#But man... this month has been hell
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On top of everything else that's happened in the last month or so
(girlfriend breaking up with me / me running off in the night w the friend I was supposed to be maid of honor with bc her (now ex) fiance came home drunk and scared us, while ofc we also both were in swimsuits and had like NO money or even shoes due to incredibly poor timing / Getting stuck in Dallas for TWO MONTHS longer than I meant to be due to bullshit work transfer systems (and admitedly my own inability to remember that deadlines exist) / that same friend going BACK to her shit boyfriend alone to a city 4 hours away from anyone she may call for help if things go wrong / me now no longer having a place in dallas to stay for these next 2 months bc I was SUPPOSED to stay with that friend but her bastard boyfriend doesn't want me in his house anymore bc he knows I'd tell his girlfriend to dump his ass)
I have now lost my fucking house keys.
Anyways I may or may not be way less active for a bit so this is the formal apology and explanation for that. Sorry guys, we are NOT going back to ur normally scheduled rapid fire ninja content as promised for like. A minute. Possibly. We'll see. Sometimes my own motivation wave surprises me.
Tbh it's my own fault for daring to become a fanfic author tbh. Should have known the "sorry I didn't update, my house burned down teehee <3" curse would come for my ass
#this blog will go bafk to normal eventually. as soon as I stop getting hit by bricks. and can think properly.#im going through a lot rn idk#no one look at me#chances are I will go back to normal soon but rn Im burnt out as hell and feeling it in my bones#the hyperfixation isnt healing me like it should#i wanna go back to chicago so bad oh my god#im staying in my parents house for now on my days off and it looks like ill have to do that for the next few months#but its the fucking worse bc that commute is like 2 fucking hours for me MINIMUM on a good day#Also I forgot how many fucking bugs live in this house and how much harder it is to convince myself to eat while living here#man.#sorry this has half turned into a vent post at this point#but also like. whatever. its my blog.#its also 1am and I get up to work in 3 hours. so.#yippie#the next 2 months are going to be wonderful for me.#im sure.#uhhhhh actual fic updates + my art commissions will probably continue as normal#mostly also bc I have hella shit half written already#i just may be quieter than usual on here / not post much au things#which have been slowing down anyways#coincidentally timing well with my girlfriend breaking up with me. but. yk.#happens to the best of us.#anyways stay tuned for fic updates but yeah fewer au posts and art probably#apology also to those sending me asks I really do want to answer#but fatigue and depression has placed its cold hands on the back of my neck which makes me hesitate to do much here#anyways.#birds rambles#should I tag this vent I feel like I should just in case someone has that tag blocked and wouldnt wanna see this#just in case#vent
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Why should Ashton choose a god when they just witnessed the greatest miracle be performed by a simple old turtle lady - making FCG admit that they need help too.
#as queens whitney houston and mariah carey said#there can be miracles when you believe#ashton: going through it#imogen/laura: moved and looking kindly at fcg#fearne: immediately looking at ashton's reaction because she knows ashton HAS BEEN TELLING FCG SAME THING FOR MONTHS#the shattered teeth arc is going to be great#man the talks with the honest grief tree are gonna be a hell of an emotional episode#bells hells#c3e71#cr spoilers#critical role spoilers#cr fcg#cr ashton#cr fearne#ashton greymoore#cr campaign 3
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Uhm.. hello, peeps!! it's been more than awhile..
It didn't feel right just, disappearing out of nowhere so, hello, hi I'm here
I tried so much to get back into Warframe, but everytime I did— another interest would pique my attention, and, that's basically what I've been doing , so I'm really sorry :'(
Now, I'm starting my last year in highschool and, it's going great, but I'll be undeniably busy, especially managing this account and posting silly Amir shit
So, unfortunately, I think for now my Warframe shenanigans has came to an end. I'll come back if there's another super big, BIG update.
Bye, everyone!! Thank you for the fun times. I'll see you soon!!
#:')#so bittersweet. warframe has the most generous and sweetest community known to man#i have never once felt weirded out or uncomfortable— even when my drawings were horrid#no one judged; not at all#i love this community#its like my biggest second family haha <'3#thank you everyone so so much it's been a HELL of a time#love you so so much warframe community. thank you for the few silly months and moments you made me experience and share#especially to my mutuals. friends. and the super generous and kind and amazing people who gifted stuff to me ‹3#i love you all!!!#warframe#warframe 1999#wf 1999#if you're still interested on staying in contact w/ me— feel free to dm and i'll tell you my main in Tumblr#since i'm barely active on discord in general :'-)
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7hrs into my work day lets play a fun game of how much overtime will they make me do 🥰
#i should be going home in AN HOUR!#if im here until 7 again im pulling a sickie tmr idgaf#making me run this stupid thing twice in a day bitch it takes 5 hours!!!!! and i had to do an hour of washing up this morning from#yesterdays run bc we havent had a functional lab dishwasher for 3 months yep we have been fucking handwashing every piece of lab glassware#FOR THREE MONTHS!!#u guys dont even fucking know how much glassware we get thru in a fucking day its shambles#i dont think i even have enough glassware for my second run this afternoon so im gonna have to wash up more#one of the other techs made up the most time consuming reagent for me tho which saves me an hour bless her#but fuuucking hell. hoping when i get back from lunch theyll tell me i dont need to do any more 😭#so i can LEAVE. ON TIME. PLEASE#i cant do another 11 hour day man im not on a fucking shift pattern. if i was then at least id be able to fucking meal prep in advance#but nooooo theyre addicted to giving me unscheduled overtime to do tasks i fucking hate#also did i mention they made it even more complex so now i have to take readings every 30 seconds while constantly titrating this shit#for TEN HOURS. the amount of focus it takes is horrendous i have to keep the number in a 0.0016 range and there are so many dilutions#all this and u can still only analyse 3 samples in 5 hours bc everything has to be in triplicate its fucking sisyphean. hell on earth#puts my head in my hands and wails. im fine ahahahhaahaha. everyone in the lab is being nice abt it at least im getting a lot of pity#i wish i could work shift pattern by this point man or like a 4 day week w 10 hour days. when my managers back im gonna ask her abt it#bc theyve let a few other ppl have custom hours. they wont let me work weekends which is annoying bc im SO productive alone#i might ask again lol so much of my shit is fully independent anyway. aourgh. i get so twitchy from staring at the numbers it makes my#vision swim a bit..... well im used to it#aight vent over im going back in..... wish me fucking luck guys#.diaries
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I knew my old place of work treated us like dogshit. I knew England treated minimum wage workers like they're less than human.
But nothing has driven that fact home more than telling my new coworkers about what Tesco was like and having them look at me in absolute horror.
#'oh yeah I made about £800 a month working 40 hour weeks'#*eyebrows raise in horror*#'Yeah our store had 200 employees on the clock daily.'#*Visible fear* '.... we've got.... 2...'#'that was day AND night though. so not all at once'#*blinking* 'It was open 24/7????'#'Sure fucking was!!!'#my manager handing me a pallet jack and going 'I assume you know how to use this'#and I had to tell her i literally wasn't allowed to touch them because 'safety' and i wasn't 'specially trained'#'I have never been on checkouts though so you'll have to explain like i'm 5'#'how have you never been on checkouts???'#'oh I was only ever on dairy'#'YOU WERE ONLY EVER ON DAIRY??? HOW FUCKING BIG WAS THIS STORE?'#Her going 'I'm sorry it was kinda busy on your first shift'#and me thinking back to the maybe 50 customers i had#buddy i have seen HELL and I came back in tatters#I did this shit of hardcore mode for 4 years#this is fun to me compared to fucking TESCO#i miss England in a lot of ways#but man do I not miss the way they treat their people one fucking bit#5 years on and i'm still getting used to being treated like a human being again#that shit has stuck with me#i've been at new job for 3 weeks and still every day before i start i have a tight ball of anxiety in my chest#until i walk in and my body remembers i'm not going back to Tesco#we don't need the stress response anymore#we can relax now#wild
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Thinking about jason my friend jason I fucking love this guy he is just completely unstoppable when he decides to be my guy knows what he wants to do and he does it. Respect.
#gamer txt.#my guy has a kill count well into the hundreds#past even 150 i think#that fucking rocks#part 2 to 4 all take place within like a week jasey boy just does not stop if there is a person in his vicinity they are dying#part 6 again he just kills everyone he can in his vicinity the second he wakes up. respect#part 7 it has been like 7 years but hes up and at it again fuck those kids#part 8 i think its only been a year this time fuck those kids#part 9 isss 5 uears later i think i think? jason is on a mission this time to specifically a female family member of his#but this does not stop him from killing everyone else in his general vicinity. fuck em#freddy vs jason happens like a few months later my man does not even spend a full year in hell hes too cool for that#he goes to springwood and fucks up those kids and then freddy#jason x they have a whole facility to contain him and he still manages to kill 6 people in there fuck yes#and then he kills almost 20 more on a spaceship 500 years in the future whilst having no clue whats happening but he doesnt need to.#there are people in his general vicinity. he is going to kill them. respect#i know people will say freddy is more dangerous and i agree in some aspects he absolutely is#but he will never and can never be just as fucking scary and unstoppable as jason is#freddy schemes and plans to kill this group of people like every year or so he can add to this group if need be and they end up killing him#hes a concept so it doesnt work but it does still take him about a year to get back to it#and hes going for specific people#if freddy holds no particular grudges and isnt bored he doesn't kill and if the only people who know about him are on hypnocil he Cant kill#jason ways finds some way to come back and then he just fucking goes#he goes after specific people sometimes yeah and he can get a bit tunnel vision about it but he also just fucking goes#theres nothing you can do to stop this man from killing everyone he can get his hands on#you can try. and it might delay the inevitable for a few years but the second hes up and he will be back up hes back at it#i cannot even begin to detail fully how much of a legend jason is#i love freddy too bjt for very different reasons i love his pettiness and open sadistic glee at killing people#but jason is just like a force of nature at this point he is dedicated he knows what hes doing and he has fun with it#fucking love this guy
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Channeled my Not Currently Great mental state into a Din oneshot which I'll be posting shortly! It's a continuation of my Din x ND!Reader series and it was nice to return to that after a few months. It's very soft and hopefully it brings a little comfort to anyone who might need it rn :')
#writing#personal#internalised and externalised ableism has really been doing a number on me this week LOL#it's been rough but idk writing about the tin can man being understanding really does help#i've had more meltdowns in the last week than in probably the past two months combined it's been Hell... F in chat#just autism things#wish i wasn't autistic sometimes but then imagine how dull life would be without hyperfixationsand autistic joy LOL#like the neurotypicals will never understand the feeling i got unboxing that ucs lego razor crest!#i kinda feel sorry for them awww awwwwww
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Alright fuck you *headcanons your asshole playboy character as really closeted gay*
#happy pride month#this has also absolutely been done before somewhere#but its 2am#and im sick as hell#also happy late birthday to the friend who encouraged me to get on tumblr#you’re awesome man
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This is the spiritual successor to Four Seasons Landscaping. To me.
#the political career of rishi sunak over the past two years is something that is absolutely fascinating to me#mans kicks off the mass resignation of virtually everyone of relevance in the johnson government just for a shot at power#manages to climb over everybody else in the leadership campaign; loses at the last hurdle to liz truss#(the human embodiment of a soggy ball of iceberg lettuce you left in your fridge and forgot about)#when truss’s premiership imploded he was right there to… further cock things up?#his highlights include hiring back a cabinet minister who had literally been fired the previous day#after 18 months; his party finally got sick enough of him violently hydroplaning down the highway to hell that they threatened him#with a vote of no-confidence#so he went out in the rain and went straight to charles iii of all people to ask him to dissolve parliament. as you do#and called a general election WHILE STILL IN THE RAIN and while the most unserious music imaginable played in the background#because i guess he thought ‘if i’m going down i’m bringing all of you with me’ ?????#knowing that unless something absolutely bananas happens; he is essentially handing over the country to keir starmer mind you#and then today someone placed him in front of a morrisons sign in such a way that his big head makes the sign look like it says ‘moron’#and photographed him as such. i’m obsessed. no notes#i will not miss this idiot but i can’t say i haven’t been entertained. because i have#i’m like genuinely impressed with how much the tories have managed to fuck up in so many different ways#to be honest ever since david cameron resigned and walked off humming; nothing has been normal here#i mean things were bad before that but good god#personal
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God ok maybe me seeing my therapist more often is really really helpful right now actually
#its wild . i saw her at first to help with hrt and any mood swings or dysphoria i might encounter#and ive spiralled but in a way seperate to all of that#we do love her though she is very very good#but man . what a fucking 4 months it has been#all of feb sick as hell and briefly in hospital. still recovering and deeply fatigued#then all of march with a friend from america that while i enjoy them did also worsen the fatigue and i did not have an ounce of free time#all of april playing catchup with myself and turns out when you are drained and dont see friends for a month you feel Really Shit#so i qctually just spent the whole time feeling quite bad and isolated and was alone with my thoughts for far too long#then a week of gig work doing 4am starts. definitely did not help my sleep either!#and now im on the other side of it and my joy is coming from the theatre production im in#but thats only once maybe twice each weekend and also my friends are also adults. meaning there is drama and people who dont like eachother#and so while im not there enjoying yhe vibes im so worried that shit will hit the fan at any point#ive spent so little time with my partner and friends that im also starting to doubt my worth in the whole equation#its only 9pm. but im honestly gonna go to sleep now#and not feel better in the morning#goodnight tumblr wish me luck in gettung through tomorrow ans the day after and the day after that and the day af#ren rambles#ren rants
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honoring the end of the january ranked season and my first king of games the only way I know how - by making a video that makes me laugh really hard
#IM STILL LAUGHING WATCHING IT BACK ITS SO STUPIFDGG BUT LMFAOOOOOO#me: man i always hear free bird in my head whenever i play lyrilusc. me five minutes later: oh this is gonna be so funny#january has been an actual nightmare sent from hell month but at least i had duel links. at least i had duel links.#LETS GET READY TO TEAR UP THE KC CUP RURI YOU AND ME GIRL#ygo#duel links#ava.txt
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so grateful to ppl who write fanfics fr, if nobody got me i know fanfic writers got me
#em: txt#work has been hell this past month - moreso this week#and the only thing keeping me sane#are these leon fanfics i've been bingereading#god i'm so glad there is no shortage of them too... free therapy tbh#i love reading about how unwell my man is 🥰✨
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Hey, just letting ppl know I won't be on for a lil while bc it seems like my mouse broke? I'm not 110% sure yet if it's the mouse or something else (testing out my moms work mouse for now). I have had a queue up for a lil while now (still new to it lol), so my blog won't be entirely dead.xD I'm pretty strapped for cash tbh, so yeaaaa not entirely sure how this will play out but I'll figure something out.
#rant#man not my week. first i burnt a pixel on my monitor#from static shock to now breaking my mouse from it??#god i'm so tired of this#tho i wanna say......damn my moms mouse mouse ain't bad??#and its hp too which is a brand i swore i'd never use#i think my microsoft one i've had for years now has been#the worst mouse i;ve ever used in my life lol#like the scroll was shittttt and it;s uncomfortable as hell#should have seen this coming tho its been#acting weird these past few months;;;
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Hell Raiser
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#it has admittedly been sitting in my drafts for at least a month#napollya#tmfu#napoleon solo#illya kuryakin#the man from uncle#tmfu video#tmfu edit#tmfu movie#tmfu 2015#edits#lucia edits#my edits#hell raiser - def leppard#idk yall i just think this fits really well#especially the last look out part where he's picking up the phone#chef's kiss#and the eyes flashing like hysterical danger signs that say beware where you tread or you'll go out of your head#yeah that fucked hard#tehe#i lov my edits#vvvvv much
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me, the symptoms experiencer, experiencing symptoms: wow gee i wonder what the fuck is happening right now i have no context for why i could possibly feel bad, surely i'm not experiencing symptoms. me, when i figure out it's the symptoms:
#gif warning#medical stuff#man getting labled as a hypochondriac at a formative age (any) was a hell of a kick to the balls#i don't even have those#and yet#me when i've been told all my symptoms can't be real and that i was makign it up for attention so i started just not talking about them#even though in private without anyone around i was still experiencing the symptoms i decided i just Wasn't#because why would my parents be wrong about that - they loved me right?#so if something was concerning they'd be worried if it was a real thing - i wasn't making it up but maybe i was#no one should have taught my father the term psychosomatic#he's the reason it's had to go up on the shelf#mom flat out telling me it was impossible that [redacted] because i was quote ''too young'' for it to be happening#so now i'm old and it's a Real Big Fucking Deal I guess#i'm experiencing the flare/crash i was anticipating and - thank fuck - my brain isn't going down the tubes with it#which is a fucking miracle because this is the lead up to my period and *normally* that's when the PMDD hits real fucking bad#but in a stroke of luck (???) my body decided it was just going to smash itself into the ground Krillin-style#and as i lay here in the crater of my own body's making i'm just like. well at least i don't want to die#which is truly the most throwing thing of everything actually#anyway....#got hEDS put on my medical file for reals though so like#that's in there#that exists#also the look of HORROR on the nurse tech's face when i showed how much distance my hips spread *every month* for my period#i'm LITERALLY going into labor monthly and i've been doing that since i was 11#no fucking WONDER my body has collapsed out from under me if we even just go by that fucking metric like godDAMN#ugh anyway.... i'm. this was NOT the stuff i wanted to focus on this year for personal growth and healing but we're doing it now i guess!#fuck! goddamn! piss in a cup#i have also... failed to do the task i was meant to today and technically there's still time but it's uh. i. i'm gonna need to ask for help#and i HATE asking for help especiallywhen i need it most#another thing my parents have to answer for when they greet whatever judge they find at the end of their lives
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#work has sucked so bad today#my friend left work and then after he left two of my coworkers mysteriously disappeared for awhile because my friend is a manager now#and they always switch up when he leaves#there was a big rush and customers were yelling i debated on quitting right there#because wtf is wrong with you guys its so selfish to leave like that without even telling someone where you're going like what the hell#they are also so disrespectful to me and i seriously think they're being misogynistic i mean ive been coworkers with this man for months#and he just called me makayla ??? thats not anywhere close to my dead name bruh
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