#Auri thinks about stuff

[auris-debris]

Been thinking a lot from the past week about life in general. I wasn't sure if I wanted reach out again to a certain friend whom I used to be close with a decade+ ago, but after giving extra thought to his perspective (assuming he hasn't changed too much from the past decade+) and from mine, I'm going to make the attempt...eventually.

I'm usually the one who reaches out. I was debating whether or not I should fully put it on him this time for good, but I thought more about our last interaction, being from 5 years ago that ended on an awkward note (long story short, he emotionally hurted and insulted me in the process during a conversation we had, but he apologised after I called him out on it) so, I could understand why he might be hesitant in reaching out to me and decided I should make the initiative again myself. But at the same time, he isn't the type to be hung up on the past (at least from what I could tell from the last time anyway), and he should already know it's water under the bridge by now. It's kinda hard to tell. And yet at the same time...a part of me says not to because Idk if I'm comfortable enough to share any aspects of my life in the present day with him again anymore like we used to (even if it's something really small) after that. I know, it's a lil' hypocritical on my end, but the damage was pretty bad.

I have an idea of what to write to him, and I'll probably regret it if I don't. No idea how often he checks his messages in general anymore these days. But should he not respond and is interested enough to follow up with me to catch up again, at least he'll know the message I want to convey to him and I'll leave it as that with me getting 100% closure about him as a person for real this time, even though I'll need to potentially face even more pain to be inflicted on me (I need to mentally prepare for this hence the eventually part lol). The main thing is, I hope he's just doing well in life.

(Should mention that he actually used to be my first serious love and he liked me back, but we never dated. And just as a disclaimer, I've no clue if he's single now or not but even if he happens to be, I definitely don't see us working out in the present day and the opportunities are also long gone by now. In a nutshell, his friendship meant the world to me and I wish we hadn't drifted apart;; I won't actually say this to him since it's too awkward siuefhiesfuise)