#And on the rp upside.......... ^_^ expect me to start replying to things on here & in dms!!!!!! I MISSED WRITING RECREATIONALLY SO MUCHHHHH

[yeonban]

I FINALLY FINISHED AND SUBMITTED MY DISSERTATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The paper's defense is scheduled for somewhere in mid-July and it's only like 30-60 mins tops so besides that I'M FREEEEEEEEEE I'M FUCKING FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE THANK GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

[hotcocosharing]

No Pain No Gain (MPD Hiroshi x OC)

Category: Angst / Fluff? Character: Take a guess or any suggestion OC: Miku Oshiro Notes: Originally an idea for rp that’s no longer happening so let’s see where this’d lead me

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged or untagged cux I value your feedback @hifftn / destinywanted /  lxvescramble

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Hiroshi Kirisawa’s POV

I can't entirely block out the unnecessary thoughts that's flooding through my preoccupied mind, no matter how hard I try. Koichi has fallen asleep on the couch with the remote still in his hand, picking him up easily I lay him onto his bed which's set up in time by our brilliant babysitter.

Not being able to pinpoint what I'm feeling, mixing with frustration and exhaustion as I gaze at the mountain of boxes surrounding my new apartment. After working straight for 48 hours without much sleep and to come home in need of a shower which isn't likely to happen, I flop down onto the empty couch and ponder just how I've gotten into this very situation.

Glancing down at my phone for what realistically might have been the hundredth time today, getting increasingly nervous with every minute that ticks by. I shouldn't let it get to me and here I'm, staring at my phone at 11pm on a Friday night and wondering if I'll ever get a reply from her.

I remember how her regular check in or silly messages would brighten my busy days till I've lost track of everything- endless over time, missing date nights, forgetting anniversaries then leads to the cold left overs, mornings without goodbyes and by the time I realize the lack of texts and calls exchange, there's already a divorce paper waiting on the dining table.

My world's flipped upside down.

I am still the same person she's met decade ago, and yet my decency and dedication for my job have sacrificed my marriage. Deliberately working extra so I'd avoid her whining of how I put the civilians and the deceased before her and our child, making sure I wouldn't need to sit there and watch the disappointing look on my boy's face, believing that my choice of career is the worst of all. I haven't tried to fight for a marriage that's beyond saving but I fight hard to get Koichi's full custody, knowing completely in my heart that it would be the right decision for I don't want him to grow up being a materialistic and cynical. The divorce isn't a pretty sight and I attempt to keep my balance, squeezing whatever time I'd to spend with Kochi though it's never enough. We're fortunate enough to have a babysitter who is sticking with us in spite of moving the third time within a year. Kochi is acting out and Rei is the only one he'd listen to, let's hope I won't be getting a call from the new school too soon. Reaching into my pocket and lighting my last cigarette, I inhale deeply, sucking in the bitter yet satisfying taste of my safe haven. Slowly exhaling a cloud of smoke into the apartment, I watch as the white-gray smoke swirl around in the breeze under the dim lights. 

This feels good, immensely so, to be able to do this without interruption. Resting my head on the back of couch, my eyes open at the scent of brewing coffee from the window opening, precisely from next door. Eventually raising my feet and gradually making my way to the boxes again, I scratch the back of my head and laugh at myself for attempting to unpack with no scissor or cutter at all. Almost being driven crazy for want of coffee and in need of tools, I knock on my neighbor's door which's answered a lot quicker than expected. Pausing momentarily at the woman with messy bun and Disney pajamas that I thought only come in kids size till her confusing and slightly unwelcoming tone of "Can I help you?"

And it just occurs to me that I should have at least shower before making an appearance to my neighbor, especially woman- great, now I probably look like a creep and one that smells.

Miku Oshiro’s POV

I have grown tired of trying to hold things together, to control things that's beyond my control, to look people in the eyes and lie about how fine I feel while all I want is to scream and cry till my voice could no longer be heard.

I am just so tired.

Too tired to fix whatever it's left for it's far too broken to be fixed; too tired to act normal or play the part of perfect wife because at the end of day- I'm the one to blame.

Not attentive enough; not attractive enough, not satisfying him enough.

I was never enough and never will be for him- a man who apparently never valued me, a man who had absolutely no intention to salvage our marriage, a man who had been cheating all along. Yet the very same man used to travel miles to surprise me, took my hands and turned his back on his family, brought a house and called it our home where we shall live with our kids in five years time.

Now, three years later.

I am still the woman who have fallen for him hard, he on the other hand has two kids with another woman. The pain of his vows and empty promises that strikes through my heart each time I receive a message from him about when I’m selling the house or have I told my parents.

I mean SO LITTLE to him.

He was my world, my everything.

It seemed like he had been waiting to leave me, finding out his infidelity was a relief. It wasn’t about the other woman, it was the fact that he’d finally be free of me, free from the life with me. He could not wait to get out.

How did I let that happen? How did we come this far? Just where did it go wrong? When did he stop loving me? How could he just stop caring?

Do I seriously mean nothing to him? What have I done to deserve zero respect?

Exhausted and angry at myself for being so blind, naïve and stupid. Lying flat on my cold bed with a sheet resting against my body, I let the train of thoughts consume me, eating me away by people who never try or bother to understand me. Nerveless, their words still sting and stab right through my fragile hearts, constantly being questioned, judged and criticized my final decision has seriously making me doubt my sanity. My confidence and integrity gone and crushed so easily within hours of telling my parents and his, curling into a ball and hugging my knees is the only kind of comfort I could afford.

I could run away, abandon my job, disappear and start a new life under some make up name like people in the movies. No responsibility, no obligation and definitely no pressure but I love my job, writing is my sanctuary, the only thing that keeps me at ease and yet, even that may not be enough for me to carry on anymore.

The sound of doorbell startles me, given it possibly hasn’t rang in a million years and it is late in the evening. I should ignore it, whoever it is will walk away and leave me back to my pity self. And somehow I find my feet moving on their own and head towards the front door, opening a slight crack with my trembling hands to see a stranger’s face, a very good looking stranger’s face.

[haidenschreave]

Confessions | Part One

A/N: A fic as promised. This is unedited and really sucky, but you know, it’s here. RPs courtesy of @heatherkuwahara and @princess-elaine-schreave (More beneath the read more.)

I’m not sure when I stopped listening to the monotone conversation I’m having with a council member and let my mind start to wander away. In reality, I shouldn’t be surprised anymore—it happens enough. But I’ve been putting a real effort into living in the present. So far it hasn’t worked.

God, there’s so much to do this week. There’s the diplomats coming, party planning for my birthday, not to mention there are still 15 Selected that I’m avoiding for reasons unknown to even myself. This is going to be fun to explain away when my parents ask how much progress I’ve made.

The answer is none. I’ve eliminated over half, but it feels like I’ve done nothing. I’m not even sure if they actually like me. Sure, a few have said so, but I truly don’t know. I know I like them. In what way is a mystery to me, but I’d consider most of them at least friends.

Most, not all.

“Your Highness?” Councilman Renado asks, snapping me out of my daze.

“Yes?”

“What do you think about my plan?”

For a moment, I panic, but then I piece together the bits of conversation I heard. “It’s a great idea. Take it to my father to discuss.” He looks triumphant, and I’m thankful no one notices my bluff. I’ve become a remarkable liar the past few years, something I’m not proud of but every politician has to master the art.

I’m excused from the meeting early, and I hightail it to my room before any of the girls catch me. I feel bad for avoiding them, but too much socialization just leaves me drained. Alone time is my solace, and I’m fairly certain it’s the only thing that has kept me strong enough to continue in this position. That, and the fact that I refuse to fail.

I make it to room my room easily. By now I have the path memorized well enough that I know how to evade most prying eyes, and hopefully no one bothers me. I’m always like this after meetings—stressed, tired, annoyed out of my mind. I always need to recharge afterward before I see someone or else it’s probably not a good time.

I flop on my bed and let out a groan. I could go on and on, whining about how much I hate my life, how I wish I were someone else, but that’s not me. I’m thankful I’m in this position, and I just hope that eventually my mind thinks so as well.

My door opens and I inwardly groan. Rule number one: Lock the goddamn door. “Haiden, what are you doing?” I immediately recognize the voice as Heather’s, and it just makes this whole situation more irritating.

The blood rushes to my head as I hang upside down on the bed. I can almost see her feet if I glance out of the corner of my eye. I don’t even bother answering. She’s been through this routine enough times.

“Haiden, what is the crisis?” Yep, she knows. She somehow always knows.

I close my eyes. “Life. The usual. What do you want?” She knows I’m lying, but the best part about Heather is that she doesn’t pry.

“We need to go downstairs to meet the foreign guests.” I think she’s done, but then she adds, “Like, now.”

I grab a pillow and smother it into my face. What would happen if I let myself die by using this pillow to kill myself? “But I don’t wanna.”

“But you gotta.” She rips the pillow from me and tosses it into a corner. I roll out of bed and straighten my tie.

“Will the Selected be there?” I groan. I feel bad for asking, but it comes out of my mouth before I can stop it.  

She rolls her eyes. “Yes, they have to be.”

“Make them go away.” It’s not that I don’t want the Selected here. They’re fun and make good conversation, but it feels like when they look at me they’re expecting something. And they are. They want me to make a decision as soon as possible. I’m not sure if they’re being unfair to me or if I’m being unfair to them.

It was easy eliminating the first half. Then it was about participation or who I didn’t “click” with, but that’s passed and now I have to get on with this thing. I feel like right now is the hardest part. Now I have to figure everything out for real and hopefully soon.

Heather lets out a huff and pulls me up from the floor. “I want to make you go away but that can't happen.” I snort and send her a glare.

“You probably shouldn’t be in here,” I say, undoing my watch and swapping wrists. “Don’t want any more rumors, right?”

Anger flashes across her face for a moment, and I fight off the smirk that threatens to line my lips. Messing with Heather is my favorite past-time (besides every other one of my hobbies, of course. She’s not that special), and it seems that it’s been mistaken as messing around with. Obviously I’d never do such a thing, but how the media loves it.

It’s almost an insult my approval ratings are just less than my father’s.

“God, Haiden, you’re such a child. Move.” She sends me a glare, and just by that I can tell that she’s almost reached her limit.

I sigh. “Who’s here exactly? I didn’t look at the names.” Again, lies. I’ve looked over at those names several times over just so I’m prepared. No, I may be disinterested, but I’m never unprepared.

She looks down at her clipboard. “Well, your cousin is here, along with Grand Duchess Mika, Queen Eilidh, Prime Minister Cranston, Chancellor Blakestein, Ambassador E-Jun and a few others.”

Wonderful. I have a whole army of officials who I’m sure hate me by now. What more could I want? Shaking my head, I say, “Wonderful, cousins. There is no rest for the wicked. Let’s go.” I walk out of the room, past a disgruntled Heather who I can accurately say must want to gut me.

She follows me, having to run a bit to keep up with me. “You’re terribly dramatic.”

I resist rolling my eyes. Oh, yes, I’m dramatic. She’s the one who insists on reciting Baguette’s full name every time he’s mentioned—No, Haiden, it’s Chef Lasagna Oui Oui Baguette. Get it right. “Right. So how are you, Heather?” I don’t mean this literally and she most definitely knows that.

“Just dandy. I love all the work and shit that the girls leave behind.” I laugh. “What's your stress level?”

I think for a moment. “On what scale?”

“Heaven to Hell.”

I smirk. “Whatever comes after Hell.” My tone is playful, but I know deep down that I’m serious. Borderline manic at this point, not gonna lie.

“Sounds great.” She lets out a huff and returns to her clipboard. Back to business, apparently. “Now, remember to keep your distance from Russia, and let England and Germany be.”

“Why Russia? And why England and Germany? Is there drama? Fill me in.” The questions come out of my mouth before I can stop them. I may live a drama-free life, but I have to have my healthy dose now and again.

Heather doesn’t look at me when she replies, “Russia is a bitch, England and Germany got some tension. Oh, and apparently Mika got in a spat with Eilidh, so now she's bound to poke her with a stick.”

The first part sticks to my brain. “Tension how?” Is there going to be war? Either that’ll be really good for our economy or bad.

“You're too young, Haiden.” God, I’m a prince. I think I’m old enough to hear about war. “Anyways, you must make sure you greet the New Asians and Russians properly, otherwise they'll throw a fit.”

“All right.” I remember again how much I don’t want to do this. “Is there any possibility I can claim I'm sick and very contagious?”

Heather almost looks like she considers it. Probably doesn’t want to see me embarrass myself again. “No, you used that last month.”

“Crap.” I think for a moment. “What about injury? Can I fall down the stairs?” Looking back, it hurts a lot, but I’d rather fall down the stairs than do this any day.

Heather doesn’t look at me like one should after suggesting they should purposely injure themselves by falling down the stairs. I’m not surprised. She’s been through this enough. “Well, seeing as we’re already down them, there goes that option.” She probably just doesn’t want to tell our guests I’m a klutz.

I stop and face her, my eyes pleading. “Let’s go back up. Please.” I grab her by the shoulders and sink down to her eye-level. “Heather, don’t make me do this.”

She bats my hands away. “I am making you do this. Keep walking.” And then she’s walking, hand gripped tightly around my wrist. Apparently she’s meeting the foreign diplomats with me or not at all.

With a defeated sigh, I surrender and let myself be dragged by a woman almost half my size. “I hate you.”

Heather lets out an almost presumptuous laugh. “Love you too.” She glances over at me for half-a-second before rolling her eyes. “And straighten your tie, look at least a bit presentable.”

I want to snort. Presentable stopped being my goal at 15. “You’re not my mother, Heather. Maybe you should straighten your… attitude.” Even I want to cringe at my sad excuse for a comeback, but it’s already done. Might as well save myself more embarrassment.

“That was a wonderful comeback, Haiden,” she says, sarcasm biting her words. “Top-notch stuff. Also, your shirt is crooked.”

I give Heather a very intense side-eye. “Wonder how it got that way.”

“Well, maybe if you fix it, it’ll come to you.” With a disgruntled sigh, I fix both my shirt and tie. By this time, we arrive at the door leading out toward the foyer where I’ll be meeting. Heather leaves me with no reply as soon as we enter, and I stand there awkwardly, praying that no one approaches me until I get myself in order.

Obviously I don’t have the aura I’m aiming for because almost immediately Elaine comes up behind me. “Are you planning on staying there for the rest of the meeting?”

Yes, I want to say, but Elaine never appreciates my sass. She’d see right through it anyway. I sigh. “You know I don’t like this stuff, Elaine.”

She rolls her eyes. “What will we ever do with you, Haiden?” She switches to French when someone walks by. “I'm not going to be here always to pretend we're having important conversations to avoid other people.”

I shrug as she elbows me in the ribs. “I could always tie you up and make you stay with me.”

Elaine sends me a playfully offended expression. “Why Haiden, I think you must have paid little attention to Miss Hurst when we learned the Law. Keeping people hostage is a crime.”

I snort. “So is arson, but that hasn’t stopped half of the Selected.” I’ll always be confused about their fascination with fire, but I’m assuming it’s best not to get tangled up in that.

“True... but considering I'll stay here as long as I'm allowed I don't think it'll be necessary for you to break the law. I'll save your ass as long as I can.” She shoves my shoulder lightly. “I am that good a sister. I'll be here to annoy you as well however.”

I roll my eyes. “I'm expected to fall in love and everything by 20 years old. What about you? When are we marrying you off?” It’s probably a low blow. Everyone knows it’s a touchy subject. My father’s been putting it off as long as he can, but it’s coming soon, and I’m sure it’s present in both my sister’s minds.

Elaine stares off for a moment, and I immediately know her mind is somewhere else. We have that kind of relationship where we know each other sometimes better than we know ourselves. Shaking out of her daze, she finally answers, “I don't know, I didn't get 35 girls to fight for my heart. Or rather boys in my case.”

I roll my eyes. “My crown, you mean. You actually think every girl here I actually liked me?”

“Well....Maybe the remaining do? I don't know, I'm just saying you have prospects.” Prospects. Right. Wishful thinking will only take you so far.

“That’s not what I’m aiming for and you know it.” Hell, I don’t even know what I’m aiming for. It’s always been adaptive. I’ve gone from one small goal to the next. Now I’m just waiting to get this over with. Fast.

She cocks her head. “You think you won’t find anyone between the bunch?”

“That was never my goal.” No, my goal wasn’t as complicated as that.

She looks up at the ceiling, her eyes wandering like they always do when she’s in thought. “Sometimes life is like that.” It’s that single phrase that makes me snap.

“Because you know so well? Yeah, okay.” I know I shouldn’t say this, but somehow it makes me feel a little bit better.

Elaine visibly frowns. “Excuse you?”

A waiter passes by with a tray of champagne, and I grab two glass, both for myself. “You’re not my mother, Elaine.” It’s childish, I know, but it’s the only comeback I have and it’s delivered with enough bite that it gets the point across.

She scoffs. “Is that really what you're going with right now?”

I down a flute of champagne in one sitting. “I'm just saying. You act like you know what's happening to me, but you don't, so mind your own business.”

Elaine opens her mouth as if she wants to say something, but shuts it almost immediately. Good choice. “Listen Haiden, I know you're under a lot of pressure right now, but it's not fair for you to take it out on me.” She’s silent for a moment before adding, “I'm trying to help.”

“Well, you're not. The last thing I need right now is my sister nagging me.”

She stares at me for a moment, and I can sense the hurt radiating off her. “I—I wasn't nagging…” I almost want to laugh.

I down another flute of champagne and immediately grab another from a nearby waiter. “Why don't you go flirt with the Italian Prince or something? I'd like to be alone for now.”

Elaine stares at me, her eyebrows furrowed. She reaches out to touch me, mumbling something like “Haiden.”

I jerk away before she can. “Elaine.” The two small syllables of her name speaks a lot.

She stares at me with a frown, and I can tell she’s fighting tears. “I'm sorry I bothered you…” She clenches her jaw and gulps. “It won't happen again.”

In a split-second impulse, I freeze. “Elaine, wait.”

She spins on her heel and starts to make her way out of the foyer. I curl my hands into fists. “Fine, be like that.”

She flinches at my words. A hand comes up to wipe her eyes as she mutters, “You don’t even care enough to follow.”

I turn away, pretending not to hear, and stalk out of the foyer. I can only take so much of this in one day. Heather will probably skin me alive for ditching the greeting, but I couldn’t care less. As soon as Elaine realizes she’s wrong, the sooner she can apologize and get on with our lives.

I walk down the hall, my steps sure enough that every maid and butler gets out of the way. There’s stuff I should be doing right now—greeting people from countries I don’t care about, having conversations that will never fix anything. I know I’ve ruined things. I’ve probably ruined my relationship with my sister for the time being. I’ll probably ruin it again and again and again because it’s almost like I can’t stop it. But even here as I slump down against a wall in a forgotten hallway, the champagne isn’t strong enough, the lights are too low, and I feel the familiar pang of dread that so often shows up in my stomach.

You can’t even handle being a prince. What’s it going to be like as a king?

The champagne flute shatters beneath my hand.

[hbdayst-blog]

Hi there i'm currently at work and i'm thinking about all the good times and even the bad times that we have had together and man does it blow my fucking mind. I'm going to write 6 paragraphs for the 6 years that we have known each other so be prepared to read!!! Anyways this is a long ass intro so let me just get started on what i truly want to say.  

The year was 2013 and i remember that i was just a teenager living my life not expecting anything and then BAM just like a fucking hurricane you came into my life.  You were so unexpected and it took me by surprise how much and how fast you entered my heart.  I remember i was dating your brother LOLOLOLOLOLOL and you didn't give a shit you just came in and swooped up what was yours haha.  I know that makes you sound like an asshole but you aren't that EVER see what everyone fails to see is that yes we dated quickly and fell quickly but when we first started talking you listened to everything that, that person was doing to me and you helped me through it all and gave me what no one else had given me. And that's what people fail to realize that we started off as the people that would save each other from everything people just liked to poke at shit but that didn't bother us at all we didn't care because we fell in love since the moment we started talking and since then we've been history.  Throughout the time that we were together we had lots of up's and lots of down's and we still made it out alive even if there were at some points that we hated each other we still somehow knew that no matter what we would be there for each other.

A few months passed after we stopped talking and then i met this person again on rp and just like that we instantly clicked we would talk all the time day and night and it was such a bitter sweet feeling for me because it reminded me of you and how we started off.  Then out of nowhere i get a text from someone in our past and just like that my whole world was turned upside down again.  This person thought that i was going to hate you and all that shit but it didn't work instead things just started getting clear again for me and it made me realize that i needed you more than anything that without you life is just weird and not the same.  So there we were back at it again but this time just a little different no matter how much love there was between us we decided that being best friends is what was perfect for us and sure enough till this day it is just what is perfect for us.  You know me better than i know myself you know all the shits that make me tick and you know all the things that make me happy.  This time it felt like things were finally great and falling into place.  Then all of a sudden shit changes i believe things and hear only one side of stories and we end up going our separate ways again. That was no fault but mine so i know i said it before but I'M SORRY again.

Then again a few months passed and man did i miss my best friend so i was like "fuck it" so i texted you and i honestly didn't think you would reply back but you did and our whole beef or whatever the fuck it was, was squashed. Don't you love how suddenly we can get over shit? because i sure as hell love it, imagine if we didn't we would never be friends again lol.  Anyways we got back to how things were in a blink of an eye and we started living on top of the world.  Even though we started talking again you got into something were i was there for you through it all i know sometimes i made it seem like it was all your fault but i want you to know it wasn't.  Most people that don't take the time to know you and just let the opinions of others compromise their views on you are dumb as hell because from that situation you did everything good maybe not in the beginning but towards the end you did a complete 360.  I know you overlook so much shit and i want you to know that you are great you did so much and you did things you would never do for anyone else so just think about that and think of all the good shit you did.

Now we are here in time and i just can't wrap my head around it at all i know i say it all the time but from the moment i first met you, you had me mesmerized with the little things you do to the big ass things you do.  There's so many people that don't see the sweet side of you and so many people think you're mean but you truly ain't.  You have one of the biggest hearts that i have ever got the privilege of holding.  I remember when my dad passed away and you were the only person that checked on me daily and would take all the shit i told you and i was pretty mean but you planted your feet on the ground and you stood tall and took everything i gave you.  I truly don't deserve you and everything you do for me.  Even when i'm feeling down it's like you somehow know that and you shoot me a text reminding me that you love me. Even when we are fighting you're like "are we done" or you call me up and remind me that i'm your #1 and that honestly makes me the happiest person alive.

You have gone through so much and it amazes me how strong you're still standing like it mind blows me, when i grow up i want to be just like you lol. Have i told you how proud i am of you? because if i don't tell you that enough i need to start doing that. You work you go to school and you study and pass your test with flying colors and that's just WOOOOOOW to me because most people with thinks on their plate like you just always give up within a month but not you, you've been doing this basically since you were out of high school.  Most people don't see the hard working person that you are and it pisses me off so much because despite being busy 24-7 you still there for everyone that you love and care about and that is something rare to find. You also have the kindest hearts in the history of kindest hearts i know anyone reading this would be like "sam with a kind heart?" lol but you do like I've said through all this post you don't show it until people prove to you that they are real and caring and then you take a chance on them.  Some people fail to realize that you ain't like that just because but because you've been hurt in the past and it's hard for you to just open up but man when you do it's the best blessing in the world.

Cris you by far are the most important person in my life today, when we don't it's like everything is wrong and my day is just lowsey, it's true when people "they are up each other's ass" because we are lol.  I can't ever thank you enough for everything you have done for me since the moment we met, i know that there was times that we didn't like each other but that's old news now i can't live without you to be honest.  I know i don't usually say this anymore but with you it's always been true IF I LOST EVERYONE AND STILL HAD YOU I WOULD BE PERFECTLY OKAY that's how much you mean to me.  The world is so lucky that you were brought into this world on this day because you are such a fucking bright light and that's what this ugly world needs, i swear if more people were like you would there be any bad things in this world??? NO there wouldn't because you are so good your heart is so good and everything is so good about you. I never want you to change not for me not for anyone but for yourself and only for the better which you don't need to because i think you are perfect the way you are.  Honestly cris i love you more than you can ever and will ever know and you deserve nothing but the best in this world and as long as i'm by your side i will remind you of that everyday! I hope you have one of the best Birthday's ever and i hope this made you smile because i truly tried and and HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE I LOVE YOU YOU'RE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT.