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afterspark-podcast · 5 years ago

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G1 Episode 37: Transcript

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

S: I imagine he's the one who was going and getting food but he was probably getting, like, ramen noodles.

[Intro Music]

O: Hello, and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap of the generation 1 Transformers cartoon. I'm Owls.

S: And I'm Specs.

O: Today, we're going to be talking about episode number 37: Blaster Blues. Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Sure.

O: And today, we open upon a rock concert with incredibly generic rock music playing.

S: And kind of a lot of pink. At least on the, uh, the screen that we paused on because, like, they’re super security in that masculinity, but it was very colorful.

O: There is also a lot of strobing going on in this scene and I wonder if this would get an epilepsy warning if aired today? Which just feels kind of weird when you're watching 80’s media because that wasn't really a thing yet?

S: Well, I mean it's good that we know about it now.

O: True.

S: Yeah, making sure that people don't have- people with medical conditions don't spontaneously have them- happen is, you know, you don't want it-

O: Definitely-

S: You don’t want-

O: -a good thing.

S: You don't want to trigger anyone's debilitating medical condition.

O: Right. I didn't- kill- okay, tangent: I still can't believe that the Incredibles 2 movie had a scene that was- apparently- needed a strobe warning and they didn't have one in there and I'm, like, this is freaking 2018 or whatever! What the heck?

S: I think I know which one that was.

O: I do too.

S: But, I mean, Into The Spiderverse also definitely had a lot of that.

O: Well, to get back to this.

S: Yeah. [Laughter] Blaster is enjoying that concert with Spike and Carly.

O: The- and they all lament that the other Autobots aren't there but through the power of broadcasting, they don't need to be!

S: Blaster can share the joy of rock music with the world!

O: Or the Autobots, at least.

S: Whether they want him to or not.

O: Cosmos seems quite happy to have some music to fly around to, though. Even does a little loop de loop.

S: What's important is that he's having fun. He probably doesn't get a whole lot of entertainment up there.

O: No, no, he doesn't., my poor son.

S: Mm-hm. And at the Ark, Optimus and Sparkplug are trying to get some target practice done with Omega Supreme.

O: Omega Supreme, as I believe this is his first appearance in the G1 cartoon, is this, like, ginormous Autobot with an incredibly complicated transformation.

S: Oh, he is, he- he has such a complicated transformation- he literally goes to pieces: splitting into a rocket, a rocket base, and a tank in vehicle mode.

O: I mean, why have one when you can have three? [Laughter]

S: Don't ask how he goes anywhere in vehicle mode.

O: Oh, we'll get to that. [Laughter]

S: Yep and all of this is suddenly interrupted by some unprompted rock music, except we know better.

O: And we- we have to assume this is playing through Teletran one because not only does Optimus hear it but Sparkplug can hear it, too.

S: And he reacts to it mightily.

O: As does Optimus, neither of them really like rock music, apparently.

S: Yep. Jazz has some taste, though. He seems, like, super happy and starts boogy-ing down.

O: That's cause Jazz is awesome, duh.

S: Elsewhere, at an observatory, a scientist is trying to make contact with extraterrestrials.

O: This just kills me. They have aliens on their- their planet! This is well-known information. He should probably just drive over to the Ark if he wants to contact alien life but- no!

S: Yeah, it's a little bit, um, a little bit pointless when they can literally just go interview the giant robots that are already there.

O: He appears to be giving a lecture to other scientists and, possibly, the press about his new invention that would allow such contact with extraterrestrials.

S: He just needs to grab a megaphone and shout, “Hey! I have energy!” and the Decepticons would turn up. Though, I have a thought that he doesn't think that Transformers are robots- er, aliens because they're robots? Maybe he's just thinking organic life?

O: I don't know but he could also just paint the entire building purple. That would certainly get the Decepticons there, too.

S: Oh, it would, it would. Ah, and speaking of the Decepticons, look who's here!

O: [Laughter] Shocker! Megatron begins talking to the scientist from the roof where Megatron, Starscream, and Thundercracker have landed and the guy's like, “Ah! A response. Where are you?”

S: They’re completely ignoring the time- well, that it would still take a lot of time for this message- message to traverse the void of space and then, you know, get a response back.

O: He's a world renowned scientist, Specs, world renowned!

S: Is it a really small world?

O: [Laughter] No, it's just a cartoon in the 80s.

S: Oh indeed. Megatron proceeds to dick with a guy saying to the- something to the effect of, “Oh, much closer than that.”

O: Starscream gets impatient and ruins his fun by just blowing shit up, though.

S: Yeah, and Megatron is just not happy with Starscream because he could have destroyed the “Voltronic Galaxer” which is, apparently, what today's, um, fancy, schmancy tech gadget is called, and what the scientist was, apparently, using to try and communicate.

O: I think he calls it a “Galaxer” in in the show but don't quote me on that. [Laughter]

S: [Laughter]

O: Anyway, the scientist manages to be pretty fly for an old guy, dodging a blast from Starscream and then running off yelling, “Help!”

S: Hm, back at the Ark, Blaster continues to annoy his teammates. Jazz continues to dance, clanking all the way.

O: The scientist’s plea for help comes in over Teletraan and everybody tells Blaster to shut up before they leave.

S: No one appreciates him.

O: Nobody- Blaster was unappreciated in his time.

S: Yeah. We get a series of shots showing us a bunch of toys- I mean, um, characters transforming.

O: Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Trailbreaker, Hound, Ratchet, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Mirage, and Bumblebee. And poor Blaster seems rather put upon- he just wanted to show his friends some tunes.

S: He wants to share the love.

O: That hard rockin’ love. It's all right, he'll get to enjoy some music later.

S: Mm-hm. And now, back at the observatory, the scientist gloms onto his device shouting, “No! Anything but this!”

O: I'm really, truly, not sure what he hoped to accomplish here as Megatron just can easily pick the entire damn thing up.

S: Taking the dude with him or with it.

O: To which, Megatron just sort of tips the guy onto the ground, much like I would do a bug that I found in my kitchen.

S: Yeah, or a mouse that you found crawling on you. And then all the Decepticons fly off to a rendezvous with Astrotrain.

O: Astrotrain is another new character- he is a Decepticon triple changer that turns into both a train and a shuttle. He is, of course, purple.

S: Yep, Megs opens a cargo hatch [in Astrotrain’s train mode] and shoves the Voltronic Galaxer in before rejoining the two seekers.

O: And then, Astrotrain turns into a shuttle and all the Decepticons get inside. I'd ask why they did it like that but I already know the answer. They needed to show the kids that he could be a train and also be a jet!

S: Yep.

O: My head hurts.

S: And then they blast off into space as the Autobots arrive at the observatory.

O: The scientist tells the Autobots they are too late and Optimus questions how the- what the device could do and the scientist says something about “unscrambling communications.”

S: Ah, god, has the military been funding this guy's stuff?

O: I don't know! He seems pretty unconcerned about any other applications of his device. I think he's legitimately just wanted to talk to aliens.

S: He could have just called up the Autobots. I mean, he obviously had their number.

O: Obviously, but the Autobots head back to base after this since they can't really do anything when the Decepticons aren't there.

S: Yeah, they're a bit, uh, a bit difficult for a bunch of ground pounders to, uh, chase something into space.

O: True.

S: Optimus is then seen communicating with various other Autobots who are monitoring for Decepticon activity but no one has seen or heard anything.

O: And they have also, apparently, sent Blaster into space jail, as he's just sort of chilling inside Cosmos as Cosmos is flying around in space.

S: Well, at least he's with one of the two Bots who actually seems to appreciate his musical taste.

O: He does lament that he can't get any radio stations all the way out here, though.

S: Well another mark for Cosmos needing some entertainment.

O: Definitely.

S: And for the Decepticons base of the week, apparently, they've built one on the moon.

O: And, apparently, they stole the Galaxer to jam the airways on Earth!

S: Cosmos moves in closer, landing in Megatron's direct line of sight.

O: Oh, Cosmos- good at subterfuge, you ain't.

S: Yeah- Astrotrain goes after them and manages to capture Cosmos.

O: Complete with violently magenta abduction light as he pulls Cosmos into his hold.

S: This is going to be, like, the first of at least a few weird int-interactions between Astrotrain and Cosmos.

O: You're right, you're very right.

S: Yeah, poor Cosmos, Astrotrain knocks him out a weird amount- he renders him not able to do anything.

O: [laughter] Yeah, that's- that's true.

S: I hadn't made that connection until now. Oh gosh, um, so Megatron decides to get, uh, personal when they are dragged back to base calling Cosmos, “A useless piece of scrap.”

O: I don't know how the hell I'm gonna slap the shit out of a 40-foot robot but I'm about to give it a good, ol’ try!

S: Both bots are welded into place. Cosmos having been regulated to a power booster and Blaster be either being used to control the, um, the doohickey or separately to scramble the audio signals.

O: I feel the need to point out there should be some consent here. It's really not cool, guys...

S: The Decepticons are villains- they don't care about their enemies. It's not like they've got the Geneva Convention.

O: There's what? There's no war Geneva Convention, Specs? [Laughter]

S: Well, no, they just don't have Geneva.

O: [Laughter]

S: All right, a Geneva equivalent. The device takes hold and we see an airport lose communication with various planes that are coming and going, um-

O: Some planes-

S: -so much death.

O: Yeah, yeah- but some planes take some rather evasive maneuvers to avoid other planes. I swear, some of them are moving like fighter jets and I can't even.

S: Yeah, the skies are also, you know, pretty clear- so the pilots should be able to see and make decisions.

O: But what about the drama of almost hitting another plane? They would never do that!

S: They need their pilot's licenses ta- suspended.

O: [Laughter] I mean, you're not wrong.

S: Elsewhere, on some train tracks, some workmen are trying to clear the- clear the tracks of some debris. It might be a fallen tree but it's debris and except they can't radio tri- the, uh, train that's coming before it hits the fallen tree and derails.

O: And then explodes!

S: I'm afraid that cow catcher is not terribly useful.

O: But surprise, surprise they can't radio the fire department because, of course.

S: You know, with all these radios not working I'm getting some fucking flashbacks to the live-action movie.

O: No, no it's too early in the year to have to think about the live-action movies! No!

S: It is not too early to get prepped for that.

O: [Laughter] Nooooo!

S: Fortunately, Red Alert and Astrotrain are nearby-

O: [Laughter] I think you mean Inferno!

S: [Laughter] Yes, you're right!

O: [Laughter] Red Alert and Astrotrain would be quite the pair, wouldn't they? I’m sorry.

S: I think they'd be trying to murder each other.

O: Right?! They were just out for a walk, apparently. Anyway, sorry, go ahead.

S: Fortunately, Red Alert and Inferno are nearby and ready to take on the problem which, um, Red Alert tries to deal with by, you know, shooting the fire out.

O: Thankfully, Inferno does something a little bit more productive and I think they were trying to have Red make a fire break but the way they did it made like zero sense.

S: Yeah, though I have seen something where, apparently, you can shoot, like, some sort of carbon that’ll release? Maybe it's not carbon or something. Maybe it was CO2 that would release and smother it?

O: Hmm, that does make sense but that definitely isn't what that looked like.

S: Yeah. Megatron has taken control of the airwaves, as he's heard on the workmen's radio immediately before Red and Inferno are attacked by Ramjet and Thundercracker.

O: And suddenly, in the mountains, there's snow! I want snow, Specs.

S: Well, we'll have it soon.

O: Not soon enough.

S: Yeah. Some forecaster is trying to warn motorists by broadcasting over the radio.

O: Which, just like everything else, obviously doesn't work.

S: At the Ark, Optimus drives in with his trailer and yeets himself forward while transforming once arriving in the, you know, the Teletraan room on Optimus: Action Hero.

O: The Autobots realize what's happening and they all head out and try to help.

S: Ah, the goody two shoes that they are.

O: [Laughter]

S: They arrive on the snowy mountain and, uh, just have snow tires they can swap to, instantaneously.

O: Of course!

S: They must- [Sighs] I wish we had that sort of tech.

O: That would be nice. Hoist manages to save a car that falls off a cliff with his like little grippy tow claw thing.

S: Yep. Oh, Hoist the savior we deserve.

O: I, too, would like to be saved by a very polite, vaguely British Autobot.

S: Yep. Prowl is helping evacuate people from their cars who are then taking refuge in Ratchet because Ratchet apparently has seats now.

O: Convenient snow tires, convenient seats, convenient everything today.

S: Yep. Trailbreaker runs up to a car, generates a force field, picks it up, and puts the force field over the car to prevent it from, uh, being impacted by a pile of snow landing on it.

O: Oh my god, that's made of energy, right? How does that work? How can-

S: Weird, weird bullshit.

O: It doesn't make any sense.

S: Yeah, I- it's weird, weird bullshit. I don't know, because it makes about as much sense as all the Autobots flying through space in his forceshield.

O: [Sighs] Touche.

S: And, as with before, the Autobots hear Megatron on the radio and are immediately attacked by Ramjet and Thundercracker.

O: I'm going to assume that this is after they just attacked Red and Inferno or this makes very little sense. You know, just like everything else that keeps happening.

S: Either that or there's a Thundercracker look-alike running around which- possible? I don't know. The Autobots do their best to cover Ratchet, who's still housing some of the humans but eventually, uh, are blown away into the snow.

O: Elsewhere, Optimus is directing air traffic like a freaking traffic cop.

S: Spike and Carly are listening to Megatron on the radio, realizing he's on every frequency.

O: Ramjet and Thundercracker show up, yet again, shooting Optimus and Powerglide.

S: So, being shot, since Powerglide’s speeding towards the ground with Carly and Spike inside along for the ride and then Carly and Spike grabbed some emergency jet packs and put them on Powerglide's, um, exterior and then he's able to land safely.

O: Well, that was not the direction I thought that was going to go in at all.

S: Me, neither.

O: Which, I mean, kudos for them to trying to save their friend but, that being said, I don't think that should have worked because they are still in the air and the wind speed alone should like made that very difficult to open like his cockpit or whatever and try to put the jetpacks on the outside.

S: Yeah, I mean, then again, Spike is apparently superhuman and easily able to pick up and use giant robot guns. Also they're at a low enough, uh, altitude that, like, they wouldn't go through decompression.

O: Decompression wasn't actually what I was worried about. It's still that Powerglide would still be going fast, at least, to some degree because he's still up in the air and-

S: That's true.

O: That was actually more of what I would be, like, the jet pack should have like, gotten ripped out of their hands before they could attach them to him.

S: Oh, I know, it's just I'm trying to use a suspension of disbelief right now.

O: [Laughter] Yes, let me just turn my entire brain off because that's the only way I'm making it through this episode.

S: [Laughter] Yeah, I mean, I've seen that episode of, I don't know, Aircraft Disasters about when the [a] cockpit [window] blew out on a major jetliner and they nearly lost one of the pilots.

O: Yeah. Over the radio, Megatron wants ALL of the energy before he'll return the airwaves to the humans. Blaster, somehow during all this, manages to play the rock music from before clueing Carly into that he is on- he's in the Decepticon base and she is, somehow, from this, able to figure out they're on the moon.

S: I think we have to assume that there might have been some location data embedded in the transmission. Either that or there's some special Carly- foo going on.

O: Which, I mean, it's Carly- sure there- there you go. I will suspend my disbelief for anything Carly wants to do. How about that?

S: Yeah, and then Powerglide’s, like, “Oh, no I'm not a damn spaceship!”

O: The one thing Powerglide can't do.

S: [Laughter]

O: But he does manage to grab, you know, the knocked out, unconscious Optimus with his tow cable from the air- dragging Optimus- still unconscious and extremely undignified, behind him, at least until the jet packs start to go out.

S: Had we noted that Optimus had been knocked out before this? Because I don't remember that.

O: I said- I think we said that they were attacked but, uh, not that Optimus specifically got knocked out.

S: Okay- it's just because, yeah, that image of him being dragged, undignified, through the air is just really funny. [Laughter]

O: [Laughter] It was very funny to behold.

S: The Autobots on the mountain dig themselves out of the snow when they receive Blaster’s communique and head out to drop the humans off. Presumably somewhere safer than a giant, driving Decepticon target.

O: Yeah, that is Ratchet. Uh, Powerglide manages to get Optimus to where Omega Supreme is and Carly attempts to get Prime up and moving again.

S: Omega Supreme says they should go to the moon to save their friends and stows Prime away inside him.

O: They argue that they can't communicate with anyone right now due to Megatron's interference, anyway so they should at least try something.

S: In the very next shot, Carly and Spike are magically in some space suits and they board Omega with Powerglide. And these are color-coded space suits.

O: Of course, it's the 80’s. Megatron finds out that Blaster is transmitting this music and goes to blast him but Omega Supreme lands and distracts him just in time. Okay. Remember before, when we said Omega Supreme splits into three pieces? Uh, only one of those pieces went up to the moon.

S: But, somehow, all of them are there when he transforms back into a robot.

O: So either they fly or they're all just like Optimus’ trailer.

S: Yeah or he's got some way of, like, picking them up and combining them all with his shuttle form. I don't know, man. Don't ask. Megatron gets mad but Omega just picks him up in one hand.

O: He's so tiny in comparison! [Laughter]

S: Yeah, if he's treating him like a- oh god, it's like that Mars Attacks comic where Megatron gets shrunken.

O: [Laughter] Yeah, it is. He's about- he's so tiny.

S: Yep, Astrotrain looks on like, “I don't know what anyone expects me to do here.” And Optimus is just sort of lying on the ground on a pallet in the background while Powerglide just sort of hangs out and watches all of this go down.

O: [Laughter] Just like, “No, no- we just need to get Omega to the moon. We'll be fine!” Astrotrain transforms into his train mode and trips Omega, making him drop Megatron.

S: He then transforms into a shuttle and flies off with Omega transforming and going after him.

O: But on the ground, at least someone here is using this time somewhat effectively as Megatron takes the opportunity to walk over and kick the unconscious Optimus on the ground.

S: But Optimus is able to get back up and tosses Megatron across the moon. Optimus is just like, “What the fuck is going on? How did I get here?”

O: The dude went to sleep on the ground, at an airport and woke up on the damn moon.

S: Poor Optimus is going to need some explanations.

O: But right now he's like, “Big, gray, and ugly: must punch.”

S: [Laughter] Blaster manages to start affecting the Galaxer by initiating a feedback loop but Cosmos one-ups him and just shoots it.

O: Why did no one disable his guns!?! Why is no one guarding them!?A

S: Because Megatron only brought, like, three people to the moon and sent two of them back and also overconfidence.

O: Yeah, that sounds right, rather- Yeah, accepted, yeah.

S: Outside, Megatron and Optimus grapple and, considering they're on the moon, this must be really awkward considering lower gravity.

O: [Laughter] Well, it goes something like: Blah, blah, blah- I still have enough energy to conquer you!! Do you now, Optimus? Do you? Do you?

S: Optimus manages to get the upper hand. While in the air, Astrotrain taunts Omega.

O: But Omega just transforms back into robot mode, grabs Astrotrain and then chucks him into space.

S: Megatron flies off and the rest of the crew heads into the base to help Blaster and Cosmos.

O: Blaster advocates that they should keep the moon base now that they have it.

S: Cosmos seems kind of happy with this. He wants, you know, some company.

O: So Optimus tells Blaster, “Yes,” but also adds, “remember your volume, like any capability, is also a responsibility.”

S: Blaster's like, “I'm gonna totally ignore you,” as he immediately hits one of the buttons on his chest. Uh, presumably, he's supposed to be playing music but there's no music playing.

O: And that's- that's the end of the episode. So join us next time for a Decepticon Raider in King Arthur's Court! Did you know magic was real in this universe? Yeah, neither did we.

S: Neither did the robots from outer space, either.

O: Nobody- nobody saw- no one ever expects the magic inquisition. So, if you have seen any of our Let's Plays, uh, my husband Chezni will be joining us on this episode, too, because it's his favorite and it is definitely quite a doozy. So, I believe we have some fanfic recommendations for today.

S: Okie dokie, alright. So our fanfiction recommendations today are “Hobbies Shared” by Merfilly. It's a G1 cartoon related- it's in the G1 cartoon continuity, it's rated G, it's Gen. Uh, there's no pairings and the characters are Cosmos and Blaster and, in summary, “Cosmos shares something with Blaster.” And, uh, the theme for that is music appreciation and it's a one shot that's drabblish. It's pretty short. It's also restricted access on AO3, so you have to have an AO3 account to- to read it. It was pretty cute.

The second recommendation is “Mechs Like Them” by eerian_sadow. It's also G1 cartoon, rated G, Gen though it could be potentially pre-slash. There's no official pairings but could be a prelude to Blaster/Cosmos and the characters are Blaster, Cosmos, and Tracks. In summary, “Blaster can't stop worrying about Cosmos.” And it's post Blaster Blues is the recommendation or reason for the recommendation. Theme. Something. And it's a one shot. So that concludes the two recommendations for this week.

O: And I should have some fanart for us today, so uh, my recommendation for today is Pell From Hell. I don't know why they named themselves that but I am down for it. They have a Tumblr and a Twitter and, just a warning, they have not been active since 2018. However, the art is very cute. And today we've linked some really cute ones. Uh, we- we have a Knife Megatron, which is amazing and I- what? This is based off a cat gif, isn't it?

S: Yes, it is. My first thought when I saw the name was- is it- is it that thing with the baby holding a knife running- or the kid holding a knife running [around a pool] and they're like, “What are you holding?” “A knife!” and it's like, “No!”

O: [Laughter] No!

S: I was thinking that with Megatron.

O: [Laughter]

S: But yeah, the smug cat works perfectly for this.

O: Right? Even though it's Lost Light Megatron and, therefore, one of the lesser smug Megatrons but still funny!

S: Yeah, but, I mean, this would be like being confronted by a bunch of Autobots.

O: [Laughter] Yeah, and then we have some cute, uh, mistletoe christmas-y, uh, Dratchet, uh, where I think Ratchet just wants some tea and Drift is trying to get a kiss.

S: Yes, that is cute.

O: And our last one is the Soundwave family. Uh, it looks like Rumble and Frenzy are about ready to fight and Soundwave is just dealing with his unruly children.

S: And Ravage is separating them.

O: And the birds are like, “Oh, dear god, why?”

S: Yeah.

O: Not that i can really blame them.

S: Looks like Buzzsaw is super annoyed.

O: Yeah, very grumpy. He’s a grumpy birb. Anyway, we'll be linking to all of the cute images and their Tumblr and Twitter.

S: And that about wraps it up for us today. Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word) and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast such as AO3, iTunes, Spotify, and Youtube, just to name a few. And feel free to send us questions on Tumblr, or Youtube, or AO3! Till next time, I'm Specs.

O: And I’m Owls.

S: Toodles

[Outro Music]

#transcript #g1 episode 37 #podcast #afterspark podcast

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latestnews2018-blog · 7 years ago

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There Were Zero Things Better This Week Than 20-Year-Old Ronald Acuña's Majestic Homers

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There Were Zero Things Better This Week Than 20-Year-Old Ronald Acuña's Majestic Homers

Welcome to Good Stuff, HuffPost’s weekly recommendation series devoted to the least bad things on and off the internet.

To try to enjoy baseball today is to face a constant barrage of reminders ― from baseball’s brass, from baseball’s press, from baseball fans and people who very much want you to know that they are not baseball fans ― that there is something existentially wrong with America’s pastime. It is boring and dated and not worth watching. But every now and then, someone like Ronald Acuña comes along to remind you that baseball is, in fact, good.

Acuña, a 20-year-old Atlanta Braves rookie, has been one of the most exciting young players in baseball this year. But his true breakthrough came only this week, when Acuña opened each of Atlanta’s first three games against the Miami Marlins with home runs. Two of them came Monday, when Acuña opened both games of a doubleheader with home runs. Then he woke up Tuesday and decided to do it again.

They were majestic shots, all of them, each leaving the yard faster, higher and harder than the one before it, and it was a record-breaking streak: The Venezuelan is the youngest player to hit leadoff bombs in three straight games, the youngest to hit homers in five straight games since 1908, the youngest this and the youngest that in all sorts of categories now. Tuesday night, he added another one, a three-run shot that sealed another Braves win.

He’s the new face of the franchise in Atlanta, but, along with players like Washington’s Juan Soto, he’s also one of the new, fresh faces of baseball as a whole. And he plays the game with the sort of electric exuberance sports should elicit from all of us, even if we aren’t all blessed with the talent that allows us to express that joy through towering home runs, diving catches and stolen bases.

Baseball being baseball, that meant someone was going to take exception to his skill or his sheer funness or something. On Wednesday night, Marlins pitcher José Ureña decided there was no longer any point in trying to get Acuña out (a feat the Marlins had mostly failed to accomplish all week) and instead launched a 97 mile-per-hour fastball at the kid’s elbow. It was a cowardly play that drove Acuña from the game and could have ended his (and Atlanta’s) season, and Ureña was roundly criticized for the pitch. Still, his decision was also baseball’s most easily fixable problem illustrated. This game has, for whatever reason, a deep-rooted tendency for someone in or adjacent to it ― a pitcher, a columnist, even the commissioner ― to spend their time trying to convince everyone that the thing they like is actually bad.

Acuña, at least, won’t stand for it. On Thursday, he texted Atlanta’s manager to say he was ready to play, because even when baseball tries its hardest to be bad, people like Ronald Acuña are here to remind us that it’s not. ― Travis Waldron

“On the Road… In Trump Country”

Why are Americans so polarized? What really happened in the 2016 election? I’m leaving my liberal bubble to get some answers. pic.twitter.com/OClhEqRseC

— Jesse Brenneman (@Jesse_Brenneman) August 8, 2018

There was nothing better than radio producer Jesse Brenneman — formerly of WNYC — tweeting a video series about reaching across political and socioeconomic lines, “On the Road… In Trump Country.”

It’s a hilarious series of tweets in which Brenneman pokes fun at all the reporters who parachuted into “Trump Country” after the president was elected. There are a lot of garbage news reports that treat any locale outside of a metropolitan city as a peculiarity to be investigated for a few days and then left behind. Brenneman does exactly that, mostly without leaving his car, and the results are amazing. Read the entire thread. ― Andy Campbell

The First Movie In 25 Years To Feature An All-Asian Cast

This one may be obvious, but it has to be said: “Crazy Rich Asians” is a goddamn delight. This movie has it all: Really hot people! Stunning locales! Delicious-looking food porn! Red-carpet-worthy costumes! Extravagance that would be nauseating in real life but is super fun on screen! A biting joke about JFK airport! Awkwafina!

Also, it’s the first movie in 25 years (since “The Joy Luck Club”) that features an all-Asian cast and puts an Asian-American story at its center. So, seriously, go fill those theaters. ― Emma Gray

“Drowning” by A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie, Orchestral Version

🔥🔥🔥🔥 RT @soscrub_: A Boogie performing Drowning w/ a live orchestra 😳 pic.twitter.com/mxD17oAK3l

— Rory (@thisisrory) August 15, 2018

Bruh, this is majestic as fuck. The original song — “Drowning” by A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie — is amazing in its own right, but hearing it slowed down, without the Auto-Tune, without Kodak Black and with an accompanying orchestra??? Biiiiiiiitch. I wanna shout. I wanna nod my head. I wanna crump. I wanna get active.

There’s something cathartic about hearing a trap beat glide over the graceful medley of cellos, pianos and violins. The song feels fleshed out, as if the more classical instruments have lifted it to be all it can be, all it was meant to be.

And to hear A Boogie rap “Bust down, bust down, bust down, bust down, bust down, bitch I’m drownin’” while that violin whines in the back??? This rendition of the song deserves a Grammy, OK? ― Julia Craven

A Bubble Man

I love New York so much. pic.twitter.com/Qb4TSnknpR

— Alexander Kaufman (@AlexCKaufman) August 15, 2018

Union Square is an egalitarian island in a sea of opulence, corporate chains and pied-à-terres owned by ultrarich foreigners and trust-fund schmucks who think Brooklyn is “too far.” The 6½-acre park, plaza and subway hub of Lower Manhattan serves as the venue for an affordable farmers market four days a week. On the other days, it’s a draw for street performers. Which brings me to the Bubble Man.

I don’t know the Bubble Man’s name, but he’s been a fixture in Union Square for over a decade. He shows up, usually on the west side of the park, with buckets of soapy water and a wand made of two broom-length sticks. Then he just produces bubbles endlessly while kids squeal and chase after them, trying to pop the shimmering little orbs before they float down and burst on the concrete.

When I left work Tuesday, I was exhausted. For some unclear reason, I woke up with my insecurities and feelings of inadequacy on full blast. To boot, my checking account suffered a stinging blow that morning when a handful of different travel and life expenses unexpectedly hit all at once. All I wanted was to go home to my apartment in Queens and curl up until I mustered the appetite to eat leftovers.

As I walked through the park to catch the N train home, the glint of bubbles caught my eye. I noticed a crowd gathered, so I walked over before descending into the subway. The kids were ecstatic, exhaling a chorus of “whoas,” “wows,” and “awesomes” as they scurried around in pursuit of bubbles. Parents and onlookers from all different backgrounds watched, phones out, capturing videos and photos. It was such a raw, uplifting moment, and a wonderful reminder that this city’s real wealth is in its public spaces. ― Alexander Kaufman

The Great Mayonnaise Debate

Last weekend, Sandy Hingston published a piece in Philadelphia magazine titled “How Millennials Killed Mayonnaise,” a 2,300-word diatribe apparently inspired by a few people not eating her potato salad at Fourth of July barbecues anymore.

The slightly tongue-in-cheek piece offered no real evidence that millennials had actually killed America’s most popular condiment (at least as of 2014), save for her wicked young daughter, a women’s and gender studies major who “naturally” “loathes mayonnaise” (by comparison, Jake, the “practical” and “good son,” loves Sandy’s macaroni salad, thank you very much).

And so it was that Hingston set off a predictably fierce and inarguably trivial internet debate about (A) if mayonnaise is good and (B) whether millennials killed it. The entire situation was wholly idiotic. It lasted way too long, and I loved every second of it. The episode reminded me of a simpler time on the internet, when my days and nights weren’t filled with thoughts of Nazis, incels, Russian bots and Roger Stone. And so I say: Bring back the asinine internet debates of yesteryear! I’ll watch people debate literally anything dumb. Ketchup? Sure. Avocados? Fine, whatever. You want to debate laundry detergent. I’ll debate laundry detergent. Please, I need this. I need this so bad. Help me. Please. And for the record, mayonnaise is bad. ― Maxwell Strachan

Pop’s New Pansexual Anthem

British-Japanese pop princess Rina Sawayama released her new single, “Cherry,” this week, a bubbly pop bop in which she gushes over a new crush who is… dun dun dun… a girl!

“Down the subway, you looked my way / With your girl gaze, with your girl gaze / That was the day everything changed / Now it’s something else.”

Sawayama, who identifies as pansexual, explores the electric experience of desiring a woman and letting the feeling fully flood the body ― even though she’s dating a dude. The song uproots the “girl meets boy” pop music standard, navigating Sawayama’s unfixed sexual preferences with nuance and playful levity. In “Cherry,” Sawayama confronts the contradictions that accompany fluid sexuality: can she authentically identify as queer while being in a heterosexual relationship? (Yes.) The question probes far deeper than Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl.”

Like the 2017 album “RINA,” “Cherry” invokes sounds popularized in the late ’90s and early 2000s pop by femme-forward artists like Willa Ford and Danity Kane. Sawayama, however, sharpens their sugary recipes by granting the genre a gravitas long denied to it. As a result, her jams feel both nostalgic and cutting edge, combining the sweetness of Mandy Moore’s “Candy” with the visionary mastery of Janelle Monae.

Along with possessing me to dance with a force best described as supernatural, Sawayama’s music illuminates potential for a future in which mainstream music can encapsulate experiences as niche and complex as any other “highbrow” art form. As Sawayama told Broadly: “I think it’s possible to queer the world with pop music.” ― Priscilla Frank

This Book Has Everything: Spore-Infected Zombies, A Mediocre Photo Blog, Critique Of Capitalism

Amazon

Spore-infected zombies, a mediocre New York photography blog, critiques of capitalism, a residential shopping mall and a spot of doomed romance: Ling Ma’s debut novel, Severance, has everything I want in a work of fiction.

Severance follows Candace Chen, an aimless twentysomething who has an uninspiring office job in New York, overseeing the production of Bibles. She has vague artistic aspirations and a dreamy writer boyfriend of five years. As the book begins, her boyfriend decides to leave New York for the cheaper and more artistically inspiring pastures of, well, anywhere else. Meanwhile, a fungal infection has erupted in China, and it soon spreads throughout the world. There’s no treatment; the infection kills those it affects, but often after a long spell of zombie-like existence.

Candace, left behind by her boyfriend and alone in the world (her parents, who immigrated from China when she was a young girl, are dead), stays in New York City as it empties of living residents, documenting its decay on her blog. Finally, she flees the city with a small band of survivors who make their way to a shelter owned by the group’s de facto leader.

Interwoven are flashbacks exploring Candace’s childhood, her immigrant experience, her family and her early years in New York, piecing together a novel that’s zombie apocalypse meets immigrant narrative meets office satire.

This book is hauntingly beautiful, it’s thrillingly plotted and it offered me a bit of escapism, the comforting thought that American civilization could be brought to an end by something I’ve completely forgotten to worry about since November 2016: a massive pandemic. ― Claire Fallon

‘Spotlight,’ Which Deserves A Spot In The Pantheon Of Classic Journalism Movies

This week’s shocking grand jury report detailing sexual abuse by hundreds of Catholic priests in Pennsylvania credited the Boston Globe Spotlight team’s 2002 investigation, which first exposed the institutional cover-up of serial sexual abuse involving Boston priests. The reporters’ work was later dramatized in the brilliant movie “Spotlight” — which, luckily, is available on Netflix. Nearly three years after its release, I can confidently say that it’s just as good as (and maybe even better than) “All the President’s Men,” and it deserves a spot in the pantheon of classic journalism movies.

While it miraculously won the Oscar for best picture in 2015, it also should have won awards for its meticulous craft, from its seamless editing to subtle camera work. The technical elements in understated movies rarely get the recognition that they deserve, precisely because they are so understated (i.e. no explosions and car chases). Journalism is not an inherently cinematic profession: It’s mostly people staring at computers, talking on the phone, reading through documents, etc. But “Spotlight” manages to make these mundane, procedural tasks look riveting. Case in point: One of its most suspenseful scenes involves an Excel spreadsheet. An Excel spreadsheet! ― Marina Fang

Aretha, Remembered

As we remember the one and only Aretha Franklin, so many iconic performances come to mind. “Divas Live.” Obama’s inauguration. That Carole King tribute at the 2015 Kennedy Center Honors. But one TV appearance of hers needs to be watched again and again, if only to stare at Cissy Houston providing backup vocals in the background.

That’s right: In 2014, Aretha sang a cover of Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep,” blended with a rendition of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” on “The Late Show With David Letterman,” and Cissy, an accomplished performer herself, appeared to forget all the words as one of the backup singers. It’s so entertaining and funny, and it will bring you some joy as we face the sad loss of the Queen of Soul. ― Leigh Blickley

Glenn Close In “The Wife”

Graeme Hunter Pictures, Sunnybank Cottages

If you want to see an actor at work — really at work — look for the moments without any dialogue. For the most gifted performers, that’s when the magic happens. Nicole Kidman at the opera house in “Birth.” Jodie Foster darting through Buffalo Bill’s house in “The Silence of the Lambs.” And, now, Glenn Close standing idly by her husband (Jonathan Pryce) as fans extol his fraudulent career in “The Wife,” a Meg Wolitzer adaptation opening this weekend.

In one of the best performances of her career, Close plays the spouse of a novelist who’s just been feted with the Nobel Prize — for the books she ghostwrote. Over the course of 100 minutes, she finds it increasingly tough to quiet the resentment that’s finally bubbling up inside of her. The movie springs to life not in the couple’s verbal tiffs but in the subtle character work Close does when the camera is stationed on her face, telegraphing the conflict she’s long masked. It’s an actress at her finest. ― Matthew Jacobs

A Nice Memory

Read last week’s Good Stuff.

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