying extra to ensure that Jenate shippers feel welcome on my blog - you may already know this, because I've brought it up before, but I'm saying it here to let you know that every time you tag me in your Jenate edits I get so happy that you're sharing something you're so passionate about with me!! I'm also a big believer of like........ making the content you want to see (a big part of why I even learnt to gif is because nobody was giffing Dan & Nate, and I was like...... that's the content I need, so if it's not already existing, I'm gonna make it happen!) so regardless of my feelings it's always so cool to see the way you conceptualise JN + their feelings re: each other, and your choice of scenes + lyrics (??? I'm not actually familiar with where you got the words for your edits, they're likely songs I haven't heard, haha) is just so interesting & good!

OH my full Jenny & Nate feelings are a lot more complicated than just comphet on Jenny's part. I feel like..... neither of them was romantically/sexually into each other? and that is kind of the appeal to me? I've always interpreted Nate's interest in Jenny during the s2 arc as sort of like - everything in his life is so unstable and undetermined, and here is Jenny who is so clear on who she is and what she wants, and he admires and respects that, and he wants to be there for her and support her, so when she kisses him he just sort of lets her take their dynamic wherever she wants to? that is very much the vibe I got. You already know how I feel about lesbian Jenny, I mean, you quoted my meta right back at me :'))

but I DO agree with you that Nate is different from the other guys to Jenny. JN have this really specific kind of honesty to them - well, when Jenny wasn't spiralling and trying to get power and acting out, and when the writers actually cared? I still think that NJ had the potential to be a SOLID dynamic but the writers made it sorta unhealthy on the show :(( - but I've spoken abt moments like in seventeen candles and the empire strikes jack before, where they're both able to be emotionally vulnerable around each other in ways we don't see them be with anyone else. I've even compared that to what I like about Derena, whom everyone knows I ship in every possible way, haha. But there's something about characters who trust each other and allow themselves to be honest with each other in ways that they wouldn't otherwise EVER be - especially with characters like Jenny & Nate who have spent so long trying to seem fine and okay even when they're really not.

I honestly really like the idea of queerplatonic Jenate - they're life partners, they're each other's rock, they're each other's person - but it's not romantic OR sexual - and for Nate & Jenny, whose adolescence has involved navigating other people sexualising them so much + not having the best track record with romantic relationships - for them, I feel being qpps gets REALLY interesting, because you get all the perks of a relationship without the romantic/sexual obligations? (obligations isn't the best word, but i don't know what else to use here? LOL) and that's something i love to explore.

I feel like book Jenny was bi! The way she gushed about Nate, whom she canonically had a crush on, and the way she gushed about Serena were EXACTLY the same. Also YES I love multiple headcanons always, it's a lot of fun seeing people explore that!!! I know people who have aroace readings of Jenny, or aro lesbian / ace lesbian readings of her, and I find that really cool, too!

I also definitely get you about relating to Jenny a lot, and feeling that kind of connection. It's similar to how I feel about Dan, and .... explains a lot of my contradicting dair views, actually. A few years ago I had a seriously intense crush on a girl who was... a lot like Blair, in many ways. I spent a ridiculous amount of time writing poetry about her, etc etc, but I never actually acted on it. If she'd fabricated schemes that involved us kissing, though..... I don't know. I don't think I would've denied it if I'd felt like I actually had a chance. I think we just had a case of bad timing, & I like to think in another universe, maybe we were actually together for a bit. I'm glad that your parents are supportive of you and better than Rufus! <3

I think that's what's so interesting about fiction, to see how we view things differently depending on how we view and relate to things based on our own experiences <- THIS exactly! this is a big part of why that "proship" is in my bio. like this is exactly what it means to me and how I conceptualise & understand it!!! Like you, I also like engaging with people who have different understandings and opinions of the characters -> it definitely helps you make new friends you would otherwise not meet by staying in your bubble, & from a fandom point of view, it also helps you develop a more nuanced understanding of a character. Some of the best written Jenny Humphrey I've read was in Jenate fics - and I've had people who don't even ship Blenny tell me they liked the way I wrote Jenny in my post canon blennyfic, so... idk. it's loving Jenny hours - each and every single iteration of Jenny!!!

[themclisseconnection]

Our Yacht is Sailing!

What's going on??? Over the past two years, the Earth got hotter, the plants grew taller, your pets grew up, someone you know got engaged or got married, some of you graduated from school and started a new job or a new business venture, reached a new milestone and some of you also joined a new fandom. How many books have you read? Did you learn how to cook? Did you transfer to an unfamiliar city or traveled to a different country? Were you able to maximize your talents, skills and productivity? Hopefully, yes. Hopefully, you were able to discover more about yourselves, just like McCoy and Elisse.

A ship on a yacht? Is that even possible? With McLisse, it is. A yacht— not too big, not too small, private and romantic. McLisse likes to keep it that way.

The photo reminds us of an unforgettable chapter in a Wattpad novel. It's like a lovely scene from a romantic movie. At first look, it seems too good to be true but once it sinks in, you'll go from "It's too good be true" to "It's so good and it's so true." Its caption gave us all the feels since McCoy used one of the fandom's most treasured words, ALWAYS. "ALL WAYS" added more depth to it. Joy, peace, warmth and security are written all over their faces. The post conveys an extraordinary feeling of freedom, a sense of contentment and infinite bliss.

The recent events, losses, madness in the government (grrrrr!) and the global pandemic somehow became our wake-up call and encouraged us to be more expressive, thoughtful and proactive. The pandemic also taught us to take a good care of ourselves and our loved ones. We only have one life to live so we should stop all our doubts and fears from getting the best of us. We should let happiness in. Right here, right now.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Mccoy De Leon (@mccoydeleon) on Aug 30, 2020 at 11:12am PDT

Yes. A good news dropped in the middle of a pandemic. It immediately became a symbol of hope for many of us who are slowly being eaten up by skepticism, animosity and hopelessness. We suddenly have a special reminder that things can get better in time. McCoy didn't just post to give a hint that his heart is at peace. He literally shared his joy to us. Every "finally" we encounter in the comment section stresses that they had been holding it in for the longest time.

The comment section is full of good vibes. Their celebrity friends, co-actors, the staffs they've worked with and the bloggers who consistently root for them couldn't help but express their happiness upon seeing the photo. Anyone could tell that they're genuinely happy for McLisse. The crying emojis, red hearts and words "SA WAKAS" and "FINALLY" definitely made a strong statement.

OUR STORY

It's no secret that McCoy had worked on several movie projects with new love interests and he even started a new business venture while Elisse landed as one of the leads in an afternoon TV series. She also got busy with her business.

McLisseians still expressed their support even in their solo projects. Every one clinged to hope and pride was set aside. We wanted them to feel that we are not just here for "kilig." As McLisseians, we knew that a part of us would always root for them even if they already stopped rooting for us. It was painful to hear them talking about us in past tense but we knew back then that deep down in our hearts, our love for them will always be stronger than our ego as shippers. We couldn't lecture them about love. The heart has a mind of its own. We could only check on them from afar and hope that they would be happy with whomever they'd end up with. It even came to a point where we had to let go and let God.

The super loyal, persistent and ever generous McLisseians continued to see the good in every opportunity. We completely understood that every opportunity they received would help them gain more knowledge and experience. Maturity took over. Each one of us learned to focus on the bright side of life with the vision that their new setup would benefit both of them. They would surely come out as better actors in the industry.

McCoy's post got many people saying "Sana all" but to be honest, McLisseians also had our own "Sana all" moments. We had so many what ifs in our list. McLisse's journey as a love team was quite short compared to others. We had to deal with multiple rejections, cancelled guestings/tours and media play during movie promotions. We got to see them acting with different partners and live with the thought that they aren't each other's first on-screen kiss. HEHE AT LEAST, MAY REAL-LIFE KISS. Ch0ur not ch0ur. Every shipper's dream is to collect many firsts and create more memories with his/her ship. Bittersweet, that's how we call it. McLisse had their own record of life-changing firsts but let's not forget that McLisseians had the privilege (Privilege!? Let's think positive. HAHAHAHA) to experience both reel and real pain earlier than the usual. The unimaginable transition and all the intentional shunning also disheartened us at one point. Sana ganito, sana ganyan. Sana maging okay na sila. Sana po mapagbigyan. It was a never-ending struggle of staying positive in the midst of chaos.

Their love team was slowly dissolved. They broke up and eventually got linked to different people. Right there and then, we knew that we had to know our place as shippers. In our hearts, we firmly believed that we could still make a difference.

McLisseians transformed into prayer warriors who fervently prayed for peace and reconciliation every single day. It was hard to see everything falling apart. We had to endure all the sudden changes, disturbing articles and heartbreaking announcements. We lost both reel and real, we had nothing to hold on to except one another, our faith and our belief that one day, they'll be able to face each other again with a smile.

2020. We started the year full of hope and it's safe to say that McLisseians had been waiting for this moment to come. McCoy kept on saying in his past interviews that they wanted to build a strong foundation first before hinting or confirming anything so we had to go along with it. It came naturally. Our GCs were filled with scoops and rumors. Some people had seen them going out again. We were ecstatic but our first instinct was to protect them. Wag mo ipost!!! Bawal! Ang kulit! Eh pero nasa FB na rin eh!?! Admin oh!!! Hayaan na natin sila, low-key muna tayo. 😂

We used to have petty fights over those things. We prayed a lot for things to get better but we never thought that "better" would mean McCoy and Elisse taking a risk and finally choosing each other again. Honestly, we were okay with them being friends after everything that happened but apparently, they're not okay with that. HAHAHAHAHUHU.

We were infuriated by some nasty articles and insensitive people. The world tested our patience. At times, we would think "McLisse, umamin na nga kayo please. Daming mema, mga kuwento na nakakainis at nakakagigil." It was really disappointing how some people took advantage of their situation. They even assumed that the two didn't reconnect at all. We patiently waited for interviews and other venues where they can freely express themselves. Nacancel TWBA dahil sa lockdown!? May interview? May digital presscon? Sana maghint na sila o magbigay kahit konting clue. McLisseians were hopeful at the very least.

(I had to keep all the excitement to myself. I respected their decision to stay in private so I just waited for a concrete proof/a fearless move from either one of them. And McCoy... Grabe. McCoy's post just blew my mind.)

McLisse is friends with every fandom. It's also nice to see other fandom appreciating our loyalty and our efforts. They would often commend us for sticking with McCoy and Elisse even if they had to part ways as on-screen partners. McLisse's recent update has become every fandom's glimmer of hope.

McCoy and Elisse were apart for quite a while. They went out with other people but eventually found their way back to each other. Love is indeed a verb. It's something that you keep on doing. You show up. You fight. You stay. McCoy and Elisse were able to get to know themselves more. They were able to realize the value of each other more than ever. McLisse will have more days together than the days they spent apart. Maaabot na nilang muli ang kanilang mga pangarap nang magkasama. *sobs*

The future isn't as scary as it seems. Optimism has found its way to us. We just know that we trust McCoy and Elisse so much. All the heartaches in the past inspired all of us to be indestructible. Tough times turned our fandom into one of the toughest fandoms out there. Their CHOICE put back all the pieces together. Mareng Kyla's prophecy was too powerful. Love really led them back to us.

McCoy and Elisse will always have each other. (OMGGGGG. IT'S REALLY TRUE,,, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WRITING THIS LINE,,, /CRIES IN THE CORNER/)

McLisse will always have us. Always... All ways. ♥️

[elisaphoenix13]

(AT) To Bring Them Home

A more in depth version of Remembering The Departed (but with Harley and Cassie added so other fics fit).

"Hey Mama Bear. If you find this recording, don't post it on social media. It's gonna be a real tear jerker." Tony sighs heavily and leans back against the wall of the ship. " It's not like you're ever going to see these anyway. I watched you fade to nothing in front of me after all. You and Peter. I guess I'm recording these for my own sanity. It helps to pretend you're getting these messages. Totally lame right?"

The engineer clears his parched throat. He was desperate for anything to moisten his mouth at this point.

"Today's day twenty-one? No. Twenty-two. You know if it wasn't for the existential terror of staring into the literal void of space, I'd say I'm feeling a little better today. The infection has run its course thanks to the blue meanie back there." He weakly motions to Nebula somewhere in the vicinity behind him. "Oh you'd love her. Very practical. Only a tiny bit sadistic."

Stephen probably would like the cyborg. He may have been cautious of her at first, but if she treated the kids well, the sorcerer would have immediately warmed up  to Nebula. The poor woman just needed a friend.

"So the fuel cells were cracked during battle and we figured out a way to reverse the ion charge by ourselves and bought 48 hours of flight time. But it's now dead in the water a thousand light years from the nearest 7-11. Oxygen will run out tomorrow morning, and that'll be it." Tony rubs his eyes. "It looks like...well you know what it looks like. Don't feel bad about this. I mean actually if you grovel for a couple weeks and then move on with enormous guilt..." He trails off as he fights off the impending lure of sleep.

"I should probably lie down for a minute. Rest my eyes. If by some miracle I make it back home, the first thing I'm going to do is look for Harley and Diana. God I hope they're still at home. If I go home and they're gone too...I don't know what I'm going to do." He would very likely off himself but he didn't need to say that. Tony was sure that if somehow, Stephen was able to see these messages, he would know. "Please know, when I drift off, it'll be like every night lately. I'm fine...totally fine. I dream about you. God it's always you." Tony says with a broken whisper.

He was hungry, dehydrated, and lost in space with a robotic woman and for once he looked forward to sleep. Dreams of Stephen and their family was his only salvation in this terrible situation he found himself in. He was already hallucinating blue butterflies, and he tried to touch one the first time he saw it, but it had disappeared as soon as his fingers went through the illusion. Tony just ignored them after that. He never asked Nebula if she saw them, because he knew the answer would be a 'no', and she would watch him like a hawk.

With a sigh, he shuts off the recording mechanism in his helmet and pulls on a jacket before laying down. This would quite possibly be the last time his eyes would be open, but at least when he went, it would be to pleasant dreams. Dreams, and the part of him that believed that the blue butterfly settling on the arm he was laying on, was Stephen watching over him.

________________________

Carol had miraculously come across them and took them back to Earth, and once an IV was shoved into him, the remaining Avengers held a meeting. Tony really just wanted to keep to his promise and looks for his other two kids, but he also needed to know who else they had lost. Picture after picture popped up on the multiple screens in the meeting room at the compound, and Tony had to hold himself together when Stephen and Peter's picture came up. He almost lost it when Harley's appeared as well, but then the pictures stopped and the screens vanished.

He never saw Diana and that made him jump to his feet and almost fall over from how weak he was. Pepper had to step forward and steady him as he points a shaky finger as the previous location of the screens.

"D-Diana?" He mentally curses when he stumbles over the single word. "Where...is she...is she alive?"

Steve steps over to his other side to help keep him steady, and offers him a small smile. "She's alive. Out of all of the kids, she and Cassie are still here."

Tony nearly sobs with relief. "Clint and Scott?"

Natasha frowns. "Neither of them are responding to any of our calls. We have to assume they were victims too."

"I want to see my daughter." The engineer whispers, and Pepper gently rubs his back.

"You will, but you need rest."

"I'll rest when I..." Tony blinks away the black spots forming in his vision and the room begins to spin. "When I--"

Then he collapsed. The little bit of effort he had put into talking and standing was too much for his body, and it forced him to rest. He slept for two days without waking, but he woke up on third day and Rhodey all but forced him to eat. In any or he scenario he would have fought, but Diana was alive and all he cared about was seeing her. Tony caved when his best friend promised he could see her as soon as he ate, and he did. He ate as much as he could stomach and Rhodey kept to his promise by having Natasha bring Diana to him. Big blue eyes brightened when his six-month-old daughter saw him and she squealed happily as she reached out for him.

"Dada!"

That one simple word was what broke Tony when he finally got to hold his baby girl. She was all he had left if his family. His husband was gone, his two sons were gone, and half of his friends were gone too. He was broken and tired and wanted to get away from it all. All of the memories.

So as soon as he was able again, Tony took Diana and Cassie with him to a lake house he bought. Cassie's mother and stepfather were out of reach since they had been traveling over seas when the snap happened, so they didn't know if they were even alive. Scott was MIA as well, but Tony promised to take care of her. She was surprisingly happy that the engineer told her to get her things and she did without a fuss.

Tony watched Diana and Cassie grow up over the next five years. As Cassie got older, she helped with Diana and eventually took a liking to cooking and baking that she was starting to throw Tony out of his own kitchen. Like now.

"You're kicking me out of my own kitchen?! You have a lot of nerve Miss Sass." Tony moves away from the island counter and accidently knocks a glass cup off of it and watches it fall and shatter on the ground. "Shit."

Cassie giggles. "That is exactly why. How did you manage to feed us before I took over?"

Tony picks up the broken glass with a towel and dumps it all in the trash bin. "I'll have you know I made dinner plenty of times. I make a mean sauce. Even Peter drank--"

He immediately clams up at the mention of his youngest son. Tony locked those memories away tears ago, but every once in a while, one would slip through. What were once pleasant dreams when he was dying in space, now haunted him in the safety of his home. In his dreams and just looking at Diana. She reminded him of Stephen every day and it was hard to ignore. She even inherited the man's cheeky mouth.

Cassie learned how to read him over the five years they lived at the lake house, and she could tell that talk to him about his family wasn't a good idea right now. "Can you see if there are any raspberries left? They would be good in the salad."

Tony scoffs. "If there are any left."

"With the way your alpaca eats them I wouldn't be surprised if they were gone!"

"My alpaca? You and Dia were the ones that wanted a pet!"

"Yeah! Like a cat! But you had to be extra and come home with a freaking alpaca!" Cassie snarks as she points a knife in his direction and Tony holds his hands up.

"He has a name." The engineer says with a smirk.

"Gerald is a terrible name." Cassie throws a walnut at his head, and narrows her eyes when Tony catches it in his mouth. "Check for berries."

"I've adopted a slave-driver."

Cassie sniggers as he walks out the back door and he pats Gerald's head as he passes by the mammal and into the garden. It was Cassie's idea and he had to admit it was nice having fresh vegetables and berries a few feet away, even if he had to beat their pet alpaca to them. The girls wanted a cat, but it only would have reminded him of Tibbs, and even the poor cat had been a victim of the snap. He just wasn't ready for another one. Tibbs was a pretty awesome cat and Tony kind of missed him sometimes.

"Alright Gerald, I hope you left us some raspberries or we'll both be in the dog house." Two more steps and he found a plant full of the berries. "Small miracles." He glances over at the blanket fort a few feet away and smiles. "Princess Diana! Come help me pick berries!"

"I'm coloring Daddy!" Diana shouts from inside her fort and Tony chuckles quietly. She definitely had Stephen's snark, and she even said it in an exasperated tone.

"I guess you don't get Cassie's chocolate chip cookies for dessert!"

A loud groan follows and Tony grins as Diana comes out of her fort and joins her father. "It was important."

"Oh yeah? Well you'll have to finish after dinner."

Diana doesn't argue any further and the two of them pick enough berries to fill a small container that Tony gives the responsibility of holding to his daughter. A couple of raspberries disappear into her mouth and Tony gives her a fond look as he wipes away some of the juice at the corner of her mouth before it stains. Sass aside, he was lucky that Diana was so well behaved. She even stopped asking about her mother and brothers because she didn't like the forlorn look Tony always wore when they were brought up, but he was also pretty sure that Cassie was telling her instead. Tony always kicked himself over that. Diana should be able to ask him without worrying about him getting upset over it, but instead her pseudo-sister was telling her the stories. Sometimes Pepper, Happy, and the other Avengers whenever they had time to stop by.

"Don't fill up Little Miss. You think we have enough?"

Diana nods. "Uh-huh."

"Alright. Let's get these back in to the Alpha Female if we want to have dinner. I can smell it from here." He kisses her on the cheek before standing back up and lifting Diana into his arms, and he stops next to Gerald when the exit the garden. "Give one to our loyal guard alpaca."

The five year old grabs a raspberry from the container in her hands and gives it to Gerald who eats it out of her hand happily and thanks her with a nuzzle. With that done, Tony walks back toward the house until he hears the unmistakable sound of tires crunching over gravel. He and Diana look at each other before Tony makes his way around the house to the driveway, and his eyes widen when Scott all but falls out of the car in his haste to get out. Steve and Natasha followed after him as the ex-criminal approaches the billionaire and Diana pushes Tony's mouth closed.

"Scott?" Tony wonders with surprise.

"Cassie? Is she here? They said she was here." The man rambles, but before Tony could even reply, the front door opened and Cassie stepped out.

"Daddy?"

Scott's head whips around and the fifteen year old girl immediately runs over to him and hugs him tightly. Everyone else watches the small reunion as Scott hold his daughter close, and he eventually moves away to study his grown daughter.

"You're so big!" Scott looks Cassie over for a few more seconds and then sniffs the air. "Is that food? Oh my god, I'm starving."

Both Cassie and Tony laugh. "You have good timing Thumbelina. You guys can stay for dinner and tell us where the hell you've been."

"Good, because according to Nat and the Cap, I literally haven't eaten for five years."

Tony looks over at the other two adults. "Dinner?"

Natasha smiles. "Only if I get the baby."

"You heard her Little Miss. Go to Auntie Nat." The engineer says as he takes the container of berries and Diana happily goes to Natasha before they head inside.

Scott was quiet for the majority of dinner because he was too busy eating, but when he eventually slowed down so he could at least breath and taste his food, he told them where he had been. The Quantum Realm. What felt like an hour to him had been five years, so when he finally escaped, he was confused when he saw all the missing posters and the monuments with the names of the Snap victims. He explained that he went straight to the tower but when he found he empty, he went to the compound where he found Steve and Natasha. He told them the same thing he was telling Tony and they jumped right back into the car and came straight to the lake house when he asked about Cassie.

Steve clears his throat and Tony watches Natasha suspiciously when she mumbles in Russian and herds Diana away from the table after dinner. An adult conversation was coming up and he wasn't sure whether or not he was glad that the assassin took the initiative to distract his daughter. As soon as the two were out of ear shot, Scott opened his mouth again.

"Tony...we think we can reverse what happened. Bring everyone back."

His breath catches in his throat. "What?"

"Like I told you, it only felt like an hour in the Quantum Realm for me when realistically it's been five years. Time works differently there. Maybe if we can manipulate it--"

"You're talking about a time machine." Tony interrupts.

Steve grimaces. "For lack of a better word, yes."

"I can't take that chance." Scott opens his mouth again but Tony cuts him off and points toward the direction Natasha and Diana disappeared to. "She is all I have left. I can't risk that for a chance. Diana is the only reason I'm even still here!" He admits and the other two men wince and Cassie frowns. "I lost my wife, and my two sons. I can't lose her too."

The three stare at each other in silence until Diana and Natasha return, and Tony's heart clenches when he finds a familiar leather book in his daughter's hands.

Peter's photo album.

"Where..." The mechanic starts and Scott sighs.

"I told you I went to the tower. I grabbed that just in case." He says quietly as Diana sets the album on the table in front of Tony.

"Tony...at least look through it." Steve says quietly. "Even if you still don't want to help, you and Diana both deserve those memories."

Cassie places her hand on the album and pushes it closer to Tony. "I think it's a good idea."

Tony sighs. "Even Miss Sass is ganging up on me."

He reluctantly agrees though and they all eat their dessert of cookies before everyone sans Tony retires to bed. He offered for them to stay since it was a long drive back, and they accepted gratefully. Cassie was nice enough to take Diana to bed since she knew the little girl's schedule and Tony had gone into the makeshift lab to look through the photo album. Not until he had FRIDAY working on potential ways to be able to use the Quantum Realm as a time machine though. He highly doubted they would find anything, but he could at least say he tried. Looking through the album was hard but it was necessary if he was going to have to tell Diana the stories behind each picture. His daughter deserved that much if FRIDAY couldn't--

"Test run successful Boss."

Tony's head snaps up to the hologram and he drops the album so he can cover his mouth in disbelief. He did it. He found a way to time travel. Something he never thought possible if he were honest. A Time Stone was one thing, but a machine? Even he had been skeptical.

"Shit."

That one single word about summed everything up.

He could bring his family back.

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.06: “Optimism”

THEN: Starts out pretty ominous, with clock-ticky music, Jack's grace getting sucked out, "this is the end of everything," and Jack considering himself useless. We're reminded that New Charlie exists (aw, Dean looked so pretty in AU Land) and Jack has "the mind of a hunter." Michael hurting people and Dean feels guilty (aw, Sam's Beard of Despair, how I miss you). Sounds like we're in for a real downer of an episode, friends.

NOW: Nebraska. Happy music. A cheerful librarian opens up shop, and she's cute as can be but I wore that blouse in the 80s and it needs to stay there (JUST SAY NO TO THE RUFFLED YOKE, LADIES). Her name is Harper, and she has a kind-of-date with a guy named Winston tonight, though she is clearly Not Into You, Winston. An (apparent) coworker named Miles hears her "scream" and comes to her aid, brandishing a stapler, and is reminded that he needs to mind his own business. Winston leaves, clearly walking on air, and then STAYIN' ALIVE STARTS PLAYING and we focus on Winston's feet just like the iconic opening scene of Saturday Night Fever (if you're too young to remember, watch this, IT'S IMPORTANT CULTURAL KNOWLEDGE and there WILL BE A QUIZ LATER) and y'all don't even know how much I love this song. YOU DON'T KNOW. I can't help it. My mom was a huge Bee Gees fan, partially because she was very into Barry Gibb.

Coincidence?

What can I say? I am my mother's child.

Now, where were we?

(Pretty much where we always are, so could you please just move this along?)

Sorry for the digression. Anyway. Now I suspect this isn't going to be a downer episode after all. (Turns out it was directed by Richard Speight, which would have been a clue if I'd known that earlier, bless him.) While I've been digressing, Winston has happily bopped down the street, only to have a hand cover his mouth and drag him off-screen. There's a record scratch and a squirt of dark goo and a scream, so I guess it did turn out to be a downer for Winston, but not for me.

Title card!

{Sidebar: I didn't realize Saturday Night Fever was directed by John Badham, who went on to direct several episodes of Supernatural.}

Jack's drinking coffee in the bunker. He takes a sip and then pours a huge amount of sugar into it, which immediately makes me think of this scene from The Fly when Jeff Goldblum, who does not yet realize that he is turning into a fly, does the same thing.

(Spoiler alert: Ahem.)

Dean walks in and asks what he's doing, and Jack explains that everything tastes different without his powers, and he can't get the coffee to taste the way he likes it. That's because coffee is nasty, Jack. (And also, thanks to the Continuity Fairy for remembering that food tasted different to Cas when he didn't have grace.) Dean asks if Jack has seen Sam, because that's what Dean does; he probably walked in the door and felt a disturbance in the Force and realized he didn't know where Sam was. From Jack, we learn that (1) Dean went on an overnight run to Mobby's love shack cabin and (b) Sam went on a hunt with Charlie without telling Dean. Is Dean okay with this? Are we gonna okay with this? Couldn't he have at least sent a text message? He's supposed to be setting an example!

"Explain to me again how you just let Sam LEAVE."

I guess Sam had to go himself, rather than send someone else, because this is one of those times when there's no random hunters in the bunker. (And where's Rowena? Did Charlie abandon her in the Southwest? Did they have a fight?) Jack imagines Sam and Charlie are doing something "really exciting."

Cut to Sam and Charlie sitting quietly in a truck outside Memphis, bored out of their minds. Hee! It's the kind of crappy old truck I always want Sam to drive, so I love it. They're staring at a bus stop with an ad for Pete the Pestinator, who seems to be an insect exterminator. (Spoiler alert: ahem again.) Sam confirms that "this is where all those people went missing," although if he's been sitting in that truck long enough to be bored, he really should have nailed that down by now. Charlie says "yep." More silent sitting.

Back to the bunker. Dean seems surprised that Sam left Jack there alone (where's Cas?) and Jack says "Sam wanted someone around when you came back. He's worried about you."

"Yeah, that sounds like him," Dean grumbles, and hello, kettle, the pot just called, and said you're black. Jack offers some encouragement, telling him no one blames him for Michael, and Dean says "Cool. Well, I blame me, so." His self-flagellation is interrupted by Jack's Cough of Great Concern. "Maybe I'm allergic to sitting around doing nothing," Jack snarks.

Dean sits down for a heart-to-heart, and Jack says he's been hunting with Cas and wants to do more. Dean says "No offense, Cas is an insurance policy on those hunts." Jack looks hurt. I don't understand this at all. Why wouldn't Jack already know that Cas is there to protect him? And why would this hurt his feelings? I'm so confused. But I immediately forget it, because Dean says "Sam's just trying to keep you safe, okay? He's a smart guy." AND THEN WE CUT TO THIS.

Bless you, Richard Speight, writer Steve Yockey, bless you both.

I literally did burst out laughing at Sam and his fidget spinner. Charlie is not amused, and Sam puts his toy away with some embarrassment.

Bunker. Jack's found a report on our dead friend Winston, who seemed to have human bitemarks taken out of his corpse. And others have gone missing in the area. We skip part of a conversation, but whatever it was, Dean says Sam won't like it. "Sam's not here," says Jack. Oh, no you don't, Jack. Don't you go ignoring the Chief's directives just because he's not here. Dean says he'll go check it out alone, but Jack suddenly remembers Sam's Law and reminds Dean about the Buddy System.

We can be hunting buddies!

Okay, uh, (a), don't call it that, and (b), YOU'RE gonna back ME up?

Oh, Dean. You didn't do the (1) and (b) thing that I love so much. Jack gets to be the one to bare a little bit of his soul now, telling Dean that he also feels guilty about Michael, because he could have killed him but he was "distracted and stupid." He doesn't want to sit around feeling guilty all day, he wants to hunt.

Looks like that was the right button to push, because we cut to Sam on the phone, clearly not a fan of the plan and telling Dean to be careful. I assume his reluctance is because he doesn't trust Jack to watch Dean's back. But Sam, if you can trust Maggie to hunt alone, you can trust Dean with a novice backup. (I know, I know, Dean is more important than Maggie.)

Sam asks again if Charlie is sure this is the right place, and she says it's where four people disappeared. And while she was scouting around, she found a mason jar full of goo. Is this the same goo we saw when Winston was killed? (Spoiler alert: no.) And now she's trying to figure out what they're hunting, so she's reading. I'd have done my reading before the stakeout, but that's just me. (I'd also have done some reading instead of sitting there glaring at Sam while he enjoyed his fidget spinner, but that's also just me.)

(I also might have thought of more interesting things to do while I was stuck in a car with Sam, but they would have interfered with the stakeout. And they aren't anything Charlie would have been interested in anyway.)

Cut to Dick's Red Rooster Diner (ha ha, I see you, Speight). According to Winston's obituary, he had breakfast here every morning. Jack agrees with me that it's an odd thing to put in an obituary, but Dean says that when someone dies young, you don't know what to put in those things. (Oh, think of 20-something Dean's obituary.) He introduces them to the waitress as Agents Berry and Charles, and the only thing I can think of is Chuck Berry, so if someone has a better idea, let me know. He asks for details about Winston, and the only detail she can provide is that he's dead. Jack dutifully writes that detail in his little notebook. (BLESS.)

This waitress is wonderfully snippy, knows her rights, and isn't the least bit interested in talking to these FBI agents, but when Dean hands her some cash she changes her mind. She says they should should be more interested in Harper, who Winston just started "courting," and Jack is confused.

What's courting?

It's what you do before you start dating.

Ah, and that's the thing you do before the sex.

Sometimes you just have the sex.

Okay, Dean's wrong, courting is what you do instead of dating, but this is still a wonderful exchange. And the next part is wonderful too, cutting between the waitress and some customers explaining that Harper was popular in high school, but her boyfriend ran off, and now all these men connected to her have died, and she's really into romance books, and ending on I've heard too much Dean and I'm confused Jack.

Love this.

Back at the stakeout, Sam's biting his nails, which I also love for some reason, and of course the only time we've ever seen him bite his nails was when he was worried about Dean. New Charlie picks right up on it. She tells him Dean will be fine, and comments that he's got other friends, right? Which I don't understand, because it doesn't matter what other friends he has, he's not hunting with them. He's hunting with Jack. "He used to have a pretty damn good wingman," Sam says, and I think no, Sam, what are you saying, he still has you. She says he should call "that guy" to check on him, and Sam says "that guy was you." Charlie gives him a look. "No, it wasn't." And she's right, Sam. SHE IS NOT YOUR CHARLIE. And also, was Charlie ever really Dean's wingman? I don't think so. Sam, of course. Cas, literal wingman. But not Charlie. Charlie was the little sister.

Sam apologizes, and then says "I'm just saying, I'm not surprised you survived the apocalypse." Which isn't what you were saying at all, Sam. Charlie is surprised she survived, because she was just a programmer at Richard Roman Enterprises (Dick Roman! I wonder what happened to your AU version), living with the love of her life, Cara. My heart skipped a beat because I was so ready, guys, for the love of Charlie's life to be Dr. Cara Roberts from Sex and Violence, but apparently not. {Sidebar fic prompt: Sam. Charlie. Dr. Cara. Three-way.) Charlie's Cara was a baker. Charlie tells a sad story about waiting for help that never came, and Cara eventually being killed by people, not angels. Society falls apart. (Or, as Dean once said, demons I get; people are crazy.) Sam insists society isn't falling apart here, and Charlie says "not yet."

Just like last week, we're getting some needed differentiation between the characters we lost and their AU counterparts, which I appreciate.

I also appreciate pretty, attentive, sympathetic Sam.

Diner. Dean calls Jack "Mighty Mouse," for some reason, and congratulations him on finding a case. He tries to teach him about the importance of pie, but Jack's more interested in courting. He's never been exposed to off-screen romance, unless Gabriel and Rowena counts (Dean assures him it doesn't, but how would Jack have been exposed to Gabriel/Rowena anyway, since it happened while he was in AU Land and Gabriel didn't make it back?) Dean promises he'll give him The Talk when they get back, but right now they need to concentrate on finding Harper. {Sidebar fic prompt: Dean's and Sam's versions of The Talk. Would Dean's be like Dean's speech from Rock and a Hard Place?} Jack speculates she might not be human, and Dean says they're going to find out, and it's going to work like a romance novel. Hmm!

Cut to the library, where Harper is working. Dean enters and identifies himself as FBI, with questions about Winston. She doesn't want to talk, and he pushes. Then Jack shows up, asking for a book about the area's history, and defends her against the big mean FBI guy. Dean says "why don't you back off, kid" and Jack responds "No, you back off, old man" and DEAN'S FACE. This was clearly NOT IN THE SCRIPT. I love it. Dean slinks off, dejected, to examine his gracefully-aging face in the rear-view mirror. {Sidebar: I honestly think Jensen is aging a lot better than Dean is. Dean looks tired a lot of the time, and I'd like to believe Show is doing that on purpose, but I don't think it's the case. Jensen always looks awesome.} Harper is delighted, and apparently smitten, judging by the music. Jack introduces himself as "Jack Smith" and she invites him to her apartment, where she has the perfect book.

Why does this library have those convenience store perp measurements at the door? Does it get robbed a lot? Also, how many episodes have signs in the background with the title of a different episode? Not very many, I'm guessing.

As they leave, Miles the Stapler Guy follows and asks where she's going. It must be close to closing time, because Harper says she'll come back and lock up. Miles, who's carrying a bag of trash, refuses to shake Jack's hand. As Jack and Harper go one way, he stomps off in the other direction. I'm suspicious, and so is Dean, who gets out of the car to follow him. As Miles puts the library's trash in an inappropriately small residential bin, he hears a noise. We then cut to Dean, who hears Miles scream but just keeps walking? But then a trash can is knocked over and that gets his attention. He finds Miles dead, and we get a monster POV shot watching him.

Stakeout. Charlie's still reading. Apparently she brought all the books. She says she hates hunting, which surprises Sam, because she's so good at it. She points out that she's good at it because the alternative was death. "I mean, no offense, but who wants to be a hunter? This job, just a lot of tears and death."

Sam says "you said something like that to me once, long ago, about hunting." He quickly apologizes for once again conflating her with Our Charlie. At first I was annoyed at him, but then I started thinking about how awful Our Charlie's death was for him, with the MoC, and the fear, and the worry, and the guilt, and his brother saying he should be the one on the funeral pyre instead, and you know what? I'm gonna cut him some slack for trying to forget all of that ever happened. A lot of slack, in fact.

Charlie casually drops that she's glad this is her last hunt. Did you give the Chief your two week's notice, Charlie? I DON'T THINK SO. She plans to get away from monsters and people, and "live on a mountaintop or something... as long as there's good wifi." I'm sure Sam can get you set up with his magical wifi, Charlie, if you stay on his good side.

Harper's apartment. She seems to be all about love, with a decorative "amore" sign in the kitchen and a big red heart hanging on the wall. She suddenly realizes it's weird that she brought him to her apartment, though she's thinking "putting the moves on you" weird and I'm thinking "inviting a potential serial killer into your home" weird. But maybe I listen to too much My Favorite Murder.

She leaves the room to get the book (odd that it's not on the stuffed bookshelves in her living room, but they're all full of romance novels). Jack asks why the FBI was "hassling" her, and she tells him about Winston's death as he surreptitiously puts a silver coin on the floor and splashes holy water all over his hands. A call comes from Dean, but he ignores it. When she comes back with the book, she notices the coin on the floor and picks it up. She touches his hand when she gives him the coin and notices that it's wet. I would have put the holy water on the coin, although a wet coin on the floor might be as weird as wet hands. He just laughs weirdly and then does a fake cough AND SAYS CHRISTO. SOMEONE FINALLY REMEMBERED CHRISTO. Oh, my heart. I've been waiting 13 years for this moment. She doesn't react to it, so she seems pretty human. He says he's nervous, so she sits on the couch and pats the seat next to her.

Stakeout. Charlie has found something in the books called a Musca. Sam already knows it's a man-fly hybrid (IT'S THE FLY; OUR MONSTER IS JEFF GOLDBLUM) and that no one's seen them, so if they do exist, they keep to themselves. She's impressed with his Sammy smarts. He says he's read all the books, but if he'd read this one, he'd know that every few hundred years a male Musca can't find a mate and he "abandons his community and starts using people's bodies to nest, binding them together with a viscous goo." Ew.

As they walk, in the background we see a figure approaching the two women who are sitting on the bus stop bench. It's clothed in black, carrying a black briefcase, and it has a giant head. At first I think it's literally a giant fly's head. But when Charlie notices it, we get a closer look, and it's a large black hood, like a beekeeper's outfit. It sits down and then casually scoots closer to the women, who scoot away, and it's hilarious.

Harper's apartment. She asks Jack where he's from, and he tells her he lives in Lebanon, Kansas. NO, JACK. DON'T TELL ANYONE WHERE YOU LIVE. Jack coughs some more and then notices a picture of Harper with her boyfriend, Vance. She says he left town after high school because he wanted to see the world, and Jack seems astonished that anyone would leave her. And that was when her bad luck started, but she tries to stay optimistic. "Me too," Jack says. "I had some not-so-great stuff happen in my past. Trying to be positive... it can be hard." Oh, Jack, sweetie. They gaze into each other's eyes and it looks like they're going to kiss. Jack's phone buzzes with a text from Dean that says CALL ME NOW.

Jack? Do you believe in love at first sight?

Do you... (music swells)... mind if I use the bathroom?

Ha!

Jack hides in the bathroom to call Dean. He tells him Harper isn't a monster, and he thinks she's in love with him. Although Dean's sure that's not the case, Jack says "but if she is, I need to know everything about sex. Go." Ha again! Dean tells him about Miles's death, which makes Jack wonder if she's cursed. Dean says it's more like all the guys around her are cursed. "Like me," Jack ponders, just before we get another monster POV shot and a strangled shout from Dean. The phone goes dead.

Jack comes back into the living room and Harper asks if he's okay and if he wants to go for coffee. Then the door bursts open and Dean comes in, and I wonder why she's freaking out until I remember that Dean is Bad FBI Guy to her. He quickly blocks the door and tell her they're here to save her from... whatever it is that's suddenly growling and banging on her door. "At first I thought it was a ghost," he says, "but then it punched me in the face." She's freaked out about a ghost, but Jack reassuringly (NOT!) tells her that he's saying it's NOT a ghost. Dean recognizes a photo and it turns out the monster is her old boyfriend Vance, who she didn't even realize was dead.

For some reason Dean isn't carrying a lot of weapons, but he has a silver knife and finds a silver letter opener on Harper's desk. Silver will slow it down, he tells them, but there's only one way to kill the undead boyfriend. Vance breaks the door down before we learn what that is. Dean starts fighting with the silver knife and tells Jack to get Harper out of there.

Stakeout. It's nighttime now. A lone man sits at the bus stop as Sam tries to convince Charlie that she can't drop out of society. She needs people, and also, it's hard to walk away from being a hunter. "I tried. Our Charlie tried." You know, for someone who did want out of hunting, and did try to get out of it, Sam spends a lot of time convincing others to do it, or at least enabling them. I mean, Dean was all "Patience, if you can live a normal life, do it," and Sam was all "well, Claire, if you're gonna hunt, I guess I should show you how to hack." Although that (and teaching Ghoul!Adam to shoot) was more about protecting someone determined/forced to be a hunter than recruiting. So maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Anyway, if anyone recognized the futility of getting out of the life, it would be him.

Jeff Goldblum shows up again and sits by his next victim. Charlie wants to go for the kill, but Sam thinks they should wait for him to make his move, in case he's just into weird fashion. Look, Sam, if a guy likes wearing a black beekeeper's bonnet and sidling up to random strangers at bus stops, he deserves to be hunted, whether or not he's actually part bee. When the bus shows up, it blocks their view of the duo. When it leaves, the bench is empty. Which could mean they just got on the bus, but we see something disappearing behind the stop. Sam decides it's a go after all.

Let's stick with this story, rather than cutting back and forth between them like the show did.

Sam and Charlie find a door with a bunch of goo on the handle. Sam says Charlie found something in the books that theorized a brass nail dripped in sugar water would kill a musca. Because yes, of course sugar water, WHICH FLIES EAT, would kill a fly man. (Rolls my eyes at this otherwise delightful episode.) Charlie reminds him they have neither of those things. "So we get creative," Sam says. I'm expecting some kind of MacGuyvering involving a can of Coke, or Sam's sugary coffee. (Spoiler alert: I'm wrong.)

{Sidebar: Why are all the methods of killing monsters so weirdly specific? Chopping off the head should kill ANYTHING.}

They go through the door, which surprisingly leads them into an abandoned warehouse. It's full of flies (normal ones, not half-man flies) and smells like pine cleaner and rotting meat. Yum. Eventually Sam finds the briefcase, which is full of what looks like candy wrappers and also has a white cloth, which he sniffs to discover chloroform. Dude. Don't sniff the chloroform rag. Charlie finds the most recent victim, still alive, by a pile of bodies. Something grabs Charlie's hand. She pulls loose, but falls off a low platform (seriously, it's like two feet high) and... loses consciousness? Okay. Maybe he chloroformed her and I missed it. I'm old and decrepit and this would have barely bruised me. He must have chloroformed her.

Sam tries to wake her up, but is interrupted by the WORST MONSTER COSTUME EVER. Oh god, you guys, this fly man head is so bad. SO BAD.

{Sidebar: Did you know that you don't see much of the shark in Jaws because the model was so bad, Steven Spielberg decided he wanted to shoot it as little as possible? And it actually made the movie better because the unseen monster was so much scarier? Just saying, Speight.}

(Um, have you watched any movies that were made before 1980?)

Well, that was uncalled for.

Jeff Goldblum attacks Sam and gets goo on him, and if this were really a fly, wouldn't that goo be digesting him? Isn't that how flies eat? (Why yes, it is.) Charlie regains consciousness and stabs it with something, which gets it off Sam long enough for him to shoot it in the head. Creativity in action! So, I guess I got my wish. Interesting that, just like last week, the guys figured out that there are actions that will kill anything.

Aftermath! Charlie and Sam are driving, and Sam says he feels bad for the Musca, which could have been happy if it had stayed home with its people. Subtle, Sam. Charlie's all, yeah, okay, I'm like the bug, except not so much. As we see the Musca family coming to retrieve their brother's body, Sam asks Charlie not to leave. "If we help people, then maybe they'll help people, and all that, and that's worth it. Even with all the tears and death, it's worth it." Oh, Sammy. {sniff} She says she'll think about it.

Back to Jack and Harper. It was broad daylight when they got to her apartment, so I don't know why it's nighttime now. How long did he spend in the bathroom? No wonder she asked if he was okay. Cut to Dean gleefully fighting the zombie, who suddenly stops fighting and runs off.

Jack and Harper run to the library, where she struggles with the keys until Jack remembers she left without locking the door. They scurry inside and he locks it. As they hide behind the counter, they see Zombie Vance run by. Jack tells her not to worry, because he locked the door, and she asks if he flipped the switch under the lock? Obviously he didn't, and she goes to do it herself. As she stands, looking out the door, Vance shows up. She unlocks the door, which Jack obviously DID lock, and opens it. He hands her the history book - I guess Jack dropped it - and they kiss.

Um. whoops. Vance is actually still Harper's boyfriend. And he has to eat human flesh. Like, Jack's, for example. Vance lunges for Jack, who hides in the stacks as Harper gives him the villain dialogue over the library's PA system. She likes Jack, but he's obviously a hunter, and she comes from a long line of necromancers, so it would never work out between them. She killed Vance to keep him from leaving after high school, and killing every other guy in her sights is just a fun little romantic roleplay for them. We get a little scare when a hand appears on Jack's shoulder (been a lot of that going around lately), but it's Dean. He tells Jack they have to get Vance back into his grave and then drive a stake into his heart to keep him there. And they're going to convince him using another romance novel method.

Jack tells her he wants to do things Vance can't do - walk her down the aisle, raise a family. This draws Vance out, who lunges at him but finds himself facing Dean. Vance gets Dean against a wall, and Harper calls out to him. Dean thinks she's going to call him off, but she says "Baby, kill him!" and Dean's "huh" look is precious to me. Instead, Dean slaps a handcuff on his arm and cuffs him to a pole or something. Jack cuffs his other arm to a library cart, I think, which is mobile and therefore defeats the purpose of cuffing, but good try, Jack. The cuffs burn Vance, so they're silver or enchanted or something. Seems like a successful hunt, but when the guys look up, the door is open and Harper is gone.

Later we see Harper and her suitcase at a cafe, writing a letter to Jack. So she had time to go home and pack a suitcase, and Dean and Jack didn't go to her apartment and look for her? Guys. Come on. She's sorry she's going to have to kill Jack, but it means she can bring him back to life and they'll be together forever. See you soon, she writes, sealing the envelope addressed to Jack Smith, c/o the Lebanon, Kansas post office. I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET HER KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, JACK. Is Harper going to be a Big Bad this season? Or maybe a Little Bad? I wouldn't mind seeing her again. She's a charming little villain.

Finally, Jack's drinking coffee again, probably with a lot of sugar, in the bunker. This scene, with them facing each other, is a nice callback to the beginning of the episode. Dean tells Jack he did good, and Jack pushes for more hunts, because he was right. It's not about being right, Dean tells him, it's about what you do after you're wrong, after you've made a mistake. And about not beating yourself up, Jack points out. Dean tells him he's pretty smart, and Jack smiles and coughs and Dean promises to talk about getting him on more hunts when Sam gets back (BECAUSE SAM IS THE ONE TO ASK, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT) and Jack lies about being fine and then coughs some more and shows Dean his bloody palm and collapses on the floor with blood oozing from his mouth and nose and WELL. THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY.

And the episode ends, without Sam and Dean sharing a single scene. Has that happened before? It's unsettling. I like the ep, though. I liked the relationship focus - Sam bonding with New Charlie, Dean bonding with Jack. I liked the humor. I liked that Sam wasn't ignored, even though the brothers had separate storylines. I liked the continuation of things that have been happening this season, the gentle reminder (but not constant siren) of Dean's guilty feelings and Sam's leadership and Jack's issues. And, of course, CHRISTO!

And there was one weird thing I noticed on first watch, but it didn't jump out at me on rewatch so I don't remember when it happened... Dean said "Son of a B." This is the second episode where they said something weird instead of bitch. What's going on there? Is Dean never going to say "son of a bitch" again? Because that's not good.

What did you guys think? And please help me stay unspoiled; thanks!

[scoupssolo]

Omg no take all the time you need with replying!! Legit you can reply in like, a year and I would come back to your ask like the simp I am for your blog xD also happy wolo day!! How are we doing with the woozi solo? Did we survive (not really) and let me take the first second to say LOVE the gfx edit you made for ruby!! I am in love with your edits and I just gasp like ??? How do you make them look so good!? I tried making one, going as far as going through your entire gfx tag on your blog to try to get inspired (which failed because idk how to make cool gfx edits) anywhoo a reminder to flood dreamy's blog with love :D

Onto the main message xD

But that is true, it can be tricky and sometimes a bit awkward but as long as I think you are chill aka not make drama and understand the situation I think its alright! I mean, it shouldn't stop people from enjoying the new content a group would make moving past a member(s) leaving. Like there's no rule in kpop that says "oh yeah only OG fans can support" but yes to the content finding!! Even it happens with seventeen i am sometimes surprised i see some old content like :0 omg this was a thing!? (I found some older content when making my svt secret Santa gift) its like finding a rare ruby (ignore that pun lol) its also fun seeing content that like, got SUPER popular on Tumblr piror to being a fan and then you watch it properly as a fan. Like it feels a bit more special or funnier? A good example is the iconic minho vs felix and seungmin and minho's cat discussion. Where poor minho was upset they didn't know he had 3 cats. I remember seeing that clip in twitter, youtube complications and even on Tumblr and found it funny because poor guy but now as a fan it made me laugh more? Seeing as I know "understand" the group more? (Also minho best cat dad)

Ooohhh *rubs hands like evil villain* thank you! Adding more content to watch later hehehe thank you dreamy! I feel bad for asking you about stuff jdjsjdjsjs like I'm sorry for asking you about content! Lolol not minho using staff account xD but omg yes I saw that clip so many times because I like rewatching it like my heart. Its nice to hear how much seventeen is well respected or hear how they treat others like how can you NOT like them?

ok first im SORRY this took so long to answer. also i literally typoed out a huge reply and my page refreshed 😭 so here we go again asfegx

i LOVED ruby!!! weeks later im still listening to it on repeat its sSOOO good and his STAGE for it ajnfzxgk amazing!!!! also him and hosh both making black and red themed videos was like a gift just for me because of how much i loveee that aesthetic!!!!

Thank you for liking the gfx!! i TRULY wish i could explain the process on how i make gfx like that because i KNOW its the thin i do ppl like the most and want to know how to do, honestly i should just screen record myself making one to tryyy to explain it better because im so bad at words. BUT i always want to help ppl learn things especially with gfx because i love seeing how other ppl design and how its different from how i make stuff! asdg going through my stuff for insp has to be so confusing my gfx are literally all over the place i can barely find inspiration from them. but if you ever have questions i will try my best to help <3

kpop groups literally put out so much content that i think even if youve seen it all its almost impossible to remember everything, i know i forget where things skz and svt do are from all the time and i find myself rediscovering things constantly.

I always use clip compilations to get into groups, and even though those are really funny, i think once youre into the group the whole experience changes because you feel like youre in on the joke once you see things in their context and from a closer fan perspective. its actually really nice to feel that switch, i think.

also NEVER EVER feel like ur bugging me!! for content or just to talk about skz or svt i love it (Despite me taking forever to answer im sorry againazfxg)

[taeyungie]

hands up if you also got very thoughtful during this concert 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️ em what was all that 😩😩🤯????? i remember what you mentioned after their muster this year, how they energy on stage has changed and how they've matured a lot during this last 2 years... and i could feel it so strong today! from the beginning to the end, i could see how they've improved in such an unique and impressive way, even in this difficult time..💜

gosh their physical capacity is out of this world. i have no words to how they manage to beautifully sing while they're jumping, dancing and enthusiastically moving around the stage. it is so hard and it only makes me prouder of them. their voices and performances are truly precious. i cried while i was watching black swan, just how i cried during jimin's dance for this song in last year's map of the soul on:e concert, just how i cried with their performance during last year's mma too. black swan is so 😭 and they always do it even more gracefully.

i can't help but feeling so small and amazed whenever i watch them... they are so incredibly in love with what they do, with music, that you can literally feel it through the screen. and that's how they keep growing as artists and as human beings too. if i could resume today's concert in a word, it would definetely be "innovation". i'm so happy and lucky to be in this journey of them. they're my entire world and i don't know where i'd be today if it wasn't for them. i'll cherish days like this forever...

(yes while i was watching the whole thing i kept trying to remember exactly how i was feeling so i could come here and talk to you :D)

oh and i got a little upset after the first hour of the concert, since all the links started to disappear and i missed some important moments :'( but it's okay i guess... soon some angels will be uploading the record!

anywayyyy i hope you had a great time 💜💖 what am i even saying of course you had the greatest time 🐻

and i know tae was upset about his situation but i could feel that he was able to enjoy it too and it makes me soft -he gave us so much bright smiles today- and he also chose VIOLENCE with his looks right

oh and i wish big hit would livestream their first day in LA, it will be so much more moving :( but i guess that's better than nothing!!

ah im sorry for answering so late!! ahh yes this concert was really so mesmerizing and it also felt really different?? in a good way, haha. yes, they really improved even more, and that energy i said about earlier was possible to feel even stronger this time, you're right! their performance skills were always amazing to me, it takes so much strength, practice and sustainability to be able to do ALL THAT, everything that they do that seems so effortless is really not easy at all, takes so many years o practice and they really get better and better every time, it's truly amazing. yes i know :( black swan is really important to me and it always makes me so emotional, paired with such a gorgeous performance and the whole aura this certain concert carried, it was something i will never forget about. i can definitely relate to feeling small in a way :( i know, it seems so overwhelming sometimes, right? it always made me feel so many emotions just seeing people do or talk about what they love, people who are passionate are just beautiful to me, and our boys are most gorgeous of all :( i also don't know who i would be today if it wasn't for them, they held me through the time i needed them the most :( i also have to watch it again, it was amazing and i'm not usually the one to watch concerts many times skjcnsn taetae seemed to have lots of fun and that's what matters to me the most, i really hope one day they'll be able to accept things like this and accept that this wans't their fault, and it doesn't change anything because we love them all just as much, no matter if they stand up or sit down hahah