#Blizzard Lighting Autobahn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rockinmyownboat · 2 years ago

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Vindieziel Wooksvagen:

The Nazi Pinata

There's a phrase i use all the time to encapsulate those insane moments when life spirals out of control like a freebasing pimp on the freeway. When life is on its way to smack me, fuck me and steal my money, i just bend over, smile and say,

"It is what it is."

I love it. You literally can't say anything more. Complain all you want, but what good will it do?

It is. What it is.

Heres an example of a great use of this timeless classic.

I bought a used car. Its A jetta TDI. Its a great drive. Fast as hell. Powerful. Handles like a fucking dream, the way that fine German cars are designed to. You could take this thing on the autobahn and it would cling to every curve like silk on a supermodel.

The car has been running great, mechanically, which is EXACTLY what i wanted. I prayed for that. I asked God for it.

I said, "God, give me A mechanically sound car that hauls ass. And please give me a ripped guardian angel who can keep up. I can install my own stereo deck. Amen"

And i left it at that.

God answers prayers.

With a sense of humor.

This spunky little German is my Nazi pinata. Just one bad surprise after another.

Here's the conversation that's been going through my head every day for the last 4 days since Snowmageddon '23 besieged the citizens of Portland.

I preface this with the fact that ive owned this car less than 2 months.

Me: Gosh...Driving around on a tire steadily leaking is bad enough. Now i have to do it on ice, like... what the fuck am i? a German figure skater with a burst breast implant?

wait .... i can pump it up ....i have a portable air compressor. Im good there....

There we go. Tires pumped. Im as pumped as my tire. Pump up the jams, and Lets go. Driving a diesel on ice makes me feel like im on Ice Road Truckers.

BRING IT ONNNN....

>a few minutes later, staring at the low tire air indicator on the dash, while slipping and sliding down thick sheets of ice that were streets yesterday<

Inner voice : Change the bloody tire...?

Me: Well... i can't.... there's........ no tire places open ... everything's Frozen ... gotta let it go...

IV: You have a bloody spare, you idiot! You could change your own tire, right??? You're as worthless as pig shit on an oil pan aren't you??

Me: Well no ... I'm not .... i could change my own tire...

>lightbulb< I have a spare! SAVED!!!

... wait ....

oh no ....

IV: Where in the bloody hell is the sodding tire jack???

Me: ummm ......

Damn.

IV: Well shit to that idea. Good thing you thought to check for that at the dealership when you bought the car, you fuckin muppet!

Me, somewhat frazzled: Okay, but i got roadside assistance? ATT? Farmers? AAA???? They could come out to put the spare on for me... yes! Ill call them! One of them HAS to be able to make this happen ....

IV: Ha!! Guess what? They have the EXACT BLOODY SAME service provider pool. No responses to level 2 requests. Emergencies only. Blizzard trumps all like its trying to make Oregon less than great again. Foiled again!

>this is where i start slowly breaking down as my inner Chef Ramsay lets loose with a tirade<

Oh hey, don't forget the check engine lights still on, and it will beep incessantly like a digital chinese water torture device.

>anxiety reaching critical levels<

And the driver side handle is still busted from the LAST ice storm, so good luck on those contortionist skills. Every day, you'll open up the driver side door through the back door, from the inside...

Get creative and think thin, you chunky monkey.

Lets add 14 inches of ice and snow to add a degree of coordination challenges as you're trying to get on the road for work, Slippy mcLegstretchy

>anxiety at maximum capacity<

As you settle in with broken seat warmers, take some more snow and smile as you choke on it.

Mother Natures on the rag and you're her bloody tampon.

>critical point reached. Its time to scream<

As i slide down an icy urban Slip'n'Slide, im minnowing back behind a city bus doing a fishtail -- wait no ... i guess its a whale-tail....

...lets be accurate....

...I think to myself .... it is what it is.

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haelsage · 6 years ago

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(Blue)Jeanie Joins the Family

I wanted a manual. The automatic Camry with every safety feature imaginable was a great car. But Scarlett was not a manual (paddle shifting is NOT the same). I knew I would eventually trade her in for something that would make me happy, but I was not anticipating it happening only 4 months later. I drove up to Eau Claire on a Friday to meet a friend for lunch and do some craft store shopping. Then I thought I’d stop at Big Lots while I was in town, since there isn’t another one anywhere near me. Big Lots happens to be a block from my favorite import lot, so I took a drive through. Bit of a mistake as I noticed they had about 17 (for real) VW’s on the lot. So I googled their inventory. Sure enough they had black manual Jetta; I’ve always wanted a black Jetta (Ruby was red, Charlie was brown). Of course, I had to take her out. It was almost a done deal in my head, as I would have gotten cash back for trading in the Camry - like $8,000 cash back. Fortunately I had Jack the Jeep so it wasn’t happening (Jack will be traded for a truck very soon). Back home I went to talk it over with the husband.

As we talked over the next 24 hours, we decided that I wouldn’t keep that particular Jetta more than a year or 2 so It was dumb to downgrade to something that would end of having so little trade value later (the Camry was a 2018 with 5,000 miles and still worth almost twice the asking price for the Jetta). So, we started looking at the other options, again - various Honda Civics, the Genesis G70, the Hyundai Veloster N, etc. None of them were what I really wanted and also out of my current price range. I wanted to find something that would be close to an even trade for the Camry. So I looked into the trusty GTI again. We found a list of used 2015-2017 cars and a couple new 2018 and 2019 models. We zeroed in on this 2016 CPO Autobahn and followed the whim. It was a Saturday afternoon and the dealership was closed, so we couldn’t check availability.

We made the plan anyway: drive down Sunday, get a hotel room in Glenview, Illinois, and check the dealership Monday morning. My husband, being the great guy that he is, even took a day off work so I didn’t have to drive near Chicago by myself. But I know a big part of that was just because it was for a car that he was going to love too. And also, it’s a 3.5 hour drive, in good weather. Almost the entire state of Wisconsin was under a Winter Storm advisory for Sunday and most of Monday. The plan was to check the weather Sunday morning and If it wasn’t too bad, we’d still go. It wasn’t too bad, so we went; left the house about 8am. We had no business being out in the weather, but we drove anyway. And fortunately it cleared up by the time we got to Madison.

We left Tomah, Wisconsin, in a mild blizzard to drive 3.5 hours (longer considering the conditions) to Glenview, Illinois for this car. For a car that may well have not even been there anymore. There were other cars in the area that would have been worth the look, but this is the one we went for. We figured even if it wasn’t there and we came back with the Camry anyway, at least we’d have a fun trip, and a story to tell. A stupid impulsive story; but this is what we do.

It’s a 2016 CPO VW GTI Autobahn with both the Performance and Driver Assist packages. Let’s break that down. The Autobahn trim level has a sunroof, Fender audio system, Navigation, 12 way power adjustable driver seat, dual climate control, and a couple of other additions over the S and Se. The Performance package adds 10 horsepower, limited slip front differential, and larger front/rear brakes. The Driver Assist package adds Adaptive Cruise Control, Front/Rear parking sensors, Front collision warning, Rear Cross traffic warning, Lane departure/Blind spot Monitoring, Automated Parallel parking, and an Auto-dimming rear-view mirror. Many parts of these packages became standard on the Autobahn trim for 2019.

So the summary is: the car we found is everything the Camry is and then some, in a manual and a more useful hatch body (yay, back wiper again). The perfect car for me. An Se probably would have been fine, but after having some nice safety features on that Camry, I still wanted a car with those things. The Autobahn with the Performance AND Driver Assist packages offers all of that and more (like Sirius and quite a bit more pep). And the features of the Driver Assist package work better/more cleverly on the GTI than on the Camry.

A practical, zippy little machine, in a fabulous color; this car is as good as it gets for the GTI of 2016. A CPO lease return with under 20k miles, and the only signs of any usage were the slightly scuffed rims. And we paid about $12,000 less than a brand new one. This doesn’t even feel like a CPO; it DOES feel brand new. The previous owner took immaculate care of the interior.

This is our second GTI and probably won’t be the last, as long as VW keeps up the simple refinement. This make and model is one of the last cars still offered in America under $40k with a manual transmission on a moderate performance vehicle AND doesn’t have the stupid raised screen like most other car companies are going to (Honda, Mazda, Hyundai, Genesis, etc). In fact, this IS the ONLY one that fits every single one of my criteria - Manual transmission, practical performance, stylish hatch, decent gas mileage, supherb safety and comfort features, no stupid pop-up screen, under $40k. And I love it. The seats are bolstered like a Recaro, but adjustable and much more comfortable than those in the Ford Focus ST or RS. I can actually get out of this seat. This lovely little gem is everything that we remember about our previous GTI, and then some, due to the packages available on this trim level.

The clutch is the perfect combination of not too light and not too stiff; and she shifts like a dream. This car has about 1000 different features and they’re all wrapped up in this neat basic package that’s simple to use and not overly flashy like many cars now. There is no obnoxious chrome or fake carbon fiber (most of the styling is a sleek resin-like plastic = more durable and easier to clean than the traditional plastic). It’s the modern classic sleekness VW has had (in mid-upper trim levels) for years. The emissions scandal didn’t cause them to change or sacrifice simple quality. I can’t overstate enough the ergonomic simplicity of VW. Keep in mind, this is not the supherb quality of a Porsche, Mercedes, or Maserati, etc; it costs about $37,000, not $70-200K. But it has everything a person should need and more in a clever little package that is far more roomy than it looks like it should be. I don’t know how VW does it, but it works and works well. This is the 4th VW we’ve had and I positively intend to stick with them in the future. As long as they continue with what they’ve been doing, they have a loyal customer in me.

I also test drove a 2018 Jeep Compass Sport in a manual - very hard car to find. I wasn’t a fan for a few nit-picky reasons. Also, it was pretty basic, as most cars under $40k still offered with a manual tend to be. I did drive a 2016 Jetta GLI back to back with the Autobahn and it was a tough decision for a hot minute between the two. I’ve gotten so used to driving a sedan, I thought maybe I didn’t really need the hatch anymore. But the GTI had so much more to offer aside from utility, that after a second test drive of the Autobahn, it wasn’t even a question. I no longer miss Betty the WRX (though I still think a WRX is a beautiful car, on the outside). The GTI Autobahn is a better car in so many ways, for the same price brand new. Barring any catastrophe, I will have this car for a long time.

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