#B.E: LI

[deepestarbiterkid]

The power of banjo.

[starryjake]

take care of you | b.e

in which ej can’t sleep and turns to you for help.

pairing: euijoo x fem!reader

includes: consensual somnophilia, dry humping, fingering, handjob, intercourse, unprotected sex, cumming inside, (lmk if i missed anything).

-

ej felt awful. he was exhausted, he was sweaty, and worst of all, he was hard.

he looked over to his right to find you sound asleep, your back facing him. how you were sleeping in the dead middle of summer heat was beyond him, but you made it look so easy.

he tossed and turned, trying to get in a comfortable position, but nothing was comfortable. not with how uncomfortable he felt in his skin at that moment.

he tried pressing himself against you, thinking maybe he’d be able to sleep better with you in his embrace, but it only made him harder. the way your ass nestled perfectly against his erection.

eventually, ej tore himself away from you and stripped out of his t-shirt. he immediately felt better, cooler.

he lied flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. he was tired, but still he couldn’t fall asleep.

his erection was straining against his shorts, clear and as obvious as day. he glanced over to you again, ensuring you were still asleep, then slowly brought a hand down to his cock, over the shorts.

he squeezed his length slightly, sighing at the relief. it wasn’t much, but it was something. he looked over at you again, staring at your body as he dragged his hand up his length and back down.

his eyes scanned your pretty sleeping body. all you had on was a little pair of white shorts and a matching white tank top. ej thought you looked like an actual angel.

“baby,” he called out softly. “are you awake?”

no response. you were out like a light.

he sighed, then released his grasp on his covered erection. he wasn’t going to jerk off with you sleeping right next to him. he couldn’t.

so, he attempted to fall asleep again. he turned on his side and closed his eyes. nothing. he pressed himself against you again, sliding his arm over your stomach and holding you tight.

it felt like cuddling with a furnace. you were both hot. your tank top stuck to ej’s bare chest from sweat.

ej inhaled the scent of you shampoo, running his large hand up and down your stomach. he couldn’t help the way his cock dug right into your ass and how good even the slightest bit of pressure felt.

testing, he pushed his hips forward and bit his lip to restrain the moan threatening to leave his mouth. it felt good. you felt good.

you both had talked about it before, doing things in your sleep. both of you were intrigued by the idea, and both of you gave each other permission. so, ej thought, why not.

he tightened his grip around your waist, still being cautious not to wake you up, though. he pushed his hips forward again, burying his face into the back of your neck and sighing against your warm skin.

he started peppering soft kisses around your neck, kisses that gradually became harder the more he thrusted against you. he eventually started sliding his hand down from your stomach and into your shorts.

“mmm,” he hummed softly, spreading your legs slightly so he could get a better angle to dry-hump you. “you’re so good, baby.”

you shifted a little, but still weren’t awake yet.

ej found your clit and began rubbing you in little circles, getting you nice and wet. he huffed against your neck, feeling his pre-cum leaking through the fabric of his shorts. he was so turned on.

eventually, he pushed your shorts to the side and slid his fingers down to the bottom of your pussy and then back to the top, gathering your wetness that had formed, even with you being fast asleep.

he slid his middle finger into your tight hole, burying it there inside you. then, he used his thumb to keep rubbing your clit, and by then, it was getting hard to stay asleep.

ej continued to dry hump you, eventually not noticing how hard he was going. he just needed to feel good and at that point, if you woke up, so be it.

you suddenly squeezed your thighs around his hand and planted a firm hand on his wrist, stopping him from fingering you.

“fuck,” he exhaled, immediately pausing all movements.

“ej?” you called out, confused and dazed.

“i’m sorry, baby,” he said, slowly pulling his hand away from your drenched cunt.

“what’s going on?” you asked, your voice so soft and sleepy that ej twitched in his pants.

“nothing, sweetheart,” he replied, petting your hair. you looked up at him with big, tired eyes, blinking in confusion. “i just couldn’t sleep.”

“why not?” you wondered, turning your body so you were facing him instead.

“i don’t know,” he lied. “it’s just hot in here, so maybe that.”

with your tired gaze, still half asleep, you scanned ej from his red face down to his bare torso, and down to his shorts. that was where you were met with his cock straining clearly against the fabric with a dark patch on it.

he gulped nervously, watching you stare at his boner.

you reached your hand out and placed it on his clothed cock. ej melted into your touch, sighing out at the contact.

“you don’t have to,” he assured you. “you’re sleepy, baby. you should go back to bed.”

you gently stroked his length up and down, looking up at him through your eyelashes. god, he was so fucking horny. you made it impossible for him not to be.

“it’s so hard,” you whispered.

you took the initiative to slide your hand into his shorts and jerked him off without any interference. he moaned softly in your ear as your thumb swiped over his tip, gathering his pre-cum and using it as lubrication.

ej stared at your hand down his pants, watching how slowly you jerked him off from how tired you were. he knew you wanted to sleep, however, he also knew you were into it, because you were rutting yourself against his leg, equally desperate to be touched.

a few minutes of jerking him off and your movements got slower and slower, until eventually they come to a complete halt.

ej looked over at you to see why you stopped, only to find your eyes were closed again. you’d fallen back asleep, your hand still down his shorts.

he sighed, unsure what to do. to wake you up again would feel like a crime. you were obviously exhausted, and ej had been too, but by then, he was completely awake. and he wanted to cum.

“y/n?” he called out softly.

you hummed a little in response. you were on the cusp of falling back into deep slumber, yet still just barely conscious at the same time.

“just…” you started, “put it in me, euijoo.”

“what?” ej responded. “are you gonna wake up?”

you mumbled incoherently.

“just fuck me,” he eventually made out from your babbles.

his cock twitched in your limp grasp. he wanted to fuck you so bad, quite literally more than anything.

“yeah?” he said. “gonna let me fuck you, baby?”

your eyes fluttered open just barely. you looked so pretty, your pink cheeks smushed against the pillow, your hair messy and your lips inviting.

ej pushed you gently onto your back and leaned down to plant his lips against yours. he spread your legs and placed himself between them, holding your knees up around his waist.

you were barely kissing back, too tired to keep up with the pace he was going, but he didn’t care. you were still kissing him.

he ground his cock into your pussy, both of you still clothed. he kissed you so messily, so desperately and intensely. you just couldn’t keep up.

“fuck,” he grunted, pulling back for a moment to look at you. “you’re so pretty, baby. such a perfect girl just for me.”

you blinked up at him, lips glistening with a mixture of both of your saliva.

“fuck me, euijoo,” you begged quietly.

ej was quick to pull his shorts down, his aching cock springing out, dripping pre-cum. he slid your shorts to the side and slid your tank top up far enough for your tits to come out, leaving you just how he wanted you.

“are you gonna stay awake?” he asked, jerking his cock off to the sight of your body.

“i don’t know,” you responded lazily. “‘m so sleepy, but i want you to fuck me so bad.”

ej smiled softly down at you.

“just let me take care of you,” he said, finally lining himself up with your hole.

he slowly pushed his dick inside, giving you an inch at a time. you gasped, keeping your eyes on his as he filled you up.

“i’ve got you, honey,” he assured, caressing your warm cheek. “i’m right here.”

you felt so safe. so safe, so warm, and so good with him as he bottomed out inside of you. you were full of his cock.

you let your eyes close again, turning your head to the side. ej pulled out halfway before pushing back in deeply, feeling every inch of your warm, wet pussy.

he looked down at where your parts intertwined. he watched his cock pull almost all the way out of you before pushing back in.

he made sure to fuck you slow. you were falling back asleep, he could tell. he could feel it as your legs grew heavier around his waist and your body became slack. he had to be gentle with you.

“my good girl,” he whispered to himself, staring at your chest, then up to your face. “so sweet.”

he fucked you like that for a few minutes, feeling himself get closer and closer. he then dropped your legs down from around his waist and pulled out. at that, you woke up again.

your eyes fluttered open and you looked up at him, practically pouting.

“why’d you stop?” you whined.

a bead of sweat was rolling down the side of his face, down his neck, and down his torso.

“i was getting close,” he told you.

“me too,” you said, taking him by surprise. “put it back in, please.”

he was quick to stuff his cock back inside you, feeling your tight walls suffocate his length. you spread your legs yourself, giving him enough room to thrust slightly faster than he had before now that you were awake.

with heavy eyelids, you watched him fuck you. he looked so good above you, sweaty and his jaw slightly dropped from how good he was feeling. you felt warmth all over your body and your stomach tightening.

“fuck,” you whispered tiredly. “i’m gonna cum.”

ej found your hand and intertwined your fingers together. he looked you deeply in your eyes as your orgasm hit you.

you gasped, throwing your head back as your tired, spent body came. your toes curled and your vision went blurry for a moment, from just how hard it had hit you.

“oh my god,” you cried out. “cum inside me, euijoo, please.”

ej groaned in response at the sheer thought of stuffing you full with his big load. he squeezed your hand and thrusted once, twice more, then let go.

“oh fuck,” he cried out. “oh, yeah. mmm, shit, i’m cumming.”

you could feel his warmth filling you up, rope after rope of cum flooding your insides. his eyes were squeezed shut, his hips lazily rutting into you to get the most out of his orgasm.

after about a minute or two, ej finally had caught his breath and pulled out of you. he collapsed by your side, chest still heaving for air slightly.

you were quick to cuddle up by his side, sighing happily as he planted a kiss to the top of your head.

“that was so good,” he said.

you hummed in agreement.

you both went silent then, ready for sleep to envelope you.

only then did you both hear a bird chirping, and as you looked out the window, you could spot the sun beginning to rise.

[ifwbillie]

safe. (comfort) | b.e x fem!reader

a/n. hi guys im back (maybe)

you’re curled up in the dim glow of your room, drowning in the silence. the blanket is pulled tight around you, like a shield against something that isn’t even there. your phone lies abandoned beside you, the screen flashing with her name. again. and again.

you don’t check the messages. you don’t listen to the voicemails. but you know what they say.

where are you?

please talk to me.

i’m worried, baby.

your stomach twists. it’s not like you don’t want to answer her. it’s that you can’t. your thoughts are too loud, looping the same fears over and over until you feel like you might suffocate under their weight.

then—soft knocking. hesitant.

you don’t move, don’t say anything, but the door creaks open anyway.

“baby?” her voice is careful, like she’s afraid you’ll shatter if she’s too loud.

footsteps. slow and deliberate. you feel the bed shift as she sits beside you. she’s not touching you, but her presence alone makes the air feel different. warmer.

“you scared me,” she murmurs, almost to herself. “i kept calling. texting. i thought…” she exhales sharply, like she’s steadying herself. “i just needed to see you.”

guilt coils in your chest. you bury your face deeper into the blanket.

billie doesn’t push. she just waits. patient. steady. like she has all the time in the world for you.

after a moment, she moves. not abruptly. not forcefully. just enough to slip under the blanket with you, to exist in your space without demanding anything. her hand brushes against yours—barely there, an offering.

“can i hold you?” she asks, voice so soft it almost disappears.

you hesitate, but then, slowly, you nod.

and she pulls you in.

it’s not just an embrace—it’s an anchor. her arms wrap around you with purpose, like she’s holding something fragile but refusing to let it break. her heartbeat is steady against your ear, her fingers moving absentmindedly through your hair.

“i got you,” she whispers. “i always got you.”

your breath hitches, and she must notice, because she holds you tighter.

you don’t even mean to say it, but it slips out before you can stop it. “i’m scared.”

her hand stills in your hair. “of what, baby?”

you swallow hard. “of losing you. of you realizing i’m too much. that i think too much, that i feel too much.”

she’s quiet for a second. then—“hey,” she says, tilting your chin up so you have to meet her gaze. her eyes burn with something fierce, something unwavering. “look at me.”

you do.

“you are not too much,” she says, slow and deliberate, like she’s carving the words into the universe itself. “not for me. never for me.”

your throat tightens. “but—”

“no,” she cuts you off gently. “no buts. i love you, and i love all of you. even the parts that overthink. even the parts that get scared.” she presses her forehead to yours. “especially those parts.”

your eyes sting. she brushes her thumbs under them before anything can fall.

“you don’t have to fight this alone,” she whispers. “let me stay. let me help.”

you don’t trust your voice, so you just nod.

she shifts, pulling you down with her, molding herself around you like she’s trying to shield you from the world itself. her fingers keep moving—through your hair, along your back, tracing lazy circles into your skin.

“breathe with me,” she murmurs.

you do.

slow. steady. in sync.

the world is still heavy. your thoughts are still loud. but in her arms, they don’t feel so impossible to carry.

because she’s here.

and she’s not letting go.

[drunkinyourbenz]

୨ৎ lifeline. b.e

୨ৎ billie eilish x best friend!reader (platonic)

୨ৎ genre: fluff!! for once <3

୨ৎ content: they're literally js best friends i love them what cuties

୨ৎ note: part of my superache collection <3 based off the song best friend. fully based on my best friend ily girl. literally the only pure fluff i've ever written enjoy it while it lasts

୨ৎ wc: 1k

you were billie’s best friend in the whole world. everyone knew that, there was a part of you in all of her instagram dumps, you were the main person who showed up in her box of old letters and memories, and you were inseparable. in the past, whenever she went on live or answered questions on her story, you were right there with her—whether or not you were on screen, you were there. her favourite person, her best friend. her ride or die. always. 

in interviews, when photos of the two were shown, an uncontrollable grin would take over her face, eyes lighting up, “yeah, that’s my fucking best friend. my girl, always.” there was never any doubt—since you’d met billie, it’s been clear to everyone around you. attached by the hip, you were soulmates in the sweetest sense of the word.

you’d been friends for a long time—not as long as some, you hadn’t met as five year olds, not even twelve year olds. but you’d clicked instantly, and it felt like you’d known her your entire life. you’d been sixteen when you met billie, both in tough stages of your lives as you navigated the world as teenagers, and you’d quickly found yourself woven into her life and you never left. she was a constant in your life as you were for her. ten years of friendship, and you’d been with each other through almost everything. 

throughout billie’s whole transition into fame, you were by her side. you held her through the constant media scrutiny, and you were with her for her first ever tour. every breakup, every album, every single phase of her life. others would come and go, they’d fade out of her life, but not you. you were billie’s constant. 

“billieee,” you sung as you unlocked her front door with the spare key you’d been given—the keyring was a small plastic figurine of a rat, something that held endless laughter and significance for the two of you, but probably made others raise a skeptical brow. you didn’t care, of course. neither of you cared how weird you may look, as long as you were together.

the moment you spoke, you heard something thud and a muffled grumble coming from upstairs, but before you knew it she had come hurling downstairs, flinging herself into your arms. arms wrapped around your neck, she clung to you as if she hadn’t seen you in years, burying her head in your neck. 

“hi, my favourite girl. missed you.”

“i missed you more,” your voice came out laced with soft laughter, fingers threading through her hair as you just savoured the feeling of being close to her. “you kept calling me, i couldn’t just stay away.” 

billie giggled, the sound ever so slightly sheepish, face still buried in your shoulder. 

“you said something happened–” you were cut off by her voice as she pulled back slightly with a grin, arms still firmly around you. 

“yeah, whatever. i lied. movie night.” 

you rolled your eyes fondly at her, but you didn’t really have any arguments—movie nights with billie were your favourite thing in the world. “fiiiine, you little liar. you pick the movie, i’ll grab us some snacks.” 

billie practically squealed, arms wrapping tighter around you for a moment as she grinned, “ugh, i love you.”

“i love you too, loser.”

billie didn’t take long to pick a movie—she never cared what she watched as long as she was with you, so she chose a movie she’d watched a few times before so that she could talk to you all through it. once she’d set it up on the tv, she padded back into the kitchen where you were getting some popcorn ready—you knew where everything in her kitchen was kept, which felt like a special kind of intimacy. 

her arms snaked around your waist, her chin resting on your shoulder from behind, “you’re taking so longgg,” she whined, using the baby voice she’d used since the two of you were teens. 

the second the popcorn was out of the microwave and in a bowl, she grabbed your hand and dragged you over to the couch, tugging you down to sit next to her. she practically stuck to you like glue, one arm around the back of your waist—you were almost certain it must be going numb from staying in the position for so long, but she didn’t care. her head rested on your shoulder, your fingers running soothingly through her hair. the movie was playing, but it was more like background noise as the two of you lay there, talking about everything and nothing.

you weren’t totally sure when the movie had ended and the screen faded to darkness, but soon enough it was dark outside and your eyes were heavy, arms wrapped lazily around billie. billie’s fingers were tracing soft patterns on your arm, her cool fingers ghosting gently over your skin in the shapes of flowers, stars, anything that came to her mind. she was relaxed for once—able to step back from the music, the stress of it all, the media, and just feel. skin to skin contact had always been a big thing for billie in any and all relationships, it was an automatic instinct and it calmed her, soothed her. 

after a long moment, she murmured softly, voice slightly muffled from how her head rested against your shoulder. “you staying?”

“obviously.” 

soon enough, the two of you fell asleep right there on her couch, billie pulling a blanket over the two of you, the soft sounds of your breathing synced, shark and brutus laying at your feet. it was a sort of peace you’d never felt with anyone else, a peace that only came when someone truly understood you. billie was your person, that was simple. there were no complications, no confusion, it was just you and billie. 

and when it was just you and billie, the world felt whole. you could breathe a little easier.

୨ৎ tags : @47lake @st0nerlesb0 @n0vabug @darkside-0f-the-sun @asterisk-eyes @amara-eilish @dragoneyelashart @greenbttrflyy @nothinglastsiknowthedeal777 @tan1shere @asothinking @ilovealiceosemann @chrissv4mp @lovelyy-moonlight

[allyeilishh]

ᥫ᭡ DISTANCE ── .✦ B.E.

Pairing: Billie Eilish x Fem!reader

genre: angst (to fluff?)

Synopsis: Days blurred together, and you were drifting away from those you loved most. Falling into a deep rabbit hole. But Billie was there to pull you right out of it.

w/c: 1.1k

Nothing seemed real. You felt like you were drifting away from everyone, even yourself. You stopped going out, stopped trying to put in the effort to even get up in the morning. Billie would be the one who would have to drag you out of bed. Maybe without her, you would’ve rotted in bed by now.

Things weren’t the best in your mind. Your thoughts were self-deprecating, and your own thoughts were pushing yourself away from others. The ones that loved you, that cared for you, that just wanted to help you. But you didn’t want them. You just wanted to be alone, to rot in your thoughts.

Whenever your mom or dad texted you, trying to see how your day was, you lied on the spot. Saying you had an awesome day, going out and going to a coffee shop or whatnot. But it was never true. You were rotting in bed, wearing the same pajamas that you’ve been wearing for three days.

You didn’t want people to worry about you. I feel fine, is what you said to everyone. There’s no reason to worry, you would tell your girlfriend. But everyone knew something was going on. They just didn’t know how to help. Until it got too serious.

You had been ignoring everything and everyone all day. Everything was just too much, and you felt like a hole was plowed into your stomach. Leaving you empty. You barely knew what day it was, having spent the last week mostly in bed, until your bladder forced you to get up.

Billie had been working with Finneas almost all week, which left you alone. With no one to try and talk to you, to see how you were feeling, to hug you, kiss you, or to whisper soothing words into your ears. It made you realize how much Billie really kept you from falling. But without her there, you were falling. And you were falling hard.

You layed in bed motionless, your phone lying in your limp hand, playing some music that had been on shuffle. Some of Billie’s mixed with some of your other music. The volume was almost all the way down, as if you would be annoying someone else in the house if you didn’t. Even if it was just you.

You were ignoring texts, even when you felt the little buzz in your hand that used to get you so excited, thinking it would be from Billie. But you barely even picked it up anymore. You were too engrossed in your one hateful thought of yourself, beating yourself up. For what? For being you.

Maybe you could be better, maybe you could’ve been a better girlfriend, a better daughter, a better person—the door to your bedroom slowly opening pulled you away from your thoughts. The room was dark and quiet, the only thing illuminating the room being a mostly burnt-out candle on the bedside table. You were curled under the comforter, curled up like a little ball.

In any other situation, Billie would’ve found this adorable, wanting to be wrapped up with you and giggle at little jokes while you two fell asleep with each other. That’s how it was before. But now, you didn’t even look up to meet her gaze. Billie knew something was wrong. And she could tell you didn’t want company. But she was going to give it to you anyways.

She slowly pushed the door open wider, stepping in, before closing the door behind her. The small glow of the candle made it easy for her to know where you were, sense you weren’t even ten feet away from the candle. Billie took slow, cautious steps, as if approaching a wild animal.

"Baby? Sweetheart? You okay?” Billie asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed, gently stroking some of your hair out of your face to see those pretty, tired eyes.

You finally turned your head to look at her when she moved some of your hair, before slowly nodding. You didn’t trust your voice, knowing it would be raspy, and the way your throat was starting to choke up didn’t help either. You didn’t know why your heart was clenching just at the mere thought of having someone to hold.

Billie frowned as she saw you just nod. She knew something was wrong, and she wanted to help. She just didn’t know how. She wasn’t the best with words, but her touch had always soothed you. So, with gentle hands, Billie turned you to be facing her, and she climbed into the bed with you. She pulled herself under the covers, before pulling you as close as you could get.

"You don’t have to talk, but just know I’m here. I’m not leaving, and you don’t have to go through this alone.” Billie said softly, her fingers combing through your hair gently.

That’s when the dam was let out. Choked-up sobs left your throat, and tears began to run down your face. You hid your face into Billie’s collarbone, soaking her shirt with your tears. But Billie didn’t seem to mind. You sobbed, and sobbed and sobbed some more, letting out all the emotions that you didn’t know how to describe or how to deal with.

Everything that you were trying to bury deep inside you, that you were trying to ignore by burying yourself into your bed, came rising right up, and you couldn’t ignore it anymore. You couldn’t ignore how your feelings were destroying you, and you had no idea how to fix it. But Billie was right there, holding you and leading you right through the hard path.

"It’s okay, it’s okay, let it out, baby. I’m right here. I’m here.” Billie spoke, like she was speaking to a wounded animal. And you were practically one. An animal that was hurt deeply, and Billie was there to heal you.

Eventually, your sobs died down, leaving you with hiccups and small sniffles. There weren’t any words shared for a few minutes, just your soft noises as you clung onto your girlfriend. You needed the silence, just the warmth of Billie’s body, and she knew that. And she gave it to you.

"I know you don’t know what’s happening, but we’re gonna get you help, okay? I want you to feel better.” Billie said softly, her fingers continuing to play with your hair.

You knew you didn’t want to feel like this anymore, basking in sadness constantly and not leaving your bed. You wanted to be happy. You wanted to feel good about yourself. So, with a small breath of air, you nodded against Billie’s soft skin, holding onto her tighter than ever before.

"No more pushing me away, no more distance. Okay? I want to help, and I’m going to do that. So no more silence.” Billie spoke softly, yet firmly, like she was speaking to a child. But you couldn’t care about Billie’s tone in the moment. You just needed her close. You spoke up quietly, your voice raspy from the crying.

"No more distance. Promise.” ⋆. 𐙚 ̊

a/n: I actually hate this sm and I’ve been flopping lately… 😓 guys I think I just suck at writing

[kittluzbills]

i feel like all my stuff sounds the same is that true yall can be honest anyways here's some shit from a butt for your wednesday morning!

--

the truth about her - b.e.

The hum of the tour bus engine is the only sound that fills the small, cramped space. The usual chatter and laughter between Billie and Y/N are gone, replaced by a heavy silence. The night outside blurs into a dark canvas, and inside, the air between them feels thick, as if it's pressing down on both their chests.

Y/N shifts uncomfortably in her seat, casting quick glances at Billie, who seems to be staring blankly out the window. The tension has been building for hours now, ever since they’d run into Harper backstage. Billie had been so casual about it, introducing her with a smile that made Y/N’s stomach churn with unease.

Finally, Y/N can’t take it anymore.

"How long have you been lying to me?" Y/N’s voice comes out colder than she intended, but the words feel like a knife, sharp and urgent.

Billie’s body stiffens, her fingers instinctively gripping the edge of the seat. "It’s not like that, okay? Harper’s just a friend."

"A friend?" Y/N interrupts, standing up in the small aisle. "Really? A friend you used to date?" The anger starts to burn in her chest, an ache that she can’t ignore anymore. The truth hurts more than she expected.

Billie’s eyes flash with frustration, and she stands as well, finally turning to face Y/N. "I didn’t want to tell you, alright? It’s complicated. I didn’t want to bring it up. She’s from a long time ago, Y/N. We were over before this." she pauses "Before we even met."

"A long time ago?" Y/N scoffs, but the bitterness in her voice is unmistakable. "You didn’t think I’d find out? You didn’t think I’d feel like a complete idiot when I found out from her and not from you?" Y/N’s face is flushed with hurt, her hands trembling as she gestures toward Billie.

Billie runs a hand through her hair, clearly torn. "I didn’t know how to tell you," she admits softly. "I didn’t know how to explain it without making you feel like it was a bigger deal than it was. I didn’t want to ruin what we had, what we have now."

"You think this doesn’t matter?" Y/N’s voice cracks, and for a moment, she feels her heart breaking in her chest. "Of course it matters. You made me feel like I was some afterthought, like I was just supposed to ignore this big part of your past."

Billie’s expression softens, but she still struggles to find the right words. "I swear, Y/N. I didn’t mean for you to feel like that. I didn’t want to bring her into this, into us. It was stupid, I know. But I didn't want it to mess up what we have, because what we have means so much to me."

Y/N stops pacing, her chest rising and falling with each breath. She tries to steady herself, her emotions running wild. "Billie, you should’ve told me. No matter how complicated it was, no matter how hard it seemed. You can’t just hide things from me like that."

Billie’s face falls, and she steps closer, her voice almost pleading. "I know. I messed up. I’m sorry. I should’ve trusted you with the truth from the start."

For a long moment, Y/N stares at her, the weight of the conversation heavy in the air. She wants to stay angry, she wants to keep pushing Billie away, but the look in Billie’s eyes, vulnerable and full of regret, makes it hard to stay mad.

Finally, Y/N exhales, her shoulders sagging in defeat. "I’m hurt, Billie. You lied to me. And that sucks. But I know that you’re not the kind of person who would do that intentionally. I need to know you’re being honest with me. Always."

Billie steps forward, her hand reaching out slowly, almost hesitantly. "I will be. From now on. I promise." Her voice trembles with sincerity.

Y/N looks at dainty tattoo on her hand, then up into Billie’s eyes, searching for something, anything, that tells her Billie truly understands the gravity of what she’s done. Finally, Y/N takes her hand, squeezing it lightly. "I just don’t want to be second place, Billie. Not to anyone."

Billie’s lips tremble, and she steps in to pull Y/N into a tight hug, burying her face in her shoulder. "You’re not second place," she whispers. "You’re my priority. Always. I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I’ll make it right."

Y/N wraps her arms around Billie, holding her close, her heart still a little bruised but softened by the warmth of Billie’s embrace. "You’ve got a lot of making up to do," she teases lightly, her voice shaky but tinged with a smile.

Billie pulls back slightly, just enough to look into Y/N’s eyes, with a singular raised eyebrow "Oh really?" she let's out with a giggle.

Y/N smiles, a quiet chuckle escaping her despite everything. "Meet me in the shower in five."

--

hope you like this!!!!

request are always open duh!!!

kitts masterlist

MUAH

[mqmotivate]

"The prettier the garden, the dirtier the hands of the gardener." — B.E. Barnes This metaphor highlights that behind every beautiful outcome lies hard work and dedication. Just as a gardener must toil and get their hands dirty to cultivate a stunning garden, we too must put in effort and face challenges to achieve our dreams.

[bangalorestudy01]

Engineering Courses After 12th: Streams, Specializations, and Scope

Introduction:

Engineering remains one of the most popular career paths in India, offering innovation-driven careers across industries like technology, manufacturing, construction, space, AI, and renewable energy. If you're a Class 12 student wondering what lies ahead, this guide is your one-stop solution to explore all aspects of engineering courses after 12th — from eligibility to top colleges and specializations.

Let’s dive into the streams, course duration, fees, entrance exams, and the top engineering colleges in Karnataka and Bangalore to help you make an informed decision.

What are Engineering Courses?

Engineering courses equip students with technical knowledge, problem-solving abilities, and industry-relevant skills. The most sought-after undergraduate program is B.Tech (Bachelor of Technology) or B.E. (Bachelor of Engineering).

These are typically 4-year full-time programs, designed with both theoretical learning and practical applications in labs, projects, and internships.

Eligibility Criteria for Engineering

To pursue engineering courses after 12th, candidates must meet the following criteria:

Educational Qualification: Passed 10+2 (or equivalent) with Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics (PCM) as core subjects.

Minimum Marks: A minimum of 45% - 50% aggregate in PCM (varies by college and category).

Entrance Exam: Must qualify one of the engineering courses entrance exams such as JEE Main, KCET, or COMEDK.

Popular Engineering Streams & Specializations

Engineering offers a wide variety of streams. Here are some of the most popular and future-focused specializations:

Stream - Specializations

Computer Science - Artificial Intelligence, Data Science, Cybersecurity

Electronics & Communication - Embedded Systems, VLSI Design

Mechanical Engineering - Mechatronics, Robotics, Thermal Engineering

Civil Engineering - Structural, Environmental, Construction Technology

Electrical Engineering - Power Systems, Renewable Energy

Information Technology - Cloud Computing, Software Engineering

Biotechnology - Bioinformatics, Genetic Engineering

Aerospace Engineering - Avionics, Propulsion Systems

Each stream comes with its own scope for research, innovation, and employment across sectors like IT, manufacturing, space technology, and green energy.

Engineering Course Duration and Fees

Duration: All B.Tech/B.E. courses have a duration of 4 years, divided into 8 semesters.

Engineering Course Fees: Fees vary based on location, specialization, and whether the college is government or private.

College Type - Approx. Annual Fees (INR)

Government College - ₹10,000 – ₹60,000

Private College - ₹75,000 – ₹2,50,000+

Additional costs may include hostel, exam fees, and materials.

Engineering Courses Entrance Exam

To secure admission in top colleges, students must appear for relevant entrance exams. The major engineering courses entrance exams include:

JEE Main (National Level – for NITs, IIITs, and CFTIs)

JEE Advanced (For admission into IITs)

KCET (Karnataka Common Entrance Test – for Karnataka colleges)

COMEDK UGET (Consortium of Medical, Engineering, and Dental Colleges of Karnataka – for private colleges in Karnataka)

Tip: Performance in these exams is crucial not only for admission but also for eligibility for scholarships and fee concessions.

Top Engineering Colleges in Karnataka

Karnataka is home to some of the best engineering institutions in the country. Here's a quick look:

College Name - Location - Type

BMS College of Engineering - Bangalore- Autonomous

RV College of Engineering - Bangalore - Autonomous

PES University - Bangalore - Private University

MS Ramaiah Institute of Technology - Bangalore - Autonomous

NIT Surathkal - Mangalore - Government (NIT)

Bangalore Institute of Technology - Bangalore - Affiliated to VTU

SJCE - Mysuru - Autonomous

Top Engineering Colleges in Bangalore

Bangalore, known as the Silicon Valley of India, is a top destination for engineering aspirants. Some of the most reputed institutions include:

RV College of Engineering Renowned for placements and infrastructure.

PES University Offers cutting-edge tech courses in AI, ML, and Data Science.

BMS College of Engineering One of the oldest and most prestigious colleges in Bangalore.

MS Ramaiah Institute of Technology (MSRIT) Known for strong academic support and international exposure.

Explore these colleges and more on bangalorestudy.com for details like fees, cutoffs, placements, and scholarships.

Career Scope After Engineering

Engineers are in demand across sectors like:

IT & Software Development

Automobile & Aerospace

Civil & Infrastructure

Telecommunications

Healthcare Technology

Startups & Entrepreneurship

Research & Development

Graduates can also pursue M.Tech, MBA, or certifications to specialize further and enhance career opportunities.

Final Thoughts

Choosing the right engineering course after 12th sets the foundation for a successful career in tech and innovation. From knowing the eligibility criteria for engineering to understanding course fees, specializations, and top engineering colleges in Karnataka and Bangalore, this guide is your starting point.

For personalized guidance, college comparisons, entrance exam updates, and application support — visit bangalorestudy.com and take the next step in your engineering journey.

- Website: https://bangalorestudy.com/courses/engineering

- Contact Us: 1800 120 8696

- Email Us: info@bangalorestudy.com

- Follow Us: Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | LinkedIn | YouTube

[kccitmblog]

Which degree is an engineer?

Engineering is one of the most sought-after careers in the world today. With their capabilities in science, math, and creativity, it certainly is a great choice for students to pursue due to the different types of engineering careers available to them.  But are they engineers?  The answer lies in the degree they pursue.

This blog talks about the different types of degrees that are pathways into engineering careers, the significance of each degree being accredited, and how to choose a specialization.  We will also address how the top engineering colleges in Noida, are impacting a new generation of engineers.

Understanding Engineering Degrees

1. Bachelor's Degree in Engineering (B.E. or B.Tech)

The first step to becoming an engineer is to obtain a Bachelor of Engineering (B.E.) or Bachelor of Technology (B.Tech). These are four-year undergraduate degrees that give students practical exposure, problem-solving capabilities, and the technical expertise to pursue an engineering career in their discipline of choice.

Common engineering specialties are:

Computer Science Engineering

Mechanical Engineering

Civil Engineering

Electrical Engineering

Electronics and Communication Engineering

Artificial Intelligence and Data Science

2. Engineering Diploma

After completing the tenth or twelfth grade, individuals seeking to pursue an engineering profession can enroll in a Diploma in Engineering, a three-year technical program. The majority of diploma holders are employed as technicians or associate engineers; many apply for lateral entry into B.Tech programs in a Delhi NCR College for a fully-fledged degree.

3. M.Tech / M.E. (Master's Degree in Engineering)

A Master of Technology (M.Tech) or Master of Engineering (M.E.) is the next step for individuals who want to expand their expertise in the engineering field. Engineers can further specialize in this 2-year graduate program, proceeding to high-level technical recruitment, research, and teaching.

4. Ph.D. in Engineering

If you are drawn to innovation and research, a Ph.D. in engineering is likely for you. Engineers with a Ph.D. can take on faculty positions at prestigious universities, develop new methods of working, and explore the latest technology.

Choosing the Right Engineering Speciality

All engineering disciplines are associated with different applications and determining the right specialization depends on the person's interest and career aspirations.  Below are the most common engineering areas and a few examples of their applications in the world today:

Computer science engineering (CSE) primarily develops software applications, uses artificial intelligence, and builds cybersecurity component systems.

Mechanical engineering includes the design and construction of robots, automobiles, and other structures.

Civil engineering involves urban planning and construction, and infrastructure projects.

Electrical engineering relates to power generation, automation systems, and electric circuits.

Electronics and communication engineering incorporates embedded systems, semiconductor technology, and telecommunications technology.

Biomedical engineering relates to the application of technology to improve medicine, which in turn improves healthcare solutions.

The Value of Engineering Degree Accreditation

Having an accredited degree is required for certification in the field. In India, organizations, such as the National Board of Accreditation (NBA) and the All India Council for Technical Education (AICTE), support engineering institutions/resources with a standard of professionalism. These accreditation authorities are financed by the top engineering colleges in Delhi NCR, thus ensuring that graduates will be certified with an education of quality.

Engineering Education in Delhi NCR

Delhi NCR is home to several strong engineering colleges that provide quality education and established research-related facilities and are considered to be one of the best locations to receive these services. The best engineering colleges in Delhi NCR are superb in offering world-class facilities, highly qualified faculty members, and academics-related associations, which are all designed to give students a rich learning experience.

Delhi NCR has a strong job market making it convenient for graduates to land jobs in prominent organizations. Most engineering colleges also collaborate with international corporations that work with students for both internship experiences and placement in reputable organizations.

Skills Required to Become a Successful Engineer

Apart from a degree, engineers of the future have to obtain some fundamental capabilities to thrive:

Problem Solving Ability:  Engineers are required to assess and resolve complex problems.

Technical Knowledge: Mathematics, physics, and topics related to the field are the major essentials.

Communication Ability: Engineers are required to express into words ideas and interact within teams.

Innovation & Creativity: The ability to think outside the box is very important to engineering projects.

Leadership & Teamwork: Teamwork and a capacity to lead are essential in a majority of engineering projects.

Top Engineering Colleges in Noida (Delhi NCR)

Conclusion

Engineering is a challenging and fulfilling profession that presents many opportunities for development and innovation. Regardless of whether you pursue Computer Science, Mechanical, Civil, or Electrical Engineering, earning a B.Tech or B.E. from a recognized institution is key to a successful career.

If you dream of studying in the capital city, top engineering colleges in Noida offer great education and professional opportunities. Backed by world-class teaching staff, research infrastructure, and industry collaborations, engineering colleges in Delhi NCR are the best bet for wannabe engineers.

Selecting the appropriate degree and specialization is the initial step toward a successful career in engineering. Through proper education, skills, and interest, you can succeed as an engineer and contribute to technological innovation in today's world.

Also read :

Engineering Colleges in Delhi

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. Is it possible to become an engineer without a B.Tech or B.E. degree?

No, an approved engineering degree like B.Tech or B.E. is required to be termed an engineer. Diploma holders may, however, serve as technicians or avail themselves of lateral entry into degree courses.

2. What is the best engineering degree for careers in the future?

The ideal degree would vary with the industry's needs and interest areas. Computer Science, Artificial Intelligence, Mechanical, and Electrical Engineering are in huge demand.

3. Are engineering degrees offered by Delhi NCR colleges globally accepted?

Yes, all top engineering colleges in Noida are accredited by national and international bodies, ensuring global recognition.

4. How do I select the appropriate engineering college?

Look for accreditation, expertise of faculty members, infrastructure, placement statistics, and industry interface while choosing the institution. Numerous engineering colleges in Delhi NCR provide great academic and professional development opportunities.

5. What is the difference between B.E. and B.Tech?

Both the degrees are the same, but B.Tech has more practical exposure and training from industry compared to B.E., which concentrates more on theory.

[incrediblepoint]

Pursuing Graduation? These Are The Best Courses To Choose For Your Career

Choosing the right course after completing your 12th grade is one of the most important decisions you will make, as it will set the foundation for your career and future success. The wide variety of options available can make this decision overwhelming, but it's crucial to choose a path that aligns with your interests, strengths, and long-term goals.

If you're passionate about leadership and management, pursuing a BBA (Bachelor of Business Administration) or an MBA (Master of Business Administration) can help you build a strong business acumen and open doors to roles in corporate management, marketing, finance, and entrepreneurship. For those with a keen interest in technology, a degree in Computer Science or Engineering (such as B.Tech or B.E.) offers exciting career opportunities in software development, artificial intelligence, data science, and cybersecurity, making it one of the most in-demand fields today.

If you are drawn to the creative arts, fields like Graphic Design, Fashion Design, and Interior Design allow you to use your creativity in meaningful ways while developing technical skills. Whether designing marketing materials, creating innovative fashion collections, or transforming spaces, these courses offer a world of possibilities. For those interested in making a difference in people’s lives, Medicine (MBBS), Dentistry (BDS), or Law (BA LLB) are excellent choices. These professions offer stability, respect, and the opportunity to have a significant impact on society, whether as a healthcare provider or legal expert.

Moreover, if you have a passion for storytelling, Journalism or Mass Communication can open exciting doors in the world of media, content creation, and public relations. Likewise, if you are interested in understanding human behavior, a degree in Psychology can lead to fulfilling roles in counseling, therapy, and human resource management. If your passion lies in animation, Multimedia, and Game Design, the booming entertainment and gaming industry offers incredible opportunities for creative expression and career growth.

Finally, no matter which field you choose, it is important to continuously develop your skills and stay updated with the latest industry trends. Many career paths offer opportunities for further specialization through master’s degrees, certifications, and hands-on experience. The key is to follow a path that aligns with your personal interests and long-term aspirations, as this will ensure that you enjoy your work and excel in your chosen field. With determination, the right course, and a focused approach, you can achieve success and build a rewarding career.

[ies10]

Channabasaveshwara Institute of Technology: Best in Technical Education Address

Channabasaveshwara Institute of Technology (CIT) is located in Gubbi, Tumkur, Karnataka, and has established itself as a premier institute in the field of technical education. Founded in 2001 by Sri Channabasaveshwara Swamy Rural Education Society, CIT aims to impart quality education and promote innovation and research. The institute is affiliated with Visvesvaraya Technological University (VTU), Belgaum, and recognized by the All India Council for Technical Education (AICTE), New Delhi.

Academic Excellence:

CIT offers a wide range of Bachelor's and Master's degree programs in the fields of Engineering, Management, and Computer Applications. The Bachelor's degree programs include B.E. in Computer Science, Engineering, Electronics and Communication Engineering, Mechanical Engineering, Civil Engineering, Information Science and Technology, and many more. Channabasaveshwara Institute of Technology offers M.Tech, MBA, and MCA programs in specialized fields for postgraduate students.

Our curriculum is designed in line with industry standards to ensure that students are well-prepared for their professional careers. CIT emphasizes the balance between theoretical knowledge and practical skills and integrates practical training, workshops, and internships into its academic programs. This approach helps students gain real-world experience and improve their employability.

Faculty and Research:

CIT's strength lies in its highly qualified and experienced faculty. Professors and lecturers at CIT attach great importance to providing high standards of training and support. Many faculty members are involved in research activities and have published papers in national and international journals. Their commitment to research ensures that the latest advancements and innovations are incorporated into the curriculum.

CIT promotes a research-oriented mindset among students and faculty members. The institute has established several research centers and laboratories equipped with the latest technology to support various research activities. Students are encouraged to participate in research projects, which develop their critical thinking and problem-solving skills.

Infrastructure and Facilities:

CIT has a vast campus with state-of-the-art infrastructure and facilities. The campus is designed to provide a conducive environment for learning and personal growth. The main facilities are:

Library: CIT's Central Library is a repository of knowledge, housing a vast collection of books, magazines, and digital resources. It provides access to a large number of e-books, e-journals, and online databases, ensuring that students and faculty have access to the latest information and research.

Laboratories: The institute has well-equipped laboratories for each department, allowing students to gain practical experience in their respective fields. The laboratories are always equipped with the latest equipment and technology.

Student Hostels: CIT provides separate student hostels for boys and girls with all the necessary facilities. The hostels provide a safe and comfortable living environment for students to concentrate on their academic studies.

Sports and Leisure: The Institute recognizes the importance of physical fitness and general health. CIT has sports facilities like a gymnasium, basketball court, cricket ground, indoor games, etc., and encourages students to participate in various sports and recreational activities.

Internships and Industry Collaborations: 

One of the most important highlights of CIT is a strong internship position. The internship body works tirelessly to bridge the gap between students and the industry and ensure that graduates get placements in reputed companies. The institute has a strong network with the industry and regularly organizes campus recruitment campaigns, job fairs, and internships.

CIT has collaborated with some leading companies and organizations for internships, projects, and internships. This industry collaboration gives students an insight into real-world challenges and broadens their practical knowledge.

Extra-curricular Activities and Student Life:

CIT believes in the holistic development of students and encourages their participation in extra-curricular activities. The institute has a variety of clubs and associations that focus on cultural, technical, and social activities. These clubs provide students with a platform to showcase their talents, develop leadership skills, and do volunteer work.

Annual events such as technology festivals, cultural festivals, and sports tournaments are an important part of student life at CIT. These events provide students with an opportunity to interact, collaborate, and compete, thus fostering camaraderie and teamwork.

Conclusion:

Channabasaveshwara Institute of Technology is a beacon of quality teaching and innovation in technical education. CIT focuses on academic excellence, research, industry linkages, and holistic development to provide a comprehensive education that prepares students for a successful career in their chosen field. Whether you are an aspiring engineer, a future manager, or an aspiring researcher, CIT provides you with the resources, support, and environment you need to achieve your goals.

[deepestarbiterkid]

Deez nut incident 2

[industryhub]

Empowering Minds: Unveiling the World of Computer Engineering at DY Patil College of Engineering

Welcome to the Department of Computer Engineering at DY Patil College of Engineering, where academic excellence and innovation converge to sculpt the future of computer engineering. Since our establishment in 1984, we have remained steadfast in our commitment to nurturing the next generation of technocrats in this dynamic field.

Undergraduate Program: B.E. (Computer)

At the heart of our department lies the Bachelor of Engineering (B.E.) program in Computer Engineering. Over the course of four years, students embark on a comprehensive journey through the realms of computer systems and technologies. Accredited by the All India Council for Technical Education (AICTE), our program boasts an intake of 180 students, reflecting our dedication to cultivating a diverse cohort of future engineers.

Postgraduate Program: M.E. (Computer Engineering) - Computer Networks

Complementing our undergraduate offerings is our specialized Master of Engineering (M.E.) program in Computer Engineering, focusing on Computer Networks. Established in 2003, this two-year program equips students with advanced skills in networking technologies. With a select intake of 13 students, our postgraduate program upholds the highest standards of quality and excellence.

Department Information

Our department stands proud with state-of-the-art laboratories equipped with cutting-edge technologies and licensed software. Supported by a dedicated faculty, we ensure that students receive top-notch education and training in computer engineering.

Vision and Mission

Our vision is to foster a motivated community of computer engineers dedicated to academic excellence. To achieve this, our mission is built on three fundamental pillars:

Academic Excellence: Providing a nurturing environment that fuels a lifelong passion for learning among our students.

Innovation: Encouraging creativity and innovation, empowering students to explore new frontiers in software systems across diverse domains.

Global Competence: Equipping our students with the skills and knowledge necessary to thrive on a global stage, preparing them to become adept professionals in the ever-evolving landscape of computer engineering.

At the Department of Computer Engineering, we are committed to delivering a world-class education that prepares students to tackle the challenges of an increasingly digital world. Join us on this enriching journey as we empower minds and shape the future of computer engineering at DY Patil College of Engineering.

[prashantgujjar]

How do I get the max value within a specified range on my plot?

I am writing a program that can read in audio files of recorded guitar notes in standard tuning (e,B,G,D,A,E), plot the signal and the frequency response, then compare the frequency value from the plot with the needed frequency to be in tune. The way I was doing it, was finding the max value or highest peak from the frequency response plot, then comparing it to a specified value needed for it to be in tune. I hit a problem when I got to the G string, because as you can see from the plot, the highest peak is not the first peak, and that is where the frequency I need lies (since a G3 note has to have a frequency of 196 to be in tune), so my method doesn’t work. How can I get the max y value between the 100 & 300 frequency range, then get the x value related to that max value?%Tuning for G String gG = 196.00; %Fourier Transform of G3 On Guitar [y,Fs] = audioread('3rd_String_G_vbr.mp3'); Nsamps = length(y); t = (1/Fs)*(1:Nsamps); %Prepare time data for plot %Do Fourier Transform y_fft = abs(fft(y)); %Retain Magnitude y_fft = y_fft(1:Nsamps/2); %Discard Half of Points f = Fs*(0:Nsamps/2-1)/Nsamps; %Prepare freq data for plot %Find max y value of the highest peak in the range, then find corresponding x %value [maxYValue, indexAtMaxY] = max(y_fft); xValueAtMaxYValue = f(indexAtMaxY(1));

NOTE:-

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Use the sampling frequency to find the locations with which to bound the search — HiLo=[100 300]; % frequency bounds nHiLo=round(HiLo/f); % bounding locations [maxYValue, indexAtMaxY] = max(y_fft(nHiLo(1):nHiLo(2)); indexAtMaxY=indexAtMaxY+nHiLo(1); % offset computation

SEE COMPLETE ANSWER CLICK THE LINK

[drunkinyourbenz]

୨ৎ a footnote in your life. b.e

୨ৎ billie eilish x best friend!singer!reader

୨ৎ genre: angst

୨ৎ content: unrequited love, tension

୨ৎ note: part of my superache collection <3 based off the song footnote!!

୨ৎ wc: 1.5k

you knew better than anyone that your feelings for billie were unrequited. it wasn’t hard for you to see—if anything, it was painfully obvious. you were almost certain that she knew of your feelings too, that she was aware of how you felt and couldn’t bring herself to feel the same. 

in fact, you knew full well that she knew. you remembered the time at a party where you had the drunk slip up, the memory haunted your every living moment. “i love you,” you had murmured under the lights, just drunk enough to be stupid with your words but not enough to ever forget the moment. 

billie had simply smiled. “oh girl, sober up. you don’t know what you’re talking about.” why would you have lied? everyone could see the hearts in your eyes when you looked at her, everyone knew. she knew. so why? why did she keep pretending it wasn’t real?

still, those were the only words that left her mouth before she’d driven you home and helped you to bed—she’d even left you breakfast for the morning. she really made it impossible not to adore her with your whole soul.

mortified by her casual reaction, you had lied to her face when she asked you if you remembered. “remember what?” you had simply asked, and billie hadn’t noticed the way your hands were fiddling behind the back and your heart was beating out of your chest. of course she hadn’t noticed. she didn’t care enough to notice. 

she seemed almost relieved that you ‘couldn’t remember’, she had dropped the topic without another word and continued with her day like normal. you hadn’t, however, because to you the world had just ended. 

that was four months ago now, and you were still infatuated with her.

despite it being so clear that this adoration was unrequited, you couldn’t simply stop liking her. you’d tried—tried to push your feelings under the rug, to focus on your friendship. because you adored your friendship with her—she was kind, funny, perfect. maybe you needed to stop loathing the friendship, considering that you’d never be more than that. maybe you needed to be grateful to have such a kind, funny, perfect girl as a friend, rather than acting as if you were above having just a friendship with her, as if you deserved more.

you were trying. trying to be happy with what you had, because you knew that having her in your life was more than most could dream of. that didn’t stop the yearning that took over whenever it was late at night and you were alone in your room. it didn’t make the countless songs you’d written about her any less soul crushing, any less meaningful. 

one evening, you were out for dinner with the tour group—you were an opener for billie’s europe leg of her tour, and you fit into the group as if you’d always been there. that made it worse, because why did you have to get along with her friends? with her mother? if nothing was to come of the two of you, if you were destined to remain simply friends, why did you fit so perfectly into her life? you’d entangled yourself in the spiderweb of billie’s life, you played karaoke with her friends and you traded recipes with maggie.

you would be perfect together, if only she could see it.

as you sat in the restaurant, in between billie and jane, billie leaned into you and whispered something in your ear with a soft and contagious giggle. your lips curled up into a smile, and you whispered back to her. it was moments like these that kept you on that high, that kept you hopeful despite it being truly hopeless. 

you were shaken out of your lovestruck trance by the voice of a waitress, “some wine for the cute couple? it’s on the house.” 

billie’s head snapped up, and an amused smile spread over her lips, “thank you.” she turned to you with that expression, the carefree smile that showed you that this was merely a source of entertainment—she didn’t think anything of the fact that everyone thought you were together, because why would she? she laughed softly when the waitress had left, “everyone thinks that, it’s so funny.” 

but it wasn’t funny, not to you. to you, the fact that everyone saw the two of you the way you wished you were was like twisting the knife. you were perfect together, you and billie. but she didn’t see it, so you’d never be the one, not in any lifetime. 

but you forced out the words, “yeah,” with a smile plastered on your face. “it’s hilarious.” it wasn’t hilarious. in fact, it made your stomach twist and your heart clench. the mere thought of the fact that she found this funny, and that you’d never be hers….well, it left a sour taste in your mouth. you’d lost your appetite, so the wine they had given the two of you wouldn’t be going to much use. billie poured you a glass, and you simply shook your head and passed it to jane instead. 

you were quiet for most of the dinner, and maggie had turned to you during a moment where billie was talking to ava, “you alright, dear?” 

with a heavy swallow and yet another smile plastered over your face, you nodded. “yeah, i’m okay.”

maggie knew you weren’t, she could see through that. she too was well aware of the feelings you were harbouring for her daughter, and you could feel the sympathy. part of you hated the sympathy, the fact that everyone pitied you. you weren’t the only one in love with billie, and surely you’d grow out of that adoration at some point. 

the dinner passed in a blur, and when you’re back to your hotel, billie tugged you into her room, flopping down on the bed and looking up at you from where she lay on her back. her lips were painted with a smile, one side pulled up ever so slightly more than the other as her eyes followed you around the room. she was talking about some movie she watched, her words falling from her lips and barely making their way to you. you were trying to listen, but her voice was soft and sweet, and her hair was splayed out on the bed underneath her… you were painfully aware of the things that you wanted so badly but could never have, so when she finished talking about the movie, you spoke. 

“did you enjoy tonight?” 

the question was simple, but you both knew what you meant. some wine for the cute couple. some wine for the cute couple. some—

“yeah! it was fun, the food was amazing.” she spoke with a slight grin on her lips, “the waitress was so sweet, it’s funny how everyone thinks that.” 

your eyes travelled to the floor near your feet and you exhaled softly, a barely noticeable reaction to her words. looking back at her, you spoke, “do you remember that one night a few months ago?” 

her brows furrowed, and you felt a pang of guilt for ever lying to her, even though it was undoubtedly for the better. “i thought you said—”

“i’m sorry, i do remember. but…”

“sweetheart…”

your heart twisted at the pet name, because it truly was like she held your heart in her hands. you could feel it breaking and she wasn’t even trying to break it. perhaps that was the worst part. billie loved you. billie was your best friend. but she didn’t—couldn’t—love you in the way you wanted. 

interrupting her words, you spoke softly. “i meant what i said that night.” 

“so you…”

“yeah…”

billie was sitting up now, her hands clasped loosely in her lap as she watched you—with that same sympathy in her eyes that maggie had shown earlier. 

“...i’m sorry.” 

“do…you think you’d ever… y’know…” you trailed off, but she knew what you meant.

“oh honey, i…” she sighed, “i love you so much. you know that. you’re my best friend. but i don’t think i could love you like that. i don’t want to make you think that it’ll happen. i’m sorry…”

you shook your head, “no, it’s okay. i get it. i shouldn’t have brought it up, i already knew the answer.”

“oh sweet girl, i really am sorry-”

“billie, stop. it's okay. i understand. just…” you trailed off once again before speaking softly, “just don’t forget me, yeah?”

and just like that, you left the room. all the lyrics you’d written for her, all the songs? well, they would remain a part of your heart forever. billie was permanently etched into your heart—a never ending love that you’d never truly be able to part from. billie was the one for you. but you weren’t the one for her, and that was the harsh truth of life.

 is it truly better to love and lose than never love at all? with how this was making you feel, you doubted it.

but it was okay, as long as you at least got a footnote in her life. as long as she didn’t forget you. 

so i'll just take a footnote in your life

and you could take my body

every line i would write for you

but a footnote will do

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[phoenixprjct]

🍿 Wilderness survives largely thanks to a mesmerising performance from Jenna Coleman - Basic Review 🍿

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐

Creator (Platform): Marnie Dickens - based on the novel of the same name by B.E. Jones (Prime Video)

Publisher (Release): Amazon Studios (2023)

I'm just gonna kick off with Jenna Coleman deserves all the credit here. Wilderness (based on a book I didn't know about because I try not to unduly influence my opinion through prior research and am now giving up on the whole read-the-book-first mantra) is a haphazard collection of tropes that would've sunk the series if not for Coleman's exemplary performance as Liv Taylor.

So, what are these tropes? Well, there are a few, but primarily it's the source of the show that provides the most glaring: a hysterical woman makes hysterical choices after her one-dimensional husband cheats. The ensuing chaos is...underwhelming, with tension only really coming into play in the show's last two episodes. The road there likes to repeat itself and the consequence is a story that only sizzles and never pops.

However, Coleman inextricably pulls all the dangerously frail threads into a believable and riveting character arc. The cast does fine, but there's no real development set aside for them, so it's up to our main actress to do the heavy lifting and do the lifting she most definitely does. Able to sell any emotion, Coleman showcases the gentle's descent into madness, turning what could've been an overlong trudge into a trial of fire that births a psychologically complex character.

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